An Open Letter to Children of Immigrants

How Do We Navigate Failure During COVID-19?

Virtual graduations, limited social interaction, moving back into our childhood homes, canceled internships… College students can’t catch a break.

BY CAROLINE COHEN

When I fi nally realized we were living during a global pandemic, I thought I knew what to expect. I knew life would be di erent, that I would feel isolated and frustrated, and that I would probably just have to hold out a few months until this whole thing was over. Little did I know. Now, further into this madness than I ever thought possible, I can’t seem to get one thought out of my head: I have failed.

The slow burn from the confusion of COVID-19 into this feeling of failure was rapid and drastic. It seemed as though I blinked, and suddenly, I was doing college classes from my high school bedroom, my summer internship had been canceled, all of my fall classes had gone fully virtual, and I found myself buried in anxiety and confusion. Living on campus for the summer, I eagerly searched for a job, which resulted in more “we regret to inform you” emails than I had hoped for and a lot of lazy days. I found myself on an empty college campus—jobless and hopeless, watching my high school friends reunite at home for the summer—and I couldn’t help but ask what I did wrong in order for this to happen.

It seems as if during quarantine the whole world was determined to take a break. We allowed our lives to come to an immediate halt, disregarding responsibilities for the time being. In all honesty, I was relieved. But the issue is that when the end of quarantine came, we found ourselves diving headfi rst back into the commitment, obligations, and accountability of real life. My older brother and I felt continuous pressure from our parents to make sure that the pandemic didn’t impact our resumes, that we were ahead of the curve, and that we were on track to be independent and successful adults. We had gone from zero responsibilities to planning our entire futures. How were we not supposed to feel like we were failing?

In a study of 1,500 public school students in the U.S., it was found that due to the coronavirus, 40% had lost a job or internship, 13% had delayed their graduation, and 29% expected to earn less money at age 35. In college, a time where planning is key and milestones are essential to beginning adult life, it’s hard not to feel like you’re failing when something doesn’t happen as it should.

My older brother and I are just a percentage of these statistics, but it still feels like we’re the only ones. One of his best friends graduated in the spring from UW-Madison with honors and is now o to New York to start working at Goldman Sachs. Compared to him, we’ve all failed. But he is the type of person who works day and night toward a dream he’s had forever. It seems like the only people who aren’t failing right now are the ones, like him, who were always ahead of the game— always spending their time working at something, always thinking about the future. So what about the rest of us? How are the people who weren’t expecting the chaos of a global pandemic going to succeed right now? 2 I think the answer lies in self-compassion. My brother and I are 20 and 22. Our brains aren’t even fully developed, so it’s ridiculous for us to think that we need to make decisions right now that will impact the rest of our lives. Let’s go back to the quarantine mentality: Give yourself a break. I got 11 job rejections this summer, and if I take that personally, my mind will explode. Not only do we as college students, but our parents, teachers, and friends need to remember that we are living in one of the most unpredictable years in decades. No one knows what the best thing to do is right now. So I propose that we have more empathy, patience, and understanding for one another. Tell your parents that you can’t think about jobs right now! Skip your fi rst Monday class if you’re sleep deprived! Tell your friends that you’re staying in for a movie night if you need it! Do what you need to do, and don’t bother asking yourself if you’ve failed because I can tell you: you haven’t.