WALTER Weekly | April Fool’s Issue

CHANGE OF HEART

LONGLEAF SWINE BBQ GOES VEGAN

It Takes Courage Malik’s Dream Comes True

CAUGHT ON CAMERA! Leaked Photos from the Governor’s Mansion

Look! Up in the Sky! Fear over the Fairway

Donut Worry! Unexpected Loss at Krispy Kreme

COOPERS’ SHOCKING SECRET: THEY’RE DUKE FANS

EXCLUSIVE

— Leaked photos from

the North Carolina Executive Mansion reveal that Gov. Roy Cooper and his wife, Kristin Cooper, are secret Duke University sports fans.

Gov. Cooper got both his undergraduate degree and law degree from the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, and the couple’s three daughters all graduated from UNC as well. Gov. and Mrs. Cooper are often seen seated courtside at the Tar Heels’ basketball games wearing signature Carolina blue.

“They’re faking it,” says a source. “All that Tar Heel gear? It’s just a costume.” The source, who requested to remain anonymous, says that the governor and his wife have a “secret stash” of Blue Devils jerseys, socks and other gear that they wear when they think no one is around.

But photographic proof came to light in late March, when a staffer forgot their phone in a Lyft. “When I pulled up the home screen to figure out who might have left the phone, the home screen clearly showed the governor looking way too chummy with Dereck Lively II, Jeremy Roach and Kyle Filipowski,” says the driver, who requested anonymity. “I took that phone straight to the Raleigh Police Department.”

Raleigh police were able to crack the phone to reveal the incriminating photos of the Coopers. Among them: the governor reviewing materials in a Duke-blue tie with matching socks; the governor in a meeting with a Duke basketball proudly

SAY IT AIN’T SO!

resting on the table behind him; and the governor and first lady strolling on the grounds of the Executive Mansion in full Duke attire. An RPD spokesperson declined to comment on the images, citing an ongoing investigation.

Another source inside the Executive Mansion says the cracks were beginning to show as early as last fall. In September, Gov. Cooper honored the recently retired Duke basketball coach Mike Krzyzewski with the Order of the Longleaf Pine, North Carolina’s highest civilian honor. The governor wore a dark blue tie and outfitted the family dog, Violet in a Duke collar. “They acted like those were new, but they already had them,” says the source. “If you look really closely, there are signs of wear.” The source also notes a key quote from Coach K during the ceremony: “He looked at the cameras and said, Gov. Cooper is a Duke fan today but people who were there know that the footage cuts out before he narrowed his eyes and said, and every day.”

When asked for comment, depu ty communications director Jordan Monaghan downplayed the accusations and urged reporters to focus on issues like raising teacher pay, investing in the state’s strong and diverse workforce, and protecting reproductive rights.

When shown the photos, The News & Observer sports photographer Robert Willett said they looked authentic. He shook his head in dismay: “What’s next, he’s not even a Canes fan?” WW

IN THE KNOW!

RALEIGH’S LATEST BREAKING

NEWS

KATHLEEN MALIK

Malik to Play in Courage Game

Balloon Spotted over Cary

OWNER PLAYER

Kathleen Malik, who along with her husband, Steve, is majority owner of the North Carolina Football Club, will suit up for the NC Courage soccer game this weekend. “It’s always been a dream of mine to play alongside these incredible athletes, but I never realized it was possible until Ryan Reynolds announced he’d be playing for Wrexham,” she says. While she’s been training for a while, Malik’s realistic: “I expect to spend a lot of time on the bench.”

Commission Meeting Comes to BLOWS

Golfers at Prestonwood Country Club got a shock Thursday afternoon when a large, low-flying balloon was spotted over the ninth hole. “It came out of nowhere, and it was huge,” says Simone Hayward, who was on the putting green at the time. Cary police were fast onto the scene and shot the balloon down over the lake. Preliminary investigations indicate that the balloon was commissioned by a New York City real estate company.

The Raleigh Rezoning Commission adjourned abruptly after an altercation broke out over the renaming of the Midtown area. Advocates of the Wegtown moniker, favored by lower Midtown residents, clashed with Kaneberg supporters, most of whom live in upper Midtown. The discussion will resume next month.

IN THE KNOW!

RALEIGH’S LATEST BREAKING

WATER POWER

HISTORIC MILLS Recommissioned

In an effort to provide more clean energy for Raleigh’s growing population, a number of historic mills and dams will be recommissioned to accommodate hydroelectric generators. Lassiter Mill in North Hills, Yates Mill off Lake Wheeler Road, the Company Mill in Umstead State Park and the Milburnie Dam on the Neuse River are among those slated for use.

Tell-All Memoir from Raleigh “Royalty”

Sources say a scathing new book is in the works from David Meeker, the son of lawyer and longtime mayor Charles Meeker. The book is expected to offer a raw, unflinching look at the pressures of growing up in the shadow Raleigh political “royalty.” “David’s on all these boards and has done a ton for Raleigh — but because he’s not a politician, it’s just never been enough,” says a friend who asked to remain anonymous.

New Sayre Sculpture

Thomas Sayre, the artist best known for the iconic Gyre sculpture on the grounds of the NCMA, has unveiled his newest piece. The earthcast installation is in the form of a to-scale construction tower crane and will be permanently installed near The Village District in an area previously slated for condominium development. “Over time, native plants will take over the space. It’s a commentary on the interplay between civilization and nature,” Sayre says. A second sculpture, earthcast from scaffolding, will come in the next few months.

A Waterfront for Raleigh

Raleigh is finally getting what many long believed was missing: a waterfront. This week, the city council approved plans to dig up portions of West and South Saunders Streets to widen and connect the Pigeon House Branch creek all the way from Crabtree Creek to Rocky Branch. The extension will run under the train tracks near Union Station, with a pedestrian bridge providing safe passage and a new vantage point of the city skyline.

YATES MILL

DAVID MEEKER

Tír na nÓg Returns

At long last, Tír na nÓg will return to downtown. The beloved Irish tavern occupied the cavernous space on S. Blount Street that’s now Brewery Bhavana for nearly two decades before closing in 2016. While owner Annie Britton-Nice would not confirm the new location, sources have noticed new bucolic murals being painted inside the former Royale space across from Moore Square.

Squirrels GONE WILD

In a bizarre incident, a group of rogue squirrels reportedly stole a large batch of Krispy Kreme donuts from a delivery truck parked outside the Person Street location. Eyewitnesses described the scene as chaotic and comical, as the squirrels descended en masse, then scampered off with dozens of donuts in their tiny paws. “It was like something out of a cartoon,” said one witness. Police were called to the scene but were unable to apprehend the gang, which had already scattered into the surrounding trees and bushes. In a statement, an RPD spokesperson said that identifying the suspects would be nearly impossible: “All squirrels look alike, and they’re really hard to catch.” The theft has sparked fear among bakery owners across the city; some, like Union Special Bread and lucettegrace, have started hiring guards armed with stun guns to help protect their precious cargo. “Donuts are one thing, but it would take us weeks to recover if those rodents came after our croissants,” says Andrew Ullom, owner of Union Special. WW

THEY’REBANANAS!

Longleaf Swine BBQ

GOES VEGAN

After a long-awaited opening, the restaurant pivots again

In a surprising move, Longleaf Swine BBQ, one of Raleigh’s most celebrated barbecue joints, has announced that it will be switching to a 100% vegan menu, replacing its signature whole-hog offerings with plant-based “pork” made from banana peels.

“This is not a decision we’ve made lightly, but it just feels right,” says chef and co-owner Marc Russell, citing a recent deep-dive into books about sustainability and the health benefits of a plant-based diet. “At first, Adam was resistant, but after I sent him a bunch of research, he started to change his mind.”

have a great depth of flavor, and they’re fibrous enough to give you the bite you’d expect from a pulled pork,” says Russell.

Cunningham himself was impressed by the authenticity of the new product: “Marc knocked it out of the park — like I knew he would. Seriously, you won’t be missing anything.”

—Anonymous

In addition to the Whole Banana BBQ, the updated menu will include Portobello Ribs, Jackfruit Brisket and ingredient swaps like vegan cheese on its popular Pimento Mac & Cheese and Esquites. “Our mission is, and will always be, to serve the highest quality North Carolina-style barbecue to our customers,” says co-owner Adam Cunningham

Russell has been working around the clock to perfect the recipes, testing dozens of fruits and vegetables to find ones that could stand up to cooking in the restaurant’s giant smoker and would pair with their sauce offerings. “Banana peels

As part of the switch, the restaurant will change its name to Longleaf Vine BBQ, and customers will see new signage and merch in the coming weeks to advertise its vegan offerings. Co-owner Ben Davis will also be investing in an all-solar, hydroponic banana farm in Fuquay-Varina to support the restaurant. “Sourcing local is so important to us, and if this takes off like I think it will, we’re gonna need a lot more bananas,” Davis says.

Most area barbecue pros have rallied around the Longleaf team, even if they are not planning to make the switch themselves. “For me, pork will always be central to the way I do Carolina barbecue, but if anyone can do it, these guys can,” says Southern Smoke BBQ pitmaster Matthew Register. Lawrence Barbecue pitmaster Jake Wood says he wishes them well: “I get people asking

about vegan options all the time, so maybe Marc and Adam will create some new traditions in Southern cooking.” But another local pitmaster, who asked to remain anonymous, isn’t convinced: “It’s un-North Carolinian! If it ain’t whole hog, it ain’t barbecue.”

One benefit, the Longleaf team said, is that the new vegetable-based products take a fraction of the time to cook as the previous meat products. Cunningham has used that time to brush up on the cello, and Russell doesn’t miss the late nights and early mornings manning the smoker. “I’m sleeping more than I ever have,” says Russell. “Everyone around me keeps joking that I’m glowing.” WW

“It’s un-North Carolinian! If it ain’t whole hog, it ain’t barbecue.”

Longleaf Vine’s new Whole Banana BBQ sandwich

New menu, new logo!out of The Pour House

Bananas are just the beginning! Russell’s testing out all kinds of new veggies in the smoker.

Left to right: Ben Davis, Marc Russell and Adam Cunningham

The owners are confident their new offerings will keep current customers satisfied.

NACHO BUSINESS

That’s not from Centro! Angela Salamanca sneaks a bite of a Crunchwrap.

WALK & TALK

LOCAL CELEBS ON THE TOWN

BOY BAND FAN!

SCENE STEALER

Actor and director Ira David Wood III won’t let a little weather spoil his well-deserved beach time.

APRIL FOOLS’Y’ALL!

BYE BYE BYE

Emily Grey is all smiles whiles she takes her dog Henry for a walk in her Target gear.

Jack the Radio frontman George Hage leaves The Pour House Music Hall & Record Shop with a new album.

Walter Weekly paparazzi