AND f inally

ANTHONY MARTIN TELLS IT LIKE IT IS, WHILE ALL THE TIME SAYING: “ IT IS WHAT IT IS ” . DOES THAT MAKE HIM UNDERSTANDING, SYMPATHETIC, ACCEPTING OF ALL THINGS, OR SOMEONE WHO IS COVERING ALL THE OPTIONS?

YOU DID, DIDN’T YOU? Yes, you did. Admit it. Don’t play the holier than thou faux republican, just to keep up the pretence that you are a modern, forward-thinking ‘all men/women/persons (or whatever we are now allowed to refer to others as) are created equal’. You watched it... as we all did.

You may have wanged on about the misuse of tax money that could instead be spent on allowing three square meals daily for nurses, but you secretly adored little Princess Charlotte in her bargain basement Alexander McQueen dress. You possibly squirmed at the sheer weight of precious metals and jewels on show, instead of the powers-that-be enabling families with more than six children to turn on the last bar of their three-bar fire, thereby preventing their newborn getting pneumonia.

And I would lay odds that you compared the ‘Queenly’ness of the new Queen against that of the Queen-in-waiting and, who could not help but marvel at the magnificent Ms Mordaunt, who has not only gathered legions of fans but also now has a video CV practically guaranteeing a future holding the keys to No 10.

immigrants differ somewhat, depending on whether we are hillbillies or coast-dwellers. For instance, we are both concerned regarding water and the possible lack of. One bemoaning the fate of their figs and olives and the other the state of the golf greens, but it is a fact that the lack of water is an annual problem for all of us.

At the time of writing, just over 40% of the Algarve is facing a drought. But all is not lost for there is in Spain one Jorge Rey, a 16-year-old amateur meteorologist, who has predicted a heavy downfall is about to hit the Iberian peninsular. This prediction is based on the movement of ants who, he maintains, alter their habits before a rainstorm, building their nests in the high ground and using different materials. So, should you see our favourite little pests dragging around mini sacks of waterproof cement, sheets of marine ply and tarpaulins you’ll know it’s time to batten down the hatches.

Did you adore little Princess Charlotte in her bargain-basement Alexander McQueen dress?

So don’t give me that crap that you didn’t watch it ‘on principal’, because you did. Perhaps not all of it, but enough to be able to tell your friends that you kept your lips firmly glued together during the oath of allegiance, and that you saw Mr Spare hiding behind his aunt’s feathered hat in the row of shame.

And what about the 7,000 military bods all marching in step? Whether you agreed with the whole shebang or not, you have to admit that nobody does pomp better than the Brits, even if the trains don’t run and junior doctors have downed tools.

... Meanwhile, back in the village of the man who builds walls from the top down, we are a world away from the big city’s movers and shakers. The concerns of we

As far as I am concerned, these amateur seers and soothsayers, who claim they can predict the future, are hedging their bets.

It is said that in the 16th century Nostradamus predicted the Fire of London, the rise of Hitler and 9/11, but you can tie any world-shattering event to some earlier prophecy.

And then you have the charlatans. From the 20s through the 50s, there was a man who went by the name of Prince Monalulu who would roam London calling out: “I Gotta Horse”. He was tall, black, wore a feathered headdress and sold envelopes containing the name of the horse he claimed would win a particular race. His punters never knew that each envelope held the name of a different horse. That’s what I call hedging your bets. And before Ford introduced his Model T automobile, there were those who said: “If transport keeps developing at this rate, we will shortly be knee-deep in horse ****”. Then there was the man who used to walk up and down London’s Oxford Street wearing sandwich boards bearing the message: “The End of the World is Nigh”. He could well be correct – but we’ll never know.