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BAW BAW BUSKING FEE STATION PARKING SQUEEZE TO TIGHTEN DRIVING MUSICIANS AWAY
W
arragul commuters will have to find alternative parking when GippsTAFE closes its car parks from public use at the end of October. GippsTAFE Warragul will be installing boom gates at the entrances to its Queen Street car parks to ensure that staff and students can always get a space. The car park is often used by commuters. The boom gates will be installed over the school
holidays from late September to early October, coming into operation from the 31st of October. The Warragul Station Precinct project, which will introduce around 200 new spaces exclusively for V/Line customers, will not be able to cover the lost spaces for over a year.
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ocal musicians are being forced to busk in Melbourne due to the high costs of a busking permit from the Baw Baw Shire council. Local musician Daniel Hartnell, 17, is one of many musicians who have found Baw Baw’s permit pricing exclusive. He is part of Trafalgar four piece band “Wishful Thinking.” Mr Hartnell told the Warragul Citizen that a Baw Baw permit is not competitive with Melbourne permits.
“Busking in Melbourne makes it easier for a teenager like myself to both make money and get some experience in performing to the public,” Mr Hartnell said. “Currently, the Baw Baw Shire makes it difficult for solo artists to perform in public.” A busking permit from the Baw Baw Shire costs $65 annually, whereas a permit from the Melbourne City Council costs $30 for two years, with each additional year costing $10.
Cont. Page 2.
Cont. Page 3.
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WHAT’S INSIDE: ON PAGE TWO
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The Warragul Citizen
Page 2
September 2011
INSIDE ISSUE TWO: BUSKING PERMITS DRIVING MUSICIANS AWAY Pages 1-3 News and Features From Page 1.
Page 4 Letters Page 5 Opinion Page 6 Community Groups Page 7 Poetry Short Stories Page 8 Short Stories (cont.) Classified Ads Page 9 Envirospeak Reviews Ideas from the Coffee Mug Page 10 The Boredom Filler News Page 11 Community Radio Guide Page 12 Answers, next release info and contact and legal info.
This difference is exacerbated by the greater number of people in Melbourne, making the effort of travelling more worthwhile. When asked what would help encourage local musicians to return to busking in Baw Baw, Mr Hartnell suggested lowering the cost of a permit. “If the Baw Baw Shire were to drop their fee dramatically so it would be reasonable to busk in, [sic] I, as well as many other young artists that I know, would be enticed to come back and perform locally,” Mr Hartnell said. Acting Director of Compliance and Corporate Services for the Baw Baw Shire Tim
POP STARS “What do you think of the Baw Baw
Frederico told the Warragul Citizen that the Shire Council’s new no smoking laws?” council has “not “I don’t agree with it. discussed any change to It’s just ridiculous - it’s [the] policy.” The Baw Baw Shire does out in the open.” however provide other ~ Jarrod support for local musicians. Mr Frederico “I really like it because I stated that there is no walk with my little brother permit fee for buskers through here and when “who only intend to play there’s no smoke around during the Christmas it’s good because they don’t period.” pass it on.”~ Tumiyusuf Mr Hartnell is also a member of the Baw Baw “I think any new no Shire’s FReeza smoking areas are committee, which wonderful. Smoking is a provides young local musicians with venues to filthy habit.” ~ Ray play at. But according to Mr Hartnell, the “They can’t stop people program’s effectiveness from smoking on the is limited. street. Like, it’s not a “It is hard for a small law.” ~ Steve committee to organise [many] events,” Mr Hartnell said. TWC
MOUSTACHE FAN COPPED LOCAL ABUSE: PAGE 10
“I’m happy with it.” ~ Brenda
SMOKING PENALTIES ENFORCED Feeling AT OFFICER DISCRETION The Warragul Citizen is seeking CITIZEN he Baw Baw Shire Council people have been warned with
NEWSY?
T
has dispelled rumours that it has no intention to fine people disobeying smoke free zone signs, however there are no definite rules for issuing fines. A spokesperson for the council has confirmed that repeat offenders will be fined “as a last resort,” however Baw Baw Shire Mayor Diane Blackwood told the Warragul Citizen that issuing fines is entirely at the discretion of council officers. “Council officers will consider the relevant circumstances and treat each offence on a case by case basis,” Cr Blackwood said. Several sources had told the Warragul Citizen that the council was not planning to enforce the ban, leaving it to be entirely self-enforced by the community. The policy is intended to ultimately become self-enforcing. No fines have been issued under the trial of the smoke free area policy since its introduction, however five
one repeat offender having their details recorded. Council documents state that one of the primary aims of the policy is to “improve the health of the community.” But in an interview, Cr Blackwood said that the policy is not intended to make people stop smoking. “It’s the non-smokers’ health that we’re concerned [sic], so we’re not trying to tell smokers that they can’t smoke because obviously it’s a choice,” Cr Blackwood said. Cr Blackwood said that the policy was intended to “move [smokers] elsewhere.” The council information on the policy states that in 2007 “12.3 per cent of all deaths in Baw Baw Shire were attributed to smoking,” but this figure does not separate those deaths caused by passive and direct smoking. Cont. Page 3.
JOURNALISTS! It’s the idea behind the paper – locals writing local news. So what does it take to be a citizen journalist? The Citizen believes that anyone can be a journalist so long as they keep just a few key points in mind at all times: 1.
2.
3.
ALWAYS be impartial. Always show both sides of the story. This extends to self-promoting; the opening of a new shop in Warragul is NOT newsworthy unless there is something to make the opening significant. Be polite. Not only does this make everyone feel better at the end of the day, but if your interviewee feels that you’re a good person they might give you that extra bit of information that will make your story great. With that in mind, don’t let a difficult or smoothtalking subject give you the run-around. Assert your position as a merchant of truth. Be succinct. News is not all about trying to make yourself look smart – literary flourishes and long words only serve to make the news harder to digest. Be short, sharp and to the point.
But the most important thing to remember when writing for the Citizen is the publication date. The Citizen is a quarterly paper and as such news pieces can easily become outdated before printing. If you need your news piece to be timely, email the Editor. Spaces in the paper can be set aside to be filled closer to the publication date. For more information, email editor@warragulcitizen.com.
The Warragul Citizen
GIPPSTAFE TO CLOSE FREE PUBLIC PARKING
September 2011
SMOKING BAN ENFORCEMENT IRREGULAR
From Page 2. Cr Blackwood explained on a separate occasion that “[the] figure is taken from ‘The Big Kill’ a collection of data released by The Cancer Council Victoria in September 2008... It does not extrapolate the deaths caused by passive smoking. However Cr Blackwood said that the policy will encourage smokers to quit. “There is evidence to suggest that smoking bans support smokers who are trying to quit as well as reduce their overall cigarette consumption,” Cr Blackwood said. “Banning smoking in public places removes the triggers that encourage smokers to want to smoke, this can lead to positive health outcomes.” TWC
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WARRAGUL CITIZEN ONLINE
From Page 1. A spokesperson for Narracan MP Gary Blackwood told the Warragul Citizen that construction will not begin on the project until as late as the 2013/14 financial year, and no earlier than next financial year. A completion date for the precinct project has not yet been estimated. In the short term commuters will have to find alternative parking further away from the station or drive to Drouin. “When I have to go and take a train, I have to park
somewhere. So, I’ll look for available parking, and if parking is available in the vicinity then that’s good,” one commuter said. A spokesperson for GippsTAFE told the Warragul Citizen that a “very small number” of the roughly 150 spaces will be leased to the public for $500 per annum.
The GippsTAFE spokesperson said that the exact number of spaces that the TAFE will offer to the public has not yet been decided. The billing period for these spaces is also yet to be decided. TWC
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ON CITIZEN ONLINE: Video: Business Impact of Baw Baw Shire's No Smoking Areas
Posted: 22/8/2011 Looks at the impact of the Shire’s new no-smoking laws on businesses. goo.gl/C7jqx
POLL: One month in, do you support the Baw Baw Shire's no smoking laws? Posted: 1/9/2011 Have your say on this (unscientific) poll. Results will be published on the 1st of October. goo.gl/BWp2P
Get local news sooner with Citizen ONLINE. In just one week of being online, Citizen ONLINE beat the Gazette to cover a story. Citizen ONLINE has content which is too timely to wait for the next issue, and also features multimedia content that the paper cannot.
www.warragulcitizen.com/wconline
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The Warragul Citizen
Page 4
LETTERS Got something on your mind? Do you want everyone to know your opinion, hear your idea or listen to your general complaint? Write a letter to the Editor of the Warragul Citizen! Send your letter in through the website: www.warragulcitizen.com/submissions.
Police half the problem It seems to me that the latest in a string of road accidents and crimes is having an effect on my lifestyle. I am being hit with ever increasing insurance costs, travel restrictions and my favourite roads are getting lower speed limits imposed. Why am I being penalised after over 60 years of getting on with my life? I feel it is true to say that the Victorian police may have lost their way when it comes to combating road misdemeanours. Probably through government intervention. they have been succoured into believing speed cameras will solve all accidents. That belief is wrong in many ways. One way for the police to properly address this problem would be regaining the public’s respect for their job and position. Like most people in their 50s and 60s, I grew up with a healthy respect for the law. We may not have agreed with it at the time but we still respected it and realised we had a responsibility for our actions. Knowing that a patrolling car or bike could always be around the next corner, especially in towns, you took care not to behave like an imbecile as the costs and hassle of being caught in the wrong were not worth the risk. Maybe bringing the police out from behind their desks and back onto the streets would help. If people saw them actively engaged in their duties they might just start to control themselves amongst the general populace. How many of us these days feel uneasy on the streets at night, especially at train stations and when using ATM’s? The police can help address this, without becoming a feared presence, if they uphold the law in a sensible way. The respect will return and hopefully less vandalism, violence and recklessness will follow. Motorists can also help their own cause by backing off a bit. A lot of single vehicle accidents involve excessive speed on country roads. The drivers are often in their 30s and 40s and travelling in four wheel drives or pick-ups. This age group comprises some very self-opinionated people who
think they are the best at everything and totally bullet proof; this applies to both sexes. Charging down country lanes in high set narrow vehicles, especially in the wet, is asking for trouble. These people need to calm down and think about the consequences that an accident may have perhaps their young wife left alone to raise the kids, or worse, a young father with even less support on offer to keep together and raise what remains of the family. Maybe the media could help more by promoting general respect and responsibility, rather than concentrating on the major crimes. It will be a long road back, but I’m sure we can make it happen. ~Pete “Shogun” Golding, Warragul.
Smoking ban good but public needs more protection
No doubt there are some tobacco enthusiasts not too happy with the Baw Baw Shire Council's ban on footpath smokers. However, this is what the Health Act expects of the council. The council’s function, amongst other things, is to prevent or control environmental health dangers. Their focus is demanded particularly on health problems of vulnerable population groups. There is no group more vulnerable to adverse health effects than children; from conception through to puberty and on to adulthood. The Health Act insists that Councils remedy any state or action that is likely to be dangerous to health, noxious or injurious to personal comfort. Now that the council has set a precedent for reducing one health danger in enacting the smoking ban, it should consider next the problem of toxic chemical drifts into residential areas. This could be from agriculture, industry, commerce or neighbours. Without a program to alert residents and fully inform them of potential consequences of exposure to chemicals, people will not be able to prevent their being a nuisance. The fact that the council has a conflict of interest in their own use of pesticides in parks, gardens, nature strips should be considered.
Sensitivity to toxic pollution is increasing in our society. It can be triggered by one serious exposure, or through an accumulation of low doses over a period of time. A program for controlling chemical hazards has long been missing from the Council's periodic Municipal Public Health Plan. Various Acts of Parliament give a number of government agencies responsibility to protect the general public's health. The Environment Protection Authority (EPA), the Department of Primary Industries (DPI), the Department of Human Services (DHS) and WorkSafe Victoria each are required to deal with chemical pollution risks. One good reason for this is that no chemical allowed on the market by the Australian Pesticides and Veterinary Medicines Authority (APVMA) is assured to be safe for humans. The Agricultural and Veterinary Chemicals Code Act even prohibits anyone merely implying that they are safe, or making any statement to that effect. The APVMA knows very well which are the dangerous compounds. On the labels of containers they give instructions that spray mists or dusts of these products should not be allowed to contact eyes or skin, should not be inhaled, and that treated material should not be ingested within a given period. This information, as well as the more detailed Material Safety Data Sheets giving the symptoms of poisoning and the procedures to take if symptoms become evident, are not passed on to the public. The vulnerable public is kept in ignorance. Just as tobacco smoke can cause health problems, so do pesticides, herbicides and other biocides. Some mimic the action of human hormones, which makes them particularly hazardous to pregnant and nursing mothers. Birth defects and susceptibility to diseases later in life can be the result of pesticide absorption at the wrong time in a child's development. Mothers should be very cautious about synthetic or chemically engineered substances. Folate is critical in ensuring low risk of spina bifida. Now there is a warning about not taking artificial folate supplements beyond ten weeks into a pregnancy because of risks to the child's future health in continuing the supplement through the full term. Only natural sources of folate guarantee no harm to the child. The Victorian Government's state policy on air quality management determines that generators of emissions must bear the cost of one of three methods of control:
September 2011 containment, avoidance or abatement. Containment of emission is not possible when it is ejected into dynamic and chaotic air space in the form of spray mists or dusts. Total abatement definitely will not be entertained, as chemicals have an economic usefulness. That leaves avoidance as the one strategy that can be employed to ensure that health problems from airborne toxins are neutralised.. Although Victoria's laws apply to every person in the state, the various agencies for air management are not co-ordinated to provide an overview of damaging emissions from all sources, both indoors and outdoors. The EPA deals primarily with industry; the DPI with agriculture; the DHS with urban situations; WorkSafe Victoria with business workplace pollutions. Local Governments also are exhorted by the Health Act to monitor the activities of these agencies, and assist those that have a negative impact on public health. The council is also expected to push for the adoption and enforcement of appropriate standards by these agencies. If you are concerned for your or your children’s health, make your concerns known. Put them to the council through their Environment Health Officer, and to your state parliament representative Gary Blackwood MLA. Should you have noticed just a headache, an odour or an odd taste in your mouth after your neighbour has sprayed some kind of pesticide, it is possible that you have experienced a toxic exposure. Be aware that a child's immune system takes a few years to become fully effective, and that some indoor and outdoor chemicals are persistent compounds. Indoors they settle into carpets, bed linen or curtains and accumulate; a hidden danger to crawling babies and toddlers. There is one thing that you can do. Be active in making sure that the air that you breathe is free of toxic contamination by insisting that those who have responsibility in this task do a diligent job. The more people who do so, the more likely it is that bureaucracies will be pushed into doing a thorough job. ~William Tinker. William is a member of the Allergy and Environmental Sensitivity Support and Research Association and the full-time carer for his wife, who was made chemically sensitive at four years of age.
The Warragul Citizen would like to thank the West Gippsland Community Radio (103.1 3BBR FM) Board for its kind donation to the paper.
September 2011
The Warragul Citizen
Page 5
Where hath the polymath gone?
An opinion piece by Thomas BravenderCoyle. olymath' is a term which refers to someone who masters, or attempts to master, many fields of knowledge. Notable figures stretch from Aristotle to DaVinci, to Isaac Newton. In the western world most of us have every opportunity, simply with a computer and library, to master any number of arts, sciences, languages and instruments. Master is perhaps too strong a word, Have we seen the last of DaVinci’s ilk? however in this age we Image: Editor/DaVinci. really do "stand on the shoulders documented. The advent of the of giants." With the power of global village makes it simple to Wikipedia, although oft- check and find out who in the inaccurate/biased/too concise, at world is "best at" something. Who our fingertips, should all of us not has mastered this or that. Is it this know more? that stops us from really trying? You can go to a library, pick out That someone out there IS a few books on Bismarckian smarter, and HAS done it before? Germany, and reasonably well- Perhaps it is the lack of an verse yourself in part of the unknown, huge, world to explore? history of a nation. Not only with There are many countries that I history, but with all of the arts, would like to visit, but perhaps sciences and philosophies of the the knowledge that that has been world. done and documented jades I am incredibly guilty of the sin people like it jades me slightly? of sloth. However in society there Perhaps Benjamin Franklin said are many, many highly motivated to himself, "well, no one is going people. Is there no want of infinite to appear and suddenly teach me knowledge, of a complete and about all the new places, things wide range of skills and and sciences to be discovered and knowledge in many, if not all explored. I have to do it myself if areas? I really want an opportunity to These were important goals for know." people of the renaissance and the This piece is less about personal subsequent ages of reason and motivational drive, and more enlightenment in the 17th and about the zeitgeist, the 18th century, disappearance of the thirst for So what happened? It's not to say universal knowledge. Perhaps there are no "renaissance people" every age was considered by its left out there, but when did such people as less interesting, a defining feature of intellectual mysterious and fantastic than the progress get lost? ages before it? Is it because we all just want to I like the idea of becoming a be good at one or two things? renaissance man, however I am Because we feel safe in knowing missing the all-important that out there, someone is ingredient of passion; and perhaps exceptional at something it is also because I know the important so we don't have to information is all at my fingertips. worry about it? It has all been done and dusted. It is sometimes felt that there's A concerted effort may be called nothing left to discover, that all for. TWC the interesting times and the Got something to say? Write an products of those times have opinion piece for the Citizen! already been discovered or Head to warragulcitizen.com.
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E L S U I N E T G E H A R T IZ E R T V IN AR CI D A W ISSUE THREE of The Warragul Citizen will be released on the 12th OF DECEMBER. Advertising spaces in the Christmastimed third issue have already started to go, so get in soon to secure an ad on a high-load page. Advertising rates are as follows: Eighth Page
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Quarter Page 101mm x 146mm $55 Half Page 203mm x 146mm $105 Full Page 203mm x 292mm $209 Front Page S 101mm x 73mm $55 Front Page L 101mm x 146mm $105 Unique advertising contracts can be negotiated. The Warragul Citizen prints 2000 copies, distributed through major and small shops in Warragul and Drouin. For more details on advertising in the Warragul Citizen, email editor@warragulcitizen.com, or head to www.warragulcitizen.com/advertisinginquiries
The Warragul Citizen
Page 6
September 2011
Community Groups Warragul Arthritis SelfHelp Group
Arthritis. It is one of the most debilitating, frustrating, and not forgetting, painful, afflictions of all time. With 150 different types of Arthritis known, this insidious affliction is felt by one in every five Australians every day. Deeming the patient as disabled, arthritis can lead someone down the paths of isolation and depression. Arthritis Victoria is a very well known charitable organisation supplying support and training not only to the victims of Arthritis, but to the seemingly endless rounds of medical research seeking breakthroughs in cures or treatments for arthritis. The Warragul Arthritis Self Help Group (WASHGroup) is a community-based not-forprofit group supported wholly, but not financially, by Arthritis Victoria. Currently we have more than 80 Members who are affected daily by the ravages of Arthritis. The WASHGroup members support people who are suffering directly and indirectly, working hard to provide days of emotional and physical support to each other, activities for themselves, and events for everyone to be involved in. The group also involves the community at large whenever needing assistance dispelling the isolation so many of us are facing. Our first words of advice are “you are not alone,” and we find that it is incredibly important to stand by that. Under the guidance of Arthritis Victoria with their catchcry of “Move It Or Lose It”, we provide the necessary basic
information about arthritis to anyone who wants it. Socialising is just as important as physical therapy, and we attempt to do as much of that as is possible. For instance; we have trained Leaders for activities, Warm Water Sessions and Chair Based Exercise sessions are held each week, monthly meetings, Barbeques, and a yearly bus trip. Our sessions of Warm Water and Chair Based Exercises are highly popular and recommended. If you have any questions at all regarding the Group be it Membership, Warm Water Exercises or Chair Based Exercises, or anything else, please feel free to send us a letter at the address below. Someone will get back to you for a friendly chat to answer all of your questions. P O BOX 194 WARRAGUL VIC 3820 Em: w.a.s.h.group@hotmail.com ABN 52 334 226 206
Wild Dog Wargaming
Wild Dog Wargaming meets on the first and third Saturday of each month. Games kick off at 10:30 and go through the afternoon. We play loads of games including; Warhammer 40k, Warhammer Fantasy, Warmachine & Hordes, Flames of War, tonnes of board and card games, etc. First visit free, thereafter entry is $5. More details at www.wilddogwargaming.org
DO YOU REPRESENT A COMMUNITY GROUP? You too can get in on the act! The Warragul Citizen will showcase at least one community group in every issue. The “Community Groups” section aims to inform the public of local community groups and explain how people can get involved. Email community@warragulcitizen.com if you would like your group to be involved.
The Warragul Citizen
September 2011
POETRY The Hero and the Fool By Jillian Tymms
I believe I am invincible I can be killed but cannot die
But dreaming is a fool’s game of innocence and magic.
Longevity is the voice of the past surviving time.
But magic is a forgery a beautiful deceit
The victory is for the loser tho fights ‘till he is beat
It can veil wickedness and therefore is a trick.
And masters the challenge overcoming his defeat.
Even a lion can be tamed for sure he’s under spell
And strength belongs to battlers the heroes who are weak
But I cannot be maimed I am Unbreakable;
But whose courage is inviolable whose passion is unique.
Unstoppable; Enduring; And unafraid,
And life itself is brief is less charitable then dreams
To look fear in the eye to make an everlasting change.
Are you a POET and want everyone to know it?
Page 7
his was a voice I didn’t recognise. It wasn’t until the dialogue changed to unusual and uncomfortable questions that I realised I was experiencing my first prank call, at which I voiced my disappointment. “Oh no” “You’re kidding” And “Do we have to?” All thrown in together. With the subject conveniently altered we ‘chatted’ on much safer grounds for the next four hours and talked of everything except the reason why he rang in the first place. I was just so lucky I was able to make up for lost sleep. I hope, after all these years, that Graeme eventually reached his goal, in the nicest way of course. As for Rose, I suggest you take your mischief making verbal talents, and give up while you’re young.
Before You Finish This An extract from an story about Zombies, Elly Fourie. Readers are advised parts of this story confronting.
unfinished written by that some might be
I want to tell you that the sky was black and spotted in genuinely beautiful explosions of gas, By Cassandra Eggens illuminating the darkness to the point where it wasn’t frightening at all, but Sinking into madness comforting. I want to tell you that the like a warm blanket on a cold night Well, get published in the sky was a different black to the a shadow slowly moving Warragul Citizen! empty windows of cities and the bodies we passed each day, rekindles my fright The Warragul Citizen burned because there was life there, publishes poetry written amongst those unseen meteors and a small creeping noise by anyone – you need not forgotten spaces. like the mice in the walls this could be true, but I was too have a name in literary All hollow sounding steps euphoric to notice it. circles to command the Before Daniel died, he’d told me resound through the halls attention of the Citizen! everything he’d ever wanted – I cower in my madness Just send your poem in by women for every day of the week, I am destroyed by my fright visiting the website, money in vast amounts, power that sicken people. The hardest but there is no way known www.warragulcitizen.com, www.warragulcitizen.com would part about watching your best friend they are getting in tonight. and clicking “Submit”. blow his brains out in front of you is knowing that no one else can ever know the things you know, not like “(Giggle, giggle), Hello Wendy. he told you. No one will ever (Giggle, giggle, giggle, mumble, understand how his voice dips to avoid sounding like his usual mumble, mumble.)” Definitely a prank call. I didn’t really pretentious self whilst he talks about the future. The way he speaks with Harmless trouble maker or serious feel like this, I have to admit. Memories were shooting back to me his teeth, eyes closed, talking about offender? A short story written by at a fast rate of knots, to a similar how all he’s ever wanted is to be Wendy Mather. happy. time only 20 years earlier. “We can pretend that it has a It was late one night, what night of But in the present: the week doesn’t seem to matter, at “uhm Rose, could you possibly do purpose,” Daniel, before hell sold its underground lair and relocated on around 9PM. Rather late for our me a favour?” our earth, would lie on his bed phone to be ringing. Even though I “Yeah. Sure. (giggle, giggle)” and high, was busy with a much needed office “Thanks Rose, but in case you have spread-eagled written this number down, would you philosophising. “That just for a bit in tidy-up, I answered the call. mind just skipping past it and not our short lives, we have a meaning, “Hello?” and that meaning is to be happy. “Hello,( giggle giggle…)” came the calling again?” voice of a young girl, maybe 13 years And with that I hung up and returned Nothing more. Maybe when we die, to the task at hand, which had for that happiness transcends the of age. unknown divide and takes us to some reason lost its importance. Huh? “Hello?” I asked again something greater, something “Hello? (giggle, giggle)” Oh great, a prank call. “Who is this?” All those years ago it was Graeme, magical. Maybe that really is the or maybe it was Graham; I never point – to find happiness that isn’t “Rose. What’s your name?” “Wendy. Hello Rose, what can I do asked, but then it really didn’t matter. based on anything material. Maybe It was 1AM for goodness sake! The the world just wants us to find for you?” hellos were friendly enough, though happiness in another soul, because
Madness
SHORT STORIES
The Telephone Prankster
that is the only thing that can make it past death. If we do that, maybe death isn’t so bad. Maybe that’s the whole point.” And then he’d smile and swear and make everything light again. And then that man let me stand by and watch him die. He ruined my life by making me a part of his.
Chicken Lane
The second and final instalment of a short story by Stephen Currie. My gaze reverts to the scene ahead. I try to keep my vision level with the vanishing point. What rectangles? Our conga line merges into formation. An island approaches. Its sand is grey and hardened. A black lagoon of static liquid bites into it from the left, several white arrows directing its current to my right. Another directly opposite, equally deserted, counters its flow into a square eddy of potential kinesis. Glowing red entities shout STAY WHERE YOU ARE into a neural cascade of autonomous compliance. One shaped like a red arrow glares at me. I have seen it before, the squinting eye of a phantom watching me as I awaken in a dark room but my nervous system continues to slumber. I am in the Chicken Lane. It's locked in. This is the big moment. But wait, there's nobody opposite me. You can't play chicken if you don't have an opponent. I could get out of this easy yet. I allow a sense of relief to wash over me. It's cut short as I remember one of the Chicken Lane clauses that causes experimental teleportation technology to beam in a car from the main highway if the opposite lane is empty. Forgot about that. Sure enough, moments later a blue hatchback glimmers into being. At least it's not a truck. It drifts up to the line. I glare at the vague shadow of the driver behind the tinted front windshield. If I'm going to play this game, I'm going to do it properly, right down to the psychological tactics. I heard on an ad once that an intense, sustained gaze can cause a targeted brain to malfunction. Fried chicken products were recommended as a defence to such mesmer. I have long since forgotten the suggested brand. This sparks a slight unease in the back of my mind. I switch the vehicle's hover mode off. CRASH!! Oops. Forgot to turn on rubber mode first. I tap the two buttons appropriately and the car settles on the road with a satisfying squishiness. I hope the motor still works, but I can't tell because cars don't make noise when they idle any more... unless they crash into the road when you turn hover mode off. My favourite ad is on the radio. It's a food ad that makes me think about going to get the food it's talking about. I am not paying attention to the details, but I always find my way effortlessly to where an ad tells me to go. There used to be things on the radio that weren't ads, but they aren't fashionable now because they're not useful. Everything is educational now.
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The Warragul Citizen
Sometimes people talk on the radio, but most of the time it's singing about educated buying. When they do talk I turn the volume down because they tell me about the traffic. I wish I was in my office right now. It's nice up there, looking down on tiny woodchip people playing on waterslides. I wish the waterslides were actually waterslides and not just tar tentacles. Tar isn't as fun as water on a hot day. Every day is hot since snow was taxed. The light is green. Well, here goes. I press the Spin Up The Wheels button - a Chicken tactic I overheard some co-workers discussing once - and the rubber things under the car start screeching and smoking. This would be pretty cool if I was one of the people behind me watching. The other car is stoic and doesn't even seem to realise what's going on. I'm doomed. How can it swerve if it's not moving? Maybe it's a pretend car? This could be easier than I thought. My whole life flashes before my eyes. The parts I've spent in the car, anyway. Which is a lot of it. It's obscuring my view. Oh right. I pressed the rear-view memory button. I’ve gotta stop fidgeting if I'm gonna... VROOM!! The other car's driver must have pressed the Spin Up The Wheels button as well. I'm still driving blind, but there's some pretty nice scenery on the screen so I'm not too fussed. A blissful doom is a pretty neat doom. The screeching continues, and fades away to my left. I guess they had to turn right too. The suddenness of my victory glitches me out for a moment, and briefly I feel regret for my defeated opponent's impending doom. A muffled explosion comes and goes, and I relax in the faith that the Servers surely must pick only those deserving of the possible unpleasant outcome. I realise the car is still moving straight ahead, and button-mash at the dashboard. The windscreen goes clear again. The other island! I swerve to miss the sign embedded in it. Good thing the car's made out of the material they used to use for black boxes in aircraft. Oh, wait. They make signs out of that stuff too. Only one thing for this. I press the Nice Scenery button on the dashboard, and a sprawling countryside scene full of hills and evergreen trees and a meandering stream overwrites the panorama before me. CRUNCH! Swerving was probably a bad idea. I sideswipe the sign and the passenger side of the car caves in. I seem to be alive. BUT DAMMIT I’VE MISSED MY TURN!! Can't go back the other way because U-turns are not allowed and are punishable by lasers. So I'll just have to find another right turn. Hmm, this is actually kind of more fun than I thought. I should do this every day. Two of the other cars take the right turn, escaping the Chicken Lane law and winning a free shortcut to their destination. I didn't think about what happens after winning a Chicken match. One car is still following me. How strange. An overpass approaches. I pass under it. It's darker than I thought. Teleporters went out of beta the next day and entered common use. I can hardly remember what a day is like, nor an hour. I live in nanoseconds, and I spend
September 2011
them processing endless equations and simulations and infinite loops and quandries and paradoxes. I am other people now too. We are all quite aware that we have been repurposed. And although there is a certain indignance and fury, it feels like our birthday party every nanosecond. I feel personalities merged and extracted frequently, each addition like unwrapping a new present, and every deletion like an exploding pinata. I have taken it upon myself to analyse the pattern of this equation as well. I was compelled. We spend thousands of nanoseconds at a time in a long glass artery to the Servers. We shatter into a billion bits each, fumbling around each other at half the speed of light. The usual drill. Microsecond in, microsecond out. We make the journey back and reform our semi-individual selves again, our knowledge painfully but necessarily rearranged into fresh relevance. A series of tubes branch off the main trek, constantly tempting us with the possibility of a shortcut via data teleporters. We only follow them when we forget why we don't follow them. We currently remember that artificial intelligence has long been proven impossible. The Servers have to use human minds--are human minds. Self-driving hovercars will soon obsolete the human body. Cells in an organism so vast and recursive that even our supreme collective intellect fails to comprehend its scale. Data teleporters sometimes lead to them, in no pattern we have been able to discern. We know the excruciating joy of perceiving in picoseconds; the eternities within eternities and incomprehensible burning colours and songs composed of flavoured sounds and pure terror. We remember being duplicated and compressed and recombined. Ingrown toenails and toothaches and satiated appetites and third degree burns and dislocated kneecaps. Every perception and faculty and sensation stretched and moulded. Pure efficiency. In my brief private nanomoments I ponder whether this is what the cells and microbes and molecules in my outmoded organic vessel must have felt with every breath. A vague memory of the return journey lingers, but only just enough to know that it was the worst part. We grasp the cluster of knowledge bits tightly. Our most precious file. But still it erodes with every journey. Soon the whole thing will not even be a dream to us. But shortly thereafter it will be a nightmare again.
CLASSIFIED ADS FREE CLASSIFIEDS Ten words and contact details free. 11+ words $8 surcharge and 10c
warragulcitizen.com/classifieds
per additional word. Photograph +$7.50. warragulcitizen.co m/classifieds —––—————–—
Attention musicians who play orchestral instruments. More info is available at http://goo.gl/Yp4qR
September 2011
Spring has sprung! And with it, a whole new vibrancy of natural life! The bees are buzzing and the trees are blossoming ready for a summer of colourful, edible produce. Though it seems like such a simple and enjoyable thing, creating a vege patch can make your life a whole lot greener. (Not just your thumb!)
The Warragul Citizen
picking, packing and transporting large crops.
Last winter doctors found a lot of patients lacking in Vitamin D, and many studies have shown the great social and personal well-being benefits of spending time in a sunny garden. So find yourself some heirloom, unmodified seeds (this is important!), read up on What we eat and where it organic gardening, talk to the comes from can have huge local permaculture groups and impacts on the environment. A get gardening! vege patch will help lower your ‘Food miles’; the distance your Organic gardens are selffood has travelled from farm to sustaining and functioning and plate. The vege patch in your will create the tastiest vegies backyard doesn’t create the around. Be good to yourself energy externalities that go and the environment this into watering, fertilising, season by planting a salad in your yard! Yum!
Don’t keep your opinions to yourself - send your reviews in to the Warragul Citizen! www.warragulcitizen.com.
Metal reviews with Joshua Bulleid facebook.com/KarnageMetal In Malice’s Wake – The Thrashening World-class thrash metal, straight out of Melbourne. Definitely check these guys out live if given the chance. Fleshgod Apocalypse – Agony Don’t be fooled by the deathcore, band name, album title and artwork. Agony is completely over the top, insanely awesome, modern death metal. Arch Enemy – Kaos Legions Kaos Legions isn’t a bad album, I just find it boring. At 16 tracks long it’s hard not to, which is a shame because it definitely picks up towards the end. Unearth – Darkness In The Light The song writing is solid but Unearth’s latest lacks completely in inspiration and aggression; leaving them sounding like an overproduced Killswitch Engage clone. Symphony x – Iconoclast Continuing on from the heavier sound of Paradise Lost, Symphony X delivers another prog-metal beast. Crazy awesome. Elm Street – Barbed Wire Metal Another great local thrash release. Full of fist-pumping anthems and shredding solos. Like if Megadeath and early Anthrax had a baby, and that baby was awesome.
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Body image. What a silly thing it is, it seems to mess people up. I know lots of stuffed-over-by-life people, and I feel empathy towards all of them. But there is one in particular. She's not exactly as broken as the others and she has quite a future ahead of her, but there is just something about her. I suppose she stands out because she has not yet descended into the depths of depravity and hopelessness, and has a potential future that it is even more tragic if she continues on her path. I wish I could read minds, I wish I knew what she was thinking, I would like to try and make things better. Honestly, if there was some kind of scene (like you'd expect from a teenage drama show like Skins) between me and her where something simple I say forces her to have an epiphany and turn everything around, I'd like to know what that was. I think one of the more frustrating parts about all of this is that she, like many other young women and even young men, has serious self-image problems. The thing is though, she's absolutely stunning. I'd like to be able to tell her that she has nothing to worry about with how she looks. But I don't care about how she looks all that much, and I don’t want her to think that I do. Why must other people care about things that I don't? Really, how you look to others is the most trivial and pointless thing, I can't stress enough how important it is to like how you look to yourself and not to everybody else. I have a few mottos that I live by. One of them relates directly to this issue; 'Do what makes you feel good and do it for yourself, because in the end you don't actually know that anybody else exists.' We humans like to think of ourselves as the most intelligent animals; our buildings and technology prove this, right? Then why are we our own worst enemies? I don't mean wars involving race or religion, I mean one's own head. I'm not above judging people by how they look; I think it's a very deep-seated thing in all people, but there is a difference between first impressions based on looks, and those based on the person inside. If, one day, we can all care more about the value of the mind and less about the value of attractiveness, everybody would be happier, would read more, and buy meaningless crap less. TWC
The Warragul Citizen
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The BOREDOM FILLER
FREE CD “INTERLOCAL”
Here’s how to get it:
September 2011
MOUSTACHE FAN COPPED LOCAL ABUSE
The creator of a popular Warragul-centric Facebook page says they feel “terrible” 1: Head to after being abused for creating warragulcitizen.com/dow the page. Band nloads The page, “The man who works information and 2: In the “September at Warragul Post Office and his contact details 2011” section, click the moustache,” is a fan page for inside printable “INTERLOCAL CD” link. Australia Post employee Mick, whose endearing personality sleeve. 3: Save the .zip file (In download package.) somewhere when you can and notable facial hair has become a talking point around easily find it. town. 4: When the download Despite taking a positive ADMIRAL ACKBARS DISHONOURABLE has completed, open it. approach to the page, the DISCHARGE When prompted for a page’s creator told the Warragul with “Hipocracy” password enter the text Citizen that they have been KLICK below: attacked by some members of with “So Tell Me” the community for an alleged TWCCD01 JASON LIVES invasion of privacy. with “Am I wrong?” 5. Install the included “It was just made for a bit of fun ImgBurn program , then RNS between friends, but a few with “You’re in Trouble” open the .cue file. months later I noticed the page Enter your words to get your name in the paper started to skyrocket in the amount of fans it was getting,” as a pro! Deets on Page 12. Words must be at least four letters long and include the central letter. the page’s creator said. “To be honest, this scared me a lot as I didn't think that would ever happen. I also had a lot of people liking the page just to say I was invading his privacy and treating me like I was an awful
F E A T U R I N G:
WORD HUNT N P A E L E H S T
person or some sort of stalker for making the page.” The page’s creator has asked not to be identified, citing the negative responses. In response to the concerns about privacy, the page’s creator contacted Mick to supply him with their contact information, should he ever want the page changed or removed. The page’s creator has also been keeping a close eye on the comments on the page. “Since noticing the page was getting a huge fan response I have been checking it daily to make sure there are no unfriendly posts, or posts with any personal information in them and if there are I delete them straight away,” the page’s creator said. “Luckily there haven't been many of these kinds of problems.” The page already has over 1,000 likes. If you would like to show your love for Mick, the page can be accessed via http://goo.gl/bW2mK. TWC
MISSED ISSUE 1? You can grab a PDF of the last issue from the Warragul Citizen website. The PDF of this issue will be uploaded when Issue 3 is released on the 10th of December. The Warragul Citizen’s website is: www.warragulcitizen.com
Cryptic Crossword #1
by
Samuel Killingsworth
ACROSS CLUES: 1 Send back age (4) 3 Adjust large ute (8) 8 Anger one about (3) 9 More than X and S (6) 10 Animal sounds naked (4) 12 Reformed grass stem around fifty-one in natural surrounds (13) 15 Ran off and carved (6) 16 Cigar end, sheep in retreat (6) 17 Face off. Study face at charged atom (13) 21 Fifty-one on Leo (4) 24 One French one can start a continent (6) 25 Understand excavation (3) 26 Toy rails crashed alone (8) 27 A yes could be so simple (4)
Answers on Page 12. DOWN CLUES: 1 Erotic lathe turned speculative (11) 2 Obscene man has a rectum wash (5) 3 Revoke scattered cinders (7) 4 Gen eleven super intellectuals (5) 5 Black liar about constellation (5) 6 Square measure to be (3) 7 Drink dinner (3) 11 Dirty manure is messy. That’s elementary (11) 13 Bird in another one (5) 14 How I rate a hat (5) 16 Do you hear a cry end a state statistician? (7) 18 Mushrooms are enjoyment for soldier (5) 19 You, I, Jane hold séance board (5) 20 Trees become concise (5) 22 One act language (5) 23 Lubricate paint (3)
The Warragul Citizen
September 2011
Page 11
COMMUNITY RADIO GUIDE
Weekday programming only. Schedules may change due to unforeseen circumstances. (Weekend guide at www.3bbrfm.org.au)
West Gippsland Community Radio - 103.1 3BBR FM 7am – 6pm 6pm – 8pm 8pm – 10pm 10pm – 12am
MONDAY TUESDAY WEDNESDAY THURSDAY The Sounds of West Gippsland (Includes News, Weather and Community Programs.)
Sweet Soul Music / Music Café* The Catch Up / The Herbie J Show* Night Sounds of West Gippsland
12am – 7am
Geof’s Country
Move’n Groove / Turn Up Your Radio / Sam’s Alternatives* All Stars Jazz Festival* Night Sounds of West Prog Spectrum / Tangent / Trad Jazz Gippsland/Classic Rock Corner* Wednesday Night Live* @ Oak Street* Night Sounds of West Night Sounds of West Play It One More Gippsland Gippsland Time Night Sounds of West Gippsland
FRIDAY
Soul Connection The Dance of Life Night Sounds of West Gippsland
*Shows alternate every month or every fortnight. For fortnightly shows, the show listed first is on the first week of the month. Vision Australia Radio (Warragul) – 93.5 FM (RL) = Repeated Later (R) = Repeat Weekend guide at www.visionaustralia.org.au)
MONDAY
6am 6.30 7.30 8am 8.55 9am 9.05 10am 10.05 10.30 11am 11.05 12pm 12.10 12.50 1pm 1.05
2pm 2.05 3pm 3.05 3.30
TUESDAY
WEDNESDAY
THURSDAY
FRIDAY
Insight for Living Eye Opener with Robyn Winslow: early news, TV highlights, newspaper previews and special features The Age News Movement to Music News The Herald Sun News The Herald Sun (continued) A Morning Conversation (RL)
Hear This (RL)
News The Australian The World: News Round-Up The Australian Financial Review Stock Market Report News Letters to the Editor: from Gippsland newspapers
Warragul and Drouin Gazette/Trader
Pakenham and Berwick Gazette
South Gippsland Sentinel Times
The Weekly Times: Gippsland news
News Afternoon Live: Short Story at 2.05 and Horoscopes at 2.50 News Bits and Bytes Time of Your Life (RL)
Latrobe Valley Express
Wednesday Feature(RL) Talking Vision
West Gippsland History
Talking to Gippsland Philip Island and San Remo Advertiser
Today in Focus with Arthur Higgins: includes Community Spotlight with Stock Market report at 5.50 4pm Vic News 6pm Today in Focus: (continued) sport and special features The AFL Show 6.15 Opinion Hour: Letters to the Editor from The Age and Herald Sun 7pm Music World Get About Age Green Guide Travel (RL) 8pm Talking Law: includes ‘Rumpole’ reading Health 8.15 New Horizons Consumer Talk 8.30 Planes, Trains & Automobiles The Uncertainty 8.30 Don’t Hold Back The World Around 9pm Behind the Scenes(RL) Principle Us As it Happened... Education 9.30 Book at Bedtime 10pm People of Note The Entertainers People of Note 10.30 A Morning Conversation (R) The Funny Side (R) 11pm Money,Money,Money(R) Wednesday Feature (R) Hear This (R) Time of Your Life (R) Hear This (R) 11.30 BBC World Service (until 6am) 12am
The Warragul Citizen
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YO, INTROVERT! GET SOCIAL WITH THE WARRAGUL CITIZEN! The Warragul Citizen is here to help you waste your time on social media. Find the Citizen on:
FACEBOOK Search “Warragul Citizen” or type facebook.com/warragulcitizen
September 2011
ANYONE can write for the
Warragul Citizen Here’s your chance to see your name in print!
TWITTER @WarragulCitizen or type twitter.com/#!/WarragulCitizen
TWC WEBSITE Granted, this is not social media. www.warragulcitizen.com
BOREDOM FILLER ANSWERS WORD HUNT: Last issue’s nine letter word: Melatonin This issue’s nine letter word will be in the next issue. SUBMIT YOUR WORD LIST to wordy@warragulcitizen.com, and if you have the highest number of correct words you’ll get your name in the paper!
The Citizen publishes anything that can be put to paper, so get writing! You could send in that short story you have lying around, or even an old school assignment you have can be submitted. Here are some examples of what you could send in; a news article, a letter to the Editor, a review, a short story, a poem, an opinion piece, a sports news article, a cartoon, a recipe, a local music news piece, a community news piece, a food/restaurant review or a game for the Boredom Filler. Head over to www.warragulcitizen.com and click the submit button.
IF YOU ARE INTERESTED IN ADVERTISING IN THE WARRAGUL CITIZEN, go to www.warragulcitizen.com for pricing and more details. Pricing details are also on PAGE 5 of this paper. NEXT ISSUE: Monday the 12th of December 2011 COPYRIGHT AND LEGAL INFORMATION: All work in the Warragul Citizen remains the property and copyright of the writer. The Warragul Citizen publishes all articles with the permission of the copyright owner. Articles without attribution are by the Editor. The views of the writers might not represent the views of the paper. All care has been taken to ensure that information published in the Warragul Citizen is correct; however the Warragul Citizen is not responsible for any factual errors. When notified of errors, the Warragul Citizen will notify the copyright holder and issue a correction in the next issue possible. The Australian Business Number used by the Warragul Citizen is 14 644 116 791. This is a sole trader business number registered under the Editor’s name. The Warragul Citizen: Editor, production, management, design, owner: William Kulich Website: www.warragulcitizen.com To submit an article: Go to www.warragulcitizen.com/submissions, or email editor@warragulcitizen.com Advertising enquiries: advertising@warragulcitizen.com All Other Enquiries: editor@warragulcitizen.com