The Mindful Parent

By Shavonda Bean

How to Have More Empathy and Compassion for Others

There are many genuinely good, caring people all around. Proof is found in first responders, health care workers, teachers and communities putting aside their own needs to help during one of the worst health crises of our lifetime. However, the apathetic and insensitive response to a pandemic along with natural disasters, the violence that occurs in our communities and limitless instances of insult on social platforms is disheartening. This highlights what I see as a significant decline in empathy, one of the core aspects of humanity.

A study published in Personality and Social Psychology Review found levels of empathy dropped 48 percent between 1979 and 2009 among college students and the decline was most drastic between 2000-2009. These numbers are alarming. The more absorbed we become in technology, and the more isolated and divided we are, the less empathetic we are likely to become.

Empathy exceeds considering others or placing yourself in someone else’s shoes. It involves the act of respecting, caring for, valuing, understanding and being sensitive to another person's perspective and experience. It is empathy that allows us to support others during challenges, to see beyond ourselves and to recognize that we advance when we work together as a unit. Without empathy, one leans more toward narcissistic, self-centered behavior that leads to isolation, loneliness and maladaptive relationships. Too much can result in absorbing others’ problems and lead to anxiety, anger or excessive emotional wear and tear. On the far end of the spectrum, excessive amounts of empathy are associated with extremism and radicalism. A good balance of empathy supports healthy societies, communities, relationships, careers, and leaders.

Moving beyond modeling empathy and towards cultivating, promoting, and building it within ourselves and our children is the target. There are both natural and nurtured aspects of empathy. Therefore, we can take steps to continue increasing and teaching empathy to our children and families. Consider these for starters:

Get uncomfortable. It is easier to empathize with someone like yourself. Push yourself and your children towards the challenge of connecting with someone different and new. If the idea creates discomfort and anxiety, it may help to address this with a counselor or professional. Build relationships with people who can bring insight and community into your life. The more connected you are to other people, the more empathy grows.

Explore. Use fictional books, movies, or articles to help children learn to take on the perspective of others and generate ideas around how the characters feel, what they might need and brainstorm potential solutions. Make it fun, it can be interesting to hear their ideas!

Check yourself. Ask yourself when you last expressed empathy in a recognizable manner. Sometimes we internalize our empathy and feelings for others but fall short of showing them. If it’s been awhile, act. This helps children and adults feel cared for and seen. Participate in volunteer or community service events as a family. Encourage your child to come up with ideas and take part in these activities with others.

Be aware. The more we understand our emotions and improve self-awareness, the easier it is to connect with the needs of others. When our own emotions are left unregulated, we react impulsively and become less available for other people's perspectives. Work on better understanding and regulating feelings. Therapy can be a great tool here. The challenges we face in the world can easily contribute to burnout, make it harder to engage and make change appear insurmountable. We can turn things around by caring for one person, child, family and community at a time. P

Shavonda Bean is a licensed psychological associate and owner of Essential Assessments & Behavioral Health. Visit Essentialhealthnc.com for more information.

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