WAT Is Zine? Issue 16: Pastimes

The Dissection of Idleness, and Recommendations for its Replacement

By Tom Johnston If the past year and a half has taught me anything, it’s that I can always be making better use of my time. After such a long suspension of responsibility it’s only fair that I should come away with something to show for it, right? Why haven’t I learned a new skill, or volunteered more, or finally gotten around to all those home improvements I had planned?

Sometimes, I like to imagine that I had a more productive year in quarantine. I picture a very distant (and very loaded) relative, previously unheard of, who leaves me a small fortune that I can do what I like with. Not an unrealistic inheritance—just enough to bribe the threat of serious illness or death into keeping its distance.

I imagine what it might be like if I took up sailing in the warm summer months, the wind in the air and sting of saltwater on my cheek. Think of how useful that would be when they ground all the flights and I need to cross the Atlantic. Learning the ropes, I would form such a strong bond with whichever ten Matthews frequented the same marina as I did. I wouldn’t be stuck in my own house, learning to appreciate the unrelenting string of calm mornings. I could continue to avoid my older sister even after she came home to live with us again, dodging the Saturday’s when we would waste our time making lattes and breakfast and participating in each other’s lives. Those things would disintegrate. The pointless connection I might’ve made with another person would vanish, yielding itself to the grandeur of my admiral’s career.

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