like it’s so hard on my window it’s ch. The rain’s rapping Mar in g nin mor wet a It’s to work buried in files, trying cold. I’m in my office, trying to get in from the me of the ing ck around my desk remind McKlusky has notes stu Ms ad. elo cas my h e oug thr Truth be told, I don’t lik e to pick up my phone. lik ’t don I ws kno she day’s chores – secretaries. sultants have the rudest They say the nicest con h. muc her to ng aki spe damn hospital. consultant in the whole Well I must be the nicest h t when she comes throug s in the X-R ay departmen guy the see to n dow d I’m about to hea to thinking daz zle you blind. I get e-up and a smile that’d mak and r hai all r; doo my her teeth in. ct you before sinking that’s how she’d distra ‘the bag lady’. Not that but I mentally label her ; ise Lou of e nam the Dame goes by e a million – in fact she looks lik t of vagrancy about her hin st nte fai the re’s the her laptop case, she has satchel, her handbag and her se, pur her n wee bucks – but bet es. e’s gate staff out in hiv her to bring an airlin on es acl ept rec ugh eno out her weapon her prey and then pulls like a cheetah stalking me s ard tow s ide h str She igate a touchscreen wit nk it was possible to nav thi n’t did I . let tab of choice – her nificance, the charts, statistical sig sure puts on a show: bar she but g, lon t tha ls nai whole nine yards… -in pany that wants my buy s a pharmaceutical com ent res rep she ry: sto It’s a familiar osis’. But I’ve l relationship – a ‘symbi it’s a mutually beneficia s Say t. duc pro new h a on angels swoopin’ down wit to know that guardian ugh eno g lon ss ine bus been in this blinding you hing more than devils gods can sometimes be not rma pha the m fro ts gif ference. learning to tell the dif with spin. The trick is she’s that match the profiles I got a bunch of cases k. mar her ws kno she The thing is, way she’s no-brainer. At least the ct’ of hers seems like a odu ‘pr s thi and g, rin sha presenting it. I got e, I’ll give you that. But got a nice detail aid her “Look lady,” I say. “You iplinary isc ti-d mul ’t just waltz into a counters upstairs. I can n bea the m fro re ssu pre r say-so.” ng the formulary on you meeting and start changi
I ew a s’t inrom t n g i n .hcraM n i yrt ar e h T e g ot g ar s’ni rf ni t p o p m i n t t g h e dloc hguorh ra h o s ni m’I . ym no d esac ym m l w y o i a o n d f d . o fi b ,ec s’yad K cM s M l s’ti w i deiru serohc h yksul s’ti eki ,selfi n k ehs – eton sa t s n o r s w y t s i u ps n I c g t’nod gnikae uora k krow ot re h o t ot ekil d ym dn e m p s u i k c c k h r . e u n im ye h T I lleW p ym p em g n i d eht yas T .enoh eb tsum eht fo tsecin eb htur in eht c c o t e n o s s l t u d , c l stnat n od I lu s n o ekil t’ ni tnat ht evah hw eht sedur e o t l e s e d c a oba m’I r e oh nm h ot tu .seirat .latips wod dae n t o ym s eht ee a ;rood riah ll ni syob a t n h d e m X t pu-eka ed ya R h s’tah e m t ra p s a dn a ’ehs wo n m d t i d l w i e s h t t e d’tah ehs n y tcar elz zad t s em o c ofeb uo ilb uoy hguorh knis er n i d . n g I h g e e et r og em a D ht ot t .ni hte t yb s e gnikni h e n a m e uoL fo ’ereht ub ;esi f eht s nem I t tsetnia t a h l i l n y t – skcub lebal av fo teb tub yc n a r g ht‘ reh w e a e b e b o n a u g t h – re h uone rup re N .’ydal ecer hg reh ,es tcaf ni taht to ol ehs selcatp ehctas o l o , k n s h e l h i e r a ek dn a h b ot r noillim dn a g a b na gnir nilria pal reh e t ’ o s p eh S g c a a t ,es sedirts fa t s e sah ehs i tuo f sdrawot n m h e i l v fo i e k .s eciohc ehc a e t re h – ts hate a a b l l e k t i . n slian re h g ndid I a yerp ol taht niht t’ aw ti k tub ,gn neht dn s s p p h u o e l s hw l s s s p e ru t elbi nin elo reh tuo a no stu givan o sdray e a s t … h nopaew e o w a : t b o hc ra ercshcu t s , s t ra htiw ne citsita a l s i s’tI g imaf a nacfiin t s ra i l eht ,ec o r y : s o per eh w en a n stneser cudorp a t . p h S a a r y s’ti s u e ca m ne e b utum a c lacit iht ni ynapmo eb ylla nisub s n t e e s h s a fi t c l i o w ne g n f s t fi g aler la ym stna ot hguo eht mor ihsnoit k ni-yub p p n h o – a w r a m t ‘ tiw g tah s d og a ibmys .nips h o s nac n a i d ra u B .’siso ev’I tu irt eh T slegna s e m i te m c s b k e w i o s n o o p l t gnih od ’ni i n ra e t ot gn htiw nw ht erom eht lle i v ed n a d l i s f b eh T f l e i r dn .ecne i gniht uoy gni k ehs ,s n o w s s h ,gnirah ra m r e ht dna tog I .k i s a ‘ p b r u o n ’tcud c fo hc tneserp s re h f o ht sesa .ti gni l s me e s ctam ta i h k e t a h e arb-on lfiorp A .reni s’ehs se tsael t t h e kooL“ w a ”,ydal s’ehs y “ .yas I Y o u p g o e ru s s e r cin a t ht morf i a te d e e l b a e i a d n nuoc n i te e m I ,ereh pu sret s dn a g vig ll’ .s ri a t s t uoy e hc trat I a h c a n t a g . n i ’ n B t f eht g w tsuj tog I tu alumro ni ztla y no yr um a ot o l t u i r d s i a pics ”.os-y y ra n i l
10.d4g5et meeting Bu
Room 14
ber I’m she may be sympathising, but then I remem She smiles. For a second there I think me perfu of re filling my nostrils with a mixtu talking to a rep. She moves in close, back iency matrix up on the screen. She leans and stale latte, and bring s a cost- effic not I’m But nse. my no-doubt conciliatory respo into her chair triumphant, waiting for ready to play nice just yet… I had a guy in here from one of “It’s funny,” I growl. “Just last week your competitors.” I continue… She’s stoic; barely raises an eyebrow. said those efficacy results you’ve been “He said your product was a ‘me too’. He be from dropouts. That if they had, we’d gushing over? They didn’t include data ” five. s shy of a zero point zero looking at a p-value a few decimal place McKlusky Mcklusky to burst in and pull Ms need may I think I d That gets her riled. For a secon dy acting real quick; she’s young, but she’s alrea her off me, but she compo ses herself t hasn’ that t tips from a second-rate outfi like a pro. Starts telling me not to take me they’re tired, worn-out, poking holes published anything new in years. Tells iencies. instead of facing up to their own defic of the is, she’s right. But that don’t make any I can’t help but crack a smile. Truth wants game it’s hard to know who to trust. She crap she’s selling any righter; in this more much so ’s ched the surface, that there to talk for longer, says she’s only scrat now learn. This little oasis of time right she needs to tell me… But these kids never to g tryin it sure as hell don’t want to spend is probably all I’ll get all day. And I – I’m a doctor, not a mathematician. decipher a stratified 3D scatter plot a followout, trying to dodge the requests for I thank her for her time and show her ’s logo drug her with me a bunch of stationery up call. Back in the day she’d have left ad with have changed. I get a leave -behind inste plastered over every thing, but times door the d close around. I wait until she’s a pop-up picture and a data wheel to spin er. morning’s banana skin and biscuit wrapp behind her before filing it with this
eh S .selims es a roF c o n d t at m’I h t I e re t gnikl per a o hs knih . e S m h a a e y sevom la t s d n ys e b solc ni ,ettal e sihtapm e i , a n n g d fi , l b b l r otni s gni ht tu ym gni er I ne ahc reh e -t s o c a i r t s on rebmem uirt ri neicfif htiw sl c m a p y h m r m a i a n t x ut o t y da e tiaw ,t pu xir p fo e r in yalp eht no rof gni c s e m c emufre y j r u e n s e o t .n buod…tey ael eh S i cn o c t kcab sn yrotail r e s p I“ o n nuf s’t tuB .es g I ”,yn r ton m’I o w l . “ l tsuJ tepmoc ”.sroti e ew t s a da h I k a g u y ni f e re h eno mor S ruoy fo ts s’eh ab ;cio r e l y r s e si a eye na I .worb c o n t i n “ …eu dias e H rp ruoy o d u c t su g a s aw vo gnih o o t em ‘ eh T ?re as e H .’ y i d d i t d h n o ’ gnikool fife es ulcni t -p a ta v e r yc a c atad ed a s f l u r u l o e t s m ’uoy wef a opord neeb ev h T .stu la m i c e d t fi ta secalp h s e h y y h o a hT ,d re z a f steg ta eb d’ew tniop o i r re h z l e e r d . o F re h ”.evfi s a ro ,em ffo I dn o c e ehs tub I kniht c o m a m p y o n s kil sM d e e re h s e orp a e er fles sulKcM t ra t S . a s k l y t e q t l u o l i rub m gni ilbup hs ;kc a ni ts uoy s’e na dehs ot ton e llup dn t ekat tub ,gn gniht y i s n p h e s e w ’ f s r i sni o n a sraey f o da e t ce s a m ydaerl slle T . gnicaf tar-dno gnitca e m u e o p t u t t h o e rieht t er’y taht tfi ed nwo w ,d e r i t’nsah cneicfi tuo-nro , i e p s . o k i n na c I pleh t’ seloh g rc tub a c k a elims hs parc htur T . lles s’e i i s n , g s a h n ot gir s’e hgir y of klat tuB .th ni ;ret egnol r g siht r od taht , a n s ’ m t a e y i m s t a s’ehs een ehs yna ek drah s’ cs ylno et ot sd eht fo on k o t r l w a l t w c m h e h o e … rt o t p si t tuB s eht d h S .t s u ylbabor ik e s eh ,ecafru stnaw e l’I lla t taht even sd l h r e g l r e e e t d ’ a s r ad lla um os rehpice si h T . n erom hc I dn A .y elttil tarts a s i o u a fi r s e e i d s a fo eh s c s D3 i r em it t’nod ll p retta won thg ’I – tol ot tnaw m s a p e d o n c d knaht I rt ti on ,rot ot gniy tam a t rof reh h h e e m r a t t i i . n ai c dn a e m lac pu h wohs kca B .l ,tuo re eht ni t d r a y y i lp s n h d’eh d ot g d e re t s a fel eva ht egdo e revo t e v e r m r e e y q a t u ts e ,gnih hcnub -pop a a rof s a t s fo mit tub tcip pu -wollof yrenoit evah se dn a e ru c w a i h t d a a h eb n t g eehw a e h dn i h g I .de u r d re h el a te rofeb r ips ot l a e n ogol s’g v a e fi r l b o i e u nih ti gn w I .dn e ts ni d ht htiw tnu tia htiw da nrom si ’ehs li i s n c g ’ l s o s b t de an an a rood eh a niks c si b d n u i t w r .reppa
I am: don’t give up easy. Sure enough here I knew she’d be back. Dames like that latest my of ts later. She’d seen the resul cornered outside a ward just a few weeks ssed, wanted to know how we could work investigation in The Lancet and was impre I it, that damn tablet’s back in my face. together in the future. Before I know a dozen screen – same shmuck has been in half recognise the so-called patient on the ng casti the all nction. He’s either top of ads from cancer through to erectile dysfu like e starts asking me if I seen patients agencies’ lists or one unlucky S.O.B. Louis this? I don’t have the heart to tell her… in sick the maybe it’s cos Ms McKlusky has called And maybe it’s the improving weather, to brush heart I’m a decent guy, but I decide not past few days, or maybe it’s because at all. is it, e instead. I just won’t sugar coat her off. I’m gonna give her some advic an iPad You better come at me with more than “You wanna pique my interest, Louise? to talk around a subject, and I definitely and an animated graph. I don’t have time me a d care about what you’re selling me. Give don’t have time to work out why I shoul I need to e got my attention? Just tell me what reason to be interested. And when you’v w the revie can I – me in data. I’m a big boy know – simple, concise, honest. Don’t drown publications myself if I want to.” ter. in her eyes. Kinda reminds me of my daugh She looks at me with this glassy look her a little story. Breaks my heart. I change track; tell g makes once who told me that good advertisin “You know I spoke to a marketing guy him want. What a douche. C oulda strangled people like me prescribe the drug s they s cos he habit g ribin his salt changes his presc right there on the spot. No doctor worth ine. Any that do should be struck off.” sees a pretty picture or a clever headl sighs. “Makes my job pretty redundant,” she corner turning on a bit of charm I find in the “Oh, I wouldn’t go that far,” I tell her, to know need to know what’s out there. We need of what passes for my personality. “We to be our options are. Hell, sometimes we need when thing s change. We need to know what onorn. We’re not always that quick to hop challenged. But the thing is, we’re stubb
just d. You e aroun m o d c l y a go o d we’l ways sa tion an l a a v I i t . o p it u to s the m to back h a nc e g ive u cience your c s. But s d ’s e n t i h a t m h d ge our tion? T s on a n r chan ng re a t atten mpelli th tha b o ar d o i o c w t o a d h st t you g ive u ut wha got to tion. B n e t t a outta get my sucked ad c a n f w i nd o ” t … i e b m ce e la s t convin sed; th d confu n a n e brok me all ooks at l e s i u Lo ils. h er s a s. ne. hisper caffei ” she w ? t a h t shot of a do e I s o u d how e could “But… ure sh s . I fig e n i h h e g uy c en t o t ing ma t d s n i e L v . es the what e douch h er t o ou see D on ’t listen to th I walk bout, y a e t ’r n e o hat w kid. D know w eople, – that ight p r t u e o h b t a ith alking “Work w ey’re t paper hat th w w o nto her n i s e p a that k t esc fee tha rs don’t ing ?” for cof m a nag e e d s n I’m say u a c r h x b sed wit e h er ousy e li n g m s ob ses r the l l i o e f t y n n s a i t o p S t ar ’s g c om ulled c g time. rketin ike she h er a d s up bi the ma feels l n t e a e I give p h h o s t f e ; t nd sh efits o ground se, tha e sip a ny sen the ben on the a g e e n k k i i cup. On a t l a sn’t m munic at it’s hat doe ly com tand wh f r e al ’ idea t o g u n d er s d n a i e n t n i ata ins ‘award-w ow of d a crazy e lidesh s a s ise: th r docto a prom g e n m i w s o e sh e’s he mak phs. S h hine, s ug. of g ra fee mac h f c o n h er d r c u b y an a e up crapp a shak more th by the ’s gonn thing e ar d 5 C e W h m S o f s . o s r my h e g t sid ool ove ing wi at thin en, out l the w e’s com oking l o h l s u A nd th p wn e f o a m go n n see s ways ch my o e’s not me r e a me she th new i h i t t S e w . l t , s x s d g e a n n n e e s. o thi ment a with id 5 minut way I d d argu loaded e a s o ne s than on the s r i e t y c o mi ng l s l e n l u i e me q t all autifu t o do i ld, mak me a b e going my wor a g ive ’s n e n h o s g st . A nd he’s ju change eyes; s ne e d t o I t a h sion t conclu y? an I s a What c the this is think I ? e s i “Lou
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oiled senior consu ltant t on h who f is war ights d. She for ev ’s a ph will s ery armac top at eutica nothin l sale g to g s r ep tha et her them t t drug ogeth on the er, an formu d spar l a k ry. Pu s will Or wil t fly. Bu l our t can hero, she be so use d to g truste iving t d? he med swallo icine, wing t find h he bit imself ter pil l of b etray al? patien