F I C T I O N
Jane St. Clair
Hair Like Julia Roberts
Ghawady Ehmaid
E
very night the Aedis de Pater Desierto gathers in the Arizona desert wilderness to pray. If there is a bright, well-lit pearl of a moon that casts enough light, they sit outdoors on the desert ground, bowing their heads, meditating, giving thanks, and praying. It is two in the morning and on this night the moon is bright enough to illuminate the ritual of the Aedis. Ellen is on her knees next to her husband, Joshua, and now she looks at his profile. Moonlight creates a silver aura silhouetting his turban and beard. Joshua is a holy man who has passed through the doors of perception many times, and she has seen him fall unconscious in a state of holy ecstasy. The Pater Desierto himself arranged their marriage eleven years ago, and the Pater allows them to sleep together once a year for procreation. Other than that, they live apart in single sex dormitories. Three months ago Ellen gave birth to Joshua’s daughter. Joshua is a stranger to her. Ellen is staring at Joshua. She decides he looks like a nice man. It is July and the temperature was well over 105 that day, but now Ellen feels a chill over her body. She shivers and pulls her silk undergarments and flaxen shawl closer to her body, and longs for Joshua to put his arm around her to warm her. She longs for him to touch her. Moreover, she longs to hold her baby, now in some other woman’s arms. She longs for her baby’s smell and the touch of her plump baby flesh. Ellen believes the longings she feels are errors of mind, and that during night prayers, her mind should be on God alone. Yet the longing comes from a place beyond her mind, perhaps even from her soul itself, and then she catches herself. Such thoughts are blasphemy.
