Wellingtonian Michaelmas 2019

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Wellingtonian

a student magazine

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CONTENTS 4. Spotlight Mr Dahl 6. First Impressions 7. Societies 8.. Medea Review 9. Goodnight Mr Tom 10. My past Summer in Jordan 11. Democratic People’s Republic of Korea 12. Pearl of the Orient 13. Full moon at Wellington 14. Our trip to Calais 16. Is This an Open-Ended Question? 17. Roko’s Basilisk 18. Why Modern Architecture is Awful 19. Should we have ID Verification for Social Media 20. Politics of the Gym 21. Bakhtin and Be The Duke 22. Climate Change: A Hot Topic 23. I am Sorry 24. Jameela Jamil Article for British Vogue 25. I am Basically Blind, Please have Sympathy 26. Welly Look-A-Likes 27. Welly Wits

JOURNALISTS Allegra Nayar Emilie Harper Jefferson Cheung Mansour Kuanyshev Mary Yang Zoey Chen Edson Loh Jacob Samonig Jake Graham Jack Chong Izzy Melville Kaia Kaemmerlen Rodion Senko Colette Staadecker Sergey Byakov Annabel Parkin Freddie Higgins

Editors-in-Chief: Clara Herfs Will Smith Head of Design: Max Rickard

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SPOTLIGHT: MR DAHL

Daunted, yet excited, by the prospect of interviewing the Master, we entered Mr Dahl’s office rather gingerly but were quickly eased by Mr Dahl’s almost effortless charm. We knew that this was a once-in-a-lifetime experience and that this was the making, or breaking, of our journalistic careers at Wellington!   Having settled in rather comfortable chairs, we embarked, similar to that of Mr Thomas’s expedition across Antarctica, on asking Mr Dahl some rather personal questions. With some food for thought, I asked, “How do you like your eggs cooked?”, to which he replied, “poached, I love Eggs Benedict at a posh restaurant!”. I continued to press him on this very important issue, asking, “What would you like your last meal on earth to be?”, to which he exclaimed, “I would choose the finest platter of Michelin Star delicacies”. Sensing a burning hunger growing inside me, I thought it would be best to move onto a burning question I, and many others, had but never dared ask; “Are you related to Roald Dahl?”, I sheepishly asked. After a continued pause and build-up of suspense, expecting to find myself sat next to a descendant of a true literary great, a god among men, the words that muttered from Mr Dahl’s lips were… “No”. Slightly disheartened at this realisation, I wanted to explore who the Master was as a person, beyond the eloquent speaker we often listen intently to, every Monday morning.   Delving into the past of Mr Dahl (aka JD), almost as if we were his biographers, we began with his time reading Classics, at the University of Cambridge, during the years 1995 to 1998. Having informed us of his education at Cambridge, Mr Dahl rather humbly proclaimed that he does not think he would get into Cambridge University now as, “they have narrowed their focus of what they are looking for in students these days…I was quite a bright all-rounder, but now it’s only the seriously clever that they’re interested in”. JD expanded on this view lamenting the “reductionist” and “hoop-jumping” approach to education which has taken place during his career and adding that, “education should be a transformative process where students are brought out of themselves in every single way… it’s a holistic model of education, not just an A* in A-level Physics or a 7 in IB Maths”; furthering this passionate response, he remarked, “we should be teaching you to be the best you can be in every single facet of your existence, and this is why working in schools like Wellington has always attracted me”. Although the Master’s refreshing views have, and will continue to, echo the ancient walls of this traditionally brutish school, it was invigorating to witness the passion Mr Dahl portrayed, as he sent his message home, proclaiming, “I feel very strongly about that!”.   Given the Master’s clear passion for providing exceptional, holistic education, and given the fact that JD is the Master, it was only fitting that we spoke with him about education as a whole. On the issue of the UK’s education system, Mr Dahl touched upon the unequal provision of education within the UK, stating that the UK state-school sector is, “critically underfunded”, with an average allocation of £5,000 per pupil, compared to Singapore’s spending, which averages around £9,500 to £10,000 per pupil. With Wellington benefiting from such a large amount of financial resource, Mr Dahl highlighted the importance of the support Wellington provides its family of schools, in particular, the Wellington Academy as well as partner state schools with which the College works in the local area.

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I wanted, however, to uncover what JD’s ‘premiership’, as the 15th Master, will look like in the many, I’m sure successful, years to come. I began with the issue of mental health among teenagers, as this is an issue that particularly interests me and many others. With mental health taking shape in so many unique ways, Mr Dahl was clear that he believed that, “there are a number of things that feed into this. There is now a comparison culture that was less prevalent when I was at school… social media probably has something to do with this” and that the pressures of school may contribute to this “indirectly”; what most interested me was Mr Dahl’s opinion on a “trajectory culture, where everyone now has a much clearer idea of what the final goal is in their life and then they work back from there”, placing even greater pressures on themselves to perform to the highest level from the ages of 16! This to him, and rightly so, was discombobulating! Lesson 1 from JD: Take A Chill Pill…   With this sombre issue of mental health in mind, JD continued to convey that, “life has natural ebbs and flows, natural ups and downs, and there will be times where even the most successful Wellingtonians and the best staff, who seem on their A-game all the time, face the same lows and highs that everyone else experiences”. This touching moment within the interview struck a chord with everyone present and highlighted that “everyone has a story”. His message resonated with us all, as the highly professional, charismatic Mr Dahl, that we have all grown to know and love, shared a more compassionate side to himself, a side to him that may not be portrayed as clearly within the realm of Wellington.   It was only appropriate, therefore, that I spoke to the Master about the future of Wellington, including the newly established committees that JD has implemented this year, such as the Mental Health Committee. He highlighted that, “one of the key areas that I felt we could do better as a school was listening to the pupil voice and harnessing the creativity, ideas and brilliance of the pupil body”. Adding to this, JD talked about the various Q+A sessions which he and Mrs Henderson are doing and the pupil lunches and dinners he is hosting in the Lodge, before adding that he hopes the recently introduced ‘Tell The Prefects’ scheme and other mediums whereby Wellingtonians can have a say in shaping Wellington’s future will be successful; very exciting stuff!   Finally, after a very reflective interview, we exploited an opportunity in asking what he will be looking for when selecting the next Heads and Deputy Heads of College. With a piercing glare, he affirmingly stated that, “values, vision and people who are going to be able to bring others with them” were qualities that make a promising candidate for HoC. You can thank me later for the heads-up!   Having turned off the voice recorder, we thanked Mr Dahl for giving up his time, to which he kindly replied, “oh, don’t worry about that”, before heading out into Combermere quad to continue onwards with our very busy Wellington lives. William Smith (S)

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FIRST IMPRESSIONS

The first impression I got from Wellington College is that it has an inclusive and vibrant atmosphere. The teachers and students are very kind and friendly. They helped me enormously when I first came. In only two weeks’ time, I’ve found so many activities that I can already participate in. Whatever my hobbies are, there is always a place to fit in. I hope that I will have time to try out all of the interesting things in this place. The opportunities are very valuable, and I cherish them a lot.  Wellington College is a very beautiful place; I love the classical buildings combined with the lush green countryside. Most importantly, I’ve found that Wellington College is a school that accepts, and is well-surrounded by, multiple cultures. When I see the Mandarin centre, it reminds me of my hometown. Several days ago, it was the Chinese mid-autumn festival. We had our own little party with dumplings, noodles, and Mooncakes. It is very touching for me to meet Chinese teachers here who are very hospitable and warm-hearted. They always welcome and support me whenever I encounter problems in my school life.    By Marry Yang, Hg L6


SOCIETIES

Environmental Society

The environmental society is an open student lead group. Welcoming anyone and everyone who cares about the environment! This year we have three areas to focus on: awareness, initiatives and fundraisers. By targeting these three areas, we can raise awareness for the environment whilst also making the college a more eco friendly place. In Environmental Society we have three main principles: firstly, giving everyone that comes a voice to be heard, secondly about making a real impact here at College, and thirdly about removing the stigma  around caring about the environment. We want to create a collaborative atmosphere where everyone feels that they can be openly passionate.

Magic Club - Benedict King

When you hear the word, ‘magic’, what do you think? Some might think of wildlife being pulled out of ridiculously sized hats; some might think of eccentric entertainers wearing long cloaks waving their hands around a plastic cauldron; some may think of Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter having a duel. These are, of course, amusing stereotypes, but what does magic look like in real life? More and more people consider magic as a contest between magician and spectator. ‘If you work out how it’s done, you win!’ However, this is the wrong way to observe magic. Magic is simply an art form - no less and no more. It is easy to parallel with music. If you watch a virtuoso pianist deliver a flawless solo, you wouldn’t attempt to decipher which fingers the pianist used to play which notes. You would just sit back and appreciate the performance. It’s the same for magic. Everyone (or mostly everyone) recognises that the concept of magic is impossible, but they sit back and enjoy the overall effect. So you want to learn and perform magic? What do you do next? Just like learning the piano, you start easy and work your way up. There are seven core principles of magic. These are Palm, Ditch, Steal, Load, Simulate, Misdirect, Switch. These are the elements of every magic trick ever conceived. It takes practice, but, trust me, the reward is worth it. Magic is such a niche and unique talent and will make a positive difference to your performance skills and general confidence. Whether you enjoy magic already or just want to investigate something unconventional, Wellington Magic Club has it all.

PolSoc - Kenshu and Evie Campbell

With our ever-evolving world, there is no better time to study and take interest in politics! As the ‘next generation,’ it is incredibly important to understand what’s going on with our leaders and realise how their decisions are impacting our future, ranging from our personal lives to our surroundings and the environment. Throughout the past two terms, our society has focused on crucial current affairs, most notably Brexit, holding various debates and polls to get the entire Wellington community engaged. We encouraged students to attend the numerous politics talks held at Wellington. We want to continue to help younger people understand what’s going on in Governments and we understand politics can be complicated but we want to simplify it and make interesting by holding debates, lectures, newsletters and even a pizza and movie night or two! We hope to see you guys there!

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MEDEA REVIEW

It may not be the obvious choice for a teenage girl to transform a 2500 year old Greek play into a contemporary musical but, if you want to write a musical and you study Classics, this play by Euripides isn’t a bad option.  ‘Medea the Musical’ explores the impact an extra-marital affair and a messy divorce settlement has on the people involved and how 2 innocent children, caught up in the bitter fight between their parents, are weaponised in the most horrific of ways.    The story is about a family torn apart by passion, betrayal and murderous retribution. I’ve decided to re-imagine it as a showcase trial with one key question to be answered: is Medea a desperate woman driven to madness, a pawn in the hands of a manipulative mentor or a psychopath hell-bent on revenge? In the role of judge and jury, it will be down to the audience to decide.

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GOODNIGHT MR TOM On Friday 13th of September, a performance of Goodnight Mr Tom was performed in-front of a sold-out CLT audience. The students were aided by professional actors, who collaborated and gelled with the student cast beautifully on stage. The story of goodnight Mr Tom follows a young boy, William Beach, as he evacuates to the countryside during World War Two. He is taken-in by Tom Oakley and his dog, Sammy, who William becomes very fond of. Throughout the play, William begins to build relationships with Tom and others, however, just when everything seems good for William, he is called back to London by his “sick” mother; on William’s arrival to his home in London, it is clear to see the abuse he faces from his mother. Within Wellington’s production of this play, both William and his mother were played by students and they both produced stellar performances. This performance also has a large emotional pull, as William’s life was controlled by external authority; he had no control over where he would live, as he was taken both to London and to the countryside. Once he was back with Mr Tom, he also had no control whether he would be put into a care home. This is an example of how this play is painful, yet amazing. The story, although easy to follow, sucked me into the characters, enabling me to view the characters on stage as if they were friends of mine; hence, whenever something bad happened to William, for example, it felt gut-wrenching to me. The audience felt as though the actors, “performed with the upmost professionalism from the first word to last”, as “you couldn’t tell the difference between the professionals and the wellington students”; the performance, therefore, was an all-round success, a feet impossible without the hard work of everyone involved, from director and lead actor to the sound and lighting technicians. Freddie Higgins


MY PAST SUMMER IN JORDAN I am very grateful to benefit from the generosity of the Bevir Fund and Muir Scholarship. Without the funding, my two-month stay in Jordan would not be possible. For the past summer, I spent two months in Amman, Jordan, where I studied Modern Standard Arabic intensively for two months at Qasid Arabic Institute. I had four hours of classes for five days a week—the course is so intense that what I have learnt over the two months is equivalent to a year worth of courses in an American university. So most of my classmates are from the United States and are studying in their third year/second year, hoping to accelerate their course of study by enrolling in a summer course.   In a planned visit to Castle Ajloun, in the north of Jordan, I discovered a young local Jordanian boy who wore a T-shirt that said “Mr Wong next door” in Chinese. I was surprised and immediately asked to post for a picture. Globalization 2.0 has indeed swept the world and brought Chinese goods, in particular, to the region. I shared a flat with four other flatmates. They were lovely and truly interesting--one major in neuroscience and learn Arabic simply as a challenge; others major in political science-related subject and would love to serve in the American Foreign Service. The conversations we had, both academic and light-hearted, were inspiring and definitely exposed me to another spectrum of thought and attitude in life. I also met with other Chinese students who studied in Amman in local universities, and Chinese students who enrolled in the same language school as they are pursuing their master’s degrees in the United Kingdom in Middle Eastern studies.   My flatmates and I visited the Citadel, a Roman ruin in the middle of Amman, the city of hills, in the first few days upon arrival. We ticked many more boxes of “must-see” tourist sites before venturing out into more local and exotic parts of the city.   Amman is a busy city—not as busy as London nor Hong Kong. It is busy because it is a city that never sleeps. Since sunset is at around 8pm every night, and Amman, a city built in the middle of the desert, is very hot in daytime, local Jordanians do not leave their home until sunset. Streets become busy quickly; the hustle and bustle does not die until midnight. Perhaps this is why Jordanians here have developed a caffeine addiction and Turkish coffees, a very strong type of coffee, is popular among Jordanians of all ages. At the end of the term, one of our teachers, the lady holding her phone in the selfie picture on the right-hand side, gave each one of us a designed mug. It was a very kind gift for departure. With confidence, I can say that I am the most “active” (noisiest) student in the class. In my defence, it is difficult enough to learn a new language in an immersive environment. Why shouldn’t we approach it in a fun manner and try to make some memorable jokes in the process? I received my graduation certificate from one of the staff members (he did not teach my class though). As seen from others, including the local Jordanians I talked to, it is quite rare for a Chinese student to learn Arabic. However, I am very glad that I took the initiative to step out of my comfort zone. I am also very grateful that the Bevir Fund and the Muir Scholarship have both supported me financially, allowing me to expose myself to new cultures and new experiences. Not only did I have intense daily lessons, I also had to take care of myself in a truly “study abroad” experience—my years at Wellington do not really count as it was too comfortable! —grocery shopping, cooking, doing laundry etc. As challenging as it seems, ultimately it is very rewarding. Thanks to my time spent in Jordan, now I am considering travelling more extensively in the region, perhaps even working in the region in the future. No matter where you are from, I strongly recommend that you grab hold of opportunities offered by the Wellington family and challenge yourselves to explore the uncharted territories. And if you do, please also consider sharing your experience with others and inspire many more Wellingtonians to do the same. Happy travels! Jack Chong


Democratic People’s Republic of Korea Most people do not know much about North Korea, except that it is some mysterious country. North Korea is in fact one of the most intriguing countries on earth, and the last of its kind to live under a totalitarian dictatorship. The society is based on the ideology of Juche, which means self-reliance. Everything is state owned and collectivised. Everyone is split into ranks based on loyalty, bloodline, and family history. This system is known as Songbun. There are 3 main classes: core, wavering, hostile. The core class is given the best access to jobs and education opportunities and members are allowed to live in the capital, Pyongyang. These are descendants of those who fought against the Japanese, or those who helped fight against the South and the US for the revolution. The wavering class is the middle class whose blood loyalty has not been confirmed, these may include people who have previously lived in South Korea or China, or some intellectuals. The hostile class includes descendants of those who fought for the US or South, or those who have been classified as traitors of the revolution. These people and their offspring are destined to spend their lives in the countryside doing hard labour. This system dominates all aspects of North Korean society and determines your education, job, and lifestyle. It is extremely difficult to find out details of your own classification. Due to the economic system of North Korea, state provision is often insufficient for many citizens and there is a thriving black market economy where people trade basic goods, known as Jangmadang. Previously, this was banned and had to take place secretly, however after the Arduous March, which was the great famine in the 1990s which killed 5% of the population, the toleration of black markets increased and started to become regulated by the government. The Kim dynasty have a cult of personality closely associated with the Juche ideology. Kim Il-sung, founder of the nation, is known as the Eternal President. It is believed that his son, Kim Jong-il, was born on Mt Paektu and was marked by a double rainbow and the formation of a new star in the sky. A portrait of Kim Il-sung and Kim Jong-il is present in every home. These must be cleaned regularly and are subject to random inspection. The State Security Department, known as the Bowibu, is the secret police of North Korea. North Koreans regard the Great Leader as God. North Korea is one of the most fascinating places to visit. One can learn about the extensive history of the country and the Korean War. It is a great opportunity to learn about the different opinions and perspectives of the war which the North Koreans believe. There are many statues and monuments in North Korea celebrating their history and revolution, for example, Juche Tower, in the centre of Pyongyang, is named after the ideology of Juche introduced by Kim Il-sung. Pyongyang is a carefully designed city with many monuments and statues around the centre. The USS Pueblo was a US Navy ship captured by North Korea and now used as a war museum in Pyongyang. Furthermore, because North Korea is also a very isolated country, one will be able to get a glimpse of the local peoples’ lifestyles and how they live isolated from the rest of the world. North Korea also has great and unspoilt natural beauty, for example, Mt Paektu, the highest mountain on the Korean peninsula, which is located on the Chinese border and regarded as a sacred mountain. Most would not dare to visit North Korea, but it is in fact not as dangerous as commonly portrayed. Visitors are accompanied by guides at all times and given a briefing before entering the country. Photography has special guidelines and prohibited photos are subject to deletion. The government does not needlessly prosecute foreigners unless absolutely necessary if one deliberately insults the government or commits an obvious crime. Thousands of tourists, mostly Chinese, but also many westerners, visit every year. Kaia K


PEARL OF THE ORIENT

Hong Kong, also well known as the “Pearl of the Orient”, certainly is the darling of city-lovers.  It offers best food of all kinds, the most spectacular views – Victoria Harbour is known for its panoramic night view and skyline – and is a shopping paradise for crazy shoppers. Though it is a small place – only 2,754 km² – people love living among the hustle and bustle of the city. Food of all kinds is available in Hong Kong, but most visitors could not miss the native Cantonese cuisine. Dim sum is a small bite-sized portion of food, usually served in small steamer baskets. In Cantonese restaurant, it is interesting to see many dim sum trolleys served around the restaurant

and you can just order the food without leaving your seats. Having dim sum coupled with a tea pot of Chinese tea, is called “yum cha”. Traditional dim sum like shrimp dumplings, pork siu mai, steamed pork ribs, sticky rice in lotus leaf and steamed pork buns, are the most popular dim sum that visitors must try.   People not only enjoy the best quality of food, but also appreciate the tradition and culture of Chinese food which has a history of several thousand years. Peking duck is another traditional dish which I must have it every now and then.  It is characterized by its thin and crisp skin, served with steamed pancake with sugar, garlic sauce and spring onions.  Why is it so popular?  The food is believed to have been served since in the Yuan Dynasty (1271 to 1368), a time when the Mongol Emperors ruled China.  I especially like the delicious taste of flavours and textures, melt in my mouth the duck fat, crunchy crispy skin, tender flavourful meat with the savory hoisin sauce.  It is an unforgettable food experience.   Hong Kong is ranked as the second most beautiful city in the world, according to Traveler. One of the city’s most famous views is of Victoria Harbour, characterised by its wonderful panorama night scene. Victoria Harbour is surrounded by a lot of skyscrapers and landmarks that lie on the sides of the harbour. A symphony of lights is a famous lights and music show in Hong Kong which shows the glamorous and vibrancy night view of the city. I find it most enjoyable to have a dinner while watching the show at the same.  You can also have an evening harbour cruise to experience this magnificent view, with a cool breeze. Sound terrific right?   Hong Kong is also known as a shopping paradise.  There are numerous shopping malls, like the Landmark, Pacific Place, and the IFC malls where you can buy all kinds of big names, like Chanel, Gucci and Valentino, etc.  These shopping malls are located on the top of Mass Transit Railway and so convenient that you can travel from one place to another, just within thirty minutes.  Moreover, there are a lot of traditional shops on the high street, like Nathan Road in the Tsim Sha Tsui which is of 3.6km, where you can buy cosmetics, watches, clothing, shoes, and handcarft. No matter what you want to buy, you can always find the shops just around the corner. I live in Hong Kong, a densely-populated but convenient city.  People come to earn money and live here to enjoy whatever the lifestyles they like.  It is a place that you can want whatever you want. I am sure it is a place that one must visit once in the lifetime. By Jefferson Cheung, Hg 2017-19, photograph by Elliott Oates


FULL MOON IN WELLINGTON

While I was reading about how the Moon rotates the Earth and time zones for my IB Astronomy Prep at the night of the 12th September, it had already been the day of the Mid-autumn Festival in China (which is on 13th). I have been a Wellingtonian for about two weeks now and ‘much beyond my expectation’ is my response to everyone who has asked: ‘hey, how’s been going here?’ Frankly, a completely different chapter of my life started when I walked into the grand Victorian architecture. I have never done GCSEs, never been in a British boarding school and never been this far from home. The fear to be ignored and not fitting in had never been so strong. I almost thought about flying back home. But that was just the first day. As time flies through my busy days, Wellington grew more and more into a home. I have known my housemistress, my tutor, my matron, my teachers, housekeepers and most of all the other College staff for merely two weeks, but they greet me, help me, and take care of me as I had been a part of this unique place for ages. If all the people mentioned above are the sources of stability in my life, then my peers and friends must be the source of action. There are always discussion in lessons, and laughs for sure, which makes us closer. Ultimately, we all have a shared goal: to achieve our goals. Most of all, I love the Hardinge. It is a co-ed Sixth Form house consists of so many talented, interesting, and vibrant young people from all over the world. My fears of being out of place faded day by day through activities such as: BBQ, quiz night, scenario acting and even going for meals and doing laundry! I have made myself at home here. I don’t feel like I am abandoned on an isolated island (although there is a joke that Wellington is like an isolated island because crowthorne is such a small town. The Mid-autumn Festival is the symbol for family reunion in Chinese culture, which makes it quite an important day for all those with Chinese blood. The full moon reminds us every year that everyone has a home. I am 9000km away from home, my family, and my mooncakes, but I am 0km away from my IB Astronomy textbook, my housemates, and all those excitements on this campus. No matter where I am I can always see the moon. Taylor Swift’s Line in her new song ‘London boy’: ‘ they say home is where the heart is’, meant to me that I have found a home here, as I found my heart, my own full moon. By Zoey Chen, Hg L6


OUR TRIP TO CALAIS

When the twelve of us met at 4:30 on Friday the 21st June 2019, we were excited, nervous and totally unaware of what we were about to face. Saturday was action-packed as we headed to the Care4Calais base at 9:30 for a 10:00 start. There we met Claire, the woman running the charity and she gave us the safety briefing before we were set to work in the warehouse. For the morning we were sorting food and clothes and loading the vans with supplies fo the distributions later. After lunch, we went to the ‘Jungle’ in Calais and ran the distribution where we had to all hold hands to create the space for an orderly queue and make sure no one cut the line, which wasn’t always the easiest task; we were giving out shoes and headphones which some had asked for and it made us realise the impact little luxuries, like headphones, can have.  Once we’d finished, we set up the services like hair cutting (which made a huge difference in making them feel more human) and phone charging, and spent time with the refugees, mostly playing football (I was so bad I needed a lot of help).  It allowed everyone to have fun and forget the troubles for a few hours.  On Sunday, we went back to work in the warehouse where we were checking tents for any rips and making sure they were suitable to hand out. This was a strenuous process due to the manual labour but the people we met and our attempts at putting the tents away (which Honor and I were fabulous at, if I say so myself). We went to the camp in Dunkirk for the afternoon where we carried out a similar distribution and then spoke to various people. We entertained the children with toys and discovered they really enjoy being swung. We learnt a dance from the men at the camp which required a lot more stamina and coordination than I had (especially with a child on my shoulders) and were exposed to Iranian music from the speakers we had brought. There, I met an ex-general who showed me some pictures of him in his uniform which helped to remind me that everyone there had jobs, hobbies and skills just like us. Monday was our final day and we spent the morning in the warehouse, sorting supplies like on day one. We then went back to the Jungle for a couple hours to see the people we’d previously met and play more football with them, which we all greatly enjoyed. We mostly played piggy in the middle where I was given so many free passes otherwise I would have been in the middle the whole time.

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It was sad to come back but the stories have not left us.  One of the stories we heard was from a man called Mohammed who had made it to England but decided to come back to Calais to


OUR TRIP TO CALAIS

help. On his way, he was held in a Libyan detention centre where they detained people they had captured trying to cross the Mediterranean to Europe. People were electrocuted and tortured to deter others from trying to cross. Another story that really resonated with me was that of an Iranian school teacher, who had rebelled against the Government when they had tried to force him to indoctrinate the children into extremism. He said he felt that was betraying the children by perverting their education to push an agenda that he disagreed with. A third story was told by a man in Farsi, his native language, and translated by the teacher, making his story even more beautiful and heartbreaking. He disagreed with the Extremism he was being forced into because he thought an all- loving God would never ask His followers to kill people who disagreed. He spoke up about this in a University lecture and was subsequently arrested and given an ultimatum: execution or recant his statement, pay a large fine and receive lashings. He chose the latter, suffered the punishment and went back to his life where he discovered the Christian Church. He preferred this approach to Spirituality and converted to Christianity, attending secret meeting at someone’s house. The house was raided and he was arrested again and sentenced to death. A prison official helped him escape and he has been on the run ever since. All for believing in a different Religion. The whole experience was incredible for all of us and reminded us of their humanity because the things we hear on the news makes us think of them as ‘other’, or at best statistics and this whole experience reminded us that they too are people with jobs and hobbies that they enjoy, just like us. In a survey we conducted on the last day, we were reminded that, at home, the best thing we can do is remind the public that everyone is human despite the words of the media.   However, it is important to tell you that the way our Government is handling the situation is appalling. £450 million per week is sent to the countries that are causing the problem on the understanding that they use it to keep people in and stop then trying to escape. Imagine what that money could do if we used it to help the people rather than funding the establishments that created this mess? We are funding the problem when we could help find a solution. If you want to make a difference there is another trip running in November, make sure you talk to Ms Brown to sign up! Izzy Melville, UVI, O


IS THIS AN OPEN-ENDED QUESTION?

We often try to look out for things. It’s the only sensible thing to do – if you don’t look out for things you will often trip. But what if you don’t look inside? Will you trip over yourself? Maybe you should look inside sometimes as well…   We often overlook things, and it’s not bad. Many things have to be overlooked, otherwise we would be in a constant flow of information. However, you have to be selective about what you overlook and your judgement of different topics. If you don’t you may miss something that is right in front of your nose. If you overlook everything, you may end up with quite a limited space for thought and personal growth.   If you look into something once and decide that it’s not interesting, it doesn’t mean you should overlook it all the time. Because if you don’t like part the topic it doesn’t mean you won’t like the rest. Interest are hard to find. But if you find one than you are extremely lucky and should capitalize on it. Every interest is a doorway to a different reality, a different way of life.   I always overlooked biology. I always thought it wasn’t interesting and focussed on physics instead. But recently I have started looking into biology more due to a stimulus which I am not extremely comfortable to disclose. Nevertheless, the stimulus doesn’t matter. As long as you have a stimulus, you have the desire to open more doorways, and more options leads to a more free and pleasant choice. Furthermore, many topics overlap, and if you find something that interests you, then you are likely to find a part of a different topic to complement it.    Lastly, as a final word of advice, I would like to say: If you look far, then you overlook the things that are close.  Rodion Senko


THE MOST TERRIFYING EXPERIMENT OF ALL TIME ROKO’S BASILISK

Roko’s Basilisk can be best explained as a steroid-infused mix of the principles of Pascal’s Wager— a philosophical argument contending that the prospect of infinite suffering, even if it can’t be proved or disproved, is sufficient reason to follow God—and The Game, in which the sole objective is to avoid thinking about the game. Insert some utilitarianism and an all-powerful super-intelligent AI and you have what many have dubbed ‘the most terrifying thought experiment of all time’. The idea originated on LessWrong, an online community forum covering the fields of philosophy and psychology, discussing topics such as decision theory, artificial intelligence and futurism. In 2010, LessWrong user Roko proposed a thought experiment which was quickly met with criticism. Among them was LessWrong founder Eliezer Yudkowsky, who attacked Roko’s ideas before eventually taking Roko’s post down and banning all discussion of it from the forum. According to Yudkowsky, some of those who have read into the topic, particularly LessWrong users—on whose philosophy the Basilisk is based—have spiralled into severe stress. Which begs the question: What about the experiment could evoke this much emotion? Arguably, the scariest thing about the Basilisk is that reading about it implicates you in it, hence the name Basilisk (the Basilisk was said to be able to kill you with a single glance). That said, now would be the best time to stop reading if you don’t want to dramatically increase the chances of being involved with the Basilisk, should it come into existence. Roko proposed that one-day, should an all-powerful artificial intelligence be created, it would have the incentive to punish those who did not work to bring it into existence. This makes sense considering such a creation would have been designed to be utilitarian and to work in the best interests of humanity. Utilitarianism is an approach to ethical decision making whereby when faced with an ethical dilemma, you should always make the decision that benefits the most people. In this case, those who don’t work to create a utilitarian AI such as this (or worse—work against its creation) would be acting against that which strives to benefit most people and should be exterminated so that the majority can continue to live better lives. Roko’s Basilisk is also using blackmail to make its creation more probable. Now that the idea has been proposed, the AI is increasing the chances of its creation (and shortening the time until it is created) by blackmail; if you don’t work to create it, you will be punished. This would still be in line with its utilitarian view; by blackmailing people and forcing them to commit resources to the cause, it is created sooner and is minimising the duration of human suffering. The kind of blackmail Roko proposed is torture.  You’d be especially at risk if it knew you were aware of it and decided to do nothing about it. This may seem confusing, downright terrifying, or both, but fortunately the Basilisk is only dangerous if you believe in various preconditions and decision theories that would allow such a thing to occur. The Basilisk only poses a threat if the following preconditions are met: You can model a super-intelligent AI on a human brain The AI was able to deduce a simulated copy of you The AI has no better use of its resources than to torture a simulation it created itself The tortured copy of you shares your consciousness Theories like ‘Timeless Decision Theory’ and ‘acausal trade’ are plausible (these are strange and abstract concepts which don’t make much sense to people outside LessWrong) The likelihood of all these preconditions coming true is highly unlikely, and the most compelling argument listed above (and the one I support the most) is that once the AI has been created it would be a waste of resources to follow through on the blackmail, giving it no reason to do so. However, to the users of LessWrong (who do subscribe to these theories), Roko’s Basilisk is forbidden knowledge. The idea of Roko’s Basilisk is far from robust, but the ideas it suggests about the future of artificial intelligence—combined with the scare it gave many LessWrong users—makes this a truly fascinating topic. Jake Graham, LVI, B

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WHY MODERN ARCHITECTURE IS AWFUL Yes I know, the title is rather controversial and will probably lead to a few raised eyebrows, but quite frankly I don’t see a better way of catching your attention. This is an issue which is overlooked by many as trivial, however it would be a grave mistake of ours to ignore it before it gets too out of hand. To avoid being blamed of dogmatism, I must warn the reader that I have unfortunately not yet had the opportunity to study architecture with all its intricacies and refinement. My thoughts and ideas therefore, are based off my own natural reflexes.

Indeed, I do believe the title of my article, perhaps an opinion not shared by many but hear me out. The buildings that surround us very much reflect the mood of our time. I, as well as a good number of others, refuse to live in a time of “glass stumps and carbuncles”, in the words of HRH The Prince of Wales. Beauty matters, it is (or at least was) the end goal of poetry, art, music and all endeavours aiming to deepen us as individuals and elevate our culture and emotions. As humans, we are conditioned to react to beauty in a way that pleases us both aesthetically and spiritually. This is the exact reason why the timeless principals of spiritual harmony of classical form, purity and precision were upheld by all great masters of both the ancient and early modern world, resulting in the putting together of the most thrilling monuments to splendour, grace and civilisation; Paris, Vienna, Rome, St. Petersburg. Here as well London used to be one of the architectural wonders of the world. Yet at the turn of the 20th century beauty stopped being the main priority of architecture, replaced by the breaking of moral taboos, disruption of harmony and originality at all costs. The profound, the inspiring and the beautiful gave way to the new, the different and the ugly. The London skyline, take for example, has been absolutely wrecked by monoliths of glass, steel and concrete; slaves to the straight line with complete disregard for texture, transforming a national treasure into a dystopian non-place. Prince Charles hit the nail on the head when he made the (rather politically incorrect but nonetheless true) statement that the Luftwaffe were less detrimental to the skyline of the capital than the modernist ‘architects’. But why should this matter to us, you ask? Well because our own college building is unique and essential to our school life. Wellington was designed mostly by John Shaw Jr., who was chosen by Prince Albert himself. Shaw was a master of classicism, designing the college in “French Grand Rococo” style, manifesting itself in the mansard roofs, leaning towards Louis XIV’s chateaux style. With an architectural heritage like that it would be a great shame if the grandeur of the highly adorned college building would be dwarfed by brutalist construction such as the Queen’s Court, which in my opinion is an eyesore. Meaning no offense to the taste of any individual, I plead to Wellington to retain and follow the style that we inherited from Shaw. I support the restoration of classical architecture because I see it as a very realistic prospect. Sir Roger Scruton has very rightly said that “once people begin to discover that classical buildings are not just more beautiful, less pretentious and less offensive that their modernist rivals, but also more economical, longer-standing and more adaptable to changing human needs, the modernists will be out of a job!’. One might say that I’m a nostalgic retrograde chasing after a lost cause, but may I point out to you that nearly all the celebrated architects of the past looked back to their predecessors for inspiration (take for example the influence of Greco-Roman orders on architecture in the western hemisphere for centuries to come), using the ‘methods of the masters’ to achieve highest quality attainable and setting the highest standards of excellence. Constructions celebrating beauty and high culture shall withstand the ages whereas lifeless concrete blocks shall be easily forgotten and swept away in the tide of time. Mansour Kuanyshev (R)

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What are the pros and cons of having an ID verification for social media platforms? According to an Ofcom survey, nearly half (49%) of all UK adults get their news from social media. However, as social media can be decently anonymous, fake news is a problem. So far financial institutions, online casinos and among other institutions, cryptocurrency merchants have implemented an ID verification to check who exactly their users are. So why have popular social media platforms not followed suit? Some of the pros of having identification for users of social media would be: reducing the amount of bot accounts on social media, fake news could be followed, the fact that cyberbullying victims could identify their bullies, and implementing ID verification would greatly reduce accounts being created under the minimum age (13 for most social media platforms). This would increase user experience and would could also cut some server costs (as you store less user information with less fake accounts). Furthermore, from a public relations view, another benefit would be that the social media platform is seen as taking a radical approach against issues raised through having bot accounts and fake news. However, perhaps the biggest concern is privacy. This issue of privacy could completely undo all the pros mentioned above if it is not done right. There are two main ways to do an ID verification: the social media platform does it itself or a third party checks and verifies the IDs. However, in a nutshell, any ID verification works in three steps:  1. You send a photo of you and your ID  2. A piece of software checks your ID and checks if it matches your biometrics  3. A response is sent and your account is verified or declined.  At any one of these points, cyber criminals could steal your ID. However, what is possibly even scarier is how the software handles it.  The important questions are: what information does the software store and what if information is sold or used for other non-necessary purposes (e.g. targeted marketing)? If, for example, Facebook was exposed of using the IDs for marketing the scandal would cost them millions. From a social media giant like Facebook’s perspective, the cost of developing and maintaining this software could outweigh the money saved from increased ad revenue (assuming there is no large scale scandal).  Finally, if all major social media platforms made an ID verification mandatory, a new market could emerge of platforms in which IDs are not needed creating competition for current heavyweights such as Facebook.  What do you think about all of this? Jacob Samonig

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POLITICS OF THE GYM

“Let me know if my biceps get in your way” The Politics of the Gym The word “politics” has all sorts of connotations. Most may immediately think of politics as events in government, relationships between countries or power in sovereign states. Politics can also play into an argument between friends, being dropped from a sports team or the subtlety of in-house hierarchy. For good and bad, politics - the framework that defines acceptable behavior - worms its way into all our lives. Nowhere is immune – not even Wellington.   So lets talk about the politics of the Wellington gym.   The gym is in a location that requires some forethought and planning. To be frank, it’s a bit of a trek down there and so those who finally make it have made a deliberate and conscious decision to do so. Most of us WANT to use the gym as often as we can however WHY we go is particularly interesting.   Some go as they genuinely want to get fit, stay healthy and let off some steam from a busy day.   Others go just so they can say they’ve been – you might find them on the circuit (which no one actually uses apart from the elderly) sitting on a bike, zero resistance, phone in hand with not a glimmer of sweat in sight.   Then there are the few who go to advertise their biceps or glutes, pausing for periodic checks in the mirror to ensure they are still as desirable as they were eighteen seconds ago when they last looked. Conversely, sweet little third formers desperately try to add some meat to their bones - Pumping and jumping, willing their muscles to develop.   And finally, the holy grail – the Olympic Gym. Only those sufficiently muscular and lean dare step foot into this area.   It’s silly really. Gym politics. Whatever your motivation or inclination, take the advice of the mighty Nike and “Just Do It”. Who’s judging? Not me, I promise.

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Colette Staadecker, LVI


BAKHTIN AND BE THE DUKE

Mikhail Bakhtin’s Carnivalesque is a literary mode that functions to temporarily suspend the rules and regulations that structure daily life in an institution or section of society, the idea being that organised chaos and humour act as a release for impulses that ‘threaten’ regular authority. The excitement caused by a set time of lawlessness encourages everyone that may normally be separated to interact (different year groups etc), creating both a sense of unity within a wider community and an illusion of control within this body.  The subversive pleasures of the Carnivalesque have been seen for centuries - medieval carnival, Mardi Gras, Rio Carnival for the preparation of Lent, modern celebratory parades, ‘The Purge’, Notting hill Carnival and Be The Duke are ranging examples. Russian proto-Marxist philosopher Bakhtin theorised this way of ‘experiencing a heightened sense of social unity’ through various publications through the 1900s, and his concept of the Carnivalesque has been repeatedly successful in relieving people from religious or social restraint, incentivising harmony and hard work once the fun is over.  In a busy and academically competitive school setting allowing space for a rowdy student-led initiative could be massively beneficial for students and teachers alike. Revising a disorderly event like Be The Duke would let students believe they have influence over adaptations made to traditions, and would give the college an opportunity to let off some steam. Health and safety and avoiding injuries is obviously important, but if a sport as violent as rugby is allowed to be played across all year groups because of first aid training and safety regulations, there should be a way of reinstating a game like Be The Duke – especially as the money raised from entry fees goes towards a charity of the organiser’s choice. Annabel Parkin, Ap, UVI

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CLIMATE CHANGE: A HOT TOPIC

Climate change is not a new phenomenon. It is collectively acknowledged as a crisis, and yet subconsciously ignored by consumers who may feel that individual choices are too small to make a difference.  However, the choices we make in our everyday lives, from the food we eat to the clothes we buy, all have a part to play. We need to recognize that making small changes in these areas of our lives can make a much bigger impact towards fighting climate change, more than patting ourselves on the back for not using a plastic straw every now and then.  While climate change has been talked about for many years, it seems that many of us are only starting to feel its consequences now. Global sea levels in the last two decades have risen at twice the speed of the last century and have only been accelerating every year. Low-lying areas, such as my own homeland, Singapore, have faced increasingly urgent threats of sinking. I have learnt that the problem is being caused by industries like transportation, agriculture, and electricity generation emitting large volumes of carbon dioxide and other greenhouse gases and consequently felt powerless about my own ability to stop what scientists say is the fastest and largest increase in CO2 the world has ever seen.  Media coverage of climate change has also been sparse. Even though there are more people trying to spread awareness now, this devastating issue is still mostly only addressed by the news when there’s been a big natural disaster or scary statistics in a new report. Other times, the issue seems so disconnected from our everyday lives that we seem to ignore these dire warnings and think that there’s nothing we can do on an individual level to reduce our carbon footprint and stop the polar ice caps from melting or the world’s temperature from rising.  However, it is important for us to note that the combined effects of single actions, no matter how small, could impact the climate on a large and serious scale.  How can you join the fight against climate change?  · Limit your wastage, for example using less single-use plastic and recycle what you can.  · Reduce your carbon footprint, by opting for public transport or walking/biking.  · Reduce food wastage by controlling your portions and only taking what you can finish.  · Save electricity and water by only using them as necessary.  Whilst these acts in isolation might not seem like much, they can have a discernable impact when done regularly. It may be easy to fall into the trap of cynicism and think that there’s nothing we can do and thus our actions don’t matter, but that’s exactly the kind of mindset that threatens Mother Nature. We all have to recognise that the fight to save our planet is one that we are all involved in, one way or another.  Edson Loh

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I AM SORRY

To anyone who is even remotely aware of current affairs and takes so much as the occasional glance at the news, it is very obvious that Russia is the bad guy. We see it with anything from regular international scandals all the way to alleged assassination attempts on foreign soil. Somebody has to take responsibility on behalf of this terrible dictatorship and right now that person will be me; I will do my best to apologise appropriately for the wrong doings of my home country. I am sorry. I am sorry for being so wicked and power hungry. I am sorry for prolonging a counterproductive and unnecessary arms race. I am sorry for promoting global chaos and unrest for the sake of my own interests. I am sorry for feeding propaganda to my citizens and the rest of the world. I am sorry that I illegally torture foreign nationals that I deem inconvenient or possessive of useful information at taxpayer funded black sites. I am so sorry that I use my media to try and brainwash the simple, innocent, everyday consumer into subscribing to my depraved agenda. I am sorry for starting wars all over the middle east for the sake of nothing but my own materialistic gain. I am sorry for having a geopolitical strategy that endangers anybody who refuses to meekly bow down and accept my supremacy. I am sorry for funding and training global terrorist organisations that then commit acts of mass murder in my own cities and kill the people that payed me to do so and I am sorry for demonising world leaders who don’t act as malleable puppets of my will.  Hang on.  It seems as if I made a slight mistake and wrote on behalf of NATO.  Yes, Russia still has plenty of sins to repent and I assure you that our we are not innocent either. But, I am also apologising on behalf of Russia now: I am sorry for pioneering the periodic table. I am sorry for saving Europe from Nazism during World War 2 and being the country that liberated Auschwitz. I am sorry for winning the space race. I am sorry for not bowing down to the decrepit new world order. I am sorry for supporting my allies. I am sorry for having an intelligent, charismatic and respectable leader. I am sorry for being the leading and most proactive opponent to your pet militant groups that fight sovereign governments, one of which is ISIS. I am so incredibly sorry for being no worse than members of NATO. Lastly, I am sorry that our success and progress is so threatening that the world has made us the bogey man all over again... just when we thought the cold war and all its propaganda had ended years ago. As Hollywood is so adamant on painting my fellow countrymen as villains, I might as well borrow from those overused movie lines of theirs. To conclude, “We’re not so different, you and I” so stop with the Russophobia and open up your minds.  Russia is a powerful country and with great power comes great shade. Calling the kettle black helps absolutely no one aside from those who want to make money from wars and human suffering. I hope this article prompts real thought instead a reactionary barrage of parroted CNN quotes. Sergey Byakov

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JAMEELA JAMIL ARTICLE FOR BRITISH VOGUE General global physical requirements for women in 2019: Be thinner, have longer legs, have a small waist, but have a big, pert bottom, with absolutely no stretch marks on it. Have a thigh gap while supporting this big bottom. Have big but eternally pert breasts, thin upper arms, and a defined collarbone. Have no lines on your face, but do not have a fat face. You must be very angular, but eternally youthful. You must have large eyes, a small nose, and big pouty lips, whatever your heritage.Whatever skin colour you naturally are, it’s the wrong one, and must be immediately remedied with a tanning or bleaching cream. Have no hair anywhere other than on your head. Maintain immaculate nails, you dirty tramp. Please do not have saggy knees, they are so disgusting on women. Do not be weak and allow your body to give in to gravity. Be lithe, but never muscular. Have no imperfections anywhere on your body. Cellulite is foul and, although all women on earth have it, you personally shouldn’t. Pull out all your grey hairs as soon as you see them, and then dye your hair immediately, so that nobody knows you have ever dared to grow older than 30. General global physical requirements for (straight) men in 2019: Have beard, or don’t have beard. Up to you. Ugh! I am exhausted, utterly fed up with all of the extra homework society has assigned me to do on my body. The physical requirements demanded of women in 2019 are, frankly, ludicrous. Yet women are expected to work as hard as men, to achieve as much as men, be as powerful as men (for less money than a man would make), and on top of that, appear conventionally beautiful at all times, be very thin, and never age? Ever? Surely this is a joke; a cruel prank? Sadly, we know it is not. Every woman is aware of the profound double standard that is imposed upon her, as it has been since time immemorial. Everything – and I mean everything – bothers me about this state of affairs, but I am also confused. If we truly understand the depths of the imbalance, then why do we allow it to persist? Why should we be doomed to waste our fine minds counting calories, pounds, stones and inches when we could be counting meaningful experiences, money and orgasms? Is it possible that, because we are regularly doused with shame, this absurdity has become so hyper-normalised that we’ve secretly digested it as an acceptable situation? As a recovered anorexic – someone who has spent the better part of two decades terrified of food, unable to wear a swimsuit in public, or have sex with the light on – please know, I judge no one who believes their worth is defined by their aesthetic. For me, it took therapy and a daily practice of body neutrality/ambivalence to gradually let go of the misguided notion that I owed anyone anything regarding my appearance. And yet I still find myself incapable of “body positivity”. I’m too scarred by how long I have spent hating and punishing myself. I can’t just stare at my thighs and shower them with love and praise. Besides, that would just be a new way for my mind to fixate upon my flesh again, which is still taking up space better used for other thoughts and plans. Instead, I don’t think about my body at all: I spend minimal time in front of the mirror; I don’t weigh myself; and I catch every thought I’m having about my body and instantly drop-kick it right out of my brain. I have more important things to do. As a result, I am the happiest, sanest, most successful and well-sexed version of myself that I have ever known. I have so many more hours in the day, so much more headspace. I can’t believe how much energy I was giving to self-destruction. It’s hard for us to create real change when our gender is so exhausted, malnourished, over-exercised, primped, corseted and depressed. Imagine what we could do with all the money and time we spend on trying to “fix” ourselves; the holidays we could take; the therapy we could have.We are too special and too interesting to be judged solely on our appearance; too powerful to be caught in such a constricting harness. Our variety is beautiful, interesting and important. So I implore you to make memories that extend beyond what you have eaten today. Ask questions like, who would I be if I weren’t so busy being perpetually disappointed in myself? Block out the negative voices. Defend yourself against them, as you would if you heard someone say these things to a beloved friend. If you don’t think your friends have to be thinner, younger and more beautiful to deserve happiness, then why should you?

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PLEASE HAVE SYMPATHY, I’M BASICALLY BLIND

(well, that might be a little exaggerated…) Every holiday, my suitcase contains sunglasses, prescription sunglasses, my normal glasses and my contact lenses. Every holiday, my brother packs only one pair of sunglasses. In the car, I sleep carefully – weird, I know – for fears that my contact lenses will dry up and feel as though they are stuck to my eyeballs. My brother sleeps unvexed. After the flight, we collect our bags. We decide to take a taxi as there are some nearby – obvious decision that takes only a minute to agree upon it. Picking up our bags, we get into the taxi, not even looking at the step or the yellow tape that highlights it. The drive is long, but there is so much to see from the window! As it gets darker, my vision blurs and I take out my contacts in annoyance. Everything is blurry. Sighing, I turn on a light and get out my book to distract myself. Having faulty sight is annoying, but it is a known fact that some have much more difficulty than me. Approximately 350,000 people in the UK are registered as blind or partially sighted. Having read this, my prescription suddenly seemed babyish. I have only one form of phycological response to this – frustration. However, these 350,000 people experience innumerable phycological responses; confusion, anger, guilt, isolation, anxiety, sadness and depression. This is caused by the inability to do the simplest of functions without needing someone to guide them. They have been stripped of their freedom and ease to do things in a few seconds: looking for taxis; spotting yellow tape on a step; reading a book. Fortunately, my imparity is easily rectified – glasses. Unfortunately, their’s is not. It is common to shy away from people with disabilities as we cannot fully empathise with them. We forget about them during our ‘busy’ lives. We presume that they have ways to cope, like their other senses. Despite relying on their other senses more than normal, as a result ‘strengthening’ them, we forget that sight supports our other senses. When removed, the difficulty to adapt is unimaginable. Weirdly, people listen, taste, smell and touch with their eyes. For example: when watching an instrumental performance by an emotional performer; examining a food’s appearance to determine whether you might like what you taste; looking at a baby’s cheek to imagine what it would feel like. Most experiences are remembered by what one could see, not so much what it smelt, sounded or tasted like. An experience can be dulled by the inability to see every detail – like an actor’s face, which reveals much about what is occuring on stage. I have not written this so that you can leave the page half-read, feeling slightly guilty about having good vision. I am only asking for you to realise how much your life revolves around your sight and how crucial it is to capture every miniscule detail of your memory. Perhaps, once you understand this, these minute details will mean so much more, as you have preserved experiences that will never remembered because of your mouth, ears or nose, only your eyes. Emilie Harper

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LOOK-A-LIKES Alfie Mason + Sadio ManĂŠ

Dr Tice + Wallace

Rodion Senko + Chicken Little

Lizzie Webster + Diana Silvers

Freddie Bristowe + Marinus van der Lubbe

Nick Teague + Princess Leia

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WELLY WITS James Lloyd to Dr Cromarty - “Wait, sir, is a chicken a bird?” Iona Bathurst - “that’s why I wanna learn French, because there’s so many places in France”

Will Gadd - “I can’t believe sky go doesn’t have subtitles - what about blind people?” Maya Fennel: “I love a bit of oppression”

“Weren’t the twin towers in London?” - Sienna Kinrade L6th Anglesey

Poppy Dutton - “is this how you say it, I am clout?” Allegra Harris - “Maybe its not the biology, maybe it’s the patriarchy!”

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