PARENTAL BURNOUT

We Need to Talk About…

Parental Burnout

By Dr Stanley Arumugam

Parenting during recent years has been especially difficult, with many parents reporting symptoms of burnout but feeling too guilty to talk about it.

McKinsey reports that the stress of working from home added to the seemingly unrelenting responsibilities of caring for children and families has been overwhelming for many working parents, some of whom describe feeling as if they are ‘losing it’ or ‘going crazy’ under all the pressure.

A more recently studied phenomenon, parental burnout is a specific syndrome resulting from enduring exposure to chronic parenting stress, and characterised by emotional, physical and mental exhaustion; lowered feelings of fulfilment, and detachment from loved ones, especially children.

FACTORS LEADING TO PARENTAL BURNOUT

Over the years, we have learned to cope with, and prevent, workplace or vocational burnout. Usually, a time of leave, psychotherapy, self-care or a change in the work environment can help. However we have yet to develop coping mechanisms for the equally widely experienced yet less addressed burnout related to parenting.

The Covid pandemic amplified the stress and strain of everyday parenting in several unique ways:

• Suddenly, millions of parents had to become home-school teachers.

Many parents ill-equipped to manage this responsibility were left feeling inadequate and overwhelmed.

• Parents were left caring for children full-time while trying to do their day jobs.

This double demand has been distressing, especially for working mothers and single parents who carry significant family care responsibilities.

• Parents were stuck at home.

Marital and family tensions were amplified during this time, leading to increased irritation, annoyance, and sometimes even aggression at home.

• Many parents had to deal with traumatic loss and grief.

Many households experienced loss through death in their immediate or extended families or social circles. Grieving was often also incomplete and delayed, due to Covid restrictions and family separations.

COPING STRATEGIES

1. Don’t be afraid to talk about it

Parenting stress and burnout are real experiences, and needn’t be accompanied by guilt or shame. Reach out to trusted friends, your partner, your family or a mental health professional for support.

2. Be compassionate with yourself

Understand that parenting can be hard, and that you are doing your best. Release the word ‘should’ from your self-talk. No one will ever feel as if they are doing enough or getting things ‘just right’.

3. Take a break

Find creative ways to incorporate moments of reprieve into your daily, weekly and monthly routine. This can be as simple as enjoying a quiet cup of tea in the afternoon sun, or as exciting as taking a holiday with just your partner or friends.

While the world has returned to a closer semblance of ‘normal’ since the months of lockdown, many parents have yet to address and overcome the symptoms of the heightened burnout they may have experienced during this time.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR Dr Stanley Arumugam is a psychologist, coach and pastor. Email dr.stanley. arumugam@gmail.com to get in touch.

SIGNS AND SYMPTOMS OF PARENTAL BURNOUT

• Social isolation and withdrawing from others

• Losing interest in activities once enjoyed • Feelings of exhaustion or lethargy • Feeling hopeless and as if ‘trapped’ • Feeling excessive sadness, irritability, or anxiety • Sleep problems and changes in appetite • Noticing you have a shorter temper • Feeling as though any new or additional task could put you over the edge • Not wanting to be touched or needing to be alone

• Feeling resentful (toward children, your partner, or the world) • Feeling guilty about taking time out

4. Examine your thinking

Are you stuck in catastrophising mode or negative thought spirals that are making the situation at hand feel even worse? Becoming aware of and verbalising or writing down your thoughts in a way that helps you to examine whether they are true, useful or necessary can be the first step in helping you to manage ongoing stressors.

5. Seek professional psychological help

This is particularly important if you are feeling depressed, anxious or experiencing suicidal ideation.

6. Find meaning

Spirituality or a sense of something greater than oneself and one’s daily life can bring perspective to our suffering and loss of control. Meditation and contemplative practices can be particularly grounding, and are readily available online.