The Attempted Murder of Rivals by Martha Ellen Johnson

The Attempted Murder of Rivals by Martha Ellen Johnson

Dad threw me away

to save my life.

I did not know.

you are nothing martha - you are worthless martha - you are garbage - rot rises from inside - you are ugly - no one loves you - no one will love you - you are nothing - you’re nothing - nothing - nothin’ - not - a - thing

Repeat.

Surrender.

Believe.

Peaceful drift.

Phantom. No more words.

Far away. Hovering.

Go through the motions.

No resistance.

Accept all assaults.

I seek abuse. Stranger, use my body.

Monster, devour my soul.

Still no pain.

I smile.

I stop eating

give away my clothes.

burn my paintings

shred my poems.

Waiting. Waiting. Waiting.

Soon.

Why

does it take

…….. so long?

My sister next.

[Mom would be the only one.]

She ran ………. to me!

help me - help me - help me - help me

She appears. An apparition.

I reach out.

Hand in hand. Me and her.

Crying. Laughing. Goofing off.

Coffee and and and and and

Dad threw us away

to save our lives.

We knew.

Martha Ellen Johnson is retired and living alone on the beautiful Oregon Coast. She relocated from Chicago in 1972. She’s an old hippie with a lifelong interest in psychology and social justice. Johnson is a former child abuse investigator with published prose and poems in various journals and online. She writes to process her wild life.