MY EXPERIENCE OF BI ERASURE

‘Bisexual erasure or bisexual invisibility is the tendency to ignore, remove, falsify, or reexplain evidence of bisexuality. In its most extreme form, bisexual erasure can include the belief that bisexuality itself does not exist.’

Iwas so reluctant to call this article my experience. I am a bisexual, yes. I am attracted to both men and women, but my sexuality has always seemed quite irrelevant and invisible. To most of the world, I’m straight. However, I realised that my reluctance to claim this experience as my own was the whole point of why I’m writing this.

Frankly, I don’t feel ‘gay enough’ to call myself bi openly. I have only ever been in heterosexual relationships. I am currently in a relationship with a man that I have been for two years, and he’s the best thing in my life. Whilst I am bi, there seems to be a sense of ‘what’s the point?’.

To that end, I also don’t feel like I really belong to the LGBTQ+ community. I have been to Pride before, but that was more as an ally with my other bi friends. There doesn’t seem to be much space for invisible bisexuals like me to be a little bit less invisible. Yet again, I just don’t feel ‘gay enough’ to fit into the community, despite the fact that bisexual is in the LGBTQ+ name right alongside lesbian and gay.

The weird thing about being bi is that people will always try and put you either side of the line. I’ve seen this with a lot of my bi friends: If you’re a woman dating a man, you’re straight. If you date another woman, then you’re gay. If you date another man after the woman, then it was just ‘a gay phase.’ It’s like the only way people can understand us is if we choose either way, but that is erasure. There’s also a ridiculous stigma that bisexuals in relationships are more likely to cheat, and this comes from both sides. Many purely gay or straight people are reluctant to be in relationships with bisexuals because they either don’t like the idea that their partner may have been with someone of the opposite sex, or they are worried that they will stray. There is no reason why bisexuals are more likely to cheat than heterosexuals or homosexuals. Cheating happens in all kinds of relationships. As long as I’m in a fulfilling relationship, I’m not missing out on my sexuality in any way at all.

There’s also the idea that bi men don’t exist, and I’m not even going to dignify that by explaining the reasons why it’s wrong.

Bisexuality is a spectrum, with all my bi friends having different preferences. For my part, I’d say it’s about a 70/30 split in favour of men. I just about prefer men, but I would very happily date women. I have friends who are more inclined towards homosexual relationships, and even friends who are bisexual but heteroromantic. We are all bi and all as valid as each other.

I’m quite a shy girl from the countryside, and I’m not very outspoken or brave. The prospect of embracing my sexuality and shouting it from the rooftops is quite scary to me, especially when I know it’s going to be met with people trying to explain me or put me into a box. Love is love after all, and I happen to be attracted to both men and women. It’s not hard to understand if people actually try.

WORDS BY REBECCA WILLIAMS IMAGE BY BENJAMIN SMYTH