FOLLOW US COMRADE KARL, IN TERMINATING UGLY POVERTY

Facing the poverty line is something that many people have to endure. It’s not fair, and it shouldn’t happen. Naturally, people want to do something about it, but often don’t know where to start. Alas, if only there was a delicate list of tips and tricks for people who wish to help combat poverty.

Idea Number One: Give people equal amounts of money Unfortunately for literally everyone, the concept of money has been in existence since roughly 5,000BC. For those ancient peoples who had a little bit less than their neighbour, their livelihoods would have been completely different. Whilst this is no longer the case, this leads to a good idea for combating the age-old problem of poverty: give people money. If everyone had equal wealth, poverty = solved. This method, however, does require a lot of maths. It also assumes that all people are willing to achieve complete equality. Ha.

Idea Number Two: Destroy all money In contrast to the last idea, poverty would be completely nonexistent if all money were destroyed. However, there are a number of implications that indicate that this may not be the most appropriate way to combat poverty. For example, where would all the money go? It can’t be owned by anybody, because then it wouldn’t be a very fair way of removing all money. Maybe it would have to be evenly distributed between everyone in order for it to be burned? However, this could lead to possible environmental damages.

Idea Number Three: Work entirely in trades Before money was invented, there was thought to be some kind of trading system in place. The concept of money was made to replicate this system by adding something to give value to individual items, however an idea to combat modern-day poverty is to cut out the unnecessary middleman and work entirely by trading. While this is a creative way of destroying money without actually destroying it, there is the potential for trading to be replaced with money again. That, evidently, does not always work out fairly. Also, trading requires everyone to have something that someone else will want. That is a very questionable thing to sort out, and also requires a lot of maths. Sigh.

Idea Number Four: Eat the rich I apologise. This was meant to be on my to-do list.

Idea Number Five: Riot One of the most effective ways to get what you want is to annoy those who are in charge of it. Rioting and protesting against what is not right can lead to the desired outcomes if done correctly and thoroughly enough. A key way to combat poverty is through demanding change. For those who have been a committed fan of this article from the off, you will have been subliminally influenced, via the extremely well-written title, into picking idea five. I suggest you do so immediately.

WORDS BY EMILY DENNIS IMAGE BY HERMIONE REGAN