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WESSEX SCENE INVESTIGATES: BODY IMAGE & SEX POSITIVITY
For this magazine, we conducted a survey into the sex and relationship habits of our readership to see how they perceive sex, body image, sexual activity and openness about sexuality with regards to their gender and sexual orientation. We wanted to see if there is some correlation between gender identity and sexuality with body positivity and self image. We received 414 responses. We were eager to see how peoples’ sexual experiences affect their body positivity and their self esteem. With body and sex positivity seemingly on the rise across social and mainstream media, we wanted to see if this would translate to real people’s lives. medical professionals or past partners altered their personal body image. Moreover, with rising concerns over the effects of pornography and the media on body image, we wanted to see how people view their body and if that is affected by their consumption of pornography or the media. Many LGBTQ+ people may feel less represented in the mainstream media, and therefore less body positive or confident. With only 67% of our respondents being straight, our results with regards to body positivity later on do definitley correlate with this idea amongst those who make up part of the queer community.
The gender identities of those who participated in our survey are as follows: Number of cisgender women who responded: 283 Number of cisgender men who responded: 118 Number of queer people who responded: 1 Number of non-binary people who responded: 8 Those who preferred not to say: 2 Other: 2
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Importantly, the sexualities represented in our sample were as below:
Our largest proportion of respondents were straight or bisexual cisgender women. We were keen to see how the gender or sexual orientation of our respondents affects their body image, body confidence and self esteem. It was also important for us to see how the treatment of people of any gender or sexuality by
In the first part of our results, we were keen to focus on the amount people say they feel positive about their body image. With growing levels of mental health issues, eating disorders and body dysmorphia across the country (and the world in fact), people are becoming more and more aware of the way their
bodies look, or how they believe they look. We asked people how they feel about their body image on a scale from 1-10, with 1 being poorly and 10 being very happy with their body. We received very mixed responses to this question. Admittedly, when asking it, I expected the results to be a lot more black and white. However, what we can see is that our lowest answer in this question, 2.9%, belonged to those feeling most enthusiastic about their body image, and the highest sat at 3, a below 5 response to positivity about body image. I would therefore suggest that this question does show us that those who answered our survey are not particularly positive about their body image.
So, we then asked several questions focused on body shaming, sexual shame, and a dialogue about sexual health and activity. We believed it was important to look at the focus of shame and sex in relating to ones own body. From this question, we are able to see that people are affected by sex when it comes to their body confidence and self esteem. So, what is it about sex that is welcoming this decline in body confidence? Is it sexual shame? We asked our participants.
It was evident that many people had experienced sexual shame, with a third of respondents saying that they had, but were there other factors at play - were there specific body issues or features causing this sex associated drop in body confidence? With such a large portion of people experiencing shame for their sexual activity and its frequency, it is interesting that in this world of sexual liberation, contraception and casual relationships, people are still experiencing sexual shaming. As the results below show, almost a quarter of the people asked said they had experienced shaming for their physical appearance, be that their size or body hair; demonstrating that there are definite negative connotations as far as sexual activity and appearance goes, perhaps leading to a lack of body positivity when engaging in sex.
If people are experiencing shame and insecurity due to their sexual activity, it seems likely that they may not be being particularly open or honest about their sexual behaviours with family, friends or medical professionals. We asked about this in our survey. Comments we received further demonstrated the insecurity about conversing with a medical professional about sex. These included: ‘About the medical professionals question I think it depends on which, I have had to in the past a bit and sometimes I feel comfortable around someone and other times I felt pressured to talk more and horrible about the consultation.’ and ‘Feel like a doctor at Southampton presumed I slept with many people and appeared judgemental.’ However, I’d suggest that it is clear here that a vast majority of people do feel comfortable discussing their sex life with their doctor, despites some of the comments we received stressing that they felt judged or criticised by a medical professional with regards to their sexual activity. Is there, then, therefore an issue in how people are being educated about sex and how that is affecting their confidence and understanding of sex? We wanted to see if people were able to see a link between sex positivity and sex education. Below are some interesting comments we received at the end of
were reflected on in one comment we received, which explores the affects of porn and its capacity for creating violent or damaging habits. The comment said: ‘In a time where #metoo has just happened, why are we often so accepting of porn, when most of the porn videos glorify a scenario which is so similar to stories of survivors of sexual abuse? Porn seems to affect us personally and in society in so many ways, from addiction (see https://fightthenewdrug.org/overview/) to normalisation of a negative or objectifying attitude to women’. Some further comments were made on body image and size: ‘Once had a guy have sex with me, said he didn’t like fat girls AFTERWARDS
and said I should probably ‘prewarn’ people on my dating profile’. Wider conversations are taking place about the role of size and shape in sexuality and sex, with educators who have an online platform like Kait Scalisi discussing how best to enjoy sex if you are larger, and how sexiness is not defined by your size. On the topic of body confidence, one commenter said: ‘I used to really struggle with actually liking my body and feeling ashamed about sex (as a girl liking pornography, it felt like I was doing something wrong consuming it). Luckily, I have an amazing partner who is very vocal about what they love about me which has given me more confidence in my body and as a person. I don’t know how I came to view sex with shame though before dating them, but I think it’s quite healthy to be openly vocal about what you love in people, whether it’s sexual or just saying “you rock that shirt and I love it”. I think respectful affirmations can really help people more than you might realise’. our survey which show us a lot about people’s sexual shaming, and their relationship with their bodies. Smell-shaming and shaming of sexual ‘performance’ were also types of shaming mentioned by respondents. With the rise of pornography, there may be higher expectations of sexual performance which may alter the response of partners to the sexual performance of the acts they are engaging in. A few people noted that the only sex education they had was not via school, but the internet, be that through the media, social media or pornography. This also extended to the experiences of LGBTQ+ people. ‘Not enough LGBTQ+ (gay really) sex education ie. STI prevention education - the situation is dire.’ This could be leading to wider confusion and stigma attached to queer sexual experiences. Openness and honesty about sex can only be positive for the majority of people, as one respondent commented: ‘I’m very open and comfortable enough with my sex life that I help others that feel more nervous, by offering tips, sexual health advice and encouraging them to be sexually happy and healthy.’ The effects of porn as a platform for sex education and personal pleasure
With adequate conversations, you’re able to make progress in body positivity and therefore create a culture of confidence. There are, however, really toxic and upsetting effects to body image in realtion to sex if a partner mistreats you, as one response stated: ‘I’m a mature student who has been in two abusive long-term relationships, one of which was a marriage. This has greatly affected my body image (I was “fat”, “ugly”, “no one else would want me etc) and I have put up a barrier with my sexual partner as a result. Looking back, I should have reported what I endured but I was scared of the repercussions
and protecting my children. Now I regret not facing my demons, as it has influenced any following relationships in a very negative way’. sometimes for not having enough sex! This point is often missed out by people when they talk about how outside factors influence sex and relationships - they automatically assume that (in particular) for women, they get shamed for having “too much” sex (i.e. with too many partners in a non committed relationship), completely forgetting that the same is true if people don’t have sex, as they also get shamed. This issue affects both men and women. Neither side is correct or fair, as sex and preferences around it are personal and different for each person’. So many of these comments demonstrate not only the lack of understanding of sexuality and sex, but also of the way abuse and trauma shapes your sexual experiences and confidence. A comprehensive understanding of sexuality and sexual health enables people to be able to have a much more positive attitude to sex, perhaps showing that with better sexual education and more conversations about sex, people can feel more empowered and confident.
Further comments were also focussing on the frequency of sexual activity or number of sexual partners. Many were focussing on a lack of interest in sex or a desire to wait for sex, and the effects that had. For example: ‘I ‘ve felt judged for my lack of interest in sex. It’s as if some people think it’s an excuse to hide something’. On the other end, pure assumptions about sex are having a similar psychological affect, as can be seen in this response: ‘I have been slut-shamed, but largely it has been through assumptions about my sex life that were not true’. There is often also a certain degree of judgement attached to ‘waiting’ to have sex, be that for religious or emotional resons, as someone has commented here: ‘Having decided I don’t want to have sex until I am married, I don’t feel like I have been worried or concerned about my body being sexually attractive. I know that actually as you get to know someone you become more and more attracted. Yes, there needs to be some physical attraction, but I know that is not why someone is with me or loves me, which gives me confidence to love my body as I am’.
This is further reinforced by this response: ‘I have also been shamed
WORDS BY IMY BRIGHTY-POTTS GRAPHICS BY CHARLOTTE COLOMBO
On 9th December 2018, Grace Millane was found dead in Auckland, New Zealand. The British citizen went missing after going on a Tinder date on 1st December - the eve of her 22nd birthday. Her 26-year old date was convicted of the murder on 22nd December 2018. BDSM was revealed to the public, headlines suddenly shifted their focus onto that, and not the fact that she had been murdered. The rough sex defence changes the classic question from ‘but what were you wearing?’ to ‘but what did you ask him to do to you?’. Except, in this case, the victim cannot answer.
The Millane case attracted a lot of international attention and media coverage. However, when new ‘evidence’ emerged, reportage of the event took on a slightly different tone. The defendant used what is known as the ‘rough sex’ defence. He claimed that Grace had asked him to choke her during sex and that she had died as a result of this. This claim was further ‘supported’ when Grace’s ex-boyfriend testified that he and Grace had engaged in BDSM practices. However, after taking all other evidence into account, the defendant was found guilty with first degree murder and will be sentenced in February 2020. The Millane case reflects a disturbing trend: that is, the growing use of the rough sex defence. This is when the murderer states that the victim asked for the conduct that led to their eventual death. This defence was also used in the high-profile case of Natalie Connolly, a 26 year old British woman killed by her boyfriend who claimed that she had died during alcohol and drug-infused rough sex. Despite the fact that Natalie’s body was found with over 40 injuries including blunt-force trauma to her head and breast, the defendant was given the lesser charge of manslaughter. The campaign group ‘We Can’t Consent To This’ report 59 femicide cases in the UK in which this defence was used, 45% of which led to a lesser charge than murder. The growing normalisation of this defence reflects the growing normalisation of violence in porn. A 2010 study showed that 88.2% of porn depicts violence against women. Those using the rough sex defence can therefore can easily point to the rise of BDSM practices in mainstream porn in order to justify violent and murderous behaviour. BDSM practices are not inherently harmful. However, if these behaviours are learned exclusively from watching porn, then viewers are not learning the underlying principles of safety and consent. All in all, the facts remain. Grace Millane was not killed by her sexual preferences. Grace Millane was killed by a violent and homicidal man. Having a preference for rough sex is not the same as having a death wish. In an age where the rough sex defence is becoming increasingly common, it must remain clear: consenting to being choked as not the same as consenting to being murdered.
The reality is that the growing popularity of the rough sex defence is simply a new form of victim blaming and slutshaming. This is a way to lift the blame from the murderer and place it on the victim for the crime of being a sexually active woman in the 21st century. When Grace’s interest in
WORDS BY JOANNA MAGILL IMAGE BY FRANCES ROSE
