Whats Up Xtra Southwest May 2012 by Lisa Romack

WASSUP May 2012

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BEER GARDENS & PATIOS WHAT’S UP THIS MONTH NEW BAR DIRECTORY PHOTOS OF OPENING DAY @ WRIGLEY FIELD CHESTER WANTS TO KNOW

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Chicagoland is filled with extraordinary nightclubs, unparalleled dining venues and some of the biggest events in the world! But, do you ever wonder where the locals go? Where are the best neighborhood bars, eateries, and local festivals? Where can you find live music, karaoke and trivia nights? Who has the best food and drink specials around? If you are ready to experience the Chicagoland area like the locals do then make sure to pick up your free copy of Wassup Xtra Magazine at any of the 300+ locations in the Chicago and Southwest Suburbs or check out our Facebook page daily to find out where you should be going tonight!

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Does Advertising TABLE OF Work? It just did... CONTENTS Call 773.288.9400 and ask for Lisa

5 bartender of the month

OUR STAFF Lisa Hanrahan Sales Director

6 news of interest

Next Month... New Articles Tattoo Contest Local Festival Lineup

8 movie�book revies

Angel Hernandez music Writer

9 sudoku and crossword puzzle 10 mma review

WINNING TATTOO

12 are you smarter than chester

Robert Christiansen Column Writer

17 Tattle tales 18 BAND INTERVIEW 19 ask the wino

Timothy Parfitt Column Writer

20 - 21 bar directory 26 karaoke open mic trivia nights

LAUREN STREC COLUMN Writer

27 beer garden reviews 28 cubs opener pics

Front page photo at Marlins taken by Lisa.

30 Tattoo contest

The name Wassup Xtra Magazine is a registered trade name, and use of this name is strictly prohibited. The contents of this publication are copyrighted Wassup Xtra Chicago Magazine -2012 We encourage our readers to write their stories, send photos, and make comments. All submissions sent to us by phone, email, fax, or handwritten become the property of Wassup Xtra Chicago Magazine.

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CHECK OUT

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GO TO FACEBOOK TO SEE & TAG YOUR PHOTOS

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TED PHILLIPS Photographer

We are always on the lookout for dynamic writers, photographers and sales staff to contribute to our publication If you are interested in joining our team or interested in advertising opportunities contact us at 773-288-9400 or email: wassupxtra@yahoo.com

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r u o sy e ’ o wh vorit ? fa ender t r a b

VOTE FOR YOUR FAVORITE MAY BARTENDER

go to facebook.com/wassupxtramagazine ‘Like’ our page and ‘Like’ or comment on the bartenders photo or text 773.288.9400. The winner will receive a 6 hour limo bus from LIMOSALIVE.NET for 24 of their friends and a $50 Gift Certiﬁcate from Dark Water Tattoos

Bartender: Valerie TJ’s Bar in Midlothian Signature Drink: Narnia Ingredients: Absolut Citron, 7up, pineapple juice and grenadine Words of Wisdom: “One more is never enough.”

Bartender: Cindy Little Frank’s Pizzeria in Burbank Signature Drink: Madeira Sunshine Ingredients: Vodka, rum, pineapple and cranberry juice with a splash of grenadine Words of Wisdom: “Save water, drink beer!”

Bartender: PJ Rafferty’s Pub in Countryside Signature Drink: Union Jack Ingredients: Grenadine, Sambuca, and UV Blue layered Words of Wisdom: “Opportunities always look bigger coming than going” Bartender: Jackie Sullivan’s Irish Pub & Eatery in Midlothian Signature Drink: Pink Paradise Ingredients: Bacardi, Captain Morgan, Malibu, Midori, pineapple and orange juice with grenadine Words of Wisdom: “Be careful what you wish for.”

APRIL BARTENDER OF THE MONTH IS...

Amanda from Lucky’s Lounge

Rules: All service employees are eligible to win. The service employee who receives the most votes in the month wins. You can submit your vote by texting (773) 288-9400 or emailing wassupxtra@yahoo.com or go to facebook.com/wassupxtramagazine “Like” our page and vote under the bartenders photo

*The Pub Crawl will begin at the employee of the months bar and the limo bus will accommodate 24 passengers. Gratuity not included and must be paid prior to service

Only one vote is counted per person and voting polls close on May 20th.

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News of Interest 18th Annual 'Bark In The Park' On May 5, Chicago residents with (or without) their dogs take part in a 3.2-mile run to raise funds for the Anti-Cruelty Society. Held at Montrose Harbor, there is a canine obstacle course, agility courses, free photos, snacks, a rafﬂe, and more.

Happy Birthday Michael Romack MAY 15

Bike To Work Day

On May 18th, you can join the tens of thousands of people who will be riding to work on a bike. Many people live ﬁve miles or less from their workplace, a bike-able distance even for inexperienced cyclists. Everyone who ditches a car will reduce air pollution, save money on gas and parking, and get some healthy exercise to boot.

Get Up, Lace Up, Show Up For Fitness

May 26, 27, 28

Though you realize that Monday will be a solemn day of remembrance, the three-day break from work offers two days before Memorial Day when you can rest, organize your thoughts, or put them aside for a time. You can have a picnic or barbecue with family and friends and celebrate life before honoring the fallen. The day is also known as Decoration Day because of the tradition of decorating the graves of service people, a custom that dates back to the time just after the Civil War. The memories of those who gave their lives in Iraq and Afghanistan are fresh in our minds. Though they died far from home, their sacriﬁce was made to protect their homeland from foreign intruders. Memorial Day honors all who gave their lives in past wars as well. Almost everyone has a family member who fell during the Civil War, World Wars I and II, Korea and in other foreign lands. On this day we remember them, tell stories about them, pray for them, and honor them.

Where They're Living Solo

At least four developed nations have a higher percentage of single dwellers than the United States, which has 28 percent. They are: Sweden @ 47 percent; Britain @ 34 percent; Japan @ 31 percent, and Italy @ 29 percent, according to a study by Time Magazine.

It's time to check your tennis racket, shine up your golf clubs, unpack your roller skates, and your swim ﬁns.

May as National Physical Fitness and Sports Month, President

In his proclamation of

Lin Makes Si's Cover Two Weeks In A Row

Obama said, "Participation in sports can strengthen both body and mind, and all kinds of active pastimes can help improve physical and mental well being." Those active pastimes can be healthy and fun. If you aren't much into sports there are other activities to partake in; you can walk, splash around in a pool, play badminton, go camping, carry picnic baskets, or play catch with a softball. The key to greater ﬁtness is to do any of these things more often. Or you can stay inside where it never rains. Try a yoga class. It's a deceptively simple practice that includes holding a variety of positions designed to increase strength and ﬂexibility in addition to calming your mind. Belly dancing has also become increasingly popular with no bellies showing. Depending on the level of the class, it can be a highly aerobic activity.

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Memorial Day Weekend: Remember The Fallen, But Celebrate Life.

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Jeremy Lin, the high-scoring Knicks newcomer, made it onto the cover of Sports Illustrated for the second week. He's the ﬁrst New York-based team athlete to do it since the magazine started in 1954. Not even Mickey Mantle, Joe Namath or Eli Manning made two covers straight. Lin became a global star after getting a chance to start for the Knicks. Before that, he was thought of as a common point guard from Harvard. Quoted in Star News Services, Knicks coach Mike D'Antoni said about Lin, “It's an unbelievable story. It's fun and people are excited about it.” "We'll see where it goes," D'Anatoni says, "Will it be a storybook ending? Everybody hopes so and that's what we're going to work for. But I do know he's a heck of a basketball player…" Lin is the 12th athlete to appear on the SI cover at least two weeks in a row.

Chicagoans will be pleased to know that Michael Jordan still holds the SI cover record with three covers in a row. Looks like he can three-peat in more than just the NBA.

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Book Review

Too Big to Know: Rethinking Knowledge Now That the Facts Aren’t the Facts, Experts are Everywhere, and the Smartest Person in the Room is the Room by David Weinberger, Basic Books

Today, knowledge comes from a variety of sources… Until recently, we believed dependable knowledge could only be obtained from an expert or a book. That is no longer so, says author David Weinberger in his new book, Too Big to Know. In this age of Internet and Social Media, knowledge has spilled into the wonderful world of networks. Advantageous? Or just plain overwhelming? The fact is, that there is such a variety of people on the Internet so diverse in their interests and abilities, that we often ﬁnd ourselves presented with a network of individuals who are all experts on just about anything and everything. This network of experts can help open doors to new ideas that deter us from coming to immovable conclusions or they can leave us feeling just plain overwhelmed. There is more knowledge than ever, but it's different. Topics have no boundaries and nobody seems to agree on anything. But, this is the greatest time in history to be a knowledge seeker, that is, if you know how. In Too Big to Know, the author and Internet philosopher shows how business, science, education, and the government are learning to use networked knowledge to understand more than ever before and to make smarter decisions. Weinberger is a Senior Researcher at the Berkman Center for Internet & Society at Harvard. He says, put together, all of us are smarter than any of us. Today, leaders are starting to rely on networks to help them make decisions. He also acknowledges the important roles that smart mobs and wise crowds have played. He tells us how to build a bold net infrastructure strategy that is inclusive rather than exclusive. In Chapter Two, he gives a fascinating history of facts as they have evolved from a scarce, isolated foundation of knowledge to abundant nodes on a network open to interpretation and dispute. One reviewer says Weinberger's groundbreaking book shakes the foundations of our concept of knowledge, from the role of facts to the value of books and the authority of experts, providing a compelling vision of the future.

Too Big to Know: Rethinking Knowledge Now That the Facts Aren't the Facts, Experts are Everywhere, and the Smartest Person in the Room is the Room by David Weinberger, Basic Books, 246 Pages, $26.

Movie Review

Cabin in the Woods Cabin in the Woods is a smart and funny horror movie. That’s about all I can say without spoiling major plot twists. So if you like being surprised, don’t hesitate to go and see this movie. If you’re half-drunk, you beer’s flat and you’ve finished the crossword, read on. Five college kids pack into a Winnebago to spend a weekend in creepy cabin in the middle of nowhere. There’s the jock, the geek (who’s as buff as the jock, but is black and wears glasses), the blond, the virgin and the stoner. After being introduced to the college campers, the story then switches to these two engineer types who are busy watching the kids on TV monitors and can apparently manipulate their environment. The cabin they’re visiting appears to be part of someone’s crazy experiments. The stoner is the first to catch on, but why would anyone listen to him? Why are they all acting like such stereotypes, and why are they so damn horny? The kids stumble through a laundry list of horrormovie-bad-ideas (getting wasted and/or laid, going into the basement, reading mysterious Latin texts aloud). In the meantime, the NASA types and their colleagues begin placing bets. What’s it going to be? Who’s going to kill these clueless kids: Poltergeists? Zombies? A mere man? Both sets of characters get their fair share of zingers. One of the brilliant things about this movie is how it heightens the age-old dilemma of whether to root for the kids or the homicidal maniac chasing them. For most of Cabin in the Woods, I was rooting for the monster(s). There’s an additional twist involving vengeful demon gods, a batshit-crazy ending and a great cameo in the final scene. The movie is written and directed by folks who worked on “Lost” and “Buffy the Vampire Slayer,” which explains all the campy dialogue and mind-bending plot switcheroos. Highly recommended for any open to high-concept popcorn movies; essential for horror-movie buffs.

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MMA HIGHLIGHTS

XFO 43 written by Marc Gwekoh - photography by Stan Balazia

It was a great night for MMA fights on Friday, April 13, 2012 at the Copernicus Center in Chicago, Illinois for XFO 43. The Illinois based organization never falls short of putting on a top-notch event, and this 11 match fight card further proved this once again. In the night’s main event, Daniel Vizcaya came out with an impressive second round submission victory over Brandon DelPrado. Vizcaya used superior grappling and a vicious top game en route to his sixth overall victory, third in a row in his professional MMA career. DelPrado seemed overwhelmed right out of the gate, finding no solution to the aggressive double leg takedown by Vizcaya. DelPrado seemed to have momentarily rocked Vizcaya in the second round, only to see DelPrado get taken down relentlessly after the short stint of success. This would be Delprado’s only positive moment in an otherwise one-sided defeat. The event’s fans appeared to be very excited for the co-main event, as Polish MMA fighter Andrew Krzeptowski took on Lawrence Dunning in a back and forth affair. Krzeptowski had the crowd firmly in his grasp, with many Polish supporters for the Midwest Training Center’s new prospect. Krzeptowski had the advantage in the striking department, landing beautiful combinations that kept Dunning at a distance. But Dunning was able to close in and work the clinch effectively and it appeared to confuse Krzeptowski. Both were able to implement their game plan, as well as confuse their counterparts. In the end, it was fan favorite Andrew Krzeptowski that won via unanimous decision. The fighter that received the loudest ovation of the night was Polish fighter Rafal Skibinski. Skibinski faced Jason Graves in the night’s eighth fight. Graves, unfazed by the overwhelming support for Skibinski, rushed in quickly and pressured Skibinski. Graves landed a right hook flush that dropped his opponent. Graves landed several punches from the mount position and at one point the fight was nearly stopped until Skibinski was able to reverse the position. Skibinski landed an elbow and several other punches from Graves’ guard that opened up a big cut above his left eye. The doctor came into the cage after a referee timeout, and eventually stopped the fight, giving Skibinski a TKO victory via doctor stoppage. XFO 43 had countless highlights throughout the night, with nine of the eleven total fights ending with a finish. The fighters came to impress and it showed during the electrifying matchups. With a mix of great game plans and high-level techniques, every person in the crowd definitely got their money’s worth. Adam Ward, another great prospect worth noting, talents in the cage were irrefutably on display that evening. Ward defeated his opponent Bobby Ferrier via Rear Naked Choke in the first round. Ward seemed extremely frustrated with Ferrier’s inability to make weight, stating at the end of the fight that he has no respect for fighters missing weight by ten pounds. He displayed his frustration by outclassing Ferrier on his feet, and eventually taking his back to secure the submission. Ward’s fight was a perfect culmination of the entire night’s festivities.

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TECHNOLOGY

Camera Lets You Refocus Photos On A Computer The point-and-shoot camera is entirely reinvented in a new camera called Lytro. It actually lets you focus or refocus your pictures on your computer after you take them. Not only that, but The Wall Street Journal's Walter Mossberg says, you'll be able to do some other amazing things with your photos. You'll be able to snap into focus everything at once, regardless of depth. Or change the perspective from which the picture is seen, and switch a photo back and forth between 2-D and 3-D. That's why it calls the images "living pictures" for a Mac computer. Windows software is coming soon. USA Today's Edward Baig says the $399 camera is shaped like an oversized square lipstick tube and fits into a pocket. It holds 350 pictures, but the $499 model holds 750. It has an 8X nonprotruding zoom lens on one end and a touchscreen viewfinder in the other. The shutter button is on top, along with a zoom slider controlled by sliding your finger. On the bottom, it has a power button and a micro USB connector. The camera weighs 7 1/2 ounces. To explain the camera's basics in simple terms, Mossberg says it uses a modified sensor and proprietary software, to capture and process more and different information about the light hitting its lens than other cameras. This includes the direction of light rays. The result is a richer picture file that software on the camera and on a computer can use to manipulate images in new ways.

AWFUL CHEAP CRUDDY DESPICABLE DIRTY EVIL FOUL GROSS GRUBBY HIDEOUS HURTING

LAME LOATHSOME LOUSY MALEVOLENT MEAN NOISOME NOXIOUS OBSCENE ODIOUS PALTRY

PITIFUL RANCID RATTY SCABBY SCANDALOUS SCUMMY SCURVY SORRY UGLY VICIOUS

Panasonic's New Eluga Is A Waterproof Phone With an Eluga phone, there are no worries about dropping it into a swimming pool or bathtub. It's waterproof. The attractive Android handset runs on 2.35 Gingerbread, but will support Android 4.0. It's called Ice Cream Sandwich because it arrives in summer. It costs about $500.

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Are You Smarter Than CHESTER “The Sock Monkey”? 1. The ofﬁcial birth gem stone for May is a Diamond, Emerald, Aquamarine or Rhinestone?

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2. If you were born at the beginning of the month May your star sign is Libra, Aquarius, Taurus, or a Gemini? 3. In Ireland May 1st is “Jameson Day”, “Beltane Day” (1st day of Summer), or “Dress Up Like a Leprechaun Day”? 4. Charles Lindberg made the first historic solo Trans Atlantic airplane flight in May of 1925, 1927, 1929, or 1930 in his plane “The Spirit of Saint Louis”? 5. On May 14, 1796 was the first smallpox, polio, or herpes vaccine given by Dr. Edward Jenner? 6. On May 18, 1652 the State of Rhode Island passed a law banning prohibition, masturbation, or slavery? 7. Every May 1st the glorious state of Hawaii celebrates “Oragami Day”, “Roast a Pig Day”, “Lei Day”, or “Spank Your Wife Day”? 8. True or False? “No Pants Day” is celebrated on the 1st Friday of May. 9. The famous American Poet Walt Whitman, Maya Angelou, Dr. Seuss, or Robert Frost was born on May 31, 1819? 10. Amelia Earhart is credited as being the first woman to fly a plane solo and nonstop across the Atlantic, on May 21, 1932. Her flight path was from Newfoundland to Africa, Ireland, or Las Vegas?

Answers 6. Slavery 7. Lei Day 8. True 9. Walt Whitman 10. Ireland

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1. Emerald 2. Taurus 3. Beltane Day 4. 1927 5. Smallpox

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Three women were sitting around talking about their sex lives. The ﬁrst said, "I think my husband’s like a championship golfer. He’s spent the last ten years perfecting his stroke." The second woman said, "My husband’s like the winner of the Indy 500. Every time we get into bed he gives me several hundred exciting laps." The third woman was silent until she was asked, "Tell us about your husband." She thought for a moment and said, "My husband’s like an Olympic gold-medal-winning quarter-miler." "How so?" "He’s got his time down to under 40 seconds." Most people give up just when they're about to achieve success. They quit on the one-yard line. They give up at the last minute of the game one foot from a winning touchdown. Ross Perot, billionaire former U.S. presidential candidate

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A salesman went to the door of a young couple one day and rang the doorbell. After three rings and no answer, he assumed no one was home and decided to leave. He happened to pass by an open window and saw the couple naked on the sofa. Being a pervert, he peered closer to get a better look. He noticed that the woman was sitting with her legs wide open, shaving her pubic area while staring at her husband. He, on the other hand, was naked, stroking himself, shaking his head wildly back and forth with his free hand splashing in the ﬁsh tank. The salesman was embarrassed when a neighbor walked up and found him peeping. "These people need help!" said the salesman. "No, they don’t," replied the neighbor. "They’re deaf, and the wife is just telling her husband he needs to cut the grass! But, the husband is telling the wife “Screw off, I’m going ﬁshing!”

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Riddle Ri ddle of the Month

WIN A $25 GIFT CERTIFICATE A rich and handsome man named James Leonard was murdered on a Sunday afternoon. At the time of the murder there was: the maid, the cook, the butler, the gardener and the wife. Maid: I was ﬁxing the table. / Cook: I was cooking breakfast. Butler: I was polishing the silverware and the dishes. Gardener: I was planting tomato seeds. / Wife: I was reading a book. Who did it?

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Text your answers to: 773-288-9400 or e-mail: wassupxtra@yahoo.com Leave your name, e-mail, and telelphone number. All correct answers go into drawing.

Answer to Last Months Riddle What English word is nine letters long, and can remain an English word at each step as you remove one letter at a time, right down to a single letter. List the letter you remove each time and the words that result at each step? Answer: : The word is “startling.” Remove the “l” and it becomes starting. Then remove the “t” and it is staring. The rest of the changes are as follows: string - sting - sing - sin - in - and ﬁnally, I. Winner: Janet Longtin

I began learning long ago that those who are happiest are those who do the most for others. Booker T. Washington, author, orator and political leader

More Photos on facebook.com/wassupxtramagazine A recent Scottish immigrant attends his ﬁrst baseball game in his new country and after a base hit he hears the fans roaring run....run! The next batter connects heavily with the ball and the Scotsman stands up and roars with the crowd in his thick accent: "R-r-run ya bahstard, r-run will ya!" A third batter slams a hit and again the Scotsman, obviously pleased with his knowledge of the game, screams "R-r-run ya bahstard, r-r-run will ya!" The next batter held his swing at three and two and as the ump calls a walk the Scotsman stands up yelling "R-r-run ya bahstard, r-r-run!" All the surrounding fans giggle quietly and he sits down confused. A friendly fan, sensing his embarrassment whisper, "He doesn’t have to run, he’s got four balls." After this explanation the Scotsman stands up in disbelief and screams, "Walk with pr-r-ride man! Walk with pr-r-ride!!!!"

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IN C L C UD A E P S S U P LE R S IZE

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Call 773.288.9400 for more information DINE & DASH by Lisa Hanrahan

Huevos Rancheros Not Just For Breakfast! With the Cinco De Mayo holiday kicking off the month of May, I though it more than appropriate to share a traditional Spanish favorite that does not only need to be enjoyed as the ﬁrst meal of the day. Huevos Rancheros (literally "ranch eggs") are one of the ﬁrst real fusion cuisines, born of the culinary marriage between the Spanish Conquistadors and the Native Americans. Today, much of what is labeled "Mexican" food is really a variation of several regional cuisines (i.e. Tex Mex), and the New Mexico fusion of Indian and Mexican foods. Servings :4 / Time: 45 minutes Ingredients

garlic, and cook, stirring, for 30 seconds. Add the can of Ro*tel with the juice and cook, stirring, for 2 minutes. Add the stock and simmer until thickened, about 15 minutes. Remove from the heat and add the cilantro. Adjust the seasoning to your particular taste and level of heat, and cover to keep warm. In a large skillet, melt a ½ tablespoon of butter over medium-high heat. Add 1 tortilla and cook until warmed through and just starting to brown about 30 seconds each side. Remove, cover to keep warm, and repeat with the remaining butter and tortillas. In another large skillet, melt 1 tablespoons of butter over medium-high heat. Break 4 of the eggs and fry until beginning to set, about 1 minute. Is sunny-side-up is not your cup of tea, carefully turn them and cook to over easy. Sprinkle the eggs with the cheese and cover to ﬁnish cooking, about 1 1/2 minutes. Repeat with the other 4 eggs.

Ranchero Sauce 1 Tblsp extra virgin olive oil , 1 cup chopped Vidalia onions, 1/2 cup chopped red bell pepper , 1/2 cup chopped green bell pepper, 1 tsp ground cumin , 1/2 tsp sea salt, 1/4 tsp cayenne pepper, 1 Tblsp minced jalapeno, 1 tsp chopped garlic , 1 can Ro*tel tomatoes with the juice 1 cup chicken stock , 3 Tblsp chopped cilantro 4 Tblsp butter , 4 large corn tortillas 1/2 cup warm refried beans , 8 large eggs, 1 1/2 cups pepper Jack cheese

Directions To make the Ranchero Sauce, in a medium pot, heat the oil over medium-high heat. Add the onions and bell peppers, and cook 3 to 5 minutes until onions are transparent. Add the cumin, salt, cayenne, jalapeno, and

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Place 1 warm tortilla on each of 4 plates and spread each with 2 tablespoons of warm refried beans. Layer 2 eggs on top of each tortilla and top with the warm Ranchero Sauce. Garnish with some fresh cilantro sprigs, and a side of beans and rice. Serve immediately and be sure to have a great bottle of hot sauce and some sour cream for some added calories. Ole!

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Happy Mother’s Day Sunday May 13th

One day, Farmer Jones was in town picking up supplies for his farm. He stopped by the hardware store and picked up a bucket and an anvil. Then, he stopped by the livestock dealer to buy a couple of chickens and a goose. However, he now had a problem. How on earth was he to carry his entire purchases home? The livestock dealer said, "Why don’t you put the anvil in the bucket, carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?" "Hey, thanks!" the farmer said, and off he went. While walking he met a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, "Can you tell me how to get to 1515 Mockingbird Lane?" The farmer said, "Well, as a matter of fact, I live at 1520 Mockingbird Lane. Let’s take my short cut and go down this alley. We’ll be there in no time." The little old lady said, "I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get into the alley you won’t ravish me?" The farmer said, "Holy crap, lady! I am carrying a bucket, an anvil, two chickens, and a goose. How in God’s name could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?" The little old lady said, "Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the anvil on top of the bucket, and I’ll hold the chickens."

MAY HOROSCOPE ARIES: It's time to focus on what's really important to you and where you want to be in the future. Decide whether you will zero in on a personal matter or a career goal. TAURUS: You are inclined to set an easy pace in your work. That does provide extra time for analysis. But at times like this, you need to move forward more energetically. GEMINI: Far-away places aren't in the cards right now, but you can dream of them and be an armchair traveler. Plan your work and ﬁnances to make the dream come true. CANCER: You may be a natural leader but sometimes you have to defer to others in certain areas. The best part of it is that you'll have fewer decisions to make. LEO: Your perfectionist tendencies are becoming apparent, but no life, no job and no project will ever be entirely perfect. Try to avoid getting mired in the minutiae. VIRGO: Being an optimistic person is paying off this month as you engage in various activities. It will help you successfully complete whatever you set out to do.

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LIBRA: There are many options available to you now, which mean decisions will be more difﬁcult. Take courage, and study the facts before taking an important step. SCORPIO: Develop a new attitude about family on Mother's Day. You may have things to forgive your mother for. Do it and put them behind you. Encourage this important relationship. Call, send a gift or visit. SAGITTARIUS: If communication between you and a co-worker seems stressed, carefully trying to explain the rightness of your position could pay off. But be respectful, not pushy. CAPRICORN: In business matters, face-to-face discussions can usually bring better results than a phone call or sending an email. Take the time for one-on-one talks. AQUARIUS: The stars predict a surprise phone call from an old friend. If it happens, value the contact and make time to meet if you can. Friends are important. PISCES: Take another look at ﬁnancial matters. You are at something of a turning point where you can improve your position or go in the opposite direction

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TAT T L E TA L E S

The Weber Grill My neighbor’s cigar smoke drifts to my welllighted porch, where I dwell in early evening with a book. I listen to talk radio and breathe in blooming lilacs. Bees hover and play Mother-May-I, as they did that day at the Peggy Notebaert Nature Museum, where I first met my wife, a museum tour guide. I, too, hover because I renewed the lease on this apartment even though my wife already flew the coop. Now she’s my ex-wife. We weren’t blessed By Rob Christiansen with kids though we were cursed with each other. They were the best years of our lives, but I would trade my share of them for a Honus Wagner baseball card. My neighbor’s cigar smoke hovers like a perfumed gray ghost. I try to take a nap in my canvas wingchair. The door is closed but my porch is open to the great outdoors, which includes the immediacy of the beautiful lilacs. His cigar smoke curls in like a wrap-around shot beating the goalie to the inside post. Yes, I’m a sports fan. That’s why I listen to WGN. The smoke seems pleasant enough, but to me it’s secondhand, the worst kind, and I would be better off smoking my own cigar. He knocks and I get up to let him in. He removes the cigar from his mouth and offers me $30 to assemble his new grill. I can’t believe it. It’s funny, but I installed a water heater for his daughter Julie. Small world. She happened to be a customer of my employer. I deliver and install appliances. She was quite a customer, not that there was any hanky panky between us. It was just a pleasure to service Julie’s…water heater. I didn’t know she was Ignatz’ daughter until she started dropping by to visit him. I agree to assemble the grill, an inside joke my ex-wife would appreciate. She was awarded the Weber that used to be on our porch. She showed the receipt to the judge. Yep, it was bought on her credit card. “Thanks,” Ignatz says, like a cigar-chomping cartoon character. He wears glasses and shaves his head. I shaved mine in March for the St. Baldrick’s Foundation at Fadó Irish Pub located at Clark and Grand. Usually, however, I flaunt my hairline for all its worth. He wheels the box on a red dolly across the brief landing to my porch. “Yes, your honor, I have the receipt.” I hope that someone actually spoke those words out loud just now on the radio. Otherwise, I might be a head case, with or without hair on my head. “Could I have it by Friday?” he asks. I know his real name, but I’m not picking him out of a lineup for you. I have to live across the hall from him in this three-flat walk-up, and I’d rather not be known as the local Joe McGinniss who spies on his neighbors and tells tall tales out of school. Not that Joe McGinniss actually did that. It’s just that there was this news item two years ago. My wife would understand. She expressed her opinion to me about it because she knew I had read “Fatal Vision.” She said that the Joe McGinniss news item was a lot to do about nothing.

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It’s been three days since Ignatz asked me to build his grill, but I’ve somehow aged a year. There’s an easy riddle for you, but I won’t leave you hanging if you’re stumped. I’ve been up since 6:00 a.m. drinking coffee on my porch and boiling the occasional hot dog, which isn’t just for dinner anymore since I began paying alimony. Mandated anger management classes aren’t cheap, either. But I’m reaping dividends since I haven’t been going on and on about my ex-wife. I’m taking the day off. The radio makes me think I have guests. Yes, deep down I miss her voice and I’m filling the silence. I’m definitely not revealing her name since I fear, irrationally, of course, that she will drag me back to court if she sees this, and sue me for something she’ll think of on the way there. I assemble the grill and take the time to smell the lilacs in the still early morning, and dream of a nap. My legs are a drawbridge and my feet are propped on a wicker Ottoman. It’s a familiar refrain. In this dream I awake at 9:39 a.m. to the smell of cigar smoke and find that the book I‘m reading is in the moat. I contemplate the mix of dream and reality and am confused. “What day is it, lad?” I ask, and the lad replies, “Why, it’s Christmas Day, sir!” There’s a knock on my door and my dream wisps turn into cigar smoke. Ignatz heard the radio and assumed I was awake. I open the door for him and he sees the grill. “Nice job, neighbor,” he says.

We have to carry it, albeit just a few yards across the landing to his porch, but he’s grasping the propane tank by a collar with one hand and gingerly holding his cigar in the other hand. My $30 should be in his pocket, unless he’s smoking it. “Here,” he said, handing the tank to me. “Careful, it’s heavy.” Suddenly panicking, I yell, “Careful with the cigar so you don’t blow us up, you crazy bastard!” Sometimes my language is coarse, and I speak loudly, aggravating otherwise tame situations. I tried to argue that I can’t be rehabbed, but the judge made me take the classes anyway. “Happy birthday, neighbor,” Ignatz says. “The grill is yours. And my daughter Julie says to call her. Here’s her number.” Long story short, Julie’s coming over tonight and her old man says he’s moving!

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Band interview

Renegade

by Angel Hernandez

Band: Renegade For fans of: Killswitch Engage, Avenged Sevenfold, and Bring Me The Horizon. Upcoming Shows: May 11, 2012 at Evolution Music, Orland Park, IL. Doors at 6:30pm, $8. With A World Beneath Me, Breaker! Breaker!, Misanthropy, To Trust a Liar, and Last Flight Home. June 20, 2012 at Mojoes, Joliet, IL. Doors at 5pm, $10 Advanced, $12 at the door. With A Modern Day Escape, Dr. Acula, The Bunny The Bear, From Atlantis, + many local artists. While many 6th and 7th graders are more concerned about puberty, the recognition of the opposite sex, and how they are going to fit in during the next few crucial years of schooling, Renegade began developing not only new skills as musicians, but a whole new genre to the metal world. In their prime, Renegade introduced Brandon Marsh (guitar), Ricky Monegain (drums), and Ajani Marsh (guitar at the time). After a year of purchasing equipment, Raymond Young joined the band. Their initial sound at the time was jazz and alternative. After Raymond left the band a year later, they picked up guitarist Darren Miller by their freshman year of high school transforming their melody to hard rock/alternative. Miller left the band later on to pursue a different style of music. Shortly after that point, the band hit a road block until Austin Allen (vocals) became their first official vocalist. Baron Downing (bass) was recruited after succeeding their first show at a Battle of the Bands. By this time they established themselves as a metal band. By the summer, going into Ricky and Brandon’s senior year, they recorded their first tracks. Amid the new school year, Joe Ranieri (guitar) joined the band as Ajani picked up the role as another screamer. As described, they prefer to see their music as Afrocore – meaning any metal band with a larger percentage of “black members” than “white members”. Renegade currently resides in the Darian and La Grange areas. Even with such strong influences like Killswitch Engage and Incubus, each and every member is esteemed by specific musicians for not only their music, but creativity. Although they have plenty of material written but very limited funds, a full-length record is ideal. Fortunately enough they were able to throw down a couple of new tracks with Richie Semtner of Concept Recording and Production, so far receiving exceptional responses from fans. To check out these tracks, visit their Facebook page (http://www.facebook.com/comingbackfornothing) along with more upcoming shows and more information. Here’s your chance to read more about what a live show is like and more interesting tidbits. Since I have not been able to see you live yet please describe what a typical show is like. Where have you played so far and who have you played with? What were the turnouts like? We show up early to mosh and support other bands and then we get on stage and open up with Firecrotch. We normally play about 6 of our 25 original songs with synchronized choreography. We try to get the crowd into our music as much as possible. We have played at Congress Theater, Bada Brew, Live 59, Camelot Hall in Indiana, The Nite Lite Café and some random Cicero basement/backyard. We have played with Crossing The Delaware, We The Surreal, Venom is the Remedy, Ederra, From The Heavens They Came, To Be Continued, Ignite The Pyres, To Trust A Liar, and Monument 45. The turnouts are average but we can usually get the crowd to mosh pretty hard. We do have a few loyal fans but we pick up more fans at every show we play. Where do you get your motivation and inspirations from? Ajani is motivated and completely inspired by Austin Carlile of Of Mice & Men and Mitch Luker from Suicide Silence. Austin Allen is motivated to have guttural lows like Phil Bozeman from Whitechapel and Mitch Luker. Ricky’s inspiration is the will to progress himself as a professional metal drummer. Baron downing is inspired by Iwrestledabearonce, Lamb of God, and Complex/Groovy bass players. Joe is motivated to have the technical guitar skills of Synyster Gates from Avenged Sevenfold and the heavy guitar sound of bands on Rise Records. Brandon is inspired by The Devil Wears Prada, Deftones, and Killswitch Engage. What do you hope to accomplish with your music and what makes you stand apart from every other band? We want to keep recording, writing original music, and playing shows to hope get discovered by a label that fits best for us. Our name Renegade isn’t just a name but a concept. We try to apply this concept as much as possible to our music and not sound like other bands.

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Ask The Wino... Wino: Sal “Shaggy” Belvidere Smells like: Pepperoni Likes: Mullets, cankles and reality TV Dislikes: Warm beer and manscaping

Charity the Social Worker asks: Last year I decided to become a vegan and I get so frustrated with the stupid things that people say to me. Would you ever consider giving up meat?

Marlins

Lyons

Wino: A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The egg is frowning and looking pissed off, while the chicken has a big smile on its face and is pufﬁn on a stogie. The egg says, "Well, I guess we answered that question."

Frank the Preist asks: Alcohol is the water of sinners and I’m tired of Wassup Magazine and these local bars exploiting good Christian folks like yourself with their wicked ways. Can I offer you some guidance? Wino: Father I thank you for your concern, but don’t knock it until ya try it. The Lord knows I’m sinning and sinning ain’t right, but me and that hoochie on the corner gonna have us some whiskey tonight…Amen!

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Down south, Bubba called his attorney and asked, "Is it true theys suin them cigarette companies fer causin people to git cancer?" "Yes, Bubba, sure is true," responded the lawyer. "And now someone is suin them fast food restaurants fer makin em fat an cloggin their arteries with all them burgers an fries, is that true, Mista Lawyer?" "Sure is, Bubba." "And that lady sued McDonalds for millions when she was gittin that hot coffee that she ordered?"

Jillian a new mother asks: My son is only a couple weeks old and my husband thinks I should stop nursing immediately or I will lose my ﬁrm breasts. I’m looking for another man’s perspective, any thoughts?

Wino: Woo hee mama, I’m feeling happier than a hungry baby in a topless bar just thing about those big ‘ol milk jugs. Tell your husband there ain’t nothing you can do to stop the gravity, and since he already bought the cow the milk and cookies are free!

"Yep." "And that football player sued that university when he gradiated and still couldn’t read?" "That’s right," said the lawyer. But why are you asking?" "Well, I was thinkin. ... What I want to know is, kin I sue Budweiser fer all them ugly women I slept with?"

Nothing contributes so much to tranquilize the mind as a steady purpose, a point on which the soul may ﬁx its intellectual eye. Mary Shelley, English novelist born in 1851

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BAR DIRECTORY Alsip Bar 122 Dakota Inn Southsides

Countryside 12219 S. Pulaski 12119 S. Crawford 11860 S Cicero

708-597-1122 708-388-6622 708-371-1133

6301 W. 73rd

708-728-6500

6615 Roosevelt Rd 3701 Harlem 7138 Windsor 7011 Ogden Ave 6305 26th St 6300 W. Ogden

708-788-2118 708-484-3610 708-795-1100 708-484-9464 708-484-2466 708-795-1298

Bedford Park Buzz Bomb Berwyn Fitzgeralds Harlem Lounge James Joyce Pub Juniors Kickoffs Tiger O’Sylies Bolingbrook Clemente’s Pub Gonzo’s Panama Connect Quarterdeck Tailgators T&T Lounge

361 N. Schmidt 730 N. Bolingbrook 132 N. Bolingbrook 220 Beacon Ridge 431 W. Boughton Rd 594 N. Pinecrest

630-459-6084 630-739-4646 630-739-1364 630-739-9810 630-679-1992 630-739-0575

8000 S. Roberts Rd 7600 S. Harlem 8500 S. Harlem 7801 W. 79th Pl

708-594-5600 708-496-0300 708-598-7000 708-728-9696

9220 W. 47th 8436 Brookﬁeld 9308 47th

708-485-9640 708-485-4504 708-387-0317

5700 W. 79th 6501 W. 79th 5616 N. 87th 5406 W. 79th St 6353 W. 79th St 8642 S. Cicero 7107 W. 79th

708-529-3547 708-229-8700 708-423-1570 708-423-1523 708-233-9148 708-424-3720 708-599-6399

3000 E. 138th St

708-862-1656\

Bridgeview All Star Sports Bar Illusions Tiger’s Lounge X’s & O’s Lounge

Brookﬁeld Joe’s Saloon Johnny B’s Bar Slager’s Bar

Burbank Castle Inn Chuck’s Voodoo Dalton's Pub Durbins Frank's Place Maggie McGuires Tic N Tin Tap

Burnham Tally Ho

Chicago

Hippo's Lawlors

410 W. Lincoln Hwy 109 N. Halsted St.

708-748-4949 708-755-1134

Chicago Ridge Bobby McGee’s O’Connor Pub Jack Desmond Jessie's Tavern Lucky's Lounge

10139 S. Harlem 5900 W. 111th 10339 Ridgeland 10501 Ridgeland 6605 95th St

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9901 W. 55th 917 W. 55th 10901 Joliet Rd

708-354-3333 708-354-0991 708-246-3188

802 Theodore 1200 Cedarwood 20631 W. Renwick 2357 Plainfield 2314 Plainfield 2115 Plainfield

815-726-3401 815-741-4318 815-838-5234 815-725-2252 815-744-6777 815-744-4159

13602 S. Cicero 13430 S. Cicero 13815 Cicero Ave 13430 S Cicero

708-388-8862 708-371-7665 708-597-2415 708-371-7665

Chuck's Place Ignorant Bliss NorthWoods

1358 Main St 1338 Main St 940 Steger Rd

708-672-9449 708-279-7163 708-672-1167

Q Billiards

8109 S. Cass Ave

630-739-2999

Crest Hill

Bada Brew Bobby McGees Chaoz Sports Gippers Grapevine Gusto’s

Crestwood Brazen Head Doc’s Lounge Mitch's Pub Pockets Billiards

Crete

Darien

Frankfort

Jamesons Pub 9545 W. Saint Francis Local Bar 7900 W. Lincoln Hwy Old Plank Tr Tav. 113 Kansas

708-529-3526 708-422-6400 708-857-7910 708-499-0048 708-237-3776

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815-469-0500 815-469-9450 815-464-1004

Flossmore Flossmore Station 1035 Sterling Ave North Woods 800 Kedzie Ave

708-957-2739 708-957-5600

Hazel Crest Sidebar 167

2905 W. 167th St

708-596-5055

8833 W. 87th St 9401 S. Roberts Rd 7750 W. 95th St

708-237-1705 708-598-0835 708-599-2333

Buck’s Pit Stop Murphy’s Bar

6501 Kane Ave 6298 East Ave

708-588-0095 708-354-9785

Cool River Davidson Bar Mullets Pelican Harrys

12622 W. 159th 14136 S. Bell Rd 14903 S. Bell Rd 14807 Founders Xing

708-301-8006 708-645-0000 708-645-7000 708-301-5555

18225 Dixie Hwy 18105 Dixie Hwy 2131 183rd 2059 Ridge Rd

708-798-2000 708-798-2710 708-957-2220 708-798-1414

Hickory Hills Cravens Pub Kowal's Bar Prime Time

Hodgkins Homer Glen

3011 W. 111th 3636 W. 111th

Chicago Heights Jimmy's Tender Trap

Harry’s bar Kenny’s Tavern Rafferty’s

Homewood Bogarts Fifth Quarter Tap Lassen's Bar Ridgewood Tap

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BAR DIRECTORY Justice New Bridges Bar

8531 W. 79th

708-728-9990

56 S. LaGrange

708-482-7127

2455 Bernice Rd 3502 Ridge Rd

708-474-9977 708-895-5233

2549 Glenwood 10 Southland Dr. 19606 Burnham

708-474-4348 708-418-1400 708-418-2650

Canal St Pub Illinois Bar Nick’s Tavern The Vault Tom’s Place Stonehouse Pub

309 Canal St 1131 State St 221 Main St 308 Canal St 110 Stephen St 103 Stephen St

630-257-7438 630-257-0666 630-257-6564 630-312-8380 630-257-9875 630-257-1300

Carters Place Fat Sams Jackie’s Place Paradise Bay Outpost Stella’s On State

122 W. 9th St 122 E 9th St 1016 S. State 105 W. 10th St 14929 Archer Ave 823 S. State St

815-838-4420 815-838-4420 815-588-0715 815-838-6513 815-836-8893 815-834-2780

Marlin’s 7236 Pershing Rd McCafferty’s Pub 8107 Ogden Ricky D’s Place 7901 Ogden

708-442-2645 708-442-0630 708-442-8688

LaGrange Palmer Place

Lansing J.J. Kelley’s Kilroy’s

Lynwood Benny’s Ho Chunk Margarita’s

Lemont

Lockport

Lyons

McCook All Star Bar

7949 W. 47th

708-442-8600

Markham Envy’s Pub George's Place

3625 W 159th 15745 Kedzie Ave

708-331-5860 708-225-1844

Merrionette Park Bourbon Street 3359 W. 115th

708-388-8881

Midlothian Durbin’s Jack’s Place Sullivans

14753 S. Cicero 3915 147th St. 4660 147th St

708-687-1700 708-489-2250 708-385-4100

Mokena 191 South Morgans Post Game Pub Stoney Point Grill

10160 W. 191st 18700 Old LaGrange Rd 9630 Willow 19031 Old LaGrange Rd

708-479-6873 708-478-3610 708-479-1302 708-479-9700

2101 Calistoga

815-462-2000

New Lenox Charleston’s

North Riverside Bar Tini Lounge Sweet Spot

2433 Desplaines 2531 Desplanes

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708-853-9143 708-443-5770

Oak Forest Blarney Stone Marcotte’s Tap's Pub

15400 Cicero 15501 S.Cicero 15427 Cicero

708-535-4800 708-535-8960 708-535-6374

Oak Lawn Cullens Pub Demma's Bar George's Lounge Goal Post Hot Corner Inn Zone Bar Murphy's Law Quigley’s R Place Lounge St James Tailgators TC Pub

9953 Southwest Hwy 5805 W. 87th Pl 5407 W. 95th 5207 W. 95th St. 4913 W. 95th St 9904 Southwest Hwy 9247 S. Cicero 4010 W. 111th 9848 Southwest Hwy 5305 W. 95th St. 9256 S. Cicero 9700 S. Cicero

708-424-7286 708-636-1240 708-636-0223 708-422-5275 708-422-1884 708-636-1555 708-952-4774 708-425-1330 708-423-1350 708-425-4252

Orland Park Coaches Corner Danny’s Corner Fat Sams Jordans Pub Zantes Lounge

8116 W. 143rd St 9400 W, 143rd St 15896 S. LaGrange Rd 13500 S. Harlem 8888 W. 159th St

708-364-1026 708.226.9223 708-403-0733 708-460-8330 708-364-0100

Palos Heights Joe Daniels 12218 S. Harlem Mister Mo’s 7214 College Dr X’s & O’s Lounge 6405 W. 127th

708-923-9902 708-671-0288 708.824.9600

Palos Hills Durbin’s Red Velvet Valley Inn Village Pub Zante Lounge

10154 S. Roberts Rd 11011 Southwest 8300 W. 107th St. 9750 S. Roberts Rd 10307 S Roberts Rd

708-598-8881 708-974-9085 708-974-0509 708-576-8142 708-233-6400

15014 S. DesPlaines 24001 W. Lockport 24035 W. Lockport St 7162 Caton 706 W. Lockport 240002 W. Lockport 16108 S. Rte 59

815-609-0000 815-609-8445 815-436-9395 815-609-0192 815-436-4529 815-733-5148 815-782-7410

14401 S. Sherman 14100 S. Western 2838 W. 147th St 14344 S. Mckinley 14347 McKinley 14346 S. Western

708-385-0171 708-824-0285 708-385-2509 708-371-7484 708-388-2006 708-388-7335

Plainﬁeld Backdoor Pub Gunther’s Bar Gruben’s Tap McBride’s Pub O’Sullivans Pub Tap House The Penalty Box

Posen D & D's Tavern Dirty D's Granny's Place Guzzlers J&J’s Pub Posen Pub

To list online and/or in print call 773.288.9400

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BAR DIRECTORY CONTINUED

Keep your mouth shut… Is it a good idea to talk about how much a customer leaves for a tip?

Romeoville

Leo’s Bar Lost Acre Tavern Stella’s Stone City Saloon

201 E. Romeo Rd 7 Alexander Circle 402 N. Weber 721 N Indpendence

815-886-5595 815-886-4989 815-886-3640 815-524-4677

6611 Pershing Rd

708-484-2466

17731 Oak Park 17704 Oak Park 18305 Oak Park 17265 Oak Park 17348 Oak Park 17020 Oak Park 17329 Oak Park

708-429-7955 708-633-1144 708-532-1639 708-429-1000 708-429-7000 708-532-4409 708-532-9707

Stickney 39th St Pub

Tinley Park Bailey’s Bar Cuzins Tavern Dendrino's Durbins JWHollsteins Old Tinley Pub Teehan's

What’s up South West? Homemade Pizza, tell me more…

7900 Joliet 9300 S. Kingery 6300 S. Kingery

630-325-3732 630-789-6800 630-654-0101

Come and discover one of the most friendly and diverse hidden gems on the Southwest side. Located in the heart of Burbank, Little Frank’s Pizzeria is a true Southside neighborhood bar. In addition to draft beers, bottled beers and a variety of spirits, Little Frank’s main attraction has to be its spectacular home-made pizzas. Choose from a regular, deep dish, or stuffed pizza and then pick from a variety of fresh toppings and let the team at Frank’s create your very own personal masterpiece. Bring in the entire family for a Large One Topping Pizza and Pitcher of Beer or Soda for only $12 or call 773-763-0095 to order fast delivery now!!!

6315 Main 1999 W. 75th St

630-964-8454 630-985-5945

Cinco De Mayo Booxe Cruise, bring it…

Willow Springs Connies Grove Inn 8258 Kean Ave Friendly Tap 8240 Archer Ave Neon Moon Saloon 8236 Kean Ave

708-839-1959 708-839-9508 708-839-8090

Willowbrook Kerry Piper Maxums Phillies Bar Woodridge Cabana Charleys Shanahan’s

The answer should always be no! Unfortunately for one server the lesson was learned the hard way. According to the Triangle Business Journal, a server at the Angus Barn was ﬁred after posting a photograph of the generous tip Manning left on a $625 bill. The restaurant included its own 18 percent gratuity, bringing the tab to about $739, and Manning added another $200 on top! It was a good thing Peyton Manning left such a nice tip for his server because it was one of the last the server would ever receive at the Raleigh, NC steakhouse.

Worth

Bar Code 111 7016 W 111th Street The Chieftan 6908 W 111th Street Phil Mc Krackens 6602 111th Street

708 448-4040 708 827-5739 708)671-8090

To list online and/or in print call 773.288.9400 The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and 1 by 1 began to tell their stories. "Johnny, do you have a story to share?" "Yes ma’am. My daddy told a story about my Aunt Karen. She was a pilot in Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a small flask of whiskey, a pistol and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn’t break and then her parachute landed right in the middle of twenty enemy troops. She shot fifteen of them with the gun until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands." "Good Heavens" said the horrified teacher. "What kind of moral did your daddy tell you from this horrible story?" "Stay the f... away from Aunt Karen when she’s drinking!"

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Don’t miss this Cinco de Mayo day cruise with plenty of margaritas, salsa & entertainment. Complimentary Tanteo Tequila, Coors Light and food catered by Cantina 46. Venue: The Kanan Cruise Ship at 600 East Grand (Navy Pier) Chicago. Date & Time: 05/05/12 from 1:30pm - 5:00pm. Event Cost: $60. Call 312-361-8957 to make your reservation today!

Bikes, Bites, & Brews Tour, count me in… Working up an appetite won’t be a problem on this tour! You’ll be sampling from each of Chicago’s four favorite food groups -pizza, hot dogs, cupcakes and beer. Also, get a taste for some of Chicago’s most popular neighborhoods.

Happy Mother’s Day

Venue: Bobby’s Bike Hike (Chicago Tours) 65 N McClurg (Ogden Slip at River East Docks) Chicago. Call 312-915-0995 for more details on this event!

Sunday May 13th

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‘Chicago’s Premier Rooftop Clubhouse’

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THE BEST VIEW IN WRIGLEYVILLE!!! Premium stadium seats – No Bleachers! Covered and open areas to accommodate all weather conditions 21 ﬂat screen televisions and surround sound! New luxurious interior bar Ample “bar style” seating Snacks served to guests throughout the game! Open bar with beer, wine and soda On-site chef with full catering menu grilled and prepared fresh TO BOOK A TICKET CALL OR EMAIL EXPERIENCE@WRIGLEYVIEW.COM

WrigleyView.com

773.362.1050

1050 W. Waveland Ave

The Kentucky Derby Saturday May 5, 2012

The Kentucky Derby, scheduled to take place on Saturday, May 5, 2012, is America's original, extravagant springtime sports party. While a horse race is at the heart of the spectacle, there are many intriguing aspects of the America's Race.

the ends pointing up. Racing superstition decrees that if the horseshoe is turned down all the luck will run out.

Over its 137-year history, the Kentucky Derby known as America's Race™ has amassed dozens of traditions that Churchill Downs' employees, horsemen and millions of Derby fans worldwide hold dear.

To complete the trophy by April, craftsmen begin the process during the fall of the previous year and literally work hundreds of hours. The trophy is believed to be the only solid gold trophy that is annually awarded the winner of a major American sporting event.

From the iconic Twin Spires that overlook the track's famous homestretch to the potent mint juleps that infuse Derby Day with "spirit," traditions are an important part of the Derby experience. Since the 50th running of the Kentucky Derby in 1924, Churchill Downs has annually presented a gold trophy to the winning owner of the famed "Run for the Roses." History is unclear if a trophy was presented in 1875 to the winner of the ﬁrst Kentucky Derby, and trophy presentations were sporadically made in following years. Finally, in 1924, legendary Churchill Downs President Matt Winn commissioned a standard design to be developed for the "Golden Anniversary" of the Derby. For the 125th Kentucky Derby in 1999, Churchill Downs ofﬁcials decided to defer to racing lore and change the direction of the decorative horseshoe displayed on the 14-karat gold trophy. The horseshoe, fashioned from 18-karat gold, had pointed downward on each of the trophies since 1924. To commemorate Kentucky Derby 125, the change was made and the horseshoe was turned 180 degrees so that its ends pointed up. The trophy now annually incorporates the horseshoe with

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So on May 5th, strap on your fancy hat, place a bet on your favorite horse and join the millions of fans that looks forward to observing these storied rituals leading up to the "Greatest Two Minutes in Sports." Join Glascotts's Groggery on Saturday, May 5th, for the 138th Annual Kentucky Derby at Churchill Downs. The weather is going to be a goregeous 65 Degrees and Ralph will be pouring drinks until 6pm. The Mint Juleps will be ﬂowing, they will be offering $1 off EVERYTHING for anyone that comes in with "Derby Attire", and anyone wearing a special hat will get their name in for a drawing to win a prize.!

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MONDAY MAY 28, 2012

God was just about ﬁnished creating humans when he realized he had two parts left over. He couldn’t decide how to split them between Adam and Eve so he thought he might as well just ask them. He told them that one of the left-over parts was a thing that would allow them to pee while standing up. “It’s a very handy thing”, God told them, “and I wondered if either one of you had a preference for it?” Well Adam jumped up and down and shouted, “Please give that to me God! I’d love to be able to do that! That seems like just the sort of thing a man should have! Please, please give it to me!” On and on he went like a little boy. Eve just smiled and told God that if Adam really wanted it so badly he could have it. So, God gave Adam the thing that would allow him to pee standing up. Adam was so excited he started whizzing all over the place. First on the side of a rock, next he tried to write his name in the sand, and then tried to see if he could shoot it at a tree stump ten feet away, laughing with delight all the while.

Buzz Bomb Bedford Park

God and Eve watched him with amusement and then God turned to Eve and said, “Well I guess you’re kind of stuck with the last thing I have left.” “What is it called?” asked Eve. “Brains!” replied God.

A police ofﬁcer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"

The world needs dreamers and the world needs doers. But above all, the world needs dreamers who do. Sarah Ban Breathnach, author of Simple Abundance You only ﬁnd out who is swimming naked when the tide goes out. Warren Buffett, investor, billionaire, and philanthropist

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It was a slow day in Mamou, Louisiana. The sun was beating down, and the streets were deserted. Times were tough, everybody was in debt, and the entire town was living on credit. On hot July afternoon, a traveling Shreveport salesman was driving through town. He stopped at the Lazy Cloud Hotel and laid a $100 bill on the desk asking if he could inspect the rooms upstairs in order to pick one in which to spend the night. As soon as the man walked upstairs, Bosco, the owner, grabbed the bill and ran next door to pay his debt to Boudreaux the butcher. Boudreaux quickly took the $100 and ran down the street to retire his debt to Trosclair the pig farmer. Trosclair then took the $100 and headed off to pay his bill at T-Boy’s Farmers Co-op, the local supplier of feed and fuel.

FIVE RULES TO REMEMBER IN LIFE

1. Money cannot buy happiness, but it’s more comfortable to cry in a Corvette than on a bicycle. 2. Forgive your enemy, but remember the a**hole's name. 3. If you help someone when they’re in trouble, they will remember you when they’re in trouble again. 4. Many people are alive only because it’s illegal to shoot them. 5. Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then neither does milk. FACEBOOK.COM/WASSUPXTRAMAGAZINE WXtra

T-Boy, at the Farmer’s Co-op, took the $100 and ran to pay his debt to the local prostitute, Clarise, who had also been facing hard times and had been offering her "services" on credit. Clarise rushed to the Lazy loud Hotel and paid off her room bill with Bosco, the hotel owner. Bosco then placed the $100 back on the counter so that the travelling salesman would not suspect anything. At that moment the salesman came down the stairs, picked up the $100 bill, and stated that the rooms were not satisfactory, pocketed the money, and left town. No one produced anything. No one earned anything. However, the whole town was now out of debt and was looking to the future with a lot more optimism. And that, my friend, is how the United States Government is conducting business today.

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A woman asks her husband at breakfast time, "Would you like some bacon and eggs, a slice of toast, and maybe some grapefruit juice and coffee?" He declines. "Thanks for asking, but I’m not hungry right now. It’s this Viagra," he says. "It’s really taken the edge off my appetite." At lunchtime, she asked him, "How about a bowl of soup, homemade mufﬁns, or a cheese sandwich?"

He declines. "The Viagra," he says, "It’s really spoiled my need for food." Come dinnertime, she asks if he wants anything to eat. "Would you like a juicy ribeye steak and some scrumptious apple pie? Or maybe a rotisserie chicken or tasty stir fry?" He declines again. "No," he says, "It’s got to be the Viagra. I’m still not hungry." "Well," she says, "Would you mind getting off me? I’m absolutely starving."

to list call 773.288.9400 KARAOKE/OPEN MIC/ TRIVIA Bar

Phone

Sun

Mon

Tues

Wed

Thurs

708-529-3526

Frank’s Place

708.233.9148

DJ & K

Ignorant Bliss

708.279.7163

Jake’s Pub 708-728-9990

Papa T’s (Burbank)

708.233.7740

Pockets

708.371.7665

SideBar 167

708.596.5055

X’s & O’s Lounge

708.728.9696

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Sat

Bobby McGee’s

New Bridges Bar

Fri

OM/K

K K T&K

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DOC’S LOUNGE & P CKETS Billiards 13430 S CICERO CRESTWOOD 708-371-7665 Sun - Thur 10am - 2pm / Fri & Sat 10am - 3am

FRIDAYS & Saturday

$3 Bombs & $2 Drafts

EVERY FRIDAY BAR TRIVIA AND KARAOKEE WITH TRIPLE B EVERY SATURDAY KARAOKEE AND DJ WITH TRIPLE B

Pizza - Appetizers - Sandwiches - 24 Pool Tables - Shufﬂeboard Darts - Bean Bags - Photo Fun Booth - Patio - Free Wiﬁ

$1.50 Domestic Bottles Monday & Wednesday

Pints Everyday

$10

1/2

Buckets + $3

PRICE PIZZA during all Bulls Playoff Games

Bloody Marys

Sunday

BEER GARDENS AND PATIOS When asked “What do you enjoy most about summer?” I believe the masses would agree it’s the freedom to enjoy their many favorite activities outdoors. Synonymous with Chicagoland and summer is baseball, barbecues, beaches, and of course our beloved Beer Gardens. Come join us on our patio as we help you ﬁnd a table at one of our favorite “al fresco” spots in the SW suburbs!

Bobby Mc Gee’s on 10139 S Harlem in Chicago Ridge This local favorite has a terriﬁc patio space and is one of the best live music venues in the suburbs. Stop by their spacious beer garden, grab an ice cold brew and play some bags with friends! Go to facebook.com/bobbymcgees for information of upcoming shows.

Sidebar 167 on 2905 W 167th Street in Hazel Crest Inside you will ﬁnd a friendly staff, boxer game, pool table, and more. When you’re ready for a change of scenery, grab your drink and head out back to their beer garden, grab a seat, and enjoy the fresh air!

Marlins on 7236 39th Street in Lyons Marlins is one of the best kept secrets in the neighborhood! Be sure to check out their outdoor patio with plenty of comfortable seating, pool table and fantastic daily drink specials!

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Pockets Billiards on 13430 S Cicero in Crestwood Their outdoor patio is open and ready for you and all your friends. With 24 Pool Tables, shufﬂeboard, darts, bean bags, photo fun booth and karaoke and trivia nights Doc’s is your one-stop-shop for fun!

X’s & O’s on 6405 W 127th St in Palos Heights Just when you thought it couldn’t get any better, they went and opened up another location in Palos Heights…but with an awesome 2000 square foot outdoor patio with 6 HD TV’s! Same great specials, full kitchen, 22 HD TV’s, 100” projection screen TV and an awesome selection of craft beers. If you haven’t already checked it out, what are you waiting for?

Zante’s Lounge on 8888 W 159th St in Orland Park or 10307 S Roberts Rd in Palos Heights Two locations. Two beer gardens that offer great seating, music, beautiful staff and great drink specials. Stop by for a drink with friends or have dinner and enjoy an evening of music and dancing. Either way you will to make sure Zante’s is on your radar for the summer! Look for more Beer Gardens Next Month

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Opening Day 2012 @

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Wrigley View ROOFTOP 1050 W. Waveland Ave

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WRIGLEYVILLE NORTH SPORTS BAR 3900 N. Sheridan

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What Is A Paraprosdokian? It's a ﬁgure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the ﬁrst part. Examples: 1. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience. 2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on my list. 3. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. 4. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad. Text Messaging

Cont...

5. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research. 6. I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you. 7. I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not so sure. 8. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. 9. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

tattoo contest

Submit your tattoo photos to wassupxtra@yahoo.com for consideration. Every month an independent panel of tattoo artists will choose the top 4 entries. The 4 choosen tattoos will each receive a custom designed t-shirt from

The Art of Jose Perez Jr, owner of Dark Water Tattoos in Bridgeview To Vote go to facebook.com/wassupxtramagazine “Like” our page and “Like” the photo of your favorite tattoo. The tattoo with the most likes will win a $50 gift certiﬁcate from Dark Water Tattoos!

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Little Frank’s Pizzeria N OPE R FO H C LUN

6355 W. 79th Street Burbank

(708) 598-8660 Order By Fax: (708) 598-2158

Fast Delivery or Pick-Up Hours: Sunday thru Thursday 11am - Midnight Friday & Saturday 11am - 1:30am

$2.50 CORONA’S

Beach Party May 19th 8pm - Close

Let’s have some fun in the sand”

Where your swim suit and drink for 1/2 price. Pina Colades & Hurricane’s $3 LIVE DJ

$1.50 BUD & BUD LIGHT MONDAYS DJ / KARAOKE EVERY WED NITE 8PM TO 12AM

THE BEST

PIZZA JUDGED BY THE CHICAGO TRIBUNE

A passenger in a taxi leaned over to ask the driver a question and tapped him on the shoulder. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drover up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window. For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, and then the still shaking driver said, "I’m sorry, but you scared the daylights out of me." The frightened passenger apologized to the driver, and said he didn’t realize a mere tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much.

Frank’s Place Burbank

The driver replied, "No, no, I’m sorry, it’s entirely my fault. Today is my ﬁrst day driving a cab. I’ve been driving a hearse for the last 25 years.

Excellence is an art won by training and habituation. We do not act rightly because we have virtue or excellence, but we rather have those because we've acted rightly. Aristotle, Greek philosopher born in 384 BC

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