Whats Up Xtra Chicago July 2013

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SUMMER ENTERTAINMENT

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Are you currently looking for a part-time opportunity? What’s Up Xtra Magazine is looking for Sales Associates, Photographers, and Writers to join our dynamic team. Qualified candidates must be outgoing, professional and enjoy meeting new people. If you are interested in hearing more about these opportunities, please contact us at 773-288-9400 or email us at whatsupxtra.com. Serious inquiries only please.

TABLE OF CONTENTS

In Memory of Sam ‘Babe’ Belpedio 1925- 2013

OUR ST A FF keith romack publisher

7 ALL MIXED UP 8 news AND STUFF

Lisa romack Sales Director

9 word find 11 lala’s love letters 12 ask the wino ‘

Whats Up CHICAGO

JUNE 2012

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BEER GARDENS WHAT’S UP THIS MONTH

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13 horoscope 14 are you smarter than chester

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Check us out online - Read the magazine, Photos & More... www.whatsupxtra.com Front page photo taken

Playbook in Niles

The name What’s Up Xtra Magazine is a registered trade name, and use of this name is strictly prohibited. The contents of this publication are copyrighted What’s Up Xtra Chicago Magazine -2012 We encourage our readers to write their stories, send photos, and make comments. All submissions sent to us by phone, email, fax, or handwritten become the property of What’s Up Xtra Chicago Magazine.

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jon obert editor

17 wordoku and crossowrd 18 riddle of the month

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Robert Christiansen Column Writer

20 BARTENDER OF THE MONTH

Suzi Lichner Contributing jokester

25�28 bar directory 29 tattle tales 30 THROTTLEFEST CHICAGO CHECK OUT

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lauren strec contributing writer We are always on the lookout for dynamic writers, photographers and sales staff to contribute to our publication If you are interested in joining our team or interested in advertising opportunities contact us at 773-288-9400 or email: whatsupxtra@yahoo.com WWW.WHATSUPXTRA.COM


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Golf Cart Accident Etiquette One day Jack accidentally overturned his golf Cart. Elizabeth, a very attractive and keen golfer, who lived in a villa on the golf course, heard the noise and called out, are you okay, what's your name?" "It’s Jack, and I’m Okay thanks," he replied. "Jack, forget your troubles. Come to my villa, rest a while, and I'll help you get the cart up later."

have a Happy & safe 4th of July

"That's mighty nice of you," he answered, but I don't think my wife would like it." "Oh, come on," Elizabeth insisted. She was very pretty, very sexy and persuasive...and Jack was weak. "Well okay, “he finally agreed, and added, "but my wife won't like it." After a restorative brandy, and some creative putting lessons, Jack thanked his host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know my wife is going to be really upset." "Don't be silly!” Elizabeth said with a smile, “She won't know anything. By the way, where is she?" "Under the cart!" he replied. FACEBOOK.COM/WHATSUPXTRAMAGAZINE

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The Four Treys

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ALL MIXED UP by Lisa Romack

Miami Vice

It is said that the mixture of sweet, sour and tart tastes eerily similar to the candy, Smarties. The Miami Vice Cocktail Drink can be prepared by layering both mixed drinks, either side-by-side or on top of each other. Ingredients Strawberry Daiquiri Mix 1 ¼ oz Bacardi Silver 1 ¼ oz Strawberry Puree ½ cup Ice ½ oz Lime Juice Piña Colada Mix 1 ¼ oz Bacardi Silver 2 oz Coconut Cream 2 oz Pineapple Juice ½ cup Ice Directions Blend the Strawberry Daiquiri Mix and set aside. Blend the Piña Colada Mix and set aside. Either simultaneously pour both mixtures into a Collins glass, or layer one on top of the other. Garnish with some fresh whipped cream and a fresh strawberry. FACEBOOK.COM/WHATSUPXTRAMAGAZINE

The Paradisio Tread lightly here. This light, sparkling cocktail will whisk your mind away to a tropical paradise. It balances the sweetness of Chambord (a French black raspberry liqueur) and Tuaca (an Italian liqueur with notes of vanilla and orange) with the dry effervescence of Prosecco and tart lemon oils. Simple elegance. Ingredients 1 oz Tuaca Juice from 2 Fresh Lemon Wedges ½ tsp White Granulated Sugar 1 oz Water ¼ oz Chambord 1 oz Prosecco Directions Combine the first 4 ingredients, shake vigorously, and strain cocktail into a chilled martini glass. Drop ¼ oz Chambord through the center of the cocktail glass and then float 1 oz of Prosecco on top. Garnish with a fresh lemon twist. 773.213.4597

Le Citron Lemongrass

Watching your waistline? Use lowerproof vodka, like Skinny Girl. You may think drinking vodka instead of darker liquors is a low-calorie alternative; and you’d be right. But did you know that the higher the proof, the more calories the vodka carries? The reasoning is simple: It contains more alcohol! Ingredients 1 ½ oz Grey Goose® Le Citron Vodka ½ oz Agave Nectar ½ oz Lime Juice 1 tsp Kaffir Lime Leaves, thinly sliced 1 tsp Lemongrass, thinly sliced 2 oz Tonic Water Directions In a cocktail shaker, place the lemongrass and kaffir lime leaves, muddle well. Add ice and remaining ingredients and shake vigorously. Strain into a glass filled with fresh ice and garnish with fresh mint.

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News & Stuff

Active MLB Players with the Most Hit-By-Pitches According to USA Today researchers, through May 5, 2013:

On the 4th, if you and your family are gathered around a picnic table, and if you're feeling a little patriotic, here are some ideas for a toast. One of the Founding Fathers, John Adams, made a toast on July 4, 1826, on his deathbed. He proclaimed: Independence Forever! This feisty saying is perfect for an old revolutionary like Adams and it sounds mighty smart after the fireworks, too. The Declaration of Independence gives us another suggestion for a cheerful toast on the 4th of July. How about this: Pursue Happiness. According to the Declaration, the Creator gave every person the gift of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. These gifts are for all people, the Declaration says, and can't be taken away by a king or even a politician. So on the 4th raise your glass: Pursue Happiness! It's your God-given right.

50 Years Since Nicklaus Won His First Green Jacket Jack Nicklaus says he doesn't remember much about his first Master's win, except that the third round taught him tenacity. The rain was pouring down and the course was pretty soggy. He was playing with Mike Souchak, who was leading by one. At the 18th green, Jack looked at the leader board and saw a lot of ones and twos. Jack's color blind, so he asked his caddy, Willie Peterson, how many were in red. The caddy replied, "Just you, boss."

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1. Jason Giambi

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2. Alex Rodriguez

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3. Derek Jeter

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4. Chase Utley

151

Company Softball Teams Never Make History but They Can Be Fun with Rules When the big softball game is between Kitchen Maid Sons of Pitchers versus Blood Bath & Beyond, what can you really expect to see? Not history in the making. Yet, company softball lives on because it is a culture in itself and there are rules. Remember one thing that makes company softball fun, or at least mildly amusing, is that anyone can play. Yes, anyone. Yes, even the person who has never played a sport before, even the fellow who dominated pony league as a youth. But according to the Wall Street Journal's Jason Gay, the exception to that rule is the boss. "Many bosses are turned off by softball due to the lack of helicopter parking," Gay writes. But if the boss does want to play, Gay recommends reminding him that it costs $750 per person to play, in advance per inning. And, there are two innings…Only two innings. Now once the roster, which is everybody, is established, next there are a few unwritten rules of play. 1. No one cares how much time it took to get that washboard on your gut. Wear a shirt. This goes for girls and boys. This isn't a swimming pool. 2. The pitcher must throw strikes. Right over the plate, big and slow. 3. Bunting sucks, just don't do it! 4. If your only job is to make screeching sounds in the name of being a cheerleader, then you are buying drinks. Just remember that!

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Logic An old Irishman was asked, "At your ripe old age, which would you prefer to get, Parkinson’s or Alzheimer's?" The Irishman replied, “Bejesus, definitely Parkinson’s! Better to spill half an ounce of whiskey than to forget where you keep the bottle!"

Bad Dog A guy is sitting at a bar, throwing back glass after glass of scotch. The bartender, a little worried, asks him if he's okay. "No, I'm not," the guy replies. "I just caught my wife in bed with my best friend." "Well," asks the bartender, "what did you say to your wife?" "Nothing! I'm not speaking to that tramp anymore." "Well, what did you say to your best friend?" "Bad dog! Bad dog!" FACEBOOK.COM/WHATSUPXTRAMAGAZINE

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La La’s Love Letters Dear LaLa: I have recently moved into a townhouse. It is lovely except for my next door neighbors. He has annoying behaviors such as walking to the mailbox in his silk boxers and she cleans her place in the nude with the lights on? The other neighbors have adjusted to this pair’s limit bending. I seem to be By Lauren Strec the neighbor most affected by their behaviors. Is there anything I can do? I'm about ready to lose my mind, it really makes me uncomfortable! Jumping Jenny Dear Jenny, I don’t know why this obvious answer is so nonexistent in today’s society—COMMUNICATE! Drop off a letter in their mailbox, asking when would be a good time for you to stop by and talk, or have them over for coffee. When you have your meeting, spill the beans in a non-attacking manner. Tell them that what they do in their own home is their business, but it makes you uncomfortable because you it is indeed projected outside of their walls. Tell them that you want to find a compromise. Maybe the nudie can keep the lights off or close the blinds. Maybe “silky butt” can throw on a robe. Either they will get defensive, and you will just have to invest in drapes of your own, or maybe they had no idea that they were causing discomfort, and will totally cooperate. Point is, you gotta talk to find out and attempt to make progress. Dear LaLa: I've known this guy for about 6 months and he's my best friend. We have a lot of things in common and we just seem to click. There is one problem though; my friend who introduced us has liked him for 4 years. He pretty much ignores her and spends time with me. I don't know what to tell her. We are attracted to each other and we keep sneaking around so she won't see us in town. I told her that I like him and she was upset. Any advice on how to proceed? Sneaky Sara Dear Sara, Obviously, whichever decision you make, will result in losing one of the people as a companion. So, the first step is to analyze about how much these two different friendships mean to you. How long have you been friends with your girlfriend, and how much have you two gone through together? If you have a solid friendship with history, it might not be worth losing it over a guy that you have only known a half year. If she’s just an casual friend, then I would say go for the guy; he sounds hot. Your girlfriend should know by now, that after 4 years, she shouldn’t be investing her time in someone that doesn’t reciprocate. If you determine that you want to save your friendship with the broad, definitely work with her to get over him. Who knows— maybe after some time passes, she’ll get over him and you can keep both. But not likely.

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Management lesson A crow was sitting on a tree doing nothing all day. A rabbit saw him and asked, "Can I sit like you and do nothing all day?" The crow said he could. So, the rabbit sat below the crow and rested. Suddenly, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it. The lesson? To be sitting and doing nothing, you have to be very high up. Anonymous

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Brendan’s Too

3135 W. Montrose 773-463-2771

DAILY SPECIALS $1.75 PABST BLUE RIBBON $11 DOMESTIC BUCKETS $13 IMPORT BUCKETS MONDAY:

INDUSTRY NIGHT $1 OFF WELL & DOMESTICS $3 Blue Moon & $3 Harp

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The Clever Wife

The other night Lisa was invited out for a night with the "girls." She told her husband that she would be home by midnight. Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily. Around 3 am, a bit loaded, Lisa headed for home. Just as she got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times.

Quickly, realizing her husband would probably wake up, she cuckooed another 9 times. She was really proud of herself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution in order to escape a possible conflict with him. Even totally smashed, 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos equals 12 cuckoos which equals Midnight! The next morning her husband asked Lisa what time she got in and she replied “Midnight!” He didn't seem pissed off in the least. Whew, she was very relieved she got away with that one! Then he said "We need a new cuckoo clock." When she asked him why, he said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said ‘Oh shit’, cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted.

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About Aging Gracefully

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WINO: Willie Mason AGE: 62 LIKES: black licorice and back rubs DISLIKES: cats and car alarms DRINK OF CHOICE: Popov (100 proof) SMELLS LIKE: your Grandmother… if she just farted James, a Rancher from Lake View asks: I heard that about 1 in 10 men will have a problem with impotence sometime in their lives. Those odd aren’t that bad, are they? WINO: Tell that to my pecker! Back in the day, that thing would get as hard as a diamond if I caught a whiff of a dog’s ass! Nowadays, I couldn’t conjure up a big rubbery one if Sophia Loren farted in my mouth! Rick, a Funeral Director from Lincoln Park asks: Everyone always talks about the bad stuff associated with growing old. There has to be some fun parts, right? WINO: Well…last week at the Shell station, I nearly blew my asshole out passing one of them kidney stones! Shit! That son of a bitch was like a squirrel tryin’ to fight it’s way out of a Crown Royal bag! Jessica, a Stripper asks: My mom recently told me that she lost her figure after she gave birth to me. Should I be worried about everything “going South” after I have my son this Fall? WINO: Get outta my face with that shit! This morning, during my firstcigarette-dump, I had to fishhook my bean-bag out of a fresh bowl of mud-guppies with my damn pinky! WWW.WHATSUPXTRA.COM


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JULY HOROSCOPE ARIES: You're known to be practical, reliable and a good team player. Your self-confidence leads you on, making you a true fire sign. But take care not to wear yourself out. TAURUS: Being the leader is the role you like best. But sometimes you have difficulty getting started, especially true about home projects. Get help and lead there too. GEMINI: Don't be surprised if the wanderlust creeps back into your life this month. With the Fourth of July break and upcoming vacations, it's the perfect time for it. CANCER: The stars predict that a budget, either at work or at home, will draw your attention this month. A team effort may be required, so have a diplomatic approach. LEO: Upcoming developments will make you motivated and excited about the future. It could be a time when you'll have the opportunity to make good things happen. VIRGO: Your creativity is stirring again and could lead you to a breakthrough in one or more areas of your life. You will develop a new perspective and benefit from it.

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LIBRA: With all these summer barbecues and get gettogethers, it's brings opportunities for a sociable person like you to add to the fun and to help others enjoy it. SCORPIO: Watch your tendencies to be strong willed and opinionated. In matters of love and romance, they could be a turn off. Focus on empathy and love for now. SAGITTARIUS: Because you are considerate of your colleagues and fellow workers, you are able to bring out their energy and courage in work matters. Don't change now. CAPRICORN: It's a bummer to have a health problem when you want to enjoy the summer. Follow your doctor's advice and get better. There's plenty of sunshine left. AQUARIUS: Rather than wearing yourself out traipsing around the country, consider taking a vacation at home. Do anything you want to do, rest and get happy. PISCES: Your water sign is calling, be it for a cruise or time at a lake or river, you'll be revitalized upon your return. Take your partner and go. 773.213.4597

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THE LIGHTER SIDE

The Housekeeper My mom is a less than fastidious housekeeper. One evening my dad walked into the kitchen and teased her, "You know, dear, I can write my name in the dust on the mantel." Mom turned to him and sweetly replied, "Yes, darling, I know. That's why I married a college graduate."

The Big Bank A young college boy came running in tears to his father. "Dad, you gave me some terrible financial advice! You told me to put my money in that big bank, and now that big bank is in trouble." "What are you talking about? That's one of the largest banks in the state." "I don't think so," he sniffed. "They just returned one of my checks with a note saying, 'Insufficient Funds'."

The Bridge A man was walking along a California beach, deep in prayer. Suddenly the Lord appeared to him and said, "Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish." The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive there." The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. I can do it, but it's hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that would honor me." The man thought about it and finally said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand my wife and know how she feels inside, why she gives me the silent treatment, what she means when she says "nothing's wrong," and how I can make a woman truly happy." The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four lanes on that bridge?"

Hippopotamus, New York A woman called to make reservations from Chicago to Hippopotamus, New York. After some searching, the agent said "I'm sorry, ma'am, I've looked up every airport code and can't find a Hippopotamus anywhere." She retorted, "Oh don't be silly! Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!" The agent scoured a map and finally asked if she meant Buffalo. "That's it!" she said, "I knew it was a big animal."

Are You Smarter Than CHESTER “The Sock Monkey”?

1. The month of July is named after... a-The Julian Calendar b-Pope Julius VI c-Julius Caesar d-Juno, the Roman god of pleasure 2. Which transportation "first" occurred on July 24th, 1814? a-The first steam locomotive debuted b-The first coast-to-coast railroad opened c-The first female balloon pilot was licensed d-The first steamship crossed the Pacific 3. Which U.S. governmental service was established in July of 1865? a-The Federal Bureau of Investigation b-The Central Intelligence Agency c-The Secret Service d-The Internal Revenue Service 4. The British Parliament passed an Act in July, 1867, that did what? a-Officially ended the Revolutionary War b-Established the Crown Colony of Hong Kong c-Established the Dominion of Canada dRequired all Commonwealth coins to have a portrait of the King 5. What was the big news in Washington D.C. on July 2th, 1881? a-Aaron Burr killed Alexander Hamilton in a duel b-President Garfield was assassinated c-The Spanish/American War ended d-The first female U.S. Ambassador was appointed 6. Which significant event took place on July 4th, 1903? a-Adolf Hitler was born b-The world's first subway opened c-The first Pacific cable was laid from San Francisco and Manila d-The first ice cream cone was sold 7. On July 5th, 1946, engineer Louis Reard's most famous invention made its debut. What was it? a-The Hydrogen Bomb b-Color Television c-Gatorade d-The "Walk/ Don't Walk" Sign e-The Bikini 8. Which aerospace achievement took place in July 20th, 1969? a-The first female orbited the Earth b-The first U.S.-U.S.S.R. space capsule docking c-Man first walked on the moon d-Cape Canaveral was officially renamed Cape Kennedy 9. In July of 1971, the United States passed the 26th Amendment. What did it do? A-Guaranteed equal rights for women b-Set the minimum voting age in the United States at 18 c-Set the minimum drinking age in the United States at 21 d-Set the minimum age for the office of President at 40 10. A very special day is celebrated on July 15th every year. Is it... a-The longest day of the year b-Eat More Mushrooms Day c-Polka Preservation Day d-National Turn-Your-Mattress-Over Day e-Cow Appreciation Day

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*Cubs Game Day excluded

BRING IN THIS AD FOR DUELING PIANOS ON FRIDAYS* FOR FREE ADMISSION

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www.FightCard.net FIGHTCARD50: RELOADED 2013 will hit Cicero Stadium on Saturday, July

20th and promises to be the hottest MMA event this summer. "(FIGHTCARD) is going bigger with our 50th event. Big fights, bigger cage & bigger production." CEO Brian Angelo. RELOADED will bring the best in the Midwest for pros and amateur fighters to meet to prove who the best is and move one step closer to championship status. Fireworks kick off on July 20th at Cicero Stadium.

Want to to Compete? Compete? Want Contact Nilo @ @ Contact Nilo 312.369.4180 312.369.4180

After 2 years, this match will finally take place... Former FIGHTCARD Champion Danny Morales Vs. the original #1 Contender Maurice Jackson on July 20th

One of the greatest undefeated Champions of FightCard Entertainment will return to where it all began with the organization that put him on the map. FightCard’s 1st ever Lightweight Champion Guillermo Serment steps in against Indiana’s Lightweight powerhouse Terry House.

RING GIRL INQUIRY? Email Brian@FightCard.net

-Look who’s coming home? Former FIGHTCARD Bantamweight Champion Pedro Velasco returns against FIGHTCARD’s veteran superstar Lance Surma. “2 fighters that never say die, always brings out a great fight” Tickets available

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Full of Hot Air

A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She reduced altitude and spotted a man below. She descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago but I don't know where I am." The man below replied "You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude." "You must be an engineer," said the balloonist. "I am", replied the man. "How did you know?" "Well, answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, you've delayed my trip even more." The man below responded, "You must be in management." "I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?" "Well," said the man, "You don't know where you are or where you're going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems?”

PUB & EATERY

3906 N. Cicero Ave 773-736-2644 DAILY DRINK AND FOOD SPECIALS!

KARAOKE EVERY FRIDAY AND SATURDAY 8PM

CUBS GAME DAY BURGER W/ FRIES $2.50* *DINE - IN ONLY

WATCH ALL YOUR FAVORITE SPORTING EVENTS ON OUR 7 PLASMA TV’S AND 100” PROJECTION TV.

NEED A SPORT SPONSOR? GIVE US A CALL LIQUOR/CONVENIENCE STORE ON PREMISES STORE HOURS: MON - FRI: 7AM- 2AM SAT: 7AM - 3AM / SUN: 11AM - 2AM

The WORDOKU Game Can Keep You Fit To solve a wordoku, you only need logic and patience. Simply make sure that each 3x3 square region has a letter that occurs once. Each column and row of the large grid must have only one instance of the letter. The difficulty rating on this puzzle is easy. The title is a clue to the word in the shaded area.

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BOOZE NEWS

Hot Trends in Alcohol Sales for 2013 Onsite Barrel Aged Cocktails

Emphasis on locally made spirits is all the rage for 2013. For centuries spirits were stored in barrels, out of necessity, for storage and transportation. Today, the resurgence of barrel aging liquor, began in London. Aging mixed drinks in wooden barrels imparts unique flavors, depending on the wood used.

Culinary Cocktails

A hot, hot trend for 2013 are cocktails made with complicated recipes, mixing traditional spirits with freshly squeezed juice, nectars, whole fruits and vegetables and herbs. For example, a bartender (aka Mixologist) may dress up a traditional mojito by adding fresh lemongrass, to create a whole new taste.

Traditional Cocktails

Tried and true, the Martini, Manhattan, Old Fashion – have a simplicity and elegance that will no doubt keep them on the bar menu long after above mentioned muddled lemon grass mojito hits 2013 Yesterday’s News.

The Straw Stripper is a safe, efficient and sanitary method of providing a drinking straw and maximizing customer service. The unit quickly strips the bottom portion of paper away from a drinking straw, leaving the papertipped end ready to be placed into a beverage. It’s simple, yet it speaks volumes when showing consumers that you truly care. Customizable, easy and efficient, the Straw Stripper will revolutionize your beverage service!

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DO YOUR WANT MORE AZZES IN THE SEATS? DOES ADVERTISING WORK? IT JUST DID - PRINT & CALL 773.213.4597 MAGAZINE / ONLINE

Riddle Ri ddle of the Month For some I go fast, for others I'm slow. To most people, I'm an obsession relying on me is a well-practiced lesson.

WIN A $25

GIFT CERTIFICATE

Text your answers to: 773-288-9400 or e-mail: whatsupxtra@yahoo.com Leave your name, e-mail, and telelphone number. All correct answers go into drawing.

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Answer to Last Months Riddle Determine what letter should replace the ? at the end: M M L J A R C C G E PC? Answer: T Winner: Lisa Martin WWW.WHATSUPXTRA.COM


CLUB BELMONT

Big John’s

LANDMARK PUB

5135 N. Oriole Harwood Heights 708.867.6533

7844 W. Belmont 773.589.2808

The Booze is Cheap & The Entertainment is Free!!!

BIKES, BABES & BOOZE

Sick and Wrong!!!

Patio and Beer Gardens

Have a cold one on a deck near you.

Glascott’s

2158 N. Halsted

Lincoln Park

El Jardin

3335 N Clark St

Wrigleyville

Four Farthings

2060 N. Cleveland

Lincoln Park

Slugger’s

3540 N. Clark St

Wrigleyville

Mo Daily’s

6070 N. Northwest Hwy

Norwood Park

Augie’s

1721 W. Wrightwood

Lincoln Park

Kelly’s Pub

949 W Webster

Liincoln Park

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VOTE FOR YOUR FAVORITE JULY BARTENDER

W

r u tra o X ho’s y te i w r o fav nder? e t r ba

Go to

facebook.com/wassupxtramagazine ‘Like’ the page and ‘Like’ or comment on the bartenders photo or text 773.288.9400 or vote @ www.whatsupxta.com The winner will receive a 4 hour limo bus from LIMOSALIVE.NET for 24 of their friends.

Bartender: Courtney Where to Find Her: Newport Bar & Grill 334 W Newport Ave, Chicago Signature Drink: Dragon Limeade

JUNE BARTENDER OF THE MONTH IS...

Ingredients: Bacardi Silver, Bacardi Dragon Berry, Monster Zero Ultra, Fresh Lime Juice, Grenadine Words of Wisdom: "I spell liver... L-I-Q-U-O-R."

Bartender: Brandy Where to Find Her: Justin's 3358 N Southport Ave, Chicago Signature Drink: Justin's Bloody Mary Ingredients: Vodka, House Bloody Mary Mix, Guinness, House-made Beef Jerky, Pickled Jalapeno Words of Wisdom: "Never play leap frog with a unicorn!"

Bartender: Charlie Where to Find Her: Belmont Pour House 1113 W Belmont Ave, Chicago Signature Drink: Tripel Karmeliet (Craft Beer) Ingredients: Belgium/Belgian Style, 8.4%, Buggehout, Fruity 3 Grain (Wheat/Oak/ Barley) Words of Wisdom: "The hoppier the ale, the happier the patron."

CONGRATULATIONS

Matt

Parrots Bar 745 Wellington

“Your not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.”

Rules: All service employees are eligible to win. The service employee who receives the most votes in the month wins. You can submit your vote by texting (773) 288-9400 or go to facebook.com/whatsupxtramagazine “like” our page and vote under the bartender’s photo or go to www.whatsupxtra.com

*The Pub Crawl will begin at the employee of the months bar and the limo bus will accommodate 24 passengers. Gratuity not included and must be paid prior to service

Only one vote is counted per person and voting polls close on July 20th.

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Summer Shandy- Ice cold traditional Weiss Beer with Lemon - in a frosted glass $3.00 MONDAY: Working Man’s Deal - Bucket of 5 Iced Domestic Bottles and a Tombstone Pizza - $15 TUESDAY: J&J Blasters Shot of Jameson or Jager - $3.25 WEDNESDAY: Heinken, Corona or Amstel Light - $3.25 THURSDAY: THIRSTY THURSDAY - 16oz Aluminum Cans of Miller Lite, Bud Light or Coors Light - $3.00 FRIDAY: Pabst Blue Ribbon, Schlitz or Bud Light - $2.50 SATURDAY: SATURDA Tall Frosted Glass of Absolut Vodka and Lemonade or Ice Tea - $3.25

The Peek Inn

SUNDAY:

July Entertainment KARAOKE FRIDAY 9PM BEST SINGER WINS $25 BAR TAB WINNER PICKED BY CUSTOMER APPLAUSE

JULY 5TH 90’S NIGHT JULY 19TH 70’S NIGHT

FREE POOL EVERYDAY ALL DAY

SATURDAY NIGHTS

EVERY SATURDAY AFTER 10PM FREE JUKE BOX

GO GO GET DOWN DJ EDWIN SAT 7/13 & 7/27

Ask Bartender about our Board Games

HAPPY 4TH OF JULY GOD BLESS OUR TROOPS

27TH IS 80’S NIGHT

2825 W. Irving Park Rd

773.267.5197 John Erakovich

Conlon: A Real Estate Company

3724-26 N Clark Street Chicago Offered at $2,900,000

Many new things going on that will ONLY increase business!

Office: (312)733-7201 Cell (773)860-7960 2044 West Roscoe Chicago, IL 60618

Peek Inn “like us” on Facebook

Fax: (312)733-6865 johne@conlonrealestate.com

-NWU Football, Baseball & LaCrosse Games -More Concerts -More Night Games & Friday afternoon 3pm Games -Wrigley Renovations, Hotel, Shops, Etc.

Once in a generation chance to own a bar/grill building in Wrigleyville 1/2 block from Wrigley Field. Building on 50 foot lot on Clark. Large horseshoe bar & full kitchen. Wonderful opportunity for the good operator. Four 2-bedroom apartments, tenants pay all utilities, CFA & CA. Many improvements to the building, in excellent condition.! All measurements and figures are approximate. Source of information is deemed reliable, but not verified. FACEBOOK.COM/WHATSUPXTRAMAGAZINE

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It Pays to Behave

There isn't a person in the world who isn't capable of doing more than he thinks he can. Henry Ford, American Industrialist

One day a little boy woke up and sat down at the table expecting breakfast. However, his mother says, "You don't get any breakfast until you do your chores."

A little pissed off; the boy goes out to do his chores. When he goes to milk the cow, he kicks it. When he goes to get eggs he kicks a chicken, and when he goes to feed the pigs, he kicks a pig. When the little boy sits down his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal. "Where is the bacon, eggs and milk?" asks the little boy. His mother replies, "I saw you kick the cow, so you don't get any milk; I saw you kick a chicken so you don't get eggs; and I saw you kick a pig so you don't get any bacon!" Just as she ďŹ nishes saying this, the boy's father comes down the stairs and kicks the cat. The little boy looks up at his mother and asks, "Do you want to tell him, or should I?" FACEBOOK.COM/WHATSUPXTRAMAGAZINE

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BAR DIRECTORY

Where are you going tonight?: Lakeview East - Wrigleyville - Southport Bar Celona

3474 N. Clark

773-244-8000

Mullen’s

Bendan’s Pub

3169 N. Broadway

773-929-2929

Murphys Bleachers 3655 N. Sheffield

773-281-5356

Bernie’s

3664 N Clark

773-525-1898

Mystic Celt

3443 N. Southport

773-529-8550

Big City

1010 W. Belmot

773-935-1138

Newport Bar

1344 W Newport

773-325-9111

Blarney Stone

3424 N. Sheffield

773-348-1078

Nick’s Uptown

4015 N Sheridan

773-975-1155

Brew & View

3145 N. Sheffield

773-929-7150

North End

3733 N Halsted

Buck’s Saloon

3439 N. Halsted

773-525-1125

Paddy Long’s

1028 W Diversey

773-348-9711

Clark Street Bar 3040 N. Clark

773-281-6690

Parrots Bar

754 W Wellington

773-281-7878

Coobah

3423 N. Southport

773-528-2220

Piano Bar

3801 N. Clark

773-528-4033

Cubby Bear

1059 W Addison

773-327-1662

Raw Bar & Grill

3720 N Clark St

773-348-7291

Cullen’s Bar

3741 N. Southport

773-975-0600

Rebel Bar

3462 N. Clark

773-348-9084

Dram Shop

3040 N. Broadway

773-549-4401

Redmond’s

3358 N Sheffield

773-404-2151

Fiesta Cantina

3407 N. Clark

773-975-5980

Roadhouse 66

3330 N. Clark

773-525-8166

Friar Tucks

3010 N. Broadway

773-327-5101

Rockit Bar

3700 N.Clark

773-645-4400

Full Shilling

3724 N. Clark

773-248-3330

Rocks

3463 N. Broadway

773-472-0493

Goose Island

3535 N. Clark

773-832-9040

Roscoe’s

3356 N. Halsted

773-281-3355

Higgins Tavern

3259 N. Racine

773-281-7637

Schoolyard

3258 N Southport

773-528-8226

Holiday Club

4000 N. Sheridan

773-348-9600

Schubas Tavern 3159 N Southport

773-525-2508

Irish Oak

3511 N. Clark

Sheffield’s

3258 N Sheffield

773-281-4989

Jack’s Bar

2856 N Southport

773-404-8400

Sidetracks

3349 N. Halsted

773-477-9189

Jacklyn’s Bar

3400 N. Broadway

773-404-5149

Sluggers

3540 N Clark

773-248-0055

Jake’s Pub

2932 N Clark

773-248-3318

Smart Bar

3730 N Clark

773-549-4140

Joe’s On Broadway 3563 N Broadway

773-528-1054

Sopo

3418 N. Southport

773-348-0100

John Barleycorns 3524 N. Clark

773-549-6000

Southport Lanes 3325 N. Southport

773-472-6600

Justin’s

3358 N Southport

773-929-4844

Sports Corner

952 W. Addison

773-929-1441

Kit Kat Lounge

3700 N Halsted

773-525-1111

Take 5 Bar

3747. Southport

773-871-5555

L&L Tavern

3207 N. Clark

773-528-1303

Toon’s

3857 N. Southport

773-935-1919

Little Jim’s

3501 N. Halsted

773-871-6116

Town Hall Pub

3340 N Halsted

773-472-4405

Lucky’s 3

472 N. Clark

773-549-0665

Trace

3714 N. Clark

773-477-3400

Mad River

2909 N. Sheffield

773-935-7500

Trader Todd’s

3216 N Sheffield

773-348-3250

Matilda

3101 N Sheffield

773-883-4400

Vaughans Pub

2917 N. Sheffield

773-281-8188

Matisse

674 W. Diversey

773-528-6670

Vines

3554 N. Clark

773-327-8572

Merkles

3516 N Clark

773-244-1025

Wrigleyville North 3900 N Sheridan

773-929-9543

Metro Smart Bar 3730 N Clark

773-549-4140

Yak-Zies Bar

773-525-9200

Monsignor Murphys

773-348-7285

3019 N. Broadway

FACEBOOK.COM/WHATSUPXTRAMAGAZINE

773.213.4597

3527 N Clark

773-325-2319

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BAR DIRECTORY

Where are you going tonight?:

Lincoln Park & Old Town Augie's

1721 W. Wrightwood

773-296-0018

McGinny's Tap

313 W. North

773-943-5228

Bird's Nest

2500 N. Southport

773-472-1502

Mickey's

2450 N. Clark

773-435-0007

Blue's

2519 N. Halsted

773-525-8317

O' Brien's

1528 N. Wells

312-787-3131

Burton's Place

1447 N. Wells

773-664-4699

Old Town Ale

219 W. North

773-944-7020

Burwood Tap

7242 W. Wrightwood

773-525-2593

Old Town Pub

1339 N. Wells

773-266-6789

Clybar

417 N. Clybourn

773-388-1877

O'Malley's West 2249 N. Lincoln

773-935-2719

Corcoran's

1615 N. Wells

773-440-0885

Orso's

1401 N. Wells

773-787-6604

Delilah's

2771 N. Lincoln

773-472-2771

Ravens

2326 N. Clark

773-348-1774

Duffy's

422 W. Diversey

773-549-9090

River Shannon

425 W. Armitage

773-944-5087

Durkin's

810 W. Diversey

773-525-2515

Rocks

1301 W. Schubert

773-472-7728

Elbo Room

2817 N. Lincoln

773-549-5549

Saluki Bar

1208 N. Wells

773-274-1824

Field House Pub 2455 N. Clark

773-348-6489

Suite Lounge

1446 N. Wells

773-787-6106

Four Farthings

2060 N. Cleveland

773-935-2060

The Apartment

2251 N. Lincoln

773-348-5100

Frank's

2503 N. Clark

773-549-2700

The Local Option 1102 W. Webster

773-348-2008

Galway Arms

2442 N. Clark

773-472-5555

The Other Side

2436 N. Clark

773-525-8238

Gamekeepers

345 W. Armitage

773-549-0400

Tin Lizzie

2483 N. Clark

773-549-1132

Glascott's

2158 N. Halsted

773-281-1205

Tonic Room

2447 N. Halsted

773-248-8400

Goose Island

1800 N. Clybourn

773-915-0071

Weeds

1555 N. Dayton

312-943-7815

Halligan's Pub

2274 N. Lincoln

773-472-7940

Wellingtons

1300 W. Wellington

773-528-0654

Halsted Harp

2138 N. Halsted

773-348-3665

Wise Fools Pub 2270 N. Lincoln

773-929-1300

Hidden Shamrock 2732 N. Lincoln

773-883-0304

Witts

773-528-7032

Irish Eyes

773-348-9548

Wrightwood Tap 1059 W. Wrightwood

2

2519 N. Lincoln

Joe's Sports Bar 940 W. Weed

773-337-3486

John Barleycorn 2300 N. Lincoln

773-348-8899

John's Place

1200 W. Webster

773-525-6670

Kelly's Pub

949 W. Webster

773-281-0656

Kendall's Pub

2263 N. Lincoln

773-348-7200

Kincade's

950 W. Armitage

773-348-0010

Kingston Mines

2548 N. Halsted

773-477-4646

Lincoln Station

2432 N. Lincoln

773-472-8100

Lincoln Tap

3010 N. Lincoln

773-868-0060

Lion Head Pub

2251 N. Lincoln

773-348-5100

Max Bar

2247 N. Lincoln

773-549-5884

McGee's

950 W. Webster

773-549-8200

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2913 N. Lincoln

773-459-4949

Smarty Pants A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.” The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?” The boy takes the quarters and leaves. “What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!” Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. “Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?” The boy licked his cone and replied, “Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!”

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BAR DIRECTORY

Where are you going tonight?: Northwest Babe’s

4416 N. Milwaukee

773-545-3137

Paddy Macks

4157 N. Pulaski

773-279-9300

Bill’s Pub

4104 N. Pulaski

773-202-0020

Rabbits

4945 W Foster

773-736-5766

Brigadoon

5748 W Lawrence

773.777.2403

Roman’s

6448 N. Milwaukee

773-467-9827

Cabaret Lounge 6101 W. Montrose

773-736-2337

Sidekicks

4424 W Montrose

773-545-6212

Casual Tap

5924 W Montrose

773-283-9490

Six Penny Bit

5800 W. Montrose

773-545-2033

Charlotte’s Bar

6000 W Gunnison

773-775-3616

Thatch Pub

5707 N. Milwaukee

773-763-8179

Club Belmont

7844 W. Belmont

773-598-2808

Three Counties

5856 N. Milwaukee

773-631-3351

Di’s Den

5100 W Irving Park

773-736-7170

Tommy’s

6954 W Higgins

773-631-4451

Dugan’s

6051 N. Milwaukee

773-467-5555

Trinity Pub

5943 N. Northwest

773-763-0095

Edison Park Inn 6713 N. Olmsted

773-775-1404

Vaughan’s Pub

5485 Northwest

773-631-9206

Emerald Isle Pub 2537 W Peterson

773-561-6674

Windsor Tavern

4530 N. Milwaukee

773-736-3400

Fantasy Lounge 4400 N Elston

773-685-8083

Zachary’s

5368 N Milwaukee

773-792-0933

Filonek’s

6213 N. Milwaukee

773-775-5010

Galvin’s Public

5901 W Lawrence

773-205-0570

Gladstone’s

5734 N. Milwaukee

773-763-3385

Ham Tree Inn

5333 N. Milwaukee

773-792-2072

Harry’s On Elston 5943 N. Elston

773-774-4166

Harwood Bar

6438 W. Montrose

708-867-7781

Hops N Barley

4359 N Milwaukee

773-286-7415

Jet’s Public Hou 6148 N. Milwaukee

773-775-7587

Jimmy Macks

5581 N. Northwest

773-631-1466

Joe E’s Lounge

4206 W Irving Park

773-283-3422

Landmark Pub

5135 N. Oriole

773-867-6533

Lasko’s

5525 N Milwaukee

773-774-9800

Lizard Lounge

3058 W. Irving Park

773-463-7599

Margaret’s

5134 W. Irving Park

773-685-4493

Mary’s Place

6300 N. Milwaukee

773-775-7587

MCM Pub

3906 N. Cicero

773-736-2644

McNamaras

4328 W Irving Park

773-725-1800

Mo Dailey’s

6070 N. Northwest Hwy

773-774-6121

Moretti’s

6727 N. Olmsted

773-631-1223

Mrs. O’Leary’s

4368 N. Milwaukee

773-427-7300

Mug Shots

7718 W. Addison

773-625-8466

Murrays

5522 N Elston

773-774-3466

Night Caps

5007 W Irving Park

773-282-8654

Nil’s Tap

5734 N. Elston

773-594-1288

FACEBOOK.COM/WHATSUPXTRAMAGAZINE

Can I Get a Push?

A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows. "Aren't you going to answer that?" says his wife. So he drags himself out of bed and goes downstairs. He opens the door and there is a man standing at the door. It didn't take the homeowner long to realize the man was drunk. "Hi there," slurs the stranger. "Can you give me a push?" "No, get lost. It's half past three. I was in bed," says the man and slams the door. He goes back up to bed and tells his wife what happened and she says, "Dave, that wasn't very nice of you. Remember that night we broke down in the pouring rain on the way to pick the kids up from the baby sitter and you had to knock on that man's house to get us started again? What would have happened if he'd told us to get lost?" "But the guy was drunk," says the husband. "It doesn't matter," says the wife. "He needs our help and it would be the right thing to help him." So the husband gets out of bed again, gets dressed and goes downstairs. He opens the door, and not being able to see the stranger anywhere he shouts, "Hey, do you still want a push?" And he hears a voice cry out, "Yeah, please." So, still being unable to see the stranger he shouts, "Where are you?" And the stranger replies, "I'm over here, on your swing."

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BAR DIRECTORY

Where are you going tonight?:

Lakeview West/ Roscoe Village / North-Center / Lincoln Square / Albany Park / Ravenswood Andersonvile 240 Lounge

3948 W. Lawrence

773-267-0474

Huetten Bar

4721 N. Lincoln

773-561-2507

42 Latitude

3341 N Western

773-910-1473

Jury's

4337 N. Lincoln

773-935-2255

Abbey Pub

3420 W. Grace

773-478-4408

Katerina's

1902 W. Irving

773-348-7592

Atlantic Bar

5062 N. Lincoln

773-506-7090

Keenan O' Reilly's 3916 N. Ashland

773-857-3800

Bad Dog

4535 N. Lincoln

773-334-4040

Leadway Bar

5233 N. Damen

773-728-2663

Big Joe’s

1818 W Foster

773-784-8755

Long Room

1612 W. Irving

773-665-4500

Black Rock

3614 N. Damen

773-348-4044

Margie's Pub

4145 N. Lincoln

773-477-1644

Brendan’s Too

3135 W. Montrose

773-463-2771

Mulligan's

2000 W. Roscoe

773-549-4225

Brownstone

3937 N. Lincoln

773-528-3700

Mutiny

2428 N. Western

773-486-7774

Carol’s Pub

4659 N Clark

773-334-2402

Oakwood 83

1969 W. Montrose

773-327-2785

Celtic Crown

4301 N. Western

773-588-1110

O'Donovan's

2100 W. Irving

773-478-2100

Chicago Joe's

2256 W. Irving

773-478-7000

O'Lanagan

2335 W. Montrose

773-583-2252

Chief O'Neills

3471 N. Elston

773-583-3066

Peek Inn

2825 W. Irving Park

773-267-5197

Christina's Place 3759 N. Kedzie

773-463-1768

Rail Bar

4709 N Damen

773-878-9400

Claddagh Ring

773-271-4794

Richochet's

4644 N. Lincoln

773-271-3127

Cody's Public House 1658 W. Barry

773-528-4050

Riverview

1958 W. Roscoe

773-871-1200

Daily's Bar

4560 N. Lincoln

773-561-6198

Roscoe Villiage Pub 2159 W. Addison

773-472-6160

Farraguts

5240 N Clark

773-728-4903

Save More Lounge 4060 N. Lincoln

773-281-1444

Finley Dunnes

3458 N. Lincoln

773-477-7311

Side Street

1456 W. George

773-327-1127

Fizz

3220 N. Lincoln

773-348-6000

Silvie's

1902 W. Irving

773-871-6239

Foley's

1841 W. Irving

773-929-1210

Small Bar

2956 N. Albany

773-509-9888

Four Moon

1847 W. Roscoe

773-929-6666

Stadium West

3188 N. Elston

773-866-2450

Four Shadows

2758 N. Ashland

773-248-9160

Ten Cat Tavern

3931 N. Ashland

773-935-5377

Four Trey's Pub 3333 N. Damen

773-549-8845

The Temple

3001 N. Ashland

773-248-0990

Fuller's Pub

3203 W. Irving

773-478-8060

Uptown Lounge 1136 W. Lawrence

773-878-1136

Gio’s

4857 N. Damen

773-334-0345

Villiage Tap

2055 W. Roscoe

773-883-0817

Hidden Cove

5336 N. Lincoln

773-275-3955

Waterhouse

3407 N. Paulina

773-871-1200

Hidden Cove

5338 N. Lincoln

773-275-6711

Wild Goose

4265 N. Lincoln

773-281-7112

Horseshoe

4115 N. Lincoln

773-248-1366

Windy City Inn

2257 W. Irving

773-588-7088

2306 W. Foster

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TAT T L E TA L E S

I Laughed Until I Cried By Rob Christiansen

You don’t have to pay rent because you live in my heart, you with one brother, one syndrome and one strife. You pulled up to the store in your F-150, walked in and said you wanted a ukulele to accompany yourself on “I’ve got a Lovely Bunch of Coconuts.” You described, for my edification, a place in French Lick you’d visited, called Tourette’s, where the tourists had Tourette’s. Duhdutduhduhduhduhdut. I rolled my eyes because Charlie heard you say duhdutduhduhduhduhdut. You’d spent the morning pitching firewood you’d cut into your trailer in the backyard and have never been to French Lick. “I don’t want to hear that music in my house,” Charlie said over crackers we ate over upturned barrels while you were outside sawing a tree felled by a storm. Charlie thinks clichés are antiques and he sells them as knickknacks. No one is the boss of you. Derek played with Orange the security cat and I wondered if we had a ukulele. I eventually realized your duhdutduhduhduhduhdut is “I Dream of Jeannie.” Derek’s rat Ashley scurried along a bookshelf as plecostomus Sgt. Schultz and splatter coy Big Bob and their friends watched us from their eclectic fish tank. You had me high-five you. You admitted that you usually confuse “Jeannie” with its companion piece, “Bewitched.” You generously sampled each for my benefit and then emphatically wagged a finger at Sgt. Schultz and told him that he “heard nothing.” You launched full scale, your nose almost touching the glass, into dahdotdotdotdahdahdah / dahdotdotdotdahdahdah / dahdotdotdotdahdahdah / dahdotdotdahdahdot / dahdotdahdah. The number, unlike your others, originates down in your diaphragm, and it could be the extended version of “Jeannie”…or “Bewitched.” I can only guess. It could be “Hogan’s Heroes” for all I know. You wrote my Christmas card, Valentine and birthday card in fluent handwriting although you signed your DL with a lightning bolt and you sign your rent check with waves like those across the bottom of Charlie Brown’s shirt. You wear a Yugioh shirt. You say it’s creative. Derek insists it’s gay, even when you’re walking to Casey’s to buy his Yugioh cards. You reply that the shirt could be both, it could be either, or it could be neither. “There’s no ‘if so facto’,” you tell him. You have a social conscience even though you go through life virtually unconscious. Vicky told me tonight that you told her that “Flipper” is a bottomless pit of gay references, like taking a drink every time David Caruso kneels at a body and takes off his glasses or someone says or alludes to a curse word. She said that you watch Me TV at her house, and she spoke dispassionately of drinking games as though she FACEBOOK.COM/WHATSUPXTRAMAGAZINE

were announcing the end of a moving walkway at the airport. A manhole cover had replaced her chest. I visualized “Superman” mole men climbing from her heart where she channels Samantha Stevens and Jeannie Jeannie, the sources of your repertoire and your alleged Tourette’s. I pictured you walking home across the road in a line as crooked as your DL signature. Our living quarters upstairs in Charlie’s farmhouse need no whoopee cushions to make me happy. I’m Carol Brady…or Marcia, although your duhdutduhduhduhduhdut conjures up images of a genie…or witch. You fire off notes here and then emit soft tones that hint at the larger theme as I leave a room or when Derek announces that one of his four rats is missing. It’s music to my ears that you, without ukulele, provide, keeping me sane. Seldom does anything you say follow what you had been saying, but you know there’s a word for that, and I wonder if you do it intentionally. You probably don’t have Tourette’s and you just long to be French. Duhdutduhduhduhduhdut. Now I’m doing it. Vicky said “Flipper” is the gayest program ever. “Borderline pedophilia so in-your-face that I thought something was twisted in me for noticing that topless prepubescents soaking in skin-tight jean shorts dripping sea foam from the fringe was provocative,” she said. She’s 44 with sons these brothers’ characters ages and found herself doing spit-takes when they confessed to “having an uncomfortable feeling.” “You can’t miss noticing that they emerge from the sea wearing daringly phallic snorkel gear in their mouths,” she said. Vicky said that you told her you would never poison yourself with alcohol because although you’d pass out, you know you’d wake up in time to endure unbearable pain before dying. It isn’t worth it. She said that it isn’t plausible that her oldest son, who doesn’t drink anymore, is considered an alcoholic, and you aren’t. It occurred to me that T-Rex had Tourette’s, and Shakespeare died in Stratford upon Avon, and Avon, one of his mistresses, was the best he ever had. Duhdutduhduhduhduhdut. I laughed until I cried. I’d wish I were a fish but Sgt. Schultz and Big Bob are watching us and I’m sure that they feel something. Derek says he needs Yugioh cards and your shirt isn’t gay. He has the most hilarious, protective, handsome, smart-mouthed, wild, barbaric, hard-working and thoughtful brother. Vicky doubts you’d drink while riding your 1985 Honda XL600R. Pardon my French, but she’s on my s**t list. The law protects her but lawmakers have Tourette’s. Duhdutduhduhduhduhdut. No offense, just in case you have it. You do exhibit other signs. You never worry. Like you say, “I’m not here for a long time; I’m here for a good time.” You should be a stuntman. At least you’d have life insurance. Duhdutduhduhduhduhdut. You call me your strife, strife, strife, strife, strife, strife as though you have Tourette’s, although you only do that when I ask you for the rent for Charlie. I’ll ask Charlie to waive your rent this month, although I need a good excuse as to why he should.

773.213.4597

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Chicagoland came out in full force to welcome the cast and crew from the Full Throttle Saloon June 20th-23rd at Toyota Park in Bridgeview for the very first Throttlefest Chicago!

ANGIE & MICHAEL BALLARD

Full Throttle Saloon is an American reality television series airing on the truTV network. The series provides an inside look at the world's largest biker bar located in Sturgis, South Dakota. Owner Mike Ballard and a full cast of characters race against the clock to serve huge crowds at the Full Throttle Saloon during the annual Sturgis Motorcycle Rally the first full week of August. More than 300,000 people visit the Full Throttle during the annual event, where Ballard and his team face the many pressures catering to the huge Sturgis influx of bikers, all while providing patrons an experience they will not forget! Michael Ballard, owner of the Full Throttle Saloon, purchased the 30-acre property in 1999 and turned it into the world's largest biker bar. Complete with dreadlocks and a motorcycle of his own, Ballard has made a career out of running a bar that is only open 10 days out of the year during the Sturgis Motorcycle Rally. Angie Carlson is Ballard's wife, and a dancer at the saloon. She also has her own section of the Throttle known as "Angieland" where visitors can get their picture taken with Carlson's rear end, believed to be the most photographed butt on the planet. She also helps Ballard run the Full Throttle and oversees calculating nightly earnings for the bar.

Goat

Jessie Dupree

Jesse James Dupree is the lead singer of the rock band Jackyl and is Ballard's business partner. He oversees all of the entertainment at the Full Throttle Saloon and is also a series Executive Producer. Fans of the show can’t help but stay tuned to check out what crazy stunt Jesse is planning each season to upstage himself from the prior year, driving Michael and Angie crazy in the process. Gregg "The Goat" Cook of Rapid City, South Dakota is the official voice of the Full Throttle Saloon. He has been employed by Michael Ballard for 12 years, from the first day they broke ground. Cook is an emcee, DJ and a trained Chef.

The Flaunt Girls

Vince Neil 30 WHATS UP XTRA 30

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Go to MODAILEYS.COM or MO DAILEY’S on FACEBOOK

6070 N. Northwest Hwy Next to Norwood Park Metra station and right on Northwest Hwy 773 -774-6121

PRIVATE PARTY ROOM

Private party room with 9 50” hdtv’s and custom food & drink packages available. Call Today

$2

BOTTLES THURSDAYS

NEW POOL TABLE... SIGN UP FOR A LEAGUE TODAY!

All-U-Can-Eat Sunday Brunch 11am-2pm

every saturday night!

Patio Now Open

best live band venue in the area! live bands

The “DOUBLE D”! Mo Dailey’s original DEEP FRIED BURGER!!!

ON-PREMISE SAND VOLLEYBALL HERE!!!

Outdoor Cafe Open drink specials, volleyball & More

booze & schmooze

Augie’s Hawaiian Party Sat Aug 3rd Pig & Lamb Roast

Benefitting Misericordia

Augie’s 5th Annual Golf Outing Mon Sept 9th Benefitting Make a Wish call for more info 773-296-0018

We Sponsor any & all Sports Teams Full Kitchen & Menu 11am - 11pm Book Parties Now! Great Drink Packages Available

1721 W. Wrightwood FACEBOOK.COM/WHATSUPXTRAMAGAZINE

773.296.0018 773.213.4597

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Kelly’s Pub 949 W. WEBSTER

773- 281- 0656

Come Celebrate The 45th Sheffield Garden Walk & Music Festival at Kelly’s Pub July 20th & 21st VISIT US AT KELLYSPUB.COM FOR UPCOMING EVENTS

Sunday: Monday: Tuesday: Wednesday:

$15 Miller Lite Buckets & $3 Lagunitas Draft $1 Coors Drafts - $1 Tacos $2 Bud & Bud Light Bottles - $1 Burgers

Thursday:

$8 Coors Light Pitchers + $5 3 Olive Vodka Bombs & $5 All Sandwiches $4 Goose Island Green Line Drafts $12 Coors Buckets

Friday: Saturday: 32 WHATS UP XTRA

$2 Off All Drafts

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.25 Cent Wings

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