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MIKE HI TOPS
ASK THE WINO ST. PATRICK’S DAY PARADES
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facebook.com/wassupxtramagazine ‘Like’ the page and ‘Like’ or comment on the bartenders photo or text 773.288.9400 or vote @ www.whatsupxta.com The winner will receive a 4 hour limo bus from LIMOSALIVE.NET for 24 of their friends.
Bartender: Tim
Bartender: Crago
O’Brien’s Restaurant & Bar 1528 N Wells St, Chicago
Goldie‘s 3839 N Lincoln Ave, Chicago
Signature Drink: Morgan’s Melons
Signature Drink: Draft Beer and a Shot
Ingredients: Captain Morgan, Midori, Gingerale
Ingredients: $2 Pint of PBR and a shot of Malort
Words of Wisdom: "If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side."
Words of Wisdom: "Man has his will, but woman has her way."
Bartender: Chelsea
Bartender: Ryan
O‘Malley‘s Liquor Kitchen 3551 N Sheffield, Chicago Signature Drink: Purple Haze Ingredients: Ketel One Oranj, Blue Curacao, Peach Schnapps, Sprite, Cranberry Juice Words of Wisdom: "Always laugh when you can. It the cheapest medicine."
Playbook Sports Bar 6913 N Milwaukee Ave, Niles Signature Drink: Bad Azz Lemonade Ingredients: Real Lemonade, Fresh Muddled Lemons, Citroen Vodka, Club Soda Words of Wisdom: “Love thy neighbor. But don't get caught."
FEBRUARY BARTENDER OF THE MONTH IS... CONGRATULATIONS
Mike
Hi Tops 2462 N. Lincoln “There are no bad cocktails, just bad drinkers.” Rules: All service employees are eligible to win. The service employee who receives the most votes in the month wins. You can submit your vote by texting (773) 288-9400 or go to facebook.com/whatsupxtramagazine “like” our page and vote under the bartender’s photo or go to www.whatsupxtra.com
*The Pub Crawl will begin at the employee of the months bar and the limo bus will accommodate 24 passengers. Gratuity not included and must be paid prior to service
Only one vote is counted per person and voting polls close on March 20th.
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Are you currently looking for a part-time opportunity? What’s Up Xtra Magazine is looking for Sales Associates, Photographers, and Writers to join our dynamic team. Qualified candidates must be outgoing, professional and enjoy meeting new people. If you are interested in hearing more about these opportunities, please contact us at 773-288-9400 or email us at whatsupxtra.com. Serious inquiries only please.
Happy St. Patrick’s Day Sunday March 17th
TABLE OF CONTENTS
OUR ST A FF keith romack publisher
3 bartender of the month 8 horoscope
Lisa romack Sales Director
8 news of interest 9 word find 10 book review ‘
Whats Up CHICAGO
JUNE 2012 BEER GARDENS WHAT’S UP THIS MONTH
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15 Cocktails of the month
Check us out online - Read the magazine, Photos & More... www.whatsupxtra.com
Front page photo taken at O’Malley’s Kitchen The name What’s Up Xtra Magazine is a registered trade name, and use of this name is strictly prohibited. The contents of this publication are copyrighted What’s Up Xtra Chicago Magazine -2012 We encourage our readers to write their stories, send photos, and make comments. All submissions sent to us by phone, email, fax, or handwritten become the property of What’s Up Xtra Chicago Magazine.
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16 fight card xtra 17 wordoku and crossowrd
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18 lala’s love letters
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28 riddle of the month 29 tattle tales 31 january events CHECK OUT
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May your blessings outnumber the Shamrocks that grow, and may trouble avoid you wherever you go.
The Euthanasia Coaster is a concept for a steel roller coaster designed to kill its passengers. In 2010, it was designed and made into a scale model by Julijonas Urbonas, a PhD candidate at the Royal College of Art in London. Urbonas, who has worked at an amusement park, stated that the goal of his concept roller coaster is to take lives “with elegance and euphoria.” It is a ride to the death. The seven loops or “inversonions” put the human body under such stress that it cause the brain to be started of oxygen, as the heart simply cannot push blood against the enormous g-forces. Even if it kills you, it is designed to still be a fun death. FACEBOOK.COM/WHATSUPXTRAMAGAZINE
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STRANGE STORIES
Sleepless in Seattle Alley A man caught masturbating behind a convenience store told an officer that his penis was only out because his pants had shrunk, police say.
Officials in Penn Township, Penn. say the officer stumbled upon Scott E. Smith scrubbing the nub behind a Uni-Mart on the evening of Jan. 29, according to a police report obtained by Penn Live. When he spotted the officer, the 25-year-old whipped out his phone and claimed he was just trying to call his girlfriend, according to the report. The officer asked him why his penis was out in the open, and says Smith told him his pants had shrunk. Smith later allegedly admitted to masturbating outside the store, saying he did it because he was depressed. The man also allegedly confessed to flashing a woman and her young daughter in mid-December. He has been charged with three counts of indecent exposure and is scheduled for a preliminary hearing March 1. At least Smith tried to come up with an excuse. In November, a Seattle man was caught "in the throes of self-flagellation" in an alley, and when cops told him to give it a rest, he refused to stop, saying he was "almost finished." And just last month, Gregory Matthew Bruni allegedly took indecent exposure to new heights when he showed up on the roof of a couple's home completely naked. Cops say he jumped down and punched the homeowner before masturbating and pooping on the floor inside the house. He also drank the contents of a vacuum cleaner. FACEBOOK.COM/WHATSUPXTRAMAGAZINE
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News
Self-Inflating Tires Are Coming
New Devices Improve Posture
If you're in the market for a new car, you may just be able to throw away your tire gauge. Nissan is launching what it calls the Easy Fill Tire Alert system, an intuitive feature that handles everything about tire pressure except for actually putting the air in. It's built into the Altima, Sentra and Quest. The US Department of Transportation recommends checking your tire pressure (and that includes the spare tire) at least once every month. Few drivers do it and those who do aren't sure when to stop airing. The new system gives you three short honks when you've reached the proper tire pressure. Drivers often neglect properly inflating their tires. It damages the rubber, delivers poorer fuel mileage and poses a rollover risk. Goodyear aims to remedy that problem in 2011; the company announced that it was working on a process called "Air Maintenance Technology." It was tested on passenger cars and is being tested on commercial trucks in 2013. The Hummer already has one version, but no date has been set for offering self-inflating tires on other new cars.
Devices that attach to the back or legs promise to help people keep their posture by emitting a vibration. Golfers like them, and office workers are avoiding back strain by using them. The LUMOback ($149) is worn against the lower back and vibrates when the back isn't kept straight. At Forrester Research, they say the "Big Mother" devices will soon be part of employer wellness programs.
Investing a Little at a Time Most funds require an initial investment of $1,000 to $3,000. Those with an automatic investment program (AIP) will let you start with less. Ariel Funds let you start an AIP with $50 a month and automatically deducts that amount from your bank account. Try their Ariel Appreciation Fund (CAAPX) The Artisan Find will also start AIP for $50. Consider Artisan International or their Artisan Value Fund. Charles Schwab has an AIP for $100 a month: Schwab 100 Index Fund.
Roots of the Easter Lily According to Texas A&M extension service, about 95 percent of the lovely Easter lilies we buy during spring come from 10 farms on the California-Oregon border -- The Easter Lily Capital of the World. It takes up to four years to cultivate bulbs that are shipped to growers throughout the world. Every plant for sale comes from a bulb that has been handled at least 40 times before it was ready to be shipped.
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An Elevator Story A skinny little guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little guy staring at him, looks down and says: “7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch private, 3 pound testicles, Turner Brown.” The little guy faints and falls to the floor. The big guy kneels down and starts shaking him. The big guy says, “What's wrong with you?” In a weak voice the little guy says, “What EXACTLY did you say to me?” The big dude says, “I saw your curious look and figured I'd just give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me..... I'm 7 feet tall, I weigh 350 pounds, I have a 20 inch private, my testicles weigh 3 pounds each, and my name is Turner Brown.” The small guy says, “Turner Brown?! Sweet Jesus, I thought you said, 'Turn around!":) FACEBOOK.COM/WHATSUPXTRAMAGAZINE
Life unfolds on a great sheet called Time, and once finished it is gone forever -Chinese Adage 773.213.4597
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May your heart be light and happy, May your smile be big and wide, And may your pockets always have a coin or two inside!
The Baby Mop is Cleaning Up Parents with young babies often complain that because of their constant changing of dirty diapers and sleepless nights, they don't get enough time to do things like clean the house… well step forward to the baby mop. The baby mop is an ingenious way of keeping your floors clean. It's a baby outfit with mop attachments on the arms and legs, so that as a baby crawls, it cleans where-ever it goes. Makers say the $40 baby mop will teach your baby a strong work ethic early on in their life, encourage them not to drop food and give them a workout, causing them to sleep better. It's also claimed the baby mop - which is available in sizes from 3 to 12 months - will save you money on house cleaning costs and free you up to do things you enjoy.
BOOK REVIEW
The Science of How to Persuade People The ability to get people to see things your way plays a role in getting customers and colleagues to do what you want, whether or not you're the boss. That's what behavioral expert Steve Martin says in the new book, Yes! 50 Scientifically Proven Ways to Be Persuasive. He has used many simple persuasion strategies to influence customers and citizens. Using a social norm is one of them. He says it's a powerful tool that gets people to follow the behavior of others. He recommends that managers identify what the consensus view is in a workplace and think about what messages will convince others to join the consensus. In a hotel, for instance, reuse of towels increased by 33 percent when a message card stated that, "75 percent of customers who stay in this hotel reuse their towels." Creating negative stress. One study showed that when executives were presented with a program that would produce a huge loss if not accepted, they were far more likely to accept it than if it was presented with the possibility of a huge profit. Reciprocity takes advantage of people's desire to respond when they feel they owe you something. The Journal of Applied Psychology found that a diner is more likely to tip if the bill comes with a piece of candy, for example.
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Co-written by the world's most quoted expert on influence, Professor Robert Cialdini, Yes! presents dozens of surprising discoveries in short, enjoyable and insightful chapters. You can apply them right now to become more effective. Some reviewers say the often counter intuitive finds presented in Yes! will steer you away from common pitfalls while empowering you with little known but proven wisdom. Yes! 50 Scientifically Proven Ways to Be Persuasive by Steve J. Martin, Robert B. Cialdini and Noah J. Goldstein. Free Press, in paperback at Amazon. $10.50.
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Ask The Wino...
Wino: Barry Schmelly Smells Like: A hamburger helper Likes: Long walks in the parks and dinner under the stars Dislikes: howling dogs and nosey raccoons Priscilla the AODA Counselor asks: You tend to glorify alcohol consumption and I have to believe that you are really just masking some deep-seeded pain you have faced in your life. Henry Ford once said “There isn't a person anywhere who isn't capable of doing more than he thinks he can”. I believe you can be more. Would you like to spend some time with me so we can talk about your feelings? Wino: Can I bring a six pack to the session and lay my head in your lap? I believe it was Ozzy Osbourne who once said, "Being sober on a bus is, like, totally different than being drunk on a bus." Check and mate…
The Husband Store A store that sells new husbands opened in New York City where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates: You may visit this store only once. There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building! So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs. She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads: Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids. “That's nice,” she thinks, “but I want more.” So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking. “Wow,” she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads: Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework. “Oh, mercy me!” she exclaims, “I can hardly stand it!” Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads: Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak. She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads: Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Disclaimer: To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street. The first floor has wives that love sex. The second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like beer. The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.
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Patti the Worshiper asks: I am a good Catholic girl and I am shocked and appalled as I continue to follow the stories about the Pope. The letters and memos exposed petty wrangling, corruption and cronyism at the highest levels of the Catholic Church. Are you bothered by what is going on? Wino: I’m bothered by the fact that you “good” Cath-o-lic girls won’t let me masturbate. Sorry, but I just don’t want any Bible-thumping bluehair telling me I can’t luffa the old spigot now and again. Now Polygamy, that’s a different story! Those guys get more fish tacos than a 300lb fatty at an “all-you-can-eat” seafood buffet! Excuse me while I go take care of some business. Francis the Colorist asks: I consider myself spiritual, but not particularly religious. I am gay man that is troubled with some recent suggestions by the Church regarding gay conversion. I think it’s a load of shit! People who convert are either repressing shit or were bisexual in the first place. What are your thoughts? Wino: Social taboos are of little interest to me, which may help explain my police record. I believe in following your head (if ya know what I mean), young girls at bar-time, and one’s true self, whether L or G or B or T or…sorry, I’m lost. Who really cares what the religious bigots of the world think? F**k ‘it! What do you call a gay bar with no place to sit? A fruit stand…LMAO!
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MARCH HOROSCOPE ARIES: You might walk the walk at work, and talk the talk, but it also pays to hear to listen. Sometimes what people inadvertently reveal can help you regroup. TAURUS: Since you're gifted with compassion, the wounded and worried come to you for solace. But take care of yourself first and you'll have more to give others. GEMINI: Forget that worst case scenario lurking in the back of your mind. Chances are that it will never happen. Instead, do what you can now to ensure future success. CANCER: It seems that your home fires could use a little tending. Smile often, show your love and feel it come back to you. Don't let your relationship become purely routine.
LIBRA: Maybe you're putting off getting a physical or tending to a physical problem because you don't want bad news. The good news is that problems can be fixed. SCORPIO: Whether it's tact or an innate skill, you have a way of telling the truth and handling situations without hurting people's feelings. Keep on keeping on. SAGITTARIUS: You might feel a previously dormant talent emerging in your life. Cultivate it. Give it a chance to grow and you'll have an even more productive future. CAPRICORN: Avoid being so hard on yourself. Decide what you realistically can and can't do. If you've made a mistake, admit it, live with it, and move on.
LEO: When you see an improvement that could be made in a work process, think about it, then report it. When the process comes to fruition, you'll learn and grow with it.
AQUARIUS: It's OK to get the opinions of friends or coworkers, but only you know the total picture. You may cull a useful idea from them, but decide for yourself.
VIRGO: If you're handling your own fiscal cliff, take a tip from Congress. Tackle one aspect of it at a time and focus on the rest in months to come.
PISCES: It's spring, after all. Since working like the proverbial dog in January, February and March, you're getting itchy feet. It's time to plan an Easter break or your summer vacation. Get on with it so you can rejuvenate.
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THE LIGHTER SIDE
25 Gallons of Milk An attractive blonde heard that milk baths would make her beautiful. She went to the grocery store and asked the manager to find 25 gallons of whole milk. The manager felt there must be a mistake, "You mean 2.5 gallons of whole milk?" The blonde replied, "No, I want 25 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub and take a milk bath so I can look young and beautiful again." "OK," he said, "But do you want it pasteurized?" "No, just up to my neck. I can splash it on my eyes."
Are You Smarter Than CHESTER “The Sock Monkey”? 1. March is named after The God of War, The God of Love, The God of Fornication, or The God of Music? 2. There are 0, 1, or 2 American national holidays in March? 3. The flower of the month for March is the Rose, Cannabis, Daffodil, or Snowdrop? 4. The Diamond, Sapphire, or Aquamarine is the birthstone for March?
Contact Lens
5. Is Baseball, Beer Pong, Basketball, or Hockey played in March Madness?
The teenager lost a contact lens while playing basketball in his driveway. After searching, he told his mother the lens was nowhere to be found.
6. February, October, or November does NOT start on the same day of the week as March?
She went outside and soon returned with the lens in her hand.
7. In the original Roman calendar was March the First, Second, or Third month in the year?
"How did you manage to find it, Mom?" the teenager asked. "We weren't looking for the same thing," she replied. "You were looking for a small piece of plastic. I was looking for $150."
8. While the first recorded St. Patrick's Day parade occurred in New York City, Miami, Boston, Chicago, or Hawaii held the first official U.S. parade? 9. Which zodiac sign does not fall in March…Pices, Aquarius, or Aries?
The Sign
A boss was complaining in a staff meeting the other day that he wasn't getting any respect. Later that morning he went to a local sign shop and bought a small sign that read, "I'm the Boss." He then taped it to his office door.
10. Saint David’s Day, Saint Patrick’s Day, or Saint George’s Day does NOT fall in March?
Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that said, "Your wife called, she wants her sign back!"
High Blood Pressure When a physician remarked on a new patient's extraordinarily ruddy complexion, he said, "High blood pressure, Doc. It comes from my family." "Your mother's side or your father's?" the doctor asked.
The man sighed, "You oughta meet 'em sometime, Doc!"
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Answers 6. October 7. First 8. Duke 9. Aquarius 10. Saint George’s Day
"Oh, come now" the doctor said. "How could high blood pressure come from your wife's family?"
1. Mars, the God of War 2. None 3. The Daffodil 4. Aquamarine 5. Basketball
"Neither, it's from my wife's family."
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The Liquor License A blonde walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender fills the mug and slides it down the bar. It hits the blonde woman's boobs and splashes all over them. The bartender goes over, retrieves the mug and licks the beer off her boobs. Each time the blonde calls for another beer this happens. So after the third beer, a guy decides to help the bartender out. The next time the bartender hit her boobs, the man jumps up and starts to lick her breasts and she decks him! He is lying on the floor moaning, “Jeez lady, why do you let the bartender do it?”
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Irish Julep
2 oz Basil Hayden's Bourbon ½ oz DeKuyper Crème de Menthe 1 oz Half and Half Garnish: Mint Sprig Pour all ingredients into a highball glass filled with ice, and garnish with a mint sprig. FACEBOOK.COM/WHATSUPXTRAMAGAZINE
Shamrock Shake Up
1½ oz Absolut Miami 1 oz Simple Syrup ¾ oz Lime Juice 6 Mint Leaves 1 oz Club Soda Garnish: mint sprig Muddle mint leaves with simple syrup (equal parts sugar and hot water) and lime juice in a shaker. Add Absolut Miami, shake, and strain into a highball glass filled with ice. Top with soda, and garnish with a mint sprig. 773.213.4597
The Shamrock-arita
1 oz Sauza Blue Gold Tequila ½ oz Midori 2 oz Lime Juice 1 oz Simple Syrup Combine all ingredients in a shaker filled with ice, shake, and strain the ingredients into an ice-filled glass. Garnish with a lime wedge.
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www.FightCard.net “FIGHTCARD 48: RUTHLESS MARCH 1ST”
Want to Compete? Contact Nilo @ 312.369.4180
True MMA fans won’t want to miss the biggest event, with the most to lose come Friday, March 1st at Cicero Stadium. The event will feature a 205 pound four man tournament, a Lightweight & Heavyweight title fight. “Witness the Beginning” has an MMA superstar line up promising the best fighters in the Midwest to take shape with over 15 fights scheduled for the night. The real “March Madness” starts on the 1st, so don’t wait to get your tickets to this blockbuster event. Tickets are available now online at www.FightCard.net
CHAMPION JOSE MARISCAL from Combat-Do VS. ANATOLI GRAMA from Flo-MMA UNDERCARD MATCH UPS
Alexis Delderfield from Team 110 Vs. Ginger Velasco from No Comment- Women's Muay Thai Angelo Rivera Jr from Combat-Do Vs. Pauly Prenot from DTA Crew - Welterweight Angelo Walsh from Top Notch Vs. Gerard Mills from Independent- Bantamweight Jose Torrez from Combat-Do Vs. Dylan Rode from DTA Crew- Bantamweight CJ Richmond from Counterstrike Vs. Luke Austin from The Pac-Middlweight Danny Flores from EKF Vs. Ray Bunker from No Comment – Bantamweight Andy Von Schwelder from Team 110 Vs. Frank Woodhall from Ketsugo Jitsu- Weltweight Ben Rogers from Ketsugo Jitsu Vs. Michael Nace from Ludas MMA- Heavyweight Eder Brito from Victory Vs. Kyle Hubert from Independent - Featherweight Johny Duran from Ludas MMA Vs. Bouvia Clayborn from Rebels of Destruction-Middlweight Ladarius Sumrell from Chicago Combat Vs. Sultan Umar from Victory- Middlweight Adrian Ortega from Team No Comment Vs. TBA - Lightweight Vik Dixit from Counterstrike Vs. TBA - 145lbs Muay Thai **Card Subject to Change. This is not the line up for the night of event
VS Anatoli Grama
CHAMPION JOSE MARISCAL
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Curtis Blaydes
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Lottery Night
win the lottery."
A blonde finds herself in serious trouble. Her business has gone bust and she's in dire financial straits. She's so desperate that she decides to ask God for help, so she begins to pray. "God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me
Lottery night comes, and somebody else wins. So, again she begins to pray. "God, please let me win the lottery! I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well." Lottery night comes and she still has no luck. Once again, she prays. "My God, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my business, my house, and my car. My children are starving. I don't often ask you for help, and I've always been a good servant to you. Please let me win the lottery just this one time so I can get my life back in order." Suddenly t here is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open. The blonde is overwhelmed by the Voice of God, Himself. "Sweetheart, work with me on this. Buy a ticket!"
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CLUB BELMONT
Big John’s
LANDMARK PUB
5135 N. Oriole Harwood Heights 708.867.6533
7844 W. Belmont 773.589.2808
The Booze is Cheap & The Entertainment is Free!!!
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2013 Chicago Dyeing of the River When: Saturday March 16th at 10:00am
Another favorite of all Chicagoans is the dyeing of the Chicago River! It can be best-viewed from the East side of the Michigan Avenue Bridge, the West side of the Columbus Drive Bridge, or on the upper and lower levels of Wacker Drive in between Michigan Avenue and Columbus Drive. Don’t miss out on seeing a green Chicago River! This event can be best viewed from the East side of the bridge at Columbus Drive or upper and lower Wacker Drive between Columbus and Lake Shore Drive. For over 40 years, the Chicago Journeymen Plumbers turn the Chicago River green for the St. Patrick’s Day Parade celebration. One would ask how this is different from the rest of the year when the river is always a murky shade of green. The difference is both significant and breathtaking because the color green is identical to the greens of Ireland from where it got its name The Emerald Isle. In 1961 Stephen Bailey was approached by a plumber, who was wearing some white coveralls, they knew this only because they could see some of the original color. These coveralls had been mostly stained or dyed a perfect shade of green, an Irish green to better describe it. It was when Stephen Bailey asked how the coveralls got this way, that they discovered that the dye used to detect leaks into the river turned green, not just any color green, but the perfect color green. Today this miracle is created by Mike Butler and his crew, which he claims to always have a little help from a leprechaun who seems to just appear at this time each year. We strongly recommend that you come downtown early and if possible take public transportation.
2013 Chicago Saint Patrick's Day Parade When: Saturday March 16th at 12:00 Noon
Chicago is the best city to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day! Let’s start with a little history… In the 1830s, there was a rise of Irish immigration to Chicago. Before Chicago became a city in 1837, there were already some Irish living there, but in the next few years the Irish population grew quickly. The Great Famine had some part to play in this increase. Many Irish immigrants in Chicago came to America living impoverished lives. They took low-paying jobs that required little skill and settled in poor neighborhoods. In time, things improved and children of early immigrants appear to have been better off than their parents. A city favorite is the annual St. Patrick’s Day Parade in downtown Chicago! The parade steps off on March 16th at noon. The famous parade begins at the intersection of Balbo and Columbus Drives and will proceed north, past Buckingham Fountain, along Columbus Drive. Bring the whole family and enjoy St. Patrick’s Day in downtown Chicago! For more information go to www.chicagostpatsparade.com.
Parade Route
The parade starts at Balbo and Columbus. The parade units will proceed north on Columbus Drive and the viewing stand
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Southside Parade When: Sunday March 10th at 12:00 Noon The South Side Irish St. Patrick’s Parade began as the vision of two best friends, George Hendry and Pat Coakley. Both were raised on the South Side of Chicago, George in the St. Sabina Parish and Pat in the Little Flower parish in the Auburn neighborhood. The two did not meet until their early thirties, when both moved to the Morgan Park community with their young wives. There they became neighbors, best friends and in 1979, co-founders of the South Side Irish Parade. In the winter of 1979, sitting around the Hendry’s kitchen table enjoying a few beers, George and Pat fondly remembered their experiences at the original South Side Irish Parade (aka the Southtown Parade) that was held on 79th Street. That parade moved downtown in 1960. It was at this time, while they were reminiscing, that George and Pat felt the obligation to create “something” for their children and the children of their friends and “green” neighbors. Nearly twenty years had passed, but now the South Side would rise again with a new parade in a new location for a new generation. So on a rainy Saturday, March 17, 1979, George and Pat, with the help of their wives, Mary and Marianne (Mernie), gathered 17 children from the West Morgan Park community to march in the first South Side Irish St. Pat’s Parade. Others noticed this small gathering and celebration in the community and so in 1980, the parade moved from the sidewalks to the side streets and began at Kennedy Park. Three hundered marchers that included families with wagons, children on decorated bicycles, dogs, and a bag piper. The St. Cajetan School’s band sat in chairs in front of the Kennedy Park field house and played for the gathering crowd. The parade meandered through the neighborhood and ended at the Beverly Bank parking lot, where Terry McEldowney sang Irish songs for the crowd. It was hard to believe, but the parade was gaining in popularity and George and Mary and Pat and Mernie decided it was time to take the parade to THE STREET. On Sunday, March 15, 1981 the parade would march down Western Ave. for the first time, where it continues to march today. The Chicago Police were ordered not to provide crowd and traffic control, but parade volunteers and a few crossing guards assumed the responsibilities and the parade marched on safely. With the success of the 1981 parade, it was apparent that George and Pat needed some help. They asked a few friends and local parishioners to get involved, and a committee was formed. Currently, there are 26 committee members handling everything from logistics, float entries, sanitation and sponsorship to related events, PR/Media, marshals, bands and merchandising. Today, the South Side Irish Parade is considered the largest neighborhood-based St. Patrick’s Day parade outside of Dublin. It grew from 17 children marching around the block 27 years ago to an event that hosts over 15,000 marchers and 250,000+ spectators each year. Children, family, faith and heritage are what this great parade is all about! For more information go to www.southsideirishparade.org.
Northwest Side Parade Where and When: Sunday March 17th at 12:00 Noon
The Northwest Irish Parade is a celebration of faith, family, and heritage on the Northwest side of Chicago. Now in their 10th year, the Northwest Side St. Patrick's Day Parade Committee has grown. The Committee was founded with the goal of bringing the Chicago’s Northwest side area a celebration of Irish involvement in the American experience. The parade will kick off at 12:00pm at 6633 W Raven (Onahan School) and will run south on Neola Avenue to Northwest Highway. North on Northwest Highway and ending at Harlem Avenue. The parade will be followed by the annual parade party at Immaculate Conception Recreation Center located at 6211 W Talcott. Tickets for the after party for persons 12 and older are $10.00 each, which includes a Danny Boy corned beef and cabbage dinner, beer, wine and soda. Tickets for children 11 and under are $5.00 each which includes hot dogs, chips and soda. The after party also includes live entertainment, face painting, balloon magic, raffles, and extended family fun. The after party will begin at 1:00 PM and go to 5:00 PM. For more information go to www.northwestsideirish.org FACEBOOK.COM/WHATSUPXTRAMAGAZINE
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Since 1884
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On his 74th birthday, a man got a gift certificate from his wife. The certificate paid for a visit to a medicine man living on a nearby reservation that was rumored to have a wonderful cure for erectile dysfunction. After being persuaded, he drove to the reservation, handed his ticket to the medicine man and wondered what he was in for. The old man handed a potion to him, and with a grip on his shoulder, warned, "This is a powerful medicine. You take only a teaspoonful and then say '1-2-3.'" When you do, you will become manlier than you have ever been in your life and you can perform as long as you want." The man was encouraged. As he walked away, he turned and asked, "How do I stop the medicine from working?" "Your partner must say '1-2-3-4,'" he responded, "but when she does, the medicine will not work again until the next full moon." He was very eager to see if it worked so he went home, showered, shaved, took a spoonful of the medicine and then invited his wife to join him in the bedroom. When she came in, he took off his clothes and said, "1-2-3!" Immediately, he was the manliest of men. His wife was excited and began throwing off her clothes and then she asked, "What was the 1-2-3 for?" And that is why we should never end our sentences with a preposition, because we could end up with a dangling participle. FACEBOOK.COM/WHATSUPXTRAMAGAZINE
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BAR DIRECTORY
Where are you going tonight?: Lakeview East - Wrigleyville - Southport Bar Celona
3474 N. Clark
773-244-8000
Mullen’s
Bendan’s Pub
3169 N. Broadway
773-929-2929
Murphys Bleachers 3655 N. Sheffield
773-281-5356
Bernie’s
3664 N Clark
773-525-1898
Mystic Celt
3443 N. Southport
773-529-8550
Big City
1010 W. Belmot
773-935-1138
Newport Bar
1344 W Newport
773-325-9111
Blarney Stone
3424 N. Sheffield
773-348-1078
Nick’s Uptown
4015 N Sheridan
773-975-1155
Brew & View
3145 N. Sheffield
773-929-7150
North End
3733 N Halsted
Buck’s Saloon
3439 N. Halsted
773-525-1125
Paddy Long’s
1028 W Diversey
773-348-9711
Clark Street Bar 3040 N. Clark
773-281-6690
Parrots Bar
754 W Wellington
773-281-7878
Coobah
3423 N. Southport
773-528-2220
Piano Bar
3801 N. Clark
773-528-4033
Cubby Bear
1059 W Addison
773-327-1662
Raw Bar & Grill
3720 N Clark St
773-348-7291
Cullen’s Bar
3741 N. Southport
773-975-0600
Rebel Bar
3462 N. Clark
773-348-9084
Dram Shop
3040 N. Broadway
773-549-4401
Redmond’s
3358 N Sheffield
773-404-2151
Fiesta Cantina
3407 N. Clark
773-975-5980
Roadhouse 66
3330 N. Clark
773-525-8166
Friar Tucks
3010 N. Broadway
773-327-5101
Rockit Bar
3700 N.Clark
773-645-4400
Full Shilling
3724 N. Clark
773-248-3330
Rocks
3463 N. Broadway
773-472-0493
Goose Island
3535 N. Clark
773-832-9040
Roscoe’s
3356 N. Halsted
773-281-3355
Higgins Tavern
3259 N. Racine
773-281-7637
Schoolyard
3258 N Southport
773-528-8226
Holiday Club
4000 N. Sheridan
773-348-9600
Schubas Tavern 3159 N Southport
773-525-2508
Irish Oak
3511 N. Clark
Sheffield’s
3258 N Sheffield
773-281-4989
Jack’s Bar
2856 N Southport
773-404-8400
Sidetracks
3349 N. Halsted
773-477-9189
Jacklyn’s Bar
3400 N. Broadway
773-404-5149
Sluggers
3540 N Clark
773-248-0055
Jake’s Pub
2932 N Clark
773-248-3318
Smart Bar
3730 N Clark
773-549-4140
Joe’s On Broadway 3563 N Broadway
773-528-1054
Sopo
3418 N. Southport
773-348-0100
John Barleycorns 3524 N. Clark
773-549-6000
Southport Lanes 3325 N. Southport
773-472-6600
Justin’s
3358 N Southport
773-929-4844
Sports Corner
952 W. Addison
773-929-1441
Kit Kat Lounge
3700 N Halsted
773-525-1111
Take 5 Bar
3747. Southport
773-871-5555
L&L Tavern
3207 N. Clark
773-528-1303
Toon’s
3857 N. Southport
773-935-1919
Little Jim’s
3501 N. Halsted
773-871-6116
Town Hall Pub
3340 N Halsted
773-472-4405
Lucky’s 3
472 N. Clark
773-549-0665
Trace
3714 N. Clark
773-477-3400
Mad River
2909 N. Sheffield
773-935-7500
Trader Todd’s
3216 N Sheffield
773-348-3250
Matilda
3101 N Sheffield
773-883-4400
Vaughans Pub
2917 N. Sheffield
773-281-8188
Matisse
674 W. Diversey
773-528-6670
Vines
3554 N. Clark
773-327-8572
Merkles
3516 N Clark
773-244-1025
Wrigleyville North 3900 N Sheridan
773-929-9543
Metro Smart Bar 3730 N Clark
773-549-4140
Yak-Zies Bar
773-525-9200
Monsignor Murphys
773-348-7285
3019 N. Broadway
FACEBOOK.COM/WHATSUPXTRAMAGAZINE
773.213.4597
3527 N Clark
773-325-2319
7
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BAR DIRECTORY
Where are you going tonight?:
Lincoln Park & Old Town Augie's
1721 W. Wrightwood
773-296-0018
McGinny's Tap
313 W. North
773-943-5228
Bird's Nest
2500 N. Southport
773-472-1502
Mickey's
2450 N. Clark
773-435-0007
Blue's
2519 N. Halsted
773-525-8317
O' Brien's
1528 N. Wells
312-787-3131
Burton's Place
1447 N. Wells
773-664-4699
Old Town Ale
219 W. North
773-944-7020
Burwood Tap
7242 W. Wrightwood
773-525-2593
Old Town Pub
1339 N. Wells
773-266-6789
Clybar
417 N. Clybourn
773-388-1877
O'Malley's West 2249 N. Lincoln
773-935-2719
Corcoran's
1615 N. Wells
773-440-0885
Orso's
1401 N. Wells
773-787-6604
Delilah's
2771 N. Lincoln
773-472-2771
Ravens
2326 N. Clark
773-348-1774
Duffy's
422 W. Diversey
773-549-9090
River Shannon
425 W. Armitage
773-944-5087
Durkin's
810 W. Diversey
773-525-2515
Rocks
1301 W. Schubert
773-472-7728
Elbo Room
2817 N. Lincoln
773-549-5549
Saluki Bar
1208 N. Wells
773-274-1824
Field House Pub 2455 N. Clark
773-348-6489
Suite Lounge
1446 N. Wells
773-787-6106
Four Farthings
2060 N. Cleveland
773-935-2060
The Apartment
2251 N. Lincoln
773-348-5100
Frank's
2503 N. Clark
773-549-2700
The Local Option 1102 W. Webster
773-348-2008
Galway Arms
2442 N. Clark
773-472-5555
The Other Side
2436 N. Clark
773-525-8238
Gamekeepers
345 W. Armitage
773-549-0400
Tin Lizzie
2483 N. Clark
773-549-1132
Glascott's
2158 N. Halsted
773-281-1205
Tonic Room
2447 N. Halsted
773-248-8400
Goose Island
1800 N. Clybourn
773-915-0071
Weeds
1555 N. Dayton
312-943-7815
Halligan's Pub
2274 N. Lincoln
773-472-7940
Wellingtons
1300 W. Wellington
773-528-0654
Halsted Harp
2138 N. Halsted
773-348-3665
Wise Fools Pub 2270 N. Lincoln
773-929-1300
Hidden Shamrock 2732 N. Lincoln
773-883-0304
Witts
773-528-7032
Irish Eyes
773-348-9548
Wrightwood Tap 1059 W. Wrightwood
2
2519 N. Lincoln
2913 N. Lincoln
773-459-4949
Joe's Sports Bar 940 W. Weed
773-337-3486
John Barleycorn 2300 N. Lincoln
773-348-8899
John's Place
1200 W. Webster
773-525-6670
You’re Starting to Sound Like My Ex-Wife
Kelly's Pub
949 W. Webster
773-281-0656
Tim decided to tie the knot with his long time girlfriend.
Kendall's Pub
2263 N. Lincoln
773-348-7200
Kincade's
950 W. Armitage
773-348-0010
Kingston Mines
2548 N. Halsted
773-477-4646
Lincoln Station
2432 N. Lincoln
773-472-8100
Lincoln Tap
3010 N. Lincoln
773-868-0060
Lion Head Pub
2251 N. Lincoln
773-348-5100
Max Bar
2247 N. Lincoln
773-549-5884
McGee's
950 W. Webster
773-549-8200
One evening, after the honeymoon, he was cleaning his golf clubs for his Saturday game. His wife was standing at the bench watching him. After a long period of silence she finally speaks. “Honey, I've been thinking, now that we are married I think it's time you quit playing so much golf. Maybe you should sell your clubs and cancel your membership at the golf club.” Tim gets this horrified look on his face. She says, "Darling, what's wrong?" “For a minute there, you were sounding like my ex-wife.” "Ex wife!", she screams, "I didn't know you were married before!" “I wasn't. “
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BAR DIRECTORY
Where are you going tonight?: Northwest Bill’s Pub
4104 N. Pulaski
773-202-0020
Paddy Macks
4157 N. Pulaski
773-279-9300
Brigadoon
5748 W Lawrence
773.777.2403
Rabbits
4945 W Foster
773-736-5766
Cabaret Lounge 6101 W. Montrose
773-736-2337
Roman’s
6448 N. Milwaukee
773-467-9827
Casual Tap
5924 W Montrose
773-283-9490
Sidekicks
4424 W Montrose
773-545-6212
Charlotte’s Bar
6000 W Gunnison
773-775-3616
Six Penny Bit
5800 W. Montrose
773-545-2033
Charm Bar
4630 W. Lawrence
773-685-2233
Thatch Pub
5707 N. Milwaukee
773-763-8179
Club Belmont
7844 W. Belmont
773-598-2808
Three Counties
5856 N. Milwaukee
773-631-3351
Di’s Den
5100 W Irving Park
773-736-7170
Tommy’s
6954 W Higgins
773-631-4451
Dugan’s
6051 N. Milwaukee
773-467-5555
Trinity Pub
5943 N. Northwest
773-763-0095
Edison Park Inn 6713 N. Olmsted
773-775-1404
Vaughan’s Pub
5485 Northwest
773-631-9206
Emerald Isle Pub 2537 W Peterson
773-561-6674
Windsor Tavern
4530 N. Milwaukee
773-736-3400
Fantasy Lounge 4400 N Elston
773-685-8083
Zachary’s
5368 N Milwaukee
773-792-0933
Filonek’s
6213 N. Milwaukee
773-775-5010
Galvin’s Public
5901 W Lawrence
773-205-0570
Gladstone’s
5734 N. Milwaukee
773-763-3385
How Much For The Old Mule
Ham Tree Inn
5333 N. Milwaukee
773-792-2072
An old hillbilly farmer had a wife who nagged him unmercifully. From morning till night (and sometimes later), she was always complaining about something. The only time he got any relief was when he was out plowing with his old mule. He tried to plow a lot.
Harry’s On Elston 5943 N. Elston
773-774-4166
Harwood Bar
6438 W. Montrose
708-867-7781
Hops N Barley
4359 N Milwaukee
773-286-7415
Jet’s Public Hou 6148 N. Milwaukee
773-775-7587
Jimmy Macks
5581 N. Northwest
773-631-1466
Joe E’s Lounge
4206 W Irving Park
773-283-3422
Landmark Pub
5135 N. Oriole
773-867-6533
Lasko’s
5525 N Milwaukee
773-774-9800
Lizard Lounge
3058 W. Irving Park
773-463-7599
Margaret’s
5134 W. Irving Park
773-685-4493
Mary’s Place
6300 N. Milwaukee
773-775-7587
MCM Pub
3906 N. Cicero
773-736-2644
McNamaras
4328 W Irving Park
773-725-1800
Mo Dailey’s
6070 N. Northwest Hwy
773-774-6121
Moretti’s
6727 N. Olmsted
773-631-1223
Mrs. O’Leary’s
4368 N. Milwaukee
773-427-7300
Mug Shots
7718 W. Addison
773-625-8466
Murrays
5522 N Elston
773-774-3466
Night Caps
5007 W Irving Park
773-282-8654
Nil’s Tap
5734 N. Elston
773-594-1288
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One day, when he was out plowing, his wife brought him lunch in the field. He drove the old mule into the shade, sat down on a stump, and began to eat his lunch. Immediately, his wife began harassing him again. Complain, nag, nag; it just went on and on. All of a sudden, the old mule lashed out with both hind feet; caught her smack in the back of the head. Killed her dead on the spot. At the funeral several days later, the minister noticed something rather odd. When a woman mourner would approach the old farmer, he would listen for a minute, then nod his head in agreement; but when a man mourner approached him, he would listen for a minute, then shake his head in disagreement. This was so consistent, the minister decided to ask the old farmer about it. So after the funeral, the minister spoke to the old farmer, and asked him why he nodded his head and agreed with the women, but always shook his head and disagreed with all the men. The old farmer said: "Well, the women would come up and say something about how nice my wife looked, or how pretty her dress was, so I'd nod my head in agreement." "And what about the men?" the minister asked. "They wanted to know if the mule was for sale." 773.213.4597
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BAR DIRECTORY
Where are you going tonight?:
Lakeview West/ Roscoe Village / North-Center / Lincoln Square / Albany Park / Ravenswood Andersonvile 240 Lounge
3948 W. Lawrence
773-267-0474
Huetten Bar
4721 N. Lincoln
773-561-2507
42 Latitude
3341 N Western
773-910-1473
Jury's
4337 N. Lincoln
773-935-2255
Abbey Pub
3420 W. Grace
773-478-4408
Katerina's
1902 W. Irving
773-348-7592
Atlantic Bar
5062 N. Lincoln
773-506-7090
Keenan O' Reilly's 3916 N. Ashland
773-857-3800
Bad Dog
4535 N. Lincoln
773-334-4040
Leadway Bar
5233 N. Damen
773-728-2663
Big Joe’s
1818 W Foster
773-784-8755
Long Room
1612 W. Irving
773-665-4500
Black Rock
3614 N. Damen
773-348-4044
Margie's Pub
4145 N. Lincoln
773-477-1644
Brownstone
3937 N. Lincoln
773-528-3700
Mulligan's
2000 W. Roscoe
773-549-4225
Carol’s Pub
4659 N Clark
773-334-2402
Mutiny
2428 N. Western
773-486-7774
Celtic Crown
4301 N. Western
773-588-1110
Oakwood 83
1969 W. Montrose
773-327-2785
Chicago Joe's
2256 W. Irving
773-478-7000
O'Donovan's
2100 W. Irving
773-478-2100
Chief O'Neills
3471 N. Elston
773-583-3066
O'Lanagan
2335 W. Montrose
773-583-2252
Christina's Place 3759 N. Kedzie
773-463-1768
Rail Bar
4709 N Damen
773-878-9400
Claddagh Ring
773-271-4794
Richochet's
4644 N. Lincoln
773-271-3127
Cody's Public House 1658 W. Barry
773-528-4050
Riverview
1958 W. Roscoe
773-871-1200
Daily's Bar
4560 N. Lincoln
773-561-6198
Roscoe Villiage Pub 2159 W. Addison
773-472-6160
Farraguts
5240 N Clark
773-728-4903
Save More Lounge 4060 N. Lincoln
773-281-1444
Finley Dunnes
3458 N. Lincoln
773-477-7311
Side Street
1456 W. George
773-327-1127
Fizz
3220 N. Lincoln
773-348-6000
Silvie's
1902 W. Irving
773-871-6239
Foley's
1841 W. Irving
773-929-1210
Small Bar
2956 N. Albany
773-509-9888
Four Moon
1847 W. Roscoe
773-929-6666
Stadium West
3188 N. Elston
773-866-2450
Four Shadows
2758 N. Ashland
773-248-9160
Ten Cat Tavern
3931 N. Ashland
773-935-5377
Four Trey's Pub 3333 N. Damen
773-549-8845
The Temple
3001 N. Ashland
773-248-0990
Fuller's Pub
3203 W. Irving
773-478-8060
Uptown Lounge 1136 W. Lawrence
773-878-1136
Gio’s
4857 N. Damen
773-334-0345
Villiage Tap
2055 W. Roscoe
773-883-0817
Hidden Cove
5336 N. Lincoln
773-275-3955
Waterhouse
3407 N. Paulina
773-871-1200
Hidden Cove
5338 N. Lincoln
773-275-6711
Wild Goose
4265 N. Lincoln
773-281-7112
Horseshoe
4115 N. Lincoln
773-248-1366
Windy City Inn
2257 W. Irving
773-588-7088
2306 W. Foster
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TAT T L E TA L E S
Threesome
By Rob Christiansen
The song “Stand by Your Man” emanating from iPod ear buds of the girl sitting next to me on the el is derivative. The source will probably come to me in the meeting. A client, rejecting a car ad I wrote, wants to see everyone in our boardroom. I study three out-of town hockey scores on the useless-information screen in the elevator, and forget who even played. “Morning, Susan,” I say professionally to a colleague in the boardroom and sit next to her. Susan softly kicks my ankle under the table but flirtatiously treats me as any other colleague. “We’re all wondering why you called us in here today,” she tells me as a joke. I keep a phone booth and water fountain I consider “endangered.” Not long ago, my old school got rid of its water fountains and installed water bottle vending machines. The water fountain in my office is the same one I drank from after gym class for four years. And I salvaged the phone booth at State and Wacker when it became apparent that it wasn’t even being used as a urinal. I spend the rest of the morning building a plastic model car at my desk and thinking about the Spring Fling. At noon I go outside. The weather is nice. In answer to silly sidewalk survey questions about women’s breasts, I say I’m against them and feel about them when I can. The survey promotes breast cancer awareness, and I donate $10 as retribution for thinking about Susan’s healthy breasts when I was giving my wisecrack answers. I encounter my old boss, Pops. Now he operates a hotdog stand on Michigan Avenue. “You’ll have to have lunch sometime,” he says enthusiastically, as though he still runs the agency. He offers me a hotdog and I accept it because Pops can sell sea shells at the sea shore. “This hotdog is all sizzle and no steak,” I heckle the retired legend. “That’s because it’s a flame-broiled hotdog!” Pops retorts. My laughter jars my senses and suddenly I know that “Stand by Your Man” sounds like “The Warsaw Concerto.” The revelation fits into the space in my head that was intended for the hockey scores. One door closed and another one opened. “Reader’s Digest” might find the item interesting.
I say, “If I want to know who won three random hockey games, I wouldn’t depend on an elevator to tell me. Your ‘Word for the Day,’ ‘defenestrate,’ means ‘throw someone out a window’? Me, I would just ‘throw you out the window.’ Sometimes, five words really are better than one, especially when the word is ’defenestrate.’” I take a pillow from my desk into the phone booth, close the bifold door and sit on a stool. I prop the pillow behind me, lean back, close my eyes, fold my arms, lift my feet, perch them on the horizontal supports and tuck my knees snugly under the directories hanging like bats. My cell phone rings. That’s ironic. I’m in a phone booth. “You wonder why we give three random scores every morning?” Inf-O-Verload asks. I sit up and my pillow falls to the floor. I had sanitized the phone booth…and the water fountain. Each functions purely as a souvenir. The call surprises me, and now the songs unwittingly come alive between imaginary ear buds. Any mention I make of my revelation, though, even just to air it out, will sway the item Inf-OVerload’s way and it’ll be bye-bye, “Reader’s Digest.” “Riding in an office elevator is a stressor,” Inf-O-Verload continues. “The purpose of the scores we give is to subliminally comfort the elevator passenger. It isn’t about teams or scores. It’s purely about the number three.” Inf-O-Verload is spot on and earns my kudos. The number three is of ritual importance. Snap, Crackle, Pop. Three-ring circus. On your mark, get set, go. I Like Ike. Tic-Tac-Toe. Step right up, step right up, step right up. Learn your ABC’s. It’s easy as 1, 2, 3. Give three cheers, for he’s a jolly good fellow. Hip, hip, hooray. J.F.K. Eat three square meals a day. The third time is the charm. Dewey Defeats Truman. We Shall Overcome every Tom, Dick and Harry who tries to take us hook, line and sinker. Stop, look and listen and be ready, willing and able to remain cool, calm, and collected and distinguish the good from the bad and the ugly. “My Country Tis of Thee” is a waltz, written in ¾ time. World Wide Web double you double you double you. The only Morse code you ever learned was dot, dot, dot, dash, dash, dash, dot, dot, dot. Every man, woman and child see no evil, hear no evil and speak no evil. Blood, sweat and tears tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth and promise to love, honor and obey in sizes small, medium and large. Going once, going twice, going three times, sold to a priest, a rabbi and a leprechaun walk into a bar. Inning over, three outs, no runs, no hits no errors.
After lunch I call Inf-O-Verload although I’m thinking about celebrating the coming of spring in a memorable way at Spring Fling with Susan and Nicole. I.e., I’m fantasizing.
I awake from a strange dream about triangles. I briefly panic, but then realize that Nicole‘s Spring Fling is real and Susan actually has invited me to it. I rewrite the car ad just as the client wants it, lavished with praise from J.D. Power.
I speak candidly to Inf-O-Verload, which is fine since they’re not a client.
At five o’clock I go see Susan in her office. “How about a drink? I have an idea I want to run by you.”
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SPORTS SHORTS
Nike’s New Face In January, Rory McIlroy was welcomed into the Nike family during a splashy ceremony in Abu Dhabi to celebrate McIlroy's multiyear deal with the company. The 23-year-old golfer from Northern Ireland made his Nike debut at the Abu Dhabi HSBC Golf Championship. He and Tiger Woods, who is also sponsored by Nike, were partners. Both have the famous swoosh on their clubs, ball, footwear, glove, apparel, headwear, and accessories. Details of the deal have not been released, but sports news reports say the 10-year contract is probably worth $200 million to $250 million. In the Sports Business Institute at USC Marshall School of business, they think Rory might become a global icon with global marketing value. Cindy Davis, president of Nike Golf says both Tiger and Rory transcend golf and sports. They are great athletes that appeal to a broad audience the world over, she says. Watch for the new Nike ads called "No Cup Is Safe," featuring Tiger and Rory on a driving range, hitting shots that land in impossible places
17-year-old Missy Franklin Olympic Heroine Swims For Her High School A bubbly five-medal winner in the London Olympics is now the star of the Regis Jesuit High School's swim team. Missy Franklin also swam for the school before her Olympic appearance. The school is in a suburb of Denver. While her participation has drawn crowds and supporters, some swimmers on opposing teams think it's not fair. But it is legal. Franklin gave up $3 million in endorsements so she could remain an amateur, swim for her high school and later her college. No other medalist has ever done the same. Regis athletic director John Koslosky doesn't feel sorry for opposing teams. The other schools are much larger than Regis, a private Catholic School. He says opposing schools have won plenty of times in the past and will be winning again in the future. This year, the 6-foot-1 Olympian will compete in only two meets, the minimum required to stay on the team. One of them will be against Cherry Creek High School, which usually dominates state swim titles. In 2011,Cherry Creek only needed to win the 400-yard freestyle relay. Regis was well behind after 300 yards until Franklin dived into the pool to swim the anchor leg. Her team won the race and it's first ever state title in the top division. Franklin plans to attend the University of California, Berkeley, next year and, of course, swim for the school.
Caught In The Act A man returns home a day early from a business trip. It's after midnight. While en route home he asks the cabby if he would be a witness. The man suspects his wife is having an affair, and he wants to catch her in the act. For $100, the cabby agrees. Quietly arriving home the husband and cabby tip-toe into the bedroom. The husband switches on the lights, yanks the blanket back, and there is his wife in bed with another man! The husband puts a gun to the naked man's head. The wife shouts, "Don't do it! I lied when I told you I inherited money. HE paid for the Corvette I gave you. HE paid for our new cabin cruiser. HE paid for your Toronto Argo and Maple Leaf season tickets. HE paid for our house at the lake. HE paid for our country club membership, and HE even pays the monthly dues!" Shaking his head from side-to-side, the husband lowers the gun. He looks over at the cabby and says "What would you do?" The cabby replies, "I'd cover his ass with that blanket before he catches cold." 30 WHATS 30 WHATSUP UPXTRA XTRA
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Go to MODAILEYS.COM or MO DAILEY’S on FACEBOOK
6070 N. Northwest Hwy Next to Norwood Park Metra station and right on Northwest Hwy 773 -774-6121
PRIVATE PARTY ROOM
Private party room with 9 50” hdtv’s and custom food & drink packages available. Call Today DJ’s EVERY FRiDAY NiGHT!
every saturday night!
best live band venue in the area! live bands
$1
EVERY THURSDAY Miller Lite & Bud & Bud Light Bottles
"CHICAGO IRISH FEST"
Saturday, March 16th and Sunday, March 17th all day long. OFFICIAL TAILGATING BAR FOR THE NORTHSIDE PARADE It's going to be a fun, family friendly event filled with live Irish music, bag pipers, Irish dancers, DJs, free giveaways, and of course plenty of corned beef, green beer and Guinness! Come one. Come all. Wear green, everyones Irish this weekend. (No Cover Charge!)
St. Baldricks on March 3rd at 2:00pm. Any volunteers wanting to participate should show up on March 3rd, ready to have some fun whileraising money for a great cause
COME CHEER ON THE BLACKHAWKS WITH A BLACKHAWKS BEER BUCKET
First Day On The Job Two hours into Joe’s first day of work as a Wal-Mart greeter, an ugly woman came in with her two kids. Hearing her swear at them, he said, "Good morning, welcomes to Wal-Mart. Nice kids, are they twins?" The mom answered, "Hell no, they ain't twins. The oldest one's 9, and the other one's 7. Why would you think they're twins? Are you blind or stupid?" Joe replied, "I'm not blind or stupid. I just couldn't believe someone slept with you twice. Have a good day and thank you for shopping at WalMart." His supervisor said Joe probably wasn't cut out for this line of work and terminated him immediately.
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Kelly’s Pub 949 W. WEBSTER
773- 281- 0656
Come in and celebrate with us for our
80
th
St. Patrick’s Day VISIT US AT KELLYSPUB.COM FOR UPCOMING EVENTS
Sunday: Monday: Tuesday: Wednesday: Thursday: Friday: Saturday: 32 WHATS UP XTRA
$15 Miller Lite Buckets & $3 Lagunitas Draft $1 Coors Drafts $12 Busch Light Buckets
($2 of every bucket donated to Gams Wolfpac Alzheimer’s Foundation)
$2 Bud & Bud Light Bottles $2 Bud Light & Coors Light Drafts, $3 Craft Drafts & $5 Premium Drafts $8 Bud Light & Coors Light Pitchers + $5 3 Olive Vodka Bombs $4 Goose Island Green Line Drafts $12 Coors Buckets
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