What's Up Xtra Magazine Rock December 2013 by Lisa Romack

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May Peace be your gift in this Holiday Season and your Blessing in 2013!

Don't Drive Drunk! We support our local Tavern League and the Safe Ride Program! Members of the Tavern League provide vouchers for patrons that wish to take a cab home rather than drive their own vehicles. To take advantage of the program, simply ask your bartender. The cab fare is free with the voucher provided by the tavern. (Tips are appreciated!)

TABLE OF CONTENTS

OUR ST A FF keith romack publisher

4 out and about photos 8 news AND STUFF

Lisa romack Sales Director

12 ASK THE EXPERT 13 horoscope

Robert Christiansen Column Writer

14 Top 10 Myths about bartenders x

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JUNE 2012 BEER GARDENS WHAT’S UP THIS MONTH

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17 sudoku crossword wordfind 18 la las love letters

jon obert editor

20 - 21 bar directory

23 la las love letters

ted phillips photographer

24 LIVE MUSIC SCHEDULE www.whatsupxtra.com

25 karaoke dj open mic lauren strec contributing writer

26 all mixed up Front page photo taken at Back Bar by Lisa Romack The name What’s Up Xtra Magazine is a registered trade name, and use of this name is strictly prohibited. The contents of this publication are copyrighted What’s Up Xtra Chicago Magazine -2012 We encourage our readers to write their stories, send photos, and make comments. All submissions sent to us by phone, email, fax, or handwritten become the property of What’s Up Xtra Chicago Magazine.

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28 tales from the chris 30 are you smarter than chester CHECK OUT

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The Save

Barrack Obama was out jogging one morning along the parkway when he tripped, fell over the bridge railing and landed in the creek below. Before the Secret Service guys could get to him, 3 kids who were ﬁshing pulled him out of the water. He was so grateful he offered the kids whatever they wanted.

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The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be. Ralph Waldo Emerson: American essayist, lecturer, and poet

The ﬁrst kid said, “I want to go to Disney World.” President Obama replied, “No problem, I'll take you there on Air Force One.” The second kid said, “I want a new pair of Nike Air Jordan shoes.” Barrack said, 'I'll get them for you and even have Michael Jordan sign them.” The third kid said, “I want a motorized wheelchair with a built in TV and stereo headset.” President Obama was a little perplexed by this and said, "But you don't look like you're handicapped." The kid replied, “I will be after my dad ﬁnds out I saved you from drowning." FACEBOOK.COM//WHATSUPXTRAMAGAZINE

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News & Stuff

Super Bowl Prices Will Be “Big Apple” Big This year you can buy one ticket on the cushy club level seats at MetLife Stadium for the Super Bowl or you and your signiﬁcant could ﬂy to Paris and spend the weekend in a nice hotel. About the same price.

Want A Really Big TV? Check Out The Sony 4K! I

So when you are trying to justify why it makes sense to shell out the big bucks it’s easy. It's the Superbowl and it's in New York City, right? That is exactly why the National Football League ofﬁcials say that tickets to this particular game are worth big “Big Apple” prices. Comparing the two, club level seats in NYC with access to restaurants, $2,600 while club level seats in New Orleans last year, only $1,250. Why the price hike? Because there are more people with more money around New York City and the NFL can sell the tickets. That's the bottom line. Since about 50 million people live within 200 miles of MetLife Stadium (compared with 6 million in New Orleans) many people won't mind paying more because they're likely to save money on ﬂights and hotels.

t has been more than four years since the end of analog TV. With your ﬁrst HDTV, you probably reveled in the high deﬁnition at 720 pixels and a little later, at the 1070 pixels.

Participating teams distribute 35 percent of the seats. The league itself controls 25 percent of the seats, which it often shares with corporate sponsors and partners. So a large proportion of those attending have their seats paid for by someone else.

Sony's 4K will change their degree of satisfaction, but it probably won't happen for a while. The electronics industry is championing what it claims as the next be-all television. The 4K is so named because it boasts several times the picture resolution.

In all, the executives say the average price of 39 percent of the 77,500 seats will cost $1,000 or less. The lowest price seats will cost $500, compared with $600 previously.

It's a thin, elegant 65-inch backlit LED set, with a magniﬁcent picture that has more than 8 million pixels, a vibrant color palate and two powerful 65 watt front facing speakers.

Research shows that many $600 tickets last year resold for $2,000 on the secondary market. Seats near midﬁeld went for up to $6,100 and club seats changed hands for $6,400, all of which are multiples of their face values.

Getting customers to trade up isn't going to be easy. Right now, the set lists for $5,499.99. Over time, however, the price will be much lower.

For the New York Super Bowl, indoor suites with 30 seats each are already selling for $500,000 and up depending on the location.

Coming Soon For All Computers

Today, not only are prices way lower than they were then, but most HDTV viewers are perfectly satisﬁed with the picture quality.

Sony also offers an 84-inch model, the XBR 4K for $24,999. A 55-inch model will cost $3,499. The Consumer Electronics Association forecasts factory shipments of Ultra TVs will grow to 23,000 units in 2013. So, someone is buying them, even if it's not you…yet.

Your computers will soon do research for you, even when you don't ask. New voice recognition software will enable computers to listen to the conversations of humans and figure out the subject of conversation. Then the computers will find suitable internet references and files. Experts say this will vastly improve efficiency. It may even spawn a whole new world of Facebook memes based on common phrases like, "I hate the boss."

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How Ironic Two men waiting at the pearly gates strike up a conversation. "How'd you die?" the ﬁrst man asks the second.

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Faith is daring to put your dream to the test. It is better to try to do something and fail than to try to do nothing and succeed. Robert H. Schuller, American Pastor, and Author

"I froze to death," says the second. "That's awful. How does it feel to freeze to death?" says the ﬁrst.

says the second.

"It's very uncomfortable at ﬁrst, you get the shakes, and you get pains in all your ﬁngers and toes. But eventually, it's a very calm way to go. You get numb and you kind of drift off, as if you're sleeping. How did you die?"

"I had a heart attack", says the first guy. "You see, I knew my wife was cheating on me, so one day I showed up at home unexpectedly. I ran up to the bedroom, and found her alone, knitting. I ran down to the basement, but no one was hiding there. I ran up to the second floor, but no one was hiding there either. I ran as fast as I could to the attic, and just as I got there, I had a massive heart attack and died." The second man shakes his head. "That's so ironic" he says. "What do you mean?" asks the first man. "If you had only stopped to look in the freezer, we'd both still be alive." FACEBOOK.COM//WHATSUPXTRAMAGAZINE

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The Barber

A guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks "Hey, Buddy! How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around the shop and says "about 2 hours," and the guy leaves. A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?"

Again, the barber looks around at shop full of customers and says "about 2 hours." The guy leaves. A week later the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop and says "about an hour and a half". The guy leaves. The barber looks over at a friend in the shop and says "Hey, Joey, I'll give you a free cut if you follow that guy and see where he goes." In a little while, Joey comes back into the shop laughing hysterically. The barber says, "This must be good, where did he go when he left here?" Joey says, "To your house!"

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ASK THE EXPERT... How to be more eco-friendly. EXPERT: Willie Kalb AGE: 56 LIKES: new pennies, soup and hide n’ seek. DISLIKES: toothaches, fruit flies and “the tickle monster”. SMELLS LIKE: an old flask filled with cat farts. Sal, a chef asks: If buses make so much smoke, why does everyone insist that using them as transportation is good for the air?

EXPERT: “I ain’t never ridin’ a bus again! You take a ﬁve-course dump in some old lady’s handbag and all the sudden, people look at you like you done killed somebody!”

Elise, a sales rep asks: Other than recycling, can you think of any practical ways I can reuse things that most people just throw out? EXPERT: “Ya’ll ever eat soup out of a busted light bulb? What can I say, I’m one who believes in using what most people throw out. Except for someone old drawers those I leave on the side of the road.

Jeff, a software designer asks: With so much of our resources tied up in the war on terror, how are we supposed to preserve the natural beauty of America?

EXPERT: “Tied up? I’ll tell you what’s tied up: my goddamn ass hairs, that’s what! Lord have mercy! It feels like I’m takin’ a crap through a tennis racquet!”

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In 2014, Mandatory Tipping Will Be Gone

Can you help by friend?

For many years, restaurants have tacked a mandatory gratuity onto the bill of any large party, generally ranging from 15 to 18 percent. Some restaurants even add gratuity to every bill. But a recent IRS ruling will probably bring the long time practice to an end. The ruling that takes effect in 2014 classiﬁes automatic gratuities as wages rather than tips, therefore requiring restaurants to pay payroll taxes on any mandatory gratuity. The ruling pretty much guarantees that most restaurants will bring this practice to an end. This ruling makes it more risky for servers gambling with whether a table of 10 likes the service provided and is willing to tip responsibly, according to Kiplinger's Personal Finance. As a result of these changes, diners are more likely to see suggested tips on menus and bills ranging from 15 to 20 percent. Cruise ship tipping is still in question, but it might apply only to ships registered in the United States. Cruise ships apply a daily gratuity to all travelers' accounts.

I’m reaching out on behalf of a friend of mine who needs some help, who wishes to remain anonymous. His wife told him to go out and get some of those pills that would help him with his manhood. When he came back, he handed her diet pills. Anyway, he’s looking for a place to live.

DECEMBER HOROSCOPE ARIES: Your capable and sociable manner draws people to you. That's good, and it encourages cooperation at work. But don't let others' high opinion of you go to your head. TAURUS: Your financial dealings are taking on greater importance now, so make sure that you're giving them their due. Your mindset is perfect for thinking about the future. GEMINI: The full moon on December 17 could make you feel like doing something crazy, or at least pretty unusual for you. Think twice before plunging into it. CANCER: Celebrate Christmas in your own way. Make it a joyful time by avoiding a lot of extra work and preparations. Just show love and caring to everyone you meet. LEO: Check your to-do list for tasks and projects you can wind up before taking the holiday break. Decide what can be put on hold so you can celebrate without worry. VIRGO: A feeling of confidence is sweeping over you, and for good reason. You're finishing a year of good work and looking forward to a productive new year. FACEBOOK.COM//WHATSUPXTRAMAGAZINE

LIBRA: You're beginning to feel that you're in your element at work and that you'll soon be able to make a difference there. But don't try to control every situation. SCORPIO: A loved one has an issue on which you'd like to give advice. But sometimes the most supportive action is letting the person ﬁgure out what to do on his own. SAGITTARIUS: At holiday dinners or parties, there's bound to be someone who rubs you the wrong way. Walk away and have fun with your friends or family members. CAPRICORN: When your boss seems testy or distant, remember that there are problems and situations that you don't know about. So just keep doing your job well. AQUARIUS: The talents of others can make you look like a better leader, manager or cultivator of high performance people. Everybody wins. PISCES: People like your politeness and efﬁciency. They seek you out because their friends talk about how dependable, honest, and discreet you are.

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Top 10 Myths About Bartenders Here are the top 10 myths about bartenders that I regularly come across.

you get off work. I’ve been asked out by a few customers over the years but these occasions are few and far between.

1. We are just biding time until we get a “real job”. While it’s true that we’re basically servants and probably don’t have insurance, bartenders typically earn more money than many of our peers while working half the amount of hours. Try as you may, you and your “real job” can’t buy a better life than mine using smugness as currency. That said, many bartenders do have other pursuits – are in school or working at something creative. For most, that jump to a “real job” necessitates an uncomfortable pay cut. Not to mention the fact that there are a whole bunch of bartenders who *gasp* actually feel passionate about it.

6. We went to bartending school. The only bar you’ll ﬁnd a bartending school grad behind is in a banquet hall or something. No class can teach you this job. The only way to learn it is the hard way and no bar worth a shit would be caught dead hiring someone dumb enough to fork over money to learn how to make Chocatini’s and Long Island Iced Teas. To become a good bartender, you usually have to start in a really crappy place and work your way up. It takes time, effort, a lot of embarrassing mistakes and a bit of lying to become a decent bartender.

2. We sleep until noon. “What are you doing up?!” is often the first thing I get anytime I hit somebody up before 12 pm. This really depends on where we work, as some bartenders’ heads don’t hit our pillows until 4 am but many of us, regardless of when our workday ends, make a concerted effort to get up at a decent hour and function amongst the living, at least most of the time. Hence, we’re often super tired, so be nice to us! 3. We’re all alcoholics. It’s perfectly logical to assume that the dealer is getting high on his own supply. PLENTY of bartenders drink as much as they pour. However, there are two reasons why many of us aren’t the boozehounds you imagine us to be: a) We have access to basically everything and anything which affords us the privilege of a discriminating palate. That means we drink for the taste, not just to get smashed. I’d rather sip a really good rye than shoot a Jägerbomb (shudder). Do I end up drunk sometimes? Duh. But more often than not, it’s quality over quantity. b) Being around alcohol and inebriated people constantly kind of turns you off the stuff. 4. We’re uneducated. Tending bar is a hard, dirty, working class job and so many people seem to think that any idiot could do it. Wrong! Not every barkeep necessarily has a college education but a whole lot do. Sure, it’s often in something like Philosophy or Anthropology (guilty!) but believe me, the person serving your drinks is more likely than not, wicked smart. I 5. “You must get hit on all the time”. I can only speak for myself on this one: Nope. The assumption is based on the fact that I’m a woman in a bar setting. If I was sitting on the other side, I probably would get hit on all the time, since I’ve got boobs, vagina, etc. But it’s different when you’re in the background. Most girl bartenders master the art of standoffish flirting. Where you smile and ask lots of questions but do a really good job of avoiding personal questions about yourself and lying like a motherfucker when guys ask you what time

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7. We actually like you. Your fun, friendly bartender is at work. She’s there to make money. I know it feels like you’re all just hanging out but you aren’t – She’s sweating and running around while you sit and relax. So if they throw you a free drink, it’s not purely out of love and goodwill which means that you need to throw back a tip. If you don’t, you’ll quickly learn how much it sucks when the bartender *doesn’t* like you. 8. We want to get you wasted. Drunk people are the worst people to deal with, especially when money is changing hands. I understand that, under my watch, people are gonna get there but it’s most deﬁnitely not the singular goal. Trying to manage a bar full of drunks is something that I wouldn’t wish upon my worst enemy. Additionally, there is liability – I don’t know what you do when you leave my bar. If you get in a car and kill someone (or yourself) drunk driving, that’s on us, legally and spiritually. A good bartender pays attention to intake and subtly tries to help you pace yourself. We aren’t that hard up to squeeze every dollar out of you, that we’d risk your life over it. 9. That we’re gonna “make it a good one”. Telling us to make you a stronger drink is so incredibly arrogant because you’re essentially demanding something for free. If you have to pay extra to get your Big Mac meal supersized, why would it be free to get your drink enhanced? When it comes to cocktails, we measure liquor according to what will impart the best taste. If you put too much bourbon in an Old Fashioned, it will just taste like bourbon and not a cocktail. If you like that, cool. Buy a double. 10. We have a “favorite drink to make”. My #1 favorite drink to make is “one for myself”. For you, it’s whatever’s fastest and easiest. I do enjoy coming up with new cocktails and perfecting my technique in executing difﬁcult ones but that has very little to do with serving you during the rush on a Saturday night. Plus, you’re holding me up with this dumb question. Know any great bartenders? Give us a shout out so we can feature them in an upcoming issue! WWW.WHATSUPXTRA.COM

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Six Ways To Serve Others At Christmas Time * Decorate a Christmas tree with a family in need and help put some things under the tree that you can afford. * Take a parent or guardian and their children out shopping. Buy each of them a gift, whatever fits their needs and your means. Show kindness and caring and the children will feel comfortable and happy with you. * If you aren't spending Christmas with your family, you could help to serve at a free Christmas Day dinner hosted by a church or organization. You'll find that filling plates with holiday food can be a joyful experience for you as well as the recipients. * Call the Salvation Army or other non-profit organizations in your area. Many need extra help during the Christmas season and can gladly find something worthwhile for you to do. * Volunteer at a hospital or senior center. Many individuals don't have a family and would love to have someone to talk to on Christmas. Visiting can brighten the lives of others and even start friendships. * Find a food shelter and help distribute food or clean up after dinner is served. Shelters rely on volunteers, and regular volunteers may not work during Christmas. Giving a small amount at Christmas can often be a gift that continues giving back to you all year long! FACEBOOK.COM//WHATSUPXTRAMAGAZINE

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Operation Santa Paws… December 1-21

During the holiday season extra help is needed for abused and abandoned animals in local animal shelters. One grassroots organization, Operation Santa Paws, is helping by spreading the word about a canine/feline toy or treat drive to beneﬁt less fortunate pets this season. Animal lovers are encouraged to purchase a new dog or cat toy and food or treats that will be delivered in time for Christmas to a local shelter and rescue organization. Think about a sad puppy who knows nobody loves him, a beautiful cat that has lost her family for some reason, or a mature dog that had a loving family until they had to move and could no longer care for him. On Christmas, a toy or a food treat will make them joyful for the day, and you will feel joyful for helping make it possible.

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Hard To Find A Good Marriage Counselor

A couple was having some trouble, so they did the right thing and went to a marriage counselor. After a few visits, and a lot of questioning and listening, counselor said that he had discovered the main problem. He stood up, went over to the woman, asked her to stand, and gave her a hug. He looked at the man and said, "This is what your wife needs, at least once a day!" The man frowned, thought for a moment, then said, "OK, what time do you want me to bring her back tomorrow?" FACEBOOK.COM//WHATSUPXTRAMAGAZINE

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La La’s Love Letters Dear La La, I really adore my boyfriend, but I can't help thinking of other men when we are "doing it." What does it mean when I fantasize about other people during sex? Fantasia

met. I've tried everything I know to try to reach out to her and build a relationship, but every effort has been unsuccessful. I'm afraid this will present problems in our marriage moving forward. Any advice? Just Advice Jim

Dear Fantasia, I think it's normal for the mind to sometimes create scenarios with other people, to bring the level of eroticism to another, or new, level. However, if you are doing it all the time, then are you ever "with" your boyfriend? In my unprofessional opinion, it seems as though you may be unsatisﬁed in some form. This does not mean your guy is bad in bed; the dissatisfaction may be something internal. Maybe there is something that your fantasy guys possess, that your boyfriend doesn't. A good way to integrate that is to have your boyfriend act it out, for the bedroom. For example, if you like biker guys, and your man is a cleanshaven white collar, have him act a little dirty during foreplay.

Dear Jim, Her misery stems from somewhere, and your girlfriend and you both need to investigate the cause. Once you ﬁnd out, it will be easier to understand her behavior, and you can ﬁgure out productive ways to react to any of her twisted antics in a positive and productive manner.

By Lauren Strec

Dear La La, I consider myself a pretty secure person and I don't easily get jealous, but my other half is constantly talking about his ex. What is up with that? Jumpy Julie Dear Jumpy Julie, Everyone perceives things differently, and I personally am guilty of sharing "ex" stories, because it's part of my past and I think it's cool for my guy to know what brought me to the present, and vice-versa. However, any of these stories will arise when it's relevant to the current conversation or situation. If your guy is bringing up these stories, out of nowhere, it can possibly mean a couple things. People need to vent, in order to move on, so maybe he's just getting out some frustration, and it's great that he feels comfortable enough to open up to you. However, if a good amount of time has passed since their breakup, it's possible he may be a little traumatized from the split, may need a more concrete resolution, and therefore, may not be over her in that aspect. Whatever the case, if his stories are making you uncomfortable, you need to let him know that he is indulging too much. But be sure not to forbid the subject all together, as that may make him feel that he cannot continue to share things with you. Dear La La, My girlfriend is really terriﬁc and I am thinking about proposing to her this Christmas. So what's the problem? Her mother! She is the most wicked and rude person I have ever

In the meantime, you need to wrap your mind around the fact that you cannot control or change her current demeanor; only she has that power. At this point, her actions are predictable; it should not shock you when she is, yet again, acting "wicked." Even if her intent is personal, train yourself to not get frustrated or offended by her attempts. Remember and know that she is a sad soul, and that is just a part of the territory. With the acceptance of this, you may be able to find tolerance with the idea of being connected to this evil. In the end, you may never get a positive reciprocation. Some people are just assholes, plain and simple. In that case, detach yourself from her words/ways (not disregard her as a person), and chalk it up as a character: "Oh, there goes mom again, being a huge bitch. Classic." Dear La La, I just celebrated my 32nd birthday and for the third year in a row my husband has gotten me an appliance as a gift. Apparently no one has ever told him this is a "cardinal sin!" Is it really the thought that counts and I am being selfish or are you feeling me sister? Toaster Tina Dear Toaster, Well, the thought truly does count, and your husband already has high marks for remembering your birthday. But sometimes "if you want something done right, you’ve got to do it yourself." With that said, when the next gift-giving occasions arise, just tell him exactly what you want. A month before the occasion, tell him what you like and that he should get it for your birthday/holiday. Reiterate it again two weeks later, and then don't say anything else. It may suck to take away the element of surprise, but it's a small sacrifice to make, to avoid more dustcollecting clutter. After a couple presents, tell him that he has to come up with the next one, and should use your past examples to stay on track. And don't forget "please" and "thank you!"

The Effects of Alcohol Abuse on the Human Body An elderly man was stopped by the police around 2:00am and was asked where he was going at that time of night. The man replied, "I'm on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late." The ofﬁcer then asked, "Really? Who's giving that lecture at this time of night?" The man replied, "That would be my wife." 18 WHATS UP XTRA 18

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Distribution Area Did you know that the perfect bar/restaurant runs at a level of 80% regulars and 20% new customers? Let us help you build that 20% by ensuring your ad will be seen locally by people in your target market (see above map for distribution area). Magazines have maintained popularity with readers through the years and have proven that magazine advertising will stand the test of time. Readers can ﬁnd their FREE copy of What's Up Xtra in outdoor magazine racks, convenient stores, local hotels, bars restaurants, liquor stores and conveniently view it online anytime on our website. Give us a call at 773-288-9400 and let us help design your ad today so people know What's Up at you place of business!

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BAR DIRECTORY AFTON Afton Pub Friendly Village Albany Center Tavern Clayt’s Corner Avalon Hat Rack Tap BELOIT Alarm Box Alibi Bar & Grill Alumni House Ballyhoo Tavern Bootleggers Bar Bop Brass Rail Carom Room CarTunes Club Impulse Coyotes End Zone Filling Station Foxhole Grand Slam Hanson's Hog Cabin Saloon Jerseys Bar Kline’s Club 88 Mike's Roadhouse Mouse Tavern Pitcher’s Mound Rcc Pub Rivals Sports Bar Rooney’s Pub Road Dawg Pub Sara's Pub Suds O'Hanahan's The Down Under The Last Lap Town Club Turtle Tap Thristy Badger The Rock Bar BRODHEAD Payees Pub Silver Dollar CLINTON Boxcars Billy’s Sandtrap Cougar Lanes M & J Bar & Pizza Rock’n Rogers

4910 Jefferson St 5321 S County Road D

608-365-2891 608-362-9732

108 N Water St 120 N Water St

608-862-3320 608-862-3010

1725 Market St

608-754-9779

925 4th St 1180 Madison Rd 863 5th St 904 4th St 5842 East Creek Rd 530 E Grand Ave 646 4th St 614 E Grand Ave 2640 Prairie Ave 132 W Grand Ave 107 Dearborn St 616 4th St 1414 Cranston Rd 3807 S Riverside Dr 173 W Grand Ave 615 Cranstan Rd 631 W Newark Rd 2770 Milwaukee Rd 65 Portland Ave 614 Broad St 420 Madison Rd 2745 Prairie Ave 3360 Riverside Dr 443 E Grand Ave 65 Portland Ave 2956 Milwaukee Rd 1567 Madison Rd 435 E Grand Ave 3360 Riverside Dr 1028 Mary St 1900 St Lawrence Ave 1344 E Grand Ave 2683 Prairie Ave 101 Maple Ave

608-362-9980 608-365-6069 608-362-2425 608-362-9969 608-312-2224 608-363-1921 608-362-9999 608-365-1811 608-362-3362 608-361-0000 608-756-4511 608-362-4911 608-362-8652 608-362-5249 608-362-6013 608-313-8797 608-365-0500 651-455-4561 608-299-0202 608-361-1100 608-362-1196 608-207-3224 608-365-1677 608-299-8580 608-362-1440 608-363-9374 608-207-3139 608-368-1933 608-365-1677 608-362-3762 608-362-0733 608-365-1212 608-312-2282 608-363-7625

606 1st Center Ave 906 W Exchange St

608-897-3300 608-897-2626

108 Allen Street N3941 Golf Course Rd 204 Mill St 1117 W 2nd Ave 410 Front St

608-676-1149 608-897-4488 608-676-2279 608-897-2345 608-676-5678

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Southern Wisconsin & Northern Illinois

Where are you going tonight? The Shopiere Tap 5227 E County Road J EDGERTON Anchor Inn 709 E State Road 59 Bubba D’s 3516 Hwy M Convoy’s Bar 112 W Fulton St Decoy Bar & Grill 1105 N. Main St Dockside 723 N Ellendale Rd Emigails Road Hse 650 E. Hwy 59 Northern Inn 69 Us Highway 51 N Off The Hook 3515 W County Road M, Oberg's Bar 348 Liguori Rd Pit Stop 13 Swift St Red Baron Tavern 124 W Fulton St Sand Trap 520 N Main Two Brothers Bar 116 W Fulton St Wile-E's Bar 12 W Fulton St EVANSVILLE GeneO's 7530 Cty M Night Owl 19 E Main St Pete's Inn 14 N Madison St Union Tavern 10430 N US Hwy 14 FOOTVILLE B’Ner’s Bar 216 Depot St Toe Town Tap 237 Depot St FORT ATKINSON Bienfang’s Bar 28 N Water St E Bitz’s Outer Limits N1957 US Hwy 12 Black Hawk 200 S Main St Brickhouse 1501 Janesville Ave Fat Boyz 219 S Main St Kranky’s W8546 US Hwy 12 Norm’s Hideaway W8639 Kuehn Rd Paddy Coughlin’s 14 Sherman Ave E Pete’s Place W3075 Green Isle Dr Sunset Tavern W7905 High Ridge Rd What’s the Point W 6950 Cty Tk C JANESVILLE Alfresco Cafe 3900Milton Ave Applebee's 3024 Milton Ave Bad Brad's 907 Rockport Rd Bazinga’s 1110 Kellogg Blackbridge Bowl 1141 Black Bridge Rd Bobbleheads 2709 S Us Highway 51 Bogg Trotters 2200 Riverside Dr Browning Bar 3759 Stone Ridge Dr Buffalo Wild Wings2929 Milton Avenue Charlies Place 2020 E Racine St Deano's Westside 2523 W Wall St Diamond Dave's 2500 Milton Avenue Diamond Jim's 6530 US Highway 51 S Down the Street 967 S Jackson St Drunken Monkey 1802 Center Avenue

608-362-9643 608-884-7565 608-884-4181 608-884-0498 608-884-6688 608-884-0000 608-884-7922 608-884-4027 608-884-0090 608-884-9944 608-884-4032 608-884-6628 608-884-8773 608-884-3088 608-884-0485 608-882-1216 608-882-9973 608-882-4170 608-882-9931 608-876-6521 608-876-6747 920-563-8046 920-563-3773 920-568-1898 920-397-7640 920-563-3051 920-568-9090 608-884-4823 920-397-7776 262-593-8319 920-563-5702 920-563-9992 608-757-4444 608-756-3559 608-754-9777 608-752-9566 608-757-3030 608-752-8910 608-757-1444 608-756-0783 608-741-9464 608-756-9369 608-754-5889 608-755-9979 608-741-0700 608-754-4098 608-758-9911

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Southern Wisconsin & Northern Illinois

BAR DIRECTORY

Where are you going tonight? East Point Sportz Pub 3501 E Milwaukee El-Ra Bowl 1942 Center Ave Friendly Village 5321 E County Road A D Game Day 966 S Jackson St Hanson’s Hollow 1012 W Happy Hollow Rd Helgesen’s Harpos 5201 W. State Hwy 11 Hammy's 2131 Center Ave HHFFRRRGGH 731 S Wuthering Hills Hooters 3300 N Pontiac Dr Juli’s Friendly Tap 1020 Rockport Rd Legends 11 N Main St Looking Glass 18 N Main St Main Street Saloon 117 N Main St Milwaukee Grill 2601 Morse St My Apartment 15 N Arch St Mo’s Taasbag 2339 Milton Ave O'Riley&Conways 214 N Milwaukee St Pub Crall 708 s Jackson St Quotes 24 N Main St Riders Inn 721 Center Ave Riley's Sports Bar 209 W Milwaukee St Rivers Edge Bow 215 S River St Road Dawg Saloon 2914 Morse Russ’s Park Place 1637 E Racine St Shady Nook 2815 N Washington St Slicks Bar & Grill 309 Rockport Rd Sneakers Sports Bar1221 Woodman Rd Someplace Else 121 E Milwaukee St Speakeasy Lounge 19 N High Street Spirits 2710 W Court St Stokes Pub 1633 E Racine St The Back Bar 1901 Beloit Ave Three B's Tap 3333 N County E Time Out 101 E. Milwaukee Trading Spaces 54 S Main St, Watering Hole 1700 N Washington St Wedges 2006 N Washington St Wiggys Saloon 9 N Parker Dr White Oak 429 N Parker Dr Willowdale Saloon 5905 W State Road 11 Wolf's Den 1704 Rockport Rd Zoxx 411 Club 411 West State St JEFFERSON Duck In Waddle Out 105 N Main St Herbie’s Bar 115 E Milwaukee St Lou’s Riverview N3536 County Road K Rox Sports Bar N3656 County Road K Rue’s Premiere Lanes 511 E Racine St MILTON Countryside Inn 1801 E State Road 59 Cove 319 Parkview Dr FACEBOOK.COM//WHATSUPXTRAMAGAZINE

608-305-0253 608-757-3020 608-362-9732 608-758-2323 608-752-3825 608-752-8886 608-754-9906 608-741-8833 608-754-9464 608-754-9750 608-755-1551 608-755-9828 608-758-1393 608-754-1919 608-752-9908 608-754-5667 608-752-6099 608-563-5004 608-758-9050 608-756-5809 608-563-0410 608-756-1201 608-756-2131 608-754-5600 608-752-3704 608-754-3544 608-756-1221 608-754-4337 608-531-0012 608-754-2931 608-754-1998 608-741-0001 608-755-5880 608-531-1994 608)-757-6163 608-752-4119 608-757-1444 608-754-9100 608-756-4070 608-755-3282 608-756-2929 608-754-6160 920-674-6144 920-674-3900 920-674-9980 920-674-6997 920-674-3082

Gophers 233 N Janesville St Junction Pub 130 Merchant Row Klub Bub 46 Merchant Row Lakeview Beach 1901 E State Road 59 Northleaf Winery 232 S Janesville St Owls Club 5847 E County Road N, Red Zone 403 West High St Scoreboard 100 Merchant Row DJ’s Shortstop Bar 11601 N Lake St Snuffy's Still 3538 E County Rd Varsity Lanes 450 S John Paul Rd ORFORDVILLEORFORDVILLE Bass Creek 1303 S Murphy Rd Knute’s Bar 206 E Beloit St Stables Bar 717 Genesis Dr Tebo’s Pub 206 E Beloit St WHITEWATER Brass Rail 130 W Main St College Pub 202 W Whitewater Denny K’s Bar 156 W Whitewater Downstairs Bar 204 W Main St Hawks Nest 214 W Whitewater Salvos Coyote 132 W Center St

608-868-3210 608-868-3596 608-868-4111 608-868-7899 608-580-0575 608-868-3413 608-868-9126 608-868-7870 608-868-5363 608-868-7884 608-868-6800 608-876-6631 608-879-2011 608-879-3000 608-879-2011 262-473-4038 262-473-4283 262-473-7898 262-473-7390 262-472-8816 262-472-0510

STATELINE

ROCKTON 3 Sheets Pub 122 W Main St Ye Olde Pub 114 W Main St ROCKFORD District Bar 205 W State St RBI’s 3870 N Perryville ROSCOEOSCOE Fire House Pub 10670 Main St Jimez’s 11677 Main St Macktown Lounge 14549 N 2nd St Pee Wee’s Pub 9461 N 2nd St Posion Ivy Pub 5765 Elevator Rd Whifﬂetree Tavern 11347 Main St SOUTH BELOIT Baars Five Star Bar 128 S Bluff St Chippers Pub 210 Oak Grove Ave Domonicks Tavern 812 Ingersoll Pl Fins & Feathers 404 Gardner St Jaks on South Park 723 S Park Ave J J’s Tavern 1720 Shirland Ave Macktown Lounge 1339 Dearborn Ave Mustangs 482 Gardner St Royce Gordy 1805 Oak Leaf Dr Tad’s Sports Bar 1322 Gardner St Wheel Inn 529 Blackhawk

815-957-0489 815-624-6533 815-977-4524 815-877-5592 815-623-8389 815-623-5900 815-389-3691 815-282-9448 815-623-1480 815-623-8213 815-389-9947 815-389-2239 815-525-0017 815-475-0481 815-389-3618 815-389-3309 815- 389-3691 779-475-0048 815-389-1494 815-389-9040 815-389-2840

TO BE INCLUDED IN THE BAR DIRECTORY, PLEASE CALL 773.288.9400

608-868-7833 608-868-7843 773.288-9400

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XER Game

For Fun For Tournaments

C PR A A G PS IZE V A U A M L IL E E A S B LE

You haven’t boxed a Boxer till you’ve boxed...

THE GLOVE

Bars and Event Coordinators call 773.213.4597

to order the Boxer at no cost & learn more about proﬁt opportunities

New Machines: prizes paid out through the machine for top scores, wheel of fun,. and more... Outdoor Machines Available Great for Patios& Beer Gardens

There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them. Bruce Lee martial artist and ﬁlmmaker

Little Johnny

Little Johnny's teacher had a new game for the children. She would pick a word and have the children make a sentence out of it. She knew that she had to be careful because Little Johnny would try and turn this into something dirty, as he had done so many times before. She chose the word "fascinate". Knowing that Johnny could not possibly mess this one up, she called on him ﬁrst. Johnny said, "My sister went to the mall and bought a blouse. It had 10 buttons up the front, but her boobs were so big she could only fasten eight." After all the kids had answered one, it was Johnny's turn again. This time the word was "urinate". The teacher was sure this one would stump Johnny. Johnny said, "You'rean-eight, but if you had bigger boobs you'd be a ten."

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LIVE Thursday, December 5 Johnny Can't Stop @ 5:30pm The Armory, Janesville Roxtar & Featured Local Bands @ 9pm The Back Bar, Janesville

Friday, December 6

MUSIC

Sat December 14 (CONT)

Blue Olives @ 9pm Sneakers Sports Bar & Grill, Janesville Swing Crew @ 9pm Stumpy’s Pub, Rockford

Cyanide Sunrise @ 9pm The Back Bar, Janesville

Killer Cars @ 9pm TAASBAG Sports Bar & Grill, Janesville

Rainbow Bridge @ 7pm Moose Lodge, Janesville

Rainbow Bridge @ 8pm Varsity Lanes, Milton

Saturday, December 7

Tuesday, December 17

Wayland @ 9pm The Back Bar, Janesville Kind Of A Big Deal @ 9pm Majestic, Madison Gary Trio @ 8pm Owl’s Club, Milton Chris Kohn @ 7:30pm Andrew's (Delaﬁeld Hotel), Delaﬁeld

Thursday, December 12 Gary Trio @ 7pm O’Riley & Conway Irish Pub, Janesville Dive & Roxtar @ 9pm The Back Bar, Janesville

Friday, December 13 Gary Trio @ 10pm Merrill & Houston’s, Beloit Shotgun Jane @ 09:30pm Rock Bottom Saloon & Eatery, Jefferson Killer Cars Red Baron, Edgerton

Saturday, December 14 Go Play God Sand @ 9pm The Back Bar, Janesville Shotgun Jane @ 09:30pm Rock Bottom Saloon & Eatery, Jefferson Chris Kohn & The Two Ton Heavy Thing @ 9pm Come Back, Madison Jamie Campbell & The Redneck Romeos @ 10pm Splitters @ Park Lanes, Loves Park Kind Of A Big Deal @ 9pm Splitters, Rockford

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Steve Doiel @ 7pm O'Riley & Conway’s Irish Pub, Janesville

Thursday, December 19 Roxtar & Featured Local Bands The Back Bar, Janesville @ 9pm Chris Kohn and Big John @ 7pm O'Riley & Conway's Irish Pub

Friday, December 20

Saturday, December 28 (CONT) Blackwater @ 8pm O'Riley & Conway’s Irish Pub, Janesville Shotgun Jane @ 9:30pm Sara’s Pub, Beloit Tombeau Road Band @ 9pm Thumbs Up, Lake Geneva Jamie Campbell & The Redneck Romeos @ 9pm TAASBAG Sports Bar & Grill, Janesville Killer Cars @ 8pm Time Out Pub & Eatery, Janesville Wapa2Li @ 9pm Sneakers Sports Bar & Grill, Janesville

Tuesday, December 31 Minus None @ 10:30pm Hammy's Roadside Bar, Janesville Bobaﬂex The Back Bar, Janesville

Gary Trio @ 8pm HHFFRRRGGH, Janesville

Shotgun Jane @ 9:30pm BaZinga Classic Pub & Grill

Jamie Campbell & The Redneck Romeos @ 8pm 2nd Cousins Bar & Grill, Rockford

Rainbow Bridge @ 8pm Moose Lodge, Janesville

Rainbow Bridge @ 9:30pm Drunkin Monkey, Janesville

Saturday, December 21

Dusty Bottoms Here! @ 9pm TAASBAG Sports Bar & Grill Shotgun Jane @ 9:30pm

Sunday, December 22

Rainbow Bridge @ 3pm Hammy's Roadside Bar, Janesville

Monday, December 23

Jamie Campbell & The Redneck Romeos @ 8pm Sara's Pub, Beloit

Gary Trio @ 8pm Merrill & Houston’s, Beloit Jamie Campbell & The Redneck Romeos @ 9pm Clocktower Resort, Rockford Killer Cars @ 9pm Sneakers Sports Bar & Grill, Janesville

Saturday, January 4

Jamie Campbell & The Redneck Romeos @ 8pm Mustangs Bar & Grill, South Beloit Go Ask Joe @ 9pm Time Out Pub & Eatery, Janesville Shotgun Jane @ 9:30pm

Thursday, December 26 Roxtar & Featured Local Bands @ 9pm The Back Bar, Janesville

Saturday, December 28

Piano Fondue (Dueling Pianos) HHFFRRRGGH, Janesville WWW.WHATSUPXTRA.COM

NOVEMBER BARTENDER OF THE MONTH

Karaoke Wednesday

Bobbleheads Sports Bar & Grill (9pm-2am) 2709 South Hwy 51 (at Hwy 11 W Avalon Road), Janesville

Thursday

Wiggy's Saloon - 8:00pm - 12:00pm 9 N Parker Dr, Janesville

Friday

Anchor Inn @ 9:30 Edgerton

DJ ANNA

WIGGY’S SALOON 9 N PARKER JANESVILLE

Thursday HHFFRRRGGH 731 S Wuthering Hills Dr, Janesville 7:30-Midnight Rockin’ the 80’s & 90’s with VIDEOS!

Friday MO’s TAASBAG Sports Bar & Grill 2339 Milton Ave, Janesville 9:00pm - 2:30am

open jam Every Wednesday (4:00pm-8:00pm)

Hammy’s Roadside Bar 2131 Center Ave, Janesville

Every Wednesday (8:00pm-12:00am)

Saturday

MO’s TAASBAG Sports Bar & Grill 2339 Milton Ave, Janesville 9:00pm - 2:30am Riley’s Sports Bar & Grill 209 W Milwaukee St, Janesville (9:00pm-2:00am)

Tremors Bar and Grill 1802 Center Ave, Janesville

Every Thursday (6:00pm-10:00pm) Stables Bar & Grill 717 Genisis Dr, Orfordville

Send us your Live Music, Karaoke, Trivia, Pool Tournaments, Open Mic, Charity Events or any other entertainment... Call 773.288.9400 FACEBOOK.COM//WHATSUPXTRAMAGAZINE

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ALL MIXED UP

By Lisa Romack

A great way to ofﬁcially kick off the holiday season is to mix up a festive drink! How luscious is this Christmas cocktail? I had a hard time this month narrowing it down to just 3, so in the spirit of the season I felt like giving (and drinking), so I threw in a few

extra recipes this month. From our family to yours, wishing you, your families and friends a very safe and happy 2013 Holiday Season and best wishes for the New Year!

Gingered Pear and Brandy Cocktail

Apple Jack Rabbit

Rich Dark Chocolate Martini

For the holiday season, mix up a traditional cocktail that was introduced back in 1965…The Apple Jack Rabbit. This drink gets its sweetness from maple syrup!

Having a group over for the holidays? This is a great cocktail you can whip up ahead of the game that is a timely concoction for any party! Refrigerate it until you’re ready to shake and serve.

Ingredients: ½ oz Captain Morgan 1 oz Apple Brandy ¾ oz Fresh Lemon Juice 2 oz Fresh Orange Juice ½ oz Maple Syrup Mint Sprig and Apple Slices for garnish

Ingredients: ¼ Cup Water 3 Tablespoon Sugar ¼ Cup Chopped Peeled Fresh Ginger 3 Cups Pear Juice 1 Cup Cognac Lemon Rind Twists for garnish

1. Fill up a cocktail shaker with ice and combine all of the ingredients. Shake and pour into a Mason jar and garnish.

Combine ¼ cup water and sugar in a small saucepan over medium heat; cook until sugar dissolves. Remove from heat. Add ginger. Cover and let stand 15 minutes. Strain sugar mixture through a ﬁne sieve. Discard solids. Chill sugar mixture 30 minutes or until ready to use. 2. Fill a cocktail shaker half full with ice. Add sugar mixture, juice, and cognac; shake until chilled. Strain ½ cup mixture into a martini glass. Garnish each serving with 1 lemon twist.

Mistletoe Mojito It features the ﬂavors of a classic mojito, rum and mint, but with a delicious holiday twist! Ingredients: 1oz Fresh Lime Juice 1 Tablespoon Sugar 8 Fresh Mint Leaves

2 oz White Rum 2 Teaspoons Pomegranate Seeds 4oz Pomegranate 7UP 1 Lime Wedge & 1 Mint Sprig for garnish

1. In a highball glass, muddle lime juice, sugar and mint leaves until sugar is dissolved. 2. Add rum and pomegranate seeds. 3. Fill glass with ice and top with Pomegranate 7UP. Garnish with mint sprig and lime wedge.

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This festive cocktail is knee-weakening decadence in a glass. The indulgent combination of Van Gogh’s Rich Dark Chocolate Vodka, espresso, and a lip-smacking hint of salt will quickly become your favorite holiday vegan drink. Ingredients: 1 Tablespoon Raw Sugar 1 Tablespoon Sea Salt 2 Tablespoons Finely Chopped Dark Chocolate 2 Ounces Van Gogh Rich Dark Chocolate Vodka 2 Ounces Chilled Espresso 1 Teaspoon Orange Juice Orange Rind Twists for garnish 1. In a small plate, mix sugar, salt, and dark chocolate. 2. Wet the rim of a martini glass and dip in the sugar mixture. 3. In a cocktail shaker with ice, combine vodka, espresso, and orange juice. Shake vigorously. 4. Strain into prepared martini glass. Garnish with orange zest.

The Midnight Kiss You may not be able to count on a midnight kiss tonight, but you can bet there will be plenty of sparkling wine at any New Year’s Eve soiree. With only two ingredients in this pink, 169-calorie drink, you won’t be stuck mixing and muddling, should a cutie happen to walk into the party! Ingredients: 4 oz Sparkling Wine or Champagne 1 oz X-Rated Fusion Liqueur Directions: Pour sparkling wine or Champagne in a champagne ﬂute and top with liqueur.

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TA L E S F R O M T H E C H R I S

Hope is a Wild Card By Rob Christiansen

The angels made me a garden variety pianist in the Garden of Eden section of heaven. Everyone said the angels ran my afterlife and I was an angels’ boy. That was a joke. No one knew I had once tangled with police and been arrested.

Sections were invented by a resident of my section (Garden of Eden pride!) who had once found his car only because he remembered he’d parked it on the Joe Paterno level. I was sent down from heaven to secure an expungement and I wasn’t told how to get back. Section awareness wouldn’t help me now. Lesson learned: Disclose your criminal past on your heaven application. Luckily, I met Grace, in Illinois. We hiked Starved Rock’s colorful cliffs and she bought a dream catcher in the gift shop. An inclination and a voice within me encouraged her to take up piano. “I’m putting that dream in the bag,” she said, and she pantomimed doing so. She was playing piano at Redhead in Chicago when I hinted at my plight by requesting “Friends in Low Places.” On her break, I asked her if she would speak to the judge at my expungement hearing at 26th and California on Nov. 1 of this year. (It took forever to get a court date.) “Yes,” she replied. “I’ll silence the prosecutor. Two beers, please,” she instructed a bartender. “You’re an angel, Grace,” I said. “You must know; I had an affair with my expungement attorney that ended long before I ever imagined I would have to retain her. Kim broke us up.” Grace knew only that I married Kim and we had twins. “I protect them, Grace,” I said, softening the blow. “Cheers.” Outside Redhead, on Ontario, west of State Street, the atmosphere was pristine. It was now 4:05 a.m. “So, what did you supposedly do?” she asked. She had a long, horse face with character. Much of her hair was bunched behind her head, exposing her swan neck. She wore a coat over her long dress. Our cab pulled to the curb. “Domestic, reduced to simple battery, Grace,” I whispered. We tucked ourselves into the back seat. I spoke aloud to the driver before turning to my companion. “I was on my front stoop at dusk with a lamp,” I said quietly, “waiting to show my boarders the damage their German shepherd did to the garden that day. The association had ﬁned me a dollar. “Hope opened the gate and entered the yard. I stood, without the lamp. Emil entered, trailing Otto, who wasn’t on a leash. I requested a meeting at the garden. Hope rudely said she wasn’t interested in attending a meeting. She proceeded up the steps. I used my arm to impede her path. “Emil saw Hope bounce off my arm and fall in the bushes to which we stood immediately adjacent. She wore her John

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Rissman & Son Windbreaker jacket. She wasn’t even scratched. “I was already considering having the young couple evicted because Emil was behind in rent. “Emil called the cops. He told them I picked up his wife and threw her in the bushes. Hope concurred and Emil shouted gleefully at me, ‘You’re goin’ tuh jail!’ I was horrified out of my mind, Grace, waiting for the cops to arrive.” Our driver took Michigan Ave. towards Wacker Dr. in a ghost town. The lights and sights were reminiscent of heaven. Grace noticed the resemblance and laughed. She reached back and removed her barrettes. She shook her head and loosened her hair. It was as long as a ladder she could have climbed on down to Earth if she hadn’t soared here on a stork, as I had done. Grace came to my apartment for a bed. She stayed for the piano and cottoned to Otto. He lies by the fire and listens to her play while I’m at work. I’ve been a sandwich artist. Grace plays in bars at night while Otto and I are home listening to ESPN 1000 or watching “Two and a Half Men,” my guilty pleasure. Hope, in the couple’s desperate last minute, asked me to keep Otto. He’s been a best friend. Hope and Emil hadn’t followed simple rules. They had let Otto roam freely about the yard—an oft-repeated violation for which the association would always fine me a quarter. Improbably, Hope stands right outside Expungement Hearing Room 101 on Nov. 1. I’m awash with a bad feeling even though my attorney won’t allow her to testify. Grace and I approach Hope. Rather than await introductions from me, Hope says, “Otto loves your piano playing, Grace.” Among Hope’s accurate guesses is her mention of Grace’s name. I hadn’t seen Hope since she and Emil were evicted. Dispassionately, I had witnessed their horror. Emil, shoved out by the sheriff, promised to kill me. “Please take care of Otto!” Hope cried. Otto stood by me. A deputy pushed Hope over my threshold. My attorney arrives last. She doesn’t strike Hope. Grace leaves the prosecutor speechless, but Hope has the last word. Hope stands before the judge and says, “He loves dogs, your Honor.” Grace was an easy angel. Hope was a wild card. My expungement attorney was no angel, but she served poetic justice by getting me off in a legal sense. Respectfully, she declines my lunch invitation. Grace, Hope and I ride the 60 bus to the 21 bus to Chinatown. (I had used CTA Trip Planner.) Hope suggests we eat at Three Happiness. I’m at home flanked by these two as we walk along Cermak Rd. It’s like I’m back in heaven. “I play piano,” Hope says after we had settled in, as though she just now thought to tell us. I feel her pain. Years ago, I had inadvertently knocked her into bushes. “You always liked to sit at my piano,” I reply over an egg roll as Grace looks on. WWW.WHATSUPXTRA.COM

A Christmas Love Story A couple was Christmas shopping at the mall on Christmas Eve and the mall was packed. As the wife walked through the mall she was surprised to look up and see her husband was nowhere around. She was quite upset because they had a lot to do. Because she was so worried, she called him on her mobile phone to ask him where he was. In a calm voice, the husband said, "Honey, you remember the jewelry store we went into about 5 years ago where you fell in love with that diamond necklace that we could not afford and I told you that I would get it for you one day?" The wife choked up and started to cry and said, "Yes, I remember that jewelry store."

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He said, "Well, I'm in the bar right next to it."

Optimist and Pessimist A family had twin boys whose only resemblance to each other was their looks. If one felt it was too hot, the other thought it was too cold. If one said the TV was too loud, the other claimed the volume needed to be turned up. Opposite in every way, one was an eternal optimist, the other a doom and gloom pessimist. Just to see what would happen, on the twins' birthday their father loaded the pessimist's room with every imaginable toy and game. The optimist's room he loaded with horse manure. That night the father passed by the pessimist's room and found him sitting amid his new gifts crying bitterly. "Why are you crying?" the father asked. "Because my friends will be jealous, I'll have to read all these instructions before I can do anything with this stuff, I'll constantly need batteries, and my toys will eventually get broken." answered the pessimist twin. Passing the optimist twin's room, the father found him dancing for joy in the pile of manure. "What are you so happy about?" he asked. To which his optimist twin replied, "There's got to be a pony in here somewhere!" FACEBOOK.COM//WHATSUPXTRAMAGAZINE

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The Lighter Side

Where's Harry? A group of friends who went deer hunting separated into pairs for the day. That night, one hunter returned alone, staggering under a huge buck.

Are You Smarter Than CHESTER “The Sock Monkey”?

"Where's Harry?" asked another hunter.

1. Until the mid-20th century what was used for tinsel on Christmas trees? a.) Strips of tin b.) Strips of gold c.) Strips of silver d.) Strips of aluminum

"He fainted a couple miles up the trail," his partner answered.

2. In which country did the tradition of the Christmas tree start? a.) China b.) Scotland c.) Denmark d.) Germany

Bill Gates Picks The Afterlife Bill Gates dies and meets St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter says, "I really can't figure out what to do with you, Gates. "On the one hand, unlike people, I am an eternal being and I remember Windows 3.0. "On the other hand, thanks to you, people have computers. "So, I have decided to let you choose heaven or hell all by yourself." So Gates first checks out heaven: Lots of harps and clouds and quiet. Then Gates checks out hell: People traveling on flying smartphones. Computers are fixing lavish dinners. Tablet computers are holding seminars. Fantastic! Gates chooses hell. St. Peter stamps his ticket and Satan opens the door to hell where there is nothing but weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth. Gates says to Satan, "What happened? It was perfect yesterday!" Satan shrugs and says: That was the demo.

4. During the 19th and early 20th centuries, the larger your Christmas tree the more status you had among your peers. True or False 5. What is the name of the company that made the first artificial Christmas tree? a.) Johnson & Johnson b.) Levi Strauss c.) Schelgerhoffen d.) Addis Brush Company 6. In 16th century Poland it was popular to hang your Christmas tree upside down from the ceiling. True or False 7. What was used to light up a Christmas tree before the advent of electric Christmas lights? a.) Glitter b.) Jewels c.) Candles d.) Gas lights 8. What was the name of America's 14th president, who brought the tradition of the Christmas tree to the White House? a.) James Buchanan b.) Martin Van Buren c.) Franklin Pierce d.) Abraham Lincoln 9. The giant Christmas tree seen at Rockefeller Center every year since 1931 is usually what kind of tree? a.) Douglas fir b.) Balsam fir c.) Scotch pine d.) Norway spruce 10. The Christmas carol "O Tannenbaum", in English "O Christmas Tree", was written by what German composer? a.) Wolfgang Mozart b.) Nicolo Paganini c.) Frederic Chopin d.) Ernst Anschustz

Answers True Candles Franklin Pierce Norway Spruce Ernst Anschustz

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6. 7. 8. 9. 10.

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Silver Germany Queen Victoria True Addis Brush Compnay

"It was a tough decision," said the hunter. "But I ﬁgured no one was going to steal Harry!"

3. What monarch was directly responsible for the English-speaking world adopting the Christmas tree as a traditional part of the Christmas celebration? a.) King Edward II b.) Queen Elizabeth I c.) Queen Victoria d.) King George III

1. 2. 3. 4. 5.

"You mean you left him lying there alone and you carried the deer back?"

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Date Night An angry wife was complaining about her husband spending all his free time in a bar, so one night he took her along with him. "What'll you have?" he asked. "Oh, I don't know. The same as you I suppose," she replied. So, the husband ordered a couple of Jack Daniel's and threw his down in one shot. His wife watched him, then took a sip from her glass and immediately spat it out. "Yuck, that's TERRIBLE!" she spluttered. "I don't know how you can drink this stuff!" "Well, there you go," cried the husband. "And you think I'm out enjoying myself every night!"

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The Horse of God

There's this guy who had been lost and walking in the desert for about 2 weeks. One hot day, he sees the home of a missionary. Tired and weak, he crawls up to the house and collapses on the doorstep. The missionary ďŹ nds him and nurses him back to health. Feeling better, the man asks the missionary for directions to the nearest town. On his way out the backdoor, he sees this horse. He goes back into the house and asks the missionary, "Could I borrow your horse and give it back when I reach the town?"

130 Merchant Row Milton 608-868-3596

The missionary says, "Sure but there is a special thing about this horse. You have to say 'Thank God' to take it go and 'Amen' to make it stop." Not paying much attention, the man says, "Sure, ok." So he gets on the horse and says, "Thank God" and the horse starts walking. Then he says, "Thank God, thank God," and the horse starts trotting. Feeling really brave, the man says, "Thank God, thank God, thank God, thank God, thank God" and the horse just takes off. Pretty soon he sees this cliff coming up and he's doing everything he can to make the horse stop. "Whoa, stop, hold on!!!!" Finally he remembers, "Amen!!" The horse stops 4 inches from the cliff. Then the man leans back in the saddle and says, "Thank God." FACEBOOK.COM//WHATSUPXTRAMAGAZINE

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r a B & t n a r u Resta ENTERTAINMENT IN DECEMBER Friday, December 20 Gar y Trio @ 8pm

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