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SOUTH WEST
OCTOBER 2012
HEATHER
B O T PENALTY BOX M PLAINFIELD
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HALLOWEEN PARTIES BELIEVE IT ON NOT STORIES JOKES PHOTOS ASK THE WINO 773.288-9400
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MARLINS 7236 39TH St. Lyons
708.442.2645
Oktoberfest Saturday 10/6
Oktoberfest Beers 4pm - Midnight in the Garden Live Music, No Cover Food Specials, Free Giveaways, Fire Pit Outside
Bears Games Buckets 5/$12 Miller products
IN
C L C UD NE A E W P S S U P LE R S IZE
Free food at half time
BO
Halloween Bash Saturday, 10/27
Costume Party with Prizes for Best Costume DJ spinning All Night
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ER Game
You haven’t boxed a Boxer till you’ve boxed...
THE GLOVE
For Fun For Tournaments
Bars and Event Coordinators
call 773.288.9400
to order the Boxer at no cost or to schedule a tournament at your bar
New Machines: prizes paid out through the machine for top scores, wheel of fun,. and more... FACEBOOK.COM/WASSUPXTRAMAGAZINE
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Chicagoland is filled with extraordinary nightclubs, unparalleled dining venues and some of the biggest events in the world! But, do you ever wonder where the locals go? Where are the best neighborhood bars, eateries, and local festivals? Where can you find live music, karaoke and trivia nights? Who has the best food and drink specials around? If you are ready to experience the Chicagoland area like the locals do then make sure to pick up your free copy of What’s Up Xtra Magazine at any of the 300+ locations in the Chicago and South West Suburbs or check out our Facebook page daily to find out where you should be going tonight!
Does Advertising TABLE OF Work? It just did... CONTENTS Call 773.288.9400 and ask for Lisa
6 news of interest
OUR STAFF Lisa romack Sales Director
8 bartender of the month 12 are you smarter than chester
Al photographer
13 Sudoku and crossword puzzle
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14 ASK THE WINO
2012 JUNE FREE
14 riddle of the month
Robert Christiansen Column Writer
15 dine and dash WX
17 BOOK REVIEW
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Timothy Parfitt Column Writer
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18 word find 20 - 22 bar directory Check us out online - Read the magazine, Photos & More... www.whatsupxtra.com
22 OCTOBER EVENTS 24 tattle tales
LAUREN STREC COLUMN Writer
26 karaoke open mic trivia nights Front page photo at Buzz Bomb in Bedford Park by Ted Phillips The name What’s Up Xtra Magazine is a registered trade name, and use of this name is strictly prohibited. The contents of this publication are copyrighted What’s Up Xtra Chicago Magazine -2012 We encourage our readers to write their stories, send photos, and make comments. All submissions sent to us by phone, email, fax, or handwritten become the property of What’s Up Xtra Chicago Magazine.
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27 LA LA LOVE LETTERS
TED PHILLIPS Photographer
30 horoscope CHECK OUT
Whats UP Xtra Magazine CHICAGO / SOUTHWEST EDITIONS
GO TO FACEBOOK TO SEE & TAG YOUR PHOTOS
We are always on the lookout for dynamic writers, photographers and sales staff to contribute to our publication If you are interested in joining our team or interested in advertising opportunities contact us at 773-288-9400 or email: whatsupxtra@yahoo.com
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Sidebar 167
Pumpkin Carving Contest Oct 16 2pm to 5pm 3.00 apple pie shots 4.00 hot cider and wiskey drinks pumpkin spice donuts
2905 W 167th St
Hazel Crest
708-596-5055
FOOTBALL SUNDAY: FREE GAME DAY FOOD!!!
Best Pumpkin Wins 25.00 Sidebar Cash
Sun
$10 Bud & Bud Light Buckets, $3.50 Bloody Marys & $3 UV
Halloween Party
Mon
$5 Domestic Pitchers, $4 Bacardi Bombs, $3 Abs Cit. Drinks
Wednesday Oct 31 5.00 cover - DJ 10pm to 5am
Tue
$1.50 Miller Lite, MGD, MGD 64, $2 Well Mixed Drinks, $3 Shots of Jack, SoCo and Cuervo - Free Pool All Day
Wed
$2 Domestic Bottles, $3 Well Drinks & $4 Jager & Cherry Bombs
costume contest: 1st 75.00 cash 2nd 40.00 cash 3rd 2 hour free draft and wine party for 15 at Sidebar 167
Thu
$5 Long Island, $4 Cuervo Sunrise & $3 Heineken
Fri
$11 Domestic Buckets, $5 Vegas Bombs & $4.50 U Call It
HOURS: Sun-Thurs 11am - 4am / Fri & Sat 11am 5am (NO COVER)
Sat
$1 Domestic Drafts, $4 Bloody Mary & $2 Well Shots
fun halloween drink specials finger food - dress in your best custume
Boxer Game (Come win some panties), Life Size Jenga,
PRIVATE PARTY ROOM AVAILABLE Pool Table, Darts, Indoor Bean Bags and Wii Sports
The Fishing Trip Four guys had been going to the same fishing trip for many years.
Two days before the group was going to leave, Dick's wife put her foot down and told him he wasn't going. Dick's buddies were very upset that he couldn’t go, but what could they do? Two days later the three men get to the camping site only to find Dick sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and dinner cooking on the fire.
MISINTERPRETATION... A man was in a pub last Saturday night and drank a few, when he noticed two very large women by the bar. They both had pretty strong accents, so he asked, "Hey, are you two ladies from Ireland?" One of them chirped saying, "It's Wales, you friggin' idiot!" So, he immediately apologized and said, "I'm sorry. Are you two whales from Ireland?" No one has seen him since...
"Wow Dick, how long you been here and how did you talk your wife into letting you go?" "Well, I've been here since yesterday evening. I was sitting in my chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said, 'Guess who?'" I pulled her hands off, and she was wearing a brand new nightie. She took my hand and pulled me to our bedroom. The room had candles and rose petals all over. On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes! She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed, and I did. And then she said, "Now do whatever you want." SO HERE I AM!!! FACEBOOK.COM/WASSUPXTRAMAGAZINE
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News of Interest
$650 Million: the estimated loss of U.S. productivity because of people watching the Olympics at work, say economists quoted in Time.
Blue Light from Smartphones and Tablets Interrupts Sleep Americans have become so addicted to their smartphones and tablets that many sleep with them. Others keep the devices on the night table, where they can look at them or pick them up to check email or surf the Internet. The medical community is concerned, because the type of light produced by electronic screens can contribute to sleep loss. After using them or looking at them, it's very difďŹ cult to go back to sleep. Steven Lockley, a Harvard Medical School sleep researcher, says, "Blue light preferentially alerts the brain, suppresses melatonin, and shifts our body clock all at the same time. The closer you have a light source to the face, the more intense it is." Melatonin is a hormone that helps regulate sleep and is not produced during the day.
Inexpensive DNA Test Can Help You Get Personalized Medicine, Find Your Roots
Genetic test maker 23andMe is asking the Food and Drug Administration to approve its $299 personalized DNA test. It's a move that, if successful, could boost acceptance of the technology. The company is part of a new industry that will allow consumers to check their genetic codes for details about their ancestry and future health. Critics, however, say it's not enough to provide medical information without telling people how to handle it. "It's the next step for us to work with the FDA and actually say, this is clinically relevant information, and consumers should work with their physicians on what to do with it,� said CEO and cofounder Anne Wojcicki, married to Google co-founder Sergey Brin. They have invested millions in the privately held company, which is based in Mountain View, Calif. The test, however, is available now, according to Time. Some things DNA testing can do: Predict illness: Disclose increased risk for more than 100 conditions, such as heart disease. Spot carrier traits: Discover whether you carry genes for inherited diseases such as Tay-Sachs, as well as recessive genes that predict eye color. Personalize medical treatments: Help your doctor estimate the effectiveness of various medicines so proper doses can be prescribed. Detect your origins: Find unknown relatives who share your genetic code, and tell your geographic origins.
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OPENFullTILService... 4 AM (Mon - Sat)
Bar + Restaurant + Pizzeria
OPEN 6AM - 4AM
MON - FRI (FOOD SERVED) 6301 W. 73RD ST. BEDFORD PARK 708.728.6500
Tuesday Night’s! .50 cent wings, $1.25 PBR bottles and 16 oz cans, $3 bombs, $4 well drinks and import bottles, $6 BMF's and long islands, and don't forget about our bucket specials!!
Thirsty Thursday’s!! Best specials around!!
NEW MENU
$2 U CALL IT ANYTHING WEDNESDAY
$1.25 PBR bottles and 16 oz. cans, $2 bombs
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r u o sy e ’ o wh orit fav nder? e t r ba
VOTE FOR YOUR FAVORITE OCTOBER BARTENDER Go to
facebook.com/wassupxtramagazine ‘Like’ the page and ‘Like’ or comment on the bartenders photo or text 773.288.9400 or vote @ www.whatsupxta.com The winner will receive a 6 hour limo bus from LIMOSALIVE.NET for 24 of their friends.
Bartender: Vanessa
Bartender: Alyssa
Martini Blu 8927 W 159th St, Orland Hills
Tiger O’ Stylies 6300 W Ogden Ave, Berwyn
Signature Drink: Martini Blu
Signature Drink: Snow Cone
Ingredients: Ketel One Citron, Blue Curacao, Lemonade
Ingredients: Bacardi Rock Coconut, UV Blue, Watermelon Vodka, Blue Curacao, Cranberry Juice, Sprite
Words of Wisdom: "Cocktails and smiles."
Words of Wisdom: “Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.”
Bartender: Izabella
Bartender: Sarah
West 55th Street 4201 W 55th St, Chicago
Zantes 10307 S Roberts Rd, Palos Hills
Signature Drink: Cheesecake Martini
Signature Drink: Dragonberry Bomb
Ingredients: Stoli Vanil, Triple Sec, Cranberry and Pineapple Juice
Ingredients: Bacardi Dragon Berry, Monster Words of Wisdom: "Keep your clothes on at the bar."
Words of Wisdom: "Bottom's Up."
SEPTEMBER BARTENDER OF THE MONTH IS...
CONGRATULATIONS
HEATHER Penalty Box
16108 S. Rt 59 Plainfield
“The worse you are at thinking, the better you are at drinking” Rules: All service employees are eligible to win. The service employee who receives the most votes in the month wins. You can submit your vote by texting (773) 288-9400 or go to facebook.com/whatsupxtramagazine “like” our page and vote under the bartender’s photo or go to www.whatsupxtra.com
Only one vote is counted per person and voting polls close on October 20th. *The Pub Crawl will begin at the employee of the months bar and the limo bus will accommodate 24 passengers. Gratuity not included and must be paid prior to service
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Buzz Bomb
Bedford Park
Computer going sideways?
The Tech Shop (424) 652-TECH Virus Removal, Back-ups, Hardware/Software Installation, Computer Builds, Network Consultation, Home Network Installation, Server Design, Jailbreaking
On-Site or at The Shop "Most MAC/PC/LINUX Repair ONLY $75"
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Recent Laws Spur Interest In Gun Safety Classes Last November, Wisconsin became the 49th state to allow people to carry concealed weapons. Illinois is now the only state to forbid the practice. A growing number of people, many of them women, are now acquiring guns for self protection, says Don Cates of Saint Louis University School of Law, an expert on the subject. Cates says women used to be told that owning a gun was a man thing. Now they are being told that they should be able to defend themselves. To accommodate the increased number of students in gun classes, the National Rie Association now has 155,000 trained instructors. Caroline Brewer of the Brady Campaign to Prevent Gun Violence says carrying guns in public endangers more lives than it saves. At New York University, they say USA is actually at an all-time low for per-capita gun ownership at one in three. In the 1970s, it was one in two.
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STRANGE BUT TRUE
The 'Ghost Like' Trees Of The Sindh Region.
An unexpected side effect of the 2010 flooding in parts of Sindh, Pakistan, was that millions of spiders climbed up into the trees to escape the rising flood waters; because of the scale of the flooding and the fact that the water took so long to recede, many trees became cocooned in spiderwebs. People in the area had never seen this phenomenon before. (Image Courtesy: National Geographic and Reuters)
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Banana Bath Tub
The Vessel is an awesome bathtub by Splinter Works that is designed to float above the ground suspended like a hammock. Apparently this was done in an attempt to create a new bathing experience. The user is literally suspended in air while the vessel acts like a hammock filled with water. The design employs carbon-fiber technology developed for the auto-sport and aerospace industries.
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Genius Concept for New Grocery Store A while ago a new supermarket opened in Topeka Kansas offering an exciting new twist on promoting the merchandise.
Tally Ho 3000 E. 138th St.
It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh.
Burnham
708.933.6360
Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain. When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and you experience the scent of fresh mowed hay. In the meat department there is the aroma of charcoal grilled steaks with onions. When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle, and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying. The bread department features the tantalizing smell of fresh baked bread and cookies. I don't buy toilet paper there anymore.
Bloody Mary Sunday Bean Bag and Horseshoes Beer Garden is Open Daily Drink Specials Boxer Game Pool Table - Beer Garden
STRANGE BUT TRUE
Dubai Builds World’s Highest Tennis Court in Burj al-Arab No other tennis court in the world has quite the view as the one at the Burj Al Arab hotel in Dubai. Located more than 650 ft (200 m) above ground, the hotel’s grass helipad was converted into a 4500 sq ft (415 sq m) tennis court.
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X’s & O’s Sports Lounge
Palos Heights
Are You Smarter Than CHESTER “The Sock Monkey”? 1. Halloween originated as a South American holiday honoring the day of the dead, a Chinese holiday honoring ancestors, or a Celtic holiday celebrating the New Year? 2. People first begin dressing up in costumes for Halloween because they didn't want neighbors to know they were begging so they disguised themselves, they thought if they dressed as ghosts real ghosts would leave them alone, or they wanted to scare their neighbors for the fun of it? 3. True or False: Pumpkins only come in one color, orange. 4. If you have a fear of Halloween, you suffer from Hallophobia, Satanophobia, or Samhainophobia? 5. The most popular candy bar to pass out on Halloween is Snickers, Kit Kat, or Milky Way? 6. Candy manufacturers make 1 billion, 2 billion, or 3 billion each year from Halloween candy sales? 7. Which Peanuts character waits in the pumpkin patch for the Great Pumpkin? Was it Lucy, Charlie Brown, Snoopy, or Linus?
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8. Complete this superstition: If you stare into a mirror at midnight on Halloween, you will see a big zit, your death, Bloody Mary, or your future spouse? 9. Musician Billy Corgan (Smashing Pumpkins), Comedian Rob Schneider, or Actor Tom Cruise was born on Halloween? 10. A black cat was thought to be a former loved one, a witch, or a demon spirit, or your mother-in-laws twin from another life?
5. Snickers 6. 2 billion 7. Linus 8. Bloody Mary 9. Comedian Rob Schneider 10. A witch
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1. A Celtic holiday celebrating the New Year 2. They thought if they dressed as ghosts real ghosts would leave them alone 3. False 4. Samhainophobia
Answers
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191 South
Cigars and Stripes
SUDOKU
Rules: Every column, row and 3x3 box must have numbers 1 to 9
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Ask The Wino... Wino: Jerome Tiddlywink Smells Like: Cat Piss Likes: Giving piggy back rides to strangers Dislikes: Jim Henson and the Muppet Movies Brenda the Realtor asks: The other day, I left for work leaving my husband in the house planted in front of the TV as usual. I hadn't driven more than a mile down the road when the engine took a crap. I walked back home to get his help and I found him in our bedroom with the neighbors' 19 year old daughter! When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted that he had been feeling depressed since he’d lost his job six months ago and promised he would end this affair immediately. What should I do, can you please help? Wino: A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it's clear, check the vacuum pipes and hoses on the intake manifold and also check all grounding wires. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty. I suggest having your air filters cleaned or replaced. I hope this helps with your problem. Laura the Yoga Instructor asks: I desperately want to have another baby but my husband feels that one child is perfect for our family. I don't want to trick him into another baby, but I'll do whatever it takes to get what I want. Wino: I'm sorry to hear that you are a knifing wench willing to do whatever it takes, but I can probably help you out here. If you're truly as desperate as you say, I suggest you offer your husband a no strings attached three-way with you and the hot 20 year old teacher's aide at your son's pre-school in exchange for a sibling for your son. Make sure all the players know this is a one-time thing and that everyone is very drunk. If you're lucky, you'll black out and forget the whole thing.
Riddle Ri ddle of the Month
WIN A $25 GIFT CERTIFICATE
What is once in a minute, twice in a moment, and never in a thousand years? Text your answers to: 773-288-9400 or e-mail: whatsupxtra@yahoo.com Leave your name, e-mail, and telelphone number. All correct answers go into drawing.
Answer to Last Months Riddle
What do you use to hoe a row, slay a foe, and wring with woe? Answer: Your Hands Winner: Jack Martin
Marlins
Lyons
Kenny the Sports Columnist asks: I'm so upset with my twin brother and my girlfriend that I just don't know what to do! "Missy" and I have been going together since our sophomore year of high school and she's the only girl I've ever loved. We're both 20 now and recently we've been talking about marriage. I thought everything was fine but three days ago she told me that she and my brother "Keith" have been have been sleeping together the entire time. The two people I'm closest to in the world have betrayed me! What should I do? Wino: You've been burned and it is okay to be hurt and pissed off. Do you know what might help you feel better, though? Revenge Sex! That sleazy hoe needs to be taught a lesson that she’ll never forget. You're going to have to bang her mother like a Ponderosa dinner bell and major extra points if you can get her to walk in on it. As for your brother, you can almost count on the fact he will dump her sorry ass in a matter of a few weeks. Bros before hoes!
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The New Waitress
hA
LLO W WE EEN D P BES DJ S OCT ARTY TC PIN 31 O NIN S $1 T U M 1 BU CKE E PRIZ E TS
A tired trucker came into a truck stop cafe and placed his order. He said, "I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards." The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook, "This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards. What does he think this place is an auto parts store?" "No," the cook said. "Three flat tires means three pancakes, a pair of headlights is two eggs sunny side up, and running boards are 2 slices of crisp bacon."
DAILY SPECIALS $3 Domestic Bottles 5 for $12 Domestic Buckets $3.50 Import Beers 5 for $15 Import Buckets
The trucker asked, "What are the beans for, Blondie?"
$1.50 12 oz Domestic Drafts
She replied, "I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires, headlights and running boards, you might as well gas up.”
“Always a party at the Pub”
OCT
"Oh, OK!" said the blonde. She thought about it for a moment and then spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer.
$6 Domestic Pitchers
Open Everyday 10am - 2am 6611 Pershing Rd Stickney 708-484-2466
DINE & DASH by Lisa Hanrahan
Pumpkin Gingerbread with Caramel Sauce Fall is in the air and it only seems natural to put on our aprons, fire up the oven, and begin the annual baking rituals that fill our homes with irresistible aromas that remind us that the holiday season is just around the corner. October is a perfect time to test out some new recipes to add to your traditional holiday menus that will dazzle your friends and families for years to come. This Pumpkin Gingerbread with Caramel Sauce is certain to delight your guests for many holiday seasons to come!
Gingerbread 2¼ cups all-purpose flour, ½ cup granulated sugar, ⅔ cup butter or margarine, ¾ cup coarsely chopped pecans, 1½ teaspoons ground ginger, 1 teaspoon baking soda, ½ teaspoon ground cinnamon, ¼ teaspoon salt, ¼ teaspoon ground cloves, ¾ cup buttermilk, ½ cup light molasses, ½ cup canned pumpkin (not pumpkin pie mix), 1 egg
Sauce ½ cup butter or margarine, 1¼ cup packed brown sugar, 2 tablespoons light corn syrup, ½ cup whipping cream Topping Ice cream and chopped pecans, if desired. FACEBOOK.COM/WASSUPXTRAMAGAZINE
1. Heat oven to 350°F. In large bowl, mix flour and granulated sugar. With pastry blender or fork, cut in ⅔ cup butter until mixture resembles fine crumbs. Stir in pecans. Press 1¼ cups crumb mixture in bottom of ungreased 9-inch square pan. 2. To remaining crumb mixture, add all remaining gingerbread ingredients; mix well. Pour evenly over crumb crust in pan. 3. Bake 40 to 50 minutes or until toothpick inserted in center comes out clean. 4. In medium saucepan, melt ½ cup butter. Stir in brown sugar and corn syrup and heat to boiling. Cook about 1 minute, stirring constantly, until sugar dissolves. Stir in whipping cream; return to boiling. Remove from heat. Serve warm sauce over warm gingerbread. Top with ice cream; sprinkle with chopped pecans. Holiday Tip: Get a head start on holiday gift giving this season with this delightful buttery-crusted gingerbread and decadent caramel sauce. Give those gingerbread lovers on your list a surprise by baking this recipe in a decorative disposable pan with a lid, and pour the sauce into a pretty mason jar with a holiday ribbon!
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Why We Should Celebrate Columbus Day
Durbins
Monday October 8
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On April 8 of 2012, we recognized the achievement of a great Renaissance explorer who founded the first permanent European settlement in the New World. The arrival of Christopher Columbus in 1492 marks the beginning of recorded history in the Americas. * Columbus Day celebrates the start of a cultural exchange between America and Europe. Millions of European immigrants brought their art, music, science, medicine, philosophy and religious principles to America. Their contributions have helped to shape the United States.
Juniors
* The day was first celebrated on October 12, 1792, when the New York Society of Tammany honored Christopher Columbus on the 300th anniversary of his first voyage. * The Pledge of Allegiance was written in 1892 in honor of the 400th anniversary of Columbus' first voyage. In the same year, President Benjamin Harrison declared October 12 to be a legal holiday. * America has more monuments to Columbus than any nation in the world, according to the Christopher Columbus Encyclopedia. They include a Columbus statue in Providence, RI, cast by Frederic Auguste Bertholdi, who created the Statue of Liberty. The large statue of a standing and pointing Columbus is on a busy intersection in Providence. * The United States has a significant collection of Columbus memorabilia, including his desk, papers, and the cross he used to claim the New World for Spain. These are in the Columbus Chapel in Boalsburg, Pennsylvania.
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* In 1971, Columbus Day became a federal holiday in all 50 states after Congress passed a law declaring the second Monday in October to be celebrated as Columbus Day, rather than October 12. These facts were compiled by The Order of the Sons of Italy in America, Washington, D.C. CHECK OUT OUR NEW WEBSITE @ WWW.WHATSUPXTRA.COM
Book Review
Masters of Management by Author Adrian Wooldridge
Modern and Decades-old Management Moves Are Told In 1996, longtime Economist journalists and editors John Micklethwait and Adrian Wooldridge published The Witch Doctors, an explosive critique of management theory and its legions of followers. Now, Wooldridge gives us his more recent analysis in Masters of Management. Instead of criticizing management techniques as loose and undisciplined, he says they are a sign of the profession's vitality and openness to outside ideas. In spite of their intensive training, he says economists did an abysmal job of predicting the worst economic crisis since the Second World War. For all their sophistication, they are error-prone. Wooldridge soundly criticizes managers who got caught up in the reengineering trend. They cut costs, dumped workers, downsized operations, and came away with a cure that was often worse than the original problem. He also explores the current fad of social responsibility. He cites large corporations for huge spending to advertise their earth-friendly tactics, while their goal was to improve the bottom line. Part of this book focuses on the late Peter Drucker. It may be as important today as it was in 1959, when he coined the term "knowledge worker" and pondered how this new class of employee would fit into the corporation. Wall Street Journal reviewer Alan Murray says that, while it's not filled with really vital information, it's still a good read. Masters of Management by Author Adrian Wooldridge, Harper Business, 446 pages, $29.95.
Classic Communication A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class was squirming around, scratching his crotch, and not paying attention. She went back to find out what was going on. He was quite embarrassed and whispered that he had just recently been circumcised and he was quite itchy.
The teacher told him to go down to the principal’s office. He was told to telephone his mother and ask her what he should do about it. He did and returned to his class. Suddenly, there was a commotion at the back of the room. She went back to investigate only to find him sitting at his desk with his private parts hanging out. "I thought I told you to call your mom!" she said. "I did," he said, "And she told me that if I could stick it out until lunchtime, she’d come and pick me up from school." FACEBOOK.COM/WASSUPXTRAMAGAZINE
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The Schnauzer
My wife found out that our dog (a Schnauzer) could hardly hear, so she took it to the veterinarian. The vet found that the problem was hair in the dog's ears. He cleaned both ears and the dog could then hear ďŹ ne.
The vet then proceeded to tell Andrea that, if she wanted to keep this from recurring, she should go to the store and get some "Nair" hair remover and rub it in the dog's ears once a month. Andrea went to the store and bought some "Nair" hair remover. At the register the pharmacist told her, "If you're going to use this under your arms, don't use deodorant for a few days." Andrea said, "I'm not using it under my arms." The pharmacist said, "If you're using it on your legs, don't use body lotion for a couple of days." Andrea replied, "I'm not using it on my legs either. If you must know, I'm using it on my Schnauzer." The pharmacist says, "Well, stay off your bicycle for about a week."
Bobby McGees
Chicago Ridge
ALBONDIGAS BLACK BEANS BUNUELOS CAMOTE CEVICHE CHILE RELLENOS CHILI CHORIZO CHURROS
CORNBREAD EMPANADAS ENCHILADAS FAJITAS FLAN FLAUTAS HOT CHOCOLATE JALAPENO MENUDO
MOLE SALSA SOPAPILLA TACOS TAMALES TEQUILA TOSTADAS
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‘Chicago’s Premier Rooftop Clubhouse’
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THE BEST VIEW IN WRIGLEYVILLE!!! Premium stadium seats – No Bleachers! Covered and open areas to accommodate all weather conditions 21 flat screen televisions and surround sound! New luxurious interior bar Ample “bar style” seating Snacks served to guests throughout the game! Open bar with beer, wine and soda On-site chef with full catering menu grilled and prepared fresh TO BOOK A TICKET CALL OR EMAIL EXPERIENCE@WRIGLEYVIEW.COM
WrigleyView.com
773.362.1050
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1050 W. Waveland Ave
A New Weight Loss Program A fellow was ordered to lose 75 pounds due to very serious health risks. As he wondered how in the heck he would ever do it, he ran across an ad in the newspaper for a guaranteed weight loss program. "Guaranteed my ass", he thought to himself, but desperate, he calls them up and subscribes to the 3 day 10 pound weight loss program. The next day there is a knock at his door and when he answers, there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, beautiful babe dressed in nothing but a pair of running shoes and a sign around her neck. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, "If you can catch me you can have me!" Without a second thought he takes off after her. A few miles later, huffing and puffing, he finally catches her and has his way with her. After they are through and she leaves, he thinks to himself, "I like the way this company does business." The same girl shows up for the next two days and the same thing happens. On the fourth day he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost ten pounds, as promised. So, he calls the company and orders from them their 5 day/ 20 pound program. As expected, the next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunningly beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life, wearing nothing but running shoes FACEBOOK.COM/WASSUPXTRAMAGAZINE
and a sign around her neck that reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me." He's after her in a shot. This girl is in great shape and it takes a while to catch her, but when he does, it's worth every cramp and wheeze. She is by far the best he's ever had. For the next four days, the same routine happens and much to his delight on the fifth day, he weighs himself and found he has lost another twenty pounds as promised! He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7 day/50 pound loss program. "Are you sure," asks the representative on the phone, "this is our most rigorous program..." "Absolutely," he replies. "I haven't felt this great in years!" The next day there is a knock at the door and when he opens it he finds Richard Simmons standing there wearing nothing but pink racing spikes and a sign around his neck that reads, "If I catch you, I can have you!"
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BAR DIRECTORY Alsip Bar 122 Dakota Inn Southsides
12219 S. Pulaski 12119 S. Crawford 11860 S Cicero
708-597-1122 708-388-6622 708-371-1133
6301 W. 73rd
708-728-6500
6715 W. Ogden Ave 6615 Roosevelt Rd 3701 Harlem 7138 Windsor 7011 Ogden Ave 6305 26th St 6814 W. Windsor 6300 W. Ogden
708-484-1043 708-788-2118 708-484-3610 708-795-1100 708-484-9464 708-484-2466 708-749-2484 708-795-1298
8000 S. Roberts Rd 7600 S. Harlem 8500 S. Harlem 7801 W. 79th Pl
708-594-5600 708-496-0300 708-598-7000 708-728-9696
361 N. Schmidt 730 N. Bolingbrook 132 N. Bolingbrook 220 Beacon Ridge 431 W. Boughton Rd 594 N. Pinecrest
630-459-6084 630-739-4646 630-739-1364 630-739-9810 630-679-1992 630-739-0575
Bedford Park Buzz Bomb
Berwyn
Cigars and Stripes Fitzgeralds Harlem Lounge James Joyce Pub Juniors Kickoffs Perception Lounge Tiger O’Stylies
Bridgeview All Star Sports Bar Illusions Tiger’s Lounge X’s & O’s Lounge
Bolingbrook Clemente’s Pub Gonzo’s Panama Connect Quarterdeck Tailgators T&T Lounge
Brookfield Irish Times Joe’s Saloon Johnny B’s Bar Local Bar Slager’s Bar
8869 Burlington` 9220 W. 47th 8436 Brookfield 3733 Grand Blvd 9308 47th
708-485-8787 708-485-9640 708-485-4504 708-255-5551 708-387-0317
5700 W. 79th 6501 W. 79th 5616 N. 87th 5406 W. 79th St 6353 W. 79th St 8642 S. Cicero 7107 W. 79th
708-529-3547 708-229-8700 708-423-1570 708-423-1523 708-233-9148 708-424-3720 708-599-6399
14540 S Torrence Ave 3000 E. 138th St
708-862-3139 708-933.6360
666 Hirsch Avenue 148 155th Street 335 154th Place 31 154th Place 816 Burnham Avenue 1245 Burnham Ave
708-891-9290 708-891-9073 708-862-2386 708-891-9748 708-832-3847 708-862-2966
Burbank Castle Inn Chuck’s Voodoo Dalton's Pub Durbins Frank's Place Maggie McGuires Tic N Tin Tap
Burnham Brown Jug Tally Ho
Calumet City Bagley’s Boss’s Lounge John L’s Place Lauers Pub Harry O’s The Hideaway
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Chicago Heights Jimmy's Tender Trap
410 W. Lincoln Hwy 109 N. Halsted St.
708-748-4949 708-755-1134
Chicago Ridge Bearhawks Bobby McGee’s O’Connor Pub Jack Desmond Jessie's Tavern Nickobee’s Lucky's Lounge
10236 Ridgeland 10139 S. Harlem 5900 W. 111th 10339 Ridgeland 10501 Ridgeland 10301 Southwest 6605 95th St
708-424-0830 708-529-3526 708-422-6400 708-857-7910 708-499-0048 708-499-2643 708-237-3776
9901 W. 55th 917 W. 55th 10901 Joliet Rd
708-354-3333 708-354-0991 708-246-3188
802 Theodore 1200 Cedarwood 20631 W. Renwick 2357 Plainfield 2115 Plainfield
815-726-3401 815-741-4318 815-838-5234 815-725-2252 815-744-4159
13602 S. Cicero 13430 S. Cicero 13815 Cicero Ave 13430 S Cicero
708-388-8862 708-371-7665 708-597-2415 708-371-7665
1358 Main St 1338 Main St 940 Steger Rd
708-672-9449 708-279-7163 708-672-1167
8109 S. Cass Ave
630-739-2999
Flossmore Station 1035 Sterling Ave North Woods 800 Kedzie Ave
708-957-2739 708-957-5600
Countryside Harry’s bar Kenny’s Tavern Rafferty’s
Crest Hill
Bada Brew Bobby McGees Chaoz Sports Gippers Gusto’s
Crestwood Brazen Head Doc’s Lounge Mitch's Pub Pockets Billiards
Crete Chuck's Place Ignorant Bliss NorthWoods
Darien
Q’s Billiards
Flossmore
Frankfort
Jameson Pub 9545 W. Saint Francis Local Bar 7900 W. Lincoln Hwy Old Plank Tavern 113 Kansas
815-469-0500 815-469-9450 815-464-1004
Hazel Crest Sidebar 167
Hickory Hills Cravens Pub Kowal's Bar Prime Time
Homer Glen Cool River Davidson Bar Mullets Pelican Harrys
2905 W. 167th St
708-596-5055
8833 W. 87th St 9401 S. Roberts Rd 7750 W. 95th St
708-237-1705 708-598-0835 708-599-2333
12622 W. 159th 14136 S. Bell Rd 14903 S. Bell Rd 14807 Founders Xing
708-301-8006 708-645-0000 708-645-7000 708-301-5555
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BAR DIRECTORY Homewood Fifth Quarter Tap Lassen’s Bar Ridgewood Tap
North Riverside 18105 Dixie Hwy 2131 183rd 2059 Ridge Rd
Bar Tini Lounge Sweet Spot
708-798-2710 708-957-2220 708-798-1414
Oak Forest
8527 W. 79th 8531 W. 79th
708-924-6003 708-728-9990
Blarney Stone Marcotte’s Tap's Pub
J.J. Kelley’s Kilroy’s
2455 Bernice Rd 3502 Ridge Rd
708-474-9977 708-895-5233
Lemont Canal St Pub Illinois Bar Nick’s Tavern The Vault Tom’s Place Stonehouse Pub
309 Canal St 1131 State St 221 Main St 308 Canal St 110 Stephen St 103 Stephen St
630-257-7438 630-257-0666 630-257-6564 630-312-8380 630-257-9875 630-257-1300
Lockport Carters Place Fat Sam’s Jackie’s Place Paradise Bay Outpost Stella’s On State
122 W. 9th 122 E. 9th 1016 S. State 105 W 10th St 14929 Archer Ave 823 S. State St
815-838-7881 815-838-4420 815-588-0715 815-838-6513 815-836-8893 815-834-2780
2549 Glenwood 10 Southland Dr. 19606 Burnham
708-474-4348 708-418-1400 708-418-2650
Lyons Tap Marlin’s McCafferty’s Pub Ricky D’s Place
8143 W. 47th 7236 Pershing Rd 8107 Ogden 7901 Ogden
708-853-9600 708-442-2645 708-442-0630 708-442-8688
McCook All Star Bar
7949 W. 47th
708-442-8600
3625 W 159th 15745 Kedzie Ave
708-331-5860 708-225-1844
Justice Davern’s Tavern New Bridges Bar
Lansing
Lynwood Benny’s Ho Chunk Margarita’s
Lyons
Markham Envy’s Pub George's Place
Merrionette Park Bourbon Street
3359 W. 115th
708-388-8881
14753 S. Cicero 3915 147th St. 4660 147th St
708-687-1700 708-489-2250 708-385-4100
Midlothian Durbin’s Jack’s Place Sullivans
Mokena 191 South Morgan’s Post Game Pub
New Lenox Charleston’s
10160 W. 191st 18700 Old LaGrange Rd 9630 Willow
708-479-6873 708-478-3610 708-479-1302
2101 Calistoga
815-462-2000
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2433 DesPlaines 2531 DesPlaines
708-853-9143 708-443-5770
15400 Cicero 15501 S.Cicero 15427 Cicero
708-535-4800 708-535-8960 708-535-6374
9953 Southwest Hwy 5805 W. 87th Pl 5407 W. 95th 5207 W. 95th St. 4913 W. 95th St 9904 Southwest Hwy 9247 S. Cicero 4010 W. 111th 9848 Southwest Hwy 5305 W. 95th St. 9256 S. Cicero 9700 S. Cicero
708-424-7286 708-636-1240 708-636-0223 708-422-5275 708-422-1884
Oak Lawn Cullens Pub Demma's Bar George's Lounge Goal Post Hot Corner Inn Zone Bar Murphy's Law Quigley’s R Place Lounge St James Tailgators TC Pub
708-636-1555 708-952-4774 708-425-1330 708-423-1350 708-425-4252
Orland Park Coaches Corner Danny’s Corner Fat Sams Jordans Pub Zantes Lounge
8116 W. 143rd St 9400 W, 143rd St 15896 S. LaGrange Rd 13500 S. Harlem 8888 W. 159th St
708-364-1026 708.226.9223 708-403-0733 708-460-8330 708-364-0100
Palos Heights Joe Daniels Sam Bucas Mister Mo’s X’s & O’s Lounge
12218 S. Harlem 12231 S. Harlem 7214 College Dr 6405 W. 127th
708-923-9902 708-361-1226 708-671-0288 708-824-9600
10154 S. Roberts Rd 11011 Southwest 8300 W. 107th St. 9750 S. Roberts Rd 10307 S Roberts Rd
708-598-8881 708-974-9085 708-974-0509 708-576-8142 708-233-6400
15014 S. DesPlaines 24001 W. Lockport 24035 W. Lockport 7162 Caton 706 W Lockport 24002 W. Lockport 16108 S. Rte 59
815-609-0000 815-609-8445 815-436-9395 815-609-0192 815-436-4529 815-733-5148 815-782-7410
14401 S. Sherman 2838 W. 147th St 14344 S. Mckinley 14347 McKinley 14346 S. Western
708-385-0171 708-385-2509 708-371-7484 708-388-2006 708-388-7335
Palos Hills Durbin’s Red Velvet Valley Inn Village Pub Zante Lounge
Plainfield
Backdoor Pub Gunther’s Bar Gruben’s Tap McBride’s Pub O’Sullivan’s Pub Tap House The Penalty Box
Posen D & D's Tavern Granny's Place Guzzlers J&J’s Pub Posen Pub
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BAR DIRECTORY Romeoville Stone City Saloon 721 N Independence
805-524-4677
South Chicago Heights Baps Tap Prisco’s Tony G's
164 W. Sauk Trail 11 W. Sauk Tr 33 W. Sauk Tr
708-755-2277 708-248-5380 708-754-6848
Steger J Martins Tap 81 E. 34th St Jack's Bar & Grill 436 W. 34th St Jolt N Joes 3215 Union
708-755-6152 708-754-7000 708-755-3330
Stickney 39th St. Pub
6611 Pershing Rd
708-484-2466
3600 North Ave
708-865-4411
7245 W. Archer
708-458-1900
Stone Park El Gusanito
Summit Europe
Tinley Park Bailey’s Bar Cuzins Tavern Dendrino's Durbins JWHollsteins Old Tinley Pub Teehan's
17731 Oak Park 17704 Oak Park 18305 Oak Park 17265 Oak Park 17348 Oak Park 17020 Oak Park 17329 Oak Park
708-429-7955 708-633-1144 708-532-1639 708-429-1000 708-429-7000 708-532-4409 708-532-9707
Willow Springs Connies Grove Inn 8258 Kean Ave Friendly Tap 8240 Archer Ave Neon Moon Saloon 8236 Kean Ave
708-839-1959 708-839-9508 708-839-8090
Willowbrook Kerry Piper Maxums Phillies Bar
7900 Joliet Rd 9300 S. Kingery 6300 S. Kingery
630-325-3732 630-789-6800 630-654-0101
6315 Main 1999 W 75th St
630-964-8454 630-985-5945
Woodbridge Cabana Charleys Shanahans
Worth Bar Code 111 7016 W 111th Street The Chieftan 6908 W 111th Street Phil Mc Krackens 6602 111th Street
708 448-4040 708 827-5739 708)671-8090
To be listed in our bar directory call 773.288.9400 Check out our new website...
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October Eventss Halloween is a time where Chicagoans can come together and experience haunted houses, festive parties, costume parades, and much more. Even though Halloween is only one day, the Chicagoland area is filled with fun destinations all month long. Here are just a few of the many events and their websites to help you decide on which spectacular spooky affairs you and your friends should be attending this Halloween season. BOO!
Pumpkins in the Park 5K
Stockton Dr and LaSalle St (Lincoln Park South Field House), Chicago www.fleetfeetchicago.com The 13th annual Pumpkins in the Park 5K is Chicago's Official Halloween race for the whole family! 5K participants enjoy a winding course with 3 "Fear Zones" through beautiful Lincoln Park then celebrate at the post-race party featuring music, sponsor giveaways, Goose Island 312 Urban Wheat Ale beer (for participants 21 and over), a Halloween-themed "Movie in the Park", a variety of food options and costume contests.
Spooky Seas at the Shedd Aquarium
1200 S Lake Shore Dr, Chicago http://www.sheddaquarium.org/families.html The Shedd Aquarium's costume party and Halloween sleepover takes place October 28-29 starting at 6:30 p.m. on the 28th through 9 a.m. on the 29th. There is an option to do the "event only" portion, which is 6:30 p.m. - 10 p.m. on the 28th. Spooky Seas includes themed presentations, animal encounters, dinner, breakfast, live DJ, and costume party. Cost is $60 per person ($55 for Shedd members). "Event only" option is $25 person ($20 for Shedd members).
Haunted Halloween Tour
337 E Randolph, Chicago www.chicagosegways.com This Haunted Tour is the first of its kind! Our Ghoulish Guides will escort you to the most mysteriously haunted locations in Downtown Chicago and relate the stories of Chicago's haunted houses, ghosts and gangsters, disasters!
Chicagoween
www.chicagoween.us (for a list of events and participating parks!) Halloween is more than a day in Chicago; it's an entire season. The city, its parks, buildings and streets are decorated and filled with an array of activities for children and the child within you. The Chicago Park District offers many different pumpkin patches, haunted houses and scary theatre. Cultural institutions get into the fun and the city center, Daley Plaza, is transformed into a new destination.
Chicago Haunt Tour
www.chicagohaunttour.com Looking for the BEST way to see Chicago Haunted Attractions? Then check out The Chicago Haunt Tour! This year we are planning 3 weekends of terror where you and your friends will hang out with the rest of the crowd and get in the haunt mood at a Chicago North Side Restaurant/Bar and after some drinks and laughs we will be taking a luxury coach Party Bus to multiple CHECK OUT OUR NEW WEBSITE @ WWW.WHATSUPXTRA.COM
s locations each time. THESE ARE SOME OF CHICAGOLAND'S SCARIEST, MOST INTENSE HAUNTS. All are on several TOP 10 LISTS, including Haunted House Chicago's! This is for real fans of Haunted Attractions in Chicago and the surrounding areas.
St. Pascal's Haunted House
6143 W Irving Park Road, Chicago www.scarypopcorn.com A haunted house located deep in the catacombs of a 100-yearold church. Cold, dark catacombs of the church will send chills and thrills down your spine.
Statesville Haunted Prison and City of the Dead
17250 S Weber Road, Crest Hill www.statesvillehauntedprison.com Come; let the prisoners Statesville Haunted Prison take you on a tour into the underbelly of this house of evil. You will find your way through these dark ancient walls, into thirty (30) of the prison’s maximum-security cells. In this darkness, you will encounter over 200 of the most dangerous monsters ever imprisoned.
Dark Shadows Home Haunt
16741 88th Ct, Orland Hills www.darkshadowshaunt.com DS is known to be one of the best home haunts in and around the South Chicagoland area. Featuring over 15 animated props, actors, and a full walkthrough, it's a MUST SEE! DS has been running for 9 years straight and this year everything has been changed up! Come take a walk thru the forest lagoon, corn hall, and the dungeon of death.
Brookfield Jaycees Haunted House
4315 Park Ave (Jaycee Ehlert Park), Brookfield www.brookfieldjaycees.com/hh This year the Brookfield Jaycees are having their 36th Annual Award Winning Haunted House. Come as a couple, come as a group. We are the scariest Haunted House in the area and we have the awards to prove it. Do you think you have what it takes to survive our ghoulish collection of monsters? We hope you do, but fair warning, you may NEVER be the same after experiencing our nightmarish house, and you may end up haunted for life!
Spirits on Sproat: The Gallery of the Dead
Bridgeview's Haunted Hollow
Frightmare Haunted House at Haunted Trails Family Entertainment Park
Orland Park Lions Club haunted Woods Presents Forest of Fears
9028 S Sproat Ave, Oak Lawn www.welovehalloween.blogspot.com Come visit Spirits on Sproat: The Gallery of the Dead, featuring home-made replicas of your favorite scary movie characters and horror icons, plus several originals. Can you tell the stuffed dummies from the live dummies that are waiting to pop out and scare you? We dare you to try!
7759 S Harlem Ave, Burbank www.frightmare.org Frightmare Haunted House celebrates its 21st anniversary of providing Halloween "thrills and chills" to all those who dare enter "SCREAM SCENES CINEMA 3" - where YOU are the star in scenes from famous horror movies. Frightmare is a two-story, dark and scary maze that you must survive without becoming a "permanent" cast member of the Living Dead Players
Haunted Manor
40 Countryside Plaza, Countryside www.hauntedmanorcepyl.com It has been a while since mortals were allowed to walk the haunted halls of Haunted Manor. Resurrected from the ashes, the house is now occupied by ghostly apparitions and the undead searching for their eternity to end. They've been waiting! Do you have an extra soul to spare?
Breezy Hill Haunted Woods
13901 S La Grange Rd, Orland Park www.breezyhillhaunt.com New 3 1/2 acre haunted attraction with three separate haunts. We will have preseason bar packages and pub crawls around our Cp. Crystal Lake area. FACEBOOK.COM/WASSUPXTRAMAGAZINE
7000 S. Harlem Avenue (Toyota Park), Bridgeview www.bridgeviewhauntedhouse.com We dare all to experience the depths of madness this once happy family circus has fallen to as the clowns have taken over the circus of the scarred! From the Carnival midway to the deepest recesses of the clown's minds, this Haunted Experience is definitely not for the faint of heart! DON'T COME ALONE; BRING FRIENDS as you experience "Carn-EVIL!"
14800 Ravinia Ave, Orland Park www.prepared2scare.com Orland Park Lions Club Haunted Woods presents Forest of Fears. This outdoor haunted attraction will feature over 3 acres of heart pounding scares. Enter this dark wooded haunt to discover what really happens when lost in the woods.
Village of Screamfield
14300 S Coil Plus Dr, Plainfield www.facebook.com/villageofscreamfield Dare to explore the hidden underground village. What was thought to be abandoned is filled with activity. His honorable Mayor Scream invites you to visit his village where fear rules the streets. Celebrating our 3rd year and best yet.
The Haunted Mansion 206 N Broadway St, Joliet www.hauntedhistoriclocations.com/amansionandexperience.html
A truly haunted Victorian Mansion. Plan a night that will attempt to take you beyond the veil with the recreation of what was done years back in the Victorian mansions, a Séance. Bring an item of a loved one who has passed away, and during the night Edward will attempt what he has become known for in the Chicago land area, his Conscious Channeling and he will do this with some individual’s items, and it is done in front of as many people that would like to watch.
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Bar Stool Economics Suppose that every day, ten men go out for a beer and the bill for all ten comes to $100. If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go something like this:
The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing. The fifth would pay $1.00. The sixth would pay $3.00. The seventh would pay $7.00. The eighth would pay $12.00. The ninth would pay $18.00. The tenth man (the richest) would pay $59.00.
So that’s what they decided to do. The men drank in the bar every day and seemed quite happy with the arrangement, until one day, the owner threw them a curve. “Since you are all such good customers, he said, I’m going to reduce the cost of your daily beer by $20.00.“ Drinks for the ten men now cost just $80.00. The group still wanted to pay their bill the way we pay our taxes so the first four men were unaffected. They would still drink for free. But what about the other six men – the paying customers? How could they divide the $20 windfall so that everyone would get there “fair share?” They realized that $ 20.00 divided by six is $3.33. But if they subtracted that from everybody’s share, then the fifth man and the sixth man would each end up being paid to drink his beer. So, the bar owner suggested that it would be fair to reduce each man’s bill by roughly the same amount, and he proceeded to work out the amounts each should pay! And so: The fifth man like the first four, now paid nothing ( 100% savings). The sixth now paid $2 instead of $3 (33% savings). The seventh now pay $5 instead of $7 (28% savings). The eighth now paid $9 instead of 12 (25% savings). The ninth now paid 14 instead of 18 (22% savings). The tenth now paid $49 instead of $59 (16% savings). Each of the six was better off than before! And the first four continued to drink for free. But once outside the restaurant, the men began to compare their savings. “I only got a dollar out of the $20“ declared the sixth man. He pointed to the tenth man, “but he got $10!” “Yeah, that’s right,” shouted the seventh man. “Why should he get $10 back when I got only two? The wealthy get all the breaks!” “Wait a minute,” yelled the first four men in union. “ We didn’t I get anything at all. The system exploits the poor!” The nine men surrounded the tenth and beat him up. The next night the tenth man didn’t show up for drinks, so the nine sat down and had beers without him. But when it came time to pay the bill, they discovered something important. They didn’t have enough money between all of them for even half of the bill! And that, boys and girls, journalist and college professors, is how our tax system works. The people who pay the highest taxes get the most benefit from a tax reduction. Tax them too much, attack them for being wealthy, and they just may not show up anymore. In fact, they might start drinking overseas where the atmosphere is somewhat friendlier.
?
For those who understand, no explanation is needed. For those who do not understand, no explanation is possible. A note from The Bar Economist
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Train Etiquette A mother was working in the kitchen, listening to her ďŹ ve-year-old son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop & her son saying, "All of you bastards who want off, get the hell off now, 'cause this is the last stop! And all of you bastards who are getting on get your ass in the train because we're going down the tracks." The horriďŹ ed mother went in and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and stay there for two hours. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language." Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom and resumed playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking the train please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for travelling with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today." As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the fat bitch in the kitchen." FACEBOOK.COM/WASSUPXTRAMAGAZINE
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A History Lesson All the children are restless and the teacher decides to have an early dismissal. Teacher: "Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and correctly can leave early today." Little Johnny says to himself "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart and will answer the question." Teacher: "Who said ' Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?" Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham Lincoln." Teacher: "That's right Susie, you can go home." Johnny is mad that Susie answered the question first. Teacher: "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?" Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, "Martin Luther King."
Teacher: "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?" Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, "John F. Kennedy." Teacher: "That's right Nancy, you may also leave." Johnny is boiling mad that he has not been able to answer any of the questions. When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, "I wish these bitches would keep their mouths shut!" The teacher turns around: "Now who said that?" Johnny: "Tiger Woods. Can I go now?"
Teacher: "That's right Mary, you can go." Johnny is even madder than before.
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Phone
Sun
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Wed
Thurs
708-529-3526
Frank’s Place
708.233.9148
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Ignorant Bliss
708.279.7163
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Lyon’s Tap House
708-853-9600
New Bridges Bar
708-728-9990
Pockets
708.371.7665
SideBar 167
708.596.5055
X’s & O’s Lounge
708.728.9696
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La La’s Love Letters Dear La La: My boyfriend is a bit of an exhibitionist and always wants to fool around in really public places. It sort of turns me on, but I don’t want to come across as sleazy. Have you ever had sex in a public place? Public Patty Dear Sleazy, I mean Patty: I have not outwardly had sex in front of the public people, but I have done it in a hide-away type of place, within a public setting. It can be very exhilarating to see what you can do, without getting caught. I think everyone should try something outside the bedroom. Of course, this is not an excuse to do your thing on other people’s property or possessions, or just be inconsiderate. For example, holding up the bathroom line at a club, while you are your partner get busy, is not only rude, but gross, since other people have to use the bathroom after you. If and when you’re open to the idea of giving it a shot, try something like going “off the path” on a hiking trail. Bonus points if you’re on a Niagara Falls or Grand Canyon tour.
BOTTLED BEER EVERYDAY
By Lauren Strec
Dear LaLa: I am dating the hottest chick in the world and love to pleasure her in every way possible. The only problem is whenever we start to “get going”; she demands that I turn the lights off. I adore her and would love nothing more than to see her beautiful body when we are making love. She has nothing to be insecure about, so what is going on? Com Ed Dear Com Ed: Do you let her know that you think, wait, KNOW, that she is “the hottest chick in the world?” Sometimes, people will take a small flaw, and turn it into something astronomical, because they see it everyday. Or, a small flaw can become a big complex if some superficial idiot made them feel bad about it, in the past. It’s also possible it can be something serious as a past case of sexual abuse. Whatever the root, you need to reverse those effects, by making her feel comfortable around you. Slowly. And don’t just make this an asskissing session with obvious comments about her looks. Start off by complimenting something quirky that she does. Maybe she snorts when she laughs; tell her it’s cute. Get her to accept her human self around you by letting her know that you appreciate her natural attributes. If she ever opens up and tells you what she doesn’t like about herself, counteract it by telling her that you like those things because it’s what makes her, HER.
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AY YD R E EV 2AM N E OP 1AM 1
Accept yourself as you are. Otherwise you will never see opportunity. You will not feel free to move toward it; you will feel you are not deserving.
Maxwell Maltz, Surgeon, Author of Psycho-Cybernetics
Dear LaLa: I started dating this guy about four months ago and really like him. We finally decided to take it to the bedroom about three weeks ago and all was good until one night he asked me to name his member. Now every time we fool around he wants me to call it by its name and talk to it in order to get him aroused. Is this just weird or what? Say My Name Dear Ms. Say My Name: I think a lot of guys name their members, most of it being in humor (makes me think of a scene from Anchorman), but I do think that it seems a bit uncommon that he needs it to get excited. But even if it is not be a common thing, it’s something that works for him, and we don’t need to judge. Do you feel uncomfortable doing it? Or do you like doing this for him? If the former, the relationship may not work, unless you can talk about the subject, without embarrassing or bruising his ego. If the FACEBOOK.COM/WASSUPXTRAMAGAZINE
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Frank’s Place
Burbank
STRANGE BUT TRUE
Slimy Snail Massage: The Latest Beauty Fad
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Zante’s
Palos Hills
Beauty clinics and spas across South America and South Korea are turning to snail extracts that is believed to be good for the skin. Packed with glycolic acid and elastin, a snail’s secretion protects skin from cuts, bacteria, and powerful UV rays, making mother nature’s gooeyness a prime source for proteins that eliminate dead cells and regenerate skin. Typically beauty clinics employ products made from the sticky mess, but one beauty salon in Russia's one beauty salon in Russia’s Siberian city of KrasnoSiberian city of Krasnoyarsk yarsk decided to cut out decided to cut out the middlethe middleman by placing man... the snails right onto their clients' faces. Treatment involving snails has been used as far back as ancient Greece: Hippocrates reportedly prescribed a mixture of sour milk and crushed snails for skin inflammations. These days, it’s marketed as an acne treatment, spot and scar remover, and burn healer.
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“It’s a 100 percent pure and natural product that allows them to replace the typical chemical skin creams,” said spokesman Christian Plaut of Andes Nature, which sells a popular snail cream in South America. “Consumers must usually buy several creams separately to get the same benefits. CHECK OUT OUR NEW WEBSITE @ WWW.WHATSUPXTRA.COM
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Little Frank’s Pizzeria OR NF OPE NCH LU
6355 W. 79th St Burbank
(708) 598-8660
Order By Fax: (708) 598-2158
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PIZZA JUDGED BY THE CHICAGO TRIBUNE
OCTOBER HOROSCOPE ARIES: You have both analytical skills and a perceptive understanding of others. It is hard to put anything past you. But when you care about someone, you're too generous. TAURUS: It's true that you tend to be rather selective when it comes to your social life, but it's simply because your work is very important to you. You value your time. GEMINI: Committed relationships require a certain amount of freedom. Resist the temptation to try to control a partner's time. Afford yourself some freedom as well. CANCER: It's good to raise your own profile at work, but don't overdo it, especially early in the month. When making a presentation, avoid coming on too strong. LEO: Your no-nonsense directness inspires trust in others. They think you are honest and dependable. Though you are basically creative, you can do well in practical matters. VIRGO: While you are aware of the self-indulgent side of your nature, you are not always in control of it. Curbing excesses is what you may have to spend a lifetime doing.
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LIBRA: Have you noticed that starry-eyed person in your work or career? That means it's time to put on your rose-colored glasses so you can ignore it. It will pass. Focus on career expansion and creating more satisfying schedules. SCORPIO: Well, you have charisma and an insight into human nature that some people find fascinating, but you are rarely successful in your attempts to be tactful. SAGITTARIUS: At the time of the full moon on the 15th, you'll wonder whether to tell all or keep quiet about a situation. There's really no right or wrong way to play it. CAPRICORN: To achieve fulfillment, try flexibility, effective communication and settling into a situation that is balanced, including your needs as well as those of others. AQUARIUS: Authoritative words let people know how serious you are, but it's important not to be intimidating. Let the humanitarian side of your nature show through. PISCES: Though you possess business sense and ability, you are not the usual businessperson because of your idealistic nature. In some cases, however, idealism compliments your other talents.
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CHECK OUT OUR NEW WEBSITE @ WWW.WHATSUPXTRA.COM