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HOW TO TIP YOUR BARTENDER 10 THINGS GUYS WISH GIRLS KNEW 773.288-9400
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MARLINS 7236 39TH St. Lyons
THURSDAY LIVE DJ (10PM - 2AM) NO COVER
$4 MILLER PITCHERS & $2 MIXED WELL DRINKS
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MILLER BUCKETS 5 for $12 .25 CENT WINGS ALL DAY $3 CORONA $3 IMPORT DRAFT PINTS LIVE MUSIC! NO COVER! $3 MILLER BOTTLES $1.75 MILLER BOTTLES
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Chicagoland is filled with extraordinary nightclubs, unparalleled dining venues and some of the biggest events in the world! But, do you ever wonder where the locals go? Where are the best neighborhood bars, eateries, and local festivals? Where can you find live music, karaoke and trivia nights? Who has the best food and drink specials around? If you are ready to experience the Chicagoland area like the locals do then make sure to pick up your free copy of What’s Up Xtra Magazine at any of the 300+ locations in the Chicago and Southwest Suburbs or check out our Facebook page daily to find out where you should be going tonight!
Does Advertising TABLE OF Work? It just did... CONTENTS Call 773.288.9400 and ask for Lisa
5 bartender of the month
OUR STAFF Lisa Hanrahan Sales Director
6 news of interest 8 BOOK AND MOVIE REVIEW 9 sodoku and crossword puzzle
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10 MMA INTERVIEW
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2012 JUNE FREE
12 are you smarter than chester 13 FUNNY MONEY tra
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Robert Christiansen Column Writer
14 RIDDLE OF THE MONTH
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Angel Hernandez music Writer
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16 TATTLE TALES
Timothy Parfitt Column Writer
18 ASK THE WINO Check us out online - Read the magazine, Photos & More... www.whatsupxtra.com
20 - 22 bar directory 22 LA LAS LOVE LETTERS
LAUREN STREC COLUMN Writer
24 JUNE FESTIVALS Front page photo at Zantes taken by Stan Balazia.
The name What’s Up Xtra Magazine is a registered trade name, and use of this name is strictly prohibited. The contents of this publication are copyrighted What’s Up Xtra Chicago Magazine -2012 We encourage our readers to write their stories, send photos, and make comments. All submissions sent to us by phone, email, fax, or handwritten become the property of What’s Up Xtra Chicago Magazine.
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26 karaoke open mic trivia nights 28 BAND INTERVIEW CHECK OUT
Whats UP Xtra Magazine CHICAGO / SOUTHWEST EDITIONS
GO TO FACEBOOK TO SEE & TAG YOUR PHOTOS
TED PHILLIPS Photographer
We are always on the lookout for dynamic writers, photographers and sales staff to contribute to our publication If you are interested in joining our team or interested in advertising opportunities contact us at 773-288-9400 or email: whatsupxtra@yahoo.com
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r u o y s ’ o wh orite fav nder? e t r ba
VOTE FOR YOUR FAVORITE JUNE BARTENDER Go to
facebook.com/wassupxtramagazine ‘Like’ the page and ‘Like’ or comment on the bartenders photo or text 773.288.9400 or vote @ www.whatsupxta.com The winner will receive a 6 hour limo bus from LIMOSALIVE.NET for 24 of their friends.
Bartender: Kara
Bartender: Jerry
George’s Place Bar - Markham
Local Bar & Grill - Brookfield
Signature Drink: Marinator
Signature Drink: Killer Kool-Aid
Ingredients: Rum, vodka, tequila, gin, blue curacao, lemonade, and Red Bull
Ingredients: Southern Comfort, vodka, amaretto and cranberry juice
Words of Wisdom: “If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning.”
Words of Wisdom: “Don't let your mouth water over food you're not gonna’ sink your fork into ;)”
Bartender: Michelle The Cottage - Tinley Park
Bartender: Esther
Signature Drink: Tie Me to the Bedpost Naked
Davern’s Tavern - Justice
Ingredients: Amaretto, Jack Daniels, Southern Comfort, peach schnapps, grenadine, pineapple juice, and 7Up
Ingredients: Bacardi Limon, Watermelon Pucker, sour, and sprite
Signature Drink: Fergalicious
Words of Wisdom: “Be yourself and not what others expect you or want you to be, it’s your life.”
Words of Wisdom: “It is what it is…life’s short, so drink up!”
MAY BARTENDER OF THE MONTH IS...
VALERIE
TJ’s Bar 4025 147th Midlothian Rules: All service employees are eligible to win. The service employee who receives the most votes in the month wins. You can submit your vote by texting (773) 288-9400 or go to facebook.com/wassupxtramagazine “like” our page and vote under the bartenders photo or go to www.whatsupxtra.com
*The Pub Crawl will begin at the employee of the months bar and the limo bus will accommodate 24 passengers. Gratuity not included and must be paid prior to service
Only one vote is counted per person and voting polls close on June 20th. FACEBOOK.COM/WASSUPXTRAMAGAZINE
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News of Interest Avoid The Keypad... New Application The Fast Customer app will help you avoid being trapped in a keypad options loop while you're trying to reach a customer service representative. You can select one of 2,000 companies, type in your contact number, and a rep will call you. It works with Android and iPhone and it's free, according to USA Weekend.
Coming Soon: New Database That Will Outsmart Phone Thieves A new nationwide database to prevent the use of stolen smartphones has been announced by the cellular industry. It will be strengthened by a bill proposed by Sen. Charles Schumer, D-NY., making it illegal to circumvent the database. Smartphone and cellphone thefts make up 30 percent to 40 percent of all robberies in U.S. cities. More than 40 percent of all robberies in New York City involve pricey phones. And thefts are on the rise in Washington, D.C., where 38 percent of robberies involved expensive phones. Houston had the most phones stolen last year. Cellphone service providers will cooperate on a database, which will be fully operational within 18 months. It will prevent stolen smartphones from being used on other networks in the United States or around the world. Companies also plan to encourage customers to use passwords that lock their phones and to find and use applications that allow them to remotely lock or wipe data off their phones if they are stolen.
National Fishing and Boating Week (NFBW): No License Required Most states offer free fishing! Good things do come to those who bait. And how much better can it get when the fishing is free. Mark June 2-10, 2012, on your calendar. It's time to celebrate the long-held tradition of fishing, whether you go alone for peace and solitude or take along family members and friends to share the fun. Some states offer free fishing on other days. To check for events in your state, visit takemefishing.org for their free fishing days PDF. Unfortunately, far too many of our young people have never enjoyed this experience, especially city kids. Fishing license sales have steadily declined, and the trend seems to be increasing. Government agencies and the boating and fishing industries are promoting the sport during this NFBW celebration. It offers free fishing and attractions for people of every age. The main goal is to introduce kids to the sport and hope it becomes a lifetime source of enjoyment for them. Major sporting companies and even airlines are cooperating by sponsoring fishing derbies and contests. Many event presenters have stocked their lakes and will close them to fishing until NFBW to ensure every participant goes home with a catch. Some say there are two types of fisherman: those who fish for sport and those who fish for fish. Henry David Thoreau, a well-known American author, poet and naturalist said, "Many men go fishing all of their lives without knowing that it is not fish they are after." Rather, it could be peace on the water, camaraderie with pals, or the joy of fishing with kids or grandkids. Dust off your poles or rods and plan to visit a lake, pond or river bank during a free fishing event. Free Days in Illinois June 8th - 11th and to our neighbors in Indiana June 5 -6.
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OPENFullTILService... 4 AM (Mon - Sat)
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OPEN 6AM - 4AM
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Tuesday Night’s! .50 cent wings, $1.25 PBR bottles and 16 oz cans, $3 bombs, $4 well drinks and import bottles, $6 BMF's and long islands, and don't forget about our bucket specials!!
Thirsty Thursday’s!! Best specials around!!
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Secret Saturdays hosted by Audio1 events every Saturday Go to Audio1 events on Facebook for upcoming events and specials.
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Book Review
The Power of the Habit: Why We Do What We Do and How to Change It written by Charles Duhigg, Random House
Habits Aren't Destiny, For You or For a Company In his new book, The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do and How to Change It, award-winner New York Times business reporter Charles Duhigg takes us to the edge of scientific discoveries. He explains why habits exist and how they can be changed. To put his conclusions simply, following a habit begins with a cue, which then leads to a habit loop. In his own experience, Duhigg had gained weight, and one cause was eating chocolate chip cookies at afternoon break time. He concluded that the cookies led to conversing with people, which was what he enjoyed. Instead of going to the cafeteria, he started having afternoon conversations with people he met near his office. Some people get up in the morning, run, feel great and eat breakfast. Others never get started. One simple cue was running shoes left by the bedside. They got up, slipped them on and ran. A corporate example of cues was achieved by Paul O'Neill after he was named CEO of Alcoa. The company had sold more and reduced expenses, but wasn't moving forward. O'Neill focused on safety. If an employee got hurt (the cue), senior members of the department had to deliver a plan to O'Neill showing how the injury wouldn't happen again. The executives had to become intimately involved in the manufacturing and have conversations with front-line workers. To protect their workers, Alcoa had to have the most streamlined aluminum fabricating company on earth. Over the next decade, they did, and profits soared. Procter and Gamble was worried over slow sales of its Febreze, which killed household odors. One woman said she liked the way Febreze made the house smell good after it was cleaned. P&G focused on that cue, which made Febreze a big success. The Power of the Habit: Why We Do What We Do and How to Change It by Charles Duhigg, Random House, 371 pages, $38.
Movie Review
The Dictator Reviewed by Timothy Parfitt
Admiral General Hafez Aladeen (Sacha Baron Cohen) is just your run-of-the-mill, happy go lucky dictator. He lords over the North African Republic of Wadiya with an iron fist and trademark beard. He struts down 5th avenue on a camel followed by a fleet of blue Lamborghinis. He flies in starlets like Meghan Fox and Lindsay Lohan for million dollar lays. He’s developing a nuclear weapon program and don’t dare try to tell him the rocket doesn’t need to be pointy. Then, on a crucial trip to New York City, his right hand man, Ben Kingsley, betrays him to the CIA and replaces him with a half-retarded body double. Thus begins Aladeen’s comedic romp of self-discovery. Whether he’s criticizing his CIA interrogator (John C. Reilly) for his outdated tools of torture, or kicking unruly children in Brooklyn co-ops, Aladeen has trouble fitting into American life. If you liked Borat, you will most likely enjoy The Dictator. Even though it does not follow the gonzo fakedocumentary format of that movie (and Bruno), The Dictator retains that free-wheeling, button pushing energy. Baron Cohen and his writers are like bloodhounds sniffing out novel ways to offend. Most of my favorite scenes were set at the vegan grocery store in Brooklyn where Aladeen gets mistaken for a Wadiyan refugee. Wellmeaning activist/owner Zoey gives him a job even though he’s constantly pointing out her hairy armpits and meager cleavage. Later he discovers the Wadiyan ex-pat community and teams up with his former head nuclear scientist, who he tried to have killed. Aladeen’s character is obviously based on Muammar Gaddafi with liberal dashes of Kim Jong Il. Most of the movie builds to a rather brilliant and satirical speech the admiral gives to the U.N. You here in the U.S. don’t know how good you have it. Where he comes from, the 1% rule the other 99%. The poor are ignored. Prisoners are tortured and your average citizen has seen his civil rights disappear. God forbid America ever became a place like that.
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Sidebar 167 2905 W 167th St
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$10 Domestic Buckets, $3.50 Bloody Marys & $4 Shots (not top shelf) & $5 Jameson OPEN POOL & $2 Hot Dogs $1.50 Domestic Bottles, $3 UV & Lemonades, $3 Draft Imports, & $3 Jager Bombs - Kitchen Closed $2.50 Coronas, $4 Margaritas & $3 Tequilla Shots (not top shelf) $1 Well Tequila Shots $2 Nacho/Cheese/Peppers - $3 Appetizers: Mozzarella Sticks, Poppers, Mushrooms, Zucchini $2 Domestic Beers, $2 Well Shots, $3 UV and Lemonades .50 Cent Wings $3 U-Call-Its, $4 Vegas Bombs & $4 Chocolate Cake Shots .75 Cent Drafts, $4 Bloody Marys & $2 Flavored Absolut Shots $3 BLT & Fries
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MMA HIGHLIGHTS
5 Minutes With Ricardo “The Bully” Lamas Hector Quintero - Cagefanatic.com
Cage Fanatic: Thanks for joining us Ricardo. When we last spoke you where slated to do battle with Dustin Poirier at UFC 143, but had to pull out do to injury. Can you tell us about your injury and rehab? Ricardo Lamas: Going into training for Poirier I tore my left Pectoral muscle and had to pull out of the fight. I did a lot of rehab, but came back two times a little too early. I re-aggravated the tear in the muscle and that is why it took a little longer to heal than normal. I’m all good now and hitting it hard for the June 22nd fight. Cage Fanatic: Speaking of June 22nd, you have just signed on to fight Hatsu Hioki, the #2 featherweight in the world. It was rumored that he turned down a fight with Jose Aldo for the title. Can you tell us how you ended up in this fight? Ricardo lamas: Basically, they called me up and Sean Shelby wanted me to fight in June and go against Hatsu Hioki. Obviously you get a chance like that and you’re going to jump on it. I think it is a "win-win" situation for me, and I relish being the underdog in a fight. It is not the first time I’ll be the underdog and end up coming out on top. I have no problem being the underdog and I am training my butt off. Cage Fanatic: Can you tell us a bit about your training for Hatsu Hioki? Ricardo Lamas: I’m at Top Notch Fitness MMA in Villa Park now, but I’ll be heading to Miami, Florida to train with MMA Masters; my head coaches Daniel Valverde and Cesar Carneiro. It’s basically 100% old school training, 3 to 4 times a day busting my butt. I like to push myself and I like to be pushed. While training, I leave my family, my girl, everyone. I’m out there by myself, just 100% focused on my fight and that is all I think about. That’s the way I like it. Cage Fanatic: Earlier we where sitting here talking about game planning and that you don’t necessarily game plan, that a fight is a fight? Ricardo Lamas: I watch film and practice defense because you don’t want to be caught in a bad situation. When you’re out there it’s really about going with the flow. I have won a lot of my fights doing exactly that and working off instinct and adapting to what he is giving me. You never know what fighter is going to show up to the fight. He might change fight to fight and you really need to be ready for anything. Cage Fanatic: How did you get your nickname “The Bully”? Ricardo Lamas: I have a 7-year-old English Bull Terrier and I bring him everywhere; training, the airport, and the gym. He will sit there and sleep because he is real lazy, or grab his medicine ball and chew on it. He is my main man and always has my back. Cage Fanatic: What is his name? Ricardo Lamas: Chico like in “Next Friday”, because that is the first time I ever saw one of those dogs. I remember I was in high
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school when I saw that movie and I said back then that I was going to have one of those dogs someday. He is just real goofy, lazy, and makes me laugh all the time. Cage Fanatic: Anything you would like to tell your fans? Ricardo Lamas: Don’t count me out of this fight, or any fight for that matter. I come and I bring it. If Hioki thinks he is going to use me as a stepping-stone that would be a huge mistake on his part. If I where him, I would have not turned down that title fight. It’s a once in a lifetime opportunity and you don’t know what will happen fight to fight. Watch out for me and don’t be surprised.
Vitals: June 22nd UFC on FX 4@ricardolamasmma www.ricardolamas.net CHECK OUT OUR NEW WEBSITE @ WWW.WHATSUPXTRA.COM
TECHNOLOGY
What is Pinterest?
FRESUNDA WA EP Y STE D W OOL S
Pinterest is a virtual pinboard. It lets you organize and share beautiful things you find on the Web. You can use your pinboard folders to plan your wedding, decorate your home, or organize your favorite photos and recipes.
P DJEDNE IN SDA N IN Y
Best of all, you can browse pinboards created by other people. Browsing pinboards is a fun way to discover new interests and get inspiration from people who share them. Right now, Pinterest has about 4 million users, according to CBS News. Want to join them? To get started, go to Pinterest.com and request an invite. Pinterest's mission is to connect everyone in the world through the things they like by way of a global platform of inspiration and idea sharing. A favorite book, toy, or recipe can reveal a common link between two people. With millions of new pins added every week, Pinterest is succeeding in its goal. Using the service is like having your own personal website with all of the folders you want. It allows you to create and manage theme-based image collections such as events, and hobbies. When you browse other pinboards for inspiration, you can re-pin images to your own collections or "like" photos. You can share your pins on both Twitter and Facebook. In 2011, Pinterest was listed in Time Magazine’s "50 Best Websites of 2011" article.
DAILY SPECIALS $3 Domestic Bottles 5 for $12 Domestic Buckets $3.50 Import Beers 5 for $15 Import Buckets $6 Domestic Pitchers $1.50 12 oz Domestic Drafts
“Always a party at the Pub” Open Everyday 10am - 2am 6611 Pershing Rd Stickney 708-484-2466
39th Street Pub
6611 Pershing Stickney
Chimborazo Day June 3 This day brings the shape of the Earth into focus. Mount Chimborazo is located in the Andes Mountains of Ecuador and almost on the equator. It rises farther into space than any other mountain on earth, including Mount Everest. The distance from sea level at the equator to the center of Earth is 13 miles greater than it is at the North Pole. The summit of Mount Everest reaches a higher elevation above sea level, but the summit of Chimborazo is widely accepted to be the highest point on the Earth's surface from its center. The top of Mount Chimborazo is completely covered by glaciers, which are the source of water for the populations of the Bolivar and Chimborazo provinces of Ecuador. It has five summits, the highest rising to 20,702 feet, according to Wikipedia. In various dialects, the name translates as "snow on the other side," "woman of ice" or "mountain of ice." Chimborazo is featured on the Ecuadorian coat of arms to represent the beauty and richness of its highlands. FACEBOOK.COM/WASSUPXTRAMAGAZINE
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X’s & O’s Sports Lounge
Bridgeview
Are You Smarter Than CHESTER “The Sock Monkey”? 1. A snail can sleep for three hours, three days, three weeks, or three months? 2. True or False? A raisin dropped in a fresh glass of soda will bounce up and down continually from the bottom of the glass to the top 3. A pregnant goldfish is called a gipper, a twerp, or a fatty? 4. Mr. Rogers was a horticulturist, an ordained minister, or a pimp? 5. There are 333, 336, 363, or 366 dimples on a regulation golf ball? 6. Cat's teeth, testicles, urine, or eyes glow under a black light?
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7. In most advertisements, the time displayed on a watch is :69, 10:10, 12:00, or 6:15? 8. The first product to have a bar code was Wonder bread, Magnum condoms, or Wrigley's gum? 9. True or False? The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as substitute for blood plasma. 10. Barry Williams (aka Greg Brady), Casey Kasem (host of American top 40), or legendary porn star John Holmes is the voice of Shaggy on ScoobyDoo?
Answers
6. Urine 7. 10:10 8. Wrigley’s gum 9. True 10. Casey Kasem
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1. Three months 2. False, it will continually bounce up and down 3. Fatty 4. Ordained Minister 5. 336
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Funny Money…
Creative ways to tip your bartender
Are you that guy that sits unnoticed out at the end of the bar on weekends gazing at the hot bartender while the place is packed with young, slightly preppy, fuzzy-chinned, poolplaying, pitcher-drinking men fighting for her attention? Forget about it! Grab some cash and get to work on a one-of-a-kind tip that will turn you from “not” to “hot” in a matter of minutes! This does take a little know-how, so let’s get you started with something easy this month until you build your skills…
The Tip... it could even be a Big Ben Face
The Instructions...
LOH Tip Scale (Level of Hotness) $1 = See ya… $5 = Now you’re talking… $10 = Feelin’ warm n fuzzy… $20 = Batting the sexy eyes… $50 = Be my hunk of burning love!
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Bobby McGee’s
Chicago Ridge
Riddle Ri ddle of the Month
WIN A $25 GIFT CERTIFICATE I stare at you, you stare at me. I have three eyes, Yet I cannot see. Every time I blink, I give commands. You do as you are told. With your hands and feet. What am I ? Text your answers to: 773-288-9400 or e-mail: wassupxtra@yahoo.com Leave your name, e-mail, and telelphone number. All correct answers go into drawing.
Answer to Last Months Riddle A rich and handsome man named James Leonard was murdered on a Sunday afternoon. At the time of the murder there was: the maid, the cook, the butler, the gardener and the wife. Maid: I was fixing the table. / Cook: I was cooking breakfast. Butler: I was polishing the silverware and the dishes. Gardener: I was planting tomato seeds. / Wife: I was reading a book. Who did it? Answer: The Cook. You don’t cook breakfast in the afternoon!
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Viagra… Not Just for the Bedroom
The Talking Clock After closing time at the bar, a drunk was proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his friends. He led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong and a mallet.
The female dentist pulls out a numbing needle to give her patient a shot. "No way! No needles! I hate needles!” the patient said. The dentist began to hook up the nitrous oxide but the man objected. "I can’t do the gas thing. The thought of having the gas mask on suffocates me!" The dentist then asks the patient if he has any objection to taking a pill. "No objection,” the patient says. “I’m fine with pills." The dentist then returns and says, "Here’s a Viagra." The patient says, "Wow! I didn’t know Viagra worked as a pain killer!" "It doesn’t," said the dentist, "but it’s going to give you something to hold on to when I pull that tooth.”
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“What’s up with the big brass gong?” one of the guests asked. “It’s not a gong, it’s a talking clock,” the drunk replied. “A talking clock? Seriously?” asked his astonished friend. “Yup,” replied the drunk. “How’s it work?” the friend asked, squinting at it. “Watch,” the drunk replied. He picked up the mallet, gave the gong an ear-shattering pound and stepped back. . . The three stood looking at one another for a moment. Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed, “You asshole! It’s three-fifteen in the morning! CHECK OUT OUR NEW WEBSITE @ WWW.WHATSUPXTRA.COM
IN C L C UD NE A E W P S S U P LE R S IZE
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You haven’t boxed a Boxer till you’ve boxed...
THE GLOVE
For Fun For Tournaments Bars and Event Coordinators call 773.288.9400 to order the Boxer at no cost & learn more about profit opportunities
New Machines: prizes paid out through the machine for top scores, wheel of fun,. and more... JUNE
Call 773.288.9400 for more information DINE & DASH by Lisa Hanrahan
Asparagus Chicken Roulades Spring 2012 has bestowed upon Chicagoans glorious, unseasonably warm temperatures. So what’s the downside? The race to shed those unwanted winter pounds is on! Eating healthy is great in theory, but often leaves us feeling unsatisfied and downright hungry. A great recipe for success is trying to incorporate fresh, seasonal ingredients into your meals. For a cook nothing says, "Spring is here" like beautiful green bunches of fresh asparagus. Asparagus is America's favorite spring vegetable for a reason; it's delicious, packed with nutrients, and fast to prepare. This month’s featured recipe is not only simple and easy to prepare, but will leave your taste buds and waistline happy and in-tact! •1 small lemon •1 package (4 ounces) sun-dried tomato and basil goat cheese •1/2 cup packed fresh basil leaves, thinly sliced •1 package thin sliced boneless, skinless chicken breast fillets (about 1 1/4 pounds) •3/4 pound fresh asparagus (preferably thin spears), trimmed •1/4 teaspoon sea salt •1/4 teaspoon fresh ground black peppercorn •1 tablespoon extra virgin olive oil •1/2 cup low-sodium chicken broth •Roux (mix equal parts of melted butter and flour until smooth, about 2 tablespoons of each will do) FACEBOOK.COM/WASSUPXTRAMAGAZINE
1. From lemon grate 1/2 teaspoon peel and squeeze 1 tablespoon juice. In small bowl, stir goat cheese, basil and lemon peel until well mixed. 2. Spread goat cheese mixture on bottom side (rough side) of chicken breasts. Place 2 to 3 asparagus spears across chicken breast and roll, overlapping ends of chicken slightly; secure ends with wooden pick. Sprinkle roulades with salt and pepper. 3. On a hot grill, lightly brush chicken with olive oil and add roulades and cook, covered, 9 to 11 minutes or until golden brown, turning roulades occasionally to brown all sides until internal temperature reaches 165°F. Transfer roulades to serving platter; remove wooden picks. Cover to keep warm. 4. In a small pan, add broth and lemon juice; heat to boiling over medium-high heat, stirring occasionally. Make a roux and add to broth mixture slowly, stirring frequently until sauce reaches desired thickness. Drizzle sauce over chicken to serve. Each serving: About 310 calories, 16 g total fat (7 g saturated), 100 mg cholesterol, 390 mg sodium, 5 g carbohydrate, 2 g fiber, 37 g protein.
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TAT T L E TA L E S
The Pretender
By Rob Christiansen
I follow my coworker during lunch because his behavior is rather intriguing. Every day, he walks to Trader Joe’s, and buys an apple and a tomato. He buys a pack of romaine lettuce hearts every three days, and a bag of carrots every three or four days. He spends an average of $2.41 a day, and, speaking editorially, I think it’s strange that he won’t sample any of the delicious products Trader Joe’s always has cooking up in the back.
He returns to the office directly and washes the apple, the tomato and two or three of the carrots after washing his hands. The temptation to commit the arguably “unsanitary” act of hand washing at the kitchen sink is great, since a bottle of soft soap and paper towels are right there, and the water in the men’s room is only lukewarm at best, and it trickles out meekly. I know about the water in the men’s room by having inquired about it, and have never, of course, been in there, except once. And it was immediately after he had finished eating. He does this at his desk, and he doesn’t use utensils. He bites the ends off the carrots as though they’re grenades and eats the lettuce leaf-by-leaf, weaning the stalk to a slender reed and chomping it down until all that’s left is the knob. His presumption that someone else already washed the lettuce isn’t lost on me. He galloped into the kitchen, dropped his plate, and ran out the main door. I witnessed most of this, as my desk was situated perfectly. I couldn’t see him drop the plate, though I certainly heard it crash. I always wondered about his plumbing, adhering, as he does, to a diet that would make a rabbit eventually sprint to Jimmy John’s. I sprang up from my chair and followed him. No one was at the elevators, and the hallway was empty. After he used his key to enter the men’s room, I caught the door with my foot, counted to ten, took a chance and stepped inside. I didn’t see him, just some guy at a urinal, and although the whizzer glanced at me, he turned away so quickly that I was sure he wouldn’t recognize me again. I returned to the office reasonably sure that my coworker was taking a s**t. He isn’t a skinny man, and I always suspected that he eats a big breakfast. What I learned, however, floored me. I know that his W-4 says he has three dependents, but in reality he lives alone. That’s not the shocking part, just an incidental finding. The shocking parts are too numerous. He has a bowl of bran flakes with blueberries and skim milk and a cup of coffee with two Splendas. He doesn’t make omelets or pancakes, and he doesn’t eat sausages or bacon. His kitchen lacks a toaster, so there’s no proof he even eats bread. And he watches “You & Me This Morning” on a locally owned, programmed and operated independent station.
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He drinks his coffee and gazes down the length of his apartment, although, since I only see the back of his head, his eyes could be closed. I step away from his window and get off his porch before he comes out the door and trips over me on his way to the train. That would be awkward. I’m following him home to see what he eats for dinner. How can anyone eat nothing except bran flakes, blueberries, an apple, a tomato, one romaine lettuce heart and some carrots? Today was Millie in underwriting’s birthday, and our alleged vegan colleague didn’t have any cake. He buys Girl Scout cookies and puts them in the backpacks we fill with school supplies for the Chicago Public School kids. He missed our “Pot Luck” lunch when he called in sick, and he took a vacation the week of our Holiday Party. He gets off the train and walks into Moody’s Pub. I walk in, right behind him, but I won’t get caught since it’s always dark in here for ambiance. It’s so dark in here; you have to read your check by the light of the candle on your table. You can easily forget to take your phone when you leave. A friend of my sister left her phone here once, and she ran back in from the parking lot and was lucky enough to find it. “Hi Jill,” he says. “The usual.” “Two bacon and Swiss cheeseburgers, medium rare, and a plate of onion rings!” she shouts over her shoulder. Their rapport indicates familiarity, as though he’s a regular customer. Now he’s sitting at a table, attacking a heaping bowl of peanuts. Oh Lord, he’s going to eat every last one of them. Here comes Jill with a huge mug of beer. It could be just a light beer, even though it looks heavy in this terrible light. For all anyone knows, the floor probably needs to be swept. My investigation revealed that he’s just another phony, and I was pleased. There are no vegetarians.
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Don’t Drink And Drive I would like to share an experience with you, about drinking and driving. As you well know, some of us have been known to have had brushes with the authorities on our way home from the odd social session over the years. A couple of nights ago, I was out for a few drinks with some friends at a downtown Hotel. I had a few too many beers and some rather nice red wine. Knowing full well I may have been slightly over the limit, I did something I’ve never done before, I took a bus home. Sure enough, I passed a police road block. However, as it was a bus, they waved it past. I arrived home safely without incident, which was a real surprise; as I have never driven a bus before and am not sure where I got it.
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Ask The Wino... Wino: Leo “Pissy” Johnson Smells Like: Jalapeno Gin and Juice Likes: Sand in his shorts Dislikes: Sand in his shoes Julie asks: My husband and I are getting to ready to go on a cruise and I’m really excited. So, the other day I took him shopping for bathing suits and he kept bringing over all these skimpy bikinis to the fitting room. I really feel more comfortable in a sexy one-piece when I am out in public. Isn’t showing less a little sexier than bearing it all? Wino: I’d be more worried about all that damn hair on your upper lip girl. You got some kind of hormonal imbalance going on? I thought Eskimos didn’t like the beach? Joe asks: I am just getting ready to graduate from college and I am really looking forward to starting a career where I can use my wealth of knowledge to contribute to the greater good of man. Do you ever wish you had done more with your life? Wino: Brains aren’t everything. In fact, in your case, they’re nothing. If I had a face like you, I would sue my parents. Hey, can I have your gown - my stair mate is always complaining about my mouse coming out of its house at the wrong time.
ALLEN ANSCHUTZ ARISON AVARA BASS BEAL BEZOS BREN BRIN BROAD BUFFETT BUTT CHANG COOK
DELL DUNCAN ERGEN GATES GREEN HAMM HUNT JOBS KAISER KNIGHT KOCH LEFRAK MALONE MARS
MOSKOVITZ PAGE PAULSON REDSTONE SALL SCHWAB SCHWARZMAN SOROS STERN WALTON WANG WEXNER ZELL ZIFF ZUCKERBERG
Karen asks: I am so tired of all this negative campaigning on television. How in the world is the average person supposed to sort through all the crap and get down to the real issues at hand for our country? Wino: If you had to go for a brain transplant operation and were offered a choice between my brain which would cost you $500 and the Politician's brain which would cost you $500,000, which would you choose? Exactly, the politician's brain has never been used and neither has yours!
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BAR DIRECTORY Alsip Bar 122 Dakota Inn Southsides
Countryside 12219 S. Pulaski 12119 S. Crawford 11860 S Cicero
708-597-1122 708-388-6622 708-371-1133
6301 W. 73rd
708-728-6500
6615 Roosevelt Rd 3701 Harlem 7138 Windsor 7011 Ogden Ave 6305 26th St 6300 W. Ogden
708-788-2118 708-484-3610 708-795-1100 708-484-9464 708-484-2466 708-795-1298
361 N. Schmidt 730 N. Bolingbrook 132 N. Bolingbrook 220 Beacon Ridge 431 W. Boughton Rd 594 N. Pinecrest
630-459-6084 630-739-4646 630-739-1364 630-739-9810 630-679-1992 630-739-0575
8000 S. Roberts Rd 7600 S. Harlem 8500 S. Harlem 7801 W. 79th Pl
708-594-5600 708-496-0300 708-598-7000 708-728-9696
9220 W. 47th 8436 Brookfield 9308 47th
708-485-9640 708-485-4504 708-387-0317
5700 W. 79th 6501 W. 79th 5616 N. 87th 5406 W. 79th St 6353 W. 79th St 8642 S. Cicero 7107 W. 79th
708-529-3547 708-229-8700 708-423-1570 708-423-1523 708-233-9148 708-424-3720 708-599-6399
3000 E. 138th St
708-862-1656\
Bedford Park Buzz Bomb Berwyn Fitzgeralds Harlem Lounge James Joyce Pub Juniors Kickoffs Tiger O’Sylies Bolingbrook Clemente’s Pub Gonzo’s Panama Connect Quarterdeck Tailgators T&T Lounge
Bridgeview All Star Sports Bar Illusions Tiger’s Lounge X’s & O’s Lounge
Brookfield Joe’s Saloon Johnny B’s Bar Slager’s Bar
Burbank Castle Inn Chuck’s Voodoo Dalton's Pub Durbins Frank's Place Maggie McGuires Tic N Tin Tap
Burnham Tally Ho
Chicago
410 W. Lincoln Hwy 109 N. Halsted St.
708-748-4949 708-755-1134
Chicago Ridge Chicago Ridge Bobby McGee’s O’Connor Pub Jack Desmond Jessie's Tavern Lucky's Lounge
10139 S. Harlem 5900 W. 111th 10339 Ridgeland 10501 Ridgeland 6605 95th St
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9901 W. 55th 917 W. 55th 10901 Joliet Rd
708-354-3333 708-354-0991 708-246-3188
802 Theodore 1200 Cedarwood 20631 W. Renwick 2357 Plainfield 2314 Plainfield 2115 Plainfield
815-726-3401 815-741-4318 815-838-5234 815-725-2252 815-744-6777 815-744-4159
13602 S. Cicero 13430 S. Cicero 13815 Cicero Ave 13430 S Cicero
708-388-8862 708-371-7665 708-597-2415 708-371-7665
Chuck's Place Ignorant Bliss NorthWoods
1358 Main St 1338 Main St 940 Steger Rd
708-672-9449 708-279-7163 708-672-1167
Q Billiards
8109 S. Cass Ave
630-739-2999
Crest Hill
Bada Brew Bobby McGees Chaoz Sports Gippers Grapevine Gusto’s
Crestwood Brazen Head Doc’s Lounge Mitch's Pub Pockets Billiards
Crete
Darien
Frankfort
Jamesons Pub 9545 W. Saint Francis Local Bar 7900 W. Lincoln Hwy Old Plank Tr Tav. 113 Kansas
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708-529-3526 708-422-6400 708-857-7910 708-499-0048 708-237-3776
815-469-0500 815-469-9450 815-464-1004
Flossmore Flossmore Station 1035 Sterling Ave North Woods 800 Kedzie Ave
708-957-2739 708-957-5600
Hazel Crest Sidebar 167
2905 W. 167th St
708-596-5055
8833 W. 87th St 9401 S. Roberts Rd 7750 W. 95th St
708-237-1705 708-598-0835 708-599-2333
Buck’s Pit Stop Murphy’s Bar
6501 Kane Ave 6298 East Ave
708-588-0095 708-354-9785
Cool River Davidson Bar Mullets Pelican Harrys
12622 W. 159th 14136 S. Bell Rd 14903 S. Bell Rd 14807 Founders Xing
708-301-8006 708-645-0000 708-645-7000 708-301-5555
18225 Dixie Hwy 18105 Dixie Hwy 2131 183rd 2059 Ridge Rd
708-798-2000 708-798-2710 708-957-2220 708-798-1414
Hickory Hills Cravens Pub Kowal's Bar Prime Time
Hodgkins Homer Glen
Hippo's 3011 W. 111th Lawlors 3636 W. 111th Chicago Heights Chicago Heights Jimmy's Tender Trap
Harry’s bar Kenny’s Tavern Rafferty’s
Homewood Bogarts Fifth Quarter Tap Lassen's Bar Ridgewood Tap
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Justice
JusticeTavern Davern’s
New Bridges Bar
LaGrange Palmer Place
BAR DIRECTORY 8527 W. 79th
708-924-6003
8531 W. 79th
708-728-9990
56 S. LaGrange
708-482-7127
Lansing J.J. Kelley’s Kilroy’s
2455 Bernice Rd 3502 Ridge Rd
708-474-9977 708-895-5233
2549 Glenwood 10 Southland Dr. 19606 Burnham
708-474-4348 708-418-1400 708-418-2650
Canal St Pub Illinois Bar Nick’s Tavern The Vault Tom’s Place Stonehouse Pub
309 Canal St 1131 State St 221 Main St 308 Canal St 110 Stephen St 103 Stephen St
630-257-7438 630-257-0666 630-257-6564 630-312-8380 630-257-9875 630-257-1300
Carters Place Fat Sams Jackie’s Place Paradise Bay Outpost Stella’s On State
122 W. 9th St 122 E 9th St 1016 S. State 105 W. 10th St 14929 Archer Ave 823 S. State St
815-838-4420 815-838-4420 815-588-0715 815-838-6513 815-836-8893 815-834-2780
Marlin’s 7236 Pershing Rd McCafferty’s Pub 8107 Ogden Ricky D’s Place 7901 Ogden
708-442-2645 708-442-0630 708-442-8688
Lynwood Benny’s Ho Chunk Margarita’s
Lemont
Lockport
Lyons
McCook All Star Bar
7949 W. 47th
708-442-8600
Markham Envy’s Pub George's Place
3625 W 159th 15745 Kedzie Ave
708-331-5860 708-225-1844
Merrionette Park Bourbon Street 3359 W. 115th
708-388-8881
Midlothian Durbin’s Jack’s Place Sullivans
14753 S. Cicero 3915 147th St. 4660 147th St
708-687-1700 708-489-2250 708-385-4100
Mokena 191 South Morgans Post Game Pub Stoney Point Grill
10160 W. 191st 18700 Old LaGrange Rd 9630 Willow 19031 Old LaGrange Rd
708-479-6873 708-478-3610 708-479-1302 708-479-9700
2101 Calistoga
815-462-2000
New Lenox Charleston’s
North Riverside Bar Tini Lounge Sweet Spot
2433 Desplaines 2531 Desplanes
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708-853-9143 708-443-5770
Oak Forest Blarney Stone Marcotte’s Tap's Pub
15400 Cicero 15501 S.Cicero 15427 Cicero
708-535-4800 708-535-8960 708-535-6374
Oak Lawn Cullens Pub Demma's Bar George's Lounge Goal Post Hot Corner Inn Zone Bar Murphy's Law Quigley’s R Place Lounge St James Tailgators TC Pub
9953 Southwest Hwy 5805 W. 87th Pl 5407 W. 95th 5207 W. 95th St. 4913 W. 95th St 9904 Southwest Hwy 9247 S. Cicero 4010 W. 111th 9848 Southwest Hwy 5305 W. 95th St. 9256 S. Cicero 9700 S. Cicero
708-424-7286 708-636-1240 708-636-0223 708-422-5275 708-422-1884 708-636-1555 708-952-4774 708-425-1330 708-423-1350 708-425-4252
Orland Park Coaches Corner Danny’s Corner Fat Sams Jordans Pub Zantes Lounge
8116 W. 143rd St 9400 W, 143rd St 15896 S. LaGrange Rd 13500 S. Harlem 8888 W. 159th St
708-364-1026 708.226.9223 708-403-0733 708-460-8330 708-364-0100
Palos Heights Joe Daniels 12218 S. Harlem Mister Mo’s 7214 College Dr X’s & O’s Lounge 6405 W. 127th
708-923-9902 708-671-0288 708.824.9600
Palos Hills Durbin’s Red Velvet Valley Inn Village Pub Zante Lounge
10154 S. Roberts Rd 11011 Southwest 8300 W. 107th St. 9750 S. Roberts Rd 10307 S Roberts Rd
708-598-8881 708-974-9085 708-974-0509 708-576-8142 708-233-6400
15014 S. DesPlaines 24001 W. Lockport 24035 W. Lockport St 7162 Caton 706 W. Lockport 240002 W. Lockport 16108 S. Rte 59
815-609-0000 815-609-8445 815-436-9395 815-609-0192 815-436-4529 815-733-5148 815-782-7410
14401 S. Sherman 14100 S. Western 2838 W. 147th St 14344 S. Mckinley 14347 McKinley 14346 S. Western
708-385-0171 708-824-0285 708-385-2509 708-371-7484 708-388-2006 708-388-7335
Plainfield Backdoor Pub Gunther’s Bar Gruben’s Tap McBride’s Pub O’Sullivans Pub Tap House The Penalty Box
Posen D & D's Tavern Dirty D's Granny's Place Guzzlers J&J’s Pub Posen Pub
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BAR DIRECTORY CONTINUED
Keep your mouth shut…
Is it a good idea to talk about how much a customer leaves for a tip?
Romeoville
Leo’s Bar Lost Acre Tavern Stella’s Stone City Saloon
201 E. Romeo Rd 7 Alexander Circle 402 N. Weber 721 N Indpendence
815-886-5595 815-886-4989 815-886-3640 815-524-4677
6611 Pershing Rd
708-484-2466
17731 Oak Park 17704 Oak Park 18305 Oak Park 17265 Oak Park 17348 Oak Park 17020 Oak Park 17329 Oak Park
708-429-7955 708-633-1144 708-532-1639 708-429-1000 708-429-7000 708-532-4409 708-532-9707
Stickney 39th St Pub
Tinley Park Bailey’s Bar Cuzins Tavern Dendrino's Durbins JWHollsteins Old Tinley Pub Teehan's
Willow Springs Connies Grove Inn 8258 Kean Ave Friendly Tap 8240 Archer Ave Neon Moon Saloon 8236 Kean Ave
708-839-1959 708-839-9508 708-839-8090
Willowbrook Kerry Piper Maxums Phillies Bar Woodridge Cabana Charleys Shanahan’s
7900 Joliet 9300 S. Kingery 6300 S. Kingery
630-325-3732 630-789-6800 630-654-0101
6315 Main 1999 W. 75th St
630-964-8454 630-985-5945
Worth
Bar Code 111 7016 W 111th Street The Chieftan 6908 W 111th Street Phil Mc Krackens 6602 111th Street
708 448-4040 708 827-5739 708)671-8090
To list online and/or in print call 773.288.9400 The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next HELLOOOOOOOOO! day the kids came back and 1 by 1 began to tell their stories.
was weed whacking her yard "Johnny, do you haveAa blonde story to share?"
and accidentally cut off the tail of her "Yes ma’am. My daddy told a story about my Aunt Karen. She who was was a pilot in Desertcat, Storm and herhiding plane in gotthe hit.grass. She had to
bail out over enemy territory and allher shecat, hadalong was a with smallthe flask She rushed tail, of whiskey, a pistol and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey over to WAL-MART! on the way down so it wouldn’t break and then her parachute The woman at the service desk looked landed right in the middle of twenty enemy troops. She shot fifat her puzzled and asked, didran youout bring your cat to four WALteen of them with the gun “Why until she of bullets, killed MART the veterinarian?” moreinstead with theofknife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands." “HELLOOOOOOOOO!” replied the blonde, “WALMART is the
largest re-tailer in the "Good Heavens" saidworld!” the horrified teacher. "What kind of moral did your daddy tell you from this horrible story?"
"Stay the f... away from Aunt Karen when she’s drinking!"
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What is the one thing that would be a The answer shouldrelationship always be no!breaker Unfortunately for one server the for you? lesson was learned the hard way. According to the Triangle BusiMy answer to this may but aalot ness Journal, a server at the Angus Barn wasseem fired cliche, after posting of relationships still continue to attempt photograph of the generous tip Manning left on a $625 bill. The to forge on, 18 even when this obvious restaurant included its own percent gratuity, bringing“breaker” the tab exists. I’m talking about a lack TRUST. to about $739, and Manning added another $200 on of top! It was If By Lauren Strec there is no trust, disaster is inevitable. It takes a good thing Peyton Manning left such a nice tip for his server not trusting because it was oneshape of the in lastdifferent the serverforms, would from ever receive at the a mate with the sex, to worrying about how they handle Raleigh, NC opposite steakhouse. finances, or (speaking from an actual experience) not knowing if they support your goals and dreams. If there is an issue that can’t be talked out, throw in the towel.
What’s up South West?
Twice my boyfriend has called and canceled our date because he claims something went terribly wrong at Homemade Pizza, tell me more… office and he needs to fi x it; it was his mistake after all. I feel Come and discover one of the most friendly and diverse hidden minimized. If itSouthwest happensside. again, do in I get pissed and vow gems on the Located the heart of Burbank, never to Frank’s see himPizzeria again?is a true Southside neighborhood bar. In Little
As long as to hedraft is genuinely at the offiand ce,aand is not using Little it as a addition beers, bottled beers variety of spirits, classic excuse “work” on cool your jets. Withpizthis Frank’s maintoattraction hasatoco-worker, be its spectacular home-made economy, be thankful he has job. To hispizza workand priorities zas. Choose from a that regular, deepadish, or take stuffed then as apick personal is of a waste of energy. betthe you don’t mind his from ablow, variety fresh toppings andI let team at Frank’s job/paycheck you do go outmasterpiece. on dates, and he in takes care of create yourwhen very own personal Bring the entire the family bill? If for he’s gottaOne work, let him do and whatPitcher he has to doortoSoda keep a Large Topping Pizza of Beer his for job.only If this that offends you, communicate $12isorsomething call 773-763-0095 to order fastthen delivery now!!! that to him calmly and clearly. No pissy fits and ultimatums; that accomplishes nothing, except for planting a seed of resentment.
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Happy Mother’s Day
Venue: Bobby’s Bike Hike (Chicago Tours) McClurg about the past, because it makes us who we 65 are Ntoday. Even Slip at River Call 312-915-0995 with(Ogden relationships, you East learnDocks) aboutChicago. what works for you, and forfails. moreIfdetails on smart this event! what you are and evaluate this accurately, you can avoid repeating the same mistakes. However, a couple relevant questions come to mind: 1.) how long have you and your SO been dating, and 2.) how much can you each handle without getting jealous? If you two have just started dating, then you can give the ‘Cliff’s Notes’ version. No ex-bashing, bedroom details, or anything personal that should be left between you and your ex. As your and your current SO’s new relationship develops, stories will naturally come up along the way, and if you both have an understanding, open mind to listen to these past stories, without getting mad, then it can be a way to learn how you two can successfully grow.
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Old Butch John was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers (hens), called ‘pullets’, and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs. John kept careful records and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced. This took a lot of time, so he bought some tiny bells and attached them to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone so that he could tell from a distance which rooster was performing. an efficiency report by just listening to the bells.
Now, he could sit on the porch and fill out
John’s favorite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen. But, this morning he noticed that old Butch’s bell hadn’t rung at all! When he went to investigate, he saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets, bells-aringing, but the pullets hearing the roosters coming would run for cover. To John’s amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak so it couldn’t ring. He’d sneak up on a pullet, do his job, and walk on to the next one. John was so proud of old Butch that he entered him in the Saint Lawrence County Fair and he became an overnight sensation amongst the judges. The result was that the judges not only awarded old Butch the "No Bell Piece Prize”, but they also awarded him the "Pulletsurprise" as well.
It's really important that you feel good. This feeling is what goes out as a signal to the universe and starts to attract more of itself. The more you can feel good, the more you attract the things that bring you up higher and higher. Dr. Joe Vitale, motivational author
JUNE HOROSCOPE ARIES: Stand back. A misunderstanding with a co-worker might bring angry feelings. Stay cool and ignore any veiled insult. Determine the cause of the situation and fix it. TAURUS: Lady bulls sometimes feel they aren't similar to male bulls. Tread lightly here. Consider whether you dislike any changes and whether you prefer routine activities. GEMINI: This month, your ability to focus on projects and problem solving come to the fore. Take advantage of this heightened capability and avoid distractions. CANCER: Celebrating Father's Day brings you a chance to reconsider problems that occurred in the past. It can be a time to soften your view. LEO: An unexpected financial matter might upset your carefully-planned investment program. Take a deep breath, handle it, and know you'll soon be back on course. VIRGO: Even on busy days, there are many opportunities to smile if you recognize them. It really is time to put a little more fun into your life. Think about ways to do it. FACEBOOK.COM/WASSUPXTRAMAGAZINE
LIBRA: Your likeable personality draws others to you. Take advantage of your way with words to bring out the best in others. As they grow and progress, so will you. SCORPIO: Pleasant days and summer sunshine may prompt you to change your perspective. Work is important, but sometimes you have to put personal life first. SAGITTARIUS: Vacation time is here. You should realize its importance for physical and mental health. Use your vacation days to relax. Heal your body and recharge your creativity. CAPRICORN: While summer is upon us, fall is not far behind. Think about what work-related or personal-development course you could take. You can enrich your life or move your career forward. AQUARIUS: Petting a dog or cat can relieve stress, lower blood pressure, and maybe even give you a longer, healthier life. Or visit the dog park for a yippy good time. PISCES: The stars predict good fortune coming your way in June, so watch for a situation where it can develop. It could be in a favorable turn of events with a loved one, a hole-inone on the golf course, or a work-related development!
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Buzz Bomb
Bedford Park
You've got to visualize where you're headed and be very clear about it. Take a Polaroid picture of where you're going to be in a few years. Sara Blakely, founder of Spanx
More Photos on facebook.com/wassupxtramagazine JUNE FESTIVALS Brewhaha Microbrew Festival Daybreakapalooza Fiesta Nuestras Raices Chicago Blues Festival Forest Park Summer Fest Pride of the Fox RiverFest Ribfest Chicago
June 2 June 3 June 3 June 8-10 June 8-9 June 8-10 June 8-10
New Orleans North Midsommarfest Old Town Art Fair Wrigleyville Block Party
June 8-10 June 9-10 June 9-10 June 12-17
Taste of Randolph Street June 15-17 10th Annual Illinois Motorcycycle Freedom Run June 16 6 Corners BBQ Fest June 16-17 Homer Fest June 21-24 Chicago Pride Fest June 22-23 Chicago Peace Fest June 23-24 Chicago Summerfest June 23-24 Milwaukee Summerfest June 27-July 1 Oak Fest June 28-July 4 Naperville Ribfest June 29-July 1 Taste of Joliet June 29- July 1 Village of Orland Hills Party in the Park June 29-July 1 Wavefront Music Festival June 30-July1
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Balmoral Park Race Track St. Joseph Park Joliet 16th Street & Wesley Ave Berwyn Grant Park, 300 S Columbus Dr Madison St - Forest Park Main Street/Route 64 St. Charles Lincoln Ave at Damen Ave and Irving Park Rd Chicago N. Chicago St./Vanburen - Joliet 5200 N Clark St Chicago Lincoln Ave and Wisconsin St Chicago East side of Clark St between Addison St and Waveland Aves Chicago 900–1200 W Randolph St Chicago
$7-25 $5 Free Free Free Free
www.balmoralpark.com/index.cfm www.cc-doj.org/special_events.htm chicagobluesfestival.us summerfestfp.com www.prideofthefox.com/riverfest
$5 $5 $5 $7
ribfest-chicago.com www.jolietchamber.com starevents.com oldtowntriangle.com
Free $10
chicago.cubs.mlb.com starevents.com
Grundy County Fairgrounds Morris N Milwaukee Ave Chicago Homer Township Highway Department 14500 West 151st Street Homer Glen Halsted St at Waveland Ave Chicago Hawthorne Race Course 3501 S Laramie Ave Cicero Clark St at Armitage Ave Chicago Summerfest Grounds, Milwaukee 159th Street and Central Ave Oak Forest Knoch Park, 724 S West St Naperville ATI Field at Joliet Memorial Stadium
$15 $5
www.ilmotorcyclefreedomrun.org sixcornerschicago.com
Free $7
www.homerfest.com/ chicagoevents.com
$10 $5 $4-16 Free $10-25 $5-10
peacefestchicago.org starevents.com summerfest.com www.oakfest.com ribfest.net www.tasteofjoliet.com
http://berwyn.net
Kelly Park, 16553 South Haven Ave Orland Hills Free www.ohpartyinthepark.com Montrose Beach, 601 W Montrose Ave Chicago $49-199 wavefrontmusicfestival.com CHECK OUT OUR NEW WEBSITE @ WWW.WHATSUPXTRA.COM
How God Gave Out The Years
Out and About
On the first day, God created the dog and gave him a lifespan of 20 years, saying the dog should sit by the door and bark at anyone who walks past. The dog thought that was too much barking and asked for only 10. God agreed. On the second day, God created the monkey and told him to entertain people and do tricks for 20 years. The monkey thought that was too long, so God took back 10. On the third day, God created the cow and told him to give milk for 60 years. The cow wanted only 20 years and said he would give God back the other 40. God agreed. On the fourth day, God created man and told him eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy life for 20 years. Man asked for his 20, the cow’s 40, the 10 the monkey gave back and dog’s extra 10. God said, "OK, but you asked for it." So that’s why the first 20 years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next 40 years, we are slaves to our daily routine to support our families. For the next 10, we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last 10 years, we sit on the porch and bark at everyone. FACEBOOK.COM/WASSUPXTRAMAGAZINE
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The Knock on the Door The old man goes to answer a knock at the door one evening only to find two sheriff deputys standing there. “Sir, are you married?” One deputy asked. “Why yes,” the old man replied, “for 48 years.”
“Do you have a photograph of your wife sir?” the second deputy questioned. The old man pulled a picture out his wallet and handed it to the officers. They looked it over and handed it back to him. “Sir, I’m sorry but it looks like your wife has been hit by a truck.” The old man says, “I know that son, but she’s got a wonderful personality and she’s a great cook.”
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10 Things Guys Wish Girls Only Knew It's so much fun to analyze boys with your best gal pals. Breaking down their personalities, their quirks, who’s got a great butt, bedroom eyes, or that six-pack that makes you gasp for air… oh yes baby! But what do they say when they talk about you? A leading men’s health magazine surveyed 150 hot blooded guys and here are the ten hottest topics being thrown around when the boys start chatting it up.
Please lose the layers of face paint
1. Calling you on the phone does not mean a marriage proposal is around the corner. Relax, he might just think your pretty cool and want to shoot the shi* and see where it goes.
2. Please lose the layers of face paint. Most guys surveyed think that girls wear way too much makeup. Less is more, so stop trying to impersonate a drag queen or rodeo clown. 3. Settle down. For some crazy reason a lot of girls like attention, so they get overly excited about silly stuff. Just tuck it in the back of your mind that all the boys surveyed agree that girls could mellow out a little. 4. Gossiping, whispering and writing notes makes you look beyond shallow. Enough said. FACEBOOK.COM/WASSUPXTRAMAGAZINE
5. Believe it or not, boys worry about what you think of their hair, skin, weight and clothes. So, even though he would never say it out loud, stroke his ego just a little bit. 6. PMS is no excuse to act like an idiot. Your guy is not interested in excuses, so keep it to yourself and take a Midol if you must. 7. Please don’t ask him if you’re fat. Boys do not want to listen to a girl's insecurities about her body. True, some guys have issues with what a girl weighs, but they all have different tastes when it comes to the feminine physique and he chose you for a reason. 8. Tight clothes look uncomfortable, cheap, and sort of desperate and insecure. It may sound a bit cliché, but less really is more. 9. Most boys are looking for the right girl, but don’t overdo it. Just let nature take its course because if you try to shove yourself down his throat, you definitely won’t end up being that girl. 10. If you like him, just tell him! If there is one thing that will chase a prospective hottie away in a jiffy, it is playing silly cat-and-mouse games. So grow up and get real. It’s not rocket science ladies. Just remember confidence and composure are they sexiest two things you can wear when out looking for Mr. Right!
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Band interview
DEADMANSWAKE by Angel Hernandez
Band: Deadmanswake For fans of: Sins of a Nation, Judas Beast, and Brand New Sin Upcoming shows: June 30, 2012 at The Abbey Pub, Chicago, IL. Doors at 5pm. $14 advanced and $18 at the door. 21+. With A.D.D., Deadmanswake, Burning Eve, Persistence of Memory, Schoolcraft, Last Red Ransom, 4Without, and Virulence Factor. Saturday June 30, 2012, Deadcenter Entertainment will present Dame-Nation®, an annual female fronted hard rock event held in Chicago, IL. This year the event will be at The Abbey Pub, 3420 W Grace Street, and is featuring returning bands such as Analog Digital Disorder (A.D.D.), Deadmanswake, and Lindz Riot (singer of Mary and the Black Lamb and Schoolcraft). The much anticipated show is sure to be the most talked about metal event to kick off the summer. Since Deadmanswake is no stranger to the festival, they were a perfect fit for this month’s featured band. For more information on upcoming shows and new music, check out their Facebook Page (http://www.facebook.com/DEADMANSWAKE) or Deadcenter Entertainment (http://www.deadcenterentertainment.com). When did Deadmanswake begin? DMW: DMW began with me (JP Soule) reforming a previous band with a few friends back in 2003. As time passed and I made it clear that this band wasn't just a hobby for me, people came and went until I was the sole original member, leaving me with a bunch of songs with no one to play them. I rounded up more musicians and got the lineup stabilized for a while, but ended up having to let our vocalist go. Soon after, Kryssie Ridolfi auditioned and although there was some resistance from a few members, I knew she was what we needed. The people who fought her joining the band have since left. We recorded our first album during 2009 and early 2010 and it was released in March of 2010. The lineup has changed a bit more, but besides looking for a permanent drummer, the core of the band has been the same for almost three years. Who are some major influences to the band and do you see yourselves as any type of genre or just rock? DMW: We consider ourselves somewhere between hard rock and metal. Honestly, our influences as a band would be way too numerous to name. We all agree on Iron Maiden. Beyond that, it's a long list! Are you signed to any type of label? If not, where would you like to been signed? DMW: We're not currently signed to a label. We don't have our sights set on any label in particular, really. If the right opportunity comes along, we'll take it, but getting signed isn't our number one priority. We're more concerned with making music we love for our fans, people who get it. What do you think makes you stand out from the rest of the metal rock genre, especially in Chicago? DMW: I think what makes us stand out and what people really notice about us, is the fact that we're not just band mates, we're friends. We take ourselves seriously as musicians, but not as people and I think that comes across when we play live. We have a blast on stage and we do our best to really put on a show. What are your future plans for the band? Where do you see yourselves next? DMW: As for the bands future plans, the next big thing is our second album. We're really excited about the new songs so far and we can't wait to get into the studio. Once that's all done, the main priority will be setting up some regional tours. We're also friends with some bands from New York and California, so maybe we'll end up hitting the coasts as well!
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live music GIRL NAMED VEGAS by Angel Hernandez Band: Girl Named Vegas
For fans of: My Deepest Dream, As Cities Burn, Circa Survive. Upcoming shows: June 1, 2012 at The Oasis Café, West Chicago, IL. Doors at 5:30pm, $10 advanced. $15 at the door. I Killed Everyone, Girl Named Vegas, Villains, Beneath the Hollow, Midlothian, and The Greatest Wildlife Show. Emerging from Elmwood Park, Girl Named Vegas began their musical debut around the fall of 2008. Brian S (guitar) and Danny O (vocals) found Zack P (drums) through Myspace and have been jamming together ever since. After suffering lineup changes over the years and a short hiatus, the band is together again with a solid, matured group ready to get things back on track. Now with Luis A (bass) and Marcos J (picking up another guitar), they are preparing for an active summer ahead. With influences that range from B.B. King to Carnifex to Blink 182, this melodic metalcore band is much more than your average mediocre local collaboration. They share a love for music that everyone should when performing and creating songs and their passion is apparent when watching them on stage. Although they are currently not signed to any label, they would ideally love to see themselves represented by Epitaph or Basick Records, mainly because their lineup is full of talented musicians who are pushed to their fullest potential. As far as a dedicated fans go, Girl Named Vegas has a devoted, fun-loving following. So many different types of people come out to their shows and always keep the room moving and full of energy. The band feels the adoration from their fans that have followed them since day one and truly appreciate their continued loyalty, which ultimately is what keeps them writing and playing shows. So far, they have had the pleasure to record a track and share the stage with Jon Hunt from Dead to Fall, although they have had other great opportunities to play with much bigger names on the Hardcore scene that have included All Shall Parish, The Chariot, and Bury Your Dead. With summer approaching, Girl Named Vegas is presented with plenty of opportunities opening up for shows, tours, planning, and recording. On June 1st at The Oasis Café, the band is looking forward to opening for their friends from I Killed Everyone at their official CD release show. Soon after, Girl Named Vegas will start the beginning stages of recording a new four song E.P. Even with everything the band has going on, they are most looking forward to shooting a music video for their new song titled Incisions, with Adrian Perez of Ultra Blue Studios. For more information about future shows, record releases, and new music head over to their Facebook page (http://www.facebook. com/GirlNamedVegas) or follow them on Twitter (http://twitter.com/girlnamedvegas).
OUT AND ABOUT
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Little Frank’s Pizzeria OR NF OPE NCH LU
6355 W. 79th St Burbank
(708) 598-8660
$1.50 Bud & Bud Light Bottles .75 Cent Domestic Drafts $2 Bacardi Mixers $1.50 Domestic Bottles $2.50 Import Bottles $2 Smirnoff Mixers featuring Bloody Mary’s + $1.50 Domestic Draft Pints $10 Domestic Buckets, $2 Smirnoff Bloody Mary’s + .75 Cent Schnapps
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CENTERSTAGETIX.COM ROCKIN RONNY 773.233.8686
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INK FOR R D AL I ON Y DJ / KARAOKE EVERY WED NITE EC SP AD’S ’S DA 8PM TO 12AM D ER TH Trivia Night: FA Thursday June 7th, June 21st and July 5th @ 8pm
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Now Hiring Postal Workers A guy goes to the Post Office to apply for a job.
Frank’s Place
Burbank
The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?" He replies, "Yes, caffeine. I can't drink coffee." "Ok, have you ever been in the military service?" "Yes," he says, "I was in Iraq for one tour." The interviewer says, "That will give you 5 extra points toward employment." Then he asks, "Are you disabled in any way?" The guy says, "Yes. A bomb exploded near me and I lost both my testicles." The interviewer grimaces and then says, "Okay. You've got enough points for me to hire you right now. Our normal hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 PM. You can start tomorrow at 10:00 am, and plan on starting at 10:00 am every day." The guy is puzzled and asks, "If the work hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 PM, why don't you want me here until 10:00 am?" "This is a government job", the interviewer says. "For the first two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No point in you coming in for that." FACEBOOK.COM/WASSUPXTRAMAGAZINE
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