Vulnerability:
EXPLORING THE LAYERS OF THE FEMALE COMPLEX
Vulnerability:
EXPLORING THE LAYERS OF THE FEMALE COMPLEX
A
s a woman raised in the south, I’ll say I’ve unquestionably, been conditioned to have a “Let it roll off your back” mentality. Factor in negative encounters regarding racism and sexism plus the armor necessary to combat these experiences and you have a mindset which produces an obligation to have it all together, at all times. A mindset which often suppresses any thoughts that deter from what’s top priority at the moment. A mentality that is limiting and detrimental. From its definition, vulnerability has nothing to do with the person in question, and everything to do with perception. How others view us, and even more daunting, how others judge us. By definition, vulnerability is an adjective meaning open to moral attack, criticism, or temptation. Society has depicted vulnerability in a way which alludes to weakness, comparable to forbidden fruit. You shouldn’t mention it, you shouldn’t celebrate it, and you damn sure shouldn’t bite into it. Vulnerability is often the last characteristic we want people to see. Causing us to navigate life surrounded by layers of extreme fear of condemnation or rejection. This only leaves us guarded, and unintentionally exposing less of ourselves. We shield our full selves from others in an attempt to avoid humiliation, blame, or criticism, and without realizing, this fear is internalized, and we sub concisely allow it to ruin your hearts and mental space.
“Vulnerability is uncertainty; living and engaging with no guarantees or assurance.”
The mythology is that vulnerability and strength are two separate things. Experience, and a long phone call with my sister helped me to realize that in actuality, the inability to be vulnerable is the true weakness. If you can’t apologize first, ask questions, be curious, or communicate how you feel due to fear, you’re being held back from who you are and who you have potential to be. Recognizing this has urged me to look in to myself and figure out why myself, and many of us perceive vulnerability the way that we do. I’d rather live in a world where I’m welcome to show vulnerability, without the threat of being judged, devalued, or unstable. After developing a strong sense of self-awareness and self-examination, to me, vulnerability is openness and exposure. The idea of being authentic to one’s feelings and sharing experiences, wants, and needs regardless of public opinion. The way I see it, vulnerability is uncertainty and liberation. Living and engaging with no guarantees and no predetermined ideas or limitations on how life is supposed to be, and how we are supposed navigate that uncertainty. It’s nearly impossible to become visible or live freely—vulnerably—when you are afraid of how people will react. I listened to an interview on Oprah’s Super Soul Pod cast the other day and Professor O gave context to the idea that being vulnerable allows you to be open enough to know everyone else feels the same thing, you’re not alone in your sentiments and there isn’t an emotion you can feel that has never been felt before. I think one of the world’s largest obstacles is the incapability to realize that we are all alike.
“Vulnerability is not synonymous with limitation; but a prerequisite to living life on heightened and more meaningful levels.”
As long as we stay guarded, separatism, rather it presents itself as racism, ageism, classism or any form of exclusion will always exist. Now, with this knowing this, why is it still so hard for us to be vulnerable, open up & embrace those crevices of our personalities often hidden from the world? I can’t answer that. But from my experience dealing with the matter, disregarding vulnerability is like numbing yourself. Becoming a brick wall to cast out all opportunities for judgement. When you become numb to judgment, you also become numb to happiness. You don’t allow yourself to live in bliss when it takes place because you’ve anesthetized yourself to the intensity of such feelings. In other words, I don’t believe one can choose when the numbing starts and when the numbing stops. Choosing to dissolve in the moments of sadness and live in the moments of happiness are some of the most beneficial offerings to your heart.
“Our society has deemed it more acceptable or normal for black women to display anger rather than vulnerability, and as a result it has become almost necessary for us to be aware of it, even in the smallest exchanges with others.”
This idea of fragility is a concept many women struggle with because there are times when vulnerability is praised, even preferred when it constitutes what is considered appropriate behavior for women. The notion that women should be “in a woman’s place”, remain quiet, feminine, agreeable, less awoke, or demonstrating somehow, the need to be completed. In many ways, this is still a large expectation of women, no matter how dated, or un-empowering this mindset is. Flip the coin, and you’ll see other instances when being fragile or sensitive just isn’t an option. While facing patriarchal issues, when in male-dominated spaces, in moments when there is simply no time to fall apart. Women have to choose—in most cases it isn’t a choice—to be this confident, steadfast force.
“Thou art unjustly mad in overlooking my prominence. For I am black and indeed woman. I love forever. I give forever. I live forever in you. When I came of age I understood… And I’ve been fighting with it ever since” - Ambria Sylvain
S
o, what does it truly mean to be vulnerable, and how did so many women, in particular black women become prime examples of this innate strength and resilience? Could it be that this independence, this “get it done” attitude, care-taking spirit & lack of vulnerability often referred to as the Strong Black Women (SBW) complex is a coping mechanism? Is it a psychological cue to combat undesirable ideas, or stereotypes of what it means to be a black woman? Could it be that society, specifically, patriarchy has failed us far too many times before, so we know better than to walk this world without an impenetrable mask? Or, could it be, that we actually are the most disrespected, unprotected and neglected group of people and we’ve known even before conception? Regardless of how it’s came to be, somewhere along this journey of consistently being resilient, nurturing, and effortlessly diligent, we have a lost sense of self vulnerability; a vital part of human interaction. Beyond vulnerability is greater courage, authentic
confidence, adequate self discovery, and as a result, true self-expression. There is no genuine intimacy where the inability to be vulnerable lies. Vulnerability is not synonymous with limitation; but a prerequisite to living life on heightened and more meaningful levels.
Now, is the strength of strong black women a myth or a façade? No, hardly. This point of view is indeed true, and this stoicism, and indestructible mentality is a real manifestation of the SBW mindset. It just isn’t a direct reflection of everything what is happening internally.
While hard to believe, black girls are not always magic. We fear, we cry, we ache, and we are sometimes insecure, confused, even unstable. And that’s okay. The responsibility of constantly being mindful of the way other people perceive you and having to alter your interactions just to be taken seriously or esteemed is exhausting. I’m sure many women find empowerment in being labeled “strong”, but often, with that temporary liberation comes substantial burden. Especially at contrast with most of society’s perceptions of black womanhood. Erroneously, black women are referenced alongside negative stereotypes which include being the hood rat, loud and boisterous, the enraged angry black women, cold and aloof. The women who be not equal to her counterparts. This often creates expectations and limitations set by unalike peers which enforce negative typecasts. And as a result, our society has deemed it more acceptable or normal for black women to display anger rather than vulnerability, to an extent where it has become necessary for us to be aware of it, even in the smallest exchanges with others.
As an intangible form of armor, in very particular cases this mentality is sometimes necessary for bliss, optimism, and survival. However, so many times this cloak of indestructibility is worn often more times than necessary. Since there’s nothing we can do about the rest of the world and their fallacious outlook, we must distinguish and recognize the moments when this shield is unnecessary. Be intentional in knowing when to be solid and thoroughly resilient, but also when to be deliberate in identifying spaces suitable for letting your guard down. Yes, many black women are strong but what price do we pay for this strength? At what expense does this strength come? I’m certainly no therapist or psychologist, but I can only imagine the levels of emotional, social, and mental wellness that follow releasing judgement and allowing oneself to embrace vulnerability.
“Possibly the most liberating step any woman of color can take is to free herself from the narrow-minded standards, stereotypes, and ideas of what is appropriate for her, especially those prescribed by society”
We put so many limits on ourselves when the world is already filled with limitations in regards to who we are and what we can be. Living beyond judgment or self-bondage is true liberation. The most emancipating step any woman of color can take is free herself from the narrow-minded standards, stereotypes and ideas of what is appropriate for her, especially those prescribed by society. Disavow the SBW mentality by redefining fortitude and what it means to be capable and unmoved. Allowing one’s self to be susceptible to emotional vulnerability is not a weakness it is the purest form of being human and whole. Ask for what you need, let go of perfectionism, take the risk of failure, normalize expressing how you feel, and love yourself through your story. You absolutely deserve it.
Photographer 1: Kendall Jackson Photographer 2: Morgan Kitchen Photographer 3: Cath Nguyen Photography Assistant: Savannah LaCroix Set Assistants: Taylor Plummer & Kendall Jackson Makeup Artist: Sophia Nava Models: Faith Newton Rachael Livsey Elise Lowery Kharlybia Roane Marshayla Turner Nayelin Delgadillo Japarah Thompson Art Direction, Creative Direction, Concept, Styling, & Words: Whitney Sylvain