Who's Jack 17

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words : Faye Heran / image : Ruffles

FROM JACK

Jack is absolutely exhausted after Shuffle - what a great weekend! A big, big thanks to everyone that helped - you were all brilliant - to mention a few Firgas, Tom, Prask, Emma J, Emma F, Jonathan S, Jonathan E-W, James, Alice, James M, Jaz, Caitlin, Hannah, Victoria, Josh, Kenton, I really could go on and on. Thank you all so much.

Onwards and upwards. As the doom and gloom of the credit crunch slowly envelopes us all Jack is still here to give you a bit of reading to take your mind off things. If my outing last night was anything to go by ( Camden was completely deserted on a Saturday evening ) then you are all sitting indoors away from the rain and costly bar prices, most likely on your computers! Hence why Jack is going online only for a couple of months - In the interest of green and getting it straight to your screen. You may notice Jack is in a bit of a different format this month. You can now zoom in and out and go to exact pages at a click of a button. Great Stuff! More features to be added soon. What with our shitty summer looking like its at an end we bring you the best of Worstival, Autumnal fashion, T4 Transmission, Shuffle pictures and all the usuals. We tried to get you the Hip Hop Horse but were told that he is too busy to speak to us currently. This month we have worked our fingers to the bone in Cordy House, Decided to plan a Chrismtas Party, re-kindled old band flames and friendships and made many new ones - expect collaborations soon.

Now in our second year we want to thank you all for reading each month, coming to the events and lending support to the Jack movement.

Thank you - We love you more.

See you in November Jack.

TEAM JACK

Editor/Creative Director : Louise OF : louise@whos-jack.co.uk // Advertising : Maximillian Holden Perchik : Max@whos-jack.co.uk // louise@ whos-jack.co.uk // tom@whos-jack.co.uk // Features Ed : Faye Heran : faye@whos-jack.co.uk // Fashion Ed : Hannah Rochell : hannah@whosjack.co.uk // Pick Of : Vanessa Wozniak : vanessa@whos-jack.co.uk // Arts : Josh Spero :josh@whos-jack.co.uk // Comment : Adam Roan Henderson : adam@whos-jack.co.uk // Reviews : Paddy Milton // Photography : James Parsons : jamesphoto.co.uk : info@jamesphoto.co.uk // Stewart Ruffles : Ruffles Photography www.rufflesphotography.com : info@rufflesphotography.com // Contributing writers : Milly McMahon // Matthew Finnegan // Hannah Rochell // Firgas Esacks // Jonathan Sebire // Tamlin Magee // David Sharkey // Fiona Hardingham // Art - Photography : Louise OF // Mish Kachelhoffer // Chris Getliffe // Scott Archibald // Mofo // Li-Shen Song // Alan Davies // Hair, Make up, styling : // Hannah Rochell // Models : Terral // Jo Stanton Thank you to all the Shuffle team! Edward Fitzpatrick, Buffalo Trace, Vitamin Water, Redbull, New Cross Gallery, Sarah Jordan.

Cover image : James Parsons

This is Jack Ltd , 93 Barker Drive, Camden, London, NW1 0JG. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced in whole or in part with out the permission of This is Jack. The opinions expressed in this magazine are not necessarily the opinions of Who’s Jack. This is Jack Ltd can not be held responsible for any breach of copywright arising from any material supplied

LORD AUCH Next time you take a trot about the dark puddles of East London and up those sneaky back alleyways take a cheeky peak into the odd doorway or gutter grill, enter Lord Auch. They live by moonlight, speak only in grunt and feast from bins, its all a bit dark and crazed just like their sound. They sport zombie chic and pour their all into their sound by living through the music. After months of romantic hobo inhabiting in the risky sloppy seconds lifestyle, that dodgy chicken nugget finally got the better of them and they were forced back into civilization. l was lucky enough to track them down and rustle an interview outta them.

Cont. p.7

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“. . . . . . YO U K N OW T H AT F E E L I N G W H E N YO U R B E L LY B U T TO N A N D YO U R A R S E H O L E F E E L L I K E T H EY ’ R E AT TA C H E D O N T H E I N S I D E B Y A R O P E A N D S O M E ONE KEEPS TWISTING IT TIGHTER AND TIGHTER…”

// ISSUE 17 . OCTOBER . 2008 \\ ABOUT Who’s Jack is an online and printed magazine that combines music, art, fashion, film, events, pubs, clubs and restaurants, along with a few abstract articles and bits of comment that we feel bare relevance to our current day to day living in this brilliant Capital - London

~

Jack Loves You More

~ FEATURES / REGULARS Page 5. Lord Auch Page 9. Paddy brings you his single picks Page 11.10 Crap questions : Minus IQ Page 14. Northern Monkey Boozeness - down the watering hole Page 17. Pick Pocket London - cheap alternatives to expensive activities Page 21. Jack Loves : Mofo Page 22. Fashion : bring on an ethical Autumn Page 34. Pick of the Month : this month brought to you by Hannah Rochell Page 40. Runners to Riches : the boutique Page 45. Eggs and Beans : Tamlin speaks to the bands from Shuffle about egg and bean related quandries Page 51. Gay Dating : David takes us through the whys and wherefores Page 54. Black Lips : Jack caught up with them and had a chat Page 59. Pearce and Romsey : Josh takes a look at what’s on offer from the art world this month Page 61. Now is the Winter of our Dipso Bent Page 62. Barat Vs Burgess : Jack goes to T4 Transmission for an interesting collaboration Page 66. Facial Hair Ruins Lives : Firgas takes a look at the current concerning trend Page 68. Bestival : Diary account from jack photographer Ruffles Page 72. Scene Stealer : Shuffle

belly button and your arsehole feel like they’re attached on the inside by a rope and someone keeps twisting it tighter and tighter…” Makes a change to come into contact with some modesty in this hedonistic pond. They’re a bunch of pleasant and grounded lads - no hint of diva demands pushing for goose feathered underwear and dolphin songs in dressing rooms. They have prepared for the shallow tit infested waters the media industry can attract all too well. “I picked up a girlymag the other day and it had a picture of Johnny Borrell with the tag “Hissy fit! Johnny had a Diva-ish moment the other day when he kicked everyone out of the backstage room before he went on stage”. Now i hate that ****(cunt) but if I had a bunch of silly shits talking knickers and cake whilst I’m trying to get my Dave Cloud stare going, I’d have more than a ‘Hissyfit!” Fair play. They say what they see and when they see it they say it, no holds barred.

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Cont..... Si looked pail and frail. Things had taken a turn for the worst and he had been chained to the shitter for the past few days, turning his arsehole inside out.

Rock n roll. Despite this tragic state of affairs the boys have trojanned forth with their gigs mapping toilets all over the capital to avoid any code brown emergencies. Most recently they championed a heroes reception at Durr, charmed an entire church gig down the aisles and nailed Club Strut.

They’ve struck gold since getting signed to Young and Lost in December after a mere year spent together creating their melodramatic music. It’s all picked up speed pretty quick and the boys have not gone unnoticed by the laydees. Its fair to say they‘re a pretty purdy bunch. Si‘s a bit bashful about the girly adoration and seems to struggle with the concept of being recognised as a hunka chunka burning lurve.

“It always makes me feel like turning myself inside out when things like that happen. you know that feeling when your

‘ I WA S LO N E LY A N D H A D G A F F E R - TA P E D A P O S T E R O F T H E B E I J I N G S TA D I U M TO M Y S E L F I N T H E S T Y L E O F M I N I S K I R T, TA K I N G S P E C I A L C A R E TO C U T A H O L E F O R M Y W I L LY TO H A N G O U T.’

Despite taking themselves and their music very seriously (indeed) they are a charming bunch of hoodlums with some good lungs on them.

“We like our music dramatic and we work very hard on that aspect. We want the hairs on your neck on end, through fear or euphoria. We want them up.” It all works rather well. Donning some burlesque bow ties, seriously skinny jeans and ruffles they take to the stage in a convoy of couture. They command attention with their booming noise and inspiring lyrics, many a fan has hit the deck at the mere mention of the battalion. Named after the legend of George’s Bataille aka Lord Auch: French essayist, philosophical theorist and novelist, often called the “meta-physician of evil.” Bataille was interested in sex, death, degradation, and the power and potential of the obscene and this is the inspiration behind the sound the band projects.

“He’s more like a Pata-physician of absurdity. I don’t like to talk about the metaphysical and philosophical property’s in Bataille’s work. I’d rather just revel in the degradation. I don’t think it needs to be rationalised, it’s just good sadism. that’s what I took from Lord Auch and a year on from settling on the name it still feels right. These themes run right through the heart of our music with a little John Waters, Jacques Brel and Marquis de Sade chucked in too.”

Blows my mind, l like to think I’m a trifle culture vultured but these guys have

their biscuit grabbers plugged firmly into every pot that’s hot right now. They muse from every angle cheese, chinses politics and Dave Cloud. He has more bedtime stories than my Nan: “I once got caught during a ‘private protest’ to the Chinese Olympics. I was lonely and had gaffer-taped a poster of the Beijing stadium (which was a free pullout with the mornings paper) to myself in the style of mini-skirt, taking special care to cut a hole for my willy to hang out. I didn’t realise my housemate was in. take that china!” Controversial, but who hasn’t got caught in a compromising position fronting gaffer tape, glossy prints and genitals on private property before…it happens. They dig quiche, casu marzu , maggot cheese and Sapho.

Hot Sex. They’re listening to the bands that don’t even exist yet and the hype about them is securing enough foreplay and finance to sort these bad boys and their five year plan right out. Who knew three musical mongrels scattered from Middlesbrough, Grimsby and Bermondsey could have pulled it out the bag so very well.

“They’ll be an album in the new year and a single, Mareado, on the 6th Oct. loads and loads of touring. I cant wait” Neither can we. Next time you see a sly shadow creep past your shoulder squint a trifle more and check it’s not the Lord Auch procreating in your presence. words : Milly McMahon

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REVIEWS

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1 : Metronomy : Nights Out : With bizarre sound effects mimicking kazoos, banjos and UFOs this new album from Metronomy really stands its ground in the sea of electro artists. Chirpy and upbeat this album is ideal for getting you in the mood for going out, The kind of music I listen to on the way to work in readiness to take on the cuntiest of days with an insane smile and enough adrenaline to shake a synthesiser at!

2 : Late of the Pier : Fantasy Black Channel : A slightly new slant from these new rave heroes. Adopting styles from a variety of genres has definitely boosted their appeal without taking one iota from their originality. Producer Erol Alkan is onto a winner here with these chaps who will indeed keep the kids dancing.

3 : Beyond the Wizards Sleeve : 3rdmynd06 : I’m not sure what exactly lies beyond the wizard’s sleeve but as far as this album goes it’s a collection of tracks perfect for a 1980s sci-fi meets spaghetti western movie. This sounds like an odd combo but when you listen the penny will drop. Despite having some exciting names such as “electric bananas” and a wicked album cover, I don’t think this would be an album I would listen to more than a couple of times. In their defence however they have done some wizard remixes, check them out on the hype machine.

4 : Knots We Tie : Debut Album : The recent rebirth of folk has introduced us to some greats such as Yeasayer and the Fleet Foxes. Knots We Tie are a new and relatively undiscovered folk ensemble whose new debut album is certainly a good find. Favourite tracks on the album would have to be “Diamond There” and “Control”, ] Perfect for sitting in the garden on a sunny day drinking cider…or even sitting in your living room because its raining outside pretending that the summer is in full force. See www.myspace.com/knotswetie and enjoy.

5 : Darlings of the Splitscreen : Hailed as the ‘ones to watch’ by leading global newspaper, The London Paper these boys really have made it a long way from their home town of Sheffield.

Latching on to the ballsy indie-electro klaxonsesque genre definitely gave the DOTS the opportunity to shine at what they are good at. Their track “Hiroshima” released in May this year is one of my favorites of 2008! Well done boys keep up the good work.

6 : Trash Fashion : Night of Errors : Yeah Whatever Dave! Banging tunes from loud and lairy Trash Fashion, night of errors is a guaranteed party, essential for any acclaimed rave. Adopting a tongue-in-cheek and non-pretentious vibe really gives this album global appeal. If you like what you hear which you will, look out for “Night of Error” newly released, a personal fave!

Expect big things from TF!

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/////////1)So Minus IQ? MENSA will be appalled...but who is your favourite genius?

Charlie: Bob Moog (RIP), pioneer of electronic music.

Justin: Dick Dastardly, a man who truly earned his ceremonial moustache by somehow teaching his dog how to snigger.

Michael: Ridley Scott, a director with such a wide range of brilliant films.

Jake: Dependant on moods - Stewie Griffin or Brain from Pinky and the Brain. I respect sheer determination. /////////2)You’re quite the fans of Olympic beach volleyball, and who could disagree, but what sport would Minus IQ bring home the gold in?

The modern pentathlon. Considering it tests the skills required for a 19th Century Cavalryman behind enemy lines, it transfers well to life in London. A choice made easier by the still controversial lack of Midget Tossing as an Olympic sport.

/////////4) We have been told Peaches Geldof has been humming shotgun wedding in a Vegas chapel. But which celebrities would you most like to make media-straddling, skinny fit, power couples with?

Charlie: Amber le Bon (singing ‘Girls on Film’) Justin: Fiona Bruce Michael: Jane Fonda, circa Barbarella Jake: Emma Watson (since turned 18 of course), and Claire from Heroes

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/////////3)Given you’re love of Dr Who and things sci-fi, where would you head first upon discovering an invisibility ray?

Ann Summers research and development department. Then directly to the dressing room of Sir Trevor Macdonald.

/////////5)What¹s on your dream rider?

4xMojito, 8xCocktail Waitress, 1xInspirational Speaker, 1xElaborate Ice Sculpture, 4xEmbroidered Silk Dressing Gown, 4xPipe, 4xMasseuse Speaking of riders, Michael was named (apparently) after David Hasslehoff’s character in Knight Rider. A fact which he rarely lets people forget /////////6)What would be your specialist subjects on Mastermind?

Charlie: Digital and Analog Synthesisers 1960-Present.

Jake: Drums and Drummers.

Justin: Music Television, specializing in the chronology and change of Zane Lowe’s beard.

Michael: The novels of Philip K Dick or Terry Pratchett. /////////7)This time next year we’ll be......

Hopefully relaxing backstage before a seminal mainstage performance at V Festival. /////////8)As Roxette might note, ‘You’ve got the look’, but what was your biggest fashion mishap?

Charlie: Huge Cyberdog combat trousers with tassles, dyed orange crew cut hair, gigantic steel toe-capped military boots.

Justin: Shaving at least 1cm out of an eyebrow as a 15 year old, a Johnny Bravo quiff, totally rock solid with hair gel.

Jake: Checkered famer shirts, and (once) a green ballgown.

Michael: Curtains, blonde highlights, baggy 3/4 length skater jeans.

/////////10)Pitch me a sitcom staring Minus IQ. Name: Miners Eye Queue Plot: Set in a small Welsh mining community, this situation comedy takes place within the waiting room in an optician’s office next door to the headquarters of a mining company.

Cast: Charlie Allen as Rhys Jones, a miner who has trouble mining due to a lazy eye.

Michael Lane as Dr Daffyd Jones, the cheery wisecracking optician.

Justin Pither as Gwyneth Jones, the flirtatious wife and secretary of Dr Jones.

Jake Schogger as Bryn Jones, the sleazy foreman of the mine, who has the hots for Gwyneth Cameo appearances from Kelly Jones, Tom Jones and Tommy Lee Jones as themselves.

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/////////9)Jean Michel Jarre rocked the Pyramids...which wonder of the world would Minus IQ most like as a backdrop?

Of the ancient wonders, the Colossus of Rhodes, to cement ties with Charlie¹s Greek heritage.

Of the modern wonders, the Taj Mahal. Because we can’t think of anything else at this moment so it’s as good an answer as any other.

NORTHERN MONKEY BUSINESS BOOZENESS!

By Antoni Heatley

DOWN THE WATERING HOLE ‘LITERALLY’

We all know by now that we need to drink 6-8 glasses a day for health reasons, but water is just water and it all tastes the same, whether it comes from the tap or a fancy bottle, right? Well, no actually. Just like Bourbon or my beloved Tequila, there are massive variations in flavour – and I’m just talking about the still stuff here, never mind sparkling or flavoured. I’m going to put some of the top brands to the test, and hopefully cure a few hangovers along the way.

The experts will tell you that just as fine wines are defined by ‘terroir’, the flavour of the water you drink comes directly from the environment where it’s produced. It’s all about the mineral profile and if you check your label before taking a sip you’ll find that what’s in your h20 varies massively depending on the brand and where it’s come from.

The bottled water market in the UK is worth over £2 billion, and while some people are turning

back to tap over environmental concerns, drinkers seem to have more of an appetite than ever for choosing specific brands – again like they would with a vodka – and buying into the stories behind them.

Will Foster, owner and bar manager of Casita says “We have definitely noticed that customers are asking for waters by name and despite the credit crunch are willing to pay a little more for something that’s higher quality. If you’re not drinking alcohol you do want to have a water that tastes and looks the part”.

Perrier was the first big name which defined water in the 80s, while in the 90s photographs of models toting bottled water were everywhere and a bottle of Evian became as much of a fashion accessory as the ‘It bag’ is today.

Today the choice is even greater. At top London hotel Claridges they have a ‘water menu’ with some 30 brands listed and in the likes of Selfridges food hall you’ll find waters from Norway, New York, France, and Fiji, never mind closer to home.

So do you have to be a sommelier with a super refined palate to know what you are drinking? It still seems strange to be talking about flavour when it comes to something that is a naturally occurring liquid and makes up 60% of our bodies, but the best way to taste the difference is to serve the water

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So first up is my guide to the world of bottled water. All the boozing in the name of work over the last few months has taught me one thing - the need for good hydration afterwards!

Water, like vodka or rum, is now very much a category in its own right. 10 years ago you or I would have struggled to name more than three brands, but the market has seen premiumisation and a focus on the quality of the liquid in the bottle.

at room temperature and taste it like a wine, thinking about the ‘mouth-feel’, weight and finish.

So we put it to the Northern Monkey taste test and the results are as clear cut as the water in the glass.

FIJI Water, which is artesian water (more of that later) and comes from a virgin ecosystem, has a really smooth, rounded and soft flavour and comes out top with our panel.

Evian, spring water from France, is very refreshing. At first I can’t put my finger on what’s different, but when tasted at room temperature it’s a little heavy on the minerals.

Probably best-left ice cold – an old favourite of mine!

Highland Spring, bottled at a spring closer to home up in Scotland, tastes much the same as the French stuff, but I notice that somehow it’s not as ‘thick’ in consistency as the others.

The sparkling version tends to play havoc with my stomach the morning after, although so do most sparkling waters.

Next, we try some good old East London tap water and it’s not awful but pretty bland and tasteless, unless you add some Robinson’s fruit cordial.

Of course it’s all about personal preference. But now that we are convinced, why exactly do they taste so different?

FIJI Water is one of only a handful of ‘artesian’ brands available in the UK. This is not just a fancy word for mineral water but refers to the aquifer, or source, where the water originates from - a sealed chamber, deep underground and protected by layers of clay and volcanic rock. The fact that it’s produced and bottled miles away from any pollution also helps. Getting more technical, FIJI Water is the highest in natural silica – the stuff in supplements that girls swear by for great hair and nails – and magnesium and calcium. And all of these elements are naturally occurring, not added.

‘Spring’ water, like Vittel, is again naturally occurring, but flows to the surface through rock and soil which affect the mineral profile and end flavour, while ‘purified’ water is essentially treated tap water bottled for sale.

I don’t know about you but my wide eyed gaze into the world of water has dramatically changed my perspective on the type of brand I’ll be picking up next time in my local Waitrose.

For more information see www.finewater.com www.fijiwater.co.uk www.naturalhydrationcouncil. org.uk

P I C K P O C K E T LO N D O N

WHAT WITH THE CREDIT CRUTCH AND LACK OF SUN THIS SUMMER, IT’S TIME FOR SOMETHING WE ALL ENJOY: A GOOD OLD BARGAIN! LONDON IS JAM PACKED WITHTHINGSTO DO FOR FREE. SOMETIMESYOU MIGHT EVEN GET SOMETHING BACK - AND I DON’T MEAN JUST A SPLASH OF CULTURE. CHECK OUT 10 THINGS YOU CAN DO THAT WON’T LIGHTEN THE WALLET.

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words : Fiona Hardingham image : Mish Kachelhoffer

1. Not everyone’s favourite past time, but giving blood saves lives and returns the favour with mountains of crisps, old school biscuits, pink wafers, bon-bons and mugs of tea. Not only will you feel like you’ve done your good deed for the day, you can also have a very cheap night on the town after. Head to Margaret Street close to Oxford Circus tube and donate! www.nationalblood.co.uk 2. Wristbands for free gigs at Rough Trade every month are in high demand. The line up for October includes the Mystery Jets and Roots Manuva. Virgin Megastore and HMV are also getting in on the act at stores throughout the capital. (www.Roughtrade.com , www.Virginmegastore.co.uk, www.HMV.co.uk) 3. iKnit is just one of the many knitting groups based in London.

Turn up with your chosen wool, needles and a “friendly face” and you’ll be making Dad’s Christmas jumper in no time. iKnit meet every Wednesday night at 6pm in Central London and places go fast.

They even run competitions monthly and last month’s was Knit The Best Alien. This is no boring knitting circle that discusses Delia’s latest crumble mix; this is a place where the yarn stitches the world to rights. www.iknit.org.uk 4. Speakers Corner is a place where you can listen to all warps of life ramble and rant on a pic ‘n’ mix of topics from the sour lace of war to our very own sherbet saucer, Boris Johnson. Feel free to follow in the footsteps of great speakers such a Karl Marx and William Morris who both had a turn. You’d pay for this kind of entertainment! Speakers Corner is the closed pavement area near to Marble Arch tube.

5. Witness a slice of London heritage in Covent Garden with the Pearly Society. This well buttoned fair of faced lot parade around the square raising funds for charity every third weekend of the month from 10am until 2:30pm. Check out www.pearlysociety.co.uk for your free Mary Poppins experience.

6. Fancy some free glitz and glam, rubbing shoulders with the famous? You may even be papped or blag your way into the after party if you’re a lucky Jacker. Head to Leicester Square on the 15th for the premiere of FROST/NIXON. Or if you fancy a bit of Daniel Craig on the 29th he will be strolling down the red carpet for ‘Quantum of Solace’.

7. One of the yummiest and most satisfying things is filling your boots for free. Follow the herd to Borough Market for a taste of the finest chocolate, cheese, cider and sausages. To avoid the masses, check out the farmers market in your local area. Exmouth Market in Clerkenwell opens Friday 11–6pm and Saturday 9–4pm with traders such as Neal’s Yard, De Gustibus, Monmouth Coffee and Born & Bread to name but a few of the scrumptious bites available. Check www.exmouthmarket. co.uk or www.boroughmarket.org.uk.

8. Rated as ‘perhaps the most horrible spectacle in Britain’ by George Orwell, the Hyde Park Pet Cemetery is tucked behind the railings of Victoria Gate opposite Bayswater Road. Started in the 1880s when Cherry the Maltese Terrier was buried, thirteen years later their numbers had increased to 33, in loving memory of family cats and dogs. The last burial was in 1967. Cheaper than the London Dungeons, bring along a camcorder and create your very own rendition of Stephen King’s Pet Cemetery.

9. Take a stroll down Regents Canal. This calming walk meanders along the river starting in Camden Town and veers west to Little Venice, past Regents Park and the chimps at London Zoo. If the fancy takes and you feel light on your feet you might even make it to the Docklands. For other walks and views try Waterloo Bridge by night and climbing Parliament Hill. The perfect Kodak moment for your London postcard.

10. Free lectures are happening in our city with little of us knowing.

The British Academy, UCL and the Royal Society of Arts all host events across the month to tantalise, stimulate and educate us all.

There is so much to do for free; call up an estate agent and check up some swanky houses outside your price range, cycle with Critical Mass around London last Friday of every month, sample wines at Majestic Wine Warehouse’s, pub quizzes with free beer as prizes, comedy nights, galleries, window shopping. Jackers - claim London, it is all yours for free!

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Head to the British Academy for a brain workout and sit in on Effective Psychological Treatments for Anxiety Disorders, Policy for Economics and Buddhist Archaeology in Republican China (1912 – 1949). Google the venue for exact date/time and also check Conway Hall, Dana Centre, Gresham College and the Royal Institution of Great Brighton.

YO A HR UR D E E e-mail max@whos-jack.co.uk

MOFO After shooting for only 2 years, ‘The Mofo’ has earned a place as one of London’s fastest rising photographers.

The Mofo has already attracted interest from the likes of Dazed and Confused and Myspace, with both featuring him as a rising talent.

Mofo’s images have a very personal, and sometimes voyeuristic appeal with subjects ranging from personal friends and societies elite to models in seedy hotel rooms and girlfriends in his bedroom. It is because of this he has rapidly gained a reputation for his honest, direct approach to photography, surpassing many of his contemporaries and creating work that is both recognizable and memorable.

Jack thinks there’s a new boy in town...

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www.the-mofo.co.uk lee@the-mofo.co.uk

Styling and words: Hannah Rochell Photography: James Parsons Stylist’s assistant: Sarah Jordan

An Ethical Autumn Before you pour over our fabulous eco-fashion

pages, over the page is a little about the brands

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featured.

Adili www.adili.com Adili is an online store that only sells fair trade and organic clothing. As well as its own lines, it stocks such brands as Ciel, People Tree and Edun.

Ciel

www.ciel.ltd.uk Hip, luxurious and ethical – words not often spoken in the same sentence. Ciel’s new season is rife with chunky knits, metallics and fabulous quilted jackets. Is it any wonder Sienna Miller is a fan?

Random Retail

www.randomretail.co.uk Joy Jolliffe uses vintage fabrics and screen-printing to produce beautiful timeless cushions, eco-bags (a great alternative to plastic) and other delights like bunting and windbreaks.

Wildlifeworks (available at KJ’s Laundry, 020-7486 7855) The ethos of Wildlifeworks is two-fold; to create beautiful organic clothing while providing African communities with fair trade work and education on protecting their local environment. They even own a wildlife sanctuary to boot. Cool.

Hetty Rose www.hettyrose.co.uk Hetty Rose makes bespoke shoes from vintage kimono fabrics – recycled, sustainable and beautiful.

Howies www.howies.co.uk As well as making environmentally conscious clothing (San Franciscan friends shoot the catalogues to reduce the company’s carbon footprint), Howies also gives 10% of annual profit to grass-root environmental and social projects.

Rapanui

www.rapanuiclothing.com Rapanui makes clothing from sustainable materials (such as bamboo, which grows in abundance without pesticides) and uses a clever traffic light system so you can see how ethical your purchase is. The T-shirt featured on our model Terrell has a green light – very good!

People Tree

www.peopletree.co.uk People Tree is a pioneer in ethical clothing.

The front of the catalogue sports eco-labels (the official ethical stamp of approval) from the Fair Trade Organisation and the Soil Association amongst others. Top designers often get involved too - Bora Asku and Richard Nicoll are regular collaborators.

Jumper : ÂŁ75, Howies // trousers : ÂŁ140, Wildlifeworks

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Friends Of The Earth

Dress : £82, People Tree // bag : £20 Random Retail // necklace : £18 and bracelet : £40, Made at Adlil

Hat : £14, People Tree // cords : £85, Howies // coat : £240 , Ciel // vest : £22, Rapanui // shoes : £320, Hetty Rose.

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Recycle

Jacket : £260, Wildlifeworks // cords : £75, Howies // shoes models own

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Eco Warrior

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Vest : £30, Rapanui //jumpsuit : £230 Wildlifeworks // necklace : £90, Made at Adili // shoes : vintage Russell & Bromley

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JACKS PICK OFTHE MONTH LOST PROPERTEES Lost Propertee’s mission is to resurrect the coolest T-shirts of all time those worn by such legends as Kurt Cobain, John Lennon and Debbie Harry to name but a few. Each shirt comes with a picture of the star wearing the same design. Jack loves this Iggy Pop Tee. Available at Liberty, Se l f r i d g e s , Urban Outfitters and other selected stores (call 020 8554 0016 for stockists).

ce earan t app h Ros e u eag anna e hav editor H usual tips w h t n r o mon ith he fashi This rns w ack’s u J t e r m fro ssa onth.

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JACK LOVES -

Hannah Rochell

Kings of Neon

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Aside from having a name that sounds like a nurave tribute to our favourite Deep South rockers, Kings of Neon also design plimsolls. Fearne Cotton is a fan of their butterfly print, but they will also do whichever design you fancy. Kings of Neon love Jack so much that they gave him his own pair, and 10% off for all readers! Just quote FURORE when placing your order at www.kingsofneon.com. Kings of Neon were also the people behind the beautiful Shuffle trainers some of you noticed last month.

They are up to buy on the web site as well. What’s that? You would rather have a pair like Jack has below? Well if that is the case let us know as if enough of you are interested we will put them into production!

Lunacy Boutique

If you’re going to piss everyone on the tube off with your music, at least do it with decent speakers. Mobile phones just don’t cut the mustard: this amazing bag not only pumps out the tunes with surprising oomph, but also has plenty of space to store your, er, cassettes… £20 at www.lunacyboutique.co.uk

Black Diamond Bay

Jack recently discovered the ultimate chill out band – Black Diamond Bay. To coincide with their UK tour, they will be releasing an EP in November, which includes the beautiful I Won’t Forget You, and modern classic Philharmonic Bubbles. If you do nothing else in November, catch their first ever London gig at the Bull & Gate on the 2nd. www.myspace.com/blackdiamondbaymusic

80s nights!

Lost Society, 67 Wandsworth Road, SW8 Ever pondered the culinary delights of the early 80s? Remember pineapple and cheese on sticks? Thursdays at Lost Society in Clapham take 80s nights to a new level. You can order fondue accompanied by Blue Nun, followed by‌ Angel Delight! Genius.

Memory Maker

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Many great things came from the Shuffle.

One being our introduction to Memory Maker. The lovely people at memory Maker put customised Shuffle bracelets in our goodie bags and they went down a storm!

Originally aimed for the family photo or a trinket for a loved one we suggest getting any of your favourite images and sending them in to create a great original piece of jewelry! Simply send in your images, select the type of jewelry you want and bobs your uncle! www.memorymakeruk.co.uk

To celebrate the opening of the newly re-fitted Covent Garden store, Urban Outfitters are inviting Who’s Jack readers to join them for a drink, beauty treatments and more on October 9th. Booze and shopping under one roof - heaven...

RAINFOREST FOUNDATION UK’S ‘HOT & BOTHERED’ COMEDY EVENT

The Rank Deluxe Are back, alive and well.

These boys are a huge favourite of Jack and they are returning full throttle after gaining a new guitarist and drummer. Inside tip - See these guys before they break, the clock is ticking.

See them this month at 10th October - Vice Versa at The Last Days of Decadence, Shoreditch High Street 31st October - Dj set The Halloween Masion Party (right ) www.myspace.com/therankdeluxe

Acclaimed comedian, presenter and XFM Breakfast Show host Alex Zane will compere the Rainforest Foundation UK’s ‘Hot & Bothered’ event with a host of hot comic stars as part of London’s Big Joke Comedy Festival. The ‘Hot & Bothered’ show on Tuesday October 14 at the Leicester Square Theatre’s month long festival features an impressive line up of UK comedic talent.

The event is aimed at getting everyone who is bothered about climate change to stand up and make a difference. All profits go to the campaign. Get your tickets at www.ticketweb.co.uk

whos-jack.co.uk // 39

unners to Riches

words : Faye HĂŠran // photos : James Parsons

The Boutique Shopping on the high street can be a dire experience for many; rammed stores, generic clothing that every other girl or boy owns. That’s why it is exciting to see independent traders setting up shop, despite the competition. We speak to fashion designer and owner of the Black Pearl Boutique, Fiona Deffenbaugh about bringing back 40’s and 50’s glamour to the heart of Soho.

Was it difficult to make the progression from being a jewellery designer to running your own business?

I think the two went together from the start really.

I studied at St Martins, followed by London College of Fashion (LCF) and it was during the summer after my first year at LCF that I started selling at Portobello market. I was selling my products direct to the public so I had to think about what materials I bought, what stock I made, how I displayed it, how much I spent etc. Obviously having a shop takes it to a different level, there is a lot more to think about as the business grows. The admin side is a bit tedious, but has to be done.

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Tell us about the Black Pearl Boutique - what inspired you to set it up?

Black Pearl is a boutique specialising in 1940s and 50s inspired clothing, jewellery and accessories. I began selling my own handmade jewellery at Portobello Market in 2002, as a result of being bored one summer (I was working in a high street shop at the time). I had made things in my spare time, and always loved the market, so I packed a suitcase and turned up one day to sell. It went from there really, I did the market most weekends while at college, and when I left I opened Black Pearl shortly after.

How do you source designers and suppliers? Do need to have a lot of contacts to start out with?

I picked up suppliers over time really. When I started I knew nothing about making jewellery, but just really wanted to make things. I just searched everywhere for what I wanted, whether it was in junk shops, bead craft shops, wholesalers or on the Internet. In terms of finding the designers I stock in the shop, either I approach them because I really like their stock, or they find me.

Tell us about the ‘ South Sea’s Tiki’ theme in the shop – why did you go for this concept?

I refurbished the shop a year after opening. The girls I ran the shop with when it first opened decided not to continue so I just wanted a complete change really. As for the Tiki theme, I can’t say where that comes from exactly! I just thought it would be really cool because it’s not what you would expect. Tiki bars sprung up in the 1950s (mainly in America but also the UK and Europe) due to the popularity of the Kon-Tiki expedition from Peru to Tahiti and a subsequent book about this. They were a way to escape from everyday life, don a Hawaiian shirt, have a cocktail etc. I wanted the shop to have the same feeling of escapism for our customers.

Do you need a lot of financial backing to set up in the centre of London?

We did it on a really small budget, and because there were three of us it spread the cost. We got most of our fixtures and fittings from ebay or Ikea! Kingly Court was really new then, with the aim of helping small labels to set up shop, therefore it was less expensive than being on one the main shopping streets in the centre of London.

Is it difficult to constantly come up with new ideas and inspiration?

That’s the fun part really! I’m always on the lookout for images, objects, books, materials etc to inspire.

I may not use them for ages and then come across them a year later and it’s just what I need. Deciding what to make or have made is the main difficulty. If I want to have a new sterling silver jewellery collection made it has to be made in a large quantity in order to purchase the materials, therefore is a far more expensive process.

What do you do to stand out from your local competitors?

I think I mainly have to make sure I have really interesting stock on a regular basis, which cannot be bought on the high street. That is what people like about my shop, and Kingly Court in general. All the shops are so individual and aim to offer really different things.

How has the more recent craze for ‘vintage’ clothes helped you establish a customer base?

The vintage craze has been going for quite a few years. I keep a small selection of vintage, but make sure it is all original 1940s or 50s. I love the style of dresses from that period. I’m in the process of introducing some new labels that make vintage inspired clothing, using the style and cuts from that era but enabling a range of sizes, which is always an issue with real vintage, as there is only ever one dress in one size. I think my customer base has just grown naturally due to word of mouth, that’s the best way. If someone comes in and they love the shop the chances are they will tell their friends (although some have said they keep it a secret!)

How would you inspire other designers to open a successful boutique?

I think it has to be quite a natural process. You have to know what style of shop you want, have a really clear direction and know the customer base you are aiming at. Not suddenly think, ‘Ooh I want a shop, what shall it be?’ Not that anyone would do that I don’t think. You also really need to be prepared to work hard to make your boutique or shop a success.

The Black Pearl Boutique is located at Unit 2.10 Kingly Court, Kingly Street, London W1B 5PW www.blackpearlboutique.co.uk

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Do you think the rise of large ‘high street’ chains has badly affected independent boutiques like yourself?

I’m sure it has to a degree, but at the same time I think the reason people like shops like the Black Pearl Boutique is because they are not part of a high street chain, they are more special. I know a lot of people are sick of cheap throwaway fashion and would rather spend more on something well made and original.

JACK AND THE BEANS TALK

The first time I met the Jack crowd was at Bar Music Hall for the Jack in Wonderland party.

This was not a sober event. By the end of my night out, my face was completely smudged with face-paint, my eyes squinting, and I was wearing a giant playing card. Try as I may to be a graceful drunk, last I remember was stumbling about, yelling at Jackers about how I really want to write for the magazine, saying stuff like “I’ve got a CV and everything!”

As an off the cuff remark, when asked what I wanted to write about, I was insistent on “eggs and beans.” I would have thought that the entry stamps on my face and my swaggering and falling over would have meant my idea was going to be taken with a pinch of salt. But oh no.

Jack really wanted me to write about eggs and beans.

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So I’ve finally got around to it. I asked a bunch of bands who played the infamous Jack-run Shoreditch Shuffle deeply profound and intimate questions on the matter. Here’s what I got back.

THE FIGHTING COCKS Jack: Eggs are basically a chicken’s period. Does that put you off eggs?

TFC: No, in fact quite the opposite.

Jack: We see on your Myspace that you describe your music as electro. Would you ever describe it as “eleggtro”?

TFC: No. MAMA SHAMONE Jack: My mama isn’t called Shamone but she fries a mean egg. How about yours?

MS: Our mama is called Shamone and she poaches her eggs in a special machine that guarantees 100% perfection every time.

Jack: Imagine if at Christmas instead of tinsel, you just glue fluorescent beans all over a Christmas tree... That would be nuts wouldn’t it?

MS: Ermm, no. That would be beans. Are you having a laugh?

KIDS LOVE LIES Jack: So we know kids love lies. Do you think kids love beans, and if so, if they also love lying, can we really trust them?

KLL: Most kids love to lie in beans. You know, like on comic relief? But the way to tell if they’re lying about it is all in the eyes! If you notice them blink a lot when answering a question about their love of beans, they’re telling porkies for sure.

Jack: There’s that saying about teaching your grandmother to eat eggs. Mine knows how to eat eggs just fine, the other one is dead, but I’m pretty sure she knew how to eat eggs. How about your grandmas?

KLL: Yeah, I think that’s the point of that saying, that our grandmothers know perfectly well how to eat/suck their damn eggs and us young ‘uns shouldn’t have the audacity to think otherwise.

LITTLE MAN TATE Jack: What would you do if it started raining kidney beans? Would you collect them?

LMT: If it started raining kidney beans I’d collect them so I’d never have to buy any again when I make my trademark chili.

Jack: Would you say you guys are collectively more a fan of fried or scrambled eggs?

LMT: We all prefer fried eggs on sarnies with double bacon and double cheese.

That’s something our sound man has every time we meet up at the office in the morning to start a tour as he is always really hung over.

TEEF Jack: If you ordered a fry up and I teef’d your egg what would you do?

Teef: Talk is cheap. Try it and find out.

Jack: Beanie man doesn’t talk about beans much. Would you rather he did, or do you just not really care?

Teef: Err, I think you will find the “Beanie” in Beanie Man means females, not actual beans you eat, you doughnut.

ILLUSTRATED YOUTH Jack: Beans are renowned for causing flatulence. Who do you suspect eats the most beans out of you lot?

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IY: I couldn’t really say, but we all know that Chris (drummer) is an expert at making “cheesy beans”. It’s mainly just cheese and baked beans, funnily enough.

Jack: So, cream eggs. How do you eat yours?

IY: All in one obviously!

28 COSTUMES Jack: Are any of your 28 costumes a full body egg suit, like in that one episode of The Simpsons?

28C: Unfortunately no, but we do have a suit that looks exactly like the sound of an egg being laid.

Jack: Ever tried the beans at KFC? They really suck.

28C: Again, no, but thanks for the tip - we’ll stay well clear.

KID CARPET Jack: Have you ever egged someone on Halloween?

KC: I always egg anybody who darkens my doorway on Halloween, duck eggs hurt more.

Jack: The common bean has been growing in America for at least six thousand years. Has this in any way changed your stance on beans?

KC: Knowing that the common bean has been growing in America for at least six thousand years has upset my bean stance, I hate them now. I once poisoned myself with beans.

POLKA PARTY Jack: Did you guys ever read that Dr Seuss book Green Eggs and Ham? I haven’t.

Ash (bassist): I never read Green Eggs and Ham. My favourite was Roald Dahl, he was wicked.

Tom (vocals/guitar): Green Eggs and Ham; is he taking the piss out of my vocal style? Oh yeah, that has small words for kids learning. It’s a no, I’m a spot the dog kind of man anyway.

Jack:What are your favourite jelly bean flavours? The chili ones are really gross, huh?

Ash: Never tried the chili ones but bubble-gum are my favourite.

Tom: All beans are rank but I would go with green.

THE CLIK CLIK Jack: I briefly met you guys at that rubbish Soho Wetherspoons. What would you have done if I ordered nine fried eggs to your table, and then when you looked over, I winked at you?

TCC: I would wonder suspiciously, why nine specifically? Then I’d ask for some soldiers to dip in the yolks. I’m guessing the others would eat the whites, can’t say I’m a massive fan of them. As for the wink, I’d take it as a token of good will; all the while I would be thinking you are not normal, or socially challenged maybe?

Jack: Could you live in a world without Heinz?

TCC: Well I refuse to eat beans unless they are Heinz baked beans, same goes for ketchup. But I’m sure I can carry on living without both if it was the case. I bet people would have big breakdowns though if it did actually happen, especially Heinz and their employees. Am I taking this too seriously?

THE KULL Jack: That NME quote on your Myspace page mentions toast. Would you rather eggs or beans with your toast? Or would you guys go all out and have BOTH? TK: I would go for none of them. Not even the toast because I am a grade 5 vegan which means I don’t eat anything with a shadow.

Jack: Have you tried those Tesco budget beans? They suck more than the Tesco budget lager (which is like 2%).

TK: Do they suck as much as the Tesco budget vacuum cleaner?

THE COOLNESS Jack: Hi The Coolness. What is cooler, eggs or beans?

TC: Beans come in many varieties, although you can impregnate an egg. Protein is good, but beans are easier to process. We like beans on toast so beans win. Also girls can bathe in a bath tub full of beans, that’s sexy.

Jack: Would you rather eat five beans a day for the rest of your life, or be force-fed 80 scotch eggs a day for the rest of your life?

TC: No one wants to be force fed anything other than sex or money. People should be force fed to listen to The Coolness 5 times a day.

THE BISHOPS Jack: You guys always look pretty slick. Imagine if you spilled a bunch of refried bean juice all over your suits, and you had a show in FIFTEEN MINUTES, and you tried as much as you could to get the juice off the suit but it’s everywhere and the more you scrub the worse it gets. What would you do?

TB: Be upset and give our dry-cleaners a call! We’ve kind of been in a similar scenario where we couldn’t wear our suits but it was for a different reason. We ended up wearing our merchandise shirts in the end! It doesn’t feel the same though, the suits give us power!

Jack: How about if it was eggs?

TB: Eggs I think would be worse! Lots of yellow and white everywhere... You can see the dilemma with suit wearing for gigs; you must take care of them or you have to dip into the merch!

AKIRA THE DON Jack: Looking forward to seeing you at the Shuffle. Do you think you could do an improv about eggs?

AtD: Eggs? I guess I could, yeah. Given that improvisation is supposed to involve spontaneous business, pre-pondering the act might be counter productive to purity, mind you. Perhaps I could pretend to um, lay Wee James, my handsome North Welsh bassist. Although I think Minty did that one time.

Jack: What are your thoughts on that awful group Black Eyed Peas? Damn, they sucked, huh?

AtD: As for the Black Eyes Peas, I am afraid I have not one opinion. PCP is a hell of a drug. Sorry about that.

MINUS IQ Jack:How popular are eggs in Barnet? I’ve never been.

MIQ: Eggs are very popular in Barnet, considering a large percentage of the popula-

And, erm. There you have it. We also asked Assembly Now about soy icecream, and Pin Me Down if they’d change their default Myspace pic to them tucking into a nice bowl of beans. Oh, and Five O’ Clock Heroes about the best time to eat beans. All these bands clearly had better things to be getting on

whos-jack.co.uk // 49

tion is over 60, and as far as I am aware eggs are a food of choice for those who have advanced maturity (i.e. are old). Omelettes, boiled eggs, eggs benedict, you name it, those dentured devils absolutely love the stuff. Plus there are the other half of the population of Barnet who seem to be fitness obsessed divorcees who may or may not have a vitamin shake in the morning with a raw egg involved. But this is all mere speculation...

Jack: If your band was a kind of bean, what would it be?

MIQ: If the band were a bean, it would most definitely be the Kopi Luwak Gourmet Coffee Bean. The Palm Civet or marsupial Luwak of Indonesia is a tree climbing animal that seeks out it’s favorite treat: the ripest coffee cherries. The beans exit the animal basically intact, and are then patiently harvested from the forest floor near coffee plantations, then carefully cleaned and roasted. The reasoning for this analogy, is that we are a band who went in to the music scene with our sweetness still intact and have separated ourselves from all of the excrement to come out of it rich, musty and exotic with syrupy body and smooth flavour. There is also the fact that we are, as a group, full of caffeine.

MODEL HORROR Jack: Imagine if from now on, whenever you went to the bog, you laid an egg.

Like completely clean, no shit or anything. Would you morally be okay with profiting from selling these eggs on?

MH: I would be fine with selling it on, especially if i could undercut a major supermarket on price and allow someone who was not that well off have eggs when they wanted. I wouldn’t be okay eating them myself because I don’t like eggs and they’d come out of my arse.

Jack: Have you tried any beans brands other than Heinz? I think if it ain’t Heinz, it’s just well wrong.

MH: Only back in the day for school dinner and the tat you get on any fried breakfast from places round here. Heinz are the only brand I can eat on their own, all the others have to vamped up with pepper, salt etc. However I am a fan of other brands when they include the little sausages or the like.

THE STANDARDS Jack:Do you celebrate Easter with chocolatey eggs? What’s the best one any of you have got? My ex got me this awesome Beatrix Potter one earlier this year.

TS: We celebrate with Quails eggs amid onions and shallots, an acquired dish not to be underestimated.

Jack: There’s going to be a BBQ at the shuffle. I don’t know if there’s going to be eggs and beans. Do you have any requests?

TS: Some chicken fricacy would be nice, failing that some friggin’ chickacy.

Side project, vanity project, just another pay check. These are the pitfalls when a member of one of the countries biggest bands stays busy between the album, tour, album, tour treadmill of the modern rock circus. However, arriving in time to see a member of the weekly music press bundled out the door after refusing to let one Matt Helders, Arctic Monkeys beat machine extraordinaire, talk anything but the day job is proof positive that he is taking the release of his addition to the exemplary Azuli Records ?Late Night Tales? DJ mix series very seriously.

M AT T HELDERS L AT E N I G H T TA L E S DJ MIX SEPTEMBER 20 08.

Matt might be right to feel a little nervous as he is joining some illustrious company by stepping up to the Late Night Tales decks. Fatboy Slim, Air, The Flaming Lips and one Jay Kay have all offered their own witching hour mixdowns before. Matts mix is certainly eclectic but it manages to seamlessly steer the listener from haunting Italian horror movie soundtrack passages to Hip Hop anthems, crossover beats and cowbell abusing bandit’s The Rapture. As is customary in the Late Night Tales series it finishes with a spoken word piece, in this case a story entitled A Choice Of Three’, as written and performed by Matts Arctic Monkeys cohort Alex Turner. I think it’s good because again its another thing that wouldn’t be expected of Alex, like the compilation and the song choices might not be expected of me. They were talking about the spoken word aspect of the compilation and they talked about people like Will Self if I didn’t want to do it myself, but I thought I’d give it a go at getting someone to do one.

I went for Ronnie Corbett, but he couldn’t do it so, I happen

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Indeed for Matt this is something of a labour of love that represents the fruition of a teenage obsession which saw him spending countless hours creating bedroom mixes and refining his turntable chops, long before he knew that you would look good on the dance floor he knew what you’d look good dancing to. These are heady times for the young drummer, he has been very busy of late creating hot remix’s for the likes of UK hip hop legend Roots Manuva, indie hipsters We Are Scientists and 80s electro throbs Duran Duran, as well as branching out with MIA producer Ross Orton to craft his first solo production, a riotous cover of ?Dreamer? by Living? Joy, that breaks the waves on his Late Night Tales installment. So what does he get from DJing? I get a bit more nervous when I DJ, I like doing it, but it’s a completely different thing. It’s weird because you can DJ and have your mates standing there and have a laugh , so it’s not like you are just there to provide something to entertain, you’re entertaining yourself as well?

You don’t have to feel bad dancing because you’re not dancing to your own songs! But there’s a lot of pressure when you DJ, it’s not like a gig, if you make one mistake it’s hard to bring it back.?

to know Al(ex Turner) very well and he’s very good at writing things so I thought he’d be into it as he could do something he couldn’t do in a song. So I wanted him to read it.

I’d like to bring back dance floor anthems, y’know? Big dance tracks like.’

Says Matt, getting animated about the possibilities of transporting his 90s bedroom sets to the floors of the mega clubs after being asked about the current resurgence in such glowstick pumping crazes as Prodigy led old school rave renaissance. ?Stuff will always come back because someone will remember it and then everyone will remember it all at the same time, get all there old CDs out and then someone will release a track that sounds like all of those old CDs put together. But it’s good like that, getting at those fond memories for people..?

Matt states before cracking a wry smile, ??if they can remember it.? But would he like to emulate the Superstar Djs of the mid 90s who pumped out those tunes to super clubs across the globe?

‘I’ve never done a large crowd (like a Fatboy Slim style Brighton Beach gig).

But I definitely think it would be interesting to do.’ Though as the discussion unfolds it seems Mat is far to conscientious to ever become a DJ cliché, ‘I use CDJs. Which I suppose some purists would call cheating, but I’ve never just pretended to mix. The first time I played in Ibiza there was this guy just whacked one CD on and it was an hour long CD. He was giving it all this’(mimes mixing on the table with some crowd pleasing arm waving)’and I was like, how long’ve you got left on this CD? An hour and 14minutes!?

The Late Night Tales mix definitely digs back into Matts past, especially his Hip Hop schooling and features Roots Manuva and TY, but the highlight for most will be the chance to hear Matts solo production of Living Joy’s ?Dream-

er? featuring Nesreen Shah on vocals. ‘I do stuff on my own but it’s never been official, it’s never had a deadline so I’ve just got loads of bits of tunes everywhere, but for that I went in a studio and did it all properly. Now I know I can get a tune out it’s definitely an encouragement to do that again.? Reveals Matt surely sparking hopes that he gets some helpful prompting to re-enter the studio soon. Though whilst compiling the Late Night Tales may have given him a taste for producing his own tunes and added fuel to his love of DJing it doesn’t seem that he harbours aspirations to head to the airwaves and follow in Zane Lowes footsteps. ‘I’m pretty crap at finding new music. I find it hard to tell what’s good these days. Because I’ve been in the industry as it were you judge it differently. It’s bad as you can’t just say it’s a good tune because you find something out about the way they recorded, what they did in the studio and it ruins it. So I don’t know that I could do that because you need a lot of stuff don’t you, it can’t just be filler, it has to be good.? A quick scan of the airwaves on any given day and you may wish more prospective Djs had Matts sense of quality control!

One arena that Late Night Tales might become the genesis for various Arctic Monkeys moving into is sound tracking with Matt considering the idea. ?Yea, definitely, I think Alex would be into that, we used to talk about that when we were in college. It’s always good when people do odd ones like when RZA from WU-Tang did Kill Bill. You see the name and it’s unexpected.’

Late Night Tales may not have been expected of Matt Helders but if he ever steps behind the decks at a party near you, you can be sure your ears are in for an eclectic joyride of a night that will meet the dawn sated and smiling. words : Jonathan Sebire

Gay Dating words : David Sharkey

Meeting Men. When out in a bar, club, disco, sauna, park, cafe, library, public lavatory, or wherever it is you plan on meeting men, it’s important to remember that all men are looking for sex, and that the more alcohol there is involved, the more they want it and the less discriminate they get about who they want to have it with. A lot of men looking for relationships are having better luck these days using on-line dating. But then of course a whole new can of worms is unleashed when traversing the seedy World Wide Web. It’s hard to know where to start. Do you go straight for a dating site, or will it look less desperate to go onto a social networking site? The list of sites men use is limitless; Facebook, Myspace, Hi-5, Bebo, Mandate, Gaydar, Manhunt, Gay.com - the list goes on. However you decide to go about your on-line dating, there are 2 fairly obvious but vital rules to keep in mind at all times, and as a veteran ‘on-line dater’ I feel they can never be repeated enough.

Photos.

This is probably the most important one, as much of your decision of who to talk to, and potentially meet, will depend on the person’s photo. Just remember: photos lie! You must look and

scrutinize each person’s photo like a shrewd detective. Are the clothes really dated? The hairstyle? Is it a digital photo or a digital photo of an old snapshot?

Is it the same man in every picture? Is the photo of someone who is clearly 20 when the guy says he is 25? The answer to any of these questions could immediately rule out the candidate as someone who is lying through his cyber teeth.

Strong Stomach.

If you’re a bit of an innocent type (looking for a sweet man to have a relationship with, dreaming of picket fences and commitment ceremonies) then you might end up shocked by some of the messages you’ll undoubtedly receive on-line. Here are some wonderful examples: A message from “likesskinnyguys@ gay.com” “wish you were in the US. i’d bring you to live with me in colorado. love yur skinny body and gorgeous face. i’ll treat you right kiddo. love, jake” From Luke0202@gay.com “Great face and body - love to explore with you and soil you? Luke x” From Master_1@gay.com “I like Brit boys. Can you cum here to Chicago burb in NW IN to serve and visit me for 90 days? I will host. “ These were a few of the less obscene emails, the PG-13 version, but I think you get the point. Mostly, just remember that dating takes time be it virtual or in person, and lets face it: men are assholes, so you’re going to need to put up with a lot of shit before you actually find the man that you want. Have faith though, good things come to those who wait, and you might actually have a laugh in the process.

whos-jack.co.uk // 53

Men are looking for sex. All the time.

The homosexual variety more so than the heterosexual, apparently. So if you happen to be a gay man looking for sex then hooray! You’re set. If however you’re one of the very rare and very few males who are after the candle lit dinner, the picnics, the trips to the cinema, complete with argument over who gets to pay for the tickets and who gets to pay for the pop corn, then you’ve got your work cut out for you.

/ / / / / / / W H E N

J A C K

M E T

B L A C K

L I P S

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words : Tamlin magee image : li-shen song

whos-jack.co.uk // 55

/ / / / / / / / / / / / / P. T. O

/ / / / W E ’ R E N O T G O I N G F O R T H A T W H O L E B O Y B A N D K I N D O F T H I N G .

Jack received an invite last month to a one-off Black Lips show at London’s Gayest of the Gay venues, Heaven.

There’s tonk male torso decor, and the prices are pretty gay too, at 4 quid a pint. Still, Black Lips are a great band, with f’n awesome support: criminally underrated garage duo King Khan and BBQ Show, along with the London based Lovvers.

When we arrived the band were blocking a whole bunch of traffic with their van, resulting in pissed off cabbies and a disgruntled trucker.

The set was, as expected, great. I drunkenly stage dived four times and properly buggered up my hand. Everyone went completely nuts for “Bad Kids” and shit just got more crazy as it went on. Plus we saw Cole’s todger as he pranced out during King Khan’s set.

Cool.

So anyway enough of that, here’s what happened when Jack met Black Lips.

WJ: Bearing in mind this question is going to colour the entirety of this interview, can I have a drink from your rider later on?

Cole: Yeah sure WJ: Really? That’s amazing, thank you.

You guys have played a few times in London before, what do you make of this place and the crowd here compared to in the states?

Cole: We’re just trying to build it up here, we’ve been playing the states for years so we’re just trying to build up a decent crowd, so that makes it fun.

Ian: I figure the way it is - as London does, the rest of the country follows.

Cole: Yeah, if we can win it [London] over fully the rest of the country will follow.

WJ: I know you guys have played Leicester before, because my girlfriend Li is friends with The Dirty Backbeats who supported you up there, how was the crowd there?

Cole: I don’t remember Jared: There wasn’t anyone there.

Ian: Cole you weren’t there that’s why you don’t remember it Cole: We really like them [Backbeats] a lot though.

WJ: So have you caught yourselves doing any stupid touristy things around London?

Jared: Not in a few years.

Cole: We see Big Ben a lot. We’re too cheap to pay to go into that church, fuck it.

Jared: You mean Westminster Abbey?

Cole: Back in 2004 was the first time we ever came here, we got stranded because our booking agent left us for two hours and was like - fend for yourselves - so we did a bunch of touristy stuff that day. We bought a day pass on the tube and we starved.

Joe: We’re cheap though. Like when we went to Stonehenge they were trying to get us to pay and we just hopped the fence.

Cole: It’s either pay like sixteen quid to walk through this little tunnel or just hop the fence. It’’s a tiny fence, just jump that shit.

WJ: I know you guys are working on a new album right now, can you give us an idea of what it’s going to be like and

WJ: Joe, you’re producing a rap record, what’s all that about?

Joe: Well, I was getting bored of rock and roll and I needed something to keep my mind fresh so I went for a genre that was as far away from rock and roll that I could think. So I just did rap, plus it was a good experience to try a different type of music.

WJ: Who’s going to be involved with that?

Joe: Just a bunch of local dudes from my neighbourhood.

WJ: I know you guys are involved in a film too right, that Let it Be thing where you play as The Renegades?

Joe: We kinda bailed on that. I feel bad about it, but.. I saw the trailer. That’s kind of why we bailed.

WJ: What was it about the trailer that you disagreed with?

Jared: The approach.

Joe: It just made us look stupid so we didn’t want to do it.

WJ: You can be stupid AND loveable though!

Cole: We’re not going for that whole boy band kind of thing.

WJ: If you could get any band to cover any of your songs, which band would it

be and why?

Jared; I’d like Chuck Berry to cover one of our songs. We rip him off a lot.

WJ: Which song would you have him cover?

Cole: The hippy song maybe?

WJ: We like how you don’t limit yourself within the confines of reality. I’ve got a stupid question for you. Have you ever actually got drunk off Grandma’s schnapps?

Cole: We got drunk off peppermint schnapps. It was brilliant.

WJ: Was it grandma’s though?

Ian: My older brother found some schnapps in the bathroom cabinet and he was secretly getting drunk on it when he was six or seven.

Jared: I’ve got drunk secretly from my parent’s liquor cabinet but I don’t think I ever drank schnapps from it.

WJ: It’s okay, you can tell us, they [grandparents] probably don’t read our magazine.

Joe: Desperate times call for desperate measures, haha.

Jared: I would have drank schnapps if they had it.

Cole: One time when me and Jared were little we couldn’t find booze so we just drank that mouthwash.

WJ: Was that Listerine or?

Cole: Yeah Listerine.

WJ: What’s your favourite word collectively? Mine is ovaries.

Cole: [Pauses, grins] Jenkum.

B L A C K K I D S , I R E A L LY H A T E T H E M / / / / / / / / / / /

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when it’ll be out?

Jared: Probably early next year. We’re pretty much done with it for the most part, we just gotta polish it up a little bit.

Cole: We’re gonna be a little more lo-fi.

WJ: Isn’t that that African drug made of shit and piss?

Joe: Yeah, butt hash.

WJ: Yeah I’ve tried that.

Cole: It’s pretty good that.

WJ: What’s been your biggest waste of money collectively, because this necklace that says “AIDS” is mine.

[All look confused] Joe: What is what?

Jared: I guess paying rent. We don’t stay at the house too much.

WJ: What, you guys live together?

Jared: No. no.

WJ: Could you imagine? That’s a sitcom.

Jared; Me and Cole lived together for a long time.

WJ: What happened there?

Cole: He didn’t want to pay the electric bill and I didn’t want to pay the water bill.

Jared: Our first house we got like an 80,000 dollar water bill.

Cole: We had a leak from the basement.

Jared: All the pipes were breaking all over the house.

WJ: Did you think of any other names before you went for Black Lips?

All: No. WJ: Why Black Lips? Is it what I think it is?

Cole: We were like really young we don’t really remember why.

WJ: We’ve got this stupid competition going where we try to fit food puns into band names, our best ones are Godspeed! You Black Tempura and Paella Fitzgerald.

Joe: Pasta Bon Jovi.

Cole: The Yeastie Boys.

WJ: One of my friends really bothered me to ask this to you guys. So that’s why I’m asking it. What’s your favourite big cat?

Cole: Heathcliff.

WJ: He’s quite little actually.

Cole: But he’s big in spirit.

WJ: In the last year, what would you reckon is the best and worst music you’ve heard?

Jared: The worst is Vampire Weekend.

WJ: What about Plain White Tees, they fucking suck as well.

Ian: I’ve only heard the name. Vampire Weekend are pretty bad.

Cole: What’s that band from over here that does well over here but isn’t popular in America?

Jared: Kings of Leon. Oh, Black Kids I really hate them. I also don’t like Black Keys.

WJ: If you were to have a dance off between you, who would lose, and who would win, and which school of dance would you say each of you came from?

Cole: I come from the avant garde school of dance.

WJ: Could you give us a demonstration?

[Cole flails his arms around and writhes] WJ: Looks like noodles!

Joe: I like the hand jive.

WJ: Thanks a lot, can we have a drink from your rider later for real?

[Hesitant nods] WJ: Oh, quickly, have you heard of that game chubby bunny, we wanted to play it, we have marshmallows.

Cole: Maybe later when we’re drunk.

It’s Frieze time, when the art world gathers in Regents Park to spend millions on art and gawk at those doing so, but it’s also 20 years since Freeze, the group show that launched the Young British Artists. It makes you feel so old.

PEARCE & RAMSEY: BEST IN SHOW John Jones Project Space 3.10.08-31.10.08 - words : Josh Spero

But bringing back my youth is a show of graduate work curated by Naomi Pearce and Gavin Ramsey, who met at Goldsmiths, whence Damien Hirst and the other YBAs. Pearce and Ramsey have pedigree, you might say.

Joanne Smither’s Horse is a mixed media piece playing with forms and representation. A table with its sides folded down has a TV on top set to one side displaying a horse’s head; the TV cord is the tail. It’s imaginative, funny and raises the important question about quite how we consider objects and their shapes.

The second generation of YBAs, or something completely different? Head to Finsbury Park to make your mind up.

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‘Humorous, process obsessed and provocative’ is their mantra, and the art bears this out. Liam Richardson’s witty Heat is an electric fire with a neon sign saying ‘Heat’ instead of any bars, and a model of a rural landscape above it.

(Tracey Emin, an uber-YBA brought back neon in a big way.)

GSK CONTEMPORARY

A season of contemporary art at the Royal Academy of Arts 31 October 2008-19 January 2009 words : Josh Spero

Lisa Oppenheim, The Sun is Always Setting Somewhere Else, 2006 (looped slide projection, dimensions variable), image courtesy Store Gallery, London

GSK Contemporary will feature a series of changing exhibitions and events from large scale video installations and new commissions to performance, sound, live music, film screenings and symposia. The programme will also include a shop, a late night art bar and FLASH, a pop-up restaurant by Bistrotheque.

To win one of five pairs of tickets to see the exhibition send your name and contact details to marketing.assistant@royalacademy.org.uk with Who’s Jack in the subject box.

Closing date 15.11.08 For more information visit www.royalacademy.org.uk/gskcontemporary

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NOW IS THE WINTER OF OUR DIPSO BENT words : Adam Roan Henderson

If the cold, dark winter nights and current financial crisis makes you want to curl up and hibernate, I’ve got a few tips to help to come through the other side unscathed.

Firstly, carry a hip flask. The price of alcohol in London is eye watering, so a nice warming medicinal tot of something strong will keep the winter chills away and saves you money on evenings out. I’m not advocating meths for breakfast or anything, but a wee dram while walking to the pub is really just good sense.

My next tip is directed at smokers. For a consistently financially persecuted group I actually think smokers can save money when clubbing this winter. Often there seems to be more people outside the club than actually dancing. Why pay to go in then? Take your ipod and your hip flask and just hang by the smoking area. All the cool people smoke anyway.

Don’t cut your hair. Around 50% of your body heat is lost through your head. Keep warm, be frugal; don’t cut it you muppet. I guess this could also go for legs as well girls.

Save money on tights with the natural look, this may affect relations with the opposite sex but don’t fear, I have the answer.

Porn. With enough free frivolity on the interweb to satisfy Michael Douglas for at least a week or two, a bit of quality time with yourself is in order this season. From Paris Hilton to sixty plus amateur furniture fetishists there is something for everyone. So turn the heating down and try some solo exercises to keep warm. Dating is expensive and the duvet will be all yours.

Downgrade your grub. Despite the mouth-watering delights Ocado have been teasing my inbox with I’ve recently rejected them in favour of Iceland. My local store is not without its drawbacks, a plethora of down and outs from crack-whores to drunks appearing to be the majority of the clientele, but wow is it cheap. If the world goes to shit at least I know I’ve got enough chicken and mushroom pies at 4 for £2 to stick it out until I die of old age.

Don’t go skiing. It’s expensive, dangerous and you come back more tired than when you left. If you really need the thrill of tumbling down a mountain at high speed grab a plastic bag and head to Hamstead Heath or Greenwich Park, where the hills come alive with the sound of bruising every snowfall.

Sadly there is one fatal flaw with my winter schemes.

Stumbling half-cut around the city with unkempt hair, malnourished from cheap food and clutching a bin bag… you may be mistaken for a banker.

TIM BURGESS VS CARL BARAT words : Matthew Finnegan images : Scott Archibald

Since the dawn of artistic endeavour, from Wordsworth and Coleridge’s ‘Lyrical Ballads’ to Lulu and Take That on ‘Relight My Fire’, the great and the fucking diabolic have joined together in harmonious collaboration. Sometimes sublime (Shane MacGowan and Kirsty MacColl’s ‘Fairytale of New York’), inspired (Run DMC & Aerosmith’s ‘Walk This Way’) or just plain odd (John Lydon & Afrikaa Bambaataa’s excellent ‘World Destruction’), even the shockingly awful at least manage to rise above the humdrum. With this spirit of musical matrimony in mind then that Tim Burgess and Carl Barat joined members of Adam & The Ants to perform ‘Ant Music’ on Channel 4’s T-Mobile Transmission, turning out one of the more successful collaborations you will see.

So while we will all dread the day of the new McIndie-Band, it seems as though someone else is going to have to pick the bill if we all refuse to pay for our music, or else packs of penniless musicians running feral through the streets of London will be become an all too familiar sight. I met up with Tim Burgess and Carl Barat and Anthony Rossando of Dirty Pretty Things on the set of Channel 4’s T-Mobile Transmission to find out what they think about sponsorship in music…

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There was however one anomaly in this alliance between two of England’s finest musicians inside the cavernous Ram Brewery, namely the inclusion of sponsors T-Mobile. I mean, they weren’t invited were they? Well it seems that they actually were.

These days art and advertising are a collaboration that is becoming less and less avoidable; the Led Zeppelin reunion brought to you courtesy of the o2 arena, Bob Dylan signing distribution deals with Starbucks and iPod breaking more bands than John Peel did. With the very foundation of rock music based upon a notion of unconformity, sidling up to mega-corporations is never going to sit easily with musicians who see themselves as, and usually are, part of the counter-culture, but is it really such a surprise? It is surely naïve to think that this is totally new phenomenon, ever since that Andy Warhol chap put a Campbell’s soup tin in one of his drawings the division has become a somewhat blurred, with The Who critiquing the already familiar situation in the sixties with their The Who Sell Out album.

The night is sponsored by T Mobile, do you think there is as much of a stigma attached to working alongside major companies these days, compared to indie music at say twenty years ago?

Carl Barat: I hope not! Reluctantly bands are gonna have to take a bite of the shit sandwich.

It’s the payback for everyone getting all their music for free.

Tim Burgess: I remember the first time we went to America in the early nineties and our keyboard player had just been sent to prison, when he came out we were really resistant to the idea but we were gonna do a sponsorship. Ocean Spray, who do the cranberry juice, they wanted to sponsor us, and they were all set to go but they found that our keyboard player had a criminal record and pulled out. We’ve always had a bit of a hit and miss thing with sponsors but we’ll take what we can get! <laughs>.

Do you think that bands working alongside major corporations is going to play an increasing role in promoting artists, especially considering the role brands like iPod have played in breaking acts such as The Gossip and The Ting Tings?

T: Its changing quite a lot, the music industry. Bands just wanna get their records out you know. New bands don’t really have any money, they just wanna get their records out.

Anthony Rossando: Bands have to do what they’ve gotta do to survive.

C: It really is a nasty marriage but there is nothing you can do about it really.

Is there a limit to how far bands can take it? For instance Jack White and Coca-cola?

T: There is a certain cheese factor and you gotta be careful. I remember Michael Jackson did an advert for Pepsi so I guess he [Jack White] was just trying to be like him.

A: It would depend what kind of companies you’re talking about. If you’re gonna associate your name with something then you’ll try to make sure it’s not some evil fucking oil company. I’d like Oxfam to sponsor us, but they don’t have much money.

C: So you’d like a charity to give you all their money then? <Laughs> You’ve collaborated before tonight in your side project The Chavs, hows that going?

Carl Barat: I forgot about that actually!

Tim Burgess: The Chavs, well so far we’ve done aTV show, we did a pub gig and something for Strummerville at Glastonbury, it was quite shambolic really.

There are big plans though, I think we’d like to do an EP or an album or something like that.

What is the attraction with working with each other?

T: It kind of worked out well with this thing as we’re friends and we were both in the city at the same time, but it was just convenient! Sometimes cos we’re both so busy it’s a chance to meet up .

C: It’s just to be working with a mate really, he’s into the same music. And he has tremendous hair.

Yeah he has a bit of a Clint Boon going on there, or maybe even one of The Horrors.

There have been loads of strange collaborations over the years, like Sharleen Spiteri and Wu Tang Clan, which artists would you like to see perform together?

T: Yeah that one was pretty twisted, you wouldn’t expect that. I dunno, I suppose it’s pretty far out really us doing an Adam Ant song with original members of the band.

C: I’d say John Lennon and Peter Andre.

A: Or Dustin Hoffman and Dusty Springfield.

C: John Prescott and Django Rheinhardt.

A: Tony Blair and Kurt Cobain.

C: Yeah plays guitar doesn’t he?

A: I reckon it should be Clinton and Blair then cos he plays saxophone. We should start a rumour that they are starting a band.

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C: I think I will, I think it has to. It’s unfortunate that maybe some bands will be brought to you by McDonald’s, but with the record industry the way it is at the moment it’s the only revenue that bands can find.

Do men grow a mo’ for a ‘ho, for a bro’ or for show…?

In the World Beard and Moustache competition there are six recognised styles: Natural, Imperial, Dali, English, Hungarian and Freestyle – which is the novelty category.

However, currently walking our very streets attached to slack upper lips and often spotted navigating their way around bottle rims of Senoritabeater is another breed: the ‘ironic moustache’.

Throwing shapes as diverse and hirsute as the Horseshoe, the Fu Manchu, the Lilibrow and the Chops, ironic moustaches are now setting apart the men from the boys and creating hot fuzz amongst trendsetters and art directors alike.

History tells us that mankind had the machination to mark territory between their noses and chins from as early as 300BC. In more modern times the moustaches of military men meant cavalier gestures of rank and maturity. However if Lord Cardigan was currently charging the Light Bar I wonder if his cavalry might stop to shave stripes into their sideburns.

And what are ironic moustaches really saying? One of a wedding party told me he had been part of a collective bristle boom as a gag for the groom: in his mind the real Best Man was the one with the biggest brashest brush.

But are others making statements less Iron John and more Casual Acquaintance of Dorothy. Devil-may-care facial hair that says ‘, you could drive a train through my metrosexuality’?

Another theory is the lady-pleaser. The use of additional facial hair friction bringing an element of furry spice to ‘drinking from the furry cup’.

The shaggy-shag… The ‘womb groom’. If this is indeed the case, I might (ironically) suggest that the often moustachio-depicted Frieda Kahlo may have administered the most thrilling ‘older lady’ blow job since Granny-Helen from Neighbours took her teeth out.

Finally there’s the ‘charidee’ angle. Testicles, starving kids and office Xmas parties have all been benefactors of cash raised through encouraging chaps to be sartorially razor-lite.

Whether it is to make a mark or leave one, once the mo’ has had its moment I look forward to the return of the Mach III.

S E V I L S N I U IAL HAIR R

FAC sack

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Firgas E

JAC K ’ S ‘ R U F F L E S T H E P H O TO G R A P H E R ’ V E NT U R E S I NTO T E R R I TO RY U N K N OW N TO AT T E N D T H E F I N A L F E S T I VA L O F T H E S U M M E R , B E S T I VA L . T H E R E H E M E T A P R AW N S TA R , E N G A G E D I N T H E U N I O N O F M A R R I AG E , V E RY N E A R LY L O S T H I S M I N D A N D G O T V E R Y, V E R Y W E T ! H E R E I S H I S D I A R Y.

D AY O N E

Friday morning and day one of Bestival dawned. It’s still raining after a week of foul weather. However, on the first day of a festival rain rarely dampens the spirit and we all adopted the gung-ho attitude that does us British proud! My good lady had been furiously researching the weather every half an hour on a daily basis in the weeks preceding so we were kitted out with waterproof garments to (hopefully) prevent our high spirits (and bodies) from being saturated.

We set off, rucksacks jam packed with all those festival essentials; sleeping bag, 4 litres of festival strength cider, Tuxedo, lace umbrella, golf umbrella, an Iceberg lettuce, one litre of dark rum, toilet roll, tutu, 7 hats, Team Rave T-Shirts and a ball of string.

On entering the site what had previously been a beautiful grassy country park now resembled a war-torn battlefield. However on any normal battlefield the soldiers would not be dressed as prawns, octopuses, giant squid, sea monkeys or a very odd looking man wearing a horse’s head a pair of boxers and a dubious looking pair of ankle socks.

The mud was already ankle-thickness and the consistency of porridge. To take refuge from the unrelenting rain we all entered the Big Top to watch amazing back to back sets from Santogold, Ebony Bones and Ladyhawke.

Now we had a problem. Our cider had run out. So when someone suggested moving off to the bar for more ‘Brothers’ we jumped at the chance! Upon leaving the sweaty warmth of the Big Top we stepped out into the boggy mire and in the few hours that we’d been inside the place had gone a bit mental! Maybe it was the never ending rain, the copious amounts of Cider or the huge quantities of drugs people had been scoffing but this place was lively! A woman approached me instructing me to ‘Go Fucking Mental!’. Grown men were frolicking in the mud like Infants and people from all walks of life were dancing and jumping in the rain soaked air like it was a beautiful summer’s day.

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L O S T: W a l l e t , U m b r e l l a , F r i e n d x 1 F O U N D : G l o S t i c k , W a l l e t , R a i n S h o w e r s , C i d e r Te n t

After taking the ‘if you can’t beat ‘em join ‘em’ route it all got pretty messy.

We opted to stay inside the Big Top for the evening watching electric sets by Chromeo, CSS and Slam. When I took a moment out from the maddness to take in my surroundings I was boggled at the amount of people holding up poles with all manner of weird and wondrous things atop so they could locate their friends. I counted six octopuses (one was even decorated in fairy lights and glow-sticks), a flamingo having a fight with a crab, a sign simply stating ‘Lost’ (note to self: look for this later), and a fair few lamp-shades with working lights.

The best however was a young girl stood next to me with a pole no more than two feet high. Solemnly looking out at the crowd she bobbed her stick in time to the music. At its top was a goat’s skull. Totally intrigued I asked her what its name may be, ‘Maisy’ she replied nonchalantly. Turns out she’s a vegetarian too.

After well and truly kicking the back wheels off Friday I decided to call it a night when the portaloo walls started to cave in on me, it was 4am. After 2 hours of searching for my tent and a half hour stop in the portaloo waiting for the rain to subside and my memory to return, I finally remembered that in fact I was in Red camping and not Blue. I asked one of the passing fellow 6am revellers where my campsite was, he stopped in the mud and looked me square in the face, and with a soft, calming voice murmured ‘have you tried the Samaritans?’.

D AY T W O We awake in our makeshift home feeling not too bad considering the night before. I’m not a great fan of tents but after hearing about my friend sleeping in the portaloo all night after also losing his bearings I was glad of my flimsy weekend shelter.

I poked out my head to a small ray of

sunshine. Saturday is officially fancy dress day with a parade ascending throughout the site twice today. My group and I had all dressed as dead members of the fateful Titanic voyage and everyone had made an amazing effort. Once changed into our finery, we replenished our alcoholic supplies and retraced our steps to the main arena.

Here we dance and drink the afternoon away to amazing sets by The Specials reproducing amazing Ska, George Clinton - getting seriously Funky and Grace Jones, - well, being Grace Jones really!

During The Specials amazing hit packed set the heavens open once more for another barrage of rain. I was dressed in full sea captains uniform so i styled it out accordingly. Some of my other companions were not so well prepared.

After suffering from a little bit too much fun we retreated to the ‘Bollywood Bar’ for warmth and DJ fun. On the way we literally bumped into TV presenter Alan Carr. We got chatting and on inspection of his fancy garment we asked Alan what he had come as, ‘A Prawn Star Innit!’. A friend who was dressed as a 4ft 10’ Sea Monkey decided that she should then mount Alan and hang off his tentacles (that’s TENTantcles!’) whilst shouting ‘I love you!’ repeatedly and planting hundreds of kisses on him. We eventually dragged her off the flustered Crustacean and went on our merry way leaving a shocked Mr Carr in our wake.

After a few hours of lovely cold lagers and pumping house music in Bollywood we head back to the main stage for headline act Miss Amy Winehouse. She is 40 minutes late and halfway Into her show when we realise that we are noticing the Bestival fireworks more than we are her, so we decide to head over to join a few thousand dancing sailors, fish, sea monsters and mermaids in the Big Top for Aphex Twin, 808 State and ColdCut.

the beautiful bride and her bridesmaids walked up the straw covered isle towards us. After a ten minute, very surreal ceremony we (un)officially wed and walking out of the church under rows of interlinked steeple shaped arms into the awaiting public. Photos done and congratulations out the way, it was now time for the reception!

We moved from the church, down the hill and into the heaving festival masses with new vigour and guile and after what felt like our own little festival parade we finally ended up at the bar.

More vodka and gin followed, then brandy, a few ciders and some seriously good live music in the surrounding tents! If there had been any bad vibes from Friday and Saturday’s bad weather they had completely evaporated today as the warm sun shone down on us all !

After watching sets by Roni Size, Neon Neon and DJ Derek we headed back to the main stage to watch Underworld close the festival. We found a children’s playground and made this base camp for the evening. We stood and watched the amazing sound and light show that Underworld produced whilst dancing solidly for almost 2 hours. I dressed up in a caterpillar outfit, which seemed appropriate at the time. At the end of the show an amazing array of Fireworks were dispatched to light up the Isle of Wight Sky. It was an amazing finale to a truly amazing festival and one which we all agreed we would be back for next year!

From Big Stage to campsite we went from bar to bar to elongate our evenings entertainment even seeing a band called ‘We are not Laurent Garnier’ on the way.

They were right, they weren’t. Har Mar Superstar did sing though, which was pretty cool. Bed finally beckoned and I and my excitable friends finally decided to call it a night, 5.30am.

Bestival, We Love You x www.bestival.net www.bigloveinflatablechurch.com

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D AY T H R E E L O S T: G i r l f r i e n d , £ 4 0 , T h e w i l l to Live FOUND: Wife, Caterpillar Outf i t , C a r K e y, M a tt t h e s t a t e m e n t t e l l e r.

Sunday, the day of rest. Not for us revellers though. The sun is shining; the birds are singing and I’m getting married! Yes, my lovely girlfriend and I are tying the knot in the ‘Inflatable Church’ on the hill in Bestival Village at 2.30 sharp. Its currently 11am so we decide to stage Hen and Stag mornings to get into the wedding spirit(s). As I and the other men of the congregation leave the tents and wade through the ever deepening gloop towards the church, we look over the sunny hills covered in a blanket of makeshift weekend homes, and I take a moment and think ‘this really is a beautiful site’. ‘Drink?’, ‘Oh Yes!’.

On route to the church we get stopped by a young hostess who invites us in to the invitation only Gordon’s Gin Bar where our party starts! Their we are drinking G&T’s in the sun, dressed in Tuxedos and full wedding garb with muddled minds and muddied boots, having quite possibly the time of our lives! After a good while and on inspection of the clock it is time for us to leave.

So after a lot of free booze and some bad Disco Dancing we wave goodbye to our alcoholic haven and head up the hill towards our destination.

We arrive and are greeted by a large Gothic Building completely filled with Air. Walking out of the building towards us were the Vicar, the ‘Reverend Duncan’ ‘Matt the Hat’ the organiser. Whilst waiting for the bride we smoke cigarettes, drink Vodka and tell jokes with our Holy Hosts. Soon the time came so we all took our places inside the church and waited for the bride (whilst dancing to cheesy disco tunes). The music then died and the famous wedding march was struck up and played over the holy speaker system. I put my fag out as

W h a t h a p p e n e d E a s t E n d m e t a g i r l . . .

w h e n W e s t

t h e E n d

Last night Louise Orcheston-Findlay made history by becoming the youngest, blondest, boldest girl to go where no man had gone before and fuse together 17 venues and over 150 performers in a zeitgeist Hoxton Triangle hubbub over one weekend to create the event that was the Shoreditch Shuffle.

In the six months I have worked on this project as her publicist she also became my hero. Getting the innovators of east London to come together for one weekend was certainly not as EC-peasy as you’d imagine!

We started this adventure in Camden; with pink Fruli beers and big ideas. As auspicious rain fell on our notebooks we vowed it wouldn’t fall on our parade.

Lu was confident and I was her confident. She knew what she wanted, namely and event that was expressive, excessive, exciting and inviting. Plus 333, Pete Doherty, money for nothing and drinks for free.

It seemed so simple. Why on earth would the whole world not want to get involved with the coolest, sparkiest, most exciting thing to hit Shoreditch since...

‘Well Mexico’?

But Lu and I discovered vamps and villains... helpers and hinderers. I could go on forever and detail the whole adventure by date and time (and gin and tonic) measure for measure but will instead pick just six electric excerpts.

PETER DOHERTY Lu loves Pete. She really wanted to have him involved with Shuffle. We had a lifeline to him through his friend and biographical filmmaker Ronnie. A journo was to interview Pete for Mail on Sunday and had given him some bribes... We were in the background. Journo was liberal with the bribes and Pete got brash. Four of Pete’s close friends died suspiciously. The papers reported this, went hardcore and wanted more. The Sun made a fuss; Pete blamed us. He wouldn’t be involved with Shuffle. Then he changed his mind. Then he changed it back. His cat reproduced... Lu had kittens... We never got to show the film Ronnie made about his life but we got to know Pete in glorious technicolor.

MIGHTY BOOSH We thought the Boosh band would be brilliant at Shuffle but couldn’t get to them.

Then we had the opportunity to review their festival in deepest Kent. We got drunk, stranded and ex-banded in smalltown England whilst Lu snogged a journo who turned out to be a no-no.

TIGER ASPECT An idea to film the making of the Shuffle led us to a producer called Jonty; with the physique of a Disney prince and the charm of someone not scared of ridicule. Jonty clearly wanted to capture on camera a cross between Press Gang and Skins, but ended up with footage of public school kids parodying Nathan Barley.

PEARL LOWE Pearl was an inspiration and a legend. She helped us, gave us a constant press angle and kept an air of dignity and splendour. She recommended her celeb friends and introduced us to her beautiful children. We hope she will be a Shuffle patron again.

CORDY HOUSE Cordy was the last and best venue we booked for Shuffle and really encapsulated the vibe, as well as giving us an ace base, a shell and a blank space to fill. When the sun shone and the party got on, we all rose to the roof and raised a glass of rum to the sun and EC1 fun.

You can read all about the Shoreditch Shuffle on the blog: www.shoreditchshuffle.wordpress.com Additional love and respect goes to: Jaz Cummins, James Parsons, Caitlin Storey, Zoe Griffin, Max Thurlow, Georgina Littlejohn, Nic Rider, Great Cake Escape, Red Bull, Renâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Kitchen, Johnny Vercoutre, Kings of Neon and Eskimopush for going that extra mile Shoreditch Shuffle 2009: WALK THIS WAY...

W e e k e n d

images : Alan Davies words : Firgas Esack

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