Nine In Recovery

Chapter Nine

In Recovery

I'll never forget the first night that Shelley was in I.C.U. My mother-in-law and I slept (barely) in the not-so-comfortable waiting room chairs. We could only go in to see Shelley a little at a time so that there would be limited brain stimulation from our presence. We were told that it was especially important for her brain to rest while it was in the process of healing.

As a quick side note, I believe this is the way it is in the spiritual realm as well. It is only when we learn to rest in Christ that we can receive the inner healing of our Great Physician.

In the middle of the night, my mother-in-law came out from a short visit with a smile. She said that as she approached Shelley's room, the nurse met her shaking her head. While she was down in the cafeteria eating lunch, the buzzers had gone off on her floor, indicating an emergency situation. She ran upstairs to see the entire floor staff assembled in my wife’s room. Shelley had her hands placed into partial restraints so that she wouldn't reach up and try to pull out her breathing tube. Because of the strong medicines that she was on, she didn't realize what she was doing. All she knew was that the large object shoved down her throat had to go.

While the nurse watching over her closely was gone, Shelley bent down to her hands and pulled the tube right out. The reason for the scare is that it is doing the breathing for them and no one knows if they will be able to breathe on their own once it’s removed. Thankfully, she did.

The nurse laughingly said, “Man, is she going to have a sore throat.” There is an inflated cuff on the bottom of the tube to keep it down. The proper procedure is to deflate it before removal. Shelley found a short cut, and yes, she did have a horrific sore throat afterwards.

Over the next two weeks that she spent in I.C.U., it was amazing to see how the Spirit of God within her was still sharp and active when her spirit was so dull. It was this very gift of discerning spirits that I have always looked to for 49

confirmation over the years as we engaged the enemy.

During her stay at the hospital and rehabilitation facility she would sense different spirits that were coming from the different nurses and therapists. At one point soon after her brain surgery, when her brain was still not as sharp, I had to request a different nurse because of Shelley's obvious apprehension about this particular person. A different one came in and so did a different spirit. It was very noticeable in Shelley's eyes and body language. I believe that due to the vulnerable condition of a patient, the enemy is very active in hospitals. I would find this out first hand in the days to come. I also witnessed the Spirit of God working through His servants that were employed there.

For Such A Time As This

One day the doctor pulled me off to the side, telling me that there appeared to be some blood flow problems in Shelley's front carotid arteries. We had to go for an ultrasound to check it out. On the way, I was anxiously talking to the Lord. The Holy Spirit reminded me of His promise to be with me every step of the way. I said thank-you and felt the peace of God returning within my heart.

On our way to the procedure I began a conversation about the Lord with the nurse. She told me that she was also a believer. We continued talking in the ultrasound room. As we shared about Esther, Shelley, who was still half out of it, suddenly said, “For such a time as this.” I teared up and so did the nurse. As expected, the ultra sound turned out negative. This type of thing would happen a few other times as we went on.

Solomon writes in Proverbs the following well known exhortation;

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.” (Proverbs 3:5-6/NASU)

I would lean on this promise often. Unlike the Lord, human feelings and emotions can’t always be trusted.

I want to mention at this time the great strength and encouragement that was coming from the people of our town, Cedar Springs. When they first found out about Shelley's condition, they called an emergency prayer meeting. Our little home church at that time was packed. The Lord spoke to many people's hearts during the prayer meeting which lasted for about three of the four hours during surgery. I will be forever grateful to the small town with a big heart.

They brought so much food that a schedule had to be set up. One day a refrigerator showed up in my garage and they started packing it with more food. Someone was doing our laundry, others were sending me food cards,

gas cards, and money. I was off work for five weeks with my employers blessing.

Also, a local man plowed our driveway which was no small thing. Living in Michigan, we receive a fair amount of snow during the winter months. We live in the country and my driveway is nine hundred feet long.

My wife had influenced many in our area with her work in the Parents as Teachers organization within the public school. Basically they teach young couples parenting skills. She also works through the public schools with the pregnant teens. Her straight forward, loving approach had touched many.

Shelley had already established a good witness of Christ to many people. Like Moses, she had been faithful in all God's house as a servant for a testimony of those things which were to be spoken later (Hebrews 3:5). It's a simple but true saying that people don't care what you know until they know that you care. This was proven to be true in my wife's life.

Rehabilitation

After two weeks of steady improvements in the hospital, Shelley was released to Mary Free Bed Rehabilitation Hospital in Grand Rapids, Michigan. It is an incredible place that was used to help her in the process of recovery. Among many other normal functions, she had to learn how to walk and talk again. Everything was new and usually had a wall of fear that would have to first be dealt with.

I remember the first steps that she took. It was hard watching your wife, who had always been so capable of doing many things at once, learning to walk with the aid of a walker. Little things such as making a bed, or even getting dressed, had to be tackled one day at a time. Even though her balance was coming back, it would take a little time before she felt confident enough to go on her own. I would be so proud of her as she did these now difficult tasks with great determination.

Having our newly adopted daughter at home was good incentive for her to get better. She wanted to get well as fast as possible to get home and take care of her. There were some very discouraging days filled with many tears, but the Lord was sustaining her through them all.

I would come to the hospital in the morning while she was in rehab, finding her laying there with a big smile on her face reading her Bible. She would say to me, “Guess what the Lord said to me this morning?” Shelley would then proceed, with slurred speech, to tell me a promise that the Lord had just given her. They were for our town, herself, and others. The Lord is truly good, far beyond our comprehension.

“Where Is There God Now?”

During this trying time, someone in our town made the comment, “Where is there God now?” This is nothing new. The psalmist heard the same thing many years ago, causing him to write;

“As a shattering of my bones, my adversaries revile me, while they say to me all day long, ‘Where is your God?’ Why are you in despair, O my soul? And why have you become disturbed within me? Hope in God, for I shall yet praise Him, the help of my countenance, and my God.” (Psalm 42:10-11/NAS)

Indeed, we shall yet praise Him!

Some might ask what kind of God would allow His children to suffer. Most do not understand the wounds of God and their purpose. Some are simply for His glory while others are to get the attention of His wayward children.

In the Scriptures, there is a difference between the wounds of an enemy and the wounds of God. An enemy will wound you to hurt or even kill you. The Lord wounds us at times in order to deal with the fleshly nature.

It is because of His love for us that we are disciplined, when necessary. It’s part of the lifelong process of being conformed to His image. Our flesh would like an easier way. We have a tendency to desire the power of Pentecost without the suffering of Calvary.

Hebrews 12:5-14 says;

“My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor faint when you are reproved by Him; For those whom the Lord loves He disciplines, and He scourges every son whom He receives. It is for discipline that you endure; God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom his father does not discipline? But if you are without discipline, of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. Furthermore, we had earthly fathers to discipline us, and we respected them; shall we not much rather be subject to the Father of spirits, and live? For they disciplined us for a short time as seemed best to them, but He disciplines us for our good, that we may share His holiness. All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness. Therefore, strengthen the hands that are weak and the knees that are feeble, and make straight paths for your feet, so that the limb which is lame may not be put out of joint, but rather be healed. Pursue peace with all men, and the sanctification without which no one will see the Lord.” (NASU)

The wounds of Jesus that He inflicts us with produce His mark upon our lives. We share in His sufferings in order that we may also be glorified with Him (Romans 8:16-19). Oh, the wisdom of God! Shelley always says: “If you have a God that you can understand, you have a God no greater than yourself.”

I will never forget the first message I spoke after Shelley's stroke at the little church we were attending. I titled it The Calling Of The Bride. As I walked toward the pulpit, the Holy Spirit came upon me like He never had before. For a few minutes, all I could do was weep.

I remember saying, “Lord, it's so deep.” I said this because, in that moment, I understood that He was allowing me to feel His heart for the current condition of His Bride within our nation. It was a love that is incomparable to any that is on earth. Oh how He loves you and me!

The Promised Revival

As mentioned earlier, through Shelley’s stroke the Lord revealed to me a final revival that is coming to the church. Though His bride appears to be almost dead within the majority of the church in America, as Shelley appeared to be, she too will be raised to life through the very difficult circumstances we will go through. The good news is that through the Lord's wounds He inflicts upon His Body, we will be healed!

Shelley's Perspective

Waking up in a hospital room, not knowing why you were there in the first place was a real shock. After the first week, I remember coming to my senses. I vaguely remember the days after my stroke. They had me on some heavy medicines to relieve all the pain that I was in.

A couple of days after my surgery, I remember a few doctors standing at the foot of my bed. They were having me do things like placing my finger on my nose, and tracking their fingers from one side of the room to the other. It was then that I asked my husband what had happened to me. He leaned over the bed and whispered in my ear that I'd had a stroke. I knew that having a stroke wasn't good and I remember shutting my eyes. “A stroke?” I said.

One day, a couple of therapists came to start some rehabilitation. They needed to get me up walking. I remember the room spinning around. It was a dizziness that wouldn't leave for a few weeks. They were on either side of me. With a walker and their holding on to me, I took ten steps. I was exhausted! I didn't know at the time how important those steps were. God reminds us in Proverbs 20:24; “A man's steps are directed by the Lord.”

I still wasn't that coherent. My speech was garbled. In fact, when I tried to talk it didn't sound like me. I knew what I wanted to say but it took too much effort, so I limited my talking.

One of the things that I remembered the most was the sense of family. My husband and children were what I thought about daily. The thought of when I would come home to be with them never occurred to me. Perhaps it was God's way of easing the pain. It would be some time before I could go home and be the wife and mother that I once was.

The day finally came for me to go to Mary Free Bed Rehabilitation Hospital. I still didn't have the capacity to fully realize why I was going there.

After they had transported me, they assigned me a cheery room with a large window overlooking a sitting area. Shortly after my arrival, they gave me a copy of my rehabilitation sessions. Every day, I would wake up promptly at 7:30am. After breakfast someone would come to help me dress myself. I had to relearn how to brush my hair and my teeth, as well as other bathroom needs. I did this with very little balance as I could barely walk, feeling quite dizzy. I needed assistance with everything I did.

I would begin my first session at 9:30am with my Occupational Therapist. I was very apprehensive when they came to wheel me down to a large room where others were. As I looked at all the people, I felt as if they were staring at me. My therapist assured me that what I was experiencing was all very normal. The stimulation that my brain was experiencing was almost too much for me to bear.

At 10:30am it was time for my session with a Physical Therapist, followed by an 11:30am session with a Speech Therapist. This was repeated after lunch and a short nap. Needless to say, I was exhausted by 5:00pm. These grueling sessions lasted for two weeks. I went to every one of them. I knew that this would help me to get better.

Some of the patients, including my roommate, didn't feel that these sessions were necessary. I looked at it not only as a way for me to get better, but also a way to minister to others. I always had a good attitude. The Lord gave me the grace I needed. James 4:6 says; “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.”

I had some wonderful Christian nurses while in Mary Free Bed. We would often read Scriptures together. My husband brought The Message Bible for me to read because it was easier to comprehend. I tried to get my Bible reading in before my sessions. One morning while I was reading, the Lord spoke to me. He was very near while I was sick. Many people wouldn't understand this, but I felt His presence at the end of my bed.

In Joshua 1:5 God was talking to Joshua when He said; “As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you.” This really was true! He was not only with Joshua and Moses, but He was with me too.

That morning, I turned to Isaiah 41:10-12. In The Message it read like this;

“You're my servant, serving on my side. I've picked you. I haven't dropped you. Don't panic. I'm with you. There's no need to fear for I'm your God. I'll give you strength. I'll help you. I'll hold you steady, keep a firm grip on you.”

Down further in the chapter He said;

“That's right. Because I, your God, have a firm grip on you and I'm not letting go. I'm telling you, “Don't panic. I'm right here to help you.”

What words of comfort! They brought me great encouragement when I finally realized that my family was home without me.

It was basketball season for my oldest son who was a senior in high school. My husband was trying to juggle the children, me, and the things at home. He needed to go to his game. He only had four games left to play. I knew that it was important. He kissed me goodbye and proceeded down the hallway. That was probably the loneliest evening I had.

I remember looking out the window with the snow gently falling down, wondering if I would ever be the same again. When the enemy was coming in like a flood, the Lord was there with a firm grip on me. In that moment He reminded me that He was right there to help me and He would give me the strength that I needed. Walking and talking came rather slowly. They had me out of my wheelchair and using a walker. The belts that they used came in handy too. I was still really dizzy and asked my doctor what I could do. He told me that there were pills I could take to alleviate the dizziness. I prayed to the Lord and asked Him to take it away.

Remembering that He was keeping a firm grip on me, I mentioned my concerns to a Christian nurse one evening. She said, “Shelley, my mother has experienced a stroke. They encouraged her to drink plenty of water.” So I began my water regiment. Soon, the dizziness left! I started feeling better. Later, I went from a walker to a cane.

My Speech Therapy was difficult. After waking up from the stroke, I had a thick, German-like accent. I couldn't pronounce anything that made any sense. You really had to listen. My therapist had me pronouncing my children's names.

One morning, while in session, I repeated a few words she gave me. As I began to recite them, I started to cry. The therapist immediately stopped. She asked me why I was crying. I said, “For the first time, I heard myself in the words I just spoke.” What a sweet sound! It reminded me of the first time the birds chirped in the Spring. After that session, I heard myself talking more. My voice was coming back.

After the third week, my husband felt it was time for me to read some of the e-mails that people had sent to me. The hospital had a room that we could use. He wheeled me down and sat me before a computer. I began to pour through the many get well messages. I could hardly believe my eyes! I never knew the impact I had made on the peoples lives.

My husband got called away for a brief moment. While he was gone, I landed on his. This is what he wrote:

“For richer or poorer, for better or worse, in sickness and in health. ”

Shelley, I made that vow May 30, 1981. I will keep my vow. We have been through many things together already, we will be through many more together. There were so many things that came to my mind as I sat in the waiting room Tuesday night, January 20, with friends and family as you were being operated on. It was the longest 4 hours of my life. I will never forget the looks on everyone’s faces as we sat in a small room with the neurosurgeon. He told us that he thought that you were too far gone already, but with our permission he would still like to try and save your life. We quickly said “Yes!”

After we told you we loved you through many tears, we came out and had a family prayer meeting like we always have done in the past. Our commitment to each other is strong because our commitment to Jesus Christ is our strong foundation. He promises us in His word that, “I will never leave you or forsake you.” I walked through the valley of the shadow of death, and I can say with all confidence, “I fear no evil, for Thou art with me.” I remember having a conversation with my brother about the difference between the delivering hand of the Lord, and the sustaining hand of the Lord. He sustained me as I waited to hear the outcome of the operation, then He delivered us with the good news of your life being spared.

I was driving to work one morning about a month ago, when the Lord had spoken to my heart. As I was talking to Him, I heard Him very clearly say within me, “I will be with you every step of the way.” I thought to myself, “Thank-you Lord”, not really sure why He had said that. I then knew why.

As I thought about that moment, great faith welled up within me. He had said, “Every step of the way”, which meant to me that we were going to have more steps together! The peace of the Lord swept over me and I found the eye of the storm in the sustaining words of life of our Lord. Romans 8:28 says, “God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.” This verse was just as true Tuesday night as it was the night before your stroke came. Praise Jesus! We are a team. Remember the words the Lord spoke to you a few years ago while you were in prayer? He has a work for us which is yet to be fulfilled in

its entirety. We came to Cedar Springs because the Lord sent us here. We know that this town will see the glory of our Lord. My love for this town has expanded a hundred fold through this! Their outpouring of love towards you and our family is unbelievable. The food, the gas cards, the money, plowing our driveway, the many cards, the phone calls, the cleaning of our house, the watching of our baby, Ana, and many more things has been above and beyond anything I could ever have imagined. I love the people of Cedar Springs.

What a testimony of their love for you Shelley. You have sown fields of kindness, and are now reaping what you have sown. Your love for your family, your friends, and your community has not been in vain. All of us are praying for a full recovery. The Lord our Healer will show himself faithful once again. As I look back on what I was feeling within me that night of your surgery, I had some thoughts come to me. My heart literally ached for you, my bride, as I was in agony over your condition. The Lord revealed to me His heart for His bride, the church, and her condition. He longs, He aches for us to come back from being dead spiritually. He wants to hug and love on us and to commune with us. We have become apathetic in our commitments to Him and are like those in the Scriptures who were, “dead even though they were alive.”

You know that we talk about this often, but now I have been able to feel Jesus’ heart towards His people. It brings tears to my eyes even as I write this. As the parable in the Scriptures says, the storms in our lives test the foundation. We have chosen Christ as our solid rock. In Him, we will stand firm no matter what may come. The joy of the Lord, of spending time in His presence, is our strength. I have been so proud of our kids in their response through all of this. They have just witnessed in Christ what we have been teaching them for many years. They will grow spiritually by leaps and bounds as they reflect in the days ahead of the goodness of the Lord.

You have been so faithful in teaching them not just by word but in deed what it means to serve and love Jesus by serving others. Your servant heart has been an inspiration to me many times, pointing out the selfish desires within. I love you with all of my heart and look forward to what the Lord has for us together in the days ahead. Your greatest work lies just ahead. A “great and mighty work” is about to be birthed. You are truly a Proverbs 31 woman; “An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels.” Thankyou Jesus for Shelley.

Forever yours Shelley, forever yours Jesus, Tim

I didn't understand those words that my husband had written to me back then. As I read them now, I can't help but think of the tremendous struggle he

must have been going through.

The words that were written, “Your greatest work in Christ lies just ahead,” were words of prophecy. Little did he know then what was just around the corner for us. God was about to take us on a wonderful journey. At times it would be difficult, but the message of Paul in Philippians 3:8 would become much more personal as the weeks and months progressed;

“What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ.”