Fostering Emmy

Words by Adria Church | Images by Savan Crutchfield

My husband and I got married after a year of dating and were madly in love. About 9 months in and still in the full swing of the honeymoon stage, we were camping, hiking, traveling and enjoying life, when we were stopped in our tracks. Oddly enough, my husband and I never really talked about kids and when that would happen. He was one of 7 and I was one of 3, so we both knew we wanted a family, but never went into much detail other than that.

Out of nowhere, I started to hear the words “foster care” over and over and over. It was like I couldn’t get away from it. Our church was randomly having an informational meeting, and it was all over the radio. I had also recently met a foster family. I thought it was really odd. I knew something was going on, but I didn’t say a word to Colt, and I didn’t know where to start. We had only been married 9 months after all, and he was going to think I was CRAZY! I decided to gather more information. I really had zero idea of what foster care looked like, aside from keeping other peoples’ kids when the state removed them. I had a dear friend and neighbor who had coincidentally gotten her degree in social work, so we spent a good long time on her couch talking about all of the ins and outs. I left her house with tons of information, and a burdened heart.

I sat on it for several weeks and just kept praying. I wasn’t sure what Colt would think about all of it, and I, myself, thought it was pure madness. Finally one night as we were getting into bed, I felt the tugging that it was time. I turned to Colt and said, “Babe, I know you’re going to think I’m crazy for this, but I feel like God has really been tugging my heart and I need to talk to you about it. I think God is wanting us to become foster parents.” To which he replied, “Okay, me too. Let’s do it.” We had a short conversation that night and the next day I was researching foster agencies.

We quickly got licensed and a few months later had our first foster son - a 2 year old. He absolutely rocked our world, and then left to be with family after 5 months, devastating our family and us. Colt wanted to take a break to grieve, but I couldn’t stand the silence in the home and the unused toys and reminders all around us, so I begged him that we open back up. This was a team effort after all; we were either both all in, or all out. He agreed and within a week we received a call for a precious little one who had been hurt and was in the hospital to be discharged any day. I didn’t even call him because I new his answer (of course I did after the call), and I told them YES! This time, we were talking about an 8-week old baby girl, and we had nothing for a new baby!

After the call, I quickly showered and went up to the hospital where I got to hold our sweet girl for the very first time. Colt was working so we face-timed and I sent photos all through the night as I stayed there with her and held her. Her prognosis was scary with a big question mark as to what her future would look like, but for the time being, she seemed to be doing really well. That next day, we took her home and quickly got settled in. We were told that first week, that there was biological family interested in getting her, so she would probably be leaving soon and we put up a little bit of a wall. After just being hurt so deeply losing our last foster son, we weren’t ready to go through that again. As time went on, things with her biological family weren’t panning out.

After having her only a few short months, it became obvious to me that something wasn’t quite right. She was having some feeding issues and her pediatrician wasn’t giving it much attention. It was then I decided to make the move to a doctor about an hour away from us who specialized in foster children. Immediately, the doctor agreed that something wasn’t right and ordered a swallow study. The results came back grim, showing that with every swallow, our little girl was aspirating, and getting liquid into her lungs. This was believed to be caused by her brain injury. There was lots of hope and we started our sweet girl right away on thickened formula and speech therapy. After a couple more months and more concerns from me, the doctor agreed that another swallow study was in order by a different speech therapist. This time was different. The therapist wouldn’t let us leave the x-ray room without first speaking with the pediatrician about the results. We were told the results weren’t good and our doctor squeezed us in for an appointment a few hours later.

When we got in with the doctor, she told us what we didn’t want to hear. Her aspiration was at a very dangerous level, which put our girl at high risk for aspiration pneumonia, which could be deadly for her. We were admitted to the hospital that day and stayed overnight while they declared that she was no longer allowed to eat by mouth and they put in an NG feeding tube that went through her nose and to her stomach. She HATED it and kept pulling it out. After one night, we were discharged with instructions to see a GI doctor. Life at home was hard. She was now connected to a feeding pump almost continuously. It was also at this time that she was just beginning to crawl, so we had to keep 24-hour surveillance on her to make sure she didn’t get tangled in the tubes, or pull them out (oh and she was pulling them out up to 3 times a day so I would have to put it back in…excruciating). Once we saw the GI doctor, surgery was decided to be the best action for her and a g-tube was placed to make things a little bit easier and more comfortable for her.

While all of this was going on, she was seeing more specialists than I could count, was in the ER almost once a week, and in over 8 hours of therapy a week. It was definitely hard, but it was all so worth it. We loved this little girl beyond belief and were willing to do whatever it took to get her the best care she could possibly have.

At the same time, we were told that the case was headed to termination, and we would likely be adopting our sweet girl. To say that we were elated was a severe understatement but our excitement was short lived. A family member came forward who expressed interest. We are extremely pro family, but due to the nature of our girl’s medical needs, we felt very strongly that she was in the best place she could be with us.

89Just when we thought things couldn’t get worse, CPS ordered a 4 day visit with this family member. We expressed our extreme concern over the medical training needed to take care of our little one, but CPS didn’t hear much of it. They sent her off and we spent the weekend praying and hurting. Then the day came to pick her up and I couldn’t wait! I saw her and something was very wrong. She was normally very attached to me and responsive, but that day she was quiet and looked very ill and confused. I rushed her to her doctor where it was confirmed that she had not been properly cared for. The doctors even went as far as to say that another day or two in that home, and we could be talking death. I must also say here, that I don’t think this was by any means intentional, but absolutely could have been prevented.

We were certain CPS wouldn’t send her back again, but we were wrong. The next weekend she was sent away again and we were devastated. I’m not sure I have ever hit such a low in my entire life. Up until this point, I hadn’t really given any of our girl’s needs over to God and I was in a full on battle with Him to let go. I vividly remember spending hours in the shower crying and praying, and begging God to send her back to us and not allow her to be hurt again. It wasn’t until hours later that I finally felt so completely worn and knew this situation was beyond anything I had control over, and I let it go and gave it up to God. It was then that this indescribable peace came over me and I felt inaudibly as if God were telling me it was going to be okay.

I immediately called my husband and told him that we had to trust that it was going to be okay. I fully understood that “okay” didn’t necessarily mean that she was going to get to be with us as well. Shortly after that conversation, we received a call that the remaining visit was being cancelled and we needed to come pick her up immediately. I cannot even put into words what I felt in that moment.

In court a couple of weeks later, we found out that we would be adopting our beautiful Emmy, and 5 months later it was official. Fast-forward another 5 months later and we found out I was pregnant with our beautiful Eile girl, and our hearts were full.

People try to tell us all the time how amazing it is what we went through and how lucky she is, but we are truly the lucky ones. Emmy has the most incredible joy and fighting spirit. We don’t go out into public without being stopped by MULTIPLE people. And oh… that pesky g-tube…it’s GONE! She grew stronger monthly with therapy and after over a year of having it, she was able to fully eat by mouth again. She is now a seemingly normal, talkative 2 year old. She is truly our little miracle.

Our story hasn’t ended, but has just begun. We can’t wait to see where life takes us from here.