“ Ho n e y , ICa n ’ tSe eSt r a i g h tAg a i n ”
I ts eemsa l c ohol c a nbeak eyt ha tunl oc k st hemi nd
Apos t c a r df r om depr es s i on
“ ” L onel i nes sha sf ol l owedmemywhol el i f e, ev er y wher e. I nba r s , i nc a r s , s i dewa l k s , s t or es , ev er y wher e. T her e’ snoes c a pe. I ’ m God’ sl onel yma n”
“ Ma n, l a s tni ghtI s nuc koutoft hehous e. I wa sf eel i ngdepr es s ed, mor et ha nI ha di na whi l e. I twa s n’ tj us tmyment a l s t a t et ha twa sl ow, I wa nt edt ohur tmy s el f . I putmyea r phonesi n a ndwentf orawa l k , i twa squi eta ndnoonewa s a r ound. T het houghtofdea t hl oomedbutt he dev i l wa snots t r ongenought oper s ua demet o j oi nhi m. I s a tdowni na nempt ypa r k , t i l t edmy hea dba c ka nds t a r edupt ot hes t a r sa ndt he i n ni t euni v er s e. I tbr oughtmet oac ompl et e c a l m, t heev i l t hought swer ewel l a ndt r ul ygone. I wentf orawa l kt henex tni ghta ndl ook edupa t s k y , i twa ss oc l oudyt ha tnotas t a rc oul dbes een. I t houghtt omy s el fa tt ha tmoment , i ft he t hought sa ndf eel i ngsr unni ngt hr oughmyhea d l a s tni ghtwer ea v i dt oni ght , woul dmya c t i ons ha v el ea dmedownadev i l i s hpa t h? ”
“ I a r r i v edhomes t umbl i ngupt hes t eps , t hes a mes t umbl e I ha v ef el tma nywa l k sbef or e. T ooi nt ox i c a t edt oc a r e a boutwhi c hl eggoesnex t , mor ewor r i edt ha tI a r r i v ed homef eel i ngempt ya ga i n, noonei sher e,j us tme�
I tc r eepsi nt ohi ss ha dowsa l wa y st her e, i ta ppea r st ha t ma y behet r ul yonl yha shi ms el fi nt hi suni v er s e
“ T ol ov ei st oha t e, t ha t ’ st heonl ywa yI s eei tendi ng”
I begi nbyt el l i ngmyf r i enda sI ha v ema nyat i mebef or e, “ I wi s hI ha d. . . ”Hes t opsmebef or ei c a ngi v emy ex pl a na t i on, “ buty oudi dn’ t ” . Myhea ddr ops .
“ Mya c t st hel a s tf ewni ght sha v ebeent ha tof emba r r a s s ment , nor egr etbutI c a n’ tk eepr epea t i ngt hi s c y c l e. I ha v et oa c c epti t . ”
“ I t houghty ous a i dy ou’ dnev erdr i nka ga i n? ” “ Yea hna hf uc kt ha t , c huc kmeabeer ”
“ I l ov ey ou. . . ” “ Ohy ea h. . . ”* ma k esey ec ont a c twi t hma t ess ha r i ngt he a wk wa r dnes soft hes t a t ementhea r d*
“ F orI ha v enev erbeenl ov ednorl ov eda not her , y etI ha v e f el thea r t br ea ka nds or r owf ordi ffer enti ndi v i dua l s . I t s eemsa l l t oomuc ht obea bl et ot r ul yl ov es omeonea tt hi s a ge, t her epea t edt houghtofl i v i nga l onegr owss t r onger byt hedr i nk . I a ms t a r t i ngt ol os emywa y sa ndmys el f c ont r ol ov ers omegi r l whowi l l nev erf eel t hes a me”
“ I F UCKI NG. . . f uc k i ng. . . l ov edherma n. I c ha ngedwhoI wa s f orher , buti twa s n’ tgoodenough, s hef ounds omeone bet t er ”
“ Buti nt heend, t hemos ti mpor t a ntt hi ngt oa c c epti st ha t noma t t erhowy ouf eel , howpa i nf ul i tma ybe, wi t ht he hel poft hos ea r oundy ou, y ou’ l l gett hr ought hi st oo”
“ I t ’ sgoodt os eey ouha ppya ga i nma t e”
“ Wha tc a nI s a yma t e, I ’ v egotnot hi ngt oc ompl a i na bout , ot her sj us tl ookf ora l l t heba dt hi ngsi nl i f e”
Af t ers ea r c hi ngt hi sy ea rf ora na ns wer , i ts eemsc l ea rt ha twea r enotc r ea t edt o c r a v et hel ov eofot her s , butt os pr ea d ourownt oa l l t hos et ha twemeet . T of oc usourener gyononl yonebei ng a ndnot r s tl ov eour s el fi sper ha pst he bi gges tdownf a l l oft hehuma nr a c e. Howc a nonet r ul yl ov ea not heri ft hey a r eoutofl ov ewi t ht hems el f ? I ts eemsa l l t ooc l ea rnow, t hepr obl em i s n’ tt ha twec a n’ t ndourpa r t neri nl i f e, ourpr obl em i swec a nt ndpea c ei n our s el v es .
T ha nk st oa l l t hos eI ’ v es ha r edni ght soutwi t h. Muc hl ov e