Kris on Health

Wellness

Sports Burnout in Kids

By Kris Denning

THIS FALL, MY YOUNGEST DAUGHTER STARTED HIGH SCHOOL. WE’VE LOOKED FORWARD TO WATCHING HER PLAY BASKETBALL IN HIGH SCHOOL EVER SINCE HER TEAM STARTED IN THE 4TH GRADE. THIS IS WHAT ALL HER WORK HAD BEEN LEADING UP TO, SO IT WAS QUITE A SHOCK WHEN SHE TOLD US THAT SHE WANTED TO HANG UP HER JERSEY FOR GOOD.

We hoped she would change her mind and had some long talks to see if we could figure out why she wanted to quit. I didn’t want her to quit out of fear of failure or the unknown. If she loved the game, I wanted to help her overcome any concerns she may have had. Turns out, her concerns were not missed opportunity (as ours were), but how her parents and friends might handle her decision.

Apparently, she stopped loving basketball more than a year ago, but had kept up to please everyone else. This was a tough pill to swallow, knowing that our daughter was not having fun anymore, just afraid of disappointing us. I wanted her to be happy above all else, so of course I supported her decision to quit. And then I wondered, how often does this happen?

According to a poll from National Alliance for youth sports, approximately 70% of kids quit sports by the age of 13! The biggest reason why? Because if just isn’t fun anymore.

This comes with the territory in the new age of youth sports. When many of us were kids, sports were seasonal. When one sport ended, a different sport began. Some kids were quite skilled, some of us were bench warmers. We all played. It was just that. Play. I can’t recall many parents at the games, or that the coaches cared much about whether we won or lost.

Now things look a bit different. Little kids start off trying out all kinds of sports, but often follow one sport as a specialty. This involves year-round training. Entire families traveling every weekend for tournaments and spending a substantial amount of money. For those who can’t afford it, the chances of making it on a high school team may be tougher alongside so many highly experienced kids. For those who do spend years training in one sport prior to high school, overuse injuries abound, and burnout is real.

If you have a kid specializing in a sport, check in with them before games and practices. Watch for signs of despair and lack of enthusiasm. Ask if they need a break and let them take one if they want. Pay attention if they complain about physical ailments unrelated to the game. My daughter seemed to get headaches often before practices and games, likely due to her conflicting feelings about playing. If you want to be at their game more than they do, there’s a problem.

As parents, we need to put our egos aside and remember that our kids are individual people with their own paths. If they decide to step away from a sport, give yourself time to grieve your own loss from this in private. It can be hard, but it is way harder to realize your kid is miserable and you had a direct hand in that.

I am proud of my daughter for choosing her own happiness, rather than choosing to please others. This is a life skill that will benefit her to no end.

Our children may look like us, but their human expressions are unique and more amazing than anything we can imagine. Let’s step out of the way, offer them love and support, and allow the beautiful unfolding of life.

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Kris

Kris Denning is a Yoga and Pilates teacher, Reiki Master, and Holistic Nutritionist.

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