40 15 willamette week, february 12, 2014 by Willamette Week Newspaper

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“A GREEN RUBBER ARM REACHING OUT OF A DRAIN.” P. 37 wweek.com

VOL 40/15 02.12.2014

g n i l Bow ove for L D SHINY MATCH, TINDER AN to pick up a BALLS: it’s tough . spare man in portland EDY BY DE BO RA H KE NN page 11

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kristen wright

NEWS nightclub scanners bounced. BOOKS HISTORY OF LOCAL CHEESE. MOVIES WATCH ROBOCOP CRY.

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N I C K PAT TO N

CONTENT

BIG PROFITS: Debt collectors are targeting tax delinquents. Page 9.

NEWS

MUSIC

LEAD STORY

PERFORMANCE 35

CULTURE

MOVIES

FOOD & DRINK

CLASSIFIEDS

STAFF Editor-in-Chief Mark Zusman EDITORIAL Managing Editor for News Brent Walth Arts & Culture Editor Martin Cizmar Staff Writers Nigel Jaquiss, Aaron Mesh, Kate Willson Copy Chief Rob Fernas Copy Editors Matt Buckingham, Jessica Pedrosa Stage & Screen Editor Rebecca Jacobson Music Editor Matthew Singer Projects Editor Matthew Korfhage Books Penelope Bass Dance Aaron Spencer Theater Rebecca Jacobson Visual Arts Richard Speer Editorial Interns Ramona DeNies, Kate Peifer, Lyla Rowen, Savannah Wasserman, Brendan Welch

CONTRIBUTORS Emilee Booher, Ruth Brown, Nathan Carson, Rachel Graham Cody, Pete Cottell, Jordan Green, Jay Horton, AP Kryza, Nina Lary, Mitch Lillie, John Locanthi, Enid Spitz, Grace Stainback, Mark Stock, Michael C. Zusman PRODUCTION Production Manager Ben Kubany Art Director Kathleen Marie Graphic Designers Mitch Lillie, Amy Martin, Xel Moore, Dylan Serkin Production Interns Emma Browne ADVERTISING Director of Advertising Scott Wagner Display Account Executives Maria Boyer, Ginger Craft, Michael Donhowe, Kevin Friedman, Janet Norman, Kyle Owens, Sharri Miller Regan, Andrew Shenker Classifieds Account Executive Matt Plambeck Advertising Assistant Ashley Grether Marketing & Events Manager Steph Barnhart Give!Guide Director Nick Johnson

Our mission: Provide Portlanders with an independent and irreverent understanding of how their worlds work so they can make a difference. Though Willamette Week is free, please take just one copy. Anyone removing papers in bulk from our distribution points will be prosecuted, as they say, to the full extent of the law. Willamette Week is published weekly by City of Roses Newspaper Company 2220 NW Quimby St., Portland, OR 97210. Main line phone: (503) 243-2122 fax: (503) 243-1115 Classifieds phone: (503) 223-1500 fax: (503) 223-0388

DISTRIBUTION Circulation Director Mark Kirchmeier WWEEK.COM Web Production Brian Panganiban Web Editor Matthew Korfhage MUSICFESTNW Executive Director Trevor Solomon Associate Director Matt Manza TECHFESTNW Program Director Lizzy Caston OPERATIONS Accounting Manager Chris Petryszak Credit & Collections Shawn Wolf Office Manager/Receptionist Sam Cusumano A/P Clerk Andrea Iannone Manager of Information Systems Brian Panganiban Associate Publisher Jane Smith Publisher Richard H. Meeker

Willamette Week welcomes freelance submissions. Send material to either News Editor or Arts Editor. Manuscripts will be returned if you include a self-addressed, stamped envelope. To be considered for calendar listings, notice of events must be received in writing by noon Wednesday, two weeks before publication. Send to Calendar Editor. Photographs should be clearly labeled and will be returned if accompanied by a selfaddressed, stamped envelope. Questions concerning circulation or subscription inquiries should be directed to Mark Kirchmeier at Willamette Week. Postmaster: Send all address changes to Willamette Week, 2220 NW Quimby St., Portland, OR 97210. Subscription rates: One year $100, six months $50. Back issues $5 for walk-ins, $8 for mailed requests when available. Willamette Week is mailed at third-class rates. A.A.N. Association of ALTERNATIVE NEWSWEEKLIES This newspaper is published on recycled newsprint using soy-based ink.

MAIN STORE 706 SE MARTIN LUTHER KING JR. BLVD / 503.233.5973 / M-F 10-7 SAT 10-5 SUN 12-5 OUTLET STORE 534 SE BELMONT, 503.446.2205 / RIVERCITYBICYCLES.COM / OPEN EVERY DAY Willamette Week FEBRUARY 12, 2014 wweek.com

INBOX NO LOVE FOR OUR “LOVE”

PROPOSED GUN-CONTROL BILL

Your journalists write articles worthy of Pulitzers, which leads one to believe you seek an audience that doesn’t consist primarily of 17-year-old stoned males. Yet so much of your paper belies this presumption. Take your “Love Local: Valentine’s Day Gear From Oregon Companies” article [WW, Feb. 5, 2014]. “Chocolate clone-a-pussy”? “Almost naked lube”? Could you be less original? Yes, in the mind of a stoned 17-year-old boy, Valentine’s Day is for sex, and sex is just f-----g. What better for this than gimmicky sex toys? And you list this crap in the “Culture” section. How bourgeois. I suppose I should not be surprised, considering your male editorial staffers outnumber female editorial staffers by about 5-to-1. You can pretend you’re grown up and write articles with real journalistic appeal, but as long as you write tripe like the “Love Local” article, you’ll always have one foot in the adolescent gutter. Lara Gardner North Portland

Sen. Betsy Johnson (D - Scappoose) should understand that responsible gun owners can support this bill that just mandates checking to see that a person with a criminal record can’t get a gun [“Empty Chambers,” WW, Feb. 5, 2014]. If this bill doesn’t pass, she’ll have blood on her hands the next time some guy gets a gun online and kills his girlfriend. Public safety is the job of legislators, and this is an opportunity to protect people from criminals who should not own guns. —“worldly12”

CHINESE MARIJUANA RING

Having read this article in its entirety [“The Secret of Yummy Garden,” WW, Feb. 5, 2014], I really don’t see how this Chan fellow was much of a danger at all. I certainly have never heard of him, nor his restaurant. I’m just glad he made it out of the country safely. Chalk this one up to yet another casualty in the failed, yet never-ending “War on Drugs.” —“Damos Abadon”

All this snow and ice reminded me of those old pictures where people are driving across the Willamette in their Model T’s. How cold would it have to get for me to drive my Civic across the river? —Isaac

Even if the river did freeze, Isaac, our modern authorities would never let you drive on it. Oldtimey man lived in a more freewheeling era, when dentistry involved gunpowder and it was considered hilarious to roll the homeless in hot tar. The picture you’re probably talking about is from the winter of 1924. How cold was it? Unfortunately, the National Weather Service temperature database for Portland only goes back to 1940. Normally, this wouldn’t be a problem—I’d just call some hapless government functionary and let them find the answer for me, while I sat around drinking hair spray and translating the works of W.B. Yeats into dogespeak. (“Such beast. Many slouch. Bethlehem, wow.”) 4

Willamette Week FEBRUARY 12, 2014 wweek.com

Thank goodness for radical centrists like Betsy Johnson. Sen. Floyd Prozanski (D-Eugene) is pandering with a bill with no teeth for which there are virtually no cops to investigate your 80-year-old neighbor for gifting you his .22-caliber rifle. Assuming Grandpa is arrested, how many jurors are going to call BS and essentially grant a jury nullification? —“Janus81” Thank you, Kate Willson, for a well-written, well-researched article without any journalistic slant on a subject that is so very polarized. I am hoping that Sen. Prozanski loses this issue big time. —“Ferd Berfull” LETTERS TO THE EDITOR must include the author’s street address and phone number for veriﬁcation. Letters must be 250 or fewer words. Submit to: 2220 NW Quimby St., Portland, OR 97210. Fax: (503) 243-1115. Email: mzusman@wweek.com.

Last week, though, these drones either weren’t at work or had bigger fish to fry. But here’s what I did find out. You need near-zero temperatures to freeze a river, but more important is how long it stays cold. The river is moving, so ice crystals have a hard time clumping together at first—the river has to go through a Slurpee-like phase called, delightfully, “frazil slush.” Eventually, the frazil will clump together into larger plates called “pancake ice.” From here, a sudden temperature drop can be enough to freeze the whole thing over. But don’t look for this to happen again anytime soon—Portland’s winters have been getting steadily milder for 150 years. In the 1870s, our average annual snowfall was 20.4 inches; in the 2000s, it was 4.7. Not to beat the global-warming drum yet again, but a more realistic dream for you might be rafting the Mount Hood Skibowl. QUESTIONS? Send them to dr.know@wweek.com

All events are free unless otherwise noted. Parking is free after 7 p.m. and all day on weekends. Sign up for our monthly events email at www.lclark.edu/events/email. Through March 9 Tuesday-Sunday, 11 a.m.-4 p.m. Hoffman Gallery

February 13 7 p.m. Agnes Flanagan Chapel

ART EXHIBITION

Debra Beers and Ted Vogel The Hoffman Gallery presents the work of Lewis & Clark faculty members Debra Beers and Ted Vogel. ADDRESS

Climate Change, Societal Impacts, and Environmental Justice Warren M. Washington, senior scientist at the National Center for Atmospheric Research, pioneered the development of climate models.

February 17 5 p.m. Templeton Campus Center, Council Chamber

51ST ANNUAL THROCKMORTON LECTURE

February 21 and 22 Pamplin Sports Center

BASKETBALL

February 27 7:30 p.m. Agnes Flanagan Chapel

Who Aint a Slave: Slavery in Fact and Melville’s Fiction Professor Greg Grandin of New York University will discuss his new book, The Empire of Necessity, a history of the events that inspired Herman Melville’s Benito Cereno.

Pioneers vs. Whitworth and Whitman The Pioneers take on conference rivals Whitworth on Friday (6 p.m., women and 8 p.m., men) and Whitman on Saturday (4 p.m., women and 6 p.m., men). Tickets cost $4 to $10. PERFORMANCE

For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide When the Rainbow is Enuf Watch students perform Ntozake Shange’s play exploring the lives of nine interconnected women of color and their struggles.

March 1 11 a.m.-4 p.m. Templeton Campus Center and Agnes Flanagan Chapel

49TH ANNUAL INTERNATIONAL FAIR

March 5-7 Templeton Campus Center

33RD ANNUAL GENDER STUDIES SYMPOSIUM

A Marriage of Cultures Enjoy international food and see cultural displays from 11 a.m. to 1 p.m. in Templeton ($8 for adults, $4 for children) and see performances from 2 to 4 p.m. in the Chapel.

Gender/Power/Space Join us for three days of workshops, panel discussions, readings, performances, lectures, and other events exploring the relationship between where we are and who we are. For keynote speakers and a full schedule, visit go.lclark.edu/gendsymp.

www.lclark.edu

Lewis & Clark 0615 S.W. Palatine Hill Road Portland, Oregon 97219 Willamette Week FEBRUARY 12, 2014 wweek.com

LAW ENFORCEMENT: Cops shut down nightclub scanners. LEGISLATURE: Debt collector seeks to lend against tax liens. CITY HALL: Novick cries poor but asks big for westside transit. COVER STORY: Looking for Mr. Right online.

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NO CONTRACT FOR MR. PLOW. Radio startup XRAY.FM is on the air, to a degree. The nonprofit station raised more than $100,000 in donations last month to combine progressive talk hosts Carl Wolfson and Thom Hartmann with indie-rock shows. It began broadcasting online last week (at xray.fm/ info/listen-beta) and will officially launch March 15 at 91.1 FM. But you may not be able to hear it: The station’s Rocky Butte transmitter’s strength is less than 10 watts, says XRAY organizer Jefferson Smith, meaning it won’t reach beyond the West Hills. “And the signal won’t punch through thick walls,” Smith says. “The hope and expectation is that when people are inside a downtown office building, they’ll listen to the stream from their phone or computer.”

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MAJOR CLANgeR

Lawmakers have dramatically amended House Bill 4078, which would have eliminated appeals of Metro’s 2011 urban growth boundary expansion (see “Busting the Boundary,” WW, Jan. 22, 2014). Metro President Tom Hughes testified last week against what he called the “Legislature’s intervention” in local land-use issues. The bill has now been amended twice to focus on time limits for ruling on appeals that would speed up the process. Neither environmentalists nor developers are happy, but Metro lobbyist Randy Tucker says he’s optimistic about the reconfigured bill. “Our feeling is, it creates some predictability going forward,” Tucker adds.

The city workers who plowed the streets last weekend are in rebellion. Members of the District Council of Trade Unions voted Feb. 10 to reject a new contract with the city, repudiating the bargain reached by city officials and union leadership after a year of negotiations. The DCTU represents 1,600 city employees—including street-maintenance crews—and many of them are adamantly opposed to the city contracting out part-time work. “No one wants to strike,” says Rob Wheaton, DCTU’s chief negotiator. “They want a decent contract.” That means Mayor Charlie Hales is returning Feb. 12 from a climate-change conference in South Africa to confront a second labor crisis—on top of the impending strike by the Portland Association of Teachers. “Very odd,” says Hales spokesman Dana Haynes. “We, while surprised and disappointed, are waiting to see what the next step is.” Read more Murmurs and daily scuttlebutt. 6

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c a r i va n d e r ya c h t

NEWS

RECORDING EVERYTHING NEW SCANNERS IN DOWNTOWN CLUBS RAISE PRIVACY QUESTIONS— AND MAY BE ILLEGAL. By kate willson

kwillson@wweek.com

Multnomah County and Portland police this week suspended a new program that supplied data-gathering ID scanners to Old Town bars after WW raised questions about whether it was legal. The state-funded program allowed Portland police to equip downtown bars and clubs in recent weeks with high-tech ID scanners that captured patrons’ names, ages and photos for upload to a central database, which police could then access. There’s no indication patrons knew they were being tracked. “We tried to say ‘no’ at the very beginning, and police strongly encouraged that we should do it,” says Mike Reed, general manager of the Boiler Room and Jones Bar, both located in Old Town. “We don’t want to track people’s every move. We considered that a possible issue.” Despite his misgivings, Reed gave the scanners a try. So did a dozen other downtown clubs. With government agencies already surreptitiously gathering information without warrants, the Portland program raised questions about transparency and privacy. It might also have been illegal. “It really is an illuminating example of where our privacy laws are, and our disconnect in a modern digital world,” says Becky Straus, lobbyist for ACLU Oregon. Straus is referring to a 2009 Oregon

law that limits companies’ legal ability to collect, store or share information from ID scanners. Straus says she was unaware Portland bars were collecting such data, or that police could grab it. “We had wondered, when we wandered around Old Town, whether bars were complying with the swiping law,” she says. Club manager Reed says police assured bar owners that it was legal to gather customers’ information and to share it with law enforcement. “To our understanding, we’re doing everything within the law,” Reed says. “Police were definitely the big promoter of the scanners.” Neither Portland police nor the city attorney was aware of the 2009 law until WW raised the question. “We‘re glad when someone brings this up. We want to do what’s best to protect public safety and protect people’s rights,” Multnomah County spokesman David Austin tells WW. Austin said the county is meeting with state and local law enforcement in the coming week to determine how to move forward “If we learn that information was being maintained in violation of state law, we would seek to remedy the situation, to make sure the technology is used within compliance,” says Portland police spokesman Sgt. Pete Simpson. He says the police don’t own the scanners, and so aren’t responsible for how they were used. “It’s an issue between the bars and the company,” he says. “We recommend a lot of things to people, but it’s up to the individual to make sure it’s compliant.” The program was designed to combat

underaged drinking. In 2011, the state awarded Multnomah County a three-year grant to reduce alcohol abuse. Last year, the county gave $60,000 to Lines for Life, a nonprofit that works on reducing substance abuse, to purchase scanners for Old Town bars and clubs. The bars used the scanners, Lines for Life owned them and Portland police controlled the devices. Police ensured clubs were using them. “If we don’t use it, they know,” a downtown bouncer tells WW. A few club owners turned down the free scanners. One owner says he added surveillance cameras when police asked. “I happily installed those. But this was going too far,” the club owner says. “It felt invasive.” The scanners, made by Servall Data Systems of Calgary, Alberta, collect patrons’ names and ages while a camera captures their photo. The information is stored in a database shared by all clubs with the scanners for 90 days. If a club ejects a patron, the bouncer can flag that person in the database. If that customer then tries to enter another bar, the database alerts the other club. When a crime occurs, Portland police can ask Servall for access to the data—no subpoena needed, says Servall president Alberio Frota. Bars already freely share with police the data they gather, say bouncers at multiple clubs across the city. In October, Tiffany Jenks, 35, was shot to death in Blue Lake Park in Fairview. Police quickly arrested three suspects—based in part, court records show, on evidence gleaned from ID scanners. Staff at Mystic and Club 205 in Hazelwood had swiped the IDs and snapped photos of the three suspects. Both clubs purchased the scanning systems on their own. Other cities are already using the sophisticated scanners.

Vancouver, B.C., bars began using ID scanners in the early 2000s, and crime in the city’s bar district plummeted within six months, says Vance Campbell, a club owner who spearheaded the initiative. The city of San Francisco also encourages its downtown clubs to invest in ID scanners. Some Portland bar employees say the scanners keep police and the Oregon Liquor Control Commission happy. Most say the scanners make their jobs easier. “If someone hits me, I don’t have to beat their ass,” says a bouncer at another eastside strip club that purchased a scanner. Instead, the club simply turns the assailant’s record over to police. But others worry they are helping create Big Brother. “I like having the scanner,” says a bouncer who asked not to be named because he’s not authorized to speak to the press. “But what does that data do? People don’t know; we haven’t given them the choice.” Some younger customers in Old Town told WW they didn’t know what the ID scanners could do, nor did they care. “Millennials don’t care,” said Scott Lansing of Portland, standing outside the Rainbow Room as two of his friends wrestled in the snow. “We’ve just been brought up to expect that everyone has access to that information.” Maybe some people don’t care, says public defender Chris O’Connor. But plenty of people would have a problem, he adds, if they knew their nighttime entertainment could be tracked. “Maybe some Mormons don’t want people to know they’re going into a bar, maybe someone doesn’t want his probation officer to know he’s going into a bar,” O’Connor says. “Maybe so-and-so doesn’t want his wife to know where he’s been over the last 90 days.” WW staff writer Aaron Mesh contributed reporting for this story. Willamette Week FEBRUARY 12, 2014 wweek.com

Willamette Week FEBRUARY 12, 2014 wweek.com

NEWS N I C K PAT TO N

LEGISLATURE

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PREDATORY LAWMAKING A VORACIOUS DEBT COLLECTOR WANTS TO ACQUIRE OREGON PROPERTY TAX LIENS. BY NIG E L JAQ U I SS

njaquiss@wweek.com

In 2007, Oregon lawmakers made national headlines when they kicked payday lenders out of the state. Now one of the biggest debt-collection companies in the U.S. wants to bring a type of lending to Oregon that consumer advocates say might be as bad as payday loans. “It’s a new class of loans designed for the most vulnerable homeowners,” says Angela Martin, a lobbyist for Economic Fairness Oregon. The newest wrinkle in what Martin and other consumer advocates call predatory lending is a concept the loan industry, led by Encore Capital, calls “tax-lien transfers.” The concept, like many financial products, is at least superficially attractive, because it promises relief for struggling property owners and also for cash-strapped county governments. Here’s how it works: People who are delinquent on their property taxes borrow money from Encore to pay their taxes. Encore says it can structure more flexible payment terms than county governments can. “What we offer is a longer time,” says Lisa Hough, government affairs director for San Diego-based Encore and its subsidiary, Propel Financial Services. “We can design a payment plan that works for the consumer.” Encore would contact property owners who are in arrears. After Encore and a property owner agreed to loan terms, the property owner would use the loan to pay the delinquent taxes and the county would transfer the tax lien to Encore. For its services, Encore would collect a $400 fee, then charge 16 percent interest on the loan and could levy penalties and fees for late payments. Encore would also jump to the front of the line, getting paid even before an existing mortgage-holder in the event of foreclosure. Economic Fairness Oregon’s Martin notes that although $400 may not sound like much, it can amount to a big percentage of the taxes owed. And as for the penalties and fees, the only limitation is that they be “reasonable”—a term undefined in the proposed legislation.

Although counties would get their money under such an arrangement, Martin notes, property owners who are already unable to pay their taxes would now find themselves beholden to the nation’s largest debt-collection company. Hough acknowledges that her company’s fees may add up to more than counties charge, but unlike counties, which can foreclose after three years of unpaid taxes, Encore can stretch out the payment period for much longer, she says. Encore persuaded legislators to introduce House Bill 4112 in the current session in Salem. It would allow tax-lien loans. An Encore subsidiary, Propel, pioneered taxlien loans in Texas in 2007, and last year, Nevada lawmakers passed a law allowing tax-lien loans there. Those are the only two states in which the company is making such loans. Hough says Oregon is an attractive market. “We are looking at states that charge a high interest rate on delinquent taxes,” Hough says. (The rate here is 16 percent.) Rep. Tobias Read (D-Beaverton), chairman of the House Transportation and Economic Development Committee, introduced Encore’s bill. “My interest in it was to give a property owner an option other than foreclosure,” Read says. “And it would help solve a problem for counties in terms of tax collection.” Although Encore began hiring Oregon lobbyists last September and has contributed nearly $10,000 to various lawmakers’ campaign coffers. Groups including AARP Oregon, the Oregon Mortgage Bankers Association, the Oregon Law Center and the Association of Oregon Counties, signed a Feb. 7 letter opposing the legislation. Gil Riddell, a lobbyist for the Association of Oregon Counties, says his group opposes Encore’s idea because delinquent property owners can get a better financial deal by arranging a payment plan with county assessors. “There isn’t any benefit to taxpayers,” Riddell says. Also, Riddell says, taxing jurisdictions currently benefit from delinquent taxpayers because they pay interest and more than 99 percent of them eventually pay their taxes. Read says critics are being closed-minded— but have stopped the bill for now. He says with more time, however, the concept might work. “I think there’s interest out there,” Read says. “I think it’s got a lot of potential.” Hough says her company is not deterred. She says Encore knew building support in the short February session would be difficult. “It’s a new concept,” Hough says. “We’ve been able to educate quite a few stakeholders so far. We will continue to do that in the coming months.” Willamette Week FEBRUARY 12, 2014 wweek.com

CITY HALL

TUNNEL VISION STEVE NOVICK SAYS PORTLAND CAN’T AFFORD SIDEWALKS, BUT HE WANTS $650,000 FOR NEW LIGHT RAIL. BY AA RO N M E S H

amesh@wweek.com

City Commissioner Steve Novick has spent the past two months saying Portland can’t find the money for basic transportation services such as streets and sidewalks. But Novick’s city budget requests show he’s also trying to funnel more than a halfmillion dollars to a new mass transit project that would mostly serve people living outside the city limits. No, it’s not the Columbia River Crossing or Portland-Milwaukie Light Rail. Novick has requested $650,000 to study the possibility of building a new light-rail line through Southwest Portland to Tualatin, a project that could include drilling a second train tunnel through the West Hills. “This is an investment for 20 or 30 years from now,” Novick says. “We expect to see a lot of people moving to Portland, and we don’t want them just driving cars.” The request to help fund the Southwest Corridor study comes even as Novick is pleading poverty on behalf of the Portland Bureau of Transportation—and very pub-

licly seeking new taxes and fees to fund the bureau. He launched his marketing effort in December with a letter to Santa Claus asking for $1.3 billion to fill a construction and maintenance backlog. Last month, he polled Portland voters about whether they’d be willing to pay more tax dollars for new sidewalks and street paving. There has long been conflict between City Hall’s fixation on trains and other costly capital projects and more mundane chores such as addressing sidewalks and the city’s 59 miles of unpaved roads. “Communities across the region are waiting for an endless list of neighborhood projects they never get and they never will because projects like the Southwest Corridor light-rail megaproject are at the head of the line,” says Tualatin resident Steve Schopp, who wants a public vote on all light-rail projects. A cit y audit la st Febr ua r y found spending on new construction—such as $55 million on the Milwaukie light-rail extension—has left the Portland Bureau of Transportation without enough money for basic road upkeep (“A Fork in the Road,” WW, Jan. 9, 2013). Novick says he’s being responsible by keeping long-term plans to address westside congestion on track. “If we were being asked to make a commitment this year to pay $40 million for a Southwest Corridor high-capacity transit project,” Novick says, “I would say we can’t do that until we’ve figured out a way to pay

W W S TA F F

NEWS

for basic maintenance and safety features. Ultimately, though, we in Oregon and a lot of other places are going to need more high-capacity transit, or we’re going to fry the planet like a grilled cheese sandwich.” Novick ’s Jan. 28 budget request— obtained by WW through a public records request—would dedicate $650,000 in city funds to studying the environmental impacts of Southwest Corridor High Capacity Transit, a project led by Metro. The project would extend mass transit along Southwest Barbur Boulevard into Tigard and Tualatin—possibly via a new light-rail tunnel underneath Oregon Health & Science University. A Metro committee voted in October 2012 to narrow the options to bus rapid transit—an increase in bus service and lanes along Barbur—or light rail. (Construction costs could exceed $1.6 billion, according to Metro documents.) Portland’s financial commitment could plunge the city into a bitter tussle with suburban light-rail foes.

The Southwest Corridor project is already the target of a March ballot initiative in Tigard that would require any new light-rail construction within that city to be approved by Tigard voters. The anti-rail effort echoes populist uprisings against Milwaukie light rail in Clackamas County and the Columbia River Crossing in Vancouver, Wash. Novick and Portland Mayor Charlie Hales have been helping raise funds to fight the Tigard ballot initiative. “I’ve made some phone calls,” Novick says. “Do I have a dog in the fight? I’ve got a poodle, a schnauzer and a Great Dane. We can’t have a rational transportation system that’s not regional.” Art Crino, the Tigard resident who filed the ballot initiative, is unhappy to learn Portland is planning to spend money on studying light rail. “It shows that the powers that be are against us,” he says. “A lot of people have quit voting because they feel like it ’s fi xed.”

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krISTen WrIGHT

Bowling S for Love MATCH, TINDER AND SHINY BALLS: IT’S TougH To pICk up A SpARE MAN IN poRTLAND. By d e B o r a h k e n n e dy

2 4 3 -2 1 2 2

teve’s “tell” should have been his cedar-encased iPhone. Then again, I was never much of a poker player. It’s an unseasonably warm Saturday and thanks to OkCupid, a free dating site wildly popular among Portlanders, we’re getting afternoon drinks at Gold Dust Meridian on Southeast Hawthorne Boulevard. Steve is thin, dark-haired and sarcastic. In less than an hour, he entertains me with wry anecdotes about his past as a classical-music promoter and his current career as the manager of a doggy daycare. After his second drink— rye on the rocks—we decamp for the Waffle Window. Steve checks his phone again. We cross the street. Another glance. I’m assuming we might move on to stage three—swinging by the nearby Powell’s—but he starts to mumble about “having an early day tomorrow.” Suddenly, he has to “jet.” COnT. on page 12

Willamette Week FEBRUARY 12, 2014 wweek.com

BOWLING FOR LOVE

cont. up my dates in bowling alleys? If a guy in Portland is comfortable on the lanes, my heart should be an easy-to-hit spare.

kristen wright

Later that night, I call my friend Jamie for post-date girl talk. Jamie is a veteran of online dating, whereas this was the first date I’d ever arranged online and, in fact, the first time I went out with someone new in four years. Last year I left Indiana, and a man I loved—almost enough. Unfortunately, he came with an irreversible vasectomy that left me chasing the ticks of my biological clock all the way to my mother’s house in the 503 area code. This Valentine’s Day I find myself the embodiment of every single man’s worst nightmare: a woman on the rebound in search of sperm. “It’s funny,” I told Jamie. “I didn’t even like him that much. He was a blowhard. Still, I feel dumb. I feel rejected.” I swear I could hear her nodding sadly

his much I learned from my afternoon with Steve: When it comes to dating, a lot has changed in the last five years. I’ve never had a thick black book of gentlemen callers—in college I preferred huddling in my dorm room watching Bridget Jones’s Diary to collecting tales for my own—but at least then I understood the rules. And those rules have changed thanks to the fact that, as this month’s Singles in America study revealed, for the first time the majority of first dates are now arranged through online dating services rather than mutual friends. With the help of the Web, you can find basically anything you’re looking for in a date now— with almost frightening specificity. You’ve heard of eHarmony, for the Christian set, but what about Christian-

“I’ll bet he dIdn’t take evenIng-date gIrl to the Waffle WIndoW.” on the other end. “You’re the afternoondate girl.” “The afternoon-date girl?” “The guy obviously had another date that night,” Jamie said. “He schedules your date for the afternoon so that if y’all don’t hit it off, he’s got another girl waiting.” “OMG,” I said. “You’re right.” “I know I’m right, right?” Jamie sighed. “And I’ll bet he didn’t take evening-date girl to the Waffle Window.” 12

Willamette Week FEBRUARY 12, 2014 wweek.com

Mingle, for the even more Christian set? There’s also JDate—Christians need not apply. For baby boomers, there’s OurTime. com. For country folk, there’s Farmersonly. com. One set of sites—Match.com, eHarmony, Zoosk and Chemistry.com—charges users to use unique a lgorithms that apply data about your favorite food and your favorite position to help you find a soulmate. A second class—Tinder, DateHookup and Craigslist—lead to (ahem)

shorter-term relationships. Tinder, like its gay sibling Grindr, is a phone app that uses geolocation and Facebook photos. If you’re nearby and mutually attracted, Tinder pops you into a chat window so you can determine the nearest gas-station restroom. Sites like OkCupid and PlentyofFish strike a balance between the two. Some folks are there for sex; others are hoping to find a partner. It’s up to you to figure out which, because most people’s profiles don’t really say. My online profiles don’t come right out and announce what I’m looking for, either: that most elusive of males, the as-of-yet childless man in his late 30s or early 40s who wants nothing more than to fall in love and make babies. Whip-smart, a dark sense of humor, a fondness for beer and college basketball would be nice upgrades. Then again, I don’t have to have the leather seats. In Portland, it’s not hard to find Overly Earnest Guy—the one in the kilt who outfeminists you at every turn and describes himself as “spiritual”—or Overly Active Guy—who bikes up Mount Hood, then ziplines down so he can kayak the Columbia out to the coast for an afternoon of surfing. They’re sitting at a bar made of reclaimed barnwood, drinking cider and eating gluten-free pretzels with Way Too Concerned With Where His Food Comes From Guy. But those guys don’t bowl. So, I figured, in my quest to document some of my misadventures in online dating, why not set

met Ryan, an engineer, on a Wednesday night in January at Rainbow Lanes in Forest Grove. We’d found each other through Match.com, which, in my experience, has cuter, cleaner-cut guys than its competitors. Intel has single-Fab-edly made sure it’s next to impossible to date actively in the Pacific Northwest without meeting a few engineers. And nothing against them—as a group (speaking in unforgivable generalities), they are intelligent and practical, and what they often lack in social skills they more than make up for in gainful employment and an almost encyclopedic knowledge of Star Trek. Ryan and I both noted an affinity for the show on our profiles, which led to him messaging me. He cut right to the chase. “Jean Luc or Kirk?” he asked as we strapped on our shoes. “Kirk,” I said. “Ah.” He nodded, brow furrowed. I had the feeling he was sizing me up, but I couldn’t tell if I’d answered well or redshirted myself. “Tiberius...” Despite his enthusiasm for all things Enterprise, Ryan was an atypical engineer— his company builds a better bulldozer. So far so cool. He reminded me of my highschool boyfriend: funny, cute and possessing a contagious love of ’80s butt rock. “I love Poison,” I told him, halfway through our first game. “Most girls hate Star Trek, and they hate Poison even more,” he said. “I am not most girls.” The first game ended with Ryan at 92 pins and Bubbles (that’s my bowling name, and I should note that all the gentlemen in this story have been given a proverbial bowling name of their own) at 132. We were having a marvelous time. I found out that Ryan, an Oregon State University grad and former Marine, was a recently separated father of three. So much for finding a childless man. He showed me pictures of his kids—adorable—and a photo of some hooch/punch he’d made that Halloween—adorable—and we took turns tossing balls and stretching out on lucky lane 13’s black pleather couch while the alley, empty at first, began to fill with upwardly mobile young families and truck-driving dudes in flat-billed ball caps. The second game ended with Ryan at 94 and Bubbles at 134. Ryan didn’t seem bothered by his lackluster performance or my superior scores, and I took both as encouraging signs. Here was a man who was not only attractive—bright blue eyes, great smile, nice arms—but secure in his masculinity. I pinched myself under the hand-drying unit. “So, do you think you might want to have more kids someday?” I ventured, just as we’d decided to head to the Grand Lodge for pool and beer. I thought I’d better ask before I started to like him. My face hurt from so much smiling. He dropped his ball back into the rack and laughed. “Hell, no,” he said. “Are you kidding me?”

CONT.

lentyof Fish is free, and the main competitor to OkCupid, where I met Afternoon Steve. It’s also Canadian and, despite that, a bit braggy. It claims to “have more dates, more relationships, more visits than any other online dating site.” I thought that was eHarmony. “eHarmony makes the most marriages,” my mother informed me, oblivious to the fact that I’m an underemployed freelance writer without the disposable income to sign up for several paid sites at once. “You should get on that one.” My second day on PoF, I met Paul, a bookstore manager. After we’d exchanged a few flirty messages about our mutual love of Moby Dick and our ambivalence toward our native Hoosier state, he agreed to join me at Southeast Morrison Street’s Grand Central Restaurant and Bowling Lounge on a Saturday afternoon. Grand Central is the best of all possible bowling alleys. It embraces the tackiness of the sport—there’s a mirror ball hanging over the center lanes and a lot of neon— while at the same time offering up a great beer selection and one hell of a burger. It’s also family-friendly. Paul and I were surrounded on all sides by children’s birthday parties. Paul smiled vaguely at the chaos. He also smiled vaguely at me. Tall and thin and sporting a stylishly shaved head, Paul had ridden to Grand Central on his Jamis road bike, which he said was pretty much the only way he got around now that he’d escaped Indiana, where bike lanes are

want them someday. It wouldn’t be with me—it was time to try a new dating site.

he newest, hottest thing in online dating makes this modest claim: “It’s like real life, but better.” Um, I guess so, if in real life everyone judged each other by the depth of their cleavage or size of their biceps rather than the content of their character. Oh, wait. Tinder, which is less than 2 years old and has been adding users by the millions in recent months, uses geolocation to pair people already near each other, reasoning that sorting people who find themselves in the same place is more natural than matching people from Forest Grove and Gresham who both like Star Trek. The app boasts 500 million swipes per day, most by 18-to-24-year-olds, which means I’m outside the target demographic. On a Thursday night, I made my way to Punch Bowl Social, a grown-up Chuck E. Cheese’s that recently took over the space that housed a massive Asian restaurant on the top floor of Pioneer Place mall. Punch Bowl Social is not the kind of place you’d expect the Dude or Donnie or the unfuckwithable Jesus to frequent. It’s nouveau-’60s swank— the suits from Mad Men would fit right in—the drink selection is decidedly snobby, and the lanes are dark and flanked with gold and black couches. The pins are on strings. They look and act like puppets. They also provide a challenge to the unseasoned. “Our lanes are 6 feet shorter than regu-

“YOUR FORM COULD USE SOME WORK,” HE MAN-SPLAINED. “AIM FOR THE ARROWS. SEE THE ARROWS? AND DON’T FORGET TO FOLLOW THROUGH.” about as rare as ready access to abortion. “Carbon footprint? ” I joked awkwardly. “In Indiana it’s more like Carbon Bigfoot.” “Yeah.” Paul leaned back against our lane’s black leather couch. He had forgotten to unroll his left pant leg, hiked up for the ride over. “Sasquatch isn’t real.” Oh, dear. Paul was Overly Earnest Guy. How did I not sense this earlier? We bowled a second game and, in between throws, discussed everything from the Keystone Pipeline, Hillary’s running mate, Philip Roth and quinoa. Gradually, I grew a little weary of trying to sound smart, and with each new subject, my game got worse. On the eighth frame of the second game, Paul decided to intervene. “Your form could use some work,” he mansplained. “Aim for the arrows. See the arrows?” I saw the arrows. “And don’t forget to follow through.” Final score: Paul 144, Bubbles 87. Outside, we exchanged the clichéd, pelvises-apart “let’s do this again,” hug, both of us clearly not meaning it. “Take care,” Paul said. I nodded, watching him ride away. Unlike Ryan, Paul didn’t have any children, and his profile said he might

lation, so you’d think you’d be set,” the bartender tells me, “but the string thing can throw people off. The trick is not to hit them dead on. You’ve got to finesse them.” Finesse. Subtlety. Mystery. Everything that Tinder is not. Tinder links to your Facebook account, randomly selecting a handful of pics and putting those in front of anyone who has the app and happens to be nearby. The geolocation software lets you know who’s in your ’hood, so, if you’re game, you can hook up and hook up quickly. When two people “like” each other, they have the opportunity to message. I figured I would use the opportunity to ask a guy to come bowl with me. I also secretly hoped no one would “like” me back, because I was a bit trepidatious about meeting a complete stranger on such short notice, even in the security of a bowling alley. When you pass on someone, the word “NOPE” appears across his or her picture in bright red letters. This is also the kind of app that allows you to learn a lot about yourself in a short amount of time, and let me tell you, unlike a lot of the people you’ll see as you flip, it’s not pretty. Appar-

BOWLING FOR LOVE

“ You Look Pretty Niece” In six months of online dating, I’ve accumulated a mountain of messages. Some are texts, some are onsite messages, others are emails. All are cherished—especially the one from the dude who sent me an unsolicited dick pic, then asked, “how many of these have you seen since you got here?” “I’ve lost count,” I wrote back. “Whoa. That is seriously fucked up. I am no longer interested,” he said. My loss.

25-year-old ﬁreﬁghter:

You look pretty niece.

34-year-old program manager:

Hey what’s up beautiful, how you doing? How was your weekend? What you doing up so late?

38-year-old hippie dude in do-rag:

Were you at OktoberFest?

36-year-old pipe ﬁtter:

I bet u taste good.

37-year-old chef:

Hello im Robert...andwow your beautiful. How was your weekend?

39-year-old welder:

I’m looking for the same thing you are looking I’m from Vancouver if your interested hit me back

46-year-old investor:

I’ve found that people with Masters are generally very good at having too many interests and we all know Scorpio’s are umm well you know...........

50-year-old long-haul truck driver:

Want 2 rid with me?

36-year-old pipe ﬁtter:

What’d I do wrong?

43-year-old master gardener:

Good luck with your search.

32-year-old dude on ATV:

Lets get in some truble.

46-year-old civil engineer:

Nice kitty in your pictures. Thanks for being a proud cat parent.

30-something metalhead:

hello and good evening to you,lovly smile and great personality you have. kinf of funny being online to these dating web sites can honesty be a pain in the but.i love life and enjoy for the good times it brings.you seem like a very nice lady,so i thought i would say hello.have a nice evening,and a great week ahead.

40-something carpenter:

Hey pretty girl. I ﬁnd you fascinatingly intriguing.

36-year-old pipe ﬁtter:

Wow. Yur a bitch.

CONT. on page 15 Willamette Week FEBRUARY 12, 2014 wweek.com

Summit Research Network (503)228-2273 (CARE) www.summitresearchnetwork.com

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ently, I dismiss, out of hand, any dude who chooses to have his picture taken next to heavy machinery. Also anyone who’s bald (for shame, for shame), overweight (shame again) or has a selfie as his main profile pic. “Shallow,” I thought, flicking right on by, “selfies are so shallow.” In the span of two hours I must have flipped by at least 200 guys, and it was easy. Almost too easy. Since I’m pushing 40, I automatically eliminated anyone under 30, which sadly put “Armando,” 22, out of the running. Why, I wondered, would Armando choose the first page of Kafka’s The Metamorphosis as his profile pic? (This question still bugs me.) My system also deep-sixed “Jake,” 21, whose headless picture showed a bare, sculpted chest and a pair of bulging Calvin Klein boxer briefs—very Marty McFly meets Carlos Danger. Tinder is a hookup site, plain and simple. My California friend and I agreed prostitutes would do brisk business on it. Against all odds, I found a dude in his 40s, who looked, dare I say it, normal. He was about three miles away. His profile pic showed him sitting on a boat—lots of Tinder dudes’ pics showed them looking pensive near water. I “liked” him, and in a few seconds found out that he “liked” me, too. I was shocked. I got sweaty. I got over it. I sent him a hurried message, asking if he had the time or inclination to meet me for a few pints and pins. He would love to, he wrote, but sadly he already had plans. “Maybe another time.” Sure. A nother time. Over the course of the next two hours, I liked and was liked back by two more dudes. Once I told them I wanted to go bowling, they were all too busy, but would love to meet up in a day or two. Perhaps it’s a function of my age or the age of the guys I liked, but I wonder if Tinder ever really results in the kind of fast and dirty Last Tango in Paris hookups I’d imagined, or if most users have my experience: delayed gratification or no gratification at all. Then again, is that so bad? One thing I’ve discovered from my days as the Afternoon Date Girl is that anticipating the date is often better than the date itself. While conducting my Tinder search, I flicked by three guys I recognized from my OkCupid days and one I’d seen that morning on PlentyofFish. I mentioned this fact to the bartender, who wasn’t at all surprised. “It’s the shotgun approach to dating,” he said. “You basically spray yourself in as many directions as you can, hoping to hit something.” He filled me in on a bit of his own romantic history: His marriage ended when his ex-wife cheated on him. “I was on tour in Iraq,” he said. “She couldn’t handle deployment.” Now he’s in a long-term relationship with a woman six years his senior, whom he admired for her maturity and the kindness she showed his young daughter. “Love is a conscious choice,” he said. “Lust? That fades. But when you’re in a relationship, you wake up every morning and you make the choice to make things work.”

BOWLING FOR LOVE kristen wright

cont.

S “Love is a conscious choice. Lust? that fades. But when you’re in a reLationship, you wake up every morning and you make the choice to make things work.”

cholars have reason to believe that Jane Austen, author of some of the best love stories of all time, died a virgin at 41. English gentlewomen like Austen, living and trying to love in early 19thcentury England, were fated to wait in stiff drawing rooms for Mr. Darcy to discover them. They did not have the power to seek their own happiness. In contrast, we live in an era of endless options. You can fill out a personality test that will allow a computer to tell you whom you should love or post this question on the Internet (“Want 2 Fuk?”) and almost instantly get an answer in the affirmative (“Where U at?”). You might think the ready availability of instantaneous communication, of cyber connection that often results in in-the-f lesh meetings, would result in fewer lonely people. But then you might spend some time on Craigslist personals, and you might think again. Want to give or receive a blow job? Head here. Hoping to “Explore life’s possibilities...with herpes?” Craigslist is your site. Just don’t log on looking for love. After all of my romantic misadventures, I was starting to doubt if love—the love Carrie Bradshaw describes as “ridiculous, inconvenient, can’t-live-without-

each-other kind of love”—is really what anyone is after anymore. Are we victims of the illusion of infinite choice? I couldn’t help but wonder if I would even recognize Mr. Darcy if he walked right into my virtual drawing room in a wet, white puffy shirt. Would I sigh dismissively over his sideburns (NOPE) and flick on to the next guy? Just as I was finishing up this article and feeling lonely, discouraged and disillusioned, Ryan the mechanical engineer with the beautiful eyes and three cute kids sent me a text. “Want to come over and watch The Big Lebowski?” he asked. Ryan lives just around the corner from me, but without Match.com I probably would never have met him. I wouldn’t know that we share the same taste in movies, beer and bad jokes. Perhaps I should ta ke this whole online-dating thing less seriously. Maybe it’s less about connecting with one’s soulmate and more about expanding one’s world. “Dude,” I texted back, ignoring for the moment the ache of my throbbing womb, the constant tick-tock of my biological clock. “Hell, yes.” Willamette Week FEBRUARY 12, 2014 wweek.com

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Willamette Week FEBRUARY 12, 2014 wweek.com

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FOOD: Ecliptic shoots for the moon, but... STAGE: Peruvian poetry and dance at Studio 14. BOOKS: A brief history of Northwest cheese. MOVIES: The romantic lunacy of David Lynch.

You Never Know What You’ll find at a Collectors West Gun Show!

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GOON SQUAD: The NBA calls it an All-Star “break,” but Damian Lillard must not have received the memo. This weekend in New Orleans, the Blazers’ reigning Rookie of the Year and upcoming Slam Magazine cover star is making history—and, most likely, a whole bunch of money for himself and his marketing team—by competing in five events, including both the AllDR. GOON Star and Rising Stars games, the dunk contest, the 3-point shootout and the skills challenge, which he won in 2013. And that’s just what he’s doing on the court: On Friday night, Lillard, along with legendary Cash Money rapper-producer Mannie Fresh, will host the first live installment of his weekly Instagram-based virtual rap battle, 4 Bar Friday. The point guard has invited eight aspiring MCs from across the country to “the Battle of New Orleans.” And naturally, there’s a Portland representative: 24-year-old Gordon Peterson, aka Dr. Goon. Peterson, a “big Blazers fan,” has never competed in an actual in-the-flesh rap battle, but he has placed in the top four of the 4 Bar several times. “I’m trying to keep it light and easy and not do anything too serious,” he says of his preparation. “The harder I try, the less productive I become with the music. I let the lyrics write themselves.” Scoop could not confirm whether Lillard would also be participating in Pop-a-Shot tournaments and crawfish-eating contests to fill the rest of his time.

SNOWED OUT: Never a city to let a chance for irony go unheeded, Portland saw two events devoted to bad weather get canceled for…bad weather. All events related to the Worst Day of the Year bicycle ride on Sunday, Feb. 9, were whited out, prompting even Minneapolis Public Radio to mock us. (That’s a public radio station—in the friendliest of cities.) Meanwhile, the Polar Plunge was shut down due to polar conditions. Organizers rescheduled that event for March 1, barring bad weather. >> Also canceled by snow: Chinese New Year at Lan Su Garden, First Thursday and Sunday screenings at the Portland International Film Festival. Toad the Wet Sprocket, the Portland International Auto Show and the Paciﬁc Northwest Sportsmen’s Show went on as planned. 18

Willamette Week FEBRUARY 12, 2014 wweek.com

W W S TA F F

MELTED: Nob Hill’s Melt Bistro, at 716 NW 21st Ave., will change owners and identities sometime in late February. Bristol Kelley, owner of the community-board website oregonbeerevents.com, has applied for a license with the Oregon Liquor Control Commission to start what she says will be a Belgian beer bar called the Abbey. An employee at Melt tells WW that the staﬀ has been told it will work at the bar after ownership changes. >> St. Jack has forever shuttered its cozy Southeast Clinton Street digs. The Lyonnaise bouchon plans to open its Nob Hill location—a much bigger space, with double the seats—on Valentine’s Day.

HEADOUT HENRY GIBSON

WILLAMETTE WEEK

WHAT TO DO THIS WEEK IN ARTS & CULTURE

kateboarding, physics tells us, is a constant fight against gravity. Features like curves and ramps in a skatepark are laid out to increase velocity and create a continuous ride. Skateboarders overcome gravity by using energy to move their mass, which physics calls “doing work.” As the new Tony Hawk exhibit at OMSI shows, skateboarders use skatepark features by “pumping,” or transitioning their center of mass in ways that propel movement. It’s the same way you get a swing to move by moving your legs and torso in opposite directions. Friction is always a factor, which is why skaters prefer new wheels and why parks are always made out of smooth concrete instead of grainy asphalt. To learn a little more, we asked OMSI educators Matt Miller and Kristi Falkowski to explain the workings of the Burnside Skatepark, under the east end of the Burnside Bridge, which was famously featured in Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater, the 1999 video game that made Hawk a household name.

WEDNESDAY FEB. 12 NERD NITE [LECTURE] Because nothing says romance like Vantucky and prairie voles, head across the Columbia for an evening devoted to the neuroscience of love. Kiggins Theater, 1011 Main St., Vancouver, 360-816-0352. 7 pm. $8 suggested.

FRIDAY FEB. 14 FUGU FOR TWO [DRINKS] Half of Portland’s restaurants are already booked for Valentine’s Day, the other half are offering expensive prix-fixe menus. They’re probably all lovely, but we prefer Hale Pele’s simple gesture toward love: a terrifyingly alcoholic drink for two, served inside a mug modeled after a poisonous fish that could kill you if you make one wrong move. Hale Pele, 2733 NE Broadway St., 662-8454. 5 pm-midnight.

SATURDAY FEB. 15 ZWICKELMANIA [BEER] What’s a Zwickel, you ask, and how does it inspire mania? It’s the sampling cock on a brewing tank, used to determine how a batch is doing. You may have seen one in use on the episode of Cheers where Norm gets his dream job as a beer taster. Oregon brewers let you be Norm for a day. Plus, there are free buses from Rogue Ales, Brewvana and Kells carting you from brewery to brewery across Portland. Most breweries in Oregon. oregoncraftbeer.org. 11 am-4 pm.

MONDAY FEB. 17 A NIGHT IN NOVEMBER [THEATER] Damon Kupper stars in a solo show about a Belfast man who travels to the World Cup in 1994. The play, presented by Corrib Theatre, explores questions of religious and national identity—oh, and soccer—during a time of political strife. Kells Irish Pub, 112 SW 2nd Ave., 227-4057. 7:30 pm. $25.

1. Drop-ins: Using energy derived from corn chips and Red Bull, skateboarders climb up a bowl or curved drop-in to start skating. Once resting atop the feature, they have potential energy as gravity waits to act on their mass as they move down the curved slope. Once they drop in, gravity is now acting on their mass and the energy is in motion, it is kinetic energy. Eventually, if no more energy is added by pumping, kinetic energy will run out due to friction, air resistance and some kinetic energy being converted to sound and heat. Then, they will stop.

2. Bowls: After they drop in, centripetal force carries skateboarders around. Centripetal force keeps a body moving along a circular path, directed toward the radius at a uniform speed, allowing the skater to move around the curve without doing additional work.

3. Vert ramps: To get to the top of a vertical surface, skateboarders must match the speed it would take them to fall from the top. If they gain enough speed to ride up the ramp and launch into the air, they can manipulate their angular momentum to spin. Once airborne, skaters will tuck in to create a tight center of gravity and increase rotational speed. If their arms are ﬂailing, leverage eﬀects will displace their center of gravity and slow them. 4. Roller: Skaters adjust their center of mass at ideal times, “pumping” over the curved mass to increase velocity.

5. Pyramid: Pyramids have hard edges and a ﬂat top with lips to pop oﬀ of and transitions to “pump” over.

GO: Tony Hawk Rad Science is on display at OMSI, 1945 SE Water Ave., 797-4000, omsi.edu, through May 4. 9:30 am-5:30 pm Tuesdays-Saturdays. $13, free to museum members.

MARISSA NADLER [MUSIC] The ethereal melodies and gentle strums of Nadler’s new record, July, serve that purpose tenfold—if your mind is an abandoned domicile, please allow her to take up residency and haunt your memories for years to come. Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi Ave., 288-3895. 9 pm. $10 advance, $12 day of show. 21+.

TUESDAY FEB. 18 EASTER ISLAND: 15,000 YEARS [SCIENCE] Forget the statues—what happened to all the palm trees on Easter Island? Growing as high as 50 feet, they were thought to be some of the largest palms in the world until they disappeared around 1650. Portland State’s Candace Gossen has spent the past decade studying what happened to them. She outlines her research alongside sweet videos of Rapa Nui. Mission Theater, 1624 NW Glisan St., 7974677. 7 pm. $5 donation. Willamette Week FEBRUARY 12, 2014 wweek.com

FOOD & DRINK DEVOUR N ATA L I E B E H R I N G . C O M

= WW Pick. Highly recommended. By MATTHEW KORFHAGE. Editor: MARTIN CIZMAR. Email: dish@wweek.com. See page 3 for submission instructions.

FRIDAY, FEB. 14 Bob Moore’s Birthday

One of Portland ’s two most beloved bread-related, cartoondrawn mascots is having his 85th birthday on Valentine’s Day: Bob Moore, the kindly bearded fellow smiling at you from all those Bob’s Red Mill packages. The John Bennett band will perform, and you’ll get a free bag of gluten-free honey oat granola. Bob will give a speech. Happy birthday, Bob. Bob’s Red Mill’s Whole Grain Store, 5000 SE International Way, Milwaukie, bobsredmill.com. 11 am-2 pm.

Valentine’s Fugu for Two

Vegan Dishes Available

Just about every restaurant in town is off ering expensive prixfi xe menus they call “special” on Valentine’s Day, including: Old Salt, Mextiza, Autentica, Acadia, Cocotte, Aviary, Bluehour, the Heathman and—hell—even the Analog Cafe and Portland Brewing. They’re probably all very lovely, and mostly already reserved. And maybe these meals will impress your date, or make them not hate you for being a cheapwad or something. However, we prefer Hale Pele’s very simple gesture toward love: A terrifyingly alcoholic drink for two, served inside a mug modeled after a poisonous fi sh that could kill you if you make one wrong move with a knife. We wish you much luck. Hale Pele, 2733 NE Broadway St., 662-8454. 5 pm-midnight.

Haunted Valentine Ghost Tour

Or, if you prefer to skip greeting-card love entirely and instead sweetly embrace death, BeerQuest is oﬀ ering tours of supposedly haunted places in Old Town that just happen to serve alcohol, i.e., Old Town Pizza, Kells Irish Pub and Hobo’s Restaurant. The tour comes with a long narrative of murder, drugs and prostitution—perfect for that special someone—plus, somewhat historically dubious tales of sailor shanghaiing from the tunnels criss-crossing Portland’s riverfront underbelly. Multiple locations, beerquestpdx.com. 8 pm Friday and Saturday, Feb. 14-15. $45. 21+.

SATURDAY, FEB. 15 Zwickelmania

What’s a Zwickel, you ask, and why would there be a mania for one? It’s the sampling cock from a beer tank that brewers use to pull beer samples and determine how a batch is doing; you may have seen one in use on that episode of Cheers where Norm gets his dream job as a beer taster. Statewide, Oregon brewers are letting you be Norm, just for one day. The breweries are opening their doors and letting you tour and taste. Check out oregoncraftbeer.org/events/zwickelmania for details on who’s letting you in the doors, and when. Plus, there are free buses from Rogue Ales, Brewvana and Kells carting you from brewery to brewery across Portland, so no driving required. But at the end of the day, just like Norm, you’re going to have to give up that dream job and reenter your regular life of drinking at bars. Multiple locations, oregoncraftbeer.org/events/zwickelmania. 11 am-4 pm.

Willamette Week FEBRUARY 12, 2014 wweek.com

POPPED TOP: The Rainbow poached egg stack.

BLOCK’S You’d never expect it from the outside of this Southeast Clinton Street storefront, but Block’s is devoted mostly to grandma-era New York Jewish lunch and brunch fare. It’s the stuff of lazy sidewalk Sundays in Brooklyn: eggs and lox, latkes and gravlax, bagels and gravlax, a huge open-faced gravlax sandwich on housemade bread—everything gravlax! And why not? They cure the stuff themselves. Elsewhere in Portland—at Kenny & Zuke’s or Kornblatt’s, say—a New York-style menu is loudly announced in the décor, the pastrami front and center in a deli case, the pickles on the tables, etc. Block’s is oddly demure. There is a pastrami hash, but the walls are covered in cheerily domestic family photos, the walls are bright, Order this: Rainbow egg stack ($9), matzo ball soup ($7). and the k itchen minima l a nd v i si ble f r om ne a rly every seat. The plates can be dainty: The Pequod poached egg stack ($12) is served on a pair of gravlax-studded latkes so light they almost seem baked rather than fried, sitting prettily next to each other with a startling amount of room left on the plate. It left me with a residual ache in my belly and the need for an early lunch. Instead, get the heartier Rainbow ($9), two poached eggs with ready-to-pop yolks, perched atop two slices of rich polenta and stewy sauteed greens. Breakfast specials named for a pair of Old Book friends—Sofia and Solomon—involve yogurt and granola. Solomon’s ($7) comes in a Mason jar, a wisely assembled soup of thin, tart yogurt and crunchy toasted walnuts, sweetened by honey and sliced banana. Homesick East Coasters, take note: You can get matzo ball soup at lunchtime for a mere $7. And even if your mom’s from Georgia and doesn’t know a kugel from a rugelach (the latter is $1.25 at the counter), it’ll make you feel like your grandmother loves you. MATTHEW KORFHAGE. EAT: Block’s, 2032 SE Clinton St., 234-5689, blockspdx.com. 8 am-6 pm Monday-Friday, 8 am-3 pm Saturday-Sunday.

DRANK

HEISENBERG REDUCED-GLUTEN MIDWESTERN IPA (BUNSENBREWER) Heisenberg is not Breaking Bad blue. Bunsenbrewer’s “Midwest-style” IPA—not as hoppy as a West Coast IPA, but not quite Old World mellow—is naturally yellowish in hue, meaning blue food coloring would only turn it green. Besides, the brewmaster at this new brewery in a Sandy industrial park has used the power of science to get it extra pure—of gluten, at least. After brewing a traditional beer, the brewery adds an enzyme called Aspergillus Niger Prolyl Endoprotease just before the brewer’s yeast. The enzyme breaks down most of the gluten in the beer, removing what’s detectable by most tests. It’s perhaps not zero parts per million, which is why the brewery calls it “reduced-gluten,” despite being “gluten-free” by FDA standards. It’s a drinkable IPA, crisp and fruity, if also a little buttery and bland for my taste. MARTIN CIZMAR.

FOOD & DRINK

“One of the world’s top 100 places to hear jazz” - Downbeat Magazine

AMAREN COLOSI

REVIEW

JIMMY MAK’S

THE CHRISTOPHER BROWN QUARTET

Rewind & Unwind 80’s Pop in a Jazz Format Wednesday nights starting Feb. 19

DRUMMED UP: Conﬁted chicken drumsticks in an Asian-inspired sauce is an Ecliptic highlight.

w/ John Nastos, Greg Goebel & Dylan Sundstrom 9:30 -11:30 • $5

STAR-CROSSED

On a quiet weekday night, ours came out so cool that the fat started to thicken before we’d finished the tepid Brussels sprouts and a gravy of yellow peppers. On the pubbier side of the menu, the fish wasn’t much better. You might suspect the beer used in the beer-battered fish and chips ($15) was a Gose, because the three hunks of cod were coated in a thick layer of unpleasantly dry, BY M A RT I N C I Z M A R mcizmar@wweek.com salty batter. The lamb burger ($13) was also a dud, with bitter sharp chevre and extra piquant Portland brewery food tends to be solid, but far Dijon overwhelming everything else inside the from spectacular. That is to say, you’ll never find Grand Central bun. And yet Ecliptic shows signs of life elsewhere, foodies and wine lovers making reservations to get Breakside’s hummus, Lompoc’s wings or starting with crispy fried russet potatoes ($4) paired with a warming vinegar aioli, and sweet Widmer’s schnitzel. and spicy drumsticks ($9) John Harris, owner of that were expertly confited the spacey, spare, concretethis: Chicken sandwich ($12) with and sparked with a caramelly walled Ecliptic Brewing that Order fries, toﬀee pudding ($7). sauce. Even the bed of celery opened in a former auto Best deal: A sampler of beers ($6). was tasty. There’s also a studbody shop at the top of the I’ll pass: Fish, duck, lamb. ly ploughman’s lunch ($15), hill separating the industrial which combines salamis from and recreational stretches of North Mississippi Avenue, wants to change that. Olympic Provisions and Chop with local cheeses, Harris told Willamette Week and The Oregonian a dab of jam and pickled asparagus. Two sandwiches also impressed. that it’s his goal for Ecliptic to be considered The first was a banh mi-style chicken sandamong the top 100 restaurants in town, winning inclusion in either WW’s glossy Restaurant wich ($12) built from appropriately fatty thigh Guide or The Oregonian’s Diner. As far as Harris meat marinated in fish sauce and kissed with or I know, no other Portland brewery has ever char, a big pile of cilantro and a jalapeño mayo. My only gripe was the overly hearty hoagie roll. accomplished that. The beet melt ($11) was a surprise favorIf Ecliptic makes an appearance in WW’s guide, it will have changed a lot before October. ite, the sweet pink roots roasted until a little Our three visits to this 3-month-old brewery caramelized and balanced by goat cheddar, crisp found it sitting closer to the top 250 restaurants Granny Smith apples and pickled onion. Desserts are of higher-than-expected quality in Portland. Ecliptic’s executive chef, Michael Molitor, formerly of Pazzo Ristorante, has a and generous size, especially a cakelike sticky fresh take on brewpub staples, but his more toffee pudding ($7) with a big scoop of cardamom-spiked whipped cream. adventurous offerings fail to launch. Oh, and the beer. Ecliptic’s best claim to That’s not for lack of premium ingredients or service staff—both of which are plentiful inside becoming the brewpub that Portland’s fussier this colossal space, which has an astronomical diners deserve is the small but growing beer theme and enough off-street parking to accom- lineup, all of which is approachable and balanced. The mildly roasty Mintaka Stout and the modate the retired Discovery. But look at the duck breast ($19), served softly herbal Spica HefePils, especially, are wellwith stewy greens and beautiful, peeled blood- suited to food pairing. They deserve a menu to orange segments. Someone apparently thinks match them. Then again, we’ve been wishing on duck should be prepared like chicken rather this star for a long time. than beef, overcooking it until its pink juices all EAT: Ecliptic Brewing, 825 N Cook St., 265but evaporate. 8002, eclipticbrewing.com. 11 am-10 pm SundayOr consider the pan-fried black cod ($16) Thursday, 11 am-midnight Friday-Saturday. from the now-discontinued seasonal Yule menu.

ECLIPTIC SHOOTS FOR THE MOON, MAKES A PRETTY GOOD SANDWICH.

Why have a beer, when you can have a Session?

Mon-Sat. evenings: Dinner from 5 pm, Music from 8 pm

221 NW 10th • 503-295-6542

jimmymaks.com

Willamette Week FEBRUARY 12, 2014 wweek.com

MUSIC

feb. 12–18 PROFILE

= WW Pick. Highly recommended.

COURTESY OF WINDISH AGENCY

Prices listed are sometimes for advance ticket sales. At-the-door increases and socalled convenience charges may apply. Event lineups are subject to change after WW’s press deadlines. Editor: MATTHEW SINGER. TO BE CONSIDERED FOR LISTINGS, go to wweek.com/ submitevents and follow submission directions. All shows should be submitted two weeks or more in advance of event. Press kits, CDs and especially vinyl can be sent to Music Desk, WW, 2220 NW Quimby St., Portland, OR 97210. Please include show or release date information with all physical mailings. Email: msinger@wweek.com. Fax: 243-1115.

WEDNESDAY, FEB. 12 Prefort! Treefort Music Fest Kickoff Party: Brainstorm, Thanks, Holiday Friends

[PORTLAND MEETS IDAHO] Boise’s Treefort Music Festival is quickly becoming a key player on the circuit for developing Portland artists. The three bands playing this way-early kickoff party the festival doesn’t happen until late March will all be bringing their respective brands of dancey indie rock to the 2014 installment. Be sure to catch Thanks, whose debut, Blood Sounds, is a vibrant, bluesy and soulful offering that will surely be on many local year-end lists. GEOFF NUDELMAN. Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison St., 239-7639. 9:30 pm. $6 advance, $8 day of show. 21+.

THURSDAY, FEB. 13 Shearwater, Jesca Hoop

COURTESY OF CAMBRIAN EXPLOSION

[ADULT-ORIENTED CONTEMPORARY ROCK] Shearwater’s Fellow Travelers certainly feels like the work of former Okkervil River songwriter Jonathan Meiburg. The sound is ambitious, jangly indie-rock that’s palatable to people who admit to having Coldplay and Travis records hidden deep in their iPods. And then you hear a swaggering rendition of Folk Implosion’s postgrunge anthem “Natural One” right after Xiu Xiu’s “I Luv the Valley OH!!,” and you suddenly appreciate the most abrupt of left turns from a group that

seemed mired in gentle climaxes and Wilco-Shins Pandora purgatory. It’s a covers record, because why the fuck not? PETE COTTELL. Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi Ave., 2883895. 9 pm. $12. 21+.

FRIDAY, FEB. 14 Sylvan Esso, Dana Buoy

[FOLK BANGERS] The information available online about Sylvan Esso is sparse. The band, comprising vocalist Amelia Randall Meath and producerinstrumentalist Nicolas Sanborn, has only released three songs, two of them as a 12-inch single at the end of 2013. Though the sample size is small, the bubbly electro-folk proves refreshing, catchy and danceable. Check out “Hey Mami” to hear Meath’s fluttering vocals over a beat that could definitely rattle your trunk. I have a feeling we’ll be learning a lot more about them in the near future. SAM CUSUMANO. Bunk Bar, 1028 SE Water Ave., 894-9708. 9 pm. $5. 21+.

Presidents of the United States of America, Old Light, You Scream I Scream [NATIONAL MALL-PUNK] The twostring bass, the three-string guitar, the 4-year-old’s lyrical vision, frontman Chris Ballew’s recent sideline as children’s performer Caspar Babypants— the Presidents of the United States Of America remain defiantly juvenile. While one imagines a modern incar-

CONT. on page 24

INTRODUCING… CAMBRIAN EXPLOSION

BY MATTHEW SINGER

Who: Nori Lockhart (vocals, guitar), Ben Dorothy (drums, vocals), Austin Trask (bass), Adria Ivanitsky (keyboards, vocals, percussion). Sounds like: Walking around OMSI blitzed out of your mind while listening to Hawkwind. For fans of: Tame Impala, Dungen, Gong, NOVA, planetariums. Why you care: Ben Dorothy knows how hard it is to get a foot through the door in a crowded music scene like Portland’s. A year ago, with no leads on available local musicians, the drummer put an ad on Craigslist, offering his services while referencing a wide, nonspecific smattering of influences. “I wasn’t necessarily looking to play in a psychedelic band,” says Dorothy, 23. After sifting through a few dead-end responses—including would-be Mumford relatives hoping he had some unadvertised banjo skills—he got an email from Nori Lockhart, 27, a songwriter and guitarist looking to escape the small Wisconsin town he was living in. The first music they wrote together leaned toward the poppier end of the psych-rock spectrum. “We realized it wasn’t very good,” Dorothy says. “We had a couple parts of songs that were darker, heavier and more spaced out. We liked those, so we’re like, let’s expand on this sound.” Now, Cambrian Explosion authentically channels the prog and space-rock of the ’70s, its repetitive guitars, spiraling keyboards and expansive arrangements conjuring images of quasars and exploding nebulae. Since uploading music on Bandcamp in August, the band has received more attention than it anticipated, or aimed for: Shows have fallen in its lap, and a small label in the Netherlands requested to formally issue its EP, The Sun, on cassette. Still, Dorothy—who cleans high-rise windows for a living and is contemplating going back to school—remains modest about his ambitions: “I just want to have a good time, and not starve to death.” SEE IT: Cambrian Explosion plays Rontoms, 600 E Burnside St., with the Ghost Ease, on Sunday, Feb. 16. 9 pm. Free. 21+.

LaDy aND THE TRamPOLINE: anna Fox Rochinski (second from left) and Quilt.

FRUITS OF THE LOOM QUILT’S HEADY PSYCH-FOLK IS KNIT FROM EARTH GRIDS, CHOIRS AND 40-OZ. BEERS. by Dave Ca n tor

243-2122

A sort of paranormal propulsion nudges each harmony Quilt imbues its music with—equal parts certainty and unknowing, reticence and confidence. Melodies are all-encompassing, admitting just enough avant-garde intuition to make each composition something more than just another psychedelic retread. “One thing he wrote about that I find very interesting,” says singer Anna Fox Rochinski, referencing R. Buckminster Fuller as she barrels down the East Coast in a van on Super Bowl Sunday, “is the concept of earth grids, and how there’s a pattern on earth where energy points meet.” Explaining her admiration for Fuller might seem an odd way to convey sentiments related to Quilt, her Boston quartet that recently issued its second proper full-length, Held in Splendor, on the Mexican Summer label. But Fuller’s broad philosophies, referenced on the band’s 2009 demo, apply to the ensemble, which began as a three-piece, sans bassist, and whose players were necessitated to be generalists, not specialists in a narrow field. The designer and theoretician would be pleased. “Shane [Butler, guitarist] was always figuring out how to get very deep tones out of his guitar, to the extent where he had a backup guitar he’d put bass strings on,” Rochinski says. “He’d play his guitar through two amps—one for bass tones and one for guitar. It was getting incredibly gnarly, but it was getting to be a lot to manage.” Swelling to a quartet enabled Quilt to move from what Rochinski refers to as a “floaty, trebly world” to a sonic pasture more befitting of the countless comparisons to ’60s pop psych the ensemble has encountered. She says the move has elevated the band to new heights. But that’s subsequent to the recording of Held in Splendor. “Doing the album as a three-piece was really special,” she says, ticking off the disc’s slew of guest musicians, including Virginia-born guitarist Daniel Bachman. Among all those collaborations

is a composition featuring only Rochinski and a guitar. “Talking Trains” adds a dour texture to the record’s otherwise positive, third-eye peacenik fair. The off-kilter finger-picking keeps the song from being another bland singer-songwriter confection and grants Rochinski’s voice something reasonably unique to float over. It almost didn’t turn out that way, though. “I had played that song with Shane and [drummer] John [Andrews], before at practice, back when we were demoing the record,” she says. “It started to take on this whole Fleetwood Mac vibe. It was cool. And when we demoed it to send it to [producer] Jarvis [Taveniere], it was just me singing it with a guitar. Jarvis was like, ‘I think you should sit on that stool over there and play it live and sing it yourself.’” Quilt’s frontwoman says band members never had a deep conversation about including a solo cut on an ensemble album. But Rochinski’s performance history predates Quilt. About a decade ago, she was part of a Boston-area children’s choir that worked stages at Symphony, Jordan and Carnegie halls. A bit later, she wound up going to an assortment of DIY house shows and eventually began performing in those more intimate spaces. “When I was 16 and drinking 40s at house shows, watching punk bands, I thought it was the coolest thing of all time,” she recalls. “And when I was older, playing those shows, that was an amazing step, too. Over and over again, I’d get caught up in the beauty of different kinds of settings.” Somewhere between concert halls and house shows, Rochinski worked up a repertoire of acoustic guitar and banjo tunes, plying her performances in and around Boston. Those endeavors eventually intertwined with her Quilt cohorts, resulting in the noisy proclivities of that 2009 demo. There’s another spirit at work on Held in Splendor. Each player’s musical disposition remains clear on his or her independently composed offerings, but the splendors Quilt aims for have yet to coalesce— leaving the band’s future an unknown, but intriguing, road off one of the highways it’s traversing. SEE IT: Quilt plays Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi Ave., with Big Haunt and Eternal Tapestry, on Wednesday, Feb. 12. 9 pm. $10. 21+. Willamette Week FEBRUARY 12, 2014 wweek.com

MUSIC

FRIDAY–SATURDAY

nation appealing to the “kindercore” niche, the Seattle band threw a ﬂoppy hat into the ring midst the peak of grunge at its epicenter and as its antithesis, and they were both massive and hated to degrees now impossible to fathom. They’re regularly referred to as one-hit wonders by people referencing several diﬀerent songs. This weekend marks the release of PUSA’s sixth proper album, and band members excitedly promise spontaneous elaborations of nearforgotten tomfoolery. It’ll be lump, safe to say, but almost certainly benign. JAY HORTON. Crystal Ballroom, 1332 W Burnside St., 225-0047. 8 pm. $22 advance, $25 day of show. All ages.

band has grown from a quartet of classically trained high-school musicians to a full-fledged chamber-rock outfit, with jazz-influenced saxophone solos, punky group vocals and dark, rhythmic spirals of strings. All that, plus a bassoon. Often its music channels the full, driving force of an orchestra before dialing it back to a simple, sweet violin or mandolin, usually within one song. The simplicity never lingers for long, though, as Mother Falcon is built on swelling sounds and textures that would fit just as well in a movie score as any rock venue. KAITIE TODD. Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi Ave., 288-3895. 9 pm. $12. 21+.

The Moody Dude, Melville, Rebecca Marie Miller, Spirit Lake, Rio Grands

Bubblin: L-Vis 1990, Beyondadoubt, Ben Tactic, Lincolnup

Mother Falcon, Radiation City Duo

SATURDAY, FEB. 15

[HEARTLAND ROCK] Melville frontman Ryan Jacob once described his band’s sound as a wavering, melodic mix between Radiohead and Americana. It’s true to a certain extent—i.e., the distantly soulful crooning, weaving electric slide guitar and earnestto-God lyrics tinted with profanity. But the Portland four-piece would do better touting itself in the form evidenced on its excellent debut EP, Maquette, as an unapologetic, minor-key whiskey-rock band with a big, bleeding heart. BRANDON WIDDER. Doug Fir Lounge, 803 E Burnside St., 231-9663. 9 pm. $6 advance, $8 day of show. 21+.

[CHAMBER ROCK] Over the past few years, Portlanders have become more accustomed to seeing a stage crammed with a dozen or so musicians playing string-driven, folk-inﬂuenced pop music, so a group like Mother Falcon, an orchestral rock outﬁt featuring up to 22 members, shouldn’t be a surprising sight. The

[NU-GRIME] In the underground club world, turning your night into a world-renowned label is the ultimate achievement. With Night Slugs, that’s just what L-Vis 1990 has done, putting out the best deep-dance rhythms both sides of the pond have to offer. L-Vis’ style, like most of his labelmates’, is not really bass music, but it’s certainly not standard four-on-the-floor house or techno, either. “Ballad 4AD” sounds the klaxons of a ship under fire from deep explosions, L-Vis’ siren song as he plumbs new depths of dance sound. MITCH LILLIE. The Rose Bar, 111 SW Ash St., 971-544-7330. 9:30 pm. $8. 21+.

Youthbitch, Zak the Kuntry Wonder [NAME THIS RECORD] It’s been almost two years since local poppunk practitioners Youthbitch released Youthbitch Youthbitch Youthbitch Youthbitch Youthbitch and Don’t Fuck This Up!, a pair of near-perfect gems ﬁlled with

PETER LARSON

PREVIEW

Lucius, You Won’t [RETRO POP] Haim wasn’t the only group to get attention for its retro-pop sound last year. Lucius, a quintet from Brooklyn, turned heads with its debut LP, Wildewoman, crafting 1960s-inspired tunes complete with hand claps, groovy basslines and matching outfits. Jess Wolfe and Holly Laessig’s full, intertwining vocals lead the group with delicate and beautiful harmonies. One minute you’re getting the swaggering chant of “Turn It Around,” a jubilant, foot-stomping sing-along supported by a wobbly keyboard line and cymbals crashing everywhere. The next moment, you’re experiencing the sparse heartbreak of “Go Home” as the two singers cry, “I don’t need you anyway/ I don’t need you/ Go home,” as a hollow-sounding electric guitar wails in the background. Sure, Lucius has created a sound that might be considered antiquated, but for all its charming simplicity and tambourine-shaking nostalgia, the energy makes it fresh and exciting. KAITIE TODD. Doug Fir Lounge, 830 E Burnside St., 231-9663. 9 pm Wednesday, Feb. 12. $15. 21+. 24

Willamette Week FEBRUARY 12, 2014 wweek.com

SATURDAY Q&A

LAURA DOMELA

snotty vocals, fast tempos and incredibly catchy songwriting. Now a few years wiser, Youthbitch has the chops to make some noise on a national level. Led by songwriters Nico Esparrago and Stevie Sensitive, the band’s brand of pop borrows from the Ramones and the Exploding Hearts but never caters too much to those major inﬂuences. As garage rock has moved from a passing fancy to a thing for a lot of indie-rockers, it’s about time Youthbitch transcends its name and becomes known to more than the usual Dirtnap crowd. MICHAEL MANNHEIMER. East End, 203 SE Grand Ave., 232-0056. 9 pm. Call venue for ticket information. 21+.

MUSIC

Bluetech, Subaqueous, Gloom

[SPACE JAM] Laika the street dog went down in history as the ﬁrst living creature to be launched into space, by the Russians in 1957. She died a few hours out. But Evan Bartholomew (aka Bluetech) felt Laika’s story shouldn’t just end there. She became the inspiration for his latest project, Spaceship Chronicles, which will musically and visually chart a pooch’s intergalactic journey over several volumes. Vol. 1 was released last week, and so far Laika’s postmortem cosmic orbit is a ﬁtting story line to peg onto his signature ethereal downtempo, which is focused more on melody than club beats. GRACE STAINBACK. Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi Ave., 288-3895. 9 pm. $12 advance, $15 day of show. 21+.

Karmin, Bryce Vine

[LANA-DA-FE] Uniquely loathed by the current slate of music press, the fresh-faced young lovers comprising Karmin rose to prominence one click at a time, through YouTubed covers of Chris Brown and Nicki Minaj, before releasing an EP of originals steeped in club-friendly rhythms, smirking swag, lyrical inanities and Amy Heidemann’s disarming facility with a hell-for-leather hip-hop ﬂow. None of it’s what you’d call good, exactly, but the tenor of hatred— critics murmuring about the length of the couple’s extended engagement, the dimming quality of their Berklee alma mater, the racism implicit in urban anthems rendered as musical theater—seems wholly disproportionate to the threat posed by a not-untalented electro novelty act ﬁtfully adopted by an audience that’s long preferred Fame to F.A.M.E. JAY HORTON. Roseland Theater, 8 NW 6th Ave., 230-0033. 8:30 pm. $19. All ages.

Pontiak, Golden Void, Billions and Billions, Tonen

[PSYCH-PROG] It’s nearly impossible to pick one act to discuss here. First you’ve got Pontiak, the acclaimed doom- and fuzz-soaked indie rockers from Virginia, who will headline the night. Then there’s Golden Void, a rock outfit from the Bay Area, which features members of the mind-bending, tripped-out, riffed-up Earthless. Then you’ve got the fantastically impressive Portland act Billions and Billions, who stand triumphantly alone at the top of the local heavy-prog game. Classic rockers, doom-metallers, prog nerds, indie hipsters: You’ll all find a home at this Friday night party. CAT JONES. Tonic Lounge, 3100 NE Sandy Blvd., 238-0543. 9 pm. $10 advance, $12 day of show. 21+.

The Moondoggies, Ark Life

[FOLK GOT THE BLUES] Seattle quintet the Moondoggies boast that bluesy-folk, open-road sound befitting long drives across the country. The songs of Kevin Murphy and his band swing on a pendulum between sorrowful reflection and part “fuck it, I’m moving on” defiance, producing classic, heart-aching Americana. The band has aligned itself effectively with tourmates that share that kind of sound and vision, from Denver to Dawes to Blitzen Trapper.

Q&A: MIC CRENSHAW Earlier this month, following a year of internal tumult, Portland radio station KBOO announced that longtime rapper and activist Mic Crenshaw—along with Monica Beemer, former executive director of the nonprofit Sisters of the Road—would be taking over as station co-manager. We emailed Crenshaw to ask about the changing landscape of local radio, dealing with KBOO’s declining listenership, and the station’s relationship to Portland’s embattled hip-hop scene. The Portland MC and new KBOO co-manager talks community radio and the war on hip-hop.

WW: Tell me about your personal experience with KBOO. Mic Crenshaw: Since I came to Portland in ’92, I’ve been tuning in to 90.7. Initially it was for the music, hardcore punk and hip-hop you wouldn’t hear anywhere else. As time went on and my activism developed, I tuned in for news and public affairs in addition to the music you wouldn’t find on other stations. I did a brief stint as a host on Labor Radio and periodically have been invited on to talk about social justice issues. KBOO has been integral to my life and career in Portland. The radio landscape in Portland is in the process of changing. What is the station’s role now? We need to say relevant, competitive, cooperative and increase our listenership and membership. People should know that KBOO is accessible and an incredible resource for building peoples’ power in the community. KBOO has faced declining listenership in the last few years. How do you bring people back? Both Monica and I are engaged in various levels of social justice activism, and I am often in the schools and universities—in front of crowds, teaching, performing, organizing. This work takes place locally, globally, nationally. There is a large audience, a base of support, and a potential audience that has to identify KBOO as a resource in their lives. There’s been a lot of talk recently about how hip-hop is “under siege” in Portland. Do you agree with that? Hip-hop is under siege everywhere. This culture comes from those of us whose existence is either exploitable or expendable in relation to the dominant structures in society, namely late-stage capitalism. What do you do with the slaves when the plantation no longer needs them? You police them and try to get rid of them. Folks might not feel this way about it when they’re in the thick of it, getting harassed by security, police and insurance companies, turning on the radio to hear an extremely limited range of expression, but that’s the reality. At KBOO, we will continue to provide a platform for the voices of marginalized people whose culture is under siege. Some of that will be hip-hop music programming, some of that will be in the form of news and public affairs that shed light on the current and historical realities that we, as a people in a transforming society, need to be aware of. MATTHEW SINGER. MORE: KBOO is currrently conducting a membership drive. If you’d like to donate, visit kboo.fm.

CONT. on page 26 Willamette Week FEBRUARY 12, 2014 wweek.com

SATURDAY–TUESDAY

COURTESY OF BIZ3

MUSIC WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 12

8pm (doors open at 7pm). All Ages

lez Stand Up comedy night: open Mic Free!

THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 13 9pm. 21 & Over

A HEALTHY DOSE TINY MATTERS $5.00 at the door.

SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 15 8pm. 21 & Over

Get it on! Presents...

BLACK WEDDING THE IRON WORKS NO MORE PARACHUTES A BLINDING SILENCE THE LESSER THREE $8.00 at the door.

UP AGAINST THE WALL: Marissa Nadler plays Mississippi Studios on Monday, Feb. 17.

Falafel House: 3 to Late–Night

The Moondoggies’ third release, Adiós I’m a Ghost, places the act ﬁrmly where it belongs, in the thick of a thriving Emerald City folk-rock scene. MARK STOCK. White Eagle Saloon, 836 N Russell St., 2826810. 9:30 pm. $12. 21+.

All Ages Shows: Every Sunday 8–11pm Free Pinball Feeding Frenzy: Saturday @ 3pm

WITHIN SPITTING DISTANCE OF THE PEARL

1033 NW 16TH AVE. (971) 229-1455 OPEN: 3–2:30AM EVERY DAY

HAPPY HOUR: MON–FRI NOON–7PM

SUNDAY, FEB. 16

PoP-A-Shot • PinbAll • Skee-bAll Air hockey • Free Wi-Fi

Thrones, Vice Device, Hot Victory

think it’s just trivia? think again.

RAMENS RAM N Monday

Thirsty Lion — 7:00 PM Hawthorne Hideaway — 8:00 PM Rose & Thistle — 8:00 PM Alberta St. Pub — 8:00 PM (Starts Feb 10)

Thursdays @ 8pm dwing Bar & Grill Re Tuesday 4012 30th St • North Park

The Dugout (Hillsboro) — 7:00 PM Biddy McGraw's — 7:00 PM Cheerful Tortoise — 9:00 PM Shanahan's (Vancouver) — 7:00 PM Laurelwood Public House (SE Portland) — 8:00 PM Beaterville Cafe and Bar —8:00 PM (Starts Feb 11th) The Ram Restaurant & Brewery (Wilsonville)— 8:00 PM

Mondays @ 9pm Bourbon Street Bar & Grill 4612 Park Blvd - University Heights

Wednesday

Saturdays @ 8pm Kelly’s Pub

Punch Bowl Social — 8:00 PM (Starts March 5th) Cheerful Bullpen — 8:30 PM Concordia Ale House — 8:00 PM Space Room — 7:00 PM Tonic Lounge — 7:00 PM Buffalo Gap — 7:30PM

2222 San Diego Ave • Old Town

Thursday Tuesdays @ 8pm (starts August 14th)

21st Avenue Bar & Grill — 7:00 PM Belmont Inn — 7:00 PM

South Park Abbey

www.geekswhodrink.com @geekswhodrink

Willamette Week FEBRUARY 12, 2014 wweek.com

1946 Fern Street • South Park

facebook.com/geekswhodrink

[METALLIC] Solo project of ex-Melvins drummer Joe Preston, Thrones sounds like a Neanderthal making metal music in a damp cave ﬁlled with electric instruments. He hasn’t released anything since 2010 EP Late For Dinner, but he must be up to something. Local act Vice Device is similarly haunting and metallic, with dark synthesizers and ﬁxed drum beats. Hot Victory, also from Portland, charts distant voyages with drums and trigger pads—their Bandcamp suggests they pair well with Pendleton Whisky and Carl Sagan’s Cosmos. LYLA ROWEN. East End, 203 SE Grand Ave., 232-0056. 9 pm. Call venue for ticket information. 21+.

MONDAY, FEB. 17 R. Stevie Moore, the Memories

[AS IF VINYL DIDN’T EXIST] Trying to keep track of the recording output of R. Stevie Moore is almost as diﬃcult as editing Robert Pollard’s Wikipedia page. For more than 40 years, the eccentric Moore has released thousands of songs on handmade cassettes, CDs, MP3s and 8-tracks (kidding on this one, I think), creating a vast catalog that is probably even overwhelming for his mother. Though he’s often (mis) labeled as an “outsider artist” a la Daniel Johnston or Wesley Willis, a good chunk of Moore’s work is actually quite accessible pop music—weird, catchy little songs that show an equal love for Brian Wilson and Dean Ween. Tonight, Moore is joined by our own lovable romantic stoners, the Memories, the best band to ever write a song about having a large peen. MICHAEL MANNHEIMER. Doug Fir Lounge, 830 E Burnside St., 2319663. 9 pm. $10 advance, $12 day of show. 21+.

Marissa Nadler, Pure Bathing Culture

[GHOST FOLK] It seems like any schmuck can make a run at a solid folk career these days: Just run oﬀ to a cabin with a laptop full

of reverb plug-ins and watch the magic unfold. Among an army of poseurs we sometimes stumble upon a voice so haunting and pure we can only cast cynicism aside and watch in dumbfounded awe. The ethereal melodies and gentle strums of Marissa Nadler’s new record, July, serve that purpose tenfold if your mind is an abandoned domicile, please allow her to take up residency and haunt your memories for years to come. PETE COTTELL. Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi Ave., 288-3895. 9pm. $10 advance, $12 day of show. 21+.

TUESDAY, FEB. 18 Hot Tuna (Acoustic), David Lindley

[LUKEWARM BLUES] It’s not tough to amass a Spotify catalog rivaling that of the Dead when you’ve been churning out live bootlegs for nearly half a century. Hot Tuna, whose original membership is now down to founding Jefferson Airplane expats Jack Casady and Jorma Kaukonen, has delivered the same finger-picked acoustic interplay since the Summer of Love, albeit with a brief electrified break for its 2011 studio LP, Steady as She Goes. Still, the duo can jam. BRANDON WIDDER. Aladdin Theater, 3017 SE Milwaukie Ave., 234-9694. 8 pm. $37.50 advance, $40 day of show. All ages.

Amenta Abioto, Christopher Johnedis

[AVANT-R&B] Singer Amenta Abioto thinks of herself as a magician. Don’t worry, that doesn’t mean she goes around pulling quarters out from behind the ears of the audience. She’s referring to a more universal kind of magic—that of the human mind, and its capacity to create. If that sounds a bit hippie-dippy (or Harry Potterish), after witnessing Abioto live, it’s hard to argue that her music isn’t borne of some sort of wizardry. The 21-year-old part-time Portlander can build whole worlds out of only a loop pedal, a single drum and her shape-shifting voice. Improvising layers of beatbox percussion, hummed basslines and shades of other vocal coloring, Abioto crafts an alchemist’s blend of neo-soul, jazz, Afrocentric funk and punkish experimentalism, emanating almost entirely from her own throat. It’s bracing, mystifying and, yep, quite magical. MATTHEW SINGER. The Blue Monk, 3341 SE Belmont St., 595-0575. 10 pm. Free. 21+.

tuesday/classical, etc.

John Butler Trio, Little Hurricane

[VEGEMITE & JAM] An outsized presence in Australia pitched somewhere between a relevant Jonny Lang and rugged John Mayer, American-born John Butler and his trio have thus far evaded notice stateside save for jam-band completists, and latest release Flesh and Bone seems more likely to ruffle the H.O.R.D.E. hordes than arouse new listeners. Butler’s sixth album, the first in four years, neatly distills his most salable parts— the acoustic wizardry, the plaintive vocals, the electric blues licks designed for bygone radio or luxury car commercials—while dampening more overt political commentary. But, much like traveling to Oz itself, pleasantness alone seems hardly worth the investment. JAY HORTON. Crystal Ballroom, 1332 W Burnside St., 225-0047. 8 pm. $27.50 advance, $30 day of show. All ages.

Royal Teeth, Chappo, the Adam Brock

[INDIE OVERDOSE] Royal Teeth can be a bit much, with all the chanting, the clapping, the boy-girl vocal harmonies and the sugarcoated chord progressions. The Louisiana band draws from all the right influences (Local Natives, Ra Ra Riot), but the resulting heavily dramatized sounds are like the cast of Glee gone indie. Royal Teeth is much better live than in the studio, rife with contagious energy and supreme approachability. And though latest record Glow may lack inventiveness, it is an entertaining spectacle nonetheless. MARK STOCK. Doug Fir Lounge, 830 E Burnside St., 231-9663. 9 pm. $10 advance, $12 day of show. 21+.

Lawrence Rothman, Mas Ysa

[SLOW JAMS] Lawrence Rothman is not your run-of-the-mill R&B revivalist. While his soft vocals sometime drift through AutoTune, there’s a raw emotion that comes through every twanging bassline. That same emotion is felt through delicately laid effects that lean in a more experimental direction. His take on this newly overcrowded scene is simplistic, yet refined in a way that feels genuine. GEOFF NUDELMAN. Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi Ave., 288-3895. 9 pm. $8 advance, $10 day of show. 21+.

Woolen Men, Psychomagic, the Santoros, Levitation Room

[SIMPLE SURF] In a country that values overindulgence, it’s hard to find a band that knows how to portion. Surf weirdos Psychomagic, however, know how to write catchy riffs without much frill. They’ve got just the right amount of trippy, Muppet-like vocals and simple, pop-driven lyrics. Some personal favorites are “I’m a Freak” and “I Just Wanna Go Home With You,” both off their self-titled debut and channeling King Tuff vibes. The Know, 2026 NE Alberta St., 4738729. 8 pm. $5. 21+.

Hellfyre Club’s Dorner vs. Tookie Tour: Busdriver, Nocando, Open Mike Eagle, Milo

[ALT-RAP] L.A. indie-rap label Hellfyre Club is rooted in Project Blowed, the still-extant “hip-hop workshop” that has nurtured some of the most progressive motormouths in the SoCal underground. Founded by one such MC, James “Nocando” McCall, the imprint has released a series of mixtapescum-label samplers over the last few years, the latest of which is titled Dorner vs. Tookie. Headed up by the fab four represented on this tour—Nocando, Open Mike Eagle, Milo and the biggest name in the bunch, Busdriver—the comp showcases the self-deprecation, emotional bloodletting, twisted wordplay and sardonic wit that has made Blowed and, by extension, Hellfyre itself, an institution for rap fans who like their hip-hop left of center and as goofy as it is irreverent. MATTHEW SINGER. Star Theater, 13 NW 6th Ave., 345-7892. 8 pm. $15. 21+.

CLASSICAL, JAZZ & WORLD Musica Maestrale

[DUELING LUTES] For a couple hundred years, the lute was considered the noblest instrument in Europe. Its spare, subtle sound enchanted kings and their courts, before it was eventually superseded by more versatile, powerful and less troublesome keyboard instruments. But some of the later music written for it, in 16thand 17th-century Italy, sounds as beautiful as the instrument looks. Portland Baroque Orchestra’s John Lenti joins Musica Maestrale founder Hideki Yamaya on lutes, tiorbino, theorbo (a long-necked lute that can play lower notes) and Baroque guitar in duets by Kapsberger, Piccinini, Castaldi and other neglected composers of the Italian Baroque. BRETT CAMPBELL. Community Music Center, 3350 SE Francis St. 7:30 pm Saturday, Feb. 15. $12 students and seniors, $14 general admission.

Portland Mandolin Summit

[MANDOLINSANITY] Cellos are so 2013. Portland’s hot new-old instrumental aggregation features the mandolin, that plucky, quicksilver stringed instrument favored by 19th-century Italian crooners, turn-of-the-20th-century mandolin orchestras and American blue-

MUSIC

grassers. At least a half-dozen of Portland ’s top pluckers, from Oregon Mandolin Orchestra, Sneakin’ Out, Rio Con Brio and other popular bands, convene for this mondo mando extravaganza. Take that, Portland Cello Project! BRETT CAMPBELL. The Old Church, 1422 SW 11th Ave., 2222031. 8 pm Saturday, Feb. 15. $12 advance, $15 day of show. All ages.

Grand Opening

VAPE SPOT Free E-Liquid w/ any starter kit purchase (must mention ad)

Vagabond Opera, Wanderlust Circus

[CARNIVAL O’ LOVE] A standard Vagabond Opera show is pretty much a musical circus, anyway, what with the fire dancers and costumes and whatnot. So for this revival after a three-year hiatus, it makes perfect sense for the band to go all the way into carnival carnality for its V-Day cabaret show. With Vagabond ’s gypsy Euro-cabaret vibe—including accordion, guitar, sax, clarinet, cellos and operatic vocals—hooking up with the acrobats, aerialists, stilt dancers, trick ropers and jugglers of its cousin organization, Wanderlust Circus, plus belly dancers, chocolates and a kissing salon, who knows what strange carni-musical mischief might ensue? BRETT CAMPBELL. Star Theater, 13 NW 6th Ave., 2484700. 9 pm Saturday, Feb. 15. $20 advance, $25 day of show. 21+.

ALBUM REVIEW

LIV WARFIELD THE UNEXPECTED (KOBALT) [GROWN-UP SOUL] Attention, Sir Paul: Liv Warfield questions your ornithological knowledge. “Paul McCartney got it wrong/ I ain’t never want no song,” the Portland-based belter sings on “Black Bird,” over a strutting, bluesy bigband arrangement a few songs into her sophomore album. “They may try to break my wings/ They only love me when I sing/ I ain’t no slave, I ain’t no queen/ I’m just a black…bird.” Well, that is certainly one way to get attention. Then again, when it comes to turning heads, Warfield learned from the best. Once a leading light of Portland’s R&B scene, she got scooped up by Prince in 2009, shortly after the release of her debut, Embrace Me, and indoctrinated into the New Power Generation—from her description, the equivalent of musical boot camp. No wonder, then, that The Unexpected sounds less like a protracted follow-up than a re-emergence. Warfield exudes both a veteran’s confidence and a newcomer’s desire to be heard. Even in the album’s more tender, pleading moments, the message is clear: “Underestimate me at your peril.” And there are certainly those who would doubt Warfield’s ability to jump-start a career at age 34, playing a brand of soul closer to En Vogue than being en vogue. His Purple Majesty himself served as executive producer, along with penning two songs, and the sound of The Unexpected is similar to his early 2000s comeback records: classic R&B with rock-’n’-roll edges. Prince loans out the NPG horn section, which follows Warfield through the album like a Greek chorus, blending with wailing guitar solos. At times, the energy is canned by the studio slickness that plagued those latter-day Prince albums: The pumping “Why Do You Lie,” though still a highlight, doesn’t pack quite the wallop Warfield brought to her Jimmy Fallon performance in January. But even when the production falters, Warfield never does. It’s a testament to her greatest skill as a singer: She’s a powerhouse, yes, but she never lets her pipes obscure her personality. On The Unexpected, she displays her full range: playful on “Lena Blue” and “Catch Me If You Can,” sultry on “Your Show,” defiant on “Freedom,” vulnerable on “Come Back.” Can Warfield, who has sold out shows in New York and appeared on national television, actually become a national star? Here’s what’s truly unexpected: She already is one. MATTHEW SINGER.

itazte MVP

Kangertech 1,2 & 3 Protanks

On Sale $59 ea

On Sale $20 ea

224 W. Burnside - 2nd Floor Portland, Oregon 971-271-8279 Mon-Sat 11am-10pm Sun 12pm-8pm

HEAR IT: The Unexpected is out Tuesday, Feb. 18. Willamette Week FEBRUARY 12, 2014 wweek.com

2 DAYS, 2 STAGES MUSIC, FOOD, ART & MORE MUSICFESTNW.COM 28

Willamette Week FEBRUARY 12, 2014 wweek.com

MUSIC CALENDAR = ww Pick. Highly recommended. Editor: Mitch Lillie. TO HAVE YOUR EVENT LISTED, send show information at least two weeks in advance on the web at wweek.com/submitevents or (if you book a specific venue) enter your events at dbmonkey. com/wweek. Press kits, CDs and especially vinyl can be sent to Music Desk, WW, 2220 NW Quimby St., Portland, OR 97210. Please include show or release date information with all physical mailings. Email: music@wweek.com. For more listings, check out wweek.com.

[FEB. 12-18] Secret Society ballroom

116 NE Russell St. Goose & Fox, The Royal Blue, The Domestics

Slabtown

1033 NW 16th Ave. A Healthy Dose, Tiny Matters

INTISAR AbIOTO

The Alberta Street Public House

1036 NE Alberta St. That Much Further West Radio, The Resolectrics

The blue Monk

6605 SE Powell Blvd. Ben Rice B3 Trio

The Muddy Rudder Public House 8105 SE 7th Ave. Stumbleweed

The Original Halibut’s II

2525 NE Alberta St. Terry Robb

Thirsty Lion Pub SW 2nd & Ash St. Brian O’dell Band

wed. Feb. 12 Amadeus Manor

2122 SE Sparrow St. Open Mic

Andina Restaurant 1314 NW Glisan Toshi Onizuka Trio

Ash Street Saloon 225 SW Ash St. Disenchanter

blue diamond

2016 NE Sandy Blvd. The Fenix Project

brasserie Montmartre 626 SW Park Ave. John Teply

Crystal Hotel Al’s den 303 SW 12th Ave. Spur

doug Fir Lounge

830 E Burnside St. Lucius, You Won’t

duff’s Garage

1635 SE 7th Ave. Sharkskin Revue

east end

203 SE Grand Ave. ALTO!, Sad Horse and Muzzy

Gemini bar & Grill 456 N State St. Jacob Merlin/Sarah Billings

Hawthorne Theatre

1507 SE 39th Ave. Abigail Williams, Erimha, Assyria, Of Fact And Fiction, A World Without

Holocene

1332 W Burnside Americana Round-Up’ The Oregon Trailers

McMenamins boon’s Treasury 888 Liberty St. NE The Folly

McMenamins edgefield 2126 SW Halsey St. Peter Pants

McMenamins Rock Creek Tavern

10000 NW Old Cornelius Pass Rd. Billy D

Mississippi Pizza

3552 N Mississippi Ave. Sue Ray, Mel Fraser and Carrie Henschell

Mississippi Studios

3939 N Mississippi Ave. Quilt, Big Haunt and Eternal Tapestry

Shaker & Vine

2929 SE Powell Blvd. Robbie Laws Blues Guitar Ensemble

The Lodge bar & Grill 6605 SE Powell Blvd. Pete Ford Band

The TARdIS RoomFish & Chip Shop

Ivories Jazz Lounge

1320 Main Street Big Monti

221 NW 10th Ave. Mel Brown Quartet

Landmark Saloon

4847 SE Division St. Whiskey Wednesday: Jake Ray & the Cowdogs

Trail’s end Saloon

THuRS. Feb. 13 Alberta Rose Theatre 3000 NE Alberta St. Holly Near, John Bucchino & Emma’s Revolution

Alhambra Theater

4811 SE Hawthorne Blvd. Charles Neville, Gent Treadly

white eagle Saloon

836 N Russell St. Chris Baron and Friends

Ash Street Saloon

Jimmy Mak’s

winona Grange No. 271

beaterville Cafe

221 NW 10th Ave. Mel Brown B3 Organ Group

biddy McGraw’s

1111 SW Broadway Ave The Ten Tenors

225 SW Ash St. Minka, Die Like Gentlemen

2201 N Killingsworth St. Kivett Bednar 6000 NE Glisan St. Jack Dwyer, Ellie Hakanson and Sam Weiss

blue diamond

2016 NE Sandy Blvd. Ben Jones and Friends

brasserie Montmartre 626 SW Park Ave. Clambake Combo

Cadigan’s Corner bar 5501 SE 72nd Ave. Kenny Lee Blues Jam

Camellia Lounge

510 NW 11th Ave. Beverly Caruso Trio

Chapel Pub

430 N Killingworth St. Steve Kerin

Crystal Hotel Al’s den

3728 NE Sandy Blvd. Piano Bar with Bo Ayars

Ivories Jazz Lounge

1320 Main Street American Roots Jam

white eagle Saloon

Thirsty Lion Pub SW 2nd & Ash St. Jordan Harris

1507 SE 39th Ave. The Wailers

Trail’s end Saloon

1435 NW Flanders St. Tom Grant & Singer’s Jam Guest Vocalist Shelly Rudolph

1314 NW Glisan Jason Okamoto

Corkscrew

Tony Starlight’s Supper Club

Jimmy Mak’s

Andina Restaurant

1218 N Killingsworth St. Open Mic with ‘The Time Lords’

1001 SE Morrison St. Prefort! Treefort Music Fest Kickoff Party: Brainstorm, Thanks, Holiday Friends 1435 NW Flanders St. Rebecca Kilgore & Dave Frishberg

720 SE Hawthorne Blvd. Portland Timba, Cuban Dance Party

1665 SE Bybee Ave. Adlai Alexander Trio 303 SW 12th Ave. Spur

doug Fir Lounge

830 E Burnside St. Lincoln’s Beard, The Lonesome Billies, Jake Ray

duff’s Garage

1635 SE 7th Ave. Reverb Brothers

east end

203 SE Grand Ave. Hounds Below, Neighbor Wave

Hawthorne Theatre

1507 SE 39th Ave. Adddvision, Gepetto, Stevo, panshot J’il & Bocha, Hv Gutter & Don Keon, Anxious P, Maze, All Star Krew

836 N Russell St. Those Willows Autumn Electric, Adam Brock

8340 SW Seneca St. Céilí Mór

Keller Auditorium

FRI. Feb. 14

Korkage wine bar & Shop

Alhambra Theater

Magnolia’s Corner

Andina Restaurant

McMenamins boon’s Treasury

Andina Restaurant

6320 Capitol Hwy Ben Graves

4075 NE Sandy Blvd Grupo Condor

888 Liberty St. NE Bill Hughes Jazz Jam

McMenamins Crystal ballroom

1332 W Burnside Street Hellogoodbye, The Ecstatics

McMenamins edgefield 2126 SW Halsey St. Sonny Hess Trio

McMenamins Kennedy School 5736 NE 33rd Ave. Rose Windows

McMenamins Rock Creek Tavern

10000 NW Old Cornelius Pass Rd. Pagan Jug Band

Mississippi Pizza

3552 N Mississippi Ave. Smut City Jellyroll Society & Burlesque

Mississippi Studios

4811 SE Hawthorne Blvd. Particleson, Ghost Motor, Die Robot, Murderbait 1314 NW Glisan Danny Romero

1314 NW Glisan Toshi Onizuka Trio

Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall

1037 SW Broadway A Storm Large Valentine Presented by Oregon Symphony

Ash Street Saloon

1507 SE 39th Ave. Rehab, Angels Cut ThE RoDeO cLoWnS, SLOWtheIMPACT, Do It For The Dinosaurs

Hawthorne Theatre Lounge

1503 SE Cesar E Chavez Blvd. Tim Shewell, In Public View

Ivories Jazz Lounge

1435 NW Flanders St. Linda Lee Michelet Big Band Valentine’s Show

Jade Lounge

2342 SE Ankeny St. Chris Juhlin

Jimmy Mak’s

221 NW 10th Ave. Portland Soul All-Stars Valentine’s Tribute to Romantic Soul

Kells brewpub

210 NW 21st Ave. Sami Rouisi

Kelly’s Olympian

426 SW Washington St. Matt Murdock, The Resistance, Bad Habitat, Mic Crenshaw

Magnolia’s Corner

4075 NE Sandy Blvd Absinthe World Jazz Trio

McMenamins Crystal ballroom

1332 W Burnside Street The Presidents of the United States of America With Old Light, You Scream I Scream

McMenamins edgefield 2126 SW Halsey St. Eric John Kaiser

McMenamins Rock Creek Tavern

10000 NW Old Cornelius Pass Rd. The Moonshine

Mississippi Pizza

3552 N Mississippi Ave. Salsanova

Mississippi Studios

3939 N Mississippi Ave. Mother Falcon, Radiation City Duo

Star Theater

The Alberta Street Public House

830 E Burnside St. Swan Sovereign, The Cabin Project

The Annex

1635 SE 7th Ave. The Lonesomes / Ranch Hands

The blue Monk

203 SE Grand Ave. Youthbitch, Zak the Kuntry Wonder

13 NW 6th Ave. Mad Caddies, Steady Riot

1036 NE Alberta St. True Love Valentine Revue

5242 N. Lombard St. Brother Elf Failure Machine

Gemini bar & Grill

3416 N Lombard St. Cockeye Pinkslip, Cabryse

The Horse Radish 211 W Main St. Mike Fite

The Lehrer

8775 SW Canyon Ln. The Ellen Whyte Big Band

The Living Room Theater-Portland 341 SW 10th Ave . Laurent Nickel

The Muddy Rudder Public House

8105 SE 7th Ave. The Sportin’ Lifers Trio

The Original Halibut’s II

2525 NE Alberta St. Norman Sylvester

The Press Club

2621 SE Clinton St. The Druthers

The TARdIS Room

1218 N Killingsworth St. Valentine’s Day Lover’s Party: Dionvox

The Triangle Salem

3215 Liberty Rd. S Rachel Blair & HideAway

The whiskey bar

31 NW 1st Ave. Super 8 and Tab With Jaytech

Thirsty Lion Pub SW 2nd & Ash St. Soul Fresh

Tony Starlight’s Supper Club

3728 NE Sandy Blvd. Tony Starlight’s Valentine’s Show

Trail’s end Saloon 1320 Main Street Women in Blues

Vie de boheme 1530 SE 7th Ave. Anandi

SAT. Feb. 15

New Renaissance bookshop

blue diamond

2016 NE Sandy Blvd. The UnderCover Band

brasserie Montmartre 626 SW Park Ave. Paul Paresa and the People

bunk bar

Camellia Lounge 510 NW 11th Ave. French Twist x3

Clyde’s Prime Rib Restaurant & bar

5474 NE Sandy Blvd. Andy Stokes

1338 NW 23rd Ave. Full Moon Drumming Circle: For Peace and Healing

Night Light Lounge

2100 E Clinton St. 80’s Valentines Day Party

Rock bottom brewery Portland 206 SW Morrison St. Dryland Farmers

Roseland Theater

8 NW 6th Ave. Carnage Victor NiGlio

Rotture

315 SE 3rd Ave. LIve And Direct

east end

The Foggy Notion

biddy McGraw’s

6000 NE Glisan St. The Fire Weeds

duff’s Garage

embers Portland

Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall

417 SE 80th Ave. Angel Bouchet

doug Fir Lounge

3341 SE Belmont St. Saloon Ensemble & Libertine Belles

Montavilla Station

3435 N Lombart St. Sneakin’ Out

dante’s

350 W Burnside St. The Slants with The Shrike and The Punctuals

6000 NE Glisan St. Hot Club of Hawthorne VDay Love Song Show

biddy McGraw’s

Mock Crest Tavern

2500 SE Clinton St. Jeni Wren, Karyn Ann

embers Portland

2929 SE Powell Blvd. Whetsell-Adams

Andina Restaurant

1028 SE Water Ave. Sylvan Esso, Dana Buoy

Savoy Tavern

1635 SE 7th Ave. DK Stewart and Joseph Conrad with Ed Pierce, Peter Dammann, The Soul Survivor Horns

Shaker & Vine

Mock Crest Tavern

225 SW Ash St. Hyperthermia

3939 N Mississippi Ave. Shearwater, Jesca Hoop 3435 N Lombart St. Cales of The Blueprints and Friends

duff’s Garage

Hawthorne Theatre

The Lodge bar & Grill

Hawthorne Theatre

350 W Burnside St. Sonic Temple and Madame Torment

The Conga Club

2026 NE Alberta St. Dottie Attie, Dark/Light, The Stops

Analog Cafe & Theater

dante’s

3341 SE Belmont St. Color-coder, Rosewood

The Know

Lola’s Room

303 SW 12th Ave. Spur

11 NW Broadway The Adrienne Alexander Show

4923 NE Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd. Dina y Los Rumberos

MAGIC MOuTH: Amenta Abioto plays the blue Monk on Tuesday, Feb. 18.

Crystal Hotel Al’s den

1314 NW Glisan Toshi Onizuka Trio

1037 SW Broadway A Storm Large Valentine Presented by Oregon Symphony

Artichoke Music

3130 SE Hawthorne Blvd. Paul Chasman & Terry Robb

biddy McGraw’s

6000 NE Glisan St. Aimee Wilson Jessica Campbell & Vulpes Vulpes

blue diamond

2016 NE Sandy Blvd. Deep Blue Soul Revue

brasserie Montmartre 626 SW Park Ave. Andre St. James Trio

11 NW Broadway Onyx Lynn & The Follies 456 N State St. Full Zoo

Hawthorne Theatre 1507 SE 39th Ave. Goathead Damage Overdose, Choke The Silence, Existential Depression

Ivories Jazz Lounge 1435 NW Flanders St. The Ezra Weiss Sextet

Jade Lounge

2342 SE Ankeny St. JD’s Blues/Grass Sessions

Jimmy Mak’s

221 NW 10th Ave. Bobby Torres Ensemble

Kells brewpub

210 NW 21st Ave. Sami Rouisi

Kelly’s Olympian

426 SW Washington St. Will Kinky withJoy Pearson, Cody Raymond, Slim Pickens Experiment

M & M Restaurant & Lounge 137 N Main Ave. The Sandy Saunders Band

McMenamins boon’s Treasury 888 Liberty St. NE Shannon Stephens

McMenamins Crystal ballroom

1332 W Burnside Street Karl Denson’s Tiny Universe Dirty Dozen Brass Band

McMenamins edgefield 2126 SW Halsey St. Ditch Town

McMenamins Mission Theater 1624 NW Glisan Mortified Portland!

McMenamins Ringlers Pub 1332 W Burnside Floating Pointe

McMenamins Rock Creek Tavern

10000 NW Old Cornelius Pass Rd. Garcia Birthday Band

Midnight Roundup

345 NW Burnside Rd. Country Wide

Mississippi Pizza

3552 N Mississippi Ave. Three for Silver Acoustic Trio

Mississippi Studios

3939 N Mississippi Ave. Bluetech, Subaqueous, Gloom

Reed College

3203 SE Woodstock Blvd. Lynn Harrell and Portland Cello Project

Rock bottom brewery Portland 206 SW Morrison St. Matt Bolton

Crystal Hotel Al’s den 303 SW 12th Ave. Spur

CONT. on page 31

Willamette Week FEBRUARY 12, 2014 wweek.com

Alberta Rose Theatre

(503) 764-4131 • 3000 NE Alberta

Thursday, Feb 13th

Friday, Feb 14th

GAIA PRESENTS

AN EVENING WITH

HOLLY NEAR

+JOHN BUCCHINO + emma’s revolution Saturday, Feb 15th Wednesday, Feb 19th WITH

PINK MARTINI & THE VON TRAPPS + THE DOUBLECLICKS Thursday, Feb 20th

US SOCCER VS GROUP OF DEATH Friday, Feb 21st

THE GAIA PROJECT PRESENTS AN EVENING WITH

SUZY BEAUSOLEIL MICHAEL BOGGUSS AVEC DOUCET Saturday, Feb 22nd LIVE ALBUM & DVD RECORDING

THE BYLINES

Thursday, Feb 27th

CAHALEN & ELI ALBUM RELEASE

+ RUTH MOODY BAND Friday, Feb 28th

MASON JENNINGS WITH SPECIAL GUEST

REBECCA PIDGEON Sunday, March 2nd

HELLO EVERYBODY

Saturday, March 1st

LIVE WIRE RADIO W/ KRISTIN HERSH & WESLEY STACE

Tuesday, March 4th

COME TO THE MARDI GRAS!

THE NEW IBERIANS + DK STEWART Thursday, March 6th + LLOYD JONES FUNKTATION MUSIC TOGETHER TEACHERS

CONCERT + FUNDRAISER

BIRDS OF CHICAGO Friday, March 7th

JOHN GORKA WITH SPECIAL GUEST

ANTJE DUVEKOT

• BURLESQUE • OYSTERS • KING CAKE •

LET THE GOOD TIMES ROLL! Saturday, March 8th

SUBTERRANEAN HOWL PRESENTS

WEST OF ZANZIBAR SCREENING + CD RELEASE SHOW

for info and tickets visit

AlbertaRoseTheatre.com 30

Willamette Week FEBRUARY 12, 2014 wweek.com

feb. 12–18 courtesy of thrill Jockey

Andina Restaurant 1314 NW Glisan Danny Romero

Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall

1037 SW Broadway Amos Lee

Ash Street Saloon

225 SW Ash St. The Flurries Emotitron, LiquidLight, Endless Loop

Blue Diamond

116 NE Russell St. The 2nd Annual Bleeding Hearts Ball

Shaker & Vine

2929 SE Powell Blvd. Raq the Casbah

Slabtown

1033 NW 16th Ave. Black Wedding, The Iron Works, No More Parachutes, A Blinding Silence, The Lesser Three

The Annex

5242 N. Lombard St. Manx Snarl, Fake Beach

The Elixir Lab

2734 NE Alberta St. The Slope

2845 SE Stark St. World’s Finest, Otis Heat

The Know 2026 NE Alberta St. Animal Eyes Khan Heir, Kyle Craft

3100 NE Sandy Blvd. Pontiak

421 SE Grand Ave. Hollow Sidewalks

2525 NE Alberta St. Shirley Nannette

2621 SE Clinton St. Anna and the Underbelly, Jeffery Martin

Crystal Hotel Al’s Den 303 SW 12th Ave. Emily Yates, Erik Yates

Dante’s

350 W Burnside St. Night Riots, The Epilogues

Doug Fir Lounge

19 year della robbia gus modern humanscale camerich huppe bdi

open daily 11-6 sunday 12-5 503.225.5017

Portland Art Museum

1219 SW Park Ave. Venice: The Golden Age of Art and Music

Rontoms Portland

600 E Burnside St. The Ghost Ease, Cambrian Explosion

Slabtown

1033 NW 16th Ave. Grand Style Orchestra

The Know

2026 NE Alberta St. Vicious Pleasures, Happy Noose, Night Wave

East End

1530 SE 7th Ave. Chuck Israels Jazz Cafe

Hawthorne Theatre

836 N Russell St. The Marvins, Train River, Whitfield Farenheit

1530 SE 7th Ave. Soul Vaccination

Sun. FEB. 16

The Press Club

1665 SE Bybee Ave. DTQ String Quartet

3939 N Mississippi Ave. Greg Laswell

Trail’s End Saloon

Vie De Boheme

The original Halibut’s II

Corkscrew

3552 N Mississippi Ave. Anthemtown Open Mic

830 E Burnside St. Noah Gundersen, Silver Torches

1320 Main Street Twangshifters

8105 SE 7th Ave. Elizabeth Nicholson & Bob Soper

3552 N Mississippi Ave. Lost Creek

Thirsty Lion Pub

SW 2nd & Ash St. Ants in the Kitchen

The Muddy Rudder Public House

natuzzi chilewich innovation kartell lafer img

400 SE 12th Ave. Blind Lovejoy With Aviod Boy

The Tonic Lounge

The Lovecraft

The Red And Black Cafe

Mississippi Pizza

Mississippi Studios

Analog Cafe & Theater 720 SE Hawthorne Blvd. The Anti Valentines Day Show

203 SE Grand Ave. Thrones, Vice Device, Hot Victory 1507 SE 39th Ave. The Portland Battle of The Bands: Erik Anarchy, Divides, Mending Hope, Zoom, Ditch

Vie De Boheme

White Eagle Saloon

Mon. FEB. 17 Andina Restaurant

Jazz Vocal Jam: Joe Millward

Crystal Hotel Al’s Den 303 SW 12th Ave. Emily Yates Erik Yates

Doug Fir Lounge

830 E Burnside St. R. Stevie Moore, the Memories

Jade Lounge

2342 SE Ankeny St. Mason Porch Band

Jimmy Mak’s

221 NW 10th Ave. Dan Balmer

Kelly’s olympian

426 SW Washington St. Eye Candy VJs

McMenamins - Lola’s Room 1332 W Burnside Punk Rock Mondays’

McMenamins Edgefield 2126 SW Halsey St. Skip vonKuske’s Groovy Wallpaper

Mississippi Studios

3939 N Mississippi Ave. Marissa Nadler, Pure Bathing Culture

Andina Restaurant 1314 NW Glisan JB Butler

Ash Street Saloon

2126 SW Halsey St. Hanz Araki and Cary Novotny

Cadigan’s Corner Bar

3552 N Mississippi Ave. Supadupa Marimba Bros

225 SW Ash St. Nails Hide Metal

5501 SE 72nd Ave. Hip Deep

Camellia Lounge

510 NW 11th Ave. Steve Christofferson Band, David Evans and Todd Strait

13 NW 6th Ave. Hellfyre Club, Busdriver

Duff’s Garage

1036 NE Alberta St. Casual Charlie

Hawthorne Theatre Lounge

3341 SE Belmont St. The Pagan Jug Band With Special Guests

830 E Burnside St. Royal Teeth, Chappo, the Adam Brock 1635 SE 7th Ave. Dover Weinberg Quartet

1503 SE Cesar E Chavez Blvd. Reaper Loc, ThatKidCry, Cunning Wolves, Ancient Sol

Ivories Jazz Lounge

836 N Russell St. Wildish

Portland Art Museum

Doug Fir Lounge

303 SW 12th Ave. Emily Yates, Erik Yates

The Muddy Rudder Public House

White Eagle Saloon

Mississippi Studios

3939 N Mississippi Ave. Lawrence Rothman, Mas Ysa

Crystal Hotel Al’s Den

Hipbone Studio

8105 SE 7th Ave. Lloyd Jones

Mississippi Pizza

1219 SW Park Ave. Venice: The Golden Age of Art and Music

newmark Theatre

1111 SW Broadway Sweet Honey in the Rock 40th Anniversary: Forty & Fierce!

McMenamins Edgefield

1847 E. Burnside Street #104 PK Harris Topel Duo: Violine 1435 NW Flanders St. Mac Potts

Kelly’s olympian

426 SW Washington St. Life Leone, Whorehound

Landmark Saloon

4847 SE Division St. Ready to Roll

Star Theater

The Alberta Street Public House

The Blue Monk

3341 SE Belmont St. Amenta Abioto & Guests

The Know

2026 NE Alberta St. Woolen Men, Psychomagic, the Santoros, Levitation Room

The Lehrer

8775 SW Canyon Ln. Hot Jam Night With Tracey Fordice and The 8-Balls

Tony Starlight’s Supper Club

3728 NE Sandy Blvd. Bitter...Party of One: Unrequited Love Songs

SALE

McMenamins Edgefield 2126 SW Halsey St. Billy D

ANNIVERSARY

Secret Society Ballroom

The GoodFoot

10000 NW Old Cornelius Pass Rd. Bob Soper and Elizabeth Nicholson

Cadigan’s Corner Bar

140 Hill St. NE Blues Jam

8 NW 6th Ave. Karmin Bryce Vine

McMenamins Rock Creek Tavern

Mississippi Pizza

Calapooia Brewing

Roseland Theater

1624 NW Glisan Lunasa

2016 NE Sandy Blvd. Kevin Selfe and the Tornadoes Jam Session 5501 SE 72nd Ave. Portland Casual Jam

SATuRDAy In THE PARK: Pontiak plays Tonic Lounge on Saturday, Feb. 15.

McMenamins Mission Theater

MUSIC CALENDAR

1314 NW Glisan Pete Krebs

Camellia Lounge 510 NW 11th Ave.

TuES. FEB. 18

Aladdin Theater

3017 SE Milwaukie Ave. Hot Tuna, David Lindley

McMenamins Crystal Ballroom

1332 W Burnside Street John Butler Trio With Little Hurricane

White Eagle Saloon

836 N Russell St. Blues Jam with Travers Kiley

cont. on page 33

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GRANDMA’S WATCHING HER STORIES: The little upstairs bar at Huckleberry Pub (2327 NW Kearney St., 228-5553, huckleberrypub.com) has the feeling of a mountain refuge. Not just because we visited this wood-toned space in a converted home just off Northwest 23rd Avenue on a day when the streets were sheeted in layers of crisp snow and glacial traffic. This is your country grandma’s gently boozy attic, with a comfortfood menu that includes beet sliders and stuffed squash. All that cozy domesticity makes it an unlikely sports bar, but this is how the space is being used, with flat-screen TVs posted in odd locations about the bar’s walls, tuned to various basketball games or, on request, the sordid and bewildering spectacle of the Sochi Olympics’ opening ceremony. The bar’s cocktail menu is dotted with drinks flavored with huckleberry, apparently a family obsession of the pub owners. But the I’m Your Huckleberry ($8), a vodka drink with both huckleberry simple and whole huckleberries, was cloyingly syrupy, its bittersweetness cut by lime like a toothpick in Jell-O. The toddy ($8)—named for Dolph Lundgren—was treacly, the whiskey and orange mixed as if Metamucil in kettle water. Stick to the simple comforts of a $6 early happy-hour burger and a pint of Oakshire winter ale. To the guy demolishing some gravy fries while watching Creighton do the same to DePaul, the bar’s more upmarket ambitions weren’t at issue: Just don’t change that damn television channel. MATTHEW KORFHAGE.

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Star Bar Portland

639 SE Morrison St. Go French Yourself: DJ Cecilia

Tiga Bar Portland

1465 NE Prescott St. DJ DS

WED. FEB. 12 Ground Kontrol Classic Arcade

511 NW Couch St. TRONix: Bryan Zentz

Moloko Plus

3967 N Mississippi Ave. King Tim 33 1/3

The Lovecraft

421 SE Grand Ave. Exhume

THURS. FEB. 13 Harlem Portland

220 SW Ankeny St. DJ Tourmaline, DJ Valen

Holocene

1001 SE Morrison St. I’ve Got a Hole in My Soul: DJ Beyondadoubt

Moloko Plus

3967 N Mississippi Ave. Strictly Vinyl: DJ Strategy

Tiga Bar Portland

1465 NE Prescott St. DJ Epistrophy

Tiger Bar

317 NW Broadway Karaoke From Hell

FRI. FEB. 14 Beech St. Parlor 412 NE Beech St DJ Primitiva

Eagles Lodge SE

4904 SE Hawthorne In the Cooky Jar: DJ Cooky Parker

Harlem Portland

220 SW Ankeny St. Lionsden

Holocene

1001 SE Morrison St. Love & Direct (Live & Direct’s V-Day Edition!)

Moloko Plus

3967 N Mississippi Ave. Hans Fricking Lindauer Rhythm and Soul Review

Star Bar Portland

639 SE Morrison St. Loveless DJs: Riff Randell and Shaunic Youth

The GoodFoot

2845 SE Stark St. Soul Stew: DJ Aquaman

The Lovecraft

421 SE Grand Ave. DJ Horrid

SAT. FEB. 15 Holocene

1001 SE Morrison St. Gaycation: Mr. Charming, DJ Snowtiger

Moloko Plus

3967 N Mississippi Ave. The Central Experience: Gulls & Mr. Peepers

MON. FEB. 17 Ash Street Saloon 225 SW Ash St. DJ Grond Nefarious

Beech St. Parlor

412 NE Beech St Jeremy Rossen, DJ Cuica

Dante’s

350 W Burnside St. Karaoke From Hell

Ground Kontrol Classic Arcade

511 NW Couch St. Metal Mondays: Metal Kyle and DJ Shreddy Krueger

TUES. FEB. 18 Analog Cafe & Theater

720 SE Hawthorne Blvd. S.Y.N.T.

Beech St. Parlor

412 NE Beech St DJ Troubled Youth

Holocene

1001 SE Morrison St. Dre Day 2014: DJ Zimmie, Dev From Above

Star Bar Portland

639 SE Morrison St. DJ Smooth Hopperator

The Lovecraft

421 SE Grand Ave. TRNGL: DJ Rhienna

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CHARLES NEVILLE

Charles will perform Neville’s and Meters classics as well as newer original material. Neville will join forces with New York funk crew Gent Treadly for a special performance at Alhmabra Theatre on 2/13 after the in-store at Music Millennium.

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Valerie June brings an eclectic mix of folk, soul, Appalachian, bluegrass, blues and gospel to her unique sound.

Zendaya works with an a-list team of producers and writers, including Mick Schultz, Harmony Samuels, Jonas Jeberg, The Suspex, Jukebox, and The Monsters.

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Feb. 12–18

= WW Pick. Highly recommended. Most prices listed are for advance ticket sales. At-the-door increases and so-called convenience charges may apply, so it’s best to call ahead. Editor: REBECCA JACOBSON. Theater: REBECCA JACOBSON (rjacobson@wweek.com). Dance: AARON SPENCER (dance@wweek.com). TO BE CONSIDERED FOR LISTINGS, submit information at least two weeks in advance to: rjacobson@wweek.com.

THEATER OPENINGS & PREVIEWS A. Lincoln

For Presidents’ Day, sixth-generation Oregonian Steve Holgate reprises his original one-man show about Honest Abe, drawing from news stories, speeches and letters. Lakewood Center for the Arts, 368 S State St., Lake Oswego, 635-3901. 7 pm Monday, Feb. 17. $10-$15.

Ardiente Paciencia

Milagro Theatre continues its season with Antonio Skármeta’s Spanishlanguage romance (there will be English subtitles, too), set in a small town on the Chilean coast in the 1970s. The play follows legendary poet Pablo Neruda as he plays wingman, essentially, to a lovesick postman. Miracle Theatre, 425 SE 6th Ave., 236-7253. 7:30 pm Thursdays, 8 pm FridaysSaturdays and 2 pm Sundays through March 8. $17-$26.

Cabaret Cupid

Hillsboro’s Bag & Baggage celebrates Valentine’s Day with a variety show featuring powerhouse chanteuse Susannah Mars, pianist-comedian David Saffert, folksy band the Skidmore Bluffs and others. The Venetian Theatre, 253 E Main St., 345-9590. 7:30 pm Friday, Feb. 14. $30, $55 per couple.

The Glass Menagerie

Portland Actors Conservatory stages the play that launched Tennessee Williams’s career, an elegiac story about a Southern family framed through the recollections of the grown son. In addition to the school’s acting students, the production features PAC artistic director Beth Harper as the family’s matriarch. Portland Actors Conservatory, 1436 SW Montgomery St., 274-1717. 7:30 pm Thursdays-Saturdays and 2 pm Sundays through March 2 (no show Sunday, Feb. 16). $10-$25.

Jailbait

Badass Theatre Company, which produced one of the best shows of 2013 in Invasion!, stages a reading of Deirdre O’Connor’s play about two teenage girls and two 30-something dudes who collide at a nightclub, to predictably unnerving effect. Back Door Theater, 4319 SE Hawthorne Blvd. 7 pm Monday, Feb. 17. Free.

Kiss & Tell

For Valentine’s Day, tellers from Portland Story Theater spin yarns about romance. Alberta Rose Theatre, 3000 NE Alberta St., 719-6055. 8 pm Friday, Feb. 14. $18.

Let a Hundred Flowers Bloom

Defunkt Theatre stages the West Coast premiere of David Zellnik’s play about gay men in 1996, just as AIDS medications are improving. The Back Door Theater, 4319 SE Hawthorne Blvd., 4812960. 7:30 pm Thursdays-Sundays through March 22 (no shows Feb. 16 and March 2). “Pay what you can” Thursdays and Sundays, $15-$25 sliding scale Fridays and Saturdays.

Love’s Shadow

Tales of the heart from Portland Storyteller’s Guild. Hipbone Studio, 1847 E Burnside St., No. 104, 358-0898. 7:30 pm Friday, Feb. 14. $8-$10.

Love You to Death

New-ish theater company Anon it Moves throws a variety-show-cumparty featuring all the things you want over Valentine’s weekend, including clowns, puppets and booze. Action/ Adventure Theatre, 1050 SE Clinton St. 8 pm Saturday, Feb. 15. $10.

Mormon Playwrights Project

Presumably tired of having their beliefs (and their underwear) skewered by the South Park guys, some actual Mormon playwrights present readings of two plays about the LDS Church. Carol Lynn Pearson’s Facing East, which played Off Broadway in 2007, centers on a Mormon couple coping with the suicide of their gay son, and Tim Slover’s Hancock County dramatizes the aftermath of Joseph Smith’s killing. Ekko Mobiles Studio, 828 NW 19th Ave. Facing East is at 7:30 pm Wednesday and Friday, Feb. 12 and 14; Hancock County is at 7:30 pm Thursday and Saturday, Feb. 13 and 15. “Pay what you will.”

Mother Wove the Morning

Carol Lynn Pearson seems to be all over the place this weekend—not only can one of her plays be seen as part of the Mormon Playwrights Project, the Spiritual Alliance to Stop Intimate Violence presents a staged reading of Mother Wove the Morning, in which 14 women deliver monologues about femininity, religion and history. First Christian Church, 1314 SW Park Ave., 680-3125. 2 pm Saturday, Feb. 15. $10.

A Night in November

The ebullient, hilarious Damon Kupper stars in a solo play by Marie Jones about a Belfast man who travels to the World Cup in New York in 1994. The play, presented by Corrib Theatre—a company devoted to Irish drama— explores questions of religious and national identity during a time of political strife and vitriol. And it’s in the upstairs banquet room at Kells, so you can down a Guinness during the show. Kells Irish Pub, 112 SW 2nd Ave., 2274057. 7:30 pm Mondays-Wednesdays through March 5. $25.

his cotton fields, leaving the slaves to govern themselves. Ethos/IFCC, 5340 N Interstate Ave. 283-8467. 7 pm Thursdays-Saturdays and 3 pm Sundays through Feb. 16. $20.

Band Geeks!

With its popular girls, football stars, goths and nerds, Broadway Rose’s Band Geeks! is eminently relatable, even if you’d rather not reflect on those years of hormones, pimples and vulnerability. The musical, directed by Isaac Lamb, follows a marching band fighting budget cuts to remain alive. Football star Jake is forced to participate in band as punishment; band captain Elliot struggles to keep everyone in line while crushing on the popular Nicole; goth girl Molly spouts bizarre one-liners; and studious Laura is perpetually overlooked. With upbeat performances and a peppy storyline, this production delivers all the way through to the grand finale, “Embrace Your Inner Geek,” an enthusiastic, confetti-strewn number. Broadway Rose New Stage Auditorium, 12850 SW Grant Ave., 6205262. 7:30 pm Thursdays-Saturdays and 2 pm Saturdays-Sundays through March 2. $30-$41.

Oregon Children’s Theatre presents a stage adaptation of E.B. White’s classic book about a pig and the spider that saves his life. Newmark Theatre, 1111 SW Broadway, 228-9571. 2 and 5 pm Saturdays and 2 pm Sundays through Feb. 16.

The End of Sex

Goodnight Moon

Post5 Theatre throws a free Valentine’s Day bash featuring standup from the likes of Shane Torres and Don Frost, excerpts of upcoming productions, tarot readings with dinosaurs (?!) and live music. There’s a full bar, so expect plenty of drinking and dancing. Milepost 5, 850 NE 81st Ave., 971-2588584. 8 pm Friday, Feb. 14. Free.

Vagina Monologues

American King Umps: A Midsummer Night’s Melodrama on the Tragedy of Slavery

Playwright Don Wilson Glenn drew on his great-great-grandfather’s stories of slavery for this new play, produced by Damaris Webb and Passin’ Arts. Blending Shakespearean tropes with high melodrama, the play is set during the Civil War on a West Texas plantation, where the master has abandoned

PROFILE

Charlotte’s Web

ALSO PLAYING

Theatre Is for Lovers

CONT. on page 36

The dynamic and funny Kate Eastwood Norris stars in this one-woman show about a 13-year-old girl trying to navigate a messy family life in a bleak Midwestern town. The script, by Elizabeth Heffron, was a hit at the JAW Playwrights Festival in 2012. Gerding Theater , 128 NW 11th Ave., 445-3700. 7:30 pm Tuesdays-Sundays; 2 pm Saturdays-Sundays; noon Thursdays through March 16. $40-$55.

It’s not Valentine’s Day without Eve Ensler’s collection of monologues. This rendition is performed by students from the Birthingway College of Midwifery, who presumably know something about female anatomy. Clinton Street Theater, 2422 SE Clinton St., 760-3131. 7 pm Saturday and 2 pm Sunday, Feb. 15-16. $12-$15.

Epiphany Theatre Company, a troupe that professes a commitment to geeky theater, presents Martin McDonagh’s pitch-black comedy about a shortstory writer suspected of killing children in grisly, terrifyingly imaginative ways—not recommended for the weak of heart or stomach. In a twist, this production features short films based on the protagonist’s gruesome stories. Subud Portland, 3185 NE Regents Dr., 971-238-4335. 7:30 pm Fridays-Sundays through March 1. $15 Fridays and Saturdays, $5 Sundays.

is Becker. Played with quiet authority and a heavy-shouldered gait by Oregon Shakespeare Festival veteran Kevin Kenerly, his rich bass voice only pitches up when he answers the phone with a lilting “Car service!” But he’s haunted by the sins of his son, who’s just been released after 20 years in prison. ‘So what are you gonna do with the rest of your life now that you done ruined it?’ Becker asks. That’s not the only issue at play: Jitney also scratches at gentrification, the dangers of defeatism and the twinned complications of money and women. This production is working out its kinks, but it still hears Wilson’s harmonies. REBECCA JACOBSON. Winningstad Theatre, 1111 SW Broadway, 488-5822. 7:30 pm WednesdaysSaturdays and 2 pm Sundays through Feb. 16. $32-$63.

Bo-Nita

The tagline is irresistible: “sex without sex.” That’s what this new drug promises, the ability to slather your elbows or knuckles or ears with a wonder cream that temporarily remaps sexual sensation. “Why does my ass feel like my clit?” asks one character, bewildered as she backs into the counter— and then keeps massaging herself against it. This cream is at the center of Portland-born playwright Craig Jessen’s new, somewhat patchy work, directed by Brandon Woolley at Theatre Vertigo. A scientist named Sam (Stephanie Cordell) inadvertently develops the drug, first realizing its effect when her lab rabbits stop having sex and instead stroke each other incessantly. The play introduces us to the drug-trial participants, who range from a woman who seizes up whenever penetration is attempted to a pig farmer with a disturbing fondness for his livestock. That the latter character doesn’t come off as a crass hick is a small miracle; Kelsey Tyler turns in a portrayal that’s sympathetic, even warm. Yet the sex cream, even as it causes more onstage orgasms than at the average Rocky Horror screening, proves less interesting than other parts of the play. More compelling is the examination of workplace dynamics, whether bashful stabs at flirtation or misguided moves that verge on sexual assault. As is, The End of Sex isn’t an unsatisfying romp, but with additional finesse, it might just hit the sweet spot. REBECCA JACOBSON. Shoebox Theater, 2110 SE 10th Ave., -971-244-3740. 7:30 pm ThursdaysSaturdays and 2 pm Sundays through Feb. 15. $20.

The Pillowman

redundant to repeat the point, but here’s the thing: The alchemy of his poetic phrasing and beautifully knitted story lines can’t be described as anything but symphonic. Portland Playhouse’s Jitney—directed by G. Valmont Thomas, it’s the company’s fifth Wilson production and its first at the Winningstad—is a fine and frequently funny example of Wilson as both playwright and bandmaster. This installment of his 10-play Pittsburgh Cycle takes place in the 1970s of plaid bell-bottoms and colossal Afros, at the grubby-windowed office of a gypsy-cab company that’s about to be demolished. These unlicensed taxis are known as jitneys, and we meet their drivers, including the gossipy Turnbo (a scene-stealing Victor Mack) and the agitated Youngblood (Rodney Hicks), a 24-year-old who approaches life pelvisfirst but is still pawing at what it means to be a man. Presiding over them, alternately a schoolmarm and a father figure,

J A N E K E AT I N G

PERFORMANCE

The classic bedtime story springs up on the stage of Northwest Children’s Theater. NW Neighborhood Cultural Center, 1819 NW Everett St., 222-4480. Noon and 3 pm Saturdays-Sundays through March 2. $18-$22.

Jitney

If you can, find a moment during Jitney to listen to its rhythms rather than its words, its pulse rather than its plot. August Wilson’s plays are so often described as musical that it’s almost

in full sWing: luciana Proaño in Me Siento Con Vallejo.

LUCIANA PROAÑO In 20 years of performing in Portland, Luciana Proaño has never gotten significant media attention. She acknowledges she could do more to promote herself, but by her nature—she improvises all of her dance pieces—she likes to live in the moment: “Two months ahead I have to send out a press release?” she sighs. Proaño, 57, is better defined as an artist than strictly a dancer. A native of Peru, she spent most of her 20s bouncing between her home country and Europe, creating dark performance-art pieces set to live music. Today, her work is more joyful but still surreal. She often stomps and waves her arms, with wild-eyed expressions. Nothing is precisely choreographed, though, so each performance is different. “I want to expose the audience to a moment of discovery,” she says, “and if they’re going to be discovering something from me, I have to be discovering something myself.” Take the time a performance apparently cured a man of his psychological woes. Thirty years ago in Lima, Proaño got a call from a psychoanalyst. His patient had seen the show the night before—in which Proaño whispered to the audience through a 15-foot pipe—and had called to cancel future appointments. It seemed he had reached some kind of clarity. “Art has a purpose of expanding your consciousness,” says Proaño, even while acknowledging that not all art resonates with everyone. “Maybe you’re told that you have to ‘get it.’ There’s nothing to get. You just take it with you.” She also knows some artists aren’t appreciated in their lifetimes, which is partly why she’s drawn to the Peruvian poet César Vallejo, who inspired the piece she’s reprising this month. In Me Siento Con Vallejo, which Proaño first performed in 1986, she traces Vallejo’s life using a giant hammock tied at opposite ends of her Northeast Portland studio. The hammock at times represents Vallejo’s childhood, as Proaño swings from one end of the room to the other, and other times a prison, as she positions the netting like a jail cell. Though many consider Vallejo to be the one of the best poets of 20th century, he died in dire poverty. That appealed to Proaño, who believes a true artist can’t help but follow that path. “Art is not only what you produce,” she says, “but also how you see the world around you.” AARON SPENCER. From Peru to Portland, with poetry and hammocks.

see it: Me Siento Con Vallejo is at Studio 14, 333 NE Hancock St., 971-275-0595. 8 pm Fridays, Feb. 14-28. $10-$15. Willamette Week FEBRUARY 12, 2014 wweek.com

Feb. 12–18

Medicare: Fully Fabulous

Wendy Westerwelle has been performing in Portland since the late ‘70s, and the now-65-year-old returns to Triangle Productions with a solo show about growing older, being Jewish, sustaining friendships and losing your sex drive. Sanctuary at Sandy Plaza, 1785 NE Sandy Blvd., 239-5919. 7:30 pm ThursdaysSaturdays through March 2. $15-$35.

The Monster-Builder

Gregor Zubrowski, the megalomaniacal architect at the center of Amy Freed’s The Monster-Builder, is as slick a villain as can be: Clad in a trim black suit, he’s got a bald pate, severe goatee and round spectacles, and he delights in razing old buildings and erecting gleaming monstrosities in their place. All confident stride and rapacious gaze, he venerates Nietzsche and unleashes a cackle not heard since Dr. Evil cuddled with Mr. Bigglesworth. In case his power-hungry depravity weren’t sufficiently clear, Freed briefly provides Gregor with an animal sidekick all his own—at one point, he pulls an eel from his briefcase and slinks around with the slippery fish while warbling operatically. All of which is to say that this world-premiere production at Artists Rep doesn’t traffic in nuance. On a stage of polished glass and white marble, Michael Elich devours the role of Gregor, retaining just enough selfaware humor in his devilish asides to the audience. Freed’s script, though, isn’t nearly so focused. It borrows as many techniques as the busiest piece of postmodern architecture, attempting to balance satire, the occasional injection of melodrama and unabashed potty humor (“Put your hand on my organ,” Gregor growls to his protégé after he plays a few bars of Bach). Gregor calls himself “a visionary futurist,” yet Freed also suggests he has an affinity for Nazi architecture, which drew heavily on neoclassicism. For those who can swallow the references to Walter Gropius and Albert Speer, the mishmash is baffling, and for those without much knowledge of architecture, it’s inside baseball. The performers are generally strong, even if Allison Tigard plays her idealistic architect with plodding premeditation, telegraphing each emotional shift far in advance. But even their best efforts can’t save a shaky foundation. REBECCA JACOBSON. Artists Repertory Theatre, 1515 SW Morrison St., 241-1278. 7:30 pm Wednesdays-Sundays and 2 pm Sundays through March 2. $25-$55.

The Mousetrap

Thrust eight strangers into an old mansion during a snowstorm and at least one is sure to wind up dead. We all know the setup and the question that inevitably follows: whodunit? But the predictability of the classic formula doesn’t make the tale any less enjoyable. Perhaps that’s why Agatha Christie’s The Mousetrap has become the longest-running show in the world, playing continuously in London’s West End since 1952 and tallying more than 25,000 performances. This Lakewood Theatre Company production passes muster with a well-cast ensemble that plays up the eccentricities and dark secrets of each character, from the squirrely Chris Wren (Samuel Summer) to the curmudgeonly Mrs. Boyle (Maxemillian Corkum). Leading the cast as the exasperated guesthouse owner, Lucy Paschall brings the most believable drama to the show’s campy vibe. Of course, some camp is to be expected—along with some heavy-handed obfuscation— when unraveling the motives of the portly foreigner who arrives unexpectedly or the mannish spinster who reveals little. But the action moves at a swift clip as characters dash through doors and up the stairs of the impressive set while Sergeant Trotter (Caleb Adderley) pieces together the events of the evening. Go play detective and spend the rest of the evening glaring suspiciously at your loved ones. PENELOPE BASS. Lakewood Center for the Arts, 368 S State St., 635-3901. 7:30 pm Thursdays- Saturdays and 2 pm Sundays through Feb. 16. $32.

Pep Talk

We sit on hard benches under the fluorescent lighting of a gym in North Portland’s Peninsula Park Community Center, clad in violet jerseys bearing a mascot that seems to be half-unicorn, half-mermaid—a mermicorn, if you will. I clutch a purple-and-silver pompom. A giant label emblazoned “JACOBSON” is affixed to my chest. Earlier, I’d been summoned to play a round of foosball before the audience. At this moment, the four-member ensemble pontificates about Wayne Gretzky. “Are they fucking with us?” my friend whispers. I’m unsure how to answer. Pep Talk is the latest original work from Hand2Mouth, a plucky and innovative troupe that consistently challenges audience expectations and theater conventions. Here, it digs into the motivational culture of sports, and to the extent that the show takes place in a wood-paneled gymnasium and the performers wear candycolored athletic garb, it’s transportive. But Pep Talk walks a fine and wobbly line: At times, the likable ensemble succeeds in genuinely hyping up the audience or winning our sympathies with stories of fears overcome. And then there are occasions when, as my friend said, they just seem to be fucking with us (if you don’t like shouting in unison, this isn’t the show for you). At its best, Pep Talk harnesses its performers’ gifts for humor. But instances of audience participation can spur more discomfort than amusement, and most crucially, the tension between the performers’ natural sincerity and the assaultive, blowhard nature of inspirational speeches is never reconciled. In one bout of audience participation on opening weekend, Erin Leddy grilled a woman named Jan about failure. “We fail, but not always,” Jan said. Take note, Hand2Mouth and keep playing. REBECCA JACOBSON. Peninsula Park Community Center, 700 N Rosa Parks Way, 235-5284. 8 pm Fridays-Sundays and 3 pm Sundays through Feb. 16. $15-$20.

COMEDY & VARIETY Brendon Walsh and Randy Liedtke

The hosts of the Bone Zone podcast Walsh has also been all over Comedy Central, and Oregon native Liedtke once got pulled over thanks to a prank involving iPhone-shaped cookies hit Funhouse for a one-night stand. Funhouse Lounge, 2432 SE 11th Avenue, 841-6734. 9:30 pm Thursday, Feb. 13. $12.

Comedy Bull

Standup comics fight to stay in the saddle in this competitive event. Brody Theater, 16 NW Broadway, 224-2227. 9:30 pm Friday, Feb. 14. $8.

Curious Comedy Open Mic

Gabe Dinger hosts a weekly open-mic night. Sign-ups begin at 7:15 pm, and comics get three minutes of stage time apiece. Curious Comedy Theater, 5225 NE Martin Luther King Jr Blvd., 4779477. 8 pm every Sunday. Free.

Dov Davidoff

Standup from the livewire comedian known for his jokes about New Jersey junkyards and strip clubs. Helium Comedy Club, 1510 SE 9th Ave., 888643-8669. 8 pm Thursday and 7:30 and 10 pm Friday-Saturday, Feb. 13-15. $15$27. 21+.

Funny Humans

The free weekly showcase features the charming Bri Pruett, one of WW’s Funniest 5 comedians—here’s hoping she does her Blazers bit. Opening sets from David Mascorro, Anatoli Brant and Jim Willig. Bar of the Gods, 4801 SE Hawthorne Blvd. 8:30 pm Sunday, Feb. 16. Free. 21+.

It’s Gonna Be Okay

Portlander Barbara Holm hosts a twicemonthly standup showcase. EastBurn, 1800 E Burnside St., 236-2876. 8:30 pm every first and third Monday. Free. 21+..

Laugh Yer Ass Off

Free standup from Don Frost, Adam Dahl, Alex Rios and Joann Schinderle. Starday Tavern, 6517 SE Foster Road, 971-888-4001. 8 pm Monday, Feb. 17. Free. 21+.

Willamette Week FEBRUARY 12, 2014 wweek.com

Lez Stand Up Open Mic

Kirsten Kuppenbender and other regulars from Lez Stand Up put on an allages open mic. Slabtown, 1033 NW 16th Ave., 971-229-1455. 9 pm Wednesday, Feb. 12. Free.

Mixology

Late-night improv, sketch and standup. Curious Comedy Theater, 5225 NE Martin Luther King Jr Blvd., 477-9477. 110 pm every Saturday. $5.

Naked Comedy Open Mic

The Brody hosts a twice-weekly openmic night. Comics get four minutes and can sign up online. Brody Theater, 16 NW Broadway, 224-2227. 9:30 pm every Wednesday and Thursday. Free with one-item minimum purchase.

Portland Secrets

An improv show based on Portlanders’ anonymously submitted stories and secrets. Brody Theater, 16 NW Broadway, 224-2227. 7:30 pm Saturdays through March 8. $9-$12.

Reading the Bible With Dan

In some perverse twist on Sunday school, comedian Dan Weber hosts a discussion of chapter 27 of the book of Genesis (heathens, that’s when Jacob disguises himself as his older brother Esau in order to steal his birthright). Weber can be abrasive, but he’s brought on some funny panelists for this event, including Kristine Levine and Whitney Streed. Funhouse Lounge, 2432 SE 11th Ave., 841-6734. Midnight Saturday, Feb. 15. Free.

Show Us Your Wits

Andie Main and Charlene Conley host a night of free standup from Shane Torres, Christian Ricketts, Philip Schallberger, Joann Schinderle and Jordan Casner. The Jack London Bar, 529 SW Stark St., 228-7605. 8 pm Thursday, Feb. 13. Free. 21+.

hip-hop burlesquer Zora Von Pavonine and luscious peeler Fannie Fuller. Crush, 1400 SE Morrison St., 235-8150. 9:30 pm Saturday, Feb. 15. $10. 21+.

Carnival of Love

In this show, an aerial performer apparently shoots an apple with a bow and arrow held between her toes. That should be enough to entice you to this carnival-themed performance by Wanderlust Circus and Vagabond Opera, but other acts include gypsyaccordion serenades, tap-dancing saxophonist Shoehorn, juggler Curt Carlyle and balance queen Brittany Walsh. If no apples are shot, I’d ask for my money back. Star Theater, 13 NW 6th Ave., 2484700. 9 pm Saturday, Feb. 15. $20-$25, $100 VIP.

Distilled

Studio space is at a premium in this town, and the goal of this fundraiser is to pay for two performers’ use of Performance Works Northwest for 2014. The show includes 12 pieces by Portland’s artsy crowd, among them Linda Austin, Subashini Ganesan, Linda K. Johnson and Lucy Lee Yim. Each piece is movement-, video- or textbased and is two- to six-minutes long. They’re based on the diaries of the performers who got the studio time last year, Yim and Emily Stone. Entries include notes like, “March 29: Reverted Lara Croft (sic)” and “April 4: feeling stuck on the design of a FERAL SUIT.” Performance Works Northwest, 4625 SE 67th Ave., 777-1907. 8 pm Saturday, Feb. 15. $15-$50.

My Burlesque Valentine

Guys missing those Valentine’s Days of singlehood spent at strip bars will appreciate something that comes pretty close. The Fringe Benefits, a troupe that now includes Claire Voltaire,

Zora Von Pavonine, Babs Jamboree and Lily le Fauve, will strip, flirt and even accept dollar bills, while singer Rue Lovett tries to keep it classy. A spendy five-course dinner is also available. The Analog Cafe, 720 SE Hawthorne Blvd., 206-7439. 8 pm Friday, Feb. 14. $14, $59 including dinner and champagne. 21+.

Starlet Showcase

Burlesque madame and drag queen Zora Phoenix introduces a new bimonthly show for new burlesque performers. Six performers try their best to upstage headliner Claire Voltaire. The Analog Cafe, 720 SE Hawthorne Blvd., 206-7439. 8 pm Thursday, Feb. 13. $10. 21+.

TriptheDark

TriptheDark, a company you might have last seen protesting human trafficking in the windows of the West Burnside Street Fantasy for Adults Only, performs its piece Picture Sentence Picture, inspired by a convoluted short story and a game the dancers played while drinking Jameson at the Coast. They tell and retell the story, by Portland’s Andrew Dickson, through the lens of the game, combining the narrative of hedge-fund managers and doppelgangers with drunken conjurings of things like the Kool-Aid Man. It probably won’t make much sense but should be entertaining. TriptheDark bills itself as the dance company for people who don’t usually watch dance. And since the show’s at the Analog, you’re free to come and go and drink as you please. The Analog Cafe, 720 SE Hawthorne Blvd., 206-7439. 7 pm Saturdays and Sundays through Feb. 15. $15.

For more Performance listings, visit

REVIEW C H E R I VA N A U K E R

PERFORMANCE

Surrounded by Idiots

The Brody, which generally traffics in improv and standup, presents its third sketch-comedy show. Written by Brody founder Tom Johnson, it’s a sketch revue with a sprawling cast of characters, including a drill sergeant pondering his enemies’ religious writings, founding fathers stuck in disagreement over an analogy and a TV news team arguing about the nature of tragedy. Brody Theater, 16 NW Broadway, 2242227. 9:30 pm Saturdays through March 1. $9-$12.

You Are Here

The Brody ensemble puts on a weekly improv showcase. Brody Theater, 16 NW Broadway 224-2227. 7:30 pm every Friday. $12.

DANCE BodyVox-2

Six dancers of BodyVox-2, a grooming company for BodyVox, each perform a solo created by a different choreographer. One combination should be interesting: Anne Mueller, formerly of Oregon Ballet Theatre, may impart some classicism to the often modern Sam Hobbs, but even in that pairing, styles are relatively matched. BodyVox mainstay Eric Skinner worked with Josh Murry to create an athletic, lyrical piece to music by Trent Reznor, in which Murry frantically rolls across the floor. Other pairings include co-artistic directors Jamey Hampton and Ashley Roland with dancers Jeff George and Holly Shaw, respectively. To hedge the risk of creative disaster, the company will revive Wild Man, a piece Hampton created for OBT in 1991. The dancers will use the original costumes, striped leggings and bikinilike tops by the late Portland artist Michele Russo, which Roland found at OBT’s costume sale last year. Body Vox, 1201 NW 17th Ave., 229-0627. 7:30 pm Thursday-Saturday, Feb. 13-15. $18-$36.

Burlescape

The Caravan of Glam is a group of drag queens who travel to Oregon’s more under-dragged cities—even as small as Ashland—to spread sparkly indecency. The queens perform in this monthly show alongside man-stripper Tod Alan,

GORDON’S ALIVE?!: A rollicking schlock-operetta, StageWorks Ink’s Flash Ah-AHHH! pays faithful tribute to 1980 camp classic Flash Gordon—and takes it a step further by shoehorning a dozen Queen classics into the show alongside the titular smash song. While the troupe’s Varsity Cheerleader Werewolves LIVE From Outer Space and The Adventures of Dex Dixon: Paranormal Dick veered toward extended improv skit or burlesque pastiche, this latest spoof embraces B-movie grandeur through music-hall ebullience and tent-revival triumphalism. Between the daft iconography, the “he’ll save every one of us” tropes, and the hint of the devotional in every Freddie Mercury impression, the effect is something like a Godspell panto dreamt up in a church basement by an assemblage of boozy dramatists and the neighborhood kids they’ve press-ganged into service as a live band. Among the cast, Tasha Danner is an incandescent Dale Arden, Jake Sauvageau imagines Dr. Zarkov through an Iron & Wine prism, Jonathan Hall sneers droll menace as Ming the Merciless, and StageWorks mainstay Steve Coker treats Vultan’s Falstaffian swagger with a nimble touch. Well aware the lunatic source material needs no elaboration, the performers invest themselves in rousing renditions that manage to underplay the original’s hamminess while spotlighting quieter amusements, such as flight attendants incorporating safety demonstrations into their choreography, loungey nods to “Under Pressure” and Ming’s serpentine lick of a weaponized Ring Pop. Gordon has risen indeed. JAY HORTON. SEE IT: Flash Ah-AHHH! is at the Funhouse Lounge, 2432 SE 11th Ave., 841-6734. 7 pm Thursdays-Saturdays through March 1. $10-$15.

VISUAL ARTS

FEB. 12–18

= WW Pick. Highly recommended. By RICHARD SPEER. TO BE CONSIDERED FOR LISTINGS, submit show information—including opening and closing dates, gallery address and phone number—at least two weeks in advance to: Visual Arts, WW, 2220 NW Quimby St., Portland, OR 97210. Email: rspeer@wweek.com.

Alex Lilly: A Dark Fire

Alex Lilly’s astonishing show, A Dark Fire, is morbid, shocking and sexy. In luscious oil paints, he depicts people in the act of self-immolation, which is to say, setting themselves on fire. It’s an extreme but time-honored form of sociopolitical protest, especially among Buddhist monks, and the imagery plays well into Lilly’s passionate anti-capitalist sympathies. Formally, the work is gorgeous: dramatically composed, with the licks of multicolored fire rendered in sensual impasto. It’s a gifted artist indeed who can depict such a horrific act in a way that’s simultaneously sensational and respectful. Through Feb. 15. Cock Gallery, 625 NW Everett St., 552-8686.

Christopher Rauschenberg: Studio Photography

We tend to have romanticized notions of what an artist’s studio is supposed to look like: brick walls, concrete floors, art tools and personal effects strewn about in bohemian disarray. This isn’t the kind of artist space Christopher Rauschenberg records in his series Studio Photography. Documenting the studios of artists such as Adrian Chesser, Robert Frank, Chuck Close and his own father, Robert Rauschenberg, Christopher Rauschenberg winds up documenting spaces that are surprisingly wellordered and antiseptic. The best print in the entire exhibition flies (literally) in the face of this trend toward OCD decorum, however. It’s a close-up of two dead flies lying on an artwork in Susan Weil’s studio. The mundanity of this image is unexpectedly poignant, reminding us how artists routinely commingle profound truths (such as death) with the realities of everyday life. Through March 8. Elizabeth Leach Gallery, 417 NW 9th Ave., 224-0521.

Flatlands

It’s been 175 years since French painter Paul Delaroche declared, “From today, painting is dead.” Delaroche himself is long dead, but painting lives on, and in Nisus’ nine-artist show, Flatlands, it proves itself enduringly inventive. Emily Counts’ watercolor, Painting 3, is a standout: two menacing figures hunched on either side of the composition, rendered in a delicate medley of mauve, gray, bright purple and blanched-out orange. Calvin Ross Carl’s slyly lowbrow Fleet Week Boys, with its color-blocked rhombuses, is like Ellsworth Kelly as a kindergartener. Daniela Molnar’s floral studies juxtapose finely detailed realistic passages with flat tatters of color, while Roy Tomlinson’s jaunty lines recall the jerky rhythms of modern dance. Nisus Gallery, 8371 N Interstate Ave., Suite 1, 806-1427.

Group Show

The standouts in this eclectic group show are works that engage our sense of the uncanny. Greg Conyne’s Raven is a 2-foot-long carving of a raven’s head made from salmon-colored alabaster. It’s held in a cedar chest lined with black feathers. There’s something iconic, fetishized and deeply unnerving about this piece, which seems more an ancient reliquary than a contemporary artwork. The same can be said for Ellen Goldschmidt’s Hybrid, a graphite, ink and collaged work on paper depicting what appears to be a cross section of a bean or sweet pea, connected to a diagram of a pink-and-red bacterium that looks disturbingly like an embryo. The work is quasi-scientiﬁc in the worst possible way; it incites our Frankensteinian fears that something has gone terribly awry with the natural order. Through March 1. Blackﬁsh Gallery, 420 NW 9th Ave., 224-2634.

Heidi Schwegler: Hat on a Hook

Curator-in-residence Summer Guthery’s Hat on a Hook series turns a 6-by-8-foot box into a miniature gallery. For the space’s February iteration, artist Heidi Schwegler has installed a crumpled circle of gray material imprinted with ﬁsh and seahorses. It looks like a miniature kiddie pool and is an extension of the artist’s ongoing fascination with repurposed detritus and objects that have been crushed. In this sense, it’s on the same page conceptually as her piece now up at the Jordan Schnitzer Museum in Eugene: a metal shed that appears to be imploding. Like that work, the Disjecta piece induces senses of dread, constriction and suﬀocation in the viewer an apt metaphor for the claustrophobic, media-saturated world in which we live. Disjecta, 8371 N Interstate Ave., 286-9449.

Mel Katz: Wall Works

One of the Northwest’s reigning object-makers, Mel Katz has a gift for combining sexy, biomorphic forms with luxuriant materials. He’s primarily known for his large-scale sculptures, but in Wall Works he continues a recent exploration of pieces that hang on the wall like paintings, even though they remain essentially sculptural. Katz’s forms hark back to Henri Matisse’s late-career gouache cutouts, their playful, childlike shapes seemingly ﬂoating in zero gravity. In works such as Two of a Kind, Katz keeps his color scheme simple yellow on blue superimposing the forms atop a background of anodized aluminum. Through March 1. Laura Russo Gallery, 805 NW 21st Ave., 226-2754.

gallerist Mark Woolley mounts Portraits 2 at his sprawling gallery inside Pioneer Place Mall. The show includes not only photography, but painting and other media. Globetrotting photographer Larry Cwik joins dozens of other artists, among them poet and painter Walt Curtis, painter (and mayor of Newport) Sandy Roumagoux, portraitist Gwenn Seemel, and painter-drawer Blake Stellyes. Through March 1. Mark Woolley Gallery, 700 SW 5th Ave., Suite 4110, 998-4152.

Shine: Winter Group Exhibition

There are plenty of flashy pieces in Charles Hartman’s winter group show, but a commitedly unflashy photograph outshines everything else. Jeffrey Conley’s silver gelatin print Granary Beam shows that a well-composed image of a tree trunk’s rings can be nothing short of sublime visual poetry. This exhibition also marks the first appearance of Blakely Dadson’s work at Hartman. Dadson was a staple at the now-closed Chambers Gallery. His solo show this summer should be a treat. Through Feb. 28. Charles A. Hartman Fine Art, 134 NW 8th Ave., 287-3886.

Terry Toedtemeier: Skies

Late photographer Terry Toedtemeier was a master of communicating the simultaneous beauty and desolation of the Oregon landscape. In this moving suite of black-and-white silver-gelatin prints, Toedtemeier deployed the earth and sky to create moving topographical and emotional vignettes. Frozen Spray, Government Cove Jetty shows icicles from waves that froze in the middle of cresting: an image so bizarre, one could be forgiven for assuming (falsely) it was Photoshopped. Beacon Rock captures the iconic Columbia River Gorge landmark enshrouded by moody fog, while Palomino Lake, Malheur County, Oregon paints a rapturous picture of swirling clouds and water to rival anything in Montana could oﬀer, despite its longstanding claim on the moniker “Big Sky Country.” Through March 1. PDX Contemporary Art, 925 NW Flanders St., 222-0063.

Unveiled: Nudes

In a city with scads of strip clubs and an annual nude bike ride, you’d think a gallery show of nude drawings, paintings and photographs would simply gild the lily (or the ﬁg leaf). But Unveiled: Nudes manages to extract some new insights out of the age-old trope of the nude female. Chronologically organized, the show begins with a 1920 painting by John Sloan, continues through Matisse and Gaston Lachaise, and ﬁnally winds up in the present day, with contemporary artists such as Malia Jensen and Joseph Park. Through March 8. Elizabeth Leach Gallery, 417 NW 9th Ave., 224-0521.

Portraits 2

As a follow-up to Portraits, his group photography show four years ago at the now-defunct Worksound Gallery,

REVIEW

For more Visual Arts listings, visit

THE ENTRYWAY TO DEVILLE COHEN’S INSTALLATION, ZERO

DEVILLE COHEN, ZERO There are heroes and there are zeros.

When you enter Disjecta’s main exhibition space, you’re confronted with an 8-foot-high wall wrapping around something you can’t see. It’s dingy and cheap-looking, made out of white screens, construction paper and tacks, its shape smooth in places, angular in others, like a ramshackle gulag. You approach it, walk around it, curious what’s inside. Ominous music and ambient sounds issue from within, mixed with the rustle of people talking. Farther along, still searching for a way in, you begin to suspect you’re being duped—that the whole thing is a feint, some sort of John Cage/Samuel Beckett endurance test with no payoff save the experience of frustration. Finally, three-quarters of the way around, a shoddy entryway beckons: a wood-and-paper revolving door made to look like an oversized cheese grater. You ease through the thing gingerly, so as not to knock it down. Inside, a maze of screens leads past clothespins strung together like chicken wire, giving way to an alcove where people are watching a projected film. The film, entitled ZERO, is decidedly low-fi, with a plot that involves a fluorescent liquid churning in a blender, a Jell-O mold and a green rubber arm reaching out of a drain, pulling things down into itself. No doubt it would be a riot if you were stoned. New York-based artist Deville Cohen is the mastermind of all this, such as it is. Yes, the installation’s amateur-chic aesthetic is intentional, but that doesn’t mean it’s not amateur. Cohen says he based ZERO on the 1993-2002 TV series The X-Files, but sadly, the effort is skit material, not satire—a zero-calorie simulacrum of actual aesthetic nutrition. The show would be passable for an undergrad new-media course, but it’s unworthy of Disjecta’s magnificent vaulted hall, which exactly one year ago was home to Chris Fraser’s unspeakably elegant light installation, In Passing. Onenote and sophomoric, ZERO would have been more effective as a walled compound nobody could get into. RICHARD SPEER. SEE IT: ZERO is at Disjecta, 8371 N Interstate Ave., 286-9449, through March 2.

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Read our story: canton-grill.com Willamette Week FEBRUARY 12, 2014 wweek.com

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BOOKS

FEB. 12–18

= WW Pick. Highly recommended. By PENELOPE BASS. TO BE CONSIDERED FOR LISTINGS, submit lecture or reading information at least two weeks in advance to: WORDS, WW, 2220 NW Quimby St., Portland, OR 97210. Email: words@wweek.com. Fax: 243-1115.

WEDNESDAY, FEB. 12 Anthony Marra

Crafting a story about love in wartime isn’t exactly groundbreaking. But Anthony Marra’s approach in his hyper-acclaimed novel, A Constellation of Vital Phenomena, tackles the topic with new levels of compassion found among an 8-year-old girl, her lifelong neighbor and a begrudging doctor in war-torn Chechnya. Read, weep, transcend. Powell’s City of Books, 1005 W Burnside St., 228-4651. 7:30 pm. Free..

William Stafford Anthology Release

Having just celebrated the William Stafford centennial, local students prove the former Oregon poet laureate remains a strong influence with the Ooligan Press release of We Belong in History: Writing With William Stafford. The anthology includes a choice selection of Stafford poems followed by response poems from Oregon students. Reading at the launch party will be Kim Stafford, Emily Kendal Frey and student poet Anushka Nair. Broadway Books, 1714 NE Broadway St., 284-1726. 7 pm. Free.

THURSDAY, FEB. 13 Our Portland Story Book Launch

Founded in 2008, the ongoing community project Our Portland Story aims to tell just that, with hundreds of writers and artists contributing over the years to illuminate life in the Rose City. Celebrating the release of Our Portland Story Volume 2, 10 of the 77 contributing writers will read. Attendees are encouraged to swap books for signings, yearbook style. Stay sweet! Tillamook Station, 665 N Tillamook St.,444-7608. 7 pm. Free.

Brave on the Page: Bad Love

What better time to have your heart ripped out than the day before Valentine’s Day? Happy to oblige are four writers from the local anthology Brave on the Page: Oregon Writers on Craft and the Creative Life. Stevan Allred (A Simpliﬁed Map of the Real World), Amber Krieger, Gigi Little and Tammy Lynne Stoner (Spots in Sugar Land) will each share stories of “Bad Love.” Rain or Shine Coﬀee House, 5941 SE Division St., 946-8081. 6:30 pm. Free.

SATURDAY, FEB. 15 Write to Publish Conference

Aiming to make the publishing process more accessible to new writers, Ooligan Press will host its sixth annual Write to Publish conference, with a variety of speakers and workshops. And because so many of us seem to be fumbling through a purgatory between adolescence and adult-

hood, the conference will focus on the emerging genre of new adult ﬁction. Portland State University, Native American Student Community Center, 710 SW Jackson St., 725-9695. 9 am-4 pm. $35 students, $80 non-students.

MONDAY, FEB. 17 Bill Cotter

Garnering comparisons to both John Kennedy Toole and Gabriel Garcia Marquez, Texas author Bill Cotter merges the hilariously absurd with the devastatingly tragic. His new novel, The Parallel Apartments, follows the colliding lives of no less than a dozen characters. Joining him at the reading will be Annie La Ganga and Rebecca Beegle of the Grownup Lady Story Company. Powell’s on Hawthorne, 3723 SE Hawthorne Blvd., 228-4651. 7:30 pm. Free..

TUESDAY, FEB. 18 Arthur Ginsberg and Lisa Steinman

Does creative stimulation have a direct eﬀect on the brain? You might want to ask Seattle-based neurologist and poet Arthur Ginsberg when he reads for the release of his new chapbook, Faith Is the Next Breath. Joining him will be Reed College professor Lisa Steinman, who has edited the poetry magazine Hubbub since 1983 and most recently released her ninth book of poetry, Absence & Presence. The Press Club, 2621 SE Clinton St., 233-5656. 7:30 pm. $5.

Emily Carr and Amanda Sledz

For those left deﬂated and despondent by Valentine’s Day, Emily Carr’s love poetry might oﬀer just the existential optimism you need. The MFA director at OSU-Cascades will be releasing her third collection of poetry, Here, Shake, this year. Joining Carr will be author and essayist Amanda Sledz, who will be releasing the second volume of her novel, Psychopomp, in the fall. The reading will be followed by an open mic. Milepost 5, 850 NE 81st Ave., 7 pm. Free..

Science Pub

It may not be a conspiracy theory along the lines of government spying via fake snow, but Easter Island still holds its share of intrigue. Paleoecologist Candace Gossen has spent 10 years coring the crater lakes of the island looking for answers, and she’ll share her ﬁndings at her Science Pub lecture “Easter Island: 15,000 Years of New Discoveries.” Mission Theater, 1624 NW Glisan St., 223-4527. 7-9 pm. $5. 21+.

For more Books listings, visit

Willamette Week FEBRUARY 12, 2014 wweek.com

FEATURE

THE BISON WENT UNMILKED 7 THINGS YOU DIDN’T KNOW ABOUT LOCAL CHEESE, COURTESY OF TAMI PARR’S NEW BOOK. BY MATTHEW KORF HAG E

mkorfhage@wweek.com

1. Cheese as you know it literally couldn’t exist here before European settlement. Cows and goats are not native to North America, and were brought by Europeans. The Europeans also introduced other non-native species, such as pigs, starlings and smallpox. Native American tribes are not known to have any bison-milking traditions, but in Asia, buffalo milk is used to produce curdy chhena cheese. So, you know, it’s technically possible. 2. The first local cheese was made in Vancouver. Fort Vancouver, anyway. And it was made by the English (or, as they were called then, Canucks of the Future). John McLoughlin of the British Hudson’s Bay Company brought in livestock, throughout the 1830s, and started selling cheese to Russian fur traders in Alaska by 1839. The cheese “sounds kind of iffy from the descriptions, but it was edible,” writer Tami Parr tells WW. “It probably resembled cheddar.” 3. Coos Bay could have been Tillamook. Except Tillamook learned the lessons of Ray Kroc before Ray Kroc: Standardization and branding breed trust in the American heart. At the turn of the 20th century, Coos Bay and Tillamook both had a shot at becoming major cheese powers—Big Cheeses, if you will. But Tillamook farmers formed a collective called the Tillamook County Creamery Association and standardized the cheese’s name and texture, so people knew what you were talking about when you said “Tillamook cheese.” 4. Tuberculosis helped make goat cheese popular in the early 20th century. Starting around World War I, there were tuberculosis panics surrounding cows, and a notion that goats might be healthier. (Never mind that goats can also get TB.) The Morning Oregonian newspaper wrote an editorial with the stirring title “Why Not Goat’s Milk?,” arguing that goat’s milk was healthier for babies than cow’s milk. Goat’s milk was also claimed to cure eczema and epilepsy. 5. Portland was the first test market for canned cheese. It sounds great, but it didn’t catch on, despite sterling 1930s innovations like off-gassing valves that allowed cheese to age in the can without causing the can to explode. The future, it turned out, was in plastics. Specifically, it was pliofilm—invented in the 1940s—that allowed for a strange, new phenomenon: rindless cheese. 6. There was a Tillamook cheese civil war in the ’60s. In 1949, Tillamook’s four largest cheesemakers built a massive factory that began to dominate the TCCA’s voting. In the ’60s, the factory split from the collective and accused it of selling cheese made in Minnesota; each sued the other for millions. But they were united in 1968 by the waste that cheese factories were dumping in Tillamook Bay. Cleaning it up was expensive, so they banded back together. It’s a heartwarming story, but apparently the scars remain. “There are families who won’t talk to each other even today,” says Parr. 7. When Elaine Tanzer started Elephants Delicatessen in 1979, she had to go to New York City for craft cheese. There wasn’t much craft cheese until recently. “It wasn’t getting made,” says Parr, “and there wasn’t distribution. But also, consumers wouldn’t have bought it.” Now, of course, there’s the opposite situation. “There are so many cheesemakers out there now,” says Parr. “If somebody wants to bring their cheese to the Portland Farmers Market, they can’t. There’s a waiting list. Success brings its own challenges.” GO: Tami Parr will sign copies of Paciﬁc Northwest Cheese: A History at Pastaworks on Hawthorne, 3735 SE Hawthorne Blvd., on Saturday, Feb. 15. 2-4 pm. Free.

MOVIES

piff 2014 PHOTOS COURTESY OF PIFF

SHOVEL-READY THE PORTLAND INTERNATIONAL FILM FESTIVAL DIGS ITSELF OUT FROM BENEATH THE SNOWBANK. by ww sta f f

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It’s normal to feel behind at this point in the Portland International Film Festival. During a normal year, it’s impossible to keep up with all the mummified dictators and decapitated royals and bicycling Frenchmen. But 2014 presented a special hurdle, as our fair city got a Snowmageddon all its own, resulting in smaller crowds on opening night and all screenings canceled last Sunday. But PIFF is a marathon, not a sprint. You can be the tortoise. Catch up this week with fondue-slurping Parisians, Dutch dairymen, Bangladeshi luddites, German Jesus freaks, Filipino fraudsters and aging Mexican divas. Anything, remember, is better than another round of Taboo with your whiny neighbors.

2 Autumns, 3 Winters

B [FRANCE] This French rom-com

gets away with a lot that would probably look silly in an American one: characters giving lots of piece-tocameras and documentary-style voice-overs, a guy taking a knife to the stomach for a mystery dream girl to whom he’s barely spoken a word, men wearing roll-neck sweaters while eating fondue. But the meat—or lack thereof—of indie darling 2 Autumns, 3 Winters is more universal. Across the titular timeframe, three young Parisians navigate romance, relationships and growing up. Sing along if you know the tune (they do, in fact, literally sing their story at one point, for no discernible reason). The characters themselves are outwardly charming, and their vox-pop narration is a fresh approach to the genre, but the story and its protagonists have about as much substance and depth as their English-language mumblecore counterparts. RUTH BROWN. OMSI, 6 pm Tuesday, Feb. 18. WH, 7:30 pm Saturday, Feb. 22.

15 Years and One Day

C [SPAIN] 15 Years and One Day has all the angsty trappings of a typical teen drama: Misunderstood Jon (Aron Piper) chugs 40s on the beach, gets suspended from school and threatens to kill himself when his grandfather takes away his TV privileges. Then, though, he actually takes some more extreme actions, including killing his neighbor’s dog with rat poison and giving another boy a knife that ends up being used as a homicidal weapon. But other than vague references to his suicidal father, it’s

never clear why Jon’s such a little terror. The same goes for the other characters in this strange family film: All of Jon’s relatives have hang-ups that remain entirely vague. Director Gracia Querejeta is known for exploring parent-child relationships, but here juggles so many narrative threads nothing resonates. GRACE STAINBACK. WH, 6 pm Wednesday, Feb. 12. FT, 8:30 pm Tuesday, Feb. 18.

Boy Eating the Bird’s Food

B [GREECE] If Charlie Chaplin’s Tramp were to be reimagined for the current economic era, he might take the emaciated form of Yorgos (a mesmerizing Yiannis Papadopoulos), a specterlike scavenger drifting through a depressed Athens. Based on Knut Hamsun’s Hunger, this nearantic examination of a meek hotel clerk doesn’t end in a meet-cute but rather a masturbate-frantic, after which a malnourished Yorgos slurps down his own ejaculate in search of sustenance. Courtesy of director Ektoras Lygizos’ anxious, quivering camera, we’re offered glimpses of this young man’s promise (he possesses a gorgeous singing voice) but few glimmers of hope that he’ll somehow stave off his rapid physical and psychological deterioration. Rarely do films instill such a sense of helplessness. Lygizos has created an entrancing 21st-century Greek tragedy. CURTIS WOLOSCHUK. C21, 8:30 pm Tuesday, Feb. 18. FT, 8:30 pm Thursday, Feb. 20.

Cheatin’

A [UNITED STATES] American animation is so single-mindedly geared

cheatin’ toward children that Bill Plympton’s adult-oriented, hand-drawn cartoons always arrive as a welcome reminder of the form’s range. Like 2008’s Idiots and Angels, the Kickstarterfunded Cheatin’ is a sublimely dialogue-free dreamscape. It’s also a story of mad love in a lurid world (akin to David Lynch’s Wild at Heart), with lead lady Ella and paramour Jake falling for each other at first sight but eventually falling down a rabbit hole of jealousy. This entails revenge sex, murderous desires and, oh yeah, a soul-transporting machine (via which Ella transmits herself into the bodies of the other women Jake fucks). Though characteristically tough, Plympton also affectingly visualizes emotion: In bed, Ella’s tentative hand stretches a long distance to touch Jake, only to be cast off; an overhead shot shows their spoonlike shapes turning away from each other as the bed breaks in half. Has a Disney movie ever captured such a raw human ache? KRISTI MITSUDA. C21, 8:30 pm Wednesday, Feb. 12. CM, 5:30 pm Sunday, Feb. 16.

Coffee in Berlin

B+ [GERMANY] Midway through Coffee in Berlin, Niko (Tom Schilling) breaks off a bathroom tryst with a former classmate. They’re only doing it as “Vergangenheitsbewältigung,” he says. It’s translated as “coming to terms with the past,” but the phrase specifically refers to Germany’s confrontation with its Nazi history. That search for historical atonement burbles throughout Jan Ole Gerster’s debut feature, a black-and-white portrait of an aimless, lank-haired 20-something drifting through a day in Berlin. He’s perpetually foiled in his pursuit of coffee—and this guy could really use a shot of caffeine— as well as human connection. Some might see it as mere German mumblecore, but Schilling’s performance is wonderfully sympathetic, and the score—lovely piano tunes, jaunty jazz—elevate the film to something dryer, wiser and far more generous. REBECCA JACOBSON. OMSI, 6 pm Friday, Feb. 14. CM, 2:30 pm Monday, Feb. 17.

The Congress

C [ISRAEL] What begins as a

in bloom

live-action meta-meditation on Robin Wright’s career (the actress plays herself) and the state of movies transmogrifies into an animated rumination on identity and reality. Directed by Ari Folman (of Waltz With Bashir) and based on a Stanisław Lem novel, The Congress sounds as enticingly existential as a head trip dreamed up by Charlie Kaufman or Richard Linklater a la A Scanner Darkly. Alas, it’s squandered by stilted scripting and a sci-fi segue that strives for Brave New World heights but comes up only with one-note “chemical party” people.

Hallucinogenic musings arrive devoid of grooviness or depth, replaced by flat moral judgments on youth culture, celebrity obsession and prescription drug addiction. KRISTI MITSUDA. C21, noon Friday, Feb. 14.

The Golden Dream

B [MEXICO] Guatemalan pre-teens

wrestle with romance and companionship in Diego Quemada-Diez’s debut feature, but The Golden Dream is no Growing Pains: Our subjects are coming of age on a perilous migration to the United States. These are children undergoing the trials of men, and as they encounter violence, theft and extortion at the hands of migration coyotes, Quemada-Diez forges somberly and relentlessly ahead without pause for remorse. Leader Juan turns from impatient boy to road-hardened man, but his evolution doesn’t include the “Golden Dream” he had hoped for at the outset, leaving viewers on the other side of the fence to quite rightly question why it has to be this way. GRACE STAINBACK. C21, 2:30 pm Monday, Feb. 17. WH, 5 pm Saturday, Feb. 22.

Google and the World Brain

C+ [GREAT BRITAIN] In pulling back the curtain on Google’s audacious plan to scan every book in existence and create a universal digital library, documentarian Ben Lewis ensures there’s always someone waiting to shout “boo!” Librarians, authors and futurists are shot through moody Fincher-like filters and accompanied by a Reznor-lite score as they deride the corporation’s galling disregard for copyright and warn that the groundwork is being laid for a dystopian future. However, the impact of such doomsaying is diminished when interspersed with shoddy animation that hardly gives the impression that Lewis is well-versed in cutting-edge technology. His alarmist documentary certainly succeeds in raising viewers’ concerns about Google, but it’s a curiosity that is likely just to send them scurrying back into Google’s waiting arms. CURTIS WOLOSCHUK. OMSI, 6 pm Wednesday, Feb. 12. WTC, 1 pm Saturday, Feb. 15.

I Am Yours

C [NORWAY] Within the first 10 minutes of Iram Haq’s debut feature, I Am Yours, we know the ingredients of Pakistani-Norwegian Mina’s life: unavailable men, frustration with her young son Felix, traditionalist parents judgmental of her sexual freedom, a stillborn acting career, and a successfully employed and partnered ex-husband casting everything into harsher relief. Then Mina meets Jesper and senses possibility, but Haq sketches the romance so superficially that we have a hard time believing it significant. Eventually spurned again, Mina continues going through the motions, but her disappointments don’t accrue

any nuance or depth, resulting in dire concluding actions that lack a credible emotional crescendo. KRISTI MITSUDA. WH, 8:30 pm Wednesday, Feb. 12. FT, 6 pm Thursday, Feb. 20.

In Bloom

B+ [GEORGIA] Everyone knows adolescence is torture, but what if your awkward phase takes place in wartorn Georgia following the collapse of the Soviet Union? You might just get a gun from your sweetheart as a forget-me-not. You might also be married off to a local thug before you reach 15. In Nana Ekvtimishvili and Simon Gross’ melancholy meditation on innocence lost, it’s 1992 in Tbilisi and best friends Eka and Natia are almost all grown up. They go to school, they fight their way through bread lines, they dance, they yearn, they smoke, they alternately dodge and attract men. They never laugh. They are surrounded on all sides by the menace of hair-trigger men and women who have abandoned all hope for a better life. Blooming has never been so bleak. DEBORAH KENNEDY. CM, 6 pm Saturday, Feb. 15. FT, 5 pm Monday, Feb. 17.

It’s All So Quiet

C- [THE NETHERLANDS] Helmer’s days are dominated by routine. Every morning, he cares for his bedridden father. He then goes to work on his desolate farm, tending to the cows and crops. He meets with the guy who drives the dairy truck and rebuffs his advances, maybe says hello to his neighbor, and gets tempted by a young farmhand. Then maybe he gets some coffee. And then goes back to work. One thing he doesn’t do much is speak. And one thing director Nanouk Leopold doesn’t do is advance the film into anything particularly enjoyable, save a few pretty shots of grass blowing in the wind, a couple moments of tenderness from the father, and the offer of hope that maybe, just maybe, Helmer will talk to the truck driver a little longer. But there’s much work to do, and these cows aren’t going to milk themselves. AP KRYZA. C21, 7:45 pm Sunday, Feb. 16. FT, 8:30 pm Wednesday, Feb. 19.

Just a Sigh

C- [FRANCE] Just a Sigh is about a woman whose life is so difficult she repeatedly makes love to a corpse. Well, technically he’s not dead, but he’s Gabriel Byrne. The first time he and Emmanuelle Devos’ character kiss after their encounter on a train, you get the feeling that when the camera pans around it’ll end up like the bathroom scene in The Shining. Devos is otherwise fascinating as a woman at the end of multiple tethers, a middle-aged, insolvent

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MOVIES

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actress flirting not just with divorce but with being anyone but herself. She is condescended to by her husband, her uptight sister, a bitchy bartender—heck, even by a lamppost—and her sometimes childish volatility ranges interestingly from slapstick to genuine pathos. But while the film’s one-day love story might aim at Before Sunrise, it’s a lot more like Weekend at Bernie’s. MATTHEW KORFHAGE. C21, 8:30 pm Thursday, Feb. 13, and 6 pm Saturday, Feb. 15.

The Last Call

B- [MEXICO] In this comedy about a Mexican theater troupe putting on Camus’ Caligula, you’ll meet all the usual suspects: There’s the obsessive director who can’t decide whether to set the production in fascist Italy or ancient Rome, the perpetually sloshed producer, the asthmatic set designer, the aging diva who resents the pretty young ingenue, the hunky stripper-turned-technician (they call him Chippen) who bangs the costume mistress backstage. It all makes for a lively if low-stakes romp, punctuated with just enough moments of emotional risk and droll one-liners (the stoned stagehand fears the neighborhood kids are planning a “rebellion of the emos”) to keep things amusing, if never particularly engrossing. REBECCA JACOBSON. OMSI, 9 pm Saturday, Feb. 15. CM, 6 pm Tuesday, Feb. 18.

La Última Película

D+ [MEXICO] You don’t need to

see any classic rock documentaries to understand Rob Reiner’s brilliant mockumentary This Is Spinal Tap. Unfortunately for directors Raya Martin and Mark Peranson, their painstaking parody of Dennis Hopper’s The Last Movie will be utterly lost on anyone not familiar with the original. Moreover, their update of the cult classic—the story of a whiny hipster who travels to the Yucatán to scout for the last film shot on cellulose—is just as painfully forehead-slapping as Hopper’s 1971 film. Even the “Scene Missing” cards are there. But it’s not just scenes that are missing from La Última Película—it’s humor entirely. MITCH LILLIE. CM, 9 pm Saturday, Feb. 15. FT, 7:45 pm Sunday, Feb. 16.

Levitated Mass: The Story of Michael Heizer’s Monolithic Sculpture

B [UNITED STATES] A rolling stone gathers no moss, but a 340-ton boulder cruising through the streets of L.A. attracts quite a crowd, and sometimes gets its own Twitter account. In 2012, the Los Angeles County Museum of Art redefined “massive undertaking,” transporting a 20-foot-tall hunk of granite from a quarry in Riverside to the museum’s front lawn, for use in an installation by the artist Michael Heizer. Levitated Mass is half documentary, half grindingly slow road movie, tracking the rock’s 10-day journey, during which time it became a Southern California cultural phenomenon. As the indus-

trial caravan passes through communities that, frankly, probably don’t get to LACMA very often, the film becomes an unexpectedly profound testament to the idea that interpretation always trumps artistic intent. Is this thing a monument to human achievement, a sign from God, a $10 million insult in the middle of a recession or, as the mayor of Carson, Calif., puts it, “a big pebble”? Other talking heads pop up to discuss Heizer’s work in more educated terms, but I’m inclined to agree with the assessment of one street-side observer: “You can’t say, ‘I’m an artist, this is my rock.’ Nah, you ain’t create that, bro.” MATTHEW SINGER. WH, 2:30 pm Monday, Feb. 17. FT, 6 pm Tuesday, Feb. 18.

Metro Manila

A [GREAT BRITAIN] When rice prices plummet, there’s only one place for Oscar and his family to go: Big Dirty Dangerous City. The plot screams of socioeconomic drama, a genre not so much overdone as underdeveloped. But while Metro Manila dabbles in the trite aphorisms you might expect—“Hope is all people need,” explains Oscar’s colleague—the film soon proves itself to be far more than simple cliché. As the parents, Jake Macapagal and Althea Vega have hopeful yet desperate stares that seem to cross the city. The family is trapped in a purgatory of need, and the stakes rise ever higher as the fraudsters circle. In the opening voice-over, Oscar quotes a Filipino proverb: “No matter how long the procession, it always ends at the church door.” After that turn of phrase, there’s only one way Metro Manila can end, but it’s no less thrilling, its heart no less sweet. MITCH LILLIE. OMSI, 8:30 pm Thursday, Feb. 13. FT, 12:30 pm Saturday Feb. 15.

Nothing Bad Can Happen

B- [GERMANY] The kindness of strangers takes a cruel, Nick Caveworthy turn in Katrin Gebbe’s profoundly disturbing debut. Tore (Julius Feldmeier), an itinerant, epileptic “Jesus Freak,” accepts Benno’s (Sascha Alexander Gersak) offer to stay with his family, unaware of his host’s intentions to test his faith. The malicious Benno indulges in sadism that would do Dogville residents proud, forcing Tore not only to turn the other cheek but invite further degrading abuse. As Tore’s angelic features turn cadaverous, the film grows increasingly grueling. And while Tore is convinced of his reward for enduring such torment, viewers may grow bewildered about the exact objective of Gebbe’s occasionally gratuitous exercise. But regardless of your immediate reaction (repulsion is likely), the film’s images will ultimately prove unshakeable. CURTIS WOLOSCHUK. C21, midnight Saturday, Feb. 15.

People in Places

A [SPAIN] From its opening scene, in which both viewer and waiter butt into an awkward date at a restau-

PORTLAND INTERNATIONAL FILM FESTIVAL TICKET OUTLET: Portland Art Museum’s Mark Building, 1119 SW Park Ave., 276-4310, nwfilm.org. General admission, $11; Art Museum and OMSI members, students and seniors, $10; children 12 and under, $8; Silver Screen Club memberships from $300. THEATERS: C21: Cinema 21, 616 NW 21st Ave. CM: CineMagic, 2021 SE Hawthorne Blvd. fT: Regal Fox Tower, 846 SW Park Ave. OMSi: Oregon Museum of Science and Industry, 1945 SE Water Ave. WH: Whitsell Auditorium, 1219 SW Park Ave. WTC: World Trade Center Theater, 121 SW Salmon St. WW was unable to screen 17 films by press deadlines; visit wweek.com for full listings. 40

Willamette Week FEBRUARY 12, 2014 wweek.com

walesa: man of hope rant, People in Places is a celebration of all manner of human interaction. These are unrelated sketches of, well, “people in places.” They’re people generally doing really weird shit, and the scenes are often marked by surreal ambiguity (is she dreaming, or is there really a dead guy and raw meat draped outside her apartment door?). There’s a lusty middleaged man posing as a real estate agent, a skirmish over an inappropriate doormat and a pair of wouldbe robbers who abandon thievery to tidy a woman’s sloppy apartment. Coming from a country in the throes of economic and social instability, the film speaks to the times with its shoestring budget, kaleidoscope of personalities and choppy, voyeuristic cinematography. GRACE STAINBACK. C21, 6 pm Friday, Feb. 14. WH, 5 pm Monday, Feb. 17.

Stranger by the Lake

B+ [FRANCE] Hitchcock by way of Cruising, Stranger by the Lake is a murder mystery set at a hot spot for homosexual trysts. We know the killer’s identity, but we’re drawn in anyway, which puts us in a similar situation as protagonist Franck. He’s a young man who witnesses another man being drowned by his lover and then begins a sexual relationship with the murderer because, well, the heart wants what the heart wants. Alain Guiraudie won Best Director in the Un Certain Regard section at Cannes last year, and he deserves it just for the last scene, which is as awash in dread and dark beauty as any sequence in recent memory. MICHAEL NORDINE. CM, 6 pm Friday, Feb. 14. WH, 9:30 pm Saturday, Feb. 22.

Tim’s Vermeer

B- [UNITED STATES] In this documentary from Penn and Teller (yes, that Penn and Teller), an inventor of high-tech computer equipment named Tim Jenson sets out to re-create the painting The Music Lesson from 16th-century Dutch master Johannes Vermeer. The music is lovely, as are the glimpses of Vermeer’s work, but there’s something missing. Even at the conclusion of Jenson’s experiment, it’s not completely clear whether Vermeer had the help of a camera obscura when painting his masterpieces. What is crystal-clear is that Jenson has too much time and money on his hands. Otherwise, why would he devote five years of his life to what is, in the end, (a) an extended version of MythBusters and (b) a hyped-up game of paint-by-numbers? DEBORAH KENNEDY. WH, 6 pm Friday, Feb. 14. OMSI, 8:30 pm Tuesday, Feb. 18.

The Tough Guys

B [NORWAY] Modulf is the super-

hero a historically neutral country like Norway deserves: one who takes an ass-whipping so others don’t have to. For a kid obsessed with comic books, the 11-year-old protagonist of The Tough Guys has greatly misinterpreted his late father’s dictum that a hero “protects the weak,” taking it upon himself to leap in front of bullies’ fists and toss his head into toilets to save his classmates from torment. Just call him Martyr Boy. Modulf (Sondre Blakstad Henriksen) is content with his role as volunteer sacrificial lamb, until the arrival of Lise (Regine Stokkevåg Eide), a preteen manic-pixie in pigtails and pink glasses, forces him to confront his own wimpdom. Ostensibly a children’s film, The Tough Guys ends with a fairly unambiguous “let’s all just get along” message, and while it’s nice to see a movie that transfers the superhero mythos to real life without the brutal cynicism of Kick Ass or Super, this is basically a spirited Norwegian take on an ABC Family movie—just with more utterances of “shit,” an undercurrent of juvenile sadism and the vague implication that Modulf’s father committed suicide and possibly mowed down his co-workers in the process. Delightful! MATTHEW SINGER. FT, 3 pm Sunday, Feb. 16, and 2:30 pm Monday, Feb. 17.

Transit

B [THE PHILIPPINES] Filipinos comprise one of the biggest groups of foreign workers in Israel, and they’re the subject of Hannah Espia’s debut feature, Transit. It’s a low-key, patient film that manages an impressively calm tone for such potentially incendiary subject matter—at issue, for example, is whether a 4-year-old, Israeli-born boy will be deported. The film follows the linked stories of five Filipinos in Tel Aviv, and it builds the most steam when addressing the relationships between the parents and their third-culture kids, who were born in Israel, speak only Hebrew and, as one mother resentfully points out, don’t know how to make adobo. While a pervasive sense of paranoia percolates, it’s the tender moments— as when the 4-year-old tucks his overworked father into bed—that really stick. REBECCA JACOBSON. OMSI, 6 pm Thursday, Feb. 13. C21, 3:30 pm Saturday, Feb. 15.

Walesa: Man of Hope

B+ [POLAND] Lech Wałęsa just couldn’t keep his mouth shut—not a good tactic in 1970s Poland. In Andrzej Wajda’s biopic Walesa: Man of Hope, we see his plain dealing and curt, ideological outbursts take him from electrician to leader of Solidarity, the anti-Soviet labor union. With precision and heart, Robert Więckiewicz plays the hero, much

as he did in 2011 drama In Darkness. But despite deft edits of actual newsreels from the time, Walesa’s story seems tangled, though that’s mostly because the dramatic speeches and symbols—like the churning Polish punk soundtrack—overwhelm the archival backdrop. It’s a political drama, after all, with a decade of turmoil to cover and a multifaceted figure to profile, and Walesa emerges energetic, honest and indeed hopeful. MITCH LILLIE. WH, 7:30 pm Monday, Feb. 17. OMSI, 8:30 pm Thursday, Feb. 20.

The Wishful Thinkers

A- [SPAIN] This is a Spanish film about the dream of movies, a film of a filmmaker making a film and a black-and-white tribute to the French New Wave and to the meta-filmmaking of South Korean film director Sang-soo Hong. It should be ponderous, dull, self-important. But it never is. Jonás Trueba’s The Wishful Thinkers is a lighthearted love affair— or a succession of them, really. As hopelessly passionate young director Leon muddles his way through multiple relationships, we often see the same scenes from his life replayed as scenes in the movie he’s working on, complete with booms and dollies and clackers. But somehow this is never precious meta-commentary, but rather a celebration: Film bleeds into life until film is life, and vice versa. Leon and the women he dates are people we still care about as characters. And through it all, this shaggy dog of a movie maintains an almost anachronistic sense of possibility that is infectious. MATTHEW KORFHAGE. FT, 6 pm Wednesday, Feb. 12. CM, 7:45 pm Monday, Feb. 16.

A World Not Ours

A- [LEBANON] In Madhi Fleifel’s documentary, the only real constants are cigarettes and machine guns. Also claustrophobia. This is the story of Lebanon’s Ain el-Helweh refugee camp where, for decades, Palestinians have languished, largely jobless and angry, hoping for a chance to return to their homeland. The film’s tone is bittersweet and riddled with longing. Its nonlinear structure mimics the flight of the flock of pigeons that belong to the director’s uncle—weaving and soaring, circling back on themselves. You won’t soon forget anyone Fleifel follows with his camera—his grouchy but loving grandfather, his restless friend Abu Eyad, his now-dead uncle Jamal, who many in Ain el-Helweh think might have freed his people if he hadn’t been shot in the throat by an Israeli soldier—or the image of one of the pigeons, caught in a cage. DEBORAH KENNEDY. WTC, 6 pm Friday, Feb. 14, and 5:30 pm Sunday, Feb. 16.

FEB. 12–18 AP FILM

= WW Pick. Highly recommended.

CO U R T E SY O F P R O PAG A N DA F I L M S

MOVIES

Editor: REBECCA JACOBSON. TO BE CONSIDERED FOR LISTINGS, send screening information at least two weeks in advance to Screen, WW, 2220 NW Quimby St., Portland, OR 97210. Email: rjacobson@wweek.com. Fax: 243-1115.

20 Feet From Stardom

A- Morgan Neville’s 20 Feet From

Stardom turns the spotlight on several career backup singers. Most are resigned to their roles in the musical ecosystem, content to have sacriﬁced their own aspirations for the sake of elevating the art itself. Whether that’s noble or a con, Neville never judges. He just lets them sing. And, in a more perfect universe, that would be enough. MATTHEW SINGER. Living Room Theaters.

About Last Night

Between Endless Love and Robocop, it’s all ’80s redux at movie theaters this month. Here, Kevin Hart stars in a remake of the 1986 Rob Lowe-Demi Moore movie about love, sex and commitment. R. Cedar Hills, Eastport, Clackamas, Bridgeport, Division, Lloyd Mall, Movies on TV.

American Hustle

A In director David O. Russell’s new

film, American Hustle—loosely based on the Abscam federal bribery scandal of the 1970s—everyone from New Jersey’s mayor to federal agents to small-time con artists are so warped by ambition that integrity and even identity become expensive luxury items. The film is a balls-to-the-wall, unbridled love affair with homegrown bullshit and piss-taking. American Bullshit was, in fact, the working title of the film, and in bullshit, it would seem Russell has finally found his true subject matter. It’s the sort of flick we’ve rarely seen since the ’40s: a farce with a heart. R. MATTHEW KORFHAGE. Cedar Hills, Clackamas, Moreland, Lloyd Center, Movies on TV.

Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues

B- It’s been nearly a decade since Ron

Burgundy and the Channel 4 News Team graced the silver screen, but you’d be forgiven for thinking they never left. As soon as Ron himself announced the character’s return on Conan last year, he’s been everywhere. After a year of anticipation, we’d be forgiven for being sick of the hype. But oh, does Anchorman 2 contain some serious belly laughs. There are some misses, particularly a bizarre and overlong second act in which Ron leaves the business for some soul searching. But keep in mind that this is still a mile-a-minute comedy that includes a man bottle-feeding a shark, investigative reporting that involves tastetesting street drugs, condoms made of mongoose hair, and the theme song from Xanadu as an aphrodisiac. It’s good to have Ron Burgundy back, even if he kind of overstays his welcome. PG-13. AP KRYZA. Academy Theater, Avalon, Edgeﬁeld, Laurelhurst Theater, Milwaukie, Mt. Hood, St. Johns, Valley.

August: Osage County

C Tracy Letts’ play about a dysfunctional Oklahoma family won raves for its ability to imbue soap opera-style revelations with ﬁery humor, but John Wells’ ﬁlm adaptation just plays as a succession of histrionic showdowns. R. REBECCA JACOBSON. Eastport, Clackamas.

Captain Phillips

A- You probably already know the

story behind the new Tom Hanks movie, Captain Phillips, because you heard it ﬁrst from the helmet-haired hagiographers of cable news. Back in 2009, four Somali pirates boarded a freighter and kidnapped its captain, Richard Phillips (Hanks). Though shot with an eerie, disciplined neutrality, this is perhaps the most compassionate piece of ﬁlmmaking I’ve seen this year. PG-13. MATTHEW KORFHAGE. Academy Theater, Laurelhurst Theater, Mt. Hood, Valley.

Cascade Festival of African Films: God Loves Uganda

B [ONE NIGHT ONLY] Roger Ross

Williams’ engrossing documentary God Loves Uganda follows American evangelicals traveling to the East African nation to spread the Gospel. Williams makes the convincing argument that this imported brand of conservative Christianity has fueled homophobia in Uganda, including a bill that would have mandated the death penalty for repeat same-sex offenders (a less severe version passed last month). This is a thoroughly sobering film, and no more so than when we glimpse the funeral of LGBT rights activist David Kato, who was clubbed to death in 2011. That the funeral of a man who advocated peace and tolerance nearly became a brawl tells us all we need to know about the real crusade that must be waged. REBECCA JACOBSON. Portland Community College-Cascade, Moriarty Arts and Humanities Building, Room 104. 7 pm Thursday, Feb. 13. For full festival schedule, visit africanfilmfestival.org.

Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs 2

Cheeseburgers, falling from the sky! Again! PG. Academy Theater.

Dallas Buyers Club

A The ﬁrst time Matthew

McConaughey appears onscreen in Dallas Buyers Club, the reﬂex is to gasp. That carved-from-amber beach bod has been whittled down to a toothpick. It’s a transformation mirroring that of McConaughey’s career over the past year: The rom-com lothario has withered away. In his place arrives a performer at his peak, in a role that better damn well win him an Oscar, as an AIDS activist the movies have never seen before: a shit-kicking, homophobic redneck. To its credit, Dallas Buyers Club has no weepy epiphanies, no soliloquies about newfound understanding. Woodroof may have been an asshole, but he was an asshole whose instinct for self-preservation eventually helped extend the lives of millions of better people. And, in the face of a plague, that’s worth more than one jerk’s enlightenment. R. MATTHEW SINGER. Academy Theater, Laurelhurst Theater, Valley.

Endless Love

The 1981 Brooke Shields ﬂick, a story of star-crossed teen lovers, did not need a remake, and certainly not one scripted by former Gossip Girl showrunner Joshua Safran. Screened after WW press deadlines, but look for Grace Stainback’s review at wweek. com. PG-13. Cedar Hills, Eastport, Clackamas, Mill Plain, Cornelius, Oak Grove, Cinema 99, Bridgeport, City Center, Division, Hilltop, Lloyd Center, Movies on TV, Pioneer Place, Sherwood, Tigard, Wilsonville, Sandy.

Everybody Street

[ONE NIGHT ONLY] A documentary about New York City’s most iconic street photographers. Hollywood Theatre. 7 pm Monday, Feb. 17.

Frozen

B Compared to the pandering messiness of most kids’ movies, Frozen has plenty to excite the family-friendly faithful. Widescreen 3-D visuals sculpt an endlessly inventive setting of ice palaces and snowcapped peaks, the original songs written by veterans of Avenue Q and The Book of Mormon soar and tickle as needed, and snowman sidekick Olaf giddily beats back the encroaching melodrama. PG. JAY HORTON. Cedar Hills, Eastport, Clackamas, Indoor Twin, Movies on TV, Sandy.

The Ghastly Love of Johnny X

[TWO NIGHTS ONLY] In a move that might appeal to the Clinton Street’s Rocky Horror devotees, Paul Bunnell’s film blends sci-fi and rock ’n’ roll to tell a tale of misfit aliens exiled to Earth. Clinton Street Theater. 9 pm FridaySaturday, Feb. 14-15.

CONT. on page 42

HIGHWAY TO HELL: Laura Dern and Nicolas Cage.

CRAZY IN LOVE THE ROMANTIC LUNACY OF WILD AT HEART.

knows it does—that anything else can enter their minds. No other fi lm has captured that feeling so well. They are drunk in love. It’s just the two of them, and it’s utterly beautiful, utterly romantic and utterly mad. Hollywood Theatre. 7:30 pm Friday, Feb. 14. ALSO SHOWING:

BY A P K R Y Z A

apkr yza@wweek .com

Love makes people crazy. Just ask Beyoncé. Yet few films capture the complete insanity that occurs the instant that attraction becomes infatuation and then utter, unrelenting, batshit adoration. Typically, love in the movies results in characters listening to Train on a rainy night, or being unable to realize that Drew Barrymore might actually suffer from a severe learning disorder. Maybe there will be a gay friend who helps our hero see the light of love. Perhaps there will be a mad dash down an altar. Meg Ryan might crinkle her nose. But with the exception of horror flicks, seldom does love on screen manifest itself with the raw lunacy of David Lynch’s 1990 classic, Wild at Heart (playing Valentine’s Day at the Hollywood Theatre). Representing Lynchian surrealism at its peak, Wild at Heart came on the heels of Blue Velvet and at the same time as the groundbreakingly bizarre Twin Peaks. It is, in every way, a love story—albeit one where Wizard of Oz imagery seeps into characters’ psyches, Willem Dafoe transforms into perhaps the most disgusting man ever put to film, and Nicolas Cage and Laura Dern play young lovers whose affection leads them into an advanced state of euphoric bliss that might just be insanity. The entire film is a strange odyssey, a nightmare road trip in which the blissed-out lovers are pursued by Dern’s deranged mother (a horrifying Diane Ladd), but it’s early in the film we realize that Sailor and Lula are kinda, sorta insane. And it’s because they’re afflicted with love. Cage’s snakeskin-jacketed Sailor and Dern’s Lula head to a thrash club in order to celebrate Sailor’s release from prison. Their heads banging and their fists pumping, the two slam all over the dance floor. It’s a hysterical explosion of movement, and not even the least bit romantic—until Lynch lets us into the pair’s hearts. Following a confrontation with a punk, the music drops, and the band goes into a doo-wop number, with Cage crooning as the audience screams like little girls at a Beatles show. It’s a hallucinogenic moment even for Lynch, but it’s also a brilliant depiction of what people experience when they fall for one another. Sailor and Lula’s world consists of two people, and it’s not until some other entity crashes in—and Lord

The Portland Black Film Festival resurrects Soul Train Express 3, a compilation of dance-off s and performances by such legends as Gladys Knight, James Brown and Marvin Gaye. Hollywood Theatre. 7:30 pm Wednesday, Feb. 12. KBOO hits the Clinton Street for its annual Valentine’s Day special, a strange little event that includes a sing-along with host Contessa de la Luna, a Christopher Walken impression contest, and a screening of Kevin Smith’s controversial Dogma. Clinton Street Theater. 7 pm Thursday, Feb. 13. Tony Scott’s True Romance is another depiction of a young couple being crazy because of love, but if Wild at Heart is a surreal work of art, the Quentin Tarantino-penned True Romance is a nerd’s fantasy come to life, starting with a comic-book nerd’s infatuation with a hooker and culminating in the kind of bloodbath that could only come from a young Tarantino. Oh, and the ghost of Elvis tells our hero what to do. Crazy? Yes. Awesome? Of course. But also just escapist popcorn masturbation for dudes who’ve already watched too many movies. Academy Theater. Feb. 14-20. Speaking of crazy, Robin Williams is utterly bonkers in Terry Gilliam’s The Fisher King. It might just be the comedian’s finest performance, the centerpiece of a film both warm and eccentric. Laurelhurst Theater. Feb. 14-20. The recently departed Philip Seymour Hoff man turned in one of the best—and goofiest— performances of his career in Punch-Drunk Love, a Paul Thomas Anderson love story in which Adam Sandler breaks character to play a lovelorn loser rather than some dickhead on vacation with his buddies. 5th Avenue Cinema. 7 and 9:30 pm Friday-Saturday and 3 pm Sunday, Feb. 14-16. That Hedwig and the Angry Inch doesn’t play the Clinton Street more regularly is shocking (it’s probably a licensing thing), especially considering that director and star John Cameron Mitchell makes a much more convincing woman than Paris Hilton in Repo. Clinton Street Theater. 7 pm Friday and Sunday and 3 pm Saturday, Feb. 14-16. Prince, perhaps the greatest entertainer out there, can do anything. Except maybe seem tough or act. But he gives it a go in the amazing Purple Rain, which turns 30 this year and remains essential simply for its explosive concert sequences. Hollywood Theatre. 7:30 pm Saturday, Feb. 15. Love and Lust: Underground rolls out a program of sexploitation trailers, plus shorts about porn stores, burlesque and foot fetishism, the last representing the only such film not directed by Tarantino. Hollywood Theatre. 7:30 pm Tuesday, Feb. 18. Willamette Week FEBRUARY 12, 2014 wweek.com

feb. 12–18

COURTESY OF NOUJAIM FILMS

that admiration renders him incapable of portraying anything dispassionately: Lone Survivor has little more nuance than the average recruitment poster. R. MICHAEL NORDINE. Cedar Hills, Eastport, Clackamas, Cornelius, Movies on TV, Sandy, St. Johns.

The Monuments Men

the square

The Great Beauty

A Paolo Sorrentino’s luxuriously

sprawling film is both enchanted and repulsed by the decadence it depicts, a tension that makes for one of the richest cinematic experiences of the year. At the center is Jep Gambardella (a wondrous Toni Servillo), a 65-yearold hedonist who wrote an acclaimed novel as a young man and now spends his days (and nights) living large in Rome. The Great Beauty is a sensuous feast, and though the loosely connected vignettes can meander, taken together they compose a fascinating portrait of Berlusconi’s Italy, one that is too consumed by orgiastic terrace parties and neverending conga lines to realize how stagnant it’s become. REBECCA JACOBSON. Living Room Theaters.

Her

B+ In the era of Catfish, where

“dating” is an increasingly abstract concept, the premise of Spike Jonze’s Her can serve as the basis for an honest-to-goodness relationship drama. Her, the first film Jonze has written himself, isn’t another Charlie Kaufman mind puzzle, but its emotions are no easier to untangle, nor to categorize. Is it sci-fi? Horror? Satire? Or is a story about falling in love with binary code the only honest way to talk about modern romance? R. MATTHEW SINGER. Living Room Theaters.

The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug

B+ The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug justifies its nearly three-hour runtime not by cramming in tons of story but by allowing the action pieces to play out with the lunacy of an ultraviolent Looney Tunes short. PG-13. AP KRYZA. Clackamas.

The Hunger Games: Catching Fire

B Taking what initially seemed like

a watered-down version of Battle Royale, The Hunger Games series has created a sprawling and very grown-up world for young audiences. With Catching Fire, director Francis Lawrence further expands this postapocalyptic universe where children are forced to slay one another in an annual gladiatorial event designed to tamp down discontent. As with the first film, Catching Fire goes slightly flat once the actual games commence. But in the lead-up, Lawrence crafts a dense dystopia full of political allegory, media satire and other elements most YA films consider their audiences too dumb to handle. PG-13. AP KRYZA. Indoor Twin, Kennedy School, Movies on TV.

I, Frankenstein

Aaron Eckhart wears some gnarly scars across his face as giant winged beasts fly around. PG-13. Eastport, Clackamas.

In a World...

B+ In a World… takes us into the idio-

Inside Llewyn Davis

B+ A down-on-his-luck folk musician

in 1961 New York City, Llewyn (Oscar Isaac) crashes on friends’ squeaky couches, gigs at the Gaslight Cafe and mills about while waiting for his big break. It isn’t much of a spoiler to say he’ll be waiting awhile. Witnessing all this unfold is, in a word, lovely, thanks to Joel and Ethan Coen’s expertise in drawing out the bitter and the sweet in nearly equal measure. R. MICHAEL NORDINE. St. Johns.

Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit

C+ Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit is a reboot and an origin story, wherein a college-age Jack (Chris Pine) heeds the call of duty when the Twin Towers go down. Pulling double duty as the film’s director and its slinky villain, a slumming Kenneth Branagh proves he can be more fun than his PBS pedigree lets on, yet Jack Ryan remains a pretty bland affair that’s cobbled together from bits and pieces of other, better films. PG-13. Cedar Hills, Eastport, Clackamas, Oak Grove, Movies on TV.

Labor Day

C- There’s no burger phone in Labor

Day, but Jason Reitman’s film makes up for it with the most patently absurd baking sequence you’ll ever see. Frank (Josh Brolin), an escaped prisoner with a heart of gold, woos a dispirited single mother named Adele (Kate Winslet) over a dreamy weekend in 1987. Though you may wonder about his innocence—he’s a convicted murderer—the fact that he’s a standup guy is never called into question. Though there’s something to be said for Reitman’s newfound sincerity, the self-satisfaction that colored his earlier efforts (Juno and Up in the Air) has merely been replaced by a self-seriousness that manages to be simultaneously humorless and laughable. PG-13. MICHAEL NORDINE. Cedar Hills, Eastport, Clackamas, Cornelius, Movies on TV, Sandy, St. Johns.

The Lego Movie

B+ Using a combination of computer

and stop-motion animation that keeps the herky-jerky laws of Lego physics in mind, The Lego Movie follows milquetoast construction worker Emmet (Chris Pratt) as he attempts to end the reign of President Business (Will Farrell), a tyrant who believes all creations should be made exactly according to instructions. The Lego Movie comes dangerously close to the pop culture-saturated Shrek model of comedy, but just when the film starts becoming too cute, the plot shifts into another nutso action sequence filled with clever sight gags. PG. AP KRYZA. Bagdad, Cedar Hills, Eastport, Clackamas, Mill Plain, Cornelius, Oak Grove, Lloyd Center, Movies on TV, Sandy, St. Johns, Roseway.

Lone Survivor

C Peter Berg’s film centers on 2005’s

failed Operation Red Wings—a mission to remove a high-profile Taliban target in the mountains of Afghanistan that instead resulted in the death of 19 American soldiers—and it lionizes its heroes while utterly demonizing their enemies. Berg clearly has nothing but reverence for the armed forces, but

syncratic and competitive realm of voice-over artists. The movie is overstuffed, but its unassuming tone, its generosity of spirit, and Lake Bell’s skillful performance redeem the uneven pacing and bumpy storytelling. R. REBECCA JACOBSON. Laurelhurst Theater. 42 Willamette Week FEBRUARY 12, 2014 wweek.com

C+ The story of The Monuments Men is inspiring. During World War II, a squadron of older art scholars was dispatched to Europe in an effort to protect art and other precious cultural artifacts from being destroyed by bombs, stolen by the Nazis or swiped by private collectors. It sounds like incredible fodder for a film, especially with George Clooney in front of and behind the camera, and a dream cast that includes Matt Damon, Cate Blanchett, John Goodman, Bill Murray and Jean Dujardin. Alas, what could have been a weird cross between Inglourious Basterds and Ocean’s Eleven comes off more as a sermon than an entertaining piece of art unto itself. PG-13. AP KRYZA. Cedadr Hills, Eastport, Clackamas, Mill Plain, Cornelius, Oak Grove, Lloyd Center, Movies on TV, Sandy.

eccentric hilarity by the great Emma Thompson. Alas, for all its considerable joy and fantastic performances, Saving Mr. Banks gets greedy: It starts out tugging at the heartstrings but, with its strained sentimentality, eventually tears a ventricle. PG-13. AP KRYZA. Academy Theater, Avalon, Laurelhurst Theater, Milwaukie, Mt. Hood, Valley.

The Secret Life of Walter Mitty

D+ The Secret Life of Walter Mitty is a

movie for anyone prone to existential crises during soft-drink commercials. Based on James Thurber’s 1939 short story about a teenage punk rockerturned-graying office drone with severe delusional psychosis (because one can only assume director-star Ben Stiller remained totally faithful to the source material), the film adopts a long-winded motto from Life magazine as its motivational tagline-cum-

greeting card message that can be easily distilled down to “Do the Dew, brah!” The thing quickly blows up into an extended Super Bowl ad break, with all the heart and genuine emotion that suggests. PG. MATTHEW SINGER. Academy Theater, Avalon, Kennedy School, Laurelhurst Theater, Milwaukie, St. Johns, Valley.

Shalom Ireland

[ONE NIGHT ONLY, REVIVAL] The Oregon Jewish Museum screens Valerie Ganley’s 2003 documentary about the history and traditions of Ireland’s small Jewish community. Oregon Jewish Museum, 1953 NW Kearney St. 7 pm Wednesday, Feb. 12.

The Square

B [FOUR DAYS ONLY] The heroes

are young, cosmopolitan freethinkers; the villain, a ruthless regime; the loca-

REVIEW C O U R T E S Y O F R O A D S I D E AT T R A C T I O N S

MOVIES

Nebraska

C You can predict the emotional arc of Alexander Payne’s newest film based on the premise alone: David (Will Forte) decides to accompany his near-senile father, Woody (Bruce Dern) on a road trip from Montana to Nebraska to claim the million-dollar magazine sweepstakes prize Woody believes he’s won. Payne’s typically trenchant observations on humanity’s soft underbelly feel broad, and it’s disappointing to see him succumb to sentimentality untempered by insight or depth. R. KRISTI MITSUDA. Cornelius, Living Room Theaters.

The Nut Job

Animated squirrels plan a heist of a nut store. Parents, try to keep the dick jokes to a minimum. PG. Eastport, Clackamas, Oak Grove, Movies on TV, Sandy.

The Past

B+ Few things are uncomplicated in

Asghar Farhadi’s movies, and here the Iranian writer-director devastatingly portrays the beginning of one marriage and the dissolution of two others. It’s a bracing, uncomfortable film that taps into the sort of raw emotions usually reserved for drawnout confrontations rather than a night at the movies. R. MICHAEL NORDINE. Fox Tower.

Philomena

C- The hardest part about watching Philomena, a film based on the true story of an Irish woman’s search for the son she gave up for adoption 50 years previous, is accepting the amazing Judi Dench as a bumbling simpleton in the title role. If you can get over Dench as Grandma Goof, then Philomena stands on its own two feet. One of those feet is the enthralling, often emotional storyline. Unfortunately, the other foot is the waiter-my-soup humor that Fawlty Towers made irrelevant four decades ago. PG-13. MITCH LILLIE. Clackamas, Cornelius, Oak Grove, Movies on TV.

The Pretty One

When her identical twin dies, a socially inept young woman attempts to reinvent herself as her dearly departed sister. R. Living Room Theaters.

Ride Along

Ice Cube plays a cop who takes his prospective brother-in-law (Kevin Hart) on a 24-hour patrol through Atlanta. PG-13. Cedar Hills, Eastport, Clackamas, Forest, Movies on TV, Sandy.

Saving Mr. Banks

C Disney movies walk a fine line between warm-and-fuzzy feel-goodery and all-out cheese, but few straddle the line as frustratingly as Saving Mr. Banks. This is, after all, a film that casts Tom Hanks as Walt Disney himself, struggling to get Mary Poppins made by awakening the inner child of prim, proper and persnickety British author P.L. Travers, played with

romancE roulEttE: Paulina García.

GLORIA Love (and sex) in the time of middle age.

Two phrases that should probably be retired from the English language—“slice of life” and “woman of a certain age”—have both been applied to Gloria, the new film from Chilean director Sebastian Lelio. Neither does justice to this nuanced portrait of a woman who, in her late 50s, goes about the hard work of finding happiness where she can. Nothing about Gloria (Paulina García) is remarkable. She isn’t beautiful or brilliant or quirky. Her office job is dreary and unsatisfying, as are her interactions with her two children, who treat her visits as sweet but exasperating obligations that can’t end soon enough. She deals with the same day-to-day difficulties as the rest of us—sleepless nights, an annoying cat that keeps making its way into her apartment, loneliness. When the weekend arrives, she dresses up and heads to a Santiago bar, where she dances, sometimes by herself and sometimes in the arms of an anonymous silver fox, to sappy Chilean love songs. Everything changes (or does it?) when she meets Rodolfo, a former naval officer and gastric bypass surgery survivor, who sweeps her off her feet. Literally. He owns an amusement park and on their third date treats her to a joyous session of bungee jumping. He also teaches her how to shoot paintball. (Big mistake. Big. Huge.) Lelio’s generous pacing allows Gloria’s story to unfold with grace, and García invests the character with a winning vulnerability. That’s not to say Gloria is a heroine—she most definitely is not. She is human. She drinks too much. She smokes even more. When she mistakenly gets her hands on her crazy neighbor’s pot stash, she does not pull a good Girl Scout and give it back. Instead, she tokes the lot of it, lying on the floor of her apartment, naked and reeling and full of wonder. This is realism at its most honest and moving. Which also means it might not be for everyone. If you like your movies slick and full of explosions, Gloria will leave you quizzical. There is no epiphany or red-bow happy ending. The climax comes courtesy of a bird. A beautiful bird, but still. A bird. And there are several scenes of post-prime yet passionate lovemaking that could disturb those accustomed to the airbrushed variety. Gloria has been called a “triumph of the human spirit,” yet another shopworn phrase that has outlived its usefulness. Yet the film is indeed a triumph—a triumph of quiet beauty and subtle storytelling that, if you like that sort of thing, will haunt you for days. DEBORAH KENNEDY. A

SEE it: Gloria is rated R. It opens Friday at Living Room Theaters.

FEB. 12–18 tion, Cairo’s Tahrir Square. Jehane Noujaim’s The Square, which captures disturbing footage of the recent Egyptian revolution, has been nominated for the Academy Award for Best Documentary—it’s Egypt’s first Oscar bid—but it has yet to receive permission to be screened in its motherland. Yet it’s protest in itself, waging its own variety of war as it shells audiences with scenes of military vehicles slamming into the protesting masses and soldiers opening fire on peaceful activists. Noujaim emphasizes the cycles of protest and governmental overthrow that have gripped Egypt for the past three years, as Mubarak’s regime has led to Morsi’s has led to Mansour’s. Though the turbulent footage demands our attention, the documentary’s sympathies obviously lie with the revolutionaries, and specifically with the young, privileged protesters. Consequently, the film lacks much input from other perspectives, such as those of the elderly and uneducated. “Give others a chance to speak,” urges an older demonstrator. There’s no doubt, however, that The Square demonstrates the power of undying hope, calling out to the rest of the world for solidarity. KATE PEIFER. Clinton Street Theater. Monday-Thursday, Feb. 17-20.

That Awkward Moment

We have to assume the title applies to the experience of watching the ﬁlm itself, a strained-looking comedy starring Michael B. Jordan, Miles Teller and (oh dear) Zac Efron. R. Cedar Hills, Clackamas, Forest, Oak Grove, Movies on TV.

MOVIES

Vampire Academy

Like Mean Girls, with actual bloodsucking. PG-13. Cedar Hills, Eastport, Clackamas, Mill Plain, Cornelius, Oak Grove, Lloyd Center, Movies on TV, Sandy.

Walking With Dinosaurs

Giant dinosaurs POKING YOU IN THE EYE. PG. Avalon, Edgeﬁeld, Milwaukie, Mt. Hood, Valley.

Winter’s Tale

Not to be confused with Shakespeare’s nuttiest play, this romance stars Colin Farrell as a time-traveling burglar who falls in love with an heiress. Screened after WW press deadlines, but look for Michael Nordine’s review at wweek. com. PG-13. Cedar Hills, Eastport, Clackamas, Mill Plain, Cornelius, Oak Grove, Cinema 99, Bridgeport, City Center, Division, Hilltop, Lloyd Center, Movies on TV, Sherwood, Tigard, Wilsonville, Sandy.

The Wolf of Wall Street

A Martin Scorsese’s best picture

since Goodfellas and his fifth with Leonardo DiCaprio is at once hilarious, terrifying, hallucinogenic, infuriating, awe-inspiring, meandering and, at three hours, utterly exhausting. Some may scoff at the runtime, or at the film’s episodic look into Belfort’s debauchery, but both just serve to further pummel you into submission as our “hero” glides through a privileged life with a steady diet of Quaaludes, cocaine, hookers, alcohol, sushi and hubris. It is a modern masterpiece of excess, style and lunacy. R. AP KRYZA. Cedar Hills, Eastport, Cornelius, Lloyd Center.

Includes: Bus transportation, food cart challenges, and an afternoon of fun. Entrance to after party at Green Dragon with beer by Ninkasi, and a chance to win

cha MA

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B+ SEE IT: RoboCop is rated PG-13. It opens Wednesday at Cedar Hills, Eastport, Clackamas, Mill Plain, Cornelius, Oak Grove, Bridgeport, Lloyd Center, Movies on TV, Pioneer Place, Sherwood, Sandy.

Registration: 10:30 am • WW Headquarters 2220 NW Quimby Street

Willamette Week FEBRUARY 12, 2014 wweek.com

o od

, Or eg

ROBO REBOOT: First, the bad news: In this RoboCop, no bad guys get turned into walking piles of toxic waste and splattered across the hood of a car. It’s PG-13, after all. The good news is almost everything else. Don’t misread. This reboot doesn’t graze the 1987 original, in which Paul Verhoeven Trojan-horsed a wicked-sharp critique of American corporate fascism inside a gonzo sci-fi blow-’em-up and scored a massive hit. But if we forget the movie is called RoboCop, what we’ve got is an aboveaverage, large-scale Hollywood action flick. Director Jose Padilha dulls Verhoeven’s sociopolitical edges—odd, given that his kinetic Elite Squad movies are fueled by righteous anger— and collapses the focus onto the plight of a man who becomes a literal puppet of a corrupt system. If you’ve ever wanted to see RoboCop cry, here’s your chance. Padilha, a Brazilian, misses the point of setting the film in Detroit, and the satire is concentrated entirely in Samuel L. Jackson’s wig. But there are surprisingly engaged performances from Michael Keaton, Gary Oldman and Jackie Earle Haley, high-velocity action sequences and some inspired visuals, in particular one involving star Joel Kinnaman stripped to the sum of his parts. Saying this is the second-best movie in the RoboCop franchise might not mean much, but for a big-budget remake released in the dead zone of winter, it’s still an accomplishment. MATTHEW SINGER.

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HOLLY WOOD THE ATRE . ORG

Robocop (2014) (XD) (PG-13) 11:05AM 1:55PM 4:50PM 7:45PM 10:40PM Monuments Men (PG-13) 11:00AM 12:25PM 1:50PM 3:15PM 4:40PM 6:05PM 7:30PM 8:55PM 10:25PM Nut Job, The 3D (PG) 2:00PM Nut Job, The (PG) 11:20AM 4:30PM Winter’s Tale (PG-13) 11:15AM 2:10PM 5:00PM 7:50PM 10:40PM LEGO (PG) 12:15PM 12:55PM 3:35PM 5:45PM 6:15PM 9:00PM Lone Survivor (R) 11:00AM 1:50PM 4:45PM 7:40PM 10:30PM That Awkward Moment (R) 11:50AM 2:20PM 4:50PM 7:15PM 9:45PM Vampire Academy (PG-13) 11:10AM 1:55PM 4:35PM Philomena (PG-13) 3:50PM 10:00PM Ride Along (PG-13) 11:40AM 2:15PM 5:00PM 7:35PM 10:10PM

Robocop (2014) (PG-13) 12:30PM 3:30PM 6:30PM 9:30PM August: Osage County (R) 7:25PM 10:20PM Endless Love (PG-13) 11:10AM 1:45PM 4:20PM 7:00PM 9:50PM Frozen (2013) 3D (PG) 1:45PM 7:10PM LEGO 3D (PG) 11:35AM 2:15PM 3:00PM 4:55PM 7:35PM 8:30PM 10:15PM About Last Night (R) 11:45AM 2:20PM 5:00PM 7:40PM 10:10PM American Hustle (R) 12:45PM 3:55PM 7:05PM 10:15PM I, Frankenstein (PG-13) 12:20PM 5:25PM 10:25PM Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit (PG-13) 11:30AM 2:25PM 5:10PM 7:50PM 10:35PM Labor Day (PG-13) 7:20PM 10:20PM Frozen (2013) (PG) 11:05AM 4:25PM 9:55PM Hobbit: The Desolation Of Smaug, The (PG-13) 12:10PM 6:20PM I, Frankenstein 3D (PG-13) 2:50PM 7:55PM

Met Opera: Rusalka Encore (2014) (NR) 6:30PM Monuments Men (PG-13) 11:00AM 12:25PM 1:50PM 3:15PM 4:40PM 6:05PM 7:30PM 8:55PM 10:20PM Wolf Of Wall Street, The (R) 2:05PM 9:10PM Lone Survivor (R) 11:00AM 1:55PM 4:45PM 7:35PM 10:25PM That Awkward Moment (R) 12:30PM 2:55PM 5:20PM 7:45PM 10:10PM Vampire Academy (PG-13) 11:40AM 2:15PM 4:50PM 7:25PM 10:00PM Ride Along (PG-13) 12:05PM 2:35PM 5:05PM 7:35PM 10:05PM Robocop (2014) (PG-13) 11:00AM 12:25PM 1:50PM

3:15PM 4:40PM 6:05PM 7:30PM 8:55PM 10:20PM LEGO 3D (PG) 1:05PM 3:45PM 6:25PM 9:05PM American Hustle (R) 12:20PM 3:40PM 7:00PM 10:10PM August: Osage County (R) 11:05AM 1:55PM 4:45PM 7:35PM 10:25PM LEGO (PG) 11:45AM 2:25PM 5:05PM 7:45PM 10:25PM 12 Years a Slave (R) 11:00AM 6:05PM Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit (PG-13) 11:05AM 1:45PM 4:30PM 7:15PM 9:55PM Labor Day (PG-13) 11:15AM 2:00PM 4:45PM 7:30PM 10:15PM Frozen (2013) 3D (PG) 2:20PM Frozen (2013) (PG) 11:20AM

MOVIES

FEB. 14–20 Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 04:45, 09:45 SAVING MR. BANKS Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-TueWed 01:40, 06:45 DALLAS BUYERS CLUB Fri-SatSun-Mon-Tue-Wed 02:20, 07:15 CAPTAIN PHILLIPS Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 02:10, 09:30 20 FEET FROM STARDOM Fri-Sat-SunMon-Tue-Wed 04:55 TRUE ROMANCE Fri-Sat-SunMon-Tue-Wed 04:15, 09:20 CLOUDY WITH A CHANCE OF MEATBALLS 2 Sat-SunMon 11:35

COURTESY OF NEW LINE CINEMA

PORTLAND’S HISTORIC NON-PROFIT THEATRE

Living Room Theaters

TRY AND TEAR ME DOWN: Hedwig and the Angry Inch plays Feb. 14-16 at the Clinton Street Theater.

Regal Lloyd Center 10 & IMAX

1510 NE Multnomah St., 800326-3264 ROBOCOP: THE IMAX EXPERIENCE Fri-Sat-SunMon-Tue-Wed 01:30, 04:30, 07:20, 10:20 ROBOCOP Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-TueWed 12:50, 03:55, 06:50, 09:45 WINTER’S TALE Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-TueWed 12:25, 03:25, 07:00, 10:00 ENDLESS LOVE Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 11:45, 02:25, 05:05, 07:50, 10:30 THE LEGO MOVIE Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 02:30, 07:45, 10:25 THE LEGO MOVIE 3D Fri-SatSun-Mon-Tue-Wed 11:50, 05:10 THE MONUMENTS MEN Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-TueWed 12:35, 01:10, 03:35, 04:10, 07:10, 07:40, 09:40, 10:10 AMERICAN HUSTLE Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-TueWed 12:05, 03:15, 06:30, 09:50 THE WOLF OF WALL STREET Fri-Sat-SunMon-Tue-Wed 11:55, 03:45, 07:35 VAMPIRE ACADEMY Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-TueWed 12:15, 05:10, 10:30 GRAVITY 3D Fri-Sat-SunMon-Tue-Wed 02:50

Avalon Theatre & Wunderland

3451 SE Belmont St., 503-238-1617 THE SECRET LIFE OF WALTER MITTY Fri-SatSun-Mon-Tue-Wed 01:15, 07:20 SAVING MR. BANKS Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 12:25, 04:55 WALKING WITH DINOSAURS FriSat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 03:25 ANCHORMAN 2: THE LEGEND CONTINUES Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 02:40, 07:10, 09:25 THOR: THE DARK WORLD Fri-SatSun-Mon-Tue-Wed 05:10, 09:30

Bagdad Theater and Pub 3702 SE Hawthorne Blvd., 503-249-7474 THE LEGO MOVIE Fri-SatSun-Mon-Tue-Wed 11:30, 01:50, 04:30, 07:15, 09:45

Clinton Street Theater Monuments Men (PG-13) 11:05AM 1:55PM 4:50PM 7:40PM 10:30PM Nut Job, The 3D (PG) 11:25AM 4:45PM 9:45PM Wolf Of Wall Street, The (R) 12:10PM 4:15PM 8:10PM Lone Survivor (R) 1:00PM 4:00PM 7:10PM 10:10PM Nut Job, The (PG) 2:00PM 7:05PM Vampire Academy (PG-13) 7:50PM 10:25PM Winter’s Tale (PG-13) 1:30PM 4:25PM 7:20PM 10:15PM Ride Along (PG-13) 11:10AM 1:50PM 4:25PM 7:00PM 9:35PM Robocop (2014) (PG-13) 11:00AM 12:20PM 1:50PM 3:15PM 4:45PM 6:20PM 7:35PM 9:15PM 10:30PM LEGO 3D (PG) 12:30PM 3:15PM 5:50PM 8:30PM

August: Osage County (R) 11:20AM 2:05PM 5:00PM Endless Love (PG-13) 11:05AM 1:55PM 4:50PM 7:45PM 10:20PM LEGO (PG) 11:00AM 1:45PM 4:30PM 7:15PM 10:00PM About Last Night (R) 11:30AM 2:00PM 4:35PM 7:10PM 10:00PM Frozen (2013) 3D (PG) 2:00PM 7:05PM I, Frankenstein (PG-13) 2:20PM 7:25PM Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit (PG-13) 11:00AM 1:45PM 4:40PM 7:30PM 10:20PM Frozen (2013) (PG) 11:15AM 4:20PM 9:30PM I, Frankenstein 3D (PG-13) 11:45AM 4:55PM 10:05PM

RoboCop Opens Wednesday 2/12 Call theaters for times Showtimes valid Friday to Thursday 44

Willamette Week FEBRUARY 12, 2014 wweek.com

2522 SE Clinton St., 503-238-8899 OTTO IS A RHINO Fri 03:00 HEDWIG AND THE ANGRY INCH Fri-Sun 07:00 THE GHASTLY LOVE OF JOHNNY X FriSat 09:00 THE ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW Sat 12:00 THE VAGINA MONOLOGUES Sun 02:00 THE SQUARE Mon-Tue-Wed 04:00, 09:00 NEXT GOAL WINS Mon 07:00 KNIGHTS OF BADASSDOM Tue 08:30

Laurelhurst Theatre & Pub

2735 E Burnside St., 503-232-5511 THE FISHER KING Fri-SatSun-Mon-Tue-Wed 09:15 20 FEET FROM STARDOM Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 07:15 THE SECRET LIFE OF WALTER MITTY FriSat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 07:00 ANCHORMAN 2: THE LEGEND CONTINUES Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 09:30 SAVING MR. BANKS Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 06:30 DALLAS BUYERS CLUB Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-TueWed 09:00 IN A WORLD... Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 09:40 CAPTAIN PHILLIPS Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 06:45

Roseway Theatre

11:00, 01:45, 04:30, 07:15, 10:00 THE LEGO MOVIE 3D Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-TueWed 12:30, 03:15, 05:50, 08:30 ROBOCOP Fri-SatSun-Mon-Tue-Wed 11:00, 12:20, 01:50, 03:15, 04:45, 06:20, 07:35, 09:15, 10:30 ABOUT LAST NIGHT FriSat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 11:30, 02:00, 04:35, 07:10, 10:00 VAMPIRE ACADEMY Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 07:50, 10:25 ENDLESS LOVE Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-TueWed 11:05, 01:55, 04:50, 07:45, 10:20

Kennedy School Theater

5736 NE 33rd Ave., 503-249-7474-4 THE HUNGER GAMES: CATCHING FIRE Fri-SatSun-Mon-Wed 02:00, 08:15 THE PRINCESS BRIDE FriSat-Sun-Mon 11:45 THE SECRET LIFE OF WALTER MITTY Fri-Sat-Sun-MonWed 05:30

5th Avenue Cinema

7229 NE Sandy Blvd., 503-282-2898 THE LEGO MOVIE 3D FriSat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 11:15, 02:00, 04:45, 07:30

510 SW Hall St., 503-725-3551 PUNCH-DRUNK LOVE FriSat-Sun 03:00

St. Johns Cinemas

4122 NE Sandy Blvd., 503-281-4215 OSCAR NOMINATED ANIMATED SHORTS FriSat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 06:45 OSCAR NOMINATED SHORTS - LIVE ACTION Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 08:45 WILD AT HEART Fri 07:30 OSCAR NOMINATED DOCUMENTARY SHORTS Sat-Sun 02:45 OSCAR NOMINATED DOCUMENTARY SHORTS PROGRAM B Sat-Sun 04:45 PURPLE RAIN Sat 07:30 LA TRAVIATA - TEATRO ALLA SCALA Sun 01:30 GRIDLORDS NUMBER 18 Sun 07:00 EVERYBODY STREET Mon 07:00 LOVE, LUST & LIES Tue 07:30

8704 N Lombard St., 503-286-1768 THE LEGO MOVIE Fri-SatSun-Mon-Tue-Wed 04:45, 07:00, 09:20 INSIDE LLEWYN DAVIS Fri-SatSun-Mon-Tue-Wed 04:25, 09:10 LONE SURVIVOR Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 06:40

Century 16 Eastport Plaza

4040 SE 82nd Ave., 800-326-3264-952 THE WOLF OF WALL STREET Fri-Sat-Sun-MonTue-Wed 12:10, 04:15, 08:10 FROZEN Fri-SatSun-Mon-Tue-Wed 11:15, 04:20, 09:30 FROZEN 3D Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-TueWed 02:00, 07:05 THE MONUMENTS MEN FriSat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 11:05, 01:55, 04:50, 07:40, 10:30 LONE SURVIVOR Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 01:00, 04:00, 07:10, 10:10 AUGUST: OSAGE COUNTY Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 11:20, 02:05, 05:00 JACK RYAN: SHADOW RECRUIT Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 11:00, 01:45, 04:40, 07:30, 10:20 RIDE ALONG FriSat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 11:10, 01:50, 04:25, 07:00, 09:35 THE NUT JOB FriSat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 02:00, 07:05 THE NUT JOB 3D Fri-Sat-Sun-MonTue-Wed 11:25, 04:45, 09:45 I, FRANKENSTEIN Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-TueWed 02:20, 07:25 I, FRANKENSTEIN 3D Fri-SatSun-Mon-Tue-Wed 11:45, 04:55, 10:05 WINTER’S TALE Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-TueWed 01:30, 04:25, 07:20, 10:15 THE LEGO MOVIE Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed

Hollywood Theatre

Regal Pioneer Place Stadium 6

340 SW Morrison St., 800-326-3264 ROBOCOP Fri-Sat-SunMon-Tue-Wed 01:30, 04:30, 07:30 ENDLESS LOVE Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 01:15, 04:00, 07:00, 09:45

St. Johns Theater

8203 N Ivanhoe St., 503-249-7474-6 THE SECRET LIFE OF WALTER MITTY Fri-SatMon-Tue-Wed 01:00, 06:30 ANCHORMAN 2: THE LEGEND CONTINUES FriSat-Mon-Tue-Wed 09:10 OLYMPICS Fri-Sat-Sun-Tue 11:00 THE WALKING DEAD Sun 06:00, 08:00

Academy Theater

7818 SE Stark St., 503-252-0500 THE SECRET LIFE OF WALTER MITTY FriSat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 07:00 ANCHORMAN 2: THE LEGEND CONTINUES

341 SW 10th Ave., 971-222-2010 20 FEET FROM STARDOM Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 11:40 GLORIA Fri-Sat-SunMon-Tue-Wed 11:55, 02:50, 05:10, 07:00, 09:20 HER FriSat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 01:35, 02:10, 04:10, 04:50, 06:50, 07:30, 09:30 KNIGHTS OF BADASSDOM Fri-SatSun-Mon-Tue-Wed 10:05 NEBRASKA Fri-Sat-SunMon-Tue-Wed 11:45, 02:20, 04:40, 07:15, 09:40 OSCAR SHORTS PROGRAM A FriSat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 02:00, 06:35 OSCAR SHORTS PROGRAM B Fri-Sat-SunMon-Tue-Wed 12:10, 04:30 THE GREAT BEAUTY FriSat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 12:00, 08:50 THE PRETTY ONE FriSat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 11:50, 02:30, 04:20, 07:45, 09:45

Century Clackamas Town Center and XD

12000 SE 82nd Ave., 800-326-3264-996 THE HOBBIT: THE DESOLATION OF SMAUG Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 12:10, 06:20 FROZEN FriSat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 11:05, 04:25, 09:55 FROZEN 3D Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 01:45, 07:10 AMERICAN HUSTLE Fri-Sat-Sun-MonTue-Wed 12:45, 03:55, 07:05, 10:15 THE MONUMENTS MEN Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-TueWed 11:00, 12:25, 01:50, 03:15, 04:40, 06:05, 07:30, 08:55, 10:25 PHILOMENA Fri-SatSun-Mon-Tue-Wed 03:50, 10:00 LONE SURVIVOR Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 11:00, 01:50, 04:45, 07:40, 10:30 AUGUST: OSAGE COUNTY Fri-Sat-Sun-MonTue-Wed 07:25, 10:20 JACK RYAN: SHADOW RECRUIT Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 11:30, 02:25, 05:10, 07:50, 10:35 RIDE ALONG Fri-SatSun-Mon-Tue-Wed 11:40, 02:15, 05:00, 07:35, 10:10 THE NUT JOB Fri-Sat-SunMon-Tue-Wed 11:20, 04:30 THE NUT JOB 3D Fri-SatSun-Mon-Tue-Wed 02:00 I, FRANKENSTEIN Fri-Sat-SunMon-Tue-Wed 12:20, 05:25, 10:25 I, FRANKENSTEIN 3D Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-TueWed 02:50, 07:55 LABOR DAY Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-TueWed 07:20, 10:20 THAT AWKWARD MOMENT FriSat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 11:50, 02:20, 04:50, 07:15, 09:45 WINTER’S TALE Fri-Sat-SunMon-Tue-Wed 11:15, 02:10, 05:00, 07:50, 10:40 THE LEGO MOVIE Fri-Sat-SunMon-Tue-Wed 12:15, 12:55, 03:35, 05:45, 06:15, 09:00 THE LEGO MOVIE 3D FriSat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 11:35, 02:15, 03:00, 04:55, 07:35, 08:30, 10:15 ROBOCOP FriSat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 12:30, 03:30, 06:30, 09:30 ABOUT LAST NIGHT Fri-Sat-SunMon-Tue-Wed 11:45, 02:20, 05:00, 07:40, 10:10 VAMPIRE ACADEMY Fri-Sat-Sun-MonTue-Wed 11:10, 01:55, 04:35 ENDLESS LOVE Fri-Sat-SunMon-Tue-Wed 11:10, 01:45, 04:20, 07:00, 09:50

SUBJECT TO CHANGE. CALL THEATERS OR VISIT WWEEK.COM/MOVIETIMES FOR THE MOST UP-TO-DATE INFORMATION FRIDAY-THURSDAY, FEB. 14-20, UNLESS OTHERWISE INDICATED

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45 MUSICIANS’ MARKET

45 SERVICES

45 REAL ESTATE

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STUFF

46 MATCHMAKER

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Across 1 Ready to go 4 Running jokes 8 Hemmed in? 12 Sat for a portrait 14 Foot or furlong 15 Certain Fed 16 QUERY, PART 1 19 I-5 or I-95 20 Ginormous 21 Player who cannot be a DH 22 QUERY, PART 2 27 Swallowed hard 28 Make a selection

29 Graffiti ID 30 Hot tempers 31 Went after 33 Go back, like the tide 34 QUERY, PART 3 38 Au ___ (roast beef order) 41 Oscar winner Jeremy 42 Drunken utterances 46 Long ending? 47 Rabbit food? 48 Affectedly trendy

50 QUERY, PART 4 54 Gin mills 55 Just slightly 56 Casual dress day, for short 57 LAST PART OF QUERY 61 500 sheets of paper 62 Brickmaking need 63 Shopaholic’s binge 64 Franklin and Folds 65 ___ a one

Down 1 Stuff on a kitten’s underbelly (because awwwww....) 2 Getty of “The Golden Girls” 3 Typo often mocked online 4 Try to answer a riddle 5 Loos who wrote “Gentlemen Prefer Blondes” 6 Soldiers, for short 7 Hold firm to a decision 8 Throat problem, in brief 9 Abu Dhabi or Dubai 10 Ball of cotton 11 180 degrees from SSW 12 It’s eaten in Eastern Europe 13 1990s R&B group Bell Biv ___ 17 See 32-Down 18 River that flows past Omaha 23 ___ facto 24 Childhood taboos 25 Metered vehicle 26 CIA Cold War counterpart 31 Perch for a

chicken 32 With 17-Down, “Atlas Shrugged” author 35 Scheming operatic barber 36 “Breaking Bad” star Bryan 37 Prisoner’s knife 38 Prominent Jay Leno feature 39 “Eww, gross!” 40 Tofu base 43 Winter project in the Arctic, maybe 44 Mapped out 45 Gary of “Forrest Gump” and “CSI: NY” 48 Shabby ___ 49 More than dislikes 51 Settles down 52 Communion item 53 Piano key wood 57 Crystal ball, for example 58 Payment for services 59 Eggs, in the lab 60 Vinyl spinners last week’s answers

©2014 Jonesin’ Crosswords (editor@jonesincrosswords.com) For answers to this puzzle, call: 1-900-226-2800, 99 cents per minute. Must be 18+. Or to bill to your credit card, call: 1-800-655-6548. Reference puzzle #JONZ662.

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Week of February 13

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TAURUS (April 20-May 20): “The fact that someone else loves you doesn’t rescue you from the project of loving yourself,” writes blogger Sahaj Kohli. Nothing else rescues you from that quest, either, I would add. Sooner or later, whether it’s now or 20 years in the future, you will have to master this fine art. It’s not enough to merely feel affection for yourself; not enough to seek pleasure and avoid pain. You’ve got to make extensive investigations to discover what it means to love yourself; you have to develop rigorous plans for how to accomplish it; and you must fire up a deep commitment as you actually carry out those plans. By the way, the coming weeks will be an excellent time to work on mastering this fine art. GEMINI (May 21-June 20): “Drunk with my madness, I shouted at him furiously, ‘Make life beautiful! Make life beautiful!’” So says a character in a prose poem by Charles Baudelaire. And now, even though I am neither drunk nor furious nor consumed with madness, I am whispering the same command to you. I hope you will respond by embarking on a heroic effort to make life beautiful everywhere you go. The astrological omens suggest that if you do, you will be inundated with practical blessings that are as valuable as money. This will also be an excellent way to drum up the kind of love you crave. CANCER (June 21-July 22): Here’s what I wish for you during the Valentine season: to be happily in love with an intimate partner who loves you back. If that’s not feasible, here’s what I hope: that you are learning provocative lessons about yourself through your growthinducing relationship with a close ally. And if you’re not blessed with either of those experiences, here’s a third alternative: that you cherish your fathomless longing for its own sake, feeling wonder and reverence for its wild power even if it’s unfulfilled. LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Making eye contact is essential for building potent links with people you care about. It bypasses rational thought, stimulating chemical reactions in your bodies that enhance empathy and intimacy. In practicing the art of love, it’s one of the most potent moves you can make. This Valentine season would be an excellent time for you Leos to explore the frontiers of what’s possible through prolonged eye contact. Start here: Cultivate a sincere desire to know what’s simmering inside the souls of your dearest allies. With that as your driving force, your gaze won’t be clouded by shyness or self-consciousness. VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): “I prefer an ecstatic orgasm to a lot of angst,” says Filipino artist David Medalla. I hope you consider making that your battle cry during this Valentine season. It would be in rapt harmony with the current cosmic omens. There really is no need for you to get sidelined by anxiety or distracted by stress when the natural remedy is so easily available. In every way you can imagine, Virgo, fight off sourness and dourness by engaging in acts of joy and pleasure. LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): In her poem “Implications of One Plus One,” Marge Piercy marvels at the way she and her long-term partner keep finding new nuances in their love-making. “Ten years of fitting our bodies together / and still they sing wild songs in new keys,” she writes. What’s their secret? It’s “timing, chemistry, magic and will and luck.” What I wish for you this Valentine season, Libra, is that you will have access to all five of those ingredients as you reinvigorate your relationship to love. More importantly

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-- based on the current cosmic omens -- I predict you will have access to them. SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Jesuit priest Pedro Arrupe touted the practical value of being totally in love. “What you are in love with, what seizes your imagination, will affect everything,” he said. “It will decide what will get you out of bed in the mornings, how you spend your weekends, what you read, who you know, and what amazes you with joy and gratitude.” Are you in love, Scorpio? With either a person, a beloved animal, a certain patch of land, your creative work, or life itself? If not, there’s no excuse! Astrologically speaking, it’s an excellent time for you to be stupendously in love with someone or something -- anything! If you are already in this state, trust your intuition to make it even smarter and finer. SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Borrowing the words of Rumi (translated by Coleman Barks), I’ve prepared a love note for you to use as your own. Give it to a person whose destiny needs to be woven more closely together with yours: “You are the sky my spirit circles in, the love inside love, the resurrection-place.” Would you like even more inspirational words to deliver to your chosen one? I hope so. Be greedy for lyrical bonding. Lust for springy intimacy. Feed your churning yearning. Try saying this, lifted from the book The Last Unicorn: “We are two sides of the same magic.” And be sure to say this, paraphrased from Buddhist teacher Thich Nhat Hanh: “I love you in a way that will always make you feel free.” CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): “People think a soul mate is your perfect fit,” says author Elizabeth Gilbert. “But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back . . . They tear down your walls and smack you awake. . . shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you . . . transform your life.” Does that sound like the kind of person you want in your life, Capricorn? Or do you prefer someone who likes what you like, appreciates you just as you are, and makes your life more secure and comfortable? This Valentine season is a good time to make or renew your commitment to one choice or the other. Whatever you decide, you’re likely to experience it on a richer, deeper level during the next 12 months. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Do you feel oppressed by Valentine’s Day? Maybe you’re single and reject the cultural bias that says being in an intimate relationship is the healthy norm. Or maybe you’re part of a couple but are allergic to the cartoonish caricatures of romance that bombard you during the Valentine marketing assault. If you’d rather consecrate love and intimacy in your own unique way, untainted by the stereotypes flying around, I invite you to rebel. Make this the year you overthrow the old ways and start a new tradition: Valentine’s Day 2.0. Mock sappy, sentimental expressions of romance even as you carry out futuristic experiments in radically slaphappy love. PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): “I have come to be fascinated with the messiness of desire,” writes novelist Ashley Warlick, “with the ways people fit themselves together, take themselves apart for each other, for want of each other, for want of some parts of each other.” Your assignment, Pisces, is to celebrate the messiness of desire; to not just grudgingly accept it as an inconvenience you’ve got to tolerate, but rather to marvel at it, be amused by it, and appreciate it for all the lessons it provides. Your motto this Valentine season could be, “I bless the messy largesse of my longing.”

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ARIES (March 21-April 19): In her TED talk, science writer Mary Roach made it clear that human beings don’t need genital stimulation to experience orgasms. She spoke of a woman who routinely reaches ecstatic climax by having her eyebrows caressed, and another woman who reaches the big O simply by brushing her teeth. Then there’s the woman who can simply think herself into coming, no physical touch necessary. I can’t guarantee that a similar aptitude will suddenly turn on in you, Aries, but the coming days could bring you as close as you have ever been. Right now you’re a connoisseur of deep pleasure -- a blessed bliss master.

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