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WILLAMETTE WEEK PORTLAND’S NEWSWEEKLY

“SLURP YOUR CHICKEN FEET.” P. 27 wweek.com

VOL 41/10 01.07.2015

nootropic drugs, Battle ropes, macronutrients and the perfect poop. page 13

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m at t W o n g

NEWS Avoiding other states’ potfalls.

SNOW REPORT DO YOU NEED TIRE CHAINS? MOVIES PAUL THOMAS ANDERSON, TRIPPIN’.

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ANNIE SEO

FINDINGS

PAGE 22

WHAT WE LEARNED FROM READING THIS WEEK’S PAPER VOL. 41, ISSUE 10.

A college freshman is running for School Board because the incumbents “don’t really know” what it’s like to be a kid today. 6 Portland once had a bar offering all-you-can-drink PBR every Thursday from 6 to 8 pm. 25

The Catcher in the Rye is now such a bland version of adultapproved teenage angstiness that you can build a successful YA novel from jokes about it. 38

Our society is now “postPokémon.” 40

The proper technique is to slurp, not chew, your chicken feet. 27

Turkish. 41

In Russia, Santa is called Ded Moroz and doesn’t waste good coal on bad children. 29

If you want to be as chill as Ducks QB Marcus Mariota, there’s a marijuana strain for that. 44

ON THE COVER:

OUR MOST TRAFFICKED STORY ONLINE THIS WEEK:

Model Cecilia Ailicec demonstrates the Health Goth leap. Photo by Matt Wong.

“Aydin” means “intellectual” in

One Baptist church believes the Trail Blazers “punched the Lord Jesus Christ in the face.”

STAFF Editor-in-Chief Mark Zusman EDITORIAL Managing Editor for News Brent Walth Arts & Culture Editor Martin Cizmar Staff Writers Nigel Jaquiss, Aaron Mesh, Beth Slovic Copy Chief Rob Fernas Copy Editors Matt Buckingham, James Yu Stage & Screen Editor Rebecca Jacobson Web & Projects Editor Matthew Korfhage Music Editor Matthew Singer Books Penelope Bass Dance Kaitie Todd

Visual Arts Richard Speer Editorial Interns Gabriella Dunn, Parker Hall, Dakota Smith CONTRIBUTORS Nathan Carson, Rachel Graham Cody, Pete Cottell, Jordan Green, James Helmsworth, Jay Horton, AP Kryza, John Locanthi, Grace Stainback, Mark Stock PRODUCTION Production Manager Dylan Serkin Art Director Kathleen Marie Special Sections Art Director Kristina Morris Graphic Designers Mitch Lillie, Xel Moore

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INBOX UBER IN PORTLAND

As president of Broadway Cab, and representing Portland’s taxi industry, I would like to make our position clear on the potential entry of Uber into Portland. We welcome competition, so long as everyone plays by the same rules.

In addition, I think it’s important to clear up a few misconceptions perpetuated in your latest article about the present system [“Drive,” WW, Dec. 31, 2014].

First, the city’s so-called “archaic and protectionist system” was neither built nor maintained to protect taxi companies, and is in a continual state of development. The 14-member Privatefor-Hire Transportation Board of Review that creates the rules (subject to City Council approval) is composed of only one taxi company representative and one driver representative. Its other 12 members represent the disabled community, public entities, consumers, and a variety of other transportation entities that sometimes have conflicting interests with taxis—such as pedicabs and limousine companies.

The role of the board is similar to that of a public utility commission, whose mission is to create regulations that, first and foremost, benefit the people being served. The board’s mission is to advance community values and provide a transportation safety net. It does so by setting safety standards, capping fares, requiring cabs to respond to all calls from any location within the city, and importantly, assuring senior and disabled citizens that their needs will be met.

Second, in order to make this system work,

Your piece on flushable wipes in the sewers omitted the scariest scenario of all: Wipes + cooking grease = “Fatbergs.” A 15-ton fatberg threatened London in 2013; it took crews with high-powered water jets 10 days to flush it out. Warn the masses!

—Science Guy

My primary regret from last week was passing up the opportunity to use the word “fatberg” in my column. But you’ve got a point, Guy. Thanks for arousing the better angels of my nature.

Normally, with just this little column as a platform, I don’t even attempt the kind of crusading journalism that changes people’s lives. I have only 300 words to work with, after all, and half of those are gratuitous obscenities.

But maybe this time could be different. Sure, I’ll probably never publish a story that ends global warming, or blows the lid off factory conditions at Foxconn, or brings Goldman Sachs to heel. But maybe—just maybe—I can stop fatbergs by convincing you assholes to stop pouring bacon 4

Willamette Week JANUARY 7, 2015 wweek.com

the city has imposed a limit on the number of taxi licenses so that drivers’ unprofitable rides can be offset by more rewarding ones. Note that it is not the taxi industry that has set the number of licenses—it is the city. In fact, for several years, local cab companies have requested that additional taxis be allowed, but so far the board has taken no action.

Make no mistake: We support the city’s review of Portland’s taxi regulatory structure to see if updating it would be beneficial to consumers. But we do not support new entrants into the market that are not required to abide by a common set of regulations designed to provide safe and reliable service to all Portlanders.

Raye Miles Northeast Portland If Radio, Broadway and Union cab drivers did a good job, they would have nothing to worry about from Uber.

An alternative to the status quo is a victory for consumers.

—“Catherine Hayes”

CORRECTION

In last week’s cover story on Uber (“Drive”), the name of former taxi driver and Metro president David Bragdon was misspelled. WW regrets the error.

LEttErs to thE Editor must include the author’s street address and phone number for verification.

Letters must be 250 or fewer words.

Submit to: 2220 NW Quimby St., Portland, OR 97210.

Fax: (503) 243-1115, Email: mzusman@wweek.com.

grease down the toilet.

Grease, cooking oil, margarine, etc., are semisolid and insoluble in water. In the sewer, they function as an adhesive, allowing all the other gross stuff down there—wet wipes, Q-tips, tampons, condoms—to congeal into vast, Cthulhulike agglomerations of filth.

The 2013 London fatberg was the size of a bus, described as “a heaving, sick-smelling, rotting mass of filth and faeces.” Heroic workers descended into the sewers with pressure hoses, a la Ghostbusters, to break it up.

Portland has fewer chip shops than London.

That plus the high local demand for biodiesel and the hilariously named Preferred Pumper program for grease-trap compliance helps keep restaurant-produced grease in check.

But the residential side of the coin is up to you, dear reader. So keep those lipids out of the pipes—and thank God that Olestra never caught on. (Google it, along with “anal leakage,” if you’re curious.)

QuEstions? Send them to dr.know@wweek.com

Willamette Week JANUARY 7, 2015 wweek.com

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POLITICS: Cylvia Hayes, private consultant, traveling on your dime. 7 MARIJUANA: What are potfalls? And how can Oregon avoid them? 10 COVER STORY: Yoga witches and fitness punks: It’s Health Goth 2015. 13

WE SWEAR—IT’S ONLY THE TRUTH OUT OF SALEM.

GUS MODERN

Andrew Davidson, a first-year student at Portland State University, is running for a seat on the board of the Portland Public Schools in the upcoming May election. A 2014 Grant High School graduate, Davidson served as the board’s student rep when teachers nearly went on strike last year. Davidson didn’t have a vote then but argued that the School Board davidson wasn’t taking students into account. “This board will sit up there and talk about budget cuts, but they just talk about them. They don’t really know,” Davidson says. “I’m a recent graduate of this system. I know how well-equipped we are, or aren’t, for the real world.”

His opponent, two-term incumbent Ruth Adkins, declined to comment or say whether she would seek re-election.

nWEA.ORG

When Uber returns to Portland in April, it could face new competition (“Drive,” WW, Dec. 31, 2014). Commissioner Steve Novick has told the city’s taxi board to tackle its backlog of 377 permit applications from 10 cab companies.

(Portland now has just 460 licensed cabs.) The Private-forHire Transportation Board of Review is often accused of protecting the interests of existing taxi companies. Potential newcomers: Rainbow Cab, serving LGBTQ passengers, and EcoCab, which uses Tesla electric cars.

WILL CORWIn

It’s not clear who knew what as the $300 million disaster known as Cover Oregon melted down, but one lawmaker wants to raise the stakes for misleading the Oregon Legislature. Currently, there’s no prohibition against lying to state lawmakers.

State Rep. Julie Parrish (R-West Linn) plans to introduce bills in the 2015 session that would require witnesses before legislative committees to testify under oath (as they do in court or before Congress) and would impose criminal sanctions for lying. “We are our own branch of government,” Parrish says. “We should be able to hold people accountable for what they say to us.”

marriott’s end

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The city’s sewer department has cleaned up two lingering messes previously reported by WW. Longtime Bureau of Environmental Services director Dean Marriott agreed to resign Jan. 7 after a city audit showed construction costs for a BES office building had spiraled out of control (“Space of Waste,” WW, April 30, 2014). In his settlement with the city, Marriott gets a year’s salary—$199,160—plus $49,000 for legal costs.

And Portland Bottling—a major backer of the failed May 2014 measure to wrest control of the water and sewer utilities away from City Hall—agreed Dec. 29 to pay $290,234 in back bills and fines for allegedly evading higher sewer fees by secretly dumping millions of gallons of wastewater (“Busted Bottles,” WW, July 2, 2014). The company blamed a mechanical failure.

Thanks to the 10,000-plus donors who helped WW’s Give!Guide smash records by bringing in $3.14 million. Visit giveguide.org for more details, and look for a full recap in next week’s paper.

Read more Murmurs and daily scuttlebutt.

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W W S TA F F

GOT A GOOD TIP? CALL 503.445.1542, OR EMAIL NEWSHOUND@WWEEK.COM

OREGON FIRST LADY CYLVIA HAYES USED A TAXPAYER-FUNDED TRIP TO SEATTLE TO WORK FOR HER PRIVATE CONSULTING CLIENTS.

BY N I G E L J AQ U I S S

njaquiss@wweek .com

Gov. John Kitzhaber probably never imagined he would be heading into a historic fourth term as Oregon chief executive with a major daily newspaper calling for a criminal investigation into the actions of his fiancee, first lady Cylvia Hayes.

But that’s what happened Dec. 28, when The (Eugene) Register-Guard called on Kitzhaber to appoint a special prosecutor to look into allegations Hayes used her position as first lady and an adviser to the governor to benefit her private consulting business.

“One possibility would be to invite a disinterested person with a high degree of credibility and a thorough knowledge of the law—a retired state Supreme Court judge, perhaps—to conduct interviews and examine documents, and then to present the evidence to a Marion County grand jury,” The Register-Guard’s editorial read.

Under Oregon law, only the governor has the authority

“IN ORDER TO BE EFFICIENT WITH MY TIME, I ALSO HAD TWO ADDITIONAL PRIVATE BUSINESS-RELATED MEETINGS.” —CYLVIA HAYES, IN AN EMAIL TO WW to appoint a special prosecutor.

Kitzhaber is unlikely to appoint one. And no one else in state government—including Attorney General Ellen Rosenblum, a fellow Democrat and the state’s top law enforcement official—seems willing to pursue a possible criminal case. (Full disclosure: Rosenblum is married to WW publisher Richard Meeker.)

That leaves a possible civil investigation to the Oregon Government Ethics Commission, a seven-member board appointed by the governor.

The commission could decide this month to pursue an investigation of Kitzhaber and Hayes, based on complaints filed in November alleging that Hayes used her public position as adviser to the governor for private gain.

The commission could, for example, zero in on a single day in Hayes’ blurring of her public and private roles: Aug.

27, 2013.

Newly disclosed emails show that’s when Hayes took a taxpayer-funded trip to Seattle and conducted meetings on behalf of her private clients.

Hayes acknowledged doing so in an email to WW, after the newspaper raised questions about the Seattle trip.

State law prohibits the use of public money for private benefit.

Hayes worked as a consultant on energy and environmental issues before she met Kitzhaber, and she continued to do so after he entered office for his third term in January 2011.

Kitzhaber named her an as adviser, and Hayes soon established herself in the governor’s office, attending senior staff meetings and communicating regularly with state agency officials.

For the first two years of Kitzhaber’s term, Hayes’ consulting business mostly consisted of work within Oregon and for previous clients.

That changed in 2013, when Hayes signed contracts with three private clients that she had been working with in her public role as an adviser to Kitzhaber.

Her 2013 contracts added up to at least $85,000, according to records released to WW under the state’s public records law. That was more than three times the income she had declared on her tax returns the prior year.

One of the new contracts was with Resource Media, a Seattle public relations firm that specializes in environmental issues. Hayes’ contract called on her to help Resource Media promote issues surrounding global warming and ocean acidification. Acidification is a growing environmental threat caused by the oceans’ increasing absorption of carbon dioxide.

Hayes also signed a private consulting contract with Demos, a New York advocacy group that promotes the “genuine progress indicator,” which it says is a more accu-

rate measure of economic output than gross domestic product and other traditional yardsticks.

In August 2013, Hayes and Kitzhaber vacationed in the San Juan Islands before returning to the mainland for a dinner in Tacoma with Washington Gov. Jay Inslee and his wife, Trudi, on Aug. 26, 2013.

Kitzhaber then headed back to Oregon, and Hayes headed to Seattle. Taxpayers picked up the cost of her travel, including her room at the Hotel Vintage Park in Seattle—one that could accommodate her Rhodesian ridgeback, Tessa—parking, and a meal.

Hayes’ trip to Seattle cost taxpayers $278.89—not including the cost of an Oregon State Police trooper who went along as her bodyguard.

On Aug. 27, 2013, Hayes met with an official from the Casey Family Foundation to discuss a state anti-poverty effort she was running called the Oregon Prosperity Initiative. Hayes also had another meeting scheduled with Washington first lady Trudi Inslee.

Hayes tells WW she used the time between these official state meetings to carry out private consulting work.

“In order to be efficient with my time, I also had two additional private business-related meetings between the meeting with Mr. Smith and the meeting with Trudi Inslee,” Hayes wrote in an email to WW. “The fi rst meeting was in Seattle with Betsy Peabody of the Puget Sound [Restoration Fund] regarding the issue of ocean acidification. The second meeting took place in Olympia and was with Wendy Korthuis-Smith, who was working on developing more effective metrics of economic outcomes for Washington state.

“Following this meeting, I met with First Lady Inslee to discuss the unique challenges and opportunities to make a positive difference while in the position of first lady. I then returned to Oregon.”

Hayes’ first private meeting directly benefited her work for Resource Media, the client who hired her to work CONT. on page 8 Willamette Week JANUARY 7, 2015 wweek.com

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NEWS

politics

on climate-change issues. The second meeting benefited Demos, her client promoting alternative measures of economic output.

Hayes didn’t respond to follow-up questions about whether those private meetings were appropriate.

GAME TIME

The complaints pending before the state ethics commission concern whether Hayes improperly used her public position to advance her business interests. The commission has not yet been asked to look into other questions that have arisen since the Nov. 4 election.

Those questions include Hayes’ use of a state-paid aide to help run her consulting business, first reported on wweek.com last month. They could also include Hayes’ admission of her meeting on behalf of her clients while on travel paid for by taxpayers.

Ben Gaskins, assistant professor of political science at Lewis & Clark College, says he believes Oregonians are paying close attention to the Hayes ethics case.

But he’s skeptical about leaving the investigation in the hands of the state ethics commission, with its small staff and members appointed by the governor.

“Kitzhaber and the [Democratic] party will give it the appearance of an investigation, but there’s no reason to expect much,” Gaskins says. “I doubt this will be an all-out effort to find out what happened.”

Gaskins says Kitzhaber, while weakened by the controversy, is fortunate the Legislature is controlled by fellow Democrats.

“He’s facing a friendly Legislature that wants this issue to go away so it doesn’t detract from what lawmakers are trying to accomplish,” Gaskins says. “That blunts the impact.”

During their August 2013 trip to the Seattle area, newly released records show, first lady Cylvia Hayes arranged for Gov. John Kitzhaber to meet with a videogame entrepreneur to discuss climate change.

Hayes was working on climate change, including ocean acidification, for her private consulting client Resource Media. That work brought her into contact with Washington state Sen. Kevin Ranker (D-Orcas Island), sponsor of a 2013 state law seen as a landmark in combating the effects of acidification.

Hayes and Ranker had established a working relationship around the issue, and they had become friends. Ranker wanted to introduce her to John Vechey, a wealthy Seattle environmentalist.

Vechey had co-founded PopCap Games and, according to public records, sold the company to gaming giant

WHY DID HAYES WANT KITZHABER TO MEET A VIDEO-GAME TYCOON? Electronic Arts in 2011 for at least $750 million.

It made a lot of sense for Ranker to connect Vechey and Hayes. Vechey is on the board of the environmental website Grist.org, for which Hayes writes, and Vechey’s resources and interest in environmental issues could be valuable to Hayes’ clients.

The meeting was scheduled for Aug. 26, 2013, at PopCap’s Seattle headquarters. The get-together was not an official state meeting. Nonetheless, Hayes arranged for Kitzhaber to come along.

In the end, the meeting was rescheduled so Hayes and Kitzhaber could meet Vechey at his home on Orcas Island, near where the governor and his fiancee stayed during their San Juan Islands vacation.

Vechey could not be reached for comment, but according to the governor’s office, Kitzhaber, Hayes, Ranker and Vechey

spent the time watching a Seattle Seahawks game.

A spokeswoman for Kitzhaber, Amy Wojcicki, says the meeting was not an effort to leverage Hayes’ relationship with the governor to benefit her clients.

“This meeting was a social meeting among friends,” Wojcicki says. “There was no private business purpose for Ms. Hayes’ participation.”

Yet records show Ranker later helped Hayes with other meetings involving her clients and influential figures interested in ocean acidification.

For example, Ranker took part in a November 2013 meeting in Seattle with Liz Banse, vice president of Hayes’ client Resource Media, and William Ruckelshaus, a Seattle lawyer who was the first administrator of the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency.

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NEWS

MARIJUANA W W S TA F F

INTO THE WEEDS OREGON CAN AVOID THE BAD TRIPS OTHER STATES TOOK ON LEGAL POT. amesh@wweek .com

$ $

Ann Lininger has a lot of reading to inhale.

After only a year in the Oregon House, Lininger, a Lake Oswego Democrat, heads into a new legislative session Jan. 12 with a doozy of an assignment: She’s co-chairing the Legislature’s committee on marijuana.

The committee is charged with figuring out how to implement the sale of weed that voters made legal when they approved Measure 91 last fall.

This week, Lininger and her Salem colleagues start sifting through more than 50 bills dealing with legalized pot—everything from how weed is sold to driving while high to banning pot brownies.

She wants to be cautious how legislators tinker with Measure 91.

“It’s a little bit like cutting your own bangs,” Lininger says. “It’s way better to start slow. Once you cut off too much, it’s a lot harder to get them back.”

Oregon’s legal pot system isn’t broken—yet.

But lawmakers need only look across the Columbia River, or lift their eyes to the Rocky Mountains, to find cautionary tales of legal pot laws gone wrong.

Washington and Colorado have both stumbled in debuting their recreational pot programs—encountering problems with how much weed people can buy, how much it costs, and how to measure the buzz from a pot-laced peanut-butter cup.

They’ve created pitfalls for those states—maybe we should call them “potfalls.”

Here are five Oregon should avoid.

Potfall No. 1: Not enough weed.

W hat went wrong: W hen recreational pot became legal in Washington last July, the state hadn’t moved enough farmers out of the black market to stock the shelves of licit retailers. The result was a weed shortage so severe that stores couldn’t keep regular hours.

HEADOUT PG. 25 10

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That shortage jacked up the price of recreational pot to $30 a gram—five times what your local dealer would charge. That’s a big problem, because one of the major selling points behind legal weed was keeping the price low enough to squeeze out street dealers. “[Washington] made it difficult for their existing growers to participate in the new program,” says Geoff Sugerman, a marijuana industry lobbyist. “As a result, they had no stock.”

A better plan: Oregon already has growers with plenty of stock—they’re supplying the existing medical marijuana dispensaries. The state needs to make sure that supply gets shifted to the emerging market by licensing the existing growers to sell their product retail. That’s the step Washington missed.

That will be the job of the Oregon Liquor Control Commission, charged with writing new rules on pot sales. But the Legislature can speed things up by setting earlier deadlines for certifying recreational pot growers. A bill sponsored by Rep. Peter Buckley (D-Ashland) would tackle the issue.

Potfall No. 2: The taxing of marijuana is a mess.

W hat went wrong: Depends on whom you ask. Retailers in Washington complained to the Associated Press last week that state taxes—an excise tax of 25 percent and a sales tax of 9.6 percent— have kept prices too high to compete with street sales.

“You are talking about a product that’s easy to fi nd on the West Coast,” says Amy Margolis, a Portland lawyer representing marijuana growers. “If you make it cost-prohibitive to go to a dispensary, people go back to the black market.”

Mark Kleiman, a UCLA public policy professor who’s written four books on drug laws, says that’s nonsense. He says once Washington can shake its supply troubles, it will see the price of weed plummet—and that may mean the state will collect far less than expected in weed taxes.

“Imagine that the cost of producing a joint is a penny,”

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BY A A R O N M E S H

NEWS $ $

MARIJUANA

Kleiman says. “Forty percent of nothing is nothing.”

A better plan: Oregon’s state tax is structured differently—it charges growers $35 an ounce on flowers and $10 an ounce on leaves. But Kleiman says taxing by bulk will encourage people to cram as much intoxicants into a single product: “It’s like encouraging people to sell whiskey instead of beer.”

Potfall No. 3: Too many cookies.

What went wrong: Colorado didn’t foresee how ma r ijua na-laced edibles, which look like regular cookies and candies, would boom, confusing consumers and enticing children. Last March, a visiting college student in Denver jumped to his death from a hotel balcony after eating six times the recommended dosage of a pot cookie. Despite the negative headlines, the state still doesn’t have standards for edibles.

A better plan: Rep. Alissa Keny-Guyer (D-Portland) wants a law that would prohibit marketing pot to kids. Some lawmakers are mulling a ban on edibles for the foreseeable future.

Sugerman, the industry lobbyist, says that’s too draconian. But he acknowledges the state needs rules about dosage and potency in place early, as well as tough rules against “the appearance of marketing to children that you saw with Joe Camel cigarettes.”

$ $

Potfall No. 4: Medical marijuana is code for “cheap.”

What went wrong: In Washington and Colorado, medical marijuana dispensaries routinely undercut recreational stores on price.

Weed retailers in both states say most of their customers are tourists or white-collar workers; most buyers still get their marijuana from medical outlets—avoiding taxes and higher prices.

“The difference between marijuana and medical marijuana is precisely the difference between water and holy water,” Kleiman says. “As long as you can tell a random lie to a random doc and access untaxed cannabis, why should you pay the taxed price?”

A better plan: Sen. Ginny Burdick (D-Portland), co-chairwoman with Lininger of the state marijuana committee, has discussed moving the medical and recreational weed systems under the same regulators.

Margolis says that’s a good idea—if it protects the medical program. “It’s supposed to provide truly sick people a break on their medicine,” she says. “It’s not that much cheaper.”

$ $

Potfall No. 5: A stoned driver is hard to detect.

What went wrong: Colorado and Washington set the legal THCblood limit at 5 nanograms per milliliter.

The trouble is, no one knows what that feels like: That standard doesn’t actually measure intoxication levels, especially when pot lingers in the blood system long after it’s been ingested.

Dopers complain the limit is too low; public health nannies say it’s too high. “It’s working if you want to charge people with more crimes,” Margolis says. “If the issue is getting to impairment, it’s not working.”

A better plan: Oregon’s current DUII system doesn’t have a limit on the level of THC in your bloodstream. Instead, police can arrest you if you fail a field sobriety test—regardless of what you’ve taken.

The OLCC could set a hard DUII standard in two years, but law-and-order types want an answer sooner and will push lawmakers to set an automatic, objective blood-test standard.

“I think we need to be super careful about keeping impaired drivers off the roads,” Lininger says, “and also about protecting people from overly invasive sobriety tests.”

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the

health goth issue

what’s hot in fitness: nootropic drugs, battle ropes, macronutrients and better pooping technique.

O

f course Health Goth happened here.

The moment’s hottest fashion trend— think sweaty, muscle-bound cyberpunks, black mesh and blacker spandex—originated in Portland. It may have started as an in-joke between local scenesters, but it’s now been the subject of trend pieces everywhere from Complex to The New York Times. We can’t even pretend to be surprised, because we’re so not.

Niche subcultures are what Portland does best.

This is a town that’s happy to geek out over records, books, tattoos and ancient grains. We obsess over fluids people elsewhere take for granted—coffee, beer, water.

We’re nearly as fixated on our fitness. According to Men’s Health magazine, we’re the fittest city in the nation. USA Today and the American College of Sports Medicine have also ranked us toward the top.

Add six months of drizzle and gray skies, and it all starts to blur together. Walk down Alberta

Street, and you’re likely to spot yoga witches, climb punks, emo cyclists and hippie runners. In the Hollywood neighborhood, there’s a 24 Hour Fitness full of indie-rockers (page 20).

Because Portland winters are cold and dark, and because we’re really into M.E.S.H., Total Freedom and SPF666 right now (page 15), we thought we’d devote this issue to Health Goth—in the broadest sense.

Face it, your mom’s Zumba class is boring, and even your dad is over CrossFit. Portlanders want to be healthier versions of themselves without buying into the macho, strip-malled version of gym culture. That might involve weird, barely legal supplements (page 16) or macronutrientdense protein bars made with pasture-raised beef (page 19), working out with battle ropes (page 17) or maybe just finding a new and better way to poop (page 18).

Read on, and you’ll find all of that, plus some tips on doing the Health Goth thing, straight from the dudes who launched it. HG Willamette Week JANUARY 7, 2015 wweek.com

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CONT.

HEALTH GOTH FAQ WHAT IS HEALTH GOTH? Something between an Internet meme, an ironic joke and a real-life fashion trend, whose aesthetic is best summed up as “sportswear for cyberpunks.” Though the term “goth” conjures images of pale, emaciated club kids who wouldn’t dare step a Doc Martens-shod foot inside a gym, lest they risk prolonging their time on this miserable stone, the look is more “post-apocalyptic cyborg” than the Cure.

Think Aeon Flux, not Anne Rice.

WHERE DID IT ORIGINATE? Right here in Portland. In 2013, Mike Grabarek and Jeremy Scott of electro-R&B duo Magic Fades founded a Facebook community as a repository for images that fit a certain milieu—as Grabarek told Complex magazine, some key terms are “mesh, moisture-wicking fabrics, BioWare, body-enhancement tech, prosthetics, shoedipping, various fashion and performancewear brands, transparent clothing, chains and light weaponry, tactical gear, elemental aesthetics, corporal mortification, and rendered environments.”

Although Health Goth derived primarily from European and Asian street fashion, Grabarek says he and Scott were also inspired by clothing spotted at dance nights around Portland. They deemed the style “Health Goth,” mostly as a joke. Last April, a friend at the blog AM Discs published a piece titled “Transcending Normcore With Health Goth,” describing it as a reflection of “an anti-nostalgic dystopian present.”

It exploded from there, getting written up, with varying degrees of seriousness, by mainstream outlets such as The New York Times, Marie Claire, Vice and the Huffington Post—which, of course, has led some to declare the trend dead on arrival.

Not healthgoth.com.

That site, which sells monochromatic shirts and sports bras emblazoned with a bastardized Nike symbol and the phrase “I Just Can’t,” was started by a Chicago DJ. According to Magic Fades, the website is promulgating a false interpretation of the Health Goth lifestyle. Approved brands include Hood by Air, Whatever 21, NVRMND and Adidas, which has met with Magic Fades to discuss possible collaborations.

IS IT REALLY ABOUT PERSONAL FITNESS? Well, yes and no. One of Magic Fades’ complaints is that the media have twisted Health Goth into being about making healthy living attractive to fringe cultures when it’s really more about fashion, art and the Internet.

But a perusal of #healthgoth on Instagram shows a lot of people have begun to take the term literally, and an article in The New York Times profiled personal trainers who fit the description.

MATTHEW SINGER.

WHAT ARE SOME SPECIFIC EXAMPLES OF HEALTH GOTH IN POPULAR CULTURE?

STYLISTS CHRIS CANTINO JEREMY SCOTT MIKE GRABAREK CECILIA AILICEC

If and when Health Goth appears in the dictionary, it will be accompanied by a photo of buff, middle-aged Trent Reznor.

Rooney Mara in The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo is pretty Health Goth, too. Also, Karen O’s cover of “Immigrant Song,” which plays over that movie’s opening credits, would make a great Health Goth workout jam.

PHOTOGRAPHY MATT WONG

SEE ALSO: Asia Argento, Danzig, Yeezus-era Kanye West, “Hollywood” Hulk Hogan, the alien from Alien, Venom (the Spider-Man villain), the T-1000.

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IF I WANT TO ADOPT THE HEALTH GOTH LOOK, WHERE SHOULD I SHOP?

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MODELS ZAK DESFLEURS IN ADIDAS, NIKE, WHATEVER 21 FACE MASK AND SPORTEYZ GLASSES. CECILIA AILICEC IN ADIDAS, NIKE, FONY BOTTOMS AND KT COMPRESSION TAPE. LEILA KANAAN IN ADIDAS AND NIKE. (P. 19)

CONT.

HEALTH GOTH

YOUR HEALTH GOTH WORKOUT PLAYLIST DEAD CAN DANCE, “Dawn of the Iconoclast” A call to worship upside-down Nike logos.

VENUS X AND FATIMA AL QADIRI, “Superego” As the curator of New York’s nowdefunct GHE20G0TH1K parties (thanks, Rihanna) Venus X gets enough Health Goth inspirational credit to overlook the fact that her collaboration with Fatima Al Qadiri is actually a mix.

NGUZUNGUZU, “Harp Bell” The soundtrack to the inevitable James Bond film in which 007 wears only sportswear.

SPF666, “Don’t Laugh Bxtch” Whoops, giggles and the “ha” come together in this banger by Club Chemtrail’s co-founder.

ACTRESS, “Forgiven”

ARCA, “Thievery”

Ambient noise-funk implosion.

The Venezuelan-born producer has actually never stolen anything in his whole life—his walloping beats are all original.

NATURAL BORN HITTERS, “Training ft. Ray Lewis’ Speech” As an Under Armour-commissioned track made explicitly to push unswole bros past their limit, “Training” loses a little cred. But that dissonant rave synth hiding behind Pharrell’s beat makes it.

_PENCIL_, “Ms.M (Idol Is Fxxk’n’Shit)” For when you’re happy your friends have heard about HG but mad the lifestyle is diluted.

INCIPE, “Crying on the Low” Turnt-down and bass-boosted grime classic for long Tumblr sessions.

SLUTCORE, “Dark Heart” Nightcore is a far lesser-known and more trance-focused parallel to more popular dark club styles popularized by Fade to Mind.

There are anime samples, happy hardcore and dubstep…don’t be afraid.

MAGIC FADES, “Draped Mesh” I listen to the Health Goth founders’ most blissful track when I need to remind myself that it’s not just about copping #rare Whatever 21 pieces.

There’s a beautiful dark world out there. MITCH LILLIE.

Willamette Week JANUARY 7, 2015 wweek.com

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CONT.

FITTER, HAPPIER NOOTROPIC DRUGS TO BETTER YOUR LIFE.

BY M ITC H L I L L I E

mlillie@wweek.com

You’ve been taking bad drugs. No, I don’t mean the $100 baby laxative you snorted on your last Vegas trip. I mean the drugs many of us all take every day: coffee, Adderall, antidepressants and alcohol.

They ’re weak, and you can do better.

That’s why we’ve rounded up five supercharged alternatives, each one sailing the rough and ever-changing seas between the FDA and the DEA. If you’re the type who likes to play the “safe route” with “universally accepted medical facts,” turn back. But if your life is your guinea pig and you don’t mind a side effect here and there, read on. (We’ve been advised to advise readers to seek the advice of a physician or other health care professional before taking any of these supplements.)

MCT OIL WITH YOUR MORNING COFFEE Popular with everyone from swole bodybuilders (the substance helps burn excess calories and keep body fat down) to malnourished children (it is also absorbed into the body without digestion) mediumchain triglycerides have a lot of fans. But you don’t have to be a douchebag or an AIDS patient to take advantage of the benefits. Because MCT oil is so readily absorbed into the body, it’s something like putting jet fuel in the Honda Accord of your mind and body. “For people who are active, it’s very good at sustaining energy,” says Cindy Young, nutrition buyer for New Seasons Market and 23-year veteran of the nutrition industry. “We’ve been so misled in this industry on fats.” The flavorless oil packs healthier and longer-term energy than a simple cup of coffee, so try a shot with your Frosted Flakes.

WHERE TO FIND IT: New Seasons, Vitamin World, Super Supplements, Whole Foods.

POSSIBLE SIDE EFFECTS: Stomach discomfort, diarrhea, gas and in rare cases vomiting and nausea.

ADRAFINIL INSTEAD OF ADDERALL “I wasn’t high. I wasn’t wired. Just clear.

I knew what I needed to do and how to do it.” Adrafinil won’t make you read a book in an hour or learn to play Mozart in a few days, but Eddie Morra’s quote from Limitless still applies. “People take it to counteract sleepiness and laziness, and it’s really effective for them,” says Gordon Cady, owner of Crystal Clear Supplements in Portland. Unlike caffeine, a straightforward stimulant, adrafinil promotes wakefulness and improves working mem16

Willamette Week JANUARY 7, 2015 wweek.com

ory—like upgrading your brain’s R AM. “It’s a rough world out there with a lot of demands, and adrafinil gives you all-day focus,” Cady says, before quickly covering his tracks for FDA investigators. “But I can’t sell it as a supplement—that would be illegal.” Adrafinil’s cousin modafinil is no stranger to the law, as it’s a controlled substance in the U.S. and many countries.

Adrafinil—most of which is metabolized in your body into modafinil any way— remains freely available.

WHERE TO FIND IT: Crystal Clear Supplements.

POSSIBLE SIDE EFFECTS: Mild skin irritation and indigestion.

VISO INSTEAD OF RED BULL One of the most potent items on this list is one you’re probably already consuming— just not in the right way. Caffeine is consumed by 90 percent of the world for good reason. In addition to its basic wake-up function, caffeine has significant effects on memory, a 2014 Johns Hopkins University study showed, and can help battle depression in women, according to a 2011 Harvard Nurses’ Health Study. But put that Red Bull back on the Plaid Pantry shelf and get a Viso. Founded by Alex Ilica in Portland in 2004, Viso carries supplement facts that read like it’s a multivitamin. Where Red Bull stops at taurine and B vitamins, Viso includes a standard complement of vitamins A, B, C, D and E and less common additives like biotin and manganese. The bottle also promises one completely unregulated ingredient: “spiritual awareness.”

“I feel it pushes me beyond spiritual

awareness. I’m so alert and powered-up,” says Danny Diana-Peebles, a local rapper and Viso fan who appeared on the company’s Facebook page in September.

Despite rapid West Coast expansion, Ilica’s cellphone number is still printed on every bottle. A rush to press the drink into Bay Area supermarkets sent many of our calls to a strange voice-mail greeting that sounded like a roaring crowd followed by a distant shout of “VISO!” “He’s a wild guy,” Diana-Peebles says of Ilica. “I like the drink, I don’t necessarily endorse his views.”

WHERE TO FIND IT: Most convenience and grocery stores.

POSSIBLE SIDE EFFECTS: Rapid heartbeat, dizziness, jitteriness.

DHEA INSTEAD OF PROZAC, SKIN LOTION AND MUSCLE MILK Seven NBA players have been fined for the use of performance-enhancing drugs since the league began testing in 1983. But two of those players—Rashard Lewis in 2009 and O.J. Mayo in 2011—used a substance you can buy at Fred Meyer next to Grandma’s Metamucil. DHEA, or dehydroepiandrosterone, is a steroid that is a precursor to testosterone and thus banned from use in sports, but not in your home.

“Low DHEA has been associated with hormonal problems, increased body fat, thyroid conditions, aging skin, mood disorders, cognitive problems, osteoporosis, chronic inflammation, immune dysfunction, and a host of other serious chronic conditions,” says Holly Morello, a certified nutritional therapist and the owner of Nourishing Excellence Nutritional Ther-

apy in Portland.

Preliminary research has shown DHEA may help with many of those ailments, “most notably aging skin and depression.”

DHEA is like Prozac, diet pills and body lotion all in one.

WH ER E TO FI N D IT: New Seasons, Super Supplements, Whole Foods.

POSSIBLE SIDE EFFECTS: Insomnia, headaches, fatigue and possible hormonal imbalances.

PHENIBUT INSTEAD OF ALCOHOL How’d you like to get as high as a cosmonaut? Phenibut, a phenyl derivative of the neurotransmitter GABA, was synthesized

by Russian scientists in the 1960s and is rumored to have been a required ingredient in cosmonaut first-aid kits. Whether it was in Gagarin’s go-bag remains to be seen, but it would make a great candidate: It has sedative and socializing properties while leaving cognitive and motor functions intact. In short, you’re buzzed without swaying, slobbering or stumbling.

“The first time I took it I felt really social,” says semi-regular user Sarah, who asked not to be identified due to phenibut’s questionable legal future. “I actually felt like calling someone because I was alone. It feels a little trippy and vaguely calming.”

Phenibut has to be a black-and-white replacement for alcohol, though: As both substances affect the same brain receptors, mixing is a no-no.

WHERE TO FIND IT: Crystal Clear Supplements.

POSSIBLE SIDE EFFECTS: Loss of libido, sleepiness, rapid development of tolerance. HG

CONT.

HEALTH GOTH

THE NEW HOTNESS FITNESS TRENDS ALMOST AS HOT AS HEALTH GOTH.

BY R E B E CC A JACO B S O N rjacobson@wweek.com

Yes, Health Goth is the hottest thing in fitness these days. But what if you look good in neither mesh nor neoprene? What if you just don’t want a post-Jersey club-deconstruction soundtrack during spin class?

What if, for you, black will never be the new black? Here’s a bevy of other trends that will keep you fit—with or without the dark arts and bondage gear.

WALKING IS THE NEW STANDING. Winston Churchill used a standing desk.

He was also a phenomenally prolific writer.

Coincidence? Not for Ron Wiener, a former Portlander who now heads iMovR (imovr. com), a Seattle manufacturer of adjustableheight and treadmill desks. In November, the company surpassed a $15,000 goal on Kickstarter to build a new treadmill—the ThermoTread—that Wiener says should be available in the next six months.

“You’re walking 1 to 2 miles per hour,” Wiener says. “If you’re sweating, you’re doing it wrong. It’s not about exercise, it’s about increasing your metabolism, blood flow to the brain, happiness and focus.” (A competitive online chess player, Wiener found that he won far more matches while standing than while sitting.)

Previously, iMovR paired its desks with treadmills manufactured elsewhere. What will distinguish this new workstation?

Among other features, a highly adjustable yet rigid keyboard tray and, with certain models, an Internet connection that enables comprehensive data tracking.

Wiener says the treadmill will cost about $1,500—and that’s without the adjustableheight desk, which will probably set you back at least another $1,000.

APPS ARE THE NEW GYM MEMBERSHIP CARDS. Fitmob ( fitmob.com) caters to athletic omnivores. The San Francisco startup expanded to Portland in December, with a $99 monthly membership that gets you access to about 20 gyms and a cleanly designed mobile app. That’s more than you’ll pay at, say, 24 Hour Fitness, but at least your body won’t get bored: You can take classes at places that specialize in spinning, yoga, crossfit, kettlebell, jiu jitsu or Pilates. In other cities, Fitmob-exclusive classes have popped up, too—flash mob-style workouts ranging from circuit

training on the San Francisco Embarcadero to yoga in an Austin art gallery.

FAILURE IS THE NEW SUCCESS. The bare-bones studio at Firebrand Sports is filled with contraptions that look like Pilates machines on steroids: intimidating spring-loaded devices with sliding panels, bungees and straps. These are Megaformers, designed by Portland State alum and Hollywood trainer Sebastien Lagree, and Firebrand claims spending 50 minutes on the machine during a Pyrolates class will transform your body. (At least if you come back three to four times a week, anyway.)

The workout is high-octane but lowimpact. Some of this plays out as yoga in constant, controlled motion—repeatedly piking into downward-facing dog from plank pose, sliding in and out of lunges— and it takes your core muscles for a ferocious ride. Basic squats require serious balance when your back foot is on a runaway train. A man near me starts to shake spastically. “That’s what muscle failure looks like!” says Firebrand owner Sara Stimac encouragingly, batting her long lashes.

“That shaking is what we’re going for!”

I wake up the next day with very sore abs. And a slimmer wallet—the first class is $15, but the regular drop-in rate is $30.

Firebrand Sports, 500 NW 14th Ave., 7155573. See firebrandsports.com for a full schedule.

FITNESS BANDS ARE THE NEW PERSONAL TRAINERS. Forget the Nike FuelBand. Go for the fitness tracker that’s actually locally made: the Ssmart Dynamo from Oregon Scientific, a comparatively weensy company based not in Beaverton but in (ooh!) Tualatin. It’s a lightweight, basic band: You can set goals, log exercise and track sleep, and then synchronize that data to an app on your smartphone. It’s water-resistant up to 10 meters (something many fitness trackers aren’t) and boasts interchangeable color bands—meaning that if you’re not feeling particularly #healthgoth today, you can rock it in turquoise or orange. $79.99, available at oregonscientific.com.

VIRTUAL COMMUNITIES ARE THE NEW FITNESS BUDDIES. A social-media network for those who race, AthletePath (athletepath.com) allows you to register for events and track your results.

The local startup, founded in September 2011, will even send out notifications to friends when you cross the finish line— which is particularly delicious when they’re hung over and in line for brunch and you just logged a half-marathon. Maybe they’ll give you a virtual high five anyway.

Strava (strava.com), meanwhile, isn’t based in Portland—the ride- and runtracking app has its headquarters in San Francisco—but the Oregon Department of Transportation has purchased its cycling data in order to build better bike lanes.

Last spring, ODOT spent $20,000 on a one-year license of Strava’s data set, and it’s harnessing this information in valuable ways: figuring out where to install rumble strips on highways, for example, and improving risky intersections.

BATTLE ROPES ARE THE NEW KETTLEBELLS. Way fiercer than jump ropes, heavy battle ropes build both endurance and strength.

At Peak Condition in Northeast Portland, athletes swing the 20-foot-long ropes in undulating motions, sometimes while lunging, squatting or hopping. It’s like liveaction sine waves. “We generally use it for cardiovascular development,” says Peak

Condition owner Paul Collins. “Endurance athletes beat up their legs when lifting, so this is an easy way to get them to do cardio that’s not leg-dominant.” That said, people tire pretty quickly: The explosive intervals rarely last longer than 30 seconds. Ropes are popular among mixed martial arts fighters practicing grappling, but Collins notes that “the vast majority of people use them for weight loss.” Peak Condition, 2214 NE Oregon St., 971-2581010, peakconditionpdx.com.

SWINGERS NIGHTS ARE THE NEW TINDER. Climbing gym Planet Granite recently opened in Northwest Portland—it’s the chain’s first outpost outside the Bay Area—and it’s Silicon Valley-level swank, especially for those accustomed to the chalky haze and ragged route tape at the Circuit. And every second Thursday of the month, the gym offers Singles & Swingers Night, which they claim is for finding new climbing buddies, but c’mon: This is basically speed dating for people who like snug harnesses, long ropes and rock-hard... rocks. Planet Granite, 1405 NW 14th Ave., 477-5666, planetgranite.com. 6:30 pm every second Thursday. $18 for a day pass. HG Willamette Week JANUARY 7, 2015 wweek.com

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CONT.

THE PERFECT POOP WHAT TO KNOW ABOUT YOUR EXCREMENT.

BY JO HN LO C A N T H I

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Everyone poops Different animals make different kinds of poop Different shapes Different colors Even different smells —From Everyone Poops by Taro Gomi Everyone poops. W hile the children’s book of the same name seeks to reassure people of this very truth, the act itself remains inexplicably profane by societal standards. We do not talk about our bowel movements. We joke about pooping. We craft pejorative portmanteaus like shitheel, shitbird and shitnado. But we almost never discuss it in a serious manner.

Poop comes in all shapes and sizes, from the small, hard lumps of constipation to a smooth sluglike stool sliding out of your anus. You can tell a lot from your poop. WW set out to explore this regular bodily function in search of the elusive perfect poop, the paragon of shit, through dieting, taking a dump from a new angle and more, ahem, experimental methods.

BUT WHAT EXACTLY IS THE PERFECT POOP? The Bristol Stool Scale, developed in the U.K. at the University of Bristol in 1997, gives us a good idea. The scale runs the gamut from type 1 (“separate hard lumps, like nuts”) to type 7 (“Watery, no solid pieces, entirely liquid”). Type 4, the golden mean of feces, is described as “like a sausage or snake, smooth and soft.”

THE PERFECT POOP IS SOFT, YET SHAPELY. As you may surmise from my weekly fast-food column and hectic freelance lifestyle, defecation is both an interesting subject and a highly variable experience for me. Be it the mad dash to a bathroom after dining at Taco Bell or the dark, malodorous goop of hung-over Saturday mornings, it isn’t hard to glean the importance of one’s diet.

Fiber is paramount to good pooping—oddly enough, because it cannot be digested by the human body. These structural bits and pieces of plant structure pass through the digestive system, 18

Willamette Week JANUARY 7, 2015 wweek.com

absorbing water and sweeping up digesting food particles into a solidly formed shit.

Twenty-five to 35 grams of fiber a day is the goal set by the Portland Clinic.

Bran cereal, beans, lentils, whole-wheat bread and apples with skin are all good places to find it.

THE PERFECT POOP IS BROWN. Brown means the food has been digested and broken down. Black (or red) feces can mean there is blood in the stool or the result of certain medications, as anyone who has gone on a Pepto-Bismol binge to combat diarrhea can tell you. Green means it didn’t spend enough time in your intestine. Yellow or white means call your doctor.

THE PERFECT POOP SINKS TO THE BOTTOM. Floaters, aside from spreading their foul odor throughout the bathroom, can be a sign that the stool is passing through your intestine too quickly for all its vital nutrients to be absorbed.

THE PERFECT POOP IS UNIFORM THROUGHOUT. Chunks of whole corn kernels and other foodstuffs are also a sign of this malabsorption, along with less-than-desirable mastication.

Knowing what the platonic ideal of a bowel movement is and having one do not necessarily go hand in hand. Even with taking a daily fiber supplement, eating fibrous cereals every morning and exercising regularly, the friends I drop off at the pool still vary widely across the Bristol Stool Scale. The very classification of being regular can range from several bowel movements a day to thrice a week, and still be considered healthy. It’s all relative to the individual.

THE PERFECT POOP IS ISSUED FROM A SQUAT.

len blood veins in your anal cavity) and less chance of impaction.

It’s easy to get bogged down with the what and why of your poop while completely forgetting another important factor: how you poop.

Since Sir John Harington invented the flush toilet in 1596, the upstanding, respectable Western person has sat on the ivory throne to drop a deuce. His or her days of squatting over a chamber pot—or heaven forbid, the bushes—were over. Human biology hasn’t quite caught up with this preference.

If you t h i n k back to t he hu m a n anatomy you learned in middle school, the large intestine doesn’t seamlessly transition into the rectum: They join at a 90-degree angle. This is no mistake. This angle, called the anorectal angle, helps keep your shit in while you’re standing.

The anorectal angle increases when you sit down. It increases even more when you squat.

The greater the anorectal angle, the easier it is for poop to slide down. A 2003 study by Dr. Dov Sikirov of Israel found that among his 28 subjects, it took on average twice as long to poop while seated than while squatting. The subjects also uniformly stated that it was easier to defecate from the squatting posture—less time and effort spent trying to pinch off a loaf, the lower risk of hemorrhoids (swol-

THE PERFECT POOP CAN BE MADE AT HOME. While there are a number of commercial squatters—most notably Squatty Potty, which appeared on ABC’s Shark Tank in November—I opted to make a squat toilet, partly because of the lengthy shipping delays caused by their popularity.

Scouring through the garage for scrap wood, I put one together with a mixture of glue, screws, haphazardly placed nails and good, old-fashioned elbow grease.

As the sense of urgency for a bowel movement increased, I sprinted to my creation: a toilet 9 inches tall with a bamboo deck. I stepped onto the soft wooden platform and begin to squat. Unless you do squats at a gym, this is going to be an interesting, somewhat challenging position. And that’s when it happened. There wasn’t a ny stra ining. No fr ustrated groans. The stool just slid out.

I wiped my bum—much cleaner as the squatting separated my cheeks farther from the poop—and turned to have a look at my work. A slender, medium-brown stool, smooth and soft like a sausage or snake, gracefully sunk into the bowl and coiled into the hole. This was it. This was the perfect poop. HG

CONT.

HEALTH GOTH

MACROLICIOUS THE 11 MOST CONVENIENT YET NUTRITIOUS FOODSTUFFS IN TOWN.

BY KAT M E R C K

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Did you spend much of November and December lolling in a greasy puddle of nutritionally questionable party snacks and rum? Us too.

Well, it’s time for your January redemption, but without the faddish lemon cleanses and juice fasts. We’re talking macronutrients—energy composed of the most fundamental building blocks essential for bodily functions: carbohydrates, proteins, fats, minerals.

It’s not hard to get those if you take the time to cook beans and make spelt bread, but what if you’re too busy for all that? We talked to a licensed dietitian, a certified health coach, and a grocery steward at a local health-food store to find out which grab-and-go edibles offer the most bang for your buck in terms of nourishment.

1. NUT-HEAVY TRAIL MIX FROM THE BULK BINS A simple, widely available snack heartily endorsed by Danielle Toepfer, a clinical dietitian, most of the trail mixes available at New Seasons, Whole Foods and the health section at your neighborhood Fred Meyer have whole, minimally processed ingredients and are packed with healthy fats, protein and fiber. They’re also filling, and some even have added superfoods like coconut shreds or goji berries.

GET IT: Most Portland groceries.

2. QUINOA Whole grains, a long-established nutritional powerhouse, include the entire grain seed—bran, germ and endosperm, as opposed to just the endosperm, as in items made with white flour. Whole-grain products have a high concentration of B vitamins, magnesium and other nutrients.

Some, like quinoa, long a staple in South America, contain all essential amino acids, making them an easily digestible analog to animal protein. For a quick, proteinand vitamin-packed lunch, try Cucina & Amore’s ready-to-eat quinoa meal ($3.50), which comes in a variety of flavors and includes a nifty little foldable spoon.

GET IT: Green Zebra, 3011 N Lombard St., greenzebragrocery.com.

3. PRECOOKED INDIAN MEALS According to the principles of Ayurveda, an ancient, Hindu-based system of alternative medicine that Toepfer indicated is starting to gain traction among Western medicine practitioners, many Indian spices feature antioxidant and anti-inflammatory properties. Of the ubiquitous yellow pouches of precooked, legume-based vegetarian Indian meals lining the shelves at naturalfoods stores, “I always try to keep those in the house because I can eat them as a meal with a piece of fruit,” Toepfer says. “They

get my stamp of approval.” Plus, they’re precooked and can be eaten right out of the package in a pinch.

GET IT: Tasty Bite vegetarian meals ($3.99), available at most New Seasons Markets.

4. FERMENTED FOODS One need only look as far as Portland’s annual Fermentation Festival for a clue as to locals’ reverence for all things bubbly, tangy and stinky. Kombucha, kefir, miso, sauerkraut, kimchee—most world cultures have their own anaerobically cultured delicacy, and they all contain beneficial enzymes, B vitamins, fatty acids and probiotics. According to Toepfer, some research is even showing a positive association between probiotic bacteria and the way DNA molecules regulate gene expression. One fermented food especially recommended by certified health coach Dana Golden is protein-packed tempeh— fermented soybeans in cake form.

Don’t confuse it with tofu, which is perfectly acceptable in moderation, but doesn’t come close to tempeh in terms of nutritional benefits. “Tofu is like a plastic to our body, it’s gone through so many processes,” Golden says. “In Japan, they don’t eat an entire tofu scramble. They rip off a piece of nori and take a tiny piece of tofu in it. It’s almost like a side for them. I had a friend visiting from Japan, and she was horrified by [the amount of tofu] we eat.”

A good grab-and-go option for tempeh newbies is the tempeh banh mi from Grand Central Bakery ($7.50), which matches a zingy turnip-and-carrot slaw with avocado and cilantro on a demi-baguette.

GET IT: Grand Central Bakery, multiple locations, grandcentralbakery.com.

5. FRESH GREEN SMOOTHIES Smoothies have long been hailed as a way to compress a variety of nutrient-dense foods into a fast-food format—especially dark, fibrous greens that would be unpleasant to consume raw. But be sure to opt for libations that have been blended, not just juiced, to retain fiber. As Golden points out, smoothies should be made fresh: “You want to drink them quickly because that’s when the enzymes are alive; the longer it sits, the more the enzymes break down. When you buy an Odwalla or something at the store, it’s just sugar at that point because it’s been sitting so long.”

For those looking to pack in the greens, the chlorophyll-stuffed “Diehard” smoothies at Sip ($5-$6.50) fits the bill, pulverizing a daunting amount of kale, spinach, parsley, cilantro, cucumber, celery, lemon and sea salt into a vibrantly green, tangy, vegetal elixir. Add almond butter ($1) for satiety and protein, and you’ve got a complete meal.

GET IT: Sip, 3029 SE 21st Ave., 2210 NE Alberta St., sipjuicecart.com.

7. BONE BROTH There’s a reason Grandma pushed chicken soup when you were sick—loaded with nutrient-dense bone marrow and collagen, real bone broth (cooked for 24 hours or longer, as opposed to regular broth, which is on the heat for only a few hours) is known for its high amino acid and mineral content. It’s also endorsed by both Toepfer and Golden. For a hearty, nutrient-dense take on coffee, try a to-go cup of bone broth from Cultured Caveman ($4 small, $6 large). Made with slow-simmered bones from grass-fed beef, it’s slightly sweet and makes a nourishing and surprisingly filling midday snack.

GET IT: Four locations in Portland, culturedcavemanpdx.com.

8. POUCHED BABY FOOD AND NUT BUTTERS Tonya Enger, grocery steward at Green Zebra in Kenton, vouches for a one-two punch of pouched pureed baby food (Earth’s Best makes a range of organic, vegetable-based versions that cost about $1.29 each) and individual packets of nut butters. “I like to take them hiking,” she says. “They’re low sugar, they’re minimally processed.” Plus, they’re available to purchase almost everywhere, are inexpensive, and require no spoon, perfect for eating plain or squeezing on portable fruit like an apple or a banana. Local company Wild Friends makes individual, 1.15-ounce servings of a range of nut butters ($1.29, widely available) packed with protein, calcium and iron. Golden recommends almond butter instead of the peanut variety: “[Almonds] have so many more vitamins and minerals [than peanuts] and are actually a nut; peanuts are a legume. Which is still nutritive, but not as much as almonds.”

GET IT: wildfriendsfoods.com.

9. KALE CHIPS “There are certain things I try to keep in my house at all times, and kale is definitely one of those things,” Toepfer says. Indeed, it’s no secret kale has a veritable cornucopia of vitamins, minerals and omega-3 fatty acids—it also has more protein than spinach and is a hefty source of iron. There are myriad versions of kale chips on the shelves at nearly every store, but chewy, satisfyingly meaty Alive & Radiant Kale Krunch ($5.99) adds cashews and chia seeds for a boost of fat and protein, making them nutritionally dense and filling.

GET IT: Green Zebra.

10. INSECTS Yep, bugs. In fact, insects, especially the humble but fecund cricket, are slowly becoming a more widely acceptable source of high-quality, sustainable protein in the U.S. They’ve got a per-gram protein content and digestibility similar to beef’s, and while other cultures have been eating them whole for centuries, Utah cricket-protein champion Chapul makes energy bars with “cricket flour”: basically, a more palatable, ground-up version of the little critters.

They come in three flavors (we recommended the “Aztec,” with dark chocolate, coffee and cayenne), and the taste is comparable to other energy bars’.

GET IT: Alberta Cooperative Grocery, 1500 NE Alberta St., albertagrocery.coop.

11. MEAT BARS Sure, you like protein bars. You know what has a lot of protein? Meat. That’s the principle behind Omnibar, savory protein bars (think mango curry and chipotle barbecue) made with pasture-raised beef from the owner’s Montana ranch blended with ingredients such as sweet potatoes, almond butter and flax seed.

GET IT: Most Portland Fred Meyer stores. HG Willamette Week JANUARY 7, 2015 wweek.com

19

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THE PROS AND CONS OF PORTLAND’S FIVE VERY DIFFERENT 24 HOUR FITNESS LOCATIONS.

BY PETE COT T EL L

243-2122

IL LU ST RAT ION BY ASHER CRAW

For a gangly emo kid from the Midwest, a trip to a gym in America’s fittest city is hell. If it weren’t for the fact that I spent my first year in Portland living in a van, I would’ve burnt off those IPAs and vegan doughnuts on a bicycle or along the trails of Forest Park like everyone else. Unlike everyone else, however, I had no place to shower on a daily basis, so I coughed up $40 a month for a membership to 24 Hour Fitness. With flexible hours and five locations in the city, this massive chain of muscle meccas makes a quick cardio session and hot shower accessible during the nether-most hours of the night.

Unless you’re downtown on a Saturday night, in which case you’re screwed. Portland’s downtown 24 Hour Fitness location closes at 9 pm, which is so downtown Portland. We’re a provincial bunch, which makes it oddly poetic how each 24 Hour location is a direct reflection of the city quadrant where you choose to get swole. In a year of bouncing from one location to the next in search of the fitness chain’s sweet spot—the place where the music is innocuous, the showers are piping hot, and the treadmills are far, far away from the groaning and grunting of the free-weight section—I learned there’s no clear-cut answer when everyone’s fitness needs are different.

Which one is right for you?

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Willamette Week JANUARY 7, 2015 wweek.com

HOLLYWOOD 4224 NE Halsey St., 281-4767, 24hourfitness.com/Website/Club/955.

WHO GOES THERE: Located adjacent to the Hollywood MAX stop, this Super Sport branch is a way station for eastsiders looking for a place to charge their Android phone while sort of doing crunches on the warm-up mat. The hot tub is a prime social hub for teenagers from Gresham, and the basketball court is popular among young Russian dudes who hurl homophobic slurs at one another despite their rub-on tans and carefully manscaped physiques. Middle-aged men weighing themselves before and after bowel movements are also common, as are Raiders fans. It’s also popular with local indie rockers.

PROS: Free towel service, endless treadmills, convenient TriMet access.

CONS: Showers are never operating at 100 percent, the swimming pool is always full of old people, and there’s always an old, naked Japanese guy making menacing ninja warrior poses in front of the mirror. Trader Joe’s and its den of sugary evil is across the street, and convenient TriMet access means there are crustpunks on every corner.

CONT.

HEALTH GOTH

OTHER IRONS LOPRINZI’S GYM 2414 SE 41st Ave., 232-8311, loprinzisgym.com.

BEST FOR: The classic gym experience.

PRICE: Single day for $8, one month for $43, one

year for $350. Special couples, student and senior rates.

CLASSES INCLUDE: Step aerobics, yoga, karate.

WHAT MAKES IT SPECIAL: Founded by bodybuilder

brothers Joe and Sam Loprinzi in 1948, it is a Portland landmark that smells like the place sweat goes to be entombed. The machines might be old, but they work basically the same as anything new.

The pool is outdoors. Free weights and fresh air are better for you, anyway.

ME FITNESS 4943 NE Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd., 282-7900, mefitstudios.com.

BEST FOR: People who are already in shape and

good-looking.

PRICE: $40 basic membership with access to

THE PEARL

MCLOUGHLIN

1210 NW Johnson St., 222-1210, 24hourfitness.com/Website/Club/562.

4546 SE McLoughlin Blvd., 205-9588, 24hourfitness.com/Website/Club/425.

Beefcakes in neon Nike everything and their artificially upgraded girlfriends. The occasional Lucille Bluth type in a Talbots wind suit can be found power-walking on a treadmill for hours, but she usually takes the streetcar back to her condo near Tanner Springs Park before the sun goes down.

CrossFit bros swarm the place when it’s too rainy to blast Linkin Park and carry tractor tires around outdoors.

WHO GOES THERE: Although many bona fide residents of “close-in

WHO GOES THERE:

PROS: Great for implementing the “copy what the ripped guy with the sleeve of tats and the Hood to Coast shirt is doing” workout plan. An excellent ground zero for Tindering if you’re new to the #basic market.

CONS: It’s in the Pearl. An endless cloud of Axe body spray wafts upward from the free weights. The music is very ’90s Abercrombie & Fitch. Your bike will probably get stolen.

Twinky dudes in the locker room foster low self-esteem.

Southeast” would turn their noses up at the out-there location (it’s halfway to Milwaukie!), it’s all the better for it. Tatted-up metalhead straight-edge body builders, strippers from Southeast Powell’s many gentlemen’s clubs, and awkward teenagers from Sellwood and other adjacent quasi-suburbs all pump iron in harmony at the chain’s finest location in Portland proper. If Planet Fitness hadn’t trademarked the “judgment free zone” catchphrase, this would clearly be it. Then again, you won’t see 24 Hour Fitness hosting pizza parties and using subliminal mind control to keep its patrons from actually using the facilities they’re paying for.

PROS: Towel service, massive locker rooms, cardio equipment on the ground floor (because going upstairs is hard!), shower stalls with doors, and a covered parking deck without the winding, meandering chaos of the Hollywood location’s parking structure.

CONS: Automatic sinks in the locker room are the worst of any location, it’s not walkable unless you live in the neighborhood, and it’s hard not to hang a right out of the parking lot and mysteriously drive up to nearby Acropolis.

30 free classes, $59 unlimited membership with access to 60 free classes.

CLASSES INCLUDE: Cycling, Pilates, yoga, core

training, various specialized fitness classes.

WHAT MAKES IT SPECIAL: Relatively cheap prices

and an abundance of cheap or free classes like “Booty Love” make this the place to go when you are already (or almost already) fit, tattooed, and looking to meet future domestic partners in closein Northeast Portland.

LLOYD ATHLETIC CLUB 815 NE Halsey St., 287-4594, lloydac.com.

BEST FOR: People who have never had a gym

membership before.

PRICE: $44 for fitness only, $55 for full club. Special

couples, senior and student rates.

CLASSES INCLUDE: Cycling, many varieties of yoga,

tai chi, Pilates, stamina and strength training.

WHAT MAKES IT SPECIAL: Locally owned and oper-

ated since 1978 (albeit originally as a racquetball club), the Lloyd Athletic Club boasts several original members. You may have to spot for Grandpa, but what this club lacks in attractive younger clientele, it makes up for in lack of intimidation. This is a good place to hide out while shedding some pounds, so long as you don’t expect a meet-cute with Prince or Princess Charming.

MULTNOMAH ATHLETIC CLUB 1849 SW Salmon St., 223-6251, themac.com.

BEST FOR: People who have money, power and

influence.

PRICE: If you have to ask…

CLASSES INCLUDE: They offer 225 group-exer-

cise classes per week, covering virtually all styles. Zumba, evolution, and willpower & grace are popular classes. Also offered are recreational leagues for every major sport, including a 400-member basketball league.

WHAT MAKES IT SPECIAL: Rich and powerful people

might be betting on future technological breakthroughs and Phil Knight-funded scientific research to get in shape for them, but they sure do pay a lot to make it look like they work out. Boasting three indoor pools, two full-sized basketball courts, a full rock gym, gymnastics arena, and handball, squash and racquetball courts, the MAC has the best facilities in Portland, if you can get your hands on a membership.

RIVERPLACE SPORT & SPA 0150 SW Montgomery St., 221-1212, portlandsportandspa.com.

DOWNTOWN

MALL 205

1407 SW 4th Ave., 224-2233, 24hourfitness.com/Website/Club/413.

10052 SE Washington St., 252-2447, 24hourfitness.com/Website/Club/423.

WHO GOES THERE: Politicos and other assorted movers and shak-

WHO GOES THERE:

ers who have yet to claw their way up to the good ol’ boys club that is the Multnomah Athletic Club. Portland State students with an unsubstantiated phobia of their germy college rec center, despite it being superior in every way.

PROS: Only four blocks from the county courthouse, making it a great place to get a quick shower before your arraignment.

CONS: Only open 24 hours on weekdays. If you need to run off some club drugs or wash off someone else’s puke at 3 am on a Saturday, you’re stuck with the frat party up in the Pearl.

Just call a cab and go home.

Cleaning crews of the other 24 Hour Fitness locations playing pickup basketball, Montavilla skater dads, owners of assorted businesses along 82nd Avenue, people who believe Mall 205 is actually a mall.

PROS: Close enough to burn off the shame of eating endless pasta at the Olive Garden across the parking lot without having to get in your car, but you’ll probably get in your car anyway. Next to a Target with a Starbucks, if you’re into one-stop shopping and aimless yoga-panted afternoons wasted on an elliptical machine.

CONS: It’s all the way behind the mall. You’ll get lost and give up five times before you even break a sweat here. If you’re out this far, you might as well save yourself $30 and sign up for Planet Fitness. They have free pizza! HG

BEST FOR: People who can’t afford the MAC. PRICE: $79 a month for singles, $129 a month for

couples; call for family pricing.

CLASSES INCLUDE: Aerobics, Zumba, indoor

cycling, yoga, Pilates, water aerobics, strength training, senior and youth classes.

WHAT MAKES IT SPECIAL: While Riverplace is

harder on the wallet than others, it prides itself on having more of a club feel than its less-expensive counterparts. With two indoor pools, a basketball court, indoor running facilities, and a full gym, Riverplace is well-equipped, if rundown. A membership comes with access to two other Portlandarea clubs (in Bethany and Hillsboro), as well as access to a newly acquired club in West Seattle.

HG Willamette Week JANUARY 7, 2015 wweek.com

21

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FEATURING THE CANNABIS COLLECTION

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GREEN DAWN

Grand Opening

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HI HO: Super Silver Haze in the early flower stage.

HIGH CRAFT ECO FIRMA FARMS OFFERS A GLIMPSE AT PORTLAND’S ARTISANAL POT FUTURE.

BY WM. WILLARD GREENE

Jesse is a little nervous.

“I don’t take people up here,” he tells me.

“And I was having second thoughts bringing you up. But then I wondered if you were worried I might try and kill you out in the middle of nowhere.”

I wouldn’t say I was worried, but it had crossed my mind.

Jesse, in his late 30s and wiry, is accustomed to working hard. His hair is a fuzzy brown uniform buzz. In previous meetings, Jesse has been easy-going and relaxed, but I could also sense a meticulous mind and a passion for craft.

I wonder if his anxiety is less about security and more about having his refuge invaded by the media—about this being an initial step in the long journey toward legitimacy for commercial growers. Jesse knows changes are coming, and he’s preparing. So he nods solemnly and welcomes me inside my first growhouse.

When I started exploring Oregon’s cannabis scene, what I really wanted to know was the location of the good shit. And if you ask around Portland and the people who answer sound like they know what they’re saying, one name comes up again and again: Eco Firma Farms. Sometimes it’s the only name you’ll get.

Eco Firma’s stuff is the good shit. There are many small artisan growers out there, but for scale, quality and consistency, it’s hard to match Jesse’s operation. I ask Jesse

it was there. We wound up pulling leaves off essentially lies between the Columbia River and smoking them. We would throw three and Mendocino County in Northern Calidifferent strains together in our dimebags. fornia, between the coast and the mounThere was no Internet to consult.” tains, a region that puts heavy emphasis on Twenty years later, his operation is cer- responsible agriculture and high-quality about a minor psychoactive variance I expe- tainly upgraded. The secluded indoor farm production. There are also reasons to be rienced in a recent batch of Super Silver features five spacious rooms connected by nervous, like the fact Oregon’s growing Haze. Jesse knows exactly what I’m talking a hall dense with water barrels, chemicals community has been pushed to the fringes about—it was due to a difference in harvest and an array of digital displays. Each room for the last 80 years. One dispensary operadepicts a unique seasonal climate in the tor estimated the industry as “70 percent dates. He wants to know which I preferred.

He’s considering stamping his product, rushed growing cycle. The first rooms are shady.” Jesse puts the number closer to 90. the way winemakers stamp on vintages. spare, with low plants. The latter rooms Even legitimate growers fall prey to producThis sounds like a very good idea, espe- are packed with explosions of green. An tion demands. Little oversight, a product cially in Portland. assistant is on hand, rushing about like an still partly serving the black market, and leave.

Talk about sports thetoweather, take a Jesse is Eco Firma Farms. There are Oompa in a chocolate factory. DEALER the finicky nature of certain strainsor lead THELoompa FRIENDLY NEIGHBORHOOD bong hit when offered and plan excuses to get assistants, but it’s his operation. Jesse’s last I tell Jesse it feels good inside the rooms, dangerous growing practices and, potenHow you know you’re there: A poorly kept yard out of there. Don’t move too fast, though. You’ve name is off the record so he can keep his and I can see why he likes working here, tially, a tainted final product—but even test and tapestries over the windows are a sure sign entered a world where time and space know other two jobs, both rugducking around under results can be unreliable. The only lab in you’re in the right place. Follow the sound of the no bounds, and all that matters is you seem ged vocations in which the thick canopies, town Jesse trusts is Sunrise Analytical in Xbox into a room filled with Costco-size jars of chill. When you walk out the door, don’t yell, mind-altering substances trimming away vam- Wilsonville (see page 19). and a man-size version of a geeky high- “Thanks!”

“I KNOW W THEY GROW GROweed BETTER are frowned upon. piring buds.

The dispensary owners, Jesse explains, school kid. He seems excited to see you—or Jesse has been work- WHEN I’M TAKING CARE “They like it, too,” are also part of the problem: “Almost are everyCAR Your choices limited to what’s What to get: maybe OF he’s just high. ing with weed a long time. he says, and I tell him thing’s onavailable, consignment at theindispensaries, but buy bulk.

That way, you won’t M AND WHEN WHE I’VE HowGOT to be: Some awkward small talk He got his start dealing as THEM about something I will andbe somehave growers don’t even paid,” he to come back forget a while. feel bad that you want a sophomore, one of the MUSIC PLAYING.” required, and you’ll read on cannabis being says.to“They grow a nice crop and they take few apartment dwellers uniquely connected to it to these shops and turn it over and come SSE, ECO FIRMA F FARMS humanity. Could there back later and the shop owner doesn’t have at an upper-class subur- —JESSE, ban high school. A girl be some sort of sym- the crop or the money. And these guys have he knew handed him an biotic or metaphysical no idea what to do. They’re just small-time eighth of shake, assuming he’d know what connection? “I wouldn’t say I believe in growers. They’re completely legal, but you to do. His first toke didn’t happen until a anything like that,” he says, “but I know don’t go to the cops on stuff like that.” year later, a stolen bud from his dad’s stash. they grow better when I’m taking care of Eco Firma is located in a county that’s Dealing was the next logical step. them and when I’ve got music playing.” relatively unfriendly to medicinal mari“I figured, ‘If I buy half an ounce and Eco Firma supporters also appreciate juana. One of Jesse’s fellow growers, in then sell an eighth to three of my friends, Jesse’s straightforward approach. He does fact, was raided by law enforcement a week my part’s free,’” he says. “And that was easy what he says and pays on time. This isn’t before our meeting. to do. So then I thought, ‘Well, why not exactly common, particularly on the com“I served. I know how those things go,” he double it up?’ It built out from there, and mercial and retail fronts. says. “But the guy’s there with his family. Just then I figured, ‘Why not grow my own?’”

Jesse believes there’s a battle right now knock on the door first, at least.”

That part was more about trial and error, for the soul of Oregon cannabis. It is, at Jesse isn’t worried about raids. but mostly error. heart, the same battle that has always been “They can come,” he says. “We only “Some younger kids had this plant put in fought over agriculture, a battle between grow what we’re allowed to, and everything a field to grow, so we decided to steal it,” he quality and quantity, greed and ethics, craft we send to dispensaries is 100 percent says. “We moved it about a hundred yards and mass production. legal. There’s nothing to hide. Just, you and replanted it, but we left yellow caution There are reasons to be hopeful, he know, ring the bell before you send in the tape around it, like maybe the police knew explains. America’s cannabis breadbasket entry team.”

Willamette Week JANUARY 29, 2014 wweek.com

THE GROW LAB How you know you’re there: There’s a strange glow coming from the backroom and precariously placed ventilation ducts coming out of unlikely locations. The furniture and electronics are top-notch, and framed Bob Marley posters decorate the walls. The news blares from a huge flatscreen TV, but other than that, the house is dark and smells faintly of patchouli.

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224 W. Burnside - 2nd Floor Portland, Oregon 971-271-8279

THE STONER’S PARADISE OMMP SHOP How you know you’re there: The sign outside looks homemade and boasts a cute play on words for the name—say, Cannabliss. Once inside, the hostess, who looks like she just got off a shift at Hot Topic, checks your medical-marijuana card and ushers you in. You’ll have your pick of edibles, canna-candy, flower or dabs. The room is darkened and decked out like your hippie uncle’s house, and you’ll squint to make out the day’s menu, written in color-coded Sharpie on a whiteboard. Next to it, you’ll notice a photoshopped image of the dude behind the counter that reads “King Bubba Kush.” It makes it hard not to laugh when you look at him.

Mon-Sat 11am-10pm Sun 12pm-8pm

How to be: Ask questions about the product. The bud-tender has found his dream job and loves to jabber about indica versus sativa, and only uses a few terms you’ve never heard before. When you’re sufficiently confused, just nod and point to the one that smells the best. After filling your prescription, don’t race out.

Kick back on the ’70s-era thrift-store couch, medicate and enjoy some sports on the big-screen TV. After a while, you’ll start to wonder how long some of these other bleary-eyed patrons have been here and realize it’s time to go.

P O RT L A N D ’ S O R G A N I C A N D H Y D R O P O N I C E X P E RT S

17

How to be: Act interested. These guys are farmers first and stoners second and love to discuss the subtle notes of fruit or the perfect strain of sativa. Since they’re making their cash growing “legally,” they’ll probably hook you up with a good deal if you entertain them for a while with stoner banter.

What to get: Go for the latest hybrid, vacuumsealed in odor-proof plastic. And don’t forget, they’ll expect a report back.

What to get: Although they sell flower of various reimbursement rates, go for the top-shelf varieties. Ask around for deals like free-blunt Friday, or for shops that give you a gift on your first visit. Make sure to enter the monthly raffle. If you’re not in the market for medicine, why not pick up some tapestries, burlap sacks or ironic stoner T-shirts?

GARDEN SUPPLY THE CORPORATE OMMP SHOP

cont. on page 24 Willamette Week JANUARY 29, 2014 wweek.com

23

WIDE SELECTION K N O W L E D G E A B L E S TA F F COMMERCIAL ACCOUNT PRICING GARDEN DESIGN SPECIALISTS w w w. ro o t s g a r d e n s u p p l y. c o m 6 8 5 0 N o r t h I n t e r s t a t e Av e .

503-285-4768 Mon-Fri 10-7 Sat-Sun 11-5 24

CONT.

How you know you’re there: The exterior windows are covered in a custom-made wrap that blocks the view but still lets in light.

Inside, the bright waiting area feels sterile, and a friendly dude in a pulled-back beanie greets you at the door. You’re required to sign a paper assuring you’re not a federal enforcement officer, and are then entered into a computer system before you gain entry. Inside the store, things are clean, orderly and meticulously labeled.

How to be: Ask about CBD and THC levels, tell them about your ailments and remember you’re reimbursing them for meds, not buying drugs. Even though you can put your purchase on a credit card, to do so feels weird, as does getting a receipt. As of Feb. 14, it will no longer be legal to smoke on the premises, but we assume you’ll still be invited to hang out in the “bud bar.”

What to get: Sniff multiple jars knowingly and finally settle on the one that’s cheapest. These places carefully buy only from the best growers, right? While you’re there, you might as well pick up a medicated caramel nut brownie for later.

Willamette Week JANUARY 29, 2014 wweek.com

Publishes: January 28, 2015 Space Reservation & Materials Deadline: Thursday, January 23 at 10am

Call: 503.243.2122 Email: advertising@wweek.com 22

Willamette Week JANUARY 7, 2015 wweek.com

CULTURE

snow report

TWO CHAINZ

IT’S SNOWING. A LIGHT-UP SIGN SAYS YOU SHOULD HAVE TIRE CHAINS OR STUDDED TIRES IF YOU CONTINUE DRIVING EAST ON U.S. 26. WHAT DO YOU DO?

STREET

STREET

ART RAVE THE INSPIRE TRUTH NEW YEAR’S PARTY AT PORTLAND ART MUSEUM. PHOTOS BY B R IA N A CER EZO wweek.com/street

Willamette Week JANUARY 7, 2015 wweek.com

23

FOOD: Portland’s new best dim sum.

MUSIC: The next big things in Portland music.

BAR REVIEW: Beaverton’s new brewpub.

MOVIES: Paul Thomas Anderson’s trippy new feature.

27 29 35 40

SCOOP JCWILMORE CC / SA-BY

PUTTING JESUS ON A POSTER SINCE 1970.

HATERS GONNA HATE: Everyone’s least-favorite extremist Christian trolls, the Westboro Baptist Church, are coming to Portland to protest the Trail Blazers. According to a press release, the Topeka, Kan., ministry—known for picketing everything from the Holocaust Museum to military funerals—is planning to demonstrate outside Moda Center on Saturday, Jan. 10, when the Blazers play the Orlando Magic. In October 2013, the team became the first professional sports franchise to come out in favor of gay marriage, which naturally rankled the “God Hates Fags” brigade. “The Portland Trail Blazers punched the Lord Jesus Christ in the face,” reads the press release, which goes on to demand the Blazers “repent and apologize to God.” Of course, since proclaiming its support of gay marriage, the Blazers have become one of the elite teams in the NBA’s Western Conference, so maybe the WBC should double-check with God before coming all the way out here.

LIGHT PACIFICO: Two founders of French-inspired bistro Cocotte—Levi and Zoe Hackett—plan a Montavilla restaurant, bar and cafe at 7901 NE Glisan St. inspired by Pacific Coast cuisine from Oregon to the tip of Baja. The working name is Ballena (or Ballena the Beauty), and Zoe Hackett says to expect bright flavors like ceviche alongside bold, fruity citrus-based cocktails—but absolutely no burritos or tacos.

AWARDS SEASON: Our state’s brewers, beer bars and beer festival organizers are finally getting the brass they deserve. WW is proud to announce the first annual Oregon Beer Awards, to be presented Feb. 28, alongside our third annual Beer Guide. A committee of local beer experts has nominated breweries in categories like “Best New Brewery” and “Best Beer Bar.” A panel of industry insiders and experts from across the state will now choose the winners. If you know someone who deserves a ballot (including yourself!), please email beer@wweek.com by the end of the week.

24

Willamette Week JANUARY 7, 2015 wweek.com

W W S TA F F

BIG DRINKERS: Portland will get two ginormous bars from prolific restaurateurs. A beer hall with Olympic Provisions sausage and 99 Oregon brews on tap will open in the old Portland Police Athletic Association building at Southeast Alder Street and 6th Avenue, The Oregonian reports, run by restaurateur Kurt Huffman, with partners Alex and Chris Briggs. But the police will become lumberjacks: The bar will be called the Loyal Legion, after an old loggers’ union sign, and will open in April. >> The West End building that once housed Fez Ballroom at 1030 W Burnside St. may become a 253-seat, 4,600-square-foot lounge, dance hall and restaurant called Urban Nightlife. Mark Byrum, the restaurateur behind Bartini, Brix Tavern, Urban Fondue, Voodoo Lounge and this year’s Paramount Hotel venture, Swank and Swine (which, for a few months, boasted free-range chef Daniel Mondok), has applied for a liquor license at the space.

headout

WILLAMETTE WEEK

What to do this week in arts & culture

wednesDAY jan. 7 cute boyz club [movies] Remember puka-shell necklaces, bleached tips and the halcyon days of Britney and Justin?

Three grown males play seventhgrade boys in a new local movie about murder and vengeance.

Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison St., 2397639. 8 pm. Free. 21+.

thursDAY jan. 8

THE GREAT PBR DEBATE WHO GOT PORTLAND HOOKED ON THE BLUE STUFF?

comedy grab bag [comedy] In this 10th installment of their comedy variety show, Kimberly Brady and Jay Flewelling riff on fatherhood and all that it entails: wearing fanny packs, bumbling through sex talks and grilling sketchy boyfriends. Action/Adventure Theatre, 1050 SE Clinton St., comedygrabbag.com. 8 pm. $7-$9.

friDAY jan. 9 zola jesus [GOTH POP] Propelled by Nika Danilova’s spooky, operatic voice and her increasingly accessible musical vision, Taiga, the fifth fulllength in six years from Wisconsin’s Zola Jesus, forges another chapter in her collection of emotional, beatdriven pop song cycles. Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi Ave., 288-3895. 9 pm. $12 advance, $14 day of show. 21+.

saturDAY Jan. 10 the seven wonders of ballyknock [theater] In this new show by Oregon playwright C.S. Whitcomb, a cagey young American woman travels to rural Ireland in 1953, where she meets—but of course—a charming barman. When presented as a staged reading two years ago, the play was lovely and clear-eyed: old-fashioned but refreshing, like a strong cup of boozy tea. Lakewood Center for the Arts, 368 S State St., Lake Oswego, 635-3901. 7:30 pm Saturday and 7 pm Sunday, Jan. 10-11. $30-$32.

monDAY jan. 12 red fang [big band in a lil’ room] Sure, you’ve probably seen the Portland sludge-pop giants plenty of times by now, but when was the last time you saw them in a place this small?

This is undoubtedly the biggest show of the Know’s week-and-ahalf-long 10th anniversary celebration, so good luck getting in…but if you do, prepare to get hammered, in more ways than one. The Know, 2026 NE Alberta St., 473-8729. 8 pm. $8. 21+. carl adamshick [books] Adamshick’s newest collection of poetry, Saint Friend, is tender, startling and generous.

Tonight, he reads from a selection of his work and answers questions. Multnomah County Library Northwest, 2300 NW Thurman St., 988-5560. 6:30 pm. Free.

Willamette Week JANUARY 7, 2015 wweek.com

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FOOD & DRINK = WW Pick.

Monday–Saturday 4–6pm & 8pm–close

TIO PA

NO

W

OP

EAT MOBILE CHRISTINE DONG

Happy Hour

Highly recommended.

By MATTHEW KORFHAGE. Editor: MARTIN CIZMAR. Email: dish@wweek. com. See page 3 for submission instructions.

EN

THURSDAY, JAN. 8 Salted Caramel Stout Release

Walk-Up Window 11am - 2pm

La Calaca Comelona

NWIPA will play host to that most Salt & Straw of beers, Breakside’s Salted Caramel Stout collaboration.

In honor of the occasion, NWIPA will have only one bartender on staff to ensure that patrons will have to wait at least an hour for their beer.* Otherwise, Breakside’s award-winning IPA, their Woodlawn Pale and the much-coveted La Tormenta will also be on hand. *Note: NWIPA will not actually do this. But there might be free ice cream. NWIPA, 6350 SE Foster Road, 971-279-5876. 6-9 pm.

WILLIE WEED P.G. 44

2304 SE Belmont | 503-239-9675 4-10pm Mon–Sat

SUNDAY, JAN. 11 Potluck in the Park

Did you volunteer in the soup kitchen on Thanksgiving or Christmas? Cool. You’re a good person. But if you feel like extending some of that spirit past the holidays, Hands on Greater Portland and Potluck in the Park serve meals every Sunday of the year, and they’ve been doing it for 13 years.

Each week, there are 50 volunteer spots to fill to deliver meals to the homeless and the needy in O’Bryant Square. You can sign up through handsonportland.org, or check details at potluckinthepark.org.

O’Bryant Square, SW Park Ave. and Washington St. 3 pm.

EXPERIENCE LEBANESE CUISINE AT ITS BEST We specialize in catering for all events and occasions.

Call now to book your party.

I

223 SW STARK STREET PORTLAND, OR 503-274-0010 ALAMIRPORTLAND.COM

Where to eat this week.

Shandong

1. Stella Taco 2940 NE Alberta St., 971-407-3705, stellatacopdx.com. www.shandongportland.com Alberta’s new taqueria charms with killer brisket tacos, a wide selection of margaritas and three house salsas, the hottest of which is a peasoup-green concoction available by request that may melt your face $.

Shandong www.shandongportland.com

DownloaD ww’s free events app HeaDout now

and you’ll never miss an events beat again

Text “week” to 77948

Concert and event ticket giveaways, deals, and listings daily.

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Willamette Week JANUARY 7, 2015 wweek.com

2. Pollo Norte 5427 NE 42nd Ave., 287-0669, pollonorte.com.

Just like that place in Breaking Bad, Pollo Norte cooks up Mexicanstyle rotisserie chicken. And it’s just as addictive, even without all the drugs. $.

3. Smallwares 4605 NE Fremont St., 971-229-0995, smallwarespdx.com.

Smallwares brings Portland a new baddest brunch in town—in the Jacksonian sense. Ever had ramen for breakfast? Smallwares’ beef meatball ramen opens your sinuses with horseradish and then fills them with uber-beefy broth. $$.

4. Eb & Bean 1425 NE Broadway, 281-6081, ebandbean.com.

This Lloyd District froyo shop has bettered everything in the past six months, especially a cold-brew coffee and bourbon sauce that goes great with whipped cream, butterscotch crumbles and cocoa-rich froyo. $.

5. Umai Southeast 33rd Avenue and Hawthorne Boulevard, 502-4428, umaipdx.com.

This tucked-away food cart mixes the natural saltiness of its soup with tender pulled-pork shoulder to create a sort of light-headed ecstasy amid probable brain dehydration.

But the best part is the flavorful, al dente, cart-made noodles. $.

HEAD IN THE OVEN: Pizzaiolo Ted Scharpnick at work.

ASH

Ash is easy to like. The wood-fired sourdough pizzas in the little Sellwood cart are made with attention and forethought from luxe ingredients, brushed with garlic butter after they’re removed from the oven. They’re meatless, which tends to endear them to those forced to the fringes of other menus. And even for the omnivore, concoctions such as an oyster mushroom-and-Castelvetrano olive pie can summon that same rich, salty-savory combination found in fine cured meat without, you know, actually being meat.

Nothing in Sellwood—or in any nearby neighborhood, among the Morelands, Brooklyn and Milwaukie—comes close to Ash’s best-made pies, which cost between $9 and $11 for a single-serving 10-incher, Order this: The menu changes daily. Look for baked to a light char on the crust. mushrooms.

But about that crust: It’s a touchy proposition, a balancing act between tender and crisp. And in recent trips, it’s been a bit of a gamble. The cart favors the softness of sourdough with just enough crispness to give the pie texture and shape, and it’s wonderful at its finest.

But depending on the day and topping load, it hasn’t always worked out that way. Two pizzas—a margherita, another stacked with lovely pickled peppers—wilted sloppily at 90 degrees from the crust’s rind. They were less foldable than rollable as a crepe, a saddening proposition compared with the crust at its best, as the cheese drifted off the sauce before I could get my fingers under the slice’s tip.

On that occasion, my spirits were buoyed by a s’more with housemade marshmallow served on a toasty Petunia’s graham cracker. It was rich, crisp, sweet and so much better than you’d ever expect a vegan, gluten-free dessert to be. MATTHEW KORFHAGE. EAT: Ash Woodfired Pizza, 7875 SE 13th Ave., 941-0196, ashwoodfired.com. 11:30 am-3 pm and 5-8 pm WednesdaySaturday, 11:30 am-3 pm Sunday.

DRANK

VANTUCKY PALE ALE (HEATHEN) Beers are like baby names. The trends start with the urban elite, but it’s not long before a bunch of little Calebs land in the same small-town kindergarten class. These days, little McKenzie’s daddy is drinking IPA. Yes, it’s been a few years since the cognoscenti had the great debate about IPA: What does the style’s popularity mean, and where do things go from here? Back then, everyone agreed that craft’s top-selling style needed to evolve a bit. It has, mostly in the form of super-citrusy new brews, many of which are actually part radler and spiked with fruit juice.

Out in the boonies, though, the initial IPA ripple is still running.

At the proudly rural Heathen Brewing—the Vancouver brewery is housed in a garage outside an exurban McMansion, where the air hangs heavy with pine and the purr of an idling diesel pickup driven by a guy in shit-kickers—half the lineup is a branch of the IPA tree, including two regular IPAs and the Vantucky Pale Ale. It comes in bottles, but you want it fresh from the taps, where the juicy Mosaic hops offer apricot and less farmy funk. These country folk have something good here. The man behind it? Awesomely named brewmaster Rodney Stryker. Recommended. MARTIN CIZMAR.

FOOD & DRINK N ATA L I E B E H R I N G . C O M

DIMMER SWITCH BITE-SIZED TIPS FOR DINING AT HK CAFE, PORTLAND’S NEW FAVORITE DIM SUM SPOT.

BY M A RT I N C I Z M A R

mcizmar@wweek.com

Don’t just randomly show up at HK Cafe. If you’re a regular at Wong’s King or Ocean City, you might be surprised to find this neon-lit dining hall in Eastport Plaza is now the busiest of all 82nd Avenue dim summaries, packed with big families, hung-over couples and one Caucasian guy who patrols the floor making balloon animals.

The best times we’ve found to go to HK Cafe are around 11 am or between 2 and 3 pm. Keep in mind, crowds are a good sign—Chinese dim sum comes from industrial kitchens that employ an army of chefs to face crushing waves of hungry diners. Lacking scale for such an operation to pencil out, much of the fare you get in this country comes from warehouse kitchens in low-rent California suburbs.

Don’t get there too early. The trick with any dim sum, at least according to our table of eight first- and second-generation Taiwanese and Vietnamese immigrants, plus photographer Natalie Behring—who’s traveled extensively in Asia and speaks Mandarin—is to go when it’s busy enough that everything is super-fresh, but before the line forms. If you arrive at 9 am, when the doors open, some items won’t yet be rolling out on the carts. If you arrive at noon, you could end up with 40 minutes to kill wandering the aisles at the neighboring Dollar Tree.

Don’t skimp on the shumai. Our table worked from a simple philosophy: Get things that are a hassle to make at home. Shumai are open-faced steamed dumplings with meat popping out of dough tubes. They vary in size, filling and consistency—HK’s shumai match those at Ocean City. These bite-sized morsels of juicy pork ($3.50) are full of flavor and just a little sticky on your chopsticks.

Behring—noting that part of the dim sum experience in China is criticizing the food to the point of annoyance— agrees they’re the best she’s had in town, but “were they a little too big?”

Ask for vinegar. Don’t just dip your dumplings in soy sauce, Behring says. That’s like coating a salad in just olive oil. Rather, you want to mix a little vinegar into your dipping cup. The best restaurants already have it on the table, but if not, ask, and hope to get more than the few drops we received here. “Vinegar is love,” she says.

Avoid the congee. I’ve loved the Pan-Asian rice porridge since getting hooked on it at Smallwares, and slipped into a warming bowl on my first visit to HK. That goes against the advice of Celeste Chou, my wife’s co-worker and our de facto table captain at HK. “It’s so easy to make,” Chou says. “It’s something we eat at home, especially when we’re sick. It’s not something you go out for.” Behring says there are restaurants totally dedicated to congee, but that toppings offered here are appallingly stingy.

Get the taro balls. Those little spiky things that look like onion straws are made from taro that’s been peeled (in gloves, since the raw root has small needles that dissolve when cooked), shredded (again, with gloves, or your hands will burn and itch for hours), shaped, seasoned and finally fried. It’s a labor-intensive process—better to pay $3.50 here.

Don’t expect to know what’s in the taro balls. I’d always thought my inability to know whether a particu-

SUM MORE: (From left) Chicken feet, spongecake and shumai.

lar dim sum item has shrimp, pork or beef was a result of my own ignorance. Nope. “Different places put different things in them. Even if you ask, what they tell you might be 75 percent accurate,” says Vina Nguyen, one of Chou’s friends.

Slurp your chicken feet. The proper technique for eating the fried footsies ($2.75) in sticky black bean sauce is to suck the meat and skin from the side.

Don’t try to pick the feet apart, since there are too many tiny bones.

Try the tripe. HK’s tripe ($3.50) is squeaky clean and well-seasoned, with freshening ginger and earthy green onion. I’m not usually quick to order tripe, but this little bowl was toothsome, like salty farfalle pasta.

Be picky about the buns. In judging any dim sum, Behring looks to the shrimp dumplings ($3.50) and applies a three-part test, learned from a Macanese friend: The wheat-paper wrapping should be so thin you can see the shrimp’s veins, the wrapping shouldn’t break, and the wrapping shouldn’t stick to your teeth.

HK failed the first two parts.

But, seriously, be picky. Turns out, you’re not supposed to handle the buns ($2.75-$3.50) with chopsticks. Embarrassingly, I’ve been doing this wrong forever. If there’s a piece of paper under an item—as with the extra-fluffy pork buns here filled with sweet and tangy ground meat—it’s designed to be eaten with your hands.

Get the radish cake. The Chou clan doesn’t like the Chinese answer to hash browns, but Behring does. HK’s housemade version ($2.75) passed her test. “They were a little more generous with the shrimp than I would be, but they were generous with the pork chunks, too, so it balanced out,” Behring says. “It would have been nice if they were fried a bit longer and had more crispy bits… maybe they rushed them out of the kitchen.”

Try the pineapple egg yolk buns. They’re dark yellow puffs ($3.50) filled with sweet pineapple juice and an egg yolk that’s just a little runny when it comes off the tray before hardening into a steamed custard. It was our favorite dessert.

Skip the baked durian pastry and wolf berry cake. The notoriously stanky durian is a favorite of our table when fresh, but HK’s out-of-season version ($3.50) didn’t win any fans. “This isn’t real durian, it’s like a Jolly Rancher version of durian made of chemicals,” says someone at the table. The wolfberry cake ($2.75) looks intriguing—thick slabs of yellowish gelatin stuffed with bright-red goji berries—but it’s very mild in sweetness; more texture than taste.

Try the crispy seaweed roll, which confused everyone at our table. This nontraditional creation ($6)—“like a deep-fried dim sum version of a California roll,” Behring says—has green skin and fillings no one was comfortable trying to guess. Our table hadn’t seen anything like it, not even at the famous Asian night market in Richmond, B.C. Someone at HK may have invented it—a good reminder that dim sum is an ever-evolving cuisine, not bound to anyone’s idea of authenticity.

Don’t get the spongecake. HK has more odd desserts, including a huge hunk of crumbly yellow cake ($2.75) that mystified everyone. “That’s weird and new,” Celeste Chou says. “They’re always trying something new, because it’s very competitive between the places. Even when it comes to employees—you’ll see the same people at different restaurants, and it’s like, ‘Hey, I know you!’ HK is doing a lot of desserts, that’s their thing.” They’ve ridden those desserts into the lead, but Portland’s dim sum scene is dynamic—you never know when we’ll see Wong’s return or a rising tide at Ocean City.

EAT: HK Cafe, 4410 SE 82nd Ave., 771-8866.

9:30 am-11 pm daily.

Willamette Week JANUARY 7, 2015 wweek.com

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MUSIC

jan. 7–13 FEATURE

= WW Pick. Highly recommended.

NOAH PORTER

Prices listed are sometimes for advance ticket sales. At-the-door increases and socalled convenience charges may apply. Event lineups are subject to change after WW’s press deadlines.

Editor: MATTHEW SINGER. TO BE CONSIDERED FOR LISTINGS, go to wweek.com/ submitevents and follow submission directions. All shows should be submitted two weeks or more in advance of event. Press kits, CDs and especially vinyl can be sent to Music Desk, WW, 2220 NW Quimby St., Portland, OR 97210. Please include show or release date information with all physical mailings. Email: msinger@wweek.com.

Fax: 243-1115.

WEDNESDAY, JAN. 7 The Jayhawks, Trapper Schoepp

[SAD-BASTARD MUSIC] No, the Jayhawks aren’t from Kansas—but if they’d named themselves after their own state university’s mascot, they’d be called the Golden Gophers, so you can’t really fault them for the rural affectation. There’s some of that in their lyrics, too: name-checking Louisville; referring to human hearts as actors with agency; using childbirth as a plot element. It’s nonetheless an effective grounding point for their countryish songs, full of soaring harmonies, lonesome fiddles and dirty guitar playing, the tell-tale reminder that they hit their stride in the ’90s.

Still, that beer isn’t going to cry into itself, and this is pretty much the best soundtrack you could pick. JAMES HELMSWORTH. Aladdin Theater, 3017 SE Milwaukie Ave., 234-9694. 8 pm. $35. Under 21 permitted with legal guardian.

Brandon Conway, ALTO!

AK PHOTOGRAPHY

[IMPROV OUT] Portland’s Creative Music Guild may have moved its innovative Outset Series to a new venue, but hasn’t left behind its devotion to edgy sounds. Guitarist Brandon Conway, who co-founded Portland New Music Society, is one-third of Half Bird and another third of Alma Freer.

His solo set on nylon-string guitar combines improv and composed sections. The polyrhythmic improvisations of guitar-drum-drum-electronics trio ALTO! incorporate influences from Congotronics to avant-rock and psy-

chedelia. BRETT CAMPBELL. Turn!

Turn! Turn!, 8 NE Killingsworth St., 2846019. 8 pm. $5-$15. 21+.

THURSDAY, JAN. 8 Midge Ure

[SYNTH-POP JOURNEYMAN] With stints in groups such as Silk, the Rich Kids, Thin Lizzy and Ultravox under his kilt, Scottish synth-pop minstrel Midge Ure is something like a post-punk Mo Williams. That’s not to say his being in the right place at the right time to brush shoulders with brilliance is any slight against his songwriting abilities—on this year’s Fragile, Ure pens lush, ambling ballads with a rich sonic quality that may not be timeless but, in a zeitgeist that can’t help but romanticize the outdated sounds of the future, is more often in vogue than not.

PETE COTTELL. Doug Fir Lounge, 830 E Burnside St., 231-9663. 9 pm. $22 advance, $24 day of show. 21+.

Chain and the Gang, Hooded Hag, Savila

[SOME OLD PUNK] With Nation of Ulysses, Ian Svenonius earned a spot on Ian MacKaye’s Dischord Records roster and legend status in the ’80s D.C. punk scene, thanks to that band’s raw sound, frenetic live show and thumb-in-your-eye politics. Over the next 20 years, to quieter applause, he helped define modern-day garage rock with a variety of projects, with Chain and the Gang being the latest. The big

TOP FIVE

CONT. on page 30

BY C H E RVO NA

FIVE WAYS TO CELEBRATE RUSSIAN NEW YEAR

THE LaST aRTFuL DODGR

THE NEXT BIG THINGS PORTLAND ARTISTS TO WATCH IN 2015.

Portland is set to experience a huge year in music, with several long-anticipated big-name albums scheduled to drop in the next few months. But in this city, the year is often made by artists who sneak up on us. So we asked local music insiders who we should keep an eye out for in 2015.

“Led by the powerful, soulful, sultry voice of Andrea Vidal, Holy Grove is primed to crack the hard-rock scene wide open in 2015. Fans of Deep Purple and Grand Funk will find cause to rejoice.”

—Nathan Carson, WW contributor

Wish everyone you see a happy new year, and return your neighbor’s garden shears.

There is a belief that if your pocket is empty on New Year’s Eve, for the whole year you will be broke. Another belief is that the more people you wish happy New Year’s, the better and more successful year you will have. Also, it is important to forgive each other and give back what you have borrowed from each other before New Year’s.

“Drae Steves created crazy buzz with his 2014 mixtape Unfinished Business, excelling in gangsta rap that refused neither to celebrate nor put down the life he’s known. His follow-up, Unfinished Business 2, is on the way in 2015.”

—Mac Smiff, We Out Here blog

Don’t forget the herring and mandarins.

There are a few traditional New Year’s Eve dishes on every table: olive salad, herring under a fur coat, holodets, red caviar, etc. Champagne and vodka are the most popular drinks. During Soviet times, mandarins became a big symbol of New Year’s Eve.

“Ghost Feet is another incredible talent from the impeccable Dropping Gems roster. These two have an LP in the pipeline that is definitely going to make an impact. Rachel’s guitar work is beautiful, intricate and powerful, while Calvin’s surgical beat tracks provide a grounding for the tunes, preventing them from being overly cerebral. They bring elements of dance music to places you wouldn’t expect.” —Zak DesFleurs, Club Chemtrail

Pay tribute to Ded Moroz.

In Russia, there is no Santa and elves. Russians instead have Ded Moroz and Snegurochka, Ded Moroz’s granddaughter. In Russia, Ded Moroz comes and brings presents on New Year’s Eve, not Christmas.

Only good children receive presents—bad ones do not even get lumps of coal.

Watch Putin’s speech.

The president’s speech followed by the countdown to the new year at midnight is a big deal in Russia.

Party hard.

Russians celebrate New Year’s Eve much harder. I will never forget the empty streets of downtown Portland on New Year’s Eve after midnight.

It’s hard to imagine the same picture in any big city in Russia. People would be on the streets, in the clubs and restaurants celebrating ’til morning, and many events don’t even start until after midnight.

SEE IT: Chervona’s Old New Year Ball 2015 is at Star Theater, 13 NW 6th Ave., on Saturday, Jan. 10. 9 pm. $20. 21+.

“Nicole Glover plays with, well, just about everyone. Holding a seat in Barra Brown’s Quintet, Ural Thomas and the Pain, and George Colligan’s myriad projects as well as seemingly endless other side gigs—including the occasional session with Esperanza Spalding—she occupies the first chair on woodwinds for almost all the contemporary jazz and soul groups worth mentioning in Portland. A brilliant soloist, look for her to shine brighter still in 2015.” —Parker Hall, WW contributor “Guitar-and-drum noise-rock duo A Volcano might refer to themselves as ‘cave noise,’ but it’s more like a cave party. It’s primitive, it’s loud

and it’s just uncomfortable enough at times to keep you from settling in before getting blasted with almost-danceable beats. But don’t worry— there’s no shortage of sludge riffs, either.”

—Cat Jones, WW contributor “Jesus Miranda processes the gray of Portland’s darker days into high-energy tracks that follow in a fine tradition of Northwest rockers like Death Cab for Cutie, the Wipers and Built to Spill.”

—Arya Imig, Faces on the Radio podcast “Tyler Tastemaker is easily one of my favorite DJs in Portland and probably one of the realest DJs I’ve met in the game, period. I’ve seen him consistently turn dance floors into full-blown parties time after time. He’s also been steady working on his debut release as a producer, and from what I’ve heard of it, that’s going to make you want to move, too.”

—Cory Haynes, SYLSS “A little over a year ago, krautrock trio Wax Fingers lost a member and shut down briefly, only to roar back as Mothertapes a short while later.

Not since Helio Sequence has Portland seen a duo produce such dense, digitally accented prog rock.”

—Mark Stock, WW contributor “Fli Boi Moe is the right-hand man of Mikey Vegaz and has been setting the bar high lyrically and carving a lane for himself as another one of the city’s bright young stars.” —Cool Nutz “The Last Artful Dodgr’s 2013 mixtape, 199NVRLND, was one of the best Portland releases that not nearly enough people here heard. Easily one of the most unique voices I’ve heard, not just locally either.” —Kenny Fresh, FRSH SLCTS “Splitting her time between Mexico City and Portland, it’s no wonder Sofía Acosta, aka Coast2C, has picked up influences from different parts of the world. In her DJ sets, a cumbia shuffle transitions to trap remixes of Drake to Mexican house music and back again. Acosta’s talent behind the decks is so profound it’s easy to overlook because of how smooth her sets are.”

—Mitch Lillie, WW contributor Willamette Week JANUARY 7, 2015 wweek.com

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MUSIC

thursday–friday

single off this year’s Minimum Rock ’n’ Roll, “Devitalize,” is about forcibly degentrifying cities. Given the show’s location and Svenonius’ reputation for mayhem, don’t be surprised if this is the last Mississippi Studios show ever.

JAMES HELMSWORTH. Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi Ave., 288-3895. 9 pm. $12. 21+.

FRIDAY, JAN. 9 David Jacobs-Strain, Ara Lee

[FOLK BLUES] Oregon slide-guitar master David Jacobs-Strain brings his poetic roots music to Alberta for a live album recording. Alberta Rose Theatre, 3000 NE Alberta St., 719-6055. 7 pm. $15 advance, $17 day of show. Under 21 permitted with legal guardian.

Dead Winter Carpenters, Left Coast Country

[STRAIGHT BLUEGRASS] Dead Winter Carpenters aren’t big on subtlety. The old-time nature of the group’s music is evident right down to the the band’s song titles, from the feverish acoustics of “Long Arm of the Law” or the boisterous call-and-response of “Bootleg Jack.” That’s the appeal of the band’s Dirt Nap EP, as its straightforward demeanor renders songs of drunken debauchery, wildfires and unbridled authority with economic efficiency. The sultry fiddle, five-part harmonies and handclaps will mesh perfectly with Left Coast Country’s rootsladen whimsy. BRANDON WIDDER. Doug Fir Lounge, 830 E Burnside St., 231-9663. 9 pm. $12. 21+.

COURTESy OF THE WISHERMEN

PROFILE

THE WISHERMEN FRIDAY, JAN. 9 There is always something good under the surface of any seemingly played-out genre, but the trouble is finding experts to guide us.

In Portland, chefs like Andy Ricker worked hard to convince you that pad thai isn’t the only Thai food worth eating, and Barra Brown and the Wishermen are working to convince you that jazz isn’t just elevator music.

“Telling people we are a jazz ensemble is almost the worst thing we can do, unfortunately,” Brown says. “If we tell people we play jazz, they have a very specific idea of what that is.”

Formed at the Alan Jones Academy of Music in 2010, originally as a quintet with sax and trumpet, the Wishermen came together out of a mutual love for contemporary jazz drummers and jazz-influenced beatmakers like Flying Lotus. The group has evolved much since then—dropping the horns almost entirely on its new EP, EPoch—to the point that Brown says he’s been trying to make the initial release “disappear, because it sounds so different.”

Barra says the Wishermen aim to go beyond what listeners might expect of the jazz genre. “We’re using electronic sounds, we don’t swing,” he says. They don’t play typical, head-solo-head jazz standards either. Instead, they are following in the footsteps of artists such as Thundercat, Christian Scott, Mark Guiliana and Kneebody, taking jazz training, harmony and rhythmic theory and using it to make beat-heavy art music that doesn’t require the listener to have a conservatory degree to penetrate. In a way, the Wishermen sound as much like an instrumental hip-hop band—a role they have actually taken on for local rappers—as a contemporary jazz group.

For Brown, who spent 2014 playing in more bands than seems humanly possible— Old Wave, Barra Brown Quintet, Shook Twins, Alameda and Morning Ritual, among many others—the Wishermen exist to push boundaries. The group’s ultimate desire, though, is to make people feel something about jazz, one way or another. Says Brown: “I think that, with any art, you should either really love it or really hate it.” PARKER HALL. Barra Brown stretches the boundaries of 21st century jazz.

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Willamette Week JANUARY 7, 2015 wweek.com

SEE IT: The Wisherman play Alberta Street Pub, 1036 NE Alberta St., with Two Planets and Kulululu, on Friday, Jan. 9. 8 pm. $7. 21+.

MUSIC J U L I A C O M I TA

FRIDAY–SUNDAY

Zola Jesus

[GOTH POP] I first stumbled upon Zola Jesus by accident at the Wire’s Adventures in Modern Music festival at the Empty Bottle in Chicago in 2009. Upward of 30 people were crammed into the darkness as Wisconsin’s Nika Danilova fronted a band rounded out with a live drummer and three live synth players. The performance was spooky and unforgettable. Since those nascent times, Zola Jesus has relocated to Los Angeles and become a worldwide phenomenon, propelled by Danilova’s gothic, operatic voice and her increasingly accessible musical vision. Latest album Taiga—her fifth full-length in six years—forges another chapter in her collection of direct, emotional, atheistic, beat-driven, pop song cycles. NATHAN CARSON. Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi Ave., 288-3895. 8 pm. $12 advance, $14 day of show. 21+.

EJ’s 20th Anniversary

[BEER-SOAKED MEMORIES] In the pantheon of classic Portland rock clubs, EJ’s has been lost to time. Located on Northeast Sandy Boulevard in what is now a pawnshop, it isn’t part of the local consciousness as much as, say, Satyricon, X-Ray Cafe or La Luna, and if you weren’t there in its mid’90s heyday, you just missed it. I wasn’t around myself, but I’ve heard enough great stories—that it was a favorite haunt of Elliott Smith, that it was previously a strip club, that it possibly maybe started the PBR renaissance (see pg. 25)—that the relative lack of recorded history is borderline tragic. So consider this reunion of regulars as a kind of living time capsule. If I were to wax nostalgic for the bands getting back together (the Jimmies, Gern Blanston, Iommi Stubbs, Heavy Johnson Trio, etc.) to play this two-day celebration, I’d be lying.

Suffice to say, though, the whole thing will rock in a way Portland rarely does these days. MATTHEW SINGER. Hawthorne Theatre, 1507 SE César E. Chavéz Blvd., 2337100. 7 pm. $5 advance, $10 day of show. 21+. Through Jan. 10.

The Know 10th Anniversary: Bastard Feast, Usnea, Wretched of the Earth [BLAST OFF] The Alberta punk den kicks off its 10-day cerebration of the club’s first decade with an ear-bleeding lineup of local metal destroyers. How appropriate. The Know, 2026 NE Alberta St., 4738729. 8 pm. $6. 21+.

D.I., the Brass, C.B.K., Wild Bill

[CALI HxC] If you’ve seen Suburbia, Penelope Spheeris’ 1984 punky feature, there’s a song on the soundtrack by D.I. that should have resonated. For 30 years, “Richard Hung Himself” has maintained some creepy prescience among every local punk scene. The Southern California band, which includes Casey Royer, who did a stint with an early incarnation of the Adolescents, has kept cranking out songs about new characters going through problems. All this time later, Royer is still culling songs from life in his beach town, most recently on the 2012 EP United We Slam. DAVE CANTOR. Tonic Lounge, 3100 NE Sandy Blvd., 238-0543. 8 pm. $18. 21+.

Pig Destroyer, Atriarch, Blood Freak

[BLASTED BEATS] Virginia grindcore extremists Pig Destroyer team up with Portland’s black-metal fatalists Atriarch to blast a hole in the Industrial Southeast. White Owl Social Club, 1305 SE 8th Ave., 2369672. 9 pm. $15. 21+.

SATURDAY, JAN. 10 The Builders and the Butchers, Nick Jaina, the Super Saturated Sugar Strings

[FOLKSTOMP] The steady ascent of former Best New Band winners the Builders and the Butchers feels

HEAD BANG: Zola Jesus plays Mississippi Studios on Friday, Jan. 9. like a natural parallel to the direction of folk-based rock music in the American indie-rock scene as a whole. Humble beginnings of stomping and strumming are gradually enveloped by grand visions of louder choruses and a wider lyrical scope that led to the flashes of brilliance on 2013’s Western Medicine, a high-powered soul-rock slant on the Builders’ barnstorming folk rock that may already be too big for their shabby-chic roots. PETE COTTELL. Doug Fir Lounge, 830 E Burnside St., 231-9663. 9 pm. $12. 21+.

The Know 10th Anniversary: Smoke Rings, Is/Is, Ah God

[GLOOM SYNTH] Smoke Rings could only have come from the Northwest. The Portland quartet plays gloomy, driving post-punk, a gray-sky spin on the synths-andjerky-guitars formula. With eerie, Zola Jesus-esque vocals, Smoke Rings can’t seem to decide whether they want to loudly mourn their losses or shake it all off on the dance floor. But the indecision suits the band well, as the group showcases a wide sonic eclecticism and an ability to evoke a multitude of emotions with a single synth. Fellow psych freaks Is/Is and Ah God open the show. ASHLEY JOCZ. The Know, 2026 NE Alberta St., 473-8729. 8 pm. $8. 21+.

SUNDAY, JAN. 11 Crystal Ballroom’s 101st Birthday Free-For-All: Cooper and the Jam, Satin Chaps, Dirty Revival, Bloco Alegria, You Who

[MCMENAMANIA] Still bouncy after all these years, the Crystal Ballroom turns 101 today, and how best to celebrate the club that’s booked everyone? Bring the tots of all-ages to a star-studded iteration of semi-regular children’s rock variety show You Who. Sallie Ford, Thomas Lauderdale, China Forbes and Stephen Malkmus kick things off with a rollicking dance party bursting with skits and hijinks.

Cooper and the Jam end the night with a sultry, vintage-styled soul revue. And, in between, a dizzying melange of bands, comedians, performers and at least one balloon guy are scheduled to appear at the nearby McMenamins outposts (Lola’s Room, Zeus Café, Al’s Den, Ringlers Pub). Who says local clubs never last? JAY HORTON. Crystal Ballroom, 1332 W Burnside St., 2250047. 1 pm. Free. All ages.

Arrington de Dionyso, Adrian Orange, R.Ariel, Like a Villain

[LOST IN THE K-HOLE] As the frontman for longtime Northwest noise-jazz outfit Old Time Relijun,

Arrington de Dionyso has never been one to conform to expectations. After pushing OTR to increasingly outre realms of the experimental music world— lots of saxophone, even more spastic moaning—he seems more grounded in the tangible with his Malaikat Dan Singa project. 2013’s Open the Crowd is both bleaker (“There Will Be No Survivors”) and oddly more danceable than anything he’s done before. “I Feel the Quickening” is like a lost artifact from early-’80s no-wave NYC—a distinctly K Records take on physical body music, perfect for flailing limbs and eager hearts. MICHAEL MANNHEIMER. Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison St., 239-7639. 8:30 pm. $7. 21+.

The Fourth Wall, Small Skies, Neighbor Wave

[THE STUFF OF DREAMS] The Fourth Wall’s 2014 album, Lovely Violence, may have a tiny bit of violence, but it’s mostly just lovely.

The Portland-via-Hawaii band’s sophomore record takes a folky turn from its 2012 debut, featuring mainly acoustic guitars, soft drums, and gentle vocals. The new direction fits well with the rest of the bands on this bill. Small Skies places its own delicately ethereal sounds over dance beats, and Neighbor Wave’s indie pop rock is psychedelic enough to maintain your blissful stupor. SHANNON GORMLEY. Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi Ave., 288-3895. 9 pm.

Free. 21+.

Sea Caves

[INDIE LONG AGO] Homegrown quartet Sea Caves is on the verge of releasing Bright Forest, a moody indie-rock record that favors chamber elements as much as the standard guitar, bass and drums approach. The result is experimental and serene, pitched somewhere between early Midlake and Pinback. Effects pedals coexist with woodwinds and textured harmonies better than you might expect.

It’s fantastical without tilting into the Renaissance fair realm, and also a bit hushed. It’ll be interesting to see what they do live, given the opportunity to stretch out and flex a bit. MARK STOCK. Rontoms, 600 E Burnside St., 236-4536. 8:30 pm.

Free. 21+.

The Know 10th Anniversary: Sun Angle, Marriage + Cancer, Hurry Up

[POWER TRIO] It’s been a rough road for prog-punk trio Sun Angle since releasing the awesomely frenetic Diamond Junk in 2013. Singerguitarist Charlie Salas-Humara was nearly sidelined permanently by

CONT. on page 33 Willamette Week JANUARY 7, 2015 wweek.com

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ALE XA WILE Y & THE WILDE RNE SS FRIDAY, 1/9 @ 6PM

Alexa Wiley is expanding her musical landscape with her latest project, Alexa Wiley & the Wilderness. Paired with the Wilderness’ virtuosity, and special guests, the ensemble creates a superb sonic lyricism that might be described as wild metaphorical music that rocks.

N A OM I T

SUNDAY, 1/11 @ 5PM A presence in the Pacific NW music scene since the age of six, Naomi T is an awardwinning singer and multi-instrumentalist.

Despite being a self-titled “Diva,” Naomi has a good-humored and up-front style which only adds to the shock when her audiences hear the first note of her aweinspiring vocals.

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Willamette Week JANUARY 7, 2015 wweek.com

SUNDAY–TUESDAY/CLASSICAL, ETC. an ear virus, and drummer Papi Fimbres is about to take a yearlong German sabbatical. The band’s days appear numbered, but it isn’t going quietly. According to Fimbres, Sun Angle will record at least one more album before he heads overseas in September. Still, best to experience them in the live setting—which is, really, the best way to experience them—while you still can. MATTHEW SINGER. The Know, 2026 NE Alberta St., 473-8729. 8 pm. $6. 21+.

Spanish (Eduardo Angulo, Carlos Moscardini, David del Puerto, Antón Garcia Abril and others) and Russian (Yuri Smirnov) composers, plus relatively obscure older names such as Lenani, Santorsola, Llobet and more. BRETT CAMPBELL. Marylhurst University, 17600 Highway 43, 6991814. 8 pm Friday, Jan. 9. $30-$35.

All ages.

Moh Alileche Ensemble

[HAPPY YENNAYER] After centuries of suppression by Western colonialists and pan-Arab nationalists, North Africa’s 30 million or so Berber people (many prefer the term Imazighen), who make up significant minorities of Morocco, Algeria, Tunisia and Libya, are reviving their language, culture and music — including the celebration of Yennayer, the Berber New Year.

To usher in the year 2965, singermandol player Moh Alileche leads an ensemble of Middle Eastern Portland musicians, including guitarist and oud master Nat Hulskamp, Shabava’s Bobak Salehi, flutist Paul Evans, Seffarine singer Lamiae Naki, percussionists Cherif Khazem and Chuk Barber, and belly dancer Danielle Elizabeth, plus guest speakers. BRETT CAMPBELL. Alberta Street Pub, 1036 NE Alberta St., 284-7665. 8:30 pm Saturday, Jan. 10. $10. 21+.

MONDAY, JAN. 12 Brothers Keeper

[BLUES DUDES] The soulful Americana group now has Blue Traveler’s John Popper sitting in with them, so expect to see some sweet air-harmonica in the crowd tonight. Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi Ave., 288-3895. 8 pm. $16 advance, $18 day of show. 21+.

The Know 10th Anniversary: Red Fang, Gaytheist, Drunk Dad

[DIRGY MATERIAL] Staggering between hard-rock pop enough to land on alt-radio stations and sludgy metal is a difficult border to traverse. Portland’s Red Fang, though, has been doing it since the midaughts. The band’s not unfamiliar with longer, more dirgelike material, too, always toeing the line of what transcends the genre. The quartet, along with a pair of Portland’s other well-regarded metal acts, is performing as part of the Know’s 10th anniversary celebration, and you haven’t seen them in a place this small in years. DAVE CANTOR. The Know, 2026 NE Alberta St., 4738729. 7 pm. $8. 21+.

Sean Watkins, Lauren Shera

[FOLK] Singer-guitarist Sean Watkins, of so-called “progressive bluegrass” heavyweights Nickel Creek, has amassed a solid discography away from his main group, which he’ll plumb through tonight. Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi Ave., 288-3895. 8 pm. $15. 21+.

The Know 10th Anniversary: 1939 Ensemble, Dragging an Ox Through Water

[KEEP PORTLAND VENUES WEIRD] 2014 wasn’t the best year for Portland venues. With so many venerable places (Slabtown, East End, and Langano Lounge, just to name a few) closing, it’s time we celebrate the New Year by frequenting one of the best—and only—skuzzy rock clubs left in town. Tonight’s show is part of a weeklong party in honor of the Know’s 10th anniversary, and while most of the schedule (Red Fang! Sun Angle! The Estranged!) leans on sludgy or psychedelic rock, this great one-two punch showcases two of Portland’s best experimental acts. Instrumental trio 1939 Ensemble play a vibe-heavy fusion of jazz and krautrock, while Brian Mumford’s Dragging an Ox Through Water is coming off the wonderful Panic Sentry, a release that sees him eschewing some noise waves for songwriting clarity. MICHAEL MANNHEIMER. The Know, 2026 NE Alberta St., 473-8729. 8 pm. Call venue for ticket information. 21+.

CLASSICAL, JAZZ & WORLD Anton Baranov

[CLASSICAL GUITAR PRODIGY] Portland Classical Guitar’s recital series regularly brings to town the winners of the Guitar Foundation of America’s International Concert Artist Competition. That victory was only the latest in a string of 15 major competition wins for the latest in line, Russian guitarist Anton Baranov, who just turned 30. His comparably and commendably fresh program largely avoids the usual suspects in favor of seldom heard contemporary

D AV I D W E I N E R

TUESDAY, JAN. 13

Ravel’s Boléro

[EXOTIC CLASSICAL] I’ll forever be grateful to Wendy Carlos for citing Maurice Ravel as her favorite composer on her personal website back in the ’90s. Her fascination with his rich and textured modern compositions ignited my own interest, and this program presents my

MUSIC

first chance to hear Ravel’s most famous work, Boléro, performed by a live symphony. This single piece will be instantly recognizable to nearly any music fan, and has been an inspiration to soundtrack works from Kurosawa to Conan, even appearing as fight music in a battle between Kirk and Spock in the original Star Trek series. Also on the menu tonight are bits from Messiaen and Franz Liszt. It’s a hair-raising program of 20th-century fare that is served all too seldom. NATHAN CARSON. Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall, 1037 SW Broadway, 248-4335.

7:30 pm Saturday-Sunday, Jan. 10-11. $28-$99. All ages.

Oregon Symphony with Itzhak Perlman

[CLASSICAL IDOL] One of the few marquee soloists who these days can fill a Schnitzer-sized hall on his name alone, legendary violinist Itzhak Perlman is a great humanitarian and ambassador for classical music who has won multiple Grammys and Emmys, the National Medal of Arts, and other laurels.

After a half-century of enchanting audiences all over the world, if neither his playing nor his style feels as fresh and firm as they once did, his musicality and ability to connect with audiences remain, and that’s what they’ll be savoring when he plays Max Bruch’s famous first violin concerto with the Oregon Symphony. BRETT CAMPBELL. Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall, 1037 SW Broadway, 248-4335. 7:30 pm Monday, Jan. 12. $45-$200. All ages.

For more Music listings, visit

INTRODUCING THE COOL WHIPS Who: Eric Ramon (guitar, lead vocals), Susan Kearn (bass, vocals), David Ricardo (Farfisa organ, vocals), Kurt Steinke (drums).

Sounds like: The coolest nerds in school cutting calculus to write pop songs.

For fans of: Big Star, Game Theory, Elvis Costello, the Kinks, Devo, the Cars.

Eric Ramon has already done the whole “rock stardom” thing.

Back in the late ’70s, he was part of the Los Angeles pop-rock scene, writing songs and playing rhythm guitar for the Continental Miniatures. The band signed to London Records, and for three weeks in spring 1978, its cover of Dusty Springfield’s “Stay Awhile” hung on to a spot on the Billboard Top 100. But London wanted them to do disco. “We said, ‘We can’t do it!’” Ramon says. “And they said OK, so we didn’t.”

That was curtains for the Continentals. But three years ago, Ramon saw Beyond Veronica, a similarly inspired Portland guitar-pop outfit, for which Kurt Steinke also played drums. It served as an introduction to Portland’s pop scene, and the kick Ramon—who works as a statistician by day—needed to start a band again.

The Cool Whips’ songs are tightly composed, full of novel chords, strategically placed organ stab, high harmonies and guitar counter-melodies. But the band’s most distinguishing feature might be the often tongue-in-cheek lyrics. “Come on babe, don’t filibuster/Don’t be such a little tease/Tickle me with a feather duster, please,” runs the chorus to the opening track of new album Goodie, a tune appropriately titled “Tickle Me With a Feather Duster.” Ramon says he simply can’t write overtly serious songs. “I’ve tried writing political songs, and they come out really afflicted,” he says. “When I was younger, I wrote more overtly funny stuff. But it doesn’t last. It’s a joke, and then you’ve heard the joke. I like the idea of things being good and funny. Life is serious, but it’s also pretty funny.” JAMES HELMSWORTH. SEE IT: The Cool Whips play Secret Society, 116 NE Russell St., with the Verner Pantons and Kinked, on Saturday, Jan. 9. 9 pm. $7. 21+.

Willamette Week JANUARY 7, 2015 wweek.com

33

MUSIC CALENDAR = ww Pick. Highly recommended.

Editor: Mitch Lillie. TO HAVE YOUR EVENT LISTED, send show information at least two weeks in advance on the web at wweek.com/submitevents. Press kits, CDs and especially vinyl can be sent to Music Desk, WW, 2220 NW Quimby St., Portland, OR 97210. Please include show or release date information with all physical mailings. Email: music@wweek.com.

[JAN. 7-13] Hawthorne Theatre Lounge

1503 SE Cesar E Chavez Blvd.

Ron Rodgers and the Wailing Wind

in Other words

For more listings, check out wweek.com.

14 NE Killingsworth St. Dirty Queer

LAST WEEK LIVE THOMAS TEAL

Jimmy Mak’s

221 NW 10th Ave. The Stevens Hess Band

Kelly’s Olympian

426 SW Washington St. Tom Rhodes Live

Landmark Saloon

4847 SE Division St. The Golden Country, The Pickups Bluegrass Quartet

LaurelThirst Public House

2958 NE Glisan St. Garcia Birthday Band (9 pm); Joe McMurrian & Woodbrain (6 pm)

Lola’s Room

1332 W Burnside 80s Video Dance Attack

Magnolia’s Corner

4075 NE Sandy Blvd The Brandtson Duo

Marylhurst university 17600 Pacific Hwy Anton Baranov

Mazza’s Restaurant and Bar

OH SO QUIET: Seattle quartet Hibou treated a quiet Bunk Bar school-night crowd to its very own tidal brand of punk-pop on Sunday, Jan. 4. A thematic guitar effect—languid, loud and lingering—gave the band a shoegaze feel, despite fidgety structures. Imagine Pure Bathing Culture playing CBGB, and you’re nearing Hibou’s live presence, which is at once lethargic, ravaged by ADD and very appealing. MARK STOCK. See more photos at wweek.com/lastweeklive.

3728 NE Sandy Boulevard The Empress and Babbs, with a Side of Bo

Mississippi Pizza Pub.

3552 N. Misssissippi Ave Pura Vida Latin Orchestra, Lindsie Feathers & Bob Schumaker

Mississippi Studios

wed. Jan. 7 al’s den

303 SW 12th Ave. Cristina Cano

aladdin Theater

3017 SE Milwaukie Ave. The Jayhawks

analog Cafe & Theater 720 SE Hawthorne Blvd.

Salsanova

Blue diamond

2016 NE Sandy Blvd.

The Fenix Project

dante’s

350 W Burnside St Wanderlust Social

duff’s Garage

2530 NE 82nd Ave Blues Jam, Arthur Moore’s Harmonica Party

edgefield

2126 SW Halsey St. Michael Berly and Friends

Gemini Bar & Grill

456 N State St. Jacob Merlin and Sarah Billings

Jimmy Mak’s

221 NW 10th Ave. Dan Siegel

Landmark Saloon

4847 SE Division St. Miller and Sasser’s Twelve Dollar Band

LaurelThirst Public House

2958 NE Glisan St. Zach Bryson and the Meat Rack, Joy Pearson (9 pm); The Student Loan, Zach Bryson & the Meat Rack, Joy Pearson (6 pm)

Trail’s end Saloon 1320 Main Street Big Monti

Turn! Turn! Turn!

8 NE Killingsworth St. Brandon Conway, ALTO!

white eagle Saloon 836 N Russell St. Argyle, New Solution

wilf’s Restaurant & Bar 800 NW 6th Ave. Ron Steen Band

THuRS. Jan. 8 al’s den

303 SW 12th Ave. Cristina Cano

Biddy McGraw’s

6000 NE Glisan St. The Hollerbodies

Blue diamond

2016 NE Sandy Blvd.

Ben Jones and Friends

2958 NE Glisan St. Crow and the Canyon, Frankie Boots and the County Line (9 pm); Old Flames, Crow & the Canyon, Frankie Boots & the County Line (6 pm)

Magnolia’s Corner

4075 NE Sandy Blvd Copper and Crow

Mississippi Pizza Pub.

3552 N. Misssissippi Ave Kafana Klub/Trio Tsuica, Red Yarn & Mo Phillips

Mississippi Studios

3939 N Mississippi Ave. Chain and the Gang, Hooded Hag, Savila

Clyde’s Prime Rib Restaurant & Bar

The GoodFoot Lounge

430 N Killingworth St. Steve Kerin

5474 NE Sandy Blvd.

Mesi and Bradley

dante’s

350 W Burnside St The Fabulous Miss Wendy, Paris & Delaney, Advisory, Elvis

doug Fir Lounge

830 E Burnside St. Midge Ure

1332 W Burnside The Windshield Vipers 2845 SE Stark St. DoveDriver, Rippin’ Chicken

The Lodge Bar & Grill

Willamette Week JANUARY 7, 2015 wweek.com

3000 NE Alberta St. David Jacobs-Strain, Live Recording with Special Guest Ara Lee

alberta Street Public House

1036 NE Alberta St. Barra Brown and The Wishermen, EP Release Show

Biddy McGraw’s

6000 NE Glisan St. Yiddish Republic

Branx

320 SE 2nd Ave. Rum Rebellion, Hammered Grunts, Unstable Youth, Chartbusters, Skoi

Clyde’s Prime Rib Restaurant & Bar

5474 NE Sandy Blvd.

Muthaship

dante’s

350 W Burnside St Dear Drummer, Elton Cray and Gnostic Evolution

doug Fir Lounge

duff’s Garage

116 NE Russell St. The Swingtown Vipers

Vie de Boheme

edgefield

221 NW 10th Ave. Mel Brown B3 Organ Group

alberta Rose Theatre

The Secret Society

836 N Russell St. Babel Echo, Groovy Wallpaper

Jimmy Mak’s

3017 SE Milwaukie Ave. Floydian Slips

6605 SE Powell Blvd.

Ben Rice B3 Trio

duff’s Garage

2126 SW Halsey St. Sonny Hess

aladdin Theater

830 E Burnside St. Dead Winter Carpenters, Left Coast Country

1530 SE 7th Ave. Jared Evers & Emily Joy

The Lodge Bar & Grill

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LaurelThirst Public House

Ringlers Pub

Mississippi Studios

6605 SE Powell Blvd.

Pete Ford Band

4847 SE Division St. The Davenport Brothers, Featuing Garret and Paully from Honky Tonk Union

Chapel Pub

2530 NE 82nd Ave Sister of Mercy, Tough Love Pyle

3939 N Mississippi Ave. Alexander Cardinale

Landmark Saloon

white eagle Saloon

FRi. Jan. 9 al’s den

303 SW 12th Ave. Cristina Cano

2530 NE 82nd Ave Big Monti, Jawbone Flats

edgefield

2126 SW Halsey St. Jon Koonce

Hawthorne Theatre

1507 SE 39th Ave. The Jimmies, Fireballs of Freedom, Nervous Christians, The Lucky 13s, The Weaklings

3939 N Mississippi Ave. Zola Jesus

Ponderosa Lounge

10350 N Vancouver Way 98.7 The Bull’s Next Big Thing Show: Dylan Scott, The Davisson Brothers Band

The Know

2026 NE Alberta St. Atriarch, Bastard Feast, Usnea

The Secret Society

116 NE Russell St. The Cool Whips, The Verner Pantons, Kinked, Pete Krebs And His Portland Playboys

Branx

320 SE 2nd Ave. Global Based, Jameston Thieves

Bunk Bar

1028 SE Water Ave. This Charming Man, with Hyenas (Siouxsie Sioux Cover Band)

Clyde’s Prime Rib Restaurant & Bar

5474 NE Sandy Blvd.

Elite

dante’s

350 W Burnside St Fernando, Freedy Johnston & Ships to Roam

doug Fir Lounge

830 E Burnside St. The Builders and the Butchers, Nick Jaina, the Super Saturated Sugar Strings

Hawthorne Theatre

1507 SE 39th Ave. Gern Blanston, Atomic 61, Iommi Stubbs, Dirtclodfight, The Goddamn Gentlemen, Heavy Johnson Trio

SaT. Jan. 10 al’s den

303 SW 12th Ave. Cristina Cano

aladdin Theater

3017 SE Milwaukie Ave. Floydian Slips

alberta Street Public House

1036 NE Alberta St. Moh Alileche Ensemble

alhambra Theatre

4811 SE Hawthorne Blvd.

Cambrian Explosion, Wingnut Commander, Fen Wik Ren, Hair Fire

arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall

1037 SW Broadway Ravel’s Bolro

303 SW 12th Ave. Bird Courage

analog Cafe & Theater 720 SE Hawthorne Blvd.

Scofflaw Soiree with Pink Lady & John Bennett Jazz Band

arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall

1037 SW Broadway Ravel’s Bolro

Crystal Ballroom

1332 W Burnside Street Crystal Ballroom’s 101st Birthday Free-For-All, Cooper and The Jam

doug Fir Lounge

830 E Burnside St. Lil Ripp Leezy Soprano, D.Worthy, Myke Bogan, Ill Chris

duff’s Garage

Holocene

Jimmy Mak’s

1001 SE Morrison St. Arrington de Dionyso, Adrian Orange, R.Ariel, Like a Villain

1001 SE Morrison St. Falcons, Tyler Tastemaker, GANG$IGN$, Portia, Quarry

edgefield

Holocene

Rock Creek Tavern

10000 NW Old Cornelius Pass Rd. Bob Shoemaker

The GoodFoot Lounge 2845 SE Stark St. Sonic Forum Open Mic

The Know

2026 NE Alberta St. The Know 10th Anniversary, Red Fang, Gaytheist, Drunk Dad

The Muddy Rudder Public House 8105 SE 7th Ave. Lloyd Jones

The Ranger Station PdX

4260 SE Hawthorne Blvd Buzz Holland

white eagle Saloon 836 N Russell St. Singer Songwriter Showcase, Eric John Kaiser

TueS. Jan. 13 al’s den

303 SW 12th Ave. Bird Courage

analog Cafe & Theater 720 SE Hawthorne Blvd.

People’s Ink Weekly

Blue diamond

2016 NE Sandy Blvd.

A.C. Porter and Special Guests, Blue Tuesday

Cadigan’s Corner Bar 5501 SE 72nd Ave. Soul Provider, Naomi T

221 NW 10th Ave. Naomi LaViolette, The Ian James Band

Mississippi Studios

duff’s Garage

Landmark Saloon

Rontoms

edgefield

The Know

embers Portland

white eagle Saloon

Jade Lounge

4847 SE Division St. Oregon Trailers

LaurelThirst Public House

2958 NE Glisan St. Jacob Miller & the Bridge City Crooners, The Libertine Belles (9:30 pm); Water Tower (6 pm)

Mississippi Studios

3939 N Mississippi Ave. Late Night Action with Alex Falcone

Portland Piano Company

711 SW 14th Avenue Emahoy Tsegue-Maryam Guebrou

Rotture

white eagle Saloon

1305 SE 8th Ave. Pig Destroyer, Atriarch

al’s den

2126 SW Halsey St. Lewi Longmire and Anita Robinson

1503 SE Cesar E Chavez Blvd.

The Dickel Brothers

13 NW Sixth Avenue Old New Year ‘15 with Chervona

white Owl Social Club

Sun. Jan. 11

Hawthorne Theatre Lounge

The Tonic Lounge

836 N Russell St. Cosmic Rose, Reverb Brothers

128 NE Russell St. Stone in Love (Journey Tribute), Ants In The Kitchen

2530 NE 82nd Ave The Rhythm Renegades

315 SE 3rd Ave. Incantation, Funerus, Ritual Necromancy, Sempiternal Dusk

3100 NE Sandy Blvd.

D.I., The Brass, C.B.K., Wild Bill

wonder Ballroom

Star Theater

The Know

2026 NE Alberta St. Smoke Rings, Is/Is, Ah God

The Secret Society

116 NE Russell St. The Cool Whips

Tiga Bar Portland

1465 NE Prescott St. Cowboys from Sweden

Trinity episcopal Cathedral 147 NW 19th Ave Cappella Romana

Turn! Turn! Turn!

8 NE Killingsworth St. White Glove and Sleeptalker

white eagle Saloon

836 N Russell St. Dirty Kid Discount, Ether Circus, Hutson

winona Grange no.

271 8340 SW Seneca St. Stumptown Swing

3939 N Mississippi Ave. The Fourth Wall 600 E. Burnside St. Sea Caves 2026 NE Alberta St. Sun Angle, Marriage & Cancer, Hurry Up 836 N Russell St. Rob Johnston, Vet Anslinger, Rob Johnston

MOn. Jan. 12 al’s den

303 SW 12th Ave. Bird Courage

arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall

1037 SW Broadway Itzhak Perlman

Blue diamond

2016 NE Sandy Blvd.

Hot Tea Cold

edgefield

2126 SW Halsey St. Groovy Wallpaper withThe Sale

Jade Lounge

2342 SE Ankeny St. Jelly Roll Jamboree!, Three For Silver, Joe Baker and The JRJ House Band, Blue Flags & Black Grass, James Clem

Jimmy Mak’s

221 NW 10th Ave. The Dan Balmer Trio

Landmark Saloon

4847 SE Division St. Well Swung

LaurelThirst Public House

2958 NE Glisan St. Kung Pao Chickens (9 pm); Portland Country Underground (6 pm)

2530 NE 82nd Ave Mac & Dub, Wingtips 2126 SW Halsey St. The Earnest Lovers 11 NW Broadway Recycle Dark Dance Night 2342 SE Ankeny St. Audio Tattoo

Jimmy Mak’s

221 NW 10th Ave. Mel Brown Septet

Landmark Saloon

4847 SE Division St. Get Rhythm

LaurelThirst Public House

2958 NE Glisan St. Betse & Clarke (9 pm); Jackstraw (6 pm)

Lincoln Performance Hall 1620 SW Park Ave. Think Lincoln Noon Concert Series: David Friesen Jazz

Mazza’s Restaurant and Bar 3728 NE Sandy Boulevard Solid Ground

Mississippi Studios

3939 N Mississippi Ave. Sean Watkins of Nickle Creek, Lauren Shera

Pub at the end of the universe 4107 SE 28th Ave. Open Jam

Rock Creek Tavern

10000 NW Old Cornelius Pass Rd. Open Bluegrass Jam

The Know

2026 NE Alberta St. 1939 Ensemble

Mississippi Studios

Vie de Boheme

Plews Brews

white eagle Saloon

3939 N Mississippi Ave. Brothers Keeper 8409 N. Lombard St. Med Monday

1530 SE 7th Ave. Salsa Night

836 N Russell St. Hart & Hare, Big Feelings

jan. 7–13

MUSIC CALENDAR Daniel Cole

BAR REVIEW

Where to drink this week.

1. Wilder Bar Cafe 5501 NE 30th Ave., 704-8332.

This little “bar cafe” has aged into a lovely hangout and 31st-date spot. The cozily domestic bar offers a curated array of elevated comfort food, craft beer and cider—and has perhaps the best TV placement we’ve seen in a bar, with no seat quite facing it.

2. Loowit 507 Columbia Street, Vancouver, 360-566-2323, loowitbrewing.com.

Vancouver has really blossomed as a beer town in the last year, and downtown’s most happening spot on a Saturday night is this cavernous brewery, which smells like a hop farm and has live music.

3. Habesha 801 NE Broadway, 284-4299.

This little bar above an ethiopian restaurant has been bringing the ruckus, from underground shows to one of the most raucous karaoke nights in town.

4. Savoy Tavern 2500 SE Clinton St., 808-9999, savoypdx.com. all-Way Restaurant’s in-nout-style burgers just got added to Savoy’s menu next to all those Mule variations and infused liquors, making this a fine place to eat and drink casually near the toniest restaurants in Portland.

5. The Knock Back 2315 NE Alberta St., 284-4090, theknockback.com. it’s the rare bar that, when you ask for a boilermaker, says “which one?” There are four pairings, including an Upright Pilsner with Bols Genever, plus a rotator that recently included Base Camp’s S’mores Stout mixed with frozen Spanish coffee.

Don’t like boilermakers?

They also have a rotating old Fashioned, plus Manhattans on tap.

BEAVER BRAN: Is it time to get my oil changed? This is all I can think about while sitting at Beaverton’s newest brewpub, Brannon’s (3800 SW Cedar Hills Blvd., Beaverton, 567-8003, brannonsbrewery.com). The young bar’s beer is wide-ranging, with a section dedicated to adjunct lagers (PBR, Hamm’s, both Buds, Rolling Rock, Old German and Rainier), and guest taps that include Arch Rock’s highly regarded lager and the house’s own brews, headlined by a pleasantly juicy red ale. The list may grow to include some Belgians and barrel-aged beers, but for now it’s decidedly classic, a reflection of owner Kevin Brannon, who’s pingponged between corporate law and brewpubbing for the past 20 years. So far, Brannon’s food is more exciting than the beer. It might have been a lucky night, but the kitchen sent out an impressive Neapolitan pizza with chewy, character-rich crust good enough to push into Portland’s top 10 pies. The room is sports bar-y, down to the game room with league darts. Beers are served in the same pint glasses as soda and ice tea. Billed as a “steampunk brewpub” before opening, Brannon’s has a few such touches but gets its atmosphere from the multitude of screens controlled by tablets posted at nearly every table. When the Blazers are on, this crowd is the sort that lets out a hearty “ohhhhhhh” when a server drops a tray. The front of the pub has huge windows, looking out onto bustling Cedar Hills Boulevard and over to Carr Nissan, which is lit up like a Mormon temple. Yup, Carr, a car dealer. It’s been three months, I’m thinking, even after the drive out to Beaverton, I’ve got to be below 3,000 miles. What does that little sticker say?

MARTIN CIZMAR.

saT. Jan. 10 Beulahland Coffee & alehouse 118 NE 28th Ave. DJ Roane

Cruzroom

wed. Jan. 7 Ground Kontrol Classic arcade 511 NW Couch St. TRONix

Moloko Plus

3967 N Mississippi Ave. King Tim 33 1/3

Plews Brews

8409 N. Lombard St. Full Spectrum

Pub at the end of the Universe

ThUrs. Jan. 8 holocene

1001 SE Morrison St. Holla n Oates, Barisone

Moloko Plus

3967 N Mississippi Ave. Strictly Vinyl, DJ Strategy

The Lovecraft

421 SE Grand Ave. Shadowplay

fri. Jan. 9

4107 SE 28th Ave. Wicked Wednesdays

holocene

The Lovecraft

Dance Yourself Clean

421 SE Grand Ave. Event Horizon, Industrial Dance Night

1001 SE Morrison St.

Moloko Plus

3967 N Mississippi Ave. Hans Fricking Lindauer Rhythm and Soul Review

2338 NE Alberta St. Vinylogy

Mississippi studios

3939 N Mississippi Ave. Mrs. Dance Party, DJ Beyonda

Moloko Plus

3967 N Mississippi Ave. DJ Cuica

rae’s Lakeview Lounge 1900 NW 27th Ave DJ Oppositta

The Lovecraft

421 SE Grand Ave. Musick for Mannequins, Volt Divers Synth Party

The whiskey Bar

Mon. Jan. 12 Ground Kontrol Classic arcade

511 NW Couch St. Metal Mondays, Metal Kyle and DJ Shreddy Krueger

The Lovecraft

421 SE Grand Ave. Departures: DJ Waisted and Friends

TUes. Jan. 13 analog Cafe & Theater 720 SE Hawthorne Blvd.

Boombox

Crush Bar

1400 SE Morrison St. Bi Bar: Bi/Pan/Fluid/Queer Dance Party

The Lodge Bar & Grill 6605 SE Powell Blvd.

DJ Easy Finger

31 NW 1st Ave Sound Remedy, Pierce Fulton

Willamette Week JANUARY 7, 2015 wweek.com

35

PERFORMANCE

jan. 7–13

= WW Pick. Highly recommended.

Most prices listed are for advance ticket sales. At-the-door increases and so-called convenience charges may apply, so it’s best to call ahead.

J O H N H Ay N E S

Editor: REBECCA JACOBSON. Theater: REBECCA JACOBSON (rjacobson@wweek.com). Dance: KAITIE TODD (dance@wweek.com).

TO BE CONSIDERED FOR LISTINGS, submit information at least two weeks in advance to: rjacobson@wweek.com.

tropes set in present-day Pennsylvania.

The play follows a group of middleaged siblings who all share names with Chekhov characters and who prove, as Tolstoy said, that all unhappy families are unhappy in their own way. Productions elsewhere have gotten mostly loving reviews—Charles Isherwood of The New York Times called it “uneven but intermittently delightful,” while The New Yorker’s John Lahr said the play “provides a clever parallel to the seismic upheaval of industrialization.” Others haven’t been so kind: The Stranger’s Brendan Kiley deemed its ’50s nostalgia “clickbait for wealthy geezers” and criticized the play’s “magical Negro.” Oh, and it won the Tony for best play.

Fight! Fight! Fight! PCS associate artistic director Rose Riordan helms this production. Gerding Theater, 128 NW 11th Ave., 445-3700. 7:30 pm TuesdaysSundays (excluding Jan. 25 and Feb. 3 and 8); 2 pm select Saturdays and Sundays; noon select Thursdays.

Through Feb. 8. $20-$69.

ALSO PLAYING The Mystery of Irma Vep

COLD COMFORT: As part of NT Live, Skylight screens in high-def at the World Trade Center Theater on Jan. 11 and 17.

THEATER OPENINGS & PREVIEWS BioGRAYph: Invocating the Audience

Matthew Mathis performs an original monologue about Spalding Gray, the tortured actor and writer who died in 2004 of an apparent suicide.

As a monologist, Gray was lauded for his singular, deeply personal narrative style, and Mathis says he sees his one-man show as “a post-postmodern seance.” Mathis has presented BioGRAYph in other iterations, and this one features audience members reading brief excerpts by Spalding— show up early if you want to choose a script, or go to facebook.com/fluxgeo.

Black Door #1, 3324 SE Waverleigh Blvd., 971-207-5804. 7:30 pm FridaySaturday, Jan. 9-10. Donation.

Dirty Dancing

No really, if you squint it’s just like Patrick Swayze has been brought back to life. Keller Auditorium, 222 SW Clay St., 241-1802. 7:30 pm Tuesday-Friday, 2 and 7:30 pm Saturday and 1 and 6:30 pm Sunday, Jan. 13-18. $30-$95.

The Man Who Could See Through Time

The Nutz-n-Boltz Theater Company, which usually performs in Boring, travels to the big city to present a show about the clash between science and art. In the 1984 play, by Terri Wagener, a physics professor and a sculptor go head-to-head in a philosophical debate. Expect polarized conversation about love and reality—and apparently several actual physics lectures. The Back Door Theater, 4319 SE Hawthorne Blvd., 593-1295. 7:30 pm Fridays-Saturdays and 2 pm Sundays through Jan. 25. $11-$15.

NT Live: Skylight

Broadcast in high-def from London’s West End, David Hare’s drama centers on two former lovers unexpectedly reunited in a frigid, shabby flat. The

36

show, starring Carey Mulligan and Bill Nighy, has received massive praise on both sides of the pond. World Trade Center Theater, 121 SW Salmon St., 235-1101. 2 and 7 pm Sunday, Jan. 11 and Saturday, Jan. 17. $15-$20.

Searching for Aztlán

Lakin Valdez, a former associate artistic director of Miracle Theatre who now lives in Oakland, directs his new satirical play about a woman who goes in search of Chicano history and culture—a quest that introduces her to such specimens as an eccentric “High-Spanic” and a blue-collar “Lati-Immigrant.” Miracle Theatre, 525 SE Stark St., 236-7253. 7:30 pm Thursdays-Saturdays, Jan. 8-17; 2 pm Sunday, Jan. 11. $16-$24.

The Seven Wonders of Ballyknock

In this new show by Oregon playwright C.S. Whitcomb, a cagey young American woman travels to rural Ireland in 1953, where she meets— but of course—a charming barman.

When presented as a staged reading two years ago, the play was lovely and clear-eyed: old-fashioned but refreshing, like a strong cup of boozy tea. Lakewood Center for the Arts, 368 S State St., Lake Oswego, 6353901. 7:30 pm Thursdays-Saturdays; 7 pm Sundays, Jan. 11, 18 and 25; 2 pm Sundays, Jan. 18, Feb. 1, 18 and 25; 7:30 pm Wednesdays, Jan. 21 and Feb. 4.

Through Feb. 15. $30-$32.

Turning the Page: Stories of Journeys and New Beginnings

Portland Storytellers Guild presents an evening of tales from four tellers about travel and life-altering adventure. Hipbone Studio, 1847 E Burnside St., 358-0898. 7:30 pm Saturday, Jan. 10. $8-$10.

Vanya and Sonia and Masha and Spike

Portland Center Stage kicks off the new year with Christopher Durang’s 2012 comedy, a sendup of Chekhovian

Willamette Week JANUARY 7, 2015 wweek.com

Third Rail’s The Mystery of Irma Vep leaves little doubt about one thing: Co-stars Isaac Lamb and Leif Norby have got chops. Charles Ludlam’s 1984 cross-dressing romp—two actors, seven characters, countless costume changes—requires its performers to juggle wildly divergent accents and attitudes across a nonsensical storyline that draws from Hitchcock’s Rebecca, Wuthering Heights, schlocky horror movies and Victorian penny-dreadfuls.

There are werewolves, vampires and one very horny Egyptian mummy. And Lamb and Norby, two Portland stalwarts, gallop through the proceedings with remarkable ease and evident glee. But for all its giddiness, the show doesn’t go anywhere. In his director’s notes, Philip Cuomo describes Irma Vep as ridiculous, but there’s little here that actually qualifies as such.

Unlike, say, Noises Off—Third Rail’s comedic caper of choice last winter— Ludlam’s play fails to build. Instead, it relies on knowingly terrible puns and campy mugging, and Lamb and Norby are only too happy to oblige: In the second act, they crawl across audience members’ laps and steal sips of wine (“Don’t worry, I don’t have Ebola,” quips Lamb). Despite a few exuberant moments, including some amusing repetition of “Total Eclipse of the Heart,” the real mystery of Irma Vep remains unsolved: Why would the normally savvy Third Rail bother with such a shopworn clunker? REBECCA JACOBSON. Winningstad Theatre, 1111 SW Broadway, 235-1101. 7:30 pm Thursdays-Saturdays and 2 pm Sundays through Jan. 10. $24-$47.

COMEDY Am I Right, Ladies?

Jen Tam and Barbara Holm co-host a night of standup with a feminist bent, with sets from Kirsten Kuppenbender, Katie Nguyen, Katie Rose Leon, Iris Jean Gorman, Manuel Hall and drag clown Carla Rossi. Ford Food and Drink, 2505 SE 11th Ave., 236-3023. 8 pm Saturday, Jan. 10. $5 suggested.

aMOMination

Jessa Reed (a teen-mom-turnedmeth-junkie-turned-sober-comedian) and Kelly Stone (a daughter of a teen-mom-turned-super-nerdturned-sexual-health-educator) bring a standup-and-storytelling showcase to town. Reed and Stone bill their nationally touring show as a celebration of nontraditional, irreverent parenting, with stories and jokes told in all their candid, audacious glory. Given that this Portland stop features Kristine Levine—who describes her kids as “big, fat, moon-faced houseplants”—and Lonnie Bruhn and Edie Van Ness, you can expect shit to get real. Funhouse Lounge, 2432 SE 11th Ave., 841-6734.

9:30 pm Friday, Jan. 9. $10-$13.

The Comedy Bull

Portland comics are generally very supportive of each other. The churlishly avuncular Anatoli Brant brings

some heat with this competitive show, which requires standups to respond to surprise topics and improv challenges.

Brody Theater, 16 NW Broadway, 2242227. 9:30 pm every second Friday. $8.

Comedy Grab Bag

In this 10th installment of their comedy variety show, Kimberly Brady and Jay Flewelling riff on fatherhood and all that it entails: wearing fanny packs, bumbling through sex talks, grilling sketchy boyfriends. In addition to appearances by comedian Zak Toscani and monologuist Scott Engdahl, show regulars the Baguettes return with more improv comedy. Action/ Adventure Theatre, 1050 SE Clinton St., comedygrabbag.com. 8 pm ThursdayFriday, Jan. 8-9. $7-$9.

Curious Comedy Showdown

Curious Comedy’s improvisers duke it out, in hopes of winning audience votes and advancing to the next round of competition. Curious Comedy, 5225 NE Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd., 477-9477. 7:30 pm every Friday and Saturday. $12-$15.

Cute Boyz Club

Women in Portland love to complain about the heaps of insufferably immature man-children who populate this city. Now, three grown Portland males—Paul Schlesinger, Jason Traeger and Emerson Lyon—take it to the next level, playing seventh-grade boys in a new movie about murder, vengeance and puka shell necklaces.

Also on the agenda: standup from Bri Pruett, Jimmy Newstetter and others.

Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison St., 2397639. 8 pm Wednesday, Jan. 7. Free.

21+.

Diabolical Experiments

Improv jam show featuring Brody performers and other local improvisers.

Brody Theater, 16 NW Broadway, 2242227. 7 pm every Sunday. $5.

The Dirty Dozen

A long slate of comics—12 of ‘em, in fact—perform their smuttiest standup.

Helium Comedy Club, 1510 SE 9th Ave., 888-643-8669. 8 pm every first Wednesday. $12. 21+.

Down to Funny

This installment of Katie Brien’s twicemonthly comedy showcase features standup from Nathan Brannon, Caitlin Weierhauser, Nick Walker and Ben Harkins. Amanda Warder hosts. Analog Cafe, 720 SE Hawthorne Blvd. 9 pm Thursday, Jan. 8. $3-$5 suggested.

Earthquake Hurricane

An army of impressive Portland comedians—Curtis Cook, Alex Falcone, Bri Pruett and Anthony Lopez—host a weekly standup showcase with some of the funniest people you’ll ever see in the basement of a bike shop.

Tonight, that means Amy Miller, Don Frost, Jason Traeger and Nick Walker.

Kickstand Comedy Space, 1969 NE 42nd Ave., 937-219-1334. 8:30 pm every Wednesday. $5 suggested.

Entertainment for People: New Shit Show

For each installment of her monthly variety show, mastermind producer B. Frayn Masters tosses together a salad of comedy, music, film, storytelling and whatever other wacky shit her cadre of performers brings to the stage. Action/ Adventure Theatre, 1050 SE Clinton St. 8 pm every second Monday through Feb. 9. $8.

Funny Humans vs. the Wheel

If you go to enough shows around town, you start to memorize comedians’ sets. Think of this weekly show, hosted by Adam Pasi and David Mascorro, as an antidote to all that: Comedians start out with a planned set, but halfway through, they have to spin a wheel to determine what comes next—crowd work, one-liners, maybe even a heckle battle. Bar of the Gods, 4801 SE Hawthorne Blvd., 232-2037. 9 pm every Sunday. Free. 21+.

Kurt Braunohler

In addition to pulling skywriting pranks (in 2013, he enlisted a profes-

sional skywriter to trace “How do I land?” into the Los Angeles sky), Kurt Braunohler has a high-energy brand of standup, and he fully embraces his dorky persona. Helium Comedy Club, 1510 SE 9th Ave., 888-643-8669. 8 pm Thursday and 7:30 and 10 pm FridaySaturday, Jan. 8-10. $15-$30.

Late Night Action with Alex Falcone

Damn, comedian Alex Falcone has scored a fine lineup for the next installment of his monthly live talk show: longtime Portland rapper Cool Nutz, graphic artist Erika Moen of book and blog Oh Joy Sex Toy, and Funemployment Radio’s Greg Nibler and Sarah X Dylan. Comedian Bri Pruett serves as Falcone’s ever-trusty sidekick. Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi Ave., 288-3895. 8 pm Saturday, Jan. 10. $10.

Miz Kitty’s Parlour

A vaudeville-style variety show featuring go-go music, ’30s-style jazz, folk tunes, juggling, sketch comedy and more. Alberta Rose Theatre, 3000 NE Alberta St., 719-6055. 8 pm Saturday, Jan. 10. $20-$23.

Picture This!

In a show that mashes standup and Pictionary, comics perform while artists illustrate their sets live. Andie Main hosts. Curious Comedy, 5225 NE Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd., 477-9477.

9:30 pm every second Friday. $7-$10; $5 with the purchase of a ticket to the 7:30 pm show.

Random Acts of Comedy

Curious Comedy puts on a freewheeling show that brings together sketch, standup and improv. Curious Comedy, 5225 NE Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd., 477-9477. 9:30 pm Saturdays. $7-$10.

Theatresports

Two improv teams riff on audience suggestions, attempting to outwit each other and impress the panel of judges.

Brody Theater, 16 NW Broadway, 2242227. 9:30 pm Saturdays through Jan. 31. $8.

DANCE Bergamot Burlesque Brunch

Bergamot Burlesque switches things up from the usual nighttime revelry with this brunch o’clock show, a throwback to the golden age of classic tease. Now in its fourth year, the show features the celebrated stylings of Gabriella Maze, who started her burlesque career in the 1970’s, garnering attention in Spain and throughout the Middle East for her poise and grace.

Maze returned to the stage after a 20-year hiatus in 2009, and has been merging her classic technique with nods to neo-burlesque humor—think the Muppets, or twisted bedtime stories—ever since. She’s joined by a large local lineup, including favorites like the Infamous Nina Nightshade, Angelique DeVil, Sophie Maltease, Sugar Kane, Sandria Dore, Hyacinth Lee, Miss Alex Kennedy, Claire Voltaire, Judy Patootie and Ivana Mandalay. Local bellydancer Elise will perform in between acts—and, crucially, provide mimosa refills. Vincent Drambuie hosts. Lola’s Room at the Crystal Ballroom, 1332 W Burnside St., 225-0047. 12:30 pm Saturday, Jan. 10 . $28-$48. 21+.

Burlynomicon

This monthly burlesque show promises a dark, macabre twist with an amusing surprise. Created by Critical Hit Burlesque—the producers of Geeklesque and CTRL-ALT-Striptease— this month’s Burlynomicon lineup features regular geeklesque performers like Claire Voltaire, Hyacinth Lee, the Pink Lady and Aleksandra Bukovic, all bringing their rowdy and extravagant routines to the H.P. Lovecraft-inspired surroundings. Mad Marquis emcees, and DJ Xander Gerrymander leads the post-show dance party. The Lovecraft, 421 SE Grand Ave., 971-270-7760. 9:30 pm Tuesday, Jan. 13. $10. 21+.

For more Performance listings, visit

VISUAL ARTS

jan. 7–13

= WW Pick. Highly recommended.

By RichaRd SpeeR. TO Be cONSideRed FOR LiSTiNGS, submit show information—including opening and closing dates, gallery address and phone number—at least two weeks in advance to: Visual arts, WW, 2220 NW Quimby St., portland, OR 97210. email: rspeer@wweek.com.

Diane Avio-Augee and Carola Penn

pictorially, you couldn’t get further apart than painters diane avio-augee and carola penn, who headline a new two-person show at Mark Woolley. avio-augee paints abstractly with a vocabulary of organic shapes, drips and creamy impasto. penn, on the other hand, paints representationally, often focusing on forest scenes. her compositions teem with ferns, arcing trees and boldly colored leaves. The painters’ visions are so disparate they’re strangely complementary, making for a soothing and satisfying double-bill. Through Jan. 11. Mark Woolley Gallery @ Pioneer, 700 SW 5th Ave., 3rd floor, Pioneer Place Mall, 998-4152.

Emily Hanna Wyant: Gotta Make Money to Make Money

Multicolor corner by HaP Tivey

earlier this year, artist emily hanna Wyant was pitching her conceptual artwork to local galleries. She kept getting the same polite “no thanks” from gallerists. “We love what you do,” they said, “but it’s not work we could sell.” So Wyant decided to turn the metaphorical lemon into lemonade, creating a body of work critiquing the object- and sales-obsessed gallery system. Tongue firmly in cheek, she has churned out dozens of faux gold bricks, as if to flip galleries a collective bird. This installation, entitled Counterfeit Gold Bricks, is comprised of “gold bullion” made out of spray-painted wood and cement.

Other pieces, such as Wu-Tang Clan, continue the anti-materialist riff via imagery drawn from the blingflaunting world of hip-hop music.

Through Jan. 16. Nisus Gallery, 8371 N Interstate Ave., Suite 1, 806-1427.

Forbidden Fruit: Chris Antemann at Meissen

in a long-overdue follow-up to her delightful installation at the 2011 contemporary Northwest art awards, chris antemann stages a rococo bacchanal in the portland art Museum. her porcelain figures fill a mirrored antechamber, engaging in all manner of languid frivolty. in the sprawling sculpture Love Temple, they sit around—and in some cases, crawl on—a lavishly appointed dining table, some of them naked, some clad only in the skimpiest suggestion of diaphanous fabric. antemann accents the figures’ white skin with delicate golden lines. although her revelers, with their powdered wigs and rouged cheeks, are a little too onenote in their appearance to sustain the viewer’s attention, perhaps that is on purpose. after all, 24-hour party people, whether in the 18th century or the 21st, begin to all look the same after the ninth or 10th flute of champagne. Through Feb. 8. Portland Art Museum, 1219 SW Park Ave., 226-0973.

Hap Tivey: Surface of Light

You can count on hap Tivey’s shows to generate a lot of “wow!”s, and his new exhibition, Surface of Light, is no exception. Using materials such as aluminum, metallic leaf and Led lights, he creates artworks that update the late dan Flavin’s light sculptures with a jolt of post-millennial cool. his pieces fall under the rubric of the california Light and Space movement, exemplified

by Tivey’s more famous contemporary, James Turrell. You can find one of Tivey’s nifty light sculptures in the street-level reception area of the Nines hotel, and another on permanent display in elizabeth Leach Gallery’s window on Northwest 9th avenue. To see many of his works installed in one place at one time, as in this show, is a treat: an immersion in pure, unadulterated eye candy that

also harbors metaphysical overtones.

Jan. 8-31. Elizabeth Leach Gallery, 417 NW 9th Ave., 224-0521.

Passage

There’s a new gallery in Northeast portland called Verum Ultimum (Latin for “ultimate truth”). it’s a humble space open only on weekends (noon-5 pm Saturdays and Sundays or by appointment), but this kind of decidedly nonslick exhibition space is the sort of small gallery that makes portland so delightfully, well, non-San Francisco. The January exhibition, entitled Passage, is a juried show with work by 30 artists. The opening reception is from 6 to 8 pm on Saturday, Jan. 10. So, hey, come out and support a new gallery that’s the freshest blip on the city’s cultural radar. Through Jan. 31.

Verum Ultimum Art Gallery, 3014 NE Ainsworth St., 493-4278.

The Spaces Between

painter elise Wagner curated this group exhibition around the idea of what happens between the conceptualization of an artwork and its execution. She’s interested in the ways art materials interact along the continuum between careful planning and unexpected developments that happen while paint is being flung around in the heat of creation.

The artists in the show are painters Tracey adams, Lorraine Glessner and Lisa pressman; and sculptors Linda ethier and Brenda Mallory. Through Jan. 31. Butters Gallery, 520 NW Davis St., 2nd floor, 248-9378.

Victoria Haven: Subtitles

For Subtitles, Victoria haven culled thousands of words from her text conversations and sorted them into two lists. Then, using a computer algorithm, she combined the words into random pairings. Finally, she printed the combinations onto inked and embossed paper. The pieces, 100 of them, are hung side by side, wrapping around pdX’s walls. “hey/

Voice,” “please/happen,” “corner/ Narrative.” The combinations may be random, but you can’t look at them without coming up with little stories to connect the words and give them meaning. and that’s one of this show’s quirky charms. Through Jan. 31. PDX Contemporary Art, 925 NW Flanders St., 222-0063.

Window: A Dialogue

Windows—and the idea of windows—have been depicted throughout the history of art. They’re not just framing devices for artistic compositions; they’re also pregnant with symbolism. Behind a portrait subject, for example, they afford insight into the sitter’s personality; they’re portals hinting at different realities and they turn us, the viewers, into voyeurs. in this month’s group show at Blackfish, members of the Blackfish collective tackle the trope of the window across a range of disparate media. among the artists with pieces in the show are carol Benson, Sarah Fagan, ellen Goldschmidt and Mandy Stigant. Through Jan. 31. Blackfish Gallery, 420 NW 9th Ave., 234-2634.

Winter Group Show

in light of the brouhaha surrounding Seth Rogan and evan Goldberg’s film, The Interview, it’ll be intriguing to see artist Jim Riswold’s latest series, which parodies North Korean leader Kim Jong-un. a gifted satirist, Riswold in the past has skewered figures such as adolf hitler, Jesus christ, Leonardo da Vinci and Frida Kahlo in photographs, figurines and diagrams. We can’t wait to see what he’ll do with Jong-un. Other artists exhibiting in the gallery’s winter group show are Mark andres, Sharon Bronzan, Sally cleveland, arless day, Karen esler, Trish Grantham, pamela Green, Jef Gun, chris Kelly and Sara Siestreem. Through Jan. 31. Augen DeSoto, 716 NW Davis St., 224-8182.

For more Visual arts listings, visit

Willamette Week JANUARY 7, 2015 wweek.com

37

Richard Greene Books are available as e-books from Amazon for .99 cents.

Death of Innocence

Fiction based on fact about my family during the civil war, and tells the stories of what these five families endured.

Wade Garrison’s Promise

Fiction of a young man caught up in a promise of vengeance in 1874 Colorado, a promise that almost destroys him and his love for Sarah.

God’s Coffin

Sequel to Wade Garrison’s Promise

Atonement

Sequel to God’s Coffin

Feeding the Beast

Story about a serial killer and a Denver Police Detective set in 1951 Denver Colorado.

Visit my web site: www.richardjgreene.net.

BOOKS

JAN. 7–13

= WW Pick.

Highly recommended.

By PENELOPE BASS. TO BE CONSIDERED FOR LISTINGS, submit lecture or reading information at least two weeks in advance to: WORDS, WW, 2220 NW Quimby St., Portland, OR 97210. Email: words@wweek.com.

Fax: 243-1115.

THURSDAY, JAN. 8 Gary Ferguson

Author Gary Ferguson has long explored the wild in his books, with more than 20 written about nature and science such as Hawk’s Rest, The Great Divide and Walking Down the Wild. But his newest book is a personal memoir as he confronts his grief over the death of his wife during a canoeing accident. In The Carry Home, Ferguson documents his journey to scatter his wife’s ashes in fi ve remote locations they had explored together. Broadway Books, 1714 NE Broadway, 284-1726. 7 pm. Free.

Ellen Morris Bishop

In her new book, geologist and photographer Ellen Morris Bishop explores how the very DNA of the Northwest’s geology is rooted in volcanic activity, from the ancient explosions of the Selkirks to the current rumblings of the Cascades.

Her book, Living With Thunder, documents both in science and storytelling the record of the Northwest’s past climate changes and its implications for the future.

Cue ominous thunder eff ect.

Powell’s City of Books, 1005 W Burnside St., 800-878-7323. 7:30 pm. Free.

SUNDAY, JAN. 11 The Studio Series

The holidays are over but the William Staff ord season is just beginning. Every January, to mark the birth of iconic poet laureate and longtime Oregonian William Staff ord, writers and literary groups gather to celebrate his life and work. For the monthly Studio Series poetry night, Oregon Poet Laureate Peter Sears will read a selection of Staff ord’s work as well as his own. Audience members are invited to share their own favorite Staff ord poem. As he composed nearly 22,000, there shouldn’t be too much crossover. Stonehenge Studios, 3508 SW Corbett Ave., 224-3640. 7-9 pm. Free.

MONDAY, JAN. 12 Carl Adamshick

Carl Adamshick, Portland poet and co-founder of Tavern Books, is a self-confessed bibliophile who owns more than 1,000 fi rst-edition poetry books and spends his free time deep in the poetry section at Powell’s (which also served as his self-acquired education). Reading his work, this love of language is clear as he spreads it across the page with precision and ease, and his new release, Saint Friend, off ers a perception-altering poetic experience. Adamshick will read from a selection of his work and answer questions. Multnomah County Library—Northwest Branch, 2300 NW Thurman St., 988-5560. 6:307:45 pm. Free.

For more Books listings, visit

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Willamette Week JANUARY 7, 2015 wweek.com

REVIEW

FRANK PORTMAN, KING DORK APPROXIMATELY W hen it comes to peddling teen angst, few w riters of young adult fiction have the qualifications of Frank Portman. With 30 years of fronting Berkeley pop-punk band the Mr. T Experience under his belt, Portman, aka “Dr. Frank,” naturally pulls pages from the same diary that birthed tracks Who wrote Holden Caulfield? like “I Just Wanna Do It With You” and “She’s My Alcatraz” for his King Dork series. With King Dork Approximately (Delacorte Press, 356 pages, $17.99), the follow-up to 2006’s King Dork, he again brings the world adolescent aphorisms doused in hefty doses of piss and vinegar.

Between the first King Dork book’s vanilla Bay Area suburb, Hillmont, and its precocious outcast protagonist, Tom Henderson, it’s likely you’re on the verge of rolling your eyes and dreading the idea of yet another hacky simulacrum of Holden Caulfield frowning his way through a bland nightmare world of beta-male melodrama. Rather than ignore the elephant in the room, however, Portman turns the format on its ear by hitching the first book’s entire plot to said pachyderm.

If there’s one thing Tom loathes more than The Catcher in the Rye, it’s his high-school administration’s deification of Caulfield as the embodiment of an adolescent male’s “angry awkward phase.”

“They live for making you read it,” Tom says. “When you do read it, you can feel them all standing behind you in a semicircle wearing black robes with hoods, holding candles. They’re chanting, ‘Holden, Holden, Holden…’ And they’re looking over your shoulder with these expectant smiles, wishing they were the ones discovering the earth-shattering joys of Catcher for the very fi rst time.”

Tom and his (only) friend, Sam Hellerman, waste their days listening to classic rock and assembling a million iterations of their own band, the name of which changes in each chapter (Encyclopedia Satanica, the Shopping Centers). Boredom drives Tom to investigate a cache of books left in the basement by his late father, which culminates in the bizarre discovery of codes and clues left in—surprise!—a stained, dusty old copy of Catcher.

The “Catcher Code” conspiracy Tom and Sam unveil leaves their entire school district in shambles, but the victors emerge with little to show for it besides the same unnerving apprehension for “normal” people and a massive scar on Tom’s head from being bludgeoned with a tuba.

Portman may not have expected the sleeper success of King Dork to merit a sequel. Eight years of real time—only one week in the book—later, we’re given this well-deserved follow-up that properly clears the dust from the chaos of volume one’s conclusion.

Tom and Sam have been shunted to different high schools, offering Portman a new world of characters to ruin the duo’s lives.

The students and faculty of Clearview High are lifelike enough, but it often feels like Portman blew his wad on the first book, which is stuffed with grotesque caricatures common to a sour teenager’s universe.

The subversion that gets Tom out of bed in the morning still feels punk rock, but the tension that drives King Dork Approximately pales slightly in comparison with its predecessor. That’s not to say the sequel suffers greatly in the context of Portman’s pleasantly addled oeuvre, though: Hand any 15-year-old both of these books and a half dozen Mr. T Experience records, and you’re all but guaranteed to have an uber-literate—albeit uber-emo— punk-rock philosopher emerge from the ordeal. PETE COTTELL. GO: Frank Portman speaks at Powell’s Books at Cedar Hills Crossing, 3415 SW Cedar Hills Blvd., on Saturday, Jan. 10. 4 pm.

Free. Dr. Frank plays Sandy Hut, 1430 NE Sandy Blvd., with Beach Party and Faster Housecat, on Sunday, Jan. 11. 9 pm. $5. 21+.

jan. 7–13 REVIEW

= WW Pick. Highly recommended.

AT S u S H I N I S H I J I M A

MOVIES

Editor: REBECCA JACOBSON. TO BE CONSIDERED FOR LISTINGS, send screening information at least two weeks in advance to Screen, WW, 2220 NW Quimby St., Portland, OR 97210. Email: rjacobson@wweek.com. Fax: 243-1115.

OPENING THIS WEEK KBOO at the Clinton: Beyond Silence

[ONE NIGHT ONLY] A documentary from L.A. filmmaker Vidyut Latay about India’s deaf population. Clinton Street Theater. 7 pm Thursday, Jan. 8.

Norte, the End of History

B+ [TWO NIGHTS ONLY] At four

hours, Norte, the End of History is a relatively short film for Filipino director Lav Diaz. It’s also a rarity in that it’s shot in color. That may sound intimidating, but Diaz rewards the viewer’s patience as much as he tests it in his Crime and Punishment-inspired study of class divisions and cycles of guilt. A callous moneylender and her daughter are murdered, an innocent man is sent away for the crime, and at one point a person even levitates—Norte doesn’t take place in a heightened reality, and yet this gravity-defying moment somehow doesn’t feel out of place. Diaz roots his film in the quotidian so as to make it all the more noticeable when he reaches for the transcendent, a lofty goal he frequently achieves. Long before and well after the abrupt, life-changing outburst of violence, there are exhaustive discussions about the ghosts and dead revolutionaries still haunting the present-day Philippines. The young intellectuals at the center of the story have such difficulty reckoning with their country’s history that they stifle their own attempts at moving forward, with the murder only the most extreme example. Their lengthy conversations are framed by too many awe-inspiring shots to count, and the increasingly essential Angeli Bayani, star of last year’s Ilo Ilo, gives another performance of understated power as the struggling wife of the wrongfully imprisoned patsy. Sometimes our attempts to exorcise our demons only create more. MICHAEL NORDINE. NW Film’s Whitsell Auditorium. 7 pm Friday-Saturday, Jan. 9-10.

Taken 3

Somehow, there are still some ambiguously ethnic throats left in the world that Liam Neeson hasn’t chopped.

He completes his hammer-punching campaign in this final (praise be!) chapter in the Taken franchise. PG-13.

Cedar Hills, Eastport, Clackamas, Mill Plain, Cornelius, Oak Grove, Cinema 99, Bridgeport, Division, Evergreen Parkway, Lloyd Center, Movies on TV, Pioneer Place, Sherwood, Tigard, Wilsonville, Sandy.

The Thanhouser Studio and the Birth of American Cinema

[ONE NIGHT ONLY, DIRECTOR ATTENDING] Ned Thanhouser screens a new hourlong documentary about his grandparents’ independent silentmovie studio, which was founded in 1909 and produced more than 1,000 silent pictures. NW Film Center’s Whitsell Auditorium. 7 pm Sunday, Jan. 11.

STILL SHOWING Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

Steve Carell and Jennifer Garner star in an adaptation of the popular kids’ book. PG. Kennedy School, Mt. Hood.

Annie

C+ Rebooting a franchise can shed new light on a story. Take Annie: In director Will Gluck’s version, the plucky, white orphan is now a plucky, African-American foster kid, played by 10-year-old Oscar nominee Quvenzhané Wallis. Cruel orphanage caretaker Miss Hannigan (Cameron Diaz) is now an abusive ex-C C Music Factory member/foster-home runner. Daddy Warbucks is Michael Bloomberg—er, a wildly wealthy cellphone mogul named Will Stacks

(Jamie Foxx) who’s running for mayor of New York. Stacks and Annie run into each other (literally), she falls down, and he pulls her out of the street. His campaign team persuades him to take Annie in to pad his paltry polling numbers. Such references to the Machiavellian state of American politics make this Annie feel necessary.

At the end of the day, however, Annie needs to entertain kids. Whether the fault of the director or her own inexperience, Wallis’ performance is onenote, and she delivers every line with the same stiff cadence and twee defiance. And save “It’s the Hard Knock Life,” which borrows the beat of Jay-Z’s 1998 version, the singing and dancing are lukewarm. Annie’s updates are smart and fun, but with the iconic songs whittled to husks of their former selves, they’ve got nothing to stand on. PG. JAMES HELMSWORTH. Cedar Hills, Eastport, Clackamas, Cornelius, Oak Grove, Sandy.

Antarctica: A Year on Ice

A documentary about the everyday workers who keep Antarctica’s scientific research bases running. Brrr. PG. Living Room Theaters.

The Babadook

A- Dressed in a flowing trench coat

and tattered black hat, the apparition in the superb Aussie creeper The Babadook immediately lodges itself in your nightmares. First glimpsed in an Edward Gorey-esque pop-up book, the titular monster is like an unholy combination of a vaudevillian clown and Jack the Ripper. But what sets director Jennifer Kent’s debut film apart from standard creature features—and elevates it into the realm of horror art—is that even if this ghostly menace never appeared, The Babadook would still be a gorgeous, heartbreaking exercise in dread. The spare, haunting and often tragic horror drama centers on Amelia (Essie Davis), a nerve-jangled nurse still reeling from the death of her husband, who was killed while driving her to the hospital when she was in labor. Seven years later, Amelia and her son, Samuel (Noah Wiseman), lead a lonely and sleepless existence.

They find solace in nightly bedtime stories, until a mysterious pop-up book appears. Kent allows much of her film to play out in the shadows, creating a sense of claustrophobic paranoia and lunacy that make The Babadook one of the most emotionally affecting pieces of macabre cinema in years.

AP KRYZA. Living Room Theaters, Hollywood Theatre.

Big Eyes

B- For Margaret Keane, “eyes are the window to the soul.” At least, that’s the drivel the artist (a blond-wigged Amy Adams) has to deliver in Tim Burton’s Big Eyes, a biopic that winds up wanting for both vision and soul.

It’s got the makings of a rich story: In the late ’50s and early ’60s, Keane churned out hundreds of paintings of sad, saucer-eyed waifs. Art critics lambasted the work as sentimental kitsch, but the public adored it. And Margaret got none of the credit. Her husband, Walter (Christoph Waltz)—a charming huckster and self-deluded egotist—presented himself as the artist. It wasn’t until years later, when Margaret sued Walter for slander, that the truth emerged. As he did in Ed Wood 20 years ago, Burton has fashioned a portrait of an earnest artist producing work of dubious value. But unlike in that film, the director won’t let himself sink into strangeness. Adams, though sympathetic, is too often reduced to quivery, weepy anxiety. Waltz won two Oscars playing highly charismatic men, but here he’s cartoonishly deranged.

Apparently the real-life Walter Keane was even more of a nutjob, but that doesn’t forgive Waltz’s screen-smothering performance. PG-13. REBECCA JACOBSON. Eastport, Clackamas.

CONT. on page 40

ON BENDED kNEE: David Oyelowo as Martin Luther king Jr.

OR PERISH TOGETHER AS FOOLS WITH SELMA, AVA DUVERNAY BRINGS THE CIVIL RIGHTS MOVEMENT TO VIVID LIFE. BY chr is sta mm

243-2122

Movies about humanity’s failures tend to flatter their audiences. Look at yesterday’s folly, they say, and be proud of our relatively democratic present. Too rare are movies that shine a retrospective light strong enough to throw long, cold shadows into the now.

Such is Selma, Ava DuVernay’s drama about three 1965 civil rights marches in Alabama. It’s not a perfect film, but it arrives at a historic moment that will leave only the most blinkered viewer feeling chuffed about the superiority of the present to the past.

Which is not to say DuVernay has made a middling movie that merely chanced upon the right time to address our national nightmare. Events in Ferguson and New York City are only the most recent developments in an ongoing white supremacist campaign to consolidate power and exercise control, and Selma would have resonated one year or 10 years or 40 years ago. And while it is difficult to watch the film without reflecting on the royally fucked state of our nation at the moment, it is equally difficult to ignore the simple fact of DuVernay’s filmmaking talent.

Selma is not only a vital missive. It is also expertly crafted entertainment.

The film begins with a quiet moment of domestic dilly-dallying, as Martin Luther King Jr. (David Oyelowo) fiddles with an ascot and gripes to Coretta Scott King (Carmen Ejogo) about how the public might interpret such fanciness. While DuVernay returns to such pensive stretches throughout Selma, her film is not overly concerned with digging into the private lives of King and his circle. Oyelowo is unbelievably great as King, but DuVernay manages to embed his brilliant embodiment of a brilliant man in a project far more ambitious than run-of-the-mill hagiography. She’s mostly intent on examining the nature of collective action, and when her canvas expands to include King’s fellow activists (and enemies and doubters and reluctant followers), Selma truly sings.

There is plenty of inspirational uplift in the depiction of the Alabama civil rights marches that

eventually led a lagging LBJ to sign the Voting Rights Act of 1965, but the film works best as a study of the horrible violence that forced people to pay attention to the struggle. DuVernay presents King as a master craftsman with an instinct for charged moments that speak louder than his own carefully wrought words. She shares his skill for staging: Violence here is never aestheticized for its own sake, but brought to life so that we might understand its escalation and impact. The sudden blast that kills happy girls in church, the sneering disdain of a thuggish cop as he waits for an excuse to swing, the deep breath preceding an act of defiance that is sure to bring a beating—Selma magnifies these moments to subvert the notion that the civil rights movement represented some monolithic, autonomic historical force whose time had simply come. Instead, the film gives us tense, gripping seconds lived by human beings who are proud, terrified, strong, weak, brave, horrible, evil.

It is transfixing, but not easy to watch. And it should not be easy to watch.

IT IS TRANSFIxING, BuT NOT EASY TO WATCH. AND IT SHOuLD NOT BE EASY TO WATCH. DuVernay isn’t quite so successful when she retreats from the frontline to visit King as he strategizes with his comrades and goes toe to toe with LBJ, but as dry as these didactic chunks of information are, they are necessary to our understanding of what’s at stake when men, women and children stare down a police force, a government, a nation.

And those men, women and children can watch Selma and feel proud. And those who are still fighting can watch Selma and feel proud. The rest of us—the ones who only watch, who benefit from inaction while thrilling to staged history—should leave the theater feeling awed, but also sheepish, and maybe even ashamed. We should thank Ava DuVernay for that.

A- SEE IT: Selma is rated PG-13. It opens Friday at Hollywood Theatre, Lloyd Center, Eastport, Clackamas, Cedar Hills, Division, Bridgeport.

Willamette Week JANUARY 7, 2015 wweek.com

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jan. 7–13

Big Hero 6

A Shelving wordy cleverness for its

own sake, ignoring parental intrusion, and allowing moral lessons to develop organically through a simplified storyline, Big Hero 6 is that rarest thing: an animated children’s adventure designed purely to delight its target audience. PG. JAY HORTON. Cedar Hills, Clackamas, Empirical Theater at OMSI, Forest, Indoor Twin.

Birdman

B- If Birdman’s message is that the theater, specifically Broadway, is the home of high art and Hollywood a place of debased, greed-driven entertainment, director Alejandro González Iñárritu doesn’t make a convincing— or even amusingly satirical—argument.

R. REBECCA JACOBSON. Hollywood Theatre, Lake.

The Boxtrolls

C+ As in Portland animation house Laika’s previous two efforts—the fantastical Coraline and playfully supernatural ParaNorman—The Boxtrolls boasts a scrupulously crafted world. But its overstuffed screenplay lacks humor, and it could use a great deal more fun.

PG. REBECCA JACOBSON. Academy Theater, Laurelhurst Theater, Valley.

Boyhood

A Boyhood took 12 years, in film as

in life. For 12 years, director Richard Linklater shot the movie for a few weeks each summer as both the main character, a boy named Mason, and the actor, Ellar Coltrane, came of age, from 6 to 18. The epic undertaking has resulted in one of the most honest and absorbing representations of growing up ever put to film: all the tedium, all the wonder. R. MATTHEW KORFHAGE. Laurelhurst Theater.

Dear White People

A- When Justin Simien began work

on Dear White People, early drafts of the screenplay included an over-thetop college party featuring white students in blackface. At some point, though, he ruled it too outlandish and slashed it from the film. Then came the Compton Cookout at the University of California, San Diego, in 2010. The invitation promised chicken, watermelon and purple drank. Students showed up in heavy gold chains, oversized T-shirts and, yes, blackface. Simien quickly revived the party in Dear White People, and it’s one of many pieces that makes this college-set race satire so smart, gutsy and relevant. R. REBECCA JACOBSON. Academy Theater.

Dumb and Dumber To

B Twenty years after Dumb & Dumber entrenched the Farrelly brothers as keepers of a frat house of filmic offense, the directors return to their first heroes for the sequel just about nobody demanded. As if there were any doubt, Harry Dunne (Jeff Daniels) and Lloyd Christmas (Jim Carrey) remain resolutely unchanged, and the film is a fusillade of absurdist puns and scatological taunts. PG-13. JAY HORTON. Mt. Hood, Valley.

Exodus: Gods and Kings

C- Ridley Scott’s spin on the tale of Moses and Ramesses is what a parody of a biblical epic might look like on Entourage. PG-13. MICHAEL NORDINE. Clackamas.

Force Majeure

A- A family ski vacation in the French

Alps, unfolds with chilly menace, and a welcome shot of caustic humor, in Swedish director Ruben Östlund’s Force Majeure. Early in the trip, during lunch at an outdoor cafe, an avalanche comes rumbling down the mountain. Tomas (Johannes Bah Kuhnke) insists it’s a controlled slide. But when it doesn’t seem to stop, he grabs his iPhone and darts away, leaving his wife (Lisa Loven Kongsli), to shield the kids and scream after him. Turns out Tomas was right, and once the cloud of snow clears, the family resumes their meal.

And turns out Force Majeure is a disaster movie after all, only with casualties emotional rather than physical. Many have seen the film as a commentary on gender roles, and Östlund indeed told The New York Times he wanted to

40

create “the most pathetic male character on film.” But Mars/Venus debates aside, Force Majeure is an incisive exploration of shame and cowardice.

R. REBECCA JACOBSON. Living Room Theaters.

REVIEW C O U R T E S Y O F WA R N E R B R O S .

MOVIES

Fury

C Brad Pitt makes an inglorious return to Nazi-killing movies in Fury, David Ayer’s would-be epic about tank warfare in the waning days of World War II. Ayer sets up Fury as a a gritty depiction of the Nazis’ “total war” period, when all civilians were ordered to aid in their country’s desperate efforts—which would be more effective if the director didn’t use these atrocities as little more than action-movie set pieces. R. MICHAEL NORDINE. Academy Theater, Mt. Hood.

The Gambler

C Mark Wahlberg really, really wants an Oscar. And with The Gambler, he pursues it by employing every Academy-baiting trick short of transforming himself into a little black girl with a mental disability. Wahlberg lost 60 pounds for Rupert Wyatt’s remake of a 1974 James Caan vehicle because, well, acting. He plays Jim Bennett, an eccentric college professor by day and compulsive gambling junkie by night.

He has a strained relationship with his mother (Jessica Lange) and a romance with a precocious student (Brie Larsen). Trouble is, despite Wahlberg’s best efforts, it’s impossible to care about Bennett. He’s a horrible piece of shit who gets off on taking risks with other people’s money. It’s possible to make a great movie about terrible people: Just look at Nightcrawler for a purposeful examination of a horrible scumbag. But with no real motivations to back up its slick production values, The Gambler is a rudderless film notable only for Wahlberg’s performance. R. AP KRYZA. Cedar Hills, Eastport, Clackamas, Sandy.

Gone Girl

B+ Gone Girl might be David Fincher’s

battiest work. The director has taken a lurid suspense yarn—the wildly popular novel by Gillian Flynn—and emerged with a mesmerizing film that deftly straddles the line between brilliant and stupid. R. AP KRYZA. Academy Theater, Kennedy School, Laurelhurst Theater, Mission Theater, Valley.

The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies

B+ Prior to The Battle of the Five Armies, it would have been fair to say the Hobbit movies at their best were inferior to the Lord of the Rings films at their worst. This may not have been much of an issue for anyone whose fictional universe of choice is Middleearth, but even apologists had to admit the first two installments were often sluggish, if enjoyable. There’s finally a genuine sense of breathless urgency to the concluding chapter, which pits man against dwarf against elf against orc in an elegantly crafted, altogether glorious skirmish for supremacy over the Lonely Mountain.

PG-13. MICHAEL NORDINE. Bagdad, Cedar Hills, Eastport, Clackamas, Mill Plain, Cornelius, Oak Grove, Sandy.

The Hunger Games: Mockingjay, Part 1

B- When last we met Katniss Everdeen (Jennifer Lawrence), the bow-wielding heroine was being rescued from the eponymous death match and thrust into the role of reluctant revolutionary. Now, in the first half of The Hunger Games’ concluding installment, Katniss’ outlying District 12 has been reduced to ashen rubble. The Games are conspicuous in their absence. The latent cruelty of that tournament is responsible for nearly all of the franchise’s most indelible moments: That feeling of lambs going to slaughter is both exhilarating and tragic, and shorn of this, the new film has no real hook. PG13. MICHAEL NORDINE. Cedar Hills, Eastport, Clackamas, Mill Plain, Forest, Indoor Twin.

Horrible Bosses 2

B Three years after a trio of professionals conspired to murder their employers, Horrible Bosses 2 finds the

Willamette Week JANUARY 7, 2015 wweek.com

a craving for pancakes: Joaquin phoenix (left) and Josh Brolin.

DOC HOLLYWOOD INHERENT VICE IS DECADENT, DEPRAVED AND WONDERFUL. By aP KRyza

apkryza@wweek.com

In Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, Hunter S. Thompson scribed a stirring eulogy for the Summer of Love. “We were riding the crest of a high and beautiful wave,” he wrote. “Five years later, you can go up on a steep hill in Las Vegas and look West, and with the right kind of eyes you can almost see the high-water mark—that place where the wave finally broke and rolled back.”

Inherent Vice, Paul Thomas Anderson’s rollicking adaptation of Thomas Pynchon’s 2009 novel, exists in the wake of that wave. The beaches of ’70s Los Angeles are populated with human flotsam.

Hippies, Nazis, bikers, junkies, whores, Manson acolytes, dentists, cops, criminals and all manner of freaks commingle in the grimy tide pools. It’s a magnificent film.

It’s also not for all tastes, but hey, that’s Anderson. This is the auteur who crafted the hyperemotional human tapestry of Magnolia, the dark character studies of The Master and There Will Be Blood and the fantastical romance of Punch-Drunk Love. He’s always defied genre.

Here, though, Anderson is working in one of the most time-worn genres of all: the detective story.

Only with Inherent Vice, said private detective is less Sam Spade than Wavy Gravy, a pot-addled former doper named Doc Sportello (Joaquin Phoenix) whose ex, Shasta (Katherine Waterston), disappears before tipping him off about a plot to overthrow a powerful construction magnate. That takes Doc on a journey through the stony underworld of the ’70s. All the while, he’s feverishly dogged by police detective Christian “Bigfoot” Bjornsen (Josh Brolin) a flat-topped wannabe actor who takes great pleasure in stomping over hippies and brags about his myriad civil rights violations.

It takes very, very little time for Inherent Vice’s core mystery to take a backseat to the lunatic characters that Doc—played with ethereal charisma by a never-better Phoenix—encounters. This might prove frustrating to some, as the film meanders from scene to scene with the giddy weirdness of a teenager with a head full of chronic. But Anderson

is taking a cue from the convoluted plots of the classics: everything from The Maltese Falcon to The Long Goodbye and Chinatown. In Doc’s world, dark alleys might lead to free dope or to violence, and since we’re in his head for the entirety of the film—including a voice-over provided by a possibly imaginary narrator who gets distracted as Doc gets higher—it only makes sense that most ends are of the dead variety.

The key to enjoying Inherent Vice is to roll with the punches. Once you let go of the need for clarity and closure, you can appreciate a director working at the top of his game. Per usual, Anderson’s film is carried by excellent character work. But what makes Inherent Vice his most thoroughly enjoyable film is the way these characters interact with one another, in ways seemingly unrelated to Doc’s central quest. Brolin, as one of the most batshit hilarious personalities to emerge in years, manages to be at once touching, terrifying and ridiculous as the straight-laced yang to Doc’s chemically

THE BEACHES OF ’70s LOS ANGELES ARE POPULATED WITH HUMAN FLOTSAM. enhanced yin. Other characters—Benicio Del Toro as Doc’s lawyer, Reese Witherspoon as his sometimes-girlfriend, Owen Wilson as a Machiavellian saxophonist, and one SNL alum with a role too juicy to disclose—flit around Doc’s periphery, some adding to the plot, others simply adding layers of chaos. It’s a cacophony of stimulation that blurs the lines between reality and fantasy.

Not since Boogie Nights has Anderson had so much fun toying with taboos. Make no mistake, Inherent Vice is a surrealist comedy above all, a film that, like The Big Lebowski, reimagines the detective game through the bleary eyes of a counterculture hero of a bygone era. But Anderson approaches the mayhem with the same steady eye that’s made him a juggernaut of the dramatic.

And while some may find its strange, stream-ofconsciousness approach to be grating, others will be enthralled with each and every gorgeously composed frame. This is a director riding high on a wave he himself created by cannonballing into the deep end. Let’s hope it never crests.

A see it: Inherent Vice is rated R. It opens Friday at Cinema 21, Lloyd Center, Eastport, Clackamas, Cedar Hills, Bridgeport.

JAN. 7–13

The Imitation Game

B As geniuses often are, British

mathematician Alan Turing was an odd duck. And, as Oscar-season biopics often are, The Imitation Game is a resolutely traditional film.

Full of childhood flashbacks, handsome sets, sharp zingers and a careful dash of devastation, it takes a prickly prodigy—Turing pioneered the field of computer science and helped crack Nazi codes—and places him in an eminently (and sometimes overly) palatable picture.

But the story packs natural dramatic wallop, and Norwegian director Morten Tyldum tells it with the brisk pacing of a thriller. As Turing, Benedict Cumberbatch is detached but pained—it’s a wonderful performance. The film also gives us scenes set after the war, when Turing was interrogated for homosexuality, an illegal activity at the time. Tyldum, though, presents Turing as a gay martyr but never as a gay man, an elision more frustrating than the film’s many historical tweaks. And yet there’s something to be said for a drama as sturdy and watchable as The Imitation Game. With a story this compelling and a cast this good, it’s difficult not to play along. PG-13. REBECCA JACOBSON. Cedar Hills, Clackamas, Mill Plain, Moreland.

Into the Woods

B+ Stephen Sondheim’s much-

loved musical has finally made it to the big screen, living somewhere between the stage original, with its shattered happy endings and higher death count, and the more sanitized, shortened version that’s long been making the rounds in school productions. Though timid—it waters down forest sex to an agonized make-out scene in the pines—Disney’s long-shelved adaptation is still a beautiful compromise. And hell, the mash-up of cautionary fairy tales is fun. And it’s Sondheim! Meaning that, for the most part, this production is scored by show tunes more erratic than earworm. PG. SAUNDRA SORENSON. Cedar Hills, Eastport, Clackamas, Mill Plain, Cornelius, Oak Grove, Roseway, Sandy, St. Johns Theater.

John Wick

A- John Wick treads familiar

ground: A retired hit man (Keanu Reeves) is roped back into the life.

But this is the rare film that excels as much for what it puts on display as for what it holds back. It oozes style, yet avoids showy slow-mo and CGI. It’s birthed from cliché, yet populated with unpredictable characters. And it’s bloody terrific. R. AP KRYZA. Laurelhurst Theater.

Night at the Museum: Secret of the Tomb

Ben Stiller spends more time sprinting through a museum. PG. Cedar Hills, Eastport, Clackamas, Cornelius, Oak Grove, Sandy.

The Skeleton Twins

C Some twins can finish each other’s sentences, or guess what number the other is imagining with to-the-decimal-point accuracy. In The Skeleton Twins, Maggie and Milo’s sibling ESP manifests in simultaneous suicide attempts.

Despite living on different coasts and having had no contact in 10 years, the twins, played by Kristen Wiig and Bill Hader, try to take their own lives at practically the same moment. Neither succeeds, but the incident brings them back under the same roo. If this sounds like typical Sundance-baiting indie stuff, well, it is. But if there’s one thing writerdirector Craig Johnson gets right, it’s the casting. As former Saturday Night Live castmates, Hader and Wiig come with built-in brother-sister chemistry. One can only imagine how insufferable the film would be with anyone else. R. MATTHEW SINGER. Academy Theater, Laurelhurst Theater.

St. Vincent

B- Under most circumstances, St. Vincent, would be blasted for its contrived, overwrought plot. Does the world really need another story about a mean old bastard who finds redemption and purpose thanks to a kid? But luckily, that crusty bastard is played by Bill Murray, who takes what could have been a geriatric riff on About a Boy and turns it into a showcase of his everevolving comedic prowess. PG13. AP KRYZA. Academy Theater, Laurelhurst Theater, Valley.

CONT. on page 42

REVIEW

Interstellar

C+ Christopher Nolan is

Hollywood’s most masterful huckster: a blockbuster auteur who uses incredible sleight of hand to elevate into art what other directors would leave as garbage. Interstellar finds former pilot Cooper (Matthew McConaughey) raising his kids and crops on a blighted Earth who’s enlisted to captain a space expedition to prevent the extinction of mankind. But Nolan overcomplicates things with indecipherable equations and endless exposition. Add a twist ending that’s ludicrous and self-important to the point of hilarity and you’ve got a lot of strained goodwill. PG-13. AP KRYZA. Cedar Hills, Eastport, Clackamas.

The Interview

A Some people take a strong

dislike to Katy Perry. There are a variety of stupid reasons for this, and it’s mostly pointless to argue with anyone who believes such a perspective indicates you’re a wizened iconoclast rejecting useless pink fluff. There’s some symmetry between Perry and The Interview, the new movie from Pineapple Expressionists Seth Rogen and James Franco. A lot of symmetry, actually. Enough that I don’t think it’s a stretch to call director Evan Goldberg’s use of “Firework” in the movie’s memorable death scene a masterstroke of meta-narrative. As you’ve heard by now, The Interview follows Franco’s douchebaggy talkshow host and Rogen’s Columbiaeducated producer into North Korea, where they’ve been assigned to assassinate newish dictator Kim Jong-un. After all the studio-hacking and release-pulling, it’s not easy to unfreight the film of the controversy. So is The Interview funny? I laughed, hard. To be sure, the jokes are better if you read international news. Like so much of Ms. Perry’s work, The Interview’s best moments are about the universal thirst for validation. The moral, too, is plain: Ignite the light, and let it shine, or else evil wins. R. MARTIN CIZMAR. Living Room Theaters, Mill Plain.

Into The Woods (PG) 10:45AM 1:40PM 4:40PM 7:35PM 10:30PM Night At The Museum: Secret Of The Tomb (PG) 11:05AM 1:50PM 4:20PM 7:10PM 9:55PM Interstellar (PG-13) 10:55AM 2:40PM 6:20PM 10:00PM Woman In Black 2: Angel Of Death (PG-13) 12:10PM 2:45PM 5:20PM 7:55PM 10:35PM Inherent Vice (R) 12:00PM 3:30PM 7:00PM 10:25PM Penguins Of Madagascar, The (PG) 11:30AM 2:05PM 4:35PM 7:05PM 9:35PM Unbroken (PG-13) 12:45PM 4:00PM 7:20PM 10:30PM Wild (R) 10:55AM 1:45PM 4:35PM 7:25PM 10:15PM Selma (PG-13) 10:45AM 1:40PM 4:40PM 7:40PM 10:40PM Taken 3 (PG-13) 11:45AM 2:30PM 5:15PM 8:00PM 10:40PM Big Hero 6 (PG) 10:50AM 1:30PM 4:20PM 7:10PM 9:50PM Exodus: Gods and Kings 3D (PG-13) 3:15PM 6:50PM

Big Eyes (PG-13) 11:35AM 2:20PM 5:00PM 7:40PM 10:25PM Imitation Game, The (PG-13) 10:50AM 1:35PM 4:25PM 7:15PM 10:05PM Annie (2014) (PG) 10:45AM 1:35PM 4:30PM 7:20PM 10:15PM Exodus: Gods and Kings (PG-13) 11:40AM 10:15PM Horrible Bosses 2 (R) 11:15AM 2:00PM 4:45PM 7:30PM 10:20PM Hunger Games: The Mockingjay, Part 1 (PG-13) 1:05PM 4:05PM 7:05PM 10:05PM Hobbit: The Battle Of The Five Armies (PG-13) 12:20PM 10:20PM Gambler, The (R) 11:10AM 2:15PM 4:55PM 7:45PM 10:35PM Hobbit: The Battle Of The Five Armies 3D (PG-13) 3:40PM 7:00PM

Into The Woods (PG) 10:50AM 1:45PM 4:40PM 7:35PM 10:30PM Night At The Museum: Secret Of The Tomb (PG) 11:35AM 2:05PM 4:35PM 7:05PM 9:35PM Woman In Black 2: Angel Of Death (PG-13) 12:30PM 3:00PM 5:30PM 8:00PM 10:30PM Interstellar (PG-13) 11:00AM 2:40PM Penguins Of Madagascar, The (PG) 11:00AM 2:10PM 4:40PM Unbroken (PG-13) 12:35PM 4:00PM 7:10PM 10:20PM Wild (R) 11:05AM 1:50PM 4:35PM 7:20PM 10:05PM Selma (PG-13) 11:00AM 1:20PM 4:20PM 7:20PM 10:20PM Taken 3 (PG-13) 11:20AM 12:40PM 2:00PM 3:20PM 4:40PM 6:00PM 7:20PM 8:40PM 10:00PM

Big Hero 6 (PG) 11:10AM 1:50PM 4:30PM 7:15PM 9:55PM Gambler, The (R) 7:35PM 10:20PM Inherent Vice (R) 12:10PM 3:35PM 7:00PM 10:15PM Annie (2014) (PG) 11:00AM 1:55PM 4:40PM 7:30PM 10:25PM Gopala Gopala (Blue Sky) (NR) 6:20PM 9:10PM Hunger Games: The Mockingjay, Part 1 (PG-13) 10:55AM 1:50PM 4:45PM 7:40PM 10:35PM Imitation Game, The (PG-13) 11:15AM 2:00PM 4:45PM 7:30PM 10:20PM Hobbit: The Battle Of The Five Armies 3D (PG-13) 3:40PM 10:15PM Hobbit: The Battle Of The Five Armies (PG-13) 12:20PM 7:00PM

Into The Woods (PG) 10:50AM 1:45PM 4:40PM 7:35PM 10:30PM Night At The Museum: Secret Of The Tomb (PG) 11:20AM 1:50PM 4:25PM 7:15PM 9:55PM Woman In Black 2: Angel Of Death (PG-13) 11:30AM 2:15PM 4:55PM 7:45PM 10:25PM Interstellar (PG-13) 11:00AM 2:40PM 6:20PM 10:00PM Unbroken (PG-13) 12:20PM 3:40PM 7:10PM 10:20PM Wild (R) 11:00AM 1:45PM 4:30PM 7:25PM 10:15PM Selma (PG-13) 12:30PM 3:45PM 7:00PM 10:10PM Taken 3 (PG-13) 11:15AM 12:45PM 2:00PM 3:30PM 5:00PM 6:15PM 7:45PM 9:15PM 10:35PM

Hunger Games: The Mockingjay, Part 1 (PG-13) 1:40PM 7:20PM Annie (2014) (PG) 11:05AM 2:00PM 4:50PM 7:40PM 10:30PM Big Eyes (PG-13) 11:15AM 1:55PM 4:40PM 7:25PM 10:05PM Inherent Vice (R) 11:30AM 3:00PM 6:30PM 10:00PM An Ode to My Father (CJ Entertainment) (NR) 12:40PM 4:00PM 7:10PM 10:15PM Hobbit: The Battle Of The Five Armies 3D (PG-13) 3:25PM 10:20PM Hobbit: The Battle Of The Five Armies (PG-13) 12:00PM 7:00PM Big Hero 6 (PG) 11:10AM 2:05PM 4:45PM 7:30PM 10:10PM Gambler, The (R) 10:55AM 4:35PM 10:15PM

Taken 3 XD (PG-13) 11:00AM 1:45PM 4:30PM 7:15PM 10:00PM

COURTESY OF ADOPT FILMS

B-list wolfpack (Jason Bateman, Jason Sudeikis, Charlie Day) again nudged toward criminal vengeance.

Where the original blanketed any satirical edge beneath formulaic conventions and indulgent star turns, new director Sean Anders’ unrepentant hackiness dispels any semblance of narrative construct.

Instead, he throws all his energies behind his leads’ banter-driven interplay, which works undeserved miracles. R. JAY HORTON. Mission Theater, Clackamas, Kennedy School, Valley.

MOVIES

FRIDAY

ICED OVER: If you’re itching to spend three hours with a misanthropic mansplainer, Winter Sleep is just the ticket. A 196-minute meditation on marriage, class politics and narcissism, Turkish director Nuri Bilge Ceylan’s Palme d’Or-winning film is an exercise in endurance: both in its sheer length, and in viewers’ ability to withstand the prick at the center of it all. That would be Aydin (Haluk Bilginer), a former actor (“I prefer the term thespian”) who now runs a hotel carved into the craggy landscape of Cappadocia—the caves are fairy-tale-like in their otherworldliness, with the snowfall at twilight particularly sublime. Aydin, whose name means “intellectual” in Turkish, imagines himself a high-minded scholar. In reality, he’s a coward of middling intelligence who patronizes his much younger wife and lords over a poor family that’s late on paying rent. Much of the film unfolds in turgid conversation, with a few hibernation-inducing exchanges stretching longer than the average sitcom (but you don’t have to read Seinfeld). The cast is formidable—Melisa Sözen gives a finely tuned performance as Aydin’s wife, and Bilginer, with his derisive snorts and haughty laughs, is justifiably infuriating. His character doesn’t scream or rage or hurl cruel epithets: He’s a just-belowboil asshole, which is definitely the worst kind of asshole. But the script, inspired by two Chekhov stories and written by the director and his wife, Ebru, spells out every bit of moral minutiae. It fights itself for the last word—as unable as its characters to let anything be. REBECCA JACOBSON. B-

SEE IT: Winter Sleep opens Friday at Living Room Theaters.

Willamette Week JANUARY 7, 2015 wweek.com

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JAN. 7–13

The Tale of the Princess Kaguya

AP FILM STUDIES COURTESY OF BANDAI VISUAL

MOVIES

From Studio Ghibli cofounder Isao Takahata comes a hand-drawn adaptation of a 10th-century Japanese folk tale about a girl who emerges from a stalk of bamboo. PG. Laurelhurst Theater.

Top Five

A- Chris Rock took way too long to

play himself in a movie. Or perhaps it’s more accurate to say he took far too long to make a movie that sounds like he does. That’s the immediate thing to leap out about Top Five, the third film the comic has written, directed and starred in but the first to come across as a true Chris Rock joint: The dialogue has the tone, pacing and detonation of his standup. For most of the film, it’s a loose, engaging walk-and-talk, something like Before Sunrise meets Seinfeld, energized by interjections of hip-hop brashness. R. MATTHEW SINGER. Fox Tower, Lloyd Mall, Division, Bridgeport, Clackamas.

Tracks

C+ Like Wild, based on Portlander Cheryl Strayed’s memoir about hiking part of the Pacific Crest Trail, Tracks tells the story of a woman going on a monthslong trek across unforgiving terrain in order to find herself. Based on the real-life story of Robyn Davidson—who went on an impromptu, 1,700-mile walkabout across Australia in 1977—Tracks is distinguished by the performances of its heroine (Mia Wasikowska), her canine and camel companions, and little else, with the animals at times more expressive than Robyn. PG-13.

MICHAEL NORDINE. Fox Tower.

Unbroken

B Early directorial efforts from movie stars typically exploit every advantage of the Hollywood filmmaking apparatus, so it should come as no surprise that Angelina Jolie’s second feature, Unbroken, looks terrific. Some would argue that the harrowing story of former Olympian Louis Zamperini’s torturous ordeals—40-plus days lost at sea and the unending abuse of a Japanese prisoner-of-war camp— needn’t resemble a Tom Ford catalog. Nevertheless, Jolie stirs up a darkly passionate, powerfully strange love story within an otherwise boilerplate docudrama. PG-13.

JAY HORTON. Cedar Hills, Eastport, Clackamas, Mill Plain, Cornelius, Oak Grove, Sandy, St. Johns Cinemas.

Wild

A- Here’s some good news for

Oregonians: Wild, the film adaptation of Portlander Cheryl Strayed’s best-selling memoir about hiking 1,100 miles on the Pacific Crest Trail, gets our state right. It’s also a rich and affecting piece of filmmaking, independent of any book. Strayed’s memoir recounts how, at age 26, she undertook a solo trek on the Pacific Crest Trail. Her mother had died of cancer a few years earlier, her marriage had crumbled, and she was self-destructing with the help of heroin and promiscuous sex. Like the book, Jean-Marc Vallée’s film is punctuated by flashbacks. What keeps us engaged isn’t fear about whether Strayed will survive, but the alchemy of physical toil and emotional turmoil, and the way past traumas and current challenges illuminate one another. R. REBECCA JACOBSON. Cedar Hills, Eastport, Clackamas, Cinema 21, CineMagic, Cornelius, Edgefield, Hollywood Theatre, Lake, Oak Grove, Sandy, St. Johns Cinemas.

The Woman in Black 2: Angel of Death Alas, Daniel Radcliffe isn’t back in this supernatural horror sequel, presumably because he’s spent more than enough time in creaky countryside houses. PG-13. Cornelius, Oak Grove, Sandy, Cedar Hills, Eastport, Clackamas.

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Willamette Week JANUARY 7, 2015 wweek.com

ANIME 101 When most of us think of anime, we imagine gigantic-eyed otaku heroines with mystical powers and tiny skirts.

We think of gigantic robots, ultra-cute kitties, Poké Balls, shrill squeals and seizure-inducing explosions of color. At best, the uninitiated think of tentacle porn and then get a Pavlovian craving for Tanuki.

And while that’s fair in a post-Pokémon society, such preconceptions are unfortunate—some genuine masterpieces have emerged from the genre. This weekend, as part of its animation exhibit, OMSI offers the chance to experience the true art of anime with Princess Mononoke, Ghost in the Shell and Akira. (Visit omsi.edu for full schedule.) Some anime fans—probably those in knee-highs and oversized goggles—might claim these films “too mainstream,” but they’re actually perfect gateway drugs. Big bonus: They’re being shown on the Empirical Theater’s amazing, four-story screen, which has boasted the area’s best picture and sound since its renovation a year ago.

Princess Mononoke, Hayao Miyazaki’s 1997 masterpiece, stands tall in high-fantasy filmmaking. It’s chockablock with monsters, among them a shape-shifting beast made of snakes that makes Peter Jackson’s magnificent creatures look like stuffed animals.

1988’s Akira and 1995’s Ghost in the Shell, meanwhile, are among the best dystopian epics of all time—animated or not—drawing on everything from Blade Runner to Metropolis and paving the way for films as diverse as The Matrix and Avatar.

So forget cosplay fodder—these films transcend stereotypes.

And if that means you also get to sit in a theater with a girl dressed as a wolf-riding warrior, well, that’s pretty cool, too. AP KRYZA. OMSI unleashes three landmarks of Japanese animation.

ALSO SHOWING: Pedro Almodóvar’s breakout film, 1988’s Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown, is the director’s most accessible blend of art, comedy, sex and madness. 5th Avenue Cinema. 7 and 9:30 pm Friday-Saturday and 3 pm Sunday, Jan. 9-11.

Paying absolutely no attention to Bob Kane’s original Dark Knight mythology, Tim Burton’s Batman Returns reimagines the Penguin as a sewer-dwelling, slime-barfing monster, Catwoman as a near-immortal sexpot and Christopher Walken as, well, Christopher Walken.

It’s brilliant, and proves that you can frontload a film with villains and still make something coherent (pay attention, Spidey). Academy Theater. Jan. 9-15.

Without a budget to cover suede elbow patches, cartoon fish and funny hats, Wes Anderson’s debut, 1996’s Bottle Rocket, had to rely on good writing and the charms of then-unknown Owen and Luke Wilson. It remains his most grounded and relatable film. Laurelhurst Theater. Jan. 9-15.

Thirty-three years later—and after much critical backlash—Pink Floyd: The Wall has emerged as a trippy rite of passage for fans of music and film. Still, the album is best enjoyed at one of OMSI’s laser shows. Clinton Street Theater. 7 pm Friday-Sunday, Jan. 9-11.

Hecklevision brings the pain with No Holds Barred, Hulk Hogan’s emotionally gripping and poetic tale of oily men beating the shit out of one another. Hollywood Theatre. 7:30 pm Saturday, Jan. 10.

Hollywood Theatre programmer Dan Halsted just added his favorite movie—gory classic Shogun Assassin—to his collection. Join him in geeking out over one of the best martial arts films ever. Hollywood Theatre. 7:30 pm Tuesday, Jan. 13.

MOVIES c o u r T e S y o F k aT S u p r o d u c T i o n S

jan. 9–15

BEST PONYTAIL EVER: Shogun Assassin plays Tuesday, Jan. 13, at the Hollywood Theatre.

Bagdad Theater

3702 SE Hawthorne Blvd., 503-249-7474 THE HOBBIT: THE BaTTLE OF THE FIVE aRMIES FriSat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 11:30, 03:00, 07:00, 10:45

Cinema 21

616 NW 21st Ave., 503-223-4515 WILD Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-TueWed 01:00, 01:30, 03:30, 04:00, 06:15, 06:45, 08:40, 09:10 InHEREnT VICE Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 12:45, 03:45, 07:00, 09:55

Clinton Street Theater

2522 SE Clinton St., 503-238-8899 PInK FLOYD: THE WaLL Fri-Sat-Sun 07:00 EXIT MaRRaKECH Wed 07:00

Laurelhurst Theatre & Pub

2735 E Burnside St., 503-232-5511 GOnE GIRL Fri-Sat-SunMon-Tue-Wed 06:40 BOTTLE ROCKET FriSat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 09:45 ST. VInCEnT FriSat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 07:00 THE SKELETOn TWInS Fri-Sat-Sun-MonTue-Wed 09:15 BOYHOOD Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 06:15, 08:45 jOHn WICK Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 09:30 TRaCKS Fri-SatSun-Tue-Wed 06:30 THE BOXTROLLS Fri-Sat-Sun 01:00, 04:00 THE TaLE OF THE PRInCESS KaGUYa Sat-Sun 12:45

Mission Theater and Pub

1624 NW Glisan St., 503-249-7474-5 GOnE GIRL Fri-Sat-SunTue-Wed 09:50 THE TERMInaTOR Fri-Sat-SunTue-Wed 07:15 HORRIBLE BOSSES Fri-Sat-Sun-TueWed 04:30

Moreland Theatre

6712 SE Milwaukie Ave., 503236-5257 THE IMITaTIOn GaME FriSat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 05:30, 08:00

Roseway Theatre

7229 NE Sandy Blvd., 503-282-2898 InTO THE WOODS Fri-SatSun-Mon-Tue-Wed 01:30, 04:45, 08:00

St. Johns Cinemas

8704 N Lombard St., 503-286-1768 UnBROKEn Fri-Sat-SunMon-Tue-Wed 03:50, 07:00, 10:00 WILD FriSat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 04:00, 06:30, 09:05

CineMagic Theatre

2021 SE Hawthorne Blvd., 503-231-7919 WILD Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-TueWed 04:35, 07:00, 09:25

Century 16 Eastport Plaza

4040 SE 82nd Ave. BIG HERO 6 Fri-SatSun-Mon-Tue-Wed 11:10, 02:05, 04:45, 07:30, 10:10 InTERSTELLaR FriSat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 11:00, 02:40, 06:20, 10:00 THE HUnGER GaMES: MOCKInGjaY, PaRT 1 FriSat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 01:40, 07:20 WILD Fri-SatSun-Mon-Tue-Wed 11:00, 01:45, 04:30, 07:25, 10:15 THE HOBBIT: THE BaTTLE OF THE FIVE aRMIES FriSat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 12:00, 07:00 THE HOBBIT: THE BaTTLE OF THE FIVE aRMIES 3D Fri-Sat-SunMon-Tue-Wed 03:25, 10:20 nIGHT aT THE MUSEUM: SECRET OF THE TOMB Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 11:20, 01:50, 04:25, 07:15, 09:55 annIE Fri-Sat-SunMon-Tue-Wed 11:05, 02:00, 04:50, 07:40, 10:30 THE GaMBLER Fri-Sat-SunMon-Tue-Wed 10:55, 04:35, 10:15 InTO THE WOODS Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 10:50, 01:45, 04:40, 07:35, 10:30 UnBROKEn Fri-SatSun-Mon-Tue-Wed 12:20, 03:40, 07:10, 10:20 BIG EYES Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-TueWed 11:15, 10:05 SELMa Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 12:30, 03:45, 07:00, 10:10 TaKEn 3 Fri-Sat-Sun-MonTue-Wed 11:15, 12:45, 02:00, 03:30, 05:00, 06:15, 07:45, 09:15, 10:35 InHEREnT VICE Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-TueWed 11:30, 03:00, 06:30, 10:00 THE WOMan In BLaCK: anGEL OF DEaTH Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 11:30, 02:15, 04:55, 07:45, 10:25 ODE TO MY FaTHER Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-TueWed 12:40, 04:00, 07:10, 10:15 TCM PRESEnTS: THE WIZaRD OF OZ Sun-Wed 02:00, 07:00

Edgefield Powerstation Theater

2126 SW Halsey St., 503-249-7474-2 WILD Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-TueWed 03:45, 07:00, 10:15

Kennedy School Theater

5736 NE 33rd Ave., 503-249-7474-4 aLEXanDER anD THE TERRIBLE, HORRIBLE, nO GOOD, VERY BaD DaY FriSun-Tue-Wed 05:30 GOnE GIRL Fri-Sun-Tue-Wed 07:30 HORRIBLE BOSSES 2 Fri-Sun-Tue-Wed 10:30 THE LORD OF THE RInGS: THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE

RInG Sat 11:00 THE LORD OF THE RInGS: THE TWO TOWERS Sat 04:00 THE LORD OF THE RInGS: THE RETURn OF THE KInG Sat 08:00 COLLEGE FOOTBaLL Mon 05:30

Empirical Theater at OMSI

1945 SE Water Ave., 503-797-4000 WaLKInG WITH DInOSaURS 3D Fri-SatSun 12:00 WILD OCEan Fri-Sat-Sun 02:30 BEaRS Fri-Sat-Sun 01:00 FLIGHT OF THE BUTTERFLIES Fri-Sat-Sun 10:00 D-DaY: nORManDY 1944 FriSat-Sun 11:00 PRInCESS MOnOnOKE Fri-Sat 05:30 aDREnaLInE RUSH: THE SCIEnCE OF RISK Fri 05:30 GHOST In THE SHELL FriSat-Sun 05:30 aKIRa Fri-Sat 08:00 BIG HERO 6 Sun 03:30

5th Avenue Cinema

510 SW Hall St., 503-725-3551 WOMEn On THE VERGE OF a nERVOUS BREaKDOWn Fri-Sat 07:00, 09:30 Sun 03:00

Hollywood Theatre

4122 NE Sandy Blvd., 503-281-4215 SELMa Fri-Sat-Sun-MonTue-Wed 06:45, 09:15 WILD Fri-Sat-Sun-MonTue-Wed 07:00 BIRDMan OR (THE UnEXPECTED VIRTUE OF IGnORanCE) Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 09:30 THE BaBaDOOK Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 09:45 SHOCKWaVES Fri-Sat 09:45 SaTURDaY MORnInG CaRTOOn MaYHEM Sat 02:00 nO HOLDS BaRRED In HECKLEVISIOn Sat 07:30 SHOGUn aSSaSSIn Tue 07:30

NW Film Center’s Whitsell Auditorium

1219 SW Park Ave., 503-221-1156 nORTE, THE EnD OF HISTORY Fri-Sat 07:00 THE THanHOUSER STUDIO anD THE BIRTH OF aMERICan CInEMa Sun 07:00

St. Johns Theater

8203 N Ivanhoe St., 503-249-7474-6 InTO THE WOODS Fri-SatSun-Mon-Tue-Wed 01:00, 04:00, 07:00, 09:45

Academy Theater

7818 SE Stark St., 503-252-0500 DEaR WHITE PEOPLE FriSat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 04:55, 09:30 ST. VInCEnT Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 02:45, 07:15 FURY Fri-SatSun-Mon-Tue-Wed 09:00 GOnE GIRL Fri-Sat-SunMon-Tue-Wed 01:40, 06:45 THE BOXTROLLS Fri-SatSun-Mon-Tue-Wed 04:40 THE SKELETOn TWInS Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 02:25, 07:00 BaTMan

RETURnS Fri-Sat-Sun-MonTue-Wed 04:25, 09:45

Century Clackamas Town Center and XD

12000 SE 82nd Ave. BIG HERO 6 Fri-Sat-SunMon-Tue-Wed 10:50, 01:30, 04:20, 07:10, 09:50 InTERSTELLaR Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-TueWed 10:55, 02:40, 06:20, 10:00 THE HUnGER GaMES: MOCKInGjaY, PaRT 1 Fri-Sat-Sun-MonTue-Wed 01:05, 04:05, 07:05, 10:05 PEnGUInS OF MaDaGaSCaR Fri-SatSun-Mon-Tue-Wed 11:30, 02:05, 04:35, 07:05, 09:35 HORRIBLE BOSSES 2 FriSat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 11:15, 02:00, 04:45, 07:30, 10:20 THE IMITaTIOn GaME Fri-Sat-Sun-MonTue-Wed 10:50, 01:35, 04:25, 07:15, 10:05 WILD Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-TueWed 10:55, 01:45, 04:35, 07:25, 10:15 EXODUS: GODS anD KInGS Fri-SatSun-Mon-Tue-Wed 11:40, 10:15 EXODUS: GODS anD KInGS 3D Fri-SatSun-Mon-Tue-Wed 03:15, 06:50 THE HOBBIT: THE BaTTLE OF THE FIVE aRMIES Fri-Sat-Sun-MonTue-Wed 12:20, 10:20 THE HOBBIT: THE BaTTLE OF THE FIVE aRMIES 3D FriSat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 03:40, 07:00 nIGHT aT THE MUSEUM: SECRET OF THE TOMB Fri-Sat-SunMon-Tue-Wed 11:05, 01:50, 04:20, 07:10, 09:55 annIE Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 10:45, 01:35, 04:30, 07:20, 10:15 THE GaMBLER FriSat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 11:10, 02:15, 04:55, 07:45, 10:35 InTO THE WOODS Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 10:45, 01:40, 04:40, 07:35, 10:30 UnBROKEn Fri-SatSun-Mon-Tue-Wed 12:45, 04:00, 07:20, 10:30 BIG EYES Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-TueWed 11:15, 10:25 SELMa Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-TueWed 10:45, 01:40, 04:40, 07:40, 10:40 TaKEn 3 Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 11:45, 02:30, 05:15, 08:00, 10:40 InHEREnT VICE Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-TueWed 12:00, 03:30, 07:00, 10:25 THE WOMan In BLaCK: anGEL OF DEaTH Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 12:10, 02:45, 05:20, 07:55, 10:35 TCM PRESEnTS: THE WIZaRD OF OZ Sun-Wed 02:00, 07:00 EXHIBITIOn OnSCREEn: MaTISSE Tue 07:00

SubjecT To change. call TheaTerS or ViSiT WWeek.coM/MoVieTiMeS For The MoST up-To-daTe inForMaTion Friday-ThurSday, jan.

9-15, unleSS oTherWiSe indicaTed

Willamette Week JANUARY 7, 2015 wweek.com

43

END ROLL

VS THE PINEAPPLE BOWL Next Monday, Honolulu-born Marcus Mariota, along with five other Hawaiians, will lead the Oregon Ducks against the Ohio State Buckeyes in Arlington, Texas, for the first national championship of the semi-legit major college football playoff era. This is especially fitting, since Hawaiians have been part of the Oregon landscape longer than Protestants, and the states have shared a close bond all the way back to when one was a kingdom and the other was a territory. The nation will watch as young men pound the future out of each other for the NCAA’s profit, and to see whether Hawaiians’ trademark unflappability will hold up under the banshee wail of many thousands of angry Ohioans.

The game will be intense. The order of the day for those precious few in the Venn diagram overlap of “Duck fan” and “marijuana enthusiast” is an early evening strain that will turn down the gut-churning anxiety in favor of a Mariota mentality: aware, but calm like an island breeze. And since this season mainly taught us that the best way to find the best is through head-to-head competition, I settled on my two favorite Hawaii-themed hybrids and had ’em duke it out: Pineapple Express, grown by Tushour Farms and purchased at Oregon’s Finest, and Golden Pineapple, grown by Nelson and Co. and purchased at Pure Green.

Aroma: Both smell a great deal like pineapples.

Express is riper, treading a thin line between sweet and saccharine. Golden is more earthy and well-rounded. Express ultimately sticks its can-

P

Smoke: Both f lowers toed the line nicely between crumbly and sticky. Golden’s earthiness carries through to the smoke, and the draw is smooth. But Express is as bright and sweet as if sprinkled with salt.

ADVANTAGE: Pineapple Express.

Effects: Golden offers a steady creative spark and a focused cerebral high at low to moderate levels, the kind of rush you’d want when powering through the conceptual phase of a creative project. The insistent energetic chug that shows up in Diesel strains is missing, though, and I found myself drowsy as the effects faded after an hour.

Express doesn’t quite evoke the thrill of rock jumping at Waimea Bay all afternoon, but the giddiness should improve the overcast, mid-40s temperatures of Portland. ADVANTAGE: Pineapple Express.

Duration: Golden is spikier, with the headier effects clocking in at 60 minutes before fading over the next half hour or so. Express hangs around longer, with a gentle wave of body melt settling in just around the time Golden fades for good. ADVANTAGE: Pineapple Express.

Verdict: Golden Pineapple is an excellent strain. If you’re structuring your dissertation on why the members of TV on the Radio are musical prophets. But we’re watching football, so ride the Pineapple Express all the way to victory. WM. WILLARD GREENE.

sU

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died landing, but I could inhale Golden’s terpenes all day and find a new hint to appreciate every time. ADVANTAGE: Golden Pineapple, by a nose.

Publishes Jan 28 deadline to reserve ad sPace: Thursday, Jan 22 aT 4 pm call: 503.243.2122 | email: advertising@wweek.com

For more information on John Callahan’s memorial, see ffojohncallahan.tumblr.com.

44

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CLASSIFIEDS DIRECTORY 45

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LEGAL NOTICES Estate of ROBIN BALMER NOTICE TO INTERESTED PERSONS Case Number: 14PB02670 Notice: The Circuit Court of the State of Oregon, for the County of Multnomah, has appointed the undersigned as Personal Representative of the Estate of Robin Balmer, deceased. All persons having claims against said estate are required to present the same, with proper vouchers to the Personal Representative at the address of her attorney, 312 NW 10th Ave., #200B, Portland OR 97209 within four months from the date of first publication of this notice as stated below, or they may be barred. All persons whose rights may be affected by this proceeding may obtain additional information from the records of the court, the Personal Representative, or the Attorney for the Personal Representative.Dated and first published January 7th, 2015.

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CHATLINES

Find your Flame on

JONESIN’

by Matt Jones

Round Figures–the circle is complete.

Earth’s surface 65 Affixes 68 Plot of land, often 69 Rows on a chessboard 70 Michael of “Superbad” 71 Word often misused in place of “fewer” 72 Rough weather 73 Sign, or an alternate title for this puzzle?

LiveMatch

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Across 1 Mix those ingredients 5 Carried 10 Totally dominates 14 Holder of scoops 15 County of New Mexico or Colorado 16 Go on a rampage 17 Turing played by Benedict 18 “The Last Supper” city 19 ___ Romeo (nice car) 20 Proof you paid 22 Frying pan 24 Palindromic girl’s name

site in 2014 news 46 Exploding stars 47 Gaelic music star 48 On the edge of 50 Greek consonants 51 “Melrose Place” actor Rob 52 Low limb 53 Part of a yr.

55 Its symbol is its first letter with two lines through it 57 Magazine inserts 58 Prime minister from 2007-2010* 62 Chatty show, with “The” 64 Most of the

25 King, in Quebec 26 Extremity 27 “Lost” actor Daniel ___ Kim 28 PBS painter known for “happy little trees”* 30 Crack-loving exToronto mayor * 32 Insect that sounds like a relative 33 Leaves for the afternoon?

34 Student loans, for instance 37 Start 41 Minivan passengers 45 Social networking

Down 1 Beetle-shaped amulet 2 Ohio city 3 Riding with the meter running 4 Descartes or Magritte 5 He played George Utley on “Newhart”* 6 Inflammation of the ear 7 ___ Aviv 8 Blackboard need 9 “The Andy Griffith Show” co-star* 10 Like some vaccines 11 “Sure thing!”

12 What a hero has 13 Put into words 21 Make a shirt look nicer 23 “___ delighted!”

29 Tell the teacher about 31 Forgeries 34 Find a way to cope 35 Magazine with a French name 36 Post-industrial workers?

38 Like shrugs and nods, as signals go 39 “Law & Order” spinoff, for short 40 Early oven manufacturer?

42 Working together 43 Applied henna 44 Answer with an attitude 49 “Paradise City” band, briefly 51 “Music for Airports” composer Brian 54 Dumpster emanations 56 Bond foe ___ Stavro Blofeld 59 Has to pay back 60 “The Real Housewives of Atlanta” star ___ Leakes 61 1993 Texas standoff city 62 Kilmer who chunked out in the late 2000s 63 Word in cheesy beer names 66 Beats by ___ (brand of audio equipment) 67 ___ Bernardino

last week’s answers

©2015 Jonesin’ Crosswords (editor@jonesincrosswords.com) For answers to this puzzle, call: 1-900-226-2800, 99 cents per minute. Must be 18+. Or to bill to your credit card, call: 1-800-655-6548. Reference puzzle #JONZ709.

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BACK COVER CONTINUED...

© 2015 Rob Brezsny

Week of January 8

TO PLACE AN AD ON BACK COVER CONTINUED call 503-445-2757

ARIES (March 21-April 19): In his novel Breakfast of Champions, Kurt Vonnegut describes a character, Ned Lingamon, who “had a penis eight hundred miles long and two hundred and ten miles in diameter, but practically all of it was in the fourth dimension.” If there is any part of you that metaphorically resembles Lingamon, Aries, the coming months will be a favorable time to fix the problem. You finally have sufficient power and wisdom and feistiness to start expressing your latent capacities in practical ways . . . to manifest your hidden beauty in a tangible form . . . to bring your purely fourth-dimensional aspects all the way into the third dimension.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Novelist E. L. Doctorow says that the art of writing “is like driving at night in the fog. You can only see as far as your headlights, but you can make the whole trip that way.” This realistic yet hopeful assessment is true of many challenges, not just writing. The big picture of what you’re trying to accomplish is often obscure. You wish you had the comfort of knowing exactly what you’re doing every step of the way, but it seems that all you’re allowed to know is the next step. Every now and then, however, you are blessed with an exception to the rule. Suddenly you get a glimpse of the whole story you’re embedded in. It’s like you’re standing on a mountaintop drinking in the vast view of what lies behind you and before you. I suspect that this is one of those times for you, Taurus.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Most people have numerous items in their closet that they never wear. Is that true for you? Why? Do you think you will eventually come to like them again, even though you don’t now?

Are you hoping that by keeping them around you can avoid feeling remorse about having wasted money? Do you fantasize that the uncool stuff will come back into fashion? In accordance with the astrological omens, Gemini, I invite you to stage an all-out purge. Admit the truth to yourself about what clothes no longer work for you, and get rid of them. While you’re at it, why not carry out a similar cleanup in other areas of your life?

CANCER (June 21-July 22): “Nothing was ever created by two men,” wrote John Steinbeck in his novel East of Eden. “There are no good collaborations, whether in music, in art, in poetry, in mathematics, in philosophy.

Once the miracle of creation has taken place, the group can build and extend it, but the group never invents anything. The preciousness lies in the lonely mind of a man.” In my view, this statement is delusional nonsense. And it’s especially inapt for you in the coming weeks. In fact, the only success that will have any lasting impact will be the kind that you instigate in tandem with an ally or allies you respect.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): I live in Northern California, where an extended drought led to water-rationing for much of 2014. But in December, a series of downpours arrived to replenish the parched landscape. Now bursts of white wildflowers have erupted along my favorite hiking trails. They’re called shepherd’s purse. Herbalists say this useful weed can be made into an ointment that eases pain and heals wounds. I’d like to give you a metaphorical version of this good stuff. You could use some support in alleviating the psychic aches and pangs you’re feeling. Any ideas about how to get it?

Brainstorm. Ask questions. Seek help.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Actress Uzo Aduba’s formal first name is Uzoamaka. She tells the story about how she wanted to change it when she was a kid. One day she came home and said, “Mommy, can you call me Zoe?” Her mother asked her why, and she said, “Because no one can say Uzoamaka.” Mom was quick to respond: “If they can learn to say Tchaikovsky, Dostoevsky, and Michelangelo, they can learn to say Uzoamaka.” The moral of the story, as far as you’re concerned: This is no time to suppress your quirks and idiosyncrasies. That’s rarely a good idea, but especially now. Say NO to making yourself more generic.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Doug Von Koss leads groups of people in sing-alongs. You don’t have to be an accomplished vocalist to be part of his events, nor is it crucial

that you know the lyrics and melodies to a large repertoire of songs. He strives to foster a “perfection-free zone.” I encourage you to dwell in the midst of your own personal perfection-free zone everywhere you go this week, Libra. You need a break from the pressure to be smooth, sleek, and savvy. You have a poetic license to be innocent, loose, and a bit messy. At least temporarily, allow yourself the deep pleasure of ignoring everyone’s expectations and demands.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): “I dream of lost vocabularies that might express some of what we no longer can,” wrote Jack Gilbert in his poem “The Forgotten Dialects of the Heart.” Judging from the current astrological omens, I’d say that you are close to accessing some of those lost vocabularies. You’re more eloquent than usual. You have an enhanced power to find the right words to describe mysterious feelings and subtle thoughts. As a result of your expanded facility with language, you may be able to grasp truths that have been out of reach before now.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): “If you have built castles in the air,” said philosopher Henry David Thoreau, “your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put the foundations under them.” That may seem like a backward way to approach the building process: erecting the top of the structure first, and later the bottom. But I think this approach is more likely to work for you than it is for any other sign of the zodiac.

And now is an excellent time to attend to such a task.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Songwriter RB Morris wrote a fanciful poem in which he imagines a smart mockingbird hearing rock and roll music for the first time. “When Mockingbird first heard rock / He cocked his head and crapped / What in the hell is that? / It sounded like a train wreck / Someone was screaming / Someone’s banging on garbage cans.” Despite his initial alienation, Mockingbird couldn’t drag himself away.

He stayed to listen. Soon he was spellbound. “His blood pounded and rolled.” Next thing you know, Mockingbird and his friends are making raucous music themselves -- “all for the love of that joyful noise.” I foresee a comparable progression for you in the coming weeks, Capricorn. What initially disturbs you may ultimately excite you -- maybe even fulfill you.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Do you recall the opening scene of Lewis Carroll’s story Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland? Alice is sitting outside on a hot day, feeling bored, when a White Rabbit scurries by. He’s wearing a coat and consulting a watch as he talks to himself. She follows him, even when he jumps into a hole in the ground. Her descent takes a long time. On the way down, she passes cupboards and bookshelves and other odd sights. Not once does she feel fear. Instead, she makes careful observations and thinks reasonably about her unexpected trip. Finally she lands safely. As you do your personal equivalent of falling down the rabbit hole, Aquarius, be as poised and calm as Alice.

Think of it as an adventure, not a crisis, and an adventure it will be.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): You are positively oceanic these days. You are vast and deep, restless and boundless, unruly and unstoppable. As much as it’s possible for a human being to be, you are ageless and fantastical.

I wouldn’t be surprised if you could communicate telepathically and remember your past lives and observe the invisible world in great detail. I’m tempted to think of you as omnidirectional and omniscient, as well as polyrhythmic and polymorphously perverse. Dream big, you crazy wise dreamer.

Homework Write a summary of the great task you plan to accomplish in 2015.

Tell me about it at Truthrooster@gmail.com.

check out Rob Brezsny’s Expanded Weekly Audio Horoscopes & Daily Text Message Horoscopes

freewillastrology.com

The audio horoscopes are also available by phone at

1-877-873-4888 or 1-900-950-7700

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JAN. 7, 2015

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