42 06 willamette week, december 9, 2015 by Willamette Week Newspaper

Inside the Hazelnut Grove homeless camp. P. 7

Local ice rinks, reviewed. P. 19

WILLAMETTE WEEK PORTLANDâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S NEWSWEEKLY

BY ELI ZA B ETH A RMST RON G MOORE

You can get a free flu shot,

spend $200,000 hooked up to a machine that might save your lungs. Your call. page 13 WWEEK.COM

VOL 42/06 12 . 9. 2015

L A S T- M I N U T E

INSIDE!

Willamette Week DECEMBER 9, 2015 wweek.com

e M i ly j o a n g r e e n e

FINDINGS

pagE 24

WHAT WE LEARNED FROM READING THIS WEEK’S PAPER VOL. 42, ISSUE 6.

Only 40 percent of red-light camera flashes result in tickets. 4 If you’re a semester away from finishing your second master’s degree and looking for a place to sleep, you might pop into the new homeless camp. 7

Norwegian aquavit Linie must cross the equator twice in a boat to be certified. 23 John Wayne proved too

controversial for a downtown Portland restaurant. His image is now covered by boards. 25

Add “very tall buildings” to the list of things that are “troubling” to Commissioner Amanda Fritz. 8

If you’re a successful author, don’t leave cat poetry lying around, as your heirs may publish it. 43

The Oregon Lottery may ignore public records law for you, even if you broke the rules by buying a ticket on the Internet. 10

If you want to smoke weed that smells like a cat pissed on a dandelion, there is a place. 50

ON THE COVER:

OUR MOST TRAFFICKED STORY ONLINE THIS WEEK:

Monster virus, illustrated by Julia Hutchinson.

it rained a lot, as we told you it would.

STAFF Editor & Publisher Mark Zusman Editorial News Editor Pro Tem Aaron Mesh Arts & Culture Editor Martin Cizmar Staff Writers Nigel Jaquiss, Beth Slovic Copy Chief Rob Fernas Copy Editors Matt Buckingham, Madeline Luce Stage & Screen Editor Enid Spitz Projects Editor Matthew Korfhage Music Editor Matthew Singer Web Editor Lizzy Acker Books James Helmsworth

Visual Arts Enid Spitz Editorial Interns Lisa Dunn, Coby Hutzler CoNtributors Dave Cantor, Nathan Carson, Alex Falcone, Shannon Gormley, Jordan Green, Jay Horton, AP Kryza, John Locanthi, Mark Stock produCtioN Production Manager Dylan Serkin Art Director Julie Showers Special Sections Art Director Alyssa Walker Graphic Designers Rick Vodicka, Xel Moore Production Interns Bridget Baker, Tricia Hipps, Maya Setton, Paige Ta

Our mission: Provide Portlanders with an independent and irreverent understanding of how their worlds work so they can make a difference.

Willamette Week is published weekly by

Though Willamette Week is free, please take just one copy. Anyone removing papers in bulk from our distribution points will be prosecuted, as they say, to the full extent of the law.

Main line phone: (503) 243-2122 fax: (503) 243-1115

City of Roses Newspaper Company 2220 NW Quimby St., Portland, OR 97210.

Classifieds phone: (503) 223-1500 fax: (503) 223-0388

advErtisiNg Advertising Manager Iris Meyers Display Account Executives Michael Donhowe, Kevin Friedman, Bruce Greif, Rich Hunter, Kyle Owens, Matt Plambeck, Sharri Regan Classifieds Account Executive Matt Plambeck Marketing & Events Manager Steph Barnhart Give!Guide Director Nick Johnson MusiCfEstNW Operations Director Matt Manza General Manager Jane Smith

distributioN Circulation Director Mark Kirchmeier WWEEk.CoM Web Production Brian Panganiban opEratioNs Accounting Manager Chris Petryszak Credit Manager Shawn Wolf AR/Credit Assistant Kristina Woodard Accounting Assistant Tristan Burman Associate Publisher Jane Smith

Willamette Week welcomes freelance submissions. Send material to either News Editor or Arts Editor. Manuscripts will be returned if you include a self-addressed, stamped envelope. To be considered for calendar listings, notice of events must be received in writing by noon Wednesday, two weeks before publication. Send to Calendar Editor. Photographs should be clearly labeled and will be returned if accompanied by a self-addressed, stamped envelope. Questions concerning circulation or subscription inquiries should be directed to Mark Kirchmeier at Willamette Week. Postmaster: Send all address changes to Willamette Week, 2220 NW Quimby St., Portland, OR 97210. Subscription rates: One year $100, six months $50. Back issues $5 for walk-ins, $8 for mailed requests when available.

Willamette Week is mailed at third-class rates. Association of Alternative Newsmedia. This newspaper is published on recycled newsprint using soy-based ink.

Willamette Week DECEMBER 9, 2015 wweek.com

IMMIGRANT STUDENTS

Mil gracias (1,000 thank yous) to Beth Slovic and Nice, thorough article. You can, however, substiWW, to teacher Anne Downing and David Doug- tute “Portland” for “Denver,” “Boulder,” “Kansas las High, for having these kids tell our immigrant City,” “Houston,” “Raleigh,” etc. nation’s story [“How David Douglas Proves DonThis has been happening nationwide for as ald Trump Wrong,” WW, Dec. 2, 2015]. long as this nation has existed. Desirable places On some presidential candidates’ idea of clos- to live are always slightly more expensive and ing our doors, 16-year-old Sun Ye more sought-after. says, “It’s not good. America has a —“i5guy” lot of immigrants. If they say no, it’s CHRISTMAS FISH TALE not America.” Wow. As a refugee kid when my family arrived, as a parent I was raised in Newport, and I and now a grandparent, as a Portremember the Lonely Fish well lander, I am so proud of her, of Yuyan [“Totally True Christmas Traand Richard, of Saman and Hamada. ditions of Small-Town Oregon,” “Lucky to be —Ronault Catalani WW, Dec. 2, 2015]. If you got ritually an eye, it was considered good I hate it when kids are used to make a sacriﬁced to a luck. I never did, but my sister political point. It is wrong. This is not god you know did once. what my taxes are paying for. During the Flag Day purging, than to be They cannot speak for all people she was chosen to walk into the sacriﬁced in who come into this country. It only Yaquina to appease Latmikaik, one of the takes one bad one to do damage. the goddess of the ocean. I unusually —“Richie” sometimes miss her, but as we say on the coast, “Lucky to be frequent NEGLECTED APARTMENTS ritually sacrificed to a god you serial-killer Kyle Fuller, who manages the property than to be sacrificed in attacks along know for Pacific Coast, says he had no idea one of the unusually frequent serial-killer attacks along 101 about the code violations. “I am blind- 101 and Highway 20!” and Highway 20!” sided,” he tells WW [“Power Goes Out. It’s a boring town, so we have Rent Goes Up,” WW, Dec. 2, 2015]. Hmmmm. Maybe you wouldn’t be blindsided time to have long slogans like that. And, at least if you did periodic inspections, a standard and when I lived there, so much meth…but Easter is another holiday. obvious practice for anyone managing properties. —“TheImmortalGoon” —Michael Caputo Even the kindest, most ethical landlords also function on a complaint-based system. You can’t just walk into an apartment unit to check it out. And if the occupant has been there for years and years, you can’t rely on turnover to inspect an empty unit. If the people living under those conditions haven’t even bothered to tell the landlord, that’s on them. (If they did, and the landlord refused to do anything in response, that’s a different matter.) —“pdxlager”

A while back, I had a “red-light camera” ﬂash me. No ticket so far. How long does it take to get one? To the best of my memory, I entered the intersection a second or two after the yellow light, but deﬁnitely not on red. —Cautious Guy

To the best of Hitler’s memory, Poland threw the first punch, Cautious, but we’ll give you the benefit of the doubt. (I’m still going to assume you were doing 90 and had a dead priest in your trunk, though.) The first thing you need to know is that “the light was yellow” is not a valid defense, at least not in Oregon. We’re one of only 12 states with what is known as the “restrictive yellow” rule. While in other states you can enter the intersection any time the light is not actually red, here you need to be completely clear of the intersection before the red light. The yellow light 4

Willamette Week DECEMBER 9, 2015 wweek.com

CORRECTION

Last week’s story on building inspections (“Power Goes Out. Rent Goes Up,” WW, Dec. 2, 2015) incorrectly identified the Portland city bureau required to submit a proposal for a fee-based inspection system. It is the Housing Bureau, not Home Forward. WW regrets the error. LETTERS TO THE EDITOR must include the author’s street address and phone number for veriﬁcation. Letters must be 250 or fewer words. Submit to: 2220 NW Quimby St., Portland, OR 97210.

is only there to let you finish getting through an intersection you entered on green, unless you literally can’t stop without killing a school bus full of crippled puppies. Oregon law requires the camera operator to put tickets in the mail within six days, so if it’s been more than a couple weeks since your crime spree, you’re probably in the clear. You shouldn’t be too surprised. Only about 40 percent of red-light camera photos actually result in tickets. Every incident is reviewed by an actual person, so if you just slightly overshot the stop line, or set off the camera by making a legal right turn on red, you’ll be fine. There are situations where a guilty driver walks, though: if the license plate is illegible, say, or the camera malfunctions, or—this is the most common— there’s a gender mismatch between the registered owner and the person in the photo. Which just goes to show: If you’re going to drive drunk, do it in drag. I mean, I’ve always said that, but now I have a good reason. QUESTIONS? Send them to dr.know@wweek.com

Willamette Week DECEMBER 9, 2015 wweek.com

426 SE GRAND AVE. PORTLAND, OR. 97214 NEXTADVENTURE.NET 503.233.0706 Deals gooD through 12/14

“They’re going to stick out like sore thumbs.” —Amanda Fritz, page 8

great sock giveaway!

20% off all socks.

LIST PRICE $17.00

SAVE 55%

SAVE 53%

INGRID KNEE HIGH

MERINO/SILK NOMAD II

Compatible with most glasses. Kid tested, mother approved.

$19

LIST PRICE $14.99

SAVE 60%

$74

LIST PRICE $130.00

Comes with firesteel, whistle and some extra cord, just in case...

MOUNTAINSMITH PINNACLE TREKKING POLES

$29999 IN STORE ONLY

LIST PRICE $429.99

LIST PRICE $600.00

closeout! Price too low to advertise!

$22499 SAVE 55%

LIST PRICE $500.00

HIGH SOCIETY TWILIGHT

Hybrid camber. Carbon stringers.

WILDERNESS TECHNOLOGY SELF-INFLATING PILLOW

Comes in assorted colors so you can rest easy

$13999 SAVE 59%

$4999

SAVE 80%

XC ski w/ binding! 184cm only.

Kids ski w/ binding!

$14999

LIST PRICE $250.00

FISCHER DESIRE MYSTYLE

SALOMON QMAX JR.

SAVE 63%

$1499

$599

COMPARE AT $30.00

SAVE 80%

SAVE 75%

RAMPANT SPEED ASSIST KNIFE FE

COMPARE AT $7.99

$9999

LIST PRICE $400.00

SAVE 70%

TECH NINE TEAM THOMPSON

LIST PRICE $330.00

HEAD IGNITION ROCKA

Drop more hammers than a drunk construction worker!

Progress with this board. Great starter board price!

WILDERNESS TECHNOLOGY PARACORD 50’ hanks in assorted colors.

LIST PRICE $600.00

$34900

LIST PRICE $44.95

$19999

LIST PRICE $400.00

SAVE 50% HHEAD MONSTER 88

NICHE MINX

Back by popular demand!

Eco friendly flat camber awesomeness.

$14999

$19999

SAVE 53%

SAVE 63%

LIST PRICE $320.00

LIST PRICE $540.00

ROXY EMINENCE

ROME SHIV

Torah Bright pro model, high tech!

Light flexible with mad pop.

$29900

LIST PRICE $749.99

W/ binding! What a deal!

$699

LIST PRICE $175.00

$2999

ELAN EXAR WIDE 160CM

$6999

SAVE 60%

$14999

SAVE 75%

LIST PRICE $340.00

15/16 MARKER TOUR F12 Fresh

Loaded with features! Adjustable and ventilated.

Additional colors available.

GERBER EVO MID TANTO KNIFE

COMPARE AT $19.99

SAVE 50%

SAVE 50% DAJO SURVIVOR KNIFE

LIST PRICE $39.99

VAUDE BRENTA 35

WOMEN’S TURBINE SIREN PANT

SAVE 50%

LIST PRICE $30.00

SAVE 60% WILDERNESS TECHNOLOGY PETROGLYPH 55+ PACK

LIST PRICE $139.99

SAVE 42%

COMPARE AT $100.00

$19

W’s ski w/ EL10 binding

$3999

$6999

LIST PRICE $130.00

360 Comfort Stretch 88% Polyester 12% Spandex

$7499

PIEcE

WOMEN’ WILDERNESS TECHNOLOGY WOMEN’S MIDWEIGHT BASELAYERS M

TIMBUK2 SMALL CLASSIC MESSENGER Save HUGE on this Limited Edition Mahogany Color

GRANITE GEAR BRIMSON

360 Comfort Stretch 88% Polyester 12% Spandex

SAVE 50%

SAVE 56%

SAVE 63%

MEN’S WILDERNESS TECHNOLOGY MIDWEIGHT BASELAYERS

COMPARE AT $40.00

LIST PRICE $90.00

LIST PRICE $80.00

SAVE 50%

Assorted Colors

$19

$3999

$2999

COMPARE AT $40.00

SAVE 45%

YOGA MATS!

SAVE 50% Double Weave Softshell

$1999 PER PIEcE

99 PER

MOUNTAIN HARDWEAR SUPER MEN’S TURBINE FDGB SNOW PANT CHOCKSTONE JACKET

SALOMON LAVA

Great light weight towel for all your camping needs.

LIST PRICE $120.00

SAVE 42%

A backcountry essential.

LIST PRICE $18.00

COMPARE AT $24.99

VOILE SKI STRAP

$59

$899

A whole season of wax that fits in your pocket!

NEXT ADVENTURE PACK TOWEL

PDW AETHER DEMON TAIL LIGHT USB Rechargeable!

3 pack! Quarter cut sock.

recommended! Assorted colors.

SWIX FORMULA 4 RUB ON WAX

SAVE 76%

LIST PRICE $50.00

Some of the most experienced, best-known reporters at The Oregonian have applied for the latest round of buyouts at the struggling daily. Metro columnist Steve Duin, two-time Pulitzer Prize winner Richard Read, senior political reporter Jeff Mapes and investigative reporter Bryan Denson are among at least 13 staffers who have said they will take the paper’s offer of 1.25 weeks of pay for every year of service. The paper is seeking to reduce its newsroom by 25 people, and is expected to conduct layoffs to reach that number. Investigative reporter Nick Budnick, who was not eligible for the buyout, left the paper last week to rejoin the Portland Tribune. The Oregonian staffers and Budnick declined to comment. (Disclosure: Budnick is married to WW reporter Beth Slovic.)

FITS LIGHT SKI TECH SKI SOCK Bootfitter

WILDERNESS TECHNOLOGY EMERGENCY SHOVEL Build a jump or dig out your car!

SAVE 78%

$1899

SAVE 75%

SMITH DAREDEVIL YOUTH GOGGLE

SAVE 50%

$14

COMPARE AT $80.00

SAVE 33%

Additional colors available.

3 pack! Quarter cut sock.

$19

CLEAR EYES, FULL HEARTS, WET SCARVES.

ROAD RUNNER TRAIL RUNNER

ROAD RUNNER TECH COOLMAX

LIST PRICE $30.00

$599

LIST PRICE $27.00

SAVE 78%

SUPER MERINO QUARTER SOCK

Ski trainer- clips tips for more control!

LIST PRICE $27.00

SAVE 52%

ITEMS UNDER $20!!

LUCKY BUMS EASY WEDGE

LIST PRICE $21.00

COMPARE AT $479.00

$299 oRfoRTwo 5.00 SAVE Up to 57%

COMPARE AT $24.99

KEEN BERN ANKLE BOOT

$7499

SAVE 38%

LIST PRICE $120.00

ALTRA LONE PEAK 2.0 WOMEN’S Dark Gray and Mocha

SAVE 33% NRS PILOT OR CO-PILOT KNIFE

One of the most popular river knives available. 2015 models. Co-Pilot shown

SAVE $400 ADVANCED ELEMENTS ADVANCEDFRAME INFLATABLE KAYAK

10’ 5” hybrid of a folding frame kayak and an inflatable kayak rivaling the trackability of hard-shell kayaks. Model AE-1009-Y

SAVE 38% PERCE PERCEPTION CONDUIT 9.5 KAYAK Red/White/Blue color only

SNAPSIGHTS WATERPROOF CASE

Waterproof to 15 feet with a 270 degree locking lever to prevent accidental opening. Assorted colors and styles.

W W S TA F F

LIST PRICE $20.00

Five Republican state lawmakers wrote Dec. 7 to Attorney General Ellen Rosenblum and acting U.S. Attorney for Oregon Billy Williams seeking a criminal investigation into the Oregon Department of Energy’s handling of energy tax credits (“Credit Score,” WW, July 8, 2015). The five lawmakers, led by Sen. Doug Whitsett (R-Klamath Falls), charge that the state and federal governments have been deprived of tax revenue and that “persons working for the state may have used their positions for personal gain” in connection with the credits. The office of Gov. Kate Brown, who earlier called on ODOE and the Legislature to review the tax credit program, declined to comment. When did Mark Wiener, the political consultant who helped get a majority of the Portland City Council elected, start lobbying for Uber? The ride-hailing company isn’t helping to make the picture clear. On Dec. 4, Uber refused to turn over a copy of its contract with Wiener to City Auditor Mary Hull Caballero. But it did disclose that it believed Wiener started representing the company possibly “as early as Dec. 11, 2014.” City Commissioner Steve Novick has released text messages showing he and Wiener discussed Uber earlier than that. “Uber is knocking on my door,” Wiener wrote Dec. 8, 2014. “I am probably going to tell them to pound sand, unless you guys think there is something constructive to be done.” The Portland Timbers are the champions of Major League Soccer. The team won its first MLS Cup—and first national championship in its 40-year history—with a 2-1 victory over the Columbus Crew on Dec. 6 in Ohio. The Timbers scored their first goal 27 seconds into the game, dodged beer cans chucked at them by Crew fans after Rodney Wallace headed in another score, then withstood bad luck and a frantic Columbus rally to secure the cup. Hundreds of fans greeted the team at Portland International Airport on Dec. 7, and the city threw a soggy Dec. 8 victory parade on eight blocks of Southwest Broadway. See video of the Timbers victory parade.

Willamette Week DECEMBER 9, 2015 wweek.com

ANDREW KOCZIAN

saturDay, December 12th. for each pair you purchase, Next aDveNture will DoNate a pair to a local charity! 99 99 99 99

GOT A GOOD TIP? CALL 503.445.1542, OR EMAIL NEWSHOUND@WWEEK.COM PHOTOS BY COBY HUTZLER

NEWS

A Tale of Two Tent Cities A DAMP WEEKEND IN HAZELNUT GROVE SHOWS AMBITION AND DIVISIONS IN THE CITY’S NEWEST HOMELESS CAMP. BY CO BY H UTZ L E R

243-2122

Sonya’s bed is soaking wet. For three days, the 33-year-old woman has been living in a blue tent on a North Portland hill overlooking the Fremont Bridge. Rain is seeping in. She needs wooden pallets to lift her tent off the ground—pronto. She heads downhill on the triangle of land between North Greeley Avenue and Interstate Avenue. Her camp has no wooden pallets. But the other camp on this land—a place called Hazelnut Grove—has a stack of them. All the donations seem to go to Hazelnut Grove. “Whose pallets are these?” Sonya asks. “I need four of them.” She promises to pay a man named Marvin a few dollars, loads the pallets onto a warehouse cart, and starts dragging it through the mud on a Sunday afternoon. Sonya, who declined to give WW her last name, isn’t sure what will happen to her. She’s applied for housing with the nonprofit JOIN but hears the wait list takes seven months. She doesn’t know if City Hall will let her camp stay in North Portland. “And on top of that, I’m getting ready to have a baby,” says Sonya, who’s due in February. “I’m just trying not to bother anybody or make any wrong moves.” The establishment of a tent city in Portland’s Overlook neighborhood has drawn increasing attention since September, when organizers vowed to make the camp they dubbed Hazelnut Grove a long-term place to live. The Overlook Neighborhood Association has demanded the city kick the camp out. Volunteers have brought food and firewood. Mayor Charlie Hales has praised Hazelnut Grove, and now appears poised to give camp organizers official permission to stay—making it the third city-authorized homeless camp in Portland. “Hazelnut Grove has been largely doing a good job,” says Hales chief of staff Josh Alpert, “providing a safe place for people to sleep and a community for people to plug into.” A few days at the campsite, however, tells a complicated story. The campers living here have ambitions to make this place a home and a model for other people living on the streets. But there are two camps on this North Portland hillside, and a hierarchy has been established in the past two months—between haves and have-nots. The camps distrust and resent each other. The residents of Hazelnut Grove will probably get to stay. The fate of Sonya and her camp is less certain. The divisions at the Overlook camps also point out how City Hall continues to improvise its approach to homelessness. The most prominent camp in the city, Right2DreamToo in Old Town, is in the midst of a rocky reloca-

FIRE TENT: Hazelnut Grove residents (from left) Bob, Ryan and Sean take shelter from the rain and talk around the camp’s ﬁre pit.

“I’d like to see 100 little villages of around 30 people,” he says. Green plastic fencing separates Hazelnut Grove from its neighboring camp. Hazelnut Grove has capped its population at 25. But as many as 45 more people live on the other side of the fence. The main structure at this second camp is a small kitchen made of plywood, pallets and tarps. It’s called “Forgotten Realms.” A notice board facing the sidewalk lists chores and requested donations. The kitchen sleeps six at night, according to the man who built it, a blue-eyed 54-year-old named Wesley Courverler. He says Hazelnut Grove is controlling the donations— firewood, boots, propane—brought by Portland volunteers, including the political consultant Rich Rodgers. “I don’t get a half of ’em,” Courverler says, “I don’t get a third of ’em, I don’t get a fourth of ’em unless I fight for it.” Hazelnut Grove organizers attribute petty crime to the unnamed camp—and perhaps to a third camp growing at the edges of the second one. Courverler says he can’t police the people who aren’t willing to listen to him. “I don’t wear a badge,” he says. “I can’t put ’em out. I can’t tell my fellow man to go stand out in the rain.” On Monday, Dec. 7, the rain gets worse. The center of Hazelnut Grove turns into a lake. Organizers use pallets to create a boardwalk from the camp entrance to the fire pit. The residents unclog a storm drain, and the lake drains away. By Tuesday morning, Bennie and fellow organizer Jose Serrica are in a good mood. They’ve met with Portland officials, and are confident City Hall is about to give Hazelnut Grove a permit to stay for the foreseeable future. They expect to add new residents— but only a few. The other campers will probably have to go someOverlook Park where else. “They can go establish their own camp,” Serrica says, “and we’ll help them organize it and maintain it if they want.” N

tion. If Hazelnut Grove succeeds, Hales and City Commissioner Amanda Fritz could let its organizers test the policy for how such camps are handled across Portland. “It’s like eight seconds on the bull right now,” says Joe Bennie, who helped create Hazelnut Grove. “This combines everything I’ve been striving for, for so many years.” Bennie is a gray-haired veteran of the Occupy Portland movement, which took over two city parks in downtown Portland for 39 days in 2011. He identified this North Portland camp in September as a quiet site that could be organized without too many cops or troublemakers. A large canopy tent with a chimney vent in the roof houses the camp’s fire pit. As Saturday evening wears on, more camp residents find their way to the fire. They use the front of a broken guitar body to feed air to the fire, which is especially smoky because of the damp firewood. One of the residents, a man named Michael, says he’s at Hazelnut Grove temporarily while he lines up housing for school. He’s a semester away from finishing a second master’s degree, he says, this one in library science. A small radio in his lap produces a tinny rendition of Led Zeppelin’s “Stairway to Heaven.” “I’m going to be out of here in a couple of weeks,” he says. “I’ve got a whole family 3,000 miles away, and they can’t help me.” Bennie and other organizers have set rules for Hazelnut Grove. No violence. No needles or meth. Those rules were once posted on a tree, but the laminated sign is nowhere to be seen. Bennie sees this peaceful setting as a model for the city.

rs t

at e

Av e.

ree ley Ave .

MORE: Visit wweek. com for a video tour of Hazelnut Grove and its neighboring camp.

UNDER CONSTRUCTION: A man named Scott has helped build this structure at a second camp on the Overlook neighborhood hillside (location in blue on map). He plans to live here. Willamette Week DECEMBER 9, 2015 wweek.com

C H A R T : W W S TA F F, P H O T O : C O U R T E S Y O F D D G

NEWS

koin

cent

509

ft. ONWARD AND UPWARD:

new

prop

osed

325

The West Quadrant Plan could raise the height limit for a downtown property owned by Greg Goodman (above).

heig

ft.

curr

ent a p heig proved ht

200 ft.

sw C

lay s t. . rd St

sw 3

St. 2nd

curr (par ent use king lot)

po dow rtland ntow mar n wa riot terf ront

218 f t.

. st St sw 1

sw C

Sky Scrapping

nt rfro wate

olum

bia s t.

DOWNTOWN PROPERTY OWNER GREG GOODMAN IS GETTING THE RIGHT TO BUILD TALLER—FROM A PLANNING COMMITTEE HE’S ON. BY BE TH SLOV I C

bslovic@wweek.com

Greg Goodman is getting a bigger slice of the sky. And now some Portlanders are asking whether that’s because Goodman, scion to one of Portland’s most powerful landowning families, played an unfair role in the city’s redrawing of the downtown horizon.

Goodman volunteered two years ago to serve on a city advisory committee that would make key recommendations on downtown Portland’s zoning regulations, including height limits on new buildings. The City Council tentatively approved the changes in March, and is poised to solidify those recommendations next year. Goodman and his entities o w n

numerous parking lots and buildings in the central city. He and 16 other downtown landowners and developers who sat on the 33-member committee could benefit from the changes. Those changes, dubbed the West Quadrant Plan, vastly expand the number of sites downtown where developers can build towers up to 460 feet high. They also promise to transform the western Willamette riverfront. That’s especially true around the west entrances to the Morrison and Hawthorne bridges, where height limits will rise from 75 feet to 250 feet in some places and from 235 feet to 325 feet in others. City Ombudsman Margie Sollinger issued an ethics ruling Oct. 21 that members of city advisory committees are public officials, and therefore Goodman and others should have been advised by city staff to declare potential conflicts of interests before voting on the changes. “Public disclosure of a potential conflict of interest is a critical safeguard,” Sollinger wrote. “That did not happen.” The Northwest Examiner first reported complaints about a potential conflict and Sollinger’s ruling. Goodman says he has no problem with formally declaring his potential conflicts of interests. “I agree with that,” he says. He says he’d be opposed, however, if Portlanders with conflicts weren’t allowed to serve at all—something Sollinger specifically didn’t call for. “Everybody loses,” he says, “if you don’t have skilled people talking.” Representatives of the city’s Bureau of Planning and Sustainability deny any undue influence by landowners and developers. They say the increased heights along the riverfront are designed to draw more Portlanders to the waterfront and encourage development at sites that have long lain fallow. “We were trying to be really strategic,” says associate city planner Kathryn Hartinger. “There is a rationale for everything.” On Nov. 15, 2013, Goodman emailed other advisory committee members. The subject: “Building Heights.” Goodman

advocated four specific changes to the city ’s proposal as it then stood. All four changes related to properties his entities own. Goodman, who owns some 60 properties, doesn’t dispute he benefited at two locations, one near the west entrance to the Morrison Bridge and another south of the Hawthorne Bridge near the Portland Marriott Downtown Waterfront (see graphic). The height limit at the first site, a half-block on Southwest Stark Street near Naito Parkway, will rise from 75 feet to 250 feet. At the second site, it will rise from 200 feet to 325 feet. But Goodman also lost big at a third site, a property north of Northwest Couch Street between Park Avenue and Broadway. The maximum allowable height dropped from 460 feet to 250 feet. At the fourth site, the city made no changes. Goodman calls the overall benefit to him “infinitesimal.” But a property with taller building-height limits that promises views over the Marriott to Portland’s waterfront would be significantly more valuable. The height increases anger some observers, including City Commissioner Amanda Fritz. “Nobody made a good case for why those buildings had to be that tall,” Fritz tells WW, adding that she’s particularly troubled by the idea of very tall buildings immediately next to the river, where the city has historically imposed stricter limits. “They’re going to stick out like sore thumbs.” This summer, an anonymous group of Portlanders took Fritz’s grumblings further—lodging an official ethics complaint with Sollinger. Steve Pinger, a member of the advisory group who represented Northwest Portland’s neighborhood association, says he is concerned about the heavy influence of developers on the outcome. “Portland has been well-served by a development community that has operated under an enlightened selfinterest,” says Pinger. “But I think that time is passing.”

ELEMENTS GLASS GALLERY PRESENTS

BLOW YOUR OWN

C H R I S T M A S ORNAMENTS All ages, bring family and friends

Weekends in December & the full week leading up to Christmas Day 10am - 6pm $40 PER ORNAMENT Advance payment and registration required. Register at elementsglass.com 1979 NW Vaughn Street, North of Lovejoy (NOLO) www.elementsglass.com - 503-228-0575 Portland’s Hot Spot!

Willamette Week DECEMBER 9, 2015 wweek.com

m aya s e t t o n

NEWS

Megabucks Over Baghdad AN UNIDENTIFIED IRAQI NATIONAL STEPS FORWARD TO CLAIM A $6.4 MILLION OREGON LOTTERY PRIZE. By n igel jaqu iss

Willamette Week DECEMBER 9, 2015 wweek.com

njaquiss@wweek.com

For three months, a mystery surrounded a winning $6.4 million Oregon Lottery Megabucks ticket purchased Aug. 24 in Bend. Who was the lucky winner, and why wasn’t that person stepping forward to claim the prize? The Bend Bulletin and KTVZ television ran stories about the riddle. The Oregon Lottery Commission discussed it at its Sept. 25 meeting and on Nov. 18 issued a press release. “Oregon Lottery officials are still waiting for a $6.4 million Oregon’s Game Megabucks prize that was purchased on Aug. 24 to be claimed,” the release said. On Dec. 1, however, the winner finally walked into lottery headquarters in Salem. But that hasn’t solved the puzzle. Executive director Jack Roberts of the Oregon Lottery says several things about the winner are unusual. He bought his ticket via the Internet. He was adamant about remaining anonymous. And he doesn’t live in the United States—he lives in Iraq. “I don’t believe this has ever happened before,” Roberts says. Lottery rules tell players they cannot buy their tickets over the Internet. “Internet wagering is a complex issue involving both state and federal law, as well as a number of regulatory, technological and security challenges,” the lottery’s website says. Yet the winner told lottery officials he’d bought his ticket using thelotter.com, a website based in Israel that allows customers to buy lottery tickets from around the world. The second challenge was that the man did not want to be publicly identified.

Again, lottery rules are clear. “If I win a prize, can I remain anonymous?” the lottery’s website asks in its FAQs. “No. Certain information about Lottery prizes is public record, including the name of the winner, amount of the prize, date of the drawing, name of the game played and city in which the winning ticket was purchased.” Roberts says when the winner finally arrived, agency officials weren’t sure what to do. “We were kind of stumped,” he says. Lottery officials consulted the Oregon Department of Justice and the U.S. Attorney for Oregon about the legality of a ticket purchased online. The legal advice the agency got was that the purchaser had done nothing wrong and that if he had the winning ticket, he should be paid. The winner elected to take his payout over 25 years, and Roberts says the agency made the first payment last week—minus income tax withholding at the maximum rate. Then there was the issue of anonymity. The lottery makes the names of winners public in order to be transparent to Oregonians. But Roberts says the man, an Iraqi national, said news of his winnings would put him in danger in his lawless homeland. “He’s told me about his situation in Iraq,” Roberts says. “The situation there is dangerous. If word gets out there that someone has come into a lot of money, bad things could happen.” Roberts acknowledges that his agency always discloses the names of winners, but he is convinced the Iraqi man has made a reasonable case. Oregon’s public records law permits agencies to withhold information for personal privacy reasons. The lottery still hasn’t made a final decision about releasing the winner’s name. “The personal safety risk that he and his family might face seems stronger than the public interest of knowing who the person is,” Roberts says. “I don’t want to read that somebody has been kidnapped or killed because we announce them as a Megabucks winner.”

Willamette Week DECEMBER 9, 2015 wweek.com

BY ELIZA B ETH A R MSTR ON G MOOR E

YOU CAN GET A FREE FLU SHOT, OR SPEND $200,000 HOOKED UP TO A MACHINE THAT MIGHT SAVE YOUR LUNGS. YOUR CALL.

243-2122

On the second floor of Legacy Emanuel Medical Center in Portland’s Eliot neighborhood sits an odd machine. It’s 5 feet tall, with gleaming metal and long, green hoses. It looks like a scuba tank mounted on an airliner’s beverage-service cart. The hospital won’t disclose the price, but it probably cost about $105,000. And if you’re dying from the flu, this machine could well be your last hope. What the machine does is called extracorporeal membrane oxygenation, or ECMO. It’s essentially an external lung, and it’s one of the last procedures available to people whose lungs are too damaged to heal on their own. At this moment, Legacy Emanuel is the only hospital in Oregon with an ECMO center for adults. For decades, there were only a handful of these machines on the West Coast. It is so valuable and effective that it travels, by ambulance and plane, to the far ends of the state, saving the lives of people whose lungs are shutting down. Legacy’s ECMO machine isn’t used very often—but the No. 1 reason it’s used on adults is a last-ditch effort to save them from the flu.

I L L U S T R AT I O N S B Y J U L I A H U TC H I N S O N

CONT. on page 14

Willamette Week DECEMBER 9, 2015 wweek.com

E M I LY J O A N G R E E N E

LAST GASP: Joe Favela, pictured in Newberg with his mother, Manuela, was placed on ECMO when he contracted a severe case of the flu in February 2014. He has since lost 240 pounds. “This machine has changed me,” he says.

pneumonia and full-blown H1N1 influenza. Not only were both his lungs failing, his lone kidney and liver were also shutting down, putting considerable strain on his heart. “They told me there was nothing they could do for him,” Manuela says now. “Then 15 minutes later, they said Legacy Emanuel in Portland had a machine, and that’s all I heard— one machine, and they could take him.” Joe Favela’s hold on life was too tenuous to survive the long ambulance ride to Legacy Emanuel, so the hospital’s team brought the machine to him. He lived—thanks, his doctors say, to ECMO. His only outward sign of being an ECMO survivor is the tracheotomy scar on his throat. It serves as a visible annual reminder—get a flu shot. After all, he says, “You can’t ever, never put a price on life.” You can, however, trace the choices that Legacy Emanuel made to have an expensive procedure that could save Favela.

Since 2009—the year a particularly deadly flu strain debuted in Oregon—Legacy has used ECMO on 32 flu patients. Eighteen of them survived. “The vast majority of flu patients do not need ECMO,” says Dr. Sandra Wanek, a critical care surgeon who for the past two years has run Legacy’s ECMO program. “It’s not the bread and butter of what I do. But when it’s necessary, there’s nothing to replace it.” ECMO is a marvel of technology that provides a shield of last resort during flu season—a season that typically begins in December and can last until Memorial Day. The illness costs this country, by government estimates, $87 billion each year in heath care expenses and lost work days. But ECMO also offers a small window into something else: how the skyrocketing costs of health care are often a result not just of, say, Big Pharma overcharging for drugs, but also the unwillingness of large numbers of people to put prevention ahead of treatment. Consider this: If every Oregonian got a flu shot, which is covered by all insurers, very few if any people would need an ECMO machine to treat the lung failure that comes from severe cases of flu. But because 56 percent of Oregonians choose not to get a flu shot, the ECMO machine is occasionally wheeled in to treat the most virulent cases. The cost of using ECMO? Roughly $150,000 per patient. “Getting a flu vaccine can save millions

Willamette Week DECEMBER 9, 2015 wweek.com

of dollars down the line,” says state Sen. Alan Bates (D-Medford), a family osteopath. “Not getting the vaccine? Worst-case scenario is you die, or you end up in the hospital with an incredibly expensive procedure. It all could be prevented by a $20, $30 shot.”

“I felt like I’d been hit with a Mack truck. My whole body was in intense pain. My whole body was hot. I was sluggish. And I had terrible headaches.” —Joe Favela

It was a Wednesday night when Joe Favela felt the fever set in. The 41-year-old Newberg construction worker didn’t think much of it. He rarely got sick. But on this night in February 2014, Favela had a few things working against him: He was overweight, he had been a smoker for 30 years who only recently quit, and he never got the flu shot. By Sunday morning, Favela realized something was very wrong. “I felt like I’d been hit with a Mack truck,” he now recalls. “My whole body was in intense pain. My whole body was hot. I was sluggish. And I had terrible headaches.” Most alarmingly, he found himself gasping for air. Favela decided to go to Providence Newberg Medical Center, but he was already slipping in and out of consciousness. He doesn’t remember stepping into the driver’s seat of his pickup truck; his mother, Manuela Favela, was in the passenger’s seat, begging him to pull over as he weaved across blacktop lanes on the cold, gray morning. They argued and somehow made it to the hospital. Within 15 minutes of admitting Joe Favela, doctors told Manuela Favela that her son was at death’s door. He’d come in with double

The first time ECMO was used in Oregon, it wasn’t for the flu. Instead, it was in response to one of the worst disasters in state history: an Oregon Episcopal School climbing trip on Mount Hood. A freak blizzard swept in on May 12, 1986, when the climbers were just 100 feet shy of the summit, and it killed eight students and a teacher. Brinton Clark, who was 15, was put on ECMO. Clark’s heart rate was 30 beats per minute, her blood pressure barely detectable, and her core temperature an astonishing 73.4 degrees. But within 13 minutes on Legacy Emanuel’s new machine, the teen’s pulse began to normalize. She was the first adult saved by ECMO at Emanuel—thanks to Dr. Jonathan Hill, a cardiothoracic surgeon who brought the equipment to Legacy one year earlier. In ECMO, invented in the 1970s in California, Hill found a machine that could allow injured lungs to rest long enough to give the body a chance to start healing. When a person’s lungs or heart are failing, ECMO uses a mechanical pump to pull blood from a central vein out of the body and into a circuit. The machine adds oxygen, removes carbon dioxide, and warms or cools the blood as needed before pumping it back into the body. (See chart on page 16.) When used as a temporary lung bypass, ECMO is often described as “lung rest”: A machine does the work of the lungs so the real ones have a chance to recover on their own. In the 20 years after using the machine on Clark, who is now a doctor at Providence Medical Group, the hospital used ECMO on some 125 adults, averaging roughly five patients a year. “I’m the guy who gets to walk into the hospital in Medford and sees someone who is going to be flat-out dead,” Hill says. “And I’m the guy who is going to send her or him home, and back to a family. And that’s the best part of this.” CONT. on page 16

“I’m the guy who gets to walk into the hospital in Medford and sees someone who is going to be flat-out dead.”

THOMAS TEAL

—Dr. Jonathan Hill

HAVE LUNG, WILL TRAVEL: Dr. Jonathan Hill brought ECMO to Legacy Emanuel Medical Center in 1985. Willamette Week DECEMBER 9, 2015 wweek.com

How ECMO works

FLU BY THE NUMBERS

Tubes are inserted into large veins on the side of the neck or in the groin area.

NUMBER OF PEOPLE HOSPITALIZED WITH THE FLU IN THE PORTLAND METRO AREA SO FAR THIS SEASON.

795

NUMBER OF PEOPLE HOSPITALIZED WITH THE FLU IN THE PORTLAND METRO AREA DURING THE 2014-15 SEASON.

ECMO adds oxygen to the blood, removes carbon dioxide, warms or cools the blood, and returns it to the right side of the heart.

JULIA HUTCHINSON

Blood is pulled from a central vein and pumped into ECMO.

ECMO

PERCENTAGE OF OREGON EMERGENCY-ROOM VISITS FOR FLU-LIKE SYMPTOMS FOR THE WEEK OF NOV. 22-28.

ESTIMATED PERCENTAGE OF MULTNOMAH COUNTY RESIDENTS WHO HAVE GOTTEN A FLU SHOT THIS SEASON.

44.3%

GET THE SHOT: Dr. Sandra Wanek has run Legacy Emanuel’s ECMO center for the past two years. “If you really want to impact survival communitywide,” she says, “it’s seat belts, eating well, maintaining your weight, getting vaccines.”

E M I LY J O A N G R E E N E

36%

PERCENTAGE OF OREGONIANS 6 MONTHS OR OLDER WHO GOT A FLU SHOT DURING THE 2014-15 SEASON.

47.1%

PERCENTAGE OF AMERICANS 6 MONTHS OR OLDER WHO GOT A FLU SHOT DURING THE 2014-15 SEASON.

MILLION

ESTIMATED WORKDAYS LOST BY AMERICANS TO THE FLU EACH SEASON.

$10.4 BILLION

ESTIMATED DIRECT EXPENSE OF FLU TREATMENT NATIONWIDE EACH YEAR.

3,000 TO 49,000

THE RANGE OF ANNUAL DEATHS FROM THE FLU FROM 1976 THROUGH 2007. (THE CENTERS FOR DISEASE CONTROL WILL ONLY PROVIDE A BROAD RANGE OF ANNUAL DEATHS, SAYING THAT FLU SEASON VARIES IN LENGTH AND SEVERITY EACH YEAR.)

SOURCES: U.S. CENTERS FOR DISEASE CONTROL AND PREVENTION, U.S. NATIONAL INSTITUTES OF HEALTH, OREGON HEALTH AUTHORITY.

Willamette Week DECEMBER 9, 2015 wweek.com

For years, Hill worked on what critics considered the fringes of mainstream medicine. The use of ECMO on adult patients was once seen as radical, and has been more widely used only since the flu pandemic of 2009. That’s because for decades, the data showed ECMO didn’t work much better than simpler, conventional treatments. Studies suggested that while “lung rest” helped premature infants, it didn’t increase the chances of adult patients surviving the breakdown of their respiratory systems. For years, patients who were put on traditional ventilators or placed on their stomachs had nearly identical survival rates. But the technology behind ECMO improved. The survival rate got better. And the flu got worse. In April 2009, doctors spotted a particularly virulent case of influenza in a 10-year-old in California. The strain was soon identified as H1N1. It would infect between 40 million and 80 million people in the United States, hospitalize a

“ECMO now is sexy. Everybody wants to do ECMO.” —Dr. Sandra Wanek

quarter million, and kill almost 16,000 by the end of the year. ECMO, which doctors at Emanuel use to treat influenza more than any other illness among adults, has since become a popular weapon in the fight against the flu: Dozens of hospitals are buying machines, including Oregon Health & Science University. “We get phone calls from all over,” says Wanek, who arrived at Emanuel in 2013. “ECMO now is sexy. Everybody wants to do ECMO.” Emanuel handles more ECMO patients than ever—after averaging five a year for decades, the numbers jumped to 25 adult patients in 2013, 35 in 2014, and 27 thus far in 2015, with several weeks of flu season looming. And Emanuel’s survival rate? Since Wanek’s arrival, it’s reached 56 percent for flu patients, and 84 percent overall. Still, despite the increased success rate, 14 of the 32 flu patients placed on ECMO in the past six years died. (All but one of those 32 patients had skipped a flu shot.) And even those who survive go through lengthy hospital stays, and don’t always see their health return to the same level as before they got sick. And that’s to say nothing of the monetary costs of this care. Legacy won’t divulge financial data, but reports in medical journals state that the costs of ECMO care range between $100,000 and $213,000 per patient, though cases can top $1 million. That’s because ECMO treatment is extremely resource-intensive. Emanuel staffs three nurses for every ECMO patient—around the clock. Wanek resigned from Legacy Emanuel last month. “I just can’t handle another flu season,” says the Army Reserve surgeon and mother of two young boys who is about to deploy to Afghanistan. “This is preventable,” Wanek says. “Flu shots are free. And this is a horrible way to die.”

Getting a flu shot doesn’t mean you won’t get the flu: The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention estimate it was as low as 14 percent effective last year (depending on the strain and patient population). Yet experts agree: Flu deaths are almost totally preventable through the vaccine, even when it’s a poor match to the dominant or most lethal strains circulating, because it still provides antibodies that may not eliminate the virus’s effect but will diminish it. The U.S. health system is filled with examples of expensive care, some of which could have been prevented. Dialysis and other treatments for failing kidneys cost Medicare $30 billion a year, according to the U.S. Renal Data System. Lung-cancer costs reach $12 billion a year—much of it avoidable if people quit smoking. And obesity? The CDC says care for the morbidly overweight costs $147 billion annually. But perhaps none of those health decisions is as stark as the $10.4 billion spent each year treating the flu—including the costs of ECMO. Many people don’t think of the flu as deadly— or they imagine it killing only the very old, the very young or the very weak. But, in fact, recent strains of the flu tend to be the most dangerous to otherwise healthy adults. Yet Oregon’s vaccination rate remains about the national average: 44 percent. Some of those who don’t get flu shots are vaccination skeptics, who argue that flu shots are both ineffective and dangerous. Dr. Paul Thomas, a Southwest Portland pediatrician who has argued against mandating vaccinations, says he’s not opposed to the flu shot—but worries that multi-dose vials contain mercury.. “The flu shot is notoriously one of the least effective of our vaccines,” Thomas says. “If you take the flu shot in a pregnant woman, this is a dangerous proposition because we’re not looking at long-term what this does. What’s the flu shot doing to one’s overall health?” Dr. David Zonies, a surgeon developing an ECMO center at OHSU, calls fears about mercury in flu shots “insanity” and says the science disproves any concerns. Most of the people who don’t get vaccinated, however, skip the shot for more mundane reasons: They’re busy, or they figure it won’t do any good. “Science literacy is at a very low level right now,” says state Rep. Mitch Greenlick (D-Portland), who chairs the Oregon House Health Care Committee. “We have whooping cough back now, we have measles back, because people are refusing to do things that make sense. The point is, people should get flu shots.” Disclosure: Elizabeth Armstrong Moore, who reported this story, is married to a nurse in the Legacy hospital system.

Willamette Week DECEMBER 9, 2015 wweek.com

t h e r e s a o ’ r e i l ly

CULTURE

Rinkage ICE-SKATING RINKS AROUND PORTLAND.

Lloyd Center is home to Portland proper’s only ice rink. But the mall is due to get a $50 million makeover sometime after the holidays. This has caused hundreds of panicked petitioners to organize Web campaigns to save the rink from an uncertain future. So we figured it was high time to survey the options—all of them—by visiting rinks from Vancouver to Silverton to find our favorites.

OREGON GARDEN 879 W Main St., Silverton, 874-8100, oregongarden.org. $5 parking, $5 admission to Christmas village, $12 rink fee, $5 skate rental. Unlimited skating $45. Through Jan. 3.

What’s better than a spin around an outdoor ice rink and a warm cup of cocoa? Sadly, Portland remains one of the few large northern American cities that doesn’t have a seasonal ice rink in the mold of Rockefeller Center. So head down to Silverton, where the Oregon Garden sets up a little German Christmas village among the pines. Wander the trails and you’ll come across sausage huts, jewelry kiosks, fire pits and a big beer tent with suds from Salem’s Gilgamesh Brewing. For the first time this year, the Garden also rented a portable rink and racks of orange plastic skates, which sit under a circus-sized tent. The ice itself is about the size of a Plaid Pantry and very choppy—no Zamboni here. It’s populated by little kids in camouflage and Ducks or Beavers gear, cutting between grown-ups as country-fried Christmas carols play from the speakers. MARTIN CIZMAR.

LLOYD CENTER ICE RINK

SHERWOOD ICE ARENA

953 Lloyd Center, 288-6073, lloydcenterice.com. $11.50-$14.50 admission, $3.50 skate rental. Check website for public skate times.

20407 SW Borchers Drive, Sherwood, 625-5757, sherwoodicearena.com. $7 adult admission, $3 skate rental. Check website for public skate times.

Ice skating at the rink in the middle of Lloyd Center is like riding a cable car in San Francisco: It’s not cheap, but you should do it at least once. This is the mall rink where Tonya Harding learned to skate, and any day of the week you might see a future Harding twirling on the ice, heading from a hardscrabble Oregon childhood to Olympic glory. But it isn’t just kids who make use of the only ice rink within Portland’s city limits. When we went for a skate on a Tuesday morning, a group of women in their 50s dominated the center of the rink, practicing a routine to ABBA’s “Dancing Queen.” A white-haired lady and a younger man skated arm in arm, and a middle-aged guy wearing headphones sprinted around in circles. My boyfriend, a hockey player from the Upper Peninsula of Michigan, pronounced the ice “good and solid.“ When I crashed near the end of our visit, my knees agreed. At a minimum of $15, including skate rental, this isn’t exactly a cheap day out with the kids. Still, it’s extra fun to skate around the ice while teenagers, tourists and hobos look on. The best part? You can always visit Chicken Connection when you’re done. The worst part? The rink may close for a major overhaul in mid-January for up to 10 months, though an employee told me, “This was supposed to happen last January, so I think it’s still up in the air.” LIZZY ACKER.

WINTERHAWKS SKATING CENTER

9250 SW Beaverton Hillsdale Highway, Beaverton, 297-2521, winterhawksskatingcenter.com. $8 admission, $3 skate rental. Check website for public skate times.

This cavernous facility, where Portland’s major junior team practices, has 15,000 square feet of floor space and a row of championship pennants hanging from the rafters. It feels like an ’80s roller rink stuffed inside a high-school gym. Parents line the Plexiglas walls, staring at their kids kish-kishing, while tweens hold hands skating three abreast. There are preschoolers in helmets and parents snapping pictures. One middle-aged dude was channeling his inner Tonya Harding. TYLER HURST.

Remember when all it took to entertain you as a kid was a rink, a little music and some flashy lights, along with the possibility you’d hold your crush’s hand during the partner skate? Return to the thrills of middle school at Sherwood’s disco night, where they spin disco balls and pump up Top 40 jams. Public skate sessions are held throughout the week, but the mood lighting and DJ are available only on Fridays from 7:35 to 9:35 pm. The darkness also provides some anonymity to those wall clingers who spend more time on their tailbones than their skates. After a few wobbly laps, your Rollerblading experience from the ’90s should kick right in. For this session, admission and skate rental for two costs $20. The arena offers a date-night special, which includes mini pizzas and medium drinks for an additional $5, but eating concession-stand food in a lobby that smells like a hamper of musty gym socks isn’t advised. Instead, drink like an adult before you play like a kid by ordering pints at NW Growlers across the street. The combination of beer, blades and ice would surely get you grounded if your mom had anything to say about it. ANDI PREWITT.

MOUNTAIN VIEW ICE ARENA 14313 SE Mill Plain Blvd., Vancouver, 360-896-8700, mtviewice.com. $9 admission, $3.50 skate rental. Check website for public skate times.

This is your all-purpose Vancouver rink, nestled on scenic Mill Plain Boulevard between a Papa Murphy’s and City Bible Church. She’s not much to look at, but through the nondescript strip-mall entrance, Mountain View has all the decoration a rink needs: a dusty case of trophies, fliers for a kids camp, vending machines and a Blades of Glory poster. In the bleachers on a Sunday, school kids sip Swiss Miss from the snack bar ($2.25, includes two cookies) while watching local tournament hockey games. The daily schedule is packed with speed-skating and hockey classes, freestyle skating and “sticktime.” This is a safety-first, squeaky-clean family place, where moms can feed kids fries and watch TV in the dining area or send tired skaters to play the San Francisco Rush arcade game under the bleachers. ENID SPITZ.

Willamette Week DECEMBER 9, 2015 wweek.com

STREET

SELLWOOD OUR FAVORITE LOOKS THIS WEEK. P H OTOS BY RACHA EL R EN EE LEVASSEU R

Antique & Estate Jewelry

2328 NW Westover Road AntoinetteJewelry.com 503-348-0411 Willamette Week DECEMBER 9, 2015 wweek.com

““I don’t wear makeup at all, so a friend took me to Sephora and loaded me up on stuff I didn’t know existed.”

RADIO IS YOURS

page 39

STARTERS

CONTEST p r o d u c e audio stories h i g h l i g h t

good work

win

sweet prizes visit

x r ay. f m

click the Radio is Yours button awa rds sh ow

jan 22nd

email questions to

CLUBBING CANNABIS: Portland cannabis clubs are facing a serious threat from the Oregon Health Authority. If a proposed amendment to the state’s Indoor Clean Air Act passes, clubs like the World Famous Cannabis Cafe could be forced to either close or go underground. WFCC learned it was being targeted from Multnomah County-paid “community health educator” Erik Vidstrand, an anti-smoking crusader who previously led the charge to get smoking banned in public parks. Last week, Vidstrand marched into WFCC to tell longtime cannabis activist Madeline Martinez that her groundbreaking venue, the first of its kind in the nation, would run afoul of the new rules. WFCC, like other such clubs, is private, staffed by volunteers and exists only so people can use cannabis socially. On Dec. 2, OHA held a hearing on plans to ban cannabis clubs. Approximately 20 people gathered to testify, including a woman who begged the state to allow her military veteran husband to continue to have a safe place to medicate, a veteran still wearing his hospital bracelet just minutes after a VA biopsy, and a woman with multiple sclerosis who was thankful for a public place to medicate rather than treating her pain alone. At the meeting, the cannabis clubs reminded officials that they run their facilities privately, don’t sell cannabis and exist to provide seriously ill people with a place to medicate, including renters who are not allowed to use cannabis in their homes. Testimony closed Dec. 4, but Portlanders can email brittany.a.sande@state.or.us or kimberly.w.lacroix@state.or.us to register their opinions. A final decision is expected in two to three weeks. To see what these clubs are all about—and score some free weed grown by our staff—check out Willamette Weedmas this Sunday. Details on page 50. EMILY JOAN GREENE

r a d i o i s y o u r s @ x r a y. f m

BITE-SIZED PORTLAND CULTURE NEWS.

GONE, GONE, GONE: Three prominent local eateries will serve their ﬁnal meals on New Year’s Eve. The Farm Cafe MARTINEZ on Southeast 7th Avenue will serve its ﬁnal meal Dec. 31 after 12 years in business. It sold the building to longtime customer Brad Fowler, a developer who’s already put up mixed-use apartments in the area. Farther east on Burnside, Levant will end its run after two years. In the West End, Chris Israel’s Grüner will close, but will be immediately taken over by the owners of Ox, who will start a project called “Superbite” serving mostly small plates. >> Northeast Sandy Boulevard’s 60-year-old Clyde’s Prime Rib is in the process of selling to Alex Bond, co-owner of Nob Hill Italian eatery Serratto and the revived Saint Cupcake. No immediate changes are planned. “It’s a cool, old-school spot,” Bond tells WW, “and I would be honored to be its custodian for a while.” PUT A BASIC-ASS BIRD ON IT: In case you had a shred of hope that Portlandia was a cool indie show that hilariously celebrates Portland culture and champions our unique spirit… Fred Armisen and Carrie Brownstein now are starring in an Old Navy commercial. The commercial shows Fred and Carrie in typical Portlandia garb, sentenced to the kids’ table at a Friendsgiving-type event because they aren’t dressed in enough basic, sweatshop-produced Old Navy gear. A small boy informs them that to be socially acceptable to boring adults, they must subvert their personal style and submit to the will of the common man. The lesson: Fit in by purchasing trash so people will like you. The show returns in January.

Willamette Week DECEMBER 9, 2015 wweek.com

HEADOUT

WILLAMETTE WEEK

WHAT TO DO THIS WEEK IN ARTS & CULTURE

WEDNESDAY DEC. 9 Health

[APOPCALYPTIC] Health started out playing full-bodied experimental music, but with this year’s Death Magic the band has moved toward a more structured sound built from crashing electronic textures, late-night atmosphere and near-disco tendencies—something from the near future we’ll someday call pop. Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison St., 239-7639. 8:30 pm. $14. 21+.

SATURDAY DEC. 12

TRICIA HIPPS

Palmarin Merges

VIKING DRUNK It’s Aquavit Week. Here’s where to get caraway crunk.

Aquavit is the tequila of Denmark, the vodka of Norway, and the only thing guaranteed to make a Swede sing. The grain liquor is traditionally spiced with a blend of herbs such as anise, caraway and dill. Its name literally means “water of life,” and it was once thought to cure everything from gout to deafness, plus stop the dead from rotting. As an old Danish cookbook from 1616 says, “He who rubs the skin on his head and face with aquavit has always beautiful skin, strengthens the mind and brain.” But until a decade ago, when Portland distillery House Spirits began making the first American aquavit, it was almost unavailable in the United States. In fact, only Norwegian Linie could be found. Even today, it’s hard to get the Scandie stuff: About half of the aquavits available in the U.S. are made in Oregon and Washington. To celebrate the obscure but wondrous herbal liquor, local bartender Jacob Grier founded Aquavit Week four years ago, with aquavit cocktails at more than 30 bars till Dec. 12 (full list at aquavitweek.com). MATTHEW KORFHAGE.

PORTLANDMADE AQUAVITS

House Spirits Krogstad Aquavit

Just as many American craft gins are floral because of House Spirits’ lavender-rich Aviation, American aquavit leans hard on anise because of the influence of House Spirits’ Krogstad, which tastes like steroidal Fernet.

Traditions of Aquavit

DENMARK Danes do aquavit like a

shot of Jack. You raise your shot and clink glasses while always looking your clink partner in the eye (otherwise you lose your hair), tap the glass on the table and down it in one gulp. Then, you down a beer, too. Denmark is basically one giant, well-mannered frat house.

SWEDEN When Swedes drink, they sing—there are around 9,000 drinking songs in the national registry. In 1957, when the Swedes won the world ice hockey championships, they didn’t know the words to their own national anthem so instead they sang a drinking song, “Helan Gar,” which loosely translates as “the whole one goes down.” ABBA and the Cardigans are also best understood only when drunk.

Rolling River Ole Bjørkevoll

Rolling River is making a specialty out of aquavit, with a fennel-caraway holiday version, a caraway small batch and a very dilly original aquavit that’s light and crisp on the tongue.

[LIVE ART] Palmarin Merges asked First Thursday gallerygoers to write about their homes. Now, she’ll make those stories into art, drawing live in Blackfish Gallery and adding the works to her current show there. Blackfish Gallery, 420 NW 9th Ave., 224-2634. 2 pm. Free.

Portland Posada

[LATIN HOLIDAY] Portland Mercado has the only holiday market dedicated to Latin American traditions, raffling off a handmade piñata and featuring Barrio drinks, Latininspired crafts, specials from the Mercado carts, and salsa music from the Andean group Inka Jam at 4 pm. Portland Mercado, 7238 SE Foster Road, portlandmercado.org. 10 am-8 pm. Free.

SUNDAY DEC. 13

NORWAY Norwegians drink aquavit like Russians do vodka: with hard bread and pickled fish. If you eat, you drink, and vice versa. Those are the rules. Also, for whatever reason, Norwegian aquavit like Linie is aged in oak on a boat, and must cross the equator twice to be certified as Norwegian aquavit. This reminds the Norwegians of their history as drunken pillagers, but with fewer casualties.

Willamette Weedmas

[FREE WEED] The spoils of our grow-off contest will be distributed while they last. World Famous Cannabis Cafe, 7958 SE Foster Road, 777-1667. $5 admission to WFCC. 8 pm. 21+.

The Dissenter’s Handbook

[THEATER] Bawdy story time is back with the always-impressive Matthew Kerrigan. Director Samantha Van Der Merwe added an extra kicker by Darius Fo since the show’s run at CoHo—a closing story about a tiger nursing a gangrenous Chinese revolutionary. Shaking the Tree Theatre, 823 SE Grant St., 235-0635. 5 pm. $25.

Pix Bubbly Party Temperance Regnig Dag

Bull Run Distillery’s aquavit is aged in wine barrels and released each December—this year’s batch is sweet and aniseforward, balanced against the crackle of caraway.

[CHAMPAGNE] When one of the world’s best sparkling wine bars throws a bubbly party, you goddamn well better go. There will be oysters, popcorn and 60 bubblies to try, selected by the most bubble-obsessed woman in Portland, Cheryl Wakerhauser. Pix Patisserie, 2225 E Burnside St., 971-271-7166. 4 pm. $25-$35.

MONDAY DEC. 14 JUDITH HILL

AQUAVIT WEEK EVENTS THURSDAY, DEC. 10

Northern peoples love their aquavit with beer—and so the Hop & Vine will host an aquavit-beer pairing event, including aquavit barrel-aged ale from Alameda, elderflower saison from Breakside, and cardamom-coffee barleywine from Upright. The Hop & Vine, 1914 N Killingsworth St., 954-3322, thehopandvine.com. 5 pm-close.

SATURDAY, DEC. 12

To close out the week, bartenders from La Moule, Fenrir and other local bars will hold a huge-ass aquavit cocktail party at Clinton Street mussel house La Moule. La Moule, 2500 SE Clinton St., 971-339-2822, lamoulepdx.com. 10 pm-2 am.

THROUGH DEC. 12

Bit House Saloon (727 SE Grand Ave., 954-3913, bithousesaloon.com) will offer a different aquavit cocktail each night, Multnomah Whiskey Library and the Green Room (1122 and 1124 SW Alder St., 954-1381, mwlpdx.com) have a special cocktail menu all week, and Raven & Rose’s Rookery (1331 SW Broadway, 222-7673, ravenandrosepdx. com) is offering aquavit flights.

[FUNKY SOUL] If that name is vaguely familiar, it probably means you’ve seen 20 Feet From Stardom, the 2013 documentary on career backup singers. Hill’s vocals have been used by Michael Jackson, Stevie Wonder, John Legend and now Prince, who produced her first solo album, the soulful Back in Time. Alberta Rose Theatre, 3000 NE Alberta St., 719-6055. 8 pm. $25. Under 21 permitted with guardian.

Willamette Week DECEMBER 9, 2015 wweek.com

Shandong = WW Pick.

Highly recommended.

By MATTHEW KORFHAGE. www.shandongportland.com

Shandong www.shandongportland.com

@ Unique Middle Eastern Food served all day with Specials during Happy Hour 4 pm - 7 pm. Mention this ad for $1 off any dish Named Portland Monthly’s ten things to devour in 2014 15 SW 2nd Ave. • 4 pm–Close • 503.790.9090 • iheartfalafel.com

Editor: MARTIN CIZMAR. Email: dish@wweek.com. See page 3 for submission instructions.

WEDNESDAY, DEC. 9 Cricket Cook-Off

Are you a snake, bird or very large spider? Then this is pretty much the best day of your year. Any and all are invited to take part in a cricket cookoﬀ featuring whole bugs and ﬂour made of bugs, with winners judged by the audience. Crickets are provided for cooks, but if you want to eat them it’ll cost you $5. WeWork Custom House, 220 NW 8th Ave., foodbytespdx.com. 6 pm. $5 to eat.

SATURDAY, DEC. 12 Humbug Lager Fest

Occidental Brewing will host a mess of lagers from Firestone Walker, Germany’s Ayinger and Portland breweries from Breakside to Upright. No tickets required for this anti-holiday Lager Fest: You can just, like, buy beer. At normal prices. What a concept. Occidental Brewing Taproom, 6635 N Baltimore Ave., 719-7102. Noon. Free entry.

SUNDAY, DEC. 13 Pix Bubbly Spectacular

Pix has been justly named the best sparkling wine bar in the world— and here you get to taste your way through a selection of about 60 of them. Obviously, there will be oysters and popcorn. Because bubbles. And a best-dressed contest with a cash prize. Because bubbles. Pix Patisserie, 2225 E Burnside St., 971-271-7166. 4 pm. $25-$35.

1. Tastebud

7783 SW Capitol Highway, 234-0330, tastebudpdx.com. It’s been a long time since Portlanders could get Tastebud’s pies, outside of a farmers market. Well, the new place in Multnomah Village is far better than the original in Brooklyn—a warm, inviting room with wonderful pizza.

2. La Carreta

4534 SE McLoughlin Blvd., 236-8089, lacarretaportland.com. This mazelike Mexican roadhouse has strawberry margaritas that actually taste like juice—and they’re $1.99 before 6 pm if you sit at the bar. Pair it with an excellent beef enchilada.

3. Coquine

6839 SE Belmont St., 384-2483, coquinepdx.com. Just a few months ago, this tidy mountainside cottage felt like our own little secret. The city’s gotten wise, but French-trained chef Katy Millard is earning all the praise she’s received.

4. Next Level Burger

Lunch and dinner everyday Live music 5 nights a week 1101 NW Northrup, Pearl District streetcarbistro.com | 503.227.2988 24

Willamette Week DECEMBER 9, 2015 wweek.com

REVIEW E M I LY J O A N G R E E N E

FOOD & DRINK

4121 SE Hawthorne Blvd., 719-7058, nextlevelburger.com. The Pita Pit next to the city’s preeminent bong retailer is no more. In its place is a bustling vegan burger bar with superb sweet-potato fries.

5. The Maple Parlor

3538 SE Hawthorne Blvd., 206-4757, themapleparlor.com. After you get your bloodless patty at Next Level, you come here for dessert. This Hawthorne shop caters to even our most modern of dietary restrictions, with cold, creamy substances that are Paleo-friendly, vegan and gluten-free.

HALF THE MENU: Bun bo Hue soup at Teo.

Teo Bun Bo Hue Chicken or beef?

You don’t need a menu at Teo Bun Bo Hue. The friendly server at this tastefully appointed Vietnamese soup shop—adorned with museum-sized blowups of rice paddies and town markets—will ask you only one question: chicken or beef ? There is no wrong answer. Beef (both bowls are $10.50) means bun bo Hue, which also includes pork. Just as Randy is the other Quaid, bun bo Hue is the other great noodle soup of Vietnam. Pho is the universally likable star, a deeply savory stock laced with sugar. But bun bo Hue is much more interesting—a whirlwind of spicy, sour and sweet swimming with iron-rich cakes made from blood, fish cakes and funny beef and pork parts you might have to pick out of your teeth. But, dear Lord, it can be good when done right. Teo—located in an 82nd Avenue mini-mall full of other East Asian eateries—offers the best version I’ve had in town, forgoing a lot of the chili-oiled heat for sweet-floral richness, served up with a salad of sprouts, coriander leaves and purple shiso. Multiple pepper sauces adorn each table, but none are necessary. That said, the chicken pho is even better. It is a pure and rich chicken stock stuffed with noodles and bone-in chicken, like something your grandmother would try to inject you with as a cure for the flu. The side salad is mostly a pile of lightly vinegared frisee, which I’d advise doing without in the soup until you’ve already eaten the noodles. The depth of chicken flavor is addictive and rare, a piece of South Asian homestyle that doesn’t need complicating. A friend, after eating here for the first time, returned five times in two weeks. It turned out Teo Bun Bo Hue’s soup was now the only thing he wanted on gray days. And lately, days like that are the only ones we get. MATTHEW KORFHAGE. EAT: Teo Bun Bo Hue, 8220 SE Harrison St., No. 230, 208-3532. 9 am-9 pm daily.

DRANK

Hot Cakes, Brunch Ale (OAKSHIRE) This year’s Holiday Ale Fest was a bit dispiriting— few standout beers, a low-energy crowd and weird arrows on the ground making you do huge circuits around beer gardens for a second taste in the “Sky Bar.” Among the five WW writers in attendance, we agreed on few beers aside from an aged Top O’ the Feckin Morning coffee porter from Oregon City’s Feckin—which was also one of our top 10 beers of the year before they aged it. But three of us went back for a second round of only one new beer, Hot Cakes, Brunch Ale, a rich and sugary brew from Eugene’s Oakshire meant to mimic the taste of French toast by adding cinnamon and vanilla beans to an oaty brown ale brewed with maple syrup. It was a nicely balanced dessert of a beer with a lot of body and oatmeal-cookie spice to balance out what could have been a sticky, syrupy mess. Instead, it was pure comfort for your next night by the fire. It’ll tap Thursday at Loyal Legion. Recommended. MATTHEW KORFHAGE.

“WE CARE”

Bold FlAvor

REVIEW E M I LY J O A N G R E E N E

Simple ApproAch

Interstate Dental Clinic 5835 N. Interstate Ave. (503) 285-5307

vegan Friendly

open 11-10

everyday

Edward E. Ward,

D.M.D., MAGD, MBA

Master Academy of General Dentistry

Book online: DrWardInterstateDental.com

High Noon High Noon is like its namesake—a standoff in which no side quite wins. It’s too bad, because there is much to like about this fastcasual eatery and bar, which opened its cavernous downtown space in September. But the ingredients don’t yet jell, and the layout doesn’t play up the place’s true strengths. As a business-district bar, it could possibly be Order this: Nachos ($7) and a cocktail, a favorite. The service is or the dessert “scone” frybread smothered in fresh jam. downright terrific, and the Best deal: Tecate and Lil‘ Rita minimezcal selection is easmargarita ($6). ily one of the best in town, with four-deep flights of agave-based spirits, plus a cocktail menu throwing Western flair into boozy classics, as with an Old Fashioned spiced up with ancho chili. At happy hour from 3 to 6 pm, a can of Tecate comes paired with a baby margarita for $6. But the many-tabled box of a space is not a bar, although the owners are adding couches—and possibly some bar-height tables—to make the place more loungelike. This will be a welcome change. Despite beautiful details, the mood is closer to upscale Southwest-themed cafeteria, and the crowds so far have been for lunch. The restaurant has billed itself as Portland’s first spot dedicated to frybread ($7 for two), an often delicious elephant-earlike carb-and-fat bomb with a tragic history. It was invented by Native American tribes left to subsist on U.S. government rations of flour, lard and milk. It stands for many as a symbol of survival—which meant an early mural depicting John Wayne was boarded over after complaints. In Southwestern style, the frybread is served with a choice of beef, pork, chicken or veggie toppings FRYBREAD along with beans, onions and cabbage. But the two salsas are made indistinguishable by extreme mildness—additional sauces are in the works. The brisket is of the stewy variety, the pork simple in sweetness, the chicken preferable for its light achiote piquancy. Everywhere, the restaurant aims at accessibility, with mixed results. The frybread is denoted on the menu as a “scone,” which is a bit like Alec Baldwin on 30 Rock saying hush puppies might be better known to New Yorkers as “a knish or a beignet.” And the bread has been made lighter at the expense of flavor and texture. Enchiladas ($8), meanwhile, eschew the classic sweet sauce for a fresh tomato sauce that amounts to an overacidic, Latin-spiced peppery marinara—a similar acidity mars the tortilla soup. Skip the restaurant at busy lunch hour, and treat the place as your own private bar. Get nachos or a salad instead of frybread or arepas, sit at the bar with an excellent discounted cocktail, and remember to ask for some hot sauce. You’ll need it. MATTHEW KORFHAGE. EAT: High Noon, 822 SW 2nd Ave., 841-6411, highnoonpdx. com. 11 am-midnight Monday-Thursday, 11 am-2 am Friday, 3 pm-2 am Saturday.

24 Hour Care Line Weekend Appointments On Max and Bus Lines

THE GIFT OF DINING! LOW ON CASH? WE GOT YOU.

500 NW 21st Ave, (503) 208-2173 kungpowpdx.com

No Cover Charge

3390 NE Sandy Blvd | 535 NE Columbia Blvd www.chopstickskaraoke.com

Experience Lebanese cuisine at its best

Find gift certiﬁcates to your favorite portland restaurants at wweek.com/ dubdubdeals

Call us for your event party & catering needs! Belly dancing Friday and Saturday evenings

223 SW STARK STREET PORTLAND, OR 503-274-0010 ALAMIRPORTLAND.COM Willamette Week DECEMBER 9, 2015 wweek.com

Willamette Week DECEMBER 9, 2015 wweek.com

MUSIC HOTSEAT

= WW Pick. Highly recommended.

MIKE BIVINS

Prices listed are sometimes for advance ticket sales. At-the-door increases and socalled convenience charges may apply. Event lineups are subject to change after WW’s press deadlines. Editor: MATTHEW SINGER. TO BE CONSIDERED FOR LISTINGS, go to wweek.com/ submitevents and follow submission directions. All shows should be submitted two weeks or more in advance of event. Press kits, CDs and especially vinyl can be sent to Music Desk, WW, 2220 NW Quimby St., Portland, OR 97210. Please include show or release date information with all physical mailings. Email: msinger@wweek.com. Fax: 243-1115.

WEDNESDAY, DEC. 9 Sun Kil Moon

[ALMOST INFAMOUS] Mark Kozelek’s recent output has transitioned again from the fuzzy, confessional bliss of late ‘90s indie to refined, Andrés Segoviainfluenced Spanish-style guitar. His last few Sun Kil Moon efforts have been embraced by critics even as his onstage antics have received more attention than his records. His latest effort, Universal Themes, picks up where last year’s highly praised Benji left off, with Kozelek telling very personal stories in a sing-speak deadpan juxtaposed with elegantly layered instrumentation. CRIS LANKENAU. Aladdin Theater, 3017 SE Milwaukie Ave., 234-9694. 8 pm. $20 advance, $22 day of show. Under 21 permitted with legal guardian.

Maribou State (DJ set), Tyler Tastemaker

[ELECTRONIC POP] As an electronic duo out of London with a penchant for pop hooks and sampled melodies, the comparisons to Disclosure are going to be inevitable. But Maribou State operates more like that group’s soft-spoken little brother, crafting intricate textures of downtempo electronic music created largely by live instrumentation. The duo— Chris Davids and Liam Ivory, who met in college and have worked together ever since—has released a handful of EPs and remixes since forming in 2011, but none so cohesive as 2015 debut LP Portraits. Mixing piano, harp, xylophone and soulful vocals with steadily shuffling beats and warbles of synth, the album creates an atmosphere expertly balanced between glitchy and sultry. KAITIE TODD. Doug Fir Lounge, 830 E Burnside St., 231-9663. 9 pm. $11 advance, $12 day of show. 21+.

THURSDAY, DEC. 10 Della Mae, Water Tower

[BOSTON COUNTRY] Della Mae may have started in Boston, but these ladies sure sound like they were born and bred in Nashville, which the country-styled five-piece does, in fact, call home now. Celia Woodsmith’s voice wouldn’t sound out of place ringing out of the Bluebird Cafe, but accompaniment and harmonies from fiddler Kimber Ludiker, mandolinist Jenni Lyn Gardner, bassist Zoe Guigueno and guitarist-banjo player Courtney Hartman align Della Mae more closely with the alterna-folk of the Wailin’ Jennys and the nu-grass of the Punch Brothers. Della Mae’s self-titled third album—which actually includes a stunning cover of the Low Anthem’s “To Ohio” just to keep it all in the Americana revival family—expands on the musicality of 2013’s Grammy-nominated This World Oft Can Be. HILARY SAUNDERS. Doug Fir Lounge, 830 E Burnside St, 9 pm. $11 advance, $13 day of show. 21+.

Mushroomhead, 9Electric, Come//Rest, Amerakin Overdose, Separation of Sanity

[NEW NÜ] If you remember Mushroomhead at all, you probably remember it as the poor man’s version of Slipknot—a bunch of dudes wearing scary masks screaming about their lives as outcasts. As it happens, the Cleveland septet has been slowly ticking along since the mid-’90s, producing a post-King for a Day Faith No More version of nu-metal that nods toward industrial rock and Juggalo theatrics. Now, eight albums in and still keeping a post-millennial version of the 1999 nu-metal aesthetic alive, Mushroomhead produces a form of hard rock significantly more creative and catchy than anyone appears to have noticed. WALKER MACMURDO. Hawthorne Theatre, 1507 SE Cesár E. Chavéz Blvd. 7:30 pm. $20 advance, $25 day of show. All ages.

Kiasmos, Strategy, Beacon Sound DJs

[CINEMATIC DANCE] The two-piece outfit of Kiasmos, from Reykjavik, Iceland, landed on a number of yearend lists in 2014, on the strength of its self-titled debut. Falling somewhere on the Icelandic electronic-twee spectrum between Mum and Björk, Kiasmos crafts deeply lulling ambient techno from primarily acoustic sources. Featuring the talents of award-winning composer Ólöf Arnalds and electro-pop composer Janus Rasmussen, Kiasmos’ minimal productions evoke the Nordic landscape via sweeping string loops and pads that float above icy soundscapes. Neo-classical at times, Kiasmos creates melancholic dance music with few frills, sounding a bit like Sigur Rós with a drum machine. WYATT SCHAFFNER. Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison St. 8:30 pm. $15. 21+.

Carousel, Fuzzy Dice, Pushy

[BOOGIE METAL] Pittsburgh’s Carousel trades in the same kind of dual-guitar hard rock that drives Danava fans nuts. But while Danava ventures into all kinds of progressive pastures, Carousel sticks to its guns and stays firmly on the rails of rock. This is beer-drinking party metal that should please both Thin Lizzy worshippers and Monster Magnet fans. In a bit of booking brilliance, Carousel has been paired with local rock quartet Pushy, a group that flavors its retroriff rock with a healthy dose of groove. NATHAN CARSON. The Know, 2026 NE Alberta St. 8 pm. $5. 21+.

FRIDAY, DEC. 11 Witch Mountain, Netherlands, Will, Saola

[MAMMOTH METAL] Over its 18-year career, Witch Mountain lost and replaced plenty of members—mostly bass players. But last year, not only did the Portland doom titan (which features WW contributor Nathan Carson on drums) lose another bassist, but also frontwoman Uta Plotkin. Not only that, but she left right after the release of Mobile of Angels, a fantastic mass of mammoth metal of which her voice is a key element. Plotkin might have gone out with a bang, but doubtlessly left some fans hanging. Thankfully, there seems to be no shortage of kickass metal frontwomen in this town: Her replacement, Kayla Dixon, is seriously awesome, with a powerful bluesy voice and a theatrical stage presence. SHANNON GORMLEY. Black Water Bar, 835 NE Broadway. 7 pm. $10. All ages.

The Blasters, Gamblers Mark, Trujillo

[ROCKABILLY OF AGES] Like their running buddies in X—who’ll be in town next week—L.A. roots-punk institution the Blasters have been long forgotten by post-millennial tastemakers, but back in the ‘80s, there was pretty much nothing cooler than playing revved-up midcentury Americana with a leather-and-studs sneer. Unlike their contemporaries, the band foregrounded “roots” over “punk,” which certainly hasn’t helped them seem less like an anachronism now. Losing songwriter Dave Alvin decades ago also hasn’t helped, and neither has the very long lulls between albums, nor the fact that its last release, 2012’s Fun On Saturday Night, was a covers collection. But in an age where rock ‘n’ roll has never been more out of fashion, there’s something to be said for a group doubling down on it. And leader Phil Alvin still looks like he’ll knock your teeth out if you look at him wrong. MATTHEW SINGER. Dante’s, 350 W Burnside St., 226-6630. 9 pm. $15. 21+.

CONT. on page 28

Q&A: Mic Capes PORTLAND’S RAPPER OF THE YEAR TALKS HOPE, GOD AND FACEBOOK. BY MATTHEW SINGER

msinger@wweek.com

Is it hard to feel hopeful yourself? I don’t give up hope, not at all. I believe in God. At the end of the day, I’ve got faith. I consider myself Christian, but I believed in God before I even knew about the Bible. I wasn’t raised that way, I’ve just been through so many things where I felt like, “Maybe I shouldn’t have gotten out of that.”

Around this time last year, Mic Capes put Portland on notice. With “Razor Tongue,” the barbed, chorusless manifesto he uploaded to Soundcloud last You wrote on Facebook recently that you can’t December, the St. Johns MC announced his arrival trust anyone who doesn’t believe in God. to a hip-hop scene finally beginning to find itself. It Yeah, but I also thought about that afterward. I was a preview of a full-scale project still to come, and didn’t mean it, like, “If you don’t believe in God, while that album hasn’t arrived yet, Capes still made you can’t help me with this.” I feel like we, as his presence felt in 2015—becoming one of the first humans, shouldn’t believe we run everything in rappers to perform at City Hall, getting props from the world. That’s part of the problem with how fellow rhyme-spitter Damian Lillard and dropping things are going today. I feel like you have to more individual tracks to prove “Razor Tongue” was believe in a higher power. It doesn’t have to be no fluke. WW spoke to Capes about the status of a Christian God or a Muslim God, just God in his Concrete Dreams album, the backlash general, or whatever you call God. against Portland Hip-Hop Day, and his “You have to knack for starting uncomfortable You tend to step into land mines conversations. Read the full Q&A on Facebook pretty often. believe in a higher at wweek.com. I don’t mind, because I think, power. It doesn’t have through that, you learn. I can’t to be a Christian god WW: What was your highbe resistant to people correcting me or giving me another perlight of 2015? or a Muslim god, just Mic Capes: The highlight spective. If I say something, I’m God in general, or was Portland Hip-Hop Day— willing to sacrifice how I feel in whatever you call representing this side of the city the moment to learn something. It as far as hip-hop, and representing doesn’t mean I won’t change. God.” for the culture of hip-hop here. Are these the kind of conversations you That was a polarizing event. like to have in your music as well? I feel like if any artist got the opportunity to do that, I’m starting to integrate that into my music way they would. But I also understand some people’s more. I like to talk about social issues. This CD reservations. A lot of people thought the mayor put it is mostly geared toward inner-city youth—black together, which isn’t what happened. If I thought the youth, to be specific. But I feel like everyone can mayor put it together, I’d feel that way, too. learn from it. I want it to be like a time capsule, 10 years later, that a kid from the inner city can What’s been the delay with Concrete Dreams? pick up and listen to and be able to relate to—find It’s just getting everything how I want it to sound, and answers, and get more questions. I don’t want to rush it. There’s an overarching message to it, and I don’t want any major mishaps in it. This is part of a series of year-end Q&As with Portland musicians. What is that message? Mostly hope. I talk a lot about struggle but I also put SEE IT: Mic Capes plays Kelly’s Olympian, 426 SW Washington St., with Rasheed Jamal, Lang and light at the end of the tunnel. Drae Slapz, on Saturday, Dec. 12. 9 pm. $8. 21+. Willamette Week DECEMBER 9, 2015 wweek.com

MUSIC [UN HOMBRE] Billy Gibbons has a beard 1,000 feet long, and he played guitar on Tres Hombres, the best ZZ Top record—in fact, the best record ever made. One of the dual-bearded freaks in that little old band from Texas is treading new ground, even if the overall landscape is familiar. His new record, Perfectamundo, appeals perfectly to the sensibilities of men who wear leather vests and ride expensive Harleys but aren’t racist. It’s a Cuba-Mex blues sort of thing, music for fat guys who were in the Marine Corps in the mid-’80s and still sometimes get laid by their female equivalent when they go to the bar, which is every day. BRACE BELDEN. Revolution Hall, 1300 SE Stark St., No 110 8 pm. $49.50-$150. 21+.

Muse, Phantogram

LUCA VENTER

Billy Gibbons and the BFGs, Tyler Bryant and the Shakedown

[ORWELLIAN PROG] Muse is a blockbuster band. Everything the group does is epic in scope, brimming with over-the-top theatrics and content deeply concerned with totalitarian governments and the robotic face of humanless warfare, much of which is set atop a ﬂurry of intricate fretwork and Avatar-stature CGI. The recently launched Drones is typically operatic, ditching the string sections and the ridiculous touches of EDM that marred the band’s last album. With the so-called return to form comes the kind of middlebrow balladry and calls to action you’d expect of Bono, yet there’s something about the radio-friendly hooks and laser ballistics that makes Muse hard to resist when placed on a stage as big as Moda Center’s. BRANDON WIDDER. Moda Center, 1 N Center Court St. 8 pm. $39.50$69.50. All ages.

The Motet

[FUNKY BUT NOT FRESH] The Motet is Colorado’s Earth, Wind & Fire. A seven-piece ensemble led by drummer Dave Watts, the group is a syncopated, cleanly executed funk orchestra with enough Bootsy Collins-style grit to keep its sound sticky. Sure, its discography stretches back 15 years, and the records all mostly sound the same, and sure, there is nothing particularly groundbreaking about the band, but that’s not why you go to see it. If the formula for excellent funk had changed in the past two decades, you would probably be upset about it. PARKER HALL. Roseland Theater, 8 NW 6th Ave. 9 pm. $20. 21+.

Phutureprimitive, Bass Physics

[TRIBESTEP] If the rave scene in The Matrix looked like a good time, odds are good you’ve already been to a Phutureprimitive show. Just one man with the given name of Rain, Phutureprimitive is synonymous with 6 am sets at Burning Man, body mods and tribal tattoos—a singular branding housed in a LARP-friendly, sci-ﬁ aesthetic. His latest album, Searching for Beauty in the Darkest Places, Part 2, augments the “kinetic experience” of the music with lysergic lyrics. Rain’s dubstep drops and auxiliary bass are nothing more than a macro-dosage of derivative festival EDM to whip your dreads at. WYATT SCHAFFNER. Wonder Ballroom, 128 NE Russell St. 9 pm. $17 advance, $20 day of show. 21+.

SATURDAY, DEC. 12 Dandy Warhols, Joel Gion, Miranda Lee Richards

[HAVE A DANDY CHRISTMAS] Hey, did you catch Everclear back in town last month? Why not cap the year off by seeing Portland’s other most hated (read: most successful) band? Much like hating on bands who manage to find an audience outside of town, the Dandy Warhols’ annual holiday shows (the other is Dec. 10 at Edgefield) are a local tradition, and this year they’re joined by two fellow Dig! co-stars: tambourine man Joel Gion and singer-songwriter Miranda Lee Richards, both affiliates of the Brian Jonestown Massacre. Crystal Ballroom, 1332 W Burnside St., 225-0047. 8 pm. $20 advance, $25 day of show. All ages.

A Celebration of the Life and Music of Brian Berg

[TRIBUTE] In the time before Portland’s music scene had any sort of national reputation, Brian Berg and his band, 44 Long, were ambassadors of rock ‘n’ roll, earning the ultimate plaudit in 1997 when uber-critic Greil Marcus deemed the group’s Elvis Costello-meetsCreedence debut, Collect Them All, one of his favorite albums of the year. In October, Berg died in Salem at age 59. Tonight, friends and admirers pay tribute to the music he left behind, with surviving members of 44 Long performing songs with a cast of singers, including Scott McCaughey, Herman Jolly, John Moen and others. Doug Fir Lounge, 830 E Burnside St., 231-

Willamette Week DECEMBER 9, 2015 wweek.com

Redwood Son

Slow Magic plays Wonder Ballroom on Saturday Dec. 12. 9663. 8 pm. $10 advance, sliding scale day of show. 21+.

Psychic TV, Waldteufel, Vice Device, Aradia

[SURGICAL PRECISION] More than a few people have turned their lives into art projects, but a sparse batch have been as successful at doing so as Genesis P-Orridge. From industrial pioneers Throbbing Gristle to the punk detour Alternative TV and ﬁnally into the ever-malleable Psychic TV, the gender-ﬂuid P-Orridge has used music, as much as plastic surgery, to express a torrent of artworld theories. The version of Psychic TV currently trucking around the world might turn from the jittery dance of 2014’s Peak Hour to Syd Barrett-era Pink Floyd moves, and it’s usually with a shocking measure of grace. DAVE CANTOR. Euphoria Nightclub, 315 SE 3rd Ave. 9:23 pm. $20 advance, $23 day of show. 21+.

Giraffage, Slow Magic

[ANONYMOUS BEATS] Slow Magic is the latest in a relatively small family of masked musicians about whom there is very little information. Pulling off anonymity in the age of the Internet is impressive, and so is Slow Magic’s expansive skill set as a DJ. Latest record How to Run Away is a carefully assembled piece of eclectic house music, with a universal appeal that could have people dancing on any corner of the planet. The predominately instrumental effort is anchored by busy electronic keys and blooming percussion. The big builds remind at times of Ratatat or even Delicate Steve, but as the mask suggests, there’s something a little hazier and mysterious about it. Electronica heavyweight Giraffage shares the bill. MARK STOCK. Wonder Ballroom, 128 NE Russell St., 284-8686. 9 pm. $17 advance, $20 day of show. All ages.

SUNDAY, DEC. 13 Israel Nash, Anthony D’Amato

[BEARD ROCK] Israel Nash is a singer, songwriter and guitarist who grew up in the Ozarks and now calls the Hill Country of Texas (just outside Austin) home. While not quite channeling Stevie Ray Vaughan, Nash’s breakthrough record, Israel Nash’s Rain Plans, explores a psychedelic version of Vaughan’s brand of blues rock. On this year’s follow-up, Israel Nash’s Silver Season—his fourth LP overall— Nash expands into Neil Young-inspired freak-outs. HILARY SAUNDERS. Doug Fir Lounge, 830 E Burnside St. 8 pm. $10 advance, $12 day of show. 21+.

[SLOW-DANCE COUNTRY] Redwood Son serves as a subtle reminder that country music does exist in this town, and not just in the form of Willie Nelson covers. The twangy outﬁt has catchy rock-’n’-roll sensibilities, making it come oﬀ as a romantic, rural version of Ben Harper or Spearhead. It’s feel-good and somewhat cheesy, but it comes from a place more genuine than the aforementioned bands. There’s plenty of embellishment and cliché subject matter but, hey, that’s what pop country is all about. MARK STOCK. The White Eagle, 836 N Russell St., 282-6810. 7 pm. Free. 21+.

The English Beat, the Interrupters

[BONDING TIME] Hipsters and dads who came of age in the ’80s, unite! Yes, the English Beat is still touring, and it isn’t exactly in its prime anymore. But who cares? You’re not going for a high-powered performance or fresh vocals, you’re going for the nostalgia, to sing along to “Save It for Later” or “Mirror in the Bathroom.” The ubiquitous ska-pop band is scheduled to come out with a new album in 2016—its ﬁrst since 1982—so maybe you’ll even be so lucky as to hear some new songs. Actually, let’s hope it keeps the new stuﬀ to a minimum. SHANNON GORMLEY. Wonder Ballroom, 128 NE Russell St. 8:30 pm. $21 advance, $23 day of show. 21+.

MONDAY, DEC. 14 Judith Hill

[NEO-SOUL] If the name Judith Hill sounds vaguely familiar, that must mean you saw 20 Feet From Stardom, the great 2013 documentary about career backup singers that featured her as an example of the young guard following in the footsteps of Darlene Love and Merry Clayton. (Or you’re a big fan of The Voice, which she competed on, but I’m going to give your taste the beneﬁt of the doubt.) Hill’s worldclass vocals have been co-signed by Michael Jackson (she sang at his wake), Stevie Wonder and John Legend, but as is the fate of the session vocalist, she’s anonymous outside the industry. That’s steadily changing, thanks in part to Prince, who’s stamped his seal of approval on her ﬁrst solo album, Back In Time. Produced by the Purple One himself, the sound encompasses funk, R&B, gospel and jazz, with warm instrumentation and, unavoidably, a smattering of schmaltz. Most impressively, while Hill’s vocals are front and center, they don’t overwhelm her personality, making Back In Time a solid introduction to the woman behind the pipes. MATTHEW SINGER. Alberta Rose Theatre, 3000 NE Alberta St., 719-6055. 8 pm. $25. Under 21 with guardian.

Graveyard

[HARD-ROCK LIFE] In the eight years Graveyard has been a band, Swede Joakim Nilsson has never shied away from his inﬂuences. He’s worn them

CONT. on page 31

Willamette Week DECEMBER 9, 2015 wweek.com

MUSIC

TUESDAY, DEC. 15 Matt and Kim, Fringe Class

[TEEN POP] On much of their most recent album, 2015’s New Glow, Matt and Kim sound like children who’ve gotten their hands on a kazoo for the ﬁrst time. Dance beats, synth, recorder, bright piano and glitchedout, Auto-Tuned vocals show up throughout, making for 10 tracks simultaneously more glossy and youthful than the pair’s 2009 debut, Grand. The bright, optimistic notes— punctuated by air horns, tuba blasts and scatters of marching snare beats—invoke visions of an over-thetop high-school marching band, blasting the crowd with teenage lyrics about being alive and wearing hoodies set to soaring sing-along choruses. KAITIE TODD. Crystal Ballroom, 1332 W Burnside St., 225-0047. 8 pm. Sold out. All ages.

Okkervil River (solo)

[WORDS + GUITAR] The way that our internet culture moves these days, it’s almost surprising when you visit Stereogum or Pitchfork and don’t see a lengthy 10th or 20th or 30th anniversary post about an album. How can anything be canonical if too many things are thrown into the canon? One record that unfortunately didn’t get much nostalgic buzz is Okkervil River’s Black Sheep Boy, which is a total shame. Released in 2005, Black Sheep Boy is the ultimate emo-folk record, a dashing set of lyrical wit and selfloathing set to bouncing chamber folk that struck right as that was the cool indie-rock sound. Tonight, band leader and songwriter Will Sheﬀ tackles songs from the record solo, a treat for anyone who still holds this album near and dear. MICHAEL MANNHEIMER. Doug Fir Lounge, 830 E Burnside St., 231-9663. 9 pm. $20. 21+.

Mötley Crüe, Alice Cooper

[GLAM ROCK] Mötley Crüe’s final tour has been ongoing since 2014, when the bad boys stopped in Ridgefield, Wash., to say farewell. But the amphitheater there was not rigged for the entire stage show. And anyway, pot’s legal here now, so there’s even less reason to cross the border. So with only weeks left before its dirt is washed away forever, all four original members of Crüe will give us one final blowout. Miraculously, at 67, support act Alice Cooper is more spry and fiery than the headliners. Backed by some superb young musicians, Cooper rolls out a cavalcade of hits and props that are positively showstealing and delightfully ghoulish. He’s worth the price of admission. NATHAN CARSON. Moda Center, 1 N Center Court St. 7 pm. $25$99.50. All ages.

Atreyu, Falling in Reverse, From Ashes to New, Assuming We Survive

[SWOOPY BANGS] Headlined by dreamy convicted felon Ronnie Radke, Falling in Reverse’s new album, Just Like You, is what happens when your friend who dropped out of high school to sell drugs makes a highly polished power-pop album—think a Hot Topic version of 5 Seconds of Summer. Atreyu, meanwhile, has transitioned from the standard bearers of early 2000s screamo into a grownup version of their former selves, trading the swoopy bangs and white belts for crew cuts and plain black

hoodies. The Christmas Vacation Tour showcases two generations of music made by adult men aimed at teenage girls. Nostalgia and hormones sure make a potent cocktail. WALKER MACMURDO. Roseland Theater, 8 NW 6th Ave. 7 pm. $25. All ages.

CLASSICAL, WORLD & JAZZ Yo-Yo Ma

[CELLO GOD] It’s funny to hop on setlist.fm in search of cello virtuoso Yo-Yo Ma, especially since the site redirected me to a list of Yo

La Tengo songs. Luckily, his oﬃcial website revealed a performance schedule that includes the Allegretto from Ahmed Adnan Saygun’s Partita, Mark O’Connor’s Appalachia Waltz and Zhao Jiping’s Summer in the High Grassland with Bach’s First, Second and Sixth Cello Suites. This will be a graceful solo recital from a single individual playing the 1712 Davidov Stradivarius. Yo-Yo Ma happens to be the most famous cellist in the world. Unsurprisingly, it would appear that the cheap seats are

CONT. on page 33

INTRODUCING COURTESY OF HALEY HEYNDERICKX

as a badge of honor, channeling the sounds of late-’60s rockers like Black Sabbath and Cream with the fervor of the best bar band in any town. He does the same on Innocence & Decadence, the group’s fourth LP, with pummeling guitar riﬀs that threaten to overshadow the slow-burning choruses and grains of soul at every turn, adding chest-pumping bravado to lyrics that often reference the pure sweetness of youth. The irony is almost palpable—or perhaps that’s just the band’s chugging low-end coming through. BRANDON WIDDER. Wonder Ballroom, 128 NE Russell St. 8:30 pm. $16 advance, $18 day of show. All ages.

DATES HERE

Haley Heynderickx Who: Haley Heynderickx (vocals, guitar), Lily Breshears (bass, vocals), Alex Fitch (drums).

Sounds like: The collected works of Rainer Maria Rilke transmuted into the offspring of Nashville Skyline-era Dylan… with a little Zooey Deschanel thrown in. For fans of: Joanna Newsom, Jessica Pratt, Joni Mitchell.

As a kid, Haley Heynderickx yearned to shred. At age 11, she sought out the only guitar tutor in her tiny hometown of Forest Grove, Ore. She was a model apprentice, diligent and focused. There was just one problem: Her teacher taught only bluegrass. “My last name is Heynderickx,” which is indeed pronounced “HEN-drix,” she says. “I wanted to go electric!” She eventually became grateful for her mentor’s influence. After graduating from PSU, spending a few months in Prague and developing an infatuation for Bob Dylan, Heynderickx now recognizes his rootsy leanings as a key element setting her apart from other Dylan acolytes with art majors and Spanish guitars. “When I started, I just wanted to be a punk,” she says. “Now, I love sweet, slow country—enjoying acoustic music for its own sake.” It was in her only music course that she found another mentor in Megan McGeorge, of local band LEO. McGeorge encouraged Heynderickx to take her private hobby to a public stage. “She let me open for her in random bars,” she says. “Me and a 12-string, tuning for 15 minutes, before I was old enough to drink.” It was in that initial exposure that she began writing the songs collected on her first EP. It’s a dark and delicate balance of Elliott Smith and Angel Olsen, steeped in Nina Simone. For a 22-yearold, Heynderickx employs a sophisticated and smoky range. Her somber, jangly chords are accentuated perfectly with the flutter of arpeggio, with high-register vocals for ballast. In the true fashion of a Dylan devotee, though, she delights in the recent acquisition of a Telecaster—and the possibility of finally “going electric.” “I have such a quiet voice,” she says, “but the things I want to say are so loud.” CRIS LANKENAU. SEE IT: Haley Heynderickx plays Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi Ave., with Esme Patterson, on Tuesday, Dec. 15. 8 pm. $8. 21+.

Willamette Week DECEMBER 9, 2015 wweek.com

MUSIC Gospel Christmas

PROFILE SESSE LIND

long gone. NATHAN CARSON. Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall, 1037 SW Broadway. 7:30 pm Wednesday, Dec. 9. $300-$325. All ages.

[’TIS THE SEASON] Now in its 17th year, the Oregon Symphony’s annual wintertime special gives all the best holiday classics a soulful facelift. It’s a massive affair: Featuring performances by the Oregon Community Gospel Choir, which is accompanied by a full orchestra, the show is probably the biggest and best-produced local Christmas escapade outside of Tuba Christmas. Drink some eggnog, wrap up in a cozy sweater and enjoy—there’s a good reason it’s lasted this long. PARKER HALL. Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall, 1037 SW Broadway. 7 pm FridaySaturday, Dec. 11-12. 4 pm Sunday, Dec. 13. $35-$115. All ages.

Portland Baroque Orchestra & Cappella Romana

[TRUE MESSIAH] Like the followers in Monty Python’s Life of Brian, every year Portlanders are confronted by a choice of messiahs— not deities, but performances of Handel’s 18th-century choral masterpiece that’s long been a favorite of the Christmas season. But if you want the messianic experience that’s closest to what the composer intended and its first audiences actually heard, you’ll go for Portland Baroque Orchestra’s annual complete version, performed on replicas of instruments of the Baroque era—which sound sometimes very different from their modern equivalents used by other, false messiahs—and in the styles and tunings of the time. They’ll be augmented by the superb local singers of Cappella Romana and a quartet of well-regarded guest vocal soloists, including Portland Opera’s Hannah Penn. BRETT CAMPBELL. First Baptist Church, 909 SW 11th Ave. 7:30 pm FridaySaturday, Dec. 11-12. 4 pm Sunday, Dec. 13. $39-$70. All ages.

Charlie Hunter Trio

[EIGHT-STRINGED WONDER] It’s surprising that Bay Area guitarist Charlie Hunter has enough fingers to operate his own instrument. An eight-stringed guitar-bass combo on which the 48-year-old finger-picks both rhythmic and harmonic concepts with soulful ease, the custom axe allows Hunter to reduce the number of musicians he needs onstage. So, in place of a bass player, he is joined by trombonist Curtis Fowles as the third member of his trio, along with drummer Bobby Previte. It’s an interesting combo—a thoughtful group that showcases its ability to play slowswinging blues classics and speedy swing numbers alike, most of which were recorded for Hunter’s excellent recent release, Let the Bells Ring On. PARKER HALL. Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi Ave. 8 pm Friday, Dec. 11. $20. 21+.

Portland Gay Men’s Chorus: The Most Wonderful Season

[WINTER WAILING] Carolers are great—150 singing voices in the cozy Newmark Theatre are even greater. Quickly becoming a Portland holiday season must-do, The Most Wonderful Season celebrates the time of year beyond Christmas with the help of an energetic brass backing band. The Portland Gay Men’s Chorus puts on one of the most fun shows in town, and pushes equal rights in sonic style. Even if Christmas isn’t your thing, the evening will take the chill out of winter and put some bounce in your step. MARK STOCK. Newmark Theatre, 1111 SW Broadway. 8 pm Friday-Saturday, Dec. 11-12. 3 pm Sunday, Dec. 13. $16-$48. All ages.

For more Music listings, visit

Health WEDNESDAY, DEC. 9 Zombies. Sharknados. Mad Max. Katniss Everdeen. As pop culture testifies, we’re obsessed with the end times. But until Health did the score for third-person shoot-’em-up video game Max Payne 3 in 2012, pop music hadn’t quite caught up. Health started in about 2006, playing full-bodied experimental music in a Southern California scene in the midst of setting loose fellow acts Wavves and No Age. Downtown L.A. was still a scary place, and whether or not the band was conscious of it, the music of singer-guitarist Jake Duzsik, bassist John Famiglietti, multiinstrumentalist Jupiter Keyes and drummer Benjamin Jared Miller reflected that sewer-steaming industrial nightscape. Like any wise group, Health evolved with the changing skyline, moving from the DIY noise of 2009’s Get Color to the doomsday neo-pop sound of the recently released Death Magic. Rockstar Games solicited the band for the Max Payne soundtrack in between, and in doing so sort of got in the way of the band’s latest album. But it was a blessing cloaked in the disguise of virtual vigilante justice. Before then, Health had been fairly well-received, but not to the tune of 3 million sales during the game’s initial release. Operating on such a big stage typically invites outside pressure, from producers, labels and the like, but not here. “There is validation in working with a big company like that,” Famiglietti says. “Rockstar really hired us to be ourselves.” “What was cool about it was that video game people really take things at face value,” he continues. “It’s not like a movie where you see it and you run out and buy the Hans Zimmer record. But it is cool that so many people have responded to the video game soundtrack.” Without a doubt, Health has taken on cinematic sensibilities since scoring the video game. The project also imparted tone and cohesion to an experimental band that was once “really abstract,” according to Famiglietti. There may have been surprisingly little pressure working on the soundtrack, but with Death Magic came greater expectations and big-name collaborations, namely with Kanye West producer Andrew Dawson. “We made a lot of changes in how we write songs, produce songs,” Famiglietti says, “and really, we wanted it to hit harder.” Still, Famiglietti kindly bats away terms like “reinvention” and “evolution” related to his band’s impressive growth. Health is more focused on staying ahead of the curve. Death Magic is the dissertation of a band in custody of a high IQ. Stripped to its core melodies and major chord shifts, the record could almost pass as the work of a prolific boy band. Given its crashing electronic additions, late-night aura and near-disco tendencies, however, it’s something else entirely— music from the near future we’ll someday call pop. The record is good enough to justifiably inflate egos. But the band seems more interested in continued improvement, even in an increasingly woeful world. “We have this thing we’re doing, an ideal, it’s not really a reinvention,” Famiglietti says. “There is a perfect document of Health somewhere, and it can be made. We’re just trying to get there.” MARK STOCK.

After the pop apocalypse, the experimental noise bands shall inherit the charts.

SEE IT: Health plays Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison St., with Pictureplane and Ian Hicks, on Wednesday, Dec. 9. 8:30 pm. $12 advance, $14 day of show. 21+.

Murmurs P.6 Willamette Week DECEMBER 9, 2015 wweek.com

Willamette Week DECEMBER 9, 2015 wweek.com

MUSIC

dates here

ALBUM REVIEWS

Pelican Ossman

WEIRD RELIGIOUS MUSIC

(SELF-RELEASED)

[OUTSIDER POP] There’s a song on Pelican Ossman’s new cassette called “The Good Kind of Creepy,” and the title doubles as a fitting description of the Portland band’s odd sound. A disorienting collection that incorporates lo-fi folk, earnest indie rock, manipulated samples and hip-hop beats, Weird Religious Music captures the benign but unnerving quality of thrift-store art, kid-friendly haunted houses, empty carnivals and public-access television. It’s just not quite right—in the best way. The album is shot through with the same spirit of dazed invention that animated Beck’s early work, and there is a streak of mellow mysticism that recalls wide-eyed naturalists like Little Wings and Karl Blau. But Pelican Ossman is a wily shape-shifter, and comparisons burn up in its atmosphere. While there are simple and satisfying pop pleasures to be found in the morass of stuttering beats and slurred samples, Weird Religious Music works to subvert expectation at every turn. It evokes the slow cross-dissolve that brings one back to the everyday world at the tail end of a good high. Waves of bliss and hallucination crash into the dumb sameness of chairs and walls and doors, and for a few minutes everything strange is normal and everything normal is strange. And it’s all good. Really good. CHRIS STAMM. SEE IT: Pelican Ossman plays the Know, 2026 NE Alberta St., with Sad Horse and Montgomery Word, on Friday, Dec. 11. 8 pm. $5. 21+.

Andrew Endres Collective DESOLATION (SELF-RELEASED)

[PARTLY CLOUDY JAZZ] Despite its title, the Andrew Endres Collective’s first studio release doesn’t sound all that desolate—until you listen a little closer. With liner notes stained with terms like “bleakness,” “despair” and “hopelessness,” and track names like “Threnody” (a lament for the dead), “Zugzwang” (a position in chess in which any move makes things worse for you), “Destitute” and “Hatred of a Thousand,” you’d expect an exercise in bummerdom, especially given the titular bandleader-composer’s acknowledged lifelong struggle with depression, including a childhood suicide attempt. Yet as each cloud passes, moments of brightness shine through: in Endres’ fluid guitar solos and hooky melodies; in Stephanie Cook’s sparkling piano solos and foundational riffs; in the warm, concise contributions of saxophonists David Valdez and Lindsey Quint and supple rhythms propelled by the bass and drums of Sam Hallam and James Ford, especially on upbeat tunes like “Loss of Phobia” and “Forgetting Myself.” “Misoneism” refers to a Luddite fear of change, but floats dreamily above it. The rock backbeat of “Consciousness” seems to dispel rather than, as the liner notes claim, “embody this feeling of dysphoria.” Instead of flinching from or wallowing in the pain of its dark inspirations, Desolation never devolves into mere dreariness, but—to borrow Ray Bradbury’s term—confronts it with a tart musical medicine for melancholy. BRETT CAMPBELL. SEE IT: Andrew Endres Collective plays Jimmy Mak’s, 221 NW 10th Ave., with Blue Cranes on Thursday, Dec. 10, 8 pm. $10 advance, $12 day of show. Under 21 permitted until 9:30 pm.

The Century LOSERS (SELF-RELEASED) [GUITAR ROCK] Most of us by now know what we’re getting into when we listen to an EP by an alt-rocking guitar band: feel-good aggression, power chords, simple hooks, macho vocals. That’s certainly the case with the Century’s Losers. The songs on the quintet’s second EP beg for singing along, mainly because they’re easy to grasp and instantly recognizable. Outside of raging highlight “Here’s to Nothing,” the EP bops more than it drives, each song building to an anthemic crescendo. That’s not to dismiss it as entirely indistinct—see singer Andrew Hanna’s uniquely controlled snarl, and the Fender Rhodes lying low in the mix. As the EP’s title implies, the band’s aesthetic is marked by upbeat selfdeprecation, like when Hanna sings “Kiss me, I’m a coward” on “The Moves,” or “I’m in love with the losers” on the title track. That sort of attitude adds to Losers’ harmlessness: There’s not much to get excited about, but it’s still hard to dislike. SHANNON GORMLEY. SEE IT: The Century plays Rontoms, 600 E Burnside St., with Bed, on Sunday, Dec. 13. 8:30 pm. Free. 21+. Willamette Week DECEMBER 9, 2015 wweek.com

MUSIC CALENDAR WED. DEC. 9 Aladdin Theater

3017 SE Milwaukie Ave Sun Kil Moon

Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall

For more listings, check out wweek.com.

LAST WEEK LIVE

Slims

8635 N Lombard St Radio Gumbo & Basketball Jones

E M I LY j O A N g R E E N E

= WW Pick. Highly recommended.

Editor: Matthew Singer. TO HAVE YOUR EVENT LISTED, send show information at least two weeks in advance on the web at wweek.com/ submitevents. Press kits, CDs and especially vinyl can be sent to Music Desk, WW, 2220 NW Quimby St., Portland, OR 97210. Please include show or release date information with all physical mailings. Email: music@wweek.com.

Solaes Jazz Restaurant 1801 NE Alberta Street David Friesen Christmas Concert

Star Theater

13 NW 6th Ave Sagittarius Gala Benefit IX

1037 SW Broadway Yo-Yo Ma

TaborSpace

5541 SE Belmont St. Mark Bosnian’s Home For The Holidays Concert & Sing Along

Ash Street Saloon 225 SW Ash Los Gatos

Doug Fir Lounge

The Firkin Tavern

830 E Burnside St. Maribou State, Tyler Tastemaker; Patterson Hood, Thayer Sarrano (early show)

Duffs Garage

East Glisan Lounge

Hawthorne Theatre

1507 SE 39th The Maine, The Technicolors

commercial st the Rogue Bluegrass Band

Holocene

1001 SE Morrison St HEALTH

Jade Lounge

2348 SE Ankeny Ronnie Carrier Hosts

Justa Pasta

1336 NW 19th Ave Anson Wright Duo

McMenamins Al’s Den 303 SW 12th Ave Cyber Camel

Panic Room

3100 NE Sandy Blvd Abhomine / Necroholocaust / Weregoat

The Know

2026 NE Alberta St BLOWOUT (tour kickoff)

The Secret Society

116 NE Russell St Alice Wallace CD Release, Alexa Wiley & The Wilderness, Sarah Vitort

The White Eagle 836 N Russell St Whim Grace

THURS. DEC. 10 Ash Street Saloon 225 SW Ash Danny Mixtape

Black Water Bar

835 NE Broadway Blvd Thrashing Metal Madness

Corkscrew Wine Bar 1665 SE Bybee Blvd Adlai Alexander Trio

Dante’s

350 West Burnside Pojama People featuring Ike Willis + Z.E.R.O.-The Zappa Early Renaissa

Doug Fir Lounge

830 E Burnside St Della Mae, Water Tower

Duffs Garage

2530 NE 82nd Ave The Way Downs

Edgefield

2126 S. W. Halsey ST. Dandys Christmas Dinner and a Show

Goodfoot Pub & Lounge

2845 SE Stark St THE STUDENT LOAN

Hawthorne Theatre 1507 SE 39th

The Secret Society

GREAT SHAKES: This year, Alabama Shakes took a quantum leap without ever really leaving home. On Sound & Color, its second album, the band didn’t betray the ’60s R&B and Southern rock influences of its NPR-anointed 2012 debut, it merely vibed them out—with vibraphone, in some cases. Now it’s reaping the rewards, and the awards, too. On Dec. 7, the night it rolled into the sold-out Crystal Ballroom, the group learned it had been nominated for six Grammys, including Album of the Year. And it wasn’t about to play coy about it. “I’m not a great public speaker,” frontwoman Brittany Howard admitted from the stage, in the heavy drawl of her home state. “So imagine my horror when I heard we were nominated for six Grammys.” It was a well-earned humblebrag. But that doesn’t mean the band has nothing left to prove, and it certainly didn’t play like it. Expanded to a nine-piece, with two keyboardists and a trio of backing singers, the Shakes nailed the details in the smoky funk of “Don’t Wanna Fight” and floating soul of “Future People.” As always, though, Howard remained the focal point. Splicing the DNA of Otis Redding and Sister Rosetta Tharpe, she howled, growled and testified, not just with her voice but her facial contortions, animating each word with her mouth, reaching up from her guitar to push back her sweat-slicked glasses each time they reached the edge of her nose, and always in rhythm. Maybe she’s not much of a public speaker, but that’s OK. The performance said it all. MATTHEW SINGER.

Holocene

1001 SE Morrison St Kiasmos, Strategy, Beacon Sound DJs

Jade Lounge

2348 SE Ankeny A Night with BB and Friends

Jimmy Mak’s

221 NW 10th Ave The Andrew Endres Collective/Blue Cranes

LaurelThirst

2958 NE Glisan St Sarah Aili, Ryan T Jacobs (Melville) and Stars of Cascadia Mississippi Studios 3939 N Mississippi Ave Gift Of Gab // Ra Scion // Landon Wordswell // DJ Indica

O’Connors Annex

7850 SW Capitol Hwy Chris Lee/Colleen O’Brien

The Know

2026 NE Alberta St Carousel, Fuzzy Dice, Pushy

Twilight Cafe and Bar 1420 SE Powell Random Axe/The Decliners/My Siamese Twin

Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall

1037 SW Broadway Gospel Christmas

Ash Street Saloon 225 SW Ash Ditch Digger

Bacchus Bar

422 SW Broadway The Bylines

Biddy McGraw’s

6000 NE Glisan St. Bottleneck Blues Band

Black Water Bar

835 NE Broadway Witch Mountain, Netherlands, WILL, Saola

Classic Pianos

3003 SE Milwaukie Ave An Evening of Brazilian Music

Dante’s

350 West Burnside THE BLASTERS

Duffs Garage

2530 NE 82nd Ave Bridge City Crooners; High Water Jazz Band

Edgefield

2126 S. W. Halsey ST. Dickens Carolers

First Baptist Church

909 SW 11th Ave. Portland Baroque Orchestra & Cappella Romana

First United Methodist Church

Jade Lounge 2348 SE Ankeny Slide, Jade Private

Jimmy Mak’s

221 NW 10th Ave Patrick Lamb Band Holiday Party

Marylhurst University

17600 Pacific Highway (Hwy 43) Christmas Jazz Concert

Milwaukie High School Auditorium 11300 SE 23rd Ave. Big Horn Brass Holiday Concert

Mississippi Pizza Pub

3552 N Mississippi Ave Robin Jackson Band and Ezza Rose

Mississippi Studios

3939 N Mississippi Ave Charlie Hunter Trio

Moda Center

1 N Center Court St 101.9 KINK Acoustic Christmas

Newmark Theatre 1111 SW Broadway Portland Gay Men’s Chorus: The Most Wonderful Season

Panic Room

3100 NE Sandy Blvd BIG KAT / STRICTLY PLATONIC / KALIDA

Revolution Hall

FRI. DEC. 11

5830 NE Alameda St. Oregon Repertory Singers

1300 SE Stark St #110 Billy Gibbons and the BFGs, Tyler Bryant and the Shakedown

Aladdin Theater

Hawthorne Theatre

Roseland Theater

3017 SE Milwaukie Ave NW Natural Holidays with the Trail Band

1507 SE 39th Josh Heinrichs, Skillinjah, Iya Terra

8 NW 6th Ave The Motet

The Firkin Tavern 1937 SE 11th Ave

116 NE Russell St Ancient Heat, La Rivera CD Release, Beach Fire at The Secret Society

The White Eagle

836 N Russell St Joseph Konty; The Von Howlers

Trinity Episcopal Cathedral

147 NW 19th Ave. Christmas Concert & Wassail Party: A Blaze of Brass & Song

Wonder Ballroom

128 NE Russell St. Giraffage, Slow Magic

SUN. DEC. 13 Crush Bar

Mushroomhead, 9Electric, Come//Rest, Amerakin Overdose, Separation of Sanity; The Stein Project (lounge)

Willamette Week DECEMBER 9, 2015 wweek.com

Matt Buetow (band) + Keyan Keihani (San Fran) + Jack Dwyer

The Know

2026 NE Alberta St PELICAN OSSMAN (record release)

Crystal Ballroom

1332 W Burnside St Dandy Warhols

Doug Fir Lounge 830 E Burnside St A Celebration of the Life and Music of Brian Berg

1400 SE Morrison St SWITCH & Jody and Nick

Doug Fir Lounge

830 E Burnside St Israel Nash, Anthony D’Amato

Duffs Garage

2530 NE 82nd Ave Candye Kane

Walters Cultural Arts Center

Euphoria Nightclub

2126 S. W. Halsey ST. Pilar French

527 East Main St. Patrick Ball and Legends of the Celtic Harp

315 SE 3rd Ave Psychic TV, Waldteufel, Vice Device, Aradia

Winningstad Theatre

Goodfoot Pub & Lounge

The White Eagle 836 N Russell St Blak Sheep Black

1111 SW Broadway Spanish Brass Christmas

Wonder Ballroom

128 NE Russell St Phutureprimitive, Bass Physics

SAT. DEC. 12 Alberta Street Pub 1036 NE Alberta St Goldfoot

Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall

1037 SW Broadway December Concerts with the Oregon Symphony

Blast Burger

315 First Street, Suite 101 Ash Creek

Central Lutheran Church 1820 NE 21st Ave Wintersong 2015

Church

1314 SW Park Ave. On This Day the Earth Shall Ring (Saturday evening location)

2530 NE 82nd Ave Strange Tones

2845 SE Stark St TAKIMBA

High Water Mark Lounge

6800 NE MLK Ave Still Flyin’ (SF), iji (Seattle), Feel Young and Weird Cactus

Jimmy Mak’s

221 NW 10th Ave Paul Creighton Project: Tribute to Stevie Wonder

McGuire Auditorium at Warner Pacific College 2219 SE 68th Ave. “Rhapsody in Blue!” with pianist Susan DeWitt Smith

Midland Library

805 SE 122nd Avenue Uke Can Do It

Pioneer Courthouse Square 701 SW 6th Ave 25th Annual Tuba Christmas Concert

Revolution Hall

1300 SE Stark St #110 Sinatra By Starlight

Alberta Rose Theatre

3000 NE Alberta St Judith Hill

Crystal Ballroom

1332 W Burnside St Scott Bradlee’s Postmodern Jukebox

830 E Burnside St Jared & The Mill

The Rogue Pub

2845 SE Stark St WAMBA

MON. DEC. 14

The Jack London Bar

2026 NE Alberta St TSEPESCH

Goodfoot Pub & Lounge

Wonder Ballroom

128 NE Russell St The English Beat, The Interrupters

Dante’s

The Know

8001 NE Glisan Street David Friesen Christmas Concert

Holiday Harmony Concert

1937 SE 11th Ave Saucy Yoda + Chocolate Cool But Rude + Polyglamoury 529 SW 4th The Famous Haydell Sisters Christmas Special

2530 NE 82nd Ave Arthur Moore; Blues Jam

[DEC. 9-15]

Edgefield

First Congregational Church 1126 SW Park Avenue Aurora Chorus: Grace Before Sleep

McMenamins Al’s Den 303 SW 12th Ave Left Coast Country

Moda Center

1 N Center Court St Muse, Phantogram

Rontoms

600 E Burnside St The Century + Bed

St. Matthew Lutheran Church

350 West Burnside Karaoke From Hell

Doug Fir Lounge

Goodfoot Pub & Lounge 2845 SE Stark St Sonic Forum

O’Connor’s Vault

7850 SW Capitol Hwy Songwriter Circle: Cal Scott and Richard Moore with special guest Jack Dwyer

Saint David of Wales Church

2800 SE Harrison Street Everyone Welcome Community Choir

Wonder Ballroom 128 NE Russell St Graveyard

TUES. DEC. 15 Alberta Rose Theatre

3000 NE Alberta St Patchy Sanders’ Farewell Tour (with Steep Ravine!)

Alberta Street Pub

1036 NE Alberta St Samuel Eisen-Meyers

Ash Street Saloon 225 SW Ash Bocephus

Crystal Ballroom

1332 W Burnside St Matt and Kim, Fringe Class

Doug Fir Lounge

830 E. Burnside St Okkervil River (Solo)

Duffs Garage

2530 NE 82nd Ave PDX No Shame

Goodfoot Pub & Lounge

2845 SE Stark St BOYS II GENTLEMEN (Free!)

Jimmy Mak’s

221 NW 10th Ave AJAM

LaurelThirst Public House 2958 NE Glisan St Jackstraw

Mississippi Studios

3939 N Mississippi Ave Haley Heynderickx

Mötley Crüe, Alice Cooper

10390 SW Canyon Rd. Big Horn Brass Holiday Concert

1 N Center Court St Mötley Crüe: The Final Tour “All Bad Things Must Come To An End”

The White Eagle

Roseland Theater

836 N Russell St. Redwood Son

Twilight Cafe and Bar

1420 SE Powell Twilight’s First Annual Vertigo Ball W/ P.R.O.B.L.E.M.S/ Therapists/Sex Crime/ The Chemicals/DAMN!/ The Bloodtypes/Rotties/ Breaker-Breaker/Gun Party/Raw Dog and the Close Calls/Acousta Noir

Vie de Boheme 1530 SE 7th Ave

8 NW 6th Ave Atreyu, Falling in Reverse, From Ashes to New, Assuming We Survive

The White Eagle 836 N Russell St Rainbow Electric

Valentine’s

232 SW Ankeny St, Portland, Oregon 97204 Solar Drift (ScFiSol + Señor Frio) with Never Odd or Even & Nolon Ashley (okay molg)

MUSIC 1. Skyline Tavern

8031 NW Skyline Blvd., 286-4788, skytav.com. The 90-year-old Skyline Tavern, freshened up recently by new owners, looks like it’d be in a movie starring Burt reynolds, and has a clientele that goes like this: “millionaire, millionaire, poor person, construction worker, millionaire.” .

e m i ly j o a n g r e e n e

BAR REVIEW

2. Chopsticks

3390 NE Sandy Blvd., 234-6171, chopstickskaraoke.com. old friends in Portland don’t disappear. They just move farther from the river. The new Chopsticks location just needs a little time to get lived in.

3. The Slammer

500 SE 8th Ave., 232-6504. The Slammer is a Portland Christmas tradition—a dive bar so packed with a blinking rainbow of holiday lights that it’s like Peacock lane for drunk adults, except with cheap drinks and skee ball instead of cars and children.

4. Hawthorne Strip

3532 SE Powell Blvd., 232-9516, hawthornestrip.com. joining the illustrious ranks of apizza Scholls and Belmont Station, this strip club has an old name and new digs—on Powell. it’s pretty classy, as far as strip clubs on busy roads go.

5. La Moule

2500 SE Clinton St., 971-339-2822, lamoulepdx.com. St. jack’s cross-river companion bar is a fine place to drink and eat mussels beneath a portrait of black-eyed Serge gainsbourg, while Television plays in a bar without a television.

LAGERING LENTS: Lents has a big bar scene. As in, the bars in Lents are big. The deep-Southeast ’hood’s most famous landmark is the New Copper Penny, a 30,000-square-foot nightlife complex that had a staggering 136 police calls in a two-year period ending March 2014, when the club had its most recent shooting. But the Portland Development Commission has plowed $100 million of your tax dollars into improving this blue-collar business district. At the new Zoiglhaus Brewing Company (5716 SE 92nd Ave., 971-339-2374, zoiglhaus.com), the PDC has a pale ale named in its honor. In keeping with Lentil custom, the space is huge—10,500 square feet for the main floor, which can accommodate 270 people. In Germany, the Zoiglhaus is a regional tradition where community stakeholders come together to brew in a shared system. Pints brewmaster Alan Taylor will make all the beer here by himself. So far, it’s all brewed in Old Town, but Taylor hopes to open the brewery here within a few months. All the beer we sampled was great—clean, well-made and perfectly to style—but the food menu needs some tweaks. In any neighborhood, $7 is a steep price for a large pretzel, even with a cup of obatzda dipping sauce made from soft cheese and butter. The currywurst plate, on the other hand, was also $7, but came with a mountain of fries, one sausage link sliced into pieces so thin they started to bow in the middle, and a sauce that needed a little more curry-powered bite. Hopefully, those wrinkles get worked out as the operation grows into its space. MARTIN CIZMAR.

sUN. DEC. 13 Lovecraft Bar

421 SE Grand Ave GLAM ROCK TRASH BASH

WED. DEC. 9 Lovecraft Bar

421 SE Grand Ave Event Horizon with DJs Straylight and Miss Q (industrial, EBM, electro)

THUrs. DEC. 10 Lovecraft Bar

421 SE Grand Ave Shadowplay (EBM, goth, dance)

FrI. DEC. 11 Moloko

3967 N. Mississippi ave The Diamond Stylus with King Tim 33 1/3

Euphoria Nightclub

315 SE 3rd Ave DIRECT FRIDAYS: GETTER

Lovecraft Bar

421 SE Grand Ave Necronancy Queer Dance Party

Goodfoot Pub & Lounge

2845 SE Stark St SOUL STEW with DJ AQUAMAN AND FRIENDS

sAT. DEC. 12 Euphoria Nightclub

315 SE 3rd Ave DESTINATION SATURDAYS: LATE NIGHT ALUMNI

MON. DEC. 14 Lovecraft Bar

421 SE Grand Ave DJ Cory (metal & new wave)

TUEs. DEC. 15 Lovecraft Bar

421 SE Grand Ave Mood Ring Dance Party

Moloko

3967 N. Mississippi Ave DJ Cuica

Holocene Portland

1001 SE Morrison St Honey with DJ Izm and DJ Jack (open form)

Lovecraft Bar

421 SE Grand Ave Musick for Mannequins with DDDJJJ666 & Magnolia Bouvier (eclectic vinyl dance)

Willamette Week DECEMBER 9, 2015 wweek.com

PERFORMANCE COURTESY OF LAUREN KESSLER

= WW Pick. Highly recommended. Most prices listed are for advance ticket sales. At-the-door increases and so-called convenience charges may apply, so it’s best to call ahead. Editor: ENID SPITZ. Theater: ENID SPITZ (espitz@wweek.com). Comedy: MIKE ACKER (macker@wweek.com). Dance: ENID SPITZ (dance@wweek.com). TO BE CONSIDERED FOR LISTINGS, submit information at least two weeks in advance to: espitz@wweek.com.

OPENINGS & PREVIEWS 1941 Christmas From Home

Every year, Christmas from Home brings a nostalgic, live staging of a 1941 radio show to Portland. Think of suburban children congregating around the radio for big-band numbers, swooning songbirds, comedy sketches and all the joy of a WWII-era holiday. While PCS, and Bag & Baggage’s KBNB Kristmas Karol especially, twist the classics—this one is true to life, based on interviews that local writer Pat Kruis Tellinghusen did with veterans. Clinton Street Theater, 2522 SE Clinton St., 238-5588. 7:30 pm Friday-Saturday and 2 pm Sunday, through Dec. 13. $20.

The Dissenter’s Handbook

Dario Fo’s irreverent redos of Italian folklore make for a show that’s more comedy than pure theater. It’s like bawdy story time and traditional clowning with a side of slapstick. Matthew Kerrigan stars again, following up this summer’s staging at CoHo. Shaking the Tree’s main name, director Samantha Van Der Merwe (who just finished staging Sarah Ruhl’s Passion Play all around town), is adding an extra Fo kicker to this show: The Tale of a Tiger. It’s a short story about a tiger nursing a Chinese revolutionary back to health after he gets gangrene. It’s rare to hear a show promise to be subversive, hilarious and spiritual...and actually believe it. Shaking the Tree Theatre, 823 SE Grant St., 235-0635. 7:30 pm Thursday-Saturday and 5 pm Sunday, through Dec. 25. $25.

The Great American Trailer Park Christmas Musical

This two-year-old version adds Keg Nog to the longtime running Trailer Park Musical. When a Scroogey resident of North Florida’s Armadillo Acres starts tripping about amnesia, Betty and someone named Pickles decide that the best cure for forgetfulness is more holiday cheer, and chair throwin’. Brunish Theatre, 1111 SW Broadway, 248-4335. 7:30 Thursday-Saturday, 2 pm SaturdaySunday, through Dec. 27. $25-$40.

The Miracle Worker

Artists Repertory Theatre is taking a different approach to the holiday season, with Artistic Director Dámaso Rodriguez’s production of William Gibson’s Tony-winning mainstay play. Val Landrum, a Drammy winner with big name credits like ER, What the Bleep Do We Know !? and Leverage, plays Annie Sullivan. And young Agatha Olson, a middle school finalist for Oregon Children’s Theatre’s playwriting competition, who already has a significant history at Artists Rep, is Helen. How to win at Christmas? Helen Keller. No show Wednesday, Dec. 15. Artists Repertory Theatre, 1516 SW Alder St., 7:30 pm Tuesday-Sunday and 2 pm Sunday, through Jan. 3. $25-$48.

Twist Your Dickens

The Second City is back for more than the second time, doing Dickens improv that combines sketch comedy and audience input. Last year, WW pointed out that the show “left an aftertaste worse than that of spoiled eggnog,” and we’re not holding out for a Christmas miracle this year. Special show 2 pm Thursday, Dec. 24. US Bank Main Stage at The Armory, 128 NW 11th Ave., 4453700. 7:30 pm Tuesday-Sunday, 2 pm Saturday-Sunday and noon Thursday, through Dec. 31. $25-$53.

ZooZoo

First went Frogz, now goes ZooZoo. Imago is good at having final shows

of childrens’ theater...many times. But really, this truly is the very last time ever in the entire existence of the world that you can watch insomniac hippos, bitchy anteaters and sneaky penguins in mask. Imago Theatre, 17 SE 8th Ave., 231-9581. 7 pm Friday, 12 and 3 pm Saturday and 2 pm Sunday, through Jan. 3. $34.50.

NEW REVIEWS The Book of Merman

Triangle Production’s latest play begins with a ringing doorbell and two bickering Mormons, Elder Shumway (Collin Carver) and Elder Braithwaite (William Schindler), who are six months into their mission and aren’t having much luck saving souls. Until they meet Ethel (Amy Jo Halliday), an older, dramatic woman who likes to drink, swear and write hefty checks to people who come to her door selling magazine subscriptions. That’s Ethel Merman, a diamond-clad songstress with a booming voice, whom The New York Times called “the Queen of Musicals” in the 1930s. Through a series of jaunty show tunes and slowly revealed secrets— like Shumway’s secret love for musical theater—the show unfolds in Ethel’s living room, as the former starlet teaches the Mormons the value of being true to themselves. Occasional awkward blocking and lackluster dancing is saved by impressive three-part harmonies and an entertaining cast—Halliday amusingly hams up her over-the-top character; Carver brings dry wit and shy vulnerability; and Shindler deftly alternates between being giddy and on the brink of tears. Like any Triangle show, the audience gets involved, so beware if you’re shy. KAITIE TODD. Triangle Productions!, 1785 NE Sandy Blvd., 239-5919. 7:30 pm Thursday-Saturday and 2 pm Sunday, through Dec. 19. $15-$35.

ALSO PLAYING A K.B.N.B. Kristmas Karol

Slapstick antics and pratfalls are second only to boob grabs in Bag & Baggage’s holiday offering, about radio actors and their studio’s final night before it’s destroyed to make way for a greedy media tycoon’s new TV sound stage. As the cast struggles to produce a passable adaptation of what they call “Dickles Charleston,” using a single microphone in a near-empty studio, they are forced to contend with the agenda of the zealous television producer. The Hillsboro cast of eight tempers the verbose, extremely fast-paced farce with nonstop visual interplay and innuendo in a Karol that boasts dropped pants aplenty, a threegirl nipple-twisting routine and at least six pelvic thrusts in the first act. They manage to sing a few Christmas songs, too! MIKE GALLUCCI. The Venetian Theatre, 253 E Main St., Hillsboro, 6933953. 7:30 Thursday-Saturday and 2 pm Sunday, through Dec. 23. $27-$32.

Bite Me a Little

First introduced as a staged reading at the Fertile Ground Festival in 2012, this show is now a little dirtier, a lot louder and still appreciably rough around the edges. Looking for a venue to host his high-school reunion, the lovable dweeb Ben Davies (Brian Burger) books Dr. Hurt’s Palace of Fun, unaware that it’s actually a vampire night club and sex dungeon. All it needs is some gratuitous

CONT. on page 40

THE ROLE OF A LIFETIME: Lauren Kessler (right).

Raising the Barre Is a Nutcracker EUGENE’S MIDLIFE BALLERINA GIVES LIFELONG ADVICE.

loaded me up on stuff I didn’t know existed.” Pushing boundaries—rather than performance—was the main objective, she says. “The book is really about shaking it up when you don’t have to, pushing yourself outside Eugene author and ballet fanatic Lauren Kessler’s your comfort zone.” resolution to dance in The Nutcracker late in life was Though it waxes elitist at times—the premise more than a pet project, it was a lifestyle revolution. of city-hopping and sitting with Louboutin-shod And her new book about the journey to Eugene Ballet patrons because your husband has business in Paris Company’s stage, Raising the Barre (Da Capo Press, grates—Kessler’s eighth nonfiction book is a speed 272 pages, $24.99), is more of about kicking yourself read that could actually interest the average Joe in in the ass than Balanchine. ballet. She details proper scrotum placement for “My husband is used to me doing crazy things,” men in tights and how she botched a Corvallis perforsays Kessler, who previously subjected herself to hypmance. “If there’s anything that’s populist ballet, nosis for a book on anti-aging (Counterclockit’s The Nutcracker,” she insists. “Tickets to wise) and spent a year testing exercises the UO football game are just as expenfor every letter of the alphabet, A to Z. sive, it has the same showiness. Is The mother of three is the Oregon “My football an elitist art? Book Award-winning author of She offers stories about leotard husband is used shopping such real-life accounts as Finding and plié practice as antiLife in the Land of Alzheimer’s and to me doing dotes to midlife monotony instead My Teenage Werewolf. But she of Botox or Lumosity. It’s mental, crazy things.” failed as a ballerina, until last year. she says: “How much can you Kessler stopped dancing at age 12 —Lauren Kessler hold in your head—turnout is good, when she overheard highbrow instrucshoulders are good, but then my hand tor André Eglevsky tell her mother to is like a claw. And once I fix that, my elbow stop wasting money on classes—Kessler’s bends.” And physical: “Being one with my body body type was all wrong. But the yearly tradition of rather than it being an object—ballet took that away dressing in her finest to see The Nutcracker stuck with from me, so I thought that maybe ballet could bring it Kessler, so when her husband took an extended busi- back.” ness trip to Paris without her, she toured the country “Even how I stand now is different,” she says of to see as many renowned productions as possible her no-holds-barred undertaking, which took just a before ending at her mainstay Eugene Ballet. year once Kessler started her adult ballet classes and Last December, she was on the stage instead, meetings with Eugene Ballet choreographer Toni dancing solo as Clara’s aunt. It’s a role the ballet com- Pimble. pany invented especially for her, one she’ll reprise in Everyone can “raise the barre,” Kessler insists, Eugene next week. “I wanted to push myself back to if they just commit to undertaking the uncomfortthe beginning of a learning curve,” Kessler explained able. “I have a lot of money invested in leotards now.” of her decision to stop running, drag her best friend ENID SPITZ. Kim to adult ballet classes, hire a personal instructor and join a ballet-centric book club. “It was huge for GO: Lauren Kessler appears at Powell’s City of me to learn stage makeup,” she says. “I don’t wear Books, 1005 W Burnside St., 228-4651. 7:30 pm makeup at all, so a friend took me to Sephora and Wednesday, Dec. 9. Free. Willamette Week DECEMBER 9, 2015 wweek.com

PERFORMANCE nudity and a little financial backing for a few hundred gallons of spewing blood, and this could be the next cult classic. PENELOPE BASS. Post5 Theatre, 1666 SE Lambert St., 971258-8584. 7:30 pm Thursday-Sunday, through Dec 12. Show on Friday, Dec. 11, is at 10 pm. $20.

The Santaland Diaries

Learn ˚ Grow ˚ Connect

Like the immortal Kris Kringle, Portland Center Stage’s Crumpet the elf seems destined to revisit us year after year. This stage adaptation of David Sedaris’ beloved/despised diary of working as a Macy’s holiday elf is far beyond cult classic at this point. Newbies, spike your nog. Gerding Theater, Ellen Bye Studio, 128 NW 11th Ave., 445-3700. 7:30 pm TuesdaySunday and 2 pm Saturday-Sunday, through Dec. 27. Extra show 2 pm Thursday, Dec. 24, no show Friday, Dec. 25. $35-$55.

COMEDY & VARIETY The 3rd Floor XXXIII: The Final Chapter

After 20 years of comedy shows and racking up an alumni list of more than 55 actors, Portland’s longestrunning sketch troupe is closing with a show of quick-turn sketches and plenty of Easter eggs for longtime groupie. Milagro Theatre, 525 SE Stark St., 236-7253. 8 pm Friday-Saturday. Through Dec. 19. $16-$19.

Full House Christmas in Hecklevision

Hecklevision takes on a few holiday-themed episodes of the beloved classic sitcom Full House, with special guest comedian Ryan AlexanderTanner of The Real Full House Reviewed blog. Hollywood Theatre, 4122 NE Sandy Blvd., 493-1128. 9:30 pm Saturday, Dec. 12. $8.

Late Night Action with Alex Falcone

This month, Alex and co-host Bri

Pruett welcome Tres Shannon, founder of Voodoo Doughnut and Steve Novick, Portland city commissioner. Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi Ave., 288-3895. 7 pm Saturday, Dec. 12. $10-$15. 21+.

Nathan Brannon

Winner of Helium’s 2012 Portland’s Funniest Person Competition and the 2014 Seattle International Comedy Competition, Brannon has opened for top headliners included Maria Bamford, Damon Wayans and Dave Chappelle. Helium Comedy Club, 1510 SE 9th Ave., 888-643-8669. 8 pm Thursday, Dec. 10. $10-$18. 21+.

Orny Adams

“Tthe other guy,” in Jerry Seinfeld’s iconic documentary Comedian is much more than that. A veteran of the standup touring circuit, Adams has appeared on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, The Late Show with David Letterman and can currently be seen

The Bhaktishop Yoga Center Teacher Training Program

REVIEW C O U R T E S Y O F S P I E G E LW O R L D . C A

With decades of experience to share, we’ve created a teacher training program with a strong core asana and teaching methodology curriculum, a relevant bhakti-based philosophy program and a place to learn from mature teachers who live this practice every day. EXPERIENCE We have high-level teachers with decades of experience in multiple complimentary fields. ACCESSIBILITY We teach teach all levels of students how to expand their yoga practices and apply those teachings in many ways and settings. CONNECTION Beyond yoga, students learn deep self-care through the study of Ayurveda, Yoga Psychology, meditation and more. Program starts January 15th, 2016 2500 SE 26th Ave. at SE Division | 503.244.0108 | www.thebhaktishop.com

CARROT MAN AND LIME GREEN LADY: Vlad Ivashkin and Aiusha Khadzh Khamed.

Cirque du Sex Spiegelworld puts balls in your face.

If you’ve ever experienced the artistry and wonder of a Cirque du Soleil performance, you are in no way prepared for the mindfuck that is Spiegelworld. Alternately astounding, hilarious and truly fucking bizarre, the Spiegelworld cast will push you to the absolute limit of what you’re comfortable with—and well fucking beyond. And yes, all of those “fucks” are necessary in this case. If that makes you uncomfortable, walk away now and don’t look back. If you are, however, the kind of sick fucker who enjoys balls in your face, chewed-up banana in your mouth and other forms of depravity paraded as entertainment, you’re in for a treat. The performance really begins well before showtime, when the performers wander through the crowd catching projectiles in their pants, taking photos with patrons’ faces pressed to their asses and softening the thresholds of humiliation before things get really vulgar. This is all possible—and effective—thanks to the intimate venue. The New York City-based Spiegelworld started in a century-old Belgian Spiegeltent with nooks, stained glass and a tiny center stage. Now travelling internationally, the 40

Willamette Week DECEMBER 9, 2015 wweek.com

spacious touring tent seats the audience mere feet from the small, circular stage. People sitting in the front row are warned at the beginning that they’re fucked. Most were good sports at an opening weekend show, like the guy named Brian who put up with being sexually assaulted by another man onstage. In such a small performance space the acrobatics and contortion acts become jawdroppingly real, with every quivering muscle, hyper-extended rib cage and sweat-slicked pectoral on full display. It’s every bit as erotic as it sounds, with plenty of eye candy for all persuasions. And though the production may read like a low-budget Cirque, its performers are undeniably world-class, with Olympiccaliber gymnasts and vocalist Tessa Alves (aka Miss Purple), who could easily headline on her own. Comedy duo Jonathan Taylor and Anne Goldmann play the hosts and keep things moving with comedic skits, nudity and that spontaneous sexual assault. Empire will leave you titillated, amazed and horrified beyond all reason—in the best possible way. It might be good to step out of your comfort zone. Or rather, get shoved out of it by a man in a dress draping his balls on your leg. PENELOPE BASS. SEE IT: Empire is at the Rose Quarter Benton Lot, 542 N Broadway, 800-745-3000. 7 pm Tuesday-Sunday and 9 pm Friday-Saturday, through Jan. 6. $25-$99.

playing the role of Coach Finstock on the hit MTV show Teen Wolf. Helium Comedy Club, 1510 SE 9th Ave., 888643-8669. 8 pm Wednesday, Dec 9, 7:30 and 10 pm Friday-Saturday, Dec. 11-12. $15-$31. 21+.

actually gets staged is up to the audience—patrons spin a game show-style wheel to pick. Bodyvox, 1201 NW 17th Ave., 229-0627. 7:30 pm Thursday-Saturday and 2 pm Saturday, through Dec. 19. $25-$64.

DANCE

White Album Christmas

The Nutcracker

The most-watched ballet sweeps young Clara away to a fantastical wonderland where toys duke it out with rats. Keller Auditorium, 222 SW Clay St., 222-5538. 7:30 pm Thursday-Sunday and 2 pm Friday-Sunday, through Dec. 26. $29-$146.

The Spin

Bodyvox dancers prepare 20 pieces for this one program, but what

In Wanderlust Circus’ eighth annual musical holiday oﬀering, A-wol dancers and some visiting San Franciscans act out a radiation-plagued Free Cascadia, where water is scarce but the Nowhere Band performs every note of The Beatles’ White Album live. Alberta Rose Theatre, 3000 NE Alberta St., 719-6055. 8 pm WednesdaySaturday, Dec. 9-12. $30-$50.

For more Performance listings, visit

REVIEW

’Tis the Season Portland Playhouse is fully steeped in the season’s spirit, transporting you to Victorian England when you step inside the converted church. Child actors, barmen and box-office staff all put on British accents to match their waistcoats and petticoats for Rick Lombardo’s adaptations of Charles Dickens’ holiday classic. Reprising its popular production of parables and the ghosts of Christmas Past, Present and Future, Playhouse’s Carol avoids doldrums by making the play an experience. Of course, the story of A Christmas Carol is old hat. But the Playhouse differentiates itself by maximizing all areas of the theater. The curmudgeonly Ebenezer Scrooge still refuses to indulge in any holiday spirit, until one Christmas Eve, the Christmas ghosts show him what his life was and could become. As Scrooge transforms into a generous, lovable gentleman, though, Playhouse adds creative lighting tricks, like making the shadow of Drew Harper’s Scrooge into the Ghost of Christmas Future. Each of the 13 performers also take up an instrument— there’s piano, organ, at least two guitars, ukulele, floor tom drum, sleigh bells and a tambourine—in under 90 minutes. It’s impossible not to feel your heart grow a few sizes as 6-year-old Serelle Simone Strickland sings Tiny Tim’s solo, and remembers almost every word. This short and sweet— emphasis on sweet—vision of Christmases past is a rare offering in Portland’s artistically inclined theater community. God bless the Playhouse for it. HILARY SAUNDERS. Portland needs a good, oldfashioned Carol.

BRUD GILES

SEE IT. A Christmas Carol is at Portland Playhouse, 602 NE Prescott St., 488-5822. 7 pm Wednesday-Saturday and 2 pm and 5 pm Sunday, extra show 7 pm Tuesday, Dec. 15. Through Dec. 24. $20-$36.

FIND A PAPER Find all oF our WW Box locations at

www.wweek.com/find-a-paper

WHAT THE DICKENS: Jen Rowe and Drew Harper. Willamette Week DECEMBER 9, 2015 wweek.com

VISUAL ARTS By ENID SPITZ. TO BE CONSIDERED FOR LISTINGS, submit show information— including opening and closing dates, gallery address and phone number—at least two weeks in advance to: Visual Arts, WW, 2220 NW Quimby St., Portland, OR 97210. Email: espitz@wweek.com.

3/3/3

Three rooms. Three artists. Three weeks. White Box’s Cris Moss has put together an exhibition featuring the conceptual photography of Todd Johnson, the figurative paintings of Elizabeth Malaska and the subversive video work of Stephen Slappe, which shows the impact of climate change in stills from footage shot around Portland. Each local artist gets their own gallery, so with juxtaposition being what it is, we not only get to see what the artists have to say to us, but what they have to say to each other. JENNIFER RABIN. Through Dec. 19. White Box, 24 NW 1st Ave., 412-3689.

Both of Blue Sky’s exhibitions this month center on obsession. In The HundredAcre Wood, Ken Ragsdale painstakingly translates his own drawings of Pacific NW wilderness into 3-D paper models, which he then lights and photographs. Pedro David’s 360 Square Meters is a reference to the area of his family’s home and everything inside it, all captured by his large format camera, monumentalizing even the tiniest objects. JENNIFER RABIN. Through Jan. 3. Blue Sky Gallery, 122 NW 8th Ave., 225-0210.

Attuned

Canadian artist Troy Coulterman returns to Hellion Gallery with his newest exhibition of resin and steel sculptures that depict recognizable human features. The forms are painted with acrylics in bright, unnatural colors, making the body parts seem inspired by graphic novels or Broadway productions. Faces on his sculptures are often engulfed in geometric shapes or sprouting spikes. Attuned, maybe—to an alternate reality. KYLA FOSTER. Through Dec. 31. Hellion Gallery, 19 NW 5th Ave., Suite 208, 851-6163.

Camouflage

Screenprints on glass tiles of everyday objects like dumpsters, mopeds and storefront mannequins by Portland artist Stacey Lynn Smith, Nathan Sandberg’s glass and concrete tiles that are dot printed to mimic the unnoticed textures of asphalt and Scottish artist Karlyn Sutherland’s kiln-formed glass rectangles combine at Bullseye Project’s In the City collective show. Using urban landscapes as inspiration, the show ranges from Sandberg’s Paver 6—a small square of concrete lined with cracks—to Smith’s screenprints reminiscent of fliers and ads that collage street corners, including things like a canary yellow food truck. Juxtaposed with the detail in Sandberg and Smith’s work, Sutherland’s clean, 17-inch tall glass rectangles on the wall are a minimalist tribute to the skylines of her home country. KYLA FOSTER. Through Dec. 23. Bullseye Gallery, 300 NW 13th Ave., 227-0222.

Internalized Forms

The Sockeye ad agency studio may seem like an odd venue for a solo show, but its first collaboration with Worksound International makes us hope there’s more to come. Jason Vance Dickason’s acrylic paintings are abstract with a cool, muted palette that hints at the sobriety of an internal office space. But imaginative shapes and swoops keep the work from appearing too clinical. Most visitors are drawn to the large-scale piece at the front entrance, but the real star is an untitled triptych that’s strategically placed on a blank wall and features dark, abstracted window blinds with just a touch of luminous sky peeking through. It’s ingenious how these architectural paintings hint at the space around them. HILARY TSAI. Through Feb. 28. Sockeye, 240 N Broadway, Suite 301, 226-3843.

ENID SPITZ

New York artist Didier William’s cleverly-titled exhibition presents friction between figure and ground—in content as well as process. William gouges, strikes and stains the surfaces of his paintings of human forms that are twisted around their environments. It’s up for interpretation whether William’s characters are dissolving into or absorbing their background. The works are sneakily unnerving, but the blocks of strong color make them bold, too. KYLA FOSTER. Through Jan. 2. Hap Gallery, 916 NW Flanders St., 444-7101.

PDX Contemporary invited six artists to explore color for its own sake. Anne Appleby, Tina Beebe, Peter Gronquist, Joe Rudko, Storm Tharp and Molly Vidor fill the gallery with vast gradient fields, sharp planes of pigment and subtle washes of tint. It’s a glimpse into different techniques, but, more importantly, into the ways color can do everything from whisper something in your ear to knock you over the head. JENNIFER RABIN. Through Jan. 9. PDX Contemporary, 925 NW Flanders St., 227-5111.

Using vintage and contemporary imagery inspired by fairytales and fables, artist Melody Owen’s pieces are collages of prints that look stolen from Gray’s Anatomy (the book), vintage aeronautical reports and diagrams of sea creatures. She says the point of her minimalist, abstract cutaways and collages, is that every action is like a ripple in a pond. These are her visual interpretations of the wildly different results each action creates. “We are all connected,” her treeclock-egg-eyeball mash up seems to say. KYLA FOSTER. Through Jan. 2. Elizabeth Leach Gallery, 417 NW 9th Ave., 224-0521.

In the City

360 Square Meters & The Hundred-Acre Wood

Colors

Everything Is Water

Contact Expo

Five artists from the collaborative group DLS (Downtown Light and Sound Solution) will create an immersive audio-visual experience that The continually changes as the artists explore new possibilities afforded by 3-D projection mapping, innovative speaker arrangements, circuit-based technology and more. This six-week-long exhibition, curated by Chiara Giovando, is part of Disjecta’s Season 5 curator-inresidence program, Sound is Matter. HILARY TSAI. Through Jan. 17. Disjecta, 8371 N Interstate Ave., 286-9449.

visual journey, inspired by the captivating Alaskan landscape and the individuals and machines who navigate it. His photographs capture the paradoxes of the Haul Road—beautiful, snowy mountains in the wilderness, juxtaposed with miles of snaking pipeline and abandoned, rusty oil barrels. KYLA FOSTER. Through Jan. 2. Newspace Center for Photography, 1632 SE 10th Ave., 963-1935.

Material Evolution: Urban Coyotes, Past and Present

What do a coyote, a metal gate and a Moroccan bird have in common? That’s what Mary C. Hinckley investigates in this collection of eye-popping glass and enamel works, now on display at Augen through end of December. Inspired by mosaic traditions and stained glass techniques, these mesmerizing portraits blur the line between collage and sculpture, while the intricate patterns and wild colors hinge on optical illusion. Hinckley’s process of fusing bits of glass together into a cohesive image mirrors her attempt at reconciling seemingly disparate objects—a gate and a bird, for example—in order to forge new relationships. HILARY TSAI. Through Dec. 30. Augen Gallery, 716 NW Davis St., 546-5056.

Molly 16’s Rock n Roll Fantasy

Honoring a local youth’s mark on the rise of punk rock in Portland circa 1990, Molly 16’s Rock n Roll Fantasy is a multimedia sidecar to PNCA’s Alien She exhibit, which centers on Bikini Kill. Molly 16 grew up in group homes in Portland in the ‘90s, singing in an all-girl band and critiquing society in her Rock n Roll Fantasy zine. She did the cover art for Bikini Kill’s debut album, but later took her own life. This exhibit of archival videos, animations and music—curated by Molly’s best friend, filmmaker Amber Dawn—is an homage to Molly and her Fantasy. ENID SPITZ. Through Jan. 29. Collection Studies Lab, 511 NW Broadway, 917-324-3179.

Reed Canyon Suite

For artist Angelita Surmon, meditation means walking through the Northwest forests and exploring the ways lights and colors relate. Surmon defines nature as calligraphic, as she paints colorful groves full of branches, leaves and waterways. Reed Canyon Suite shows her naturescapes on canvas and kiln-formed glass, each material used to present a particular viewpoint, each trained on nature’s colors, lines, shapes and lights. KYLA FOSTER. Through Jan. 3. Waterstone Gallery, 124 NW 9th Ave., 226-6196.

Seeing Nature

The stunning new exhibition from the Paul G. Allen Family Foundation has all of the hits no one has ever seen. The only reason these works aren’t in the art history books is because they haven’t been in a public collection.These aren’t the pinnacle works of any artist’s career but there is still a healthy selection from Monet to Moran, O’Keeffe to Richter. Some might be disappointed that none of the pieces are recognizable masterworks, but that’s precisely what makes this show so important. Viewing a private collection is like unlocking a hidden room of art history—these are gems secreted away from the rest of the world that are now brought to light. We see Cézanne’s Mont Sainte-Victoire, Monet’s water lilies and the explosive power of Volaire’s Vesuvius, but also the fleshy flora of O’Keeffe and the blurry photo paintings of Richter. Accompanying the show are some well-produced, if not slightly distracting, videos that give you an inside look into the installation process and the science of sight. GRAHAM W. BELL. Through Jan. 10. Portland Art Museum, 1219 SW Park Ave., 226-2811.

Shifting Migrations Good the Bad & the Ugly by Annie McLaughlin is at Open Gallery.

The Last Road North

For five years, Alaska-based photographer Ben Huff traveled along America’s northernmost thoroughfare, the Haul Road. Built as a supply route for the Trans-Alaska Pipeline, the road extends 414 miles and is traversed primarily by truckers transporting supplies to and from the oil fields. Huff is sharing his

Willamette Week DECEMBER 9, 2015 wweek.com

REVIEW ENID SPITZ

= WW Pick. Highly recommended.

This series of new etchings and woodcuts by Oregon-based printmaker Tallmadge Doyle exists at the crux between science and nature. Bold, luminous silhouettes of Pacific Northwest flora draw the eye in, then lead it out to where patterns of delicate line work hint at the unseen energy that connects all living things. Some etchings are heavily abstracted, while others have the true-to-life, drawn quality of a botanist’s illustration. Each piece speaks as much for Doyle’s thoughtful and meditative process as it does for the finished product. HILARY TSAI. Through Dec. 30. Augen Gallery, 716 NW Davis St., 546-5056.

WE WILL NEVER STOP: Riot Cop.

For Freddie Gray

Alex Lilly’s new paintings are diabolical. That is, his subject matter is horrific—the works on display this month at Right Side Art in Old Town are sublime. Whether it’s nuclear blasts tinged with jet-black smoke against a backdrop of pristine teal sky, or molten rubble collapsing amid heat waves that seem palpable enough to burn through the canvas, Lilly’s apocalyptic works blast you with beauty in the wake of chaos. Thick, rich swirls of paint in fiery oranges, charcoal and black-blues create a sense of lavishness that’s at odds with the frightful scenes. But the deep texture works, disturbingly well, as it conjures the flesh-melting heat of radiation and fire. Poetic shock and awe goes hand in hand with Lilly’s goal of memorializing recent wars’ fallen victims. Their presence is implicit, despite the lack of human figures. Newspapers displayed on a window ledge show photos that were the artist’s ghastly inspiration—airstrikes over Damascus, the Saudi proxy bombings. Of the 20 miniature works on display, a standout is WWIII, with a flaming comet of a plane hurtling toward earth trailing shock waves of brilliant orange and midnight blue. The tiny size of these pieces, combined with Right Side’s cozy space, suggest an intimacy that’s hard to reconcile with the show’s lurid images. The only large-scale canvas, a mammoth work entitled Yemen: Saudi bombs over Sana’a, shows four black spires of the sacred Great Mosque of Sana’a erect, as though refusing to succumb to the fire consuming everything around them. The paintings are a veritable hellscape. Three life-sized, silhouetted cops on the center wall stand out among the paintings. The black-and-white woodblock prints of three identical masked figures stamped with the word “Riot” are Lilly’s tribute to the late Freddie Gray. “Riot cop: we will never stop,” the caption reads. As an added gesture, Lilly lit one of his Riot Cop works on fire on First Thursday, holding it level with himself so that the image burned and was replaced by his own body. As the ashes fell around him, Lilly yelled, “Black lives matter!” echoing the familiar call to action against violence that’s closer to home. HILARY TSAI. Alex Lilly torched a piece at the opening of his incendiary show.

SEE IT: New Paintings, Recent Bombings is at Right Side Art, 625 NW Everett St., No. 103.

Throw Me the Idol I Throw You the Whip

In between ribbons of explosive color, we glimpse the painting’s surface. Grant Hottle’s new solo show at Carl & Sloan is a feast of abstract energy and brooding counterpoints. Introducing a new dose of illusionism into his paintings, the works in Throw Me The Idol I Throw You The Whip are all about layers. Each swath of color roils over the other in a frenetic dance, but the real prize is that bit of mottled surface peeks through the composition. Once seen, that bit acts as a keyhole to unlock the illusionary space created by Hottle and give the works a whole new depth. Pieces like Once So High Now Below, one of the largest in the show, exhibit clean patches of red and white that seem to hover over a scumbled, stained background. Others, like Stolen Kiss and Bury Me in Black, strip away the swirl of shapes and make that underlayer the focal point, while drawing allusions to the frottage of Max Ernst and

the smoky seduction of the Northwest School. GRAHAM W. BELL. Through Dec. 13. Carl & Sloan Contemporary, 8371 N Interstate Ave., No. 1, 360608-9746.

Winter Group

Charles A. Hartman presents a small group of pigment prints, paintings and mixed media collage from four artists covering a range of subjects like domestic life, outdoor recreation and racial commentary. Each artist is a veteran, with at least one solo exhibition at Charles A. Hartman in recent years. Together, their eclectic interests make a show that’s remarkably diverse for such a modest selection. HILARY TSAI. Through Jan. 30. Charles A. Hartman Fine Art, 134 NW 8th Ave., 287-3886.

For more Visual Arts listings, visit

BOOKS = WW Pick. Highly recommended. By JAMES HELMSWORTH. TO BE CONSIDERED FOR LISTINGS, submit lecture or reading information at least two weeks in advance to: WORDS, WW, 2220 NW Quimby St., Portland, OR 97210. Email: words@wweek.com. Fax: 243-1115.

WEDNESDAY, DEC. 9

MONDAY, DEC. 14

A Celebration of Robert Lax

Tanwi Nandini Islam

Robert Lax’s Circus of the Sun is considered one of the most important pieces of poetry of the 20th century. Late Night Library’s Paul Martone will interview Lax scholar Michael McGregor and John Beer, Lax’s former assistant. Literary Arts, 925 SW Washington St., 227-2583. 7 pm. Free.

The summer after her freshmen year at college, Ella returns home to Brooklyn changed—she’s start-

ing to realize that she doesn’t really ﬁt into the gender mold she’s been presented. Meanwhile, Anwar, the uncle who raised her, returns to his native Bangladesh after a scandal. The ideas of progress and place are key themes in Bright Lines, Tanwi Nandini Islam’s debut novel. Powell’s City of Books, 1005 W Burnside St., 228-4651. 7:30 pm. Free.

For more Books listings, visit

REVIEW

Cheryl Strayed and Sheila Hamilton

This is sold out. She lives here. She’ll read again. The Vault at O’Connor’s, 7850 SW Capitol Highway, 246-0053.

Curveball Release Party

If you know who Jeremy Sorese is, it’s probably because he writes the comic adaptation of Steven Universe, the Cartoon Network show. But he also writes graphic novels, including Curveball, in which a waiter aboard a cruise liner is unable to let go of an old romance. Floating World Comics, 400 NW Couch St., 241-0227. 5 pm. Free.

Lauren Kessler

A New York Times writer fulﬁlls her dream of becoming a ballerina. See feature, page 39. Powell’s City of Books, 1005 W Burnside St., 228-4651. 7:30 pm. Free.

THURSDAY, DEC. 10 Tod Davies

In Tod Davies’ The Lizard Princess, a princess goes on a quest for the remedy to a cure to the cure that transformed her into a lizard person. Davies also co-wrote the screenplay adaptation of Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. Powell’s on Hawthorne, 3723 SE Hawthorne Blvd., 228-4651. 7:30 pm. Free.

The Way of Wanderlust

Longtime travel writer Don George collects his best writing in The Way of Wanderlust. The book ﬁnds him traversing the planet from Mount Kilimanjaro to Cambodia. Powell’s City of Books, 1005 W Burnside St., 228-4651. 7:30 pm. Free.

FRIDAY, DEC. 11 The Pocketknife Bible

Having won the National Poetry Slam Championship twice and appeared on all of the media outlets that sophisticated moms like (HBO and NPR), the New Orleans-born/Oregon-living Anis Mojgani is like the Eddie Van Halen of slam poetry…or at least the Kirk Hammett. His new book, The Pocketknife Bible, explores what it means to be in one of those family things. Powell’s City of Books, 1005 W Burnside St., 228-4651. 7:30 pm. Free.

SATURDAY, DEC. 12 The Heart Is a Labyrinth

Three local authors, three new chapbooks. Justin Hocking is author of surf memoir The Great Floodgates of the Wonderworld, Natalie Serber is the author of Shout Her Lovely Name, and Jay Ponteri is the author of Wedlocked. Independent Publishing Resource Center, 1001 SE Division St., Suite 2, 827-0249. 7 pm.

SUNDAY, DEC. 13 The Studio Series: Poetry Reading

As is oh-so-cruelly ﬁtting, Oregon’s poet laureate is a New York City native who moved here in his late thirties: Peter Sears. He’s joined by Caitlin Scott, who won an Ohio Arts grant for her work, and Allison Tobey, the poetry editor for Gertrude Press. Stonehenge Studios, 3508 SW Corbett Ave., 224-3640. 7 pm. Free.

Charles Bukowski, On Cats Hey Chuck, We need to talk, bruh. No, you don’t have to put down the glass—keep on sipping. I’m a cat, I don’t judge. So I’ve been hanging up here in the window, hoping for a nice bird to flutter by, and it’s been chill. I’m relaxing, doing my thing. Except that you keep staring at me, scribbling your little sentences. It’s just…creepy. Look, man, I get your thing. I’m with it—it’s totes compatible with my thing, which is the window thing, the stretching thing, food, maybe some nip. So you like to drink and barf the most fucked-up things you can dream up onto paper. The whores! The whores with their cunts and pussies full of cum and wine! Uh huh. Giving a drunk old man roadhead! Yeah, yeah. Madhouses full of drunk whores with sour cunt pussies murdering the hateful factoryman. Whatevs, Chuck. You gotta do you. But I’m not feeling the cat poems. It’s just…creepy. And not in the way you’re going for. I get the whole filthy drunken kraut bastard motif. I dig it, man. I can see how it would resonate with certain people. Not people of taste, but people who think they have taste. “Edgy” people. People who compare acne to leprosy in a sincere way. People who wish they had the guts to pull a knife at the racetrack. You’re writing for the failed, the wannabe rocker-turned-leather jacket-clad sellmonkey who is resentful of his betters, the young sweet thing who thinks taking up with a creepy old dude makes her interesting. Those dudes and dudettes fucking adore you. And that’s all super-sweet. I ain’t hating, bruh. Do you. But about the cat thing. It’s just…hacky. Sorry, bruh, but that’s what’s up. Look, I understand why you’re into cats. We’re aloof and live in alleys and walk around broken stuff doing whatever. But then you scribble some shit down. Shit like, “Small birds who go the way of cats sing inside my head.” Hey, you’re drunk. It’s no biggie. But there is a larger issue, which is my concern that your survivors, having abided your desire to sell your quote-unquote more meaningful works to the small presses you so loved, will sell a book of your cat poems to, like, HarperCollins. And then they will publish a book of, like, fragments—literally, half-baked sentences vaguely related to cats—in time to make it a Christmas gift to single young women who are of pretty good repute but wish for worse. And they will buy it, because these are people who lack the intellect to develop good taste and instead substitute booze and liberal use of the word cunt. Sorry, bruh. I just think you should do what you do best: Stop staring at me and go meet some whores for drinks. Calico Butcatski Slightly dingy West Hollywood apartment February 1978 GO: Charles Bukowski has been dead for 20 years. His stupid book of hacky cat poetry, On Cats (Ecco, 128 pages, $25.99), is on sale now. Willamette Week DECEMBER 9, 2015 wweek.com

Willamette Week DECEMBER 9, 2015 wweek.com

EA S

PORTLA

E R OAS

MOVIES = WW Pick. Highly recommended.

I L L U S T R AT I O N B Y E L I S E E N G L E R T

Editor: ENID SPITZ. TO BE CONSIDERED FOR LISTINGS, send screening information at least two weeks in advance to Screen, WW, 2220 NW Quimby St., Portland, OR 97210. Email: espitz@wweek.com. Fax: 243-1115.

OPENING THIS WEEK Japanese Currents

Backed by Portland sister city Sapporo and the Japanese Consulate, the NW Film Center’s annual showcase of Japanese features and shorts includes a wide range, from an emoji-laden exposé on a teenage model trying to get insta-famous in Wonderful World End (4:30 pm Saturday, Dec. 12) to Studio Ghibli’s swan song, When Marnie Was There (2 pm Saturday, Dec. 12). See nwﬁlm.org for the full schedule. NW Film Center’s Whitsell Auditorium.

STILL SHOWING Ant-Man

B+ If it were a comic book, it wouldn’t be the kind you put in a Mylar bag. It’d be one that you read with greasy ﬁngers and childlike relish. PG-13. AP KRYZA. Vancouver.

Black Mass

A- Much like the city’s other exports, Boston’s gangster ﬂicks vary in quality from genre-shattering genius (The Departed, most ’90s bands, the people who invented America) to mind-numbing pantomimes of misogyny (The Boondock Saints, Boston sports fans, Mark Wahlberg). Scott Cooper’s Black Mass is the latest cinematic try. It tells the story of Boston’s most notorious criminal, James “Whitey” Bulger (Johnny Depp) and the deal he made with the FBI’s John Connolly (Joel Edgerton) that ensured he could do whatever he wanted for decades. R. JAMES HELMSWORTH. Academy, Laurelhurst.

Bridge of Spies

B- Steven Spielberg was born to convey viewers through weird and wonderful alternate realities. Even though history is nearly as illusory as a dinosaur theme park, the director’s gift just doesn’t shine as brightly when he contends with humanity’s past. Bridge of Spies, starring Tom Hanks as an insurance lawyer recruited by the U.S. government to negotiate a spy-for-spy trade with the Soviet Union, beneﬁts from a caustic screenplay by the Coen brothers. While Spielberg is pretty good even when he’s on auto-pilot, there is little here that doesn’t feel perfunctory. PG-13. CHRIS STAMM. Clackamas, Hollywood, Living Room Theaters, Moreland, Bridgeport, Movies on TV, Tigard.

Brooklyn

A- Based on the title alone, you’d

assume that Brooklyn is about a group of artists opening a boutique that sells only dog hoodies. It’s not—Brooklyn is a lovely period romance about a young Irish woman trying to make her way in 1950s New York—but since it’s set in the ’50s, everybody’s dressed exactly like they are now and listens to music the same way. Based on the novel by Irish author Colm Tóibín and adapted by Nick Hornby (High Fidelty, About a Boy), Brooklyn is just the sweetest thing. Saoirse Ronan (Atonement) makes an adorable couple with Emory Cohen (Smash), and I could watch them court for hours, especially their awkward dinners with Cohen’s Italian family. Portlanders will especially love the more subtle message: Untold wonders await you if you leave your shitty small town and move to New York’s coolest borough. PG-13. ALEX FALCONE. Cedar Hills, Eastport, Clackamas, CineMagic, Cinema 21, Bridgeport, Movies on TV, St. Johns Cinemas.

How Hemsworth Got His Humpback FISHING FOR WHALE FACTS IS MORE FUN THAN RON HOWARD’S MOBY DICK FLICK. BY ALE X FALCO NE

@alex_falcone

In the Heart of the Sea is not Moby Dick: The Movie. It’s based on a 2000 nonfiction book by Nathaniel Philbrick about the crew of the Essex, a whaling vessel that sank in 1820. But director Ron Howard knows people want it to be Moby Dick: The Movie, so Philbrick’s book is mashed up with scenes of a fictionalized Herman Melville researching his famous novel, which I’m convinced nobody has ever read in its entirety. The first part is a marvelous, swashbuckling adventure about the Essex as it leaves Nantucket, crewed by the handsome but mealy-mouthed Chris Hemsworth and the newest Spider-Man (finally, a new SpiderMan!) Tom Holland. When one of the whales fights back and sinks the boat, I think it’s supposed to be sad. But honestly, I was rooting pretty hard for the whale, because it did not ask for this war. While the first half is full of boat and whale adventures, the movie’s second half is just a group of shipwrecked men slowly starving to death. It’s boring. Even when they start eating each other, it’s hard to care, because of course they’d have to eat each other. Now that you’ve made up your mind about seeing the movie or not, let’s talk about the hourslong Wikipedia wormhole of whaling that my research took me down. Holy shit, you guys—whaling.

Let’s imagine a time when we were so bad at lighting our houses that we looked everywhere for clean-burning lamp fuel. And I mean we looked everywhere—because nobody first thinks of searching for fuel inside the head cavities of sperm whales. It is not easy to look inside sperm whales, seeing as they’re fucking whales who live underwater. In my experience whale watching, it’s hard to find whales with a fleet of ships with motors and radios. These guys did it just by floating around, and whale oil isn’t even that good a fuel! Despite being incredibly popular,

Holy shit, you guys— whaling.

SEE SEA IN 3-D: Benjamin Walker (left), Chris Hemsworth and Charlotte Riley.

people hated how it gives your whole house an unpleasant fishy smell. Of course it does— you’re burning whale-brain fluid. But that was better than darkness. It was enough to make sailors go on insanely dangerous, multiyear trips so they could harpoon majestic creatures, cut off their intelligent heads, bore a hole in the top, lower a bucket into their spermaceti organ and pull out this waxy oil the whale had previously been using to create echolocation sounds. This was a massive industry until we discovered kerosene, which burns cleanly, doesn’t smell like fish and doesn’t swim away when you try to harpoon it. Unsurprisingly, the white whale that sank the Essex wasn’t the only one to attack a ship. At least one other vessel, the Ann Alexander, was sunk by a giant sperm whale ramming it. And lots of whales thrashed around after being harpooned and wrecked the little rowboats people whaled from. Again, I’m rooting for them. Partly because of their aggressiveness, we left enough sperm whales alive that they’re doing OK. That’s not the case for right whales, of which there are only a hundred or two left in the world because they were such easy targets. They (1) live close to shore (2) have lots of oil and (3) are super-friendly! Right whales like to swim up to boats to see what’s going on and to make new friends. Then they get stabbed. It’s a bummer. If Moby Dick had been about a right whale, it would have been like, “Call me Ish—oh look, the white whale just swam up to me. Let me kill it.” C- SEE IT: In the Heart of the Sea is rated PG-13. It opens Friday at most Portland-area theaters.

CONT. on page 46 Willamette Week DECEMBER 9, 2015 wweek.com

MOVIES B+ If you’re a fan of modern inter-

pretations of classic Greek drama or showmanship in the style of Baz Luhrman, then this is the Spike Lee joint you’ve been waiting for. Based on Aristophanes’ comedy Lysistrata, Lee tells the tale of an indomitable heroine rallying women from both sides of the Peloponnesian War to withhold sex in order to force the armies to negotiate peace. Through the lens of modern, vibrant, Spike Lee-styled Chicago, the classic takes on a gritty texture. In an unsuccessful homage to its Grecian roots, much of Chi-Raq’s dialogue rhymes, resembling a draft of “Dr. Seuss Goes to Englewood.” But the story is grounded by Teyonah Parris’ tremendous performance as the modern-day Lysistrata, serving up enough diva to match Lee’s brazen tone. She struts the Chicago streets in time to thumping basslines from the soundtrack. Though slight gun-violence rhetoric snowballs into a discussion of the military industrial complex, low wages, and unemployment—this unabashed, glittering spectacle is still absolutely riveting. To quote Spike Lee’s Lysistrata, “Peace, peace, and hair grease.” R. LAUREN TERRY. Cinema 21, Hollywood.

ripped straight from The Lion King. Arlo ﬁnds himself far from home and all alone when he befriends a young Neanderthal boy named Spot who becomes both his pet and protector. Hijinks ensue, life lessons are learned, and a gonzo acid trip is thrown in for laughs (of which there are many). The reason to see this movie whether or not you have kids in tow (and to spring the extra cash for 3-D) is the truly stunning visuals, with landscapes so realistically rendered by Pixar’s wizard technology that you could just as easily be watching a Planet Earth documentary, with dinosaurs. PG. PENELOPE BASS. Cedar Hills, Eastport, Clackamas, Mill Plain, Cornelius, Edgeﬁeld, Lake Theater, Milwaukie, Oak Grove, Cinema 99, Bridgeport, City Center, Division, Evergreen, Hilltop, Lloyd Center, Movies on TV, Pioneer Place, Sherwood, Tigard, Wilsonville, Sandy, St. Johns Theater.

Goosebumps

A- It’s easy to be skeptical about a 2015 Goosebumps ﬁlm in 3-D. Jack Black plays R.L. Stine, who joins forces with a couple of cute kids to ﬁght every monster he’s ever written about and save the town. PG. ALEX FALCONE. Academy, Avalon, Laurelhurst, Mt. Hood, Division, Movies on TV.

Grandma

C+ Like a feminist companion piece to last year’s Bill Murray feature St. Vincent, Paul Weitz’s Grandma tells the tale of Elle (Lily Tomlin), who takes her neglected granddaughter (Julia Garner) under her wing when the teenager comes asking for money for an abortion. An outof-work poet and widow who just broke up with her young girlfriend (Judy Greer), Elle sees the situa-

REVIEW SABINE HRECHDAKIAN

Chi-Raq

Creed

A- Rocky is almost entirely a good

movie. Most of the sequels are mostly good, while some of them are almost not bad. Creed—the seventh movie in the Rocky franchise—is more like the original Rocky than its sequels because it’s mostly good, but also because it’s almost entirely the same movie as Rocky. It feels more like an apology for the mediocre Rocky movies we’ve endured, more like a series reboot than a sequel, featuring a stronger young actor in Michael B. Jordan. And it does all this while still paying respect to its predecessors, even the bad ones. Sylvester Stallone’s aging Rocky holds his own, returning the character to his charming, steak-faced mumblecore roots that went missing for a couple of decades. PG-13. ALEX FALCONE. Cedar Hills, Eastport, Clackamas, Mill Plain, Cornelius, Oak Grove, Cinema 99, Bridgeport, City Center, Division, Evergreen, Hilltop, Lloyd Center, Movies on TV, Pioneer Place, Sherwood, Tigard, Wilsonville, Sandy.

Crimson Peak

B+ There are all manner of ghosts in

this gorgeous, tragic tale, but to call it a horror film is to completely mislabel Guillermo del Toro’s meticulously crafted, old-fashioned tale of twisted souls and timeless longing. Scary isn’t really the point. The things that go bump in the night are not nearly so terrifying as the people who walk the earth, and the film is so immersive and gorgeous that the plot is secondary. The film is a little too slow-moving for those expecting something more jolty and probably a little too obvious for those looking for a deep mystery. While it’s not del Toro’s most compelling work, it’s very surely his most beautiful. R. AP KRYZA. Academy, Eastport, Laurelhurst, Valley.

Everest

B+ In 1996, a stranded group of climbers, including New Zealand mountaineer Rob Hall (Jason Clarke) and writer Jon Krakauer (Michael Kelly), met a massive storm at the top of the world. Today’s CGI and 3-D technology puts the viewer on the mountain in a visceral way. PG-13. LAUREN TERRY. Academy, Empirical, Laurelhurst, Mt. Hood, Vancouver, Valley.

The Good Dinosaur

B- Set among the breathtaking landscapes of the American frontier, The Good Dinosaur is a Little House on the Prairie-style rendering of pioneer life, except, of course, all the characters are talking dinosaurs living in an alternate reality where a certain fateful asteroid never made impact. It’s a movie we’ve all seen before, particularly from Disney, though its predictability doesn’t hamper its charm. The runt among his siblings, Arlo is a young apatosaurus fearful of everything. When his father tries to teach him a lesson in bravery, things go foreseeably tragic in a scene

Willamette Week DECEMBER 9, 2015 wweek.com

LET’S TAKE A TRIP TOGETHER: Mark Sandman of Morphine.

Sandman’s Dreams I was only distantly aware of the passing of Morphine frontman Mark Sandman. Like many, I made the easy leap, chalking it up to an overdose. But the truth is that his infatuation with dreams, Morpheus and the underworld was behind the band name. And a weakened heart, not hard drugs, made Sandman collapse onstage in Italy in 1999—an epic way to die for a man who lived an uncompromising life. If this seems like a spoiler, it’s history at this point. And in Morphine: Journey of Dreams, filmmaker Mark Shuman provides plenty of joy and sentiment before that inevitable conclusion. Like the best music documentaries, Morphine simultaneously humanizes and immortalizes its subjects. Whether it’s a movie about Rush, Alice Cooper, Ray Charles or Amy Winehouse, the viewer should walk away with a deeper understanding and emotional involvement. Shuman’s doc succeeds on all levels. The band Morphine was a case study in the Alternative Nation phenomenon. From the same city and scene that spawned the Pixies, the Mighty Mighty Bosstones and the Lemonheads, Morphine broke all the rules and made its own. As the act grew from hometown heroes to critical darlings to major-label oddity, Sandman’s idiosyncrasies defined the trio’s aesthetic. He played his two-string bass with a slide and let saxophonist Dana Colley fill in the rest. It was a sparse sound, often described as noir, and it captured the imagination of a sizable international audience. Morphine lasted a decade, from 1989 to 1999, and Journey of Dreams does a remarkable job of charting the band’s arc during that time. It mines archival material for revealing interviews of all the key players. Talking heads include early mentor Steve Berlin of Los Lobos, Henry Rollins and Joe Strummer. And the crew, the band, their manager and Sandman’s girlfriend Sabine provide comprehensive insight. Part way through Journey of Dreams, the film tells a story about Sandman’s younger days as a wandering, Kerouac-like figure. While driving a cab, he suffered a knife attack that pierced his heart. Despite this wound, or perhaps because of it, Sandman drove himself to live a full lifetime in his short 46 years. NATHAN CARSON. This Morphine doc plays on heartstrings.

A SEE IT: Morphine: Journey of Dreams plays at the Hollywood Theatre on Wednesday, Dec. 9. 7:30 pm. $8.

KERRY BROWN

tion as a chance to bond with her entitled granddaughter. So she takes the girl on a journey through L.A., visiting people from her past to raise funds for the procedure. Tomlin is great as the wise but stubborn Elle, doling out f-bombs and sagelike lessons in equal measure, but despite ﬂashes of genuine emotion, Grandma eventually buckles under its heavy-handedness. It would have made a great play. Instead, it’s an all right movie with a fantastic central performance. R. AP KRYZA. Academy, Laurelhurst.

The Hunger Games: Mockingjay, Part 2

B Mockingjay Part 2, the conclusion of the Hunger Games series, looks spectacular. The burned-out shells of future mega-city the Capitol set a perfect mood, the costumes are inventive and cool, and the acting is almost too good since it results in many great actors having only a couple lines. AND YET all that solid artistic work almost, but not entirely, distracts from the fact that MJP2 is a supremely goofy movie. Set during the conclusion of the revolution started in Catching Fire, Katniss Everdeen leads a group of rebels against the Capitol, which has been booby trapped with hot oil, lasers, and an army of lizard people. It’s… silly. If you’re on the fence about seeing Mockingjay 2, you’ll just need to decide if you like great acting more than you hate lizard people. PG-13. ALEX FALCONE. Bagdad, Cedar Hills, Eastport, Clackamas, Mill Plain, Cornelius, Milwaukie, Moreland, Oak Grove, Cinema 99, Bridgeport, City Center, Division, Evergreen, Hilltop, Lloyd Center, Movies on TV, Pioneer Place, Sherwood, Tigard, Wilsonville, Sandy, St. Johns Cinemas.

Inside Out

A- Pretty much everybody in the theater was sobbing at some point during Inside Out. It’s sad. Crushingly, relentlessly sad. And absolutely brilliant from writerdirector Pete Docter (Up). It’s not about depression per se. It’s about young Riley, who has to move across the country for her dad’s job, and the tiny people in her head who represent her emotions. The main story seems aimed more at parents and, to a lesser extent, older kids. There’s a talking elephant made of cotton candy to help occupy the littles, but you will love it, because it’s great. And since you’re paying for it, screw them. PG. ALEX FALCONE. Academy, Avalon, Mt. Hood, Vancouver, Valley.

The Intern

B+ Nancy Meyers’ latest ﬁlm successfully tells a funny, intergenerational story without relying on health scare or a youthful makeover for Ben (Robert De Niro). As an active widower and retiree in need of something to keep himself busy, Ben applies to a senior internship program at “About the Fit,” a Topshop-like online clothing site founded by the dedicated Jules Ostin (Anne Hathaway). Besides taking place in a squeaky-clean, caucasian version of Brooklyn, this movie doesn’t shy away from the less-glamorous details of being a female CEO in a society that is still playing catch-up, at one point showing condescending glances from Jules’ fellow mothers at her daughter’s school. De Niro does a terriﬁc job embodying the amused patience his generation must adopt to survive in a millennial’s world. He wears a suit every day out of habit, but his unquestioning admiration of Jules’ tenacity is a refreshingly modern concept, serving as a reminder that the timeless art of being a gentleman begins with respect. PG-13. LAUREN TERRY. Academy, Kennedy School, Lake Theater, Laurelhurst, Living Room Theaters, Mt. Hood, Valley.

Legend

B- They used to say a cup of tea

could ﬁx anything in England back in the 1960s, which is when racketeering brothers Ronnie and Reggie Kray (both played by Tom Hardy, who is hard not to enjoy) started ruling London’s criminal underworld.

BROOKLYN Unfortunately, Earl Grey can’t fix the scattered scenes and haphazard plot of the new feature written and directed by Academy Award-winner Brian Helgeland (L.A. Confidential, A Knight’s Tale). Hardy is its saving grace, valiantly dual acting in the roles of the very different twin brothers. He’s perfectly conflicted as Ronnie and charming as Reggie. Helgeland might be known for building suspense, sure, but the two-hour wait for something climactic turns this movie into a ramble of thick East End accents and too many unrealized plotlines. We get Reggie’s wife, Frances (Emily Browning), pushing him to drop the gangster act, the drama of Ronnie Kray being gay, the twins fighting to rule the London underworld while struggling to run multiple booze-filled nightclubs—it all offers some vibrant action, like when Reggie stabs a gangster repeatedly with a butter knife. But it’s mainly loose ends the movie tries to tie up with some good old gangster violence. Sorry, Hardy. R. AMY WOLFE. Fox Tower.

The Martian

B- Take the buzz surrounding The Martian with a boulder of salt. It’s just a pretty good sci-ﬁ yarn based on Andy Weir’s book that stumbles on its own ambition. When a massive storm hits the Martian exploration project and Watney’s team leaves him for dead, the skilled botanist realizes that the only way to escape starvation and space madness is to “science the shit” out of his situation. As always, Scott’s direction is spot-on. PG-13. AP KRYZA. Cedar Hills, Eastport, Clackamas, Cornelius, Bridgeport, City Center, Division, Evergreen, Lloyd Center, Movies on TV, Pioneer Place, Sherwood.

Mission: Impossible: Rogue Nation

A The newest installment in the Tom Cruise-led series is top-of-class for the genre. Sure, James Bond had his Walther P99 pistol-equipped surfboard, but Rogue Nation uses cool spy gadgets to perfection, like the sniper riﬂe built into a bassoon for all your opera-hall assassination needs. And Tom’s aging actually plays well in the movie without becoming a huge deal. The only thing missing is the mushy, romancy stuﬀ. But that’s another appeal of the franchise. It’s not sappy. It’s a tight action movie focused on talented people working together for the good (or harm? You have no idea!) of the world. PG-13. ALEX FALCONE. Vancouver.

Pan

Director Joe Wright (Atonement, Hanna) remakes the iconic children’s story as a modern-day action ﬂick with Hugh Jackman and Rooney Mara. Screened after deadline. PG. Academy, Avalon, Kennedy School, Vancouver.

Peggy Guggenheim: Art Addict

A In the tradition of Grey Gardens,

ﬁlmmaker and fashion addict Lisa Immordino Vreeland throws viewers into the closeted, batshit world of the woman who imagined London’s ﬁrst modern art museum, slept with Samuel Beckett, commissioned Jackson Pollock’s largest-ever work

for her front entry, and once had an original Dalí delivered to her in bed. A black sheep of the world’s most famous family of curators, Peggy Guggenheim was an oddball—she shaved her eyebrows at school just for the hell of it, chats nonchalantly in interviews about her dozens of abortions and was so notoriously cheap that she served shitty wine and old pasta to Picasso at her art parties. But the ﬁlm captures her insanity with sympathy (and a bigger budget than most arthouse biopics). Even the most casual art users could easily be hooked by the story of this enfant terrible. NR. ENID SPITZ. Living Room Theaters.

The Peanuts Movie

A bald child named Charlie battles questionable fashion choices, impossible odds and burgeoning hormones. G. Cedar Hills, Eastport, Clackamas, Cornelius, Forest Theatre, Moreland, Oak Grove, Cinema 99, Bridgeport, City Center, Division, Evergreen, Hilltop, Lloyd Center, Movies on TV, Sherwood, Tigard, Wilsonville.

Room

B+ In this riveting adaptation of Emma Donoghue’s novel, an abducted woman must raise her son in a conﬁned space, To maintain a stimulating setting, Ma (Brie Larson) creates a social environment with anthropomorphized characters named Bed and Lamp. R. LAUREN TERRY. Fox Tower.

Secret in Their Eyes

C Ray (Chiwetel Ejiofor) is an earnest

FBI investigator determined to convict the man who murdered the daughter of his colleague Jess (Julia Roberts). After initially failing to arrest the killer, Ray has spent the past 13 years poring through hundreds of mug shots in hopes of building a case, and he may have just found the killer. PG-13. LAUREN TERRY. Cedar Hills, Eastport, Clackamas, Mill Plain, Oak Grove, Cinema 99, Bridgeport, City Center, Division, Evergreen, Fox Tower, Hilltop, Lloyd Center, Movies on TV, Sherwood, Tigard, Wilsonville, Sandy.

Shaun the Sheep Movie

A- In a vibrant return to traditional clay animation, Shaun the Sheep Movie tells a fresh story with the familiar painstaking imagery that makes Aardman Studios the “English Pixar.” Steeped in the tongue-in-cheek charm of the original Wallace & Gromit, parents will ﬁnd as much in store for them as their children. PG. LAUREN TERRY. Laurelhurst.

Sicario

A Emily Blunt (The Devil Wears

Prada) is a talented FBI agent specially recruited into a task force ﬁghting a brutal war against Mexican drug cartels. She spends the whole movie confused and on edge while taking orders from the mysterious Benicio Del Toro (Snatch), who manages to act without ever fully opening his eyes or mouth. As the real mission of the task force slowly takes shape, so do beautiful sweeping helicopter shots of the border zone and heartbreaking

CONT. on page 48

Love The Coopers (PG-13) 11:30AM 2:15PM 5:00PM 7:45PM 10:30PM Martian, The (PG-13) 12:05PM 3:35PM 7:00PM 10:15PM Letters, The (PG) 10:55AM 1:50PM 4:40PM 7:30PM 10:20PM Victor Frankenstein (PG-13) 11:15AM 2:00PM 4:50PM 7:40PM 10:25PM Krampus (PG-13) 11:10AM 12:30PM 1:40PM 3:00PM 4:15PM 5:30PM 6:45PM 8:00PM 9:20PM 10:30PM Spotlight (R) 12:45PM 3:55PM 7:05PM 10:05PM Trumbo (2015) (R) 1:05PM 4:05PM 7:10PM 10:10PM Spectre (PG-13) 11:55AM 3:30PM 7:00PM 10:20PM Night Before, The (R) 11:50AM 2:30PM 5:05PM 7:40PM 10:20PM Peanuts Movie, The (G) 11:35AM 2:05PM 4:40PM 7:15PM 9:50PM

Brooklyn (PG-13) 11:00AM 1:45PM 4:35PM 7:25PM 10:15PM Creed (PG-13) 12:50PM 4:00PM 7:15PM 10:25PM Bridge of Spies (PG-13) 10:55AM 4:35PM 10:15PM A Royal Night Out (PG-13) 2:05PM 7:50PM In The Heart Of The Sea (PG-13) 11:25AM ® 2:35PM ® 5:45PM ® 8:55PM ® In The Heart Of The Sea (PG-13) 11:25AM 2:35PM 5:45PM 8:55PM Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 2, The (PG-13) 11:00AM 12:55PM 2:10PM 4:10PM 5:25PM 7:20PM 8:40PM 10:30PM Good Dinosaur, The (3D) (PG) 12:10PM 5:20PM 7:55PM 10:30PM Good Dinosaur, The (PG) 11:05AM 1:40PM 2:45PM 4:15PM 6:50PM 9:25PM

Martian, The (PG-13) 12:30PM 3:45PM 7:00PM 10:15PM Night Before, The (R) 11:45AM 2:25PM 5:05PM 7:50PM 10:25PM Victor Frankenstein (PG-13) 10:30PM Love The Coopers (PG-13) 11:50AM 2:30PM 5:05PM 7:40PM 10:15PM Spectre (PG-13) 11:55AM 3:20PM 7:00PM 10:20PM Spotlight (R) 10:15AM 1:15PM 4:15PM 7:15PM 10:15PM Peanuts Movie, The (G) 10:00AM 12:30PM 3:00PM 5:30PM 8:00PM Secret In Their Eyes, The (2015) (PG-13) 11:25AM 2:15PM 5:00PM 7:40PM 10:30PM In The Heart Of The Sea (PG-13) 10:30AM 7:30PM Brooklyn (PG-13) 11:00AM 1:45PM 4:30PM 7:15PM 10:00PM

Creed (PG-13) 10:00AM 1:00PM 4:10PM 7:20PM 10:30PM Krampus (PG-13) 11:35AM 2:10PM 4:50PM 7:30PM 10:10PM Bengal Tiger (Supreme Movies LLC) (NR) 11:50AM 3:10PM 6:30PM 9:45PM Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 2, The (PG-13) 10:05AM 11:50AM 1:35PM 3:20PM 5:05PM 6:50PM 8:35PM 10:20PM In The Heart Of The Sea (3D) (PG-13) 1:30PM 4:30PM 10:30PM Good Dinosaur, The (3D) (PG) 11:55AM 2:45PM 5:35PM 8:25PM Good Dinosaur, The (PG) 10:30AM 1:20PM 4:10PM 7:00PM 9:50PM

Love The Coopers (PG-13) 11:00AM 1:45PM 4:30PM 7:20PM 10:00PM Krampus (PG-13) 11:45AM 2:30PM 5:15PM 8:00PM 10:30PM Spectre (PG-13) 11:40AM 3:10PM 6:50PM 10:10PM Martian, The (PG-13) 12:15PM 3:35PM 6:55PM 10:10PM Secret In Their Eyes, The (2015) (PG-13) 11:00AM 1:50PM 4:40PM 7:30PM 10:20PM Peanuts Movie, The (G) 11:15AM 1:40PM 4:15PM 6:50PM 9:30PM Night Before, The (R) 11:30AM 2:15PM 5:00PM 7:40PM 10:25PM In The Heart Of The Sea (3D) (PG-13) 3:45PM 10:15PM

Creed (PG-13) 12:45PM 4:00PM 7:15PM 10:25PM Brooklyn (PG-13) 11:00AM 2:00PM 4:55PM 7:45PM 10:30PM In The Heart Of The Sea (PG-13) 12:30PM 7:00PM Good Dinosaur, The (3D) (PG) 12:30PM 5:40PM 8:20PM Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 2, The (PG-13) 11:10AM 12:20PM 1:20PM 2:25PM 3:40PM 4:35PM 5:50PM 7:00PM 7:55PM 9:10PM 10:15PM Hotel Transylvania 2 (PG) 11:25AM 1:45PM 4:25PM 6:50PM 9:10PM Good Dinosaur, The (PG) 11:00AM 1:35PM 3:00PM 4:20PM 7:00PM 9:40PM

In The Heart Of The Sea (XD-3D) (PG-13) 1:00PM 4:10PM 7:20PM 10:25PM

FRIDAY Willamette Week DECEMBER 9, 2015 wweek.com

MOVIES Spectre

C+ How do you like your James Bond? Brooding and brutal, or breezily throwing out quips? Should he drink craft cocktails or Heineken? Spectre—the 26th Bond ﬁlm—has it all, and more. The one thing it doesn’t have is the ability to leave a lasting impression. We walk out of the theater neither shaken nor stirred. Following the impressive Skyfall, director Sam Mendes returns to the director’s chair. Buildings crumble, helicopters do barrel rolls, and Daniel Craig nonchalantly causes millions in property damage. But from the minute Sam Smith’s grating theme music starts, the movie slides downhill. Most disappointing is Christoph Waltz—so perfect in Inglourious Basterds and Django Unchained— who just sneers, cackles and hunches. Sure, there’s fun to be had—Bond drives a tricked-out ride through Rome’s narrow streets and engages in an Alpine plane chase before the anticlimactic conclusion (extremely uncommon for the series) lands with a dull thud. Considering everybody who’s involved in Spectre, the very last reaction anybody expected was “meh.” PG-13. AP KRYZA. Cedar Hills, Eastport, Clackamas, Mill Plain, Cornelius, Oak Grove, Cinema 99, Bridgeport, City Center, Division, Evergreen, Hilltop, Lloyd Center, Movies on TV, Pioneer Place, Sherwood, Tigard, Wilsonville, Sandy.

Spotlight

A- Spotlight inverts the usual comparison: It’s a movie that feels like prestige television. Speciﬁcally, it feels like The Wire. (Director Tom McCarthy played the fabricating reporter Scott Templeton in season 5 of the HBO series.) An Oscar favorite recounting how a Boston Globe investigative team uncovered an epidemic of pederast priests abetted by the Archdiocese, Spotlight borrows the rhythms of a propulsive TV procedural. It resists the temptation for self-congratulation. Instead, there’s a pall of communal guilt (much of it Catholic), an acknowledgement that a Pulitzer Prize won’t erase decades of conniving at rape. Spotlight is endurable because the actors, a White Guys in Khakis hall of fame including Liev Schreiber, Michael Keaton and Mark Ruﬀalo, decline to grandstand. They convey through small gestures—a twitch, a sigh, a pause in scribbling notes—how each revelation presents both a horror and another puzzle to solve. The highest compliment I can pay Spotlight: I would watch this on TV. R. AARON MESH. Cedar Hills, Clackamas, Bridgeport, Evergreen, Fox Tower.

Straight Outta Compton

C Telling the greatest story in the history of popular music—full of actual violence and sex and death and betrayal and redemption and brotherhood—wasn’t going to be easy. Especially since it attempts to follow three main story lines, as Dre, Cube and Eazy-E all get major play, with DJ Yella and MC Ren rightly relegated to bit-player status.As best I know, it’s a fairly faithful telling of the story, but it’s not the movie N.W.A. deserved. R. MARTIN CIZMAR. Academy, Laurelhurst.

Suffragette

A- Working tirelessly in a laundry since the age of 7, Maud Watts (Carey Mulligan) finally puts her iron down and takes up political activism in Suffragette. The history flick drills voters with its female-powered manifesto. PG-13. AMY WOLFE. Fox Tower.

Theeb

A- In the desert of the Ottoman

Empire circa 1916, the young Theeb lives in a man’s world—shooting guns, gambling and watching for enemy attacks. When a British guest comes to his village searching for a local guide and decides on Theeb’s brother, the tiny, sad-eyed waif follows their perilous journey. The plot may be unsurprising—the travelers’ lives are endangered,

and Theeb fearlessly acts with wisdom beyond his years and saves the day—but this Bedouin Western is anything but boring beige, for all its sanddune scenery. The desert is a stunning backdrop for the cast of unknowns, including Jacir Eid Al-Hwietat as Theeb. And with one look from his bottomless eyes, we believe that greatness can come in all shapes and sizes. NR. Living Room Theaters.

AP FILM STUDIES W W S TA F F

vignettes of all the people aﬀected by drug war. R. ALEX FALCONE. Academy, Kennedy School, Laurelhurst, Fox Tower.

Trainwreck

C Amy Schumer stars as Amy, a version of herself as a magazine writer instead of a comedy writer. R. ALEX FALCONE. Laurelhurst.

Trumbo

C+ Bryan Cranston (Breaking Bad) is cooking up something other than meth in Trumbo. Cranston delivers a stellar performance as Dalton Trumbo, a rebellious screenwriter who despite being the highest-paid in the business in 1947, can’t stay out of trouble. He and nine other artists are blacklisted and jailed for refusing to testify before the House Un-American Activities Committee while conniving gossip columnist Hedda Hopper (Helen Mirren) fuels the media fire. With the glowing Diane Lane looking better than ever as Trumbo’s wife, Cleo, and John Goodman adding comedy to the role of a questionable film producer, the pronounced cast tries their best through the sometimes vague, sometimes triumphant events that played out in bigscreen history. Viewers will spend the majority of the movie wanting to like the film, with the acting far surpassing the storyline that fails to deliver a memorable message. This may be all the right ingredients, but just a bad batch. R. AMY WOLFE. Clackamas, Hollywood Theatre, Bridgeport, City Center, Fox Tower, Movies on TV.

Victor Frankensein

C- Any time you watch a “reimagining”

of a story in the public domain, you do so at your own peril. This retelling of Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein answers the question, what if the main character was Igor, but with a straightened back, pretty hair and a girlfriend, and played by Daniel Radcliff ? Harry Potter does a herculean job of making Igor interesting, and the steampunk world is fun to look at, but neither of these can overcome the absolutely bonkers plot. There are too many villains and conflicting themes, and the finale takes place over a five-story fire pit, for no apparent reason. It’s almost as if (I’m sorry, I can’t help it) the movie were a bunch of bad ideas sewn together so it can walk and talk but is never truly alive. Just remember, Frankenstein isn’t the monster; 20th Century Fox making another movie about Frankenstein is the monster. PG-13. ALEX FALCONE. Cedar Hills, Eastport, Clackamas, Mill Plain, Cornelius, Living Room Theaters, Oak Grove, Cinema 99, Bridgeport, City Center, Division, Evergreen, Hilltop, Lloyd Center, Movies on TV, Sherwood, Tigard, Wilsonville, Sandy.

The Visit

B- M. Night Shyamalamadingdong has

lost the luster of his early career, so it’s no surprise he’s making little $5 million found-footage horror movies. But this entry into cheap-shaky horror movies doesn’t add much to the genre. The Visit is told from the points of view of an unbelievably precocious 15-year-old who’s making a documentary about her ﬁrst trip to meet her estranged grandparents, and her 12-year-old brother, whose rapping is so bad it makes me want bad things to happen to him much faster than they do. The movie is packed full of jump scares and grossouts (vomit, poop, old people naked) and a cast of people you’ve probably never heard of. The ﬁlm’s got some tense scenes, but the humor, even though it’s unintentional, makes it hard to stay in the moment. “Little kid, will you climb into the oven please?” We’ll give it to M. Night, he does make us feel trapped in an uncomfortable spot. PG-13. ALEX FALCONE. Vancouver.

For more Movies listings, visit

Willamette Week DECEMBER 9, 2015 wweek.com

NOT WHAT I WANTED: Peter Billingsley and Macaulay Culkin.

Holiday Cheers SPEND THE HOLIDAYS IN PORTLAND’S BEER THEATERS. BY A P KRYZA

apkryza@wweek.com

In most businesses, it’s been the holiday season since Halloween. Now the bells are jingling in Portland’s beer theaters, and whether you prefer your Santa in Claymation form or as a gigantic Nordic demon, there’s something for everyone. Merry Christmas. Holy shit. Where’s the Tylenol? See the comprehensive list at wweek.com.

Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale (2010)

In this Norwegian fable with shades of Gremlins, a curious boy discovers what he thinks is Santa frozen in a mountain, only to unleash a gigantic ancient demon more akin to Krampus. The moral: No matter how wholeheartedly you wish Santa was real, maybe don’t thaw out the gigantic horned demon thing. Laurelhurst Theater. Dec. 11-17.

Die Hard (1988)

In this modern retelling of It’s a Wonderful Life (stay with me here), a New York cop ends up at a Christmas party, where his wife is living her life as if he had never been born. With the help of a guardian angel played by Reginald VelJohnson, he discovers that a world where he hadn’t been born would be a world where Eurotrash terrorists go all Mr. Potter on international businesses. So he kills them and wins the family back. The moral: Rampant violence is the secret to bringing families together for the holidays. Kennedy School, Dec. 11-17; Mission Theater, Dec. 20-21.

White Christmas (1954)

Hap-hap-happy bunch of assholes Bing Crosby and Rosemary Clooney sing and dance with Danny Fuckin’ Kaye in this musical about song-and-dance men who fall in love with their female counterparts. The moral: Look, your grandma’s getting old. And she loves this movie. So take her, sit through it, and cherish the memory. Academy Theater, Dec. 11-17; Kiggins Theater, Dec. 18-23.

A Christmas Story (1983)

The tale of a Cleveland kid’s obsession with the f-bomb and firearms—so timely!—has become the de facto Christmas classic. Portland theaters give the cableless ample chances to pay to see it rather than find a friend with access to the 24-hour TBS marathon. The moral: The Second Amendment is hotly contested, but most overlooked is how it fails to protect you from shooting your eye out. Kiggins Theater, Dec. 11-15; Hollywood Theatre, 7 pm Saturday-Sunday, Dec 12-13; Mission Theater, Dec. 23-24.

Home Alone (1990)

In this touching tale of child neglect, an 8-year-old is accidently left behind by his parents and forced to fend off two serial burglars on Christmas Eve with a series of booby traps that may or may not have inspired the movie Saw. The moral: Protecting your material possessions at all costs—even if it means almost murdering nonviolent criminals—is the only way to make your parents remember you exist in this cold, cruel world. Academy Theater. Dec. 18-24.

Silent Night, Deadly Night (1984)

It’s become a tradition at the Hollywood to gather in the glow of the screen, drink a few beers and watch a deranged, sexually repressed man in a Santa suit hack horny townsfolk to pieces with an ax. It’s better than Peacock Lane, honest. The moral: Santa is always watching (you have sex and waiting to murder you). Hollywood Theatre. 7:30 pm Saturday, Dec. 19.

Jingle All the Way (1996)

Why this family comedy about Arnold Schwarzenegger in a Black Friday battle royale with Sinbad and Phil Hartman over a hot new action figure wasn’t an instant classic is puzzling. Maybe it’s because it’s a family comedy about Arnold Schwarzenegger in a Black Friday battle royale with Sinbad and Phil Hartman over a hot new action figure. The moral: Christmas is about getting your child exactly what he wants, no matter the consequences. Mission Theater. Dec. 19-20. ALSO SHOWING IS AT WWEEK.COM.

Regal Division Street Stadium 13

16603 SE Division St. KRAMPUS Wed-Thu 12:55, 3:25, 7:20, 10:00 THE LETTERS Wed-Thu 12:25, 3:40, 6:35, 9:30 CREED Wed -Thu 12:00, 3:05, 6:10, 9:15 THE GOOD DINOSAUR Wed -Thu 12:20, 3:00, 6:45, 9:20 THE GOOD DINOSAUR 3D Wed Thu 12:50, 3:45, 7:15, 9:50 VICTOR FRANKENSTEIN Wed-Thu 6:55, 10:00 THE HUNGER GAMES: MOCKINGJAY, PART 2 Wed Thu 12:10, 12:40, 3:20, 3:50, 7:30 THE NIGHT BEFORE Wed-Thu 12:45, 3:30, 7:05, 9:45 SECRET IN THEIR EYES Wed-Thu 12:35, 3:35, 7:10, 9:55 SPECTRE Wed-Thu 12:05, 3:15, 6:30, 9:40 THE PEANUTS MOVIE Wed-Thu 12:30, 2:55 GOOSEBUMPS Wed-Thu 1:00, 3:55 THE MARTIAN Wed -Thu 12:00, 9:30 THE MARTIAN 3D Wed-Thu 3:10, 6:20 IN THE HEART OF THE SEA Thu 7:00, 10:00 IN THE HEART OF THE SEA 3D Thu 7:30

GRANDMA Wed-Thu 6:45 STRAIGHT OUTTA COMPTON Wed -Thu 8:40

Milwaukie Cinema & Wunderland

11011 S.E. Main St., 503-6532222 THE GOOD DINOSAUR 3D Wed-Thu-Fri-Sat-Sun-MonTue 1:30, 6:50 THE GOOD DINOSAUR Wed-Thu-FriSat-Sun-Mon-Tue 12:00, 4:50, 9:40 THE HUNGER GAMES: MOCKINGJAY, PART 2 Wed Thu-Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue 2:10, 3:45, 7:00, 9:00

Mission Theater and Pub

1624 NW Glisan, SCROOGED Fri-Sun 5:30 NATIONAL LAMPOON’S CHRISTMAS VACATION MonTue 4:30

GOOD DINOSAUR Wed -Thu 12:50, 3:10, 6:30, 8:55 THE GOOD DINOSAUR 3D Wed Thu 12:10, 2:40, 5:55, 8:25 VICTOR FRANKENSTEIN Wed -Thu 8:20 THE HUNGER GAMES: MOCKINGJAY, PART 2 Wed-Thu 11:30, 12:00, 2:45, 3:20, 5:15, 5:45, 8:30 THE NIGHT BEFORE Wed -Thu 11:45, 2:50, 8:35 SECRET IN THEIR EYES Wed-Thu 12:05, 2:50, 5:35 SPECTRE Wed -Thu 11:40, 3:00, 5:25, 8:50 THE PEANUTS MOVIE Wed -Thu 12:30, 3:05 TRUMBO Wed -Thu 11:50, 2:35, 5:35, 8:20 THE MARTIAN Wed -Thu 11:35 THE MARTIAN 3D Wed-Thu 2:25, 5:20 IN THE HEART OF THE SEA Thu 7:00, 8:30 IN THE HEART OF THE SEA 3D Thu 7:30, 9:00

Bagdad Theater

3702 SE Hawthorne Blvd., 503-249-7474 THE HUNGER GAMES: MOCKINGJAY, PART 2 Wed Thu-Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue 11:45, 3:15, 7:00, 10:45

Cinema 21

616 N.W. 21st Ave., 503-223-4515 BROOKLYN Wed-Thu 4:00, 6:45, 9:00 CHI-RAQ Wed -Thu 3:45, 6:45, 9:30 HEART OF A DOG Wed-Thu 4:45, 7:00, 8:55

Clinton Street Theater

2522 SE Clinton St., 503-238-8899 SILENT STAR Wed 7:00 THE SWIMMER Thu 7:00 CHRISTMAS FROM HOME Fri-Sat-Sun 2:00 THE ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW Sat 11:59 DREAMCATCHER Sun 7:00 NO FILMS SHOWING TODAY Mon-Tue

The Joy Cinema and Pub

11959 SW Paciﬁc Highway, 971-245-6467 HOTEL TRANSYLVANIA 2 3D Wed -Thu 7:00 PAN 3D Wed Thu 5:00, 9:00

Laurelhurst Theatre & Pub

846 S.W. Park Ave. A ROYAL NIGHT OUT Wed Thu 1:10, 4:30, 7:15, 9:30 THE WONDERS Wed-Thu 1:15, 4:50, 7:20, 10:00 LEGEND Wed-Thu 12:15, 3:45, 6:45, 9:45 THE NIGHT BEFORE Wed-Thu 12:45, 4:45, 7:30, 10:00 SECRET IN THEIR EYES Wed-Thu 1:00, 9:50 LOVE THE COOPERS Wed -Thu 3:40, 9:00 SPOTLIGHT Wed Thu 12:00, 3:20, 4:20, 6:20, 7:00, 9:20 TRUMBO Wed -Thu 12:10, 3:00, 6:30, 9:15 ROOM Wed-Thu 12:30, 3:30, 6:40, 9:20 SUFFRAGETTE Wed -Thu 12:50, 4:40, 7:10, 9:40 SICARIO Wed-Thu 12:20, 6:20

Moreland Theatre

Kennedy School Theater

6712 SE Milwaukie Ave., 503-236-5257 THE HUNGER GAMES: MOCKINGJAY, PART 2 Wed Thu 5:30, 8:15 BRIDGE OF SPIES Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue 5:30, 8:20 THE PEANUTS MOVIE Sat-Sun 1:40, 3:55

5736 NE 33rd Ave., 503-249-7474 GREMLINS Wed-Thu 10:20 SICARIO Wed-Thu 2:30, 7:45 PAN Wed -Thu 5:15

Empirical Theatre at OMSI

Mt. Hood Theatre

401 E Powell Blvd., 503-665-0604 EVEREST Wed-Thu 9:30 MAZE RUNNER: THE SCORCH TRIALS Wed -Thu 7:00 MINIONS Wed-Thu 4:30 GOOSEBUMPS Fri-Sat-SunMon-Tue 7:00 THE INTERN Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue 9:10 INSIDE OUT Fri-Sat-Sun-MonTue 4:30

St. Johns Cinemas

8704 N Lombard St., 503-286-1768 BROOKLYN Wed-Thu 5:00, 7:30, 9:50 THE HUNGER GAMES: MOCKINGJAY, PART 2 Wed-Thu 4:00, 7:00, 10:00

CineMagic Theatre

2021 SE Hawthorne Blvd., 503231-7919 BROOKLYN Wed-Thu-Fri-SatSun-Mon-Tue 4:40, 7:00, 9:20

Kiggins Theatre

1011 Main St., 360-816-0352 NO FILMS SHOWING TODAY Wed -Thu DON VERDEAN Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue 6:30 ELF Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue 4:30 A CHRISTMAS STORY Fri-SatSun-Mon-Tue 8:30

Regal City Center Stadium 12

801 C St. KRAMPUS Wed-Thu 12:20, 2:55, 6:15, 8:45 CREED Wed Thu 11:50, 3:15, 5:30 THE

1945 SE Water Ave., 503-797-4000 SECRET OCEAN Wed-FriSat-Sun 11:00, 3:00 JOURNEY TO SPACE Wed-Thu-Fri-SatSun 2:00 GREAT WHITE SHARK Wed-Thu-Fri 5:00 JERUSALEM Wed-Fri 6:00 ADRENALINE RUSH: THE SCIENCE OF RISK Wed 1:00 THIS IS SPINAL TAP Wed 6:30 WALKING WITH DINOSAURS 3D Thu-Fri-Sat-Sun 1:00 WILD OCEAN 3D Thu 2:00 FLIGHT OF THE BUTTERFLIES Thu 11:00 THE POLAR EXPRESS Fri-Sat-Sun 5:00 MYSTERIES OF THE UNSEEN WORLD Fri 10:00 EVEREST Fri-Sat-Sun 6:45 WILD AFRICA 3D FriSat-Sun 12:00, 4:00 FLIGHT OF THE BUTTERFLIES 3D Sat-Sun 10:00

5th Avenue Cinema

510 SW Hall St., 503-725-3551 NO FILMS SHOWING TODAY Wed -Thu

Hollywood Theatre

4122 NE Sandy Blvd., 503-281-4215 BRIDGE OF SPIES Wed -Thu 6:45, 9:30 TRUMBO Wed-ThuFri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue 6:30, 9:00 MORPHINE JOURNEY OF DREAMS Wed 7:30 CHIRAQ Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue 6:45, 9:15 THE PEOPLE VS. GEORGE LUCAS Fri 7:00 THE SHOP AROUND THE CORNER

Headout P.23

340 S.W. Morrison St. KRAMPUS Wed-Thu 1:00, 3:50, 6:45, 10:30 CREED Wed-Thu 12:40, 4:00, 7:20, 10:10 THE GOOD DINOSAUR Wed-Thu 1:15, 7:10 THE GOOD DINOSAUR 3D Wed-Thu 4:15, 9:45 THE HUNGER GAMES: MOCKINGJAY, PART 2 Wed Thu 12:10, 3:20, 7:00, 10:00 SPECTRE Wed-Thu 12:00, 3:30, 6:30, 9:30 THE MARTIAN Wed-Thu 12:00, 9:50 THE MARTIAN 3D Wed -Thu 3:10

Academy Theater

7818 SE Stark St., 503-252-0500 GOOSEBUMPS Wed -Thu 1:55, 7:30 PAN Wed-Thu 4:15 SICARIO Wed-Thu 2:05, 7:00, 9:15 EVEREST Wed Thu 12:25, 6:40 GRANDMA Wed-Thu 12:05, 5:35 INSIDE OUT Wed-Thu 11:50 EDWARD SCISSORHANDS Wed -Thu 4:40, 9:35 BLACK MASS Wed Thu 3:00, 9:45

Living Room Theaters

341 SW 10th Ave., 971-222-2010 ALL THINGS MUST PASS Wed-Thu 11:55, 2:05, 5:10, 7:45, 9:45 BRIDGE OF SPIES Wed-Thu 12:30, 2:15, 4:00, 5:00, 7:00, 9:15 PEGGY GUGGENHEIM: ART ADDICT Wed-Thu 12:05, 2:10, 4:20, 6:40, 8:45 THE INTERN Wed-Thu 11:50, 6:50 THE WANNABE Wed -Thu 12:00, 3:10, 9:50 THEEB Wed-Thu 1:00, 4:10 VICTOR FRANKENSTEIN Wed -Thu 2:00, 4:30 SHAKESPEARE’S GLOBE ON SCREEN: HENRY V Thu 7:15 METROPOLITAN OPERA: MACBETH - LIVE Thu 7:00, 9:30

SUBJECT TO CHANGE. CALL THEATERS OR VISIT WWEEK.COM/MOVIETIMES FOR THE MOST UP-TO-DATE INFORMATION FRIDAY-THURSDAY, DEC. 11-17, UNLESS OTHERWISE INDICATED

COURTESY OF TWENTIETH CENTURY FOX

2735 E Burnside St., 503-232-5511 EVEREST Wed-Thu 6:30 BLACK MASS Wed-Thu 9:00 MERU Wed -Thu 7:15 SICARIO Wed -Thu 9:15 TRAINWRECK Wed -Thu 7:00 CHRISTMAS VACATION Wed-Thu 9:35

Regal Fox Tower Stadium 10

Regal Pioneer Place Stadium 6

Avalon Theatre & Wunderland

3451 SE Belmont St., 503-238-1617 GOOSEBUMPS Wed-Thu 1:00, 3:00, 7:00, 9:00 PAN Wed -Thu 12:10, 5:10 MAZE RUNNER: THE SCORCH TRIALS Wed Thu 2:30, 7:10, 9:35 INSIDE OUT Wed -Thu 5:00

Sat-Sun 2:00 A CHRISTMAS STORY Sat-Sun 7:00 GET MEAN Mon 7:30

SLEAZY CON MEN IN RED SUITS: Jingle All the Way screens at Mission Theater on Dec. 19 and 20.

rts

sta

ay rid

1th

BEER WINE PIZZA 4 SCREENS LAURELHURSTTHEATER.COM

2735 E BurnsidE st • (503-232-5511) • LaurELhurstthEatEr.com

MR. PEEPS ADULT SUPERSTORES DVD RENTALS/SALES ~ ADULT TOYS & GIFTS ~ PRIVATE VIEWING ROOMS ~ ARCADE DISCREET PARKING!!!

ALL LOCATIONS OPEN 24HRS/7 DAYS

MR. PEEPS TOO

A WEEK !!!

MR PEEPS

13355 SW HENRY STREET BEAVERTON, OREGON 97005

20625 S.W. TV HWY ALOHA, OREGON 97006

503.643.6645

503.356.5624

THE PEEP HOLE

709 SE 122ND AVE. PORTLAND, OREGON 97233

503.257.8617 WWW.MRPEEPS.COM

Street P.21 Willamette Week DECEMBER 9, 2015 wweek.com

W W S TA F F

END ROLL

6814 NE Glisan St., Portland, OR 97213 Call to preorder and pick up at the window with cash and a valid ID

(503)252-0036

First Growth AVOID THESE SUPER-DUMB ROOKIE CHOOSE YOUR STRAIN CAREFULLY... first, all is fresh and new. Just having a spry, MISTAKES WE MADE WHILE GROWING At young cannabis plant, any cannabis plant, seems WEED IN OUR OFFICE. great. We were just so happy and excited when BY MA RTIN CIZMA R

Willamette Week DECEMBER 9, 2015 wweek.com

mcizmar@wweek.com

“When it comes to growing weed, everyone’s an expert and has their little tricks, their own little ways of doing things that they swear work. Most of it’s bullshit.” This is Chris talking. Chris really is an expert. He’s the closest thing we have in our office, at least. Not only did Chris lead his department to glory in Willamette Week’s office weed grow-off, his advice, if heeded, would have saved at least one other plant from the big green compost bin in the sky. This is the first lesson: Everyone is an expert, so choose your expert advice carefully. That means if a seemingly reasonable ex-Deadhead-turned-HR dude gives you advice about your plant, and you can plainly see he has some idea what he’s doing based on the condition of his own plant, you should probably listen to him. What else did we learn from our four-month experiment growing six cannabis plants in our office? Bunches. The biggest lesson, though, was that successfully cultivating cannabis from twiggy starter to fully flowered bush is timeconsuming and complicated work, no matter what anyone tells you. In that spirit, we’re not here to give advice on what you should do so much as to warn you about the dumb rookie mistakes we made. If you’d like to sample the product grown by Chris, and by our second-place team, head to World Famous Cannabis Cafe for Willamette Weedmas this Sunday. We have about 3 ounces to give away, plus cannabis-infused thin mint cookies made from flower grown by contributor Brooke Geery in her backyard. It’s all free starting at 8 pm for as long as supplies last.

our six starters of P91 arrived. But then they grew up a little and started to smell. We looked up the description and learned P91 is a super-drowsy “morphine replacement” designed to put users in a coma-heavy sleep. Fully cured, it smells like a cat pissed on a dandelion. Why does such a strain even exist? By the time we really knew what we had, there was no going back. You’re going to spend a lot of time caring for this plant—especially if you don’t have interns to do most of the work, as we did. Make sure it’s something you like to do before investing time.

UNDERSTAND IT’S GOING TO REQUIRE ATTENTION AT INOPPORTUNE TIMES... People will tell you that weed is a weed and will grow like a, uh, weed. Not in our experience. Of our six plants, the three survivors required daily attention at some point—the two indoor plants needed water and nutrients during the vegetation stage, the outdoor plant on the roof needed to be brought in and out of its house after the autumn rains came.

KNOW THAT INDOOR PLANTS SMELL... Like, a lot. Our reception area smelled like a dispensary for about a month, and that was with one plant inside a tent with a carbon filter.

Willamette Weedmas

UNDERSTAND THAT OUTDOOR PLANTS, WHILE LESS MUSS AND/OR FUSS, WILL ONLY FINISH ON NATURE’S CLOCK... Cannabis plants—the kind people grow for recreational use, anyway—begin flowering only when the day has 12 hours of darkness. In Portland, that’s September. After that, you need to give the plant another month to finish flowering. By that time, it’s raining. This is not good.

MAKE DEALS UP FRONT SO YOU DON’T HAVE TO RE-ENACT A SCENE FROM A RICK ROSS RECORD ONCE HARVEST COMES... If you’re involving anyone else in the growing process, determine the split when you plant the starter. We did not do this. Come harvest, we had some tense conversations about how to divvy up the proceeds, what with the entire project happening on Big Z’s turf and, in fact, using the boss’s power and water. But, two teams came in on weekends to check on their plants, putting in a lot more work than they would have had they known they were just going to hand over the fruits of their labor. Yup, it turned into some Breaking Bad shit. It’s all cool now—none of us liked the strain much anyway. But if we’d ended up with a bumper crop of premium Blue Dream, yeah, someone might’ve shot Hank.

IF YOU’RE GOING TO GROW JUST ONE PLANT OUTSIDE, GET A LITTLE TENT FOR IT...

before harvest. Then we invited an expert over to show us how to trim it. This expert said the plant was nowhere near finishing, and to give it another three weeks. We gave it two, but by the time we cut it down, it had a bad case of bud rot. In the end, everyone we consulted told us we couldn’t even make a solvent-based hash oil out of it, and it had to be mulched.

We bought our 4-foot-high tent for $60 from Walmart.com—which we patronized only after exhausting every local option we could think of—and it kept our plant safe until the very end, when two interns got sloppy about bringing it in and out of the tent.

we grew it, you smoke it.

IF YOU’RE GROWING OUTDOORS IN NORTHERN OREGON, DON’T TRY PUSHING INTO NOVEMBER... In early October, with the Portland skies still sunny and our rooftop plant looking fat and happy, we made plans to chop it down. It seemed like the smart play to us, and to Chris the office weed wiz who warned us that Willamette Valley grows are notorious for losing plants to rot just

WEAR GLOVES WHILE YOU HARVEST... On one hand, I spent a workday morning with a weird high from harvesting our outdoor plant without wearing gloves. On the other hand, this was the only high that stupid plant provided us, given the mold.

GET YOUR STUFF TESTED… Our friends at Cascadia Labs normally charge about $150 per plant for base-level testing. They tested our plants for free to determine how strong our stuff was—all three were around 15 percent THC, even though one was grown outdoors and one of the indoor plants was totally organic while the other was not. We also got a terpene profile that showed our flower was chock-full of myrcene, an essential oil found in thyme, bay and parsley. More importantly, we found out that our outdoor plant was dangerously moldy and not fit for human consumption, even if we extracted the THC using butane. Yes, that was disappointing, but it was also much better than inhaling potentially dangerous mold.

Willamette Week spent three months growing cannabis plants in our office. Now, we’re sharing the spoils on

Sunday, December 13 at World Famous Cannabis Cafe (7958 SE Foster Rd). The event starts at 8 pm and is 21+. Cannabis will be free while supplies last.

We will have flower made from plants grown at our office and cannabis-infused thin mint cookies made from our friends at Yo Beat snowboarding magazine. Bring $5 cash for the WFCC entry fee and your favorite smoking implement. Snacks and drinks available for cash purchase.

GO: The spoils of our grow-off contest will be distributed while they last on Sunday, Dec. 13, at Willamette Weedmas, World Famous Cannabis Cafe, 7958 SE Foster Road, 777-1667. 8 pm. $5 admission to WFCC. 21+. Willamette Week DECEMBER 9, 2015 wweek.com

The Golden draGon PRIVATE VIP ROOMS OVER 30 DANCERS DAILY FOOD CARTS OPEN LATE NIGHT ALWAYS HIRING ENTERTAINERS

CALLING ALL OREGON BREWERS. application closes january 8, 2016.

WWEEK.COM/OREGONBEERAWARDS Judging occurs in Portland January 16-17. Awards ceremony on February 23.

Willamette Week DECEMBER 9, 2015 wweek.com

After HourS pArty tiLL 6Am 324 SW 3rd Avenue • LocAted doWntoWn 503-274-1900 • goLdendrAgonpdx.com

GOLDENDRAGONCLUB

OBA STYLE GUIDELINES & SUBMISSION FORM :

18 AND over

@GOLDENDRAGONPDX

NOW ACCEPTING BEER SUBMISSIONS

53 54 55

CLASSIFIEDS

TO PLACE AN AD CONTACT:

MATT PLAMBECK

WELLNESS

JOBS

COUNSELING

GENERAL

WELLNESS, EMPLOYMENT, MUSICIANS MARKET, SERVICES, PETS, BULLETIN BOARD, REAL ESTATE MATCHMAKER, JONESIN’ FREE WILL ASTROLOGY, INSIDE BACK COVER, PIXIE PETS

DECEMBER 9, 2015

503-445-2757 • mplambeck@wweek.com

CAREGIVER WANTED for adult foster care in Gresham. Must have 1+ years of experience with DD/ID population. Must also have taken the DD exam through ACHP, have a valid background check, and 1stAid/CPR certification. Salary is $11.00 an hour to start @20 hours per week. Please contact Denise @ 503-501-7688.

HOSPITALITY/RESTAURANT

• Over 30 Holiday Designs in Stock • Portland's only full line kite store

MUSICIANS MARKET MASSAGE (LICENSED)

REL A X!

INDULGE YOURSELF in an - AWESOME FULL BODY MASSAGE

call

Charles

503-740-5120

lmt#6250

McMENAMINS TAVERN & POOL is now hiring LINE COOKS!

Our positions are variable hour positions ranging from PT to FT hours, based on business levels. Qualified applicants must have an open & flex schedule including, days, evenings, weekends and holidays. We are looking for Line Cooks who enjoy working in a busy customer service-oriented environment. Previous experience is a plus, but we are willing to train. Wage range is $13-$16/HR BOE. Please apply online 24/7 at www.mcmenamins.com or pick up a paper application at any McMenamins location. Mail to 430 N. Killingsworth, Portland OR, 97217 or fax: 503-221-8749. Call 503-952-0598 for info on other ways to apply. Please no phone calls or emails to individual locations! E.O.E.

FOR FREE ADS in 'Musicians Wanted,' 'Musicians Available' & 'Instruments for Sale' go to portland.backpage.com and submit ads online. Ads taken over the phone in these categories cost $5.

INSTRUMENTS FOR SALE

TRADEUPMUSIC.COM Buying, selling, instruments of every shape and size. Open 11am-7pm every day. 4701 SE Division & 1834 NE Alberta.

MUSIC LESSONS LEARN PIANO ALL STYLES, LEVELS With 2 time Grammy winner Peter Boe. 503-274-8727.

SERVICES

TREE SERVICES STEVE GREENBERG TREE SERVICE Pruning and removals, stump grinding. 24-hour emergency service. Licensed/ Insured. CCB#67024. Free estimates. 503-284-2077

REAL ESTATE

BULLETIN BOARD WILLAMETTE WEEK’S GATHERING PLACE NON-PROFIT DISCOUNTS AVAILABLE.

***ADOPTION:***

Affectionate Financially Secure Family Joyfully awaits Miracle 1st Baby. Excited Grandparents too. Expenses paid 1-800-816-8424 ***

CLASSES

BUILDING/REMODELING CLASSES AT BEE THINKING Meadmaking, Beeswax 101, Beekeeping, Honey Recipes, and more!!! Now Enrolling (877) 325-2221 www.beethinking.com Visit our retail space at 1551 SE Poplar.

TOTALLY RELAXING MASSAGE Featuring Swedish, deep tissue and sports techniques by a male therapist. Conveniently located, affordable, and preferring male clientele at this time. #5968 By appointment Tim 503.482.3041

PHYSICAL FITNESS

BILL PEC FITNESS Personalized Training

MCMENAMINS is seeking LINE COOKS at multiple locations!

What we need from you: An open and flexible schedule, including days, evenings, weekends and holidays; Previous experience is preferred, but If you’re willing to learn, we’re willing to train; A love of working in a busy, customer service-oriented environment. We offer opportunities for advancement (we actively promote from within) as well as an excellent benefit package to eligible employees, including vision, medical, chiropractic, dental and so much more! Please apply online 24/7 at www.mcmenamins.com or pick up a paper application at any McMenamins location. Mail to 430 N. Killingsworth, Portland OR, 97217 or fax: 503-221-8749. Call 503-952-0598 for info on other ways to apply. Please no phone calls or emails to individual locations. E.O.E.

EMPLOYMENT OPPORTUNITIES HOUSING ADMINISTRATIVE SPECIALIST, SR. Salary: $25.87 - $34.26 Hourly Closing Date: December 21, 2015 at 4:30PM or when 75 applications have been received.

503-252-6035

Pets up for adoption P. 55

The Senior Housing Administrative Specialist for the Portland Housing Bureau independently performs specialized administrative support functions for programs, with a significant degree of accountability for results. Duties include assisting program staff in the development of contracts; preparation of records and reports; creating and maintaining specialized logs and databases; facilities coordination and support; providing staffing support to standing bureau committees; take and transcribe meeting minutes; front desk coverage; data collection, input and coordination; preparation of City Council filing documents and meeting notices; and completing other special projects and assignments as needed.

LESSONS CLASSICAL PIANO/ KEYBOARD ALL AGES. BACH, MOZART SPECIALIST, MA SWITZERLAND. PORTLAND 503-227-6557

MISCELLANEOUS

HAULING/MOVING LJ’S HAULING ANYTHING Removal of Metal/Cars free 503-839-7222

PETS PETS FOR SALE CHIHUAHUAS

Puppies!, Call for pricing. Financing Avail. Adult Adoptions Also. Reputable Oregon Kennel. Unique Colors, Long & Short Haired, Tiny to Hearty sizes. Health Guaranteed, UTD, Vaccinations/Wormings, Litterbox Trained, Socialized. Adults available for adoption! -100! References Happily Supplied! Easy I-5 Access. Drain, OR. Umpqua Valley Kennels, Vic & Mary Kasser 541-459-5951 Watch 24/7 Puppy Cams!: www.chi-pup.net

CHIRSTMAS Christmas is the celebration of the birth of Jesus...Now the birth of Jesus the Christ was on this wise...shepherds were abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flocks by night. And lo, the Angel of Lord shone around them: and they were very afraid! And the Angel said unto them: FEAR NOT! For, behold, I bring you tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the City of David (Bethlehem), A SAVIOR, which is CHRIST THE LORD! (Now join us in prayer that God’s Kingdom comes to Portland.)

NEWS • ARTS • CULTURE • BEER • WEED WWW.WEEK.COM

Margie’s Pot Shop Just for the fun of it • POT • WAX • SHATTER • VAPE PENS

• GLASS • EDIBLES and so much more! 509-493-0441

405 E Steuben /SR 14, Bingen, WA 98605 This product may be habit forming. Do not take over state lines. For use by adults 21 and over. Keep out of reach of children.

Willamette Week Classifieds DECEMBER 9, 2015 wweek.com

TO PLACE AN AD CONTACT:

MATT PLAMBECK

503-445-2757 • mplambeck@wweek.com

CHATLINES

JONESIN’

REAL PEOPLE REAL DESIRE REAL FUN

by Matt Jones

“Two-Way Streets”–hey, look where you’re going! Social Club” setting 48 Financial street represents a smellrelated statute? 53 Came to a close 54 Nick Foles’s NFL team 55 “Hawaii Five-O” setting 56 Bothered constantly 57 Bendable joint 58 “JAG” spinoff with Mark Harmon 59 Mozart’s “___ Alla Turca” 60 Lawn sign 61 Acquires

CHATLINE TM

503.416.7098 Try for FREE

Ahora en Español

For More Local Numbers: 1.800.926.6000

www.livelinks.com

Teligence/18+

Strike a LiveMatch!

Across 1 Widescreen medium 5 DJ Kool ___ (hiphop pioneer born Clive Campbell) 9 College football coach Amos Alonzo ___ 14 Blarney Stone land 15 Like much family history 16 Spanish citrus fruit 17 “Author unknown” byline 18 City south of Tel Aviv 19 Adult insect stage

20 Tribal carving depicting the audience for a kids’ show street? 23 Part of TMZ 24 More than just clean 25 Storm warnings 28 Macy Gray hit from the album “On How Life Is” 29 “Cold Mountain” star Zellweger 30 Amos with the album “Little Earthquakes” 31 Beach bucket 35 “Look out, bad

generic street, my show’s on the air!” 38 Lindsay Lohan’s mom 39 Hose problem 40 Chair designer Charles 41 Incandescent light bulb depiction (because I have yet to see a CFL bulb depict one) 42 Philadelphia hockey team 43 Follow-up to “That guy’s escaping!” 47 “Buena Vista

Down 1 ___ index 2 “The Flintstones” pet 3 Harness race pace 4 Home to the world’s tallest waterfall 5 Hulk and family 6 Take out 7 Completely destroy 8 School excursion with a bus ride, perhaps 9 Oscar the Grouch’s worm friend 10 Kitchen noisemaker 11 Big name in violins 12 “Diary of a Madman” writer Nikolai 13 $1,000 bill, slangily 21 Device needed for Wi-Fi 22 Heart chambers 25 Street ___ 26 Jeans manufacturer Strauss 27 “Come ___!”

28 Ancient Greek region 30 Signs of a quick peel-out 31 Just go with it 32 “Paris, Je T’___” (2006 film) 33 “Skinny Love” band Bon ___ 34 Word in an express checkout lane which annoys grammarians 36 ___ Ababa, Ethiopia 37 Nellie of toast fame 41 “There was no choice” 42 Sweated the details 43 Go blue 44 “So much,” on a musical score 45 “Here we are as in ___ days ...” 46 Respond to a charge 47 Caravan member 49 It means “onebillionth” 50 Lingerie trim 51 Take ___ (lose money) 52 Chicken

last week’s answers

©2015 Jonesin’ Crosswords (editor@jonesincrosswords.com) For answers to this puzzle, call: 1-900-226-2800, 99 cents per minute. Must be 18+. Or to bill to your credit card, call: 1-800-655-6548. Reference puzzle #JONZ757.

ENTERTAINMENT

FREE CHATROOMS 24/7

FREE 1on1 8-9PM daily

ALWAYS FREE to chat with VIP members

(Unlimited VIP membership $15/week. No worries about minutes.)

Talk About A Good Time

Portland 503-222-CHAT Vancouver 360-314-CHAT

Salem 503-428-5748 • Eugene 541-636-9099 • Bend 541-213-2444 Seattle 206-753-CHAT •Albany (541)248-1481 • Medford (541)326-4000

or WEB PHONE on LiveMatch.com

MAN to MAN

Free Live chatrooms & forums! 503-222-6USA

Classified

Try it for free

503-416-7436 More local numbers: 1-800-550-0618 Ahora en Español/18+ www.interactivemale.com

Willamette Week Classifieds DECEMBER 9, 2015 wweek.com

wweekdotcom wweekdotcom wweekdotcom

TO PLACE AN AD CONTACT:

MATT PLAMBECK

Week of December 10

ARIES (March 21-April 19) “Happiness sneaks through a door you didn’t know that you left open,” said actor John Barrymore. I hope you’ve left open a lot of those doors, Aries. The more there are, the happier you will be. This is the week of all weeks when joy, pleasure, and even zany bliss are likely to find their ways into your life from unexpected sources and unanticipated directions. If you’re lucky, you also have a few forgotten cracks and neglected gaps where fierce delights and crisp wonders can come wandering in. TAURUS (April 20-May 20) What state of mind do you desire the most? What is the quality of being that you aspire to inhabit more and more as you grow older? Maybe it’s the feeling of being deeply appreciated, or the ability to see things as they really are, or an intuitive wisdom about how to cultivate vibrant relationships. I invite you to set an intention to cultivate this singular experience with all your passion and ingenuity. The time is right. Make a pact with yourself. GEMINI (May 21-June 20) Like Metallica jamming with Nicki Minaj and Death Cab for Cutie on a passage from Mozart’s opera The Magic Flute, you are redefining the meanings of the words “hybrid,” “amalgam,” and “hodgepodge.” You’re mixing metaphors with panache. You’re building bridges with cheeky verve. Some of your blends are messy mishmashes, but more often they are synergistic successes. With the power granted to me by the gods of mixing and matching, I hereby authorize you to keep splurging on the urge to merge. This is your special time to experiment with the magic of combining things that have rarely or never been combined. CANCER (June 21-July 22) I hope you can figure out the difference between the fake cure and the real cure. And once you know which is which, I hope you will do the right thing rather than the sentimental thing. For best results, keep these considerations in mind: The fake cure may taste sweeter than the real one. It may also be better packaged and more alluringly promoted. In fact, the only advantage the real cure may have over the fake one is that it will actually work to heal you. LEO (July 23-Aug. 22) There’s a sinuous, serpentine quality about you these days. It’s as if you are the elegant and crafty hero of an epic myth set in the ancient future. You are sweeter and saucier than usual, edgier and more extravagantly emotive. You are somehow both a repository of tantalizing secrets and a fount of arousing revelations. As I meditate on the magic you embody, I am reminded of a passage from Laini Taylor’s fantasy novel Daughter of Smoke & Bone: “She tastes like nectar and salt. Nectar and salt and apples. Pollen and stars and hinges. She tastes like fairy tales. Swan maiden at midnight. Cream on the tip of a fox’s tongue. She tastes like hope.” VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) I bought an old horoscope book at a garage sale for 25 cents. The cover was missing and some pages were water-damaged, so parts of it were hard to decipher. But the following passage jumped out at me: “In romantic matters, Virgos initially tend to be cool, even standoffish. Their perfectionism may interfere with their ability to follow through on promising beginnings. But if they ever allow themselves to relax and go further, they will eventually ignite. And then, watch out! Their passion will generate intense heat and light.” I suspect that this description may apply to you in the coming weeks. Let’s hope you will trust your intuition about which possibilities warrant your caution and which deserve your opening. LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22) “The secret of being a bore is to tell everything,” said French writer Voltaire. I agree, and add these thoughts To tell everything also tempts you to wrongly imagine that you have everything completely figured out. Furthermore, it may compromise your leverage in dicey situations where other people are using information as a weapon. So the moral of the current story is this: Don’t tell everything! I realize this could be hard, since you are a good talker these days; your ability to express

6th Annual

Geek the Halls Holiday Bazaar

yourself is at a peak. So what should you do? Whenever you speak, aim for quality over quantity. And always weave in a bit of mystery. SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21) Ducks are the most unflappable creatures I know. Cats are often regarded as the top practitioners of the “I don’t give a f---” attitude, but I think ducks outshine them. When domestic felines exhibit their classic aloofness, there’s sometimes a subtext of annoyance or contempt. But ducks are consistently as imperturbable as Zen masters. Right now, as I gaze out my office window, I’m watching five of them swim calmly, with easygoing nonchalance, against the swift current of the creek in the torrential rain. I invite you to be like ducks in the coming days. Now is an excellent time to practice the high art of truly not giving a f---.

presented by PDX Browncoats

All your geeky gift-giving needs in one convenient location! For a list of vendors, visit pdxbrowncoats.com! December 13th • Lloyd DoubleTree exhibit hall • Doors open at 10am & close at 5pm

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) My old friend Jeff started working at a gambling casino in Atlantic City. “You’ve gone over to the dark side!” I kidded. He acknowledged that 90 percent of the casino’s visitors lose money gambling. On the bright side, he said, 95 percent of them leave happy. I don’t encourage you to do this kind of gambling in the near future, Sagittarius. It’s true that you will be riding a lucky streak. But smarter, surer risks will be a better way to channel your good fortune. So here’s the bottom line In whatever way you choose to bet or speculate, don’t let your lively spirits trick you into relying on pure impulsiveness. Do the research. Perform your due diligence. It’s not enough just to be entertained. The goal is to both have fun and be successful. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) Ancient Greek philosopher Epicurus was a pioneer thinker whose ideas helped pave the way for the development of science. Believe nothing, he taught, unless you can evaluate it through your personal observation and logical analysis. Using this admirable approach, he determined that the size of our sun is about two feet in diameter. I’m guessing that you have made comparable misestimations about at least two facts of life, Capricorn. They seem quite reasonable but are very wrong. The good news is that you will soon be relieved of those mistakes. After some initial disruption, you will feel liberated. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) Aquarian inventor Thomas Edison owned 1,093 patents. Nicknamed “The Wizard of Menlo Park,” he devised the first practical electrical light bulb, the movie camera, the alkaline storage battery, and many more useful things. The creation he loved best was the phonograph. It was the first machine in history that could record and reproduce sound. Edison bragged that no one else had ever made such a wonderful instrument. It was “absolutely original.” I bring this to your attention, Aquarius, because I think you’re due for an outbreak of absolute originality. What are the most unique gifts you have to offer? In addition to those you already know about, new ones may be ready to emerge. PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20) Here’s an experiment that makes good astrological sense for you to try in the coming weeks. Whenever you feel a tinge of frustration, immediately say, “I am an irrepressible source of power and freedom and love.” Anytime you notice a trace of inadequacy rising up in you, or a touch of blame, or a taste of anger, declare, “I am an irresistible magnet for power and freedom and love.” If you’re bothered by a mistake you made, or a flash of ignorance expressed by another person, or a maddening glitch in the flow of the life force, stop what you’re doing, interrupt the irritation, and proclaim, “I am awash in power and freedom and love.”

Homework Review in loving detail the history of your life. Remember how and why you came to be where you are now. Testify at FreeWillAstrology.com.

Interested in adopting from the Pixie Project CALL 503.542.3433

NILS

MEATBALL

SP ONSOR E D BY

S P O NSO R ED BY

www.petsonbroadway.com

www.fetcheyewear.com

VALERIE

ASTRO

SP O N SO R E D BY

S P O NSO R ED BY

naturalpetfoodsolutions.com 7639 SE Milwaukie Ave.

Steph Noble • 503-528-9800 guildmortgage.com/officers/stephnoble

INIGO S P O NSO R ED BY

HARDY

SPO N SO RE D BY

www.antoinettejewelry.com

check out Rob Brezsny’s Expanded Weekly Audio Horoscopes & Daily Text Message Horoscopes

If you or your business would like to sponsor a pet in one of our upcoming Pet Showcases, contact:

The audio horoscopes are also available by phone at

MATT PLAMBECK 503-445-2757

freewillastrology.com

1-877-873-4888 or 1-900-950-7700

Willamette Week Classifieds DECEMBER 9, 2015 wweek.com

BACK COVER

YES, YOU CAN HAVE HEALTH INSURANCE!

TO ADVERTISE ON WILLAMETTE WEEK’S BACK COVER CALL 503-445-2757

We will make this easy for you.

Call Henri Cross at

BANKRUPTCY

503-241-6147

Want a Debt Free Tomorrow? Call Today: 503-808-9032 FREE Consultation. Payment Plans. Scott Hutchinson, Attorney www.Hutchinson-Law.com

Excellent coverage and even Zero premium, or Low-Cost aﬀordable Health Insurance.

Now is the Time! OPEN ENROLLMENT for OBAMACARE

Atomic Auto atomicauto.biz 2510 NE Sandy Blvd. (503) 969-3134

A FREE HR platform for Group Insurance clients!

HE CROSS COMPANY

$$$ CASH FOR DIABETIC TEST STRIPS $$$

www.insure-ez.com

www.hrvana.com

1001 SW Fifth Avenue, Suite 1100 Portland, OR 97204

Paying up to $30/box. Help those who can’t afford insurance. Free pickup in SW WA and Portland Metro. Call 360-693-0185 ext 500

Guitar Lessons

Personalized instruction for over 15yrs. www.portlandguitar-lessons.com 503-546-3137

BURIED IN DEBT? I CAN HELP YOU!

I am an experienced, compassionate attorney who can help you find the right solution for you. Stop garnishments, stop foreclosure, deal with tax liabilities and rid yourself of debt. Let me help you find your path to financial freedom. Call Christopher Kane at 503-380-7822. chris@ckanelaw.com or ckanelaw.com

Comedy Classes

Improv, Standup, Sketch writing. Now enrolling The Brody Theater, 503-224-2227 www.brodytheater.com

Top 1% Portland Agent

Stephen FitzMaurice, Realtor Home Selling Specialist 12+ Years Experience 4.5% Max Commission Stellar service and marketing. Broker in OR at Premiere Property Group. 3636 NE Broadway St. 503-975-6853. RealEstateAgentPDX.com

Qigong Classes

Cultivate health and energy www.nwfighting.com or 503-740-2666

WHERE SINGLES MEET Browse & Reply FREE! 503-299-9911 Use FREE Code 2557, 18+

CASH for INSTRUMENTS Tradeupmusic.com SE - 503-236-8800 NE - 503-335-8800

Marijuana Store & More *971-255-1456* 1310 SE 7TH AVE

WWEEK.COM

Non-Profit Law Firm

$Cash for Junk Vehicles$

Ask for Steven. 503-936-5923

AA HYDROPONICS

Get help from an experienced DUII trial lawyer Free Consult./ Vigorous Defense/ Affordable Fees David D. Ghazi, Attorney at Law 620 SW Main St, Ste. 702 (503)-224-DUII (3844) david@ddglegal.com

Garnished? Eviction? Foreclosure? We can help. Call 503-208-4079 Bankruptcy - Tenant - Sliding-Scale www.communitylawproject.org

4911 NE Sandy Blvd. Portland, OR 97213 503-384-WEED (9333)

9966 SW Arctic Drive, Beaverton 9220 SE Stark Street, Portland American Agriculture • americanag.com PDX 503-256-2400 BVT 503-641-3500

SO, YOU GOT A DUII. NOW WHAT?

NORTH WEST HYDROPONIC R&R

OMMP CARDHOLDERS GET 25% DISCOUNT!

Quick fix synthetic urine now available. Your hookah headquarters. Vapes. E-cigs, glass pipes, discount tobacco, detox products, salvia and kratom Still Smokin’ Glass and Tobacco 12302 SE Powell 503-762-4219

A FEMALE FRIENDLY SEX TOY BOUTIQUE FOR EVERY BODY

We Buy, Sell & Trade New and Used Hydroponic Equipment. 503-747-3624

Eskrima Classes

Personal weapon & street defense www.nwfighting.com or 503-740-2666

SHEBOPTHESHOP.COM • Check Website for Classes!

NOW AT TWO LOCATIONS!

3213 SE DIVISION ST AND 909 N BEECH ST PORTLAND

WWEEKDOTCOM

MEDICAL MARIJUANA Card Services Clinic

New Downtown Location!

503-384-WEED (9333) www.mmcsclinic.com 4911 NE Sandy Blvd, Portland Mon-Sat 9-6

503 235 1035

1501 SW Broadway www.mellowmood.com

4119 SE Hawthorne, Portland ph: 503-235-PIPE (7473)

Pizza Delivery

Until 4AM!