Willamette Week, April 1, 2020 - Volume 46, Issue 23 - "Life During Quarantine" by Willamette Week Newspaper

PAGE 9

P. XX

“TKTKTKTK.” “THROW THAT DAMN PHONE IN THE UNDERWEAR DRAWER.” P. 5

WILLAMETTE WEEK PORTLAND’S NEWSWEEKLY

LIFE DURING QUARANTINE

26.03.2020 05:15:32 WWEEK.COM

VOL 46/23 04.01.2020

COVID-19 may have changed the way we do business (for now), but many of us SE Hawthorne businesses remain open. For info, call us or check us out online. (Businesses listed in approximate order of location on the boulevard, west to east, from SE 12th to SE 51st Ave.)

ORDER FOOD & DRINK FOR TAKEOUT OR DELIVERY Burgerville: locations.burgerville.com Que Pasa Cantina: quepasacantinapdx.com Lardo-East: lardosandwiches.com Tiny’s Coffee: tinys.coffee Riyadh’s Lebanese: 503-235-1254 Grassa: grassapdx.com Thai Touch Cuisine: 503-232-7774 Farina Bakery: farinabakery.com Kabob: kabob.org

SHOP ONLINE FOR LOCAL GOODS & GIFT CERTICATES Teascape: teascapepdx.com Hankins Hardware: 503-236-2372 Healthy Pets NW: 1736 SE Hawthorne 503-236-8036 Move Better Chiropractic: 503-432-1061 Mudbay: mudbay.com 503-206-0323 Parting Waters: partingwatersmediation.com Imelda’s and Louie’s Shoes: Imeldas.com Tender Loving Empire: tenderlovingempire.com Hawthorne Games: Fb @hawthorne game exchange In Real Life: Instagram @in_real_life_shop Sylvia’s Psychic Insight: 971-280-5387 Presents Of Mind: Presentsofmind.tv Jackpot Records: “discogs” Powell’s Books: Powells.com Asylum: asylum@pdxasylum.com Fernie Brae: ferniebrae.com/new-products H&R Block: www.hrblock.com Mellow Mood Pipe & Tobacco: 503-235-7473 Hawthorne Auto Clinic: hawthorneauto.com Hawthorne Vintage: 503-230-2620 American Shaman: 971-678-8384 Michael Emert, CPA: 503-233-5931 Art Heads Frame Co.: 503-232-5299 Windermere Realty: 503-888-6999 Turning Pointe Acupuncture: turningpointeacu.com

hawthorneblvd.com 2

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Grand Central: grandcentralbakery.com HotLips Pizza: 503-234-9999 Talarico’s Produce: 503-265-8453 Culture: 503-231-8245; culturepdx.com 30th Avenue Market Sea Sweets Poke: seasweetspoke.com Thirsty Monk & Tight Tacos: monkpub.com/tighttacos.com Rovente Pizzeria: 503-234-7777 Tarboush: 503-235-2377 Farmhouse: farmhousethai.com Cha Cha Cha: 503-236-1100 Mt. Tabor Fine Wines: mttaborfinewines.com Hello India: 503-232-7880; helloindiapdx.com Fried Eggs I’m In Love: friedegglove.com Toadstool: toadstoolcupcakes.com The Waffle Window: wafflewindow.com Bread & Ink Cafe: breadandinkcafe.com Mee Gin Thai: 503-231-9898 Portland Cider House: 503-232-6333 Straight From New York Pizza: sfnypizza.com Dwaraka: 503-230-1120 Boba Dawg: 971-346-2420 Mio Sushi: 503-230-6981 Next Level Burger: nextlevelburger.com White & Green (Thai): whiteandgreenpdx.com Fat Straw: fatstrawpdx.com The Whole Bowl: 503-753-7071 Kouzina: 503-894-8389 HWTH Spirits & Sundries: 503-235-1573 Eastside Deli: grubhub.com/restaurant/ east-side-deli Apizza Scholls: apizzascholls.com/ The Sapphire Hotel: 503-232-6333 Tabor Bread: taborbread.com

FINDINGS WHAT WE LEARNED FROM READING THIS WEEK’S PAPER VOL. 46, ISSUE 23. The governor does not have COVID-19. 5 Fewer than 1 percent of Oregonians have received a coronavirus test . 6 Police officers used a loudspeaker to chase off players from a pickup basketball game. 7 Blowing your nose with your

thumb is poor social distancing. 8 Providence Portland Medical Center is orfering X-rays from a tent. 10 The landlord of a BottleDrop demanded armed guards to control crowds returning empty cans. 11 Chris Funk of the Decemberists bought a crossbow while in quarantine. He’s not sure why. 12 Quarantine has taught an area 13-year-old that he is “insuff erable.” 12 Circumcisions are on hold at Portland hospitals. 13

Want more Tiger King ? Carol Baskin’s Big Cat Rescue has a live cam you can watch. 21

Josh McFadden decided to open a new pizza restaurant in the middle of a pandemic. 22 The hottest video game out right now involves doing chores and paying your mortgage. 24 Drag clown Carla Rossi is Portland’s Freddy Krueger. 26 One of the most influential fi lms of all time you’ve probably never heard of is a 28-minute photo montage. 27

During this public health crisis, we are continuing to print copies of WW, although we have reduced our press run because fewer of you are on the streets and many businesses where we distribute are closed. To find a print copy of WW near you, go to

wweek.com/page/find-a-paper.

ON THE COVER:

OUR MOST TRAFFICKED STORY ONLINE THIS WEEK:

Every town’s a lonely town, photo by Henry Cromett.

Portland strippers are still doing topless food delivery.

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EASTERN OREGON IS COMPLYING—AND STOCKING UP

I just read your article about Eastern Oregonians not complying with social distancing measures [“Long Distance,” WW, March 25, 2020]. As a progressive-minded person living in John Day, I’d like to share a few thoughts about where this article seems to miss the mark. It’s true that some folks out here have a good ol’ boy mentality about the virus—silly Western Oregonians think this is such a big deal, I can take care of myself, etc. However, there’s a good portion of the population out here that is taking this very seriously. Your data, at least the way it’s explained in the article, is not talking about physical distances between people, but travel distances. And what I don’t think you understand is that the vast majority of communities out here need to travel one-and-a-half to three hours to get to a halfway decent grocery store. Stocking up to avoid leaving the house for a week can involve a substantial amount of travel. On top of that, much of the elderly population out here relies heavily on dining out, which is not currently an option. All of those people are now personally needing to stock up on groceries, or they are sending someone out on their behalf. The scolding tone of this article, coupled with the lack of understanding for what preparing for shelter in place actually entails in a rural area, is a great example of how divisiveness is cultivated between the eastern and western half of the state. Genevieve Perdue John Day, Ore.

CAN’T FEED CATTLE VIA THE WEB

Just to comment on how folks in Eastern Oregon are not following the stay home and social distancing orders: You don’t have a clue about how we live out here. We are ranchers and farmers who have to work cattle and land that spans acres and miles every day. We can’t feed cattle via the web. In general, we are spread out over miles. Going to the grocery store isn’t just a short jaunt. It could mean driving 30 miles for milk and toilet paper. So yes, our cellphones are going to show we are moving around. That’s how we survive. All of our businesses are closed just like the metro

Dr. Know

area. No one is hanging out at the bowling alley or going to movies. Try to do a little research instead of telling a one-sided story. I don’t expect Kate Brown to think that hard. We should expect it from reporters. Coby Mastrude Baker City, Ore.

NO WONDER COWBOYS ARE COWBOYS

Your article and the governor reveal the true extent of the urban-rural divide. This is for you to remember: March is “turnout” time for ranchers with grazing permits on federal and state land, and on private pastures. It is the statutory time to take cows with their recent calves and “turn them out” onto the leased graze. Usually spring turnout is March 15. School vacations are scheduled around spring branding and subsequent turnout. It is a superimportant day on which the totality of the year and that year’s calf crop depends on having occurred. Spring is when supplies for spring and summer show up at ranch stores, hardware stores. That end of the world runs on the seasons, and the amount of sunlight, water, length of days, and the vagaries of weather events and even fires. And governor or not, some things must happen on the calendar schedule. So that part of the state is low population and people live isolated lives. Their lives would best be enhanced if the people from Portland stayed home and let them work without increased risk from travelers. And if the GPS cellphone locator information isn’t making you damned nervous, you really are a fool. And really, why worry? Lefty prosecutors are releasing people from jail because they can and they have a personal belief that jails should not exist. It would follow, why worry about GPS shadowing you all the time? No wonder cowboys are cowboys. Throw that damn phone in the underwear drawer and don’t take it with them. John Thomas Jr. Independence, Ore. LETTERS TO THE EDITOR must include the author’s street address and phone number for verification. Letters must be 250 or fewer words. Submit to: 2220 NW Quimby St., Portland, OR 97210. Email: mzusman@wweek.com

BY MART Y SMITH @martysmithxxx

What will happen after people realize the best locale to shelter in place is underwater? Fifty thousand porpoises and dolphins cannot be wrong. —Karl B. Two things, Karl: First, even in the planet’s current state of extreme environmental degradation, you’re undercounting the world’s stock of small cetaceans by at least one order of magnitude. Second, quarantine has clearly driven you crazier than a shithouse rat; you should probably put a cold cloth on your forehead and go lie down for a little while. I kid, I kid! Actually, the timing of your letter (and its bizarre contents) suggests that you realized that the publication date of today’s column will be April 1, All Fools’ Day. I suspect you were hoping to get me to play along by saying something about Elon Musk is now accepting Bitcoin for timeshares in Atlantis. Indeed, depending on how devoid of ideas/hungover I was today, I might have done so, except for one thing: April 1 isn’t All Fools’ Day this year—at least, not according to the Organisation Internationale de Normalisation, the granddaddy of all worldwide standards organizations. Better known in the U.S. by its English acronym, ISO (you may recall it from your camera settings), this United Nations of Bean Counting is in charge of making

sure the world agrees on standards for everything from grades of crude oil to mathematical formulae. Among the many items in this vast portfolio is the calendar. You saw it coming: On March 23, the ISO’s Technical Committee on Horology (it means “timekeeping,” you pervert), issued what they, delightfully, refer to as a “corrigendum.” This document officially sent All Fools’ Day 2020 the way of the NBA season, Coachella and happy hour. “In light of [the holiday’s] potential to endanger social distancing norms, disrupt economic activity, and undermine social cohesion…we are advising member nations to postpone its observance until Oct. 1,” said Dr. Avril T. Buffon, killjoy-in-chief, in a much, much, much longer statement. In other words, we’ve got enough problems right now without you putting an M-80 in Grandpa’s bedpan. As my editor put it in our virtual pitch meeting, “If somebody tries an April Fool’s prank on me this year, I will violate quarantine—briefly—to murder them.” He’s probably not the only one.

MURMURS GOVERNOR DOESN’T HAVE COVID-19: Oregon Gov. Kate Brown has tested negative for the coronavirus, her office says. On the morning of March 30, Brown had a cough and a raspy voice during a video conference call with media, and several outlets inquired about her health. The governor’s personal physician tested her for the virus that afternoon. “That test came back negative,” says Brown’s spokesman Charles Boyle. He says she’s GOV. BROWN staying home anyway: “Her last public appearance was on Friday, March 20. The governor has been at home since she first exhibited symptoms of a cold, and prior to that was only working in person with a limited number of staff.” SCHOOL’S OUT FOR SUMMER: Oregon schools may not reopen before summer break, Oregon Department of Education officials said March 30 as they advised schools to prepare to educate students at home during the COVID-19 pandemic. That’s an about-face since last week when the agency directed virtual charter schools to shut down. “We now have a moral imperative to meet the changing nature of the pandemic and evolve our approach to serving our children,” writes Colt Gill, director of ODE and deputy superintendent of public instruction. “We also foresee the strong possibility that our students may not come back through our schoolhouse doors this academic year.” GROCERY WORKERS FLOOD STATE WITH COMPLAINTS: Over three dozen COVID-19-related complaints have been lodged against Oregon grocery store chains since March 2 with the Oregon Occupational Safety & Health, also known as OSHA. On March 20, United Food and Commercial Workers Local 555 announced these workers have been designated as “first responders,” granting them additional protections (“Dawn of the Fred,” WW, March 25, 2020). But in the days following that announcement, complaints from grocery workers flooded OSHA. The complaints include a range of retailers—Costco, Fred Meyer, Safeway and WinCo—and center on a lack of personal protective equipment, an inability to maintain 6 feet between employees, and poor sanitation practices. IDAHO FOLLOWS THE OREGON TRAIL: It took a COVID-19 pandemic, but the state of Idaho will conduct its first-ever vote-by-mail-only election in May. Because of a lack of election workers and the health risks of going to polling places, our more conservative neighbor will follow a two-decade Oregon tradition, with one significant difference: Voters must still request their ballots, not receive them automatically. “While the coronavirus situation may change how we practice our right to vote in this primary election, it is important to keep our election dates in place,” Gov. Brad Little said in a statement reported by the Idaho Statesman. NO CAP AND GOWNS AT PSU: Portland State University announced last week that because of the health risks of large gatherings, it has shifted graduation ceremonies online. That infuriated Elana Goldman, a PSU senior who started one of several online petitions that have gathered more than 1,000 signatures. “We will not stand with the fact that PSU has no intention of rescheduling our graduation, with no clear input from graduating students themselves or faculty,” Goldman’s petition says. “They have instead made it clear that this decision would be made for us, not with us.” PSU issued a statement in response to such concerns: “ We are not able to postpone commencement mainly because it is not possible to know how long coronavirus restrictions will last, which puts any future bookings of large venues in doubt.”

QUESTIONS? Send them to dr.know@wweek.com Willamette Week APRIL 1, 2020 wweek.com

J U S T I N K AT I G B A K

DIALOGUE

NEWS

WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS WEEK University of Washington’s Institute for Health Metrics and Evaluation

BEST-CASE SCENARIO FOR OREGON

ACUTE BEDS NEEDED

INTENSIVE CARE BEDS NEEDED

DEATHS

1,151

177

566

Institute for Disease Modeling in Bellevue, Wash.

WORST-CASE SCENARIO FOR OREGON

ACUTE BEDS NEEDED

INTENSIVE CARE BEDS NEEDED

DEATHS

850

250

364

WHERE WE’RE AT GRIM FORECAST: Modeling by the University of Washington’s Institute for Health Metrics and Evaluation estimates Oregon will need, at the virus’s peak, 1,151 beds for COVID-19 patients, 171 intensive care beds, and

MODELING

How Bad Is It? Two reliable studies show divergent COVID-19 outcomes in Oregon. BY TE SS R I SK I

tess@week.com

Last week, the Oregon Health Authority gave the state some guardedly good news about its COVID-19 prospects. Employing new models from the Institute for Disease Modeling in Bellevue, Wash., state health officials released new projections for how many Oregonians would contract the novel coronavirus. If everyone engages in the aggressive social distancing that Gov. Kate Brown has mandated, the modeling says, approximately 1,000 people in the state will get COVID-19 between now and May 8. Only a “minimal” number will need in-patient care—so few that the state didn’t even assign an approximate number. Even fewer are expected to die. That description fits into a narrative gaining traction about COVID-19 in Oregon: that the social distancing measures enacted last week arrived soon enough to mitigate COVID-19 hospitalizations and deaths before they could grow exponentially, as they have in New York City. That’s a useful story to persuade people to stay indoors

WHY IS THIS OPEN?

Gun Shops They’re considered necessary during Oregon’s business shutdown. When Gov. Kate Brown shut down businesses across the state during the COVID-19 outbreak, she wanted clarity about who could be open and who had to close. But Brown also avoided a culture war. While other states have created a list of essential businesses that are allowed to stay open, Brown opted to list 6

Willamette Week APRIL 1, 2020 wweek.com

137 respirators. UW projects 566 deaths statewide from COVID-19, with the number of deaths per day peaking at 11 on April 30.

Test Scores

a little longer. It’s also the most optimistic projection.

It’s hard to get a COVID-19 test in Oregon. But it’s hard to get a COVID-19 test anywhere.

A University of Washington study predicts under those same circumstances that 566 Oregonians will die from the novel coronavirus, 1,151 will need hospital beds, and 171 will need intensive care at peak. Those numbers are similar to—and in some ways grimmer than—what OHA has described as worst-case scenario projections, in which residents practice “business as usual,” i.e., all businesses remain open and people do not practice any form of social distancing. (In that scenario, approximately 1,100 people will need hospital care, and 250 of them will need intensive care. Some of those intensive care patients would die.) Both models are from reputable and serious labs with experience tracking epidemics. And the divergent numbers don’t differ on whether Brown’s social distancing order is helping—it is. But the seeds for Oregon’s case count and deaths were planted in the weeks leading up to Brown’s stay-home order. And these models offer different appraisals of how dire the situation has already become. And that matters because Oregonians need to have accurate expectations, or risk feeling misled when the full effect of the disease hits. “[The virus] can behave in ways that we didn’t anticipate, and the numbers can increase rather steeply,” Dr. Dean Sidelinger, the state’s epidemiologist, said during a media call March 26 about the state’s new modeling. “That does not mean the shortage here isn’t critical... These measures can be put in place, but they really only work if people do their part.”

places that must close. Not on that list: gun shops. Some blue-state governors have opted for closing gun stores: Massachusetts, New Jersey and New York deemed them not essential. In Illinois, Michigan and Ohio, the governors kept them open. (A draft order from Mayor Ted Wheeler would have closed gun shops in Portland.) Guns, like journalism, are constitutionally protected, and gun shop closures have faced legal challenges: Pennsylvania reversed course after gun rights advocates filed a lawsuit, The New York Times reported. It’s a fight Brown chose not to have. She left it to the Oregon Health Authority to decide on future closures. “Right now, specifically shutting down the businesses you listed is not one of their recommendations,” says Brown spokeswoman Liz Merah. RACHEL MONAHAN.

Oregonians are livid about the scarcity of COVID-19 tests. It’s cold comfort, but here’s the truth: Once again, Oregon is pretty average. To date, Oregon has administered tests to 12,883 people, or 0.3 percent of the 4.2 million people living here. That places Oregon 22nd among U.S. states for its rate of COVID19 testing per capita, according to the COVID Tracking Project, which collects testing data from state health agencies. Most U.S. states are desperate for COVID -19 testing supplies, after an abysmal start by the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention over the past two months. On March 30, several governors warned President Donald Trump they were days away from running out of tests completely. If Oregon’s testing capacity seems especially paltry, that’s because we’re in the shadow of Washington state— whose testing rate is second-best in the country at 0.86 percent of the state’s 7.6 million population. That’s thanks in large part to the University of Washington Virology Lab, which can test thousands of specimens a day. It may also explain why Washington has been unusually successful in containing the virus’s spread. But Oregon looks phenomenal compared to Idaho and California—which rank 30th and 46th in the nation, respectively. Here’s how Oregon’s testing rate compares to neighboring states—along with the nation’s best and worst efforts. TESS RISKI.

STATE

COVID-19 TESTS PER MILLION RESIDENTS

RANK

NEW YORK

6,277

WASHINGTON

4,503

LOUISIANA

3,878

OREGON

1,726

#22

NEVADA

1,661

#23

IDAHO

1,224

#30

CALIFORNIA

516

#46

ARIZONA

127

#50

MARYLAND

112

#51

repaid by lodging taxes and accomplished the long-held goal of securing an anchor hotel for the Convention Center. “This public investment, largely paid by visitors, will support good Oregon jobs for years.” But Metro is now hurting for cash—last week, the regional government announced it would lay off more than 700 people because its venues are shuttered during the COVID-19 pandemic, depriving Metro of a central source of revenue. (The Hyatt closed its doors last week, and the Convention Center next door is now a homeless shelter.) Middaugh says Metro has “very healthy reserves” in its lodging tax fund, more than enough to pay bond debt service, even with the COVID-19 crisis. Metro’s general fund is not on the hook in any case, he adds. The December sale, which has not been previously reported by Portland media, revives long-standing frustration about the public investment. Portland economist Joe Cortright decries the outcome: “We [the public] agreed to structure the deal so that the developers got all of the upside, and the public sector only has downside risk. The room tax money that’s being used to repay the [Metro] bonds would have come even without subsidizing construction of this hotel, and could have been used for other public purposes.” NIGEL JAQUISS.

BIG NUMBERS

Checking Out The Hyatt at the Oregon Convention Center sold at a big profit— but not for the public. $190 Million That’s the sale price on the new 600-room Hyatt hotel adjacent to the Oregon Convention Center, which sold a week before Christmas. On Dec. 18, Xenia Hotels, a publicly traded company headquartered in Orlando, Fla., announced it had bought the headquarters hotel from Hyatt. $150 million That’s how much private cash Hyatt’s partner, Mortenson Development, put into developing the hotel. The company earned a gross profit of $40 million. (Mortenson referred

FIVE QUESTIONS FOR

Mayor Ted Wheeler

He wanted a shutdown. Now he’s dealing with the results. Over the past two weeks, Portland Mayor Ted Wheeler has taken a forceful role in combating the COVID-19 pandemic, urging Gov. Kate Brown and other elected officials to take more aggressive measures to slow the spread of the virus. Wheeler succeeded in that aim. But now he must turn his attention to the economic fallout in a city that has ground to a virtual halt. We checked in with him to see how it’s going. His answers have been edited for brevity and clarity. NIGEL JAQUISS AND RACHEL MONAHAN. WW: Have the police encountered many instances of people refusing to comply with the governor’s order? Ted Wheeler: I have heard from Chief [Jami] Resch as of this morning that the Police Bureau had issued no

questions to Hyatt, which did not respond.) $85.9 million That’s how much the public contributed to the project. That included $60 million from Metro, which owns the Convention Center; a $10 million Oregon Lottery grant; $4 million from Convention Center reserves; and land worth $11.9 million from Prosper Portland, the city’s economic development agency. $0 That’s how much public investors got from the Hyatt’s sale. Government officials say that’s fine. “Prosper Portland did not receive a share of any sale profits, nor was that an expectation,” says agency spokesman Shawn Uhlman. “Providing property for the project was (and is) viewed as an investment in a project that produced hundreds of construction jobs, long-term hotel jobs, and will generate millions annually in taxes from visitors and guests.” Metro spokesman Jim Middaugh gives a similar response. “Metro never had any ownership interest in the hotel,” says Middaugh, who notes Metro’s investment will be

criminal citations. So far, warnings have been sufficient. A police officer in a vehicle encountered a group of men playing basketball. They weren’t maintaining social distancing. The officer used the loudspeaker in his vehicle to tell them that, and they stopped playing and went on their merry way. The city and the Multnomah County have temporarily halted evictions. But many cities have gone further and temporarily banned evictions for commercial tenants. Why hasn’t that happened here? We’ve had a group look at that. The legal advice we’ve gotten is that it works best and is most defensible if it’s done at the state level. I understand it’s on the Legislature’s agenda. If can’t be done statewide, we’ll look at something local. What about people who can’t make their home mortgage payments? Here’s what I’ve learned. Two-thirds of home mortgages are backed by the federal government or a federal agency. If you can demonstrate substantial economic loss because of COVID-19, the feds will work with you. If your mortgage isn’t federally backed, it’s my understanding that banks and mortgage servicers may also allow you to defer.

The city is getting about $100 million from the federal relief package. What can you tell us about that? The details so far are minimal. We’ve been told there are broad criteria for the use of the money: It must be for necessary expenditures incurred directly as a result of COVID-19; the expenditures must not have been budgeted for and must be incurred between March 1 and Dec. 31 of this year. Final regulations will come out next week. We’re hoping there aren’t a lot of strings attached beyond that and we can use the money helping those who have the greatest immediate needs and are at highest risk of becoming houseless. We’re in the middle of city budget season. What steps are you proposing to reduce expenses? Will there be layoffs? It’s a little premature to talk about layoffs. But the budgetary impact is both sudden and dramatic. We are anticipating a potential reduction of somewhere between $40 million and $100 million to the general fund in the next fiscal year. We’ve already taken some emergency action: a hiring freeze with some limited exceptions; we’ve stopped materials and services expenditures; and will be announcing more actions soon.

Willamette Week APRIL 1, 2020 wweek.com

HENRY CROMETT

NEWS On big jobs like the Intel and University of Oregon projects (which include both the Hayward Field renovation and construction of the new Phil and Penny Knight Campus for Accelerating Scientific Impact), there are also steelworkers, carpenters, pipefitters, electricians and concrete workers laboring at the same time on the same site. “We call it ‘trade stacking,’ where one trade is getting on top of another,” says a veteran worker on the Hayward Field project, who requested anonymity because he’s not authorized to speak to the press. “And you’ve got guys who chew tobacco and spit everywhere or blow their noses with their thumbs because they are outside.” The Hayward Field worker says the project’s general contractor, Portland-based Hoffman Construction, has issued strict instructions on social distancing—rules that, in practice, are not obeyed. “Hoffman is definitely trying to practice social distancing,” the worker says. “But there are certain aspects of construction work that are not one-man jobs.” A complaint filed with OSHA on March 30 about the Knight science campus project captured another problem. “Multiple employees are working in lifts next to each other, and lunch shacks are packed full of employees sitting next to each other,” the complaint said. Hoffman is the general contractor on both the UO ESSENTIAL WORK: Bars, restaurants and most publicprojects and at Intel. Dan Drinkward, a Hoffman vice facing shops are closed. Not construction projects. president, says the construction giant is vigilant on all its projects. “Our top priority is to safeguard the health and safety of our workers through this crisis, and our procedures and sites have changed so that we can fulfill that commitment,” Drinkward says. “Hoffman will absolutely stop work if we are not able to provide a safe and healthy workplace.” Intel, which is building massive new manufacturing facilities, has been the subject of more than 20 COVID19-related complaints to OSHA. Intel spokeswoman Linda “Construction work can continue as long as the business Qian also says the company is doing all it can. designates an employee or officer to establish, implement “At Intel, maintaining safe facilities is core to how we and enforce social distancing policies,” explains Elizabeth operate,” Qian says. “At our construction sites, we are Merah, a spokeswoman for Brown. “The Oregon Health working closely with our general contractors to impleAuthority has the authority to determine if additional busi- ment social distancing, increased cleaning, and other proness closures are necessary to slow the spread of COVID-19. tocols to safeguard the health of all workers.” Right now, specifically shutting down construction is not Workers’ concerns extend well beyond mega-projects one of their recommendations.” like UO and Intel. A supervisor on a large Portland apartment project, Oregon’s construction workers, like many across the country, who is also not authorized to speak to the press and are wondering whether it’s safe or necessary to go to a job site. requested anonymity, shared similar concerns, noting In the first three weeks of March, the Oregon Occupation- that from when workers arrive in the morning—many still al Safety & Health agency received 67 complaints detailing carpooling, in violation of social distancing—to when they workplace safety concerns involving the novel coronavirus unload trucks full of appliances or other supplies, they are that causes COVID-19. in close proximity. And proper But in the week beginning sanitation is a problem when March 23, the day Brown issued dozens of workers use the “OUR UNION LIKES THE her order, the agency received same porta-potty. IDEA OF SHUTTING 1,152 COVID-19-related com“On our entire site, there is plaints. In a typical year—the one hand-washing station,” DOWN WORK ON entire year—Oregon OSHA gets the supervisor says. “It does ANYTHING THAT’S NOT 2,000 complaints. not have warm water and is OSHA does not have enough not near most of the portable LEGITIMATELY ESSENTIAL.” staff to immediately investigate toilets onsite. The last time the —BEN BASOM, those complaints, according to portable toilets were serviced, PACIFIC NORTHWEST REGIONAL spokesman Aaron Corvin, so the hand sanitizer was not COUNCIL OF CARPENTERS it’s hard to assess their validity. refilled.” But it’s clear workers are fearThe supervisor raised quesful. Their concerns underscore tions about safety in a converthe balance Brown is pursuing: containing the coronavirus sation with a senior manager. without killing Oregon’s economy. Or, as she put it in a press “I told him it’s not possible to enforce social distancing call last week, “continuing to protect the health and safety of measures,” the supervisor says. “He said, ‘No shit.’” Oregonians and protecting their livelihoods.” Basom says there were brief COVID -19 shutdowns The COVID-19 complaints come from every kind of busi- at two server farms under construction in Prineville but ness—but many come from construction, which as recently those jobs are up and running again. Because it’s so hard to as January employed about 110,000 workers. ensure social distancing, Basom says he hopes Brown will Unlike many workers who can do their jobs from home follow Inslee’s lead and shut down nonessential jobs like or have a high degree of control over their spatial relation- building new office space. ship to colleagues, construction workers perform tasks “In Washington,” Basom says, “the question our that require them to be in close proximity: lifting or guid- members came to was, ‘How is this work essential when ing heavy objects into place; reading blueprints; passing in the people we’re building projects for are working from stairways or narrow spaces. home?’”

Work in Progress

The state’s construction industry is chugging along like it’s still 2019. Some workers say that’s dangerous. BY NIG E L JAQ UI SS

njaquiss@wweek.com

Since he became a carpenter 20 years ago, Ben Basom has always advocated for more work for him and his colleagues, not less. But now, Basom, spokesman for the Pacific Northwest Regional Council of Carpenters, which represents 6,500 workers in Oregon, 4,000 in the Portland area, isn’t so sure he wants his members on construction sites. “Our union likes the idea of shutting down work on anything that’s not legitimately essential—like hospitals or roads,” Basom says. “It feels strange to me,” he continues. “We’re normally out there looking to increase market share and get more jobs.” What’s got Basom and his brethren concerned, of course, is the novel coronavirus. On March 23, Gov. Kate Brown ordered the shutdown of many businesses. But among those that are still open are a lot of construction sites, and that’s causing an avalanche of workplace complaints. In an economy that glowed red hot until this month, hardhats are ubiquitous. They’re working on numerous apartment and office jobs in Portland; at massive expansion projects at Nike and Intel; and on the University of Oregon campus. “For safety’s sake,” Basom says, “those are jobs that might be deemed ‘inessential.’” Last week, Washington Gov. Jay Inslee made that distinction, ordering that “nonessential” construction projects shut down. That’s unusual. Only Michigan, New York and Pennsylvania have also issued such orders. “We are applauding Inslee’s decision,” Basom says. “We would definitely support it. In Oregon. Our members’ safety is our top priority.” Of course, many people want construction work to continue in Oregon. Both Associated General Contractors, which represents construction companies, and the Oregon State Building and Construction Trades Council have urged that construction be deemed “essential” and allowed to continue. And Basom acknowledges that many carpenters are eager to continue working. Brown’s March 23 order did not restrict construction sites. 8

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LIFE DURING QUARANTINE

the rules: staying home, making a life within the confines of their houses and apartments. (Read how they’re faring on page 12.) They are hunkering down for the sake of people who don’t have that luxury. In a few crucial rooms of this city, workers are spending long hours and risking their lives to aid the sick and vulnerable. Others are providing services that Portlanders are demanding more than ever before, as options disappear.

This week, via interviews and visits at a responsible distance, WW examined a few of these places: hospitals, shelters and both ends of the beverage business. In a city that seems frozen, these places bustle and hum with activity. These spots once seemed mundane. Not anymore. In a city keeping to itself, there are places where life goes on—and sometimes lives are saved.

HENRY CROMETT

Portland seems frozen. But in these five places, the city is busier than ever.

Step onto the streets of Portland these days, and the first thing you notice is the stillness. Since March 23, when Gov. Kate Brown ordered Oregonians to stay home to stem the spread of the COVID-19 virus, this city has looked as if it were under a spell. The highways are empty at rush hour. The bars are dark. Most shops have signs in the windows promising a return—someday. Most Portlanders are following

OPEN ROAD: The rushhour commute March 26 saw the Fremont Bridge nearly empty.

OREGON HEALTH & SCIENCE UNIVERSITY, MARQUAM HILL CAMPUS When Casey Parr gets off the elevator on the floor at Oregon Health & Science University, which for a couple weeks has been dedicated to COVID 19 patients, it’s quiet. No nonessential staff, no visitors, and almost no sound, except for the occasional beep of a patient’s alarm or monitor. “It’s eerie,” says Parr, 35, a respiratory therapist. Amid the muted light and skeleton crew, even daytime seems like the night shift. As of March 30, 25 OHSU patients have been diagnosed with the novel coronavirus (16 have spent time in the hospital). Before he enters a COVID-19 patient’s room, Parr pulls on an N95 mask. Inside the room is one sound: the soft rush of air in and out of a patient’s lungs. Many of the patients on the floor are on ventilators, the now-famous mechanical breathing devices that push air into their weakened lungs, which Parr describes as “stiff” from the ravages of the virus. He checks to make sure the ventilator fits properly and is providing the right mixture of oxygen and carbon dioxide. The patients do not greet him or make a sound. “They can’t talk because the breathing tube [runs]

between their vocal cords,” Parr says. “Often when somebody is on a ventilation, they require high levels of sedation.” Parr, 35, has worked with very ill patients since coming to OHSU nearly 10 years ago. And he has experience with taking precautions to prevent the spread of infections and viruses. One thing that’s different now: Parr must reuse the same N95 mask his entire shift. He takes it off and puts it in a bag when he leaves a patient’s room. “You don’t know where the particles that are on that mask are going to end up,” Parr says. “It’s scary as hell.” He and the nurses he works with are exposed to COVID-19 patients all day. “I’m not handling the stress very well,” Parr says. “It’s pretty much all I think about every day, even when I’m not at work.” Parr says he’s not alone. “A lot of us have been talking about getting our affairs in order—getting life directives and wills in place,” he says. “We don’t know if we’re going to survive this.” He takes those fears home with him to Oregon City. Although he leaves his work clothes at OHSU, Parr’s wife, a nurse practitioner, leaves a robe for him in the garage. He strips and throws everything into the washing machine. Inside the house: his first child, Jack, just 9 weeks old, and his mother-in-law, 70, who flew up from Kansas to help take care of the baby. NIGEL JAQUISS. CONT. on page 10

CATCHING BREATH: Casey Parr is a respiratory therapist treating COVID-19 patients inside Oregon Health & Science University. Willamette Week APRIL 1, 2020 wweek.com

AAROON WESSLING

TENT HOSPITAL: Patients arriving at Providence Portland Medical Center are assessed and treated in a series of tents erected in the parking lot.

CHECKING IN: Workers are transforming the Jupiter Hotel into a shelter for homeless people recovering from illness.

CHARLES JORDAN COMMUNITY CENTER, NORTH WILLIAMS AVENUE

PROVIDENCE PORTLAND MEDICAL CENTER PARKING LOT, NORTHEAST GLISAN STREET The emergency department workers checking patients into a tent are dressed like the cast of Outbreak. They’re clothed in floor-length yellow and white hospital gowns, hands wrapped in blue gloves and heads enclosed in snow globe-shaped plastic helmets—called CAPRs— which look better suited to outer space than a hospital parking lot. “I can’t hear you,” says one of the workers, a nurse technician, pointing to her CAPR. “You need to speak up!” Providence’s emergency triage center, typically located inside the building, has moved to the covered portico outside the ER. Before the pandemic hit, this was the drop-off area, where ambulances arrived with car accident victims and women going into labor. Now, it holds three tents—two small white ones, and a third beige tent about the size you might expect at a large wedding reception. “Maintain 6 Foot Distance,” commands one shiny metal sign in front of the first tent. “Have ID ready.” This is how Providence, the state’s largest hospital system, is handling the surge of patients seeking treatment for the novel coronavirus: triaging them in the parking lot. The Northeast Glisan Street hospital is setting up drive-thru testing for public use at the back of the building. Data from the Oregon Health Authority shows COVID-like symptoms currently make up 4 percent of all emergency department visits statewide. 10

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At press deadline, 154 Oregonians had been hospitalized for the disease. All emergency department patients—even those with a broken bone—start in tent number one, which is now guarded with orange and white plastic barriers after an intoxicated driver accidentally backed into one of the tents this weekend, according to a Providence worker who spoke to WW. Underneath the red “EMERGENCY CHECK-IN” sign, next to a bottle stand of Purell, the patient gives her name, date of birth and symptoms. The staff then assign her a severity level, 1 through 5. If the patient seems as though she could have COVID-19, the staff will graduate her to tents two and three. The words “WAITING ROOM” are posted in black on the second, longer tent. Only workers and suspected COVID patients are allowed through the clear glass double doors. This beige, windowless tent is filled with metal folding chairs all facing the same direction—like at an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting—except these chairs are spaced several feet apart. Here, nurses check for vital signs: take temperatures, draw blood and measure heart rate with an EKG machine. The third tent has the doctors. It is white and smaller than the second; only a handful of patients can fit. You can tell the tent hasn’t been used much by its vinyl, new-car smell. The doctors can order X-rays here, and administer coronavirus tests via nose swab. If the patient seems ill enough, she may be admitted to the hospital. Otherwise, she will be turned away and told to quarantine at home. As the rain fall in fat drops Monday afternoon, a nurse tech moves closer to the space heater in front of the first tent. “It’s so cold!” she yells through her helmet, her voice muffled. TESS RISKI.

The regulation-sized basketball court is lined with duct tape. The tape separates the gym into socially distanced quarters for the homeless who will live there for the remainder of the COVID-19 lockdown. Each taped-off area contains a cot. Between the basketball court and a smaller gymnasium, 110 people (plus a half-dozen dogs and one cat) are living 6 feet apart from each other. Brady, 52, who asked not to use her last name, moved here a week and a half ago from a winter shelter where she could only stay at night. At Charles Jordan, Brady found round-the-clock shelter, three meals a day, a laundry and showers. “It’s hard having so many people,” she says, but adds, “We are all very lucky.” Across the Portland metro area, there’s a sizable effort underway to provide those 6 feet of space to the people who need them. The Joint Office of Homeless Services, which administers shelters, isn’t increasing the number of beds it provides during the public health crisis—but it has to keep the same number of people farther apart. That’s involved moving people who are particularly vulnerable to the disease—or who are showing symptoms of COVID-19—to hotels, including the Jupiter Hotel, and opening new shelter space in places like the Oregon Convention Center and the East Portland and Charles Jordan community centers. The cost of spreading people out: $3.5 million a month, mostly for hotel room vouchers and 1,400 shelter beds, but also for beds that will be used for homeless people who have suffered symptoms of COVID-19 and are recovering. Most of these new locations are now open. People started arriving at Charles Jordan on March 20. It once held exercise classes and after-school programs. (Portland Parks & Recreation closed community centers from mid-March through April 28, at a cost to the bureau of an estimated $900,000. It also laid off 950 seasonal and temporary workers.) It’s not just social distancing that’s keeping the new residents healthy. A cleaning service comes in at 9 am each day. Every hour on the hour, for 15 minutes, staff use Lysol wipes and sanitizer to wipe down all the door handles, surfaces like door jambs and restroom sinks—all the flat surfaces, anything that anyone might touch. “We’ve gotten pretty efficient at it,” says Nicole Jackson, 34, who was laid off from her job at a pet insurance company and began cleaning work eight days ago at Charles Jordan, on 12-hour shifts. “I got lucky in being able to find employment right now. I really enjoy what I’m doing.” RACHEL MONAHAN.

AAROON WESSLING

HOLLYWOOD BEVERAGE, NORTHEAST SANDY BOULEVARD Dan Miner is finally catching his breath. Miner, 49, has owned Hollywood Beverage, located at 3028 NE Sandy Blvd., for 12 years. Unlike most Portland businesses, which are devastated by COVID19, his liquor store is getting a boost. Sales in March are twice what they were this time last year, Miner says. Early in the month, especially, shoppers stockpiled cases of bourbon and gin, and cleared the shelves of vodka and other clear spirits—some of which he says were purchased for homemade hand sanitizer. Due to staff cuts—he had to send home two older employees, and furlough another whose roommate had been exposed to the coronavirus—Miner has had to jump behind the register himself, sometimes spending six hours straight ringing up customers. A liquor store isn’t a hospital or grocery store, but in the eyes of the state of Oregon, alcohol retail is an “essential business.” Miner’s work schedule the past two weeks isn’t far from that of a registered nurse—15-hour shifts for 12 days straight. He’s taking the weekend off. But Miner insists the workload isn’t entirely new to him. As a veteran of the Oregon Army National Guard, he’s trained in disaster preparedness—which maps pretty neatly onto running a small business during a health crisis. “From that perspective, it’s not stressful for me,” he says, “but I see how stressed my staff is.” While the rush of panic buying has slowed, counter sales are still above average, requiring Miner to put certain mitigations in place. At the Sandy Boulevard location, strips of blue tape, spaced about 4 feet apart, run down the center aisle, from the counter to the back of the store, to encourage social distancing while queued up. “If you’re at the end of the line, you’ll still be fine,” reads a message written in black marker on the final strip. A week ago, the Oregon Liquor Control Commission approved curbside liquor sales, a temporary rule change aimed at limiting close interactions. But Miner is wary of the policy—he’s understaffed as it is, and orders to go take up to 10 extra minutes to fill. He’s not complaining, though. “With concerts and sports and bars and restaurants shut down, we are one of the last remaining social pressure relief valves out there,” he says. “Right or wrong, that’s where we’re at.” MATTHEW SINGER.

WHO NEEDS A DRINK: Hollywood Liquor’s business has doubled.

DROP TOP: Portland police were called to the BottleDrop at Delta Park last weekend after a distraught man made death threats.

BOTTLEDROP REDEMPTION CENTER, NORTH HAYDEN MEADOWS DRIVE The line to return empty cans and bottles curls back on itself like the queue for airport security or the Haunted Mansion at Disneyland—along the sidewalk, around the side of the building, through a grassy lot and back out into the parking lot. Above the Delta Park shopping plaza, a V-formation of geese honks and a jet roars skyward. Below: the smell of stale beer and the rattle of aluminum cans inside trash bags. The line is so long because the 50 people waiting to enter the BottleDrop are giving each other 6 feet of space. The crowd gathers at 7 am, and the lines remain steady until the redemption center closes. It’s been like this for days, says the security guard at the Lowe’s next door—ever since the state told grocery stores they could close their bottle return stations during the COVID-19 pandemic. That edict left just two full-service BottleDrops in Portland, both owned by an industry co-op and both on the fringes of the city, in far North Portland and outer Northeast. For many people on the margins, “canning ”—collecting the 10-cent deposit for each recycled container—is a precious source of income. They are accustomed to catastrophe but not immune to it. “If BottleDrop closes, thousands of people living on the edge will fall off it,” says Jules Bailey, chief stewardship officer for the Oregon Beverage Recycling Cooperative. Bailey says the co-op is letting no more than 25 people inside the center at a time, and has closed every other machine to keep people 6 feet apart.

No one comes here with a single bag; most people brought at least three. One man in plaid pajama pants has linked together two shopping carts, both piled with translucent bags of cans. Atop the stack stands a small white terrier. The man complains he’s waited as long as three hours this week to return cans. A security guard apologizes, but says the expected wait is at least 90 minutes: “Before I can let the next person in, I have to scrub down the whole machine,” he says. The lines have troubled the BottleDrop’s landlord, the real estate company TMT Development. On March 27, the company sent a legal notice threatening to evict the BottleDrop, saying OBRC was allowing crowds so large and tightly packed they could spread COVID-19. “We must recognize and prevent the catastrophic and potentially deadly impact that COVID-19 would have on our houseless community,” says TMT president and CEO Vanessa Sturgeon. In an email to Bailey, she asked him to hire more guards—armed guards—saying the clientele was creating a danger for other plaza tenants: “It is only a matter of time before someone is hurt or killed here.” Among the people waiting in line Monday afternoon is Jenine Monahan. “Getting money for my kids’ diapers,” she says. “Two babies, single mom.” Monahan, 40, is wearing her magenta-dyed hair up in a bun; her car keys hang around her neck on a rose-print lanyard. She has two sizable bags of cans, given to her by friends who know she’s out of work. Her mom is watching her 2- and 4-year-old daughters while Monahan deposits the cans. “I don’t know if I can wait two hours,” she says, “but I appreciate the heck out of this place.” The clouds open: first rain, then hail. No one leaves the line. AARON MESH. Willamette Week APRIL 1, 2020 wweek.com

ROCKY BURNSIDE

The Lockdown Diaries In every room in Portland, there’s a story of life during quarantine. Here are 10. Social isolation got you feeling like the walls are closing in? You’re not alone. OK, you are alone—but so are your fellow Portlanders, and everybody has a quarantine story to tell. Over the past week, we asked citizens of this city to describe how life has changed while everyone stays home to slow the spread of COVID-19. Dozens of people filled out WW’s survey, which asked nine questions about coping while cooped up in a pandemic. Some of the people who responded are household names. Others we met for the first time. Everyone told us a lot more than we expected—stories that made us cry, laugh and mutter, “Oh my God!” Portlanders have packed a lot of living in between watching episodes of Tiger King. If there’s one lesson that emerges from these diaries, it’s that a virus is no match for this city’s idiosyncrasy, vitality and courage. In coming weeks, we’ll try to share as many of these stories as we can. For now, here are 10 of your neighbors, sharing their lives from behind closed doors.

CHRIS FUNK

Occupation: Musician and producer for the Decem-

berists Age: 48

How many people do you live with? My daughter, cat and dog.

What have you been eating? We started strong with ambitions to cook new food and it’s fallen off into what I would describe as “brown.”

What have you been watching, listening to or playing during quarantine? I’m playing Dungeons & Dragons online once or twice a week with friends. I’ve been doing the usual amount of board gaming, though my daughter doesn’t like so as much as I do.

Have you picked up a new hobby or resumed an old one? I’ve been making a song a day on modu-

lar synths and drum machines, and will get an album out of this shit experience. I’m also working on a new board game with a friend in Chicago, so that’s been nice to focus on. I started smoking my pipe again, which kind of isn’t cool. I do it first thing in the morning on my porch in my underwear—pure dystopia.

TRACY DALE

Occupation: Lego internet reseller Age: 50 How many people do you live with? My wife. What have you been eating? Starbucks, delivery and cereal.

What have you been watching, listening to or playing during quarantine? Not nearly enough.

We worked 60-plus hours last week getting Lego parts and sets ordered and shipped while people are stuck inside. We work out of a basement in an office building and see pretty much no one.

Have you picked up a new hobby or resumed an old one? I hope to when we close up shop. I

started my business from my hobby and haven’t had time to build in years. 12

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INSIDE VOICES: Portland’s public spaces are quiet, but people are finding inventive ways to pass the time indoors.

What’s the weirdest thing you’ve done so far?

I bought a crossbow on Amazon. I play D&D, so perhaps it’s not that weird, but I’m a pacifist, so not sure what the impulse was.

When was the last time you were closer than 6 feet to someone outside your household? I’d say about two weeks ago, at New Seasons. Despite their efforts, it’s unavoidable. I do wear a mask and gloves in public that I purchased on Amazon in January before the shit hit the fan. What’s your secret to staying sane? I’ve been stuck in so many fucking airports over the years for hours on end while on tour. This is a breeze.

What’s the first thing you’re doing when this is all over? I’ll probably have to drive my daughter to school and then just sit in the car and stare out the window, not knowing what to do with myself. Then I’ll just drive back home, heat up some ramen and shoot my crossbow.

What has quarantine taught you about yourself? It’s just reminded me that community is everything. Culture—art, food, music, First World conveniences— should never be taken for granted.

What’s the weirdest thing you’ve done so far? I decided to put the whole shop on a major sale to help others and save up cash for upcoming rent months. First time in 17 years I’ve done 50 percent off. When was the last time you were closer than 6 feet to someone outside your household? At the grocery store over a week ago.

What’s your secret to staying sane? I haven’t found sanity…yet.

What’s the first thing you’re doing when this is all over? Going to the bar for a drink. What has quarantine taught you about yourself? Having to lay off my one employee and work

with my new wife has really taught me that we can do anything together, and I’m a lot stronger than I realized after all these years.

Chris Funk

RO RUNKEL

Occupation: Student Age: 13 How many people do you live with? Both of my parents. What have you been eating? Banana bread, Juanita’s tortilla chips, tuna casserole.

What have you been watching, listening to or playing during quarantine? I’ve been

watching American Horror Story, listening to King Princess and playing Animal Crossing.

Have you picked up a new hobby or resumed an old one? I’ve started to learn Russian.

What’s the weirdest thing you’ve done so far? Given

myself a tattoo.

When was the last time you were closer than 6 feet to someone outside your household? I watched The Office with my best friend yesterday.

What’s your secret to staying sane? Daily neighborhood walks. What’s the first thing you’re doing when this is all over? Go to school.

What has quarantine taught you about yourself?

I am insufferable.

KATIE MELCHER

Occupation: Teacher Age: 37 How many people do you live with? My boyfriend. What have you been eating?

Meat sticks. Seafood chowder. BLTs. Braised coconut chicken with tomatoes and ginger. So much Bota Box red wine.

What have you been watching, listening to or playing during quarantine? Horse at the local

basketball court—yes, we sanitized that basketball. Scrabble, cribbage, a harmonica we randomly found in our rental basement—yes, we sanitized that, too. In an attempt to really utilize this time of togetherness to strengthen our relationship, we answered The New York Times’ “36 Questions That Lead to Love.” We’ll let you know how that pans out.

Have you picked up a new hobby or resumed an old one?

I drunkenly ordered six different embroidery kits off of Etsy to learn a new hobby. Days later, they still haven’t arrived. I checked the status, only to find that they’re being sent from Ukraine. I should get them

right about the time this all comes to an end.

What’s the weirdest thing you’ve done so far? My boyfriend and

I decided to tailgate on Sunday, complete with a beer brat barbecue, day drinking and a viewing party of the Green Bay Packers’ Super Bowl XXXI and XLV victories. Yes, we wore our jerseys.

When was the last time you were closer than 6 feet to someone outside your household? Monday, March 16.

What’s your secret to staying sane? Putting on real pants for at

least 20 minutes each day. But kind of only to make sure they still fit.

What’s the first thing you’re doing when this is all over? Meet my friends for a beer on an outdoor patio. I might even hug them hello.

What has quarantine taught you about yourself? Connection is so important. I need to take a little more time out of each day to slow down and appreciate the people I love and reach out to connect, particularly with friends and family living far away. Also, I am great at crossword puzzles.

Katie Melcher and her boyfriend

JEANNETTE RACK

Occupation: Intensive care unit registered

nurse Age: 36

How many people do you live with? Currently, it is just me and my husband. I am 39 weeks pregnant, though, so we are expecting an addition any day now. What have you been eating? We started ordering from Farm to Fit when we went into strict isolation. If either my husband or I get sick, it will limit my husband’s access to the hospital for the birth of our child. What have you been watching, listening to or playing during quarantine? Watching a lot of Netflix, listening to Radiolab, and getting the house ready for an infant.

Have you picked up a new hobby or resumed an old one? I have been finishing Jeannette Rack

embroidery projects that I had in the works from over four years ago.

What’s the weirdest thing you’ve done so far? Keeping it boring over here. When was the last time you were closer than 6 feet to someone outside your household? I had to get an urgent ultrasound on March 20. That was the last time I was in any sort of public setting. What’s your secret to staying sane? Lots

CJ MCCOLLUM

Occupation: Shooting guard, Portland Trail Blazers

Age: 28 What have you been eating? Cheese,

crackers, peppers, prosciutto. Eggs, bacon, home fries. Shrimp and homemade pasta, among other things.

What have you been watching, listening to or playing during quarantine? Been

watching Elite on Netflix, Jack Ryan on Hulu and The Stranger.

of walks and just a little news. In order to go into labor, you need to have a steady stream of oxytocin—the good and happy hormone. Babies don’t want to be born if the mother is in a flight or fight situation.

What’s the first thing you’re doing when this is all over? Since I am an ICU nurse, it will not be over for me for a long, long time. Even as the curve flattens, our hospital will continue to see very sick patients as a result of COVID-19. As soon as my maternity leave is over, I will go back to a forever changed hospital system. I will hug my co-workers.

What has quarantine taught you about yourself? I am getting affected by COVID-19 on

two fronts. As an RN who generally works in the intensive care unit at Kaiser Sunnyside Hospital, I know what is really going on behind the scenes. It feels like I am sending my family into war, and because I am pregnant, I cannot go with them. It is very emotional, scary and overwhelming. As a pregnant person, it has taught me to throw out every expectation of birth, delivery and parenthood. Policies are changing on a daily basis—do you know they canceled all circumcision because it is an elective procedure? I didn’t think I had a very detailed birth plan, but all of it is out the window at this point.

occasional walk.

What’s the weirdest thing you’ve done so far? Nothing outside the norm. What do you miss most about the outside world? I miss being able to play in front of

fans and enjoy some of my favorite wineries at the vineyards. What’s your secret to staying sane? Meditation, perspective and enjoying stillness.

What’s the first thing you’re doing when this is all over? I’m probably going to go to

the gym.

Have you picked up a new hobby or resumed an old one? We fostered a dog, so

CJ McCollum

that’s been a lot of fun. Other than that, the

Willamette Week APRIL 1, 2020 wweek.com

AMANDA FRITZ

Occupation: Portland city commissioner Age: 61 How many people do you live with? None. What have you been eating? Yogurt, cottage cheese,

vegetable stir fry, raisin bagels, applesauce, eggs, almonds—and stuff that’s been in my freezer and is gradually being eaten, finally.

What have you been watching, listening to or playing during quarantine? A lot of Zoom conferences. Wheel of

Fortune in the evening, and classic U.S. Women’s Soccer on weekends.

Have you picked up a new hobby or resumed an old one? Working in my yard. I planted peas for the first time in

years.

Amanda Fritz is sheltering with her cat, Shasta.

What’s the weirdest thing you’ve done so far? I brought home all the plants from my office in City Hall last weekend when nobody was in the building. This included de-potting an

ornamental tree that was too heavy to lift by myself with the soil in place. Note to self: Take a vacuum cleaner in when the all-clear order is given.

When was the last time you were closer than 6 feet to someone outside your household? March 21, when the gro-

cery store worker loading my click-and-collect order wanted to go over the list at my car window and it took me a few seconds to convince him to just put it in the trunk. What’s your secret to staying sane? Petting my cat and focusing on what can be done instead of what can’t be done. Walking 10,000 steps even on rainy days—and the one snow day.

What’s the first thing you’re doing when this is all over?

Hug my son and daughter-in-law, then hopefully going to a Portland Thorns game. What has quarantine taught you about yourself? I still don’t like tidying my room.

MAYA LOVELACE

Occupation: Chef-owner of Southern-inspired chicken

restaurant Yonder. Age: 32

How many people do you live with? One, my partner. What have you been eating? Instant ramen, homemade kimchi, bread that my partner bakes.

What have you been watching, listening to or playing during quarantine? Playing lots of the new Animal Crossing,

Anthony Hudson’s new mohawk.

watching Tiger King obviously, listening to the Numberz.

Have you picked up a new hobby or resumed an old one? Only if you count intense anxiety and existential dread

as a hobby—in which case, yes, two old habits back in the daily mix. What’s the weirdest thing you’ve done so far? Wore a bathrobe for two days.

Maya Lovelace’s quarantine kitchen

When was the last time you were closer than 6 feet to someone outside your household? Yesterday, unfortunately, at work—we’re doing our best to maintain at least 3 feet.

What’s your secret to staying sane? I don’t have one. I’m scared.

What’s the first thing you’re doing when this is all over?

Going to a coffee shop to sit, breathe, drink something delicious, close my eyes and listen to people talking all around me. What has quarantine taught you about yourself? I may be an introvert, but I definitely miss being an observer of humans.

Anthony Hudson’s new mohawk

ANTHONY HUDSON (AKA CARLA ROSSI)

BARBARA KELSO

Occupation: Writer and homeschool teacher How many people do you live with? Two amaz-

ing autistic kids and their autistic engineer father, with our elderly cat who is on the spectrum as well. What have you been eating? It’s all about routines and quirks in this house. Breakfast is always one frozen gluten-free waffle and one chicken sausage, but we’re living dangerously here and encouraging the wildest idea ever, which is trying new things.

What have you been watching, listening to or playing during quarantine? So much of our old

lives revolved around appointments. This new life is rare therapy video chats, virtual playdates, long conversations without interruption, and an opportunity to share things that I’m afraid they might forget about me if I don’t make it through this.

Have you picked up a new hobby or resumed an old one? We dance to ’80s music in the front

yard, watch musicals that they groan at and suddenly love once they give them a chance, and paint dragons and book characters. And I write for them— stories to entertain them, and the story of my life in a journal for when I’m no longer here to create those stories for them, whether that’s from COVID-19 or the many medical conditions (Ehlers Danlos, lymphedema, POTS) that leave me susceptible to contracting the “new germ” that we’ve warned our children of. 14

Willamette Week APRIL 1, 2020 wweek.com

What’s the weirdest thing you’ve done so far?

I find myself cleaning until I’m exhausted, a physically productive, albeit draining, way of managing my anxiety over this pandemic. Last night, I was up till 11 sanitizing and wiping down groceries.

When was the last time you were closer than 6 feet to someone outside your household? The

delivery person who brought the groceries that evening came within 3 feet of me and a sense of panic overcame me. I backed away the closer he came, and it occurred to me, “My God, this is the new social norm.” What’s your secret to staying sane? I write to friends, write my thoughts in my journal, share my past in the journal for my children, and write to remind myself that the world might learn from our mistakes even if we repeat them again.

What’s the first thing you’re doing when this is all over? My hope is to hear the stories of those I

love from their lips and be able to hug them. To see the wrinkles on my mother’s hand one more time, to feel the softness of her cheek when she greets and releases me, and to hear her laugh. To feel the love of these I hold dear and not simply wave from a screen.

What has quarantine taught you about yourself? I never thought of myself as loving the

outdoors—it reminds me too much of my childhood—and yet I dream of forests and feel relief to know I miss them. They will be here for my children even if I am not.

Occupation: Artist, film programmer Age: 33 How many people do you live with? Two housemates:

boyfriend and best friend.

What have you been eating? Lots of rice. Oatmeal. Chocolate. Takeout pizza from DeNicola’s. And tons of plain, flat water—I’ve never been this hydrated in my life.

What have you been watching, listening to or playing during quarantine? HBO’s Chernobyl. The Bitter Tears of

Petra von Kant. Picnic at Hanging Rock. And I’m now 16 hours into Assassin’s Creed: Odyssey.

Have you picked up a new hobby or resumed an old one? I’m trying to treat this catastrophe like a reading

residency. Hello, Virginia Woolf. Hello, Blood Cruise by Mats Strandberg—vampires on a cruise ship! What’s the weirdest thing you’ve done so far? I got drunk and gave myself a mohawk in my Instagram story. It looks surprisingly good.

When was the last time you were closer than 6 feet to someone outside your household? I think the Safeway

checkout a week ago. We weren’t sure where to stand or how to commit to maintaining distances as much just then. Standing spots weren’t marked down like they are now. What’s your secret to staying sane? Time away from others. Time away from the internet. Stretching. What’s the first thing you’re doing when this is all over? If this doesn’t end in a giant makeout party we’ve done everything wrong. What has quarantine taught you about yourself? I have a lot of really good books and movies and television shows to catch up on.

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Willamette Week APRIL 1, 2020 wweek.com

STREET SCREEN

HOW DID YOU CHOOSE YOUR ZOOM BACKGROUND?

⬑

Jordan Dinwiddie: A video of Beyoncé during her Homecoming performance. Why? Because Beyoncé working her hardest post-baby should be enough for my ass not to play Animal Crossing for six hours instead of working.

↱

Mackenzie Nus: Because, coronavirus.

↰

Ronnie Cribbin: Natural habitat.

⬑

Jason Kreher: I use these clapping people as a way to keep my team motivated, instead of utterly terrified by the yawning void that is our future. 18

Willamette Week APRIL 1, 2020 wweek.com

↱

Corrie Williams: If she can get out of 2007…

⬐

Ashley Davis-Marshall: #simplertimes.

T H E LE AST D E PR E SS I N G PO RT LA N D CU LT U RE N EWS O F T HE W EEK . ELISE HEIMOWITZ

STARTERS

It’s hard to think of a better escape from the current news cycle than a documentary about a store that’s basically a living time capsule of the ’90s. The first trailer is here for The Last Blockbuster, a documentary about the video store’s only remaining franchise left in the world, located in Bend. The trailer includes interviews with director Kevin Smith, and comedian and former Portlander Ron Funches, plus Blockbuster’s former CFO, Tom Casey, who seems unmoved by the documentary’s underlying nostalgia: “Do I miss renting from a physical store? No, absolutely not. I don’t think anyone does.” Bend’s Blockbuster became the only remaining outpost of the bankrupt rental chain last year, following the closure of a store in Australia. It’s since gained international attention, and even inspired a beer created by Bend brewery 10 Barrel. The Last Blockbuster documentary—not to be confused with the satirical Last Blockbuster Twitter page—will be released later this year. It was initially scheduled to premiere May 8 at the Tower Theatre in Bend, but the event has been postponed until July due to the novel coronavirus pandemic.

GRAB AND GO

With much of the city effectively on lockdown, Portlanders can at least take solace in this: They can now get weed and booze while staying safely in their cars. The Oregon Liquor Control Commission has temporarily altered its rules to allow curbside pickup of factory-sealed bottles of spirits. Customers can call in their orders, then have them brought out to the sidewalk by a clerk. While Gov. Kate Brown’s shelter in place order allowed liquor stores across the state to remain open, the change helps stores maintain social distancing while also allowing distilleries with onsite tasting rooms to sell to consumers. Spokesperson Matthew Van Sickle says there has been discussion of allowing home delivery of spirits, and letting bars sell mixed drinks to go, but no decision on those measures has yet been made. The OLCC also approved curbside cannabis sales for licensed dispensaries.

LAUGH IN PLACE

You’re probably only days away from working your way through every original comedy special in Netflix’s library, which means fresh content is welcome right about now. Fortunately, Helium Comedy Club has found a way to bring new performances to your devices. Starting this weekend, you can watch everything from roasts to comics playing games via Zoom, with the venue’s website offering links and directions on how to use the platform. “By giving people some form of entertainment,” says Nick Harris, a manager at the Southeast Portland club, “hopefully they will stay indoors and enjoy it a little more than they would without some entertainment.” Some of the shows are locally based, like a Todd Armstrong-hosted session of Jury Duty, where comedians debate topics and the audience votes for the most convincing, and others will stream from Helium’s network of clubs across the country. Shows are $7, and Helium aims to start ramping up production and offering six to 10 events a week.

HOME MOVIES

From a TikTok video featuring a hand-washing hamster to Cardi B’s Instagram rant-turned-rap hit, plenty of people have been passing their time in isolation by making easily digestible films. Now, one of those miniature movies could earn you more than just a few dozen likes on social media. Bridge City Media is hosting a competition for all of Portland’s home-bound amateur filmmakers dubbed the Quarantined Film Contest. To participate, you must be at least 18 years old, live in the metro area, and submit a video that’s no longer than four minutes and shot completely inside. Animation is allowed, but some live action needs to be included. Beyond that, the subject matter and plot are up to you. The winner will be awarded four rolls of toilet paper and a bottle of hand sanitizer. Bridge City Media will accept entries through April 2. After that, the company is going to choose five finalists to share on its website for a public vote. An added bonus: Beyond providing a creative outlet for anyone who’s already rearranged their furniture, deep-cleaned every appliance and alphabetically organized the canned foods in the pantry, the video production company is also using the event to raise money for the Oregon Food Bank.

BOP! 2020

STRAIGHT TO VIDEO

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Help us support local, independent shops, services, and businesses. NOMINATIONS NOW OPEN BOP.WWEEK.COM #WWBOP2020

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GET INSIDE

WHAT TO DO WHILE YOU'RE STUCK AT HOME

H OW I 'M SP EN D I N G MY Q UA R ANT I NE

COURTESY OF THE UNIPIPER

The Unipiper Number of kids at home: A 2-year-old What have you been eating? To keep us from getting burned out on any one option, our approach has been to keep it fresh and utilize all available resources. This includes cooking from home, subscriptions to multiple mealkit delivery services, and supporting curbside pickup and delivery from local restaurants whenever possible. Current favorites include Mad Greek Deli, Nong’s and Mi Mero Mole. I’ve also been trying to convince my wife to give Boober Eats a try. What have you been watching, listening to or playing? The only show I’m currently staying up to date with is Star Trek: Picard. But what I have found the time for now is getting caught up on my incredibly long backlog of video games, including Doom (2016), Kentucky Route Zero and Control. I recently picked up the Unsolved Mysteries soundtrack on vinyl and it’s a perfect mood setter. Have you picked up a new hobby or resumed an old one? I’ve been using my newfound time to take to the streets and spread some unipiping joy to Portalnd’s neighborhoods—dressed in a hazmat suit and maintaining appropriate social distancing, of course. I also joined TikTok out of curiosity and then got banned for nudity by posting a video of myself in bathing trunks. What’s the weirdest thing you’ve done so far? On the day we got snow, I dressed up in a tauntaun costume, put on an N95 face mask, rode around the neighborhood on my unicycle and shoveled snow. So nothing out of the ordinary, really. What do you miss most about the outside world? I’m very saddened by all of the events that have been forced to cancel, from concerts to VHS swap meets to the Retro Gaming Expo to this year’s Rose Festival. What’s your secret to staying sane? Looking ahead to the true silver lining of this quarantine: creativity. Portland’s famous food cart boom was born in part as a response to being confined by a blizzard, and I just know we’ll see something equally compelling come from this. What’s the first thing you’re doing when this is all over? Getting a haircut and a beer at the Horse Brass, just not at the same time.

Five Tips for Organizing Your Closet From a Certified Konmari Consultant The world might be a mess right now, but that doesn’t mean you can’t clean your small corner of it. Devin VonderHaar can help. As Portland’s first certified konmari consultant—the organizational method devised by decluttering guru Marie Kondo— the 30-year-old former counselor is trained in the art of tidying up. We asked her for advice on getting your shit together, one closet at a time.

Start small.

Pull every single item out of your closet, category by category. It’s important to start with smaller categories to avoid getting overwhelmed and start that feeling of accomplishment that will keep you going through your entire closet declutter. Start with jewelry, belts, hats, shoes—anything that will be easy to accomplish in 15 to 30 minutes.

Check your joy.

As you go through each item you own, notice the feeling you get when you hold it. For some people, joy feels like a rising energy in your body, a tingling sensation, a warmth in your heart space. Start paying attention to how your body reacts instead of your thoughts.

Create systems.

Find bins or bags you can use for any discards for sale or donation, another for items that need repairs, one for returns, and one for trash. Make sure you label them, and set a deadline for when they should all be dealt with. It’s crucial they be kept in a completely separate area to avoid them sneaking back in your closet.

Store like with like.

Keep all your sweaters together, all jeans together, all workout wear together. When everything is in one location, you save time looking for it. If you don’t have enough room in your closet for seasonal wear, be sure to keep all winter and summer clothes in their own bins so you can switch them out easily.

Use what you have.

When you’ve gone through all your items, store them using what you have. First maximize the built-in shelving and hanging areas your closet provides. Pay attention to the fabrics to decide when to fold or hang. Linens, chiffons and satins are best hung up so as not to wrinkle. Most sweaters, jeans and T-shirts are all best stored folded konmari style. See themodernminimalist.biz for a free konmari checklist and for information on scheduling a virtual consultation.

Willamette Week SEPTEMBER 14, 2016 wweek.com

QUARANTINE: APRIL 1-7 B USI N E SS D EV E LO P ME N TS COURTESY OF ERIC ISAACSON

yogaRIOT

Mississippi Records After years of resistance, the cult-favorite Portland record label has gone online to stay afloat.

When there’s a virus spread by close physical contact, the worst thing you can do is continue to shed your body weight in sweat within coughing distance of a few dozen strangers. So Kari Doherty and Annie Ory, coowners of Sellwood hot yoga studio yogaRIOT, knew fairly early that COVID-19 would change how they did business. “We wanted to immediately address it by getting content online,” says Doherty. “Membership is the lifeblood of our yoga studio, so if our members aren’t coming, getting them to still feel like they’re getting value is important.” Anybody can watch an Instagram video or follow along with a podcast, but Doherty DOHERTY wanted to maintain the integrity of the inclass experience as much as possible. Now, members can register for daily virtual classes taught by their regular instructors via Zoom. With the exception of the studio’s infrared heating system, the classes are a close substitution for pre-pandemic yoga sessions. Once you enter the Zoom call, you’re greeted by a livestream of the instructor and every other class member. The first 60 minutes are made up of yogaRIOT’s signature Baptiste-style yoga— power poses, sun salutations and measured breathing designed to condition the whole body. The last 30 minutes are left for mindfulness activities meant to stimulate community connection. Granted, the virtual sessions do require some creativity. Doherty encourages members to clear out a space in their home, crank up the heat to the max, and light candles or an oil diffuser. If you don’t have yoga blocks, pull out the pots and pans. If you usually practice with a strap, try using a hand towel. “It’s not just about the yoga itself,” says Doherty. “It’s about getting in a room with people who make you feel normal and familiar. It’s about being in community.” SCOUT BROBST. Sign up for virtual classes at yogaRIOT.com.

It took a global health crisis not seen since 1918 to drag Eric Isaacson into the 21st century. Granted, to this point, he was doing pretty well working outside of it. Mississippi Records, his North Albina Avenue storefront and label of the same name, has earned an international reputation among hardcore audiophiles for its reissues of ultra-obscure soul, folk and blues records, and done so without ever giving in to the trappings of the digital age—no social media, hardly any PR, and a bare-bones website straight out of the Geocities era. But with the coronavirus shutting down his store, and much of the physical world, Isaacson had little choice but to adapt. “It was a split-second decision,” he says. “It was either go out of business or keep doing commerce. This is the only option.” By “this,” Isaacson means the things that, for most modern record labels, are standard operating procedure. He started a Bandcamp page, offering releases for download on a “pay what you can” model. He’s selling gift cards. He’s replaced spinning vinyl from behind the counter with daily YouTube playlists. (He also had a plan to temporarily convert the store into an “ultra-antiseptic” recording studio, but the governor’s stay-home order halted that idea.) Most significantly, he’s finally started a Discogs store, digging into his personal archives and putting them up for sale: test pressings, original masters, bits of memorabilia from cult legends like John Fahey and Sun Ra. “That was my bank account I kept in case I needed an operation, or a friend needed an operation,” Isaacson says. “This was the moment.” In the short term, Isaacson’s embrace of the internet has already given Mississippi Records Monterey Bay Aquarium’s a financial cushion as he waits to reopen his Moon Jelly Cam store. Just don’t expect the love affair to last. Jellyfish are nature’s lava lamps. Turn on, tune in and try “The minute it’s over,” he says, “I’m changnot to think about how these peacefully undulating invering back to exactly how I was doing everything tebrates are basically waggling their gonads in your face. before.” MATTHEW SINGER. Google it! Find Mississippi Records online at montereybayaquarium.org/animals/live-cams/moon-jellymississippirecords.net. cam

Four Live Web Cams to Zone Out On Nursery at Warrior Canine Connection

Other than all the death and unemployment, the worst thing about this current moment is not being able to pet strangers’ dogs. This live cam will either torture you further or help fill the void for random puppy interaction from a safe distance. explore.org/livecams/dog-bless-you/service-puppy-cam-3

Tiger Lake at Big Cat Rescue

That’s right—the unofficial sequel to Tiger King is a live cam trained right on one of Carol Baskin’s rescued tigers. Watch long enough and who knows whom she might feed them, allegedly! explore.org/livecams/big-cat-rescue/big-cat-rescue-tigerlake

Earth From Space

When it feels like the world is ending, it’s nice to be able to occasionally remind ourselves that the planet itself is actually still intact, especially while listening to some placid piano music. youtube.com/watch?v=EEIk7gwjgIM Willamette Week APRIL 1, 2020 wweek.com

CO U RT E SY O F YO G A R I OT

A Sellwood hot yoga studio will help you work up a sweat in your own living room.

Editor: Matthew Singer / Contact: msinger@wweek.com

As households hunker down, many are opting to have everything from six-packs to groceries brought straight to their doors. But Gilbert noticed that Around Portland—which is connected to the bike repair shop Convenient Cycle—was uniquely suited to convey coffee. Water Avenue Coffee shares its building in inner Southeast Portland, and Trailhead and Elevator are a quick stroll away. Forty-eight hours after Gilbert’s business partner proposed delivering coffee by bike, they hit the streets, bags of beans in tow. ON THE GRIND: Sarah Gilbert With her disposable black gloves, surgiwill bring bags of coffee to cal mask helmet, and heavy-duty, shinyour doorstep. high boots, Gilbert looks the part of a Mad Max extra. Before shoving off on her Saturday run, she drops sacks of espresso and beans from a farm in Guatemala into an unused trash can liner—an added defensive layer—then places them in her saddle bag. The store-to-door service covers 50 square miles. The delivery fee is a mere $3, but anyone who’s suffered a coronavirus-related job loss can get that waived. BY AN DI P R E W I T T aprewitt@wweek.com “A lot of times,” Gilbert says, “I have to say I feel guilty for doing something because everyone else is Sarah Gilbert is used to navigating the city from the stuck and feels really isolated.” seat of a bicycle. There was no face-to-face interaction at her first As the operations manager for Around Portland stop, a two-story Buckman duplex, but still evidence of Tours, she has spent eight years leading packs of ped- humans trying to connect in isolating times: Attached dling sightseers to the city’s scenic bridges, breweries to the mailbox was an envelope addressed to “Coffee and food carts. But for the past two weeks, her rides Mama” and containing a generous tip. have mostly been solo. In mid-March, Gov. Kate “At this point, what we’re looking for is sustainBrown’s stay-home order shut off the flow of visitors, ment,” Gilbert says. “The tourism industry basically leaving the tour group’s fleet of 45 bikes sitting empty. eats on tips. That’s a huge part of our income. It’s not But on a recent chilly Saturday afternoon, Gilbert going to be quite like it was, but hey, anything in this found herself back at work, gliding past empty parks situation makes a huge difference.” and darkened storefronts, providing Portland residents with a product most consider essential: caffeine. ORDER: Convenient Cycles is available for next-day Monday-Saturday. See convenientcycle.com to “People need coffee,” Gilbert says. “That’s just a deliveries place an order, or call 503-267-8284. luxury we don’t want to give up.”

TOP 5

HOT PLATES Where to order takeout or delivery this week.

1. St. Jack 1610 NW 23rd Ave., 503-360-1281, stjackpdx.com. St. Jack isn’t for the light of heart, or the faint of stomach. This bouchon-inspired bistro serves Portland’s truest French food, in all its rich, fatty glory. As might be expected, its special takeout menu draws from the more casual barside menu, which includes a great burger and fried chicken sandwich, but you can still get the magnificent steak frites, available with a choice of 46-ounce rib-eye for $85 or 8-ounce bavette for $26. HOW TO ORDER: By phone.

Java Pedalers

A bike tour group shift gears to home coffee delivery.

Here, Drink This Double Dragon bar manager Daniel Casto shares three high-end cocktails you can make at home. You can’t go to a bar right now, but that doesn’t mean you can’t bring the bar into your home. Here, Daniel Casto, bar manager at Double Dragon on Southeast Division Street, offers recipes for some easy, high-quality cocktails you can make right in your kitchen.

DOUBLE DRAGON’S GINGER MARGARITA

Kentucky River

Burnt Reynolds

Ginger Margarita

• 2 ounces bonded bourbon • ¼ ounce crème de cacao (we use Tempus Fugit)* • ¼ ounce Amaro CioCiaro** • 3 dashes peach bitters

• 2 ounces bonded bourbon • ¾ ounce fresh lemon juice • 1 ounce smoked tea honey syrup*

• 1.5 ounces blanco tequila (we use Pueblo Viejo) • 1 ounce fresh lime juice • ¼ ounce orange juice • ¾ ounce ginger syrup*

Add ingredients to mixing glass, add ice, and stir. Strain over a large rock. Garnish with an orange twist. *If crème de cacao isn’t available, you can easily substitute a bar spoon of 2-to-1 simple or cane sugar syrup and some chocolate bitters. **Amaro CioCiaro is widely available, but lots of similarly bittersweet digestifs would work here—even Jägermeister. 22

Add ingredients to tin, add ice, and shake. Double strain over a large rock. Garnish with an orange twist. *Combine equal parts brewed lapsang souchong tea—we use Townshend’s—and honey by weight. Stir to combine.

Willamette Week APRIL 1, 2020 wweek.com

2. Nodoguro

THOMAS TEAL

2832 SE Belmont St., nodoguropdx.com. Nodoguro’s omakase menu is a thing of practiced beauty, with a delicate yet bold Japanese-inspired tasting program. Of course, that “hardcore sushi experience” is on hold for the time being, but you can still taste the craft in the bento boxes chef Ryan Roadhouse has made available for curbside pickup. In addition, customers can also order cleaners, hand soaps and sanitizers from co-owner Elena Roadhouse’s Eleusis brand. HOW TO ORDER: Shopify.

Add ingredients to tin, add ice, and shake. Double strain over regular ice. Garnish with a lime wheel. *Dissolve 2 parts white sugar in 1 part fresh ginger juice by weight. Stir to combine, do not heat.

3. Lardo 1205 SW Washington St., 503-241-2490, 1212 SE Hawthorne Blvd., 503-234-7786, lardosandwiches.com. Lardo is one of Portland’s most beloved pig-pushers. The sandwiches aren’t as straightforwardly American as you might think: There’s a pork meatball banh mi, but the standout is the Korean pork shoulder, which is perfectly tender and doesn’t hammer you over the head with seasoning. HOW TO ORDER: Caviar, ChowNow.

4. Cully Central 4579 NE Cully Blvd., 503-206-8911, khaoniew.square.site. Once home to a seedy strip club, Cully Central brought new energy to a bleak stretch of Northeast Cully Boulevard. There is a delicious lineup of Lao dishes, like a crispy rice salad seasoned with fresh herbs and lime juice served with green leaf lettuce to transport that blend to your mouth. It’s a solid beer bar with 20 handles boasting favorites from Breakside and pFriem—and yes, it does growler fills. HOW TO ORDER: See website.

5. Malka 4546 SE Division St., 503-984-1580, malkapdx.com. The long-awaited Malka is the restaurant version of Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride. Each dish is a madcap mélange of a dozen or more ingredients that, on paper, couldn’t possibly work together, yet invariably do. While its visually engrossing dining room is shut down, many of chef Jessie Aron’s highlight meals are still available for takeout, including creative rice bowls and entrees like the Noodle Incident, a zany take on mac and cheese flavored with sake and Ethiopian berbere. HOW TO ORDER: By phone.

NODOGURO

COURTESY OF DOUBLE DRAGON

COURTESY OF SARAH GILBERT

FOOD & DRINK

TOP 5

BUZZ LIST Where to order beer from this week.

1. Baerlic Brewing 2235 SE 11th Ave., 503-477-9418, baerlicbrewing.com. At Baerlic’s bare-bones Southeast Portland headquarters, the scene is often boisterous, with little to distract from the beers, which are generally light and sessionable but rarely boring. The simple stuff is what brewers founders Richard Hall and Ben Parsons do best, but they can stretch out, too: Grayscale, a collaboration with Modern Times, is a coffee Vienna lager that’ll stun anyone who’s used to coffee-flavored beers having the viscosity of sludge.

2. Gigantic 5224 SE 26th Ave., 503-208-3416, giganticbrewing.com. Gigantic feels like a scrappy upstart that still can’t believe it made it big. Hidden in an industrial area just west of Reed College, the 8-year-old operation feels like a secret clubhouse. The brewery has built its reputation on a beer that never changes, the crowd-pleasing flagship IPA, as well as its constantly rotating lineup of seasonals.

3. Modern Times 600 SE Belmont St., 503-420-0799, moderntimesbeer.com. There’s no better place in Portland to snap a trendy photo of a hazy IPA, sweet stout, or neon-red kettle sour. But if you look past the sea of perfectly dressed beer tourists (and the more obvious styles), you’ll find some of the city’s finest beers. If available, try the Italian Pilsner, which marries crackery malt with perfumey modern hopping techniques—taming the face-melting flavors of Modern Times’ hazy IPAs.

4. Reverend Nat’s Hard Cider 1813 NE 2nd Ave., 503-567-2221, reverendnatshardcider.com. Rev Nat’s is probably the most battily inventive cider spot in the country, from a Spanish-style Sidra de Bravo, made by fermenting apple skins, to an apple sour made with de Garde, and one insanely good fermented-pineapple tepache.

5. StormBreaker 832 N Beech St., 971-703-4516; 8409 N Lombard St., 971-255-1481; stormbreakerbrewing.com. Name a style and StormBreaker makes a damn fine version of it, from its citrusy Cloud Ripper IPA to the Opacus Stout, which has all the hints of chocolate you want without going down like a pint of Ovaltine. The brewery is currently taking can and keg orders by phone, but plans to add online ordering soon. See websites for ordering information.

TAKE ME OUT

WHAT’S IN THE BOX?!: Thomas PishaDuffly generated many meal ideas from his grandmother’s recipe file.

CHRISTINE DONG

Fritter Away

Squaresville

Cicoria gives Midwestern-style bar pizza a restaurant-worthy upgrade. BY JASON COHEN

@cohenesque

There are no new Portland restaurants in the time of COVID-19. Somehow, though, there is new pizza. Chef Joshua McFadden’s new joint, Cicoria, wasn’t supposed to open until spring or early summer inside the former Roman Candle space, which is still under construction. But the “tavern-style” pie developed by McFadden and baker Daniel Green was already dialed in. So with McFadden’s other restaurants, Ava Gene’s and Tusk, pivoting to socially distanced takeout, adding pizza to the dinner menu just made sense. Call it the longest, biggest “friends and family” preview ever. There are four standard pies—cheese, pepperoni, white and pomodoro—plus a daily special. You can also get everything from eggs and raw cookie dough to Tusk labne and McFadden’s Caesar dressing. Order online, pull into the parking lot at a pre-appointed time, open your trunk, and let an Ava Gene’s staffer bring it out to you.

THE CUT

THE CRUST

The pizzas are cut cross- and lengthwise into little squares—the “party” or “tavern” cut found all over the Midwest, originally in bars that had no kitchen. Not all pieces are the same. “It’s like a personality test almost,” says McFadden. “Like who wants a little corner, who wants the square one, who wants the inside ones? It’s become kind of a funny little game at the restaurant.”

But Cicoria brings quality ingredients to a style of pizza originally meant to be washed down with Schlitz. The flour is freshly milled and regional, the crust is 50 percent whole wheat, and while it’s crispier than Neapolitan or a foldable New York slice, it’s neither buttery nor greasy like Chicago thin crust.

AJ MEEKER

C O U R T E S Y O F T H O M A S P I S H A - D U F F LY

RECIPE

INGREDIENTS

Gado Gado co-owner Thomas Pisha-Duffly brings together two generations of corn fritters in one recipe. BY THO M AS P I SH A- D U FFLY

My family is obsessed with my grandmother’s corn fritters. Oma, as we call her, is my mother’s mother, and her mother is Macho. These recipes come from them. My family on my mother’s side is Chinese Indonesian, from Surabaya. The corn fritters my sisters and I make are the ones taught us by our mom, but digging through a bunch of my Oma’s recipes, I found a couple of cards—tucked in among recipes for beef rendang, opor ayam and agar jello pudding—that I hadn’t seen before. They were corn fritters, though not the ones I knew, and while basically the same, the difference here is the appearance of shrimp and the lack of the customary fine dice of celery and white pepper. I have taken the liberty of combining the best parts of both recipes to make this recipe for perkedel.

2 pounds frozen corn kernels ½ bunch of green onion, sliced 15 pieces of small shrimp (about ⅓ pound), peeled and deveined ¼ cup diced celery 1 teaspoon turmeric 2 teaspoons of baking powder ½ teaspoon ground white pepper ¾ cup flour 2 eggs 2 cubes chicken bouillon

1. Soften bouillon cubes. In a food processor, add bouillon and half the corn and process to a rough paste. Add second half of corn and shrimp and pulse until roughly chopped. Transfer to a bowl and add flour, eggs, celery, white pepper, turmeric, and baking powder. Mix well until incorporated. 2. In a high-sided pan or skillet, heat an inch of oil on medium high. Drop spoonfuls of the dough one at a time until the pan is full, leaving space between fritters to allow for spread. As they brown, turn occasionally to cook evenly and pull when the outside begins to caramelize. Lift out with a slotted spatula and set to drain on some newspaper. Repeat. Serve with chicken satay or beef rendang and a side of sambal and sweet soy. Eat until you feel sick. Thomas Pisha-Duffly is co-owner of Gado Gado, 1801 NE César E. Chávez Blvd., 503-206-8778, gadogadopdx.com. A revamped takeout menu will be introduced this week.

THE REST

The pies feature a mix of fresh mozzarella, which is hand-pulled in-house, and aged mozzarella, uncooked sauce (California tomatoes milled with salt) and Italian oregano, which comes dried on its branches. “For whatever reason—well, no surprise—they do it best,” says McFadden. “It’s quite concentrated and very fragrant.”

ORDER: Cicoria is available for takeout 4-8 pm Monday-Saturday. Pickup is at 3377 SE Division St. See submarinehospitality.com/takeout, or call 503-444-7537.

Willamette Week APRIL 1, 2020 wweek.com

COURTESY OF NINTENDO

VIDEO GAMES

Event Horizons The latest game in Nintendo’s Animal Crossing series is here, and not a moment too soon. BY NOL AN G O O D

Want to get away? Of course you do. Unfortunately, leaving home for more than a brisk walk, let alone a vacation, is not really an option right now. But it’s still possible to escape—to frolic in the sun, rebuild society, and drink coffee with a raccoon. Nintendo’s long-running Animal Crossing series of video games has been comforting players for nearly two decades, but its most recent entry couldn’t have been released at a better time. With so many people stuck at home, its cheerful approximation of nature and focus on interpersonal relationships has made it the perfect replacement for IRL socializing. Though it was destined to be popular, circumstance has made New Horizons, the fifth title in the series, a phenomenon even outside of gamer circles. The New Yorker wrote about it. Brie Larson won’t stop tweeting about it. Even if you don’t know what Animal Crossing is, you must have seen the explosion of screenshots and clips that flooded social media when it dropped March 20. Without a doubt, New Horizons is the game of the coronavirus era. With everyone’s daily routine on hiatus and lots of hours to kill, there’s no better time than now to jump in. Here’s a primer for complete noobs. What is Animal Crossing: New Horizons, exactly? At the broadest level, New Horizons is an adorable life simulator. It starts with Tom Nook, a generous tanuki who invites players to take advantage of the “Nook Inc. Island Getaway Package” and relocate to a deserted 24

Willamette Week APRIL 1, 2020 wweek.com

island. Your job is to help build a town from the ground up. Your days will be filled with projects like decorating your dream home, planting trees, hanging out with your animal neighbors and collecting fish and bugs. Over the course of many cozy play sessions, you’ll grow the ramshackle community into a bustling village of your own making. What do you actually do? Animal Crossing moves in real time. The sun rises and sets each day, and even the four seasons cycle over the course of an actual year. Constructing your ideal community takes time, but every day is full of things to do. Primarily, you’ll be gathering—whether it’s fruit to sell, fossils to fill out your museum, or materials to craft that perfect bench for your town plaza. There’s always be something to keep a creative mind pushing on to the next project. Personally, I’ve just completed an outdoor bath complete with a poetry stone. It required landscaping, crafting, deforestation and even a handful of plane rides to islands for gathering stones and clay. You also have a mortgage to pay, but don’t worry— the world of Animal Crossing is a millennial dreamscape. Tom Nook doesn’t charge interest, nor does he even set a deadline for payments. Like everything else in the game, paying your debt can be done at whatever pace you like, with no penalties. Doesn’t that get boring? I have enough chores and debts in real life. Where real life is full of complications and unexpected obstacles, Animal Crossing is entirely within your control. There are no penalties and nothing to rush toward. Crafting a utopian village is like raising a garden or constructing a diorama: a form of creative expression paired with the satisfaction of productivity. A good Animal Crossing village is an affirming fantasy. A great

Animal Crossing village is a work of art. It’s hard to explain, but once New Horizons sinks its hooks into you, with its layers of simple depth and surprisingly detailed toy-box world, you’ll find yourself growing attached to the residents of your town and the way they enjoy your creations. The neighbors will water flowers for you, read books on the stools you place for them and enjoy sunshine beneath the trees you plant. You’ll plan roads, pathways and zones like it’s your job, but you’ll still be surprised by the organic growth of your new home. Also, with the revamped multiplayer element in this latest entry, your real-life friends can fly to your island for a visit. Don’t forget to ask them to bring non-native fruits and plant life, too, in case you want to trade and cultivate those for later. Isn’t that a lot of commitment, though? New Horizons may have its own internal calendar, but it still moves at the player’s pace. The only way to move is up: more infrastructure, a bigger house, more furniture. The game never doles out any serious penalty for neglecting your new home—the most you’ll get for being logged out for a couple weeks is a handful of cockroaches and maybe some bedhead. For the time you do put in, however, you’ll be rewarded with a constantly entertaining experience. When New Horizons first came out, thousands of players logged on to the villages they’d been tweaking for up to seven years in the previous game in the series to say goodbye one last time. For many, it was a tearful parting. For such a simple premise, these are games which inspire real attachment and sentiment—two things all of us could use right now. BUY: Animal Crossing: New Horizons is available for Nintendo Switch. See store.nintendo.com to download.

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Hold Me Down Tempted to leave home? These six strains will help chain you to the couch. BY BRIA N N A W H E E L E R

If there’s one thing varsity stoners do with finesse, it’s space out. Stoners are elite time-benders, effortlessly blurring the moments between dusk and sunrise, spreading rich and meaningful minutes into eternities and extinguishing the closedloop boredom of cabin fever. For many practiced potheads, a perfect day consists of nothing more than blowing weed, snacking snacks and performing one or two relaxed, lowstakes, home-based activities. The rest of y’all restless Portlanders could take a lesson. There is no challenge for the career stoner when it comes to staying inside, but most of us didn’t get this languorous on our own. In fact, it takes years of complex cannabis cultivation to lock a body into the type of intoxicating meditative state that our current, potentially long-term social health measures necessitate—and not just any cannabis will do. Luckily, in Oregon, we have plenty of complex cultivars that seem bred just for this health crisis. Here are a few deeply relaxing strains that will put your ass so deep in the couch you’ll thank the governor for sending everyone in the state to their rooms. Each is an opportunity to find your own perfect, numbing comfort to get through the pajamapocalypse.

9 Pound Hammer

The name is accurate, but it belies the strain’s more nuanced effects. Yes, 9 Pound Hammer is sedating as all heck, but it’s also stress relieving and pain quieting, with soft creative suggestions perfect for a little right-brain stimulation. Pairs well with: A blank notebook and a piano-heavy playlist. Buy it from: Kaleafa, 5232 SE Woodstock Blvd., 971-407-3208.

White Rhino

White Rhino’s classic indica characteristics—courtesy of hybrid parent strain White Widow—are cushioned by a mild sensuality that could potentially flip quarantine partnership fatigue into a shelter in place honeymoon. If you’re tired of looking at your partner’s face, start blowing some White Rhino together and see where it goes. Pairs well with: Passively watching Y Tu Mamá También on Netflix while giving—or getting—a sensual back rub. Buy it from: Tree House Collective, 2419 NE Sandy Blvd., 503-894-8774.

Obama Kush

Overall, Obama Kush is most popular for its lazy euphoria, but bliss is only one stratum in a layer of effects. Depending on your state, this strain can usher you into restorative sleep, relax you into the kind of stoney philosophizing memes are made of or incite deep investment in any number of Netflix docuseries. Pairs well with: Video chat happy hour with the homies or phone calls to check in with chatty loved ones. Buy it from: Foster Buds, 5522 SE Foster Road, 503-4447433.

Paris OG

This award-winning strain is loudly celebrated for the intense and blissful lethargy that overwhelms its users. For those fighting urges to do yoga in the park or luge down empty streets, Paris OG will replace that unwelcome pep with rhapsodic inertia. Pairs well with: Movies from Eddie Murphy’s family-friendly era (The Nutty Professor, Doctor Dolittle, Daddy Day Care). Buy it from: Mr. Nice Guy, 1034 SE 122nd Ave., 971-279-4766.

Donkey Butter

One brave sniff of this strain will tell you precisely how it got its name. But if you can get past the funky fragrance, this a prime cultivar for time-bending. Its reverberating relaxation quiets the mind in a way that fosters meditative focus. That said, I suggest using Donkey Butter while anchored in a comfy chair, mattress or couch. You don’t want to be stuck walking the dog when suddenly time loses all meaning and your soul takes a sabbatical from your body. Pairs well with: YouTube compilations of newscasters flubbing lines on live TV—or finally composing your masterpiece. Buy it from: Today’s Herbal Choice, 9220 SW Barbur Blvd., 503-208-3042.

Black Triangle

Technically speaking, this balanced hybrid isn’t cultivated for extreme couch lock, but the strain’s indica-derived effects are indeed pronounced. This flower is deeply relaxing, but the high also sparkles and buzzes with fragments of energetic inspiration. It’s rainy-day fuel intensified, especially during this particular spring-cleaning season. Pairs well with: Doing nothing and everything in equal measure. Buy it from: Oregrown, 111 NE 12th Ave., 503-477-6898.

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PERFORMANCE

BOOKS SAM GEHRKE

HOTSEAT

Dañel Malán

Co-founder and artistic director of the touring arm of Milagro Theatre WW: Take me inside Milagro’s decision process for responding to the pandemic. Dañel Malán: We’re in the middle of doing all our planning for next season. Normally, you would do auditions, but right now that’s not really a good idea. We’re reaching out to actors individually through Skype interviews. After the 28th, there will hopefully still be school, because there are a lot of school programs we have lined up for May, and we’re hoping those will still happen, because some of them are grant programs so you have to do them to fulfill the grant obligation. Will you bring back shows that are canceled, or will you move on? We have not made a decision about that yet. We’re in this weird holding pattern. After this interview, Milagro announced the launch of Nueva Frontera, a digital series focused on Latinx arts and culture.

Samantha Van Der Merwe

Artistic director of Shaking the Tree Theatre, director of the company’s production of The Antipodes CARLA ROSSI

Dispatches From Isolation Portland theater artists discuss how they’re adapting in the age of the coronavirus. BY BE N N E T T C A M P B E L L FE RGUS O N

The coronavirus may have halted theater productions for the foreseeable future, but that hasn’t stopped Portland’s actors and directors from working. Across the city, many are trying to save the arts scene from financial oblivion. WW spoke to four of them about how they are coping with the effects of the pandemic and plans to push forward.

Anthony Hudson (aka drag clown Carla Rossi)

Creator and star of Looking for Tiger Lily WW: Looking for Tiger Lily was going to open in May. Are you exploring other options? Anthony Hudson: Luckily, Artists Rep is committed to producing the show, so we are just going to figure out when it’s going to happen. Are there other projects you can continue to develop at home? Some days are really just anxiety inducing and filled with angst and dread, like a scene in Repulsion with Catherine Deneuve. But now I’m beginning to feel a little bit more productive. For my podcast, Gaylords of Darkness, we’re working on brand-new episodes and a companion podcast. I’m beginning to brainstorm a couple new internet shows that I can put out there and ways that Carla can still come into people’s homes because she’s Portland’s Freddy Krueger and won’t be denied. 26

Willamette Week APRIL 1, 2020 wweek.com

WW: The Antipodes is postponed. What are your plans for it down the line? Samantha Van Der Merwe: The thing that makes the most sense is to put it into the spring slot in 2021. Are there other things you can work on? I have some reservations right now about jumping in and immediately pivoting to think about all the creative things I could be doing. Because right now I need to, at least for the next maybe week or two, reflect on what is happening, allow myself to process it, ask myself what it means that the world is going through this. How are you keeping yourself occupied? My kids are still at home, and they’re college age, and one just graduated college. I said, “We should just make a play together and I’ll direct you and we can film it.” I’m not able to sit around for long before I need to do something creative.

Marissa Wolf

Artistic director of Portland Center Stage at the Armory WW: How’s everyone at Portland Center Stage holding up? Marissa Wolf: It’s a really hard time. We’re down to a skeleton crew that’s working to fundraise and strategize so that as soon as we can open the theater back up, there’s a vibrant home for everyone to come back to, for both staff and the community. Have you thought about the kind of plays people will want to see after this international trauma? The thing I love about our ’20-21 season, which we just mapped a week ago, is that I was already thinking about the political climate that we’re in, knowing that fall brings an election. I was already programming shows that are politically engaged and thoughtful, but each of them also has a tender core. There’s something deeply human and personal about every play next season. I want Portland Center Stage to be a space in which everyone from this region feels like, “That’s my theater, that theater belongs to me, because I see myself reflected onstage there all the time and my story’s being told.” Now is the time for continued conversations. Now is the time for plays that offer feeling. Now is the time for plays that offer nonstop laughter. All of those things remain true and even more critical.

Written by: Scout Brobst / Contact: sbrobst@wweek.com

FIVE BOOKS TO READ WHEN YOU’RE SICK OF STREAMING If you’re watching: The Circus on Amazon Prime Read: Antisocial by Andrew Marantz There’s something to be said for swapping one hellish nightmare for another. If, for some reason, you’ve decided that now is the time to dig your feet into the grime of American politics, you may have stumbled across The Circus, Showtime’s docuseries on the upcoming presidential election. The show is good—and sobering—but there are only so many times you can watch someone deconstruct a stump speech. For some much needed context, try reading Andrew Marantz’s Antisocial, the 2019 deep dive into online radicalization and its political implications. Someone had to wade into the swampy side of the internet where the conspiracists and trolls live, and Marantz took the hit for all of us. If you’re watching: Love Is Blind on Netflix Read: Virgin and Other Stories by April Ayers Lawson Love Is Blind is a reality-show toothache only justifiable during a pandemic, but you’ll still need to cleanse yourself with some sort of esteemed literature afterward. It’s not exactly pods and sight-unseen proposals, but April Ayers Lawson’s debut collection involves all the sex, love and feverish drama that makes any dating show so addicting. The title story follows a young woman in the American South, grappling with the dynamics of her new marriage and everything she thinks she knows about faith. Other stories tackle illicit piano lessons, gender transitions and terminally ill stoners—a quarantine read if there ever was one. If you’re watching: The Great British Baking Show on Netflix Read: Eat Up! by Ruby Tandoh The Great British Baking Show is the cream of quarantine television. The wholesome competition is chicken soup for the self-isolated soul, as amateur bakers whisk up meringue and custard tarts in the English countryside. While nearly every winner has published a cookbook or two, Season 3 finalist Ruby Tandoh released in 2018 her memoir-slash-manifesto Eat Up!, a funny, quick-witted ode to food as one of life’s greatest pleasures. Tandoh is the ideal companion for self-isolation, as she embraces junk food and rails mercilessly against fad diets and the bad science behind—cough—Goopier pastures. If you’re watching: Pandemic on Netflix Read: The Long Winter by Laura Ingalls Wilder As it turns out, this is not the first time in American history we have been forcibly housebound. While shows like Pandemic can put things into perspective and arm you with public health knowledge, it also might be comforting to turn to a different season of isolation. The sixth book in Laura Ingalls Wilder’s beloved Little House series is The Long Winter, drawing from Wilder’s own experience in the South Dakota blizzards of 188081. The town of De Smet is buried under feet of snow, unable to receive supplies or aid from the outside world and running dangerously low on food—something to consider the next time you panic buy granola at Safeway. If you’re watching: High Fidelity on Hulu Read: High Fidelity by Nick Hornby It’s hard to say whether Nick Hornby’s 1996 novelturned-2000 John Cusack movie High Fidelity really needed a gender-bending reboot, but it’s here and it stars Zoe Kravitz, so there is no judgment if it has become your pandemic stream of choice. But if you haven’t read the original book, it’s worth a weekend read, if only for the comparative value— Hornby’s sad-boy protagonist, Rob, is neck deep in a pool of self-pity and plumbing the depths of his music collection for emotional resonance after a breakup. In other words, the book possesses a lot of quarantine energy.

MOVIES

Have a movie screening you’d like to submit to our Get Busy calendar? Go to wweek.com/submitevents for instructions.

SCREENER

COURTESY OF MPI HOME VIDEO

GET YOUR REP S IN

Editor: Andi Prewitt / Contact: aprewitt@wweek.com

While the local rep theaters are out of commission, we’ll be putting together weekly watchlists of films readily available to stream. This week, in honor of April Fool’s Day, we’re highlighting laugh-outloud comedies featuring our favorite fools.

Airplane! (1980) When a traumatized veteran with a fear of flying finds himself on a plane with no pilot, it’s up to him, his flight attendant ex-girlfriend and an inflatable pilot named “Otto” (ha!) to safely land the aircraft. With surrealist jokes and visual puns flying at breakneck speed, this quintessential disaster comedy remains (mostly) fresh 30 years later. Amazon Prime, Google Play, Hulu, iTunes, Vudu, YouTube.

Burn After Reading (2008)

CO U R T E SY O F PA R A M O U N T P I C T U R E S

One of the more underrated films in the Coen brothers’ oeuvre, this dry black comedy is packed full of fools—from himbo gym trainer Chad Feldheimer (hilariously played by Brad Pitt, who should’ve won his first Best Supporting Actor Oscar for his dance moves) to a majorly incompetent and sex-addicted U.S. marshal (George Clooney). Amazon Prime, Google Play, Hulu, iTunes, Vudu, YouTube.

End of Days Here are our five favorite disaster movies to stream during a disaster. BY D O NOVA N FA R LEY

Ferris Bueller’s Day Off (1986) Ahh, Ferris Bueller: the most beautiful little fool. Not content with wasting a beautiful day inside, the original manic pixie dream boy (Matthew Broderick) fakes sick and rounds up his best friend and girlfriend to play hooky. The teens tear through Chicago, all while avoiding their resentful school principal who’s hell-bent on stopping them. Amazon Prime, Google Play, iTunes, Netflix, Vudu, YouTube.

Hot Rod (2007) Comedy trio the Lonely Island proved they’re the funniest dudes to come out of SNL with their debut movie, which stars Andy Samberg as amateur stuntman Rod Kimble. When his stepfather requires a $50,000 heart surgery, Rod and his crew vow to raise the money by pulling off the ultimate stunt: a perilous jump over 15 school buses. Amazon Prime, Crackle, Google Play, iTunes, Netflix, Vudu.

The Nice Guys (2016) Ryan Gosling and Russell Crowe star as Holland March and Jackson Healy, a pair of private eyes hired to track down a missing teenage girl (Margaret Qualley) in 1977 Los Angeles. Gosling’s shrill screaming, physical comedy and precocious young daughter make an excellent foil for Crowe’s exasperated straight man. Amazon Prime, Google Play, Hulu, iTunes, Vudu, YouTube.

@DonovanFarley

In these times of isolation, streaming services can be our sanity’s saving grace, and if you’re anything like us, the pandemic has drawn you toward post-apocalyptic cinema. Perhaps it feels good to watch others in more distress and realize that things aren’t that bad for us (yet). Or maybe bingeing on movies about the end of the world is just a form of research to prepare us for whatever comes next. Below, we’ve compiled a list of five of our favorites to keep you company as you hunker down.

Pontypool (2008)

A master class in being resourceful with the budget constraints that come with independent filmmaking, Pontypool is one of the more imaginative takes on the zombie genre. The always-scintillating Stephen McHattie drives the film as a Canadian shock jock whose on-air offenses have resulted in his banishment to the rural village of Pontypool, a boring outpost—that is, until the residents start literally tearing each other asunder. The DJ and his co-workers become trapped in the cramped radio station and do their best to warn listeners about the virus that has transformed people into zombies and, without giving too much away, its unusual transmission via the English language. iTunes, Shudder.

PONTYPOOL

La Jetée (1962)

Despite not being widely celebrated outside of movie circles, this stunning 28-minute film by French New Wave icon Chris Marker is one of the most influential of all time. La Jetée inspired everyone from David Bowie to Francis Ford Coppola and serves as the basis for Terry Gilliam’s mind-bending 12 Monkeys. The stunning short’s narrative focuses on a man caught up in timetravel experiments in a post-World War III nuclear wasteland and the woman he becomes enthralled with during his expeditions into the past. Made up almost entirely of optically printed photographs that play out via a remarkably edited montage with zero dialogue, the gripping story is told through a stoic voice-over. No film education is complete without at least a couple of screenings. Amazon Prime, Criterion, iTunes.

Coherence (2013)

James Ward Byrkit’s only feature as a director is an improvised thriller that zeroes in on the strange occurrences at a Los Angeles dinner party after a comet passes precariously close to Earth. Filmed at Byrkit’s home, the guests become increasingly unnerved as they realize a house up the street is populated by their exact replicas. Coherence’s cast of eight plays off of each other like a talented jazz band, spinning an enthralling tale of reality truly bending. Amazon Prime, Crackle, Google Play, iTunes, Kanopy, Vudu, YouTube.

Delicatessen (1991)

A startling mixture of the macabre and the whimsical that would go on to define much of co-director Jean-Pierre Jeunet’s future work (Amélie, Alien: Resurrection, The City of Lost Children), Delicatessen is a French post-apocalyptic black comedy about an apartment building served by a bottom-floor deli whose le plat principal is human beings. The plot features an unemployed clown (French legend Dominique Pinon) lured to the ghastly building by the promise of a new job from the murderous landlord/butcher who intends to kill the ex-jester and serve him as dinner to the tenants. But before that can happen, Pinon’s clown falls in love with the cannibalistic property owner’s daughter, which, fortunately for him, complicates things. Amazon Prime, Google Play, iTunes, Vudu, YouTube.

Akira (1988)

You’ve walked by copies of this film in the aisles at Movie Madness, heard your nerdy film buff pals excitedly extoll its virtues, and even seen it referenced in pop culture—but you aren’t into anime, so you’ve never seen Akira. Dear reader, these confined times are the perfect setting to rectify that and become fully immersed in Katsuhiro Otomo’s cyberpunk epic populated by warring biker gangs in dystopian Neo-Tokyo. The film vibrates with so much kinetic energy and eye-popping beauty that its influence extends well beyond the world of cinema, inspiring designers and visual artists alike. Hulu, iTunes, Tubi, Vudu.

Willamette Week APRIL 1, 2020 wweek.com

MOVIES

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TOP PICK OF THE WEEK

First Avenue: Closer to the Stars With any luck, public rituals like concertgoing will resume sometime in 2020, but for now, we involuntary couch potatoes can sweat or sway vicariously through PBS’s new documentary about First Avenue. This 55-minute love note to the iconic Minneapolis music venue, made famous by Purple Rain, was produced first for a Twin Cities audience. That means it includes some very insular information (like who had what liquor license when), but also no breathless oversells on who this Prince character was. Narrated by Doomtree’s P.O.S, the standard rock doc’s best quality is in showing how First Avenue shape-shifted through the eras of Woodstock rock, disco, punk, Prince (his own era), hip-hop and indie rock. Every town in America was home to some bygone club its music community wishes had First Avenue’s survival skills, but here we learn how the 50-year-old Minneapolis institution was never financially safe, was never allthe-way cool and never operated according to one coherent mission statement. Ironically, it took incredible inconsistency to create consistency: DJs who knew they needed to spin ABBA but still snuck in Brian Eno, a business benefactor who was terrible with money and, eventually, a grateful city that couldn’t live without the legacy. NR. CHANCE SOLEM-PFEIFER. PBS.

ALSO PLAYING

The Hunt

Blow the Man Down

Critics panned it. The president hated it. But I found myself elated by The Hunt, a social satire that uses provocation as ammunition, with both sides of the political divide in its crosshairs. Since this is a riff on 1932’s The Most Dangerous Game, expect a bunch of humans to be hunted, and every viewer to be grazed by the hilarious dialogue. In one corner are the “rednecks,” a pack of whites in flannels who wake up gagged in a field and are then shot at. These early scenes are remarkably well orchestrated, making us believe someone is a main character, only to show their brains turn into a cloud of red mist seconds later. In the other corner are the “liberal elites,” hunters who care more about podcasts than human lives. The thorn in their side is a woman named Crystal who speaks with a Southern twang and becomes a backwoods hero, played by GLOW’s Betty Gilpin with a ferocity that matches Charlotte Christensen’s cinematography. The harsh reviews that fly in the face of The Hunt’s brilliant performances and smart satire only drive home the point of the movie: Narrow-minded political divisiveness drives pretty much everything these days. R. ASHER LUBERTO. On Demand.

While trapped at home under quarantine, it’s only natural to look for ways to escape. Right now, it seems one of our only options is using streaming services as virtual trips to new places. Amazon Prime’s new release Blow the Man Down takes audiences to Maine, where the atmosphere washes over you with its chilly blues and frosty whites. In a gritty fishing village called Easter Cove, director of photography Todd Banhazl captures the hardscrabble lives of its residents by using a lot of natural lighting and digitally re-created Super 8 footage of the town. Things get darker once bodies start washing ashore. The police are Fargo-level dumb. And that’s actually good for sisters Priscilla (Sophie Lowe) and Mary Beth (Morgan Saylor), who end up stabbing a rapist with a harpoon and stealing his bag of cash. “Someone’s going to miss this,” says Mary Beth. Duh. Don’t go fishing for meaning why this neo-noir flips gender roles, with two girls pulling the strings, but it’s a refreshing twist. Blow the Man Down may not be the idyllic vacation you’re looking for, but it sure is fun. R. ASHER LUBERTO. Amazon Prime. 28

Willamette Week APRIL 1, 2020 wweek.com

FIRST AVENUE: CLOSER TO THE STARS

The Invisible Man The most recent version of H.G. Wells’ famed story The Invisible Man, which had been in development since 2007 and was originally slated to feature Johnny Depp (no thanks) as a possessive, psychotic husband who fakes his own suicide, is now informed by the #MeToo movement. The brilliant Elisabeth Moss embodies the invisibility of abused women whose reports are often disbelieved with a typical top-shelf performance as Cecilia. It’s a bit surprising that director Leigh Whannell, known mostly for writing the Saw films, was given such a project, but he mostly guides the film ably, particularly with his use of negative space to ratchet up the intensity of scenes featuring the title character. Whannell also scores points for realizing this is Moss’ vehicle and letting his talented star shine, but many of the characters around her are poorly written and, minus a charming turn by Aldis Hodge as Cecilia’s supportive friend, are painfully two-dimensional. While The Invisible Man never quite reaches the Hitchcockian heights it aims for, it is a largely successful, if flawed, thriller that further cements Moss as a generational talent. R. DONOVAN FARLEY. On Demand.

The Platform The Platform works on two levels: First and foremost, Galder GazteluUrrutia’s horror flick is a master class in building atmosphere, but it also functions as an allegory about the detrimental effects of trickle-down economics. Inside a prison with 250 floors, you can practically feel the cold cement enveloping the inmates. When a platter of food descends from one level to the next, with a minute for cellmates to scarf

down what’s left, it’s clear that the lower classes are merely feeding on the upper echelon’s scraps. While there is nothing subtle about the message, there is a mysterious tone to the story. Since it moves at a snail’s pace (in a good way), we spend much of the run time trying to figure out what is going on, just like the protagonist, Goreng (Iván Massagué). His goal is to restore order to this rotten world, but that’s no easy task when other inmates are considering cannibalism to stay alive. A dash of Camus, a sprinkle of Kafka and helpings of Lovecraft, The Platform will leave you both sick and satisfied. R. ASHER LUBERTO. Netflix.

Onward Pixar Animation Studios may have found sublime pathos in stories of cars, fish, superheroes and toys, but it fails to do the same for road-tripping elves. Set in an alternate reality where magic spells and mundane technologies coexist, Onward chronicles the misadventures of two elf brothers (voiced by Tom Holland and Chris Pratt) on a quest for a gem that will resurrect their dead father for one day. The film is filled with glorious sight gags, from a gargantuan cheese puff that the pair use as a boat to a concrete dragon that’s as scary as it is silly. What Onward lacks is the emotional ferocity of Pixar wonders like The Incredibles, Inside Out and WALL-E. The film’s elvish antics are mildly amusing, but when a studio known for daring both kids and adults to face the terror and beauty of intense feelings settles for making a mechanically cheery movie like Onward, it isn’t just a comedown. It’s cowardice. PG. BENNETT CAMPBELL FERGUSON. Disney+, Movies Anywhere, On Demand.

FLASHBACK

E X AC TLY 17 Y E A R S AG O, I N WI LL A M E T TE WE E K . . .

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Spotlight Featured artist:

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THE QUARANTINE 13: APRIL FOOLS! 1. Depeche Mode - Fools 2. Skinny Puppy Who’s Laughing Now?

Share your own Top 10 playlist! ART@WWEEK.COM

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6. Ric Ocasek Keep On Laughin’

by DJ Acid Rick 10. DEVO - Social Fools

7. Sparks - Funny Face

11. The Damned - Creep (You Can’t Fool Me)

3. The Smiths - That Joke Isn’t Funny Anymore

8. Transparent Illusion The Age of Ridicule

12. Minor Threat Look Back and Laugh

4. Killing Joke - Harlequin

9. The Residents Laughing Song

13. L. Ron Hubbard & Friends Laugh a Little

5. Prince - Don’t Let Him Fool Ya

JONESIN’

Week of APRIL 1

by Matt Jones

"Bowl Games" - I'm busy reading the back.

Across 1 Meat in a can 5 Satirical internet comedy group since 2002 10 Media monitor, briefly 13 Bones beside radiuses 15 Former capital of Japan (and anagram of the current capital) 16 Pie ___ mode 17 Type of information listed on 62-Across

57 Did some indoor housework 61 Make mistakes 62 Containers at the breakfast table (represented by the circled letters) 65 Apple's mobile devices run on it 66 Golf course hazards 67 Authoritative decree 68 Explosive letters 69 Air ducts

33 Frigid ending? 34 "Bad" cholesterol letters (I have trouble remembering which is which) 36 "Tell _ _ _ About It" (Billy Joel hit) 39 Deck member 40 Code for Arizona's Sky Harbor Airport 41 News program created by Cenk Uygur, for short 43 Dir. from Denver to Chicago

19 Former "Great British Bake Off" cohost Giedroyc

70 "Quit it!"

20 Mingle amongst

Down

21 "That was my best effort" 23 Lumberjack, colloquially

1 Grapefruit, in school solar system models

25 "Who ___ is going?"

2 "Clue" Professor

26 "___ additional cost!"

3 Against

30 "Atlas Shrugged" author Rand

4 Groucho of comedy 5 Winter Olympics squad

52 Tractor manufacturer John

31 Hybrid lemon variety

6 "Goodness gracious!"

53 Finless fish

32 Moisturizer stick that Kellogg's once actually sold, based on retro 62-Across

7 Ending for ball or buff 8 Laundry mark

54 "Sticks and Bones" playwright David

9 "Brooklyn Nine-Nine" captain Raymond

56 Sketch show with Bob and Doug McKenzie

10 Target of a G rating

58 Shows approval

11 "A Fish Called Wanda" star

59 Door sign

35 "Take ___ Train" (Duke Ellington song) 37 Passionate 38 Completely absorbed 42 Perry Mason creator ___ Stanley Gardner 44 "It stays ___, even in milk!" (claim for some contents of 62-Across) 45 Actor Colm of "Chicago" and "Thor"

12 Mobile artist Alexander 14 Dancer and YouTube star JoJo

44 Pirate's sword

22 Gains again, as trust

48 New, to Beethoven

24 Six-legged colony member

50 Risque message

26 Furry TV alien

51 NYPD alerts

27 "Formal Friday" wear

52 Showtime series about a killer of killers

28 "All Songs Considered" broadcaster

55 Burger topping

29 "Heads" side of a coin

©2020 Jonesin’ Crosswords (editor@jonesincrosswords.com) For answers to this puzzle, call: 1-900-226-2800, 99 cents per minute. Must be 18+. Or to bill to your credit card, call: 1-800-655-6548. Reference puzzle #JNZ982.

ARIES (March 21-April 19)

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

"If all the world's a stage, where the hell is the teleprompter," asks aphorist Sami Feiring. In my astrological opinion, you Aries are the least likely of all the signs to identify with that perspective. While everyone else might wish they could be better prepared for the nonstop improvisational tests of everyday life, most of you tend to prefer what I call the "naked spontaneity" approach. If you were indeed given the chance to use a teleprompter, you'd probably ignore it. Everything I just said is especially and intensely true for you right now.

How hard are you willing to work on your most important relationships? How might your life change for the better if you gave them your most potent resourcefulness and panache? The next eight weeks will be a favorable time for you to attend to these matters, Libra. During this fertile time, you will have unprecedented power to reinvigorate togetherness with imaginative innovations. I propose you undertake the following task: Treat your intimate alliances as creative art projects that warrant your supreme ingenuity.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20)

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

When Nobel Prize-winning Norwegian author Knut Hamsun was 25 years old, a doctor told him that the tuberculosis he had contracted would kill him within three months. But in fact, Hamsun lived 67 more years, till the age of 92. I suspect there's an equally erroneous prophecy or unwarranted expectation impacting your life right now. A certain process or phenomenon that seems to be nearing an end may in fact reinvent or resurrect itself, going on to last for quite some time. I suggest you clear away any misapprehensions you or others might have about it.

"I make mistakes," confessed author Jean Kerr. "I’ll be the second to admit it." She was making a joke, contrasting her tepid sense of responsibility with the humbler and more common version of the idiom, which is "I make mistakes; I'll be the first to admit it." In the coming weeks, I'll be fine if you merely match her mild level of apology—just as long as you do indeed acknowledge some culpability in what has gone amiss or awry or off-kilter. One way or another, you need to be involved in atonement and correction—for your own sake.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20)

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

I invite you to remember what you were thinking and feeling around your birthday in 2019. Were there specific goals you hoped to accomplish between then and your birthday in 2020? Were there bad old habits you aimed to dissolve and good new habits you proposed to instigate? Was there a lingering wound you aspired to heal or a debilitating memory you longed to conquer? The coming weeks will be an excellent time to take inventory of your progress in projects like those. And if you find that you have achieved less than you had hoped, I trust you will dedicate yourself to playing catch-up in the weeks between now and your birthday. You may be amazed at how much ground you can cover.

If you have been thinking of adopting a child or getting pregnant with a new child, the coming weeks will be a favorable time to enter a new phase of rumination about that possibility. If you've been dreaming off and on about a big project that could activate your dormant creative powers and captivate your imagination for a long time to come, now would be a perfect moment to get more practical about it. If you have fantasized about finding a new role that would allow you to express even more of your beauty and intelligence, you have arrived at a fertile phase to move to the next stage of that fantasy.

CANCER (June 21-July 22) I can't swim. Why? There was a good reason when I was a kid: I'm allergic to chlorine, and my mom wouldn't let me take swimming lessons at the local chlorine-treated pool. Since then, the failure to learn is inexcusable, and I'm embarrassed about it. Is there an equivalent phenomenon in your life, my fellow Cancerian? The coming weeks might be an excellent time to meditate on how to correct the problem. Now excuse me while I head out to my solo selfadministered swim lesson at Bass Lake, buoyed by the instructions I got from a Youtube video.

45 "Look at the facts!"

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22)

46 "Julie & Julia" director Nora

Is William Shakespeare the greatest author who ever lived? French philosopher Voltaire didn't think so, calling him "an amiable barbarian." Russian superstar author Leo Tolstoy claimed The Bard had "a complete absence of aesthetic feeling." England's first Poet Laureate John Dryden called Shakespeare's language "scarcely intelligible." T. E. Lawrence, a.k.a Lawrence of Arabia, declared The Bard had a second-rate mind. Lord Byron said, "Shakespeare's name stands too absurdly high and will go down." His contemporary, the poet and playwright Ben Johnson, asserted that he "never had six lines together without a fault." I offer these cheeky views to encourage you Leos to enjoy your own idol-toppling and authority-questioning activities in the coming weeks. You have license to be an irrepressible iconoclast.

47 Singer-songwriter Conor 49 Word after "I before E"

60 Art _ _ _ (style from 100 years ago) 63 Went on the ballot 64 Engine additive brand

18 Box office buys, briefly

31 List of options

last week’s answers

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) Virgo-born Jack Ma is China's richest person and one of the world's most powerful businessmen. He co-founded Alibaba, the Chinese version of Amazon. com. He likes his employees to work hard, but also thinks they should cultivate a healthy balance between work and life. In his opinion, they should have sex six times a week, or 312 times a year. Some observers have suggested that's too much—especially if you labor 12 hours a day, six days a week, as Jack Ma prefers—but it may not be excessive for you Virgos. The coming months could be a very erotic time. But please practice safe sex in every way imaginable.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) I suggest you make room in your life for a time of sacred rejuvenation. Here are activities you might try: Recall your favorite events of the past. Reconnect with your roots. Research your genetic heritage. Send prayers to your ancestors, and ask them to converse with you in your dreams. Have fun feeling what it must have been like when you were in your mother's womb. Get a phone consultation with a past life regression therapist who can help you recover scenes from your previous incarnations. Feel reverence and gratitude for traditions that are still meaningful to you. Reaffirm your core values—the principles that serve as your lodestar. And here's the number one task I recommend: Find a place of refuge in your imagination and memories; use your power of visualization to create an inner sanctuary.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) Are we just being poetic and fanciful when we say that wonder is a survival skill? Not according to the editors who assembled the collection of essays gathered in a book called Wonder and Other Survival Skills. They propose that a capacity to feel awe and reverence can help us to be vital and vigorous; that an appreciation for marvelous things makes us smart and resilient; that it's in our selfish interests to develop a humble longing for sublime beauty and an attraction to sacred experiences. The coming weeks will be a favorable time for you to dive deep into these healing pleasures, dear Aquarius.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20) For decades, the city of Sacramento, California suffered from severe floods when the Sacramento and American Rivers overflowed their banks. Residents authorized a series of measures to prevent these disasters, culminating in the construction of a 59,000acre floodplain that solved the problem. According to my analysis, the coming weeks will be an excellent time for you to plan an equally systematic transformation. It could address a big ongoing problem like Sacramento's floods, or it could be a strategy for reorganizing and recreating your life so as to gloriously serve your longterm dreams.

HOMEWORK: It's a good time to think about Shadow Blessings: tinyurl.com/ShadowBlessings Check out Rob Brezsny’s Expanded Weekly Audio Horoscopes & Daily Text Message Horoscopes

freewillastrology.com The audio horoscopes are also available by phone at

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