Willamette Week, December 21, 2022 - Volume 49, Issue 7 - "How We Rate"

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TO MEASURE HOW PORTLAND IS DOING, LET’S COMPARE OURSELVES TO OTHER CITIES. PAGE 11 WILLAMETTE WEEK PORTLAND’S NEWSWEEKLY “YEAH, HE PAID $40 FOR A DENNY’S BURGER AND FRIES.” P. 4 WWEEK.COM VOL 49/07 12.21.2022 NEWS: A Pardon for Larry Muzzy. P. 6 FOOD: The Ricky Bella Effect. P. 22 MUSIC: Let’s Get Experimental. P. 25

HOW ITVS.STARTED VS. HOW IT’S GOING.

BRANDI MARTIN YE FENG

HOW IT STARTED: Leading Operations & Strategy at a Management Consulting Firm.

HOW IT’S GOING: President and CEO of InstaFab, a company providing quality fabrication and installation in the PNW.

Brandi Martin always assumed she would go for a second-in-command position. She felt equipped to play a supporting role for a lead executive, but feared the pressure of shouldering the burden that CEOs have to carry. That changed after she began University of Oregon’s Executive MBA program.

Before entering the program, Martin worked at the private investment firm F-L Management, where she oversaw the company’s assets as Director of Strategy and Operations. She enjoyed early career success, but a restlessness to grow and expand her skills motivated her to pursue a business degree.

Martin hoped that UO’s program would broaden her awareness of the skills and opportunities that could help accelerate her career. Perhaps she’d be able to leverage the cachet that comes with an MBA degree later on in her career. What she ended up gaining was a belief in her capacity for executive leadership.

“The program gave me tremendous confidence,” Martin said. “The first term, we had some courses that were pretty inspiring and helped you realize your potential and that you can do this.”

One of those courses, Global Studies, required students to pitch a new business venture in another country. The timeline initially seemed infeasible to Martin, but seeing her team foster a simple idea into a sophisticated plan over the course of two weeks opened her eyes to what she’s capable of accomplishing.

As the new CEO for InstaFab, a steel fabrication and installation company, Martin’s practice with case studies was immediately put to the test in what she calls a “make-it-or-break it moment” for the company within her first two weeks on the job.

“I was on stage, everyone was looking at me–very public forum–about how to respond. Had I not already been through some of this first-year training where I actually had a case study that was so relatable, I wouldn’t have known how to analyze this from various different angles and conduct myself appropriately,” Martin said. “Maybe I would’ve responded emotionally, maybe I would’ve taken a different approach that wouldn’t have been in the best interest of the company, because I didn’t slow down.”

HOW IT STARTED: Leading Artificial Intelligence & Machine Learning for Lam Research.

HOW IT’S GOING: Founder of Spectra Scientific, a company that helps local vineyards quickly determine smoke exposure effects for grapes

Ye Feng had a dream: using his scientific knowledge to benefit the environment. He knew that attaining his dream required stepping outside of his comfort zone to acquire new tools. That’s why he enrolled in UO’s Executive MBA program.

Prior to the Executive MBA program, Feng researched optical sensing technology and machine learning for Lam Research, a semiconductor manufacturing company. An urge to do something about climate change made him restless. Hoping that a sharper business acumen could help him leverage his scientific skills for broader societal impact, Feng decided to pursue an MBA.

Pitch competitions gave him practice presenting a business idea. Coursework enhanced his knowledge of the intersections between business and technology and the inner workings of technology startups. It was his final capstone project, however, that gave Feng the chance to enact his dream of mitigating the effects of climate change.

Feng had read about a problem climate change created for winemakers: smoke from a rising volume of wildfires can penetrate grapes, contaminating the taste of the wine those grapes produce.

Winemakers lack fast and accurate ways to detect grapes’ exposure to smoke–a problem known as “smoke taint”–before fermenting them into wine.

Feng took the capstone project as an opportunity to merge his scientific skill set with his passion for environmental change by developing a solution for the smoke taint problem: an optical sensor that can detect grapes’ exposure to smoke within minutes.

The networking skills Feng gained from the Executive MBA program played a crucial role in the rapid development of his project. In conversations with the wine industry’s leading winemakers and grape growers, he applied what he learned about conducting “customer interviews”: he delivered inspirational pitches, honed his understanding of the prospective customer’s problem, and requested referrals to other leaders in the industry. Eventually he was awarded a research grant by the American Vineyard Foundation and Oregon Wine Board.

“Starting up a company went from this nebulous dream into something that is very concrete,” Feng said. “I have my plan, and I’m executing my plan.”

TWO PORTLANDERS ON THEIR RADICAL CAREER TRANSFORMATIONS.
SPONSORED CONTENT PRESENTED BY UNIVERSITY OF OREGON EXECUTIVE MBA
2 Willamette Week DECEMBER 21, 2022 wweek.com
It’s been a transformative few years for most of us. But for Brandi Martin and Ye Feng, that transformation had nothing to do with the pandemic and its aftermath. Their transformation was spurred by internal unrest and a desire for something more.

Cocktail

Larry Muzzy popped a bottle of Champagne when he learned he’d been pardoned. 6

All that’s left inside Mall 205 is a DMV 8

The minimum wage in Portland is double that in Salt Lake City 12

More than 20% of Portland’s office space is vacant. 13

Portland is seeing car thefts rise at an extraordinary clip. 15

Dante’s Tatas for Toys is basically a mashup of SantaCon and stripperoke. 21

You can listen to Vivaldi’s Four Seasons by candlelight at Alberta Rose Theatre. 21

Two dollars from every boulevardier sold at Nostrana this month will go to Blanchet House. 22

COVID brought Palomar and chef Ricky Bella together. 23

Willie Nelson is a rare yet coveted weed strain in Portland. 24

Ernest Hood’s had a hell of a past few years for a man who’s been dead since 1995 25

Valentino Khan is something like the official DJ of World Wrestling Entertainment. 25

2022’s cinematic highlights include Ben Affleck making lobster bisque 27

Love means being willing to suck rattlesnake venom out of someone’s neck. 28

Willamette Week welcomes freelance submissions. Send material to either News Editor or Arts Editor. Manuscripts will be returned if you include a selfaddressed, stamped envelope. To be considered for calendar listings, notice of events must be received in writing by noon Wednesday, two weeks before publication. Questions concerning circulation or subscription inquiries should be directed to Skye Anfield at Willamette Week. Postmaster: Send all address changes to Willamette Week, P.O. Box 10770, Portland, OR 97206. Subscription rates: One year $130, six months $70. Back issues $5 for walk-ins, $8 for mailed requests when available. Willamette Week is mailed at third-class rates. Association of Alternative Newsmedia. This newspaper is published on recycled newsprint using soy-based ink.
BELLA, PAGE 22 ON THE COVER: Sign of the times: How Portland measures up to comparable U.S. cities; illustration by Mick Hangland-Skill OUR MOST TRAFFICKED STORY ONLINE THIS WEEK: Two men running a ghost kitchen advertise 76 distinct “restaurants” on food delivery apps. Masthead EDITOR & PUBLISHER Mark Zusman EDITORIAL News Editor Aaron Mesh Arts & Culture Editor Andi Prewitt Assistant A&C Editor Bennett Campbell Ferguson Staff Writers Anthony Effinger, Nigel Jaquiss, Lucas Manfield, Sophie Peel News Intern Kathleen Forrest Copy Editor Matt Buckingham ART DEPARTMENT Creative Director Mick Hangland-Skill Graphic Designer McKenzie Young-Roy ADVERTISING Director of Sales Anna Zusman Advertising Media Coordinator Beans Flores Account Executives Michael Donhowe, Maxx Hockenberry COMMUNITY OUTREACH Give!Guide & Friends of Willamette Week Executive Director Toni Tringolo G!G Campaign Assistant & FOWW Manager Josh Rentschler FOWW Membership Manager Madeleine Zusman Podcast Host Brianna Wheeler DISTRIBUTION Circulation Director Skye Anfield Entrepreneur in Residence Jack Phan OPERATIONS Manager of Information Services Brian Panganiban OUR MISSION To provide Portlanders with an independent and irreverent understanding of how their worlds work so they can make a difference. Though Willamette Week is free, please take just one copy. Anyone removing papers in bulk from our distribution points will be prosecuted, as they say, to the full extent of the law.
WE
FROM READING THIS WEEK’S
ISSUE
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WHAT
LEARNED
PAPER VOL. 49,
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delivery drivers weren’t checking IDs. 5
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Last week’s cover story examined the proliferation of “ghost kitchens” across Portland, many of them run by a Miami startup that pledged to find a higher use for downtown parking lots (“Ghosted,” WW, Dec. 14). Reef Technology operated its ghost kitchens out of trailers, with one or two cooks preparing food under as many as seven brand names on apps like Grubhub and Uber Eats. Reef also partnered with existing fast-food giants like Wendy’s to cook their signature combos in trailers. The model appears to be faltering— although a local competitor, Homage Industrial Kitchen, now advertises 76 distinct brands. Here’s what our readers had to say.

PI4BREAKY, VIA WWEEK. COM: “This is a great article. I’d always wondered about these businesses. There are several of these carts in Beaverton, stuffed in a tiny area of land occupied by a 777 Station. We always wondered how sushi, burgers, wings and teriyaki were coming from a gas station’s tiny parking lot...

“I’m a little surprised the article doesn’t mention that several restaurants also do this—Thirsty Lion and Red Robin immediately come to mind. I understand the desire for restaurants to do this, especially during the pandemic, but it’s really annoying for the consumer. I don’t like TL or RR food, so I’m certainly not going to order BBQ or hum bao from them, but if you don’t check the address of the place it’s coming from on the delivery service’s website, you’re gonna get Applebee’s sushi.”

GRANT STOLLE, VIA FACEBOOK: “It was the wing shops that got me. It seemed like I was getting a variety of wing shop options, at least three, but after digging in, they were all coming from the exact same trailer. And could not have been of lower quality. Can’t

wait till they’re all gone.”

STRONG_CONFECTION628, VIA REDDIT: “[Sophie] Peel continues to be, in my opinion, the best journalist in town. The lot I park in for work was owned by Reef for a bit, but just switched owners who immediately increased the security and staff. I thought I was crazy when I saw my first Reef kitchen in the wild. I thought why the hell is my parking garage owner expanding into the food cart game? I am not surprised at all they are bleeding money from ghost kitchens. Good riddance!”

RACHEL, VIA WWEEK.COM: “The real issue is that there are not enough restaurants in Portland that are open past 10 pm, which is when a majority of these places are doing business. Don’t complain that this company is taking away business from other restaurants when these restaurants aren’t providing service late at night.”

KURT CHAPMAN, VIA WWEEK.COM: “So, apparently, Reef decided to try and prove the business model of Domino’s Pizza—‘anyone

ordering food delivery after midnight really is too trashed to care about taste.’ And they can’t make a go of it making the counterfeit food items.”

@PDXLEIF, VIA TWITTER: “I’ve learned to steer clear of ghost kitchens/places I’ve never heard of before when ordering—food usually seems terrible if not an outright lie; e.g., was given a cup of Sprite as ‘hand-squeezed lemonade,’ some nuked fries with a drop of ez-cheese as ‘chili cheeze fries,’ etc.

“Though we have local places doing that kind of thing—e.g., the same kitchen is ‘Bread & Ink,’ ‘The Waffle Window,’ ‘Ja! Pannenkoeken!’ ‘Portland Biscuit Company,’ ‘Mary’s Fried Chicken Sandwiches,’ ‘The Cheesery,’ ‘Portland Poutine,’ and ‘Mas Arepas’—and they’re pretty great.”

JASON TWOMBLEY, VIA FACEBOOK: “A co-worker ordered a burger and fries from Uber Eats from a place I’ve never heard of. With delivery, it cost $40!

“He was adamant it was worth it, and best burger he had ever had.

“Since this place was supposed to be near my home, I Googled it…it’s a ghost kitchen run by Denny’s.…Yeah, he paid $40 for a Denny’s burger and fries.”

LETTERS TO THE EDITOR must include the author's street address and phone number for verification. Letters must be 250 or fewer words.

Submit to: PO Box 10770, Portland OR, 97296 Email: mzusman@wweek.com

Outside,” assuming you don’t consider sexual assault a religious practice.)

I feel a little guilty, Miserable, since (as you know) you sent this message over a year ago. By now, you’ve probably killed your boss, torched the shop, and gone on a six-state murder spree, so you don’t care anymore. But for the benefit of others in the same predicament, I’ll furnish the answer to these (and many other) questions: You’re screwed.

You may be surprised to learn you’re far from the first person to notice that Christmas’ (nominally) denominational aspect might present a problem for the HR department. This is why a quick Google search for “nonreligious Christmas carols” will turn up reams of playlists specifically designed to help employers fend off objections from the likes of you.

For example, your boss is on rock-solid ground with that genre of holiday carols that focus on the season rather than the holiday itself: There’s zero religious content to be found in frost-rimmed classics like “Winter Wonderland,” “Sleigh Ride,” “Let It Snow” and even “Jingle Bells.” (Also “Baby, It’s Cold

“Sure,” I hear you saying, “but how many carols don’t mention Christmas at all? Maybe a dozen?” To that I would reply that if you think an employer can’t make a monthslong playlist out of a dozen (or fewer) songs, you’ve never worked retail. But it doesn’t matter anyway because hundreds of songs that do mention Christmas are effectively secular because they treat it as a generic celebration, devoid of content. Good luck convincing a jury you feel religiously oppressed by “I’ll Be Home for Christmas”—it could just as easily be “I’ll Be Home for Taco Night.”

In any case, the U.S. Supreme Court has held (in a case I’m going to call Grinch v. Nordstrom) that even overtly religious music is perfectly legal for private employers to play if they want to. “Perfectly legal” is not the same as “no one’s going to complain,” and many retailers probably nix “Away in a Manger” in favor of “Silver Bells” just to play it safe. Your legal options are nil either way, so you might as well get used to it. Look on the bright side; at least it’s been a while since we heard “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer.”

My workplace is currently playing all Christmas music. Can I make them stop simply because the music is terrible? If not, can I make them stop on the same religious-freedom grounds that make it illegal for them to have mandatory Christian prayers? —Miserable Under Mistletoe
Questions? Send them to dr.know@wweek.com. Dr. Know
ALBERTA ROSE THEATRE ••••••••• •••• albertarosetheatre.com 3000 NE Alberta • 503.764.4131 ••••• ••••••••••••• 12/22 • CANDLELIGHT: VIVALDI’S FOUR SEASONS 12/23 • CANDLELIGHT: HOLIDAY SPECIAL - THE NUTCRACKER 2/2 • MATT ANDERSEN • MARIEL BUCKLEY UPCOMING SHOWS THE LOVE BALL DEC 31 High Step Society The Saloon Ensemble Pink Lady’s “Cat’s Meow” Burlesque NYE PARTY THE KLEZMATICS Happy Joyous Hanukkah lyrics by Woodie Guthrie QUEER EYE FOR THE MAGI DEC 29 DEC 21 a holiday cabaret with Dru and Friends Jimmy Wilcox - Jimmie Herrod Saint Syndrome - Arlo - Nana Tuckit WHITE ALBUM X-MAS Christmas Broadcast with The NowHere Band + Rose City Circus DEC 25 JAN 7 DEB TALAN (of The Weepies) Oregon Symphony presents with Vijay Iver JAN 11 OPEN MUSIC THE COLIN TRIO RED BIRD DARK SIDE a piece for assorted lunatics aerial dance+live music LOVE GIGANTIC performs Pink Floyd’s Dark Side of the Moon JAN 20 JAN 21 music release party JAN 14 4 Willamette Week DECEMBER 21, 2022 wweek.com DIALOGUE

in his job pending the outcome

internal and

Department

of mismanagement at the organization. One issue: Until last week, Brown Hope’s board hadn’t met for 14 months, and the whistleblower document alleges poor record-keeping. Emails WW obtained though a public records request show that DOJ explicitly told Whitten in September 2020 to “regularly download and save all financial records” so they could be easily retrieved in future. Whistleblowers have raised questions about whether the group, which got substantial funding from city, county and state sources as well as major foundations, did that. The emails also show that Elizabeth Grant, who heads DOJ’s charitable activities section, contacted Brown Hope board president Greg McKelvey on Dec. 14. “If the organization has an attorney, please have them contact me,” Grant wrote. If not, “I believe it would be helpful to arrange a conference call.”

HOME DELIVERY COMPANIES AREN’T CHECKING IDS WHEN DROPPING

OFF BOOZE: The Oregon Health Authority and the Oregon Liquor and Cannabis Commission have been running a sting operation over the past year with a volunteer team of 20-somethings—they’ve ordered booze on their phones and tallied whether delivery drivers checked for proof of age. The results are now in: Deliveries were “noncompliant” more than a third of the time, and the rate was even higher for younger buyers. Nearly half of deliveries to volunteers ages 21-23 didn’t pass muster. Most of the time, the delivery driver failed to compare the picture on photo ID with the face of the buyer. In 2% of cases, the driver simply left the purchase at the door. The report mentions two delivery services by name, DoorDash and Instacart, but does not disclose the companies’ compliance rates. An Instacart spokeswoman emailed WW an extensive list of protocols that drivers must follow to verify IDs, including matching photographs with faces. A spokesman for DoorDash said the company had “recently rolled out industry-leading safety features” and was willing to work with lawmak-

ers. Oregon legislators declined to pass a bill last year that would have authorized regulators to penalize alcohol delivery services, just as they do restaurants. “We need to work together on this,” says Bryant Haley, an OLCC spokesman.

ETHICS COMMISSION SAYS NOPE TO KNOPP:

As WW first reported in July, one of Salem’s most powerful lawmakers, Senate Minority Leader Tim Knopp (R-Bend), planned to hire his son Reagan Knopp to be chief of staff for the Senate Republican Caucus. Oregon has an anti-nepotism statute, but the law includes a carve-out that allows lawmakers to hire family members for their personal legislative staffs. The Legislative Counsel Office issued an opinion conceding the situation was ambiguous, but that it was “likely” kosher for Knopp to hire his son for a position that serves all GOP senators, not just Knopp. Last week, in a tortured nine-page advisory opinion first reported by the Oregon Capital Chronicle, the Oregon Government Ethics Commission disagreed, saying the loophole that allows lawmakers to hire family members “does not apply” to caucus staff. Reagan Knopp will now serve as chief of staff for his father only.

CHASING GHOSTS CONTINUES IN 2023:

Since August, readers have been sending WW addresses for vacant buildings, and we’ve been sleuthing out the circumstances of their sad, empty condition. We’ve written about the Taft Home and the Quality Pie Building. We know what happened to Poor Richard’s and a Latter-day Saints meetinghouse on Southeast Harrison Street (see page 8). One of those buildings, the former Gordon’s Fireplace Shop at Northeast 33rd Avenue and Broadway, is inching toward rebirth after a very slow permitting process.

Developer Rob Brewster reports the city waived more than $50,000 in fines, and Neon Brooks of the Grant Park Neighborhood Association says the adjacent sprawling homeless encampment and “open-air chop shop” that led his group to complain to City Hall in September is now mostly gone. “The interior is sandblasted and cleaned up,” Brewster says. “Lots more work to do.” At wweek.com, you can read about another corner in Northeast Portland where two mystery buildings stand cheek by battered jowl.

DOJ WARNED BROWN HOPE, WILL NOW INVESTIGATE: Embattled racial justice nonprofit Brown Hope voted last week to keep founder and CEO Cameron Whitten of Oregon of Justice probes into whistleblower allegations
MICHAEL RAINES 5 Willamette Week DECEMBER 21, 2022 wweek.com PRESENTED BY Give $10 or more to a nonprofit on these dates and get entered to win big prizes! Big Give Days! DEC 30 OREGON CULTURAL TRUST’S MT. HOOD –TIMBERLINE LODGE EXPERIENCE Enjoy a night at the Timberline Lodge, guided tours, books, ski passes, and more! DEC 29 PORTLAND NURSERY’S BIG PLANT PALOOZA Create the garden or indoor sanctuary you’ve always wanted with one of two $500 gift cards! DEC 28 BIG BEER DAY WITH JOHN’S MARKETPLACE Stock up on your favorite beers and wines with a $200 gift card — there’s five chances to win! DEC 27 BIG BIRD DAY WITH BACKYARD BIRD SHOP Put down those birding binoculars and start shopping with a $500 gift card! DEC 21 TREK’S E-BIKE EXTRAVAGANZA Trek FX+ 2 bike, a helmet, lock, floor pump, water bottle and cage – yow!
GORDON’S FIREPLACE SHOP

End of Sentence

The governor pardons Larry Muzzy, one of the first teenagers incarcerated under Measure 11.

Among the approximately 45,000 pardons Gov. Kate Brown has issued in the past month, one is of particular significance to WW readers.

Brown has pardoned Larry Muzzy, the subject of a WW profile two years ago (“Larry Muzzy’s History,” Nov. 11, 2020). Muzzy, now 42 and living in Charleston, S.C., was one of the first teenagers in Oregon incarcerated under Measure 11 when he was convicted of first-degree robbery in 1997 at age 17.

Brown spokeswoman Liz Merah says the governor based Muzzy’s pardon on the fact that he has been a contributing member of society, led a crime-free life, and volunteered his time since leaving prison. Multnomah County District Attorney Mike Schmidt and the crime’s victim both supported the pardon.

“As exemplified in Mr. Muzzy’s case,” Merah says, “the governor’s constitutional clemency powers not only provide an important safety valve in our criminal justice system, but also allow for acts of mercy and redemption.”

After reading WW’s story, Aliza Kaplan, director of the Criminal Justice Reform Clinic at Lewis & Clark Law School, offered to help Muzzy submit a clemency application. Kaplan and her team submitted the WW piece to the governor, along with letters of recommen-

dation from Muzzy’s family and community, in June 2021.

And then, he waited.

Muzzy, a bartender and real estate wholesaler, was starting to lose hope that his application would make it across Gov. Brown’s desk before she left office in January.

“I was trying to come to terms with the fact that it wasn’t going to happen for me,” he says. “It was starting to weigh on me.”

But on Nov. 14, Muzzy and his partner had just put their two young sons to bed when he heard from his attorney. Gov. Brown had granted him a full pardon.

He cried. He popped a bottle of Champagne.

“I woke up the next day feeling like a completely different man,” he says. “There is nothing holding me back from everything that I want to do.”

As the WW story explained, my father, Douglas Beckman, was the Multnomah County Circuit Court judge who found Muzzy guilty of first-degree robbery for participating in a stickup at a MAX station. Because of Measure 11—Oregon’s contribution to the “tough on crime” era of the 1990s—Beckman had little choice but to sentence Muzzy to the mandatory minimum: 90 months in prison with no possibility of parole.

The prison sentence was just the beginning. Muzzy, who is interracial, has navigated the world with a felony

CLEMENCY IN OREGON

Gov. John Kitzhaber, 1995-2003, 2011-2015: 8 commutations and 2 pardons

Gov. Ted Kulongoski, 2003-2011: 53 commutations and 20 pardons

Gov. Kate Brown, 2015-present: Approximately 46,200 commutations and pardons combined

Source: State of Oregon

6 Willamette Week DECEMBER 21, 2022 wweek.com WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS WEEK NEWS MUSIC MILLENNIUM WHERE SANTA SHOPS! VINYL CDS DVDS TSHIRTS RETRO TOYS GAMES VINYL ACCESSORIES POSTERS CANDY SOCKS TURNTABLES CALENDARS CELEBRITY PRAYER CANDLES & OTHER UNIQUE GIFTS! MUSIC MILLENNIUM 3158 EAST BURNSIDE 503-231-8926 MUSICMILLENNIUM.COM EXTENDED HOURS DECEMBER 21ST & 22ND 9AM - 11PM DECEMBER 23RD 8AM - 11PM DECEMBER 24TH 8AM - 6PM DECEMBER 25TH CLOSED DECEMBER 26TH THRU DECEMBER 30TH 10AM - 10 PM

conviction on his record for his entire adult life. It has been on every job and apartment application. In 2020, he could not coach his son’s Little League team.

“ When I got off the phone, this whole weight had been lifted off my shoulders,” he says. “It feels so much better than I ever thought it could.”

The person on the other end of the call was also ebullient. Natalie O. Hollabaugh Johnstone started working on Muzzy’s clemency application when she was still a student at Lewis & Clark Law. He is her first client ever to get a full pardon.

Now graduated and working full time at CJRC, Johnstone works mostly with youth convicted in adult court. “There are still people deeply impacted by Measure 11 every day,” Johnstone says, “and we need to look at how it changes the trajectory of people’s entire lives.”

She used to get an ice cream cone every time a client got clemency (usually by getting a sentence commuted or shortened), but she’s had to curtail that tradition in the past few months because Gov. Brown has been granting clemency so frequently (see chart left). “It’s been a fantastic year,” she says.

The governor can grant two kinds of clemency: pardons and commutations. A pardon wipes a convicted person’s slate clean. A commutation reduces their sentence, such as with early release.

On Dec. 13, Brown commuted the sentences of the 17 people on Oregon’s death row, giving them life imprisonment without possibility of parole. Three weeks earlier, she pardoned about 45,000 Oregonians convicted of possession of marijuana and forgave more than $14 million in associated fees and fines.

“For the last few decades, the ‘tough on crime’ policies and our heated desire to punish everybody made the idea of using clemency power seem so ‘out there,’” Kaplan says. “But really, this is what clemency is for and how it is supposed to be used.”

7 Willamette Week DECEMBER 21, 2022 wweek.com Get Busy Tonight OUR EVENT PICKS, EMAILED WEEKLY. PRESENTED BY WW is raising $8 M for 235 nonprofits this fall in their annual Give!Guide. What causes do you care about? Find yours and give ‘em a few bucks! SPOTLIGHTS ON ANIMALS CATEGORY These nonprofits focus on animal assistance and welfare Animal Aid • Cat Adoption Team • Fences For Fido • Feral Cat Coalition of Oregon • Oregon Humane Society • Portland Animal Welfare Team • Project POOCH • Sound Equine Options • The Pixie Project • The Pongo Fund • Zeb’s Wish Equine Sanctuary SPONSORED BY MEAT FOR CATS & DOGS CREATIVE EXPRESSION CATEGORY These nonprofits focus on supporting, creating and celebrating the arts Artists Repertory Theatre • BRAVO Youth Orchestras • Caldera Arts • Crave Theatre Company • CymaSpace • Echo Theater Company • Ethos Music Center • Fear No Music • Friends of Noise • Gather:Make:Shelter • Independent Publishing Resource Center • Literary Arts • Montavilla Jazz • My Voice Music • Native Arts and Cultures Foundation • North Pole Studio • Open Hearts Open Minds • Open Signal • PassinArt: A Theatre Company • PHAME • Portland Playhouse • Portland Radio Project • Portland Street Art Alliance • SCRAP Creative Reuse • The Red Door Project • Third Angle New Music • TOC Concert Hall • White Bird • Write Around Portland • XRAY.FM SPONSORED BY OREGON CULTURAL TRUST
RUTA ELVIKYTE
AFRESH:
Larry Muzzy gardening with his sons in Charleston, S.C.
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Get Out as Quickly as You Can

Our most-read stories of 2022 hinted at an emptiness inside Portland.

Trying to interpret Portland’s status from the year’s most-read news stories is like reading a fortune in chicken entrails. Sometimes you see the future. Sometimes you just see shit.

Still, it’s a useful exercise, if only to gauge which stories struck a nerve with readers. And in 2022, Portlanders were drawn to tales of abandonment. Such stories confirmed the fear (or the secret wish) that people were fleeing Portland.

WW’s most-read feature this year—perhaps the most popular recurring column in these pages since the debut of Dr. Know—was “Chasing Ghosts,” a weekly quest to answer why Portland buildings stand empty. The single most-read story of the year was an installment in that series: one that blamed an empty church meetinghouse on Mormon flight from Oregon.

The list that follows does not include our election-year endorsements—which, combined, saw more than a half-million clicks—or the Best of Portland poll. It does comprise stories that appeared in print as well as exclusively on wweek.com.

We’ve checked back in with the subjects of these dispatches to see what’s happened since we published. Spoiler alert: The Mormons are still gone.

1. Aug. 13: A Southeast Portland Church Is Left Behind as Mormons Leave Oregon

133,195 pageviews

Dozens of readers contacted WW to complain about the use of the term “Mormon” in this story, which detailed the closure of a Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints meetinghouse in Southeast Portland. The church has disavowed the term. Some attributed ignorance or ill will on behalf of the story’s author, who is in fact a descendant of a long line of Utah Mormons. It is both common practice (and acceptable, according to The Associated Press Stylebook) to refer to the church by its proper name on first reference and use “Mormon” in later references for the sake of space and clarity.

As of Dec. 19, the Portland Stake Tabernacle remains empty. Bishop Ernest Plock tells WW that efforts to sell it have been hampered by the 93-year-old building’s status as a historic landmark. “My understanding is that it’s not for sale at this time,” says church spokeswoman Sandy Hinmon. The church has, however, been able to offload its Mount Tabor meetinghouse a few miles to the east. That building was sold in October to Vito Tishenko for $2.5 million. The

2. March 27: Starting This Week, Mall 205 Won’t Be a Mall

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The death and partial resurrection of Lloyd Center gets all the press, but Portland has another zombie mall in more dire condition 5 miles east. WW correspondent Jay Horton broke the news in March that Mall 205’s new owners had informed the few remaining storefronts and kiosks that they would be replaced by “an exciting repositioning opportunity.” (Anchor stores Target and Home Depot had already closed their interior entrances to prevent shoplifting.) Eight months later, Rhino Investments Group still hasn’t returned calls, and the “opportunity” remains a mystery. What remains is a doughnut effect: Mall 205 is ringed by fast-casual restaurants (Red Robin, Baja Fresh, Olive Garden) but with no mall at the center. The sole tenant that still can be entered

from the mall proper is an outpost of Oregon Driver & Motor Vehicle Services. But only from the south entrance; most mall doors are locked and covered with brown wrapping paper. A visit on a recent afternoon found frustrated would-be DMV patrons rattling the doors and cursing. AARON MESH.

3. Feb. 16: Who’s Behind the Portland Billboards Demanding People Stop Having Kids? 94,285 pageviews

The world’s population crossed 8 billion on Nov. 15. Given that the planet is (literally) on fire, and many of the newborn billions are going to own cars and air conditioners, it might be wise policy to pump the brakes on procreation. One group took that message to the masses in January, putting up two billboards, one at Northeast Killingsworth Street and Interstate 205 and another at Southeast Division Street and 106th Avenue, exhorting Portlanders to “Stop Having Kids.” Leaders of the group that

put up the signs are a prickly bunch. In April, they loaded a video onto their YouTube channel called “Responding to The Willamette Week Article & Veronica Bianco.” The video runs for 97 minutes and impugns the motives of Bianco, the story’s author. They identify her, correctly, as a student at Grant High School, where she is an editor of Grant Magazine. “She’s not a good person,” says a man in a beanie cap and sunglasses who goes by his middle name, “Dietz.” “She’s not a decent person. She’s a horrible person.” A recent visit found both billboards had been replaced by other advertising. ANTHONY EFFINGER.

4. Sept. 7: Three Hotels Approaching Foreclosure in the Heart of Portland Offer a Warning to City Leaders

93,526 pageviews

WW broke the news that the Portland Hilton and Duniway and Dossier hotels were all in foreclosure proceedings—a bellwether of what

8 Willamette Week DECEMBER 21, 2022 wweek.com NEWS
custom home builder declined to speak to WW about his plans. LUCAS MANFIELD. PARADISE LOST: A discarded syringe near the longtime meetinghouse of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. MICHAEL RAINES

reduced tourism could mean for downtown properties. Property records showed the Duniway and Hilton owed more than $270 million to the bank and would be auctioned on the courthouse steps Sept. 13. The same fate awaited Dossier, owned by Provenance Hotels, on Nov. 29, but it appears to have dodged foreclosure. On Sept. 21, a Provenance spokesperson announced that Provenance had “closed an agreement with LNR Partners and funded the outstanding debt on the Dossier…. This amicable resolution brings the Dossier’s loan current, and all notices regarding foreclosure have been withdrawn and canceled.” Meanwhile, the courthouse auction for the Hilton and Duniway is now scheduled for Jan. 10, according to the Portland Business Journal Twice the sale has been pushed back, citing a “beneficiary’s request.”

Nov. 7:

pageviews

In September, a Portland resident fatally stabbed his landlord, who had barged in carrying a replica gun and wearing a Michael Myers mask. The details were described by prosecutors after they declined to press charges. The

family of 46-year-old Justin Valdivia said he was just trying to intimidate the tenants, who he felt were breaking the terms of their lease. The tenants, however, felt harassed. Valdivia lived with his wife in a newly built house behind the rental and had tried in the past to enter it without permission. The night of the stabbing, Valdivia let himself in through a backdoor equipped with a makeshift alarm. Stas Wallace, a former tenant who was crashing on the couch, grabbed a saber and stabbed Valdivia, who was wearing the mask and wielding the fake gun and a hammer. Valdivia’s son, Daniel, told WW the family was not pursuing further legal action. The roommates have moved out and Wallace remains “traumatized” by the stabbing, a roommate told The Oregonian LUCAS MANFIELD.

6. Feb. 16: These Four Companies Want to Take You on a Psychedelic Voyage in Oregon

92,110 pageviews

The Shroom Boom is on in Oregon. Long before Shroom House opened on West Burnside Street and started selling illegal-at-retail Liberty Caps like they were creminis, WW profiled four companies laying plans to cash in on the legalization of psilocybin therapy. The most successful so far is InnerTrek, which

began training trip guides in September. InnerTrek enrolled 102 students that month, each taking a six-month course for $7,900. The biggest shroom loser so far is Red Light Holland. The Dutch company in July dissolved a partnership with Halo Collective, a Canadian cannabis company. The pair planned to pursue microdosing, something that isn’t covered under Oregon’s psilocybin law. Both companies are publicly traded, and both have cratered. Red Light trades at 6 cents. Field Trip Health and Wellness, a company looking to open a psilocybin treatment center in Oregon, has also collapsed. Its shares have fallen from 33 cents in August to 7 cents this week. Synthesis Institute, another treatment center entrant that isn’t public, is on track to open one near Ashland in 2023, according to its website. ANTHONY EFFINGER.

7. July 10: Report: Homeland Security Secretary Who Sent Federal Agents to Quell Portland “Lawlessness” Held His Office Unlawfully

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WW plugged Sarah Jeong’s Vox report exploring the irony of Chad Wolf’s illegal occupation of the nation’s Department of Homeland Security in 2019. As acting secretary, Wolf fought to eliminate protections for children of immigrants and sent federal officers to Portland streets, where they dragged protesters away in unmarked rental vans. Wolf held the office for a little more than a year, during which a federal judge ruled he was acting unlawfully. The Senate had never confirmed his appointment. Now, Wolf is outside looking in. He hosts a podcast (latest episode: “Taking on Woke Corporations with Vivek Ramaswamy”) and directs a policy institute, which was recently described by sources of Politico as a “White House in waiting.” LUCAS MANFIELD.

8. July 6: Betsy Johnson Crashed Into Another Motorist. Then She Tried to Claim Legislative Immunity.

85,783 pageviews

After former state Sen. Betsy Johnson (D-Scappoose) entered the race for governor as an unaffiliated candidate last year, she touted two attributes. The first and most important: her two decades as a voice for accountability and transparency in the Capitol. When WW reported on a 2013 car crash in which Johnson rear-ended a woman’s car in Columbia County and claimed legislative immunity—Johnson was driving to the Capitol—it was a bad look.

The fierce advocate for personal and fiscal responsibility appeared, when bumper met bumper, to be interested in neither: Johnson tried, unsuccessfully, to get taxpayers to foot the bill for the crash. (Johnson did ultimately apologize and acknowledge she’d been at fault. Her insurer paid a settlement.) In the months following the story, Johnson’s standing in the polls would fade. She ultimately got 8.62% of the vote. The crash victim, Melissa Gallentine, did not respond to a request for comment on Johnson’s political fortunes. NIGEL

9. Jan.

This Year

72,937 pageviews

Early this year, the OLCC dropped several new, highly anticipated changes to its slate of recreational cannabis regulations, including upping the edible potency limit from 50 mg of THC to 100 mg, increasing the amount of flower a user could purchase at one time from 1 ounce to 2, and requiring novel cannabinoids to undergo the same testing regimen as THC products. In 2023, we can anticipate another notable rule change: a permanent allowance for walk-up windows and/or drive-thrus at dispensaries. During a public comment period regarding reinstating the no walk-ups rule, the commission concluded: “During the rules advisory committee meetings and the rule public comment period, it became obvious that a separate rulemaking process focusing solely on drive-up and on-site delivery rules is needed. We will be scheduling that in the coming new year.”

10. Feb. 3: Republican Candidate for Governor Stan Pulliam Acknowledges He and His Wife “Explored Mutual Relationships With Other Couples”

65,858 pageviews

In a media market hungry for content, Sandy Mayor Stan Pulliam made a name for himself during the COVID-19 pandemic by pushing back hard against Gov. Kate Brown’s executive orders. Despite having fewer constituents (12,743 in 2021) than attend the average Portland Thorns game, Pulliam leveraged his media mentions into in an insurgent bid for the GOP nomination for governor. Pulliam styled himself as the small-town, family-values candidate. Then in February, WW reported he and his wife, MacKensey, had been part of a Portland “swingers” group. Oregon Right to Life, a key player in the GOP primary, subsequently withheld its endorsement and Pulliam’s funding slowed. He still ended finishing third in the primary, getting 10.9% of the vote. “With 19 candidates in the primary, the messaging and differentiation between the candidates became very muddled,” Pulliam says. Undeterred, Pulliam ran for reelection as Sandy mayor in November (there was no race in the May primary because the position is nonpartisan), winning by 96 votes. Pulliam changed jobs within the insurance industry and also served as a political consultant in the November election cycle for legislative and congressional candidates. MacKensey Pulliam, meanwhile, serves as president of the Oregon Moms Union, a statewide group that works on “parents’ rights” in schools. NIGEL JAQUISS.

9 Willamette Week DECEMBER 21, 2022 wweek.com
VACANCY: The Duniway faces auction.
BRIAN BROSE
DANNY FULGENCIO
5.
Prosecutors Decide Portland Man Committed No Crime by Killing His Landlord With a Sword 93,386
26: The Oregon Liquor and Cannabis Commission Has Passed a Slew of New Rules Affecting the Weed Industry That Take Hold
BETSY JOHNSON

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DOUBLE GOLD WINNER 2021 San Francisco World Spirits Competition A proud partner of The Freshwater Trust, a nonprofit with a mission to preserve and restore freshwater ecosystems, including rivers, streams and creeks across the West. Distilled and bottled by Hood River Distillers, Inc., Hood River, Oregon. © 2021 Timberline ® Vodka, 40% Alc/Vol, Gluten Free. www.timberlinevodkas.com. Stay in Control ® .
HERE’S TO WHATEVER OPENS YOUR DOOR 10 Willamette Week DECEMBER 21, 2022 wweek.com

Demographics

Portlanders like to think of themselves as worldly and weird. Census data shows a different story. Compared to peer cities, we are whiter (no surprise), older and, despite our European soccer bars and plentiful Thai restaurants, more likely to be born in the U.S. By a different yardstick, one highly prized by economists and employers—the percentage of college-educated residents—Portland’s looking good, although lagging Seattle. Source: U.S. Census

Percentage of residents who are “white alone, not Hispanic or Latino”

AUSTIN 47.8%

DENVER 54% NASHVILLE 55%

MINNEAPOLIS 60.1%

OAKLAND 28.6%

PORTLAND 68.8%

SACRAMENTO 3 1.1%

SAN DIEGO 4 2%

SEATTLE 62.2%

U.S. AVG 59 .3%

Population change

TO MEASURE HOW PORTLAND IS DOING,

Percentage of residents 65 and over

AUSTIN 9.3%

DENVER 11.7%

NASHVILLE 12.2%

MINNEAPOLIS 10.2%

OAKLAND 13.5%

PORTLAND 13.3%

SACRAMENTO 13.3%

SAN DIEGO 1 3.3%

SEATTLE 12.3%

U.S. AVG 16.8%

COMPARE OURSELVES TO OTHER CITIES.

LET’S

The year’s end is a good time for taking stock. Maybe it’s the looming deadline of New Year’s resolutions. Or the sight of George Bailey seeing that, without him, Bedford Falls would look like Elon Musk’s Twitter. Could just be one too many glasses of eggnog. Whatever the reason, the holiday season is when a lot of us ruminate on who we’ve become—and what we could be.

Across the city, Portland is engaged in some self-reflection. We just completed an election where voters threw out 100 years of tradition and approved a complete overhaul of city government. Three in four Portlanders told a pollster this fall that the city was heading in the wrong direction. We don’t like who we’ve become.

But it’s hard to measure yourself against yourself. Sometimes, like an envious Peacock Lane decorator, you need to look at a neighbor.

It’s a mantra in WW’s newsroom: Any story about a Portland problem requires national context. That’s why we regularly run a feature called “Where We’re At,” which compares a key Rose City statistic against those of other similar cities.

For example: Portlanders delight in debating

whether the city needs more cops, or fewer. This fall, we measured Portland police staffing against every other major city in the nation—and found this city had fewer cops per capita than all but two other big cities.

As a confusing year closes, we’re repeating that experiment, two dozen times over. We compare Portland to similarly sized U.S. cities, mostly in the West, in categories from minimum wage to tallest building.

We found reason to worry. This is a city that has too much empty office space, and not enough homes on the market. We pay more than peer cities in cigarette taxes but less in beer taxes. We really are seeing car thefts rise at an extraordinary clip—and gunfire has reached the doorsteps of Portland Public Schools in ways other school districts aren’t seeing.

It’s our hope that looking at how Portland rates will help this city set priorities in the coming year. Failing that, at least you’ll have some numbers in your pocket for the annual argument with your uncle over Christmas dinner.

—Anthony Effinger, Nigel Jaquiss, Lucas Manfield, Aaron Mesh and Sophie Peel

Population

Growth is a double-edged sword. It builds Portland’s economy and tax base but also contributes to a chronic housing shortage. The (slightly) good news: Portland grew more slowly than peer cities over the past decade. Frightening: We shrank more than any of them over the past year. Source: U.S. Census

AUSTIN 18.5%

DENVER 14.2%

MINNEAPOLIS 14.8%

NASHVILLE 13.7%

OAKLAND 26 .6% PORTLAND 13.1%

SACRAMENTO 20.9%

SAN DIEGO 2 5.1%

SEATTLE 19.3%

U.S. AVG 1 3.6%

Percentage

AUSTIN 55.1%

DENVER 52.5%

MINNEAPOLIS 5 2.6%

NASHVILLE 4 3.9%

OAKLAND 47.3%

PORTLAND 51.9%

SACRAMENTO 35.1%

SAN DIEGO 47.6%

SEATTLE 65 .9%

U.S. AVG 3 3.7%

Percentage of residents 25 and over with bachelor’s degree

of residents who are foreign born 10-year One-year change AUSTIN 21.7% 0.5% DENVER 19.3% -0.6% NASHVILLE 14.6% -1.5% MINNEAPOLIS 12.3% -0.7% OAKLAND 12.8% -1.3% PORTLAND 11.8 -1.7% SACRAMENTO 12.4% 0.4% SAN DIEGO 6.1% - 0.3% SEATTLE 21% -0.2% U.S. AVG 7.10% 0.1%
964,177 Austin 711,463 Denver 425,336 Minneapolis 678,851 Nashville 433,823 Oakland 641,162 Portland 525,041 Sacramento 1,381,611 San Diego 733,919 Seattle
11 Willamette Week DECEMBER 21, 2022 wweek.com

$110,329 $14.75

Tallest building

Like Duran Duran, Portland’s skyscraper era peaked in the mid-’80s (with the completion of U.S. Bank, KOIN Tower and Pac-West). With greater seismic concerns and the movement away from downtown office space, the top of our skyline is probably set. Various sources

LIVING WAGE PORTLAND

Just because you make enough to stay above the federal poverty level doesn’t mean you can afford to live in a given city. Housing in Portland, for example, costs much more than housing in Peoria. That’s why the Massachusetts Institute of Technology built its Living Wage Calculator, a handy tool for figuring out what it really takes to live and work in a certain metropolitan area. Figures are for a household with two working adults and two children. Source: MIT Living Wage Calculator

SEATTLE $105,960

DENVER $113,470

AUSTIN $98,213

SALT LAKE CITY $ 96,861

MINNEAPOLIS $108,122

SAN DIEGO $ 126,037

OAKLAND $147,922

INDIANAPOLIS $89,652

SACRAMENTO $114,650

NASHVILLE $87,596

MINIMUM WAGE PORTLAND

In many cities, the federal minimum wage prevails, and it hasn’t been raised since 2009, when it went up to $7.25 an hour. In Oregon, workers who toil within Portland’s urban growth boundary get $14.75 an hour. And it’s likely to go higher soon. Starting in July, the state’s minimum wage will rise if there is any increase in the consumer price index (spoiler: there will be), and Portland’s will be set $1.25 over that new minimum. No one’s going to get rich at $14.75 an hour, or at the new rate in July, but it beats getting paid $7.25 an hour in Salt Lake City.

Source: Oregon Bureau of Labor & Industries

Home sale median price

SEATTLE $17.27

DENVER $15.87

AUSTIN $7.25

SALT LAKE CITY $ 7.25

MINNEAPOLIS $15.00

SAN DIEGO $15.00

OAKLAND $15.00

INDIANAPOLIS $7.25

SACRAMENTO $15.00 NASHVILLE $7.25

Owner-occupied housing

The legacy of an era of much lower home prices and a zoning code that has historically favored single-family houses, Portland’s homeownership rate is the envy of its peers.

Source: U.S. Census

Marginal tax rate

There aren’t many places in the U.S. where cities and counties levy income taxes on top of what citizens owe the state and the feds. Oregon is one of them. Atop the 9.9% top tax rate, and a 0.8% TriMet tax, big earners also pay as much as 3% to fund the Preschool for All program and 1% for Metro’s Supportive Housing Services levy. Altogether, if you make more than $250,000 as an individual or $400,000 as a couple, you’re going to pay a top marginal tax rate of 14.7%, higher than any other city we examined. Source: State, county and municipal tax authorities

The problem in Portland remains lack of supply. There just aren’t enough houses, even after the Federal Reserve knocked out lots of buyers by jacking up interest rates. The number of new listings actually fell 32% to 2,055 last month from 3,035 in November 2021. Ugh. Source: RE/MAX LLC

Homelessness per 1,000 residents West Coast cities and boomtowns like Denver have struggled to build enough housing for everybody.

While Multnomah County may seem like an island, the counties that include Denver and Seattle recorded higher rates of homelessness.

Source: 2022 HUD point-intime counts

City Nov. ’22 Nov. ’21 One-Year Difference Portland $524,999 $510,000 2.94% Seattle $650,000 $650,000 0% Denver $565,000 $550,000 2.73% Austin $599,823 $470,000 27.62% Salt Lake City $495,000 $480,698 2.98% Minneapolis $352,491 $339,945
San Diego $753,250 $755,000
Oakland $1,081,500
Indianapolis $278,000
Sacramento $553,000
Nashville $430,000
3.69%
-0.23%
$1,100,000 -1.68%
$255,000 9.02%
$560,000 -1.25%
$397,000 8.31%
12 Willamette Week DECEMBER 21, 2022 wweek.com
AUSTIN 44.7% DENVER 49.6% NASHVILLE 54.1% MINNEAPOLIS 4 8.1% PORTLAND 5 3.4% OAKLAND 41.3% SACRAMENTO 50.1% SAN DIEGO 47.7% SEATTLE 45.2% U.S. AVG 6 4.6% PORTLAND 14.7% SEATTLE 0% DENVER 4.6% AUSTIN 0% SALT LAKE CITY 4 .9% MINNEAPOLIS 9 .9% SAN DIEGO 1 3.3% OAKLAND 13.3% SACRAMENTO 13.3% NASHVILLE 0%

Office vacancy rate

Maybe you saw the big story in The New York Times on Dec. 17 about how downtown San Francisco has become a ghost town because all the tech companies that flocked there in 2010s have decided to let their employees work from wherever they want. You could write a similar story about Portland. Lots of companies are leaving, and the city has been slow to require workers to return to downtown. The Bay Area overall had a vacancy rate of 18.2% in the third quarter of 2022, below the Portland metro area’s 20.8%.

Source: CBRE

PORTLAND 20.8%

SEATTLE 17.6%

DENVER 20%

AUSTIN 19.3%

SALT LAKE CITY 1 9.6%

MINNEAPOLIS 20.6%

SAN DIEGO 1 2.2%

OAKLAND 17.4%

INDIANAPOLIS 17.8%

SACRAMENTO 14.2%

NASHVILLE 19.2%

Residential vacancy rate

Why are there so many homeless people in Portland? Some say it’s because there isn’t enough housing, or that the housing available is too expensive. Others say it’s because so many people are addicted to drugs or afflicted with mental illness. For the latter to be true, Portlanders would have to suffer drug addiction and mental illness at rates that far surpass other cities’. Indianapolis, for example, has far fewer tent cities. Does that mean it has far less mental illness and substance abuse? Probably not. What Indianapolis does have is much more available housing.

Source: U.S. Census

PORTLAND 1.8%

SEATTLE 5.5%

DENVER 6.8%

AUSTIN 5.2%

SALT LAKE CITY 4 .6%

MINNEAPOLIS 9.1%

SAN DIEGO 3.1%

OAKLAND 5.2%

INDIANAPOLIS 11.9%

SACRAMENTO 3.1%

NASHVILLE 6.6%

Denver Republic Plaza 56 stories, 717 ft. Portland Wells Fargo 40 stories, 546 ft. Independent 58 stories, 690 ft. Columbia Center 76 stories, 937 ft.
10 DENVER 9.68 SAN DIEGO 2.51 ALAMEDA (OAKLAND) 5.91 KING (SEATTLE) 5.93 DAVIDSON (NASHVILLE) 2.72 MULTNOMAH 6.51 HENNEPIN (MINNEAPOLIS) 0.74 Nashville AT&T Building 33 stories, 617 ft. Minneapolis IDS Center 57 stories, 792 ft. San Diego One America 34 stories, 500 ft. Oakland Ordway 28 stories, 404 ft. 13 Willamette Week DECEMBER 21, 2022 wweek.com

Best-Known Wheeler

In Portland, “Wheeler” is a household name. Our mayor comes from a storied line of Wheelers, timber barons whose name adorns a coastal town (Wheeler, population 436). And Ted has become a national figure, thanks to regular mockery by Fox News. But other cities have other Wheelers. Various sources

Number of City Councilors

For decades, Portland stubbornly refused to add members to its City Council, keeping its ranks far smaller than most peer cities’. That changed in November, when voters approved an expansion from five commissioners to 12. Source: City government websites

Pedestrian Advisory Commission.

Worst political gaffes in recent memory

As devoted readers of a scandal sheet, you know how badly Portland politicians can embarrass themselves. But shameless public officials are a common blight. Here’s the low point for each city in the past several years. The criteria are extremely subjective.

AUSTIN: Two years ago, U.S. Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Texas) vacationed in Cancún while much of Texas lost power in a deadly freeze.

DENVER: U.S. Rep. Lauren Boebert (R-Colo.) represents a

district well outside of town, but the secondhand embarrassment of her scandals—she’s “tired of this separation of church and state junk” and denies that her husband exposed his junk in a bowling alley—can nevertheless be felt acutely.

MINNEAPOLIS: A nonprofit called Feeding Our Future, with ties to mayoral staffers, is the subject of a federal fraud probe for allegedly pocketing $250 million in pandemic relief intended for hungry children.

NASHVILLE: Mayor Megan Barry resigned in 2018 after pleading guilty to a felony theft charge that stemmed from her

PORTLAND: There’s a contingent that would point to City Commissioner Jo Ann Hardesty falsely accusing cops of starting fires at protests—a claim that probably cost her a council seat. But we’ll go with Mayor Ted Wheeler pepper-spraying an irate dairy heir in the face. Because it’s funnier.

Minneapolis: David Wheeler, former president of the Minneapolis Board of Estimate and Taxation. Ran for city council in 2021. Oakland: Kenya Wheeler, transit planner. Former chair of Oakland Bicyclist & Austin: Anne Wheeler, real estate agent Nashville: Luke Wheeler, fictional country music superstar on ABC’s Nashville San Diego: Ervin Wheeler, plastic surgeon Seattle: Chad Wheeler, former Seattle Seahawks linebacker awaiting trial on domestic violence charges stemming from a 2021 incident
AUSTIN 11
13 MINNEAPOLIS 13
40 OAKLAND 8 PORTLAND 5 Will
SACRAMENTO 8
9 SEATTLE 9
DENVER
NASHVILLE
be 12 in 2024
SAN DIEGO
affair with her bodyguard. OAKLAND: Two of the 10 candidates running for mayor in 2022 had been arrested the previous year on gun charges.
14 Willamette Week DECEMBER 21, 2022 wweek.com

Can you get an abortion?

Until this summer, the

five

this

SEATTLE: Former Mayor Jenny Durkan’s text messages regarding the George Floyd protests went missing. Come to think of it, this happened in Portland, too.

Fentanyl deaths

Counterfeit fentanyl tablets, known on the streets as “blues” or “M30s,” have flooded cities across the United States—including Portland. Here’s the latest estimates for the number of deaths per capita, which include overdoses in the 12 months prior to July. Source: U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, predicted deaths per 100,000 people

Homicides in 2022

With two record years of homicides in a row, Portland has shed its reputation as one of the safest cities in America. But how bad is it really? Statistics show Portland’s homicides are well above most of its peers’. Some, like Austin, have fewer killings despite being much larger. Others, like Oakland, have far higher rates of violence. Source: Municipal police departments

Air quality

PORTLAND 95 SEATTLE 56 DENVER 70 AUSTIN 69 SALT LAKE CITY 1 5 MINNEAPOLIS 74 OAKLAND 115 SACRAMENTO 50 NASHVILLE 102

Stolen cars

Midway through 2021, car thefts spiked from 600 a month to more than 1,000. They’ve stayed high since—we’re saved from leading the pack by Denver. Car thefts in Portland are nearly double those in Austin, a much larger city. Source: Municipal police departments, as of November

PORTLAND 9,038 SEATTLE 5,601 DENVER 12,681 AUSTIN 4,254

SALT LAKE CITY 1 ,431 MINNEAPOLIS 5,485 OAKLAND 6,687 SACRAMENTO 3,049 NASHVILLE 2,826

School shootings

Rising gun violence is a national trend. But when it comes to gun violence at schools, Portland leads the pack among similarly sized cities. That’s according to a database that counts media reports of gunshots on U.S. school grounds. Source: K-12 School Shooting Database

PORTLAND 6 SEATTLE 1 DENVER 1 AUSTIN 0 SALT LAKE CITY 1 MINNEAPOLIS 1 SAN DIEGO 0 OAKLAND 3 SACRAMENTO 2 NASHVILLE 1

Thanks to wildfires, Portland has had more days of lung-burning smog in recent years—and its grade in the American Lung Association’s annual “State of the Air” report card has suffered for it. The report gives two letter grades, one for ozone and one for airborne particulates. The range each city falls into is shown below. Source:

Portland: Ted Wheeler, mayor (with apologies to Brian Wheeler, longtime radio voice of the Trail Blazers) Salt Lake City: Max Wheeler, civil and criminal defense lawyer Denver: Jeffrey Wheeler, plastic surgeon. Founder and former medical director of Anagenesis – Center for Rejuvenation. answer to question was generally yes. No longer. The U.S. Supreme Court overruled decades of precedent in June. Now, more than a quarter of women in the United States can no longer get abortions, including these Portland competitors. Source: The New York Times American Lung Association
C B A D F
PORTLAND SEATTLE DENVER AUSTIN SALT LAKE CITY MINNEAPOLIS SAN DIEGO OAKLAND SACRAMENTO NASHVILLE
SACRAMENTO: Democratic Gov. Gavin Newsom’s November 2020 dinner at the French Laundry, flouting his own COVID rules in Wine Country for a lobbyist’s birthday party, fueled a recall election he narrowly survived. SAN DIEGO: John Hemmerling, a candidate for county sheriff, quit the DA’s office in May after making disparaging remarks about transgender inmates.
YES
NO
LIMITED
15 Willamette Week DECEMBER 21, 2022 wweek.com
Portland Seattle Denver Minneapolis San Diego Oakland Sacramento
Austin Nashville
Salt Lake City OREGON 14 WASHINGTON 20 COLORADO 17 TEXAS 7 UTAH 6 CALIFORNIA 18
DOWNTOWN • 1313 W. BURNSIDE • 503.274.0961 We carry turntables & turntable accessories, posters, headphones & more! SHOP LOCAL! Stop in & find something for the music lover in your life NEW & USED LPS • DVDS • CDS HOLIDAY HOURS! 11-8 GiftavailableCertificates in any amount NOW STREAMING ON ALL MAJOR PLATFORMS A PODCAST BY THE WILLAMETTE WEEK Thursday, February 23 Newmark Theater Tickets/info: pdxjazz.org STORM LARGE BURLESQUE BIG BAND + NE PLUS ULTRA JASS ORCHESTRA & STORYVILLE CONFIDENTIAL World Premier: Storm as You’ve Never seen Her PJF 2023 WWeek 1/4 page Ad 5.727”x 6.052 16 Willamette Week DECEMBER 21, 2022 wweek.com

COVID hammered transit ridership and the bounce-back has been slow. Short of cash, TriMet’s board recently voted to raise fares to $2.80 in 2024, while Los Angeles, after a long deliberation, decided in November the best way to increase ridership was to keep prices low. Source: Federal Transit Administration

Tax on a pack of 20 cigarettes

For decades, a pack of smokes in Oregon was cheap enough to draw carton shoppers to North Hayden Island from Washington state. Not anymore. In 2020, voters approved a $2 tax hike on each pack—making Portland’s cost to smoke among the most prohibitive on the West Coast. Source: IGEN

AUSTIN $1.41 DENVER $1.94 OAKLAND $2 .87 MINNAPOLIS $3.04 NASHVILLE $ 0.62 BOISE $0.57 SALT LAKE $ 1.70 SEATTLE $3.03 PORTLAND $3.33 SAN DIEGO $ 2.87

Professional sports championships since 2012 Winning feels great. Cities are better off when they feel great. Cities with winning sports teams are better cities. Seattle is better than all of us. That’s annoying.

Cost of a bus ticket
Beer taxes Combine Oregonians’ love for their homegrown breweries and beer and wine distributors’ skillful Salem lobbying and you’ll understand the failure of attempts to raise one of the nation’s lowest taxes on the bubbly stuff.
City State beer tax in cents per gallon State beer tax in cents per pint Austin 20¢ 2.5¢ Denver 8¢ 1¢ Minneapolis 46¢ 5.75¢ Nashville 1.29¢ 0.16¢ Oakland 20¢ 2.5¢ Portland 8¢ 1¢ Sacramento 20¢ 2.5¢ San Diego 20¢ 2.5¢ Seattle 26¢ 3.25¢ DART, Dallas $3.00 SacRT, Sacramento $2.50 VTA, Santa Clara $2.50 LA Metro $1.75 Valley Metro, Phoenix $2.00 RTD, Denver $2.80 MTS, San Diego $2.50 SFMTA, San Francisco $3.00 King County Metro $2.75 UTA, Salt Lake City $2.00 TriMet $2.50 0 Austin 2 Denver (Broncos, Avalanche) 2 Minneapolis (Lynx) 0 Nashville 3 Oakland (Golden State Warriors) 3 Portland (Timbers, Thorns) 1 Sacramento (Republic FC) 0 San Diego 5 Seattle (Seahawks, Sounders, Storm) What have we learned? The portrait that emerges from these numbers is of a city with strong points that would be the envy of many U.S. cities but that is deeply afflicted by the most visible and serious crimes. The indicators give both reasons for optimism—Portlanders are well-educated and gainfully employed—and cause for concern: Housing is shockingly scarce, while stolen cars and flying bullets are all too common. Simply, put, residents of this city should expect far more from their leaders. 17 Willamette Week DECEMBER 21, 2022 wweek.com
Source: Tax Foundation

STREET

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Saturday Night Out, photo: Sean Bascom Sauvie Island, photo: Aidan Barbar Wet Leg at Pickathon, photo: Allison Barr 1022 NW Marshall Street #450 Portland OR | (503) 226-6361 | paulsoncoletti.com personal injury wrongful death trucking accidents product liability

2022: PORTLAND IN PICTURES

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Our favorite images of the city and its people from the past year. Willamette Elk Rock Island, photo: Michael Raines Grand Floral Parade, photo: Michael Raines High Rocks, photo: Mick Hangland-Skill Adult Soapbox Derby, photo: Chris Nesseth Chinatown Meet, photo: Chris Nesseth Portland Open, photo: Blake Benard Moan Zone, photo: Nick Mendez
www.lookingglass.us/employment Apply today! All job listings and applications on our website Join a passionate workforce dedicated to serving youth, adults, and families in the Eugene/ Springfield community. SSA’s at the RCC (Regional Crisis Center) help youth clients with skill-building and provide directions in performing daily housekeeping duties, chores, physical activity, recreation, hygiene, and school work. The RCC is a subacute residential facility (in Eugene, OR) where youth are placed directly from the Department of Human Services. 2022 Looking Glass is hiring For Social Service Assistants! 969 SW Broadway • 503-223-4976 Mon-Sat 10 - 6, Christmas Eve 10 - 4 www.johnhelmer.com Wool Argyle Socks $29 Made in Peru. Imported by Byford. One size fits most. Mid-calf. Colors: Black, Blue, Khaki, Charcoal, Grey, Navy. 969 SW Broadway • 503-223-4976 Mon-Sat 10 - 6, Christmas Eve 10 - 4 969 SW Broadway • 503-223-4976 Mon-Sat 10 - 6, Christmas Eve 10 - 4 www.johnhelmer.com Wool Argyle Socks Get Busy OUR EVENT PICKS, EMAILED WEEKLY. SIGN UP AT WWEEK.COM/NEWSLETTERS Canary North Portland’s newest addition to the bar scene. Beer, liquor & wine, breakfast, lunch & dinner. House-made Chicken & Waffles served all day & night. 10am-2am. 503-265-8288 · 3416 N Lombard POOL PATIO LOUNGE KARAOKE (503) 493-0070 1433 NE Broadway, Portland 20 Willamette Week DECEMBER 21, 2022 wweek.com

DEC. 21-JAN. 3

GO: Longest Night of the Year Shopping Event

While not explicitly recommended by health care professionals, shopping and happy hour are how many of us cope with our seasonal affective disorder. McMenamins 23rd Avenue Bottle Shop combines the two activities with the Longest Night of the Year Shopping Event, featuring happy-hour drink pricing and progressive discounts as the evening wears on. Snag some McMenamins gear, beer and other good stuff. McMenamins 23rd Avenue Bottle Shop, 2290 NW Thurman St., 971-202-7256, mcmenamins.com. 5 pm-midnight Wednesday, Dec. 21.

GO: Tatas for Toys

This mashup of SantaCon and stripperoke may sound like it would land you on the naughty list, but the ultimate goal is actually quite nice: The event doubles as a fundraiser to buy kids at Doernbecher Children’s Hospital toys for the holidays. You can expect Portland’s finest North Pole Dancers, variety acts and Santa himself (undoubtedly the recipient of many lap dances). Comedian Aaron Ross and pop singer Tox!c co-host. Dante’s, 350 W Burnside St., 866-777-8932, danteslive. com. 8 pm Wednesday, Dec. 21. $20. 21+.

LISTEN: Candlelight: Vivaldi’s Four Seasons and More

Could anything be cozier than listening to Vivaldi by candlelight? Experience the changing of all four seasons in one hour via this series of classic violin concertos. It’s a concert that promises to change the way you experience music, with the warm flicker of thousands of candles illuminating the 1920s-era auditorium. Grab a slice from Pacific Pie Company while you’re there to complete the experience. Alberta Rose Theatre, 3000 NE Alberta St., 503719-6055, albertarosetheatre.com. 6 and 8:30 pm Thursday, Dec. 22. $40-$60.

DRINK: Seasonal Tastings at Bons Amis

Bons Amis has crafted a very special beverage to get you through any last-minute shopping this season: an herbaceous spin on mulled wine created with Smith Teamaker Merry Maker’s Punch and Brooks Wine. The tasting room also offers Woodblock hot chocolate and wine flights paired expertly with sweet or savory snacks. And since the venue is located right inside the chocolatier’s factory, you might even find a gift (or several) while you’re there. Bons Amis at Woodblock Chocolates, 1715 NE 17th Ave., 971-754-

4874, brookswine.com/bons-amis. 11 am-7 pm Friday, Dec. 23. Mixed flights start at $20.

LAUGH: Curious Comedy Showdown

You really can’t go wrong ending your day by watching some of Portland’s most hilarious performers matching wits to the symbolic death. This showdown happens weekly on Fridays but never manages to get stale. Come hungry—the cabaret-style venue serves dinner and has a full bar.

Curious Comedy Theater, 5225 NE Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd., 503-477-9477, curiouscomedy.org. 7:30 pm Friday, Dec. 23. $18 in advance, $22.50 at the door.

EAT: Feast of the Seven Fishes

During a season when turkey and duck typically reign supreme, this Italian American tradition might be a welcome change. The Feast of the Seven Fishes is exactly what it sounds like: A mammoth Christmas Eve meal with at least seven different kinds of seafood all served before midnight. Campana might just be our favorite Italian joint tackling this audacious dinner, which includes oysters, scampi, whipped salt cod on crostini and Dungeness crab. The whole affair ends with a tender

chocolate olive oil cake served with a red wine-poached pear. Campana, 901 NE Oneonta St., 503-841-6195, campanapdx. com. Seatings begin at 4:30 pm Saturday, Dec. 24. $156 per person, includes gratuity. $50 optional wine pairing.

EAT: Indo-Chinese Christmas Dinner

Eating Chinese food on Christmas has long been a tradition among noncelebrants. This year, you have a somewhat surprising new option when it comes to where you might continue that dining ritual: an Indian restaurant. Masala Lab, which opened in July, is actually serving its Chinese-fusion Christmas meal two days before the holiday, which simply means you can indulge twice if you’d like.

Resident chef Deepak Saxena is teaming up with chef Jeremy Fong, who’s worked in some of Portland’s most celebrated kitchens, including Aviary, Gado Gado and Oma’s Hideaway. Their family-style menu features everything from samosa egg rolls to shrimp-smeared eggplant to sticky Bengali five-spice fried rice. Masala Lab, 5237 NE Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd., 971340-8635, masalalabpdx.square.site. 6:30 and 8:30 pm seatings Friday, Dec. 23. $95 per person, sold in groups of four.

HOLIDAY HELPINGS: Masala Lab serves a family-style IndoChinese Christmas dinner (two days before Christmas).
SEE MORE GET BUSY EVENTS AT WWEEK.COM/CALENDAR
MASALA LAB STUFF TO DO IN PORTLAND THIS WEEK, INDOORS AND OUT
21 Willamette Week DECEMBER 21, 2022 wweek.com GET
COURTESY
BUSY

Buzz List

1. NOSTRANA

1401 SE Morrison St., Suite 101, 503-234-2427, nostrana.com. 5-9 pm Monday-Thursday, 5-10 pm Friday-Saturday. Sure, you come here for Cathy Whims’ hearty pasta dishes, scissor-cut pizza and the classic Insalata Nostrana. But this 17-year-old Italian restaurant also features a monthly Cocktail for a Cause, which raises money for a local nonprofit. During December, a month very much centered on food, Nostrana is donating $2 from each boulevardier (zero proof available) sold to the Blanchet House, which offers free meals to those in need. Even more reason to order two with your dinner.

2. STRAIGHTAWAY COCKTAILS TASTING ROOM

901 SE Hawthorne Blvd., 971-255-1627, straightawaycocktails.com. Noon-7 pm Monday-Wednesday, noon-8 pm Thursday-Saturday, noon-5 pm Sunday.

There’s a good reason all of the charter yacht guests on the ever-expanding Bravo franchise Below Deck order an abundance of espresso martinis. The ’80s cocktail really is delicious, and thanks to the caffeine content, it helps keep the party going. Straightaway Cocktails and Stumptown Coffee teamed up to make their own canned version with coffee liqueur and cold brew, which you can now drink at the distiller’s Hawthorne tasting room or purchase to enjoy at home.

3. SLEIGH LOVE AT HEY LOVE

920 E Burnside St., 503-206-6223, heylovepdx.com. 3 pm-midnight Monday-Thursday, 3 pm-1 am Friday, 10 am-1 am Saturday, 10 am-midnight Sunday.

Now through Jan. 1, Jupiter Next Hotel’s ground-floor botanical garden that also happens to serve food and drinks is Sleigh Love, a Christmas pop-up adorned in holiday décor. The menu includes a limited-time lineup of boozy drinks, like Noggy by Nature, a slushie version of the classic; a Peppermint Patty Pudding Shot; and Jeffrey Morgenthaler’s World Famous Amaretto Sour. While they’re probably expensive (as per the pop-up tradition), isn’t drinking out of festive glassware at someplace other than your grandma’s house a priceless experience?

4. BREAKSIDE BREWERY

FOOD & DRINK

Editor: Andi Prewitt Contact: aprewitt@wweek.com

Multiple locations, breakside.com. Hours vary by location. Breakside is starting to see the fruits of its labor—overhauling its barrel-aging program—a project that began two years ago. The prolific brewery recently released a special case of six blended and aged stouts that debuted in 2021 and, earlier this year, were cellared, making the set an ideal holiday gift for the beer nerd in your life. Also look for the final two imperial stouts on draft and in bottles in the 2022 lineup: My Stars Shine Darkly (aged in bourbon and maple syrup bottles) and This Great Stage of Fools (aged in bourbon barrels with pecans and spices).

5. MASALA LAB & MARKET

5237 NE Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd., 971-340-8635, masalalabpdx.com. 9 am-3 pm Thursday-Tuesday.

The recently opened Masala Lab just extended its hours of operation and added new items to the menu after the team had several weeks to perfect recipes. While everything coming out of the gluten-free kitchen sounds appealing—from the saagshuka to the chaat hash—we might be most excited about the lineup of new cocktails, boozy brunch classics with an Indian twist. As we head through December, at least one chai hot toddy should accompany your meal.

Top 5
WHERE TO DRINK THIS WEEK.
22 Willamette Week DECEMBER 21, 2022 wweek.com

Hot Plates

1. YUI

Cuba Libre

It’s been a long series of mostly unfortunate events that brought Palomar and chef Ricky Bella together, but now everything feels as if it is how it should be.

COVID hit both Palomar, the buzzy Cuban bar on Southeast Division Street, and Bella, who was working as the chef de cuisine alongside chef Doug Adams at Bullard, hard. Palomar closed temporarily during the harsh first winter of the pandemic, while Bella struggled to help keep Bullard open.

But Palomar reopened, and Bella left Bullard and bounced between a few different posts, including one at Jojo. Then, in September, Bella, a Portland native who grew up learning to make his grandmother’s recipes, took charge of the burners in Palomar’s kitchen, reigniting the space by weaving the flavors of his Mexican American heritage with the restaurant’s Cuban staples.

Oh, God help me, I’m about to quote the Grateful Dead: Every silver lining’s got a touch of gray.

In 2018, a WW reviewer called Palomar “almost as much a restaurant as it is a bar.” I can confidently say that it is now equally both.

It’s best to bounce around all sections of the tight, one-page menu, but there are a few non-negotiable appetizers. The first is the ceviche de camarones ($15) made with Peruvian leche de tigre, or tiger’s milk, the traditional citrus marinade that cures the sweet shrimp to juicy satisfaction. The dish gets its richness from avocado, its texture from cucumber, and more tart acid from diced pineapple, and it is served with mariquitas, plantain chips, on the side. It’s a signature dish from a chef who has been waiting for the chance to make a menu of his own.

The beef tartare ($16) is given a Latin turn as well, with jalapeño, cilantro and a heaping topping of crispy sweet potato threads joining the more traditional capers, smoked paprika, mustard and egg. All the produce-based dishes were also standouts, from a classic Mexican melon salad with Tajín ($7), to the incredible remolachas ($9), red beets laid down over goat cheese whipped with avocado and spiced peanuts.

The main plates are better for sharing, from the lechon con mojo ($16), an herby, citrusy braised pork, to the solid frita Cubana ($13), the California burrito of burgers, a beef and pork patty with cheese and onions, generously topped with potato strings.

The camarones con tamal ($16) featured four absolutely ideal shrimp: We’re talking properly spiced, fat and tender. But the coconut tamal ($16) was a bit jarring— spoonfuls of soft corn grits contained chewy, thick slices of dry coconut, creating a contrast that wasn’t welcome. I’d have preferred the coconut infused in the cooking broth rather than feeling like I accidentally ate a piece of paper that fell into the pot.

I’ll take a moment here to remind everyone to order a cocktail or three: The program is set up by Palomar owner Ricky Gomez, known for his years of skilled bartending at Ox and Teardrop Lounge locally, and at Commander’s Palace and Compère Lapin in his hometown of New Orleans.

The classics are always done just right: The blended strawberry daiquiri ($13) is perfectly tart and sweet, and a Cuba libre ($12) brings me back to my favorite college drink while reminding me that I drank trash back then. But spend time on the signature drinks, like the matcha flip ($15), with vodka, matcha, coconut, yellow chartreuse, and egg white frothed at the top, or the martini ($14) made with a pineapple-infused gin, like James Bond went to the Caribbean (and didn’t get all weirdly racist or rapey).

As perhaps the most online chef in the business, Bella has a built-in following. He garnered an entry in this year’s Best of Portland for his Twitter account, @ rickybellspdx, a blend of Blazers fandom, hyping up his line cooks, and being overall hilarious. Specials like his munchwrap, a take on Taco Bell’s Crunchwrap Supreme, are announced on Twitter and always draw hordes.

On a recent trip to Palomar, I was confused by a line of 10 or so dudes on their phones waiting to get in. Turns out, I’d come on the night Bella was re-releasing his cult hit Grandpa Guero’s hot sauces, and they were there to get a bottle. We scored the special of wings coated in Bella’s chipotle sauce, which was super smoky with a nice kick. I’d argue for them to be a mainstay.

I asked Bella (on social media, natch) how it was going fusing his Mexican background with Cuban cuisine, and he answered: “Fun man. Real fun. Only rule is, does it fuck? If so, serve it!”

In my humble opinion, that’s the only way to cook.

EAT: Palomar, 959 SE Division St., #100, 971-357-8020, barpalomar.com. 5-10 pm Tuesday-Saturday.

5519 NE 30th Ave., 503-946-9465, yuipdx.com. 4-9 pm Monday-Saturday. There’s no picking your own protein or six different spice levels to choose from at Yui. The elimination of the “choose your own adventure” element we’ve grown so accustomed to with Thai takeout brings new life and specificity to each dish here. A notable signature item is the krapao wagyu kaidao, made with ultra-tender and generously salted minced beef. But don’t pass up the boat noodle soup, which is enormous and loaded with meatballs, crispy pork, scallions, and morning glory greens.

2. NODOGURO

623 NE 23rd Ave., nodoguropdx.com. 6:30 pm single seating Thursday-Sunday.

It seats only 13, costs $250 before drinks, and is a tough reservation to snag, but the fan pool for Ryan and Elena Roadhouse’s incomparable meals is deep and enthusiastic. Nodoguro should be anchored at its latest location for at least three years. Yes, there will be uni, caviar, Dungeness crab and several varieties of pristine fish flown in from Japan. But the artistry in presentation, the restraint evident on every plate, is at least equal to the luxury of the ingredients.

3. MI CAVA & COCINA

9722 SE Washington St., 971-383-1779, micavaandcocina.com. 11 am-10 pm Monday-Thursday, 11 am-11 pm Friday-Saturday.

A newish restaurant near what’s left of Mall 205 is trying something bold: operate as the only upscale Mexican seafood and steakhouse in a sea of chain eateries. Mi Cava & Cocina offers diners a major upgrade from the area’s corporate-heavy fare. The housemade sauces and fish dishes shine, like the market-price pescado zarandeado, which arrives sizzling on a board after being crisped on an open flame. Enjoy it in between sips of a mango, tamarind, watermelon and cucumber margarita.

4. GRAND FIR BREWING

1403 SE Stark St., grandfirbrewing.com. Noon-10 pm Tuesday-Sunday, noon-11 pm Friday-Saturday.

It was only a matter of time before brewer Whitney Burnside and chef Doug Adams went into business together. The husband-and-wife team opened Grand Fir in the former West Coast Grocery Company space in mid-November, and there was a line around the block to get in on the first day (evidence of how highly anticipated this project has been). Adams’ famed smoked meats (braised elk, Calabrian chicken wings) anchor the food menu and pair perfectly with Burnside’s beers.

5. GIGANTIC BREWING HAWTHORNE

4343 SE Hawthorne Blvd., 503-889-0190, giganticbrewing.com. 3-9 pm Monday-Friday, noon-9 pm Saturday-Sunday.

Gigantic’s third location marks the company’s entry into food service and offers a menu that tracks the founders’ beer-related travels around the world. So far, everything coming out of the kitchen is solid, but the standout is the Flæskesteg, a Danish pork sandwich that is a tribute to those at Copenhagen’s Isted Grill. The crispy Carlton Farms roast pork loin is barely contained in its brioche bun and comes layered in braised red cabbage, remoulade and housemade dill pickles.

Top 5
WHERE TO EAT THIS WEEK.
COURTESY RICKY BELLA / PALOMAR Longtime Portland chef and social media standout Ricky Bella now helms the kitchen at Palomar. SEASON’S
23 Willamette Week DECEMBER 21, 2022 wweek.com
GREETINGS: At Palomar, chef Ricky Bella weaves the flavors of his Mexican American heritage with the restaurant’s Cuban staples.

After our Thanksgiving strain recommendations for appetite-encouraging smokes, we got, ahem, quite a few emails from readers (some positively charming, others not) requesting a list that featured the opposite: strains that suppress appetite rather than leave users with bottomless munchies.

While the lion’s share of contemporary cannabis strains leave users peckish, there are, in fact, several that do precisely the opposite. One factor that can make certain strains suppress rather than encourage hunger is the quantity of a minor cannabinoid called tetrahydrocannabivarin or THCV. In both animal and human studies, THCV has been shown to suppress appetites as well as support healthy weight loss and exercise. And while THCV alone is not psychoactive, it does contribute to the genetics of several landrace strains known for invigorating highs.

Furthermore, there is evidence that THCV regulates blood sugar levels in type 2 diabetics, potentially reduces or eliminates epileptic seizures, delays neurodegeneration caused by Parkinson’s disease, and alleviates the symptoms of schizophrenia. And that’s just what we know so far. Therapeutic promise aside, THCV will also reportedly curb your munchies, as well as spark the desire for physical activity, which frankly makes it the perfect cannabinoid for the season of too many

Munchie Moderators

Want to get high without hunger pains? Try one of these appetite-suppressing strains.

cookies, holiday flicks, vacations and reasons to become one with the couch.

We rounded up some of the most popular THCV-heavy strains for you here, but users should note: Every endocannabinoid system functions differently, and no strain comes with a weight-loss guarantee, so manage your expectations. And drink more water.

Durban Poison

Durban Poison is a potent landrace strain native to South Africa, meaning its genetics are primarily wild. This cultivar has been a favorite of productive potheads for a couple of generations. The effects are overwhelmingly uplifting and effervescent, making this a clutch wake-and-bake or afternoon slump strain. Exercise caution though—some smokers who aren’t heavy hitters say the high can feel swooning. Pro tip: Have an activity lined up to get the most out of your high. I recommend hula hooping, roller skating, or just cleaning the house.

BUY: Archive Portland, 10645 SE Henry St., 503-719-4229, archivedispensary.com.

Wild Thailand

Another landrace strain worth buzzing about is Wild Thailand, a descendant of the original Thai strain, first bred in the Ko Chang archipelago. This rare cultivar delivers a powerfully joyful high that unfurls into mellow, manageable energy—perfect for pregaming before a

workout or housework. Wild Thailand is also reportedly an effective treatment for chronic fatigue, chronic pain and even migraines. Keep in mind, however, that some users say it’s also a classic creeper strain—i.e., the effects bloom over a period of 10 to 15 minutes, so puff with care.

BUY: Cookies Portland, 16102 NE Halsey St., 503-764-9863.

Willie Nelson

This cross of Vietnamese Black and Highland Nepalese is relatively rare ’round these parts but can be found sporadically, so make your requests and stay vigilant. It’s certainly worth tracking down when harvested. This cultivar should leave you euphoric and clearheaded, delivering creative vibes without causing the heavy drag of midnight munchies. Consider setting yourself up with a low-stakes creative project while you partake. And although listening to old Willie Nelson tracks on Spotify while you smoke his namesake grass is not compulsory, it is highly recommended.

BUY: Ask your local budtender.

Dutch Treat

This descendant of Haze and Northern Lights is hella popular in Holland (hence the clever name). Dutch Treat is a peppy hybrid that delivers effects on both ends of the energetic spectrum. Some users describe results in line with classic, heady indicas. Others report

highs that are more body-centered, leaving them feeling creative and alert. Across the board, though, users seem to celebrate Dutch Treat for its manageable euphoria. Bonus: It’s an effective treatment for chronic pain and neuropathy.

BUY: TJ’s on Powell, 7827 SE Powell Blvd., 503-719-7140.

Moby Dick

This cross of Haze and White Widow delivers a chatty, upbeat high that many users claim curbs their appetite completely. But be warned: A very slim minority say big munchies strike once their highs abate, so exercise caution. BTW, this strain’s clever literary name is not a nod to Herman Melville’s smoking habits, but instead a reference to the plant’s sizable yields and hefty buds.

BUY: Puddletown Organics, 8201 SE Powell Blvd., Suite F, 503-558-6321, puddletownorganics.com.

Jack the Ripper

Another fence-straddling phenotype that some users say suppresses appetite and others say encourages it is Jack the Ripper. Despite its name, this strain reportedly delivers smoothly energetic highs that are upbeat and cheery. Novice smokers attempting to avoid overindulging will also appreciate the typically lower (less than 17%) THC levels.

BUY: The Green Planet, various locations.

24 Willamette Week DECEMBER 21, 2022 wweek.com POTLANDER

The Best Experimental Music in Portland This Year

Six artists worth checking out on the fringes of Portland music.

Portland is a great city for ambient and experimental music. Maybe it’s because of how conducive the city is to long walks, maybe it’s just because everyone seems to be in their own heads for long months of the year, or maybe it’s just the freaky, arty spirit of the city.

Some of the most interesting and influential artists in the genre hail from Portland, from the Japanese-influenced Visible Cloaks to the purifying noise of Yellow Swans and Daniel Menche to the synth wizardry of Jason Urick. This list shines a spotlight on five of the most inventive artists working in the city right now, plus a local legend who’s on an enviable hot streak despite having been dead for almost 30 years.

Carly Barton

This local piano teacher, designer, and musician is skilled at the art of the hustle. Many of her releases are available only as limited-edition cassettes, and her website offers everything from a circle-of-fifths reference poster for musicians to sheet music for her piano arrangements of Pokémon themes (remember Lilycove City?). Her love of anime and video games permeates nearly everything she creates, particularly Vidya World, a 12-album series of “expansion packs” for a video game that exists only through sound.

Essentials: Vidya World, Heart Scale

Daryl Groetsch

Recording both as Pulse Emitter and under his own name, this longtime Portland resident has turned a childhood epiphany listening to the NPR “space music” program Hearts of Space into a 20-year career exploring the outer realms of synthesizer music. This year saw no less than seven releases from Groetsch: six self-released ambient albums under his own name—all of them great, with January’s Home Again as primus inter pares— and one Pulse Emitter album, Dusk, on puckish Chicago label Hausu Mountain.

Essentials: Home Again, Dusk

Ernest Hood

Ernest Hood’s had a hell of a past few years for a man who’s been dead since 1995. A co-founder of KBOO, the onetime jazz guitarist released a private-press album called Neighborhoods in the mid-

’70s, which received a much-needed reissue from Freedom to Spend in 2019. As luck would have it, the label unearthed an entire album of unreleased material this year: Back to the Woodlands, whose graceful proto-ambient palette of primitive synths and blooming zithers picks up where Neighborhoods left off.

Essentials: Neighborhoods, Back to the Woodlands

Kaho Matsui

One of Portland’s most prolific musicians has put out no less than 17 releases on Bandcamp this year, from the frantic rave jazz of S/T to the powerful and personal sound collages on Shadowboxing Until My Hands Bleed (not to mention a send-up of virtual pop star Hatsune Miku as “Hot Sauce Miku”). Matsui’s work is emblematic of both ambient music’s recent transition to more personal themes and the freedom Bandcamp gives artists to flood the market with experiments and side quests.

Essentials: Shadowboxing Until My Hands Bleed, S/T

Strategy

A longtime DJ at Ground Kontrol, Paul Dickow dug into the roots of the goofy rave tunes he found himself incorporating into his sets with his album Unexplained Sky Burners this year. Yet his catalog stretches back several decades and encompasses dance music, wonky glitch pop, gorgeous ambient music, and shimmering vocal-distortion fantasias. His Bandcamp is worth a deep dive, and if it doesn’t quite have “something for everyone,” it no doubt has something for anyone who’s read this far.

Essentials: Drumsolo’s Delight, Music for Lamping, Unexplained Sky Burners

Patricia Wolf

When listening to Patricia Wolf’s ambient music, it’s as if you’re hearing the world through a different set of ears. The local artist opened the year with I’ll Look for You in Others, a stunning meditation on loss, and followed it shortly after with the cheerier See-Through. She recently released an album of recordings from the Malheur National Wildlife Refuge in Eastern Oregon, which benefits the American Bird Conservancy and allows Portlanders to journey to the other side of the state from the comfort of their speakers.

Essentials: I’ll Look for You in Others, Malheur Wildlife Refuge: Late Spring

WHAT TO SEE AND WHAT TO HEAR

WEDNESDAY, DEC. 21:

Local producer Graham Johnson, aka quickly, quickly, honed his chops making lo-fi beat music suited for study playlists. But the music he makes now is anything but anonymous: a rich fusion of pop, funk and jazz that pushes post-J Dilla rhythms into the sublime rather than the anodyne. His music pairs wonderfully with that of MAE.SUN , an NYC band orbiting around saxophonist Hailey Niswanger, whose lush and verdant approach to jazz funk can be summed up by the track title “Life Is Limitless.” Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi Ave. 8:30 pm. $20. 21+.

FRIDAY, DEC. 23:

Valentino Khan is something like the official DJ of World Wrestling Entertainment, and he’s got the mustache for the job. But his chops behind the boards aren’t kayfabe—you might remember his 2015 smash “Deep Down Low,” one of the funkiest and most interesting tracks to drop on Skrillex’s OWSLA label, and its bugnuts video in which a fish on a cutting board mouths the vocal sample while waiting to be filleted. Even in a chilly Pacific Northwest winter, it’s sure to be hot and humid wherever Valentino’s playing. 45 East, 315 SE 3rd Ave. 10 pm. $30. 21+.

SUNDAY, DEC. 25:

Sonic Youth’s Kim Gordon once said people pay to see others believe in themselves. In the case of Cellotronik ’s Christmas Day show, you’re paying to watch someone else be alone on Christmas— though judging by how much mileage local artist Skip vonKuske has gotten out of his one-man cello-centric looping project over the years, it’s hard to imagine he minds all that much. Ticketholders also get access to Sinferno Cabaret, a regular Dante’s event that begins right after the show. Dante’s, 350 W Burnside St. 8:30 pm. $15. 21+.

SHOWS WEEK
WOLF
AMBIENT ARTISTRY: Patricia Wolf.
COURTESY PATRICIA
25 Willamette Week DECEMBER 21, 2022 wweek.com MUSIC Editor: Bennett Campbell Ferguson | Contact: bennett@wweek.com

MOVIES

10 Favorite Movies From 2022

From South Korea to Pandora, these were the films that mattered to me.

The best movies of 2022? Give me a break. When it comes to art, there’s no such thing as “best.” To use the word is to insist that film can be quantified—that somehow brilliant directing, acting, editing and cinematography can mathematically add up to a coldly objective definition of greatness.

I don’t believe that’s possible. Movies are not just what they are—they are everything you bring to them. Your childhood, your parents, your fears, your hopes…everything about your life shapes sounds and images as a projector beams them into your soul. Making an honest list of your favorite films of the year means looking inward. Which movies embodied your deepest beliefs? Which ones challenged them? Which ones did you truly enjoy, even if loving them made you feel profoundly uncool?

All of those questions informed the following list. It’s my tribute to the movies that thrilled, moved and provoked me this year, but it’s also a way for you to get to know me.

This is my top 10. What’s yours?

1. TOP GUN: MAVERICK

The fourth feature from director Joseph Kosinski ( is a gleaming fantasy of airborne glory and earth bound romance, but it is also about the ecstasy of emerging from isolation. Anyone struggling to understand how a sequel to a schlocky ’80s hit became the movie of the year need only listen to what the film has to say: You will sur vive loneliness. And you will be loved.

2. BABYLON

Movies are memories and memo ries are movies in Damien Cha zelle’s decadent odyssey about the twilight of Hollywood’s si lent era. It’s a film that clings to the dying of the light with contagious passion and glee.

3. AVATAR: THE WAY OF WATER

I thought I was way too hip for James Camer on’s first it was released in 2009. Time—and this visually enveloping, emotionally ferocious, kickass sequel— has shown me how wrong I was.

4. BROKER

“I’m glad you were born.” Those words, spoken gently and repeatedly in a hotel room, are the soul of Japanese filmmaker Kore-eda Hirokazu’s latest wonder. In every scene, the film— about a makeshift family’s unlikely road trip through South Korea—is honest, lovely and moving. And it will make you glad Kore-eda was born.

5. AMSTERDAM

Christian Bale stars in the latest bighearted lark from David O. Russell (American Hustle), which is both a mischievous murder mystery and a robust defense of the most underrated institution in 21st century America: democracy.

6. WHITE NOISE

Noah Baumbach’s adaptation of Don DeLillo’s novel is the merriest movie about an “airborne toxic event” ever made. Also, Adam Driver looks hilarious (and hot!) in a black robe and shades.

7. THE WHALE

A nurse, a missionary, an ex-wife and an estranged daughter pierce the clutter of a dying English teacher’s home in Darren Aronofsky’s tender, wrenching take on Samuel D. Hunter’s play. I saw the movie weeks ago, but it’s still hard to talk about the work of the cast (which includes Brendan Fraser and Hong Chau) without feeling tears start to form at the corners of my eyes.

8. BARDO, FALSE CHRONICLE OF A HANDFUL OF TRUTHS

Alejandro G. Iñárritu’s rippling dream of a movie feels like a confession of his deepest insecurities—albeit one that becomes

What’s more romantic than an unsolved case? This tantalizing mystery from revered South Korean director Park Chan) revels in the allure of answers never to be found—and the delicious, unholy chemistry between a detective (Park Hae-il) and the suspect he can’t resist AmbuArmageddon Deep Don’t WorEmily the Criminal , Glass Onion , Thirteen Lives,

26 Willamette Week DECEMBER 21, 2022 wweek.com
Editor: Bennett Campbell Ferguson Contact: bennett@wweek.com

The Annual CSP Movie Awards

Honoring the year’s best, boldest and strangest, one category at a time.

How to sum up 2022 in film? Uneven? Unsettled? Unsettling? The same as it ever was?

It was supposed to be a pandemic comeback year. It was if you’re named Tom Cruise. Meanwhile, awards-positioned movies are dying on the vine theatrically. There were heartening upstart surprises (from Barbarian to Everything Everywhere All at Once) punctuating mind-bogglingly bare weeks at movie theaters (in terms of titles as well as dollars). Movies are under threat like always, but the masters— from Claire Denis to Steven Spielberg to Park Chan-wook— kept mastering. The film lovers kept loving. Let’s set broad strokes aside and hand out some year-end accolades.

BEST OREGON FEATURE

After years of fastidious filmmaking, two locally made stop-motion animated dark fairy tales dropped on Netflix this fall. With respect to Wendell & Wild, Guillermo del Toro and Mark Gustafson’s Pinocchio is the achievement. With aptly rough-hewn puppets and stunning dioramic vistas, the film widens the Pinocchio fable into a clear-eyed delivery system for equally inevitable pain and hope. (See also: Rehab Cabin, A Kaddish for Bernie Madoff.)

BEST BACCHANAL

In a season of prestige movies desperately trying to reconvince us of film’s power, Babylon is actually powerful. Depicting the silent-film era as an anything-goes soirée— where parties and film sets have the same zealous carnival quality—director Damien Chazelle throws down visually in the moviemaking equivalent of Whiplash’s climactic drum solo. (See also: RRR, White Noise, Fire Island.)

PRODUCER OF THE YEAR

Tom Cruise’s softly cocky, regretful performance comes easily to him in Top Gun: Maverick. Far more impressive was Cruise’s shepherding of the film. He stiff-armed Paramount+ and waited for theaters to the tune of nearly $1.5 billion worldwide. He believed in this sequel, which is easily twice as good as the original, and—more importantly—in audiences.

BEST ORIGINAL HORROR

We’re All Going to the World’s Fair employed lo-fi YouTube aesthetics to disturb us both with the fantastical and real implications of online obsession. Then, Pearl saw director Ti West and star-turned-co-writer Mia Goth immediately follow up X with a prequel that challenges slasher conventions and anoints Goth a new kind of scream queen—one who’s also swinging the ax.

BEST UNORTHODOX AIRBORNE WEAPON IN AN ANTI-COLONIALIST BLOODBATH

It’s obviously a tie between the Predator frisbeeing a bear trap in Prey and Bheem hurling a live leopard at an imperial

guard in RRR. Duh.

BEST SUPERHERO MOVIE

With a grim nod to The Batman, it’s RRR again. With unchecked spirit and spectacle, this Tollywood action extravaganza chronicles the bond of two friends—more or less depicted as fire and water demigods—who lead the Indian independence movement.

BEST PORTRAIT OF AN ARTIST

Moonage Daydream and All the Beauty and the Bloodshed honored revolutionary creators by throwing out playbooks and finding their subjects’ wavelengths. Moonage Daydream uses a fire hose of imagery to sublimate David Bowie in the iconography he inhabited and absorbed. Bloodshed seeks the soul of photographer and activist Nan Goldin by tracing her life’s deepest themes, not facts.

BEST ANIMAL

Jenny the Donkey, from The Banshees of Inisherin, we love you. (See also: EO, for other nice donkeys.)

BEST FEATURE-LENGTH FILM APPRECIATION

Like all great movie essays, Elvis Mitchell’s Is That Black Enough for You?!? will beef up your watchlist. But the critic turned filmmaker also puts forth original, convincing theories about why and how 1968-1978 became a Black cinema heyday.

GUILTIEST PLEASURE

Remember Deep Water? Ben Affleck made lobster bisque and kept snails for unexplained reasons. Ana de Armas drunkenly played piano and got bitey during fellatio. Fatal Attraction director Adrian Lyne, 81, seemingly got to do everything and nothing he wanted. Incredible.

WORST SIGN OF THE STREAMING APOCALYPSE

In a historically desolate August at American movie theaters, Amazon had the bright idea to send Ron Howard’s visceral, sprawling rescue drama Thirteen Lives right to small screens. He filmed in real caves for this!?

BEST SIGN OF A THEATRICAL FUTURE

Nope, Barbarian, The Woman King, Smile and Everything Everywhere All at Once all demonstrated that enthusiastic word of mouth still matters.

BEST DIRECTORIAL LEVEL-UP

In his sophomore film—the compassionate, speculative family drama After Yang—director Kogonada (Columbus) padded softly into science fiction and asked us to more deeply consider each other’s inner worlds as technology diversifies the meaning of life.

Chance’s Top 10: 1. AFTER YANG 2. NOPE 3. TOP GUN: MAVERICK 4. BARBARIAN 5. TRIANGLE OF SADNESS 6. TÁR 7. AFTERSUN 8. EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE ALL AT ONCE 9. RRR 10. STARS AT NOON 27 Willamette Week DECEMBER 21, 2022 wweek.com

GoldenEye (1995)

Increasingly overshadowed by the iconic video game sharing its title, GoldenEye (the movie) marks Pierce Brosnan’s first and best turn as 007. Dame Judi Dench arrives with gusto in the role of M, and Sean Bean memorably imposes as the treacherous 006. Oh, and the world is threatened by a space weapon. Academy, Dec. 23-29.

Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale (2010)

Santa has broken bad dozens of times on film, but this spin on Christmas exploitation takes the North Pole concept literally. In Rare Exports, Finnish reindeer herders battle a wicked, feral Santa who falls into their animal trap. The film plays twice consecutively at the Hollywood, but the first showing is sold out. Act fast for the 9:30 pm screening. Hollywood, Dec. 22.

The Big Lebowski (1998)

The Clinton Street Theater finishes out its Coen brothers series with the filmmakers’ most beloved comedy. Of course, that’s just, like, our opinion, man. Kick back and roll true with the Dude, Walter and Donny. Clinton, Dec. 22-24.

Coup 53 (2019)

Physicist-turned-director Taghi Amirani and editor Walter Murch (Apocalypse Now) unearth a new window into the CIA-MI6 coup that overthrew Iran’s democracy in 1953. Ralph Fiennes plays British spy Norman Darbyshire as Coup 53 blends documentary and narrative to reveal a political crime with 75 years of fallout. Clinton, Dec. 31.

Samurai Cop (1991)

Immediately after absorbing the moral blow of Coup 53, you can grab dinner and head right back to the Clinton at 7 pm for something infinitely dumber. In fact, Samurai Cop probably trails only The Room in terms of bad-movie canon notoriety. This beautiful disaster brims with line deliveries, edits and explosions that can only come from confidence eclipsing skill. Clinton, Dec. 31.

ALSO PLAYING:

Academy: How the Grinch Stole Christmas (2000), Dec. 23-29. Clinton: I Need You Dead! (2020), Dec. 27. Carnival Night (1956), Dec. 28. Slap Shot (1977), Dec. 29.

BABYLON

In Babylon, there’s a scene where one woman woos another by sucking rattlesnake venom out of her neck. That’s the movie in a nutshell—sweet, slightly insane and irrevocably romantic. It’s true to form for director Damien Chazelle (La La Land), who is enamored with the romance of things lost. This time, the subject of his jubilant-mournful gaze is pre-talkies Hollywood, as embodied by a swaggering, fading star (Brad Pitt), an exuberantly vulgar it girl (Margot Robbie), and a naïve striver (Diego Calva), whose evolution—from eager chauffeur to cynical executive to rueful family man— brashly illustrates how Tinseltown makes and unmakes its denizens. Even at 188 minutes, the film can’t fully illuminate the inner lives of everyone in its vast ensemble (which includes Jovan Adepo as a trumpet player caught in a maelstrom of success and bigotry). Still, to drink in Chazelle’s mad brew of screwball vignettes and nostalgic yearning is to experience a transcendent high. Babylon’s Hollywood is callous and cruel—two behind-the-scenes deaths are greeted with nonchalance by the film’s “heroes”—but it can also be frantically glorious, as Calva’s character learns when he steals an ambulance to get a camera to a set before the sun goes down. He makes it in time for the director to get a shot of Pitt, in medieval garb, smooching his co-star as the light fades from the sky. What a town this was then, Chazelle seems to sigh, though not without defiance. Despite being about a cinematic age long dead, Babylon is blazingly alive. R. BENNETT CAMPBELL FERGUSON. Cedar Hills, Cinema 21, Cinemagic, City Center, Clackamas, Eastport, Evergreen Parkway, Fox Tower, Hollywood, Lake Theater, Laurelhurst, Lloyd Center, Mill Plain, Studio One, Tigard.

AVATAR: THE WAY OF WATER

: THIS MOVIE IS EXCELLENT, ONE OF THE BEST OF THE YEAR.

: THIS MOVIE IS GOOD. WE RECOMMEND YOU WATCH IT.

: THIS MOVIE IS ENTERTAINING BUT FLAWED.

: THIS MOVIE IS A STEAMING PILE.

The second chapter of James Cameron’s Avatar saga ends the same way as the first: with Marine-turned-revolutionary Jake Sully (Sam Worthington) opening his eyes. Yet this time, the story is about more than one man’s awakening. It’s about a family and a community—along with the wondrous and unknowable world they must defend from the monstrous, capitalistic menace known as humanity. Onscreen (as in life) more than a decade has passed since the original film. Jake, having shed his human form to inhabit a towering, azure alien body, has started a family with Neytiri (Zoe Saldaña), a formidable warrior on the distant moon of Pandora. Invading humans are once again ravaging Pandora’s lands, but Cameron seems most fascinated by what happens off the battlefield. When the Sully family takes refuge among an ocean tribe, his imagination is free to roam Pandora’s depths, the home of whalelike beasts called tulkun, whose minds are as vast as the cosmos. Though a swashbuckling showdown between Jake and vicious colonizer Quaritch (Stephen Lang) reaffirms Cameron’s mastery of brutal and graceful mayhem, the luminous and tactile CGI that breathes life into the film’s flora and fauna proves that Pandora, not Jake, is the hero of Avatar. Every blade of grass, every drop of water, is a gift not to be wasted. “This is where we make our stand,” Jake declares. The real question, unspoken but implicit, is where we will make ours. PG-13. BENNETT CAMPBELL FERGUSON. Academy, Bagdad, Cedar Hills, City Center, Eastport, Fox Tower,

Laurelhurst, Lloyd Center, Pioneer Place, St. Johns, St. Johns Twin, Studio One, Tigard, Wunderland Milwaukie.

WHITE NOISE

A bright orange tanker barrels down a country road. On the truck, in bold black letters, are two warnings: “Toxic Chemicals” and “Flammable.” So, of course, the driver reaches for a bottle of Jack Daniels. What could go wrong? In story terms, everything; artistically, nothing. White Noise, an unexpectedly buoyant tale from hyper-cynical auteur Noah Baumbach (Marriage Story), may be his best film—an astonishment, given that it’s based on Don DeLillo’s allegedly “unfilmable” 1985 novel. A perky, puffed-up Adam Driver stars as Jack Gladney, a professor of Hitler studies (thankfully, a field of research, not a how-to course) fleeing an “airborne toxic event” with his wife, Babette (Greta Gerwig), and their four children. Amid the pandemonium, Baumbach unleashes a banquet of themes—consumerism, infidelity and climate crisis are all on the menu—yet never leaves you feeling intellectually overfed. Merrily and persuasively, White Noise insists that life is wondrous in its meaninglessness, even when Jack and Babette seek spiritual guidance from a ferociously grouchy nun (Barbara Sukowa) who declares that anyone hoping to hear her talk of angels is an idiot. Turns out, she’s not a fan of the next world; she’s just doing her best to help people live in this one. In its poignant, peculiar way, so is White Noise R. BENNETT CAMPBELL FERGUSON. Fox Tower.

THE WHALE

Billed as a long-awaited comeback for Brendan Fraser, The Whale stars the aging heartthrob as Charlie, an obese online English instructor. It’s a performance that sustains a nimble spark of hope within successive fatsuited degradations, but can’t quite lift this turgid chamber drama up from the depths of director Darren Aronofsky’s bloated pretensions. From the opening scene, as a creepily enthralled young evangelist distracts our hero from gay porn, until a long-suffering off-duty nurse makes her regular visit, Charlie’s imminent fate seems assured, and subsequent exchanges with his self-appointed spiritual and physical caregivers exist solely to tease out the none too revelatory backstory: genial schlub carb-overloads to numb the oceans of remorse after abandoning his family for a male student who then took his own life. Boyish as ever, Fraser simply hasn’t much to do but absorb the verbal assaults of Charlie’s embittered ex (Samantha Morton) and his teenage daughter (Sadie Sink) or twinkle uselessly amid lingering passages that offer equal parts body shaming and body horror. Ultimately, the ghoulish pointlessness of Aronofsky’s boutique creepshow becomes the actual whale in the room. Stunt casting can distract only so long from a congenital cynic’s ever more hollow oeuvre trumpeting insight-free discoveries most folks have the good taste to ignore. Thar, he blows again. R. JAY HORTON. Bridgeport, Cedar Hills, Cinema 21, Clackamas, Eastport, Evergreen Parkway, Hollywood, Lloyd Center, Vancouver Mall.

OUR KEY
TOP PICK OF THE WEEK GET YOUR REPS IN
PARAMOUNT PICTURES IMDB 28 Willamette Week DECEMBER 21, 2022 wweek.com
MOVIES
MINUS TIDE by Calico Jack minustidecomic
“When I said I wanted to be part of the holidays, I didn’t think I’d have a tree up my butt.
“When I said I wanted to be part of the holidays, I didn’t think I’d have a tree up my butt.”
29 Willamette Week DECEMBER 21, 2022 wweek.com
by Jack Kent

ARIES (March 21-April 19): "Perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor," writes Aries author Anne Lamott. "It will keep you cramped and insane." I think that's a key theme for you to embrace in 2023. Let's express the idea more positively, too. In Navajo culture, rug weavers intentionally create small imperfections in their work, like odd-colored beads or stray pieces of yarn. This rebellion against unattainable exactitude makes the art more soulful. Relieved of the unrealistic mandate to be flawless, the rug can relax into its beauty.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Here are my four decrees for you in 2023, Taurus. 1. You are cleared to be greedy if it's in service to a holy cause that fosters others' well-being as well as yours. 2. It's permissible to be stubborn if doing so nourishes versions of truth and goodness that uplift and inspire your community. 3. It's proper to be slow and gradual if that's the best way to keep collaborative projects from becoming slipshod. 4. It's righteous to be zealous in upholding high standards, even if that causes less diligent people to bail out.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): In 2023, many interesting lessons will arrive via your close relationships and collaborations. You will have the potential to learn more about the art of togetherness than you have in a long time. On occasion, these lessons may initially agitate you. But they will ultimately provide more pleasure and healing than you can imagine right now. Bonus prediction: You will have an enhanced talent for interweaving your destiny together with the fates of your allies.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Here are some projects I'd love to see you pursue in 2023: 1. Teach your allies the fine points of how to cherish you but not smother you. 2. Cultivate your natural talent for appreciating the joys of watching and helping things grow: a child, a creative project, a tree, a friendship, or your bank account. 3. If you don't feel close to the family members that fate provided you with, find others you like better. 4. As you explore territories that are further out or deeper within, make sure your Cancerian shell is expandable. 5. Avoid being friends with people who are shallow or callous or way too cool. 6. Cultivate your attraction to people who share your deepest feelings and highest ideals.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Mystic teacher Terence McKenna said, "You have to take seriously the notion that understanding the universe is your responsibility, because the only understanding of the universe that will be useful to you is your own understanding." This will be key advice for you in 2023. You will be wise to craft an updated version of your personal philosophy. I suggest you read a lot of smart people's ideas about the game of life. Make it your quest to commune with interesting minds who stimulate your deep thoughts. Pluck out the parts that ring true as you create a new vision that is uniquely your own.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): How should we refer to your romantic adventures in 2023? We could be whimsical and call them "Ritual Mating Dances on the Outskirts of History." We could be melodramatic and call them "Diving into the Deep Dark Mysteries in Search of Sexy Treasures." Or we could be hopeful and call them "A Sacred Pilgrimage to the Frontiers of Intimacy." I think there's a good chance that all three titles will turn out to be apt descriptors of the interesting stories ahead of you—especially if you're brave as you explore the possibilities.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): "Coddiwomple" is an English slang word that means to travel resolutely and dynamically toward an as-yet unknown destination. It's not the same as wandering aimlessly. The prevailing mood is not passivity and vagueness. Rather, one who coddiwomples has a sense of purpose about what's enjoyable and meaningful. They may not have a predetermined goal, but they know what they need and like. According to my analysis of the astrological omens, the next six months will be an excellent time for you Libras to experiment

with coddiwompling.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): In the theater of ancient Greece, the term *anagnorisis* referred to a pivotal moment when a character discovered a big truth they had previously been unaware of. Another Greek word, *peripeteia*, meant a reversal of circumstances: "a change by which the action veers round to its opposite." I bring these fun ideas to your attention, dear Scorpio, because I think 2023 could bring you several instances of an *anagnorisis* leading to a *peripeteia*. How would you like them to unfold? Start making plans. You will have uncanny power to determine which precise parts of your life are gifted with these blessings.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Winters are cold in Olds, a town in Alberta, Canada.

Temperatures plunge as low as 24 degrees below zero Fahrenheit. But an agronomist named Dong Jianyi has built a giant greenhouse there that enables him to grow vegetables year-round. He spends no money on heat, but relies on innovative insulation to keep the inside warm. In 2021, he grew 29,000 pounds of tomatoes.

I propose we make him your inspirational role model for 2023, Sagittarius. My guess is, that like him, you will be a wellspring of imaginative resourcefulness. What creative new developments could you generate? How might you bring greater abundance into your life by drawing extra energy from existing sources? How could you harness nature to serve you even better?

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): In accordance with your astrological omens in 2023, I've chosen a quote from Capricorn storyteller Michael Meade. I hope you will make it one of your core meditations in the coming months. He writes, "All meaningful change requires a genuine surrender. Yet, to surrender does not simply mean to give up; more to give up one's usual self and allow something other to enter and redeem the lesser sense of self. In surrendering, we fall to the bottom of our arguments and seek to touch the origin of our lives again. Only then can we see as we were meant to see, from the depth of the psyche where the genius resides, where the seeds of wisdom and purpose were planted before we were born." (The quote is from Meade's book *Fate and Destiny, The Two Agreements of the Soul*.)

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): In addition to my career as a horoscope columnist, I have written novels and other books. I have worked as a singer-songwriter in rock bands and performed a one-person show in theaters. As I survey my history, I always break into sardonic laughter as I contemplate how many businesspeople have advised me, "First, you've got to sell out. You've got to dumb down your creative efforts so as to make yourself salable. Only later, after you have become successful, can you afford to be true to your deepest artistic principles." I am very glad I never heeded that terrible counsel, because it would have made me insane and unhappy. How are you doing with this central problem of human life, Aquarius? Are you serving the gods of making money or the gods of doing what you love? The coming year will, I suspect, bring you prime opportunities to emphasize the latter goal.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): I've chosen a sweet taste of advice for you to keep referring back to in 2023. It's in rapt alignment with upcoming astrological omens. I suggest you copy my counsel out in longhand on a piece of paper and keep it in your wallet or under your pillow. Here it is, courtesy of author Martha Beck: "The important thing is to tell yourself a life story in which you, the hero, are primarily a problem solver rather than a helpless victim. This is well within your power, whatever fate might have dealt you."

Homework: What one element could you add to your life that would bring a major enhancement? Newsletter.FreeWillAstrology. com

©2022 Jonesin’ Crosswords (editor@jonesincrosswords.com) For answers to this puzzle, call: 1-900-226-2800, 99 cents per minute. Must be 18+. Or to bill to your credit card, call: 1-800-655-6548. Reference puzzle #JNZ990. ACROSS 1. Job safety gp. 5. Open a smidge 9. Tiny flying pests 14. "Modern Family" dad 15. In ___ parentis 16. "Grey's Anatomy" extra 17. Bridge charge 18. Shrinking of a bookstore section? 20. Crash sites 22. Body of belief 23. Uffizi display 24. Dividing word 26. Award-winning 2015 movie whose title means "hitman" 28. Breakfast sandwich layer, usually 30. Sch. that both Dido and Shakira attended (even for a little bit) 33. Former presidential candidate ___ Perot 34. How electricity is conducted through a baguette? 38. Scorch 39. Friends in France 40. "That ain't good" 44. Extra-strength bones, like the ones used to play a skeleton like a xylophone? 47. Jeremy of "Entourage" 50. Bengaluru attire 51. Martini base 52. Stuffs with food 55. MacFarlane or Green of "Family Guy" 57. Designer monogram that's surprisingly late in the alphabet (as monograms go) 58. On guard 61. Town known for its mustard 64. Instruction after a power outage? 67. Remote button 68. "Taskmaster" assistant Alex 69. It may follow someone or something 70. Some lifesavers, for short 71. Spirited horse 72. Film spool 73. Place to park DOWN 1. Chooses 2. "Be off with you!" 3. Designer Tommy 4. Poe's middle name 5. '80s TV alien 6. ___ de vivre 7. Bank offering, for short 8. Some IRAs 9. Potato dumplings 10. Sister in an order 11. Hall of Fame jockey Eddie 12. Trouble, in Yiddish slang 13. Ruckuses 19. "Creed ___" (2023 boxing movie sequel) 21. Tuxedo shirt button 25. Creator of a philosophical "razor" 27. Pianist Rubenstein 28. Retreating tide 29. "Despicable Me" supervillain 31. Like cooked spaghetti 32. April sign 35. Built up the pot 36. Michael of "Scott Pilgrim vs. the World" 37. People logged in 41. Track and field event 42. Sendai sash 43. Competitor of QVC 45. Planning to marry 46. "Divorced,
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WEEK OF DECEMBER 29 © 2022 ROB BREZSNY FREE WILL last week’s answers ASTROLOGY CHECK OUT ROB BREZSNY’S EXPANDED WEEKLY AUDIO HOROSCOPES & DAILY TEXT MESSAGE HOROSCOPES freewillastrology.com The audio horoscopes are also available by phone at 1-877-873-4888 or 1-900-950-7700 30 Willamette Week DECEMBER 21, 2022 wweek.com
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