Willamette Week, February 1, 2023 - Volume 49, Issue 12 - "They Left"

By Anthony Effinger

WHAT WE LEARNED FROM READING THIS WEEK’S PAPER VOL. 49, ISSUE 12

Shroom House’s shrooms were mid. 6

A dozen state of Oregon employees live in Florida 7

A man turned the Farmer’s Barn into a thrift store for stolen goods. 7

“Pirate hobos” stole electrical power from Newport Seafood Grill 9

A suspect in Corvallis catalytic converter trafficking shifted his persona from computer nerd to globe-trotting DJ 11

A former resident of Woodlawn claims her whole block moved to escape gunfire. 14

Portland’s new Main Street is Kruse Way 15

In two years, people leaving Portland took more than $120,000 in taxable income to Deschutes County. 16

ON THE COVER:

Interactive displays are finally back at the Portland Winter Light Festival. 21

Arrive near opening and order by the pound if you plan to pick up some pork belly at Fortune BBQ Noodle House. 22

Master Kong has quietly opened a second location off Southeast Hawthorne Boulevard. 22

Studies show that CBC may be nearly 10 times as effective as CBD for relieving anxiety 24

Ta’Mara MoNique “F.I.Y.A.” Walker’s favorite joke is a very long magic fish story. 25

Putting meat in a quiche is sacrilegious. 26

There are two-by-fours with more personality than Tom Brady. 28

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Last week, WW explored the role of Multnomah County District Attorney Mike Schmidt in founding a program— the first in the nation, according to the judge that runs it—that allows people convicted of violent offenses to avoid prison time if they commit to behavioral health treatment (“Rolling the Dice,” Jan. 25). Schmidt won the county’s top prosecutor job with promises of reform—which he’s keeping with programs like this novel court, as well as a sentencing policy that follows the principles of restorative justice. But a backlash is forming: Over the weekend, administrative law judge and former Portland City Council candidate Vadim Mozyrsky told WW he may challenge Schmidt in 2024. Here’s what our readers had to say:

JOSHUA MARQUIS, VIA WWEEK.COM: “At a time when murder and violent crime rates are at historically unprecedented levels, the response of freshman DA Schmidt is to go even further down the road of appeasement and catering to the most violent criminals.

“His ‘woo woo’ policies have brought blood and tears to Portland, while he walls himself off from press inquiries and loses murder trials at unprecedented rates.

“Retired DA John Foote has more hands-on experience than most of what remains of Schmidt’s senior staff— combined. Foote speaks an inconvenient truth: Murder is at unprecedented levels, and pandering to the worst violent felons didn’t work in the ’70s and ’80s, which is why voters twice overwhelmingly endorsed Measure 11 for the MOST violent crimes.

“Schmidt isn’t betting his future. He’s always landed with a well-paying job and will when

voters wake up in May of 2024 and vote him out. But the victims will stay raped and murdered, and these ‘programs’ that serve violent felons and their lawyers will rightfully fade into the trash can of history.”

PDXSWEARWOLF, VIA REDDIT: “So, the victim gets to pay for his own significant medical bills by begging his friends and family for money, and the perpetrator gets to become a sandwich artist and spend time with her kids. The victim’s family doesn’t feel like they’ve been served at all by this process, but that doesn’t seem to count for anything.

“For the people who support this kind of program, and other prison abolition-type things—do you honestly think this will lead to a better society in the long run? How much of our public safety are you willing to sacrifice to find out?

“For the people on the fence, is this really what you’d want to happen if you, or your loved one,

Dr. Know

BY MARTY SMITH @martysmithxxx

I was recently let go from my job. I’m filing for unemployment, but I hear from my former co-workers that my old boss may try to “fight it.” Does he have any control over whether I get benefits? And why should he care if the state wants to cut me a check? —Some Guy at the Bar

Not all Dr. Know questions come to me by email—some are asked in conversations over drinks, some are texted to me by acquaintances, some are shouted at me through car windows by strangers on the freeway. (Not sure why they were asking, but I learned to drive in Illinois.*) All these forms are acceptable.

That said, answers delivered in such settings are not guaranteed. If you’re reading this, Guy, please substitute the following for any in-person suggestions I may have made involving flamethrowers and capitalist pigs.

Oregon’s system of “at will” employment draws a distinction between “for cause” termination—where it’s felt you could have avoided getting fired if you’d wanted to—and “no cause” termination, which includes things

or your friend was the victim of a violent crime?”

MATT MCNALLY, VIA TWITTER: “Republican consultants and big business interests are trying so hard to force Vadim into any position of power.”

WHOA NELLY, VIA WWEEK. COM: “Hey, I say let’s give our cranky libertarians here what they want and vote [Mozyrsky] in. He’ll be a hot, unqualified mess and maybe they’ll get it out of their systems.”

LISA LOVING, VIA WWEEK. COM: “It really does look like a bright and shiny new day for conservatism in Little Beirut.”

LUPINERED, VIA REDDIT:

“Every other month, my office receives a letter from a man in Ohio who is convinced that Vadim Mozyrsky is the key to eliminating a ring of people smugglers who are operating across state lines in Minnesota and Iowa. The letters are generally handwritten and include some, uh, interesting drawings, in addition to photographs of allegedly trafficked individuals (occasionally, some of the pictures have stock image watermarks).

“My office is in no way affiliated with Vadim Mozyrsky.”

LETTERS TO THE EDITOR must include the author's street address and phone number for verification. Letters must be 250 or fewer words.

Submit to: PO Box 10770, Portland OR, 97296

Email: mzusman@wweek.com

like layoffs over which the employee has no control.

Employees let go without cause usually collect benefits; those terminated for cause often don’t. (This is why you can’t just poop on the boss’s desk every day until you get fired and then go home and wait for your check.)

As you’re now learning, employers and workers don’t always agree on what constitutes “cause,” and it often takes an administrative law hearing to separate the temporary layoffs from the desk-pooping incidents.

Employees want to believe they’re innocent because it means they deserve weekly checks, while employers like to think workers had it coming because they don’t want to see their insurance rates go up.

You see, just as we don’t want to incentivize workers to get fired, we don’t want employers shedding payroll anytime they have a tough week, so places with a lot of no-cause terminations have to pay higher unemployment insurance premiums to the state.

This is probably why your boss cares what happens. It’s like when you wreck your car and try to prove it was the other guy’s fault so your car insurance doesn’t go up, except you weren’t both drunk at the time of the incident (unless you work in the restaurant industry).

*Also, the examiner who issued my first driver’s license was later fired for giving a license to a blind guy. True story!

Questions? Send them to dr.know@wweek.com.

STATE PAYROLL WOES CONTINUE: Although the Oregon Department of Administrative Services insists it is rapidly solving problems with the new Workday payroll and HR management system it implemented Jan. 3, many state employees—and their dependents—remain ballistic. They’re frustrated because child support and alimony have gone unpaid as a result of erroneous paychecks. “It’s a total, unmitigated disaster,” says Marc Abrams, a vice president at the Oregon chapter of the American Federation of State, County and Municipal Employees, which represents 300 attorneys at the state Department of Justice. “I’ve got 30 members who got paid too little and 15 who got paid too much, and everybody hates it because it’s not getting fixed.” Five public employee unions have filed grievances, and AFSCME sued in Multnomah County Circuit Court on Jan. 31, “seeking a court order requiring the state of Oregon to fix its payroll system.”

NIKE’S NORTHEAST STORE BOARDS UP: The Nike community retail store along Northeast Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd. is now boarded up with plywood. Nike closed the 13,000-squarefoot retail building in October. News outlets traced the closure to a string of thefts. The Nike Store remained well lit and somewhat staffed for months, and still contained all of its retail shelves and racks. But with plywood blocking the view inside the store, it doesn’t appear it will reopen anytime soon. Nike built the store in 1984 in hopes it would become a flagship community hub in a predominantly Black neighborhood struggling with rising crime. The Oregon sportswear giant is amid a shift in its retail strategy: It closed a Nike Store in downtown Seattle last month, and the Portland Business Journal reports it’s opening a new location in the upscale outdoor shopping plaza Bridgeport Village. A request for comment to Nike went unanswered.

WATER BUREAU DELAYS PIPELINE: The Portland Water Bureau on Jan. 31 abruptly halted the Willamette River Crossing Project, which it has been pursuing for more than a decade. The Water Bureau planned to lay a new pipeline under the Willamette River to ensure the westside’s drinking water supply in the event the

bureau’s current, seismically vulnerable pipelines should rupture in a major earthquake (“The Big Muddy,” WW, Dec. 7, 2022). “In the last 45 days alone, new information on construction inflation projections, supply chain challenges, and overlap with other Water Bureau, city of Portland and regional projects of a similar nature intensified the potential risks with moving forward now,” the bureau said in a statement. Ron Doctor, leader of a group of South Waterfront residents who questioned the cost and effectiveness of the city’s design, applauded the decision. “I’m pleased that PWB has realized that their current WRX Pipeline plan is not feasible,” Doctor says.

“And I’m pleased that they are closing down their construction sites and will rebid the project.” The bureau now says it now hopes to start construction on the pipeline in 2027-28.

MIKE SCHRUNK DIES AT 80: Revered former Multnomah County District Attorney Mike Schrunk died Monday. He was 80. His passing was widely mourned. Schrunk won the respect of judges, prosecutors and defense lawyers during his 32-year tenure as Portland’s top prosecutor. All camps sang his praises when he death was announced Jan. 30 (family members told The Oregonian Schrunk died of complications from Alzheimer’s disease). County leaders declared a day in his honor following his retirement in 2012.

“Mike has always been known for doing the right thing,” then-Chief Criminal Judge Julie Frantz of the Multnomah County Circuit Court said at the time. Schrunk’s influence on Portland’s criminal justice system has extended long after his reign as DA. His handpicked successor, Rod Underhill, served until 2020. Underhill’s successor, Mike Schmidt, credits Schrunk with giving him his “first chance” to practice criminal law, and has adopted some aspects of his former boss’s mentality. Schrunk opposed the death penalty, started one of the first drug offense diversion courts in the country, and avoided partisanship. “Political winds change,” Schrunk told an interviewer in 2007. “What we need is to get the data, and we need to ask the questions of the bright young men and women that can analyze this data.”

STOP WORK: The halted Willamette River Crossing Project may someday bore a pipeline under the river.

Electric Kool-Aid Shroom House Test

We tested the Shroom House shrooms. There’s good news and bad news.

BY ANTHONY EFFINGER aeffinger@wweek.com

Shroom House followed none of Oregon’s laws during its brief, lucrative run selling psychedelic mushrooms from a store on West Burnside Street in November.

Among the regulations it ignored w testing its product at a state-certified laboratory. We know that because there were no state-certified labs operating then. There still aren’t.

Only one testing facility has applied for a license from the Oregon Health Au thority: Rose City Laboratories LLC, a tidy high-tech lab in Southeast Portland that started out testing cannabis in 2012 and has since branched out into asbestos detection and other areas to insulate itself from the slumping weed market.

Rose City has been certified to test psychedelic mushrooms by the Oregon Environmental Laboratory Accredi tation Program, a first step toward licensure. So, we brought the lab the mushrooms we bought at Shroom House on Dec. 1, a week before po lice shut it down.

It turns out Shroom House was selling real shrooms. Ours contained 4.73 milligrams of psilocybin per gram of dried fungi, or about 0.47% by weight. Psilocybin is the active ingredient in magic mushrooms, along with psilocin. Our sample didn’t contain enough psilocin to be detected, which is not unusual, Rose City says.

The shrooms we bought were called Penis Envy (so named because they look like little dicks). Penis Envy is a substrain of Psilocybe cubensis that, according to shroom sites on the internet, has higher levels of psilocybin than other strains. The clerk at Shroom House told us the same thing, which is why we bought them.

But our Penis Envy shrooms were a little flaccid.

“It’s a pretty middle-of-the-road sample,” Bjorn Fritzsche, research chemist at Rose City, told us in an email. “Most Psilocybe cubensis samples come in at around half a percent psilocybin.”

Given the figures, Fritzsche says, it would take 1 or 2 grams of Shroom House Penis Envy to feel an effect, 4 to 5 to trip, and 6 or more to trip balls (our words, not his). We did a one-subject human trial confirming that a gram made for an interesting evening.

Another test of Shroom House products went less well, Fritzsche says. A member of

$1,300

On Jan. 18, the Portland City Council unveiled its latest response to the city’s housing crisis: renovation of the city-owned Fairfield Apartments, an 82-unit affordable housing complex at 1103 SW Harvey Milk St.

The city will sell the 1911-built structure to housing agency Home Forward for a rehab valued at $36.15 million. That total equals $482,000 per unit or $1,300 a square foot.

Nearly all the refurbished apartments will be single-room occupancy, meaning they lack kitchens and private bathrooms.

WW ran those numbers by housing experts. Although most declined to comment for the record, the experts, to a person, found the expense extraordinary.

shortage if we are losing existing affordable housing at the same time.”

The project’s costs are very high: Gold and his partners finished a 112-unit project in East Portland last year at a total cost of $302 a square foot. City-subsidized housing on the eastside is more expensive but getting built for under $500 a square foot. Gold says the city ought to be counting every penny: “There is no excuse for spending that type of money for an SRO product when you could build complete apartments for half the cost or less.”

mies that, in addition to completely ripping off Walt Disney imagery (down to suggesting that you’d feel like Mickey Mouse if you ate the whole package), purported to be made from Penis Envy mushrooms.

In fact, the gummies contained no natural psilocybin or psilocin. Rather, they contained a synthetic compound called acetylpsilocin, Fritzsche says. It was first synthesized in the 1960s by Albert Hofmann, the Swiss chemist who discovered LSD, to use for research.

“It’s nothing bad,” Fritzsche says, “but it’s not mushroom derived.”

The Magic Kingdom gummies wouldn’t have passed muster with Oregon regulators. But, then again, nothing about Shroom House did, and that’s why it’s gone.

Rose City Laboratories Test Results

Subject: Penis Envy from Shroom House

Psilocybin: 4.73 milligrams per gram (0.47% by weight)

Psilocin: Below the LOQ*

Total Potential Psilocin: 3.4 milligrams per gram (psilocybin metabolizes into psilocin, which produces psychedelic effects)

*The “limit of quantification,” the lowest amount of analyte—the substance tested for— that Rose City can reliably quantify.

Housing Commissioner Carmen Rubio says such criticism is misplaced. “Building new units is an urgent need and it is equally critical to retain, rehabilitate, and preserve existing affordable housing,” Rubio says. “We are not facing an either/or choice; we need to do both.”

The price tag includes the city’s contribution of the structure (valued at $5.24 million) and $8.5 million in cash. Interim Portland Housing Bureau director Molly Rogers told the City Council it was a good deal because the city’s money leveraged hefty private investment while preserving a historic building.

Here are the objections experts raised:

The investment doesn’t create any new units: The Fairfield comprises 82 units. Seven will be lost in the renovation, so $36.15 million will result in less housing. Experts say the city should instead focus on creating as many new units as possible. “Rather than patting themselves on the back for the 75 units,” says developer David Gold, “what about the hundreds of units that didn’t get built because our leaders weren’t good stewards of public funds?”

Housing Bureau spokeswoman Martha Calhoon says the city’s portfolio of deeply affordable housing for the city’s poorest residents is in dire need of preservation.

“Addressing the affordable housing shortage can’t be an either/or proposition,” Calhoon says. “Building new units alone doesn’t help us to address the affordable housing

Calhoon says the Housing Bureau prioritizes leveraging as much outside money as possible, and by its calculations, the Fairfield is an efficient use of public funds and preferable to starting from scratch.

“ With respect to total development costs, one cannot make apples-to-apples comparisons between market-rate and affordable housing,” she says. “Affordable housing projects must factor in additional costs due to the fact that they are publicly funded assets which must last for generations, generate very little rental income, [and] come with 99 years of affordability.”

High-quality newer buildings are selling cheap: Higher interest rates and waning investor enthusiasm for Portland has created a buyers’ market for apartment buildings.

One recent example: The Reveal, a 2017-built market-rate building in the Pearl District sold in November for $305 a square foot— less than a quarter of the cost of the Fairfield rehab. All over town, brokers say, there are buildings for sale at well below the cost of construction. “I think it’s a cheaper and more timely solution than doing these significantly expensive renovations,” says Robert Black, a senior vice president at Newmark, a commercial brokerage firm.

But the city has been working to save the Fairfield for a long time. “The Fairfield is in one of the most important downtown locations for permanent supportive housing where returning residents and formerly homeless residents could easily access services and transportation,” Calhoon says.

NIGEL JAQUISS.

That’s how much Portland and private partners are spending per square foot to renovate downtown apartments.

THE BIG NUMBER

BARN DOOR OPEN

When squatters sleep in a dive bar, neighbors wake up to a nightmare.

ADDRESS: 7421 N Denver Ave.

YEAR BUILT: 1916

SQUARE FOOTAGE: 997

MARKET VALUE: $1 million

OWNER: Farmers Barn LLC

HOW LONG IT’S BEEN EMPTY: More than 4 years

WHY IT’S EMPTY: Failed nightlife ambitions, successful squatters

In 2018, the owner of the Farmer’s Barn died, and the neighborhood dive bar on North Lombard Street closed its doors for good.

The building was purchased the following year by a California developer, Tim Brown, for $720,000. In 2021, he roped in his son and a local music promoter to help with the project. Whatever plans they had in mind for what neighbors call a “sleepy, dumpy” bar quickly fell apart. The new owners, unable to sell it, have instead left it to rot.

In the meantime, a new crop of regulars has moved in.

On Saturday, a man was asleep on a couch inside. A hole had been burned through the floor into the cellar. The walls were covered with graffiti, the buildings’ wiring, furniture and appliances had been plundered by thieves.

The marquee outside calls it the Boom Boom Room. And the building and surrounding property have become the neighborhood’s most persistent—and, according to neighbors, dangerous—homeless encampment.

Robert Squires, a mail carrier who lives two doors down from the bar, says he’s had a gun pulled on him twice by people in the encampment. “It’s surreal. It’s horrifying,” he says.

For a while, a man had fixed up the dilapidated building as a sort of thrift store for what neighbors say were stolen goods. He ripped open a back wall to create a makeshift garage, where he parked a golf cart. The owners boarded up the back wall, but the front door remains unsecured.

The property is now used as the local dump, and people occasionally drive by and drop off unwanted clothes that pile up in the sidewalk and street.

Over the years, Arbor Lodge neighbors have gone to every city bureau they can think of, asking for help. They’ve called the police. They’ve called the fire bureau. They’ve filed code complaints.

“The fire marshal is the only person who’s ever responded to any of my calls over the years—because there’s billowing smoke

coming out from inside,” Squires says.

Meka Webb lives directly next door to the bar, and her home office overlooks the tent-filled alleyway. The near-nightly fires terrify her, particularly when they’re inside the abandoned building.

But calling 911 doesn’t help. In fact, she says, the police told her to stop. “I’m scared to leave my house,” she says.

At some point, the city posted a large red “U” sign on the former tavern’s facade, signifying that the fire marshal has determined the building may be too dangerous for firefighters to enter.

But the city appears to have done little else since, other than notify the building’s owner.

Two complaints filed with the city’s Bureau of Development Services in early 2022 were closed out within a few months.

Eric Marentette sent a series of emails to city officials asking why more wasn’t being done. In May, a city inspector said she’d ordered the owner to board up the bar. Then, in September: “A notice was sent to the owner in late July regarding keeping the site secure, removing trash and other items from the outdoor areas and cutting the grass,” a city administrator in the Property Compliance Division wrote.

City officials, it turns out, aren’t the only ones trying to reach the building’s owners.

Their broker, Jason VanAbrams, tried for much of past year to sell the building, to no avail. The building was marketed as a restaurant, but “the squatters ruined it,” he says.

by the agency for travel to and from the central workplace.”

PROBLEM IT SEEKS TO

SOLVE: Remote work soared during the pandemic. At least 500 of the state’s 45,000 employees live and work far from Salem, according to data provided by the Oregon Department of Administrative Services.

SPONSOR: Sen. Tim Knopp (R-Bend)

WHAT IT WOULD DO: Require state employees who live full time in other states to pay their own travel costs when they return to Oregon on state business. Currently, state HR policy that went into effect in December 2021 says that “employees who work under the full-time remote work model must be reimbursed

The DAS list contains 494 names but does not include employees at the Oregon Lottery, the State Treasury, Secretary of State’s Office or Department of Justice. Those employees are classified as “fulltime remote,” which means they’ve gotten permission to live and work in another state and are now expected to work in Oregon fewer than eight days a year.

The remote worker total includes 29 in Texas and 12 in Florida—states with no income taxes—and four in Hawaii, which levies high taxes but also offers big waves.

The listing expired, and VanAbrams hasn’t been in contact with the owners since. “They’re stuck with this derelict piece of property. They can’t do anything with it,” he says.

For the past year, the shell of what was once the Farmer’s Barn was owned by a limited liability corporation created by Brandon Brown, with two members: Tim Brown and Michael Quinn, a music promoter and one of the founders of the Doug Fir Lounge. The LLC was dissolved in 2021. Neither Brandon nor Quinn responded to WW’s calls.

When reached by phone, Tim Brown told WW he’d been “bought out by my partner” and no longer owned the building.

“ You got the wrong person for the comment, but I would suggest you talk to City Hall,” he said.

On Wednesday, Dusty McCord, vice chair of the Arbor Lodge Neighborhood Association, did exactly that.

“The current situation is nothing short of a disaster that has been traumatizing our neighborhood for over a year,” he told leaders at last week’s City Council meeting.

And, this time, the neighbors’ pleas appear to have found a sympathetic ear.

“Don’t go anywhere,” Mayor Ted Wheeler told McCord. “I know we have a lot to say on this subject.”

They did. For nearly 10 minutes, the mayor and city commissioners took turns telling McCord that they were aware of the problem—and doing everything they could to fix it.

That very day, the Bureau of Development Services asked a Multnomah County circuit judge for an administrative warrant. If granted, the city can board up the building and fence it off without the owner’s permission.

The timing was “entirely coincidental,” says Ken Ray, spokesman for the bureau. “The warrant has been in process for a while,” he says, the result of another nuisance complaint that’s been open since July.

Marentette is encouraged, but skeptical. “This is after I’ve literally begged them to escalate this situation for months. They finally did, but that doesn’t guarantee a good result,” he wrote in an email to WW

Even the trespassers are happy the city is finally doing something about the mess.

“People come through here and just dump shit,” says Rich, a former shipyard worker who is living in a tent in the alleyway. He declined to give his last name but said he’s addicted to meth and has been living on the street for six months.

He burns fires to stay alive. His fingers were frostbitten in the December cold snap. But he doesn’t want to move to a shelter out of fear that his possessions— he owns a bicycle and a generator—would be stolen. “There’s safety in numbers,” he says. LUCAS MANFIELD.

Every week, WW examines one mysteriously vacant property in the city of Portland, explains why it’s empty, and considers what might arrive there next. Send addresses to newstips@wweek.com.

When managers want these employees to appear in person, it’s on the taxpayer dime. (DAS says it does not have a total for how much the policy cost last year.)

WHO SUPPORTS IT: When WW first reported last year that two Oregon Lottery managers lived in Florida and Texas, Knopp was incredulous. He now says he has 29 Senate and 23 House co-sponsors.

“ I was outraged at the unfair policy and that taxpayers were footing the bill for out of state employees to be flown back into Oregon,” Knopp says. “The entire state senate has agreed with me and are sponsoring the bill.”

State Treasurer Tobias Read, a Democrat, is also an outspoken critic of using state dollars for the remote workers’ commuting costs.

WHO OPPOSES IT: State officials

do not have a position on Knopp’s bill, but in a statement, DAS spokeswoman Andrea Chiapella defended current state policy: “Offering remote and hybrid work plays an integral role in state government being a competitive employer, both in terms of recruiting a diverse candidate pool and in retaining top talent. As we evolve as a workplace and as an employer of choice, we will continue to reevaluate those policies to ensure that we are providing the important services the public relies on while prioritizing great customer service and accountability.”

WHAT HAPPENS NEXT: As Senate minority leader, Knopp has the pull to get his bill a hearing. And with bipartisan support, he’s likely to get traction for a measure that would show lawmakers being fiscally responsible, although powerful public employee unions like the perk for members. NIGEL JAQUISS.

CHASING GHOSTS

The

Senate’s top Republican wants state employees who work remotely to pay their own travel costs.

ALBERTA ROSE THEATRE

MATT ANDERSEN + MARIEL BUCKLEY

FEB 3 come curious. leave transformed.

erotica edition

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FEB 15 JOHN MCLAUGHLIN Indiana anniversary tour

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UPCOMING SHOWS

ILIANA REGAN

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FEB 17 DAVID WILCOX + Jean Rohe

FEB 21

Sail Away

Portland issued 13 empty warnings to Travis Nagels to move his boat. The 14th time cost Nagels his home and taxpayers $10,000.

BY SOPHIE PEEL speel@wweek.com

It was not until after the 14th warning that the city of Portland finally towed the Rhône Ranger, a 33-foot white sailboat with blue trim, from a city dock along the Willamette River.

The boat, co-owned by Travis Nagels, had been docked there for about a year, along with six or seven other inhabited boats moored near a former floating restaurant that once sold overpriced clam chowder.

after the city took more than a year to pay for previous work.

City Council with a neatly handwrittem wrote: “Tom McCall would turn over in his grave.”

The Oreg on Department of State Lands, which oversees the state’s publicly owned waterways, estimates hundreds of abandoned or derelict boats float on those waterways. But the craft that are inhabited? Those are more prevalent along the Willamette River, clustered specifically along the two docks at Riverplace Marina. The state doesn’t have an estimate of the number of inhabited boats.

- KEROSENE DREAM - ANNIVERSARY SHOW

2/25 - DAVID JACOBS-STRAIN & BOB BEACH

3/3 - SHANE KOYCZAN

3/10 - RAMBLIN’ JACK ELLIOTT

3/11 - KEVIN BURKE

AUG 31

Nagels, 34, had received 13 notices telling him to move his boat. They’d so far been toothless, so Nagels ignored the 14th one, which arrived in September and warned that he had 10 days to move it or else the city would seize and tow it.

Portland Parks & Recreation ordered the tow of the sailboat nine business days later. That was one day too early, according to state law.

In December, the city hearings officer fined the parks bureau $10,000 for its misstep—and gave the check to nomadic mariner Nagels. The city could not give him his boat back: It had already been dismantled.

After the incident, the city stopped towing boats from the two docks altogether and is now trying to persuade the Multnomah County Sheriff’s Office to resume the job—which it is hesitant to do

What happened that October morning at Riverplace Marina was a farce featuring armed cops, frightened parks rangers, and the arrest of Nagels on a decade-old cannabis charge. It was also the result of a city that had neglected to enforce its own rules for so long that nobody took the rules seriously. In short, it was business as usual for Portland’s homelessness crisis, but this time on the water.

For more than five years, high-end renters near Riverplace Marina complained to the city of a smattering of boats whose mysterious owners illegally moored them at the two municipal docks. Neighbors called them “pirate hobos.”

“Over the years, I have watched the docks at RiverPlace change from family friendly places…to shanty towns of derelict boats taking all of the mooring space. I have observed multiple drug deals, fights and brawls, and the Parks docks being taken over by the possessions of those living on the derelict boats,” Connie Cavagnaro wrote to the Portland City Council in April 2017. “And I am tired of seeing human feces floating in the river.”

Susan West, who until just recently lived in a condo in a nearby high-rise, sent two photos to the

“There’s easy access to land and there’s lots of little shops there,” says the department’s Ali Hansen, who adds that Riverplace is “a popular spot for people who are living aboard boats to congregate.”

Portland Parks & Recreation owns the Riverplace docks. Prior to 2020, the parks bureau contracted with the Multnomah County Sheriff’s Office to tow derelict boats. The city would reimburse the county for tows and other dock maintenance such as issuing warnings.

In December 2019, the contract ended. The city owed the sheriff’s office $78,000 in outstanding bills racked up in 2019.

For more than two years after that, the parks bureau made no tows, though it kept issuing dozens of yellow slips warning boat owners to leave the dock.

Meanwhile, Travis Nagels had moved in the fall of 2020 to a 33foot sailboat with his girlfriend, Austyn Eng, and young son, Onyx. They would dock at different places, but home base was the south dock at Riverplace Marina—where parks rangers slapped 13 yellow notices on the Rhône Ranger between November 2021 and September 2022.

Nagels had met Eng in Venice Beach, Calif., about five years before. Both had wanderlust. She had

BEACHED: Travis Nagels is down one boat but is up $10,000.

been riding freight trains, he had been traveling around the states working odd jobs. They fell in love, she got pregnant, and the couple moved to Portland. When the pandemic hit, they bought a sailboat. It had been Nagels’ dream to live on a sailboat, and now he had a family to do it with.

“The best times were sailing to different places, like St. Helens and St. Johns and Government Island. Getting fish from fishermen and cooking the head,” Nagels tells WW. “We’d go have dinner at the Jamaica House, pick up groceries at Safeway, and sail out to where there’s no one.”

Eng moved off the boat with Onyx in late 2021. Nagels started using drugs more heavily, including heroin and cheap fentanyl pills called blues. He docked at the restaurant and moved only infrequently: “I was alone and my family wasn’t there anymore.”

Right around that time, the parks bureau began towing boats again in earnest. Between April and October of last year, the bureau towed seven boats at Riverplace docks, using a private towing company, A-1 Marina. (The owner of A-1 Marina, 80-year-old Daniel Gulbrandson, wouldn’t answer WW’s questions about that day. The company hasn’t been registered with the Oregon Secretary of State’s Office since 2018.)

A note written by a parks official Aug. 2, 2022, said that “Portland Fire [& Rescue] had serious fire concerns related to the vacant floating structure and use of the docks by long-term moorage.” Rangers had found an extension cord running from the Rhône Ranger to the Newport Seafood Grill. Boats would often steal the restaurant’s power.

On Oct. 12, parks rangers initiated the tow of the Rhône Ranger. They recruited the help of Portland police, according to a parks spokesman, when Nagels wouldn’t get off his boat.

Nagels says cops led him off the boat at gunpoint; the Portland Police Bureau denies this, though it says officers brought a shotgun. Parks rangers feared Nagels might be another boat-dweller who had threatened to kill restaurant maintenance workers in August and who had a laundry list of felony convictions.

Police booked Nagels into jail when they found he had an outstanding 10-year-old warrant from West Virginia for marijuana possession. The DA’s office dismissed the case two days later, but by that time, the boat was long gone, along with all of Nagels’ possessions. A-1 Marina billed the city $4,470 for the tow, documents show.

“I’m not hurting anyone here in Portland. I live in Portland be-

cause my kid’s family lives here,” Nagels tells WW. “It was traumatizing as fuck, there were a lot of guns, and they were all pointing at me.”

Nagels and Eng filed an appeal with the city’s Hearings Office later that month, arguing the tow was unlawful.

During that proceeding, hearings officer William Guzman determined that parks rangers had seized the boat on the 10th calendar day, not the 10th business day, after the warning was issued, as required by state law.

Guzman ordered the city to give Nagels’ boat back. Parks bureau employees agreed, but later told Guzman the boat had already been destroyed by A-1 Marina. They described its condition in grave terms: “dismantled beyond what is going to be seaworthy.”

(The City Ombudsman Office stepped in to help Nagels with the appeal.)

Guzman sanctioned the parks bureau $10,000, the maximum allowed, for withholding the boat’s condition at the hearing. He ordered the bureau to give Nagels the check.

A parks manager wrote to Guzman that the city advised Nagels to file a claim with the Risk Management Office “so that the city may reimburse the appellants for the value of the vessel since it cannot be returned.” That means the city will likely have to pay even more for the dismantled boat.

In an appeal filed by the City Attorney’s Office, senior deputy city attorney Robert Yamachika looked beyond Nagels’ case to the prospect of future towing. He wrote that the city had stopped paying A-1 Marina for tows and the county was expected to resume boat seizure duties at the city’s docks.

But the sheriff ’s office had been reluctant to do so, given the outstanding tab the city still hadn’t paid.

The city finally paid the county in full only last December. Parks spokesman Mark Ross tells WW that the bureau and the county “began discussions to enter into a new [agreement] to reestablish the partnership based on new resources.”

As for Nagels, he’s been sleeping in a friend’s backyard shed in Southeast. He’s recovering from a moped crash that left him with 20 stitches on his head, he says, and dealing with depression from losing his boat. He wants to go to Mexico and try an African root that’s said to make drug withdrawal easier. And he wants to be a better dad.

“I see him all the time,” Nagels says of Onyx, “but I just don’t feel capable of being present with him.”

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The latest suspect in Oregon’s catalytic converter trafficking? A former OSU honor student turned DJ.

BY LUCAS MANFIELD lmanfield@wweek.com

The booming business of fencing stolen catalytic converters in Oregon attracts a motley crew.

Portland's Best Boiled Bagel

In November, WW told the tale of a failed snowboard designer turned Uber driver, who allegedly ran a $22 million racketeering ring from a suburban lakehouse. He was joined by a San Diego surf bum, seemingly oblivious to the business’s shadowy underpinnings, and a small-time thief on the run with a fake New York state ID. All were indicted by a Washington County grand jury last year.

Since then, another figure has emerged whose indictment was not made public at the time. His name is Robert Yelas.

The 23-year-old DJ—and former Oregon State University honors student—parlayed a youthful experience ripping off coin dealers into what prosecutors allege was a lucrative new fraud: selling catalytic converters, presumably stolen off Corvallis cars.

A ccording to Beaverton Detective Patrick McNair, police watched Yelas deliver “truckloads” of catalytic converters to a warehouse in Aurora, the hub of an operation that shipped 44,000 of the stolen car parts to East Coast metal recyclers. The parts were worth millions of dollars thanks to the heavy metals they contain.

Yelas was one of more than a

dozen people pulled in by police during the yearlong investigation.

“We’d watch people do deliveries to the shop, and then we’d follow them away until we could get a positive identification,” McNair tells WW

But unlike they did with many of his alleged co-conspirators, police didn’t immediately contact Yelas.

When WW outlined the operation in a recent cover story (“From Portland to Jersey,” Nov. 30, 2022), Yelas’ theft and racketeering charges were sealed.

The charges weren’t made public until his arrest in November. The Washington County District At-

awaiting a February court date. “I have no comment,” Yelas says. But his rap sheet and extensive social media accounts tell some of the story.

This isn’t Yelas first brush with the law. He was arrested and sentenced for a remarkably similar crime in 2017 as a high school senior in Bend—this time, purporting to sell a precious metal of a different variety.

Records from that case are sealed because Yelas was charged as a juvenile. A press release from the Deschutes County District Attorney’s Office announced his sentencing but withheld the details. “Kids can and will make stupid decisions,” DA John Hummel said.

But a spokeswoman for the Bend Police Department confirmed the following account of the crime, first published in the Bend Bulletin.

torney’s Office said it was normal to seal charges prior to an arrest but declined to explain the delay.

Yelas pleaded not guilty and was released. He appeared briefly in a Washington County courtroom in January, where his attorneys asked for more time to review the “3,000 documents” they’d received through discovery. Yelas is now

Yelas bought counterfeit 1-ounce gold bars off Alibaba for $8 apiece. Each bar came with a fake receipt from an East Coast metals dealer. He then turned around and sold the bars to buyers on Craigslist. A friend, classmate Caleb Knight, delivered the goods. (Yelas later told detectives he roped in Knight to give himself plausible deniability in case he was caught—he didn’t want to jeopardize his chances of getting into a good college.)

The plan unraveled when the owners of a Bend coin shop grew

ROBERT YELAS (LEFT)

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suspicious. Bill Fleming drilled into one of the “gold” bars and injected a drop of nitric acid, a substance that doesn’t react with gold. It reacted.

Through a bit of electronic sleuthing—Yelas had a habit of reusing screen names—police detectives unearthed his Reddit account.

“ Where is the best location to hide $50,000 in your house from cops/people etc?” he asked, in a now removed post. “How would you launder/structure an illegal amount of money?” he asked in another.

More victims came forward. Yelas and Knight were ordered to pay around $60,000 in restitution, the bulk of which went to Fleming.

The conviction did not impede Yelas’ future. He attended OSU that fall, made the honor roll, and eventually graduated with a degree in computer science.

In the meantime, he was building an impressive résumé. He started a company doing marketing for local small businesses. Then, according to his LinkedIn, he organized events for Google before interning at Garmin as an aviation software engineer.

But that résumé ends abruptly in 2020. That’s when, prosecutors say, he again turned to crime. He’s charged with his involvement in the Lake Oswego racketeering ring, which charging documents say began operating in the beginning of 2021.

Like the other alleged middlemen facing racketeering charges, Yelas created an LLC in his name. He called it Delta Recycling in incorporation papers filed in March 2021.

And he dissolved it Aug. 4,

2022—days after Beaverton police raided the Aurora warehouse and arrested Brennan Doyle, the alleged cat-trafficking ringleader in Lake Oswego.

It’s not clear how Yelas obtained the catalytic converters. But police watched him drop off loads of the devices in his pickup truck. He’s charged with two counts of aggravated theft, both occurring in July 2022.

During this period, catalytic converter thefts skyrocketed, Corvallis police say. There were 11 reported thefts in 2020, Corvallis police Lt. Gabe Sapp told the OSU campus newspaper. By 2021, there were 99.

Most of them were taken off Priuses. Two “OSU vehicles” were targeted back in August.

Meanwhile, Yelas was reimagining his life. His online persona shifted from computer nerd to globe-trotting DJ.

He set up a website account for “DJ Yelas” and began hosting ladies’ nights at a Corvallis nightclub (cover: $5). His Instagram is filled with pictures of him sightseeing and partying across Europe and Asia in early 2022. A sample caption: “when you do what you love you don’t work a day in your life.”

The account was taken down hours after WW gave Yelas a call.

His TikToks remain public. In one, shot last Halloween, Yelas, dressed in a cowboy hat and sleeveless flannel, chugs a beer while egging on the crowd from the roof of a frat house, perilously close to the edge. As of Monday, it had been liked 96 times.

Catalytic con verter theft dropped in Portland in the wake of the Doyle raids. And there’s some evidence it did in Corvallis too—there were only 35 reports last year, down 64% from 2021.

But even back in November, law enforcement officers were warning WW that little was stopping new criminals from filling the void.

In December, police raided a $7 million operation that had trafficked 28,000 stolen catalytic converters through Medford and Bend. Its 25-year-old ringleader had been fencing the car parts since late 2021, prosecutors say.

And theft reports are back up in Corvallis. There have been 15 already this year, Lt. Sapp says.

SNATCHED: Robert Yelas is accused of delivering stolen catalytic converters by the truckload to an Aurora warehouse.

MICHAEL RAINES

“Where is the best location to hide $50,000 in your house from cops/ people etc?”

Portland is losing some of its biggest fans.

BY ANTHONY EFFINGER aeffinger@wweek.com

The old saying is a conservative is a liberal who’s been mugged. In Portland, many liberals are dodging stray bullets, losing catalytic converters to thieves, and sidestepping tents. Then they open their tax bills.

Maybe they aren’t voting Republican. But some are voting with their feet, getting the hell out of a city that once stole their hearts, driven away as taxes rise and quality of life declines.

Multnomah County has lost residents for the past three years, according to Portland State University’s Population Research Center.

Before 2020, it hadn’t lost people since 1987, and that was just a oneyear blip in an upward run that began in 1984.

In the most recent PSU estimate—for the year ended July 1, 2022— the population fell by 2,321. The cause was “out migration,” PSU says, which is a fancy way of saying people bailed.

That may not seem like a lot in a county that had 812,563 residents as of July 1, 2021, but it’s a reversal of fortune for a city that once attracted migrants from other states the way locally roasted Chemex coffee draws men with sleeve tattoos.

Josh Lehner, a state economist, says his department had expected a rebound in 2022, but it didn’t arrive. The longer the slump in population lasts, he says, the less likely pandemic-related moving patterns are to blame, and the more likely it is that Portland has a problem.

“Are we just a year off,” he asks, “or is there something fundamentally different?”

For some longtime Oregonians, the U-turn is hardly puzzling. Portland has switched from attracting new arrivals to repelling its current citizens—especially those with a few coins in their pockets and feet that start itching at tax time.

Stu Peterson, 65, grew up in Portland, and has been selling commercial real estate for decades as a partner at Macadam Forbes. He says the recent outflow of Portlanders with means is something new in his

experience.

“I’ve never seen money move out of here,” Peterson says. “Nobody ever wanted to leave Oregon. It’s a beautiful place. Most evacuees are high-wage earners who are fed up with the crime, taxes and homelessness, in that order. There’s an ugly spiral.”

The exodus includes names with cachet in Portland’s most exclusive clubs.

Jordan Menashe, chief executive of homegrown Portland real estate firm Menashe Properties, left last year for Dallas. Marquee developer Mark Edlen also appears to have shifted his primary residence eastward: He canceled his Oregon voter registration last year.

In an interview, Edlen said he’d always planned to retire in Sun Valley, Idaho, where he lives now, but he still does most of his philanthropy in Oregon.

“The taxes are pretty close to the same,” Edlen says. “I haven’t done the math.”

The founders of Baker Ellis Asset Management LLC—Barnes Ellis and Brian Baker—packed up their money management firm and moved it across the Columbia River to Vancouver, Wash. Property records show that Ellis moved his residence north, too, buying a place in Ridgefield.

Ellis didn’t return calls seeking comment. Few upper-crust Portlanders would discuss moving. Some wealthy expatriates worry that Multnomah County or the Oregon Department of Revenue will pay special attention to their taxes on the way out, says one real estate broker, who declined to be named.

Regular folks were more willing to talk about their decisions to go.

In the past month, WW spoke with six people who have left or are preparing to leave Portland. All of them are upper middle class. Most of them described bittersweet feelings about departing a city that once drew them like a magnet, or even a lover.

But none of them had second thoughts

CONTINUED ON PAGE 14

ILLUSTRATION BY MCKENZIE YOUNG-ROY @MCKENZIEYOUNGART

KATIE SCHNEIDER WAS ONE OF THEM. SHE moved to the Woodlawn neighborhood of Northeast Portland in 2009, and says she quickly grew accustomed to the occasional sound of gunfire outside her house.

Then someone opened fire from a car on a summer evening in 2020, killing 22-year-old Jordan Lee Lewis on Dekum Street, just around the corner from her house and in front of Breakside Brewery, which her family frequented.

Seven months later, after putting her kids to bed, a car crashed in the intersection in front of her house. Her husband found a man, gut-shot and bleeding. Three parked cars had been struck, and police found 60 shell casings in the street.

In April 2021, two months after the car crash, they moved to a rented house in Vancouver, where she worked as a school counselor. Her husband, a bridge engineer, worked from home. A year and a half later, they moved to Anacortes.

Schneider wasn’t alone. “Our whole block moved within two years,” she says.

Schneider, 42, is a liberal who—still—loves Portland. But she couldn’t raise her family in a city where leaders don’t seem to have any solutions, despite having coffers full of taxpayers’ money.

“I don’t mind paying taxes, but I need to know that they are being put to good use,” Schneider says. “If they had been, I wouldn’t have had to move to a different state.”

MOST OF THE PEOPLE WHO SPOKE WITH WW were leaving for two reasons: high taxes and a growing sense of danger. Schneider spoke openly about the former, as did some others. All were eager to speak about the latter.

Lauren McCabe says she left in August 2021 mostly because her kids, now 8, 10 and 12, struggled with school closures during the pandemic. Her oldest attended Cathedral School in North-

Roslyn Hill loves Portland but questions the tax burden.

BLAKE BENARD

west, where she says teachers sometimes hustled kids in from recess because nearby tents had caught fire, raising fears of toxins in the smoke.

McCabe, who voted for Barack Obama twice, then Hillary Clinton, had a number of unpleasant encounters. On one occasion, McCabe’s husband and son waited for the school’s gates to open, and a man sat down behind their car, shot up, and left the needle in the street. While walking to Salt & Straw on a date night, she and her husband were chased by a woman who was talking to herself.

McCabe and her husband are both chiropractors. Pandemic restrictions made it hard to operate, and new taxes squeezed their budget.

After 18 years in Oregon, McCabe, 43, decided it was time to go. She sold her practice and bought one in Naples, Fla.

“I didn’t think I was ever leaving Oregon,” McCabe says. But she did—as did some of her new neighbors on the Gulf Coast. “There are a handful of Oregonians who live near us. We share stories.”

Some Portlanders bristle when they hear about people leaving. Stephen Green, founder of PitchBlack, a competition for Black entrepreneurs, says the panic about Portland is overdone.

“ We had a lot of people move here from 2008 to 2012 because we were No. 1 on this list or No. 1 on that list,” Green says. “They came here to consume the culture, not add to it. A lot of folks who are leaving were never committed. I’ll be here in 30 years.”

Others are wavering in that commitment. Developer Roslyn Hill grew up in Portland and bought her first commercial property on Northeast Alberta Street in 1991. She’s been committed to the neighborhood since, removing graffiti and picking up trash.

But she’s growing weary of the blight, and of paying taxes that don’t seem to pay for improvement. Recently, she returned home to find a man sitting on the bench in front of her house on North Lombard eating chicken, throwing the bones into her garden and charging his phone at one of her outdoor sockets.

Add the steady drip of new taxes, and it came to drive her mad, especially the new Preschool for All tax. “I paid for my own kids’ preschool,” Hill, 78, says. “I worked three jobs to do it.”

In August, she bought a duplex in Vancouver. She’s been fixing it up and hopes to move sometime soon.

“Paying taxes for issues that don’t seem to change how the city looks and feels is disappointing,” Hill says. “I like where I live. Portland is my home, but paying additional taxes with no improved outcome is hard.”

STARTING IN 2017, MULTNOMAH COUNTY voters passed several tax measures aimed at improving life in their burgeoning city. After Metro and the county levied taxes to combat homelessness and provide preschool for all, Portland now has the second-highest total state and local income tax rate in the nation—14.69%—exceeded only by New York City at 14.78%, according to a report from Ernst & Young commissioned by Oregon Business & Industry.

That’s the top marginal tax rate, meaning you pay it only on income above $125,000 for individuals and $250,000 for married couples filing together. By comparison, the only New Yorkers paying the top rate there are those making $25 million or more, single or married. That means plenty of nonplutocrat Oregonians are paying taxes rivaled only by those levied on Gotham millionaires.

Unfortunately, just as taxes went up, quality of life went down. Way down. A record 101 homicides occurred in Portland last year, up from previous records of 92 in 2021 and 70 in 1987.

Thieves stole 11,000 cars in 2022, up from 9,000 a year before. Few walls are undecorated by graf-

fiti. Even signs high over interstates are tagged. Unsheltered homelessness soared: The city says there are some 800 camps.

Stu Peterson and his cohort argue that people like Schneider who flee the bullets are canaries in the Stumptown coal mine and that we had better cut taxes soon, or else (see “Taxed Out of Town,” right).

Things are likely to get worse, too, they say, unless Portland voters come to their senses. In December, the state said activists had gathered enough signatures to put a measure on Multnomah County’s May 2023 ballot that would levy a 0.75% tax on capital gains to hire attorneys for tenants facing eviction.

Juan Carlos Ordóñez, communications director at the Oregon Center for Public Policy, says he doubts that taxes are driving meaningful numbers of people out of Portland. Oregonians voted to raise taxes on people making $250,000 or more in 2010, and the business community “went nuts,” Ordóñez says. But from 2010 to 2017, the number of Oregonians with at least $1 million in annual income jumped 133%, a 2019 report showed, the biggest jump in any state during that period.

“Taxes don’t cause people to leave,” Ordóñez says. “There is plenty of research showing this. And the state is better off having a strong tax system with a few rich people leaving than it is with a low tax rate and poor services.”

Before you say good riddance to the capitalists, however, remember that when a taxpayer leaves, they take their tax money with them. If things look bad now, they are likely to look a lot worse if there is less money for cops, firefighters, homeless shelters, and 911 services.

THAT’S WHAT WORRIES ERICA HETFELD.

Until last year, she lived with her husband and 5-year-old daughter in a stately 1928 colonial in Eastmoreland, across the street from Reed College. She had a view of the iconic Old Dorm Block.

She also heard screaming on many nights. Once, during dinner, someone pounded on one of the windows. Another time, she discovered a purse in her hedge. She opened it and found a pair of baby shoes, a job application for a gas station, some art supplies, and a bunch of used needles with blood in them.

Hetfeld, 41, admits she might be more fearful than most. In October 1975, her aunt, Camille Foss, left work at Sears in Washington Square Mall to take a deposit at the bank. Police found her in the mall parking lot, shot twice. The murder remains unsolved.

TAXED OUT OF TOWN

Portland’s new Main Street is in Lake Oswego.

To hear Jordan Schnitzer tell it, Portland is circling the drain.

Schnitzer, whose real estate holdings are mostly outside of Portland but whose headquarters is a stone’s throw from Pioneer Courthouse Square, thinks the city has too many taxes, too many tents, not enough cops, and almost no leaders who understand why members of the business sector are beating feet out of town.

At a Jan. 24 meeting of his new civic group, the Revitalize Portland Coalition, at Revolution Hall, Schnitzer said businesses are fleeing, taking their workers and their tax money with them. He’s not wrong. Portland’s office towers are emptying at an alarming rate as private-sector tenants move to the suburbs.

Kruse Way, a bland parkway in Lake Oswego, is becoming the metro area’s new Main Street. Many Portland companies have moved at least some staff to Kruse Woods, a collection of 18 low-slung office buildings amid tall oaks, flanked by an Olive Garden and an Applebee’s.

At Schnitzer’s meeting, Cayla Wardenburg, senior vice president at commercial broker Jones Lang LaSalle, flashed a slide showing all the refugee companies. Among them: Umpqua Bank, RBC Wealth Management, Hewlett-Packard, Bank of the West, Norris, Beggs & Simpson, and KinderCare Education.

Downtown Portland’s commercial vacancy rate was 26% at the end of 2022, according to Jones Lang LaSalle, compared with 19.2% in downtown Seattle and 22.5% in San Francisco’s central business district.

It’s only going to get worse, Wardenburg told the group. Her firm polled more than 200 Portland executives, and 1 in 3 said they were considering a move out of downtown. The biggest reason was taxes, Wardenburg said.

“ But what I’ll point out is that if you combined safety, crime and homelessness into one singular issue, that would be the highest response,” Wardenburg said.

The gloom kept coming at Rev Hall. Patrick Gilligan, executive vice president at development firm Lincoln Property, said Portland is more vulnerable than ever because places like Vancouver, Wash., are getting nice. It’s Vantucky no more.

I like Portland,” Gilligan said. “I like the idiosyncratic food options I have. I like the housing stock and the architecture. But now I can just pop across the river. I think we’re at the precipice of a vicious cycle. The city, state and county have to take radical intervention right now to do something that is pro business.”

J uan Carlos Ordóñez, communications director at the Oregon Center for Public Policy, says the hired guns are telling executives what they want to hear. “The business community is always saying that they are paying too much,” Ordóñez says. None of that is likely to deter Schnitzer. He’s determined to make city leaders listen to his new band of real estate experts.

Hetfeld reached her breaking point just before Thanksgiving in 2021. She was at work one afternoon, when the Ring camera at her house sent an alert. It showed a masked man carrying a box up to her back door. He rang, waited, then put the box back in the car and returned with rubber gloves on, carrying a painter’s pole.

The image on the camera went blue. The man

“ If you look at the backgrounds of our elected officials, there isn’t any one of them except Rene Gonzalez who has any real business experience,” Schnitzer said. “Most of them have done a wonderful job in social service agencies, which are important. But would you hire them for real estate solutions? They don’t have a clue.” ANTHONY EFFINGER.

“NOW I’M WORRIED ABOUT THE SQUIRRELS INSTEAD OF THE JUNKIES.”

had put masking tape over the lens.

Hetfeld called the cops. The man kicked in the door, and before the police arrived, he shook her jewelry box into a bag and grabbed their Sonos speakers. He plundered her daughter’s medicine chest and emptied her piggy bank.

She and her husband cleaned up the mess before their daughter came home, but when she asked what had happened to the door, they had to sugarcoat it. “It sucks when you have to lie to your kid about how safe the place you live is,” Hetfeld says.

They sold the house and moved to Lake Oswego five months later. Now, they live in a 1980s house that’s half the size but more expensive. But it’s worth it, she says.

“Now I’m worried about the squirrels instead of the junkies,” Hetfeld says. “We thought moving to the ’burbs was going to be soul sucking, but it’s not, especially if you have a family.”

Hetfeld leans right. Maybe more than a little. She’s a Republican political strategist who has crafted ads thrashing former Gov. Kate Brown. On the website for her firm, Brass Tacks Public Affairs, she describes defeating a 2016 initiative that would have levied a 2.5% gross receipts tax on large corporations.

After the robbery, she went on the local Fox News affiliate to describe her ordeal.

“It’s totally unacceptable what leaders locally and at the state have done, which is to make it OK for people to commit crimes because they don’t feel like they are going to be put in jail,” she said

on KPTV Fox 12. “We’re not safe here anymore.” Real estate records suggest other wealthy Portlanders feel the same way. There is more demand for expensive houses in Clackamas County than in Multnomah. In the past 12 months, 47 houses sold for $2.5 million or more in Clackamas, compared with 37 in Multnomah, according to sales compiled by Inhabit Real Estate. Another 12 high-end homes sold in Washington County. “Eighty-five percent of the people looking at

DOLLARS OUT

these listings are trying to leave Multnomah County,” says Lake Oswego real estate agent Justin Harnish. “I was with a woman this morning who said she was moving out of downtown because she saw a lady stab another lady in the face with scissors.”

NOT EVERYONE WHO LEAVES PORTLAND does so screaming in terror, or sounding like Ayn Rand. Some feel the allure of new places. The city’s woes

More taxpayers left Multnomah County in 2019 and 2020 than came, and the emigrants took more taxable income out than the immigrants brought in. The Preschool for All tax, which draws the most scorn from many wealthy taxpayers, kicked in Jan. 1, 2021. Taxpayer data for 2021 and 2022 is not available yet.

IRS Individual Master File, Statistics of Income, May 2022

Portland’s woes made it easier for Scott Crabtree and his wife to move to Sisters, Ore.

COURTESY SCOTT CRABTREE

just make it easier to leave.

Scott Crabtree, 56, moved to Portland in 1992, brought here by his girlfriend at the time. A native of Northampton, Mass., he was dazzled by the raw beauty of the place.

“I had friends tease me about my eyes spinning when I talked about Portland,” Crabtree says. He worked in technology and, after about a decade, went to work at Intel in 2005, managing a group of engineers that worked with video game companies. He loved his job and he loved his city. Then, Central Oregon caught his eye. On one of their many visits to Sisters, his wife said: “This is my favorite place on earth.” On another, they were dazzled by the stars.

Portland, meantime, had been thrashed. Homeless camps were cropping up along routes that he biked. He was yelling at people to drive more slowly. Uptight by nature, he decided enough was enough and moved his family to Sisters in February 2021.

“There was a little bit of a push and a big pull,” Crabtree says.

As they mulled a move, Crabtree saw someone driving at 65 miles per hour or so down Stark Street. A week later, a pedestrian got killed near their house.

“That reinforced that this was the right decision,” Crabtree says.

Jenny Rideout, a drawing and textile artist who moved into the Alberta neighborhood in 1994, became similarly dazzled by another upand-coming Oregon town: Astoria. It was last spring. Her daughter had gone off to college, and it seemed all her friends were talking about the place.

She became fixated. One day, her husband was walking down Alberta Street wearing a pirate’s hat (“as one does,” Rideout says). A man walked past and said, “You look like you’re heading to Astoria!” Rideout took it as a sign. They moved in September.

“It was a lightning bolt,” Rideout, 56, says.

Just as it had for Crabtree, Portland’s blight made Rideout more willing to leave. The sound of street racing on Martin Luther King Jr. Boulevard had become familiar ambient noise, along with gunfire. Fear of losing a catalytic converter kept her from going downtown to events.

In July 2021, she and her husband went to dinner at the Breakside Brewery on Northeast Dekum. She stepped outside to wait while her husband went to the restroom, and she heard the pop-pop-pop of gunfire. “I hit the deck,” she says. “Everybody went down.”

These days, Rideout plays “Meat Bingo” at the Workers Tavern in Astoria. One night, she won a roast, a chicken, some bacon, and $75. She and her husband go to free lectures on history and philosophy at the Fort George Brewery. And she’s doing more, bigger art. The only time she hears gunfire in Astoria is during hunting season.

Like Schneider and Crabtree, Rideout says she still loves Portland. All say they feel for the people who suffer more from the violence and property crime than they do.

“None of this gunfire was seeking me out,” Schneider says. “I’m a white person. We were not the demographic that was in danger. Maybe if we didn’t have kids, we’d still be there.”

But for all of them, the calculus changed. Their departures will change Portland, too.

Jenny Rideout moved to Astoria after almost 30 years in the Albina neighborhood.

BOOM GOING BUST?

Population gains were the norm in Multnomah County, until recently.

Source: Portland State University Population Research Center

THE CHANGE

Jeremy Thomas

Fourth grade teacher, Sunnyside Environmental School

PHOTOS AND STORY BY JOSEPH BLAKE JR.

Jeremy Thomas is keenly aware that most of the students in his fourth grade classroom don’t look like him.

Thomas, 47, teaches at Sunnyside Environmental School, where 72% of the student body is white. Thomas, who is biracial, felt conflicted about transferring from Woodlawn Elementary, a predominantly Black school. Over time, he’s changed his view.

“I think when we say ‘a predominantly white school,’ we ignore the children of color that are there,” he says. As for his presence? “I think it’s super valuable, actually. For [students] to get a different perspective from the one they grew up with is really important.” Thomas recalls an event during his early years at Sunnyside when a student of color was thrilled to find out his teacher was “brown” like him.

Originally from Tacoma, Wash., Thomas spent his early years wanting to reshape cities. He studied urban planning, but moved into teaching in 2004 as an educational assistant. He sees a similar impact in both fields: “How can you affect society from the ground up?” His colleagues at Sunnyside, who describe him as amazing, say Thomas is doing just that.

WW is celebrating Black History Month by meeting some of the people shaping Oregon’s future: Black teachers. Look for a photo essay on a new teacher each week of February.

LUCKY BUNNY

Dragons, lions and rabbits roamed the streets of Old Town Chinatown last weekend—a sign that Lunar New Year celebrations were coming to a climax. In partnership with the Oregon Historical Society, Portland Chinatown Museum held its seventh annual parade marking the beginning of the lunisolar calendar. Festivities began with the appearance of a 150-foot dragon and lion dancers, and a number of spectators wore bunny ears to usher in the Year of the Rabbit. Events like calligraphy demonstrations and lantern viewings continued at Lan Su Chinese Garden.

Photos by Chris Nesseth On Instagram: @chrisnesseth

GET BUSY

EAT & DRINK: Wine and Chocolate: Just Put ’Em in My Mouth Already North Portland wine bar Ora et Labora takes its name from the Latin motto of ancient monks, meaning “pray and work.” But you don’t have to do either to enjoy some vino (expertly paired with Wildwood confections); just get your tickets and claim your seat. This two-hour class will help you better understand the flavorful relationship between wine and chocolate, and may or may not include naked flying angel babies (’tis the season!). Ora et Labora Wine Shop, 3928 N Williams Ave., 503-444-7482, oraetlabora.wine/classes-calendar/wine-and-chocolate. 7-9 pm Thursday, Feb. 2. $30.

WATCH: Serious Cupcakes

Cupcakes and athletic dancers don’t usually go hand in hand, but BodyVox’s latest production is an exception. The evening promises “perfectly packaged artistic treats,” which are premieres from established and emerging choreographers, but, sadly, no frosting. BodyVox, 1201 NW 17th Ave., 503-229-0627, bodyvox.com/performance. 7:30 pm Thursday-Friday and Sunday, 2 pm Sunday, Feb. 2-4. $20-$70.

LISTEN: Emo Nite at Holocene

Presented by Emo Nite LA

Millennials interested in reliving their glory

days shouldn’t miss Holocene’s upcoming all-emo lineup. What started in 2014 as a party dedicated to a genre of music at an L.A. dive bar has grown into a multicity, recurring event that Rolling Stone calls “an essential gathering point” for fans of the subculture. The show’s “anything can happen” atmosphere has included band reunions, surprise celebrity performances and star-studded audiences (no promises this time, just sayin’). So apply your black eyeliner, part your hair way to one side, and get ready to emote. Oh, you don’t have to be a millennial to attend, but you do have to be over 21. Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison St., 503-239-7639, holocene.org.

9 pm

Friday, Feb. 3. $16. 21+.

GO: Portland Winter Light Festival

Expect kinetic fire sculptures, interactive art installations, live music and all sorts of illuminated goodness from artists, architects and other creatives at the Portland Winter Light Festival. The multiday event includes hundreds of exhibits all over the city, but “anchor sites” (the ones with the most bright stuff going on) are Pioneer Courthouse Square, the World Trade Center plaza and the Electric Blocks at Southeast 2nd Avenue and Clay Street. Check out the festival website to plan a route that takes you to everything you want to see. Various locations across

Portland, pdxwlf.com. Anchor sites open 6-10 pm Friday-Saturday, Feb. 3-4 and 10-11. Other attractions can be viewed daily through Feb. 11.

WATCH: Clue: Onstage

Beaverton’s Experience Theatre Project is known for its lively, interactive and fast-paced interpretations of well-known stories. This season, the company is taking on Clue, the classic whodunit farce. This iteration has multiple possible endings and offers audiences an opportunity to explore the set for clues. Beaverton Masonic Lodge, 4690 SW Watson Ave., 503-5681765, experiencetheatreproject.org. 7:30 pm Friday, 2 and 7:30 pm Saturday, and 2 pm Sunday, through Feb. 26.

LAUGH: Brian Regan

Self-deprecating, hilariously awkward and increasingly grayheaded, Brian Regan is bringing his brand of humor to Salem’s historic Elsinore Theatre. If you’re not yet acquainted with the veteran comedian, you can check out Regan’s style in the Amazon Prime series Loudermilk or one of his popular Netflix specials. Bonus: There are two worthwhile preshow dinner options within a block of the theater—La Margarita for mesquite-grilled Mexican food and fabulous margaritas, and DaVinci Ristorante, which has long been a go-to date night spot for locals. Elsinore Theatre,

170 High St. SE, Salem, 503-375-3574, elsinoretheatre.com/events/brian-regan. 8 pm Saturday, Feb. 4. $39.50-$59.50.

WATCH: Ain’t Too Proud: The Life and Times of the Temptations

This jukebox musical about the iconic Motown group will bring the fabulous tunes but also a dose of reality. Even though their music is upbeat, the original members of The Temptations struggled with drug use, creative strife and family tragedy amid the civil unrest of their era. The show’s honest handling of these issues continues to rack up accolades, including 12 Tony nominations. Keller Auditorium, 222 SW Clay St., 503-248-4335, portland5.com/keller-auditorium. 7:30 pm Tuesday-Friday, 2 and 7:30 pm Saturday, 1 and 6:30 pm Sunday, Feb. 7-12. $34.75$129.75.

LET THERE BE LIGHT: Interactive exhibits are back at the Portland Winter Light Festival this year.

Hot Plates

WHERE TO EAT THIS WEEK.

1. MASTER KONG SE 1522 SE 32nd Ave., 503-384-2184, masterkongor.com. 10:30 am-9 pm Monday-Friday, 10 am-9 pm Saturday-Sunday.

A few months back, Jade District dumpling darling Master Kong quietly opened a location just off of Southeast Hawthorne Boulevard, bringing its xiao long bao, wonton noodle soup, and congee closer in. The menu is the same, but ordering is done through a screen at the entrance. Shortly thereafter, piping hot bowls of its signature brisket noodle soup and “meat folders,” aka homemade steamed dough folded around pork belly, green onion and herbs, are whisked out to your table. It’s been pretty quiet at the new location, so head there soon to make sure it stays put.

2. WILD CHILD PIZZA

2032 NE Alberta St., 503-719-7328, wildchild.pizza. 3-9 pm daily.

If you’ve grown weary of the city’s surplus of pizza joints, Wild Child will reinvigorate your palate. The new takeout window serves Detroit-style pies with a 72-hour-fermented sourdough crust. All the classic toppings you’d expect are available daily, while special combinations (like pineapple with bacon and jalapeño, or tater tots with spicy mayo and bonito) rotate in and out. This isn’t just pizza. It’s edible architecture.

3. COSMIC BLISS

207 NW 10th Ave., 971-420-3630, cosmicbliss.com. Noon-8 pm Sunday-Wednesday, noon-9 pm Thursday-Saturday.

January might seem like a strange time to recommend chowing down on ice cream, but if you think about it, it’s really when you should be indulging in a summertime staple. Once all of the holiday decorations have come down and you’re left with gray, chilly winter days, there’s no better treat to encourage you to dream of July. There’s also a new scoop shop in town worth trying out before the summer rush: Eugene-based Cosmic Bliss, which is good news for those with dietary restrictions. There is both grass-fed dairy and plant-based ice cream, and everything is gluten free.

4. JOJO 902 NW 13th Ave., 971-331-4284, jojopdx.com. 11 am-10 pm daily.

Everything verges on the ridiculous at Jojo. The brick-and-mortar location opened in the Pearl in September, and since then it’s been pure maximalist dining. Servings are optimized for NFL offensive linemen. The fried chicken sandwiches are just as good as the ones at the Jojo food truck, minus the parking lot ambience. Smash burgers feature plenty of char without drying out entirely. And, of course, the jojos are in an elite tier here, staying crispy even when loaded with Tillamook cheddar and caramelized onions.

5. LAN SU CHINESE GARDEN TEAHOUSE

239 NW Everett St., 503-228-8131, lansugarden.org/about-the-garden/ teahouse. 10 am-4 pm. Extended evening hours during Lantern Viewing Evenings. Continue to celebrate the Year of the Rabbit at Lan Su Chinese Garden, which will host traditional lion dances, martial arts demonstrations, musical performances and more. The onsite Teahouse serves more than just its titular beverage; fill up on dumplings and steamed buns stuffed with vegetables as well as tofu rice noodles in a “longevity mushroom and garlic sauce.”

FOOD & DRINK

No Small Fortune

A longtime server at Kenny’s Noodle House is now selling succulent Cantonese roasted meats and savory congee at her own restaurant, Fortune BBQ Noodle House.

BY ANDREA DAMEWOOD PHOTOS BY TIM SAPUTO

It’s been less than six months since Corina Wang opened Fortune BBQ Noodle House in a strip mall at the corner of Southeast 82nd Avenue and East Burnside Street, and the place is thriving.

On weekends, expect a line, sometimes out the door, of people waiting to get their mitts on Fortune’s delectably juicy roasted meats—duck, pork, chicken—hung displaying all of their splendor by the register. Forget trying to wedge a Subaru into the little parking lot out front during peak hours.

We love to see it.

Wang, a longtime server at Kenny’s Noodle House, opened her own business last September, bringing along the savory congee and soups her previous employer is famous for, and joining them with Cantonese barbecue classics, all for super reasonable prices.

If your order starts with barbecue and ends with more barbecue, I’m not going to blame you. The roasted pork belly is as uniformly delicious as any—super crispy and

crackly skin atop a salty, well-rendered portion of pig. Often, char siu barbecue pork arrives an unnatural shade of red, dry and way too sweet; Fortune’s version is lacquered up to attain just the right balance of savory and sweet. It’s also addictingly succulent.

The roasted duck is a fine example of the dish—rich with soy flavor and served chopped by cleaver on the bone, but it doesn’t stand out as much as the pork here. A ginger-marinated chicken is a quiet but confident addition, and sometimes on special as a Hainan chicken and rice plate.

You can order a combo plate of any two meats for $15 over rice or egg noodles with oyster sauce and bok choy—I like the noodles. But truly, I say order them as a twomeat combo plate to share and get yourself a personal bowl of wonton noodle soup.

Fortune’s wontons are plump and filled with pork and shrimp, served in a broth that’s unlike most any I’ve had in town. My gold standard of wonton soup is at Zien Hong on Northeast Sandy Boulevard, a garlic-blasted chicken broth that never fails to cheer me up. At Fortune, the broth’s notes are almost herbal, with a strong dried scallop or fish element; eating it feels like drinking a potion.

Editor: Andi Prewitt

Contact: aprewitt@wweek.com

OWNER CORINA WANG 22 Willamette Week FEBRUARY 1, 2023 wweek.com

There are super-huge fluffy pork bao buns that are priced at four for $8, and the congee is everything a porridge should be (don’t forget to add a youtiao doughnut for dipping).

On a few visits, the popular meats have run out, that pork belly in particular. One way to make sure you get your protein haul is to arrive near opening and order

by the pound. Like many Chinese barbecue spots, you can also order a whole roasted pig with advance notice. I’ll make my intentions clear: My birthday is in October and there is going to be a Fortune BBQ pig on my table.

EAT: Fortune BBQ Noodle House, 18 SE 82nd Ave., 503-265-8378. 9:30 am-7 pm Wednesday-Monday.

Buzz List

1. PORTLAND CIDER COMPANY

3638 SE Hawthorne Blvd., 971-8885054, portlandcider.com. 3-9 pm

Wednesday-Thursday, 1-10 pm Friday-Saturday, 1-9 pm Sunday. 4005 SW Orbit St., Beaverton, 503-626-6246.

3-10 pm Wednesday-Friday, noon-10 pm Saturday-Sunday.

Portland Cider Company is ushering in 2023 with a sunny new seasonal cider: Mango Mimosa. Like its name suggests, the medium-sweet beverage with a bubbly finish pairs best with brunch foods, like huevos rancheros and banana pancakes, but its tropical fruit notes also make it a good match for spicy dinner entrees—think Thai curry or carne asada tacos. Or just drink it solo anytime the gloom of our Pacific Northwest winter gets to be a little too heavy.

2. PACIFIC STANDARD

100 NE Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd., 971-346-2992, kexhotels.com/eat-drink/ pacificstandard. 3 pm-midnight daily. At Pacific Standard, the bar by bartender Jeffrey Morgenthaler and longtime colleague Benjamin “Banjo” Amberg anchoring the Kex hotel, you won’t find any of the drinks the two men became known for at their former posts, Clyde Common and Pépé le Moko. But there are nods to those past hits in the all-new cocktail menu, like the summery rosé Negroni, the zesty All-Day Bloody Mary, and the Palm Desert Date Shake that’s decadent but not too boozy. “I just have no shortage of drink ideas,” Morgenthaler says. A gift and a curse we’re all thankful for.

3. FRACTURE BREWING

1015 SE Stark St., fracturebrewingpdx. com. 4-10 pm Wednesday-Thursday, 4-11 pm Friday-Saturday, 2-8 pm Sunday.

After months of brewing without a taproom, Fracture finally has a place for the public to enjoy a pint that it can call its own. Husband-and-wife team Darren Provenzano and Ny Lee, who met and worked together in a brewery in Vietnam, officially began welcoming customers to their Stark Street space in December. Year-round offerings, made in the former Burnside Brewing space, include two Pilsners, a West Coast IPA and a hazy. But don’t sleep on the seasonal Dark Lager with notes of toffee, raisin and chocolate that will warm you from the inside out this winter.

4. ECLIPTIC BREWING MOON ROOM

930 SE Oak St., 971-383-1613, eclipticbrewing.com. 4-10 pm Sunday and Wednesday-Thursday, 4-11 pm Friday-Saturday.

Ecliptic Brewing’s first Cosmic Collaboration release of the year is a combination of two style trends: one from a decade ago, the other emerging during the pandemic. Black Cold IPA, made in partnership with Astoria’s Fort George, features the dark roasted malt flavor of a Cascadian dark ale (all the rage in 2012-13) and is fermented with lager yeast, leading to an assertive crispness found in the newly invented cold IPA. Order a pint or two and then debate whether a cold IPA is just an IPL with a different name.

5. GC WINES

3450 N Williams Ave., Suite 7, 503764-9345, grochaucellars.com. 4-8 pm

Friday-Sunday.

This Yamhill County winery is marking 20 years of business by bringing its products closer to its Portland drinkers.

Grochau Cellars, located just outside downtown Amity, opened a tasting room in the Eliot neighborhood this fall. The business also changed its name: From here on out, Grochau is officially GC Wines. While the new moniker might be a bit dull, the wines— like the Commuter Cuveé Pinot Noir, a blend of fruit from 11 Willamette Valley vineyards—certainly are not.

CANNABICHROMENE 101

LEARN MORE ABOUT THE POTENTIAL BENEFITS OF THIS NONPSYCHOACTIVE MINOR CANNABINOID IN OUR LATEST PRIMER.

BY BRIANNA WHEELER

Despite all of the exciting discoveries made in the cannabis industry, we’ve really only scratched the surface of weed’s holistic capabilities.

This era’s normalization of cannabis has really widened our contemporary understanding of the plant’s therapeutic potential. Modern cultivation, extraction and isolation techniques have changed how a lot of people view pot, and now more than ever, folks want to know how they can use it to improve and maintain their health.

Take, for instance, cannabichromene. This nonpsychotropic minor cannabinoid is the plant’s third-most prevalent phytocannabinoid, just behind THC and CBD, and has great potential to be a potent, side effect-free antidepressant. More exciting still, studies show that cannabichromene can shrink cancer cells and act as a neuroprotectant, protecting the aging brain against Alzheimer’s.

Cannathusiasts with therapeutic curiosity and rec users alike might consider how they can incorporate this potent pain-, inflammation- and depression-relieving cannabinoid into their wellness routines. Here’s an easy rundown to get you started:

What is cannabichromene?

In the lexicon of cannabinoid abbreviations, cannabichromene is known as CBC. This minor cannabinoid is one of the “big six” known cannabinoids: THC, CBD, CBG, CBN, THCV and CBC. Like THC and CBD, CBC’s precursor is CBGA, meaning those three cannabinoids develop similarly as the plant matures. CBC, however, affects the body through a different set of endocannabinoid receptors and, as such, produces similar yet critically different results.

CBC binds with two cannabinoid receptors linked to how we

experience pain and may be nearly 10 times as effective as CBD for relieving pain, anxiety and inflammation. The cannabinoid has also shown significant antiviral and anti-tumor properties. Though it’s most effective as part of an entourage, CBC alone has tremendous therapeutic potential.

What does cannabichromene do?

CBC was discovered nearly 50 years ago, but it was in 2006 that a study showed the cannabinoid’s promise as a cancer fighter. Researchers looked at cannabinoids other than THC and their possible effects on cancer and found CBC to be the second-most potent cannabinoid at inhibiting the growth of new cancer cells (following CBG).

CBC also shows tremendous promise as a neuroprotectant, supporting and maintaining brain homeostasis. A 2013 study showed the cannabinoid’s effect on neural stem progenitor cells as remarkably positive. Those cells differentiate into astroglial cells, which not only control neurotransmitters, but also protect against the types of inflammation and oxidative stress that create neurological issues such as Alzheimer’s disease.

Strains with high concentrations of CBC

CBC is still technically a novel cannabinoid, which is to say there’s much to learn about how it interacts with the human body and can be cultivated to fulfill that potential. In the meantime, though, medicinal strains bred for high CBD content and low THC content can often have high concentrations of CBC as well. The following relatively ubiquitous therapeutic strains all have a significant percentage of CBC:

Charlotte’s Web

Named for Charlotte Figi, the child whose rare seizure disorder was managed with the cultivar, Charlotte’s Web is a low-THC,

high-CBD strain developed by Colorado breeders Stanley Brothers. Since it’s derived from industrial hemp, it’s nonintoxicating. That said, the strain does have some energizing characteristics. Depending on the user’s endocannabinoid makeup, this could be a peppy or relaxing strain, so proceed with caution.

BUY: Puddletown Organics, 8201 SE Powell Blvd., 503-5586321, puddletownorganics.com.

Sour Tsunami

Another cultivar bred for its therapeutic potential is Sour Tsunami, a cross of NYC Diesel and Sour Diesel. This strain is also high in CBD and low in THC, and does not produce a psychotropic “high” per se, but does deliver relief from chronic pain, insomnia, appetite loss and, perhaps most importantly, severe epilepsy. Rec users take note: Though this strain isn’t psychotropic, it’s phenomenally soothing and has a top-shelf, gassy AF terpene profile, perfect for easing into or out of a tolerance break.

BUY: Love Buzz, 5425 NE Glisan St. (inside Acme Comics), 971-754-4977, lovebuzzpdx.com.

Black Cherry Soda

While other therapeutic strains have higher concentrations of CBD and lower concentrations of THC, Black Cherry Soda presents a balanced profile that does, in fact, deliver a spacey head high and gently effervescent body high. Those balanced effects make it a favorite of stoney patients who require functional medication throughout the day but want to avoid the sometimes sedative effects found in other CBD-heavy therapeutic cultivars.

BUY: Cannabliss & Co., 2231 W Burnside St., 971-279-5570, chalicebrandsltd.com.

She Who Laughs Last

Ta’Mara MoNique “F.I.Y.A.”

Walker’s Last Laugh Sundays open doors and mics for her community.

BY JAY HORTON @hortland

When asked for her favorite joke, Ta’Mara MoNique “F.I.Y.A.”

Walker unfurls a magic fish story too long and a bit too corny for publication, but that’s to be forgiven. The founder and co-host of Last Laugh Sundays, a musical comedy extravaganza unlike any other showcase in town, remains a singer-songwriter at heart.

While Walker carefully orchestrates the rapping and singing acts during her half of the variety cavalcade, she happily delegates all poets, comics, and spoken word performers to her longtime sidekick, “Ikes” Chamber. (Asked for Ikes’ favorite joke, Walker texted back: “I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.”)

After a five-year odyssey that’s seen their Sunday shows move from a backyard fire pit to traditional venues and back again during the citywide pandemic shutdown, Last Laugh has found an unlikely home at Rainbow City, Strawberry Pickle’s recently transplanted blacklit fever dream of a dance club.

As she prepared for her family-friendly third Sunday revue, Walker spoke with WW about her show’s green room origins and Rainbow-speckled future. The interview has been edited and condensed for space and clarity.

WW: How’d this all begin?

TaMara MoNique “F.I.Y.A.” Walker: As a singer-songwriter, I felt rejected from different things coming up, so I just decided to start a show of my own in my daughter’s backyard off 82nd and Southeast Ramona. It was a birthday celebration, a CD release party. We had a bonfire, and afterwards we said we’ll just keep it going in the backyard.

I started all this on just faith alone, right? No money. No nothing. Before COVID, I had over 80 attending, and now I’m just trying to get back there. It’s a challenge. Until I collaborated with Strawberry Pickle, I just had these pop-up shows, but I’ve been with Rainbow City going on two years now. And the show’s turned into more than just comedy.

Some people get all of Portland, you know? They get acknowledged, they use some people, they maybe holler at you for whatever reason. So, instead of griping too hard, I just created my own variety showcase. I figured either be labeled as an underdog or start giving an opportunity to everybody that does not get opportunities in Portland because of…whatever it is, right?

To that point, your show has a strong African American following?

Yes, yes, yes—very strong—but it’s not exclusive to African Americans. My Last Laugh Sundays accept everyone, no matter your gift or your tone, but I need the community to come in as they are. F.I.Y.A. means faith is your answer. I’m a spiritual artist. Even though this is secular, I bring the minister to the people. And I’m a sage burner. I mix my own, scenting the atmosphere before people come. That’s what Strawberry loves about me.

You’ve branched out into an all-ages version?

The third Sunday of the month, I do a family showcase—same as the adult show but for under 21s. It’s at a Boys & Girls Club, and I am so excited to bring all the kids to a real youth center with foosball and everything. Finding a different space for the family show has just been such a blessing because, you know, the [Old Town] area isn’t really for children.

Walk us through a typical night…

We have two parts. I host the entertainment, and for the comedy section, I have a comedian—Ikes. When we first started, one of my comedians was asking if his friend could come up and try out his act even though he’d never done that before in front of people. Can he come on my show? Shoot, yeah! Normally, I don’t turn nobody down. That was Ikes. He’s been with me for the longest, and he’s got his niche.

He’d never done standup?

Most of these artists have never been onstage before. They do a lot of YouTube, but they have never performed in front of live people.

How many people attend?

Right now, I’m looking at probably anywhere between 20 and 40 people outside of the 10 to 15 performers. Everybody gets seven minutes all the way across the board, and it just sort of works out. Five years, I’ve never had any conflicts. And I’ve provided a space for the least-liked artists of Portland to mix with some of the best.

SEE IT: Laugh Laugh Sundays are held every last Sunday of the month at Rainbow City, 301 NW 4th Ave., 971-212-2097, rainbow-city.org. 5 pm. $10.

WHAT TO SEE AND WHAT TO HEAR

BY DANIEL BROMFIELD @bromf3

FRIDAY, FEB. 3:

As a DJ for nearly 40 years, Cut Chemist has been collecting and flipping records through nearly every era of hip-hop history, and the only thing more impressive than his résumé (he’s a co-founder of Jurassic 5 and Ozomatli) is his skill behind the decks. For his upcoming set at The Get Down, he’ll spin 45 RPM records exclusively, and anybody interested in hip-hop turntablism and its history would do well to check it out. The Get Down, 615 SE Alder St., Suite B. 9 pm. $25. 21+.

FRIDAY, FEB. 3:

Congolese Canadian artist Pierre Kwenders blends influences from all over the planet into a polyglottal brand of indie pop that feels suave, smooth and confident rather than overwhelmingly pomo in the way of past magpies like Beck, M.I.A. or The Very Best. Small wonder he’s the most recent recipient of the Polaris Prize—think the Grammys, but Canadian and better—for his newest album, José Louis and the Paradox of Love Polaris Hall, 635 N Killingsworth Court. 8 pm. $15. 21+.

SUNDAY, FEB. 5:

English label Hessle Audio defined the moment in the history of U.K. club music when dubstep was mutating in more spacious and experimental directions—and judging by Hessle boss Pearson Sound’s remix of Nick León’s ultrahot track “Xtasis,” they’ve still got their ear to what’s new. Pearson Sound will perform at Holocene, along with Hessle co-founders Ben UFO and Pangaea, for a four-hour DJ set of cutting-edge club music. Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison St. 8 pm. $25. 21+.

PHOTOS

ALL TOGETHER NOW: Last Laugh.

How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Quiche

BY MORGAN SHAUNETTE

There’s a trend in modern visual storytelling I’ve come to refer to as “historical wokeness,” i.e., stories set in the past that strip away the nostalgia of 20th century America by reminding the audience that for many citizens it was far from a golden age. Rampant repression, institutionalized bigotry, and Cold War paranoia were as much a part of the United States as baseball and apple pie—and the results of this trend can vary from insightful to pandering to patronizing, if executed poorly.

Five Lesbians Eating a Quiche, written by Evan Linder and Andrew Hobgood and now playing at the Twilight Theater Company, errs on the side of mocking the absurdity of the past. For the most part it’s successful, creating a satire of post-World War II Americana that’s sometimes biting and astute but mostly just silly fun. And there’s nothing wrong with that.

Directed by Jeremy Abe, the play unfolds in January 1956 in a church basement, where the Susan B. Anthony Society for the Sisters of Gertrude Stein are meeting for their annual quiche breakfast—and though it’s a joyous occasion, tensions are simmering.

While Wren (Brit Eagan) and Dale (August Wygal) take every

opportunity to photograph the occasion and Vern (Fey Devro) shows off her handiwork in converting the club’s meeting space into a fallout shelter, Lulie (Alicia Turvin, who is also Twilight’s managing director) takes time to passive-aggressively belittle newcomer Ginny (Jenny Tien) for not yet fully knowing the SBASSGS’s ways (and, presumably, for being an English immigrant).

The title of the show gives away the game in the first half, which is rife with double-entendres and knowing winks at the audience; the “widows” (as they refer to themselves) sanctify eggs and the delicious quiches they make and disparage anyone who would dare introduce meat into their most sacred dish.

There’s also a fair amount of audience participation at play. The viewers themselves are “cast” as SBASSGS members attending the breakfast, given name tags at the start of the show and occasionally called out by the sisters onstage. It’s lighthearted entertainment, but with an edge that emerges as the show approaches its second act.

That edge takes the form of an air-raid siren, as it seems that the Communists are finally making their move and turning the Cold War hot. From there the show plays out like a sapphic take on Stanley Kubrick’s satirical classic Dr. Strangelove as the sisters drop their inhibitions, reveal truths long buried and ponder a post-nuclear future where they can be free to live their truth—albeit possibly without quiche.

The back half of Quiche is both the most interesting and the most uneven. It’s where we get the most character development and enjoyably broad slapstick, but also where the tone gets shaky. This is exemplified when Dale reveals her tragic backstory, and though Wygal delivers a wonderful performance, the monologue itself can’t seem to decide if it’s darkly funny or just plain dark. It’s all clearly meant to be satirical, but it’s unclear how much the audience is meant to take seriously.

Still, all the actors turn in strong, committed performances, making it clear that they’re in on the joke. Turvin in particular offers an interesting portrait of the most morally questionable of the sisters: Lulie is sweet and soft-spoken, but capable of biting cruelty when crossed.

Five Lesbians Eating a Quiche broaches heavy subjects like repression and trauma without any real intent of engaging with them, but there’s enough fast-paced comedy and infectious earnestness to make it a breezy, silly trip to America’s past. It may be empty calories, but it’s still a dish worth savoring.

SEE IT: Five Lesbians Eating a Quiche plays at the Twilight Theater Company, 7515 N Brandon Ave, twilighttheatercompany.org. 8 pm Thursday-Saturday, 3 pm Saturday-Sunday, through Feb. 5. $23.

MOVIES

STREAMING WARS

YOUR WEEKLY FILM QUEUE

BY BENNETT CAMPBELL FERGUSON @thobennett

HORROR PICK:

Tollywood Ending

Music, violence and bromance collide in the global action blockbuster RRR.

BY CHANCE SOLEM-PFEIFER @chance_s_p

Director S.S. Rajamouli sometimes recounts how at his films’ opening weekends in India, audiences throw enough confetti to obscure the screen.

While perhaps not pristine moviegoer conduct, that celebration is fitting. Countless shots in Rajamouli’s latest—the international sensation RRR—display the kind of explosive showmanship meant to pull pure elation out of audiences. In other words, it’s confetti worthy.

RRR, an action epic set during the Indian independence movement, won near-universal acclaim last year and made rare strides into American film culture. Choose your success metric: It’s the third-highest-grossing Indian film ever, it rocks a 95% on Rotten Tomatoes, and Rajamouli won Best Director at the New York Film Critics Circle Awards.

Now, RRR (which stands for “Rise, Roar, Revolt”) is playing Feb. 9 at Cinema 21 and Feb. 8, 12 and 13 at the Hollywood Theatre. While it’s been available on Netflix for the better part of a year, a theater is without question ideal for this three-hour spectacle. All at once, RRR is muscular, musical, hyperviolent, adorable and inspiring, as the spirits of John Woo, James Cameron and Stanley Donen cohabitate in one film.

Set in the 1920s, Rajamouli’s script imagines a fictional collaboration between real-life freedom fighters Alluri Sitarama Raju and Komaram Bheem as they seek to topple British colonizers. Raju (Ram Charan) is a police officer gunning for the rank of Special Officer. Bheem (N.T. Rama Rao Jr.) is a Gond tribal protector trying to rescue a kidnapped girl from the governor’s palace. The two are on a collision course of justice, mistaken identity and profoundly delightful buddy montages.

Measuring RRR’s impact takes some context, so as not to misrepresent its arrival as completely novel. Charan and Rama Rao Jr. are megastars in India. Thanks to his previous two films—the Baahubali epics—Rajamouli is regarded as having initiated a pan-Indian film movement, bringing the cinema of Telugu-speaking Tollywood to the fore of a national film culture that runs deeper than just the Hindi films of Bollywood. (Rajamouli’s Baahubali 2: The Conclusion is the highest-grossing Indian film in U.S. box office history: $20 million to RRR’s second-place $14.5.)

Artistically, though, RRR represents a new high-water mark for Rajamouli. It excels in small part due to its record-breaking budget (the equivalent of $72 million, the highest in Indian film history) and in large part thanks to the performances of Charan and Rama Rao Jr.

One minute, the actors are contorting their physiques into Mr. Universe poses that would make Schwarzenegger blush. Next, they’re sporting thousand-watt grins amid the furious footwork of a dance-off scene that’s gone stratospherically viral and affords the film beautifully timed levity.

Ram and Bheem possess veritable superhero powers while never abandoning the tactile creativity that comes from two people leaping off a bridge while tied to the same rope. Rajamouli’s priorities aren’t breakneck pace or verisimilitude in the action scenes, but indelible image-making. In fact, the film is so ornately shot that even occasionally gummy-looking CGI fits into the painterly grandeur.

There’s an innocence to Ram and Bheem’s bromance, with scenes of motorcycle and piggyback goofery that recall the 1975 classic Sholay. Their earnest affection might make some irony-trained American audiences momentarily laugh at the film, then quickly laugh with it—and pine for that kind of unself-conscious good cheer in Hollywood blockbusters.

While the first 90 minutes contain five of 2022’s best set pieces, RRR’s post-intermission half loses itself temporarily in the mistaken identity conflict between its heroes and a Ram backstory that elides character development and relies on some uncharacteristically bland plot mechanics. Shortly thereafter, though, Bheem chucks a motorcycle at British Special Forces with his bare hands. Script complaints tend to fade at that point.

Given all RRR has achieved, its lone Oscar nomination for Best Original Song (“Naatu Naatu”) might feel like a pittance (India didn’t even submit the film to the Academy as its national entry). Yet Rajamouli’s mad masterwork is playing bonus engagements eight months after its Netflix release in a city more than 7,000 miles from where it was made. It’s already won.

SEE IT: RRR, rated PG-13, plays at Cinema 21 and the Hollywood Theatre.

Possessor (2020) is like a blood-drenched version of Inception. Christopher Abbott (Girls) and Andrea Riseborough (Oblivion) star in this mind-twisting, body-snatching horror flick, which sees director Brandon Cronenberg following in the sadistic footsteps of his father, David (Crimes of the Future). Given that Brandon’s latest film, Infinity Pool, features a breastfeeding Alexander Skarsgård, it’s likely to be even more insane. Hulu.

HOLLYWOOD PICK 1:

It’s appalling that the Oscars snubbed Top Gun: Maverick’s Claudio Miranda for a Best Cinematography nomination, but the Chilean mastermind did get an Academy Award for Ang Lee’s Life of Pi (2012). Based on Yann Martel’s bestselling novel, the film is maddeningly literal on land, but scenes of Pi (Suraj Sharma) and shockingly convincing CGI tiger Richard Parker adrift in the Pacific Ocean achieve a hallucinatory beauty. HBO Max.

DANIELS PICK:

Before Daniel Kwan and Daniel Scheinert propelled Michelle Yeoh and Ke Huy Quan into the multiverse with Everything Everywhere All at Once, they cast Daniel Radcliffe as a corpse whose farts defy death in Swiss Army Man. Paul Dano co-stars in this singular (to say the least) take on the desert island subgenre. Paramount +.

HOLLYWOOD PICK 2:

Paramount and producer J.J. Abrams still can’t get their act together to make a fourth Star Trek film with Chris Pine and Zachary Quinto. But you can always revisit Leonard Nimoy’s Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home (1986), which features a time-traveling Spock searching 1980s San Francisco for whales while wearing nothing but a bathrobe and a headband. Top that, J.J.! HBO Max.

Editor: Bennett Campbell Ferguson Contact: bennett@wweek.com

Night of the Demons (1988)

Night of the Demons opens about as conventionally as any ’80s teen horror film could: A gaggle of unsuspecting, horny high schoolers attends a haunted Halloween party.

But Night of the Demons is all about execution, not concept, much like the Evil Dead films, from which it clearly draws inspiration. What follows is a circus of corrosive demon effects and sequences exuding genuine style.

Most striking is a scene in which party/séance host Angela (Amelia Kinkade) twirls rapturously in strobe lights to Bauhaus’ “Stigmata Martyr,” one of the more voguish possession depictions you’ll ever find in a low-budget horror film.

Cinemagic will screen Night of the Demons at its monthly VHS Night on Feb. 3, with effects artist Nick Benson in attendance. In addition to working on this film’s memorable demon makeup, lost limbs and floating heads, Benson’s resumé notably includes the goop-tastic The Blob (1988) remake and Tremors (1990).

It’s an ideal guest booking because the practical effects in Night of the Demons aren’t just an additive. They visually exaggerate and toy with all the previously established teen stereotypes—the core of the demonic glee. Cinemagic, Feb. 3.

ALSO PLAYING:

5th Avenue Cinema: Black Dynamite (2009), Feb. 3-5. Cinema 21: Charade (1963), Feb. 4. Clinton: The Story of a Three-Day Pass (1967), Feb. 3. The Spook Who Sat by the Door (1973), Feb. 4. Pinkwashing Exposed: Seattle Fights Back! (2015), Feb. 5. Belly (1998), Feb. 6. Queen & Slim (2019), Feb. 7. Hollywood: Assault on Precinct 13 (1976), Feb. 3-9. Eraserhead (1977), Feb. 4-6. Stormy Weather (1943), Feb. 4- 5. Rockers (1978), Feb. 5. American Streetfighter (1992), Feb. 7.

NO BEARS

Currently imprisoned for practicing his art, Jafar Panahi risked everything to make No Bears—as the celebrated director has whenever picking up a camera since the Iranian government banned him from making films in 2010. In No Bears, as with This Is Not a Film and Taxi before it, Panahi autobiographically prods the very meaning of cinematic intervention and political filmmaking. In dual plots, we catch glimpses of a fictional movie Panahi is directing about two lovers attempting to flee to Europe, and then Panahi himself visiting a remote village where his photography stirs controversy among locals. Particularly in its rural setting, No Bears focuses on the excessive pleasantries and age-old traditions that constitute community equilibrium in the shadow of unseen revolution and violent crackdown. That obliqueness can be frustrating to sit with, as we observe characters talk circles around life-altering decisions, basic individuality and fear of government reprisal. No morality police appear in the film—no bears either, though they’re rumored to prowl the village outskirts—but the title speaks volumes. These are the hovering threats that keep humanity fearful and hopeless. To judge or valorize anyone for staying, leaving or making peace in their country is not Panahi’s place. Far be it for the viewer either. NR. CHANCE SOLEM-PFEIFER. Living Room.

INFINITY POOL

Brandon Cronenberg hardly runs from his father David’s towering horror legacy; junior’s latest is a turbo-charged entry in what’s become a family label. Infinity Pool sees a vacationing couple (Alexander Skarsgård and Cleopatra Coleman) accidentally commit a crime. Per their fictional host country’s laws, they face a choice: to be executed or pay handsomely to have a clone made for said execution. That sounds comically high concept, but Cronenberg doesn’t wallow in the how or why. Instead, Infinity Pool grows funnier as it evokes the depravity of Brandon’s previous films, Possessor and Antiviral. Skarsgård (the Swedish Adonis last seen barbarically flexing in The Northman) is debased, becoming a dead-eyed, melting sculpture—with assistance from newly anointed horror icon Mia Goth (X, Pearl ), who shrieks here like a cockney Olive Oyl and tries to top her personal-best freakout mugs. Sure, Infinity Pool isn’t fully convincing on an intellectual level. (Would imposter syndrome transform into liberating mania if you watched yourself die?

Ooooooo.) But the larger spasmodic experience outweighs any half-baked philosophy with its bass-drum score, orgiastic interludes, and body horror apparently hereditary to the Cronenbergs. Infinity Pool may not blow minds, but it reliably explodes heads. R. CHANCE SOLEM-PFEIFER. Cedar Hills, Cinema 21, City Center, Clackamas, Eastport, Evergreen Parkway, Laurelhurst, Lloyd Center, Mill Plain, Oak Grove, Pioneer Place, Progress Ridge, St. Johns Twin, Tigard.

LIVING

From Star Wars to The Magnificent Seven, Hollywood borrowing from Akira Kurosawa is a foundational practice. Thus, director Oliver Hermanus, acclaimed writer Kazuo Ishiguro, and actor Billy Nighy are late to the party in remaking Ikiru. But as that 1952 classic teaches us, there’s still time. Mr. Williams (Nighy) is a public works official in ’50s London who receives a terminal cancer diagnosis and must learn to “live a little” in his final months. As a showcase for Nighy, the film is all a veteran character actor could wish for. He plays Williams as hushed and upstanding, with sadness carved into his frown lines decades ago, but the Love Actually standout beautifully sheds Williams’ middle-class English manners just in time to connect with co-workers and strangers (played by Aimee Lou Wood and Tom Burke). Still, taken as an adaptation of Ikiru, Living is a losing battle. Hermanus and Ishiguro replace the original’s voice-over with a forgettable young clerk (played by Alex Sharp) who serves as our guide to Williams’ redemption. That simplifies and shortens the film, but leaves the remains feeling overmanaged, even if the changes deepen our impression that Williams is holding the audience with him as he yearns for a deep breath and clear conscience. PG13. CHANCE SOLEM-PFEIFER. Cascade City Center, Fox Tower, Movies on TV.

80 FOR BRADY

In Kyle Marvin’s 80 for Brady, one resounding idea rings true: There is no expiration date

on talent. Tom Brady, however, offers a performance with the likability of curdled milk. Lily Tomlin, Jane Fonda, Sally Field and Rita Moreno unite like golden years avengers to remind audiences that their best performances are not behind them: Tomlin’s absurdist humor, Fonda’s inescapable typecasting as “the hot one,” Fields’ soccer mom sensibility, and Moreno’s theatrical antics combine to showcase a master class in classic Saturday Night Live -style comedy with a modern Bridesmaids twist. Brady, on the other hand, stands out like a sore thumb in the star-studded cast. There are two-by-fours with more personality (even Rob Gronkowski’s 30-second cameo is more compelling). There’s a particular scene where Tomlin gives Brady an inspirational speech from the coordinator’s booth, and as he attempts to muster nonverbal expressions of hope, he instead inspires feelings of gastrointestinal trouble. In short, the central cast makes 80 for Brady well worth the watch, but the Razzie-worthy Brady implodes the film every chance he’s given. PG-13. ALEX BARR. Bridgeport, Cascade, Cedar Hills, City Center, Clackamas, Division, Eastport, Evergreen Parkway, Lloyd Center, Mill Plain, Progress Ridge, Tigard, Vancouver Mall, Vancouver Plaza.

KEY

THIS MOVIE IS EXCELLENT, ONE OF THE BEST OF THE YEAR. : THIS MOVIE IS GOOD. WE RECOMMEND YOU WATCH IT.

THIS MOVIE IS ENTERTAINING BUT FLAWED.

THIS MOVIE IS A STEAMING PILE.

Jack Kent

JONESIN’

BY MATT JONES

"Free Spin"--moving around with some vocab.

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Theoretically, you could offer to help a person who doesn’t like you. You could bring a gourmet vegan meal to a meat-eater or pay a compliment to a bigot. I suppose you could even sing beautiful love songs to annoyed passersby or recite passages from great literature to an eight-year-old immersed in his video game. But there are better ways to express your talents and dispense your gifts—especially now, when it's crucial for your long-term mental health that you offer your blessings to recipients who will use them best and appreciate them most.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): In esoteric astrology, Taurus rules the third eye. Poetically speaking, this is a subtle organ of perception, a sixth sense that sees through mere appearances and discerns the secret or hidden nature of things. Some people are surprised to learn about this theory. Doesn't traditional astrology say that you Bulls are sober and well-grounded? Here’s the bigger view: The penetrating vision of an evolved Taurus is potent because it peels away superficial truths and uncovers deeper truths. Would you like to tap into more of this potential superpower? The coming weeks will be a good time to do so.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): The ingredient you would need to fulfill the next stage of a fun dream is behind door #1. Behind door #2 is a vision of a creative twist you could do but haven't managed yet. Behind door #3 is a clue that might help you achieve more disciplined freedom than you've known before. Do you think I'm exaggerating? I'm not. Here’s the catch: You may be able to open only one door before the magic spell wears off— unless you enlist the services of a consultant, ally, witch, or guardian angel to help you bargain with fate to provide even more of the luck that may be available.

and appreciation may flow, too, though trickles are more likely. And there is a small chance of solicitous gestures coming your way from sexy angels and cute maestros. What I can promise you for sure, however, are fresh eruptions of savvy in your brain and sagacity in your heart. Here's your keynote, as expressed by the Queen of Sheba 700 years ago: "Wisdom is sweeter than honey, brings more joy than wine, illumines more than the sun, is more precious than jewels."

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Your assignment, Scorpio, is to cultivate a closer relationship with the cells that comprise your body. They are alive! Speak to them as you would to a beloved child or animal. In your meditations and fantasies, bless them with tender wishes. Let them know how grateful you are for the grand collaboration you have going, and affectionately urge them to do what's best for all concerned. For you Scorpios, February is Love and Care for Your Inner Creatures Month.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Revamped and refurbished things are coming back for another look. Retreads and redemption-seekers are headed in your direction. I think you should consider giving them an audience. They are likely to be more fun or interesting or useful during their second time around. Dear Sagittarius, I suspect that the imminent future may also invite you to consider the possibility of accepting stand-ins and substitutes and imitators. They may turn out to be better than the so-called real things they replace. In conclusion, be receptive to Plan Bs, second choices, and alternate routes. They could lead you to the exact opportunities you didn't know you needed.

ACROSS

1. "I Don't Want to Spoil the Party" singer

12. Headquarters of an intelligence agency, perhaps

14. Wax philosophical, say

16. Sagrada Familia architect Gaudi

17. Vote of support

18. Genre for which "Poverty's Paradise" won the first best album category

19. Piles in the yard, perhaps

22. Bust makers

24. Mondelez International snack

25. It's positive when it's up

28. "Just say ___ drugs!"

29. Like a conversation with your typical five-year-old

32. Convenience store convenience

35. One sent out for information

36. Yearbook div.

37. Where jazz organist Jimmy Smith is "Back at", according to the classic 1963 album

40. "___ Magnifique" (Cole Porter tune)

41. Get the picture

42. University that's a lock?

46. British war vessel of WWII

48. Hero with a weak spot

50. "Anon ___" (2022 debut novel from @DeuxMoi)

51. MSNBC legal correspondent Melber

54. Govt. securities

55. Professional equipment

59. Video games (like Street Fighter) that require fast fingers and little nuance

60. Dampens, as many towelettes

DOWN

1. Phrase on a sign for storage units or moving vans

2. Straddling

3. Pool worker

4. Military truces

5. Bit of rest

6. North American indoor sports org. claiming among its total players about 10% Iroquois

7. Web marketplace

8. Meet-___ (rom-com trope)

9. "You ___ Airplane" (of Montreal song)

10. French seasoning

11. Flexible curlers for some perms

12. Bright Eyes frontman Oberst

13. "Heat transfer coefficient" in window insulation (its inverse uses R--and its letter doesn't seem to stand for anything)

14. Prefix before "demon" (as seen in games like Doom Eternal)

15. Some salts

20. Royal resting place

21. Separator of the Philippines and Malaysia

23. Leslie's friend on "Parks

©2023 Jonesin’ Crosswords (editor@jonesincrosswords.com) For answers to this puzzle, call: 1-900-226-2800, 99 cents per minute. Must be 18+. Or to bill to your credit card, call: 1-800-655-6548. Reference puzzle #JNZ990.

& Rec"

26. Legendary

27. One can be used to detect asthma (nitric oxide) or lactose intolerance (hydrogen)

30. Get inquisitive

31. Pendulum path

32. Take as true

33. 1958 sci-fi movie starring Steve McQueen

34. Sushi bar order

38. Windy City public transit inits.

39. "Star Wars" villain

43. Sacrificial sites

44. Yorkshire County Cricket Club's locale

45. "To be" in Latin

47. Sampling

49. Words before "Mood" or "Heights"

52. Word after control or escape

53. "Dance as ___ one is watching"

56. 8.5" x 11" paper size, briefly

57. "Spare me the details"

58. Owns

CANCER (June 21-July 22): I trust you are mostly ready for the educational adventures and experiments that are possible. The uncertainties that accompany them, whether real or imagined, will bring out the best in you. For optimal results, you should apply your nighttime thinking to daytime activities, and vice versa. Wiggle free of responsibilities unless they teach you noble truths. And finally, summon the intuitive powers that will sustain you and guide you through the brilliant shadow initiations. (PS: Take the wildest rides you dare as long as they are safe.)

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Fate has decreed, "Leos must be wanderers for a while." You are under no obligation to obey this mandate, of course. Theoretically, you could resist it. But if you do indeed rebel, be sure your willpower is very strong. You will get away with outsmarting or revising fate only if your discipline is fierce and your determination is intense. OK? So let's imagine that you will indeed bend fate's decree to suit your needs. What would that look like? Here's one possibility: The "wandering" you undertake can be done in the name of focused exploration rather than aimless meandering.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): I wish I could help you understand and manage a situation that has confused you. I'd love to bolster your strength to deal with substitutes that have been dissipating your commitment to the Real Things. In a perfect world, I could emancipate you from yearnings that are out of sync with your highest good. And maybe I'd be able to teach you to dissolve a habit that has weakened your willpower. And why can’t I be of full service to you in these ways? Because, according to my assessment, you have not completely acknowledged your need for this help. So neither I nor anyone else can provide it. But now that you've read this horoscope, I'm hoping you will make yourself more receptive to the necessary support and favors and relief.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): I can't definitively predict you will receive an influx of cash in the next three weeks. It's possible, though. And I'm not able to guarantee you'll be the beneficiary of free lunches and unexpected gifts. But who knows? They could very well appear. Torrents of praise

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Author Neil Gaiman declared, "I've never known anyone who was what he or she seemed." While that may be generally accurate, it will be far less true about you Capricorns in the coming weeks. By my astrological reckoning, you will be very close to what you seem to be. The harmony between your deep inner self and your outer persona will be at record-breaking levels. No one will have to wonder if they must be wary of hidden agendas lurking below your surface. Everyone can be confident that what they see in you is what they will get from you. This is an amazing accomplishment! Congrats!

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): “I want to raise up the magic world all round me and live strongly and quietly there,” wrote Aquarian author Virginia Woolf in her diary. What do you think she meant by "raise up the magic world all round me"? More importantly, how would you raise up the magic world around you? Meditate fiercely and generously on that tantalizing project. The coming weeks will be an ideal time to attend to such a wondrous possibility. You now have extra power to conjure up healing, protection, inspiration, and mojo for yourself.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Before going to sleep, I asked my subconscious mind to bring a dream that would be helpful for you. Here's what it gave me: In my dream, I was reading a comic book titled Zoe Stardust Quells Her Demon. On the first page, Zoe was facing a purple monster whose body was beastly but whose face looked a bit like hers. On page two, the monster chased Zoe down the street, but Zoe escaped. In the third scene, the monster was alone, licking its fur. In the fourth scene, Zoe sneaked up behind the monster and shot it with a blow dart that delivered a sedative, knocking it unconscious. In the final panel, Zoe had arranged for the monster to be transported to a lush uninhabited island where it could enjoy its life without bothering her. Now here's my dream interpretation, Pisces: Don't directly confront your inner foe or nagging demon. Approach stealthily and render it inert. Then banish it from your sphere, preferably forever.

Homework: Give a blessing to someone that you would like to receive yourself. Newsletter. FreeWillAstrology.com