Bisexuality Round Up By William Burleson
Five Married Men Martin Brant iUniverse, Inc. / ISBN-13:978-0-595-39408-1 Paperback $17.95, 273pp.
Bisexual literature can be divided into two camps. On one hand, there is work that seeks to show us that it’s OK to be bisexual, almost assuming the reader is either not bi or just now exploring what it means to be bi. On the other side are books assuming the reader to not only be bi but to have been around. More advance study, if you will. Consider Five Married Men by Martin Brant. Aimed squarely at Middle America, both the book and its characters come from a place disconnected from queer politics and the bi community. These men don’t go to gay bars, bi conferences, or Pride parades. Not that that’s necessarily a bad thing; there surely are a lot of people in the situation we have here: closeted and married. Take for example former New Jersey Governor James McGreevey, who came out as both married and gay. But here’s the key difference: these five men identify as bisexual. Therein lays the point of the book, that some men really are attracted to both men and women and truly bisexual (Mr. McGreevey, if you’re reading this, take note). Brant introduces us to his cast of characters, five married men and their wives, as they sort their way through the societal taboo of being a man married to a woman and attracted to
men. We begin by meeting David, a successful contractor, who decides to come out to his best friend, James over lunch. David has not told anyone of his attractions nor ever acted on them. Calling David “tortured” might be a bit soft. His main fear is of losing his best friend and being perceived as not masculine (more on that point later). Unfortunately, James seemingly confirms his worst fears, and after David comes out to him James bolts for California (more on that later, too). In fact what’s going on is that James is also bisexual. After a week James returns and he and David meet again and sort it all out. Not only are they both bi, they are attracted to each other, and eventually they fall into bed. To cover with their wives, they make up a poker game. They then recruit three more men though personal ads, all from similar circumstances, all lacking in experience and wracked with guilt, for the “game,” and begin “playing poker” every Thursday. Meanwhile, David and James’s wives, also best friends, decided to spice things up a bit, seemingly going through their own midlife thing, and the four begin dabbling in a little naked hot-tubbing. Two more poker wives join in and soon the nine of them are enjoying weekly nude barbeques. Meanwhile, the five men become quite close, leading them on a couple completely implausible adventures. Ultimately, the time comes to bring it to a sad end. What makes this book for beginners? Because it pleads its case so strenuously. The point is made over and over again that it may be wrong, but they can’t help it and, most importantly, it doesn’t mean that they aren’t any less masculine. Masculinity comes up over and over as the characters argue that they aren’t any less of a man for their taste in other men. Also, social class looms large throughout the book. Money is one of the criteria David and James used to screen men for their poker group, and the book makes a point of the conspicuous wealth of at least four of the five men. Previously I mentioned James fleeing to California on vacation for a
week after David comes out to him. On another occasion, a private jet comes in handy. These are not people clipping coupons from Walgreens. Upper class, professional, cigar-smoking, poker playing, married men cheating on their wives are definitely a slice of the bi community, and their stories certainly deserve to be written. Still, maybe I’m tired of the assumption that same sex attraction is shameful, lack of wealth is an embarrassment, and masculinity is the gold standard. It really doesn’t even make the case that being bi is a good thing, only something they can’t help. I hope for more from GLBT literature.
Bi Men: Coming Out Every Which Way Ron Jackson Suresha, Pete Chvany, Editors Haworth Press / ISBN-13: 978-1-56023-615-3 Paperback $19.95, 329 pp.
If Five Married Men show men adrift looking to negotiate their bisexuality and decide how to incorporate it into their lives, the contributors to Bi Men: Coming Out Every Which Way represent 34 possible answers to that question. In fact, Bi Men tells us not only about being male and bisexual, but also about being proud and self-actualized. Here bi men are anything but wealthy or overly concerned with masculinity (with all due respect to the essays from a couple of Bears), but instead are born iconoclasts. There isn’t a need here to prove to the reader that it’s OK to be bisexual; that’s assumed. Bi Men doubles as Volume 5, number 2/3 of the Journal of Bisexuality, and is the latest in a long line of similar compilations of essays, for example 1991’s Bi Any Other Name: Bisexual People Speak Out, edited by Loraine Hutchins and Lani Kaahumanu, Naomi Tucker’s
Bisexual Politics: Theories, Queries, and Visions in 1995, another book from the male perspective, Bisexuality in the Lives of Men: Facts and Fictions by Brett Beemyn and Erich W. Steinman from 2001, or even 2005’s Getting Bi: Voices of Bisexuals Around the World by Robyn Ochs and Sarah Rowley. And like these books, Bi Men is written mostly from the point of view of an insider in the bi community (several of the contributors are well known in bi activist circles). The book is divided into four logical sections. The first, “Discovering a Bisexual Self,” is comprised of seven essays on coming out and defining for each writer what it means to be bi. Highlight include the first essay by Hiram Ed Taylor describes his sexuality in terms of New Orleans culture steeped in sexuality, an essay featuring two San Francisco Bay area High school students as they negotiate a gay community they see as overly sexualized and trendy, and an essay by Larry Lawton, a 42 year-old bi man currently in prison. “Part Two: Extending Bonds of Marriage and Family” explores negotiating relationships, traditional and otherwise. Good examples here are the story of a father coming out to his son over a game of miniature golf and an essay by a closeted, sexually-active married man, torn as he looks at his future and sees hope, yet says that because he will hurt “three people so close to me, I want to do myself in.” “Part Three: Interacting in Evolving GLBTQ Communities” features the politics of bisexuality. Not politics as in kissing babies and Florida vote counts, but how bisexuality and bisexuals fit into other communities. I’ll highlight Gregg Lind’s piece about coming out via the swinger community and co-editor Pete Chvany’s piece called “Lighten Up!” where he calls for a more relaxed, less reactive approach to bi politics, “Truth is, it is fun to be bi.”
“Part Four: Bridge Building in the Bisexual Sprit” takes a look at religion and spirituality and how it informs their lives. Here I’ll highlight a reprinted (from Blessed Bi Spirit: Bisexual People of Faith, Continuum, 2000) essay by a Jewish Puerto Rican man who adopts Buddhism as he longs for spiritual reconciliation. While several of the essays are, like the one mentioned above, reprints from past books, Bi Men nonetheless is a valuable addition to the canon of bi literature. As Suresha says of his book in the introduction, “its primary goal…is to reduce the invisibility of bisexual men by presenting powerful, proud bisexual men’s voices.” While it remains to be seen if it reduces bi invisibility (books sales will have a say in that), he and Chvany certainly succeeded in the “powerful, proud bisexual men’s voices” department.
The Bisexual’s Guide to the Universe: Quips, Tips, and Lists for Those Who Go Both Ways Nicole Kristal and Mike Szymanski Alyson Books / ISBN-13 978-1-55583-650-4 Paperback $15.95, 256 pp.
If Five Married Men is for freshmen majoring in bisexuality studies, and Bi Men is aimed at those working on their senior project, The Bisexual’s Guide to the Universe: Quips, Tips, and Lists for Those Who Go Both Ways is for those who’ve long graduated and are growing tired of the nine-to-five. This book not only assumes that the reader knows about bisexuality and has a working understanding of queer theory, but has grown rather sick of it all.
For example, in a section titled “The Professional Bisexual” they say that because they “have busted their asses to create the floundering, sputtering machine we call the bisexual movement, they also are the most touchy members of the practically invisible bi community,” and that, “They deflate the fun out of bisexuality and instead replace it with the biggest turnoff— anger.” But to this old bi activist, this book is a breath of fresh air. As the author’s correctly point out, the bi community has been attacked from all sides for so long it’s natural for those most passionate about it to adopt a siege mentality. All the more reason, I think, to have some fun with it. It’s OK to laugh at ourselves. It’s OK to have it pointed out when we get a little reactive. And it’s OK to remember that being bi can be a lot of fun. And it’s OK to have fun teaching us about the bi experience. At its core, The Bisexual’s Guide to the Universe doesn’t belong in the humor section of the bi part of the LGBT department (if it did, it would be pretty lonely), instead it belongs next to the Bisexual Option (Fritz Klein) and Dual Attraction (Weinberg, Williams and Pryor). In other words, just because it’s funny doesn’t mean there isn’t a lot of information packed in. For example, The Bisexual’s Guide to the Universe describes Fritz Klein’s “the Klein Sexual Orientation Grid” from 1990, which was and still is a revolutionary way to envision sexuality. They then follow it with their own “The RU-Bi? Test,” with question one, “Have you ever had sex with both sexes? a. Yes b. No c. I think I did, but I was drunk.” And that’s just a start. The book, divided into three sections (four, if we include the introduction), “Beginner,” “Intermediate,” and “Advanced,” and consists of lists, faux tests, and
humorous advice about everything from coming out to “Your Hippie Mom” to whether or not to shave (and I don’t mean legs). The Bisexual’s Guide to the Universe is sharp, witty, and spot on. I’ll recommend it for anyone involved in the bi community (the bi conference going version, not the Five Married Men version), and really anyone looking for a glimpse of what the community looks like. It’s good to laugh at ourselves, and who better to do it than Kristal and Szymanski, two selfdescribed “professional bisexuals”?
William Burleson is the author of Bi America, Myths, Truths, and Struggles of an Invisible Community from Haworth Press. www.bi101.org