MR. AND MRS. SMITH By William Burleson
Last night I went to see Mr. And Mrs. Smith. In it, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are married to each other but don’t know that they are both assassins for competing agencies of some sort (it’s not really clear who they work for and why, but whatever). There are lots of weapons, explosions, and fire, all the required ingredients for a swell summer popcorn movie.
But I’m not here to review the film. No, I’m writing to tell you this: I’m glad I’m bisexual.
I mean, both these people are, in my opinion, drop dead gorgeous. I bet they look good 24-7; while most people are all sweaty and rumpled after a workout at the gym, while everyone looks grubby and droopy when weeding the garden on a hot day, while I look like death when I crawl out of bed in the morning scratching myself, I’d bet they only look sexier. And in this movie, these always attractive people look better than ever.
So I’m glad I’m bisexual. I pity those poor people who watch these two for a couple hours but only get to enjoy half of it.
Being bisexual is a gift. It’s the capacity to love and enjoy the affections of twice as many people as lesbian, gay, or straight people. It’s a gift to not have a gender preference hard-wired. Indeed, I get to not choose, if that’s my choice. Why not have both Angelina AND Brad? “Ms. Jolie, shall I continue massaging your feet or would you like me to rub some oil on Mr. Pitt now?”
I write this because I think I complain too much. I find myself always kvetching about some slight, some exclusion, some issue with the straight world or the gay/lesbian community. Not that I don’t deserve to kvetch; I do. I’m just sick of it.
Maybe it’s time for me to be less down-trodden, and instead celebrate this wonderful gift. I think anything else is to let the dysfunctional culture define me, rather than for me to define myself.
We live in a culture that doesn’t “get” us. Bisexuals don’t fit into the neat boxes others use to simplify the world. That’s not about us; that’s about our culture. We’re not the ones that are screwed up; the culture is.
While that’s their problem, I don’t have to make it mine. Instead, I can enjoy choosing from the love, affection, and sex of twice as many people as any straight, gay, or lesbian person. Indeed, I can enjoy ogling twice as many people, including both Pitt and Jolie.
But even more than the pleasures of the flesh (as pleasurable as they are), I can enjoy traveling in many and various communities. I can enjoy the support and subculture of the gay community. I can walk in the straight world. In fact, I can do both. I really think this cultural portability is a wonderful gift; it allows me to understand better all these cultures with their rewards and tribulations. Plus, in my town, I can enjoy at least on some occasions the support, quirkiness, and radical-ness of our very own bi community, a tiny subculture with its own history, institutions, and attitude. That’s a great thing.
So it’s time to celebrate bisexuality. For myself, I’m going to celebrate by grabbing up the Mr. and Mrs. Smith DVD when it hits the shelves.
William Burleson is the author of Bi America: Myths, Truths, and Struggles of an Invisible Community