No More Bowling Alone By William E. Burleson
Remember a few years ago, the book, Bowling Alone? It was about how our culture has changed from being one of people getting together in the form of bowling teams, social organizations, bridge clubs, etc., to one made up of a bunch of losers going alone to bowling alleys, sitting in coffee houses by ourselves, and playing solitaire. I guess that’s what the book is about. I haven’t read it. Maybe the author, Robert D. Putnam, should write about how people don’t read books. Maybe it’s true people don’t join groups as much as they used to. But when it comes to queer folk, I see people searching for community like a man in the desert looks for palm trees. For example, recently I met this guy from a small town. We’ll call him Tex. Well, Tex doesn’t fit anyone’s stereotype of a gay man. Kinda rough around the edges, unpolished, pure country. Tex told me how he’d been out for over 10 years, but he had never felt a part of a community. Not that he hadn’t tried. He went to Pride. He went to the bars. He joined the local GLBT group. But none of them were right for him. Tex simply didn’t fit, and he saw no likelihood of that changing. But then he met a man who told him about the North Star Gay Rodeo. He went, and it was as if he had come home. Since then he’s become involved as a volunteer and follows the rodeo around from town to town. And he’s made friends, good friends. I think humans are flocking animals, and doubly so for queer folk. Growing up different, trying to make sense of ourselves while we muddle through muck of the greater culture, means we know how important it is to find others like ourselves. We hear it in our stories, “I felt
different.” “I felt like I was alone, the only one.” For me, every time I am invited to a wedding —at least this side of Massachusetts—I am reminded that I am different. Every time some yahoo politician says I don’t deserve the same rights as everyone else, I feel different. Every time I meet someone new and they assume that I’m straight, I know I’m different. This is one of our shared experiences as a distinct GLBT culture. I don’t think a heterosexual would say about being straight, “I thought I was the only one.” In response, we create ways to get connected. The result is that there is a group for everything. And I mean everything. Into gardening? Check out BIG: Boys Into Gardening. Like getting outside? Check out Outwoods. But you’re mostly into running? Got you covered: check out Frontrunners. Politics? Check.. How about being a lesbian senior or a gay Jewish teen? Check and double check. Looking for a book club? A writer’s group? Toastmasters? There’s all that and more. No matter what your affinity or interest, there’s probably an organization for you. Still, we live in a straight man’s world. No matter how many groups there are, it still takes a little savvy to find us. For those not yet involved in the community, it’s hard to know where to start. It’s no surprise it took Tex a while to find the rodeo. And to meet him is to know how important it was to him that he did. That’s why I’m writing this column. My goal for “Whom the Bill Tolls” is to find my flock. Every month I’ll bring the reader along as I visit various community groups, from the smallest little meeting in the back of some coffee house to the largest with mission statements and a board of directors. Along the way I hope the groups I write about are able to find new members. And I hope I can help people like Tex find their home.
As a companion for the column, I’d like to highlight a few events coming up in the near future. Each month I’ll include a couple of my favorites at the end of my column, and the rest I’ll put up on my web site, www.forwhomthebilltolls.org . If you’re planning an event or have a group you’d like people to know about, drop me an email at bill@forwhomthebilltolls.org.
Bill’s picks of the month: Thursday, November 9th: The Monogamy-Polyamory Continuum? Presenter Susan Miranda will discuss the complexity of relationships and how monogamy and polyamory are not either/or categories. Amazon Bookstore Cooperative, 4755 Chicago Ave. So., Minneapolis. 7-8:30 p.m. More info at (612) 821-9630 or amazon@amazonbookstorecoop.com November 18th: Bootleg Bingo. Bingo hosted by Miss Richfield, 1981, benefiting Park House & Clare Housing. Incarnation Church basement, 38th & Pleasant Avenue S in Minneapolis, from 6:30-9:30 p.m. $25. Visit www.bingoagogo.com for more information.