Hearts, bodies and minds
The muses – Thalia, Melpomene, Terpsichore … and Delilah OR Houseman finds that the stage is best viewed from the balcony bar ‘There must be far more emphasis on The Arts. It is absurd and, quite frankly, anachronistic that all house competitions are sporting events. This does not reflect the broad nature of our Co-Curricular programme. I shall therefore be introducing house competitions in music, drama and dance.’ This was the message received by the housemasters from the newly appointed Head of Co-Curricular Activities (a senior leadership position given to an external applicant). The headmaster was clearly in full support, and reminded us of our obligation to attend plays, concerts and cultural events. He evidently enjoyed the opportunity to present himself as a patron of the arts in the face of the housemasters’ philistine indifference. A recently appointed housemaster expressed some anxiety to me as we left the meeting. ‘I think the headmaster means it. He is going to expect us to go to every play, concert and art exhibition. I just don’t see how I am going to be able to do that. I simply don’t have the time: there are at least two events every week. What is worse, the headmaster is going to compare me with my predecessor. And he did go to every event.’ ‘What makes you think that?’ I asked. ‘The headmaster told me only last week. Nick used to go to everything, he said. Always supported the boys in his house, whatever the activity. How did he manage to do that? How did he have the time?’ ‘Nick didn’t have the time either. None of us does.’ ‘So how did he manage to go to everything?’ ‘He didn’t. He just knew how to make it look like he went to everything. You have probably noticed that the drama and music departments serve interval drinks on the balcony at the back of the theatre during every show. Nick used to arrive five minutes before the interval and offer to help serving drinks. Every parent in the audience saw him there, and so did the headmaster. The heads of music and drama saw him at every event, and regularly praised him to the headmaster. Five minutes into the second half he would leave again. But it didn’t matter: he had done enough.’ My younger colleague showed some signs of relief as well as a sense of injustice. But he was still anxious. ‘And what about house competitions in the arts? House singing? A drama competition? Dance? This new Co-Curricular man is going to make that happen.’ He did, and began with a drama competition in the second half of the Michaelmas Term. It passed fairly painlessly. The boys were given a theme by the Director of Drama. They wrote their own scripts and organised their own rehearsals. For practical reasons there were knock out heats before a final in which only the top four houses performed. The lack of public exposure minimised the humiliation and potential disgrace of the less successful houses and their housemasters. My anxious junior colleague’s house had creditably reached the final
without winning. This confounded the possibly uncharitable expectations of those colleagues who felt that this particular house’s recognised sporting successes were unlikely to be matched on stage. I asked him after the event whether he had changed his views on school drama. ‘Yes I have.’ ‘So you now like it?’ ‘No. I now totally disapprove of the activity.’ ‘You disapprove?’ ‘Yes. It seems to turn them all into precocious luvvies. I have never seen so many tantrums.’ ‘Did your head of house not help to keep things calm? He’s captain of rugby, isn’t he? Plays for Wales under 19s? I can’t imagine him being too precious about things.’ ‘The head of house? He was the worst of the lot. He insisted on contributing to the script. The trouble is, the boy directing the show thought his bit was rubbish and cut it out. But the head of house only found out at the next rehearsal. And he didn’t take it very well. He started talking about ‘artistic integrity’ and his ‘creativity being compromised’. I don’t even know where he got these phrases from. I blame the theatre. I don’t think it is a very healthy influence on boys.’ The singing competition was scheduled to take place the following term. The Head of Co-Curricular Activities thought he was introducing a completely new idea, but in fact he was simply reinstating an event which to the boys’ great dismay had been shut down by the previous headmaster about ten years earlier. They complained for about two years and begged for it to return, but the removal of the prospect of anarchy which it entailed brought the headmaster enough relief to compensate for any amount of irritating deputations from boys to reinstate it. Eventually the boys forgot they had ever had a singing competition, but now it was coming back, and my junior colleague was once again anxious. ‘I think this is going to be even worse than the drama. I didn’t enjoy managing the injured sensibilities of delicate
Spring 2019
13
