Relationship Issue
The 3ÕWFh
Walter Johnson’s Student Newspaper
Illustration by Izzy Zavareei
Pitch
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RELATIONSHIP ISSUE
February 14, 2020
Turn-offs: Surefire ways to alienate the person you like By Julia Hananel Editor-in-Chief
Only talking about yourself No one likes to be talked at. If you’re scheming on someone, make sure you’re asking them about themselves and engaging in a good conversation rather than going on and on about yourself.
Being rude to workers/employees
Photo Courtesy of Matt Shea
Senior Matt Shea attends Wootton homecoming with his girlfriend Hannah Mikowski (senior at Wootton). The couple attended WJ homecoming a couple weeks later and continue to have a great time at various events between the two schools.
Don’t confine your dating life to WJ By Matt Shea Managing Editor It’s another Saturday night and you’re alone, either reminiscing about a past relationship or thinking about how to get into a new one. As these thoughts cloud your mind, you wonder how to begin or where the right place to look is. For most people, that search starts right here at WJ. During the day, it is common to see couples holding hands while meandering the crowded hallways or eating together at G Square while having lunch. For many, dating someone who goes to our school is a great option. Besides just having Chipotle on a particular Wednesday Ƥ other, the accessibility during the school day as well as having classes together and living close by are all important factors to consider. However, there is a lot to be said about dating someone who doesn’t go to your school. For a while now I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend, who attends Thomas S. Wootton High School. Even though we will never share a class or stroll down the hallway together, there are many reasons why our relationship works so well.
While many people may look at the two schools and see com ơ ǡ are actually a lot of unique opportunities. Rather than just one memorable Homecoming, we got to experience two. Similarly, there are many other events at each school that we get to attend that we wouldn’t have gone to otherwise. ơ ǡ has also expanded our options for where we go and what we do on dates. Even though couples who go to the same school are not necessarily restricted to one area, it is much easier when you can go on dates in various locations and still be close to somebody’s house. The change of scenery and people can also be refreshing every once in a while. A big concern people have about dating someone from another school is not getting to see them as much and therefore not becoming as close. But despite the 5.5 miles that separate our schools during the day, we are hardly apart. For instance, there are set points throughout the school day in which we text to check in on how our days are going. As for after school, whether it be having dinner, doing homework, watching tv or even just
surprising the other with food, there are not many weekdays that don’t involve us getting together. When the weekend comes around, it usually involves a day of plans such as going to D.C., working out or hitting up our favorite restaurants. However, in the event the chaos ơ does make it hard to see each other in a particular week, it just makes our time together more valuable and special. Not going to the same school can also provide a great basis for interesting conversation as our high school experiences ơ Ǥ ample, each day after school we have a tradition of talking Ƥ ly a great change of pace to not only converse with her about classes and events here at WJ, but to also learn about classes and happenings at Wootton that are unique. Regardless of who you date or where they go to school, you can build a meaningful relationship ơ Ƥ that you care. As long as you are happy and feel secure, that is what matters most. Great relationships can be formed anywhere, so don’t limit yourself to where you go to school.
If you’re eating out somewhere and you’re rude to employees, you’re automatically cancelled. Being rude to your waiter is not only in bad taste, but it also causes second-hand embarrassment for the other person. This makes you seem aggressive and pushy, which can ruin the mood of your hangout. It’s always better to just be chill.
Talking about past relationships/ other people you’re interested in This may seem like a no-brainer, but you’d be surprised how ƣ Dz ǡdz just disrespectful, especially if you’re on a date. It can be healthy to have quality conversations about your past relationships, but if you’re constantly bringing up old memories about your ex, it can Ƥ Ǥ
Littering Maybe this is just me, but littering is a pretty unattractive thing to Ǥ Ƥ ǯ ǦǦ Ƥ Ǩ ǯ ǡ will probably dump you.
Smelling bad This is pretty self-explanatory, but in general, make sure that you don’t smell bad. No matter how great of a person you may be, if you smell bad, that can ruin the vibe.
Not respecting boundaries If you are making moves on someone and it’s obvious they aren’t ready for it, they might still be interested in you, but it’s important to respect people’s space. If you’re in the midst of a hookup, make sure the other person consents to everything.
Spending too much time on your phone ơ like. Staring at your phone is super rude because it shows you’re not paying attention to your date. It makes you seem like you’re uninterested in what the person is saying.
Ȁ ƪ Some of the most memorable experiences are ones that are spontaneous. If a date or hangout doesn’t seem to be going the way you planned, don’t complain about it -- just go with ƪ Ǩ
So close, yet so far: long-distance relationships
By Allie Rothman Business Manager *names have been changed to protect students’ privacies Whether you live down the street or across an ocean, love Ƥ Ǥ With social media, text, Skype and FaceTime, it has become far easier to build and maintain long distance relationships. In theory, absence does make the heart grow fonder. But, long distance relationships can be tricky to navigate. “My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over a year. He’s a college freshman at a school in the midwest, and I
see him around once a month,” senior Kelly Smith said. Their relationship has changed Ƥ tance between them. Although today’s technology allows them to interact and maintain a relationship, for Smith, it’s just not quite the same. “It’s really hard because I miss having him so close and being able to see him so easily. Although there is social media and ways to connect Ƥ ǡ ing through technology doesn’t always satisfy the physical feeling of seeing someone you love. Sometimes I just wish I could
teleport or jump through my laptop screen,” Smith said. Having love in your heart for someone so far away is the greatest test of trust; those in the relationship don’t know Ƥ or what they could be doing, yet they wholeheartedly trust that they remain committed to the other. Ƥ while being in a long distance relationship isn’t avoidable, but it’s certainly manageable.Junior Ben Rose and his girlfriend have been together for seven months and began their long distance relationship when she
left for college in Connecticut. “It’s always nice to have something to look forward to. When we plan to see each other, I set a countdown on my phone and get really happy when the numbers get smaller,” Rose said. Senior John Gold also has a girlfriend who left for college. Like Rose, he tries to manage the situation as best he can. “When I really miss her, I hand-write her letters and she really loves them. We’ve been together 11 months, when I miss her we FaceTime a lot and I usually like to look through pictures of when we were together,” Gold said.
When separated by distance, the little things become far more important and far more meaningful. But like any other relationship, communication is key. “The most important thing in a long distance relationship is communication. It goes a long way in the relationship when you’re making time for each other while being so far,” Gold said. Love from afar may be difƤ ǡ dedication and faith in the relationship’s strength, relation Ƥ to close proximity.
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FEBRUARY 14, 2020
Abandon the stigma against teens’ sexual activity
RELATIONSHIP ISSUE
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Envy infects relationships By Brigitte Kaba Â–ÂƒĆĄ ”‹–‡”
Why recognizing the prevalence of sex among students is vital to interpersonal acceptance dichotomy in the high school microcosm, or rather society at large: sex is ƤÂ?‡ǥ „—– ‘Â?Ž› ™Š‡Â? ‘—” ‹Â?…‘Â?•‹•–‡Â?–ǥ ƒ”“Pre-marital sex is a sin,â€? or so the bitrary and archaic norms allow it. staunch religious zealots like to tout. I’ve known a few people who’ve been With these devout fanatics being ex- labeled as sluts because of their history perts in healthy sexual habits and prop- of getting with any number of guys over er contraceptives, it should be evident to one, and the single glaring issue they’ve any holy and self-respecting person that experienced is that they’ve been given a they’re right; pre-marital and teenage label that doesn’t entirely represent who sex is abhorrent, and we should shun they are, but rather only their sexual acand shame any who participate. tivity. For a society that likes to endorse It’s hard to deny that the topic of sex freedom of one’s body and prevent arbiamong people is one of contention. We –”ƒ”› Â…ÂŽÂƒÂ•Â•Â‹Ć¤Â…ÂƒÂ–Â‹Â‘Â?• ˆ”‘Â? „‡‹Â?‰ ’Žƒ…‡† awkwardly avoid discussions with adults on others, we ignore these freedoms ™‹–Š ‡š–”‡Â?‡ Â’Â”Â‡ÂŒÂ—Â†Â‹Â…Â‡ÇĄ Žƒ—‰Š‹Â?‰ ‹– ‘ƥ when sex becomes the issue at hand. or acting annoyed, all the while explic- Because we are taught values of purity itly sharing details with close friends. and abstinence, and place such an imWhen we catch wind of a rumor that a portance on virginity, we inadvertently certain someone is acting a little pro- allow these ideas to eclipse common miscuously, let’s admit it: we gossip, we sense and personal judgement, and thus judge and in some cases, we persecute. allow rumors and gossip to create a false ‡–ǥ ™Š‡Â? ™‡ ƤÂ?† ‘—– –Šƒ– ƒ ˆ”‹‡Â?† Šƒ• image in our head. Even if people do hit the famed homerun, we typically get around, that doesn’t make them any cheer them on with overwhelmingly worse than the rest of us. That’s their gratuitous support. choice. This may be a universally underTherein lies our problem, the age-old stood lesson for many, which makes the By Benicio Balignot A&E Editor
It can be hard to suppress emotions, especially when they stem from a place of anger, sadness and envy. Although jealousy is common, too much can be unhealthy and even abusive. “Many of us are often unaware of the basic shame that exists inside of us because it comes so naturally to think selfcritical thoughts about ourselves. Shame ˆ”‘Â? ‘—” ’ƒ•– …ƒÂ? Š‡ƒ˜‹Ž› ‹Â?ƪ—‡Â?…‡ –Š‡ degree to which we feel jealous and insecure in the present,â€? author of Conquer Your Critical Inner Voice Dr. Lisa Firestone said. In relationships, jealousy can be glamorized as a way of love. But once it becomes toxic, that means there is desire for a partner as well as insecurity. Emotional insecurity is not favorable in a relationship because boundaries can be crossed as a by-product of fear. However, it is very hard to conceal jealousy. “If you are not jealous of your partner, you don’t care [about them]. Jealousy is okay if it doesn’t get further than complimenting someone else. It’s a human feeling. All people are jealous,â€? senior Lampros Lampropoulos said. Relationships are formed based on common interest and requited trust, but even if only one person acquires greenIllustration by Benicio Balignot eyed vision, the bond quickly goes into issue all the worse because we ignore it. a downward spiral. Much like an illness, This doesn’t mean I’m advocating jealous feelings can develop below the for people having sex at a whim, espe- surface. cially at this age, where teenage brains “If I had a friend that was jealous of me are prone to succumb to pressure, hor- I would maybe talk them out of always Â?‘Â?‡• ƒÂ?† —Â?†‡”†‡˜‡Ž‘’‡† †‡ƤÂ?‹- comparing themselves to others,â€? junior tions of love. With such sexual freedom Sasha Gafurova said. comes responsibility and baby-shaped Tensions can also be high among sibconsequences for those of us who fail lings. Family members share uncondito act with caution. From a parental tional bonds, so a large part of sibling point of view, I understand why adults rivalry can include who the favorite are so clingy and presumptuous when it child is or who manages to get away with …‘Â?‡• –‘ •‡šǣ ‹Â?ƒ‰‹Â?‡ ƤÂ?†‹Â?‰ ‘—– –Šƒ– things the most. your daughter lost her virginity to some Typically, because the eldest child random guy at the age of 16, much less has more freedom and the youngest gets got pregnant because they didn’t use a the most attention, the middle sibling condom. might be the most jealous as they are The bottom line is, it’s important more overlooked. But the problem of that we not fault people for their sexual envy may be most prominent in blended choices. Life is too short to be obsessing families, where it is hard to accept new over such trivial knowledge like who’s members into the family. sleeping with whom, or what someone’s “My step-sister is jealous of the atbody count is. For all of our rhetoric tention I get from her father. But because about accepting the lifestyles of oth- she doesn’t confront me about it, I just ers and being understanding, we’d be block her when her texts become too hypocrites if we didn’t extend that line much and continue to do my own thing,â€? of thought to all aspects of life. senior Joanne Tsai said.
Abundance of PDA disturbs the school environment By Aya Heshman Assisance News Editor You’re walking to math class with your friend when you pass by that couple who is always together in the hallway. His arm is wrapped around her waist, they’re whispering in each other’s ears and then passionately kiss. You and your friend look at each other with discomfort. You wonder, how do they feel so comfortable full-on making out in the hallway while students, teachers and others walk by? With 35% of teens having experience in a romantic relationship and 19% being in one right now according to the US Department of Health and Human Services, so much is publicized, but why? Some things are better left in privacy, behind closed doors. Don’t get me wrong, there
is nothing wrong with certain romantic acts such as handholding, a kiss goodbye or a hug. Some people love public ÂƒĆĄÂ‡Â…Â–Â‹Â‘Â? ˆ”‘Â? –Š‡‹” •‹‰Â?Â‹Ć¤Â…ÂƒÂ?– other, but how much is too much? Couples cross boundaries and will be smooching in the hallway or going into the gender neutral bathroom and having quick love-making ses•‹‘Â?•ǥ ™Š‹Ž‡ •‘Â?‡ •–—†‡Â?–• ƤÂ?† it uncomfortable. Many students are just trying to walk to class without seeing the same couple making out in the hallways. Oftentimes, students feel uncomfortable and feel as if they are intruding on a private moment, but at the same time it is not the students’ fault they are intruding. When it comes to kissing, ‹–ǯ• ƤÂ?‡ –‘ ’‡…Â? ›‘—” •‹‰Â?‹Ƥcant other goodbye, but you shouldn’t be smooching to the
point where you’re on top of each other. We need to remember that everyone is in the same place so it’s important to respect that not everyone wants to see your love-making. PDA is tolerated here at WJ, but to what extent? Teachers will see students all over each other but turn a blind eye unless it becomes overly sexual. Previously, there have been consequences for too much PDA, but those consequences are now absent. Some students can’t see their •‹‰Â?Â‹Ć¤Â…ÂƒÂ?– ‘–Š‡” ‘—–•‹†‡ ‘ˆ school, but once they’ve been seen making out in the hallway, they’ll be known as that couple who can’t keep it in their pants. High school relationships can be good. They teach you how to prepare for future relationships and help you mature emotionally, but it is important
Š‘–‘ „› ƒ–› ”Â?†‘”ƥ
Two students steal time to rekindle their romance. While this choice is favored by the couple, not all passer-bys appreciate the PDA.
to understand that not everyone wants to see everything happening. Some things are just better to do behind closed doors—or just not at school. It
is important to understand that not everyone is comfortable seeing PDA, so if you feel like you’re crossing boundaries, you should just save it for later.
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RELATIONSHIP ISSUE
FEBRURARY 14, 2020
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FEBRUARY 14, 2020
RELATIONSHIP ISSUE
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The unembellished reality of teenage relationships In the spirit of Valentine’s Day, The Pitch took a close look at the relationships of students at WJ -- not just romantic relationships, but all kinds of relationships. Everyone has so many complex, intricate relationships with their families, friends, teachers and significant others. In this specialty issue of The Pitch, we gathered anonymous voices from WJ’s diverse student body and took a closer look at the relationships that not only impact our day-to-day lives, but also shape us into the people we are.
“If they talk about you behind your back and try to cover it up, you’re better off without them.”
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“I think I’m finally going to have something real started with someone who I haven’t yet met in real life but know well enough to go out with him rather soon. I am feeling butterflies in my stomach for the very first time ever in my life. I’m terrified but excited.”
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I’ve been in many toxic relationships. They’ve all had ƪ ǡ ǯ Ǥ
“I think that the reason why my current relationship is working so well is because we talk about everything and are mature in our conversations. We also always ask for consent and clarify boundaries before we do anything in order to prevent anyone feeling uncomfortable.”
The worst thing about a friendship or a relationship is being left out. The feeling that your “friends” are doing something without you and not even considering inviting you is the worst.
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As someone who moved to the U.S from Israel at eight years old, I had to transition from seeing my extended family at least three times a week to seeing them only two or three times a year. You call and FaceTime and text each other whenever possible (the time difference doesn’t help), you send pictures to one another, and most importantly, you count the days till you get on that flight that will take you to those who you miss the most.
Overcoming emotional trauma from strict parents is one of the hardest things to deal with because you are literally growing up doubting yourself in every way. I’m not comfortable with sharing with either of my parents in fear of getting in trouble for innocent things.
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I’ve been in many toxic relationships. They’ve all had a pattern of reflecting their issues onto me and then getting defensive when I bring it up, even though their personal issues aren’t my responsibility.
I haven’t experienced any type of romantic relationship which gets me a little frustrated because it seems as though everyone has either had been in a relationship or is currently in one. I feel like some people are only dating their partner just because it’s a trend.
“Communication is so very very important and you shouldn’t ever blame yourself for things that are very clearly out of your control. You don’t deserve any of the wrong or abuse that they put on you, no matter what they say.”
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Cheating culture plagues relationships
Artwork by Nora Talbott
“I have always had a really hard relationship with myself and I constantly feel lost. I have always felt like I needed to be better even if my parents didn’t push me. I was afraid of being a failure so I broke myself down to the point where I didn’t want to get back up. I’ve had plenty of guys ask me out, and my answer has always resulted in a solid “no,” even if I kind of wanted to pursue something. I did this because I didn’t feel good enough for anybody and I struggled with telling myself anything positive. Then, when high school started I had the best relationships with my friends and I seemed happy all the time. Things got better for myself as well and I didn’t try to get obsessed over the little things.”
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I have been in several relationships since I started high school. My first relationship was toxic. They wanted to separate me with my friends and thought I was cheating when I wasn’t, so I broke it off. I had a few small flings, then dated someone for almost a year.
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“hookup culture”?
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In terms of romantic relationships, there are plenty of friends of mine I’ve considered asking out. However, I’m always worried that, by doing so, I could potentially taint or damage the existing friendship I already have going. So, I usually refrain from expressing my true feelings. However, on New Year’s Eve, I finally gained the courage to ask a friend of mine out, and she said no. I didn’t care, however, since I was just so relieved to get my emotions off my back and glad that our friendship wasn’t tainted. The fact that the two of us are still friends makes me hopeful for the new year; I hope this will set a new precedent for me in the future.
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“I’ve never really felt like I had many friends throughout elementary and middle school, but this year, I’ve g gained so many friends and meaningful relationships.”
Yes
No
%
.4 63
Do you wish your hookup was a real relationship? 3 41.
%
Yes
No
%
.7 58
Do you or have you had an unofficial “thing” with someone %
.7 53
The new era of dating strays further away from commitment than previous generations. The rise of the hookup culture has sucked the concept of chivalry and the process of getting to know a person out of a relationship. It’s no wonder that the lack of dedication in our culture has produced a growth in the cheating culture. According to a 2018 study by Refinery29, 25 percent of men and 14 percent of women are likely to cheat in their lifetime. Sadly, the study also said the numbers are steadily growing and are significantly higher than in the past. With the growth of cheating, it is important to understand the circumstances that relationships operate under these days. Casual hookups and the appreciation of looks, whether in person or online, string two people together but even after confirming mutual attraction, people still can’t seem to label their relationships. A generation so caught up in refusing the traditional titles like girlfriend or boyfriend has sent the rules of relationships into a confusing no man’s land of recognition. Relationships referred to as “things” or “friends with benefits” make it difficult to decipher exclusivity of romantic ties in a labelless world. While there’s no excuse for the disgustingly high amount of cheating, the rise of hookup culture and cheating culture definitely go hand in hand. Without a label, it is difficult for even the participants in a relationship to determine if they are exclusive or open to other partners. The partying that seems to dominate teenage lives lends to the rise of drunken hookups and slips in relationships, since every weekend teens are going to parties and losing control over their actions. While many teens seem to excuse this behavior as pure fun, people are constantly getting hurt as collateral damage, yet they refuse to make a change to how they define relationships and their exclusivity. In a traditional sense, defined girlfriends and boyfriends still face the risk of having an unfaithful partner, but an unlabelled relationship just seems to make the chances higher. Many of the people I talked to who have immediately felt the effects of cheating did not want to be quoted due to their embarrassment. Teenagers seem to be squeamish about the idea of having the conversation with their potential partners about what they want to define themselves as. This conversation, however, could be what saves a large number of people from inevitable hurt that comes with a lack of labeling. There is no excuse for the disloyal few that blemish committed relationships. The understanding of a committed relationship can help to keep people from falling into such a terrible situation, but ultimately cheating’s prominence may not be something partners can fully terminate.
By Emily Speranza
” Do you participate in
.6%
Staff Writer
Teen“hookup” culture increases
I’ve dealt with a lot of fake relationships friend-wise and all I can say is: if it’s fake, do not feed into the relationship. It’ll just turn out toxic for you.
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By Lily Salvatore
Yes
No
.3%
46
266 students polled
News Editor
One of the newest relationship norms is the idea of “hookup” culture. Whether it’s sexually related or not, most people nowadays know that when you “hook up” with someone, there isn’t really any kind of an emotional attachment since it’s usually a one-and-done deal. “I have a whole ton of friends who always have little “hook up” moments but have never taken the time to be in an actual relationship, and it’s kind of unhealthy,” junior Natalya Johnson said. Despite all the pros and cons that may go along with this culture, one of the biggest factors that goes along with the spread of “hook up” culture is the popularity of dating apps such as Tinder or Bumble that motivate the behavior. These apps can make “hook up” culture look a lot more pervasive especially for the younger generations. It essentially spreads like wildfire. “I got Tinder because I really wanted a fling of some kind since I felt so lonely all the time, and it really hurt my self-esteem,” an anonymous sophomore said. “It would have been a lot better if I had just met somebody that wasn’t online and then took things slowly from there.” Ever since the early city life from the 1920s, young people have always mixed in relationships beyond the control or supervision of adults. It’s not really much of a surprise since teenagers, no matter what time period, will always do teenage things. But the real question is, how much has this “hook up” culture really grown since then? A study conducted by Elephant Journal last year revealed most millennials have adopted a different mindset from past generations, in which marriage was an expected thing. Now the focus is more on school and having a steady career. For the most part, this new mindset leads to a good 10 year gap before any kind of serious relationship even starts. There are definitely plenty of cons with the growth of this culture and damaging self-esteem is a big part of it. Being a part of many “hook ups” can lead to a fear of rejection, commitment and difficulties in the future of keeping a steady relationship. With popular culture showing many inaccurate portrayals of sexuality, it can lead to teenagers forming the wrong idea. It’s a contingency known to all of the youth that “hooking up” is a moment that all teenagers must go through, when this does not have to be the case. “I got myself into a really short-term relationship because everyone around seemed to have a girl or boyfriend so I felt the need to get one, too. Everything that I had seen on social media and TV [about hooking up] was really wrong and everything went wrong. I would say that [hooking up] is not as great as everyone on the internet makes it seem,” junior Lihn Pahn said. Hookup culture is definitely growing and this culture is normally known to increase college.
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Why sibling relationships are important By Thomas Wolfson Editor-in-Chief Siblings: You either hate ‘em or you… hate ‘em. This is a common sentiment expressed by many people with siblings. Deep down, however, most siblings would probably admit that they do not hate each other, but rather share a special bond not seen in many other kinds of relationships. Of course, sibling relationships are hardly smooth. Growing up with three siblings myself (an older sister, a younger brother and a younger sister), I can say that there is always a lot Ƥ Ǥ ǡ the arguments tend to be silly and pointless. But perhaps that’s exactly why they take place. Getting along perfectly with your siblings is unnatural. I sometimes Ƥ hard time over something miniscule, just for the sake of annoying them a little. And they do the same to me. Maybe it’s ǦǦ Ƥ immature -- but in the end, it brings us closer. This closeness also stems from growing up in the same household, being raised by the same parents, (usually) with the same type of morals. I’ve al-
Photo courtesy Thomas Wolfson
Rachael (class of ‘24), senior Thomas, class of ‘17 alumn Margaret and sophomore Alex enjoy a beautiful day in New York City this past summer. They’ve all maintained close bonds with each other.
ways found it easier to fully express myself when I’m around my siblings. Teens are always scared about being accepted for who they are by their fellow peers—it’s just a part of adolescence. I too feel this, but almost never around Ǥ ǯ ơ Ǥ ǯ like hanging around your siblings gives you a license to act more weird, more crazy or more goofy than usual. There’s just a certain comfort level you have with your siblings that you don’t have around other people.
The nature of how your relationship with your siblings develops is also quite unique. Growing up, siblings are very accessible. After all, you’re spending 365 days a year with them—366 on leap years—over and over again. But adulthood changes the relationships with siblings quite a bit. For example, both of my mom’s sisters live in Chicago. Best case, we get to see them and their families maybe once a year. My mom spent every day of her life with her sisters growing up, and now she
rarely sees them, though she maintains a close relationship with both. It’s kind of funny to think about, but it’s just often the way it is with siblings. This is why it’s so important to build tight, close-knit bonds with siblings during childhood. My younger sister and I are four years apart, and early on, we weren’t very close. Maybe it was the age gap, or that she preferred playing barbies over sports, but we hardly interacted. Our parents would always tell us that we needed to get along more and actually
form a bond. For a long time, I didn’t understand why they made such a big deal about it. I was already close to two of my siblings, wasn’t that good enough? It wasn’t. Over time, my younger sister and I became closer. As it turns out, we’re actually very much alike, so much so, that my mom often refers to her as a mini, girl version of me. Sibling relationships are important, more so than what we realize. Too often, you hear about grown-up, estranged siblings who haven’t spoken to each other in years over some silly disagreement. I’ve used the phrase “I never want to talk to you again!” during arguments with my siblings tons of times—as have they— only to forget about it all two minutes later and proceed like nothing ever happened. It’s sad to think that things won’t always be that simple between us. Adult politics may come into play, there will be ups and downs, but through it all, I’m Ƥ ǡ I will have three friends for life. So if you are (un?)lucky enough to have a sibling, cherish the times you have with them; build a bond that will last a lifetime.
Thriving socially in high school By Judith Altneu News Editor For those of you who know me, I’m usually talkative and loud. If you knew me in middle school, you wouldn’t believe how much I have changed. Back in middle school, I was a socially awkward girl who barely had any friends, and couldn’t hold a conversation. I struggled to control my volume (I still do) and changed friend groups each year. For a while, in middle school and the beginning of high school, I was always left out of group activities and didn’t feel like I was part of the group for a long time. I wasn’t invited to any of my friends’ birthday hangouts or Secret Santa. I was always the person who was left out and not included. I went to numerous so Ƥ through eighth grade. I also took a social skills class at Tilden and even went to a social skills camp. You heard that right. I spent a few weeks of my summer in a camp that was designed to help me start and continue conversations. I’ve come a long way since middle school and freshman year. High school is where I thrive, both outside and inside of WJ. Outside of WJ, I’m very involved in Seaboard Ǥ Ƥ event, in the middle of eighth grade, I had a blank slate. Nobody knew me and knew that I struggled with social skills. I applied what I had learned and formed numerous Jewish friends in only two days. I’m able to make friends and
talk to almost anyone. I also learned that there are people out there who appreciate me for who I am. These friendships strengthened through ǡ of my best friends have come from this part of my life. At the beginning of freshman year, I still didn’t have a permanent friend group at school ơ of people during lunch. I’m always a person who seeks friends and company. I get bored easily and I didn’t used to like occupying myself. I ended up reconnecting with some of my acquaintances I knew from Hebrew school and sat with them at lunch. I was super excited to participate in Galentine’s festivities in sophomore year. After that, I was invited in pretty much everything. Now I have a group of friends at school who are always interested in what I have to say, and I know I can ask them for help with homework. One thing I take away from my struggles is that I always try to be inclusive Ǥ ǡ ơ to sit with a friend sitting by themselves during a meal or invite them to sit with me at my table. At school, my friend group is very inclusive and lets anyone we know come sit with us if they ask. I’m really thankful for everyone who advocated and helped me on my journey. I’m proud of myself for overcoming my challenges. I know I wouldn’t be the person I am today if it weren’t for everyone who helped.
Photo courtesy of Julia Hananel
Hananel and her brother hanging out during a family visit to his college. Despite the fact that he’s in college, they’ve remained close.
How my brother helped me discover myself By Julia Hananel Editor-in-Chief My older brother, Owen, is hardly a complainer. He’s one of the most positive people I know. Last summer, a week before we were supposed to leave for a vacation to Hawaii, we heard that a hurricane was supposed to hit during our trip. While the rest of my family was freaking out, Owen didn’t seem to be fazed: “Isn’t it kind of cool, though?” he said, completely earnestly. “Everybody goes to Hawaii when it’s all sunny, but we’re gonna get a unique experience.” Owen’s never seems to worry too much, whether it’s about school or sports or friends. I, on the other hand, am the exact opposite. Even in elementary school I agonized over homework assignments and whether or not teachers liked me. I remember losing sleep over choosing who to invite to my Bat Mitzvah party. I’ve al-
ways been the type to constantly make to-do lists. Growing ǡ ơ it was for Owen to just “go with ƪ Ǥdz On paper, we’re totally different people, but we’ve found our own way of communicating. Our relationship has grown much deeper and more personal as we’ve gotten older. Being two years older than me, Owen was able to give me quality advice during the terrifying transition from middle school to high school. I told him all my worries about having a solid friend group, and whether I’d still be considered “cool” even though I was obsessed with classical music. Owen has always been there to remind me to stay true to myself, and to not worry so much. Yes, I should try my best in school, he said, but I needed to make sure to prioritize my happiness. I’ve watched him live his life without really getting caught up with the Dz ơǡdz me to value the most important
things in my life -- my family, my friends, my passions. Earlier this school year, I angry-texted Owen after a silly Ƥ ǡ ing about how I was ready for college and independence. He told me he felt that same frustration before he left for college, too. But to my surprise, he said he kind of missed those petty family arguments because “they’re pretty classic.” I feel like that response encapsulates Owen’s personality: it’s in his Ƥ ǡ whatever the situation. I always feel more relaxed when I’m with Owen; he just exudes good vibes. He never fails to make my family and ǡ ǯ Ƥ around the house in his neon cross country running shorts or drinking a glass of milk with barbeque chips and salmon. Even though he’s in college, it’s pretty easy to get him hip to everything that’s going on in my life. He’s only a phone call away from cheering me up.
the
7 Father-daughter bond conquers prison separation Pitch
FEBRUARY 14, 2020
By Kiley Ring Editor-in-Chief Characterized by Friday nights at Dave and Buster’s and spontaneous trips to Cici’s Pizza, I have always had an amazing relationship with my dad. Although we’ve gotten into our ˆƒ‹” •Šƒ”‡ ‘ˆ Ƥ‰Š–•ǥ †‘Â?ǯ– Â?Â?‘™ where I’d be without his guidƒÂ?…‡ ƒÂ?† ‘˜‡”™Š‡ŽÂ?‹Â?‰ Â?Â?‘™Žedge. For as long as I can remember, we’ve had in-depth discussions about grammar, arguing ‘˜‡” –Š‡ †‹ƥ‡”‡Â?…‡ „‡–™‡‡Â? ˆƒ”–Š‡” ƒÂ?† ˆ—”–Š‡”Ǥ Â‡ÇŻÂ˜Â‡ –ƒÂ?en dozens of road trips up to Connecticut, singing along to Hannah Montana and David Gray for seven hours straight. There are pictures of the two of us reading when I’m just a few ›‡ƒ”• ‘Ž†ǥ Š‘Ž†‹Â?‰ „‘‘Â?• •–‹ŽŽ haven’t read yet. We’ve made hundreds of trips to Chipotle, ‡ƒ…Š „”‹Â?‰‹Â?‰ ƒ „‘‘Â? ƒÂ?† ‹‰noring each other while we read for anywhere from 15 minutes to an hour and eat our identical …Š‹…Â?‡Â? „‘™Ž• ȋ™‹–Š ™Š‹–‡ ”‹…‡ and just a little bit of cheese). Long story not-so-short, my †ƒ† ƒÂ?† ƒ”‡ Â?‘”‡ ƒŽ‹Â?‡ –ŠƒÂ? would care to admit. One night when I was in seventh grade, my dad sat my sister and me down and told us that he would be going to prison for a year and a half. Now
Â?Â?‘™ ›‘—ǯ”‡ ’”‘„ƒ„Ž› –Š‹Â?Â?ing, “Wow, I wonder what he did.â€? I was confused, too; it’s a Ž‘Â?‰ •–‘”›ǥ „—– ƒ “—‹…Â? ‘‘‰Ž‡ search of Kevin Ring will provide a better explanation than
…‘—Ž† ‰‹˜‡Ǥ ��‡™ –Šƒ– ™Šƒ–-
RELATIONSHIP ISSUE
Photo courtesy of John Ring
Senior Kiley Ring and her family attend a wedding on Nantucket Island the summer her dad was reŽ‡ƒ•‡† ˆ”‘Â? ’”‹•‘Â?Ǥ Š‡› …‡Ž‡„”ƒ–‡† –Š‡ ™‡††‹Â?‰ ĥ ™‡ŽŽ ĥ –Š‡‹” Ƥ”•– ˆƒÂ?‹Ž› ˜ƒ…ƒ–‹‘Â? ‹Â? ƒ …‘—’Ž‡ ‘ˆ years.
ever came next would be a lot to handle, and in that moment, I felt more alone than ever. How could my dad, the man who taught me long division ƒÂ?† Š‘™ –‘ ”‹†‡ ƒ „‹Â?‡ǥ •—†denly be sent 130 miles away to spend the next 18 months in ’”‹•‘Â?ÇŤ – ™ƒ• †‡ƤÂ?‹–‡Ž› ƒ •Žƒ’ to the face, and I wanted nothing more than for my dad to come forward and tell us it was ƒÂ? ’”‹Ž ‘‘Žǯ• Œ‘Â?‡ –Šƒ– ™ƒ• just seven months late. I’ll never forget the day he left: January 7, 2014. I remem„‡” ™ƒŽÂ?‹Â?‰ ‘Â?–‘ –Š‡ „—•ǥ Šƒ˜-
‹Â?‰ •ƒ‹† Â?› ƤÂ?ƒŽ ‰‘‘†„›‡ –‘ Â?› †ƒ† –Š‡ Â?‹‰Š– „‡ˆ‘”‡Ǥ –Š‹Â?Â? was more nervous about how my friends and teachers would react than how my relationship with my dad would change. We Â?‡’– ‹Â? –‘—…Šǥ „—– …ƒÂ?ǯ– Ž‹‡ ƒÂ?† say that my life just continued as though everything were normal. My conversations with him went from hours a day to a mere 15 minutes, split between Â?› •‹•–‡” ƒÂ?† Â?›•‡ŽˆǤ – ˆ‡Ž– ĪÂ?ward to try to tell him about my day when just seconds before, an automated voice had alerted us that for security purposes,
Do parents and teens get along? ra re ly
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Senior Ashely Kibet’s parents have high expectations of her when it comes to school, which she’s constantly trying to live up to. On the other hand, senior ‡Â?Â?‹• ”‹…Â?•‘Â?ǯ• ’ƒ”‡Â?–• †‘Â?ǯ– have as high of expectations for him. Instead, he sets expectations for himself and his parents play more of a supporting role. Teenagers’ relationships with their parents can have ups and downs. Despite this, every‘Â?‡ Šƒ• †‹ƥ‡”‡Â?– ’ƒ”‡Â?–• ƒÂ?† –Š‡› †‡ƒŽ ™‹–Š –Š‡Â? †‹ƥ‡”‡Â?–Ž›Ǥ When it comes to school expectations, most parents always want the best for us. There are some that set higher expectations and others who give their children greater degrees of freedom. Junior Evan Calhoun’s parents expect him to achieve in school but they still respect his independence. “They have high expectations but they let me have my degree of autonomy,â€? Calhoun said. Parent’s relationships with –Š‡‹” …Š‹Ž†”‡Â? …ƒÂ? „‡ †‡ƤÂ?‡† by how close they are with their Â?‹†•ǥ ƒÂ?† Š‘™ Â?—…Š –Š‡› …ƒÂ? –”—Ž› –ƒŽÂ? –‘ –Š‡Â?ÇĄ ƒÂ?† ‰‡– –Š‡‹” Â?ܠ –‘ ‘’‡Â? —’Ǥ Kibet is open with her parents about her problems but she chooses her topics carefully. Dz …ƒÂ? –ƒŽÂ? –‘ –Š‡Â? ƒ„‘—–
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Do you feel like your parents or ‰—ƒ”†‹ƒ�• ƒ”‡ •—’’‘”–‹˜‡?
Do you talk to your parents about what goes on in your life?
problems but there’s a limit on when to stop,â€? Kibet said. Freshman Enia D’Agnese is more close to her mom than her dad and shares her more personal problems with her mom. Dz ˆ‡‡Ž Ž‹Â?‡ …ƒÂ? –ƒŽÂ? –‘ Â?› mom about more personal things than my dad because we have had a strong connection since I was little,â€? D’Agnese said. ˆ–‡Â? –‹Â?‡•ǥ ƒ Â?ܠ Â?ƒ› ‡Â?† —’ building a stronger relationship with one parent than with the other. Senior Shannon Engle has had problems with her dad –Šƒ– –Š‡› ƒ”‡ …—””‡Â?–Ž› ™‘”Â?ing on, though her relationship with her mom is stronger than ever. “I’m close with my mom. She …”‹‡• ™Š‡Â? ™‡ –ƒŽÂ? ƒ„‘—– Â?‡ ‰‘ing away for college... I have a complicated relationship with my dad but we’re getting better,â€? Engle said. While D’Agnese and Engle
feel closer with their moms, junior Elias Eberhart feels very close to his dad, because they have the same interests. Dz › †ƒ† ƒÂ?† …ƒÂ? –ƒŽÂ? ƒ„‘—– sports and other things be…ƒ—•‡ ˆ‡‡Ž Ž‹Â?‡ ”‡Žƒ–‡ ™‹–Š him because he is a guy as well,â€? Eberhart said. Another problem teenagers face with their parents is the generational gap. Gen Z is, arguably, the most liberal rebellious generation of all. While most parents agree with their Â?‹†• ‘Â? •‘Â?‡ ‹••—‡•ǥ –Š‡”‡ ƒ”‡ •–‹ŽŽ ‹••—‡• ™Š‡”‡ „‡Ž‹‡ˆ• †‹ƥ‡”Ǥ Senior Fernando Farrell faces this problem with his parents. Although he doesn’t agree with them most of the time, he still respects them and believes they care about him. “I respect them and I appreciate them. Sometimes I don’t agree with them on things but
��‘™ –Š‡› Šƒ˜‡ �› „‡•– ‹�–‡”est at heart,� Farell said.
all calls would be recorded. Between nightly calls and Cor”Ž‹Â?Â?Â•Č„ÂƒÂ? ‡Â?ƒ‹Ž •‡”˜‹…‡ ˆ‘” –Š‡ ‹Â?Â…ÂƒÂ”Â…Â‡Â”ÂƒÂ–Â‡Â†Č„Â™Â‡ –”‹‡† –‘ Â?‡‡’ each other updated, but there was only so much we could do. As one might expect, it was ‡š–”‡Â?‡Ž› †‹Ƽ…—Ž–ǥ „—– ™‡ made the best of it. Since my dad couldn’t come to my piano recitals, I’d play over the phone for him. For Christmas that year, he used extra minutes so ™‡ …‘—Ž† –ƒŽÂ? ‘Â? –Š‡ ’Š‘Â?‡ ĥ we opened the gifts he mailed —•ǣ ƒ …”‘…Š‡–‡† „ŽƒÂ?Â?‡– ƒÂ?† ƒ •–—ƥ‡† ƒÂ?‹Â?ƒŽ Š‡ Šƒ† •’‡Â?–
Â?‘Â?–Š• Â?ƒÂ?‹Â?‰Ǥ ǯ† ‡Â?ƒ‹Ž Š‹Â? †ƒ‹Ž› ™‹–Š Â?› Š‘Â?‡™‘”Â? ’”‘„lems and wait anxiously for inmate 29494-016 to respond. My dad was released from prison on April 23, 2015. We celebrated with a taco night, and by the end of the meal, it was almost as if he had never „‡‡Â? ‰‘Â?‡Ǥ ‹–Š‹Â? ™‡‡Â?•ǥ ™‡ ™‡”‡ „ƒ…Â? –‘ ‘—” —Â?†ƒ› ‡˜‡ning Safeway trips and dog ™ƒŽÂ?•Ǥ More than six years after this ™Š‘Ž‡ Ć¤ÂƒÂ•Â…Â‘ Â•Â–ÂƒÂ”Â–Â‡Â†ÇĄ ‹–ǯ• Šƒ”† –‘ ”‡Â?‡Â?„‡” Š‘™ †‹ƥ‡”‡Â?– ‘—” lives were, yet incredibly easy to remember how he managed to be so supportive the entire time. As I was recounting our story, countless memories …ƒÂ?‡ ”—•Š‹Â?‰ „ƒ…Â?Ǥ –Š‘—‰Š– of the lessons he would teach me based on the stories of the inmates he came to befriend; the times he would stand behind the gates outside after the visit, waving us goodbye as we ™ƒŽÂ?‡† –‘ –Š‡ …ƒ”Ǥ …ƒÂ? –Š‹Â?Â? ‘ˆ ‘Â?Ž› ‘Â?‡ •–‘”› that accurately sums up the whole experience. In a comically intense game of Apple to Apples one visit with my dad, sister and uncle, the card we had to describe was “perfect,â€? and on his turn, my dad played: “My family.â€? “If our family were actually perfect,â€? I said, “maybe we wouldn’t be playing Apples to Apples in a prison.â€? Everyone laughed, and al–Š‘—‰Š ™ƒ• ‘Â?Ž› ÂŠÂƒÂŽÂˆÇŚÂŒÂ‘Â?‹Â?‰ǥ I truly cannot imagine having a better relationship with my dad.
Why a coach’s influence on players is important for a student athlete By Ethan Oyeniyi Â–ÂƒĆĄ ”‹–‡” “Before I started playing soc…‡”ǥ Â?Â?‡™ –Š‡”‡ ™‡”‡ ƒ”‡ƒ• where I struggled but I didn’t ”‡ƒŽŽ› Â?Â?‘™ Š‘™ –‘ –ƒ…Â?Ž‡ –Š‡Â?Ǥ – ™ƒ•Â?ǯ– —Â?–‹Ž –ƒŽÂ?‡† to my coach about it that I realized the large role the coach plays as a player individually and the team as a whole,â€? varsity soccer player junior Talie ‹Â?Â?‡” •ƒ‹†Ǥ This realization is not —Â?‹“—‡ –‘ ‹Â?Â?‡”Ǥ Š‡Â? ’Žƒ›ing a sport, there is a special bond between the coach and –Š‡ ’Žƒ›‡”•Ǥ Š‡Â? ‘Â? –Š‡ Ƥ‡Ž†ǥ court or ice, the coach is the boss. During practice, it is usuƒŽŽ› Šƒ”† ™‘”Â? ’”‡’ƒ”‹Â?‰ ˆ‘” the battle against an opponent, but outside practice is where the bond begins. Having a bond with a coach …ƒÂ? ‹Â?ƪ—‡Â?…‡ Â?ƒÂ?› ’ƒ”–• ‘ˆ ƒ player’s game and becoming close to a coach can be benÂ‡Ć¤Â…Â‹ÂƒÂŽ ‹Â? –Š‡ Ž‘Â?‰ ”—Â?Ǥ – …‘—Ž† result in more playing time, more attention and a better playing experience. “I would say me and my coach have a great relationship and without it I wouldn’t have gone as far as I have. It’s easier –‘ ĥÂ? “—‡•–‹‘Â?• ‘Â?‡ ‘Â? ‘Â?‡ and it caused me to learn a lot more,â€? senior boys’ varsity soccer captain Baasil Saleh said. Coaches guide the players to
success and victory and with that special bond, it’s much easier to do so. Coaches can Šƒ˜‡ ƒ Š—‰‡ ‹Â?ƪ—‡Â?…‡ ‘Â? ƒ player when it comes to their performance. Without help from the coach, it’s more difƤ…—Ž– –‘ •‡‡ ™Š‡”‡ ‹Â?’”‘˜‡ments are needed. Coaches can also become …‘Â?Ć¤Â†ÂƒÂ?–• ˆ‘” –Š‡‹” ƒ–ŠŽ‡–‡•Ǥ Dz ˆ‡‡Ž …‘Â?ˆ‘”–ƒ„Ž‡ –ƒŽÂ?‹Â?‰ to Brager about anything. She helps me with any problem I might have and she is an amaz‹Â?‰ Â…Â‘ÂƒÂ…ÂŠÇĄÇł •‡Â?‹‘” Ƥ‡Ž† Š‘…Â?‡› player Garima Gupta said. However, there are times when coaches and players don’t connect as they should. Dz ‘•–Ž› ‡˜‡”›‘Â?‡ Šƒ† ƒ ƤÂ?‡ connection with our coach but I remember this one senior two ›‡ƒ”• ƒ‰‘ –Šƒ– †‹† Â?‘– Ž‹Â?‡ Š‹Â? so much. There were multiple times where they would argue ™Š‹…Š Ž‡† –‘ –Š‡ Â?ܠ “—‹––‹Â?‰ the team,â€? senior varsity la…”‘••‡ ’Žƒ›‡” —Â?‡ ‹Â?†• •ƒ‹†Ǥ Coach and player relationships can vary under many different circumstances. In order to play together as a team, a •–”‘Â?‰ ƒ—–Š‘”‹–› Ƥ‰—”‡ ‹• ƒ Â?‡› Ƥ”•– •–‡’Ǥ “I’ve had an experience with a bad coach and it did not go well for my team. There was constant disagreement about –Š‡ ’”‘„Ž‡Â?• ™‘”Â?‹Â?‰ ĥ ‘Â?‡ —Â?‹–ǥdz ˆ”‡•ŠÂ?ƒÂ? Ƥ‡Ž† Š‘…Â?‡› player Kate Aschenbach said.
the
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Pitch
RELATIONSHIP ISSUE
FEBRUARY 14, 2020
WJ Relationships By The Numbers Are you/Have you ever been Have you ever been through in a romantic relationship? a breakup? YES 43%
YES 58.9%
NO 41.9% NO 41.1%
IT JJUST FELL APART 15.1%
What’s the most meaningful relationship in your life? Parents
Friends
Yourself
Siblings
34.5%
28%
13.4%
11.5% %
Romantic
6 5% 6.5%
:KDW·V WKH PRVW GLϪFXOW UHODWLRQVKLS LQ \RXU OLIH" Yourself
36.3%
Romantic
25.4% 10.5% Parents
Do you feel like you can trust your friends, or are they kind of “fake”? My friends are fake 6.5%
I can sometimes trust my friends
250 STUDENTS POLLED
Sibling
8.6% 8.2% Social Media
Is having a good relationship with your teachers important to you? Yes, very important........58.2% Somewhat important......36.4% Not important at all.......5.4%
I can always trust my ffriends no matter what 49.8%