A Woman’s Work

How to Be a Favorite Child

By Sharon Knierim

Finally, society is examining the favorite child phenomenon.

Although it has been the best-kept secret since the beginning of time, every family seems to have a golden child.

Because we’re human, it is only natural that we all have preferences. As humans, we just cannot seem to help ourselves when it comes to our likes and dislikes. This is one of those good things/bad things, and someone can easily be hurt as a result.

As parents, most of us love all of our children equally, but we love them differently for a wide variety of reasons and at different times. Unique qualities may seem lovable in one child but absolutely awful in another child. Age has something to do with it. A child’s actions may seem adorable in a toddler but appalling in a teenager.

New information seems to suggest that a favorite child exists in virtually every family. Whether real or perceived, this dynamic seems to impact virtually all family members—and not just in childhood. Like so much that happens to us early in life, it affects us throughout our developing and mature lives whether we are the adored one or not.

Our social ranking within the family seems to program us when we are forming opinions about ourselves and our abilities as humans. Many overlooked children admit to forming different thought patterns and feelings as they enter into adulthood. As unfavored children, their decision-making skills are different from those of their favored sibling.

Again, this might be one of those good things/bad things. More often than not, being less than the shining star has its own advantages both during childhood and in adulthood. Millions of less-than-stellar children have successfully grown into mature and happy adults with fulfilling lives. They are able to make decisions, manage their careers, and raise families of their own. Their children are equal in terms of popularity and parental adoration. Of course, the same can be said of stellar children as they grow into adulthood and lead fulfilled lives.

So, what is in the makeup of a favorite child? Although nobody really seems to know for sure, there do appear to be a few personality traits and sets of circumstances that set this odd, yet omnipresent, family dynamic into motion.

It might be the most intelligent or clever child of the brood. In some instances, birth order plays a significant role in who is popular and who is not. Truly, there is nothing as awe-inspiring and inspirational as that first baby of the family. On the flip side, more than a few mothers have breathed an emotional sigh of relief after they have delivered what they know will be their last baby.

Timing seems to play a role in how parents feel about their children. If a couple is experiencing hard times when a baby is born, that child can be a constant reminder of past stresses in the marriage as he grows to maturity. Unknowingly, parents can hold a slight grudge. Commonly, children born into happier times seem to fare a bit better.

If outward appearances are important to parents, beautiful or physically attractive children might win the popularity poll, while homelier children sometimes win out by receiving the sympathy vote. In some families, athletic prowess or musical talent are benchmarks voyeuristically enjoyed by one or both parents. If Dad or Mom is or was a successful athlete or great singer, it is only natural for them to hope that these skills will be passed on to their progeny. People usually love other people who remind them of themselves, especially during their glory days. It’s a chance to relive the best of times. But this is not always true. It’s mind-boggling.

Although most parents vehemently deny having a favorite child, a newly released study shows that at least 70 percent of fathers and at least 65 percent of mothers have shown a strong preference for one of their children over another. Not surprisingly, Dad and Mom do not always have the same favorite, which can be welcome news for the not-so-popular kids in the family.

If you suspect that you were a favorite child growing up, you might be wondering how you achieved such a title. Take a close look at the list below and be honest with yourself. Did you employ any of the following tactics? If so, you just might have earned the dubious honor of the favorite child. Oddly, these habits are similar to trying to please an unreasonable boss!

Listen to all adults. Every adult on the planet enjoys children who show respect. Be sure to listen attentively when they tell you what to do. Take immediate action and do as they say when they say to do it. Beyond taking orders, ask adults about their own childhoods and ask questions about their experiences. They will appreciate it as they march down memory lane with you.

Offer to help. Nothing puts you in the number one slot faster than lending a helping hand. This is especially true with older adults who have physical limitations. Be willing to go that extra mile. Look for opportunities to offer your assistance before it is requested.

Adopting personality traits can be a form of flattery. Watch for those interesting idiosyncrasies in adults. Because it is easiest to get along with people most like ourselves, you’ll be building a harmonious relationship.

Use your best manners. Don’t forget to be polite. You know that means saying “please” and “thank you.” All adults favor children who are well-behaved and practice good hygiene, so wash your face and hands and keep your fingernails clean.

Whether you were a favorite child or just one of the kids, remember that you are just fine the way you are. Regardless of your popularity in the family, make the most of who you are today.