A Woman’s Work

The Secret Lives of Grandmothers

It’s Not Just Baking Cookies Anymore

By Sharon Knierim

From all appearances, the traditional role of “Grandma” has been altered beyond recognition. Those of us who have been around long enough remember sweet little grannies baking cookies, tending to grandchildren, and crocheting doilies. It was fun to always know just where Granny was and what she was doing. In a word, she was simply “caring” for her progeny. Her children and their offspring were her highest priority.

Why did Granny work so hard for other people? It’s a tradition that she knew and understood because, most likely, her own grandmother took great care to make her life more comfortable. In the not too distant past, families were often multigenerational under one roof, much like we are now experiencing again. Nobody forced or paid Granny for the child care, or the laundry and ironing, or the baking she provided for the family. Instead, it was just a given that Granny would always be at home and be reliable.

Grandmas from a long time ago were typically assigned their duties as a matter of necessity and circumstances. At one time, Grandma was often left alone after the passing on of her husband. No huge and sustaining retirement plans were available for most women, and benefits such as Social Security had not yet come into use. Sometimes, Granny was left with a business or farm to sustain her economic needs, but Granny’s health and safety were another issue. Many grandmothers moved in with the kids so they could look after her welfare. For economic purposes, Granny often found herself living with grown children and their families or other welcoming relatives.

The combination of Granny, her child and spouse, and a houseful of children usually worked pretty well. The family dynamics were certainly changed, but very often, this was for the better. Not many people thought it was odd to have this older person living in the home, and fewer complained about the inconvenience of the situation. One of my grannies lived with us in our home. Was it difficult? Yes, it was. Our mother probably experienced the worst of it, as she tried to reconcile five growing children and the needs of an ailing and sometimes demanding grandmother. For the most part, though, life was good for everyone.

So, who was this interloper who entered into the homes and lives of her grown children and their families? Typically, Granny had always lived relatively nearby. Often, Granny had been a major and important part of the family life. For centuries, having her in the home relieved the workload and provided companionship for the family. These women brought talents, skills, and experience into the arena— as do today’s grannies.

So, who is Grandma today? Whether you call her Granny, Grandma, or Nana, she still has much to offer. Don’t expect her to be home every day, baking gooey cookies or breads and pies. Grandmas do still provide lots of baked goods, but the chances are pretty good that she stopped by the local bakery or supermarket to find some of her family’s favorite treats. There is nothing wrong with this! Grandma maintains such a busy and cluttered schedule these days that she has taken off her perennial apron, shrugged off her shawl, and found other tasks that challenge her, interest her, and enhance her value as a member of the family.

Is she still wise? Yes, she is. Does she still love her family? Yes, she does. Life has changed for all of us, and today’s grandmothers can be found participating fully in the world outside of the family home. Her endeavors now take her far and wide. While it is true that some of our matriarchs reside in nursing homes and other care facilities, they remain important to all of us. Those ladies who remain independent are traveling the world and having wonderful experiences. Some women who we typically think of as being “retired” are still enjoying satisfying careers or part-time jobs. Volunteering is very popular among this group of women.

Some people credit this emancipation of grannies to the women’s liberation movement, and that may be so—at least in part. As our family and societal dynamics changed, so did Grandma. Part of the population misses Grandma and her fresh baked cookies, but most of us are happy that she’s found new horizons. Just as her grandchildren bring so much to the family by outside learning at school, so too does Grandma bring gifts to the family with her newfound outreach. And remember, Grandma has to finally come home sometime. If we’re lucky, she’ll bring cookies.