Don’t Ghost People. It’s Rude

You’ve connected with a prospect or a client for conversation. Great dialogue begins, interest is shown, and you follow up as requested/ promised. And they disappear! They vanish with no reply and for no apparent reason. Or a text conversation dies when a client or colleague suddenly stops responding. No call back. Texts not returned.

This pattern appears to be growing. You think you’ve established a positive dialogue with someone and then they’re suddenly gone. So, you’ve probably been on the receiving or giving end of “ghosting” at least once.

“Ghosting is Normal Now. That’s Completely Bonkers,” reads the headline of a Washington Post article.

Ghosting is slang, initially used with dating. Ghosting means that after the date you just ignore the other person and don’t reply to any of their messages, instead of saying that you’re not really interested.

Today in business, ghosting is the practice of ending all communication and becoming uncontactable without any explanation. Ghosting has bled over from social life into our increasingly online, remote professional world. It needs to stop. It’s cowardly and, at a minimum, lousy business etiquette.

Are You Being Ghosted?

“There are different levels of ghosting,” said Wendy Walsh, a psychology professor named one of Time’s 2017 people of the year for her whistle-blowing that helped promote the #MeToo movement. Individual levels of ghosting include:

• Lightweight ghosting. This is a slight maneuver to make a point about power. E.g., you got in a fight with a friend, and they didn’t text you back. • Midweight ghosting. You’ve met a person a

handful of times and now they’re avoiding all your attempts to connect. • Heavyweight ghosting. You’re involved in an intimate/sexual relationship and your partner suddenly disappears, blindsiding you. The business world has equivalents to these individual situations — from lightweight, temporary loss of communication to total, sudden, irreparable loss of the entire working relationship for no apparent reason.

Know that being ghosted is likely not your fault. Someone who ghosts you, rather than having a conversation about whatever their concerns are, is being incredibly unprofessional, thoughtless, and immature. They’re trying to take the easy way out through avoidance. Ghosting often happens without warning.

Unfortunately, being ghosted professionally has a way of sabotaging your self-esteem if you take it personally. There’s confusion and no closure. When you aren’t given the chance to communicate and examine your own and others’ actions and choices, you might unwittingly spend too much time pondering questions like “What happened?” and “What did I do wrong?” If you’ve been ghosted after fair attempts to connect, let it go and move on.

Are You Ghosting?

Potentially, you’re ghosting others and you don’t even know it. It’s easy to see how we got here. Today’s technology allows us to avoid tough communication situations every day (and not just during a pandemic). Emails and texts sometimes fall through the cracks because we don’t know what to say, are afraid to admit we don’t understand what’s going on or are afraid to tell the truth. Ghosting someone, however, can eventually demolish your business reputation and break down other important relationships. Assuming you don’t want that to happen, what are you so afraid of? It might be very uncomfortable, but it’s always professionally smart to clearly communicate, even at the end of a relationship.

If you discover you’re guilty of ghosting, respond immediately to the other person’s last attempt at communication. There are no steps 2, 3 or 4, just one. Respond. Say “no thanks.” Or explain why you’ve been silent and give the person a date you’ll get back with them — and then stick to it.

The Benefits of Not Ghosting

The benefits of not ghosting outweigh any possible benefits you can think of for ghosting someone. • By keeping the lines of communication open and responding politely to information that has been sent to you, you’ll maintain smooth business relationships. • Open communication will help you keep your business processes operating efficiently. • You’ll enhance your reputation as a responsive, competent professional. • You’ll save time and repeated communication attempts won’t be needed. • You’ll eliminate any fear/uneasiness around who is calling, which makes life more productive and relaxing all round.

Show some class and respect, and close the conversation with a simple email, text or call stating “I’m not interested.” Both parties will be the better for it.

Kelly Duggan

Kelly is an Image Consultant specializing in executive and personal image development, etiquette & communication skills. She is a certified member of the Association of Image Consultants International. Contact Kelly at: www.kellyduggan.com.