A New Way to Approach Work

If balancing work and life was hard before, it’s been even harder in 2020. Many of us are working from home now, often with kids around. We try to find tiny pockets of time in the day to check email, send a quick text message, or return a phone call. It can feel like you’re working all day because in a sense you are. Our normal designated work time and personal time are incredibly blurred, and it’s taking a toll on us.

So how do we regain some balance between work and personal life? There’s no simple answer to this. We are all dealing with this in our own way, and everyday has its own unique challenges. That being said, there are some ways you may be able to recoup a little bit of your normal balance during these uncertain times.

The first thing to get really clear about is: WHAT IS WORK FOR YOU? What feels like work for you? How do you know when you’re working? Is working the same thing as your job? Do you need to be getting paid to consider yourself working?

Going through these questions is especially helpful if you aren’t getting paid in the traditional sense for your work (i.e., stay at home parent). If we’re on the clock with a paid position, it can be easier to know or quantify when we’re working. However, what does work look and feel like for you when your role is to be with your children all day?

A good way to think about this may be to consider–is what I’m doing difficult, challenging, or have to get done? If your answer is yes, then those things might be considered work for you. Try making a list of what work is for you. The purpose of these questions will become more clear in a minute when we consider the opposite–what does not working feel or look like?

Next consider, WHERE DO YOU WORK? Or even take it one step forward, where do you do yourbestwork? Is it an office, the kitchen table, in the backyard, or at a coffee shop? If you can identify and designate places or spaces where you do work, you can more quickly check yourself when you find yourself trying to do work elsewhere (read: getting lunch ready for your kids while music is playing and trying to read an email on your phone!)

I’m 100% guilty of this, and honestly it’s sometimes completely necessary. The point is that when I can feel myself getting frustrated that I can’t respond to an email during that time, I can have a little more compassion for myself about why it’s so challenging - I’m not in my work space so this is going to be harder.

Now that you know what work is for you and where you do it, WHAT IS NOT WORK FOR YOU? Make a list of the things that don’t feel like work. These might be hobbies or even things around the house. Both your list of work and not work are completely unique to you. Making dinner may feel like a lot of work to one person, but to another it’s an enjoyable, relaxing experience. Having a work lunch with a colleague over Zoom also might not feel like work even though you’re getting paid for it.

You have to make the distinction for yourself so you can begin to turn work mode on or off accordingly. There’s a very different way to look at your day and organize it when you can identify when you’re working and when you’re not.

Lastly, consider where you can set boundaries and ask for help to establish this balance. Do you work best in the morning or at night? If you need time to relax and wind down at night, then perhaps your boundary is I don’t do work after 9pm. Your partner can help you with this by reminding you if they see you working after 9pm or offering to help with the morning routine so you have an hour to do work in the morning.

If you are primarily with your kids, try to balance activities with them that don’t feel like work. For example, taking your kids for a hike might be enjoyable and relaxing for you (not work), while an art project might feel exhausting and hard. Spread these out throughout your day or week so you’re less likely to feel so burned out. It’s not selfish to do some of the things you enjoy with your kids- it’s self preservation! And if they see that you’re enjoying it, there’s a really good chance they will like it too.

Talk to your support system, partner, older kids, grandmother, to see what does and doesn’t feel like work to them. Instead of assuming or getting stuck with a task that you consider work (making dinner), you may find the other person would enjoy doing that and you can do something else that doesn’t feel like work (play a game with the kids).

Discuss, negotiate, and delegate and you might find the perfect balance for your work and personal life even in the midst of a pandemic.

Emily Betros is a licensed clinical social worker, certified health coach, and owner of Reclaiming Health, LLC. She specializes in body image support, eating disorders, anxiety, life transitions, mindfulness, and women’s issues. More info: www.reclaiminghealth.net.

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