& DON’TS WHEN PLAYING WITH LOVED ONES

December’s Tip of the Month

BY RYAN WILLIAMS PLAYER DEVELOPMENT PROFESSIONAL

One of my favorite operations with which I’ve been involved here at Woodbridge has been running our Operation 36 Tournaments several Saturdays each month. Driving around and watching the students compete is not only enjoyable in itself but, I find the insights invaluable for how I should guide the students’ learning from that round onward. For example, a recent Saturday made obvious to me the students need practice on fast and undulated greens as our course continues to improve under the guidance of Superintendent Lou Silveira.

What I also find fascinating is the interactions between parent and child and husband and wife when on the course. More often than not, those interactions are good natured and constructive. But, on occasion, the pursuit of helping a child or spouse play better leads to worse golf and less enjoyment.

Harvey Penick, legendary golf instructor known for his endless but simple wisdom, once wrote, “A husband should never try to teach his wife to play golf or drive a car. And a wife should never try to teach her husband to play bridge.” If you haven’t read his “Little Red Book,” I would highly suggest picking up a copy. That said, every time I have witnessed a parent or spouse overstep themselves to the point their advice has become a hindrance, it has been out of a place of love or deeply caring in the success of their child or spouse. In other words, it comes from the noblest of places.

In a decade of coaching golf, I have made every mistake a coach can make. What I like to think that I’ve learned over that time is how to best direct that passion in such a way that learning is still possible and that enjoyment is not destroyed. With that in mind, I thought I will compile a list of “Do’s and Don’ts” to keep all of our spirits high.

Do: Be an Example of How to React to Good and Bad

Children are always learning. From parents, coaches, friends, etc. Parents should always prioritize how a child is as a person over a player and spouses should always keep enjoyment as the highest priority. Golf is meant to teach us the best parts of ourselves: courtesy, honesty, and perseverance. Nothing causes burnout in a junior golfer faster than the idea that he or she must play well to be accepted or loved and nothing keeps a spouse from playing faster than feeling that he or she isn’t meeting expectations. A stoic and supportive parent or partner is always preferred to a reactionary one.

Don’t: Give Advice When a Player is Over the Ball

This is probably my biggest pet peeve when I watch golf. A player over the ball should be in an athletic or intuitive headspace already committed to a course of action. Junior golfers, without years of information or mental scar tissue, do this quite naturally. Unless, of course, a parent gives much-needed reminders in the seconds before the swing or putting stroke begins. When such advice is given, the players’ mind goes from trying to accomplish the goal of the shot to also trying to please his or her parent or spouse. That’s too much for any mind to handle during a motion that only takes one second to perform.

Do: Ask Questions at the Right Times

I was very fortunate to get to know the Sutherland family. David was my college golf coach and Kevin is perhaps the humblest $30+ million earner in the history of golf. David, always level-headed, would not allow us to discuss a tournament until a minimum of 2-3 hours into our travels home so as to allow the emotion of the day dissipate. Kevin, as he often does, watched his son play a junior event several years ago. Keaton had a tough round, during which Kevin simply observed. After the round, Kevin asked what Keaton thought he did well to which Keaton said he was pleased with his driving. Kevin then asked what he could improve to which Keaton responded that he thought he needed to improve his chipping. Kevin said, “Ok, I know you’ll work at it.” That was the entirety of the conversation. An embracing of less-is-more seems to be a trend amongst the best players.

Don’t: Destroy Moments of Learning

I know the feeling. Someone is about to play a shot and you can see something very wrong with what is about to happen. Every ounce of you wants to scream out and stop the car crash before it happens but, before you do, you must understand that anything you tell someone to do is something that they will not have learned on their own which is immeasurable more powerful and lasting. Instead, let it play out and then, if the person in front of you seems amenable to a conversation, you can ask what they think was the cause of the poor result.

Do: Make Enjoyment a Guarantee

Like we learned in our last tip of the month, waiting for good golf to enjoy yourself is a surefire way to have a bad day at the course. Instead, for your child or spouse who is presumably newer to the game than yourself, please make enjoyment the one guarantee of the day. If there must be a second goal, learning as much as you can together would be a great way to go.

Broaching this subject is always sensitive. Please take it an olive branch my confession that I have made every mistake I described. At the end of the day, all of us want to get better at this crazy game. Being lucky enough to spend almost every day of life concerned with learning it has taught me some hard but valuable lessons. I hope you all have a joyous holiday season and I will look forward to seeing each of you at Woodbridge in the coming weeks!