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City Voices
LANDGREN: GAS PRICES ON THE RISE
FIRST PERSON
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In the first morning session, when the artists had gathered to record Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believing,” timpani player Cliff Kersing announced he had second thoughts about playing on a song that celebrated hook-up culture. GERD ALTMANN
The highly unlikely tale of ‘Classical Pop’
Mark Wagner
Special to Worcester Magazine USA TODAY NETWORK
When the Pining Bluffs Symphony Orchestra arrived in Muscle Man Sound Studios to record a series of songs under the moniker “Classical Pop” for the streaming service Bubblegoose, expectations were high. Jesyaka Pawlaski, the violinist who has brought audiences to their feet in Des Moines, had now a firm grip on first position. And the sym-
BAD ADVICE
The best way to learn the identity of the dog misbehaving near your car is to infiltrate the pack
at a dog park. DAISY CREAGER/EXAMINER-ENTERPRISE
Dog owner not cleaning up after his pooch
Shaun Connolly
Special to Worcester Magazine USA TODAY NETWORK
DEAR SHAUN: I live in an apartment building where there are few spots to let your dogs relieve themselves. One popular spot is a grassy area next to the building’s parking lot. We have designated spots and mine is next to this grassy area. For the most part my neighbors do a nice job cleaning up after the dogs. However, at least once a week there is a mess made by a dog quite close to where I get into my car. Not often, but often enough, I have stepped in that mess. I don’t know the dog or the owner that is doing this, but how can I get a clean path to my car in the future? — In Deep Dog Doo
DEAR DOG DOO: This is tough because you do not know the offender. I suggest you do some recon. Start hanging around dog parks, sniff a couple butts, shake a couple of tails, interrupt someone’s game of fetch if you have to. You need to become one of them, earn their trust. You have to make them believe you’re a dog and that they can talk to you.
Once you are on the inside casually talk about your favorite spots to sniff. That can lead into trading of stories of times of where you went and what happened. You can casually bring up a story about how you peed on a woman’s shoes in Boston and she petted your
Classical pop
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phony, having survived years of financial struggles, anticipated progress on its endowment. The union had deferred compensation and the proceeds of this venture — in the five figures — would secure years of classical music for midstate.
In the first morning session, when the artists had gathered to record Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believing,” timpani player Cliff Kersing announced he had second thoughts about playing on a song that celebrated hook-up culture. Cutting the timpani part alleviated this challenge and a passable version of the anthem was captured.
In the late morning sessions, as conductor Sergie Flywing assembled his changes to nail down Def Leopard’s, “Pour Some Sugar on Me,” the woodwind section, who had missed the rehearsals, staged a not so silent protest by deliberately missing their entrees. The ensuing confusion included language such as “sophomoric (expletive)” and “absolute slop,” which strained what had long been a civil tone in most artistic disagreements.
In hindsight, it was only a matter of time before Samantha Jacuzzi, known for outspokenness, and whose children had gone through addiction and recovery, protested making light of sexual promiscuity and drug use in Oasis’s “Sally Can Wait.” She wondered aloud why The Carpenter’s “On Top of the World” was not on the playlist. Oliver –Oli – Jack, the union steward, reminded all that they had rehearsed, and in any event new song rights would require weeks.
Close to noon, Mr. Flywing made the astute observation that the pandemic, travel and the care for the delicate instruments had brought on stresses; a lunch break was in order as he consulted with union rep Mr. Jack.
On return from lunch, it became clear the fragile love affair between Jesyka and Tom Bafaro, who usually sang lead tenor, but was sitting in on triangle, had reached an end. In tears, Jesyka took her place, while Tom – in good voice — stood on a chair, dressed in the Full Cleveland, and began to sing “I Will Always Love You,” at which point Jesyka required intervention and was removed from Concertmaster’s Chair.
As might have been predicted, during the lunchbreak, the local crew had introduced the brass players to African Dreamland, an iconic rib and beer place in the woods outside of town made famous by The Rolling Stones. The entire brass section returned, in the words of trombonist Francis Nordman, “ready to hit and quit it on The One.” When Mr. Flywing canceled the early afternoon session to attend to Ms. Pawlaski, the brass began second lining around the studio, managing to snap the audio snake, which would require some repair.
Undeterred, Mr. Flywing and Mr. Jack gathered all for the late afternoon session to record Katy Perry’s “Firework.” During warmup, attorneys for Journey sent a cease and desist letter and threat of a lawsuit. Unbeknownst to all, Muscle Man Studios had livestreamed the morning session.
With “Firework” postponed, at the end of the day, union head Oli Jack reminded all that they had faced hardships before, that the evening was free, and all would gather at 9:30 the next morning to record, as rehearsed, Radiohead’s “Creep.”
In one of the happiest endings anyone could recall, the evening produced its own unusual sight: Jesyka and Tom had reconciled and were seen dancing under a streetlight on the corner of Main and Sheffield, as the The Pine Bluffs Orchestra Brass Section played an adagio version of The Ramones’ “Every Time I Eat Vegetables I Think of You.”
Mark Wagner is an educator and storyteller, seen most recently performing at the Gloucester Stage Co. in Gloucester. He can be reached at markgwagner@charter.net.
In the first morning session, when the artists had gathered to record Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believing,” timpani player Cliff Kersing announced he had second thoughts about playing on a song that celebrated hook-up culture.
Bad advice
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head anyways because she was a very forgiving human. They will not believe you at first. “Surely, you were given the shame tone.” “They must have even balled up their fist and yelled, ‘no!’” And you will tell them, “no.” You say that you have perfect empathy eyes, you have figured out the perfect angle to crimp your ears and tilt your head.
They’ll ask you to prove it, they’ll ask you to go over and pee on a woman’s shoes. This will be tough for you, because while you have figured out how to infiltrate and convince a bunch of dogs you are a dog, humans will still see you as a person. But you have to do this, you need to figure out who is letting loose near your car. So you go over to a woman at the dog park on all fours and you lift your leg like a dog does. You do this with your back to the other dogs. As you do this, you whisper to the woman that you are puppy training and you are showing the dog how to do it. She giggles. The dogs are in awe. When you come back they bark and yip and wag their tails.
The next day at the park, the dogs all notice you and run to you. They revere you. You ask if anyone has ever taken a deuce right in front of a car. They all say they have at least once at some point. But one barks that they have a spot they like to go to in the morning in front of a car that looks a lot like a car that you own. You ask the dog who their owner is and you chase the dog over to the owner.
This is where you have to break character. Despite making a bunch of new friends that are dogs, you have to betray them now. And you confront the owner and ask why they haven’t been picking up the poop in front of your car. And they say it’s so early in the morning they always forget bags. And then you say no problem, I will set up a little dog bag carrier near my car for you. And then you shake hands and the dogs are jealous that they don’t have hands in this moment to share in this little slice of humanity. Please let me know if this doesn’t work, because I will be very, very surprised.
Worcester comedian Shaun Connolly provides readers bad advice in his weekly column. Send your questions to woocomedyweek@gmail.com.
