Meeting Nancy

CHAPTER 3

Meeting Nancy

When I was a freshman in college, I came home from school one day to find the woman who lived across the street, a widow with a young son, hanging out in our house with my father. Before I could wrap my mind around what was happening, my father said to me, “Meet your new mother.”

I was shocked. My dad had not told me that he was getting married! Though I knew he had been visiting this neighbor for many months, he had not once talked to me about her. This news devastated me.

I retreated even further from my home, spending most of my time with the many friends I had now made. Those friendly relationships kept me from being rebellious or bitter.

I had started college at the University of Detroit, then transferred to Wayne State University, which was less expensive. My father had pressured me from my youth to become a doctor, like my brothers, and Wayne State had a good medical school. I was working my way through college and had very little money. I would often go to a cafeteria with friends, and

I would simply mix hot water with ketchup to make “tomato soup,” rounding the meal out with the free crackers on the table.

In my junior year, I observed this girl going through the line at the cafeteria each day. She fascinated me; there was something about her demeanor that was totally different from that of any other girl I knew. So I found a way to meet her and discovered that her name was Nancy Lauppe. She was dating a young man at the University of Michigan, but I decided to press her for a date. She went out with me, and I fell hopelessly in love. Over the next year and a half, we broke up three times but always got back together. I asked her to marry me on Christmas Eve, 1961.

Nancy’s father was a doctor who specialized in eye, ear, nose, and throat surgery. While he was very reserved, Nancy’s mother was very outgoing. They were a wonderful balance of personalities, which helped them have a successful marriage.

When I asked Dr. Lauppe for permission to marry his only daughter, he assumed we would marry in the Episcopal Church, which as a Catholic I could not do. The next few months were very tense, but ultimately, I arranged for us to get married at St. Mary’s in Toledo, Ohio, thanks to my parish priest. We married upon graduation, and I have to say that Nancy was very brave. Not only did she have to sign documents affirming that we would raise our children Catholic, but we were also married in a breezeway to the church, and the gardener and his wife were our witnesses!

Five days later, a judge married us again in the living room of her family’s home. It was a very quiet experience, and we

had no reception. At that time, Nancy’s father would only refer to me as Mr. Timmis, which was embarrassing. However, because Nancy had sacrificed so much, I didn’t let it bother me.

Nancy’s dad continued to refer to me as Mr. Timmis until I graduated at the top of my law school class, Nancy and I bought a house, and I secured a job with the law firm of my choice. My father-in-law, Fred, was impressed with what I had accomplished. Over the years we became extremely close friends; in fact, he was like a father to me. When I could not talk to my own father, I could always reach out to my father-in-law—and we had tremendous discussions. Each Sunday our family would go to my in-laws’ house for dinner.

In the winter of 1971, nine years into our marriage, Nancy’s father was scheduled to have a catheterization on a Monday. Even so, we made it to Sunday dinner. After the evening had ended, we bundled our two children into their snowsuits and said our goodbyes. We were all in the car when Nancy’s dad came out of the house and asked us to come back inside. Nancy and I were quite surprised.

Nancy’s dad took me aside and told me he had a premonition of death. I said to him, “Dad, you are only sixty-five, and this is a routine catheterization, which should go very well.”

He said, “If anything happens to me, you are the head of the family. I have made you the executor of my estate, and I want you to take care of the family.” He also said, “Before you go, I would like to drink a toast to the family.”

Nancy’s dad went to the basement and brought up a bottle of warm champagne that someone had given him years

before. We opened it, had a drink, and toasted the family. When we got back into the car, I said to Nancy, “Your father is very sentimental.”

The next day, I was in a meeting when a call came from Nancy. She told me to rush to Harper Hospital. By the time I arrived, her father had died of an embolism caused by the procedure.

Nancy’s father was not only my father-in-law but also one of my best friends. Losing another friend like him greatly saddened me. In fact, I grieved for many years.

Personal Application

Take a few moments, either by yourself or in a small group, and reflect on the following questions. You can share your answers with others when you have finished your reflection.

1. Not every friendship starts out perfectly. Have you ever met someone with whom you didn’t get along or seemingly had nothing in common but who later became a good friend? What happened to change that relationship? How has that relationship enriched your life?

2. Life can change in an instant, and we can lose those close to us. Have you ever lost a friend unexpectedly? What happened, and how did you cope with that loss?

3. Sometimes friends have a falling-out from which they never recover. Have you ever had a friendship end suddenly? Did you try to repair the relationship? What was the result, and how has that result affected your life?

4. Imagine you made a friend who would be with you throughout your entire life, someone who would never leave you because of an argument or be taken from you by illness, someone you could always talk to and count on. What would that friendship be worth to you? How might that friend affect your life?