Fifteen Spades

Today it’s my birthday I will get gifts and cake and songs and tomorrow I won’t matter. There’s a point when birthdays aren’t happy When they don’t feel like an accomplishment a celebration. I look back at all the things I’ve done all I’ve seen known been through and years don’t feel like landmarks milestones achievements. And they feel like something else to carry on my aching shoulders. shadows on my eyes. I got myself through nine. Stumbled through ten. Made it through 11 and I was ready to sit down. To let the weight fall off my back. To drop the boulder and let it roll down the hill. But I pushed through 12. Broke in 13. Picked up pieces and shattered in 14. Now I’m 15 Four years past my due date and I am not celebrating. I am tired.