Have You Found ‘The One’? How Destiny Affects Us

LOVE & RELATIONSHIPS

19 Have You Found ‘The One’? How Mindsets About Destiny Affect Our Romantic Relationships

BY GERY KARANTZAS THE CONVERSATION

If you listen to any number of love songs, dating “experts”, or plunge head first into a romance novel, you’re likely to think it’s in our destiny to find that special someone – your soulmate. But how do you know if you’ve found “the one”? Will the birds sing? Will you see fireworks or a shooting star? And for those who are yet to find “the one”, should you keep searching, or is it a misguided quest? Research into the science of relationships spanning the last two decades shows maintaining a “destiny” mindset –that we are all meant to find that ideal person who completes us in every way –can be problematic for our love lives. Destiny mindsets affect how we evaluate romantic partners, as well as how we maintain lasting relationships. For some, this mindset can even include a mental picture as to what that person should look like.

What are the costs of a mindset? A destiny mindset may make a person less open to developing a relationship with someone who possesses many excellent qualities, but does not match an individual’s mental picture of “the one”. A person who holds a destiny mindset may be more likely to focus on the potential faults or inadequacies of another, for example, rather than centre on their good qualities. On the other hand, a person may not pursue a potential love interest in the hope that something better comes along that matches their vision of destiny. By maintaining a destiny mindset, they may reject real opportunities at finding love. For those in an existing relationship, maintaining a destiny mindset can be associated with relationship satisfaction, if the current relationship closely (if not perfectly) matches one’s idea. But if the relationship is not in line with one’s vision of destiny, or if the relationship is evaluated as no longer matching one’s destiny, dissatisfaction can ensue. Research suggests people who hold a destiny mindset don’t work as hard at their relationships because they have a very fixed view of their partner and relationship. They tend to accept things the way they are – either a relationship is meant to be or it is not – rather than putting in time and effort to make relationships things work and deal with relationship problems.

Is there a better alternative? In contrast to a destiny mindset, some people hold a “growth relationship” mindset. This includes beliefs and expectations that a partner and relationship has the capacity to develop and change over time, and that problems or challenges can be overcome. Research to date suggests a growth mindset is associated with more effective ways of coping with relationship challenges and using more problem-solving to deal with relationship difficulties. People with a growth mindset experience various positives such as greater relationship and sexual satisfaction and have a better, more constructive way of handling conflict. A growth mindset has also been found to reduce the risk of a relationship ending.

Can you have both? Some people recount meeting their partner and knowing they were “the one”. But when describing how their relationship has progressed over time, it’s clear they put time and effort into it and work on problems when they arise. These people may hold beliefs about destiny, but overall, hold more of a growth mindset about their relationship. These couples often acknowledge their partner and relationship has changed, for example, and often note that they’ve helped each other develop and grow over time.l Associate professor in Social Psychology /Relationship Science, Deakin University

CARICOM Chairman Congratulates the Caribbean’s Outstanding Athletes

It is my pleasure to extend my warm congratulations as Chair of the Caribbean Community (CARICOM), and Head of Government responsible for Community Development and Cultural Cooperation, which includes Sports, to all Caribbean athletes who participated in the World Athletics Championships 2022. Once more, you have made our Region proud with your outstanding performances at Hayward Field, Eugene, Oregon, USA. I congratulate the three fastest women in the World, who all hail from Jamaica in particular Ms Shelly-Ann FraserPryce who is now the only athlete ever to hold five individual 100m world titles. She is an icon in our Region. I applaud her success. I also recognize the performance of Ms Shericka Jackson, who led the way in the 200m. The entire Caribbean is proud of the performance of the Jamaican women who brought home so many medals and were instrumental in Jamaica being third in overall medals won. I congratulate all athletes from Jamaica for their superb performance. I also congratulate Anderson Peters from Grenada for his second world title in the javelin throw and the excellent Ms Shaunae Miller-Uibo from The Bahamas who brought home a world title in the 400m and led a Caribbean sweep in the event. To all our medal winners and participants I extend a hearty well done to you on behalf of the Community. Sports are a cornerstone for developing a healthy population in the Caribbean. Our Caribbean athletes make us proud and are a motivation to all of us to strive for a healthy lifestyle. Sports are not only fun to watch, but for those who participate, it helps personal development. In this post-Covid period, participation in sports can help us overcome obstacles that we may perceive to stand in our way. It helps us develop a positive attitude towards life and its struggles and shapes our personality and character. And when we compete, it builds our character, teaches us to think strategically and analytically, and helps us with goal setting and risk-taking. Regular sporting activity releases stress and improves our physical and mental well-being. The Caribbean Region can be proud of the athletes that it has produced over the years. I call on all leaders in the Caribbean to promote sports and a healthy lifestyle so that we can maintain our position in athletics for many years to come. And let us explore how the private sector can assist in growing sports development in our Region. Once more, I congratulate on behalf of CARICOM, all our athletes who participated in the World Athletics Championships 2022. You had us rooting for you, you made us proud, and you provided us with some incredible sporting moments that we will never forget. Thank you!l

Editorial credit: CARICOM

18-Year-Old Jamaican, Duncan McKenzie Signs 3Year Contract with Belgrade’s Graficar FC

BY STAFF WRITER, JAMAICANS.COM

Photo: Jamaicans.com

Jamaican, Duncan McKenzie, 18, has signed a three-year contract with RFK Graficar Beograd, a Serbian football club. The club announced McKenzie’s contract via Instagram, saying it was proud to introduce the team’s newest member who is expected to provide a “great reinforcement” for the team. Graficar is part of the Serbian First League, the second tier of club football in Serbia. It is also affiliated with Red Star Belgrade of the Serbian SuperLiga. A Jamaica College Old Boy and the former captain of the Manning Cup football team, McKenzie previously represented Real Mona FC and was an important part of the Jamaica U-20 Reggae Boyz squad that just missed attaining a place at the 2023 FIFA U-20 World Cup in Indonesia with a loss of 1-0 to the Dominican Republic in the Concacaf U-20 Championship quarter-finals on June 28, 2022. McKenzie’s love of football dates from when he was four years old, and now at 18, he is committed to a career in professional football. Describing himself as hardworking and goal-oriented, McKenzie headed Jamaica College’s U14 and U-16 football teams and had what he called his greatest honor in captaining the Jamaica College Manning Cup team in 2021. McKenzie regrets not being able to lead his team to a trophy in 2021, noting that while he had won a Manning Cup in 2019, it would have been special to take home the trophy as team captain. He also shared that the award he places the most value on was the “Most Valuable Player” award presented to him in 2015 at the FC Barcelona camp in Florida. He said he values this award the most because it confirmed his potential and helped him to believe in himself. McKenzie was called up to train with the Jamaica U-20 team just a few weeks ago, fulfilling one of his long-term dreams. He said he has been working toward this goal for several years and hopes to have the chance to represent his country. He believes that for the next three to five years as he plays professional football at the highest level, he will also have the opportunity to feature regularly with Jamaica’s national senior team.l

Important Heat Safety Tips for Families Affected by Dementia

With a heat wave bringing dangerously high temperatures for tens of millions of Americans, the Alzheimer’s Foundation of America (AFA) is providing important tips to help families affected by Alzheimer’s disease and other dementiarelated illnesses keep their loved ones safe. “The dangers of extreme temperatures, which can cause heat stroke in a manner of minutes, are magnified for someone living with dementia. Dementia-related illnesses can impair a person’s ability to know when they are thirsty or in danger of overheating, communicate basic needs, and remember heat safety protocols,” said Jennifer Reeder, LCSW, SIFI, AFA’s Director of Educational and Social Services. “Taking a few simple precautions can go a long way toward keeping your loved one safe.” AFA advises family caregivers to take the following steps: Help the person stay hydrated Alzheimer’s disease and other dementiarelated illnesses can diminish a person’s ability to know when they are thirsty, making it critically important for caregivers to monitor them and encourage them to drink frequently. Avoid alcohol and caffeinated beverages, as these drinks may contribute to dehydration.

Watch for hyperthermia Dementia-related illnesses can impair a person’s ability to communicate or recognize basic needs, so caregivers cannot solely depend on waiting for the person to express that they are too hot or need to cool off. Hyperthermia is an abnormally high body temperature caused by the body’s inability to regulate heat from the environment. Seniors and people with chronic medical conditions are most at risk. One life-threatening form of hyperthermia is heat stroke, a dangerous elevation in body temperature sparked by exposure to extreme environmental heat or the troublesome mixture of heat and humidity. Watch for warning signs such as excessive sweating, exhaustion, flushed or red skin, muscle cramps, a fast pulse, headaches, dizziness, and nausea.

Watch out for wandering Wandering is a very common behavior among individuals with Alzheimer’s disease, and it’s also very dangerous, as they can easily become lost or disoriented and not know how, or who, to call for help. It’s even more dangerous in extreme heat conditions, where hyperthermia can develop in a matter of minutes. Wandering can occur when the person has limited stimulation, so be sure to engage the person in physical stimulation by walking around the home, and mental stimulation through activities and engaging in conversations. Ensure the person’s basic needs (water, food, using the restroom, etc.) are being met, as wandering can often stem from an unmet need. Keep a recent photo and medical information on hand, as well as information about familiar destinations they used to frequent, to share with emergency responders to aid in search and rescue efforts if the person does wander.

Look for signs that something is amiss This includes hot, dry skin, rapid pulse, dizziness or sudden changes in mental status.

Take immediate action Resting in an air-conditioned room, removing clothing, applying cold compresses and drinking fluids can help cool the body. If the person faints, exhibits excessive confusion or becomes unconscious, consider this a medical emergency and call 911. Know where to cool down Many municipalities will open up air conditioned “cooling centers” where people who do not have air conditioning can go to cool down. These can include senior centers, libraries, community centers and other municipal/public buildings. If your person does not have air conditioning, find out if there are cooling centers are nearby.

Plan ahead Blackouts and other power failures can sometimes occur during heat waves. Make sure that cell phones, tablets, and other electrical devices are fully charged. Flashlights should be easily accessible in case of a power failure. Have the emergency contact numbers for local utility providers, as well as the police and fire departments, readily accessible.

Have a long-distance plan if necessary If you don’t live near your loved one, arrange for someone who does to check on them. Inform them of emergency contacts and where important medical information can be found, such as their insurance card. Make sure the person has plenty of water and access to air-conditioning or other cooling mechanisms.l

VISION ZERO: On Citywide “Day of Awareness,” NYC DOT Reminds New Yorkers that Speed Cameras Go 24/7 Next Monday

NEW YORK –New York City Department of Transportation Commissioner Ydanis Rodriguez announced that July 27 is a Citywide multi-agency “Day of Awareness” to promote the expansion of the City’s speed camera program to 24/7/365. As a month-long multi-media public-awareness campaign comes to a close, the cameras will go 24/7 next Monday, August 1st. The City’s speed camera program is highly effective when allowed to operate, but 31 percent of onstreet traffic fatalities occur in camera zones at times when cameras were previously not permitted to operate. “New York City and a coalition of advocates worked hard and traveled often to Albany to get this full-time speed camera authorization passed,” said DOT Commissioner Rodriguez. “We have hard data that show speed cameras save lives. Drivers should continue to drive carefully, observe speed limits and be aware that our speed cameras, starting August 1, will be operational day and night. Thanks to the all the agency staff who volunteered to get the word out today about this critical new law.” “The New York City Police Department is committed to driving down traffic fatalities,” said NYPD Chief of Transportation Kim Y. Royster. “Extending the hours of speed cameras in our communities is another layer of enforcement that will hold reckless drivers accountable and protect our most vulnerable road users. Everyone should drive safely, because traffic safety is public safety.” Multi-agency street teams, including hundreds of NYC DOT and NYPD staff, hit the five boroughs today during morning and evening rush-hour periods, distributing palm cards to motorists informing them of the changes coming August 1st. DOT is also broadcasting the upcoming expansion of hours across its social media platforms and through notification to elected officials, community boards and other stakeholders. Soon after Governor Hochul signed the speed camera law last month, DOT began robust outreach by deploying a message and outreach strategy, raising awareness of the expansion of camera protection to overnights and weekends. The outreach material includes digital and print-ready flyers in eleven languages as well as notices included in mailed violation notices. DOT committed $500,000 on paid media efforts to highlight the expansion, with a particular focus on community and ethnic media. DOT’s 30-Day social media plan is also in its final week leading up to the expansion; in the campaign, DOT has offered details of the program, explained the benefits of speed management, and featured real New Yorkers who need the protection offered by speed cameras during overnight and weekend hours. New York City operates just over 2,000 speed cameras in 750 zones Citywide. Violations are issued when vehicles exceed posted speed limits by more than 10 MPH and come with a $50 fine mailed to the registered owner of the vehicle. Overall, since the start of the speed camera automated enforcement program in 2014, speeding violations are down 72 percent on average at camera locations. However, during the pandemic, the nation has seen an increase in traffic fatalities, as overnight and weekend speeding and fatalities have increased. In New York City, motor-vehicle occupant fatalities have far outpaced all other travel modes, with speed cited as a major contributing factor in most crashes. “New York City has waited a long time for 24/7 speed cameras, that is proven to save lives and keep our streets safe from car crashes. I’m excited that day is finally upon us,” said Brooklyn Borough President Antonio Reynoso. “Thank you to our NYC DOT for championing these cameras and ensuring they’re ready to roll, as well as NYPD for helping with the education efforts before our August 1 activation date.” “Traffic injuries are up across the city, and activating speed cameras to operate 24/7/365 is a common sense way to prevent speeding and save lives,” said Manhattan Borough President Mark Levine. “There is a 14% reduction in traffic crash injuries on streets with cameras, but turning them off overnight and on weekends meant that those streets were less safe. Having cameras operate full time will be an important strategy to help reduce speeding and cut down on preventable injuries and deaths.” "This critical program to spread the word about the critical changes to New York City's speed camera program — now that they will operate every day beginning in August — will surely help us save lives, particularly in school zones, while encouraging drivers to be more mindful of their speed," said Queens Borough President Donovan Richards Jr. "By prioritizing safety and cutting down on speeding, the streets of Queens and our city will be safer for all who use them." “In a city that doesn't sleep, authorizing speed cameras to operate 24/7 is the right move and will save lives, period,” said State Senator Robert Jackson. “Speeding occurs at all hours of the day and night; as a city, we must use every sensible deterrent in our toolbox to keep drivers and motorcyclists from speeding. Safer streets are a top priority for my constituents and me. I was happy to help pass my colleague Senator Gourades' bill in the Senate, and with today’s announcement, I look forward to our streets being safer for all New Yorkers. “For years, our city has faced a significant issue within speeding and reckless driving behavior that’s hurting too many New Yorkers,” said City Council Majority Leader Keith Powers. “I’m glad that the Department of Transportation is confronting this crisis by expanding the city’s speed camera program to 24/7, 365 days a year. We have an urgent need to invest in and implement safe streets that protect pedestrians and keep New Yorkers safe.”l

DOT Commissioner, other officials and community members at the press conference. Editorial credit: PP/IQINC