Why Partners Lie About Money

Is Your Spouse Financially Unfaithful? Why Partners Lie About Money

BY JANET HOWARD

Whether you have been married for years or are just sailing off on your honeymoon, you trust your spouse to be faithful, but infidelity can take many different forms. Even if your husband or wife never sleeps with another person, he or she could still be cheating on you, and this type of cheating could hit you right in the pocketbook. Financial infidelity can be a huge problem in relationships, and disagreements over spending, saving and investing have derailed many a marriage. If you want to avoid the pain, uncertainty and fear that financial infidelity leaves in its wake, it is important to understand the root causes for these troubling types of behavior. It is important to understand, for instance, that shame is a common motivator for financial infidelity. A partner who enters into the marriage with a huge amount of student loan debt, for instance, may be reluctant to disclose that fact even as they are walking down the aisle. They may be ashamed that they are underemployed, or fearful that they will never be able to pay back what they owe, and the early lies and untruths continue to build and compound until revealing the truth would simply be too painful and embarrassing. As a result, the other spouse is missing a key piece of information, one that could have a profound impact on the marital finances going forward. Shame may also play a role when there is a gambling addiction or other form of compulsive behavior at play. If one spouse or partner is suffering from an addiction, their shame may cause them to hide that fact, and the compulsion they feel may spark a string of financial infidelities in the coming years. Guilt and shame are common motivating factors for financial infidelity, but there could be other emotions at play as well. Anger or a desire for revenge, for instance, could cause one spouse to overspend or life about their spending. Some couples get caught up in a tit for tat cycle in which one spouse makes a large purchase and the other spouse tries to get even by buying something equally frivolous and equally expensive. In the end, this type of destructive cycle can only end one way, and that could mean the end of the marriage and the shattering of their shared finances as a result. In other cases the financial infidelity comes from a deeper place, one driven by social pressures and underlying feelings of insecurity. Keeping up with the Joneses can be hard on the family finances, and even harder on the relationship. Differences in background and lived experience can also set the stage for financial infidelity, especially when one spouse was raised by savers and the other by spenders. Early life experiences from childhood can create patterns that are difficult to break as an adult, and lies about finances and monetary infidelity are often the results. Romantic infidelity may get all the headlines, but the financial kind of cheating can be equally devastating to the relationship and the marriage. No one writes soap operas about this kind of infidelity, but that does not mean it is not important, or that spouses should not heed the warning signs if they suspect there might be a problem. Now that you know the factors that often play into financial infidelity, you can enter the marriage better armed to combat it.l

Biden Administration Halts Mass Worksite Raids By ICE

BY AARON REICHLIN-MELNICK

The Biden administration just took a significant step toward reining in U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE). Department of Homeland Security (DHS) Secretary Alejandro Mayorkas issued a memorandum that orders the agency to halt all mass worksite raids. The memorandum also orders the agency to shift its focus to employers that break the law—rather than the undocumented employees themselves who are often the victims of labor exploitation. Under prior administrations, ICE carried out multiple mass worksite raids, sowing fear and distrust in immigrant communities across the U.S. In 2008, ICE carried out what was then the largest immigration raid in history and arrested nearly 400 people in a single operation, which shattered families across the small town of Postville, Iowa. Under Trump, the pace of raids increased. In 2018, ICE agents rounded up over 100 workers at a meatpacking plant in Tennessee. The raid led to a lawsuit claiming that ICE had targeted only Latino workers and let all others go home. In 2019, over 600 workers at food processing plants in Mississippi were rounded up and arrested by ICE. Their U.S. citizen children were then stuck at school with no parents to pick them up. One father deported in that raid was the victim of a brutal massacre by Mexican police in January 2021 on his way back to rejoin his family. Following both of those raids, the employers largely received slaps on the wrist for hiring undocumented immigrants in violation of the law. The only person to serve prison time after the 2008 Postville raid was even pardoned by President Trump in 2017. Meanwhile, many of the employees were ripped from their families and deported. And following raids like this, many employers just hire more undocumented immigrants and then use the threat of future raids to prevent them from speaking out about abuses. Secretary Mayorkas’ memo recognized this disparity, noting that “highly visible operations” such as mass raids had the effect of “chilling, and even serving as a tool of retaliation for worker cooperation in workplace standards investigations.” His memo also called on ICE to immediately prioritize requests for prosecutorial discretion from the Department of Labor when that agency works with undocumented immigrants to investigation workplace exploitation. These changes are necessary and overdue. In the past, ICE has refused to support the Department of Labor and deported witnesses during investigations. Under President Trump, ICE deported a key witness to the Hard Rock Hotel construction site collapse in New Orleans—which killed three people and injured 30— despite the fact that he was actively working with the Department of Labor to investigate the deadly accident. Mayorkas’ memo could prevent anything like that from happening again. The memorandum also calls on ICE to develop new policies that will work in tandem with the Department of Labor to focus on employers that hire and exploit undocumented immigrants, rather than the immigrants themselves. The goal, according to the memorandum, is “delivering more severe consequences to exploitative employers and their agents.” It also hopes to increase “the willingness of workers to report violations of law by exploitative employers.” To carry out that goal, Mayorkas called on ICE to develop specific policies that will permit “victims of, and witnesses to, labor trafficking and exploitation” to remain in the United States during investigations without fear of deportation. Individuals will potentially get to stay afterward if the government substantiates their complaints. ICE will have 60 days to draft these new policies. This memo is an important first step toward lifting the threat of deportation for exploited workers. For too long, bad actors have dangled the threat of deportation over workers to get away with violating labor laws. And while the memo won’t remove those threats, it will help ensure that ICE no longer plays along. These critical changes could make worksites across the country safer for all workers. l

Editorial credit: chrisdorney / Shutterstock.com

Workers Talk About Their Trauma When Applying for EWF

LONG ISLAND, New York: Long Island members of the Excluded Workers Fund Coalition (EWF) demanded that Governor Kathy Hochul and the New York State Legislature take immediate steps to expand funding for the EWF. The demands included adjusting the application regulations and flexibility for those who were unable to apply due to a lack of documentation. Thousands of essential and excluded workers on Long Island could not benefit from the Excluded Workers Fund after the Department of Labor closed the date to apply on Friday, October 8, 2021. According to the Department of Labor (DOL), by Friday, October 8, 349,017 applications were submitted to the program, which provides relief to workers cut out of pandemic aid programs, and 121,056 were approved. New data from the Fiscal Policy Institute showed that applications for the fund in regions outside of New York City were still lagging. New York City is the only region to date with a higher share of beneficiaries than its share of undocumented workers - the City has 73 percent of undocumented workers but 81 percent of the percentage of distributed funds. By contrast, workers in other state regions have received a disproportionately lower share of the funds: For example, in Long Island, with 12 percent of undocumented workers, 10 percent of fund beneficiaries were assigned. In Long Island, 38,083 applications were submitted, and the DOL approved 13,637. At the press conference, workers talked about the struggle they had applying for the EWF due to the short time given to apply and the difficulty they had to collect the documents needed to qualify. Other workers detailed how the funding received changed their lives, explaining that it has allowed them to finally pay down debts, pay rent, and leave abusive workplaces and domestic partners. The workers and community advocates explained how cutting off access to the fund create inequities across the state, underlining the hurdles that have made it harder for workers from Long Island to learn about and access the fund. Advocates will also explain why additional funding would boost the state's economy as a whole. "Essential workers on Long Island have been left at an overwhelming disadvantage compared to those in the City. This is nothing more than a reflection of the isolation that Long Island's demographics cause", said Martha Maffei, Executive Director of SEPA Mujer, Inc. "The demand for assistance and help from the Excluded Workers Fund keeps our phones busy. People keep calling for help. We cannot ignore that it is a clear need and that we hope that the Governor and NY State Legislators will listen to these needs and prioritize our essential workers." "Discontinuing this fund creates imbalances across the state, making yet another obstacle for excluded workers," said Legislator Sam Gonzalez, Suffolk County Legislator. "It is important for excluded workers to have access to resources they need to stay safe and financially afloat." "The Excluded Worker Fund has provided hundreds of thousands of essential and excluded workers with emergency financial relief across the state, but the repair needed is far from over," said Ani Halasz, Executive Director of Long Island Jobs with Justice. "As a Coalition, we have helped those in need to be included and not excluded, let us continue fighting for those who are still excluded," said Centro Corazon de Maria.l

Photo courtesy SEPA Mujer

Early Action is Key!

Ask Your Doctor About Monoclonal Antibody Treatment

Monoclonal antibody treatment is for people who have COVID-19 or were recently exposed to someone who has had COVID-19. Monoclonal Antibody Treatment: • Helps your body 昀ght COVID-19 while your immune system begins to make its own antibodies • Reduces your risk of becoming sick from COVID-19 and avoid hospitalization • Is recommended for anyone age 12 and older who is at high risk for severe COVID-19 illness, such as older adults and people with other health conditions • Is NOT a substitute for vaccination

To 昀nd a site offering monoclonal antibody treatment, visit nyc.gov/health/map. To 昀nd a vaccination site, visit nyc.gov/vaccine昀nder or call 877-VAX-4NYC (877-829-4692).