How Valentine’s Day Can Strain Your Relationship

BY MARY CAMPBELL

Valentine's Day is almost here— the Day we celebrate love and our romantic relationships with elegant dinners, romantic cards, flowers, and chocolates. There's enough reason to believe that getting romantic and focusing on your partner suits your relationship. Yes, many people consider Valentine's Day an opportunity to celebrate love. This is hardly a problem for solid couples, where each person is on the same page about the relationship. Is that the case for everyone? Some couples, though, are less in sync. They may not know exactly where their relationship stands. Since the holiday has been popularized as a time to display affection through thoughtful gifts and romantic gestures, Valentine's Day can be an incredibly anxious time for a significant other who thinks their relationship may be on the rocks. At the same time, it can provide a boost for some for others and may even hasten a breakup.

When you're constantly inundated with images — on commercials, TV shows, movies, and even social media — of lovey-dovey couples going on intimate dates and exchanging fancy gifts, it's easy to get intimidated by the idea of making Valentine's Day plans with your significant other. So many unrealistic expectations are placed on Valentine's Day, which can lead to disappointment if couples aren't careful about getting on the same page before the holiday.

All this stress can have devastating consequences on your relationship. A recent survey revealed that 40 percent of young Americans decided to end their relationship on or around Valentine's Day. Another report cited that divorces on February 14 have increased 40 percent over the past two years. So, what is it about the holiday that makes couples want to split?

Sometimes couples have conflicting views on being romantic. One partner may consider flowers and candy frivolous gestures not representative of love, while their significant other may think those acts show love and care. In other cases, one person may expect holiday plans that the other person still needs to prepare. A sweet but low-key date for one partner might disappoint the other half.

Just as Valentine's Day can magnify conflicting opinions about what expressions of care should look like, it can also draw attention to how little some significant others compromise. After all, time spent on this holiday should help sustain the union between two people, not one person's desires. Couples that glide through the holiday either hold similar views about what to do on the Day or are willing to compromise. On the contrary, there is a good chance that people who end up miserable and argumentative on this holiday are in relationships where there is not much give and take most days of the year.

Like with most relationship issues, strong communication is vital. Some people may sweep potential problems under the rug and hope for the best. A better approach is to acknowledge that you may not see eye to eye with your partner about romantic expectations. Rather than skirting the issue, use Valentine's Day as a chance to communicate. It's a good idea to explain what you would like to have happen on the holiday and ask your partner what they expect. Remember, the Day should help celebrate the love you share; communication and compromise can help you continue to share it. l

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