Love, Health & Travel

Can You Save Your Marriage?

BY JANET HOWARD

Once upon a time, marriages were intended to last forever – ’till death, not divorce, parted the partners. These days, that’s not always the case, and in every marriage – even the happiest ones – there are times when the going gets rough. You may even feel like it is time to quit, but maybe you can save your marriage and bring back the happiness.

Forgive yourself

Everyone has faults, whether they admit to them or not. It’s human nature to be less than perfect. Forgive yourself your faults, and reconcile with your inner self. Accept that you may be in the wrong, because it takes two to make or break a relationship. It’s highly unlikely that the cause of your problems rests solely with one partner, so forgive your own faults and learn to like the person you are, faults and all, so that you can move forward.

Forgive your partner

Habits that were endearing while you were dating can be irritating in the extreme once you are living together. And some faults – whether perceived or actual – only manifest with time and close contact. Snoring, being late all the time or irresponsible spending can become real stumbling blocks to your happiness if you allow them to. Talk about it with your partner before it gets out of hand and your resentment has built to such a level that there is no forgiveness inside you. Your partner may not even realise how much their behaviour is upsetting you unless you communicate as calmly as possible and exercise forgiveness.

Compromise

Marriage is – or should be – an equal partnership, and in all partnerships, compromise is essential. Keep the communication channels open, find out what is causing problems, and make adjustments in your thinking and behaviour to improve life for both of you. Your standpoint is not necessarily right, any more than your partner’s is wrong, but both views should be negotiable, if you really want to save your marriage.

Make time for each other

Do you remember those heady days when you were first dating? They were so wonderful because both of you were in love and learning about each other, and how to be happy together. Bring back those beautiful moments by making time to enjoy each other’s company all over again. Go for a walk in the park, hold hands, go to the movies or just stay at home together and enjoy a date night in. Remind yourselves why you got married in the first place, and enjoy life together again. Every couple deserves to be happy together, and if you make the effort to communicate with each other, forgive your faults and make time for each other, most problems can be overcome, and you can save your marriage. However, you can only do it as a team – it takes two to tango, after all!p

Racism Has Long Shaped US Presidential Elections. Here’s How it Might Play Out in 2020

BY CLARE CORBOULD & ZIM NWOKORA THE CONVERSATION

Who turns out to vote, who stays at home, and who mails or drops in a ballot are all likely to play a significant role in the outcome of the US presidential election. Race and racism are important in motivating Barack Obama and Joe Biden’s close relationship may encourage more and suppressing voters. black voters to support Biden. Editorial credit: Christos S / Shutterstock.com Unlike in Australia and a handful of other democracies, voting in the United States is voluntary. People have to be motivated to vote, whether in person or by mail. But with the public polarised and tribal, it is extremely difficult to convert likely voters away from their long-term allegiances. So candidates try to mobilise likely supporters and suppress an opponent’s. Campaign strategists intended Donald Trump’s performance in the first presidential debate would signal strength. They hoped this would appeal to white women, whose support in important states he has been losing in droves. Trump instead signalled strongly to a white supremacist group, the Proud Boys, that he wanted their support. A shameful history Democratic theorists argue high turnout provides legitimacy for the political system by ensuring all voices are heard in democratic processes. In practice, however, efforts to manipulate electoral participation - and specifically to suppress Black voters - have been a prominent theme in the history of American elections. Enslaved people could not vote. After the 1860s Civil War, newly freed African Americans seized the right to vote, sending several men to represent Southern states in Congress. But as early as the 1870s, white Americans systematically disenfranchised Black voters (and also many poor whites) through a variety of regulations — including property and education clauses. The notorious “grandfather clause” decreed men could vote only if their grandfather was also eligible to vote in the years before 1867. Violence at the ballot box kept African American men, and African American women after 1920, away for decades. Available at Amazon.com Available at Amazon.com When Trump incites his followers to sign up as “election poll watchers”, he evokes this very history, which dominated Southern politics until the civil rights movement.

New ways to suppress voters

Since the movement, African American voters have selected the Democratic presidential candidate in huge majorities. As a result, new forms of suppression have emerged to stop them. Since 2010, 25 states have introduced measures to make it harder to vote. For example, they require voters to register prior to the election and/or provide photo ID at the point of voting. In 11 states, people convicted of felonies are banned from voting long after custodial sentences end or fines have been paid – and sometimes for life. These laws have seen 6 million adults lose the right to vote. These methods all affect poorer and less well-educated Americans more than affluent Americans. Non-white Americans, especially African American, Native American and to a lesser extent Latino voters, have been most affected. In Florida, where this disenfranchisement affected more than 20% of African Americans, voters overturned the ban. Republican state legislators soon found a way to ensure 775,000 people still cannot vote by deeming ineligible anyone with outstanding court fees. In neighboring Georgia, Republican Secretary of State Brian Kemp narrowly edged out popular Democratic challenger Stacey Abrams – who is African American – in the 2018 election for governor. His success came by ruthlessly disqualifying 53,000 voters –70% of them African American and only 20% white – with dubious “signature matching” requirements.

Activating voters

On the flipside, both camps need to inspire their own supporters to vote, as well. African American turnout was higher in the 2018 midterms than in 2014. Joe Biden, who needs to ensure sufficient proDemocrat and/or anti-Trump adults vote, will hope that trend continues. African Americans have even more reasons than usual to vote. These include involvement in or proximity to the prominent Black Lives Matter (BLM) movement; the shockingly higher rates at which African Americans are contracting COVID-19 and dying; the greater economic consequences of the health crisis for African American communities; and the possibility of electing Kamala Harris as the first African American woman vice president. Biden’s eight years as Barack Obama’s vice president – and their apparently effective professional and affectionate personal relationship – may help inspire African American voters. A big question is whether the mobilisation that occurred through BLM rallies will translate into high participation by minority and young people in the election. Trump needs to mobilize the large groups of white women who voted for him in 2016. But recent national and key state polls suggest Trump has already lost a good proportion of white women, whether or not they have college degrees. Polls do not always translate into election numbers, but in this case they follow the trend in the 2018 midterm elections and may reflect the unprecedented involvement since 2016 of suburban white women in pro-Democrat grassroots campaigning.

In 2020, the stakes are particularly high

The 2020 elections seem unusually high stakes not just for public policy but for the future of electoral participation in America. Trump has spent much of the past four years casting doubt on voting processes. If he can persuade Republican state legislatures to set aside the popular vote on the basis of alleged fraud, there is Constitutional scope for those legislatures to select whichever electors they like to represent the state at the Electoral College. This would be an almost unprecedented undermining of the fundamental ideal of “one person, one vote.”

Lawyers for both sides are preparing to take the battle into the courtroom if, as seems likely, the election outcome turns on a controversial electoral participation question. These controversies may make their way to the Supreme Court, perhaps including a new judge. Its judgements may shape the terrain of electoral participation for a long time to come. The Trump era’s suppression of the vote is out of step with the long run trend of greater inclusiveness. Another four years of Trump seems likely to create more obstacles to participation. By contrast, a Biden-Harris victory provides an opportunity to prevent further erosion of democratic participation. It would also mark a new high in the representation of African American women in federal politics.p

Clare Corbould is an Associate Professor of History, Deakin University. Zim Nwokora is a Senior Lecturer in Politics and Policy, Deakin University.

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