Bliss Magazine by Emma Grey

bliss magazine

issue #1 January 2013

Top tips for negotiating flexibility at work The top 5 excuses holding you back

Create your own luck

‘Second chances’ How to rise after a fall

Fall in love with your job

Scripts for saying ‘No’

Not the life I ordered

Confessions of a working mum Courses, training, coaching and more...

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MAGAZINE

magazine Welcome!

There was a time earlier in my career when you would typically find me burrowed in right at the centre of my comfort zone. I didn’t engage with risk. I didn’t try new things. I stayed in the same job for seven years because it was familiar and secure and predictable, and I liked that. Or so I thought. Turns out I like experimenting with new things even more than that feeling of staying safe. Which brings me here - playing with a fresh digital magazine for WorkLifeBliss, combining zero experience in graphic design with lots of passion for the project.

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The thing with a step out of your comfort zone is that everything is hard before it becomes easy. It’s the ‘sticking with it‘ that makes the difference. I could hold off for several months while I ‘perfect‘ the layout and build confidence, or I could launch the magazine now, knowing that this first edition sits at the foot of a new learning curve that I’m diving into head-first. Bliss Magazine will be free, and published online every second month. There will be feature articles, coaching tips, tools, resources, links to other free stuff on our website and news about our training events, online courses, eBooks, coaching and more.

Between issues, you may wish to kick-start each week with our Monday Bliss Blitz newsletter. Would love your feedback. Please enjoy and share! Emma Grey Top 5 excuses debunked

Create your own luck

Negotiate flexibility at work

Second chances: rise after a fall 5 Fall in love with your job

Not the life I ordered

Scripts for saying ‘no’

Confessions of a working mum

WorkLifeBliss Home Study Program launching 4 March 2013 written content, video, webinars, email hotline

WHAT ARE YOUR TOP 5 EXCUSES You might be standing in your own sunshine if you believe: 1. I’m not good enough...

Create your own luck!

Studies into the ‘science of luck’ have found that people who identify as ‘optimistic’ tend to experience better ‘luck’ than self-confessed ‘pessimists’. In experiments as simple as leaving a $20 note on the ground, optimists typically found the money much more frequently than pessimists. Another test asked readers of a newspaper to count the number of pictures in the publication, but placed an advertisement half-way through saying ‘stop counting, there are 43 pictures’. Again, more optimists saw the advertisement. ‘Chances’ exist all around us. It seems that some people are more open to noticing them than others. Another crucial step to being ‘lucky’ is engaging with risk. It’s one thing to notice a potential opportunity, and another to have the confidence required to take it up. Attachment to certainty can hold you back. How important is it to you that this ‘works out’. Will you care if you try something and fail? What is the worst that could happen? Do you recall a time when you decided to save money for a certain item? It might have been a particular model of car, or a certain phone or gadget.

Other people know more, have more experience, would do a better job, are more confident and more adept...

I travelled once in a car with my best friend and her twin girls, who were playing a number-plate spotting game. One of the girls announced that she was looking for number plates containing ‘888’. I explained that triple eight was a rare configuration and that we were unlikely to see one. I couldn’t recall having ever seen on in my life. Within forty minutes, we’d spotted three! Last year, in the UK, my kids and I happened across the Irish Eurovision song contest entrants. We decided to make a game of seeing ‘famous people’. Within a day or two, we ‘ran into’ actress Alex Kingston, comedian Alexie Sayle (who we realised lived in the apartment under the one we’d rented for nearly three months) and the Queen (who we bumped into 50 metres from our front door). ‘Luck’, or opportunities, are there all the time. Our focus is what makes the difference. Start looking for what you want, and you are more likely to stumble across it.

2. I’m not ready yet... I just need a little more time to line up the ducks, gain some experience, do some research and plan my approach... 3. It’s too late... I can’t change careers now, I’ve invested so much time and education into this one. I can’t afford to start again... 4. I might fail... I can’t afford to mess this up. If I stumble, I’ll have to quit. It’s safer to stay where I am. Not everyone is destined for success. 5. Others will judge me... What if people watch me fail? What will they think? Will I lose their respect if I have to have several attempts at this?

Having these thoughts is normal. Hurdling them is what counts.

ARE YOU ON OUR MAILING LIST? WORKLIFEBLISS offers a free Welcome Pack with an eBook on the ‘7 Types of Busy’, newsletter subscription and more.

Do you have the legal right to request flexibility under the Australian Government’s National Employment Standards?

Any employee who is a parent, or who has responsibility for the care of a child , may request a change in their working arrangements. This is available to employees who have worked with their existing employer for 12 months, and if the child is: • under school age • under 18 and has a disability

Squeezing five days’ work into three? Many parents are so grateful for flexibility that they accept a situation that is neither fair on them, nor practical for the team. When you approach your boss with a flexible work request, prepare two or three options for consideration. Be clear on how long the arrangement is required and why.

of your role onto others in your team. Think of development opportunities for junior staff. Is there an aspect of your work that could be performed by someone preparing for promotion? Could your role be job-shared? Make a list of the tasks that you do and identify parts of your role that could be accomplished outside regular office hours or in a different location from the office.

Are you suited to flexible work?

State how flexible you can be if things need to change. Could you come in for a one-off meeting if an urgent need arose? Is there a possibility that you could return to your usual pattern of hours over a peak period? Consider the impact of your proposal on your own role and on the work of the team. If you are working reduced hours, identify the gaps in output. What work will not get done during your absence? Think of possible solutions. Do not ‘dump’ the less-attractive aspects

List the skills and attributes that make you ideally suited to working flexibly. Are you a strong communicator? Do you work well unsupervised? Are you organised and responsive? Provide examples, if possible, of times when you have worked flexibly in the past. Find examples of others working flexibly in your organisation and outline how it works in those instances. Suggest some measurement criteria to assist your boss to assess how the arrangement is working. If your boss is still uncertain, propose a trial period. WorkLifeBliss and Career Mums offer masterclasses for working parents and for managers as well as online programs (details to the right).

Changes in working arrangements may include: • changes in hours of work (eg. reduction in hours or changes to start/finish times • changes in patterns of work (eg. split shifts or job-sharing) • changes in location of work (eg. working from home or another location) Check with your HR manager for further information.

Webinar Programs WorkLifeBliss and Career Mums now provide our popular masterclasses online, during a 3-week we b i n a r s e r i e s e a c h month.

Working Parents Can you ‘have it all’? Are you tired and overwhelmed? Must you take the ‘mummy/daddy track’ at work after having children? Learn how to manage your career post-kids, conduct a ‘career health check’, increase your productivity and results, find a mentor, ask for flexibility and tap into your new-found resilience.

Managing Flexibly Worried about the ageing workforce, skills shortages, Gen Y entering parenthood and incoming ‘Digital Natives’? Employers of choice offer well-considered flexible work arrangements in an increasingly competitive market. Learn why you need to factor this into your management skills, why employees ask for flexibility, what your role is as a manager in light of the new National Employment Standards and equip yourself with the tools, templates and communication skills to negotiate a win-win flexible work proposal with your staff.

More information and registration here

Second chances...

Last year, my previously A-grade daughter was suspended from school. In one moment of peer pressure, she made a fairly innocuous decision that nevertheless cost her what she considered to be a ‘perfect record’. After a day of crying, not eating much and generally feeling sorry for herself, I suggested she draw a line now in the sand. She’d learnt her lesson. ‘Get up,’ I said, gently. ‘Dust off your knees and do something differently’. J.K. Rowling’s manuscript for the first Harry Potter book was rejected by twelve publishers. In fact, almost every successful author is acquainted with the sting of rejection. What matters - what defines success in any field - isn’t the mistakes we make. It’s not our failures. It’s what happens next: how we rise from the fall. People with the most flexibility in any group or situation are the most likely to succeed. These are the people who try something one way, find that it doesn’t work, do it again

and change something in their approach. When a second attempt fails, they modify their style again, and keep tweaking and adjusting and growing through failure after failure until they make it. History is full examples like this. When the Year 12 results were published in the Sydney Morning Herald in December, the newspaper ran an article about mid-life university graduates who had been high-school drop-outs. Those profiled are now practising in law and medicine and loving their new careers. Not everyone succeeds at everything they do, but many more would succeed if they hurdled the inevitable disappointments that we all encounter along the way. Consider this: if you’re not falling over every so often, you’re probably not stretching yourself far enough. Last month, I spoke about this, Duran Duran and One Direction at the graduation ceremony at my old primary school. You can read the speech here.

Need inspiration, direction, motivation or confidence? WorkLifeBliss offers face-toface (ACT region), telephone and Skype coaching services.

ENQUIRE HERE

WorkLifeBliss Training calendar

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mar

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Join our webinars, masterclasses or homestudy program.

Working Parents’ Webinar Series begins.

WorkLifeBliss 6-week Home Study Program begins

‘Be Your You’ women’s seminar, Canberra

Click on an event for more information on the content and prices, for comments from previous participants and to register.

Results through Flexibility Webinar Series begins.

Working Parents’ Masterclass Canberra

Working Parents’ Webinar Series begins

Results through Flexibility Webinar Series begins

Results through Flexibility Webinar Series Begins

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Flexible Work Masterclass Canberra (for managers)

Working Parents’ and Flexible Work Masterclasses Canberra

Fall in love with your job

Is there enough pressure in your role to keep you challenged? Being pushed slightly outside your comfort zone can help you thrive. Being pushed too far outside it for too long causes unhealthy stress. Take a moment to think

Uninspired by the return to work after summer holidays? Maybe it’s time for a career ‘health check’.

Start by identifying which of these qualities matter most to you at work: • Significance • Certainty • Variety • Connection • Contribution • Growth These are the ‘core needs’ that we all share, which we value in an order of importance unique to each of us. Someone with a high need for certainty and routine may feel out of place in a dynamic role requiring spontaneous creativity. Similarly, if you value variety and connection, a role in which you work alone on repetitive tasks would not be a good fit. Career discord can arise in response to the learning curve, too. Either it’s too steep and overwhelming, or it has flatlined and you’ve outgrown your role.

about how you wish to feel when you walk in the door after work each day. Is it challenged, rewarded and proud? Inspired? Tired in a good way? Enthused about the evening. What is stopping this response? Don’t wait for your next performance appraisal to seek opportunities for growth. Speak to your boss now about training, further study, new projects and the possibility of acting in a higher role this year. Even if you’re not seeking promotion, identify any gaps in your skills or knowledge that prevent you from being able to perform the duties of your job comfortably and well.

Sort out relationships with colleagues early and thoroughly. If there is a problem and you’re not sure how to fix it, speak with your HR manager for confidential advice. If you spend much of your time doing self-inflicted ‘overwhelm’ at work, spend some quiet time over summer organising your environment. Cull the clutter, sort your online and paper files and create systems that will make life easier when the pace quickens again. Finally, take out your diary and lock in some holidays for 2013. Ask for time off in advance and open a holiday account for the direct deposit of some funds each fortnight. Visit a travel agent and inspire yourself with options. Loving your job is like any other two-way relationship. It takes thought and effort, hard work and responsibility. What you bring to it matters even more than what it offers you.

A reader asks... Not the life I ordered... Kate asks: I’m 36 and grateful to have a fulfilling career, wonderful friends and family, an active social life and interests outside work. I always saw myself with a partner and children. How do I continue to create a happy life without something that I thought would be central to me? Sometimes life takes us down a path that we didn’t anticipate, and other times a path that we deeply wanted to tread is denied to us. At 36, there is still time (I wouldn’t give up quite yet) and there are a number of options that you may be considering. Those options are not what you’re really asking about here, though - this is about how to respond when you are sent a life that is different from the one you ordered. A life that is still rich and vibrant and satisfying - just not what you expected. Relationships and parenting are two ways that we can meet our ‘core needs‘ (for significance, certainty, variety, love/connection, contribution and growth). They are by no means the only way to meet those needs. Cultivating deeper friendships and relationships is not the same as

sharing your life with a partner, however it can be just as fulfilling (and indeed more fulfilling than some partnered people experience). Creating something that is all ‘yours‘ - your idea, your passion, your dedication and your hard work is not the same as creating a child, but it can be immensely rewarding. Find ways of ‘filling your tank’ in each of these key areas that do not have the pre-requisite of a ‘traditional family’. Work out what it is that you might ‘give’ to a partner and children (eg. love, patience, teaching, nurturing) and give lashings of these gifts to others. Similarly, find ways of ‘receiving’ the gifts that a partner and child might give you and accept these into your life with open arms. Focus on what you have. Seek ways of filling this void, rather than focusing on the void itself. Sometimes we see a movie after reading a book and we’re disappointed. The same movie, seen without prior expectations, can be wonderful. There may come a time to close your book and enjoy the movie on its own merits. Until then, continue to open your heart to possibilities and create your beautiful life.

Do you have a question? We’ll respond to one reader’s query in every issue Please email your question to emma@worklifebliss.com.au. Your question will be published anonymously, using a different first name. Due to the high volume of queries we receive, it will not be possible to answer everyone.

Can you help us? Bliss Magazine is in its infancy and in order to align the content closely to readers’ interests, feedback is very important. Please take this brief online survey and let us know what you think.

Scripts for saying ‘No’ Do you kick yourself after another ‘yes’ has escaped your lips? Rehearse these lines until they feel natural: Thanks for asking me. Let me think about it. Whether it’s kids seeking permission to go to a party or a request to join a sporting committee, take time to consider the request properly. I appreciate that you thought of me. I can’t say yes right now. I hope you find someone who has the time to help. Difficulties arise when you find yourself over-explaining your ‘no’. In most situations, you are not required to give a longwinded explanation - giving one only complicates the situation. Be polite and direct. Yes, I can do that if I shuffle my priorities. Can we assess what’s most important? When your boss asks you to take on something new, he or she may have forgotten what you’re already working on. Always confirm the tasks you have on your plate and seek guidance on what matters most. This is exactly the kind of opportunity I would love to take up. Unfortunately now is a bad time. Could you keep me in mind in the future? Sometimes we say ‘yes’ because we’re concerned that we’ll miss our one chance. Accepting extra work could mean poorer performance if you’re stretched. Stay in touch with the person offering, and keep yourself in the loop. I thought I’d have time to do this, but I can’t. Is there a way that we can adapt the task, or involve someone else? If you’re going to break a promise to deliver, break it early. Don’t leave bad news until it’s too late to fix. People will respect you for your openness.

“I read Wits’ End before I I had children and laughed til I cried. Then I had kids and I just cried... Then I re-read it and realised that I was not alone and someone else had definitely been there before! I was able to laugh and cry with her even more ... Loved it to bits!” Cath, on Amazon

An excerpt from the book... The good news? A new study has found that working mums spend as much time

with their children as do mothers who stay at home full-time. The bad news? In order to achieve this, the working mum is typically harried, lives in a messy house, doesn’t have time to shave her legs and cuts time spent on activities such as eating, bathing and grooming. When all is said and done, she is left with less than one minute per day for her own child-free recreation. WOW! That adds up to a total of seven minutes each week of glorious ‘me time’ in which to indulge the hedonistic contemplation of one’s hairy legs and empty stomach ... That’s sixty seconds daily in which the working mother can foster inner tranquility... find herself ... Or, better yet, find some knee-high boots to camouflage depilatory neglect and enough change to grab drive-through breakfast on the three-pronged dash between home, school and the office. Had I been alerted to the requirement for cardboard whilst in the supermarket earlier that evening I might have been able to supply some at the critical moment. As it happened, homework supplies were the last thing on my mind after Matilda announced to everyone in the fresh produce section that ‘My mum can’t cook!’ A ripple of laughter came from somewhere near the avocados. ‘It’s true,’ Matilda elaborated. ‘She burns the sausages.’ Perusing shampoo brands a few aisles later she piped up with, ‘You had a Strawberry Shortcake doll when you were little, didn’t you Mummy? Can I have one? That way I’ll always remember you when you die. Are you going to give me your rings when you’re dead?’ I was still reeling from this when Ellie chimed in with a lecture on political correctness. ‘Mustn’t say pooey at the conference.... nooooo! Not to say botten in the shops. Not to say pooey botten. Not to say belly button... not to say skupid tummy in the supermarket.’ More chortling from amused onlookers, and the boy behind the checkout said brightly, ‘How has your day been? Is it fun being a mother?’ I looked at him in disbelief while Ellie shoplifted a rainbow Paddlepop and Matilda charged towards Baker’s Delight to apprehend her loudly while I paid for it...

Wits’ End Before Breakfast! is available here for $2.99

In our next issue... Perfect isnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t good enough

Managing resistance from colleagues as a part-timer

5 ways to skyrocket your productivity

Letting go of guilt

Secret self-esteem - why we sometimes play down our confidence

And more!

Contact the editor: emma@worklifebliss.com.au Visit us at www.worklifebliss.com.au